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My picture is a photo of the Bodhisattva Guanyin (Kannon) taken through the mist. Guanyin is the Buddhist Goddess of Mercy. To quote Wikipedia: "Guan Yin promises to answer the cries and pleas of all beings and to liberate all beings from their own karmic woes". She is also the protector of women and children, a fertility goddess capable of granting children, the champion of the unfortunate, the sick, the disabled, the poor, and those in trouble, and the protector of fishermen, sailors, and generally people who are out at sea.

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Why do guys turn into womanizers?

Q.   I know this guy and we made out a couple of times. He wanted to have sex but I said no. I like him but it turns out he is a big manwhore who sleeps around. I heard that he was in a 3 year relationship not too long ago. I dont know the exact details ...

A.   16 March 2009: Afterthought: You are also hurt. You may not want revenge, but your resentment against women could easily turn into an insensitivity to women's wishes and feelings. After all, SHE didn't worry much about your wishes or feelings, did she? So turn off ... (read in full...)

Why do guys turn into womanizers?

Q.   I know this guy and we made out a couple of times. He wanted to have sex but I said no. I like him but it turns out he is a big manwhore who sleeps around. I heard that he was in a 3 year relationship not too long ago. I dont know the exact details ...

A.   16 March 2009: So your question is: Why do men become manwhores after becoming hurt? This is even harder to answer than the generalised question ('why are some men manwhores?') I don't think I'd even dare to answer it, because I wouldn't presume to speak on... (read in full...)

Why do guys turn into womanizers?

Q.   I know this guy and we made out a couple of times. He wanted to have sex but I said no. I like him but it turns out he is a big manwhore who sleeps around. I heard that he was in a 3 year relationship not too long ago. I dont know the exact details ...

A.   16 March 2009: "What is it exactly that makes guys use girls for their own pleasure?" It's not necessarily for their own pleasure. As some have said, the thrill is all in the chase. It's a big ego boost to go through all the moves and finally win the big priz... (read in full...)

Why do guys turn into womanizers?

Q.   I know this guy and we made out a couple of times. He wanted to have sex but I said no. I like him but it turns out he is a big manwhore who sleeps around. I heard that he was in a 3 year relationship not too long ago. I dont know the exact details ...

A.   16 March 2009: "What is it exactly that makes guys use girls for their own pleasure?" It's not necessarily for their own pleasure. As some have said, the thrill is all in the chase. It's a big ego boost to go through all the moves and finally win the big priz... (read in full...)

Should this bug the hell out of me?

Q.   I'm in love with my girlfriend, she is my only concern in this world, and I've let her known that many times. There are things I've told/named her that I've never told to anyone else, namely ex-girlfriends. She tells me I am "her life, her sky, her ...

A.   26 February 2009: She's looking for someone she can call "her life, her sky, her everything". In the past she thought she'd found it but she hadn't. This is still what she's looking for, though, and she hopes that this time she's really found it. If you're both ... (read in full...)

I don't like how he always tries to teach me... does he even like me?

Q.   Hello Friends, Am not brilliant enough what can i do. I have a boyfriend and he told me at the initial time he loves me, but as time goes on he discover that am not brilliant, he always talk to me, try to teach me, but the way he teaches me is as if ...

A.   29 November 2008: He probably doesn't know he's causing you such pain. Maybe he gets a little exasperated when you don't catch on as quickly as he does. Maybe he gets off on feeling superior. Whatever the reason, he probably just doesn't understand how hurtful this ... (read in full...)

My BF went through a "gay stage" in the past and I'm freaked out.

Q.   I recently found out that my boyfriend went through a "gay stage" in the past. He didn't tell me about it, I happened to come upon one of his old emails. When I confronted him about it, he said he went through a stage but didn't want to talk about ...

A.   25 November 2008: If it worries you that much, leave him. He would be better off finding someone who is more tolerant and doesn't want to control his sexuality. ... (read in full...)

