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*ugarplum786

South Africa  (Female   XML/RSS

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*ugarplum786's profile:

I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.

I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger.

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Why can't I stop thinking about my ex ever since I found out that he is engaged?

Q.   I just found out that my exboyfriend just got engaged. We've been separated for about 2 years and 6 months now. We were together for 11 years and I broke up our engagement because I got fed up with his lies and cheating. He tried to get back to ...

A.   26 November 2014: The problem with the sentence you wrote is you said you "needed to move on..... you did not say want. The problem with needing to do something is the brain took over and knew what was best for you. Unfortunately your heart was not party to the ... (read in full...)

I walked on egg shells around his wife and my relationship with my son have changed from good to bad! How can I show my son that I love his wife and children?

Q.   My son and I have a close relationship until he got married. He's 33 years old and a wonderful son but now I felt like I walked on egg shells around his wife and my relationship with my son have changed from good to bad. I called him one day and I ...

A.   18 November 2014: Personally I feel a MIL or DIL does not have to be social to one another just for the sake of peace. If they don't like one another this will do more harm than good. However a mother has a right to visit her son and vice versa. This should not be ... (read in full...)

I need to end this affair

Q.   I need the big push to end my 9yr affair with a single man. I'm wed. A bad scene to be sure. If I cared that much I would have left my marriage and If my lover cared that much he would have asked me to! no sex with husband great sex with lover! Help ...

A.   18 November 2014: Sounds to me you stay in the marriage out of fear for the unknown and maybe the security your husband provides. Take a break from both men and see what you really want as neither of these men are suitable for you.... (read in full...)

How do I continue with this relationship with my married boyfriend when I have periods of doubt creeping in around his ability to be faithful to me?

Q.   Hello DC Friends. I could use your advice. Not judgement or answers which predict future behaviour and outcome. None of us knows what will happen with certainty. And let us remember that not every man is the same nor is what they do nor is every ...

A.   15 November 2014: It is simple give him an ultimatum that its you or the wife. You will have your answer what you mean to him and how loyal he is to you. No excuse, kids. money, family - its all a load of BS. He will not be the first man to divorce and certainly not ... (read in full...)

I have resentment toward my husband who won't talk about his business and never gives me support!

Q.   I am building resentment toward my husband. My husband though is a nice man has no ambitions whatsoever. He has his small business, which basically pays for itself. I don't even know what he does with his money. He pays for his clothes, outings...

A.   15 November 2014: It is simple leave your marriage. It is easy to say that you control and manage everything and he just continue to work in his business. What you failed to realise you are equally guilty as you allowed him to take advantage of you and you ended ... (read in full...)

I found out my husband has been cheating and won't talk about it

Q.   Me and my husband has been together for 16years.ive reacantly found out what my gutt has been telling me all this time to be true hes cheated on me for sometime now hes not denying it however he claims hes not doing it any longer and hes sorry but ...

A.   15 November 2014: He has left the marriage and you are in it alone. If he really loved you he would not hurt you in this way. Seems like he like the idea have having multi partners and the marriage as a safety net, ie a home and loving wife that care of his house, ... (read in full...)

Could I get him back or is there any way to help me move on ?? I still have a crush for my ex and now he has a Gf too

Q.   I need help I think I am still in love with my ex bf. But I can seem to stop emailing him and meeting him I have tried blocking him and it lasts for about a couple of weeks then my heart flutters when he emails me asking to meet. I know it's wr...

A.   13 November 2014: He has the best of both worlds. YOu on the side and the GF. You cannot make the decision for him and also why do you want to be with someone that does value you and nor has any respect for his GF. I can understand that you are struggling to let go ... (read in full...)

Why won't he pull out during sex?

Q.   So I have a boyfriend who's a pretty good guy. The only thing is, he doesn't want to pull out during sex. Or wear a condom. Says he hates them. We're both pretty stable so that's not a problem. My only question is, why does he do this? We both have ...

