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*91 agony aunt

*91

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*91's profile:

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't"

"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".

'If you're going through hell, keep going'

I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth.

Latest articles:

Afraid to commit

No replies yet...

8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...

Thank you DC!

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...

Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us

This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...

1234567891011Next > [56 pages, 2188 answers]

I decided that I wouldn’t text him again but he keeps checking out my social media posts! Any advice?

Q.   It's like a one sided love at 1st sight, but idk , am into someone , am obsessed with him as hell .. we were chatting for more than a year then we met , well he kissed me it was soft coz I didn't want to especially that was our 1st meeting then we ...

A.   17 July 2018: What is there to be confused about? He’s looking for an easy fuck, there’s no hidden agenda here. Block him, job done.... (read in full...)

My best friend is dating my younger sister!

Q.   my best freind has started going out with my little sister (20) and im realy jelouse about it. some back story, me and my best freind we'll call him Tim, we're both 27 and have been mates for about 26 years. anyway about six months back my l...

A.   17 July 2018: Why would you tell him? That would be incredibly selfish. YOU gave your sister the green light, you can’t then decide to sabotage her relationship because you don’t like it. You have been friends with Tim for 26 years. Don’t you think that if ... (read in full...)

This confusing guy is sending mixed signals!

Q.   So I met this guy off a gay dating app. We had tremendously good sex. As he left my house he told me he "really wanted" to see me again. He lives in a different city and for a hook up from an app, it was brave of him to say that. I asked him when he ...

A.   16 July 2018: It’s clear as day really. If he was interested he would make it known. Who takes 3 weeks to reply to someone that they’re romantically interested in? Think about it.... (read in full...)

What does he want? Is there something here or just a sexual relationship?

Q.   Going back about 4-5 months ago, I met a guy one night out at a bar. We are 5 years age difference, I'm 22 and he's 27. We immediately slept together that night. We kind of clicked quite well and he got my number, stayed in contact with me and we ...

A.   16 July 2018: Why would you not ask him? We couldn’t possibly answer the question. You hooked up on the first night you met, I wouldn’t get my hopes up. For a lot of guys that’s a sign of someone who would do that with a lot of people. I will say that if he wa... (read in full...)

I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...

A.   16 July 2018: I have to agree that the OP is just discounting most things that are being said. There’s 2 options here it’s really simple, you put up with the situation or you leave the guy. He will NOT change what’s going on. You’ve let it happen for 5 years so... (read in full...)

I overheard my wife saying that her ex was the best sex she'd ever had and now my ego is shattered!

Q.   So my ego has been devastated and I really don’t know how to handle this. Turns out I’m not the best sex my wife has ever had. Any advice is appreciated. About a week ago my wife had one of her friends at our house for some drinks. After ha...

A.   11 July 2018: Why would this make you a loser? I think if you were really that terrible in the bedroom that your wife would definitely not stuck around. It’s a fact that there is ALWAYS someone better out there than us at something. There’s nothing that can... (read in full...)

I'm married he's married why can't I just walk away?

Q.   I am married and have been with a married man for 4 and a half years. He has continually asked me to marry him, sent me houses online and tells me that we are ‘one’ and meant to be . I have asked him to leave and be with me and he says he is not ...

A.   10 July 2018: You’re meant to be but he won’t leave his wife? Don’t you see how contradictory that is? Why don’t you leave the husband you clearly don’t love before jumping into bed with the first guy that shows you some attention? Where’s your conscien... (read in full...)

Is oral sex just this amazing?

Q.   I have been with my fiancee for 9 years I'm 31 she's 29. Last night she allowed me to go down on her for the first time. It was the first oral experience for both of us, by that I mean her receiving and me giving. My question is, is it normal for me ...

A.   9 July 2018: Why would pleasuring your partner not be a normal feeling? You either prefer giving or receiving. Of course it’s completely fine to enjoy giving oral more than receiving. It’s like preferring tea over coffee, everyone likes different things... (read in full...)

