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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for well over 30 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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My guy seems turned out about hearing my sexual past. Is this normal?
Q. Is it ever a good idea to give details of your sexual experiences???? My boyfriend is turned on by listening to the details. Is this normal??? Also, to his credit, he is never jealous or angry. Just turned on....
A. 13 October 2009: Your B/F is certainly in the minority but I don't think he's necessarily abnormal. He might be looking for the assurance that he measures up to the performance of your previous partners. He might sincerely be interested in knowing how to better ... (read in full...)
Is this something that turns him on? Or is it something more?
Q. ok this is a sex question and all advice is nice.... so the other nite my fiance and i was in bed of course having sex and i played in his anal area and he was so turned on. i liked it, it turned me on but my question is, is that something that tur...
A. 1 September 2009: Probably the majority of both men and women get pleasure from gentle stimulation around the anal opening when they are sexually aroused. And . . . very few will actually admit it or discuss it. There is a LOT of psychology, and millenia of social ... (read in full...)
For the Guys: At "that" moment, what do you want us to do?
Q. Guys - when you are cumming, do you want the motion to continue or stop? e.g. when a girl is giving you head do you want her to continue while you cum or stop?...
A. 28 July 2009: I'm rather animated when I climax (been called a "thrasher") so once the contractions start I like my partner to stop, or at least slow way down, so we don't get uncoupled. Generally, I'll supply whatever motion is needed to maximize my pleasure. ... (read in full...)
What is the best position when you have sex for the first time?
Q. I am 13 and im having sex for my first time in a couple of weeks because my boyfriends parents are on holiday and he said i could come round for a couple of nights if i wanted to ... i said yes ... he later asked me if i was ready for sex and i knew ...
A. 21 July 2009: In your situation, the best position is probably you sitting upright in a straight-backed chair - and your mother watching.... (read in full...)
I'm a 19 year old virgin, is this normal?
Q. Hi, I'm 19 and I am still a virgin. Is this normal? All of my friends have had sex. there is one girl I like but she is 14. Should I wait for her or just go for it?...
A. 14 July 2009: Is a 19-year old virgin "normal"? He certainly is! For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she got mine, and I took hers in return).
This varies a lot between countries and between cultures. I don't have credible... (read in full...)
Should a virgins first time be with a virgin?
Q. Hi, this question has been floating around a lot and I wanted to know what your guys opinion is about it. Most people imagine their first time to be special and wonderful, but can it still be special and wonderful if the guy or girl your having...
A. 14 July 2009: My first time was with another virgin. My wife also gave her virginity to another virgin. In fact, my first time and her first time were the same time. It was lousy sex - and it was also one of the most significant and meaningful events of our ... (read in full...)
My mum wants to meet my boyfriend but he won't even say hi to her. I can't please everyone!
Q. I feel like im supposed to please everyone, and its impossible and its really getting me down. I am in a very happy relationship with my boyfriend, but he wont come to my house or meet my parents or even say hello to them. this would be fine (b...
A. 14 July 2009: The "anonymous" female reader has it right!
There's an old adage that says, "If you want to know how a guy will treat his wife - look at how he treats his mother.". And, how he treats YOUR mother isn't far off the mark!... (read in full...)
For the men, do you like it when a girl sucks on your balls during a bj?
Q. This is kinda a question that is towards men, but do you like it when a girl sucks on your sack when your girlfriend is giving u a blowjob? Thank god for anonymous lol ...
A. 10 July 2009: I'm also pretty much in line with the "anonymous" guy. My balls, unlike the penis, don't really have a positive response to stimulation. And, they can definitely have a NEGATIVE effect if they aren't deliberately handled very carefully.
On th... (read in full...)
When is it a good time to explore our sexuality?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together a while and have a committed and loving relationship. We have talked about having sex. My question is when is a good age to start exploring sex and a sexual relationship? When is a good age for my girlfriend? ...
A. 10 July 2009: A good age is when you and your partner are BOTH ready, willing, and able to understand and accept the consequences of what you are doing. That includes not only pregnancy and disease, but also the emotional well-being of each other.
Contr... (read in full...)
Is it okay to have sex on your period?
Q. so i`m on my period and me and my boyfriend want to have sex but i`m not sure if i should. is it okay to have sex when on your period? what should we do, like lay down a towel?...
A. 3 July 2009: If you don't mind a little mess, it's perfectly acceptable. (A little soap and water quickly fixes the mess problem.) Using an old towel is probably the most common accommodation. It may also be a good time to experiment with sex in the shower or ... (read in full...)
