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*oneypie agony aunt


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*oneypie's profile:

I'm 42, married with 3 kids and a couple of pet. Been married little over 13 years. Been thru good times and rough times. Thru open communication and love we overcame problems in the marriage and thru all that I learned a lot about me and about relationships.

I have a college degree, which I do not use at the moment. I'm hoping to go back to school for another which I do intent to use:)

I have strong family bonds and have traveled the world.

I'm a good listener and I try to "put" myself in whomever's shoes. I believe in honesty, morals, values, love, trust and good communication. So the answer I give out I do so with a lot of though and honesty behind it.

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Discovered that my soon to be ex got drunk while he was supposed to be caring for our child. He'll deny it. How do I confront him with what I've discovered?

Q.   I have been separated from my husband for quite awhile now. Anyhow to make a long story short I have 4 kids, one of which is with him. Last week I was on vacation with my parents. He had our child and I had a friend babysit my other kids at my h...

A.   26 April 2015: Next time you are out of time DON'T ASK him to watch her. How do you know about all this drinking that "supposedly" went on? Personally, I would not bring this up. I wold instead have a chat about rules for when he has the kid(s) - such as... (read in full...)

I love him so much. But when he's been drinking he says nasty things and is argumentative. Why is trying to ruin our relationship?

Q.   My partner is for the most part a very loving kind man who says he adores me and I am his world. However he likes to drink on his nights off work (he works nights) and when he has had too much to drink sometimes he can lose his temper big time. I...

A.   26 April 2015: Do you live together? If you do I would suggest you take a week-end off from the shared house. If he asks you why, tell him I do not like to be VERBALLY ABUSED when you drink, so I'm taken precautions and having a quiet week-end at friend/f... (read in full...)

I feel stuck. Is it reasonable that I feel so hurt at his lack of priority for me in his life?

Q.   I have just ended a relationship with my boyfriend due to his lack of time for me. He says he will come over and talk but says he is busy and has a lot on with work. He is self employed but spends a lot of time procrastinating and chatting to custo...

A.   26 April 2015: You are a lesser priority, so ending it might BE the right thing FOR you. I would however NOT stay "friends" as it will hinder rather than help you move on to a man who WANTS you in his life.... (read in full...)

Any advice for me regarding my Girlfriend's actions during her previous relationship re nude photos sent to her now ex?

Q.   My girlfriend has sent her nude photos to her ex about 2 years ago and that is over now. she said there was nothing more to that (like sex). She and I are together about a month and I really care for her and she does the same. She told me this bec...

A.   26 April 2015: She is being honest about something that happened in the past. What should you do? Accept that she did it and move on. There is NOTHING you can do to change it, NEITHER can she. So why make a big or little deal out of this? While I'm not... (read in full...)

Was my friend right to assume that I wasn't invited to a mutual friend's party?

Q.   Shouldn't my friend have invited me to a mutual friend's party? Our mutual friend and I had some misunderstandings about a party she was holding, she asked me and my boyfriend to come over to what I thought was a couples date, and my boyfriend was...

A.   26 April 2015: Yes, I think your friend was right to PRESUME there was a reason you hadn't been invited. And I DO think it's a bit of a misunderstanding or mis-communication that happened, NOT that the mutual friend didn't WANT you there. It MIGHT have start... (read in full...)

Should his voyeurism concern me? How can I believe that I am the woman for him when all his thousands of saved images of women all look nothing like me?

Q.   i am currently engaged to my partner of just over 2years. I have since constantly found images he has taken of women in public, on screens or saved of women. Also the usual porn etc... On his phone, email, playstation, in our new home (dvd's, ...

A.   26 April 2015: I'm 100% with Ciar. Tea-towels indeed. Fleshed out tea-towels. And personally I would be WAY more concerned with that fact that he is into pictures of women WHO DID NOT GIVE HIM THEIR permission to have their picture taken. I agree with Wi... (read in full...)

Would it be wrong make up an alternative story for officials about how we met? She is my fiancée and we met via webcam. She was a webcam model.

Q.   I met a woman. She was a webcam model. We fell in love, got engaged, and now are planning weddings. She is from Russia, me USA. We applied for fiancé visa and have the interview next week in Moscow. They will also ask us how we met, but we ar...

