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*ike I see it agony aunt

*ike I see it

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I believe that everyone has the right to be treated with respect in his or her relationship, and advise accordingly. Life is too short to stay where you're not happy!

***Please note: although I'm flattered by inbox requests for advice, the beauty of DearCupid lies in the wide variety of perspectives shared by the aunts on this site. If you have a relationship question, please post it to the main site so that more than one person can assist you with it :)

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My friend won't say if he is gay or bi should I ask if I can give him a bj?

Q.   I've never done it before but I would like to have sex with this guy I know, I think he is bi,but I can't be sure, I stop by his house every one in a while,I never known him to be with a woman since we have been friends five or six years,he spends a ...

A.   21 January 2017: You can ask, but if you have assumed wrongly about his preferences, be prepared for the friendship to get very awkward after that. It can be strange for people of any gender to know that they are or have been an object of sexual fantasies for ... (read in full...)

Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?

Q.   I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...

A.   15 January 2017: 3.5 years together and being with his family means he can't text you at all? Is there a reason you're a secret from them, or weren't invited on the trip? It sounds like "at home" means separate places for the two of you, since you refer to phone... (read in full...)

I think I am pregnant and the dad has disappeared.

Q.   Well. I met a guy months ago. We went out 3 times. At the 2nd one we had sex. I was the one who brought the sexual topic to the conversation. After sex we had sex once more. And the condom didn't work. I think I'm probably pregnant. He started ...

A.   15 January 2017: Now that you know you're pregnant, your next step should be a talk with your doctor to find out how far along you are and what your options are. If termination isn't an option available to you (or an option you'd choose if it is) you need to start ... (read in full...)

He is still under her thumb. What can I do?

Q.   Hello, I am slightly put off and rather upset at the moment. I live in a small town with my boyfriend of almost six years, and he... Well he is always dragging me over to his ex's place, making me spend the night, doing all her "to do" lists, and ...

A.   15 January 2017: I agree with the others - this situation is bizarre enough to be basically unheard of. And I wouldn't stay in it. Putting up with this crap only enables him. Get your financial ducks in a row, move out, and hold out for someone who doesn't ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend has been secretive about his female friend in the past and now she's invited herself to stay with him for a week. How do I handle this?

Q.   I [21F] am in a relationship with my boyfriend [24M] (Mike, for future reference) for a year and a half, but our problem started about 6 months in. We met on the university both studying physics so it was easy for me to become a part of his college ...

A.   13 January 2017: I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Nothing about your fears seems irrational or paranoid. The "friendship" you describe has crossed all kinds of boundaries that opposite-sex friendships of people in a committed relationship with someone ... (read in full...)

I found a dildo in my boyfriend's closet!

Q.   I'm a 47 year old woman that found a dildo in my boyfriend's closet! We've been dating 2 year's and only see each other on the weekends,but talk every night. He has two kids,so he's home with them every night. He isn't vocal about what he wants in ...

A.   13 January 2017: Personally I WOULDN'T jump straight to the assumption that this dildo means he is secretly seeing another woman with a dildo fetish, as female anon has suggested. It is my suspicion that such far-fetched yet specific advice comes from a place of ... (read in full...)

Should I be concerned ? He came home from his class, wearing cologne

Q.   My boyfriend is a self defense instructor at our gym. He teaches an hour class one evening each week voluntarily. I noticed this evening that he came home from his class, wearing cologne. This is the first time that I have ever noticed him wea...

A.   12 January 2017: The person to ask about this is, naturally, your boyfriend. But I wouldn't assume any wrongdoing on his part over this, as the most likely explanation isn't anything sinister at all. He could very well have gotten sweaty during class/thought he ... (read in full...)

How can I cope with my husband cheating on me two years ago, with a blood relative? He has cut contact with her, but I'm still trying to cope with his betrayal

Q.   My husband was adopted as an infant. He later found his birth family. Since then he has had sex with his half sister. It is tearing me up inside. I'm still with him, he does not have contact with her now, but I wonder about his heart. T...

A.   8 January 2017: I'm so sorry to hear you had to experience something like this. It would be a lot for anyone to process, and it doesn't surprise me that after two years you are still struggling with it. Cheating alone is extremely difficult for most people to cope ... (read in full...)

My abusive ex is dating again. Would it be weird or wrong if I warn his new Gf about him?

Q.   Hello all, Ok here's the short situation I was married have two kids with the guy. He cheated and abused me verbally and physically. We ended up getting a divorce and I'm finally free of him. He is living in another county now. He does n...

A.   8 January 2017: I have a feeling that you're going to get a variety of answers on this, but personally? In her shoes, I would absolutely want to know. It sounds like he turns on the charm (and doesn't disclose his STD status) initially, and only eventually does the ... (read in full...)

