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| | Tisha-1's profile:Hey, I'm just a regular person trying to get through life with a sense of humor and a good amount of compassion. I try to read the questions and answer them in a way that will be as helpful as possible. I know I get a bit didactic on some topics, but that's the thing about being an amateur agony aunt, you think people are actually paying attention and taking notes! I don't know everything, I don't pretend I'm always right, I not an expert on human behavior or relationships but I think I have a lot of common sense.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt. I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
I don't have much tolerance for people who don't recognize that their actions have consequences. I want people to think things all the way through. I try to answer in a way that will cause that to happen. If I get it wrong, well, I guess we're all human, and we're all figuring out how to get through life without too much carnage in our trail! ;D
To borrow a brilliant line from another aunt here: Create your peace. Cheers! |
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| Latest articles: Advice to young men about young women
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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Blood in my semen -- help!
Q. Guys, pls help me. I am 20, i am virgin. Never been in any sexual relationship. The problem is , i musterbate. And when i masterbet yesterday i bled, i bled a few with my sperm. Then again, when i musterbet i bled few hours ago , my ...
A. 7 November 2009: To the anon male who wrote on 6 November 2009: you should get a second opinion. Blood in your semen for 4 years? Did he do screening for prostate or testicular cancers? Take cultures to see if you have an infection?
I'd get a bit aggressive on this... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to keep quiet while he works on his substance abuse issues
Q. hereee it goes again, my husband andd i have been arguing and i feel powerless. i cant get him to understan how i feel. he expects me to be silent aboutt my feeling, and endure whatever mistreatment he inflicts with no hard feelings while works on ...
A. 7 November 2009: You know how they say an alcoholic will finally ask for help when he hits rock bottom? You will finally reach for help when you hit your own rock bottom.
I wish you well.
xxx... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to keep quiet while he works on his substance abuse issues
Q. hereee it goes again, my husband andd i have been arguing and i feel powerless. i cant get him to understan how i feel. he expects me to be silent aboutt my feeling, and endure whatever mistreatment he inflicts with no hard feelings while works on ...
A. 6 November 2009: It sounds like it is truly heartbreaking and frustrating for you. There's no way to fix this without his willingness to get professional help, I think. Until he does, you are stuck in the rollercoaster.
The reason I think you should go to Al-A... (read in full...)
Help I don't understand why girls do this?
Q. i dont understand why some girls if you dont show them your penis then they be it has to be small or tell someone that your penis small when is not...
A. 6 November 2009: Women who are 26-29 years old are asking you this question? That's odd, most girls grow out of that kind of teasing by the time they are 13 or 14. Maybe you need to find better people to hang around with. Good luck!... (read in full...)
Foreskin always retracted, is this normal?
Q. I am not circumcised. I am bit curious to know my condition. My penis' foreskin is always retracted regardless of erect or not. From articles and friends i know that foreskin retracts only when it is erect. Mine was normal i think till i was 17. Is ...
A. 6 November 2009: The person to ask is your doctor; go to a urologist for someone who is specifically trained in male genitalia. In the meantime, here are some links for you: http://men.webmd.com/features/life-cycle-of-a-penis http://www.malehealth.... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to keep quiet while he works on his substance abuse issues
Q. hereee it goes again, my husband andd i have been arguing and i feel powerless. i cant get him to understan how i feel. he expects me to be silent aboutt my feeling, and endure whatever mistreatment he inflicts with no hard feelings while works on ...
A. 6 November 2009: Have you gone to an Al-Anon meeting? I think you need the support and there are people there who have "been there/done that" with what you are facing right now. That would be my recommendation. Alcoholics who do not want to get help--you can't fi... (read in full...)
My first cousin got me pregnant!
Q. I need advice... I did something extremely stupid one night after one too many and it resulted in my pregnancy. The complicated issue here is that the father is also my first cousin he is my fathers nephew (hes my aunts son). After more...
A. 6 November 2009: I will add one final thought, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest#Between_adult_cousins "Marriages and sexual relationships between cousins are viewed differently in many cultures, in both law and religion. In most countries, marriage between ... (read in full...)
My first cousin got me pregnant!
Q. I need advice... I did something extremely stupid one night after one too many and it resulted in my pregnancy. The complicated issue here is that the father is also my first cousin he is my fathers nephew (hes my aunts son). After more...
