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... Send *ambini a private message | | | *ambini's profile:For good or for bad, I've had a lot of life experience in a relatively short period of time. For a long time I found it hard to cope with the anger and bitterness, but as I got older I learnt to channel that and I hope to use my experiences to help other people. When i reached out for help I was pushed back and ignored, I want to help ensure that doesn't happen to other people.
My mum taught me some valuable life lessons which I will share with you now:
"If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?"
"The only man worth crying over is the one who would never make you cry"
"when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel."
"our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we alone are responsible for who we become."
She is a wise woman my mum, so to all of you seeking help, often the answers you seek are already within you, we just help you to realise that. No-one can wave a magic wand, you need to find the strength and courage within yourself in order to change a situation.
Some final words of wisdom for you to bear in mind:
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." |
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When he does things for me I don't get excited anymore
Q. What's wrong with me?? Ive been with my bf for 5 years and although we've been having small issues recently were still very much in love. However whenever he does something nice for me i dont get excited like i used to. We went out to an expensive ...
A. 21 August 2010: I dont know what to say to help really, other than if you are fed up id gladly take him off your hands!! you are a very lucky girl, and maybe you are right and you are spoilt by him, which means that you have started taking for granted the thngs he ... (read in full...)
Before she met me she sent a picture of herself to another guy, should I be mad at her for this?
Q. Should i be mad at my girlfriend for something she did in the past? Me and her were not together at this time but she did something that really bothers me. She sent a pic(nothing dirty) to a guy because he kept asking and asking, he kept bugging her ...
A. 19 August 2010: why why why? a picture, non sexual, sent when you didnt know her, so whats the problem? you need to seriously chill out, a relationship which becomes serious will come accross plenty of much bigger stumbling blocks than this so if you want your ... (read in full...)
My b/f's closeness to his 17 year old daughter makes me uncomfortable
Q. My boyfriend has a 17 year old daughter who asked him to rub fake tan in her back last week when her nan was in the house and she was off to a friends house so i couldn't see why she couldn't have asked one of them. is this normal or am i being ...
A. 13 June 2010: i dont think it is anything to be too concerned about, families have all sorts of different types of relationships, and especially if her mum isnt around it isnt unusual to have a very close relationship with her dad.
If I am feeling ill, the firs... (read in full...)
She's having a baby with her husband, should I continue the affair?
Q. I have a very confusing situation at the moment. Long story so here goes. I had an affair with someone for just over a year. We were both married and had young children. We both fell desperately in love. I couldn't carry on with my wife so I lef...
A. 12 June 2010: If she has not left him in over a year, and is now pregnant with his child, she is not going to leave. however much she feels for you, she clearly loves him too, or needs the family unit and stability which he provides. either way you need to walk ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend bi or gay? Or do I just not know how to take a joke?
Q. Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, and i noticed his behavior changing. He has asked me to toss his salad, when we r intimate in the 69 position, he pushes my face in his rear area, he owns a dildo that was part of a ...
A. 12 June 2010: Many people have fantasies, it sometimes means they want those fantasies in real life, other times it just remains a fantasy. It will be very difficult to find out which it is. I have a friend who enjoys giving anal sex to his girlfriend, and also ... (read in full...)
He cheated and thinks I'm blowing it out of proportion
Q. Need some advice!!! My fiance have been together for almost 10 yrs now,he cheated on me with a lady from a local bar right b4 we were to get married 3yrs ago! I have tried to work past that but he still talks with the woman and just recently I found ...
A. 27 May 2010: I can only really echo the words of TimmD, this man does not respect you, and if he valued you and valued this relationship he would be willing to cut this other woman out of his life in a heartbeat.
It is time for you to make clear to him that thin... (read in full...)
How do I tell my husband I just want to be friends?
Q. I knew before I ever met my husband that I didn't ever want to be anybody's 'wife'. He is a good man and my best friend, but after 9 years of marriage I still don't like the role of wife. How do I get back to just being friends without the pressure ...
