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*ike I see it agony aunt

*ike I see it

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I believe that everyone has the right to be treated with respect in his or her relationship, and advise accordingly. Life is too short to stay where you're not happy!

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His porno preference is ruining our marriage

Q.   I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...

A.   20 March 2017: Your posts are breaking my heart, OP. Do you not think that as your husband's wife of 30 years, as the mother of his child(ren?), after all the love and memories and experiences you two have shared, you add more value to your husband's life than ... (read in full...)

Roomies are all going in different directions so how do we divide the stuff we bought together?

Q.   It's coming to the end of our lease and I [26,M] just found out I need some major dental work that's going to cost me a TON of money. So to save up again I'm moving back in with my ex-girlfriend, Lana,[22,F] I won't have to pay anything so I should...

A.   19 March 2017: I think it's fair to say the toaster oven is entirely yours since you paid the full cost of it and no one else contributed. Whether your ex likes it or not is irrelevant to the fact that it's your property and you have the right to take it with you, ... (read in full...)

My husband is giving me all these std's , do you think he cheated?

Q.   Do you think my husband cheated? Hi! so, nine days ago my husband went out with his coworkers to have some drinks and he didn't call me to say he'll come home late or what he would be up to. This left me with a bad feeling because It was weird, you ...

A.   19 March 2017: I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. You won't like this part, but your husband is as much a "slut" for sleeping with a bunch of random girls without protection as they are for sleeping with him, so your anger toward his past partners is ... (read in full...)

His porno preference is ruining our marriage

Q.   I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...

A.   19 March 2017: Some people end relationships and marriages over porn use. Some work through instances of actual physical infidelity or even extramarital pregnancies and manage to remain married. Every couple is different, and at the end of the day, only YOU can ... (read in full...)

His porno preference is ruining our marriage

Q.   I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...

A.   18 March 2017: OP, I was not suggesting that you take up porn watching as a habit or that you watch even a minute of a porn video against your wishes. But I do think it would help you feel more at ease about what you are perceiving as an active preference by your ... (read in full...)

His porno preference is ruining our marriage

Q.   I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...

A.   18 March 2017: Did he express that this is a preference of his, or is that just the type of porn you've noticed him watching? I ask because the vast majority of porn (fetishes excepted) tends to feature early-20s women. I speak to this as a woman with a healthy ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend would rather satisfy himself with a rubber vagina than have sex with me!

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 and a half years this last month I've had to beg him to have sex with me when he's drunk he will have sex with me but other then that I have to beg him an the other night I was cleaning out his closet when I ...

A.   18 March 2017: I'm sorry to hear you're hurting over this. Some additional information about your relationship would be very helpful. First, are you sure this wasn't just an impulse buy on his part when you two hit a rough spot, as he explained it to ... (read in full...)

I care my girl is letting herself go. How can I help?

Q.   Me and my gf been together 4 years. Over the years she has let herself go. I have been encouraging her to keep in shape for over a year. She has been lazy and eats junk all the time. I like to see her happy so if she likes eating, i don't say much. ...

A.   26 February 2017: I'm not sure how tall your GF is, but after reading size conversions (I'm only familiar with US sizing) it doesn't sound like she's on the verge of obesity unless she's very short in stature. I'm 5'8" with a 29 1/2" waist and so I'd also be about a ... (read in full...)

How should you say that you're rich, on Tinder?

Q.   I'm not rich, but if a guy were rich, what would be the best way for him to say that he's (seriously) rich on something like Tinder?...

A.   19 February 2017: Unless the person you're asking for is looking to attract women (or men) who might have passed over an identical profile that didn't reference money (i.e., gold diggers or women/men seeking "sugar daddy" types) I'd personally say leave it out ... (read in full...)

She made me wait until marriage for sex, but we are now married and still no sex!

Q.   I know these questions get asked plenty of times - and I know there is no cut and dry answer, but here is my story. I'm 34 years old and my wife of 5 years is 24. She wanted to wait until marriage to have sex which was more than fine for me seei...

A.   13 February 2017: I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. It was unfair of your then-fiancee to promise you one thing and do something else entirely, but at the end of the day you can't *make* her want sex, or have sex that she doesn't want to have. If ... (read in full...)

I was an idiot to break up with her, now I see her all the time and she turns away ...

Q.   Hi I was with a woman who I fell madly in love with we were together a year I idolised her and could see myself spending the rest of my life with her and she also felt the same I finished with her after she had a miscarriage I was a idiot I know I ...

A.   13 February 2017: I'm very sorry to tell you this, but it sounds like you have no chance whatsoever of getting back together with this woman. Please try to see things from her point of view - the miscarriage was probably terrible enough, but being dumped because of a ... (read in full...)

I found out that my boyfriend cheated and he doesn't know it yet. What should I do?

