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I'm very attracted to a man who has kids and is separated. I'm torn about whether to move forward with him

Q.   Hi all - any advice or thoughts on the following would be much appreciated as I'm at a total loss, something very uncommon for me. A series of events happened in my life that caused me to relocate to a brand new city without knowing anyone. ...

A.   24 March 2019: I think you need to pull WAY WAY back here. NO dating etc. UNTIL his divorce is final and the "dust" have settled with the divorce and sharing of custody. It will give him time to have worked through the divorce and you time to decide If you... (read in full...)

Is my male coworker playing mind games with me?

Q.   There is a coworker who works in a different department, “John”. He doesn’t go to meetings, has attitude, gossips, flirts, dates fellow coworkers, likes to mess with people, etc. When I first talked to him about something work-related, he...

A.   24 March 2019: Yep, I agree. He can ONLY "play" games with you, IF you play along. So far you have. IGNORE the man. DO your job. If he wants to "tsk" walking by your desk WHO cares? And why are you upset that he talks to OTHER women and not you? He is... (read in full...)

How do I get the feelings I had for my dead ex into my new relationship?

Q.   I'm in distress thinking about an ex who passed away many years ago I'm in a relationship at the moment I do love him but it feels in a different way to cut a long story short although they wernt always happy between my ex and me I see are memories ...

A.   23 March 2019: Don't compare. It really isn't fair. Make NEW memories with your new partner. Things you didn't do with your ex, placed you haven't been etc. New relationship and new partner is a NEW adventure. It shouldn't be a continuum of the past one. It... (read in full...)

She thinks there was a hidden message about being fat in my fruit and yoghurt comment

Q.   So I have been with this woman for 18 months. Our relationship has been perfect so far, no arguements, always get on. Today she had an arguement with a friend and was not very happy after. She sent me a message saying she was going for a walk and ...

A.   23 March 2019: I'd say UNLESS she ASKS you for advice on what to eat, or what is healthy, I';d leave it up to her to eat whatever she wants. Her self-image and weight is HER responsibility. This is also one of those no win situations. You are F'd if you do and F... (read in full...)

She seemed interested but now has changed! Should I tell her how I feel about her?

Q.   Hi I'm just looking for some advice on a situation. Basically I really like a girl and have done so for a long time, but I never really felt I had a chance with her so didn't try. Recently, for some reason, she became a lot more intereste...

A.   23 March 2019: there you go then! I hope you two have an enjoyable day !... (read in full...)

How do I ‘combat’ a control-freak husband?

Q.   My husband is a wonderful man but he is a control freak sometimes. When he is, it's harmless, but super annoying. FYI we don't have kids. For example: He's the chef in the family. He's very particular and likes following recipes. He'll go out to ...

A.   22 March 2019: My husband was VERY similar (except for the cooking, he never did much of that, still don't). He liked to tell me how to do things, like cleaning and I would hand him, the broom, vacuum, duster, whatever and just walk away. Leaving him to finis... (read in full...)

She seemed interested but now has changed! Should I tell her how I feel about her?

Q.   Hi I'm just looking for some advice on a situation. Basically I really like a girl and have done so for a long time, but I never really felt I had a chance with her so didn't try. Recently, for some reason, she became a lot more intereste...

A.   22 March 2019: You know, YOU asked her out on a date - so she KNOWS you like her and wanted to spend time one-on-one. SHE KNOWS. Asking her friends is pointless. NEVER involve someone's friends in a "romantic set-up or questions. Because 1. they might have a d... (read in full...)

I wear conceal to hide spots. What if I guy wants to see my face without the makeup?

Q.   Hi, I've been thinking lately, I got some pimples and redness on my face and to make my self cofidence rise again, I cover them with concealer, and if I have a boyfriend in the future and if he wants to see me with no make up, what should I do??? ...

A.   21 March 2019: Most girls these days knows MORE about make up than I ever did. My 16 year old daughter can spin circles around me with all the various, concealer, sculpt, contour... YOU name it! she knows 10 times more than I do. So I don't think your "future"... (read in full...)

A complicated LD relationship just got more complicated. What should I do?

Q.   Hi , if you are in my shoe what will u do? This is my situation, .. This guy i met online and we been talking for long hours everyday.. Discussing about us and our future. Especially we are also discussing about our 1st meeting in indonesia then we ...