Retroactive Jealousy: how do I overcome it?

Q.   Right, so I am not even really sure how to start this. Basically, I suffer from what many other men (and few women) seem to suffer from as well. Retroactive Jealousy, or "her past"... Its horrible, its utterly disturbing and self destructive. I have ...

A.   25 November 2008: While I very much sympathise with the people who are posting with such pain, I must say I do get a very strong whiff of self pity in all this. People seem to feel very hardly done by. They are making themselves totally inconsolable, like a child who ... (read in full...)

What do we call the male version of mistress?

Q.   What do we call the male version of mistress? If a girl is seeing a guy who has a partner - what is the official name for the guy?...

A.   25 November 2008: Paramour... (read in full...)

I came home to find my brother-in-law and my dad sitting on the couch in their underwear kissing one another!

Q.   I'm 25, been married to my wife who's 24, for about 6 months. Everything's been great, and I get on well with her family great too. My wife's brother, who's 22, is gay, and very openly gay, and I'm not homophobic at all. I get on with him well ...

A.   24 November 2008: There is something strange about this post. Apart from the basic premise of the brother-in-law and father kissing on the couch, which seems strange enough in itself -- the whole thing delivered in an almost impersonal tone, as though the author was ... (read in full...)

Does intermittently questioning yourself and your love necessarily mean you don't love?

Q.   This question may be asked a little too late, but I'll go into it anyway. Do you ever question your love for your partner, or do you think this necessarily means that you don't love the person? I feel strongly, and believe I care deeply for my pa...

A.   24 November 2008: What I meant was that if you dismiss a small twinge of self-doubt, you are making a mistake. That little twinge is usually the harbinger of a full-blown crisis. You have to go right through the process of contemplating a total break-up with your ... (read in full...)

Does my boyfriend give a crap about our relationship?I NEED HELP

Q.   hello, I need some views about this. My 9 month boyfriend is the best guy, he has always treated me like a princess, he is very introverted and shy, and he hasn't been very lucky with women. I am his first real relationship, and he has alwas said ...

A.   22 November 2008: Don't test people's love by seeing if they will get jealous. Or judge their love by words like those of your boyfriend. It's a silly, silly way to judge love -- how possessive he is, especially when he's speaking hypothetically. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is so selfish when it comes to us sexually.

Q.   My boyfriend is so selfish when it comes to us sexually. We've been together a year and a half now, and recently he's been asking me to spice it up a bit with how I do uno stuff with him.. But he has never once or gone down on me or properly...

A.   21 November 2008: He is still young. He imagines that because he is incredibly excited and satisfied, you must be too. He will learn what it means to be a good lover as he gets older. But you have to help him along the road by suggesting things to him. One pro... (read in full...)

At what point in a relationship do you reveal your past?

Q.   At what point in a relationship do you reveal your past? I'm 20 yrs. old and this is really my first attempt at a serious relationship. I was a troubled teen. I used drugs and alcohol. I became sexually active at 14 and had literally dozens of ...

A.   21 November 2008: No, you should tell him. It is part of laying your heart on the line for him. It means you have opened up completely and are baring your heart to him. If he's a decent guy, he'll accept you for what you are. Be warned, however, that there is the p... (read in full...)

I can't seem to find the words to end things... he treats me worse than poop!

Q.   I don't even know how to start this I'm soo extremely depressed about my life. I'm not sucidal but at times I wish I could drop off the face of the earth... I have two kids 1 and 7... girl and boy... it's gotten to the point that they even irritate ...

A.   21 November 2008: I have nothing to add, really, except that this jerk has no right to dish this out, and you don't need to put up with it. I hope you can find a way to tell this ignoramus where to get off. Good luck!... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my cousin, and I don't know what to do.

Q.   It's simple. I'm in love with my cousin. He's 21 and I'm 18. We met when I was 13, then again when I was 16. He lived in Florida, and I lived in Illinois. As soon as I went down there when I was 16, I was immediatly attracted to him. Face it he's ...