I want to orgasm too, but she finishes before me
Q. Dear Cupid, Ok well i have been with my girlfriend for about a year now, and we have been having sex for about 6 months...my question is that now since we have been having sex a lot more lately, she finishes before i do, and for about like the l...
A. 3 July 2009: Yes, the majority of women are capable of having several orgasms. With many couples the woman has her main orgasm from cunnilingus or manual stimulation before the insertion and intercourse, and either has smaller orgasm(s) during intercourse or is ... (read in full...)
I felt the time was right to lose my virginity, but then it wouldn't fit!
Q. Background info im 16 and still a virgin ive been with my bf for quite a while and we both felt that it was right. but when it came to it. it wouldnt fit we used lube aswell but still no change, i tried to relax as best as i could but it ...
A. 2 July 2009: The traditional advice is that you need to have an orgasm just before attempting insertion. Then, you get on top and guide him until you find the location, angle, etc that works best for you. There is no way he can tell how it feels for you - you ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin but don't want to appear clueless in bed. What moves can I try?
Q. I am a virgin, but I really want to do it with my boyfriend of 3 months, and I don't wanna seem clueless. What moves could I try for my first time?...
A. 1 July 2009: 3 months might be a little too soon, especially if you're only 18. Do you REALLY know why you want to do this, and why HE wants to do it?
Make sure he knows you're a virgin (is he also?) and does some reading about first-time sex. Make sure you... (read in full...)
Ladies, would it put you off if you found out a guy was a virgin?
Q. hi everyone this question is mainly for the ladies but anyone can answer realy. i just wondered what you people thought about male virginity, and girls would it put you off a guy if you found out he was a virgin? im not realy to bothered about be...
A. 30 June 2009: As you probably know, in most cultures there is a double-standard about male vs. female virginity. It ranges from "strongly expressed" to "merely implied, but definite". My unsubstantiated impression is that at the beginning of the 21st century, ... (read in full...)
We are married but she still wont have sex!
Q. My wife and me have been married for 2 months now. Everything is great but we never had sex in our relationship. She's a virgin but im not. When we were dating she didn't want to do anything sexual besides kissing until marriage. It didn't bother me ...
A. 30 June 2009: Another thread to study is "We're Christians, my wife doesn't dislike sex, but she doesn't like it, we have sex very seldom, how can I fix this, what am I supposed to do?" at [ ... (read in full...)
We are married but she still wont have sex!
Q. My wife and me have been married for 2 months now. Everything is great but we never had sex in our relationship. She's a virgin but im not. When we were dating she didn't want to do anything sexual besides kissing until marriage. It didn't bother me ...
A. 30 June 2009: You may find some helpful suggestions in the thread "We've been married for 18 months and she's still a virgin! What can I do?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/weve-been-married-for-18-months-and-shes.html ].... (read in full...)
After we are intimate I feel guilty and ashamed
Q. I am 23 years old and have a serious boyfriend for the first time. My problem is that, I feel very guilty after being intimate with my boyfriend of 5 months. We are very sure that we do not want to have sex before marriage. But, we do kiss or ...
A. 30 June 2009: Your emotions are telling you that your actions are not consistent with some strongly-held values within you. If you are truly working toward making the "boyfriend of 5 months" into the "life-partner of 50 years" - and, very importantly, HE ... (read in full...)
Help! Sex for the first time!
Q. I'm 13 and my boyfriend is 14, we are going to have sex for the first time soon, but am really nervous and scared. will it hurt? how does the pain feel like? will i bleed? will i faint? can i walk? thank you to the person who answers ! really ne...
A. 30 June 2009: The article (and responses) in the link from "satindesire" is well-done about the physiological and technical aspects of intercourse.
The fact that you are asking these questions indicates that you are probably not mentally and emotiona... (read in full...)
Our first date tomorrow, should I kiss her or not?
Q. I am going on a date tommorow with a girl from school, weve only talked a couple times but i asked her if she wanted to get lunch sometime and she said yes, so we set up a date tommorow. My question is at the end of the day when im dropping her ...
A. 29 June 2009: OK - so how did it go for you two?... (read in full...)
Our first date tomorrow, should I kiss her or not?
Q. I am going on a date tommorow with a girl from school, weve only talked a couple times but i asked her if she wanted to get lunch sometime and she said yes, so we set up a date tommorow. My question is at the end of the day when im dropping her ...
A. 27 June 2009: It's hard to know. Don't expect very much, though.
The truth is, she may be asking herself the same question right now. With some girls you will get a polite, cursory, chaste kiss regardless. With others - even if they are seriously attracte... (read in full...)