A. 26 May 2010: you dont seem to appreciate the reality of this, you ARE his wife, it isnt an option to go back. You either leave and most likely lose him completely, or you accept the fact that you are an adult and learn to face up to the responsibilities that ... (read in full...)
My step- children don't respect me what should I do?
Q. My husband and I have 6 kids. Three are his and three are mine. I am at home with the kids the most so I deal with their behaviour issues and just day to day stuff making sure they get their responsibilities (which are very minimal) taken care of. ...
A. 25 May 2010: I don't know how old the children are, but either way it is your husband you need to have serious words with. A child will always push boundaries wherever they can, even with two biological parents children will play them off against each other to ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him that the sex hurt me without hurting him?
Q. Usually when my boyfriend and I have sex, I have an orgasm quite a long time before him. He lasts for quite a long time. The problem is that after I've come, I start to get sore if he carries on, so by the time he finishes, I'm in quite a bit of ...
A. 25 May 2010: I understand your problem very well, it can be very painful to be the one who comes first, and equally frustrating if the one who doesnt is forced to stop!
Once a woman has reached climax, it is very very sensitive and becomes painful to the touc... (read in full...)
How long should you wait if you want to keep a man?
Q. How long should you wait to have sex with a man you are seeing if you want to keep him?...
A. 25 May 2010: there is no textbook definition of how long you should wait, it is more about being dignified and demonstrating self respect. if you sleep with them very quickly, their opinion of you may lower, as they think you are like that with all guys.
g... (read in full...)
2 days after sex I find part of condom in me
Q. My boyfriend and I had sex 2 days ago and today I found the top half of the condom inside of me.. Is there any danger with having had the condom(latex) inside of me for such a long period of time? HELP!...
A. 24 May 2010: There is a slight risk of infection when you have any foreign body at all inside you for that period of time, so I think it would be worth a trip to your dr. also if the top part is in you it means it broke, which also introduces a risk of STD's or ... (read in full...)
How much should one sacrfice for a pet?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm at my wits end and would greatly appreciate some input and opinions. My partner and I have been living together for 3 years, he is an absolutely wonderful boyfriend. Problem is he has a 12yr old epileptic dog, who has grand-mal ...
A. 21 May 2010: A pet, particularly a dog, is as much a member of the family as a child. you wouldnt expect him to put his epileptic child to sleep, nor should you the dog. A dog should only be put to sleep as a very very last resort, when THEIR quality of life has ... (read in full...)
Why did she start hating me?
Q. I'm going to apologize for wasting your time now....I'm sorry Ok, Just as the title says. I really, really, really, really like this girl, so much so, that it's reached the point of love (for me at least). I'm 17, she's 16. Now, I know what you're...
A. 17 May 2010: you need to start by getting some self respect and some self confidence.
"I've even been saying thirty prayers and asking God to let us be together every night before I go to bed, as I know only He has the power to work the kinds of miracles need... (read in full...)
Is going out on a date while in a relationship cheating?
Q. My boyfriend thinks that dating other women is not cheating,but I think it is cheating. Is going out on a date while in a relationship cheating? Both male and female's opinion's is appreciated. ...
A. 16 May 2010: of course it is cheating!! and it is effectively saying that while he is with you he is still looking for something better. it is cheating and it is insulting!... (read in full...)
Did we both cheat and do two wrongs make a right?
Q. I have been married for almost 7 years, About 5 years ago I caught him on a porn site doing his business in front of the computer and it really made me mad. He never takes blame for aanything. He told me since the sex was not often enough he got i...
A. 15 May 2010: actually sleeping with a real person is FAR worse than just watchng porn. Everyone watches porn whether they are in a relationship or not, it is healthy and normal.
sleeping with another person is completely different and much worse. porn is fant... (read in full...)
Tips on making her feel not so lonely.
Q. Hi. I need some good advice. My wife has told me she is lonely when she is home alone. She doesnt have much family here. Just one sister. I make good money, we have a nice home, two good cars, big screen tv, the works. But my job is always chan...