A. 6 November 2009: And with that post from "marriedlady", this question is being closed until such time as the original poster, who seems to have stopped providing followups, sends me a PM to have it opened again so she can post again on it.
... (read in full...)
Twice I had unprotected sex. Am I pregnant?
Q. help! ok soo me and my boyfriend broke up a few days ago. but just last weekend, i slept over and we had unprotected sex twice that night and again in the morning. i usually get my period from the 10th to the 12th of each month. its the 5th now. soo ...
A. 6 November 2009: I'm suggesting you are playing helpless here. You can figure out ways to sleep with your boyfriend, to hide what you're doing from your mother--she knows you're having sex but that it's not protected is kind of a key point, don't you think?--but you ... (read in full...)
How can he not like sex and prefer masturbating?
Q. I am in a relationship with someone, but the thing is, he doesn't like sex. We've had it before, but he says he gets bored and it doesn't interest him/ doesn't feel as good as masturbating. "Why should i do in a vagina, what i can do with my hand?" ...
A. 6 November 2009: It sounds as though for him, sex is all about HIS wants. He obviously cannot find fulfillment in 'ordinary' sexual activity; he needs the fetish or his own hand. I'd guess you've got it as good as it's going to get for him. Why he wouldn't care ... (read in full...)
I'm running out of reasons not to start a sexual relationship with my cousin!
Q. My cousin wants to restart our sexual relationship, should I give in? My cousin and i have always been very close. He is my best friend and has been all my life. But we are more than that. It started when we were teens and we realized that we liked ...
A. 6 November 2009: In the rest of the world, apparently there is no taboo against cousins dating; that's been established, so we don't need to start that debate here. That's a note of warning to aunts who post here, by the way. What you are presenting here seems to be ... (read in full...)
My b/f makes me feel complexed about my body, I used to be happy about it!
Q. When I'm watching movies with my boyfriend he is always pointing out which girls have better breasts or stomachs than me. If there is a topless scene he will immediately turn to me and tell me things like, "her's are much bigger than yours, they're ...
A. 6 November 2009: Have you tried simply telling him to stop? Without being snippy?... (read in full...)
Twice I had unprotected sex. Am I pregnant?
Q. help! ok soo me and my boyfriend broke up a few days ago. but just last weekend, i slept over and we had unprotected sex twice that night and again in the morning. i usually get my period from the 10th to the 12th of each month. its the 5th now. soo ...
A. 6 November 2009: So the guy who put his penis in you without a condom, with whom you actually spent the night, he would be angry? And he would blow off child support too? I don't think he has a choice. Nor do you. If you spent the night with him, how does your ... (read in full...)
Falling for my husband's cousin!
Q. I am married to a wonderful person.I was having a very normal life until my husband's cousin's brother joined us for a vacation. He slowly started talking to me about his love life and lot more about his personal life but we both never crossed the ...
A. 6 November 2009: Wow, you've got a bad case of a crush going on here. You say you're happy in your marriage? How long have you been married, do you have children, are there things that are missing from the marriage? The thing about crushes is that it takes you back... (read in full...)
Permanently dehydrated...
Q. Ok well this isnt really relationshippy, but i need help. I'm pernamently dehydrated, and i have some sort of mental block in me that makes me hate to drink. i refuse to drink tap water and am allergic to most juices, and i can only drink from small ...
A. 6 November 2009: You need professional help. Possibly an IV and hospitalization will help hydrate you.
Do not mess around. GET HELP NOW!!!!... (read in full...)
How can I forget the emotional abuse?
Q. i met this guy off the internet 9 years ago. we chatted online and e-mailed each other for about a year. he would say sweet romantic things to me, and i thought he loved me. we went on a date, and had an argument about money. he stood me up for our ...
A. 6 November 2009: I get calls where I answer and no one is there. I have callerID and it just shows as "unavailable". This happens once in a while. My sister has had a fax machine call her every single day at 5 pm since she moved into her new house. She hasn't ... (read in full...)
What is wrong with teacher/student relatonships?
Q. what's the big taboo with student teacher relationships? I know there's all this stuff about peadophillia, but why does it HAVE to be reported? And does anyone know how teachers react, like what do they say to a student who has just admitted...