DO men like to be woken up to a blow job?
Q. My friend said she gave her boyfriend a blow job in the morning just as he was about to wake up but she didn't tell me about his reaction and I was too scared to ask because he might think I was being too nosey. Is it annoying to be woken up to a ...
A. 26 June 2009: Personally, I'd have no complaints. I prefer to do my really serious lovemaking first thing in the morning, rather than at night when we're worn out. If there is any "annoyance" involved, it happens in the moments before the blowjob actually ... (read in full...)
What is the law in the US concerning 17 and 18 year olds having sex?
Q. What is the law in the united states concerning 17 and 18 yr olds ddating and being physical? Is there some kind of grace period? or is that just a rumor that no one seems to get right?...
A. 26 June 2009: This is a legal question that needs to be answered by somebody trained in the legal field. I know that it varies from state to state. Whether the boy or the girl is older, and by how much, is sometimes a factor. In some instances the case law of ... (read in full...)
Parenting and etiquette advice please!
Q. My daughter is having her 5th birthday party next week, and I am taking her to see a stage play. The tickets are not that expensive, but there is some travel. what I was wondering was if I want to invite her friend, am if I responsible to buy the ...
A. 26 June 2009: If you are inviting your daughter's friend to your daughter's birthday celebration then I definitely think you should pay for the ticket. If it's a foursome, with the friend's mother also invited to the festivities then you really owe her a ticket, ... (read in full...)
Is my body not ready for sex? My boyfriend told me that.
Q. me and my boyfriend tried to have sex but, it didnt work. he says its not my fault its just my body isnt ready. do you have any sugestions as to what to do about this? also he says he needs to be able to put 2 fingers in easily before his dic...
A. 25 June 2009: Two fingers? Your vagina is a ring of muscle tissue that can stretch to pass a whole baby! Yes, your body probably isnt' ready - and I would guess that your body isn't ready because either your mind or your emotions aren't yet ready.
After... (read in full...)
Is sex important in a relationship?
Q. Okay let me just start this out as...I am 21 and still a virgin and would like to stay that way until I'm ready to get married. I have always promised myself I would and I'd rather do so, sex just doesn't seem important to me...I've never even ...
A. 24 June 2009: (A male, guy-person of the masculine sex responds.)
I want to commend you first of all for your standards, and even more so for being willing to examine and analyze them. Your post shows a lot of intelligence. Believe it or not - probably... (read in full...)
I'm scared about having sex
Q. okay so me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 7 month's and all we have done sexually is he has fingered me. i really don't want him feeling like i won't do anything with him but i'm just scared since i never have before. we've planne...
A. 24 June 2009: Not all fear is a bad kind of fear, but in this case I think your feelings are telling you that having sex is the wrong thing to do. Other responses have explained why this is so.
At the very least, your body is not ready for sex. A little "... (read in full...)
Does he have feelings after losing his virginity to me?
Q. So,this other guy from my group- he's a total computer geek,but him and i are pretty much best friends,and we slept together a few months ago,and basically he lost his virginity to me.. My question is,for all you guys especially,and g...
A. 22 June 2009: That's actually a rather complicated question.
In general, yes, guys often become attached to their first sex partner. It can be troubling for them if they think the girl doesn't have some feelings in return.
If he planned to stay a virgin... (read in full...)
Appropriate to send flowers on her birthday?
Q. Is it appropriate to send the girl i like so much and have liked for so long flowers on her birthday? She doesn't really like me back, but i really feel like I want to do something for her. I dont know if I should though....
A. 20 June 2009: Yes, it would be appropriate to send flowers - but keep it very simple. Trying to impress her with a lavish, expensive, floral spread will only appear insincere and will backfire on you. A very inexpensive bouquet, or just a few stems of carnation ... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity...
Q. im friends with benefits with this guy, and i think i'm pretty much in that stupid situation where i have more feelings for him than he does for me. it sucks cause he just acts all nice to me probably cause he wants to keep the friends with benefits ...
A. 10 June 2009: It sounds like you're making an emotional mistake.... (read in full...)
Can't stand my small breasts ...
Q. Hi I need your help, I'm a young female of 20, and for the past 4 or 5 years I have had an issue with my breasts. To be honest I can’t stand them -- they are too small and I don’t feel womanly! It’s been getting to me even more in the past cou...
A. 10 June 2009: I wish I had some really good advice to give you. Unfortunately, you have been brainwashed by our culture and it's REALLY messing up your mind.
For almost 35 years now I have been married to a lovely lady who has (in U.S. sizes - your clothes ... (read in full...)