A. 5 May 2010: I can understand why she feels lonely, maybe she could go to anti-natal classes, they often do ones like aerobics or swimming or coffee mornings, and that way she might be able to meet other expecting mothers, which will be nice for her. The ... (read in full...)
Can't enjoy sex until she's tested and I wear a condom.
Q. I love sex but nothing spoils the mood more for me than when she suggests we do it without a condom. I instantly lose my hard-on and it's not getting back up after a comment like that. I don't want to get an STI. I trust her but how can I trust ...
A. 4 May 2010: I actually completely agree with you, as long as you get the tests done too. Because even if you say you have always used condoms, the girl you are with cannot verify that, so if you want her to get tested for your piece of mind, you should get ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to say no regarding this job?
Q. My husband wants to work for a taxi company and I won't allow him. I told him to find a different job because when he was with his first wife he worked for a taxi company he liked a female driver. He would buy her things, follow her a lot but not ...
A. 4 May 2010: It is wrong, because there is just as much chance of him meeting women in whatever job he does. There are women in just about every occupation, so unless you are going to ban him from doing any job at all and keep him with you 24/7, then he is going ... (read in full...)
Could I have an STD even though we were both virgins?
Q. OK so me and my boyfriend have had sex- multiple times and of course we've been safe about it but also ive given him oral too and i know for a fact that he was a virgin (like me) before we had sex and we both never participated in 4play before each ...
A. 4 May 2010: It is probably just an ulcer, they appear randomly and are not related to stds. if you were both virgins, and haven't engaged in foreplay it is highly unlikely you can have caught anythin. if you are worried you can both go to your gp or similar and ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that my fiance will regret not 'playing the field'
Q. My fiance and I have been together for about five years; since we were 18 and reaching the end of high school. We've been engaged for a year and three months and our wedding is in one week. Everything is settled, planned, ordered, and ready for ...
A. 2 May 2010: I can understand your worries, however every situation is different. I personally would want to experience more than one person, however your fiance may be different. I have a friend and she and her fiance met when they were 12 - started going out, ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he's a shitty boyfriend and wants a break
Q. I just dont understand, me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 7 months and everything is great. we've never fought! i know thats crazy that we havent but its the truth. and he just recently got a new job that he's very busy with and is on ...
A. 1 May 2010: I'm sorry but it sounds like excuses to me. Surely if he was worried about being a bad bf, he would take steps to be a better bf not just end the relationship. Thats silly.
It sounds like he was using this as a way out. i hope not for your sake... (read in full...)
Ex wants to know why I deleted him from facebook
Q. Hi there, I deleted my ex-boyfriend from facebook about a month after he broke up with me. Before that we were friends on msn and FB, but we weren't talking unless I initiated communication (only twice). 1 week after I deleted him from Faceboo...
A. 1 May 2010: It may be that he still cares, but whether he cares just as a friend or as more is unclear. when you have been with someone for a while, you are obviously still goign to care about them after you break up, feelings dont just disappear overnight.
T... (read in full...)
At 14, am I too young for sex?
Q. I'm 14 . my bf is 17 . one question , is this wrong ? we are both in love w / each other ( told each other in october ) and want to have sex . both our first time . question # 2 , I too young ? we've been together for the 2 nd time in august ....
A. 1 May 2010: In theory the age gap is fine, though with you being under 16 it matters slightly more.
14 is too young yes, apart from anything else your bf could get arrested for statutory rape. If he loves you he will be willing to wait.
His religiou... (read in full...)
What should I do now after 22 years of marriage
Q. I have been married for 22 years. We have raised 3 kids, and now have 2 grandkids.We seperated 8 months ago when I moved out.Over the years I left probably 10 times but never to another woman and always came back within a couple days.There was never ...
A. 1 May 2010: If you seriously want her back you both have a lot of work to do. Leaving 10 times is a lot and makes me question whether you really do want to be with her. But thts for you to decide. If you do, you need to show her you are serious and this time ... (read in full...)
