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| | Tisha-1's profile:Hey, I'm just a regular person trying to get through life with a sense of humor and a good amount of compassion. I try to read the questions and answer them in a way that will be as helpful as possible. I know I get a bit didactic on some topics, but that's the thing about being an amateur agony aunt, you think people are actually paying attention and taking notes! I don't know everything, I don't pretend I'm always right, I not an expert on human behavior or relationships but I think I have a lot of common sense.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt. I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
I don't have much tolerance for people who don't recognize that their actions have consequences. I want people to think things all the way through. I try to answer in a way that will cause that to happen. If I get it wrong, well, I guess we're all human, and we're all figuring out how to get through life without too much carnage in our trail! ;D
To borrow a brilliant line from another aunt here: Create your peace. Cheers! |
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| Latest articles: Advice to young men about young women
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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What does he mean by 'you have to be more discreet'?
Q. I am married but I also have a guy friend at work who is also married. We both aren't happy in our marriage but neither of us is willing to give up on it yet. We have been exchanging favors if you know what I mean. But it's just what I said it is ...
A. 20 November 2009: You know, the more I think about it, the more I think he's cutting off the sex on the side bit. He just is doing it in a roundabout way. When was the last time you got together or talked about this?
My bet is he has gone into his foxhole and hope... (read in full...)
What does he mean by 'you have to be more discreet'?
Q. I am married but I also have a guy friend at work who is also married. We both aren't happy in our marriage but neither of us is willing to give up on it yet. We have been exchanging favors if you know what I mean. But it's just what I said it is ...
A. 20 November 2009: Another one I thought of: he's actually ending it but doesn't have the courtesy of saying it's over, so he's said "be more discreet" and then when you want to hook up, he won't be available any more. A coward's way out of a messy relationship, ... (read in full...)
What does he mean by 'you have to be more discreet'?
Q. I am married but I also have a guy friend at work who is also married. We both aren't happy in our marriage but neither of us is willing to give up on it yet. We have been exchanging favors if you know what I mean. But it's just what I said it is ...
A. 20 November 2009: Wait, I thought of a few reason why he couldn't tell you what he meant. I'm just guessing here, of course.
One is that he doesn't want to spend any more money on you, because his wife is suspicious of his expenditures. He doesn't feel the need to s... (read in full...)
What does he mean by 'you have to be more discreet'?
Q. I am married but I also have a guy friend at work who is also married. We both aren't happy in our marriage but neither of us is willing to give up on it yet. We have been exchanging favors if you know what I mean. But it's just what I said it is ...
A. 20 November 2009: Why didn't you just ask him that question? He's the one who said it, so he'll know exactly what he meant.... (read in full...)
Fifteen and I want a baby now! Mature advice needed.
Q. Please help. I'm quite mature, and I have support from my family and friends. I've always wanted a baby, since I have hit puberty, I think of what it would be like, and how hard it'd be but at the same time how wonderful it'd be. I know it costs a ...
A. 20 November 2009: Just out of curiousity, how much money do you have?
You've had lots of excellent advice and I second all those who advise waiting. I was just curious as to what you think is enough money to raise a child.... (read in full...)
My life has changed for the better for ever but how can I now deal with my friend/ work colleague who I suspect is jealous?
Q. Hello all. I wonder if you might offer me some advice on how to cope / deal with a jealous freind/ work colleague? I recently changed my life, and now have an active , busy life , and am pursuing my interests, goals and hobbies, doing well at wo...
A. 19 November 2009: Oh dear, I am sorry to hear that. She's gone off her anti-depressants? Perhaps that accounts for her behavior.
First of all, you need to throw off that mantle of guilt you've acquired.
The following advice is what I think I would do in a situatio... (read in full...)
My boyfriend puts alcohol before me and his children!
Q. My boyfriend of 7 months is a raging alcoholic and I dont know what to do. I did not know that it was this bad until recently. He is always putting his friends and his drinking before me. The other night he called me and said that he was on his wa...