A.   21 March 2019: This isn't YOUR issue here, OP It's his. His ex-gf, his kids, HIS job to find a solution. Something like a daycare, Au pair, nanny or whatnot. IT IS NOT your job to become his build in GF/nanny. While the plans and fantasies you two shared w... (read in full...)

Is it normal to be a bit incompatible in your sex life?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and when we first got together, we had quite a lot of sex. Before him, I hadn't really found anyone that I "clicked" with so kind of went without. When we were first dating, we did it a LOT. Like, 2 times a ...

A.   21 March 2019: I don't think it's all about not being compatible... I think it's about boundaries and NOT respecting them. If you have told him, NO I DO NOT want to do anal he NEEDS to respect that and STOP frigging asking for it! If you don't ENJOY givi... (read in full...)

Is it normal to feel unsettled in a long-term relationship?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We moved in together after 6 months of being together and we're generally quite happy (we've "broken up" twice but each time lasted for about an hour each!) Anyway, I feel like recently my life is becoming...

A.   21 March 2019: Why do you feel unsettled? I think because you are still finding out WHO you are and WHAT you want to do with your life. You say you two have PLANNED to move to his country and have kids. It's a nice fantasy. But if we look at the REALITY here... (read in full...)

My best friend separated from her partner and is now turning to anyone for comfort

Q.   hey so two of friend's just separated, one's my best friend (they grew apart). i have tried to be the best possible friend through this and have been happy for this to consume my life basically! always been checking in, trying to plan fun things ...

A.   21 March 2019: Honestly? I'd step back from this whole mess. IF she ASKS you for advice, BE honest other then that? IT'S her life to mess up and you are NOT responsible for sorting out her drama, problems and issues FOR her. It's OK to just LISTEN. To NOT judg... (read in full...)

Why do we hold onto people that are not good for us?

Q.   Why do we hold on to those who we know are no good for us? My boyfriend of 10 and a half months broke up with me 3 days ago. He was my first ever relationship and I was so happy. I thought I was in love to be honest, because I wanted to be wit...

A.   21 March 2019: Why can't you let him go? Because you saw something there that YOU wanted while ignoring some of the "red flags". Basically you felt the PROs outweighed the CONs. My advice would be to CUT all contact, BLOCK and DELETE him so YOU don't feel t... (read in full...)

I like him far more than I want to

Q.   Hi I am need of some guidance at the minute and hope you can help! I first met Tim when I was at school, we were close friends and always shared a fondness of each other until teenage years when we lost touch. 12 years ago we became in contac...

A.   21 March 2019: I would tell him you two need to cool it until the divorce is final. That way HE gets time to decide IF he really wants a divorce and move on from his marriage and wife or not and YOU don't get caught in the middle.... (read in full...)

Why is my partner's brother so negative about us all the time?

Q.   Hi there , so my fella and I are moving in together After 6 months of dating we both have a child each and all get on fantastic .. the issue is his brother is always negative about things .. our cars are rubbish ( his car is older than ours ) o...

A.   21 March 2019: Oops hit Enter before I was done.. So part two: YOU can not change or control the brother. Or what he says, feels, thinks, or do. NEITHER can your BF. But you CAN decide if you want to LISTEN to the crap or not. IS any of the negativit... (read in full...)

Why is my partner's brother so negative about us all the time?

Q.   Hi there , so my fella and I are moving in together After 6 months of dating we both have a child each and all get on fantastic .. the issue is his brother is always negative about things .. our cars are rubbish ( his car is older than ours ) o...

A.   21 March 2019: Some people are negative about EVERYONE else life because they are THEMSELVES unhappy and dissatisfied. It is EASIER to take apart your relationship rather than look at his own life and DO something about the things he is unhappy about. One thi... (read in full...)

Is the grief causing him to treat me badly?

Q.   Hello. Firstly just for some context I was in a on and off relationship for 10 years with the sweetest best friend of a boyfriend who was my high school sweetheart but his lack of ambition and lazy attitude I couldn't take anymore. We are ...

A.   20 March 2019: He treats you badly, because YOU allow it. It's that simple. You have made excuses for him (to yourself mostly) when he has been a total dick-wad to you. Oh, it must be grief or stress... But in reality, he is a DICK to you because THAT is who h... (read in full...)