A.   26 April 2015: Stick to the truth. It would NOT be hard to find out what she did online for anyone with just an ounce of internet savvy... Whether it's a good idea to marry her, I'll leave that up to you. ... (read in full...)

It's been a week and I am just want to stop crying. What's my next move to get over this breakup and all the hurt?

Q.   Hi, I have recently got out a 3+ year affair with a married man I work with. We met when we both started at this company. We were both new to this city and with his family still based in his hometown, started hanging out a lot. He was the init...

A.   25 April 2015: It will get better. And you find find some solace and strength in the fact that YOU are the one who walked away. Maybe not today or in a week or two, but it will happen. My advice is to spend time with people you KNOW care about you, family a... (read in full...)

Should just leave it or ask my mother why she felt the need to say such a thing?

Q.   I had my first child when I was 17 with my now ex boyfriend. Due to ill health my mother spent a lot of time looking after my child as I have epilepsy and found it hard to handle both at the time. As my mother couldn't take my epilepsy away bu...

A.   25 April 2015: I agree with Ciar. Your MOM is letting you know that she won't be able to help you out as much as she did with #1. BECAUSE SHE IS WORKING FULL TIME!! Not because she doesn't WANT to help out, but because she CAN'T. You are looking for some... (read in full...)

When I mentioned I'd had a bad day he changed the subject. Is this lack of empathy an indication that he doesn't care as much as I thought he did?

Q.   i'm not sure if i am over reacting or this is the sign for me to say bye to this guy. Hes 28, i'm 25, both from same country and same religion. we met of a matrimonial website. Cutting it short, we've been speaking for a short period of t...

A.   25 April 2015: My guess is... hearing about a BAD day when you are trying to have an UPBEAT conversation is quite the downer. When he talks work, does he complain? And you try and cheer him up? If so, then yes he is a tad selfish if he can't DO the same for you.... (read in full...)

How mean is too mean? Who should pay for what in our relationship?

Q.   Who pays for what in our two year relationship? Ok here is my dilemma and one that has really upset me to the point I am considering walking away because it has affected my respects for him. I am sure there will be many comments as I have googl...

A.   25 April 2015: I'm with Auntie Bim. BE honest. TELL him to have a great week-end away that you CAN NOT afford it. That you ALREADY carry the COST of dating him. Personally, I'd tell him straight up... that you can BARELY afford to date him. It is HIS ch... (read in full...)

My daughter is being so excluded in her class by her classmates. How can this ostracism be dealt with?

Q.   Hi, My daughter is being so excluded in her class. And the girls ignore her and don't really want to hangout with her. This of course has affected her and of course concerns me. She is almost 11, beautifull both inside and out., sweet but on the...

A.   25 April 2015: We moved across country a couple of years ago uprooting all 3 of our daughters as well as ourselves and it's taken a while for them to readjust. My youngest is very quiet and very smart, so she did have some problem initially and what has been eve... (read in full...)

Why would he keep talking about the ring if he doesn't intend on getting it?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years now. Half year ago, he told me he wanted to buy a promise ring for me. I was flattered and looked forward to receiving the ring. He said this in October. We researched styles online and he even ...

A.   24 April 2015: EDIT: I wrote: but it should have to COST you a lot to try and make him happy. I meant.... but it shouldn't have to COST you a lot to try and make him happy.... (read in full...)

Not his girlfriend? How do I talk to him?

Q.   Hello I haven't been on this site in a long time but I need some advice. I have been seeing this guy for about 7 years off and on. He doesn't even consider me his girlfriend bc he says I don't do anything a girlfriend does. I spend the ni...

A.   24 April 2015: He wants you around for sex and company, but he isn't WILLING to give you anything else. After 7 years I would have thought that would be CLEAR as a bell to you. Not only that, but he is putting the "blame" on you. YOU don't act like a GF so he do... (read in full...)

My boyfriend likes to bite and doesn't seem to realize that I don't like it!

Q.   I have been dating this guy for a few months and the chemistry is great. We're both really attracted to each other, have a great time spending time together and make each other laugh. These are all fantastic things that I'm happy to finally find in ...

