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*isha-1 agony aunt

*isha-1

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Hi there!

Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.

I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman

If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)

Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle

All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama

"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain

I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/

So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.

The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.

If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html

If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.

You have my permission to say “no.”

If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.

There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’

Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.

Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.

Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.

I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.

I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html

More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm

I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171

Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.

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Uh Oh .... this guy I really like is brother to my ex!

Q.   I met this guy and happen to fall deeply in love with him though am not sure he knows about it but just when I was about summoning the courage to tell him how I feel....it all turned out he is a brother to my ex. I really don't know what to do and ...

A.   16 September 2017: It's difficult for us to understand how you couldn't know your ex's family well enough to know that you've begun flirting and communicating with his brother. Didn't you meet your ex's family? ... (read in full...)

How do I handle my critical dad? He's given me poor self-esteem!

Q.   I've been struggling w/this for years w/my dad. My dad does love me, I do know that. When it comes down to me, he has always been negative w/about 95% of everything. For the last 10 years he has been convinced that I'm overweight and will be ...

A.   22 July 2017: Ah dear, your dad is delusional or has dementia or is abusive. I would check that with your therapist. If you don't have one, time to get one! Speak to your doctor, explain the situation and ask for advice and a referral. Start a diary of all your... (read in full...)

I think my wife had experience before we married but I'm afraid to ask her

Q.   I was a virgin until I got married. I did not know to use condoms. My wife taught me to use condoms correctly and after using dispose them also. Some where in my mind I am having a doubt whether she had experience before marrying me. I don't have ...

A.   20 June 2017: I believe condoms come with instructions on use, including drawings and written descriptions. If you take a moment to look at the box, it will be there. Women over the generations have shared information on contraception, even when (and perhaps ... (read in full...)

I'm worried how rude the nurses will be

Q.   Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...

A.   17 May 2017: This thread may help! http://www.dearcupid.org/question/nurses-are-nasty-im-a-nurse-facing-surgery.html Assume that each nurse you encounter is the one who is actually nice and treat her as such. Good luck and I hope you recover quickly!... (read in full...)

Help me with this family situation, my father thinks I'm avoiding an event!

Q.   I have a difficult situation with my over 65 yr old parents Need advice please My parents live in another state that is a 1hour plane flight away I visit once a year and they come to my state, once a year to visit and and we talk on phone sometim...

A.   17 May 2017: Would your employer give you the day off so you could attend your mother's funeral? ... (read in full...)

Is he using health issues as an excuse?

Q.   I have been with my wonderful man for over a year (I'm 38 and he is 36) and we're engaged. My issue right now is that my fiancé has been through a lot medically. He was in a Coma for over 2 months and came out with more conditions, neuropathy a...

A.   16 May 2017: If your soulmate was in a coma for over 2 months then he's had a severe condition. What caused him to be in a coma? You obviously associate sexual arousal and ejaculation as expressions of love and care. He ensures you feel loved and cared for by h... (read in full...)

Partner lets me shoulder all the responsibility

Q.   I've been with my fiancé for 4 years now. We have a 1 year old little boy. My fiancé and I are very different. - he's passive, I'm aggressive, he's reactive and I'm proactive. When we met he had an issue with drinking and doing other things such as ...

A.   15 May 2017: You’ve left a one year old child in the care of a man who drinks to the point of vomiting all over the furniture and carpet? And whose parents won’t help? And you’re upset because he hasn’t apologized? It seems far more appropriate for you to be w... (read in full...)

Why won't my doctor shake my hand?

Q.   Hi, I'm bit confused to why my doctor won't shake my hand when we are alone, but will when somelse in the room. We've know each for a while. He's in his early 40s and I'm in my early 20s is this normal ...

A.   24 April 2017: Guesses: Perhaps he's had trouble in the past with being accused of sexual harassment and is being extremely careful not to have any more complaints in that regard. Some facilities have strict rules about provider/patient contact. It could be tha... (read in full...)

I'm attractive but never approached by men. Do other women have this problem?

Q.   I am 22 and I am never approached by men. I live in America where men are notorious for approaching women. Yet, strangers tell me that I am beautiful/pretty. I talked to a guy and he assumed I had a bf, when I said no, he was in shock. He said I was ...

A.   20 April 2017: You seem to be waiting for a man to approach you. Why not take the initiative? Is there some barrier?... (read in full...)

I'm attractive but never approached by men. Do other women have this problem?

Q.   I am 22 and I am never approached by men. I live in America where men are notorious for approaching women. Yet, strangers tell me that I am beautiful/pretty. I talked to a guy and he assumed I had a bf, when I said no, he was in shock. He said I was ...

A.   19 April 2017:  America is a really big country. If you live Maryland for example, but you live in rural area, and you walk in your neighborhood's quiet streets and wait around for a man to approach you, no one will see you.. But say you are in downtown Baltimore, ... (read in full...)

