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*ike I see it agony aunt

*ike I see it

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I believe that everyone has the right to be treated with respect in his or her relationship, and advise accordingly. Life is too short to stay where you're not happy!

***Please note: although I'm flattered by inbox requests for advice, the beauty of DearCupid lies in the wide variety of perspectives shared by the aunts on this site. If you have a relationship question, please post it to the main site so that more than one person can assist you with it :)

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I'm tired of my husband and his lack of responsibility. Should I ask him to hit the road?

Q.   I am a 34 year old female and my husband and I are married for 14 years,we have 3kids aged 12,7 and 5. From the beginning of our marriage i have assisted my husband financially and for a good portion of our marriage have been the sole bread wi...

A.   3 September 2017: Unless there's more to the story, he definitely sounds selfish. Extremely so, in fact. I truly can't see any other explanation for uprooting his working wife and three school-age children five separate times on a whim. If he had a good job that he ... (read in full...)

What's the future for me as the other woman?

Q.   I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who I love and he loves me. We are very happy however I am "the other woman", even though our relationship is serious and we've been together for like 3 years, because he's cheated on his current/previous ...

A.   3 September 2017: "Because he's cheated on his current/previous partner does that mean he'll cheat on me?" Quite possibly. Backed up by science! Literally just read a study about this yesterday: http://www.ajc.c... (read in full...)

My wife of 30 years just confessed that she was not a virgin

Q.   my wife of 30 years confessed that she was not a virgin when we were married. I was not a virgin when we met and if she had told me before we were married I would have been fine with it. My problem is she made such a big deal of telling me she was ...

A.   2 September 2017: I can understand being upset about the lie, if that is what's bothering you about the situation. Unless her first time was the result of sexual abuse or molestation and she was ashamed or traumatized by speaking about it, there isn't really a good ... (read in full...)

Why does my married lover not admit how he feels about me? And keeps changing his words?

Q.   Can anyone here help me to make sense of my married lover's words? Why did he tell me he loves me? Then the next time he says he likes me. Then he says he likes me a lot. Then the next time he says he adores me. And the next time after that, it's...

A.   2 September 2017: I can't sugar-coat this, OP. You need a serious reality check. If you didn't have kids to think about and this was just your own life you were making harder over good sex, OK. I'm not here to critique you on your moral code. But you are a mother. ... (read in full...)

My husband refuses to acknowledge my children from a previous relationship

Q.   Am 39 years married to my husband for six years. I had two children before marriage. On of them her dad is alive but is not interested in financially supporting her or co parenting. The other his dad passed on. I hve two more kids with my husband ...

A.   10 August 2017: What a shame your husband is so petty. If you lived in the US I'd tell you to leave him and let him pay child support for the ones he DID "father". It's not fair to your first two children to grow up constantly feeling less loved and less valued ... (read in full...)

My brother is about to be taken for a ride by an online Romanian stripper!

Q.   My older brother is marrying a 21 year old stripper from Romania to bring her to the US. He met her on a webcam girl site. It is likely a romance/green card scam. He is really in a mid life crisis (48) and this is totally out of character for him. ...

A.   10 August 2017: YouWish absolutely nailed it. I'd add only that your brother is a grown adult (even though he's not thinking like one) and so all you can do is give him your opinion on this and then step back. Unfortunately he's allowed to make major life decisions ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has his exes as friends on facebook.

Q.   Is it okay for your partner to have exes on Facebook? I have an issue with my boyfriend having a woman he and his wife had a threesome with a few years ago (they are no longer together) being on his friend list. He also has an ex who had an abortion ...

A.   9 August 2017: I agree with Judgedick - I think it takes a bigger person to end a relationship and still treat their ex(es) with kindness and decency than it does to blow up, delete and block someone, force mutual friends to pick one person or the other to stay on ... (read in full...)

I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?

Q.   I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...

A.   9 August 2017: As long as you're still available for what he gets from this arrangement (the sex), I don't see how it would bother him. If anything, you telling him you love him probably comes across as acceptance of the situation by you even though he's putting ... (read in full...)

Advice on how women feel about orgasms please?

Q.   My question is for the ladies out there - do you need an orgasm to enjoy sex? Most women I've ever been with have said they don't so I always took that to be true, but the one I'm with now says she does want and expect an O every time... Now I fee...

A.   30 April 2017: It doesn't matter what we personally prefer or what your past partners preferred? - the woman whose needs should matter to you is the woman you are with now. If sex includes an orgasm for you, it is NOT unreasonable that your partner wants/ex... (read in full...)

Does my friend have a fetish for trans guys?

Q.   Dear Cupid(s), I have a cis-male friend who identifies as gay. I don't know if this is something I have noticed being transgender myself, but the only guys he has outwardly said he's attracted to when we are out, or together have all been transge...