A.   24 April 2015: I'd say EVERY time he does it WALK away, tell him I DO NOT want to be bitten, I don't like it and IF you keep biting I'm going to WALK AWAY EVERY time you do it. If it's during sex or him trying to initiate - put your close on and GO HOME. He... (read in full...)

Is it right or wrong to find a sex partner for my mother?

Q. mom is 55 nw . My dad died 26 years back..I know that its been long that she had sex..i even know how it feels with out sex for humans m planing to find someone for her sex it right r wrong..?...

A.   24 April 2015: I think finding her a friend would be a better course of action (and not a male). Maybe get her interested in a charity or a hobby that the community can benefit from - that way she will get out of the house and met new people. My grandmothe... (read in full...)

Do open relationships work?

Q.   Do open relationships work? I'm not asking because I want to have one or anything but a very good friend of mine says that it keeps her and her husband happy while he works away. He had an affair a few years back and she decided that to stay tog...

A.   24 April 2015: I generally think that if you FEEL a need to add more people to the sheets.... that staying single and sleep around might be a way better option. I have know a couple of couples.. (lol) who were into the open relationship/swinger lifestyl... (read in full...)

Our relationship is drained and I don't know what to do

Q.   Well, my boyfriend and I have been through a lot. We go to the same uni and I'm really into him and he knows it. However, there will be times when theres no doubt in my mind he wants to be with me... He acts so into me and I'll take it as a step f...

A.   24 April 2015: I have to say I vote for "he is a dic. who is jerking you around emotionally. He wants to have a GF (when it's convenient for him) the rest of the time you are annoying him and bothersome, clingy - ALL the terms NO girl wants to hear from her guy.... (read in full...)

Why would he keep talking about the ring if he doesn't intend on getting it?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years now. Half year ago, he told me he wanted to buy a promise ring for me. I was flattered and looked forward to receiving the ring. He said this in October. We researched styles online and he even ...

A.   24 April 2015: A promise ring is "supposedly" a pre-engagement ring - which is ridiculous. Either someone KNOWS he/she wants to marry the other person and THUS buys an ENGAGEMENT ring. Promise rings are for those (guys) who want to make SURE the girl stick ar... (read in full...)

Am I in the wrong? Or was it just insensitive of her? She hasn’t been there for me once over the situation, did I just expect too much?

Q.   Last year I found out my father wasn’t mine and my twin’s dad, but he was our elder sister’s father. Since this has come out we have had a strained relationship, mainly through her not understanding or being there for me. After months of struggle...

A.   24 April 2015: I agree that parents shouldn't have favorites. I have 3 FAVORITE children - ALL of mine are my favorite and they know it. I think your older sister is being brat here. She doesn't fully understand the situation, but she also doesn't seem to under... (read in full...)

Should I report my sister to Social Services?

Q.   Hi guys I just wanted some advice on a problem I am having. I I have a sister who is 29 years old and she has two small children. However she has started to drink alcohol around her children, to the point where she gets blind drunk, this has been...

A.   24 April 2015: I agree that you NEED to call Social Services on her. Not for HER sake but for her kid's sake. ... (read in full...)

I feel so heartbroken, even though I broke up with him.

Q.   So I've has a whirl wind 7 months. From the minute I met him he swept me off my feet and made me feel like the most special girl In the world! So what was the problem? His ex of 8 years who he has a daughter with, who left him and is now en...

A.   24 April 2015: I'm with sage. YOU were dating an IMMATURE CHILD man, who at 35 was living at home, smoking pot, fighting with his ex (no wonder she left him) and attempting to make you jealous by messaging other women, and let's NOT forget the fact that you... (read in full...)

Shall I move out now in a hurry because of my partner and her friends or shall I stick to my mortgage idea for next year?

Q.   My girlfriend wants to move in after two years of relationship, I would absolutely love to but u don't want to do it just because her friends and cousins are. All her friends are moving out, living in private rent, wasting £600 per month in ...

A.   24 April 2015: Wait that year to get your own place. IF your GF is in such a hurry to move out, that is HER choice. IF she wants to live with a cousin or by herself rather than with her parents THAT is her choice. MAYBE a dose of reality would be good for her.... (read in full...)

