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*oneypie

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I asked her about meeting up but she's gone cold. How can I become friends with her?

Q.   I became friends with this girl I liked at work and also on social media right away. We get on well with each other and she always finds the time to talk to me. The only problem I have is. That I worry I say the wrong things to her and can't re...

A.   24 May 2016: Does she perhaps have a BF? OR maybe her going "cold" is more her trying to not take it further than a work-friend thing. And if you say thing and later on can't remember, then maybe... you need to always stick to the truth? At least with the trut... (read in full...)

He said I was 'the one' but I found out he has a girlfriend

Q.   my ex and I have been having a fling for a couple years, I had hopes and though it would lead us back together. he would say I love you but I don't want to settle just yet but when I do your the one. I always had the impression we were very clo...

A.   24 May 2016: You were the "fall back" girl. Not The One. He knew telling you the latter would string you along long enough for him to find your "replacement". And I will bet you, if SHE doesn't work out he will contact you and give you the same old BS, whil... (read in full...)

I don't mind paying but resent being asked to

Q.   Dear Cupid: I was on an on-line dating site. A man sent me messages saying he would like to meet me. We met at a place he picked, I told him I was good with just a drink (no food). I had one beer (it was happy hour), he picked up the tab which wa...

A.   24 May 2016: I agree with Janniepeg, he COULD have meant next outing is YOURS to plan. You get to pick the spot etc. So, if you don't want to spend a lot it makes it easy IF you are the one planning. Are you willing to "invest" in this guy? By planning and ... (read in full...)

Was I wrong to voice concern about messages from his ex?

Q.   My boyfriend's ex lives in a different state and, until recently, didn't know he was in a relationship. Long story short, I finally told him that some of the replies she leaves on his FB (things such as winky faces, invites) are inappropriate. H...

A.   24 May 2016: Were you wrong to tell him it bothered you? No. He is dating you and SHOULD be concerned with how you feel. Does it mean he CAN'T talk to exes? No. He can as long as it done with YOU in mind. Now your BF didn't REALLY do anything wrong p... (read in full...)

He wont talk to me after a fight.

Q.   I've been talking with this guy for months now, but lately I'm juSt having difficulty dealing with him. He was really caring, and acts nice and always tries to keep the conversation going. We had a fight a 2 weeks ago, and I hurt him with my ...

A.   23 May 2016: Who knows for sure if he will talk to you again? My guess is, he will talk to you again. WHEN he wants something from you. Be that attention, affection, drama or to make you feel bad. I honestly would just let him go. In your mind wish him we... (read in full...)

My husband's like a child 

Q.   Hi, hoping for advice on how to get my husband to become more mature? Handle more adult tasks? I feel like I'm his mother more than anything and I hate having to remind him or "nag" him. I was living in my own place when we got married and he m...

A.   23 May 2016: I've been with my husband for 20 years and there are still things he doesn't "just" do, but I have come to a point where if I NEED something done I do't ask... I TELL him; "hey honey, take out the trash, THANK YOU!" And it works. It's not ... (read in full...)

I am about to have sex with my new partner, and don't want to scare him off!

Q.   I've been seeing a great guy for some time now and we're about to start having sex. I'm in my late thirties (he's of my age), divorced after 15 years. Almost half of my marriage the sex was... well just going through the motions before becoming...

A.   23 May 2016: I wouldn't put that pressure on BOTH of you, by telling him in advance. What you CAN do is telling (when you are about to get intimate) that you are nervous, as it has been AGES since you last had enjoyable sex, so long in fact that you don't ev... (read in full...)

Do I have a right to feel disrespected, or wondering if any loyalty exists, anymore, between us?

Q.   What would YOU think? How would YOU feel? How would YOU react? Couple months ago made friends with a woman. Weve gone for coffee. Visited, visited others together, gone for walks, just spent time together, getting to know each other. A couple ...

A.   23 May 2016: If a person isn't a positive influence in your life ( that seems to go for BOTH of them) then why keep them around? It seems to create more drama than anything and it's not making you happy. ... (read in full...)

Should pull her aside and ask her to refrain from further comments on my body or my weight?

Q.   Last year I lost the weight that I gained in winter time. One of my co worker congratulated me and said I look great and not to lose anymore. However, now almost every time I see her she always makes a reference to my weight and tells me that I'm ...