A.   21 November 2008: I think most people would have assumed that you have problems with your feelings for your cousin. This is normally a pretty taboo sort of thing. If you wanted advice on how to break it to him, you should have made it clear.... (read in full...)

I am not bi or lesbian but sometimes women can turn me on.

Q.   I am not a bi or lesbian. I have a bf and we love sex with each other. But I get turned on by female body sometimes. When I was young, me and my cousin sister used to feel each others bodies and it was a real turn on. We never continued it for two ...

A.   21 November 2008: You sound normal to me! Human sexuality is too broad and vigorous to be boxed into the now common "straight, gay, bi" pigeonholes. This is especially problematic when people have a physical attraction to the same sex but are not emotiona... (read in full...)

Male/Female Masturbation: Double Standards

Q.   This isn't really a question, but a comment that I'm interested in seeing people's thoughts on. This is about male/female masturbation. My girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. She tried to wake me up but apparent...

A.   21 November 2008: Thanks! This thread is GREAT AMMUNITION for replying to the next woman who complains that her husband masturbates while watching porn!... (read in full...)

Are girls more serious and emotional then they let on?

Q.   I was upset over something, you know, just some bad luck and stuff, so I decided to talk to my girlfriend about it. She made me laugh and I told her to grow up. However she took this very seriously and got offended. Are girls more serious and ...

A.   20 November 2008: "Grow up" is not a very nice thing to say. In fact it's kind of insulting. If someone said it to me I'd feel pretty pissed off, too.... (read in full...)

Male/Female Masturbation: Double Standards

Q.   This isn't really a question, but a comment that I'm interested in seeing people's thoughts on. This is about male/female masturbation. My girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. She tried to wake me up but apparent...

A.   20 November 2008: Not really sure. I suspect that the women who are opposed to men masturbating are the ones who don't masturbate themselves.... Another thing is that men masturbating depletes the cum build-up and the urge to have sex, while women's masturba... (read in full...)

Is it too much to ask for pleasure after he's done?

Q.   me and my bf have been together for 3 years are 16 now and have been having sex for past 2 months, we do use protection just to be safe (condoms, the pill) but lately im not that into it even though he is. he can never seem to get me to orgasm. its ...

A.   20 November 2008: After a man has shot his load, he often doesn't feel a great deal of passion. He could trying fingering you, but it might be pretty lacklustre. It is a lot of pressure on a guy to be asked to keep performing after his orgasm has left him weak, ... (read in full...)

His porn watching is affecting our sex life in a detrimental way.

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. I love him very much and I know he loves me too but our sex life has always been dysfunctional and at times non existent. I am 21 and he is 43, he has some trouble maintaining an erection and ...

A.   20 November 2008: I agree with DiovanLestat. The problem is his poor sex drive and his poor sexual performance. The fact that he can masturbate to porn only highlights this. Don't make porn into the enemy. If you want it to be the enemy, it will be the enemy. I... (read in full...)

I feel resentment towards her for breaking my heart in this way.

Q.   I fell in love with a girl around 6 months back. On one of the first few times I met her. We became good friends and I asked her out a few weeks ago, she said no. It was heart-breaking to say the least and I think about what I could have possi...

A.   20 November 2008: I'm with Tisha on this one.... (read in full...)

How do I seduce him without being embarassed?

Q.   my boyfriend stopped in the middle of having sex last nite, complaining that im to quiet in bed, and because he doesnt know if im enjoyin it he doesnt enjoy it! he wants me to be more dominating in bed, but i cant change the way i am! Im just scared ...

A.   20 November 2008: Of course you can change! It just takes a little effort. And not too much, either. This is no different from other aspects of life where things can change if you "give it a go". And the thing is that as changes start to happen, you grow more con... (read in full...)

Her sexual past haunts me daily, I didn't even ask, she volunteered the information!!

