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Should I let her go unless she takes the initiative?

Q.   I have been in a relationship for many years. We do not live together because we both agreed we would wait until each of our children are grown before we combine our households. There have been "ups and downs" over the years, but never anything ...

A.   22 January 2019:  You are familiar with the saying: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” THAT is your relationship. It keep going bust, she wants to end it and you "fix" it temporarily unt... (read in full...)

When one friend seems distant, what should the other friend do?

Q.   Is it better to wait or break friendship? Two people who were close now are drifting apart. One is ignoring the other and the other is waiting. One tried talking to see if there are any issues but the other didnt gave clear answer. Other just said ...

A.   22 January 2019: Make other friends, leave this one be. HER idea of friendship and YOUR idea of friendship doesn't seem to match up. She is trying (in a rather rude way) to set boundaries with you (boundaries in friendships are fine) but you seem oblivious t... (read in full...)

Do I have to tell him to delete my number from his little black book?

Q.   Hi , I met a guy online just one time . He didn’t mention to meet me again but some times he text me . I am not native English speaker. A guy always texted me out of the blue. I think he wanted to contacted me as backup plan. Whenever I...

A.   22 January 2019: I don't think he will care... Honestly, someone who can ignore you for ages and then presume you want to talk to him out of the blue.. doesn't seem like a person who really cares.. does it?... (read in full...)

Why is he so reluctant to move in together?

Q.   My boyfriend of 18 months is reluctant to move in together. We have discussed it and he has said that he wants to, in the next year. But when I try to talk about it he gets grumpy and seems uninterested and irritated. For example, I had to go home ...

A.   22 January 2019: Because he doesn't want to LIVE together yet. He has told you that. And you KEEP hinting at it. It gets old. It might feel like nagging. Like, you think the more you drop hints and mention it, the sooner it will happen. And I would ALSO sugge... (read in full...)

He deleted his dating profile. Did he meet someone else?

Q.   Ive been on 4 dates with a guy I met since Oct. I blew him off a few times because I was worried having sex too soon would ruin things but i do really like him. I was tired of all my past relationship mistakes by sleeping too soon and never getting ...

A.   22 January 2019: I think you should move on, you have messed this fella around enough. IF you are not ready to date, then DO NOT go on dates with men from a DATING site. HE can not read your mind, he has no idea that you really liked him, or wanted to get to... (read in full...)

How do I overcome my fear of commitment?

Q.   I have been dating my bf for 6 years. He sleeps over at my apartment every night and has a bunch of stuff here, but we live apart. He has been trying to get me to move in for at least three years now, but it is a mental block for me. Almost everyone ...

A.   22 January 2019: You won't GUARANTEE that he will not screw you over by NOT living with him either. Life doesn't come with a warranty or guarantees. Neither does relationships. Who knows YOUR relationship might be one of the FEW in your family that survives th... (read in full...)

Is trust possible? How do I overcome these relationship obstacles?

Q.   I have come here in the past because of my relationship which I have gotten great great advice - I realize that I have been in neglectful - narcissistic relationship which stem from my parents - both are emotionally unavailable and to be honest I ...

A.   22 January 2019: You are not your mom or your dad, YOU are not bound to repeat what they did, so you need to let THEIR baggage go. Take responsibility for YOUR life, you actions, YOUR words and deeds. Accept that your parents were dysfunctional bu... (read in full...)

I’m not sure how to interpret ‘hey chick’ in his text!

Q.   If a male acquitance or a friend sent you a text starting 'hey chick' and you had not one like that before from them, is it something as a female you would find endearing, condescending or the sender being flirty with her. Had one recently and ...

A.   22 January 2019: Hey chick? It's like "you there"! I'd answer it with, yo dude! Or what's up bro?! See how he likes those terms. I don't think I would read too much into it, however, I certainly wouldn't think he was flirting or being endearing. But I d... (read in full...)

He just revealed his new relationship! How do I get over feeling that I am not enough?

Q.   I met someone about a year ago, it’s been mainly casual and on and off due to different things, (his and my insecurities, me seeing someone in the time we weren’t in touch) anyway we got back in touch and it was going so well, I even for the first ...