A.   7 November 2014: If he did not want to use a condom why are you not on birth control. Sounds like you are equally responsible for the current situation. ... (read in full...)

What is a good compromise age for us to have a baby?

Q.   Hello! I need a little advice about when I should think about having children with my boyfriend. We've been together for over 3 years, lived together for over 2 and are planning to stay together for the long run. The only reason I'm think...

A.   7 November 2014: Its not about an age compromise. It should be when both partners are ready and committed to brining a life onto this earth. Also some people want to be financially stable before taking on the responsibility. You are young so no need to rush enjoy ... (read in full...)

I want to talk about things with my ex but this could jeopardize my current relationship, what should I do?

Q.   My wife left me over 20 years ago and took my children with her. This all happened while I was out at work one day and I've never really come to terms with it. I think I understand why she did it, but her actions were too drastic and I feel we could ...

A.   5 November 2014: I have to agree with the other aunts, sounds like you never got over the ex and still live in the past. If you take the step to meet with her, then you have made up your mind and who really you want, so do the kind thing and let the current partner ... (read in full...)

I didn't tell my b/f about my past and he found out from someone else. Now he wants me out of his life!

Q.   I wanted to tell my new boyfriend about my past but did not know if i should tell him or that he would not want to know about my past or when was the best time to tell him and had thought about telling him as i know a guy that works for him that ...

A.   4 November 2014: I am afraid there is not much you can do as he is not prepared to accept your past. You should however tell him when you go to collect that its unfortunate he chose to end things without giving you chance to explain and further if his feelings are ... (read in full...)

Is it a good idea to tell my now-ex that I was in love with him when we were dating?

Q.   I'm looking for people's opinions about telling an ex that I was in love with him while we were dating. We broke up just under 2 years ago. We are not in regular contact. He told me that he was in love with me 2 months into the relationship and...

A.   18 September 2014: You are still in love with him and it appears that he wants sex and not a relationship. You need to find a way to move on and not live in a fantasy world. You should go no contact as its not healthy for you to maintain any false sense of hope.... (read in full...)

My heart wants to forgive him, I want this man in my life. My head says he's a scumbag.

Q.   I want to tell you all my situation. I have previously told about this but I left out key details as I didn't want you to tell me to leave him or that I was stupid. I am 21 years old, trainee doctor with a loving and secure family. I met my...

A.   17 September 2014: I am so sorry he has done this too you. I have to wonder that if your father money and setting up the business is the reason he has stayed with you? Why risk a loving happy relationship for sex? I am not sure how you would be very sure what you ... (read in full...)

She seems to be hung up on her ex, what should I do

Q.   Ok me and my girlfriend have been together just over a year now but have had numerous arguements over her ex. She was with him for amany year....16 in fact yet chose not to marry or have children. They still have regular contact n see one another ...

A.   17 September 2014: They have a very long history and she appears to be still hung up on her ex. The mere fact that she can risk her relationship with you for talking/seeing the EX, is your answer that is what she really wants is her ex back. Sorry you need to let her ... (read in full...)

Is it alright to like get back with your ex?

Q.   Is it alright to like get back with your ex? Some people say it's not a good idea but I feel like there isn't any harm in giving a second chance. However, I asked my teacher whose quite an expert about it and he said that people tend to fall bac...

A.   16 September 2014: No harm in getting back with the ex as long as the issues that led to the break up have been resolved and history will not repeat itself. Every relationship is different, so getting back with ex may works and then there are those that don't. If its ... (read in full...)

Is it a good idea to tell my now-ex that I was in love with him when we were dating?

Q.   I'm looking for people's opinions about telling an ex that I was in love with him while we were dating. We broke up just under 2 years ago. We are not in regular contact. He told me that he was in love with me 2 months into the relationship and...

A.   16 September 2014: It would be odd to just mention that you were in love with him. However if again the discussion on your past come up and if you feel comfortable you can mention it. Who is this closure for u or him. You sure you are not trying to mend fences as this ... (read in full...)