He always finishes the job (oral sex), am I not doing it well?
Q. I have been dating my "boyfriend" for about 9 months and we've had a physical relationship for about 6 or less. He obviously wants oral and I have willingly given it. We were firsts for each other and I feel like I am doing the worst possible blow ...
A. 9 June 2009: First off, don't assume that you're NOT doing a good job!
I'm one of those guys who has difficulty climaxing from oral sex. I usually have to work at climaxing when I know my wife wants me to cum in her mouth. Although blowjobs have a reputati... (read in full...)
Am I too you to propose marriage?
Q. I want to propose to my gf but i think i mite be too young im 19 and my girlfriend is to.i totally love her.I've just got 2 questions to ask. 1.Am I too young to propose? 2.How could I do it ?...
A. 9 June 2009: Read the threads "Should we get engaged?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-we-get-engaged.html ] and "Is three years long enough to have been together before getting engaged?" at [ ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get an STI from someone who doesn't have one?
Q. Dear Cupid, Is it possible to get an STI off somone who doesnt have one?...
A. 9 June 2009: Young people - especially women, but also men - sometimes pick up bladder infections or vaginal yeast infections when they first become sexually active. The term "Honeymoon Bladder" is sometimes applied to these infections. I don't think they are ... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me about England?
Q. can anyone here who lives in England tell me how great a place it is to be in? ever since i met this girl from England over the internet 5 months ago, i have become fascinated over England and English girls and their accents, etc. now i find myself ...
A. 9 June 2009: I can't tell you much about England (I was there on business for 4 days in 1976) but I see other kind people have!
I'm glad you want to visit, or even live there for a while, maybe even a long while. Being interested in other places, and other cu... (read in full...)
My pregnant wife has a high libido, is this normal?
Q. Hi, my wife of almost an entire year has been pregnant with my son for about six months now and she is quite literally all over me every night I get home from work. I mean, I obviously don't mind all the bedroom/shower/every damn room of the house ...
A. 8 June 2009: My wife was pretty horny when she was pregnant (4 times). I think I read someplace that about 1/3 of all women are like that. That worked well for us because, contrary to a lot of social conditioning, I think pregnant women are beautiful, sexy, ... (read in full...)
What should I expect for my first time?? how can we make it "easier" on me?
Q. i'm almost 18 and i'm still a virgin... not that i'm upset or ashamed about it, i'm actually quite proud. Me and my bf have been dating for 5mths, and i think i'm finally ready to have sex. I love my bf, and completely trust him... but i'm stil...
A. 6 June 2009: Some variation of this question gets asked about once a week around here. You can find a lot of information by looking back through some old threads, for example those tagged as "still a virgin" at ... (read in full...)
Are guys being selfish if they stop having sex after they orgasm?
Q. This is a question for men. Can you control how long you keep your erection for? Is it subconcious and out of your control or is it somewhat of a 'skill'? The reason I ask is because my boyfriend now can keep it hard for as long as we want to have ...
A. 6 June 2009: After a guy has an orgasm he will probably lose his erection within a few minutes. And yes, right after climax a guy may be very sensitive, even to the point of pain, around the glans ("head") of his penis. Some guys can recharge and get a new ... (read in full...)
Did I mess up our first date by not kissing her?
Q. Met this great girl from an online dating site. We met up for a walk and she adjusted her lipstick at the end and waited expectantly near her bus stop. I wasn't comfortable. This was the first time I saw this girl face to face and I really wasn't ...
A. 6 June 2009: I think you're looking for explanations in the wrong places. And, I don't think you messed things up by anything you did.
I'm actually rather impressed that you did NOT kiss her, because it didn't seem right to you - even though she might ha... (read in full...)
Wondering how people's 'first times' were?
Q. Okay so I've been awfully curious about how different first times having sex has gone. This isn't like an advice needed thing. I would just like to hear how male and female first times went. Did you regret it after? What made you feel like you were ...
A. 5 June 2009: (A male guy-person of the masculine sex responds.)
Of course, everybody is different. I don't think it "matters less" to guys - but it probably matters in a different way. My first time was definitely emotional for me. I don't regret it at al... (read in full...)
Sex and virginity
Q. hey, ok I have a million questions, but ill ask this one question that I have had in my head for a while. im a virgin and I always think guys want to have sex with me because of that but I also think once I tell a guy im a virgin they don't want to ...
A. 31 May 2009: If you're running in a crowd where your sexual experience (or lack thereof) is a significant factor in determining your social status - I think you're hanging out with the wrong people.
Some guys ARE only out to get as much as they can - it's s... (read in full...)
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