A.   22 January 2019: How do you move forward? By not repeating the same mistake again. When a woman AGREES to something "casual" a LOT of men tend to "classify her as a casual partner only. NOT someone to commit to, take home to the family, invest in (emotionally ... (read in full...)

Do I have to tell him to delete my number from his little black book?

Q.   Hi , I met a guy online just one time . He didn’t mention to meet me again but some times he text me . I am not native English speaker. A guy always texted me out of the blue. I think he wanted to contacted me as backup plan. Whenever I...

A.   21 January 2019: No, you block his number or get a new number. If you block his number and he STILL contacts you, then sure tell him to never call you again. However, that doesn't mean he WON'T ever call you again. Which is why it's easier if you either BLOCK... (read in full...)

Is he completely dense? Should we just give up trying to tell him he’s making the biggest mistake of his life?

Q.   Hi guys so firstly this us a follow on from a post at Christmas- thank you all for your excellent advice The situation was a mutual good friend had got himself involved with a girl we all knew was bad news- disrespected him, took money and gene...

A.   21 January 2019: Yep, he is totally going to do this. It's his life and his BIG mistake to make. As to where he CHOOSES to get married, that is on him and his future wife, not his friends or their wallets. If you can't afford it or don't support his choi... (read in full...)

Should I be over his cheating?

Q.   I’ve been with my guy for over 6 yrs now. We got into a discussion yesterday about his twin boys momma. Saying you know we will have to be around her more. And I said “as long as nothing else happens again” due to him going behind my back a couple ...

A.   21 January 2019: Since you have CHOSEN to stay with him AFTER you found out that he cheated on you a COUPLE of times, you need to FORGIVE it and LET it go. You can't drag it out as ammo when it suits YOU. Otherwise you shouldn't have stayed. You made the CHOICE t... (read in full...)

I’m going to see my ex, is this a good idea?

Q.   My ex and I broke up a year ago due to him moving, and me being in uni still for the next year. Fast forward a year later, and we reconnected and are still in love with each other. I got a great job here in my city after I graduate in a few months ...

A.   21 January 2019: I think it really won't work out. And here is why. You ended it the FIRST time, due to distance issues. and nothing has changed. You will STILL be living with that distance. He is HAPPY with where he lives and YOU have good career opportun... (read in full...)

I lied to my boyfriend about the time frame last time I had sex before him. He STILL doesn't know the actual truth. What should I do?

Q.   Hey all! I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26 years old and in very transitional phases of our lives. We also recently (within the last year) ended long term (3-6year) relationships. Both relationships we...

A.   21 January 2019: Amen to YouWish's advice.. SHUT THE HELL up about previous sex-partners and sexual escapades!~ It is BEFORE his time and none of his fucking business. All you do is make him doubt you and feel insecure. If you don't want to date a guy then ... (read in full...)

Should a man break up with a woman over not getting enough sex?

Q.   Been in a relationship for two years, am 63, she is 58, I work one job she has one full time job an a part time job. I pretty much live with her, own my own house to.what's up is maybe sex once every two months, she always got an excuse.she just ...

A.   21 January 2019: Yes, break up and let her go. You want sex, she doesn't. Sounds like she either isn't FULFILLED sexually, bored with sex or JUST doesn't have much of a libido. After working a full time and a part-time job... maybe she is just exhauste... (read in full...)

Ended relationship, but already having doubts

Q.   Last week I ended my relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. I hadn’t felt the same about her for some time, and for the last few months didn’t try to conceal the fact. I felt that I was clinging more to the situation we found ourselves in rat...

A.   21 January 2019: OP, How come after 6 years of dating you two weren't "further along"? Weren't living together? Talking marriage? SHARING your lives? I guess you CAN say that your upbringing has some effect on you, but you are NOT your father, nor living their li... (read in full...)

Should I ask my married lover for baby?

Q.   So I have been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and thier 2 kids.When we met he told me that he was in process of leaving her but now almost 2 years later he still lives at home and he won t see me outside his work hours. Anyways, ...

A.   20 January 2019: How would YOU feel if you husband was not only cheating on you, but being sexually irresponsible and possibly FATHERING kids with other women? Just for one minute, STOP being so selfish, and PUT yourself in HER shoes. That wouldn't bother ... (read in full...)