Husband says he has proof of my affair through text messages
Q. I have been in a mentally abusive marriage for 16 years. He has isolated me from all my family and friends. I had already decided I was wanting a divorce but, I ran into an old boy friend from high school who told me he tried to reconnect with me ...
A. 1 May 2010: if his name is on the bill he might have been able to get them, and if he files for divorce then his laywer can definately get hold of them. But it doesnt really matter, it just means you can get divorced on grounds of unreasonable behaviour or ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got so jealous she threw an iron at my head. Should I dump her?
Q. I have been dating someone for a year now and it has gotten to be very serious. I work the graveyard shift at a resturaunt and a few weeks ago I was very sick and didn't finish my shift. One of the waitresses is a very dear friend of mine liv...
A. 29 April 2010: It was your own fault you are going through all this. however ill you were, it takes nothing to send a text or a quick call, or even asked your friend to let your gf know where you were. she was probably worried, and then seeing you at a womans ... (read in full...)
Why did wife lie about her past? I have a right to know!
Q. I found out my wife lied to me about how many guys she slept with before me. When the topic first came up when we were dating she told me there was three. I had a very hard time with this because i felt very insecure about myself. At that point i ...
A. 27 April 2010: I don't understand why so many people get so angry and upset about their spouses past? it is in the past, therefore it doesn't matter anymore.
I think you need to end this marriage anyway, because you obviously don't trust her, and if you are this... (read in full...)
How do I suggest marriage to my b/f after pregnancy without making him feel "trapped"
Q. I have a boyfriend of one year and am 3 weeks pregnant with his baby. I have informed him and he seems alittle confused, though he is by my side. We havent discussed the way forward with the pregnancy yet. We had plans of getting married next year. ...
A. 27 April 2010: It can seem like that, because it tends to be more important to women than men that they have a child in wedlock. Nowadays there is much less stigma, and the need to be married is less important. however if it is important to you then you do need to ... (read in full...)
Is it true that for many guys they can totally separate sex from any emotion?
Q. Is it true that for many guys they can totally separate sex from any emotion? I was a virgin before my current BF but he's had three casual sex experiences, one of them a one night stand. I don't get how he could have sex with girls he did...
A. 27 April 2010: it is true for both men and women. but there are two distinctly different types of sex. there is casual sex, which is recreational and meaningless, and there is relationship sex, which is totally different. it is different mentally, it feels ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has cheated on me and told me he does not love me anymore, but he will stay with me and pretend he has feelings for me!
Q. What do you do when your bf of over a year tells you even when he doesn't love you anymore, he'll keep you and lie that he still has feelings for you. Later on you find out that he's cheated on you with a girl from his university. ...
A. 26 April 2010: why would you want to be with someone who doesnt love you? this makes no sense. you should be with someone who loves you back, as eventually this guy will fall in love with someone and leave you to be with this girl.
you need to be strong, acce... (read in full...)
Will my parents kick me out of the house for being pregnant at 15 like they did with my sister?
Q. I am 15 and I went on holiday for 5 days with my boyfriend and his parents, we had sex once. Now 4 weeks later and I took a pregnancy test because I'd missed my period completely. The test came out positive. I am absolutly terrified about what my ...
A. 26 April 2010: If they kicked your sister out, that gives a fairly good indication that they will do the same to you. parents generally treat their children the same. why not confide in your sister if you are close, but you need to sort this quickly while you ... (read in full...)
I've not known him long and I don't think I can trust him, but I'm 7 weeks pregnant! What should I do?
Q. well, in a bit of a mess met this guy not known him long, he said he wanted our own place which we got and wanted a baby, which has now happened.. im now 7 weeks pregnant and he does not want to know, he has 2 children with his previous and has ...
A. 26 April 2010: This man is clearly not going to support you at all, so if you don't think you can cope on your own then you should have an abortion because you cannot rely on him for help. a baby is a huge strain emotionally, financially and unless you feel ... (read in full...)