My B/f knows that I have a history of depression and yet he's broken up with me, blocked me in every form and now I cant move on

Q.   I was with my boyfriend for two years until he decided that he couldn't be with me anymore. I have a history of depression and I think I was wearing him down. He said it's over and to him it's been over for ages before he actually said it was ...

A.   16 September 2014: You are hearting and it is expected. You invested a lot of time and energy in the relationship and it fell apart. Your ex has done you a favour by blocking all contacts, you may not see it but its in your best interest as you are now forced to move ... (read in full...)

How do I convince her that she's still my beautiful woman?

Q.   Hi, I am 60 years old and my partner whom lives with me is a very beautiful woman whom I love so very much who just turned 68. Although I reassure her each and every day how beautiful she is and how much I love her, she has an extremely low sel...

A.   4 September 2014: You are so sweet , show her this message you wrote and I am sure she will appreciate that you care about what she is going through. Take her on dates and make her feel young again. DO some crazy stuff that she will realise that you and your feelings ... (read in full...)

What does he think now that he's seen that I'm really not skinny?

Q.   Ok, so bare with me on this. I'm 24 and I have a "sex friend". We have been seeing each other for just over a year now, but I'm not a skinny girl, and you can see I'm not skinny. I'm a curvy 16 and I've never gotten completely naked with him. I've ...

A.   4 September 2014: Sounds like he liked what he saw and was comfortable as he still got off. I have to ask why you in a just sex relationship with a guy whom you pretty much care about his opinion of your body? I would suggest you look to either figure what you real... (read in full...)

Should I warn my assistant that the man she's chatty with almost had an affair with me and is married? Or is it best for me to stay away and let this happen?

Q.   A while ago I got chatting to a guy I work with and we got close very quickly. We both had a crush on each other and both wanted more, well I did anyway. He made me send him photos, chatted about sex a lot and I did really like him. He knew I liked ...

A.   3 September 2014: Hi, send her an anonymous email. If you tell her directly, it would come off as you being jealous and he would also turn things around and say that you are just bitter because he did not want more than friendship. I don't think there is any more you ... (read in full...)

My husband looks down on me because I'm a housewife and he puts himself on a pedestal because he is the sole bread winner

Q.   I do everything I can to be a positive uplifting person for my husband. I Build him up always say I love you first and I am the affectionate one. He can be affectionate but only on his terms. I can never do enough to please him he is always ...

A.   3 September 2014: Hi get a full time job and make him share the household responsibilities and then he would understand your contribution. If this continues , you will become the doormat. He needs to see you as an equal and not the maid. SO I would consider getting a ... (read in full...)

Can someone help me save my relationship?

Q.   Ok, so I've been with this guy for the past year, he's everything I've wanted in a man and the one I want to spend my life with, at least that's what I thought. I lost my virginity to him and have lived with him off and on since we got together. We ...

A.   3 September 2014: Hi, the problem appears not be the relationship and it appears your insecurities is the major problem. You need to learn to love yourself and secondly not make your life centre around a relationship. You need to have friends, start working (if not ... (read in full...)

My heart belongs to my ex. Can't sleep from thinking about her. How can I resolve this situation?

Q.   Dear All, I'm in a serious predicament. Please help... I'll make my story as short as possible. I fell in love with a girl, who I started dating after a few months.. Not knowing she had just broken off with someone whom she had serious feelin...

A.   3 September 2014: Your ex is not in love with and continues to play with your emotions. She is messed up and history will repeat itself. Your new GF cannot be someone you settle for and you are not in love with her. Its unfair. You need to let both these woman go and ... (read in full...)

I cheated on my wife and she won't forgive me

Q.   Hello, everyone. This is my first time here. I would like some advice please. Ive been through hell for the past 2 weeks. I cheated on my wife. the worst mistake I could have ever make. My lovely beautiful loving wife, mother of my children. So ...

A.   3 September 2014: I guess you are scared to move out but if your wife is not going to forgive you, even staying at home is not going to change anything. I suggested a bit of space to allow her to heal and also she gets to know what life will be like without you and ... (read in full...)