My Gf is 14 and I'm 17. Once I turn 18 and she turns 15 will it still be ok to date her? Can't find an answer anywhere

Q.   Hello, I am currently in a relationship with an absolutely amazing girl for 4 months and we are going to the same school, and we live in Washington state but at the end of this school year she has to move to the other side of this same state but I ...

A.   12 April 2017: I don't have children but my mother and father did, and they had a lot to say about my "dating."' Does the word "dating" mean "having sexual contact with"? ... (read in full...)

My partners family are ruining our relationship and I don't know what to do!

Q.   Hi, just looking for some advice please My partners family are ruining our relationship and I don't know what to do. Background info- we've been together 2 years, live together (against their wishes). I'm 25 and he's 26. I have never given ...

A.   31 March 2017: Do your wash. Not his. Don't fund his family any longer. Stop being his fairy godmother for a few weeks. Change the internet password on your wifi, your email and your financial relatinships. You say you don't drive, the aunts in the US might not... (read in full...)

I love her, I like her personality, and we've dated for 4 years in a LDR, but I have mixed feelings. Can I come to terms with the fact that she is hairy?

Q.   I have been with this girl for almost 4 years by now, and according to how everything has proceeded (education/financial etc) it's time for making the advance for marriage, as has always been our plan. We have not had sex (saving for marriage...

A.   27 March 2017: Women grow hair, just as men do. As you already know, it's not her fault. Look up laser hair removal in your area. There are aestheticians and doctors who can help her get rid of that unwanted hair. You can also purchase devices for use at home but ... (read in full...)

Just had a baby, but now I am scared about returning home, due to his abusive actions while I was pregnant. What can I do?

Q.   Dear aunties and uncles. I am a first time mom to a month old baby and my husband and I have had a fair share of ups and downs but we love each other a lot and wouldn't dream of spending my life with anyone else. Last year, while in my first trim...

A.   23 March 2017: Who beat you up? Some other person? Or your drunk husband? He has a problem with alcohol, you can forgive him for the things he's done to you, but under no circumstances should you go home with a one-month-old baby to violent abuser. It's not ... (read in full...)

How can I stop coming on so strong?

Q.   Hey everyone. So I've been posting here for quite a while about all of my struggles with attracting women. I think I may finally realize what's been going on. I come on too strong and over analyze things on pretty much every attempt. It's just who I ...

A.   15 March 2017: Do you have any close male friends? Or are you more of the successful loner type?... (read in full...)

Can she still be a virgin?

Q.   I know a girl when she was young she did not know what sex means or what it could do to her. She was used by three men sexually eight times, but they never penetrated her vagina and she never remember seeing blood. Can she be still a virgin or get ...

A.   15 March 2017: Are you thinking about marriage or just wish to have sex with her?... (read in full...)

Due to health issues, asking a relative to help seemed like a valid option. My relative is reluctant to help. What are my options?

Q.   I have a dilemma and I'm looking for some advice! I've recently been diagnosed with cancer and am thankfully getting treatment but unfortunately this has meant an extended period of time off work that I was financially unprepared for. I will n...

A.   8 March 2017:  There are a couple of things to think about here, from your grandmother's perspective. One is she's a senior, living on a fixed income, living on the investment interest from her savings and her investments so you are asking her to deplete those in ... (read in full...)

Is he "distancing" himself because he likes me or because he doesn't?

Q.   I've been talking to a guy for nearly eight months. He lives 200 miles away and we met through a mutual friend (his ex, who I'm not close to and they've been split up a year). We were constantly texting every single day during this time and in the ...

A.   4 March 2017: He doesn't fancy you in the way you hope. It's not as dramatic as him hating your guts. If you need him to tell you why he doesn't return your feelings then you'll have to ask him. If you choose to be stuck in some sort of limbo waiting until you ... (read in full...)

Does his behavior indicate that he's an emotional abuser? Should I breakup with him?

Q.   1-) In life, we should have certain words filtered, my boyfriend does not seem to have one. I am upset because, he has this tendency of referring to woman as bi***es, ”oh tha b*tch does this or that, in a very despotic way, he does not say this all ...

A.   3 March 2017:  You seem to recognize that something is wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be writing here. The comments about him wanting you to be submissive, the hateful things he says about your appearance, your body when he's not happy with you, the negative ... (read in full...)

Could this girl be interested in me?

Q.   I stop at this petrol station sometimes. The past two, three times there's been a nice young girl there, and as at the times I go there it's not that busy, we have a chat. Somehow we got on to the topic of massages. I said that my massages may be ...

A.   2 March 2017: To me, her comment indicates she was surprised by you pushing the massage thing. As in, that was a freaky and kind of inappropriate overture to a young girl. A guy who brings up massage after a couple of visits to the petrol station she works in i... (read in full...)