Should I be open about my past or keep quiet?
Q. Ok I'm in a major dilemma.. I'm getting married to this really wonderful guy and we have been seeing each other for over a year now.... I have been in a relation before this and have kissed my ex boyfriend but I have not revealed this to my fianc...
A. 26 April 2010: if you kissed your ex boyfriend before you got with your current boyfriend then whats the problem? Everyone has a past, a lot of people have had sex with multiple ex partners before they settle down with someone. i really think you are fretting over ... (read in full...)
Partner says he'll give me more sex if I dye my hair!!!
Q. My partner says if I dye my hair blonde, he will give me more sex but I don't want to dye my hair. He watches a fair amount of porn by the way, which I think interferes with our sex life already. But should I leave him or adapt?...
A. 25 April 2010: When i wrote my response to your first question, my head was already screaming "leave him!" but i know when you're in a relationship you obviously want to try and make it work, which is why i offered advice to that effect. However, the update to ... (read in full...)
He keeps receiving pictures of semi-naked girls and texting them but claims it is only "like porn"! Should I forgive him or will it happen again?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. After 3 months of going out i found pictures of other girls on his phone with no top on they had sent him. I also found very forward texting to one girl in particular who he was speaking to on msn , Sh...
A. 25 April 2010: It must be really hard, and i can understand you wanting to forgive him. but u made it very clear 3 months in that this sort of behaviour was unacceptable, it happened again. then 6 months in, it happened again and you told him it was unacceptable. ... (read in full...)
What should I do when I am having sex without a condom on?
Q. i'm a virgin , and i have been wondering what to do when im having sex without a condom and im about to cum, do i cum inside her or tell her im about to cum or what? HELP!...
A. 25 April 2010: Simple answer - DO NOT have sex without a condom. it is irresponsible and unnecessary. having sex without condom leaves you open to getting diseases, some of which are INCURABLE. it also has a high risk that you will get her pregnant, so you will ... (read in full...)
Help! How do I convince my boyfriend to marry me?
Q. Cinderella power! I have been with my boyfriend for last 1 year. we both met in college as we were studying in same college. we entered into friendship a healthy and good friendship, then after 3 months later we both fell in love with each other, w...
A. 24 April 2010: If he told you from the beginning he will not marry, then you knew what you were getting into from the start. he has been honest with you, and there is nothing you can do to change that. if you love him you must respect his decision, especially as ... (read in full...)
Should I have a talk with my ex?
Q. Alright, we've been talking for 2 weeks and it's been pretty good and a few times she bought up the past...The past she bought up was way to special. It was how we use to fall asleep together. Im like wooww..but yeah It got my interest back with ...
A. 24 April 2010: I think you definately need to talk to her, if only to get some clarity on the situation. Explain to her that you wanted her to go to prom with you but she didn't seem keen so you didn't want to push her. but i would be a little wary incase she is ... (read in full...)
Ex-girlfriend haunting our relationship unknowingly
Q. I have been dating this guy for about 6 years and we love each other (I know I do, not quite sure where he stands any more). The problem started 2 years ago when he started cheating on me with this girl. We broke up and got back together and things ...
A. 23 April 2010: To be honest, i think you are probably over-reacting if him having the phone is all that is bothering you. men are not sentimental creatures generally, so i really can't imagine he is clinging onto the phone for any sentimental reason. its just a ... (read in full...)
Partner says he'll give me more sex if I dye my hair!!!
Q. My partner says if I dye my hair blonde, he will give me more sex but I don't want to dye my hair. He watches a fair amount of porn by the way, which I think interferes with our sex life already. But should I leave him or adapt?...
A. 23 April 2010: I dont think you should dye your hair, or in fact have to change in any way to suit a partner who threatens/bribes/coerces you into doing it.
however if you want to compromise, maybe you could do a little role play with him, where you wear a blon... (read in full...)
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