A. 5 November 2009: Because the teacher is in a position of authority, so the student may not feel comfortable saying "no". Because the student may be trying to bribe the teacher with sex for a good grade. Because every man who fancies sleeping with underage girls ... (read in full...)
Drunken mistake won't leave me alone...
Q. This guy i did stuff with while drunk keeps trying to contact me through facebook, but he was just a DISGUSTING mistake and I really don't want to have anything to do with him... How can I reject him without seeming like a bit of a b****?...
A. 5 November 2009: If you have to have contact with him, I personally love to use the passive tense to get out of any further entanglement.
"It's not possible." "That's not an option." "It's just not going to work." "Alas, that's not something that will happen." Conv... (read in full...)
Could my two friends be having a secret affair?
Q. I'm not sure why I'm writing this but here goes. At college, I know this girl and to me it looks like this girl likes other girls. I know this sounds stupid but I'm not sure if it's in my head or if it's true. This girl (the main one-lets call her ...
A. 5 November 2009: You're feeling very left out. I HATE that feeling! It used to happen to me too where two friends would kind of favor each other over me. I would feel so miserable and unhappy. Now, years later, I still keep in touch with those women and they are no ... (read in full...)
I might want more... Eventually
Q. hey. Well straight to the point. I've been talkin dirty over the net to this guy i've known for quite a long time. We've been good mates for a couple of years now. So, We're planning to get down and dirty, sometime soon in the future. But i ac...
A. 5 November 2009: I think the way you find out is that you withdraw from the situation. You need to tell him what you're going to do and why and that will pretty much plunk the ball into his court. Then you'll see where you really stand with him. I don't think you're ... (read in full...)
Could my two friends be having a secret affair?
Q. I'm not sure why I'm writing this but here goes. At college, I know this girl and to me it looks like this girl likes other girls. I know this sounds stupid but I'm not sure if it's in my head or if it's true. This girl (the main one-lets call her ...
A. 5 November 2009: Ah, so you're jealous. And upset that you're not in the know IF they are indeed involved. That makes things a little clearer.
Life is not fair. People do not always like you back in the way you like them. Your best friend may wind up snagging the ... (read in full...)
2 questions: My little brother searches for porn and I don't have my period yet!
Q. [MODERATOR NOTE: The same (13 year-old) poster has presented two questions, which has been combined into one post.] ok my little brother is on youtube serching on sex and i know cause i checked the search on my laptop what shold i do??? Also, why...
A. 5 November 2009: I like the parental control idea, that's easy to put in. Ask your mom or dad to do it if you don't know how.
Every girl is different and so your timing may be different from your friends. Don't let them get you down. The ones who have it secr... (read in full...)
Can you get a urinary tract infection from anal sex?
Q. Can u get a uranary track infection from anal sex?...
A. 5 November 2009: You mean in the penis that is penetrating the rectum? Yes, you can get an infection in the penis. Condoms are strongly recommended by all health care workers to prevent spread of bacteria, viruses and fungal organisms from one party to another.
h... (read in full...)
Friend & I become very involved and now his g/f is upset. Should I try to intervene?
Q. Hi I'm in a strange problem.I'm a happily married woman immensely in love with her husband but was somewhere lonely.my husband switched his job to a foreign country and i had to stay here for one year. soon after reaching there, he got busy and had ...
A. 5 November 2009: You're trying to find a way to stay connected to this man by 'helping'. I think anything you'd say to him now would only hurt her and their relationship further.
You've made a choice to commit to your husband now, I suggest you turn your atte... (read in full...)
I've been grilling my wife for two years and I need the truth!
Q. 36 years ago I noticed a guy's name on my gf's calender. As I had just a few days prior got back from the military I asked about it and she said he was just a person who came over to the apartment house where she lived to play cards. She lived with ...
A. 5 November 2009: I have an idea. Let's try a little role-reversal. Let's see how well you can convey your wife's position here. Write what you think might be going through her head as you are quizzing her on this.... (read in full...)
How can I show my ex-friend I am happy without him?
Q. So I have an ex-friend who I kinda dislike. But today I felt upset because he was with other people and I felt lonely and like I had nobody. I do have my own friends but I feel alone too sometimes. I want to show him that I'm happy with not being ...