Can she up sticks and go taking the children with her?

Q.   My daughter in law is leaving my son and has made it clear that she is taking the children with her. Can she up sticks and go taking the children with her?...

A.   24 April 2015: Your son needs to find a solicitor and set up visitation plan and child maintenance. Since they are married it is NOT as easy for her to just walk away WITH the kids. BUT quite often mothers end up the primary caregiver in split up/divor... (read in full...)

Can I expect a therapist to maintain privacy?

Q.   My wife and I need counseling in a very bad way. I feel like all communication has broken down except for when we say things in an extreme way (loud fighting) and in that case it is not clear anyone is listening or even that what we say is the trut...

A.   23 April 2015: Maybe start out with individual counselors? I have actually never heard of counselors who will promise confidentiality and then turn around and "betray" the client.. for the "greater good". I did CBT as a teenager and my parents were onl... (read in full...)

He constantly is accusing me of cheating and he says rude things to me but claims he can't help it. What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a month now. This is the 2nd time we are in a relationship. The 1st time was 2 months prior. We were together for almost 3 months and he said he had feelings for his ex and so I broke it off with him ...

A.   22 April 2015: It is not "like" he wants to control everything - HE WANTS to control everything. IF you have NEVER cheated (and he has) the accusations of YOU cheating is to KEEP you on the defensive so you don't notice all the "bad" little things he does. ... (read in full...)

Why would a mistress leave her married boyfriend?

Q.   What is the #1 reason WHY a mistress will leave a married man she has been seeing for a long time? ...

A.   22 April 2015: Because she finally woke up from her trip to la-la land and realized what she has was not something she can build a future on. That the man she was with IS a liar and a cheat - and IF he will cheat in a Wife, he will CHEAT and LIE to a mistress. ... (read in full...)

My mom has always been mean to me ever since I was just a child, but she's gotten worse and worse and I'm really heart broken.

Q.   I have not spoken or seen my mom in almost a year. To put it nicely, she was never a good mom. She was emotionally and physically abusive through out my entire life, and has never changed. I've always tried to talk with her about our problems and...

A.   22 April 2015: I fully agree with Eyeswideopen Some people shouldn't have kids. And some people do not comprehend that HAVING them was NOT the child choice, that punishing the child for whatever misery, is NOT right. If your mom see YOU as a "mistake" then t... (read in full...)

Should I not go to the city of my dreams and work? He thinks I'm being selfish

Q.   Hi, i met this boy 2 years ago who happened to be studying in the same university as I do. He was not from the city (A) where the university is, and I am from the city! so he lived in (A) for about 5 years and graduated during which we met and ...

A.   22 April 2015: Do you have better opportunities in the City B than you did in City A? Because if YOU do, why can't HE move there too? Now he DID move back to A (to live with you) but maybe also to be closer to family and friends? I don't think there is a... (read in full...)

Receives phone calls from alleged strangers. Secretive with phone. Would it be OK to ask her to change her phone number?

Q.   A few facts; I am in a same sex relationship I’m 26 and she’s 28 We have been together a year and a half I am her first ever same sex relationship. So my partner's phone is always on quiet, not even vibrate, just silent. When she wakes up ...

A.   22 April 2015: Let me start with your last question first : "Would it be wrong of me to ask her to change her number?" What good would it do? SHE gave him the number. YOU are having all these doubts because you KNOW she will FIB to avoid drama with you. ... (read in full...)

I just want to live with him but he keeps making excuses. Do you think it will happen any time soon?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over four years and yet we still haven’t moved forward in our relationship. We both live at home, me with my mum and him with his dad. I work full time and he is in university. We’ve been together since we were 16...

A.   22 April 2015: He isn't ready. It's really THAT simple. This really ISN'T about his Dad. It's about HIM not feeling ready to that next HUGE step. Whether YOU like it or not. YOU might be ready to move out. You mention not having a great relationship with you... (read in full...)

I've been ill since he left!

Q.   My ex boyfriend left me 2 weeks ago after 7 months together. Its a complicated story. We were first together for a year and a half over 2 years ago. He was in the army at the time and was constantly cheating on me. He was always still so loving but ...