A.   23 May 2016: Yeah, next step would be calling her on it. Specially since ignoring it didn't work. And I agree with wherelifewouldtakeus and SVC - by either make it a non-issue (SVC's option) or shutting her down with humor ( wherelifewouldtakeus' option).... (read in full...)

In an LDR and my boyfriend has told an elaborate lie for no good reason. Help! 

Q.   Hi to the helpful people in this forum. I could REALLY use your advice. I am in my mid forties and my partner is in his early fifties. We have been in an LDR now for 3 years, mainly due to family and work reasons, but I have been making plans to ...

A.   23 May 2016: So basically his reaction to your questions was a "shut up and suck it up, you have nothing to worry about". Which really doesn't help you one bit, does it? It doesn't make you feel like OK he had a reason for leaving me hanging or for that ... (read in full...)

He wont talk to me after a fight.

Q.   I've been talking with this guy for months now, but lately I'm juSt having difficulty dealing with him. He was really caring, and acts nice and always tries to keep the conversation going. We had a fight a 2 weeks ago, and I hurt him with my ...

A.   23 May 2016: I don't think he is as NICE as you think he is. IF you two had a disagreement/argument and you apologized and HE accepted that apology him giving you the "silent treatment" is not nice. It basically means he DIDN'T accept the apology and maybe al... (read in full...)

I'm very grateful for my Mother's help, but why would a mother treat one son more favourably, financially, than her other son?

Q.   Hello to all the Aunts and Uncles Okay, I'm really needing some help here. Basically I have lost pretty much everything. I don't want to really go into that side of things too much. But I've lost my home. My business. When I went under my ...

A.   23 May 2016: So talk to her? ... (read in full...)

Do I have a right to feel disrespected, or wondering if any loyalty exists, anymore, between us?

Q.   What would YOU think? How would YOU feel? How would YOU react? Couple months ago made friends with a woman. Weve gone for coffee. Visited, visited others together, gone for walks, just spent time together, getting to know each other. A couple ...

A.   23 May 2016: I had to scroll back up to check your age... You story seems like it was written by a middle schooler, not a grown woman. 1. You have a FRIEND call a guy to let him know you like him? That needs to stop. IF you like a guy you NEED to woman up... (read in full...)

Should pull her aside and ask her to refrain from further comments on my body or my weight?

Q.   Last year I lost the weight that I gained in winter time. One of my co worker congratulated me and said I look great and not to lose anymore. However, now almost every time I see her she always makes a reference to my weight and tells me that I'm ...

A.   23 May 2016: "Next time I'm thinking to pull her aside and ask her to refrain from further comments on my body or I'll go to ER." You mean HR, right? No need to put her in the ER!! ---------------------------- And yes, you should tell her to stop comm... (read in full...)

Chance to see a girl at a party who I talked to online, before she rejected me. Do I try to speak to her? Do I just pretend it never happened?

Q.   This is quite embarrassing but I met a girl online. I found out recently I have the chance to meet her. Really random and unlikely, so maybe its a sign we are meant to be? Either way all this time I still have not moved on and forgot about her...

A.   23 May 2016: I think she rejected you with good reason. IT wasn't how you looked that she rejected, but that you LIED about how you looked. YOU cat-fished her. THAT in not cool. Now, meeting her won't REALLY have changed much. YOU still lied to her in the past... (read in full...)

In an LDR and my boyfriend has told an elaborate lie for no good reason. Help! 

Q.   Hi to the helpful people in this forum. I could REALLY use your advice. I am in my mid forties and my partner is in his early fifties. We have been in an LDR now for 3 years, mainly due to family and work reasons, but I have been making plans to ...

A.   22 May 2016: Hopefully he will be honest with you. If he did indeed lie, he IS the one creating the mistrust. And I think that is important to make him aware off. He could be person who DOES lie a lot for whatever reason. There might even be NO GOOD reaso... (read in full...)

In an LDR and my boyfriend has told an elaborate lie for no good reason. Help! 

Q.   Hi to the helpful people in this forum. I could REALLY use your advice. I am in my mid forties and my partner is in his early fifties. We have been in an LDR now for 3 years, mainly due to family and work reasons, but I have been making plans to ...

