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*isha-1 agony aunt


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Hi there!

Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.

I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman

If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)

Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle

All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama

"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain

I like these links right now:

So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.

The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.

If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.

If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.

You have my permission to say “no.”

If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.

There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’

Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.

Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.

Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.

I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.

I love this video from (How Pregnancy Happens):

More good information from on the various methods of birth control:

I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here:

Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.

Latest articles:

Questions to ask before getting married!

No replies yet...

24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016.

Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!

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3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...

A little primer on women and sex...

This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...

Valentine's Day Gift Ideas

This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...

Retrograde jealousy

This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...

Advice to young men about young women

This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...

More than one way to get up the Duff!!

This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...

1234567891011Next > [239 pages, 9518 answers]

My husband is a hopeless cook who thinks he is great

Q.   My husband likes to cook but is bad at it. I am a great cook since I’ve worked in the restaurant industry for ten years. I want to teach him and have him start by helping me chop the vegetables and take care of the kitchen first before doing the ...

A.   16 February 2018: Anger about what? Do you want to be right or do you want to be married to this man? ... (read in full...)

How do I convince my much younger wife to allow another man to join us in the bedroom?

Q.   Hi. I am looking for advice {mostly from women}on how to convince my wife (almost 20 years younger than me)to allow another younger man to join us in bed so I can watch him pleasure her. Without going into a boring explanation let me just say I'm ...

A.   10 February 2018: What did she say when you asked her? You have talked about it, haven’t you? If not, why not?... (read in full...)

I didn't realise being a bridesmaid would mean so much pre wedding work!

Q.   Hi folks, I’m looking for some help working out if I’m being unreasonable; if my friend is; or if it’s a bit of both. So basically my friend is getting married in August and I’m going to be a bridesmaid. That’s all fine, but the problem is she s...

A.   2 February 2018: “Hi, Shelly, I can’t get together this week during the week or next week either. I’ve started this new job and I am now at work or commuting for 13-14 hours every day. After I carve out my necessary sleep out of the remainder, I have 3-4 hours to ... (read in full...)

My job interviewed didn't offer me a job but asked me out on a date. Is this appropriate?

Q.   I am job hunting. I recently got call from one of the jobs I was interested. In the middle of the interview, the interviewer did not offer me the job due to my school schedule clashing with the days he had available. Instead he asked me out on a ...

A.   26 January 2018: This man’s employers have the right and the duty to know what he’s doing during company business. I guarantee that asking potential employees out on dates isn’t in his job description and would be a reason to terminate employment. Tell his ... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel humiliated?

Q.   Why was this cAfe server laughing at me? Ordered a coffee from a mall cafe 3 weeks earlier.. I ordered a Coffee and a small cookie,( the same order I ordered 3 weeks ago) Same server. Whilst ordering she began laughing at me saying “...

A.   23 January 2018: Do you often feel mocked or laughed at? I’m not asking to mock or laugh. I’m asking because your question and the age you list suggest you might have trouble decoding people’s intentions. What did your friends and family think about what happ... (read in full...)

A guy I was dating said how hot my sister was, and I dumped him the same night! Am I overreacting?

Q.   Hey, everyone. So I met a guy a few weeks ago and we have been on 3 dates total. I enjoyed my time with him and he's quirky in the way that he thinks and he can come off like an ass, not in a malicious way, but it intrigues me and he has treated me ...

A.   22 January 2018: Clearly, you are very focused on being compared to other women. (Background here: ) My advice would be to re-read the advice given there, and to ask yourself why ... (read in full...)

Some advice on circumsision please

Q.   I'm nearly 26 years old and uncircumcised. In my country, only a certain religious group practice this. But now I hear it can be done as a medical procedure and it is beneficial for hygeine and is actually recommended by WHO. Am I too old to do it ...

A.   13 January 2018: I looked on the WHO website which does seem to be promoting circumcision as a protection against HIV transmission, in countries in Africa. Do you have a doctor now?... (read in full...)

HE wants to play games with his ex, but I am not sure about it.

Q.   Hi, I started an LDR a week ago, we talk every day, everything is good. But he just got out of a 3months relationship ( his ex gf ended it..) Now, she's texting him, and he wants to go with it. wtich means he just wants to make fun of her and make...

A.   13 January 2018: Dating a guy who plays cruel “games” with his exes means he will soon be playing cruel “games” with you. Dump him now. He’s a loser.... (read in full...)

Will waxing my upper lip hurt?

Q.   hi y'all, I'm 20 yo girl and have a kind of a moustache. it doesn't bother me a lot tbh. I only waxed it once (mum did it for me) and it kinda hurts, so i can't trust anyone to wax it for me( not even myself).. I would like to shave it, but i ...