I am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with my in laws!

Q.   I am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with my husbands family . He has several family members who beliefs and behaviour are very challenging and they sometimes stay with us as they live interstate . Some are currently or were in the past ...

A.   8 January 2017: Unfortunately you can't control others' beliefs, no matter how ridiculous you may find them. If they want to claim they see unicorns, that is their call. BUT if they're using your home (as one half of a married couple, it is as much yours as... (read in full...)

Present employer could jeopardise new employment

Q.   Not a dating/relationship question, but would really appreciate any input from anyone who has any ideas/thoughts on this problem, as it could turn out to be a big problem for me. I have worked for a number of years for a small, family-owned com...

A.   8 January 2017: I'm very sorry to hear you are dealing with such an unprofessional workplace... I would not mention any of your suspicions about the old employer in your interview. That might give a prospective employer more reason to pay close attention to what ... (read in full...)

Why was my BF not receptive enough to my naughty Snapchat video?

Q.   I sent my BF a racy Snapchat video. I don't want to say exactly but it was definitely "naughty" and involved private parts. Well, it took him 2 hours to see it and respond. He said... "Mmmmmm. How am I supposed to sleep tonight after seeing t...

A.   8 January 2017: Your post identifies you as an adult woman but here are the obligatory words of caution anyway - *please be careful* with any nude photos/intimate videos of yourself. I've seen inappropriate things saved off Snapchat in the past (not sure if that ... (read in full...)

I think she's going to dump me because her dog loves me more than her!

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for a little while now, but she has trouble with her dog loving her... I see that the dog loves her, but she thinks the dog loves me more and dosent love her at all. Recently I have been accused of stealing her dog...

A.   7 January 2017: "Stealing the dog's love"... oh dear. Your girlfriend seems completely out of touch with reality, and I say this as someone who also happens to own a dog with my partner. It does not bother me in the slightest that our dog "prefers" my partner most ... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend appear uncomfortable around his subordinate?

Q.   Hi. So there's this woman my boyfriend works with. He is actually her boss. At a social gathering around Christmas, I noticed he looked uncomfortable around her. I asked him about this. He said he thinks she likes him (more than a professional ...

A.   6 January 2017: Upon reading your follow-up - the fact that he met you at his workplace doesn't mean anything. That's like saying, for example, "I met my partner at the gym" or "I met my partner at a restaurant" or "I met my partner in church." Does that mean the ... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend appear uncomfortable around his subordinate?

Q.   Hi. So there's this woman my boyfriend works with. He is actually her boss. At a social gathering around Christmas, I noticed he looked uncomfortable around her. I asked him about this. He said he thinks she likes him (more than a professional ...

A.   6 January 2017: It is perfectly reasonable that a boss might be uncomfortable with the knowledge that a subordinate finds him attractive. Now he doesn't just have to be polite/professional to her (as one generally does in the workplace) but he also has to make sure ... (read in full...)

Does he possibly still like me? Is it normal behaviour to spend Xmas with your ex and not with a child he fathered?

Q.   Me and my ex split in November 2013 due to him leaving for a new job then couple months later me finding out he met someone he knew and having a kid with her. Which I've asked many times but he will always denie anything. Anyway Feb this yr he r...

A.   31 December 2016: Are they still together? If not, she may not have wanted him around for the holidays, or whatever visitation rights they agreed on (or that a court ordered) may not have permitted it. Maybe his child's mother has a new partner in HER life and they ... (read in full...)

Does a bruise on my boyfriend's stomach mean he is cheating?

Q.   My boyfriend came home with a noticeable bruise to the right of his belly button last night and this concerns me. We have had rough sex many times but not recently. I asked him where he got it and he said he has no idea and just noticed it himself ...

A.   30 December 2016: I don't think the bruise is concrete evidence of anything. It could be from rough sex - or from absolutely anything else, really. He could have bumped into something - a counter, a car door, you name it. I think the better question is what oth... (read in full...)

What do I do? Don't want to split up. Yet also don't want a Bf who behaves like a cheater 2.

Q.   hiya everyone me and my fiance have been together for 3 years. A few month ago he started to add women on facebook the women he added were the type of women he said he would like as a girlfriend. I asked him why he was adding them (he hardly uses ...

A.   30 December 2016: The notification that they accepted his request means that the original request came from HIS account, not theirs. I'm not a techie but it would likely take a fair amount of hacking by a talented third party for anything else to be the case here. ... (read in full...)

He lies about money, I am fed up with being his doormat!