Q.   Hello everyone. I've never posted a question online before but I really don't know what to do in this situation so I'd very much appreciate your honest opinion and input! Quick background story. I've been with my partner for 5 years this comin...

A.   6 February 2017: One more thing - *please* see your physician for an STI check as soon as you can, even if you haven't met up and been intimate with him since the time you think the cheating started. It's quite possible she isn't the first time he has strayed, or it ... (read in full...)

Is it still bad if someone cheats but has no feelings for that person?

Q.   What are some of the downsides to a man cheating on his GF with someone he doesn't have any emotional attachment to? If he doesn't care for the girl he's having sex with, like her as a person, or anything, then shouldn't it be okay to cheat ph...

A.   5 February 2017: It's called cheating for a reason, and there's no way to be sure that his partner will forever be in the dark about it. There's another question on here from a girl who's just stumbled across incriminating Facebook messages. Meanwhile her partner ... (read in full...)

I found out that my boyfriend cheated and he doesn't know it yet. What should I do?

Q.   Hello everyone. I've never posted a question online before but I really don't know what to do in this situation so I'd very much appreciate your honest opinion and input! Quick background story. I've been with my partner for 5 years this comin...

A.   5 February 2017: I agree with Honeypie. I don't think additional information is going to excuse him in any way - you two had what he led you to believe was an exclusive relationship, and he chose to step outside it and pursue someone else. Even more importantly, ... (read in full...)

We're engaged but I don't see a future

Q.   Hi lately I feel like my relationship has no future we recently got engaged but he never wants to get married we have 1 child and he wants no more he never wants to buy a house together so I cannot see much of a future with this man I have always ...

A.   5 February 2017: I agree, from the sound of your post he doesn't seem inclined to plan a future with you. Has he offered any insight as to why he proposed marriage when he openly doesn't want to get married? Any good reasons as to why he wants to kind of have a life ... (read in full...)

After 9 years together and 3 children our sex life remains bland. I love her. How can I find ways to interest her in oral sex?

Q.   Hi, I'm 26 years old. I have a fiancé I've been with for 9 years who is also 26 years old. We have 3 beautiful kids together. My question today is, why won't my fiancé suck me off? I have literally tried everything but I cannot convince her to d...

A.   29 January 2017: A note on oral sex: pre-cum is natural but it does have a taste, just like semen. It varies from man to man, and is not always a pleasant taste. You might try tasting your own if you're curious and want to fully understand what it is you're asking ... (read in full...)

I want a prettier girlfriend who cares about being fit and healthy. What do I need to do?

Q.   I want a prettier girlfriend. I've been with mine for a few years now and it seems wrong to leave. I love her but the lack of effort (exercise counts) is making me less attracted to her. Bringing it up makes me the bad guy. What should I do?...

A.   29 January 2017: I don't think anyone aspires to be settled for rather than genuinely wanted, so the kind thing to do is let her go and hope that you can find someone else who has all the qualities you love about her, but in a body that better suits your ... (read in full...)

Do cheating married men usually have more than one mistress?

Q.   Do married men who cheat, cheat with more than one mistress at a time? Or do some men stay with just one? I am interested in everybody weighing in with their opinions. ...

A.   27 January 2017: I think Honeypie is spot on when it comes to all the possible variants of "married men who cheat." And as for which category any given man falls into, I think you'd have to examine his motives. What is he seeking (and getting) by having the affa... (read in full...)

My friend won't say if he is gay or bi should I ask if I can give him a bj?

Q.   I've never done it before but I would like to have sex with this guy I know, I think he is bi,but I can't be sure, I stop by his house every one in a while,I never known him to be with a woman since we have been friends five or six years,he spends a ...

A.   21 January 2017: You can ask, but if you have assumed wrongly about his preferences, be prepared for the friendship to get very awkward after that. It can be strange for people of any gender to know that they are or have been an object of sexual fantasies for ... (read in full...)

Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?

Q.   I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...

A.   15 January 2017: 3.5 years together and being with his family means he can't text you at all? Is there a reason you're a secret from them, or weren't invited on the trip? It sounds like "at home" means separate places for the two of you, since you refer to phone... (read in full...)

I think I am pregnant and the dad has disappeared.

Q.   Well. I met a guy months ago. We went out 3 times. At the 2nd one we had sex. I was the one who brought the sexual topic to the conversation. After sex we had sex once more. And the condom didn't work. I think I'm probably pregnant. He started ...

A.   15 January 2017: Now that you know you're pregnant, your next step should be a talk with your doctor to find out how far along you are and what your options are. If termination isn't an option available to you (or an option you'd choose if it is) you need to start ... (read in full...)

He is still under her thumb. What can I do?