A. 18 November 2009: Oh dear. I'm very sorry to report this: love does not conquer all. Your love of him will not save him from his disease. I know this from bitter firsthand experience.
I lost my best friend to this disease a little over 3 years ago. She would have... (read in full...)
I feel like I have lost everything and this new girl is getting everything I worked so hard for!
Q. Hi, this isn't really a question of sorts but I just really need some help getting over my ex. Basically we were together for four years, he's a year and a half older than me and we got together just before my 19th birthday. Our relationship was...
A. 18 November 2009: Thanks for the followup! I'm happy to hear you have good friends doing their best to support you; I think this will be key for you.
It sounds like you're working through the details as calmly as possible--what a nightmare to have to split up your... (read in full...)
Overly jealous fiance???
Q. Why does my fiance keep wanting to know about my past. He wants to know was he the first to finger me, had I ever had sex before and such. I don't understand how my past has any effect on me and him. He refuses to accept that he is my first and he ...
A. 18 November 2009: Yes, you should be worried. This guy is irrational about this jealousy. You've told him everything and he still doesn't believe you. This isn't something you can fix; this is a problem inside his head. This isn't healthy, he has issues with ... (read in full...)
My husband is useless in bed...is he gay, masterbating or what?
Q. I need more help with this ongoing no sex at all with my husband of 9 years it's been over 2 years since he has even tryed, and when he did it was only because he knew we were in serious marriage trouble becasue i had him go wityh me to a ...
A. 18 November 2009: He was about to tell you? But he stopped. It's something he just can't get out, so obviously it's not good. I think you're already on your way out that door, and I don't blame you one bit for that. You sound amazingly patient and I think you've been ... (read in full...)
She ended it out of the blue. How do I get her back?
Q. So I dated this girl for about 2 months and we both liked each other a lot. After getting back from a trip she calls me and breaks up with me. She didn't say why. We've been separated for about 3 or 4 months now and I've realized that I really w...
A. 17 November 2009: You sound like you have a good attitude and a good handle on what you need to do. Let me just add one thing, I want you to understand that at your age, there's a lot of growing up still to do. She may be immature and just not want to be in a ... (read in full...)
I feel like I have lost everything and this new girl is getting everything I worked so hard for!
Q. Hi, this isn't really a question of sorts but I just really need some help getting over my ex. Basically we were together for four years, he's a year and a half older than me and we got together just before my 19th birthday. Our relationship was...
A. 17 November 2009: Sorry for your break up--it sounds particularly tough for you. I don't blame you for being upset and feeling as though she's getting the better end of the bargain.
For what it's worth, I read your question and thought that perhaps this guy want... (read in full...)
How long will my boyfriend stay in jail for assaulting me?
Q. am 17 years old and i was dateing this guy who is 19 years old. we currently brok on saturday. because the police arrested him for hitting me on the street i guess people saw him hit me so they called the cops so they arrested him becasue i am a ...
A. 17 November 2009: Are you afraid he'll get out and harm you? Please go speak to the District Attorney to let him or her know that you are fearful for yourself and that he has done this before. You might consider going to the police and giving them all the information ... (read in full...)
Men: Is your wife's depression a bigger concern than getting laid?
Q. Men: If your girlfriend or wife was suffering from severe depression, would you be more concerned with her state of mind, or getting laid? Furthermore: If the depression was supposedly because your words and actions towards her during the durat...
A. 17 November 2009: You do realize that you will get different answers from guys who are mentally healthy, balanced and stable as opposed to guys who are misogynistic, selfish, jealous and abusive, right? The problem is that the latter group isn't particularly ... (read in full...)
How can I gently break the news to my mother-in-law that I am pregnant?
Q. Ok then. This is the first time i've used this site, so be nice! (And excuse the punctuation, my CTRL button is tempermental today) So I was wondering how to break the news that im pregnant to my mother-in-law. She is a wonderful woman, and has a...