A. 5 November 2009: If he's a perv and annoying, why on earth would you care what he thinks about you? You should care more about what the mud under you shoes thinks!... (read in full...)
I've been grilling my wife for two years and I need the truth!
Q. 36 years ago I noticed a guy's name on my gf's calender. As I had just a few days prior got back from the military I asked about it and she said he was just a person who came over to the apartment house where she lived to play cards. She lived with ...
A. 5 November 2009: Right, you're starting to sound like one of those interrogators or inquisitors (remember the Spanish Inquisition?) where they would continue to torture their prisoners until they confessed to what the questioner wanted to hear.
You have to make... (read in full...)
Is it normal to prefer sex during the first days of menstruation?
Q. I am curious. My wife tells me that she is most interested in Sex about the 3rd or 4th day of her period. Is this quite normal?...
A. 5 November 2009: I think it's probably quite common. Who knows what the hormones get up to inside all our bodies?... (read in full...)
How can I show my ex-friend I am happy without him?
Q. So I have an ex-friend who I kinda dislike. But today I felt upset because he was with other people and I felt lonely and like I had nobody. I do have my own friends but I feel alone too sometimes. I want to show him that I'm happy with not being ...
A. 5 November 2009: Honestly, the best thing you can do is to get engrossed in your own interests and become completely unaware of his presence. Your little insecurities are niggling away at you and digging little holes and making you feel wobbly. Everytime you have ... (read in full...)
I've been grilling my wife for two years and I need the truth!
Q. 36 years ago I noticed a guy's name on my gf's calender. As I had just a few days prior got back from the military I asked about it and she said he was just a person who came over to the apartment house where she lived to play cards. She lived with ...
A. 5 November 2009: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-would-not-have-married-her-had-i.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html
http://www.dearcupid.... (read in full...)
I've been grilling my wife for two years and I need the truth!
Q. 36 years ago I noticed a guy's name on my gf's calender. As I had just a few days prior got back from the military I asked about it and she said he was just a person who came over to the apartment house where she lived to play cards. She lived with ...
A. 5 November 2009: I think this is called retroactive jealousy and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to have this feeling for his wife. I would suggest that you contact via PM two uncles here: one is "Yos", the other is "Troubledtoomuch". They often write on this topic ... (read in full...)
Do you have to have relationships to know your sexuality?
Q. I have always considered myself as straight. I guess I didnt really think about it too much. I still had my doubts that I could be gay. Now I am having strong feeligns for a girl at school. These have lasted for a year. I have sexual and romantic ...
A. 5 November 2009: Hi, I saw your post and I know I'm not an expert in this area, but I wanted to let you know that I think what you're going through is common. Lots of people have had feelings like you describe. How it turns out is anyone's guess. I think the key is ... (read in full...)
I think my 14 year old sister is going to run away with a 24 year old man!
Q. i'm worried about my sister shes 14 in half and shes going out with a 24 year old. she was scared i was going to tell mom and dad about it so she made me promse to not say anything to them. and i'm worried that hes going to hurt her. she wont tell ...
A. 5 November 2009: Tell your parents right now--she is putting herself in danger and that trumps any promise you made to her. Just think, if anything should happen and they find out you knew but didn't tell. You would feel guilty for the rest of your life.
Go tell... (read in full...)
My teen pregnancy inspired my 12 year old sister to get pregnant. What do I do?
Q. I'm 17 and pregnant, and I keep telling my family about how much I love it, and it inspired my 12 year old sister to get pregnant. What should we do?...
A. 5 November 2009: Have you talked to your parents? ... (read in full...)
I'm having trust issues over the porn and text messages to a dominatrix!
Q. HELP!! I am Having TRUST ISSUES due to Porn Sites I found my BF visiting!!!!!!!!! Its been almost a month since I have confronted him with what I found...including text mesages to an AD he answered about wanting to b dressed and dominated! I bel...
A. 5 November 2009: Please do get tested. I know he promises up and down but he's trying to minimize the damage now and I would err on the side of caution for yourself. I remembered another website I've seen posted for people in your situation: ... (read in full...)
He never feels sex!