My husband of 12 years is so secretive and refuses to talk to me just gives me the silent treatment

Q.   I am in my late 50's and have been married for second time for 12 years. I have grown up children from my first marriage. My husband is 60 and from the beginning he has been so secretive. He never shows any interest in my life and health and never ...

A.   19 January 2019: First TALK to your bank about the loans. MAKE sure he CAN NOT take any out without you BEING there to sing the loans. Open a SEPARATE bank account in YOUR name only and deposit your pay there, whatever you have BUDGETED for bills gets transfer... (read in full...)

My partner is unhappy with his job and I don't know how to help him

Q.   My partner has been feeling unhappy with his position at work. He feels it is beneath his skill set. He’s been looking for something different but hasn’t found anything in town that turns his crank yet. His boss can see he works hard and will ...

A.   19 January 2019: Maybe suggest he find a "head-hunter" type company that will DO most of the legwork FOR him. It might require a fee but usually the majority of these companies make their money on the "finders-fee" that the companies (who employ the people) pays. ... (read in full...)

Do people like this ever change or am I best out of it?

Q.   Hiya I’m in a relationship for 5 years we have a 2 year old son and we live together I just need some advice on this we used to go to school together and met up years later through social media we moved in together and had our son but the past year ...

A.   19 January 2019: Honestly? I think he is just waiting on you to leave so he can go back to being single. He is ACTING like a single guy. Chatting up exes, not lifting a finger at home, not spending time with you, etc. YOU can't WAIT for him to change, OP. WHY ... (read in full...)

The other woman or mind games?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with a woman for five years now. We have hit some rocky patches in our road together but always stayed together. There has been issues involving another woman, an ex of hers that she doesn't seem to want to let go of. ...

A.   19 January 2019: Well, YOU keep taking her back after she does that so she assumes that hiding it will mean she doesn't HAVE to give it up, or the attitude is that it's better to ask forgiveness (after she gets caught) than ask permission. I normally would sa... (read in full...)

She’s become obsessed with getting a visa and I feel neglected!

Q.   Hi everyone I lived with my girlfriend for 2 years and everything was great, then she had to leave the country and we've been long distance for 1 year. She has decided we should get married so i can get her sponsored to come here. The problem is, ...

A.   19 January 2019: Tell her straight up that you CAN NOT afford to sponsor her and marriage is not going to make a difference as you can still NOT afford to support her (which you would have to PROVE you can do). Whether it's because she WANTS to no longer BE LDR o... (read in full...)

My partner's behaviour towards me has been very questionable ever since he lost his job. What's going on here?

Q.   This is a little uncomfortable to write, I'm not sure if I'm the problem or not. I've been in a relationship for 2 years and up until about 8 months ago it was really care free, relaxed, and just a joy really. Now, however, it's... I don't ...

A.   19 January 2019: Some of your post doesn't make sense to me. If you could elaborate? "There was also a time when they suggested dates for me to visit them at their place and I accepted those dates, my partner gave a very disapointed...." WHO are "they"? ... (read in full...)

Why do people at work bully other people?

Q.   Why do people at work bully other people? I have a close relation with someone at work. I am at a managerial position and she is at Junior level. This girl is good at her job but still her manager has an issue with my friendship with her. She ...

A.   18 January 2019: I agree with Code Warrior, You are NOT at work to socialize, you are employed and PAID to work. Making friends is great, but hang out AFTER work. HER manager has every right to decide when this junior employee gets her breaks, and give her a t... (read in full...)

My husband lack of empathy really confused me.

Q.   My husband lack of empathy really confused me. What do you think about this incident? Let's just say that I'm not all that surprised. Over the years, and we've been together for almost 20 years now, I was ill a couple of times and I must say tha...

A.   18 January 2019: Electric blanket with a timer!! If you are looking for an alternative to using the hot water bottle (and by the by, you should NEVER use scalding or boiling water in a water bottle, ever).... (read in full...)

I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years because he wouldn't commit but now I'm feeling very down

Q.   I’m feeling really lonely and fed up since splitting from my boyfriend 6 weeks ago. We were together for 8 years. Basically I split from him because I know he will never commit to me and I got tired of waiting. In the end I felt like i’d fallen ...

A.   18 January 2019: I agree, you are not going to instantaneously feel OK with the break up, you two were together for a long time. It will take time. However, it will take a LOT longer if you keep checking up on him and checking to see if he has called or texted... (read in full...)

