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*incerely Yours agony aunt

*incerely Yours

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I deleted my account once before. This is my second account. I regret deleting it, because I would like to see the things I wrote 6 years ago. I would like to see my progression or regression of wisdom. I've gone through phases of cynicism and optimism. Despite the enormity of my traumatic experiences, I almost think I'm too optimistic to give advice. I guess I have, if nothing else, a varied perspective to add to situations. Take it or leave it I guess.

Please feel free to PM for an elaboration of something I've written. However I am not comfortable being contacted for my sole advice. I am not all-knowing, nor an MD or psychologist and part of this site is getting different opinions. So please, for your own sake, if you have a question, post it publicly to get a better response.

Thanks :] ~Sy

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I want him to notice me, but not in a bad way.

Q.   So there is this boy at my new school. He's older, but I'm not sure how much older. I think 11th or 12th but it could be 10th or even 9th. Our school is 7th to 12th. I'm in 7th. I see him at lunch and sometimes in the halls. I have a huge crush on ...

A.   14 March 2015: You sound very well rounded and intelligent. I would love to know what your parents did to raise such a young lady. Please tell. As far as the boy, I think you should start with more chatting. You should be sure that you like him not only from afar... (read in full...)

No sex with wife since our two year old was born.

Q.   Me and my wife had a little girl alomst 2 years ago but since then we have only had sex a handful of times i have tried romantic baths etc. Have spoke to her and dont really get a response as to why we dont have sex anymore just wondering what else ...

A.   14 March 2015: Women don't typically like sex until their emotional needs are met. Men tend to need their sexual needs met in order to meet their emotional needs. Be sure you are giving her what she needs and perhaps you receive what you need as well ... (read in full...)

He admitted he cheated and with a woman I thought I could trust. Do I cut my losses? How do I get over his betrayal?

Q.   I have been with my husband for 10 years and have 3 kids. New year we had a massive argument and he admitted he cheated twice with the same girl. The girl who I thought to be a friend and who I confided in, although he did not know this. He has...

A.   30 January 2015: I don't think you will get over this; I don't think should have to, I don't think you should. You did nothing wrong, it's not your responsibility to deal with it and torture yourself while your boyfriend loses no sleep. He cheated TWICE, with this... (read in full...)

How do I assure my girlfriend that I'm not cheating?

Q.   My girlfriend constantly accuse me of cheating. It started a year ago, when we split for a few months. I dated another girl and she and I hung out often. I genuinely liked her, but never planned on settling down with her. Fast forward, my gir...

A.   30 January 2015: Can you tell us why you wouldn't answer and asked her to leave? That sounds very hurtful. Her only choice after that was the create her own scenario and go crazy. What's the problem with her asking that simple question? ... (read in full...)

Does he not appreciate my virginity?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have very different sexual backgrounds: he has had many partners but I have never had sex with any of the people I have dated. I'm 23 and I have always wanted to have sex with "the one" aka the person who loves me to death and I ...

A.   29 January 2015: Male anon, and I do like and appreciate your words and metaphor. Yes I can understand that it would hurt her feelings. My issue comes in with her choice verbiage and the way she looks down on others, calling his exes names and getting angry with ... (read in full...)

Does he not appreciate my virginity?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have very different sexual backgrounds: he has had many partners but I have never had sex with any of the people I have dated. I'm 23 and I have always wanted to have sex with "the one" aka the person who loves me to death and I ...

A.   28 January 2015: I believe the reason is that he is less judgmental than you. You seem by your writing that you put yourself higher than those who did not make the decision you did. But you did it for yourself, for your health and your feelings, right? Or did you do ... (read in full...)

Is my friend too busy for me?

Q.   I have a friend who I have known for approximately 5 years and every time we get together it's always a good time and we have a lot of laughs. We had drifted apart for about a year and it was mainly over her trying to talk to someone I was dating.. ...

A.   28 January 2015: I strictly live by a rule: I will not let myself be surrounded or weighed down by negativity. If there is a person in my life, with whom every interaction is hurtful, I remove them from my circle. She has betrayed your trust in the past and you are ... (read in full...)