Q. hi i want to know about my boyfriend, he never feels sex.when ever i try to seduce or if i come naked in front of him he is not aroused.i tried everything kissing hugging but he doesn't fell anything and his little boy is not erecting even after se...
A. 5 November 2009: This question has been checked out and is valid, let's help her out, people.
I think I'd be worried that he had a medical problem, an attraction problem, or possibly a mental health issue.
Medical problem like diabetes may cause erectile dysfunct... (read in full...)
Am I headed towards divorce or is this normal?
Q. My 2nd husband, no kids, and I are living different lives with very different lives. He seems semi-concerned (probable to guilt to my daily affairs and i s'pose i to his) I am flirting back to men who flirt with me in a semi-(im)proper manner, he ...
A. 5 November 2009: Sounds like the big "D" to me if neither of you seem to be working together or particularly concerned about the other's happiness or well-being.
Why did you get married? Do you care enough about him to try to make it work? Figure that out, then try ... (read in full...)
Read this email message and tell me what you think!
Q. I found a message in my husband's email. It was from the owner of a company he has done some work for (who is a male), and he has an email address at that company i just became aware of. He has been hiding all of this from me. The message ...
A. 5 November 2009: Wow. What a red flag. That is NOT how guys joke around with each other. Your instincts are correct, there is something wrong here.
If I were you, I'd do some more digging and figure out what has been going on, get some evidence together, then conf... (read in full...)
How can I make the guilt of cheating in a past relationship go away?
Q. 3 years ago, I was in a long term relationship. she gave up everything for me, friends, family, just to be with me. We lived together for years, but I developed feelings for another woman and began an affair. I hate myself for what I did to this ...
A. 5 November 2009: Look back at that as the younger you, and forgive that younger, immature, selfish you. Then don't go do it again.... (read in full...)
How do I tell this guy that I am not interested in him and I have a boyfriend?
Q. i have just been asked out by this guy i really like and have said yes, but i have a dilema and this may sound really vain and the truth is im really not, i know that i am not that great looking and that people fall for my personality not that i am ...
A. 5 November 2009: "Oh, thank you for thinking enough of me to ask me out! That's so sweet! I wish I could give you a positive answer for this but I'm afraid I am taken. It's not going to happen between us because I think of you as a brother and that's all. I hate to ... (read in full...)
Could my two friends be having a secret affair?
Q. I'm not sure why I'm writing this but here goes. At college, I know this girl and to me it looks like this girl likes other girls. I know this sounds stupid but I'm not sure if it's in my head or if it's true. This girl (the main one-lets call her ...
A. 5 November 2009: Why do you think what two people who behave as friends do in private--IF they do anything in private, the evidence is flimsy--why do you think what happens behind closed doors between consenting adults has anything at all to do with you? If you don'... (read in full...)
I'm having trust issues over the porn and text messages to a dominatrix!
Q. HELP!! I am Having TRUST ISSUES due to Porn Sites I found my BF visiting!!!!!!!!! Its been almost a month since I have confronted him with what I found...including text mesages to an AD he answered about wanting to b dressed and dominated! I bel...
A. 5 November 2009: I have to chime in here now, there's enough here to be concerned for yourself... a fem bottom is a man who is slim and has a girlish ass, as opposed to a muscular bottom.
A few things, okay? Get yourself to the doctors and make him go as well. Get ... (read in full...)
My first cousin got me pregnant!
Q. I need advice... I did something extremely stupid one night after one too many and it resulted in my pregnancy. The complicated issue here is that the father is also my first cousin he is my fathers nephew (hes my aunts son). After more...
A. 3 November 2009: And I want to add one more thing; I'm sure we are all keeping in mind that as there are many cousin relationships and many many offspring from these, right? Because if we are not sensitive to this fact, we might be suggesting that the offspring of ... (read in full...)
My first cousin got me pregnant!
Q. I need advice... I did something extremely stupid one night after one too many and it resulted in my pregnancy. The complicated issue here is that the father is also my first cousin he is my fathers nephew (hes my aunts son). After more...
A. 3 November 2009: Ladies. Gentlemen. Please remember that we are here to advise the poster and not engage in flame wars. Ahem.
Right, poster, I think you need to make an appointment ASAP with your doctor.
You have choices that you have to make, and soon. I would su... (read in full...)
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