Q.   I've been dating a girl for about six months now. I purposely never asked about her sexual past. However she has offered up more than enough information on her own.I cannot seem to get over her past as much as I try. I know I can't change it, I do ...

A.   20 November 2008: Or try this recent thread: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-possibly-be-this-happy-after.html ... (read in full...)

Her sexual past haunts me daily, I didn't even ask, she volunteered the information!!

Q.   I've been dating a girl for about six months now. I purposely never asked about her sexual past. However she has offered up more than enough information on her own.I cannot seem to get over her past as much as I try. I know I can't change it, I do ...

A.   19 November 2008: Here are a few of the threads I've found from this year (many of which I posted replies to): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-pain-will-never-stop.html http://www.de... (read in full...)

Does intermittently questioning yourself and your love necessarily mean you don't love?

Q.   This question may be asked a little too late, but I'll go into it anyway. Do you ever question your love for your partner, or do you think this necessarily means that you don't love the person? I feel strongly, and believe I care deeply for my pa...

A.   19 November 2008: Also, the onset of misgivings is usually the start of a crisis. You suddenly notice a bit of a cooling and think, "It'll pass". Instead, it gets worse and worse. You have to wait for the whole thing to hit a trough, then rebound, before you start ... (read in full...)

Does intermittently questioning yourself and your love necessarily mean you don't love?

Q.   This question may be asked a little too late, but I'll go into it anyway. Do you ever question your love for your partner, or do you think this necessarily means that you don't love the person? I feel strongly, and believe I care deeply for my pa...

A.   19 November 2008: A tough question, and one I sympathise with. It's a variation of the old "What is love?" question. I am the worst person in the world to answer this question, because I also have had doubts about every relationship I've been in. And it tends to... (read in full...)

Dating an older man

Q.   I am 20 years old and I'm dating a man who is 25 years old than me. I always ask him if he has a problem with our age difference. He says he doesn't. So am I the one with the problem? Sometimes I feel like our relationship is only sexual and I feel ...

A.   19 November 2008: The age difference doesn't really matter. The question is what the two of you are getting out of the relationship. If you are having these misgivings, it sounds like you are not happy with it. First, you don't mention what you are getting out of ... (read in full...)

Her sexual past haunts me daily, I didn't even ask, she volunteered the information!!

Q.   I've been dating a girl for about six months now. I purposely never asked about her sexual past. However she has offered up more than enough information on her own.I cannot seem to get over her past as much as I try. I know I can't change it, I do ...

A.   19 November 2008: Do a search of "her past" and "her history" on this site. There are loads and loads of threads exactly about this issue. I don't think it's easy, but think, on your dying day, will it really be worth it to look back over your life and see years ... (read in full...)

I'm too sexually active for my liking, how can I calm down?

Q.   I am really sexually active, last night I slept with a friend of mine and tonight, where my friends and I are going, there's this guy who wants to sleep with me and of course, I'm sexually active and I said ok. What's wrong with me? So far in my ...

A.   19 November 2008: Is this a sex drive thing, or is it more a question of curiosity and "why not?" If you feel this is not right you should probably try and control your actions. I don't think this kind of thing really hurts you (unless you get pregnant or catch so... (read in full...)

Am I a lesbian, bisexual or just perverted?

Q.   Hi!I have a question for you.Well,I am 25 years old,and over this last months I think...I ve changed. Since I was 7 years old, I masturbate, and think about sex at all times. I also remember thinking about sex before that age. So, since then,I e...

A.   19 November 2008: I don't think you are bi at all. I think you are merely sexually open and adventurous. I've said before on this site, I don't believe in all this labelling. Why does society feel impelled to put people into three pigeonholes: straight, gay, and bi? ... (read in full...)

My wife cheated on me... and it's on tape... but I love her. What do I do?

Q.   I am 31 I’ve been married for almost 4 years and I known my wife for 6 years and we have a beautiful 3 years old girl, and we have a second one on the way, but I have learn something very horrible and I do not know what to do, I truly love my wife ...