I cheated on my wife and she won't forgive me

Q.   Hello, everyone. This is my first time here. I would like some advice please. Ive been through hell for the past 2 weeks. I cheated on my wife. the worst mistake I could have ever make. My lovely beautiful loving wife, mother of my children. So ...

A.   2 September 2014: I agree with Honeypie, but I would also suggest that you move out as she needs to heal and not have you everyday remind her of the betrayal. When you move out it will give her an opportunity to figure what she wants and whether she wants to try ... (read in full...)

My wife is changing and starting to look elsewhere. Do I go along with it?

Q.   I enjoyed a wonderful loving relationship with my common law wife for 15 years. We always gave each other the impression that we were the only ones for each other. We never married, both figuring if it ain't broken, don't fix it. I gave her a ring ...

A.   2 September 2014: The writings are on the wall your "wife" is bored and by the encouragement from the mum and sisters she is obviously exploring other options. I suggest you set time and have a talk with her. Start the conversation that you don't want her to get ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and worried that boyfriend is enjoying his last bit of freedom before the baby comes

Q.   My boyfriend has barely talked to me at all in the past few weeks. His reasons are normally that he was at work or he was at his one friend's house. Granted, I'm happy if he is really getting as many hours as he is claiming to get consider...

A.   2 September 2014: Sounds like your BF is only mentally available and physically absent from you and the baby. Are you sure you want to bring a baby in this kind of relationship? Assume your BF is being unfaithful, do you know what your plans are that is for you ... (read in full...)

Should I even try to save this relationship?

Q.   Hey guys here's my situation, Me and my girlfriend of almost 3 years recently went our separate ways. For about the last 7 to 8 months I've pretty much sleep on the couch 3 to 4 times a week due to problems with her and having a 1 year old son with ...

A.   28 August 2014: You both needs to this break. Try and be friends and civil for the sake of your child. DO try and move on as this relationship is unhealthy and she is on weed and you might just be tempted to go back into it. Move on and just be a good father. ... (read in full...)

Need help dealing with heavy periods

Q.   Hey I'm 13 and I have really heavy periods which are usually accompanied by horrible cramps. My cycle lasts for 3-4 days; in a day I manage to get through 4 pads!? Is this normal? I don't wear tampons because they seem really unfomortable. Like when ...

A.   28 August 2014: Hi, you need to get not only the thick pads, but the long night pads, also use two set one more in the front and other on top but toward the back. , should change at least twice during the day. Swear its works as I have the same problem. Also watch ... (read in full...)

Am I totally over thinking this? I don't want our relationship to be based on lies.

Q.   I got married three months ago, and we have been together for a little over two years. I am probably in the happiest relationship out of anyone I know. In the very beginning I didn't want to be official with him because I was so in love with my ...

A.   27 August 2014: I don't think coming clean is going to help, because now he is going to wonder what you really did and are you breaking it slowly to him. Can he trust that you are now being totally honest. He will also always wonder if you settled and married him ... (read in full...)

All I want is a girlfriend

Q.   many people are sad because they dont have a girlfriend. i am too but my problem is far too serious than that. i am 25 and i never had a girlfriend for which i am sad but also i know that i will meet someone special one day but my problem is that i ...

A.   27 August 2014: Stop obsessing about getting a GF and try first to be sociable and make friends. You will come off being desperate and unattractive if you continue in this manner. Back off and try having a social life. Have lots of friends and be happy and easy ... (read in full...)

Struggling to get over my holiday romance. Do I try harder or let it go?

Q.   I am just confused and need some help as I have no one else to talk to. I recently went on holiday in Greece with my friends. I met this guy from England aswell whilst over there. We just clicked well so I thought. We spent the majority of the time ...

A.   27 August 2014: Its a holiday romance and nothing more. He probably has a GF and also was just in it for the sex. Let this go. It was over before it even started. Time for you to move on. Don't sleep with any guy no matter how much they flatter you and promise you ... (read in full...)