Q.   I would love your opinions please on whether I am being unfair or judgmental. Me and my husband have been together for 15 years. Over the years I have caught him out in lies over money. About five years ago his aunt passed away, I knew she had left...

A.   30 December 2016: I do not think it is unfair or judgemental of you to be irritated about this. Since it sounds like you pay for everything for both of you and he is not wanting for or lacking anything essential, there isn't any apparent justification for him to b... (read in full...)

Can you be pregnant with negative test results?

Q.   I had sex with a guy one night in September. I dont really remember what happened but i know we had sex. We used a condom but i am unsure if he secretly slipped it off or of the condom may have failed. It isvDecember now and my stomach looks ...

A.   30 December 2016: It is rare but possible to have a pregnancy that goes undetected by early testing, also known as a "cryptic pregnancy," so please don't wait a month. I'm assuming you have health insurance if you are able to see a doctor? Walk in to an urgent care ... (read in full...)

No present - what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend of four years did not give me a Christmas present this year. Should I be upset? Because I am. Should I say something to him?...

A.   27 December 2016: I think the added context helps a bit - if he's usually cheap by nature, a nice meal out and fancy silver necklace is probably him going "all out" (to him anyway) and maybe he felt you wouldn't expect another material display of affection so soon ... (read in full...)

No present - what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend of four years did not give me a Christmas present this year. Should I be upset? Because I am. Should I say something to him?...

A.   26 December 2016: Thanks for the update, OP. Sorry to hear your partner dropped the ball. I don't necessarily think you're wrong to be upset, but I'd be curious as to what discussion if any happened between you two about Christmas this year. Has he observed the past ... (read in full...)

No present - what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend of four years did not give me a Christmas present this year. Should I be upset? Because I am. Should I say something to him?...

A.   25 December 2016: I agree with the others - unless you celebrate Christmas on a different day than most, it's a bit early to assume that he hasn't gotten you anything. See what happens tomorrow and keep us posted. Best wishes!... (read in full...)

Do girls start to like guys if they spend this much time together? Or will I remain as just a friend?

Q.   Hi everyone. I have question about this girl I like. Main question is does she like me? Background info about the situation. I have moved to a new country 6 months ago. I met this girl 4 months ago at a meetup. Meetup is where you go meet rand...

A.   23 December 2016: I'm sorry, but it sounds like you are squarely in the friend zone at the moment. Women don't typically tell men they are interested in about all the other men they are seeing unless it's the type of relationship where one or both parties find lack ... (read in full...)

Should you take it personally if someone only replies to you when prompted?

Q.   If someone only replies to your text messages when you prompt them and then they say have been really busy and don't take it personally... should you tell them that you do take it personally will it look as if you are retaliating, is it better to ...

A.   12 December 2016: I am guessing this person is not very close to you to begin with if your conversations take place via text messages rather than phone calls? So I wouldn't take it personally... but I would also recognize that I likely am not a priority to this per... (read in full...)

Am I a lousy lover for my wife?

Q.   I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...

A.   11 December 2016: What Chigirl said, and also I respectfully suggest you seek professional counseling about this because as the details come out this seems more like a case of retroactive jealousy on your part than anything else. Good luck with this situatio... (read in full...)

Am I a lousy lover for my wife?

Q.   I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...

A.   10 December 2016: A male escort page isn't a good reference point for the average male physique for the same reason a strip club (or female escort page) isn't representative of what the "average" woman looks like naked. In both cases the people involved are selling a ... (read in full...)

Am I a lousy lover for my wife?

Q.   I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...

A.   9 December 2016: If you read the email without her knowledge or permission I can see how your feelings about what she wrote may not be her greatest concern here. It's quite possible that she places a higher value on her privacy than you might, and is upset or ... (read in full...)

Am I a lousy lover for my wife?

Q.   I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...

A.   9 December 2016: Clearly you're not a lousy lover, as she married you and this other guy never made it past "friends with benefits." If I'm reading correctly and this man is a lover from your wife's past rather than someone she cheated on you with, it sounds l... (read in full...)

He doesn't believe I'm innocent

Q.   My boyfriend is accusing me of cheating and I'm honestly not I've even ask to give him a lie detector test, one minute he's down for it then the next he doesn't,he says he knows everything that i did cause he's a scorpio and he's very intuitive... ...

A.   9 December 2016: Admitting to something you did not do was a mistake, because now you have told him two different stories (I didn't do it, I did do it) and one of those by definition was a lie. Not only that, he knows you lied to him because both stories cannot ... (read in full...)

Is my sexual wish too much to ask?

Q.   Dear aunts, I have a gf who i love. I'm straight but a like girls to play with my arse. I just like the sensation. I'm afraid if i ask my gf to try a dildo or a strap on on me will make me less desirable for her. What do you think?...