A.   13 January 2018: Neet or Nair are depilatories you can buy at any drugstore. No pain is involved. Follow the instructions on the package and test first as directed. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.... (read in full...)

My best friend seems to want to end our friendship

Q.   I've been friendly with my pal David for over 30 years. He drives a taxi for private hire for a living.I provide computer fixing services. A month ago, for the first time ever, he referred a customer of his to me who had a computer problem. The...

A.   8 January 2018: Why don't you just call him and tell him what you've done for her? He's obviously making assumptions based on information that doesn't line up with your experience?... (read in full...)

I am male and I have no sensational feeling during sex

Q.   Hi, I have a very big problem - I do not feel anything during intercourse! Please help me! I am 35 years old and i have had this problem since my sexual debut. And the problem is really simple, yet very complex - I do not feel anything! When I...

A.   6 November 2017: Nerve damage? Anatomical anomaly? Metabolic disorder? I don't think you've done enough to find medical causes for your situation. If you are this distressed then seek specialists' diagnosis. ... (read in full...)

My husband is threatening divorce ... please help

Q.   I messed up .... again. Long story short: I have OCD and anxiety in my relationship. I am controlling and emotionally abusive (though not to the full extent that articles write about). I have hurt my husband so much that i dont know if he can forg...

A.   6 November 2017: If this has been a problem for a long time then you need to let the process unfold. The OCD and anxiety part of you will not be comfortable with uncertainty but you will need to get to grips with it. The good news is that you've reached out for ... (read in full...)

A coworker eats smelly food right next to me!

Q.   Hi everyone, this might sound like a trivial problem but it’s really bothering me. I recently started a new job and the man that sits next to me is a bodybuilder and as such eats an entire tub of cottage cheese at his desk every day at 9am. I think ...

A.   2 November 2017: Get a small fan to blow the food odors away from your desk. Dab perfume or scented oil under your nose. Keep a bowl of coffee beans on your desk that you can inhale to cleanse the odor from your nostrils. Suggest your coworker look into drinking ... (read in full...)

Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?

Q.   Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...

A.   25 October 2017: I think you simply don't answer another person's phone, unless specifically directed. The polite thing would be to inform the other person that they missed a call. But that is as far as you go. Answering someone else's mobile without prior agreement ... (read in full...)

How do I handle his awful younger sister who assumes she's one of my bridesmaids?!?

Q.   Hello everyone, I am not sure how to ask this question. My boyfriend and I are getting married (yay!!) but have one small problem. I hate, and I mean *hate* his younger sister. She has been an absolute mess to deal with our entire relationshi...

A.   4 October 2017: Tell her as a close family member she's needed to do a very special and important reading at the wedding. Build it up a lot and ask her to pick out a dress in the colors you've chosen for the wedding. ... (read in full...)

How do I politely ask that they donate my fee to charity?

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles, I have a somewhat boring question, but never the less I need some advice. How do I politely ask that the money I earned (which is not a lot) be given to a charity? I don't want to sound weird or arrogant... A friend o...

A.   4 October 2017: "I was happy to help a worthy company and a worthy cause. It would be very special to me that you honor this great cause by giving them any renumeration attributed to me. "Thank you so much for honoring this worthy cause."... (read in full...)

Uh Oh .... this guy I really like is brother to my ex!

Q.   I met this guy and happen to fall deeply in love with him though am not sure he knows about it but just when I was about summoning the courage to tell him how I all turned out he is a brother to my ex. I really don't know what to do and ...

A.   16 September 2017: It's difficult for us to understand how you couldn't know your ex's family well enough to know that you've begun flirting and communicating with his brother. Didn't you meet your ex's family? ... (read in full...)

How do I handle my critical dad? He's given me poor self-esteem!

Q.   I've been struggling w/this for years w/my dad. My dad does love me, I do know that. When it comes down to me, he has always been negative w/about 95% of everything. For the last 10 years he has been convinced that I'm overweight and will be ...

A.   22 July 2017: Ah dear, your dad is delusional or has dementia or is abusive. I would check that with your therapist. If you don't have one, time to get one! Speak to your doctor, explain the situation and ask for advice and a referral. Start a diary of all your... (read in full...)

I think my wife had experience before we married but I'm afraid to ask her

Q.   I was a virgin until I got married. I did not know to use condoms. My wife taught me to use condoms correctly and after using dispose them also. Some where in my mind I am having a doubt whether she had experience before marrying me. I don't have ...

A.   20 June 2017: I believe condoms come with instructions on use, including drawings and written descriptions. If you take a moment to look at the box, it will be there. Women over the generations have shared information on contraception, even when (and perhaps ... (read in full...)

I'm worried how rude the nurses will be

Q.   Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...

A.   17 May 2017: This thread may help! Assume that each nurse you encounter is the one who is actually nice and treat her as such. Good luck and I hope you recover quickly!... (read in full...)