His parents don't approve of me, a single mother.

Q.   So here is the situation and I will try to keep this as short as possible so thanks for bearing with me. At the age of 22 I started dating this 25 year old man and we became "official" in August of 2014 after 2 months of dating. He says ...

A.   28 January 2015: I don't think it's indicative that he doesn't love you. His parents gave him life and were his caregivers. Their opinions are probably important to him, not in a way that he is willing to abide by them all, but a way in which he could be easily hurt ... (read in full...)

Should I be worried? He brought up an ex of his and mentioned that she's a porn star now.

Q.   Me and my boyfriend were talking last night and he brings up a friend of his that is female (and also his ex)that she said that she is a porn star now (which I think might be a fib I don't know and I don't plan on finding out). He tells me that she ...

A.   26 January 2015: I don't think he means he WOULD be with her. I think it's as he said, and he COULD. Many people set a boundary on cheating defined by what could happen. Meaning, a crush on a celebrity is harmless because it could never happen. She is very real and ... (read in full...)

Do I stay with my boyfriend? Go with another guy? Or become single?

Q.   I am in a long-term, long-distance relationship for almost 6 years. I am finishing college this june and don't know what path to take next. I am very ambitious and have big career goals. My boyfriend has a well-paid but unstable job that requires ...

A.   26 January 2015: Nobody would be able to tell you to risk your career and move, or not. That is completely your own choice and affects YOUR life only. I think I can safely say that long distance is not your strong suit and is probably not adhesive in your relation... (read in full...)

Was this guy showing off in front of me? Does he like me?

Q.   Well, I go roller skating somewhere every Saturday, and there's this guy there that I really like. My dad knows his dad, but I've never talked to him before. I don't know if he likes me or not, but last week he was really close to me and he was ...

A.   26 January 2015: Are you sure he was pointing at you? He might think you are cute , but there is no telling if he likes you. If he has never spoken to you, how could either of you know? If he is staring at you, and has smiled at you, then why not say "hi," an... (read in full...)

Is he interested or just being nice?

Q.   Theres this cute guy in one of my swimming classes. I think im starting to like him, but I dont know if he likes me or is just being nice. On the day of the midterm, i forgot a pencil, and let me borrow his pen for the midterm. That proves nothing, ...

A.   26 January 2015: The examples you have given sound like good manners, and a friendly guy. I wouldn't look too much into if I were you. What did he say in his message? Was he cordial and polite, or flirty and indicative of wanting "more?" I think it would be good... (read in full...)

I want him to realize what he lost and change for me

Q.   [OP's original title] I and my ex were together 5.5 years. We had some problems in december cause he get a new job so he wanted to hang out more with his coworkers including admins(girls).last saturday, first time after a month saw each other an...

A.   23 January 2015: I'm not sure about the laws on distributing your pictures, if any. I had forgotten about that. Would it be any help to ask the police to help you? Putting your intimate pictures online is a juvenile and cruel threat at best and it could ruin many ... (read in full...)

I want him to realize what he lost and change for me

Q.   [OP's original title] I and my ex were together 5.5 years. We had some problems in december cause he get a new job so he wanted to hang out more with his coworkers including admins(girls).last saturday, first time after a month saw each other an...

A.   23 January 2015: I understand you loved him and treated him well at his lowest. But he clearly cheated on you and is disrespectful. I am sorry for the heartache and betrayal he has caused you, but I advise that your focus be elsewhere. You are hurting yourself and ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend won't let go of her old FWBs and it's very hurtful. Do I need to let her go?

Q.   I'm in a relationship with this girl, its been almost 6 years together, she's lied to me about serious stuff like old " f and @k buddies" she so claims them to be.. Which are dudes.. Our relationship there's no sex I'm lucky if I get any twice a ...

A.   23 January 2015: You're giving her an ultimatum and she's giving you one back. It's a stand still war of words and it's obeying Newton's Law of Motion. Once one of you removes your force, the other will plummet forward at full pent up force. I can't see this ending ... (read in full...)

I want him to realize what he lost and change for me

Q.   [OP's original title] I and my ex were together 5.5 years. We had some problems in december cause he get a new job so he wanted to hang out more with his coworkers including admins(girls).last saturday, first time after a month saw each other an...