A.   22 May 2016: Maybe this is not about him cheating, but him trying to make himself seem more "interesting". That he isn't sitting at home e-mailing you all the time, but that he goes hang out and be social. Basically, THAT he has a life. No one wants to see... (read in full...)

I'm very grateful for my Mother's help, but why would a mother treat one son more favourably, financially, than her other son?

Q.   Hello to all the Aunts and Uncles Okay, I'm really needing some help here. Basically I have lost pretty much everything. I don't want to really go into that side of things too much. But I've lost my home. My business. When I went under my ...

A.   22 May 2016: My guess is that she is hoping by making you ACCOUNTABLE and RESPONSIBLE (as in paying rent) and actually taking a BIG chunk of your money, that you will work HARDER on finding a new job and get on your way back to independence. Why then doesn't ... (read in full...)

Can I learn to trust him? He went back to ex and then left her for me

Q.   Hello so I got into a relationship with an older male and we were together for a year in which time he moved in with me and I fell pregnant. However, I started to get my suspicions that he was still sleeping with his ex towards the end of the ...

A.   22 May 2016: I agree with WiseOwlE I think you are making the presumption that you somehow need to be the one doing ALL the work to make things work with this guy. When in fact NOTHING you can do will incline him to stay WITH you, if he sees greener grass. ... (read in full...)

What should I do? Is it understandable that I'm hurt that my boyfriend wants to be friends with a woman he cheated with?

Q.   Last night my phone was dead and I could not find my charger. So I asked my boyfriend if I could use his phone because I had to call my sister for something important. I'm not the type to snoop but I saw 3 calls in the call log from a woman my...

A.   22 May 2016: Value yourself more. Seriously. You KNOW what he is doing isn't OK, I even think HE knows, but he is pulling out all the " You can't tell me what to do stops". ALL he cares about (in this situation) is what HE wants. YOUR feelings aren't even a b... (read in full...)

Has anyone here cut ties with their own parent? Can I cut ties?

Q.   Has anyone here cut ties with their own parent? This is going to come off terribly rude but I don't know how else to put it. My mother is a drug addict who also has mental issues, and treats me bad. After having a big argument last night over...

A.   22 May 2016: I think you need to do what you think will work for you. Let's say for a minute that the person in question is not your mom. She is a toxic person in your life who brings NOTHING positive to your life, who steals money from you, who CHOOSES to ... (read in full...)

Feeling confused over a crush. What can I do, to overcome the crush, without cutting ties with this man, who has been so kind to me?

Q.   I am looking for advice on this I have became friendly with a man who is 20 years older than myself. He has always helped me out with DIY and other things and been really nice. He is married with a family. I have a boyfriend who travels a lot wi...

A.   22 May 2016: I don't think you CAN keep this man in your life AND be a decent GF. I think the guy you are crushing on is giving you something you aren't getting from your BF, maybe attention? But that doesn't mean it's OK to get it from someone else. ... (read in full...)

I never realized how lazy my boyfriend was until we moved into together!

Q.   Hi everyone I've been with my boyfriend just under 4 years we have a 17 month old daughter and have just moved in together the problem is I didn't realise how lazy he is he goes to work and admits he does nothing comes home I have tea ready I sort ...

A.   21 May 2016: Make a list of what needs done, give him half. Tell him to man up or move out. You don't need a 3rd child (him).... (read in full...)

Stressed, tired and fearful he'll look elsewhere

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together five years and we bought a house together three months ago. I've been working full time and studying for the last ten months. I finish my study in two months. I've been really busy and stressed. I've put on 10 ...

A.   21 May 2016: TALK to him. He might think it's HIM. That you don't find him sexy or attractive any more. And yes, there are people who would leave if their needs aren't met. However in your case, I think if you sit him down and explain why you feel the way you ... (read in full...)

What's happening to me? Am I feeling all this emotion as a result of supressing my feelings?

Q.   Hello its Military Man once again. The count down for deployment is 4 days and im starting to experience things I never really strongly felt before.....emotion. I mean Ive been hurt and understood this but I never been able to show it. Like whe...

A.   21 May 2016: People have this notion that a man isn't a man if he shows "too many" emotions. I don't think that is true. You have a LOT of things to need to process. I strongly suggest you go talk to the chaplain of your unit. As for you question: "is th... (read in full...)