Help me with this family situation, my father thinks I'm avoiding an event!

Q.   I have a difficult situation with my over 65 yr old parents Need advice please My parents live in another state that is a 1hour plane flight away I visit once a year and they come to my state, once a year to visit and and we talk on phone sometim...

A.   17 May 2017: Would your employer give you the day off so you could attend your mother's funeral? ... (read in full...)

Is he using health issues as an excuse?

Q.   I have been with my wonderful man for over a year (I'm 38 and he is 36) and we're engaged. My issue right now is that my fiancé has been through a lot medically. He was in a Coma for over 2 months and came out with more conditions, neuropathy a...

A.   16 May 2017: If your soulmate was in a coma for over 2 months then he's had a severe condition. What caused him to be in a coma? You obviously associate sexual arousal and ejaculation as expressions of love and care. He ensures you feel loved and cared for by h... (read in full...)

Partner lets me shoulder all the responsibility

Q.   I've been with my fiancé for 4 years now. We have a 1 year old little boy. My fiancé and I are very different. - he's passive, I'm aggressive, he's reactive and I'm proactive. When we met he had an issue with drinking and doing other things such as ...

A.   15 May 2017: You’ve left a one year old child in the care of a man who drinks to the point of vomiting all over the furniture and carpet? And whose parents won’t help? And you’re upset because he hasn’t apologized? It seems far more appropriate for you to be w... (read in full...)

Why won't my doctor shake my hand?

Q.   Hi, I'm bit confused to why my doctor won't shake my hand when we are alone, but will when somelse in the room. We've know each for a while. He's in his early 40s and I'm in my early 20s is this normal ...

A.   24 April 2017: Guesses: Perhaps he's had trouble in the past with being accused of sexual harassment and is being extremely careful not to have any more complaints in that regard. Some facilities have strict rules about provider/patient contact. It could be tha... (read in full...)

I'm attractive but never approached by men. Do other women have this problem?

Q.   I am 22 and I am never approached by men. I live in America where men are notorious for approaching women. Yet, strangers tell me that I am beautiful/pretty. I talked to a guy and he assumed I had a bf, when I said no, he was in shock. He said I was ...

A.   20 April 2017: You seem to be waiting for a man to approach you. Why not take the initiative? Is there some barrier?... (read in full...)

I'm attractive but never approached by men. Do other women have this problem?

Q.   I am 22 and I am never approached by men. I live in America where men are notorious for approaching women. Yet, strangers tell me that I am beautiful/pretty. I talked to a guy and he assumed I had a bf, when I said no, he was in shock. He said I was ...

A.   19 April 2017:  America is a really big country. If you live Maryland for example, but you live in rural area, and you walk in your neighborhood's quiet streets and wait around for a man to approach you, no one will see you.. But say you are in downtown Baltimore, ... (read in full...)

My Gf is 14 and I'm 17. Once I turn 18 and she turns 15 will it still be ok to date her? Can't find an answer anywhere

Q.   Hello, I am currently in a relationship with an absolutely amazing girl for 4 months and we are going to the same school, and we live in Washington state but at the end of this school year she has to move to the other side of this same state but I ...

A.   12 April 2017: I don't have children but my mother and father did, and they had a lot to say about my "dating."' Does the word "dating" mean "having sexual contact with"? ... (read in full...)

My partners family are ruining our relationship and I don't know what to do!

Q.   Hi, just looking for some advice please My partners family are ruining our relationship and I don't know what to do. Background info- we've been together 2 years, live together (against their wishes). I'm 25 and he's 26. I have never given ...

A.   31 March 2017: Do your wash. Not his. Don't fund his family any longer. Stop being his fairy godmother for a few weeks. Change the internet password on your wifi, your email and your financial relatinships. You say you don't drive, the aunts in the US might not... (read in full...)

I love her, I like her personality, and we've dated for 4 years in a LDR, but I have mixed feelings. Can I come to terms with the fact that she is hairy?

Q.   I have been with this girl for almost 4 years by now, and according to how everything has proceeded (education/financial etc) it's time for making the advance for marriage, as has always been our plan. We have not had sex (saving for marriage...

A.   27 March 2017: Women grow hair, just as men do. As you already know, it's not her fault. Look up laser hair removal in your area. There are aestheticians and doctors who can help her get rid of that unwanted hair. You can also purchase devices for use at home but ... (read in full...)

Just had a baby, but now I am scared about returning home, due to his abusive actions while I was pregnant. What can I do?

Q.   Dear aunties and uncles. I am a first time mom to a month old baby and my husband and I have had a fair share of ups and downs but we love each other a lot and wouldn't dream of spending my life with anyone else. Last year, while in my first trim...