Does anyone know of a "safe" or reasonably safe natural remedy that a man in his senior years could use as a stimulate?

Q.   I am 87 years old. Periodically what testosterone I have,kicks in with a vengeance and I long for sex. Or even succeeding at masturbation. My main problem is ED. I have been tempted to try Viagra or Cialis but they are not effective for me. Some of...

A.   28 February 2017: And that if your doctor doesn't "get it" you get yourself a new, hip, and up-to-the-minute trained doctor who will balance your health care needs with your mental and sexual well-being!... (read in full...)

Does anyone know of a "safe" or reasonably safe natural remedy that a man in his senior years could use as a stimulate?

Q.   I am 87 years old. Periodically what testosterone I have,kicks in with a vengeance and I long for sex. Or even succeeding at masturbation. My main problem is ED. I have been tempted to try Viagra or Cialis but they are not effective for me. Some of...

A.   28 February 2017: You sound like an educated consumer of healthcare! It could be dangerous for you to try a "remedy" from an internet post. My advice to you is to have a great relationship with your doctor, and that your doctor be qualified in geriatric medi... (read in full...)

She has helped me a lot through some difficult times. Would it be acceptable to send her flowers as a thank you?

Q.   I have a female friend who I have known since I was 4, she is the same age as me and although we lost contact for a number of years. We are back in contact. Whenever I had problems she always knew what to say and since being back in touch she has...

A.   15 February 2017: You sent them anonymously? Why?... (read in full...)

How do I deal with this? Whenever I invite a friend over she invariably does not show up

Q.   I have a friend I've known for several years. She has a very frustrating habit in which she will set a day with me to meet up, and then not show up. I really don't understand how you can simply disregard to tell a person you are not coming and let ...

A.   8 February 2017: Stop making plans with her.... (read in full...)

What's happening to me? Despite his disrespectful approach, why would I start to enjoy being disrespected?

Q.   I know reading my post, my age is going to be the first thing you would all look at. Can't she be wise? At her age?? I have reached a point in my life where I am so tired of being disrespected that I have started seeing it as a normal occurrenc...

A.   6 February 2017: OP if your father abused you, then he was part of your life. It's a sign of strength that you cut him off. Now that you know you can block and delete an abuser, what would stop you from blocking and deleting online sexual predators? Set your Face... (read in full...)

What's happening to me? Despite his disrespectful approach, why would I start to enjoy being disrespected?

Q.   I know reading my post, my age is going to be the first thing you would all look at. Can't she be wise? At her age?? I have reached a point in my life where I am so tired of being disrespected that I have started seeing it as a normal occurrenc...

A.   6 February 2017: If all the men you meet are sending you dick picks, then you need to change your dating pool. Are you by any chance meeting them on social media? I'm guessing you're not meeting them in real life. If you are questioning your sanity, I'd advise you ... (read in full...)

Is it still bad if someone cheats but has no feelings for that person?

Q.   What are some of the downsides to a man cheating on his GF with someone he doesn't have any emotional attachment to? If he doesn't care for the girl he's having sex with, like her as a person, or anything, then shouldn't it be okay to cheat ph...

A.   6 February 2017: Sexually transmitted infections. Next?... (read in full...)

I'm terrified of getting my blood work done and it's crippling me emotionally. I can't function anymore!

Q.   I really need help. I don't know how I am ever going to do this? I do blood work every year as part of an annual physical. It has been awhile since I've done it. I have been putting it off since last August because I am deathly afraid there is ...

A.   23 January 2017: Yes! A medical health professional with an emphasis on mental health should be consulted as soon as possible! You've used words that indicate you need really qualified help. You've reached out to a forum of amateur agony aunts -- now make the next... (read in full...)

I'm panicking my boyfriend will cheat on a guy's trip to Cuba. How should I respond or act in this situation?

Q.   My boyfriend is in Cuba for one week on a guy's trip. I am beside myself with worry that he is going to cheat. I have read that prostitutes are around every corner there and they are dirt cheap. The anxiety is hard to take. I contact him a...

A.   18 January 2017: If you're in a panic every day then you definitely need professional medical and mental health care as soon as possible. What you described could be a symptom of PTSD but you need some one to examine, diagnose and establish a treatment plan for you. ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend told me that I have 'dry 10 second sex'!

Q.   My girlfriend told me that I have "Dry 10 second sex" and I took it as a insult because to me it felt like she was saying that she doesn't enjoy my sex anymore. I told her how I felt and tried to move past it but I just couldn't it makes me feel ...

A.   18 January 2017: Hi there, I think it would have been helpful for the aunts to have a more complete background on the complexities of your troubled relationship with your current girlfriend. In this question just posted, http://w... (read in full...)

I'm panicking my boyfriend will cheat on a guy's trip to Cuba. How should I respond or act in this situation?