Is trust something you can work on with a partner, or is it a complete lost cause if you don't trust them?

Q.   Dearcupid, is trust something you can work on with a partner, or is it a complete lost cause if you don't trust them? My ex boyfriend and I have been back in contact as of only a month ago. We were broken up for several months. I had broken up with...

A.   21 May 2016: I LOVE uncle BrownWolf's analogy to trash. Read it, and take that in. Your relationship DIDN'T work, because HE wasn't trustworthy, because he didn't respect your relationship OR you. He still isn't trustworthy and he still doesn't respect ... (read in full...)

Should I cut ties with the friend who still hears from the mutual friend I fell out with?

Q.   I have a dilemma about a friend (Girl A) of mine who is also a friend with another girl that I had a bad fall out with (Girl B). The thing is - I got hurt and betrayed badly by Girl B - so after the fallout I tried to disassociate myself from bot...

A.   21 May 2016: I agree with the two aunties here. You are still bitter over Friend B's previous actions. Friend A is NOT responsible for those. And if Friend A wants to occasionally still talk to B THAT is HER choice. It doesn't make a "bad" person or friend. ... (read in full...)

Is it time to say 'NO,' (with no guilt), to E and mean it? Do children have to attend parties put on by overbearing parents?

Q.   There is this lady "E" who is driving me nuts! Her kids (boy and girl twins with the SAME gender neutral name,let's say J Lee and J Leigh) are turning 10 next month and she drove to our house to drop off an invitation and itinerary. Yes. An itine...

A.   21 May 2016: Oh HECK no! I would not be manipulated into MAKING my kids do something they REALLY don't want to do ( that they really don't have to do) this is like when parents tell little Jane or Joe to kiss & hug uncle Bob, when they kids don't want to (and ... (read in full...)

Married 4 years and still my husband only wants 'vanilla' sex. What can I do to ease him towards more and liven up?

Q.   I have been married close to 4 years and have always wanted to explore intimately with my husband and he is aware of this desire but seems uninterested with anything beyond "vanilla" sex. Lately I feel incomplete longing for more from him, the desi...

A.   21 May 2016: Were you two sexual before the marriage? If so, why do you think marriage changes what HE likes sexually and what HE is comfortable with? If you WANT to try new things then introduce them SLOWLY, one little kink at a time, like blindfolds one nigh... (read in full...)

Did he or did he not? I am 16, why did my BF lie about losing his virginity and then change his story?

Q.   So I have been with my boyfriend who I met at a concert for a month. We are both sixteen. We hadn't discussed sex at all until now. I was curious to know if he had sex before, but I wasn't bold enough to ask outright. So when we were finally talking ...

A.   21 May 2016: Many boys (and men) don't like to admit that they are inexperienced because they *think* they will be judged for NOT having much of it. Just like MANY girls and women lie about the number of partners they have had out of fear of being judged. ... (read in full...)

Should my adult son's disrespectful behaviour be the subject of a discussion with him or should I just continue to mind my own business and stay silent?

Q.   I am a mother of a 24 year old son, I can honestly say he was a great kid . He didn't get into much trouble as a teen and has always been very respectful. I come from a big family and a lot of them will say how great he was and is. He has been dat...

A.   20 May 2016: I agree with Caring Aunty A, there is a HUGE "trend" in how people today portrait themselves in person and even more so online, that seems uncouth, self centered and downright rude. I would take him aside and have a chat. Sure he is a grown up... (read in full...)

Anxious every Friday that boyfriend will be drunk when I get home. What therapy will help me?

Q.   Hi. Can anyone advise what type of therapy would help me. Every Friday I become so anxious wondering whether my boyfriend will be drunk when I get home I can hardly to my work. He knows I don't like it when he drinks too much and it usually ends in ...

A.   20 May 2016: Do you live together? If so, maybe that is not the best idea for YOU. And maybe dating someone who drinks till he is drunk EVERY week-end is not the best match for me. But I think some kind of CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) might help you addr... (read in full...)

How can I introduce the subject of more sexual exploration and trying new things, to see if she is interested?