How do I deal with a friend who is demanding, irritating, needy, narcissistic and whiny?

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles! I often wonder what do people mean when they say that someone is a "good person" or a "bad one". That's why I hesitate to label anyone with just good/bad. My question today is: How to deal with a friend who's needy and na...

A.   18 January 2019: If it's too hard to tell her to her face, just start being SUPER unavailable. She she calls and wants to "vent", tell her sorry, you have to go and hang up. Keep that up and she might get the hint. ... (read in full...)

Should I contact my boyfriend again or just give him space?

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 months has suddenly gone odd. We had pet names for each other on social media. He not really spoken to me much in the last few days. Today he cleared the nicknames we had for each other and he wont reply to any message i sent him ...

A.   18 January 2019: So now YOU have to consider is a partner with these serious health issues something you want long term? And is he even capable of having a healthy long term relationship? ... (read in full...)

If a girl is interested in a guy, he jumps at the chance to go out with her, why won't this guy?

Q.   There's a boy in my class who's really cute, smart, nice, everything I like in a guy but he ignores me. I try talking to him and he either doesn't talk to me or tells me to leave him alone. I've passed him notes in class and left notes in his locker ...

A.   18 January 2019: Good grief, girl! NO you don't call him or stop by his house! HE has turned you down. ACCEPT it and LEAVE him alone! He isn't INTERESTED in you. He has rebuffed you several times but you do not take NO for an answer, that is not right. NO, m... (read in full...)

My husband lack of empathy really confused me.

Q.   My husband lack of empathy really confused me. What do you think about this incident? Let's just say that I'm not all that surprised. Over the years, and we've been together for almost 20 years now, I was ill a couple of times and I must say tha...

A.   18 January 2019: Everyone reacts differently to different situations. HE can't handle it when YOU get hurt because it makes HIM feel powerless. THAT would be my guess. My second guess is that he is SO USED to you taking care of things when someone gets hur... (read in full...)

He keep my number in last ten years ( could he be a player)

Q.   It’s almost ten years ago I talked with a guy online . He was almost 17 years older then me. I was 34 and he was around 51. We chat online and we met . We liked each other. Next day , I texted him many times but he didn’t respond. Then he respon...

A.   18 January 2019: OP, does it really matter WHY he is now reaching out? YOU can decide if you want ANYTHING to do with him or not. UP to you. OR you can WASTE time pondering WHY he is now contacting you. Why give he free range to roam in your head-space? I... (read in full...)

How do you handle being a single mom even though married because your husband is working away from home?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for almost four years, and he has worked out of town (his cousin owns a construction company) off and on throughout that time; whenever he did, he was gone during the week and home every weekend. It sucked, but it ...

A.   17 January 2019: I know the feeling, OP My husband served in the Army for the first 15 years of our marriage (retired 6 years ago). So he was GONE a lot. Communications could be dodgy, work hours vary etc. etc. So, yes, it did feel like I was a single mom of 3 ... (read in full...)

My boss is not letting me move on from our affair

Q.   I posted about a month/two back about having had an affair with boss and having ended it. He wanted to stay super secret best friends. But I’ve done a great job of only being professional with him and not interacting unless absolutely neces...

A.   17 January 2019: I'd work WAY hard on looking of a new job. I'd even consider using an agency to find one. Yes, it might cost a bit of money but you have a good chance of finding a new job faster. Also, HAVE a clear goal in mind. Like, MAKE your marriage and find... (read in full...)

Should I contact my boyfriend again or just give him space?

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 months has suddenly gone odd. We had pet names for each other on social media. He not really spoken to me much in the last few days. Today he cleared the nicknames we had for each other and he wont reply to any message i sent him ...

A.   17 January 2019: You have to decide if this is going to work for you or not. Him giving you the "silent treatment" because he has had some bad days is not really conducive for a healthy relationship and this is ONLY 2 months in! I think you need to set yourself... (read in full...)

I hate being criticized and corrected and I don't like anyone see me other than at my best. How do I change this?

Q.   Most of my self-worth depends on me not looking stupid in front of people, and it is affecting my life. When I was younger, everyone told me I was smart. I was always reading and didn't have to try very hard to learn. I barely studied and still ...