I found my new wife on an escort website. What do I do?

Q.   hello everyone please help me. i just got married. i knew her from long time back but we werent keeping contact eachother untll we decided to get married. we are from same country but living in different countries. she lived in singapore and im ...

A.   27 August 2014: So do frequent escort websites and escorts ? Interesting how you stumbled on the website? Unless you suspected in a previous life she was an escort. Fact is she deceived you. Like any escort she knew that if she came clean you would not marry he... (read in full...)

My wife went too far during a threesome. How do I get past this?

Q.   I saw someone had a similar issue as this a few years ago. But I wonder if anyone had any current advice they can give me. My wife and I have been together for 4 years and recently tried to spice things up by me agreeing to a 3sum with another male. ...

A.   27 August 2014: So is this threesome just limited to a male or you get the opportunity to be with another woman? Also whose idea was this threesome? The answers to this will tell you whether you are right to be upset. Sound like your marriage is on the rocks if you ... (read in full...)

I think my B/f might he seeing this other girl but I don't know what to ask him.

Q.   My boyfriend and I normally have a great sex life. We would have sex maybe 2-3 times a day when we first met, and although nothing too kinky, it was adventurous. When we moved in together it slowed down, and he almost stopped wanting it as of...

A.   26 August 2014: I agree with most of the comments but before you conform the BF, I would start to go to the games and you need to observe "the chemistry". Your BF will deny the messages mean anything and secondly since its not concrete proof you will come out worst ... (read in full...)

I think he blocked me but I'm unsure why! Should I try to find out?

Q.   So aunts and uncles, I asked a question a few weeks ago about a guy I talk to in New Jersey, whom I planned on pursuing when I got up there. He's my best friends brother, and we've hung out and what not when he comes down here to visit family.. ...

A.   25 August 2014: He probably has a girlfriend back home and you coming to stay/visit is a threat to his relationship or he never was serious about a relationship and you were just there for convenience. Sorry that can only be the answer. Don't call dont chase, don't ... (read in full...)

I think he blocked me but I'm unsure why! Should I try to find out?

Q.   So aunts and uncles, I asked a question a few weeks ago about a guy I talk to in New Jersey, whom I planned on pursuing when I got up there. He's my best friends brother, and we've hung out and what not when he comes down here to visit family.. ...

A.   25 August 2014: He probably has a girlfriend back home and you coming to stay/visit is a threat to his relationship or he never was serious about a relationship and you were just there for convenience. Sorry that can only be the answer. Don't call dont chase, don't ... (read in full...)

I don't mind helping with the chores but this is just too much!

Q.   Hello friends and foes, just got some stuff to ask, as always. Now, no one really likes chores, just because it's work and work isn't fun. Call me a brat, or whatever, you're probably right. My dad recently has been over booking me with chores...

A.   25 August 2014: Hi, as a kid we all are expected to do some chores. I also had to do my fair share and like you did not feel the money was worth it and hated doing the work. As long as we live under our parents roof we have no choice but to help out and no the ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's parents are against me and now he won't even spend the night with me because he's afraid they'll find out we are together again!

Q.   Hey All, Me and my Boyfriend (Dany) are together for more than 1,5 year. I feel love the first time. It would be a real happy love-story BUT (!!) unfortunately his parents have problem with me :( His father is my teacher at school (that's how...

A.   25 August 2014: You need to decide whether this relationship is worth it. He is already hiding you from his parents and their opinion is not going to change in the near future as they simply think you are not good enough for their son. This relationship spells t... (read in full...)

In love with my sister's male friend but my sister doesn't approve!

Q.   hello i am a 19 year old Hindu girl and I have fallen for my sisters 23 year old white male friend and he feels the same but my sister has band me from seeing him. (they have been mates for over 20 years) a few months ago i finally got up t...

A.   25 August 2014: Are you sure your sister does not have a crush on this friend. What I don't understand is the rather strong objection to you dating him. Maybe you should try talking to your sister and understand why the strong objection. You will have to decide w... (read in full...)

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