A.   9 December 2016: Unless she's unusually squeamish or closed-minded when it comes to sex, I don't think there's anything wrong with *asking* about this. That said, please do respect her decision if you ask and she isn't interested. Good luck and best wishes.... (read in full...)

Was 'going to the dentist' just a cover story? Was he ever 'seeing the dentist' ? Does the evidence suggest my husband is cheating?

Q.   Here is an interesting question and it involves speculation and coming up with possible explanations. I am hoping to see how people think and what conclusions they can draw from this situation. It is something different from the usual. Might be ...

A.   8 December 2016: No offense, OP, but this story doesn't add up to me. It's very hard to believe that a dentist would risk his or her reputation (and professional license) by compromising patient confidentiality, to get in the middle of a patient's marital trust ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend has become very self centred

Q.   I'm 25 years old and I work in ems/fire. I've been having troubles with my girlfriend recently. I feel like she is becoming very controlling due to the fact she doesn't even live with me but yet gets mad when I have friends over or my dad and brot...

A.   4 December 2016: This is a problem near and dear to my heart. Having worked in the same field as you for a decade and counting I can tell you that your schedule will be a recurring obstacle to relationships. It is NOT your fault. It's not really your girlfriend's ... (read in full...)

Is this guy straight or bi

Q.   I'm really confused and a little jealous..... there's this guy I started talking to at the gym, his in better shape but than me (so his not admiring my body prior) he used to stare at me a lot then we started talking... turns out we have loads in...

A.   28 November 2016: His ex is a girl, but so is yours, so that doesn't necessarily mean anything. The staring is a bit odd for a straight guy. I have a lot of guy friends and I can't say I've ever heard one tell another "I like you," so that seems a bit odd to me. I... (read in full...)

Uncertain if he's interested

Q.   I became interested in my friends best friend and I didn't talk to him much because he was always hanging around my friend. We were both getting pretty drunk and told my friend I was interested in him and I think he told him that and he started ...

A.   27 November 2016: Maybe he's not that interested. Or maybe he's a genuinely good guy who isn't into one-night stands, sex with "smashed" female partners, or both. I do think people, at least in my own country, are becoming more cognizant that sex with a truly ... (read in full...)

I just want things back to normal between us

Q.   How do you make a situation less awkward? About 3 months ago I got with a colleague and in short, he was an idiot about things and very misleading. He's clearly in the wrong and has never apologised or addressed the situation, but that's besides ...

A.   27 November 2016: I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I gather from your post that he probably saw his time with you as an opportunistic hookup while you had harbored genuine feelings for him and were hoping something more serious would come out of it. The ... (read in full...)

Is it a bad idea to hook up with a single mother?

Q.   Recently I broke up with my girlfriend and now I'm single. I know it's too early to hang out with other women but there is this girl she's 09/10 rating hot brunette, younger, she used to be my coworker but she got pregnant, got married and now she's ...

A.   27 November 2016: If she's a single mother she probably takes dating a lot more seriously than she did when you last tried to hook up with her, because now she has a child's safety and well-being to think about too. If you expect to hook up with her on your fir... (read in full...)

How do I convince my girlfriend to indulge my ballbusting fetish?

Q.   I've been dating a girl, that I love, for about six months. I also love ballbusting, and the problem is that she doesn't want to do it anymore. If you don't know what it is, just Google it. One session usually lasts about 30-60 minutes, dependi...

A.   27 November 2016: The short answer is you don't, not if she doesn't want to. I am happy to suggest ways that you two might work around this, but I'm not (and likely no one here is) going to suggest that your girlfriend be pressured into an activity against her wishes ... (read in full...)

Being an Indian how do you send subtle indications to a White guy that you are interested in him?

Q.   How to make a white guy understand you are interested in him? Asking him out surely didn't help. We Indians are so culturally different from the west I wonder what would be the right way to send some cues for the guy that I want us to be more tha...

A.   26 November 2016: Am I reading correctly that you have asked him out already? If yes, and if he declined when you asked him (or failed to take you up on whatever you suggested doing) I'm afraid you have no choice but to respect his decision and move on. You have put ... (read in full...)

I've planned a very elaborate threesome with my bf and another girl, but could still do with some advice..

Q.   Hi all. The live-in boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We are very solid, trust each other completely, with little to no jealousy whatsoever, and we have a great sex life. So after about 6 months of discussion, we've finally decided to ...

A.   25 November 2016: Full disclosure, I've never brought a third person into any of my relationships, although I did have an ex who really pushed for this. It's not something I'm personally interested in and frankly I can't think of a faster way to put trust issues into ... (read in full...)

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