A.   23 March 2017: Who beat you up? Some other person? Or your drunk husband? He has a problem with alcohol, you can forgive him for the things he's done to you, but under no circumstances should you go home with a one-month-old baby to violent abuser. It's not ... (read in full...)

How can I stop coming on so strong?

Q.   Hey everyone. So I've been posting here for quite a while about all of my struggles with attracting women. I think I may finally realize what's been going on. I come on too strong and over analyze things on pretty much every attempt. It's just who I ...

A.   15 March 2017: Do you have any close male friends? Or are you more of the successful loner type?... (read in full...)

Can she still be a virgin?

Q.   I know a girl when she was young she did not know what sex means or what it could do to her. She was used by three men sexually eight times, but they never penetrated her vagina and she never remember seeing blood. Can she be still a virgin or get ...

A.   15 March 2017: Are you thinking about marriage or just wish to have sex with her?... (read in full...)

Due to health issues, asking a relative to help seemed like a valid option. My relative is reluctant to help. What are my options?

Q.   I have a dilemma and I'm looking for some advice! I've recently been diagnosed with cancer and am thankfully getting treatment but unfortunately this has meant an extended period of time off work that I was financially unprepared for. I will n...

A.   8 March 2017:  There are a couple of things to think about here, from your grandmother's perspective. One is she's a senior, living on a fixed income, living on the investment interest from her savings and her investments so you are asking her to deplete those in ... (read in full...)

Is he "distancing" himself because he likes me or because he doesn't?

Q.   I've been talking to a guy for nearly eight months. He lives 200 miles away and we met through a mutual friend (his ex, who I'm not close to and they've been split up a year). We were constantly texting every single day during this time and in the ...

A.   4 March 2017: He doesn't fancy you in the way you hope. It's not as dramatic as him hating your guts. If you need him to tell you why he doesn't return your feelings then you'll have to ask him. If you choose to be stuck in some sort of limbo waiting until you ... (read in full...)

Does his behavior indicate that he's an emotional abuser? Should I breakup with him?

Q.   1-) In life, we should have certain words filtered, my boyfriend does not seem to have one. I am upset because, he has this tendency of referring to woman as bi***es, ”oh tha b*tch does this or that, in a very despotic way, he does not say this all ...

A.   3 March 2017:  You seem to recognize that something is wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be writing here. The comments about him wanting you to be submissive, the hateful things he says about your appearance, your body when he's not happy with you, the negative ... (read in full...)

Could this girl be interested in me?

Q.   I stop at this petrol station sometimes. The past two, three times there's been a nice young girl there, and as at the times I go there it's not that busy, we have a chat. Somehow we got on to the topic of massages. I said that my massages may be ...

A.   2 March 2017: To me, her comment indicates she was surprised by you pushing the massage thing. As in, that was a freaky and kind of inappropriate overture to a young girl. A guy who brings up massage after a couple of visits to the petrol station she works in i... (read in full...)

Does anyone know of a "safe" or reasonably safe natural remedy that a man in his senior years could use as a stimulate?

Q.   I am 87 years old. Periodically what testosterone I have,kicks in with a vengeance and I long for sex. Or even succeeding at masturbation. My main problem is ED. I have been tempted to try Viagra or Cialis but they are not effective for me. Some of...

A.   28 February 2017: And that if your doctor doesn't "get it" you get yourself a new, hip, and up-to-the-minute trained doctor who will balance your health care needs with your mental and sexual well-being!... (read in full...)

Does anyone know of a "safe" or reasonably safe natural remedy that a man in his senior years could use as a stimulate?

Q.   I am 87 years old. Periodically what testosterone I have,kicks in with a vengeance and I long for sex. Or even succeeding at masturbation. My main problem is ED. I have been tempted to try Viagra or Cialis but they are not effective for me. Some of...

A.   28 February 2017: You sound like an educated consumer of healthcare! It could be dangerous for you to try a "remedy" from an internet post. My advice to you is to have a great relationship with your doctor, and that your doctor be qualified in geriatric medi... (read in full...)

She has helped me a lot through some difficult times. Would it be acceptable to send her flowers as a thank you?

Q.   I have a female friend who I have known since I was 4, she is the same age as me and although we lost contact for a number of years. We are back in contact. Whenever I had problems she always knew what to say and since being back in touch she has...

A.   15 February 2017: You sent them anonymously? Why?... (read in full...)

How do I deal with this? Whenever I invite a friend over she invariably does not show up

Q.   I have a friend I've known for several years. She has a very frustrating habit in which she will set a day with me to meet up, and then not show up. I really don't understand how you can simply disregard to tell a person you are not coming and let ...

A.   8 February 2017: Stop making plans with her.... (read in full...)

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