A. 17 November 2009: You can't control your MIL's reaction to this news. You can only deliver the news and manage any comments that come back your way.
"Mom, we are so happy and ecstatic to have some wonderful news. We are going to have a baby! We're thrilled for many... (read in full...)
My b/f and his friends make really sexist jokes, should I worry?
Q. My bf and his friends (who are in their mid 20's) make jokes really sexist jokes. They also find it funny and entertaining talking about women being bashed up and abused by their bf's as well as women being raped and sexually assaulted. How can they...
A. 17 November 2009: And you love this man because....?????
Try to articulate what it is that attracted you to this man in the first place. Have these people always been his friends? Who a man chooses to hang out with tells you a lot about what he values (or does... (read in full...)
How will my ex react if I wore another guy's jersey?
Q. heyy guys :) i need fast answers for this one please! so this guy tht i flirt with all the time wants me to wear his football jersey to school 2moro. we both jus flirt, he has a gf tht goes to a different school, we will never be in a real ...
A. 16 November 2009: One more thing, the way he speaks to you and the way you seem to tolerate it go to my previous point about victimhood. You like to play helpless and this someday may get you really hurt. Try to remember that, okay? Take care now.... (read in full...)
How will my ex react if I wore another guy's jersey?
Q. heyy guys :) i need fast answers for this one please! so this guy tht i flirt with all the time wants me to wear his football jersey to school 2moro. we both jus flirt, he has a gf tht goes to a different school, we will never be in a real ...
A. 16 November 2009: So I guess you're not pregnant then? Good to know. What a relief, thank goodness, now you're not going to sleep with this guy again, right? Now that you've figured out how to get his attention?
There are far more mature ways of interacting with peop... (read in full...)
Is it acceptable for a man to hit his girlfriend when she stands up for herself against unfair accusations of infidelity?
Q. Is it normal (or acceptable) for: -a man to accuse his girlfriend of infidelity for more than one year? -for the woman to raise her voice and shout, after one year of being falsely accused and asked the same question over and over and over ...
A. 16 November 2009: It's not normal nor is it acceptable for him to do those things.
It's not normal for her to stick around and be subjected to that type of abuse. She needs help seeing the pattern of abuse he's displaying. She can't fix him. She'll never be able to f... (read in full...)
Married and going crazy in the closet. What should I do?
Q. I'm 49 and gay. In the closet with the door closed tight. Married for 25 years with 2 grown girls. I'm going crazy. What should I do?...
A. 16 November 2009: Thanks for the followup. I wish you well on your journey. Please remember that as you go through this that she is going to need as much as if not more support than you do. Make sure you both get it.
Take care.... (read in full...)
How will my ex react if I wore another guy's jersey?
Q. heyy guys :) i need fast answers for this one please! so this guy tht i flirt with all the time wants me to wear his football jersey to school 2moro. we both jus flirt, he has a gf tht goes to a different school, we will never be in a real ...
A. 16 November 2009: Hi Lacey,
Since you never followed up on your pregnancy scare, I was just wondering if you've found out if you were or not.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/twice-i-had-unprotected-sex-am-i-pregnant.html
http://ww... (read in full...)
She ended it out of the blue. How do I get her back?
Q. So I dated this girl for about 2 months and we both liked each other a lot. After getting back from a trip she calls me and breaks up with me. She didn't say why. We've been separated for about 3 or 4 months now and I've realized that I really w...
A. 16 November 2009: This kind of relationship fracture is really difficult to put back together again. She's basically decided that she didn't want to be in a relationship with you and seems fine with that.
It's difficult to know what's going on inside her head to see ... (read in full...)
Is he wanting to end things and doesn't want to tell me to my face?
Q. I desprately need your advice. I am engaged to the guy of my dreams but I'm seventeen. we have been together for a while now, eleven months and our love is deep. just recently his mom grounded him and he emailed me on the 16th of last month saying ...