A.   23 January 2015: Why be concerned about what he feels he lost? It doesn't sound as if you're losing anything of value. Worry about yourself. ~Sy ... (read in full...)

I feel like I might be doing something wrong but I'm not sure. I need perspective.

Q.   Two weekends ago my buddy and I were out at bar having drinks, we are both police officers and were off duty at he time, when we decided to leave we took a short cut around back and saw two guys trying get a very drunk young girl in their car she ...

A.   23 January 2015: Firstly - I love this story. I do wish she was older though. I'm afraid at her age and the position in which she was, (damsel in distress), and with you being a police officer who rescued her off duty - it's all basically what a girl would fant... (read in full...)

Should I spend all my money to move out (and become broke), or wait for my dad to give me money?

Q.   I want to thank everyone here that adviced me in the past. I was previously anonema but forgot my password so I had to create a new account. Your words really made me take a different approach towards handling certain situations in my life. I have...

A.   23 January 2015: I would never advise someone to put themselves in a situation in which they are dependent on someone else, or owe someone else. Although your dad would most likely not TELL you with words that you owe him money, it would probably come out in some ... (read in full...)

My in-laws are difficult to live with

Q.   I've been living with my in laws because of financial reasons. My mother in law put heaps of pressure on us despite being in a bad financial position. I had lost my job and got no redundancy. But she said don't worry about it. Then didn't help. Yet ...

A.   23 January 2015: Buy nappies for who? Children's things for who's children? Your own? Help pay for food that YOU help eat? This is still less than what they are doing for you. The exchange rate is unequal and yet you expect more. ... (read in full...)

Suspect fiance lied about past relationship, her lifestyle and degree

Q.   I'm 35, had a few relationships in the past, lived with someone for 5 years but never felt like settling down and we split a few years ago and I've dated casually since. 6 months ago I met someone who is incredible, she works in the same field as ...

A.   22 January 2015: Yes, as you say, clearly she felt inadequate, and needed you to be more impressed so that she was your "equal." This is a woman who is clearly very insecure and ashamed. I can't imagine the shame she would feel if you confront her, but that is a ... (read in full...)

I have just lost interest in sex and in myself. What the hell is going on? Could it be a hormonal thing?

Q.   As a young girl and all throughout my 20's, I think I was highly sexual for my age. As if I had more raging hormones than an average teen. I was always open to sec and new partners and subjecting myself to wild sexual ventures. I think in a way it ...

A.   22 January 2015: http://www.womanknows.com/relationships/news/330/1/ Here is one source if the typical stages (by age) of female sexuality. As all web pages with disclaim, all information provided is for educational/informational purposes and is not in plac... (read in full...)

I have just lost interest in sex and in myself. What the hell is going on? Could it be a hormonal thing?

Q.   As a young girl and all throughout my 20's, I think I was highly sexual for my age. As if I had more raging hormones than an average teen. I was always open to sec and new partners and subjecting myself to wild sexual ventures. I think in a way it ...

A.   22 January 2015: I honestly think this is something on which you need to consult your physician. There are far too many conditions which include decreased sex drive as a side effect. Have you looked it up yet? h... (read in full...)

Brother-in-law is a pedophile and sister hid it from the family resulting in chaos

Q.   My sister lives 6 hours away and we use to be close as children. When ever she is back in our home town 2x a year her and her husband and me and my betrothed hung out for a couple of hours and got dinner etc. My fiancé got to liking my sister and ...

A.   22 January 2015: 1. This happened to my Aunt. She had twelve kids, then found out her husband had sexually molested some of the girls. He went to jail, got out, she let him back in and he molested the rest of the girls. My aunt's two siblings found out. One of them ... (read in full...)

After all this experience I should know whether there's a future here, right?

Q.   I kind of already know what I should do, but I think I need people to actually tell me before I will accept that my arrangement/relationship with my ex just isn't working. So....When I was at school I met my now ex, we got together and wer...