A.   17 January 2019: OP, Newsflash!!! EVERYONE hates being criticized and corrected! But for MOST people THIS is how we learn! No one (not even you) are born knowing everything. You were told when you were little that you were OH SO SMART and SPECIAL and for ... (read in full...)

Can we get married in a church if neither of us are religious?

Q.   My fiancee and I would like to get married in a church, however neither of us are religious. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? Neither of our families are religious either. We have come across many churches locally and while ...

A.   17 January 2019: I'm sorry I think you are being thoughtless, disrespectful, oblivious, callous and inconsiderate here. I'm NOT religious, but I DO have a fair bit of respect for those who are. I have friends who believe and worship, GOOD people. What you WANT... (read in full...)

I see his ex as a threat. Am I being silly or do I have reason to worry?

Q.   I am probably being silly but my partner was married a few years ago and been divorced over ten years. He has told me that how he feels about me is far deeper than his ex wife, he said he was very unhappy with her and he looks back and knows it was ...

A.   17 January 2019: I think he has done ALMOST everything right here and you are nitpicking (for whatever reason). The only thing he didn't do right, is talk smack about his ex. That is just not needed. Even if he dislike her today, or they had a rotten marriage... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   17 January 2019: Let's hope so. I wish you all the best for the New Year and your future. Aim higher :) ... (read in full...)

I think my step daughter is selling nude photos of herself. How do I bring this up to her father?

Q.   My husbands adult daughter can't seem to hold down a job she also has anxiety issues. I have been told she is selling nude pictures of herself online and I don't know what to do? I think she will deny it if I ask her and tell her father I am making ...

A.   16 January 2019: If my ADULT daughter was selling nudes of herself then yes, I would want to talk to her about it and WHY she would do that. But as much as I would DISCOURAGE that kind of way to make money, there really wouldn't be ANYTHING I could do about it... (read in full...)

He keep my number in last ten years ( could he be a player)

Q.   It’s almost ten years ago I talked with a guy online . He was almost 17 years older then me. I was 34 and he was around 51. We chat online and we met . We liked each other. Next day , I texted him many times but he didn’t respond. Then he respon...

A.   16 January 2019: Some people keep a "little black book" with numbers and names of people they have pursued, met, talked to, gotten to know, etc. And WHEN they do not have ANY other prospects for entertainment, getting attention, affection, sex or what have you... (read in full...)

How do I deal with a friend who is demanding, irritating, needy, narcissistic and whiny?

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles! I often wonder what do people mean when they say that someone is a "good person" or a "bad one". That's why I hesitate to label anyone with just good/bad. My question today is: How to deal with a friend who's needy and na...

A.   16 January 2019: She sounds lonely and draining and like she takes you 100% for granted. What kind of adult EATS a kid's chocolate? lol I just found that really perplexing behavior. Personally, I would just start to become REALLY unavailable OR if you find it e... (read in full...)

I think my step daughter is selling nude photos of herself. How do I bring this up to her father?

Q.   My husbands adult daughter can't seem to hold down a job she also has anxiety issues. I have been told she is selling nude pictures of herself online and I don't know what to do? I think she will deny it if I ask her and tell her father I am making ...

A.   15 January 2019: She is an adult. It's her body, her choice to sell pictures. I have to ask WHO has told you she is doing this? And what do you hope to accomplish by telling your husband about the pictures? ... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   12 January 2019: I hope you will KEEP putting yourself first. Even look for a new job so you can put him and the affair, the drama and waste of time in your past. WANT more for yourself than be USED.... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   6 January 2019: So much drama, OP What;'s the point? If all these TEARS really meant that he cared DEEPLY for you, why on Earth would he then keep you as a "mistress" or side-dish? Yes, I can see him being hurt that you FINALLY have decided that you DESERVE... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   29 December 2018: Just keep moving forward. He made his choice long ago and it wasn't you. Now you MAKE the choice to leave him behind and find someone SINGLE who ONLY wants to date you. Not juggle two women. And then STICK to it, do not let him sweet talk you i... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   28 December 2018: Is it you? Not necessarily, but you DO allow him to STRING you along while dating someone else, she might not. You didn't back off when he started seeing you and was STILL seeing someone else. You accepted the "mistress" position. Which is why y... (read in full...)

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