A. 15 November 2009: It has to do with his emotional maturity. He's 15. There's a whole lot of growing up to do for him still. It doesn't help that this is a long distance relationship and that he is still a minor. Have you ever met in real life?
There are too many stri... (read in full...)
Married and going crazy in the closet. What should I do?
Q. I'm 49 and gay. In the closet with the door closed tight. Married for 25 years with 2 grown girls. I'm going crazy. What should I do?...
A. 15 November 2009: http://www.straightspouse.org
and
http://www.voy.com/86426/
Your wife deserves the truth in this and you deserve to live the truth as well. Just don't expect her to be happy about this and get over it easily. She probably knows something is... (read in full...)
Is it weird to make a silicone doll of my girlfriend?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts! I have an interesting question that I want to ask. Well I love my girlfriend so much that I would want to do something grand. I am planning on making a life-size doll version of my girlfriend in silicone like the ones I have seen ...
A. 14 November 2009: You have a point, duce. I hate to admit it, but you have a point. The poster should use whichever medium he prefers. If it's lifelike silicone doll, more power to him. It's just that I had this story pop into my head when I read the question... (read in full...)
Is it weird to make a silicone doll of my girlfriend?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts! I have an interesting question that I want to ask. Well I love my girlfriend so much that I would want to do something grand. I am planning on making a life-size doll version of my girlfriend in silicone like the ones I have seen ...
A. 14 November 2009: "I'm rubber and you're glue" takes on a fresh feel... you know, the "I'm rubber and you're glue, anything you say bounces off me and sticks to you!"
For some reason, I seem to have sunk to middle-school humor here.... *ponders*
I know. It's Bir... (read in full...)
Mad crush!
Q. I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....
A. 14 November 2009: You're a good egg. You crack me up. Not afraid to come out of your shell at all. See you lay-tah! Ha!... (read in full...)
Mad crush!
Q. I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....
A. 14 November 2009: Sorry, you were gettin' all high-falutin' an' all...
Poot = flatus. :^P
... (read in full...)
Is it weird to make a silicone doll of my girlfriend?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts! I have an interesting question that I want to ask. Well I love my girlfriend so much that I would want to do something grand. I am planning on making a life-size doll version of my girlfriend in silicone like the ones I have seen ...
A. 14 November 2009: Rather than do a silicone model of her--which sounds a bit like an inflatable doll or sex toy--why don't you sculpt her image in clay? Make a bronze sculpture if you can afford it?
I think that would result in something that is truly a work of art,... (read in full...)
Mad crush!
Q. I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....
A. 14 November 2009: Dear heavens, duce, cacophony? You don't mean to say that you're a pooter? ... (read in full...)
Is it weird to make a silicone doll of my girlfriend?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts! I have an interesting question that I want to ask. Well I love my girlfriend so much that I would want to do something grand. I am planning on making a life-size doll version of my girlfriend in silicone like the ones I have seen ...
A. 14 November 2009: I think this is more about you than her. Intriguing, but basically it would distract your attention from her. I'm with Birdy. This could backfire in a big way.... (read in full...)
Mad crush!
Q. I must confess. I think I have a problem. Frankly, I've developed a mad crush on a writer here. He's just so damn witty and a clever writer too. I totally enjoy reading his posts, even when he's wrong about a topic. This seems like one helluva man....
A. 14 November 2009: Is it too late to post on this thread? I just saw Duce's comment: "We are men!!! HEAR US ROAR!!!!" and it made me laugh. To accurately reflect the male half of our strange species, it should say: "We are men!!! HEAR US SNORE!!!!"
That would be far ... (read in full...)
My life has changed for the better for ever but how can I now deal with my friend/ work colleague who I suspect is jealous?
Q. Hello all. I wonder if you might offer me some advice on how to cope / deal with a jealous freind/ work colleague? I recently changed my life, and now have an active , busy life , and am pursuing my interests, goals and hobbies, doing well at wo...