His priorities don't make sense

Q.   DEAR cupid, my boyfriend I and have been together for a year and 1/2. We have been living together for a year. We have been experiencing issues and decided to end our realationship to work on ourselves and our relationship. This is where it gets ...

A.   20 March 2019: I'm with Cindy, why on EARTH buy a house with a guy you aren't married to? OR even DATING seriously? I'm surprised that a couple of people in their 30's are this unrealistic about life. WHY on EARTH would you buy a house with this man, if he ... (read in full...)

Why did he unmatch me after hooking up?

Q.   I hooked up with this guy from Tinder the other night but we didn't have sex because I was on my period. That didn't seem to bother him but I was uncomfortable with it and gave him oral instead. I told him next time we will go all the way and he ...

A.   20 March 2019: You write:" I am not the clingy type and he knows that. " How? Because you TOLD him? If he is just some random guy of Tindr you hooked up with once, then he DEFINITELY doesn't know that you aren't clingy or stalking him. My guess is he is a... (read in full...)

What’s wrong with people? Do we not listen now??

Q.   Why are people so self absorbed and disinterested? Is this rude? If you saw a friend you hadn’tseen in ages and she didnt once ask how you or your life was what would you do? You havent seen her in 5-6 months. and of course ask how ...

A.   19 March 2019: I think there is a CLEAR way of knowing WHO are friends, who are acquaintances and who are semi-stranger - JUST by thinking of the conversations you have with them. My good friends and I have long conversations, some times NOT as often as either o... (read in full...)

I'm growing concerned that my girlfriend is on the phone for hours with "friends"

Q.   Girlfriend oh phone with other guys for hours late at night..... So my girl and i have been together for a while. We like to fall asleep on facebook messenger videochat at night. Ive been getting worried because most nights I'll try to call her ...

A.   19 March 2019: Are you really SURE she is ON a call of just left it open? Besides what is with the check up on her at 1 am? If she is OUT with her girlfriends WHY are you calling to check up on her? And WHY is your FIRST conclusion that she MUST be talking ... (read in full...)

Is there anything wrong with fantasizing what your friends would be like in bed?

Q.   Hey, I want to ask a quick question (I'll try to keep it quick anyway) Is there anything wrong with wondering what your friends are like in bed, or even fantasizing about such things when you're alone? I love my partner and he satisfies m...

A.   18 March 2019: Personally? I'd shut those fantasies down. These are FRIENDS of yours. You want to put them in a sexual fantasy as a "stand in" for your partner (in a sense) to have some "mental images variety" in your.. well, "spank bank". I can EASILY see h... (read in full...)

I am not sure that I can be the support system I think my b/f needs

Q.   Hi all! I have been dating my BF for about 4 months now. The relationship was very fast moving and we basically were pretty "offical" after a few weeks of dating. He was pretty intense, But I felt like I had finally found someone who really cared...

A.   18 March 2019: I think you know this isn't going to be a healthy relationship, ever. Like Auntie Cindy stated YOU CAN NOT BE your partner's therapist, even if you DO have the education it would be a bad choice to counsel a partner. The SOONER you disengage an... (read in full...)

Wife hides her family and past from me

Q.   I recently found out that my wife’s sister has past. I am upset because I never even knew she had a sister. My wife hides her family and her past from me. Worse she asked me not to come to the funeral and wants to go alone. We have been married for ...

A.   18 March 2019: I'm with Cindy here. I think that in 8 YEARS of knowing a partner you would have been told or heard about the partner's family, even if there was a LOT of bad blood between them. Having a sibling and NEVER mention it? I find it odd. It's a very c... (read in full...)

Are hugs and pecks on the cheek too forward from someone who really isn't your friend?

Q.   I am a bit old school in certain things with texting and personal greetings so would like to ask two questions. When I text female friends I tend to put one or two kisses but don't tend to put them to men unless its male relations like a cousin, i...

A.   18 March 2019: I think it all depends on YOU (and the other person). For me, PERSONALLY, it would be WAY to forward and unwelcome for someone I BARELY know to hug me. As for the XX and OO's in a text... I wouldn't really read that much into it. I wouldn't... (read in full...)

How do I make our troubled relationship better again?

Q.   I unintentionally insulted a girl I liked. She told me how she struggled with school in the past. I tried to care for her and said "It must be difficult for you". She misinterpreted my meaning, got angry and thought I looked down on her intellig...