Q.   Myself and partner are due to get wed next year !! Wooo - Hooo !!! We have always been an extremely sexually active couple... For all the ten years of our relationship. More recently my mind has been open to even more sexual endeavors! We have a...

A.   20 May 2016: Yep, do it BEFORE marriage. I think bringing up 3-somes can be the death of a relationship, for the reason that MOST people don't REALLY want a 3rd person in their "bed room endeavors". Don't overwhelm her with idea, maybe ask her what fantasi... (read in full...)

Could my ex be making fake profiles on an online dating service and then targeting me? My friends suggest, "yes" !

Q.   I just wondering if this has happened to any one else, in the past three weeks, four different women have been in contact with me, on an online dating service, which is where I met my ex, two from her town, one from my town, and one 45 miles from ...

A.   20 May 2016: It is VERY possible that it's her. I'm with your friends on that, it's a LITTLE too many coincidences. If I were you, I would leave the profile up, but go to another site with a new e-mail address. Also I would go back and change ALL your password... (read in full...)

Does he want a committed relationship? Or production of more children? Or the chance to meet me for sex to make babies? Confused by him.

Q.   I am a muslim lady 30yrs of age. Recently got talking to an older guy of around 51 yrs.actually he is a family friend, got to know him the past 5 yrs but nothing was between us til recently, he started picking interest in me. Its now 6 months sin...

A.   19 May 2016:  Given your religious background I think you are skating on thin ice. If he wants more kids, are you OK with having them with him and NOT be married? To be his... broodmare? Filthy rich or not... there is a reason he is divorced....... (read in full...)

My ex wants to visit my new Bf for alleged dental work. Is this a good idea? Am I overthinking potential problems here?

Q.   I started seeing someone recently We met in the old fashioned way, no internet involved ;) . We are still in the getting to know each other phase and I'm sure we'll move to the next level soon. I really like the fact that we're are not rushing ...

A.   19 May 2016: Nope Nope Nope. 1. I wouldn't set up an emergency appointment for him. 2. I'd stop talking to him if possible, I understand if there are kids involved that can be tricky. In that case, just stick to talking about the kids. Nothing else. ... (read in full...)

Do we have a future together? Seems he only texts me when he wants nude pictures of me.

Q.   Heya friends.. I've been in a relationship with this person for over 1 year. Over the past few months he's behaving quite rude with me. He texts me only when he wants nudes from me. If at all I refuse to do so, he pleads and begs and will finally...

A.   19 May 2016: You really need a wake up call OP.... I seriously hope you haven't sent him a SINGLE nude photo. If you have, I suggest next time you hang out... you delete ALL of them. And then... DUMP the fool. He isn't seeing you as a GF, but a piece of m... (read in full...)

Am I playing with fire?

Q.   I'm wondering if my male coworker is attracted to me. Here's how it is: He constantly teases me and tries to get me to smile, which isn't hard because he's funny and our job sucks. Sometimes he comes up behind me and whispers "Boo!" in m...

A.   19 May 2016: I think it REALLY doesn't matter whether this guy LIKES you, LIKES you... or not. YOU are a married lady. YOU need to set boundaries. While I am ALL for friendly banter etc. at work, this seems to have become MORE than just that for you. Yo... (read in full...)

At wit's end. My husband is icing the cake of frustration. What's my next step?

Q.   I have been married for almost four years, and of those four years, my commute to work has been 45 minutes to an hour. My husband, however, has only worked the past three years. His job is nearby, so his commute is quite short. I was recently pre...

A.   19 May 2016: I agree with Cindy's approach. While I'm ALL for trying to make a marriage work, I'm also ALL for compromises, discussions, respect, trust and EQUALITY in the marriage. If you don't HAVE those... really what DO you have? I DO think your husba... (read in full...)

How can I re-establish a bond with this guy I'm crushing for? He seems indifferent to me now.

Q.   i am a girl who has a lot of guy friends. i flirt with them a lot. Among my guy friends, there's one that i have crush on since a few months ago. we used to talk a lot and he would act so nice to me, he made me smile a lot too. unfortunately, i...

A.   19 May 2016: I think he has seen you change from a girl he liked to a girl who likes to play games. I'm sorry I would totally "cool" off a crush if someone tried to make me jealous by getting all touchy-feely with other male friends. Or maybe he just ca... (read in full...)

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