Q.   Hello, I am slightly put off and rather upset at the moment. I live in a small town with my boyfriend of almost six years, and he... Well he is always dragging me over to his ex's place, making me spend the night, doing all her "to do" lists, and ...

A.   15 January 2017: I agree with the others - this situation is bizarre enough to be basically unheard of. And I wouldn't stay in it. Putting up with this crap only enables him. Get your financial ducks in a row, move out, and hold out for someone who doesn't ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend has been secretive about his female friend in the past and now she's invited herself to stay with him for a week. How do I handle this?

Q.   I [21F] am in a relationship with my boyfriend [24M] (Mike, for future reference) for a year and a half, but our problem started about 6 months in. We met on the university both studying physics so it was easy for me to become a part of his college ...

A.   13 January 2017: I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Nothing about your fears seems irrational or paranoid. The "friendship" you describe has crossed all kinds of boundaries that opposite-sex friendships of people in a committed relationship with someone ... (read in full...)

I found a dildo in my boyfriend's closet!

Q.   I'm a 47 year old woman that found a dildo in my boyfriend's closet! We've been dating 2 year's and only see each other on the weekends,but talk every night. He has two kids,so he's home with them every night. He isn't vocal about what he wants in ...

A.   13 January 2017: Personally I WOULDN'T jump straight to the assumption that this dildo means he is secretly seeing another woman with a dildo fetish, as female anon has suggested. It is my suspicion that such far-fetched yet specific advice comes from a place of ... (read in full...)

Should I be concerned ? He came home from his class, wearing cologne

Q.   My boyfriend is a self defense instructor at our gym. He teaches an hour class one evening each week voluntarily. I noticed this evening that he came home from his class, wearing cologne. This is the first time that I have ever noticed him wea...

A.   12 January 2017: The person to ask about this is, naturally, your boyfriend. But I wouldn't assume any wrongdoing on his part over this, as the most likely explanation isn't anything sinister at all. He could very well have gotten sweaty during class/thought he ... (read in full...)

How can I cope with my husband cheating on me two years ago, with a blood relative? He has cut contact with her, but I'm still trying to cope with his betrayal

Q.   My husband was adopted as an infant. He later found his birth family. Since then he has had sex with his half sister. It is tearing me up inside. I'm still with him, he does not have contact with her now, but I wonder about his heart. T...

A.   8 January 2017: I'm so sorry to hear you had to experience something like this. It would be a lot for anyone to process, and it doesn't surprise me that after two years you are still struggling with it. Cheating alone is extremely difficult for most people to cope ... (read in full...)

My abusive ex is dating again. Would it be weird or wrong if I warn his new Gf about him?

Q.   Hello all, Ok here's the short situation I was married have two kids with the guy. He cheated and abused me verbally and physically. We ended up getting a divorce and I'm finally free of him. He is living in another county now. He does n...

A.   8 January 2017: I have a feeling that you're going to get a variety of answers on this, but personally? In her shoes, I would absolutely want to know. It sounds like he turns on the charm (and doesn't disclose his STD status) initially, and only eventually does the ... (read in full...)

I am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with my in laws!

Q.   I am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with my husbands family . He has several family members who beliefs and behaviour are very challenging and they sometimes stay with us as they live interstate . Some are currently or were in the past ...

A.   8 January 2017: Unfortunately you can't control others' beliefs, no matter how ridiculous you may find them. If they want to claim they see unicorns, that is their call. BUT if they're using your home (as one half of a married couple, it is as much yours as... (read in full...)

Present employer could jeopardise new employment

Q.   Not a dating/relationship question, but would really appreciate any input from anyone who has any ideas/thoughts on this problem, as it could turn out to be a big problem for me. I have worked for a number of years for a small, family-owned com...

A.   8 January 2017: I'm very sorry to hear you are dealing with such an unprofessional workplace... I would not mention any of your suspicions about the old employer in your interview. That might give a prospective employer more reason to pay close attention to what ... (read in full...)

Why was my BF not receptive enough to my naughty Snapchat video?

Q.   I sent my BF a racy Snapchat video. I don't want to say exactly but it was definitely "naughty" and involved private parts. Well, it took him 2 hours to see it and respond. He said... "Mmmmmm. How am I supposed to sleep tonight after seeing t...

A.   8 January 2017: Your post identifies you as an adult woman but here are the obligatory words of caution anyway - *please be careful* with any nude photos/intimate videos of yourself. I've seen inappropriate things saved off Snapchat in the past (not sure if that ... (read in full...)

I think she's going to dump me because her dog loves me more than her!

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for a little while now, but she has trouble with her dog loving her... I see that the dog loves her, but she thinks the dog loves me more and dosent love her at all. Recently I have been accused of stealing her dog...