A.   22 January 2015: Chances are that he will eventually be in the stage of life during which he wants to settle down. It happens at different points for all people. I am like you, and have been that way since a much younger age. I don't think it's completely ... (read in full...)

If my boyfriend fantasizes about big girls, why does he want me to be fit and in shape??

Q.   My boyfriend is into big girls sexually. Big blobs and bums and pretty faces, chubby girls. He watches porn of this variety and has told me it's a thing he has. Said he had sex with a fat girl once and didn't enjoy it at all. So why still the fa...

A.   21 January 2015: Somehow I read it as "boobs" anyway. Didn't even notice. ;) ... (read in full...)

If my boyfriend fantasizes about big girls, why does he want me to be fit and in shape??

Q.   My boyfriend is into big girls sexually. Big blobs and bums and pretty faces, chubby girls. He watches porn of this variety and has told me it's a thing he has. Said he had sex with a fat girl once and didn't enjoy it at all. So why still the fa...

A.   21 January 2015: Just as men don't seek porn stars for relationships. He prefers you in your real life form, for your entire package and not one sole physical aspect or another. Metaphorically speaking, breast implants may look nice but don't feel nice to all men,... (read in full...)

Where to Now? And how to stop this jealousy too?

Q.   I wrote in a few months ago about an argument between me and my boyfriend. I had gone on his phone as he had been hiding it everytime he got a message which made me doubt what he was upto. I know I shouldn't have but I needed to know as it was ...

A.   21 January 2015: You were able to temporarily control his actions, not his behavior OR his desires. He hasn't changed, he has only proceeded with caution so that he could sneak back to old habits. I think the things he did, did not warrant a continued relationship ... (read in full...)

Now some SWOT analysis makes the new guy appear better than my BF. What should I do?

Q.   So....... Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a 4 months. Its not long but it feels like forever to me. Unfortunately recently I have developed feelings for another guy. My sister and i made a list of pros and cons and my boyfriend had so many ...

A.   21 January 2015: You're only 4 months in and already straying? I can't imagine there's much of a future. Obviously, you're just not that in to him. Picking between the two makes it sound as if you feel entitled to them both, whichever you decide. But you are not. ... (read in full...)

My fiancé is not calling or texting. What can I do?

Q.   hi everyone my is helen i live in nigeria am having a problem with my relationship. my guy is based in jos and I am based in kaduna. things where ok until he got a mission,and went and recently he came for break and everything move well until now ...

A.   21 January 2015: Your original post said "abmission." The best I could figure it as was "a mission," but I'm not certain. Did he go on a mission with a group? Or somewhere else? What type of place did he go and with whome? What are his duties while he is away and ... (read in full...)

My in-laws are difficult to live with

Q.   I've been living with my in laws because of financial reasons. My mother in law put heaps of pressure on us despite being in a bad financial position. I had lost my job and got no redundancy. But she said don't worry about it. Then didn't help. Yet ...

A.   21 January 2015: How can you expect her to give you MORE when you are not appreciative for what she has ready given you, and won't even help with chores? All I can say more, is you need to take a good look at yourself and try to self improve. ... (read in full...)

My in-laws are difficult to live with

Q.   I've been living with my in laws because of financial reasons. My mother in law put heaps of pressure on us despite being in a bad financial position. I had lost my job and got no redundancy. But she said don't worry about it. Then didn't help. Yet ...

A.   20 January 2015: It seems as though you are angry because she stated she would help you through, so you changed your situation and put yourself in a position to rely on her. But your attitude is bad now, because you're not getting carried all the way through. Your ... (read in full...)

Why do girls always come and tell me how attractive some guy is?

Q.   About half of my friends are females. I tend to get along with them more I guess because most guys I meet are more immature. Still, I'm a guy not a girl. Why is it that all my female friends feel the need to tell me about how attractive some ...

A.   20 January 2015: Narrowing all that down, I believe it's where your friends are in their lives. As I said before, I don't ever have those types of conversations with people. We are all married with children and often discuss issues related to the environment and ... (read in full...)

Why do girls always come and tell me how attractive some guy is?

Q.   About half of my friends are females. I tend to get along with them more I guess because most guys I meet are more immature. Still, I'm a guy not a girl. Why is it that all my female friends feel the need to tell me about how attractive some ...