A.   29 April 2017: As others have said, I would trust your gut if something seems off. But this guy is a friend of yours, so he must not seem like a bad person to you overall or I assume you wouldn't associate with him in the first place. Is it possible that he ... (read in full...)

Best friends--to choose or not to choose?

Q.   ****My first question was incomplete, ignore. Please answer this one!**** I am friends with these two guys for about 9 years. They are both married. I noticed over the past 4 years the relationship with the two of them crossed over so many bou...

A.   29 April 2017: If this really is just friendship, I'm not sure how visiting one of your friends would be unfair to the other. But it's not, or there wouldn't be an issue. The fact that you ask about it suggests to me that on some level you know what YOU have wit... (read in full...)

Is it too late to change careers?

Q.   Not sure if this is the usual question on here but I would love advice. I work in finance, managing retirement funds. I have been in the industry for over 10 years and have been good at it. Lately I have felt incapable of making decisions follow...

A.   27 April 2017: It's never too late. What you are thinking of may be a big change for you and your family, but it is totally achievable. You can ease the transition by making sure you have saved some money to send yourself back to school (if you will need to ... (read in full...)

Birth control question--can't find the information I need on the internet

Q.   I know this sounds like another dumb girl asking a birth control question but I can't find any relevant information on this. I've tried the pill. I've tried Nuva Ring. Hormonal birth control makes me gain weight and kills my sex drive. Plus the ...

A.   22 April 2017: If you want the math on your odds, according to Planned Parenthood 9-12 out of every 100 women who use ONLY the sponge as a contraceptive for one year will become pregnant. And approximately 27 out of every 100 women who use ONLY the withdrawal ... (read in full...)

Birth control question--can't find the information I need on the internet

Q.   I know this sounds like another dumb girl asking a birth control question but I can't find any relevant information on this. I've tried the pill. I've tried Nuva Ring. Hormonal birth control makes me gain weight and kills my sex drive. Plus the ...

A.   22 April 2017: Just a friendly reminder that a boyfriend not liking condoms doesn't entitle him to have sex with you without one. Now that that's out of the way... if you're looking for a reliable way to prevent pregnancy, using two semi-reliable methods ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to end things with a good person when they are not your type?

Q.   Is it wrong to end things with someone cause they are not your type? they treat you wonderful,they come on really strong,you wish your ex would of treated you this way. the one who treated you bad you fell for,now I have someone who would do ...

A.   21 April 2017: Now you have some perspective on why your ex may have ended things even though you're a perfectly nice guy. For a relationship to last, both people really do need to feel some kind of chemistry. As you're finding out, simply being nice isn't the ... (read in full...)

Why was all the porn my husband watched incest related? He says its just a coincidence

Q.   I found my husbands browser history and all of the porn he had watched was incest porn, mostly step sister and step mom. He claims he didn't look at the titles. He just clicked on a few that looked good from the picture and waited to see which one ...

A.   21 April 2017: If it sounds like it can't be coincidence, that's because it probably isn't. It sounds as though perhaps your husband hasn't fully worked through the trauma of what happened to him as a child, and porn that normalizes or even fetishizes incest may ... (read in full...)

I want to confront this guy. Should I do this? Or should I just let sleeping dogs lie?

Q.   I have been with my wife approaching 14 years now and married for three. Four years ago my wife confessed to me that she had kissed another man that delivers to her work. She said she felt terrible about it immediately after, she quit her job and...

A.   9 April 2017: Leave it be. Your wife came clean and you evidently forgave her enough at the time to propose a year later. How do you know this guy didn't also confess to his partner at some point and work through it with her for the sake of their four children... (read in full...)

Why show the picture, to show me she looked like that porn star?

Q.   Why would my guy show me a picture of a porn star and say, "before I knew you, a woman who looked exactly like this asked me out" ? Is he trying to make me feel insecure or point out that, "hey look I can get a woman sexier than you" ? What's hi...

A.   9 April 2017: I agree - this was clearly about his ego, not you. If he's in the same age range as you are, he may be going through a bit of a midlife crisis and needing to feel like he's? still attractive to women. However, that is not YOUR problem and it's ... (read in full...)

He makes me feel rejected. Can anyone offer me some perspective on this situation?

Q.   Hello aunts. I would really appreciate some advice please. I have been in a relationship for seven months now, and we see each other weekly as we live a little way from each other. In the main we are good together. There is lots of contact betwe...

A.   1 April 2017: We all express love and affection differently, and we all look to different aspects of a relationship to feel that we are loved. There is an author who went as far as to break it down into five "love languages." One person might value physical touch ... (read in full...)