Q.   My boyfriend is in Cuba for one week on a guy's trip. I am beside myself with worry that he is going to cheat. I have read that prostitutes are around every corner there and they are dirt cheap. The anxiety is hard to take. I contact him a...

A.   17 January 2017: Wow, he’s gone to Cuba? There are still lots of restrictions on travel there. I read the US government’s site on that. He would have had to bring a LOT of cash to cover all his expenses as US credit and debit cards essentially do not work there. ... (read in full...)

How can I respond to my BF over these very ugly sneakers he gave me for Christmas?

Q.   My boyfriend got me these ugly knee high sneakers for Christmas. I acted grateful and thanked him. They really didn't fit me (thank goodness). So I took them back to the store and just planned to get something else. He's been driving me c...

A.   2 January 2017: "Babe, the boots were very cool. They're just not my style and I'm not going to reach for them when I get dressed. I appreciate you thinking I'm that level of trendy, it makes me happy. I took the store credit so when I have time I can pick ... (read in full...)

How do I tell a sexting creep I'm not interested without hurting him.

Q.   Hi every one, I need help to tell him I'm nit interested. I had a one night stand about 5 months ago, and have been texting him since. But he has tried sexting me for a few weeks now, I keep trying to change the subject, but he's not getting ...

A.   31 December 2016: "Hey, I notice you keep starting sexting. I've been changing the subject hoping that you'd get the point, which is this: I'm not interested in sexting with you. Sorry to be blunt but my hints obviously weren't getting the message across."... (read in full...)

Does a bruise on my boyfriend's stomach mean he is cheating?

Q.   My boyfriend came home with a noticeable bruise to the right of his belly button last night and this concerns me. We have had rough sex many times but not recently. I asked him where he got it and he said he has no idea and just noticed it himself ...

A.   31 December 2016: What does he do for a living? What does he do for exercise? How old is he? Is it possible he has an underlying health condition? When was the last time he saw his doctor? Why would a mysterious bruise elicit suspicion and not sympathy from you? Ha... (read in full...)

I have a serious health issue and cannot have penetrative sex. Will I ever be able to have a normal relationship?

Q.   Guys, would you date a 29-year old woman who is unable to have penetrative sex and unable to bear children? I'm wondering because you guessed it: that person is me. I have a really bad case of vaginismus (had it all my life for as far as I can tel...

A.   28 December 2016: Have you considered looking for a match with a man who for whatever reason cannot have an erection? I expect there are any number of great guys who would be happy that they would not be expected to perform intercourse.... (read in full...)

I'm in a FWB. Does his actions seem like he may like me more than sex?

Q.   This is a question about FWB (friends with benefits) or a FB (f**k buddy) situation. There is a man that I have this type of relationship with. He confuses me because he is very affectionate with me around his friends, invites me to gatherings at ...

A.   22 December 2016: He kisses you in public gatherings so that other men know you are "his" so they don't approach you. It's his way of keeping you off the sexual menu of his acquaintances. It also keeps you in the mood and sweet on him. It takes no energy or effort to ... (read in full...)

I need help to find an outfit for my date!

Q.   Help! I have a date on Saturday and I have no idea what to wear. He's taking me to a Christmas concert at a church, it's our second date. And I am totally at a loss. The concert has some really good artists performing, known nation wide. And...

A.   16 December 2016: I like it! Good choice. ... (read in full...)

I need help to find an outfit for my date!

Q.   Help! I have a date on Saturday and I have no idea what to wear. He's taking me to a Christmas concert at a church, it's our second date. And I am totally at a loss. The concert has some really good artists performing, known nation wide. And...

A.   15 December 2016: I'm sure it'll be a great outfit! I like the idea of the dress and boots. It's all about accessories now. Have fun and let us know how it went!... (read in full...)

I need help to find an outfit for my date!

Q.   Help! I have a date on Saturday and I have no idea what to wear. He's taking me to a Christmas concert at a church, it's our second date. And I am totally at a loss. The concert has some really good artists performing, known nation wide. And...

A.   15 December 2016: What is the outfit in your closet that makes you feel amazing? Wear that one! If it's too dressy wear a denim jacket over it. If it's too casual wear a fun funky necklace.... (read in full...)

Dogs versus the Christmas with family? I'm so angry right now, what do I do? I'm 32.

Q.   I'm so annoyed right now. I've invited my parents to my house for Christmas but they've declined because I won't allow them to bring their dogs. They have 3 huge dogs and I don't want them in my house. I cannot believe they would rather sit alon...

A.   12 December 2016: I think that it is very odd they can’t manage to find a way to leave their dogs for 2 hours on Christmas. I would also be upset and unhappy; I would grouse and moan about it for a day or two to my spouse, and then, I would let it go. They are the ... (read in full...)

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