A.   7 January 2017: "Stealing the dog's love"... oh dear. Your girlfriend seems completely out of touch with reality, and I say this as someone who also happens to own a dog with my partner. It does not bother me in the slightest that our dog "prefers" my partner most ... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend appear uncomfortable around his subordinate?

Q.   Hi. So there's this woman my boyfriend works with. He is actually her boss. At a social gathering around Christmas, I noticed he looked uncomfortable around her. I asked him about this. He said he thinks she likes him (more than a professional ...

A.   6 January 2017: Upon reading your follow-up - the fact that he met you at his workplace doesn't mean anything. That's like saying, for example, "I met my partner at the gym" or "I met my partner at a restaurant" or "I met my partner in church." Does that mean the ... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend appear uncomfortable around his subordinate?

Q.   Hi. So there's this woman my boyfriend works with. He is actually her boss. At a social gathering around Christmas, I noticed he looked uncomfortable around her. I asked him about this. He said he thinks she likes him (more than a professional ...

A.   6 January 2017: It is perfectly reasonable that a boss might be uncomfortable with the knowledge that a subordinate finds him attractive. Now he doesn't just have to be polite/professional to her (as one generally does in the workplace) but he also has to make sure ... (read in full...)

Does he possibly still like me? Is it normal behaviour to spend Xmas with your ex and not with a child he fathered?

Q.   Me and my ex split in November 2013 due to him leaving for a new job then couple months later me finding out he met someone he knew and having a kid with her. Which I've asked many times but he will always denie anything. Anyway Feb this yr he r...

A.   31 December 2016: Are they still together? If not, she may not have wanted him around for the holidays, or whatever visitation rights they agreed on (or that a court ordered) may not have permitted it. Maybe his child's mother has a new partner in HER life and they ... (read in full...)

Does a bruise on my boyfriend's stomach mean he is cheating?

Q.   My boyfriend came home with a noticeable bruise to the right of his belly button last night and this concerns me. We have had rough sex many times but not recently. I asked him where he got it and he said he has no idea and just noticed it himself ...

A.   30 December 2016: I don't think the bruise is concrete evidence of anything. It could be from rough sex - or from absolutely anything else, really. He could have bumped into something - a counter, a car door, you name it. I think the better question is what oth... (read in full...)

What do I do? Don't want to split up. Yet also don't want a Bf who behaves like a cheater 2.

Q.   hiya everyone me and my fiance have been together for 3 years. A few month ago he started to add women on facebook the women he added were the type of women he said he would like as a girlfriend. I asked him why he was adding them (he hardly uses ...

A.   30 December 2016: The notification that they accepted his request means that the original request came from HIS account, not theirs. I'm not a techie but it would likely take a fair amount of hacking by a talented third party for anything else to be the case here. ... (read in full...)

He lies about money, I am fed up with being his doormat!

Q.   I would love your opinions please on whether I am being unfair or judgmental. Me and my husband have been together for 15 years. Over the years I have caught him out in lies over money. About five years ago his aunt passed away, I knew she had left...

A.   30 December 2016: I do not think it is unfair or judgemental of you to be irritated about this. Since it sounds like you pay for everything for both of you and he is not wanting for or lacking anything essential, there isn't any apparent justification for him to b... (read in full...)

Can you be pregnant with negative test results?

Q.   I had sex with a guy one night in September. I dont really remember what happened but i know we had sex. We used a condom but i am unsure if he secretly slipped it off or of the condom may have failed. It isvDecember now and my stomach looks ...

A.   30 December 2016: It is rare but possible to have a pregnancy that goes undetected by early testing, also known as a "cryptic pregnancy," so please don't wait a month. I'm assuming you have health insurance if you are able to see a doctor? Walk in to an urgent care ... (read in full...)

No present - what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend of four years did not give me a Christmas present this year. Should I be upset? Because I am. Should I say something to him?...

A.   27 December 2016: I think the added context helps a bit - if he's usually cheap by nature, a nice meal out and fancy silver necklace is probably him going "all out" (to him anyway) and maybe he felt you wouldn't expect another material display of affection so soon ... (read in full...)

No present - what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend of four years did not give me a Christmas present this year. Should I be upset? Because I am. Should I say something to him?...

A.   26 December 2016: Thanks for the update, OP. Sorry to hear your partner dropped the ball. I don't necessarily think you're wrong to be upset, but I'd be curious as to what discussion if any happened between you two about Christmas this year. Has he observed the past ... (read in full...)

No present - what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend of four years did not give me a Christmas present this year. Should I be upset? Because I am. Should I say something to him?...

A.   25 December 2016: I agree with the others - unless you celebrate Christmas on a different day than most, it's a bit early to assume that he hasn't gotten you anything. See what happens tomorrow and keep us posted. Best wishes!... (read in full...)

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