A.   18 November 2008: Look, it's a hoax. Can't some moderator take it down?... (read in full...)

What are some ways for me to please my BF without intercourse?

Q.   I'm in a long distance relationship and I'm going to see my boyfriend soon (yay). I'm not ready to have intercourse yet, and I really dont want to do any oral/anal either. My bf doesn't have a problem with that, but I wanted to know other ways of ...

A.   18 November 2008: Develop gentle and sensitive fingers. This is a great chance to develop your sensuality. Kissing, touching, "fingering", these are all fabulous without the need to go all the way. One day you'll go all the way and probably find that a lot of the ... (read in full...)

If she doesn't like me, why does she constantly e-mail me?

Q.   I am totally into this girl she's 20 n I'm 16 we both work in the same office we email each other all day but she is so far over on the other side of the office so we can't talk much. I can't stop thinking of her she is gorgeous n her personality is ...

A.   18 November 2008: We can only second-guess her behaviour. I do suggest, however, that a lesbian relationship may be the furthest thing from her mind. In many cultures it is normal to get really close to a female friend without any thoughts of going to bed. The... (read in full...)

I'm a married man, and I prefer masturbation to intercourse. Any ideas?

Q.   I am having some problems with my sex life. I am a 28 year old male and have been married for 5 years. My wife and I waited to have sex until after we were married. I was not a virgin and she was. After about 5 years of marriage I am f...

A.   18 November 2008: Oh, and I consider this woman's attitude a prime example of the damage that religion can do. Not all religious people are like this. There are many, many open-minded religious people. But when prudery and religion come together, they do more help ... (read in full...)

I'm a married man, and I prefer masturbation to intercourse. Any ideas?

Q.   I am having some problems with my sex life. I am a 28 year old male and have been married for 5 years. My wife and I waited to have sex until after we were married. I was not a virgin and she was. After about 5 years of marriage I am f...

A.   18 November 2008: This is a communication problem. Your wife has blocked your suggestions for resolving this issue in a mutually helpful way. This has driven you to masturbation, which you regard as a second-best solution. Making a goal not to masturbate so much ... (read in full...)

Husband open with me about having sex with other men !!

Q.   Hello Again, I have posted before and you guys gave me very valuable and insightful information.... but I am still wondering if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for 25 years, have 3 children + 2 foster boys that are all freshmen...

A.   18 November 2008: Of course it is possible to have a relationship as deep and trusting as you do but him still be able to go out and have his "meetings"! There are many things possible in human relationships. There are people who practise polyamory, polygamy, ... (read in full...)

Since he's given up porn he's given up giving me orgasms!

Q.   the last few times i've had sex with my boyfriend (i have initiated it) i have felt objectified. one of those times we were engaged in mutual oral sex. when he came, i was close, but he stopped cunnilingus and penetrated me (even though he was ...

A.   17 November 2008: You've got to let him know! Set the ground rules: Get me to come first, then let me watch you shoot your load! (And tell him you want to watch it. Lots of porn features men shooting their load, he should appreciate your interest :) ) Make su... (read in full...)

Confused and wondering what is next!

Q.   I am a 31 year old guy who has been in a steady relationship for 3 years with a woman who has a young daughter. I have grown close to her and especially the daughter.. The father is not involved in her life at all and never has been so she sees me ...

A.   17 November 2008: Just an extra note, this speaks volumes about you: "I for some reason or another find it hard to say goodbye in life though..I get this overwhelming feeling like 'wow, all that time and effort and intimacy, just gone in a flash' and then on to the ... (read in full...)

Confused and wondering what is next!

Q.   I am a 31 year old guy who has been in a steady relationship for 3 years with a woman who has a young daughter. I have grown close to her and especially the daughter.. The father is not involved in her life at all and never has been so she sees me ...