A.   22 April 2015: I will say something other aunties have pointed out to girls on your position. YOU have been falling in love and dating this guy for "what you think is his potential" WHAT kind of guy you WANT him to be or THINK he can be, NOT for the guy HE IS. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is moving away to a different uni? Very upset and don't know what will happen?

Q.   Hi everyone, My boyfriend of 8 months at uni recently got diagnosed with epilepsy. When he had these fits I was with him every step of the way in hospital holding his hand and being there for him. His mum came along to take him home and while...

A.   22 April 2015: Honestly, I'd be more scared that he can't get the medical treatment and support he NEEDS than him going to Uni a different place than you. Some types of epilepsy can EASILY be controlled and today the medications are so rough as they were in ... (read in full...)

What does a nurse feel when she sees a penis - how should boyfriend react

Q.   My girlfriend is a nurse practioner student and I’m struggling to get used to a few things. When she exam on the teaching patient and told me about how she palpated the penis it was a bit awkward. Just recently, during her clinicals (sort of ...

A.   22 April 2015: You know I think it's akin to a male OBGYN/GYN/Doctor/Nurse/PA having to look at vaginas all day. It's a body part. That is all.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants to spend all of his time going out with his friends!

Q.   Hey guys! I really need your advice about my relationship. I am 20 and my bf is 21. Me and my boyfriend have been together for around 1,5 years. Some of this time we were in a distance relationship. I felt that he was perfectly in love with me, we...

A.   22 April 2015: I would suggest you stop rowing the "relationship boat" for a while, don't ASK to see him, go out with friends (not dating, just out for a cup of coffee or a game of pool), go out to a club with friends (if you feel like and have time for that). ... (read in full...)

Should I confront her to stop her over the top behaviour toward my boyfriend?

Q.   My boyfriend for the last year has a female friend who has always made me feel uncomfortable when she is around him, he loves all the attention, he always has loved female attention and it's something I have got my head around but this particular ...

A.   22 April 2015: Are you his mother? HE IS allowing this, because HE is getting something out of this. Whether you feel annoyed or mocked is less important to him. Or that you would LIKE for him to have some kind of boundaries. HOW would he feel if a DUDE this to ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's business takes up all his time, now he's moving out too!

Q.   Dear Yin and Yang, I have been with my partner for 3 years. The first two were very happy - I was at uni and he only worked weekends (he was a dancer), so we had a good amount of time together and even though I worked a lot, we had enough energ...

A.   22 April 2015: Let him go. Let him move out. I actually think HIM being on his own a bit could do him good. You have been more like a parent than a partner for him for a couple of years and all he DID was basically take advantage. His life is ALL about him... (read in full...)

Can I expect a therapist to maintain privacy?

Q.   My wife and I need counseling in a very bad way. I feel like all communication has broken down except for when we say things in an extreme way (loud fighting) and in that case it is not clear anyone is listening or even that what we say is the trut...

A.   22 April 2015: I think if you make an appointment and spell it out that you wish to discuss things that YOU DO NOT want brought up in the "couples session" your counselor has to respect that boundary and privacy. BUT... He is my point of view. IF these things y... (read in full...)

Whose surname should our baby take?

Q.   Hi I was wondering what peoples oppinions were on surname for children. My first child has my surname as he's dad doesn't bother with him anyway, am pregnant with my second only been with the dad about 8 months we are not married who's surname ...

A.   22 April 2015: Since you are not married, I'd give the child YOUR surname. You can still put the dad's name on the birth-certificate. Or you could hyphenate it. So let's say your BF's name is Smith and you are Doyle Your second child will be a Smith-Do... (read in full...)

The guy I'm dating is addicted to porn but wants to stop?

Q.   I recently started dating this guy who I really like. He is very honest, and after we had gotten to know each other quite well told me he has an addiction to porn which he is trying to quit. I dont have much experience with relationships, s...

A.   22 April 2015: Yikes. What he is saying is, that it's NOT his fault if sex with REAL women are not as good (in his mind) as watching people FAKE sex. So he might NOT be interested in you sexually. Honestly? I'd walk away now. YOU have nothing invested in this... (read in full...)

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