How do I avoid blowing what could have been my best chance to date him?

Q.   I am a very shy person when it comes to dating usually I meet people through friends so its not so bad. Recently I got chatting with a bloke and we arranged a date. We had our 2nd date this weekend. This date we had at his place and had a few drinks...

A.   27 March 2017: Yes, that definitely changes things. Given that information, I think you should allow him more time (to process the second date and decide if he wants to move forward) than you might allow for someone who didn't have such a serious situation to ... (read in full...)

How do I avoid blowing what could have been my best chance to date him?

Q.   I am a very shy person when it comes to dating usually I meet people through friends so its not so bad. Recently I got chatting with a bloke and we arranged a date. We had our 2nd date this weekend. This date we had at his place and had a few drinks...

A.   27 March 2017: How well did you know this guy before date #1? It sounds like he's someone you met recently and whose intentions you may not have had the chance to get a full read on. Second date at his place would (to me) be moving too quickly. That says one... (read in full...)

Is she just lazy or what?

Q.   This has been eating away at me for way too long! I feel like my wife never thinks about me. More times than I probably should I go out of my way and above and beyond for my wife. For Christmas, she was saying that she wanted a specific makeup. I ...

A.   25 March 2017: I don't think she's lazy, just maybe not as good as you at imagining what someone else might like. (That, or as female anon suggested, she's a better actress and never acts ungrateful even if you get her something she doesn't actually care for or ... (read in full...)

His porno preference is ruining our marriage

Q.   I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...

A.   20 March 2017: Your posts are breaking my heart, OP. Do you not think that as your husband's wife of 30 years, as the mother of his child(ren?), after all the love and memories and experiences you two have shared, you add more value to your husband's life than ... (read in full...)

Roomies are all going in different directions so how do we divide the stuff we bought together?

Q.   It's coming to the end of our lease and I [26,M] just found out I need some major dental work that's going to cost me a TON of money. So to save up again I'm moving back in with my ex-girlfriend, Lana,[22,F] I won't have to pay anything so I should...

A.   19 March 2017: I think it's fair to say the toaster oven is entirely yours since you paid the full cost of it and no one else contributed. Whether your ex likes it or not is irrelevant to the fact that it's your property and you have the right to take it with you, ... (read in full...)

My husband is giving me all these std's , do you think he cheated?

Q.   Do you think my husband cheated? Hi! so, nine days ago my husband went out with his coworkers to have some drinks and he didn't call me to say he'll come home late or what he would be up to. This left me with a bad feeling because It was weird, you ...

A.   19 March 2017: I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. You won't like this part, but your husband is as much a "slut" for sleeping with a bunch of random girls without protection as they are for sleeping with him, so your anger toward his past partners is ... (read in full...)

His porno preference is ruining our marriage

Q.   I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...

A.   19 March 2017: Some people end relationships and marriages over porn use. Some work through instances of actual physical infidelity or even extramarital pregnancies and manage to remain married. Every couple is different, and at the end of the day, only YOU can ... (read in full...)

His porno preference is ruining our marriage

Q.   I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...

A.   18 March 2017: OP, I was not suggesting that you take up porn watching as a habit or that you watch even a minute of a porn video against your wishes. But I do think it would help you feel more at ease about what you are perceiving as an active preference by your ... (read in full...)

His porno preference is ruining our marriage

Q.   I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...

A.   18 March 2017: Did he express that this is a preference of his, or is that just the type of porn you've noticed him watching? I ask because the vast majority of porn (fetishes excepted) tends to feature early-20s women. I speak to this as a woman with a healthy ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend would rather satisfy himself with a rubber vagina than have sex with me!

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 and a half years this last month I've had to beg him to have sex with me when he's drunk he will have sex with me but other then that I have to beg him an the other night I was cleaning out his closet when I ...

A.   18 March 2017: I'm sorry to hear you're hurting over this. Some additional information about your relationship would be very helpful. First, are you sure this wasn't just an impulse buy on his part when you two hit a rough spot, as he explained it to ... (read in full...)

I care my girl is letting herself go. How can I help?

Q.   Me and my gf been together 4 years. Over the years she has let herself go. I have been encouraging her to keep in shape for over a year. She has been lazy and eats junk all the time. I like to see her happy so if she likes eating, i don't say much. ...

A.   26 February 2017: I'm not sure how tall your GF is, but after reading size conversions (I'm only familiar with US sizing) it doesn't sound like she's on the verge of obesity unless she's very short in stature. I'm 5'8" with a 29 1/2" waist and so I'd also be about a ... (read in full...)

How should you say that you're rich, on Tinder?

Q.   I'm not rich, but if a guy were rich, what would be the best way for him to say that he's (seriously) rich on something like Tinder?...