A. 13 November 2009: I had one more thought for you. When she starts pressing for details, you could say something along the lines of, "Oh, it's a bit rude to talk about oneself all the time, and I'm feeling as though that's all we talk about, me. Let's find other, more ... (read in full...)
My life has changed for the better for ever but how can I now deal with my friend/ work colleague who I suspect is jealous?
Q. Hello all. I wonder if you might offer me some advice on how to cope / deal with a jealous freind/ work colleague? I recently changed my life, and now have an active , busy life , and am pursuing my interests, goals and hobbies, doing well at wo...
A. 13 November 2009: That's a tough position to be in, I have some inkling of what you've managed to do with your life. I would say that you have to regard her as a friend with problems now, and treat her in that way.
I would smile at her a lot, not try to phys... (read in full...)
How do I stop him from going away (after he slept with Thai girls the last time?)
Q. How do I stop him from going away? Hi all, Me and my partner have been together for three years now and have just had a baby together, recently my boyfriend went to Thailand for a nice holiday after coming home from deployment (he's in the ...
A. 13 November 2009: "I don't know how to make him realise I am serious this time and i'm thinking of leaving him....I need some advice pleae!!!"
I think the way to show him you are serious about this is to leave him. If you have had this discussion about his chea... (read in full...)
How can I please her to the point of orgasm?
Q. So my question is, i've only had sex with one girl, so i'm not "experienced" like that. How can I please a woman to the point where she could have an orgasm? I heard something about an inch into the vagina, if you put your finger in there and touch ...
A. 13 November 2009: Also, I would recommend that you read some of the posts by "DoubleM". Type his name and the word "cunnilingus" into the search box on the upper right hand side of the page.... (read in full...)
How can I please her to the point of orgasm?
Q. So my question is, i've only had sex with one girl, so i'm not "experienced" like that. How can I please a woman to the point where she could have an orgasm? I heard something about an inch into the vagina, if you put your finger in there and touch ...
A. 13 November 2009: Think of her clitoris as a very tiny and sensitive penis; her vagina has some nerve ending inside the first third, including the somewhat controversial "G-spot", which most researcher would consider as the "root" of the clitoral structure. It's not ... (read in full...)
He doesn't like using condoms and says if I get pregnant, so be it!
Q. Hi All, Im 19 and have a 23 year old BF, I love him very much and he loves me too. The problem is he doesnt like using condoms, Im not on any form of birth control and I dont want use any, except condoms as I feel more safe. I really DONT want a ...
A. 13 November 2009: I expect that wearing a condom diminishes sensations for the wearer. However, you might point out that slightly lessened sensation with sex is better than ZERO sensation with no sex at all, which is what he's going to get if he doesn't wear one.
I... (read in full...)
Does it mean anything if the man doesn't wear his wedding ring?
Q. For all the married men out there... Does it mean anything if a man doesn't wear his wedding ring? ...
A. 13 November 2009: Della, you're not going to believe me I know, it's just going to take time, but someday, you will look back on the amount of time you spent obsessing about this teacher and realize that you wasted a lot of energy and time on him. Perhaps this is ... (read in full...)
Is a school guidance counsellor obliged to tell my parents I might be pregnant?
Q. if i tell a school guidance counselor that i think i might be pregnant will she tell my parents? does she HAVE to tell them is what i mean. is this a situation in which she is obligated to inform them or can we jus talk and keep it to herself? t...
A. 13 November 2009: If you are concerned that you are pregnant, you need to have a pregnancy test. Just think, if you aren't pregnant, and you talk to the guidance counselor, and the state requires parental notification, your parents will be told.
I think you coul... (read in full...)
Is a school guidance counsellor obliged to tell my parents I might be pregnant?
Q. if i tell a school guidance counselor that i think i might be pregnant will she tell my parents? does she HAVE to tell them is what i mean. is this a situation in which she is obligated to inform them or can we jus talk and keep it to herself? t...
A. 13 November 2009: What do you expect the guidance counselor to be able to do for you?... (read in full...)
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