A.   18 March 2019: Leave her be. STOP apologizing over and over. Apologizing 6 WEEKS after you said something SHE interpreted as insulting is ..well a bit too late. If she is now more standoffish, I'd stop trying to "fix" things and I would perhaps leave her be. ... (read in full...)

Why is my boyfriend suddenly acting differently regarding oral sex

Q.   Hello, I have a quick question. My boyfriend is 54 and lately, when I'm performing oral on him, he remains soft yet ejaculates. Also, lately, he only wants me to suck, no licking around it like he used to like and suddenly, he's been pressuring me ...

A.   17 March 2019: The finger in the butt is for prostate stimulation. Makes it more pleasurable for him. As for why he prefers "sucking" to licking.... it has a more powerful sensation and will get him off faster, I'd wager. He wants to try something differ... (read in full...)

He is trying to make it out like I’m overreacting, but why buy gifts for his female co-worker?

Q.   Hello, Looking for any advice on how to keep pushing forward and leave be okay with my decision. Last week I found out my husband purchased flowers for a coworker. He states he was just being supportive because she hosted a networking influenc...

A.   16 March 2019: By gas-lighting YOU (making you think you are crazy or overreacting) he has been successful in the past in shutting you up and shutting you down. SO he sticks to what has worked FOR him. He knows what he is doing is SKEEVY and he CERTAINL... (read in full...)

Why am I kept separate from his family?!?

Q.   Im not sure what to do. Ive been seeing a guy who i met from work for around 2 years, we dont work together now and we have separate places too. The relationship got off to a rocky start due to work colleagues gossping and me cheating with an...

A.   15 March 2019: I also HAVE to question if the divorce is final or not. He STAYS as your EVERY night, so you don't go to his place much? His place is also separate from you? I have to agree with N91, why start a "time limit" now? It's BEEN 2 whole years alre... (read in full...)

Why would a man leave like this, could this be related to anything I could have done without purpose? Is there any possibility to get him back?

Q.   I dated a guy I work with for a month(I started working at this place 2 months ago),but we don’t work in the same office. It was a really intensive dating. We met almost everyday, spent a lot of time together. He was really into me and I liked him a ...

A.   15 March 2019: Another reason he ended it could be that he couldn't sustain the courting you while also having to deal with his mental illness/mood swings. You said YOU dealt with his mood-swings - well, I don't think THAT is your job at all! Now, I'm not ... (read in full...)

Any advice on how we go forward after a break?

Q.   I split up with my ex a couple of months ago now and we didn't have any contact for a month but he contacted me and we have met a couple of times. We split due to me feeling he didn't want the same as me commitment wise and i admit i compared...

A.   14 March 2019: I forgot to mention that there is ANOTHER reason why I think that going back to an ex or taking a break is rarely a good idea. A PARTNER should be someone who BRINGS the best out in you, NOT your worst. That doesn't MEAN you will always BE at yo... (read in full...)

Why would a man leave like this, could this be related to anything I could have done without purpose? Is there any possibility to get him back?

Q.   I dated a guy I work with for a month(I started working at this place 2 months ago),but we don’t work in the same office. It was a really intensive dating. We met almost everyday, spent a lot of time together. He was really into me and I liked him a ...

A.   14 March 2019: Sounds like he has commitment issues and probably some other unmentioned issues. I mean if he HAD to take a week of work... I don't think it's minor issues that he is trying to deal with on his own and HASN'T included you in. A GOOD partner ... (read in full...)

Any advice on how we go forward after a break?

Q.   I split up with my ex a couple of months ago now and we didn't have any contact for a month but he contacted me and we have met a couple of times. We split due to me feeling he didn't want the same as me commitment wise and i admit i compared...

A.   14 March 2019: I think you should keep working on you. While you have made great improvement in 2 months, no one really change completely in that short period of time. And... being AWAY from him has made it easier for you to NOT obsess, so it FEELS like you have ... (read in full...)

I really like her but she's giving me mixed signals

Q.   Hi I really like a girl and get mixed signals, sometimes I feel she likes me and other times she is distant and feels like she is pushing me away. It's really a day by day thing. Some days she is clearly interested and then others seems to want to...