A.   19 February 2017: Unless the person you're asking for is looking to attract women (or men) who might have passed over an identical profile that didn't reference money (i.e., gold diggers or women/men seeking "sugar daddy" types) I'd personally say leave it out ... (read in full...)

She made me wait until marriage for sex, but we are now married and still no sex!

Q.   I know these questions get asked plenty of times - and I know there is no cut and dry answer, but here is my story. I'm 34 years old and my wife of 5 years is 24. She wanted to wait until marriage to have sex which was more than fine for me seei...

A.   13 February 2017: I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. It was unfair of your then-fiancee to promise you one thing and do something else entirely, but at the end of the day you can't *make* her want sex, or have sex that she doesn't want to have. If ... (read in full...)

I was an idiot to break up with her, now I see her all the time and she turns away ...

Q.   Hi I was with a woman who I fell madly in love with we were together a year I idolised her and could see myself spending the rest of my life with her and she also felt the same I finished with her after she had a miscarriage I was a idiot I know I ...

A.   13 February 2017: I'm very sorry to tell you this, but it sounds like you have no chance whatsoever of getting back together with this woman. Please try to see things from her point of view - the miscarriage was probably terrible enough, but being dumped because of a ... (read in full...)

I found out that my boyfriend cheated and he doesn't know it yet. What should I do?

Q.   Hello everyone. I've never posted a question online before but I really don't know what to do in this situation so I'd very much appreciate your honest opinion and input! Quick background story. I've been with my partner for 5 years this comin...

A.   6 February 2017: One more thing - *please* see your physician for an STI check as soon as you can, even if you haven't met up and been intimate with him since the time you think the cheating started. It's quite possible she isn't the first time he has strayed, or it ... (read in full...)

Is it still bad if someone cheats but has no feelings for that person?

Q.   What are some of the downsides to a man cheating on his GF with someone he doesn't have any emotional attachment to? If he doesn't care for the girl he's having sex with, like her as a person, or anything, then shouldn't it be okay to cheat ph...

A.   5 February 2017: It's called cheating for a reason, and there's no way to be sure that his partner will forever be in the dark about it. There's another question on here from a girl who's just stumbled across incriminating Facebook messages. Meanwhile her partner ... (read in full...)

I found out that my boyfriend cheated and he doesn't know it yet. What should I do?

Q.   Hello everyone. I've never posted a question online before but I really don't know what to do in this situation so I'd very much appreciate your honest opinion and input! Quick background story. I've been with my partner for 5 years this comin...

A.   5 February 2017: I agree with Honeypie. I don't think additional information is going to excuse him in any way - you two had what he led you to believe was an exclusive relationship, and he chose to step outside it and pursue someone else. Even more importantly, ... (read in full...)

We're engaged but I don't see a future

Q.   Hi lately I feel like my relationship has no future we recently got engaged but he never wants to get married we have 1 child and he wants no more he never wants to buy a house together so I cannot see much of a future with this man I have always ...

A.   5 February 2017: I agree, from the sound of your post he doesn't seem inclined to plan a future with you. Has he offered any insight as to why he proposed marriage when he openly doesn't want to get married? Any good reasons as to why he wants to kind of have a life ... (read in full...)

After 9 years together and 3 children our sex life remains bland. I love her. How can I find ways to interest her in oral sex?

Q.   Hi, I'm 26 years old. I have a fiancé I've been with for 9 years who is also 26 years old. We have 3 beautiful kids together. My question today is, why won't my fiancé suck me off? I have literally tried everything but I cannot convince her to d...

A.   29 January 2017: A note on oral sex: pre-cum is natural but it does have a taste, just like semen. It varies from man to man, and is not always a pleasant taste. You might try tasting your own if you're curious and want to fully understand what it is you're asking ... (read in full...)

I want a prettier girlfriend who cares about being fit and healthy. What do I need to do?

Q.   I want a prettier girlfriend. I've been with mine for a few years now and it seems wrong to leave. I love her but the lack of effort (exercise counts) is making me less attracted to her. Bringing it up makes me the bad guy. What should I do?...

A.   29 January 2017: I don't think anyone aspires to be settled for rather than genuinely wanted, so the kind thing to do is let her go and hope that you can find someone else who has all the qualities you love about her, but in a body that better suits your ... (read in full...)

Do cheating married men usually have more than one mistress?

Q.   Do married men who cheat, cheat with more than one mistress at a time? Or do some men stay with just one? I am interested in everybody weighing in with their opinions. ...

A.   27 January 2017: I think Honeypie is spot on when it comes to all the possible variants of "married men who cheat." And as for which category any given man falls into, I think you'd have to examine his motives. What is he seeking (and getting) by having the affa... (read in full...)

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