A.   17 November 2008: Thanks for telling us a bit more about this. I am very sure that only someone who is generous and noble of spirit could be so good as you are to her. That is why you are in this situation. Sometimes our own goodness can be our own worst enemy. I... (read in full...)

Confused and wondering what is next!

Q.   I am a 31 year old guy who has been in a steady relationship for 3 years with a woman who has a young daughter. I have grown close to her and especially the daughter.. The father is not involved in her life at all and never has been so she sees me ...

A.   16 November 2008: OK, now you've given us some more detail, I think I can see the problem. This is something that a friend of mine warned me about many years ago. I didn't take any notice of what he said and have paid dearly for my mistake. The problem lies in your ... (read in full...)

Confused and wondering what is next!

Q.   I am a 31 year old guy who has been in a steady relationship for 3 years with a woman who has a young daughter. I have grown close to her and especially the daughter.. The father is not involved in her life at all and never has been so she sees me ...

A.   16 November 2008: My feeling is this: This woman wants the "good bits" without the "bad bits". I don't know about your decision-making process, how you decided on buying the house, etc. Didn't she know where the house was before you got it ready? Maybe you're a... (read in full...)

Husband open with me about having sex with other men !!

Q.   Hello Again, I have posted before and you guys gave me very valuable and insightful information.... but I am still wondering if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for 25 years, have 3 children + 2 foster boys that are all freshmen...

A.   14 November 2008: Well, Crazy???, it looks as if I was barking up the wrong tree. If you can cure the disease at its root, you will no longer have to bear the distress of your husband's sick behaviour, and your husband will no longer be tortured by shame, disgust, ... (read in full...)

My wife cheated on me... and it's on tape... but I love her. What do I do?

Q.   I am 31 I’ve been married for almost 4 years and I known my wife for 6 years and we have a beautiful 3 years old girl, and we have a second one on the way, but I have learn something very horrible and I do not know what to do, I truly love my wife ...

A.   14 November 2008: Nice story. If it's true, I don't know why you are asking this question. You sound uncannily calm about what would be anyone else's worst nightmare. If my life came crashing down around my ears like that, I wouldn't just be saying "I do not know ... (read in full...)

Husband open with me about having sex with other men !!

Q.   Hello Again, I have posted before and you guys gave me very valuable and insightful information.... but I am still wondering if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for 25 years, have 3 children + 2 foster boys that are all freshmen...

A.   14 November 2008: "Is he being fair to me...Am I being naive, is he being selfish, can this work?" My final comment is this: you'll find plenty of women to weigh in and tell you that this is sick, he is being disrespectful, etc. They will all agree with you that... (read in full...)

Husband open with me about having sex with other men !!

Q.   Hello Again, I have posted before and you guys gave me very valuable and insightful information.... but I am still wondering if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for 25 years, have 3 children + 2 foster boys that are all freshmen...

A.   14 November 2008: I've been thinking about your problem. I can see how hard it is for you. Given the huge stress that this is causing you, I think you really should ask him to stop. If you could accept his behaviour, there would not be any problem. But you can't ac... (read in full...)

Husband open with me about having sex with other men !!

Q.   Hello Again, I have posted before and you guys gave me very valuable and insightful information.... but I am still wondering if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for 25 years, have 3 children + 2 foster boys that are all freshmen...

A.   13 November 2008: Oh, and "Why am I not enough for him?" I think that was answered by someone else at your earlier post. I think the two urges are almost separate desires. He has this one specific drive that you can't fulfil (even though he loves the strap-on... (read in full...)

Husband open with me about having sex with other men !!

Q.   Hello Again, I have posted before and you guys gave me very valuable and insightful information.... but I am still wondering if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for 25 years, have 3 children + 2 foster boys that are all freshmen...

A.   13 November 2008: OK, I answered your previous post. Now I'll try and answer this one. When you first mentioned this to us, I certainly had doubts about the wisdom of putting yourself under so much emotional strain. You described the physical symptoms of your dis... (read in full...)

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