A.   20 January 2015: Agree any age will notice appearances, my opinion is younger, singler people have a higher tendency to discuss it and point it out. ... (read in full...)

Any advice on how to patiently wait out the engagement period and not rush marriage?

Q.   So my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year now, and we are talking very seriously about marriage (AKA he has picked out a ring and I'm waiting patiently for the one year mark to come for a possible proposal). I am beginning my second ...

A.   20 January 2015: You think sooner is better, but it's not. There's really no difference in being married except the legally binding paperwork. I know you believe you will never break up, but take it from someone with experience, the first year is the best. After the ... (read in full...)

Loyalty to my friend is stopping me. I can't ask her out, because what kind of a friend would I be?

Q.   I like this girl in my friend circle and I'm somewhat sure she likes me back. The big problem is that one of my close friends fell for her pretty hard a while back, going as far as to say the whole "never felt this way about anyone like this bef...

A.   20 January 2015: It's good to be loyal, a commendable quality. I think it's good you reached out for help. I think you'd be best off approaching your friend first, and telling him you've liked her for ___ time. Ask him how he would feel and let him know you valu... (read in full...)

Ready to date but never get asked!

Q.   I'm 23 and have never been asked out. I'm smart, go to uni and actively participate in student organisations as well as take part in social work. I love having good discussions and always take genuine interest in listening to the person I'm talking ...

A.   20 January 2015: If you as pretty and sociable and likeable as you think, then I would think guys don't ask you out because they don't believe you would accept. They may assume you can and will do better. I think guys like a challenge as in- a girl who's "hard to ... (read in full...)

Why do girls always come and tell me how attractive some guy is?

Q.   About half of my friends are females. I tend to get along with them more I guess because most guys I meet are more immature. Still, I'm a guy not a girl. Why is it that all my female friends feel the need to tell me about how attractive some ...

A.   20 January 2015: Possibly you're insecure, but an alternative: If you don't like when girls and guys alike comment on the attractiveness of who they see, then you have other focuses and are tired of forming a response to those comments. I don't like it myself, ... (read in full...)

How can I get my father to give him a second chance?

Q.   Hello, I am a mature senior in high school who has experienced a lot at this point in my life. I dated a boy who was a couple years older than me for over two years. He was my high school sweetheart and we were madly in love. He was a part of my fa...

A.   20 January 2015: After a year they won't even allow him to apologize? As parents and adults: I think they should be encouraging a person'a personal growth. Calling them to apologize is part of his growth and development. He has done the wrong thing, been caught, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't want his expensive birthday gift, and I can't get my money back!

Q.   I got my boyfriend an pretty expensive bday gift. I got us a cabin as a weekday getaway. I planned everything including food and transportation. I wanted to surprise him and he doesn't want to go. He says he'll be hungover and he wants to go out ...

A.   16 January 2015: I hope you know he is being an enormous dung head. ?? What a complete disregard for your feelings and efforts. You should consider the long term future with him and what cold spikey emotions it will hold. ~Sy ... (read in full...)

Should I sever all ties, or stay with my pregnant girl friend?

Q.   Hey all, I just wanted to get some opinions... i have been with my current girlfriend now for 7 months, I know its not long but it was amazing in the beginning and i felt like i loved her more than anyone before. She had to move back to her coun...

A.   16 January 2015: So she IS having an abortion? For sure? It's too late to change mind because of the drugs. I don't like that you didn't do drugs until you met her. If she's not having your baby, I would be inclined to advise you to break ties. A person should e... (read in full...)

Should I sever all ties, or stay with my pregnant girl friend?

Q.   Hey all, I just wanted to get some opinions... i have been with my current girlfriend now for 7 months, I know its not long but it was amazing in the beginning and i felt like i loved her more than anyone before. She had to move back to her coun...

A.   16 January 2015: Did I just read that your pregnant girl friend has been doing drugs the last few days? ...................? Also, she's having your baby right? The baby is a tie. Do you want to sever that? ... Only her moving back and you attempting the relation... (read in full...)

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