A.   14 March 2019: Amen on Cindy's "mixed signals" clarification. She isn't "sending" mixed signals. YOU are reading more into her POLITE behavior than she is mean to give. Some days she isn't as worried about her grades and is thus in a good friendly mood and then... (read in full...)

How much time do you think she'd take to be ready to date again after her previous long relationship?

Q.   Hello folks. I'm being driven nuts by a dilemma and since I can't talk to any of my friends about it, I thought I'd ask about it anonymously instead of turning it over in my mind to no end. So this is the situation. I'm a 25 year old, attracted t...

A.   14 March 2019: Yep, I will echo the other answers. She isn't into you in THAT way. While some people take a LONG time to process and get over a break up, it's been almost two years. SHE knows you are interested and had done NOTHING to let you know she is wanti... (read in full...)

He has a crush on me but then why isn't he acting on it?

Q.   I am recently single...I was in a relationship with someone for 2 years and it ended 2 months back. During the course of the relationship we frequented this bar and we were always together,drinking, kissing ..so basically everyone in that bar who ...

A.   14 March 2019: I agree that it CAN be professionalism. It can also be that HE isn't single himself. Or that he flirts with a lot of female patrons JUST for the fun of it. OE hw is unsure on just how SINGLE you are and whether you are OVER the guy you were ... (read in full...)

Why would he spend so much time courting me then suddenly act like we never happened?

Q.   I started seeing this guy about 2 months ago. Hes a nice person, was married for about 8 years but divorced for 1, he asked me out a few times before i finally agreed, and was as sweet as can be the whole 2 months we were dating. Refused to let me ...

A.   13 March 2019: If you two can't figure out HOW to communicate with each other but think you can "rely" on reading minds... IT's just not going to work. As for what friends of his SAY, you can't go by that either. THEY are not the ones DECIDED if he wants to... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting to his sex secrecy?

Q.   So, crazy title question, I know, but I'm not sure if im overreacting. A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I were talking about women "squirting" during sex (insert embarrassed face lol). We were just talking about it casually because we are v...

A.   13 March 2019: Do you know what EXACT move makes you orgasm? EVERY time? Probably not. If you DIDN'T enjoy it, set up boundaries of asking him NOT to try again. If you enjoyed it... DOES it really matter HOW he made it happen? He might just have gott... (read in full...)

Why is he not respecting my boundaries and allowing me to move on? Does anyone have any advice about how to move on and stop loving the father of your children?

Q.   My ex broke up with me after 4 years together. We had a toxic relationship with many rows and turbulence. Saying that, we had ALOT thrown at us in the 4 years we were together, much more than what a normal couple would go through in their lifetime. ...

A.   13 March 2019: Unfortunately, moving on from someone you have kids with is MORE complicated than someone you don't share kids with. I don't think blocking him is the right thing either. I think it's PRETTY important for him to BE in his kid's life AS MUCH as ... (read in full...)

His ultimatum makes no sense! What do I do?

Q.   I'm in a dilemma - my long distance boyfriend and I have spoken about marriage and he says he wants to marry me. However, he at first didn't want a child and then agreed to have one with me "because he wants a life and marriage with me". We hav...

A.   13 March 2019: I'm sorry, OP But... AT LEAST now you know. And now you can move on. Don't let him waste ANY MORE of your time. And... learn from this. If someone OVER the age of 30 says:" I DON'T want kids" they REALLY don't want them, and HAVE considered ... (read in full...)

His ultimatum makes no sense! What do I do?

Q.   I'm in a dilemma - my long distance boyfriend and I have spoken about marriage and he says he wants to marry me. However, he at first didn't want a child and then agreed to have one with me "because he wants a life and marriage with me". We hav...

A.   12 March 2019: If he NEVER wanted a kid, then he STILL doesn't want a kid and his ULTIMATUM is his way of TRYING to prevent having one, because he KNOWS you rather stay where you are than move to the middle of America. I think this is more than an "ultimat... (read in full...)

His ultimatum makes no sense! What do I do?

Q.   I'm in a dilemma - my long distance boyfriend and I have spoken about marriage and he says he wants to marry me. However, he at first didn't want a child and then agreed to have one with me "because he wants a life and marriage with me". We hav...

A.   11 March 2019: Why is HE the only one o you who can make these decisions? Sounds like MY way or the highway, here. And have you asked him for his REASONING with these 2 choices he has thrown out there?... (read in full...)

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