Not sure I feel the same as my ex he wants to try again

Q.   An ex recently got back in touch with me after 7 months. He wanted to see me so i agreed and went to his . We talked about stuff and they way he was saying things and what he was saying is he wants to start again . When we were in a relationship ...

A.   9 July 2018: Move on. Why revisit the past? It didn’t work the first time so why would a second time be any different? Move forwards with your life, not backwards.... (read in full...)

He’s ignoring me all of a sudden! How do I react?

Q.   I’m 27 from UK and recently reconnected with my ex from 7 years ago who I broke up with. We had an amazing couple of days together rekindling and we’ve been very romantic since. Awkward part - he lives in America right now for work. He has men...

A.   7 July 2018: I think the main question here is why are you revisiting an ex? You broke up for a reason. Something about you both didn’t work for you to break up so what’s different this time? The whole situation just sounds like too much hard work. Leave ex... (read in full...)

She only wants to be friends but acts like we are more?

Q.   This is a complicated issue that has really affected me mentally. I've been friends with this girl since secondary school and we have always been pretty close, we got closer as we moved up to college and since becoming close friends and spen...

A.   6 July 2018: You’re wondering when it’s going to develop into more. The answer is: It’s not. She’s told you where you stand, if she wanted more something would of happened by now. She would of kissed you, or you would of slept together. Something sexual w... (read in full...)

I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...

A.   6 July 2018: If he truly wanted a serious future with you, this woman would be gone. No man who loves someone would put them through uncertainty of this magnitude. He’s hiding something and only he knows what. ... (read in full...)

I cheated and want to fix my relationship, but how?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, since I was 23. He is a wonderful person. I love him, he loves me, and we've always worked so well together. We've never had any problems beyond whose turn it is to do the dishes. ...

A.   5 July 2018: Suggestions moving forward? It’s simple, don’t cheat again. I’d say that the situation could happen again due to the fact that you’ve been shown no consequence from your BF. He sounds like a pushover if he just accepts being cheated on and want... (read in full...)

I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...

A.   4 July 2018: I have to agree with anon. You are in denial here big time. It’s nothing to do with her ‘winning’. The question here is why is your BF valuing a lodger above your relationship? There’s a reason he won’t get rid of her and I’d be very surprise... (read in full...)

I cheated and want to fix my relationship, but how?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, since I was 23. He is a wonderful person. I love him, he loves me, and we've always worked so well together. We've never had any problems beyond whose turn it is to do the dishes. ...

A.   4 July 2018: Get real here. I’ve said this so many times on this site that I’ve lost count. You CANNOT cheat on someone that you love. There is absolutely no way. It simply is not possible. You had multiple times to stop what you were doing and you never wh... (read in full...)

I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...

A.   3 July 2018: It’s hard to believe he respects his GFs wishes less than a woman that he lets lounge around his home. I don’t see there being a future here unless you want there to be another woman there for the rest of your life. I’d be very surprised if there’s ... (read in full...)

What if they award the golf match to him?

Q.   It never ceases to amaze me how rude and arrogant some people can be... I have to play a match in a golf tournament.The match has to be played by July 29th (4 weeks time). I had agreed to play it on July 1st, but 2 days prior I had a personal s...

A.   3 July 2018: You scheduled the match and then dropped out. It doesn’t matter what arose, YOU cancelled it. It’s rightly so that he should get the win. Although he went about it in a rude way, you shouldn’t have any right to reschedule the match after agreeing... (read in full...)

How do I ask for a sex toy?

Q.   I want a sex toy because, I'm a 17 year old girl now. I know after I ask I'm going to say, think of it this way, I'm still a virgin. Most people my age aren't anymore. But the problem is, I have to ask my dad. Not a mom. How do I do this? I'm ...

A.   27 June 2018: I don’t think your dad would be overly impressed if you asked him to purchase this for you. If you feel like you’re ready for something like this then surely you’re old enough to buy it yourself? ... (read in full...)

Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone?

Q.   I plan to break up with my boyfriend but I don't want to let him know until I delete all our photos together from his phone. Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone? I never wanted to take pictures with him in the first place because I ...

A.   26 June 2018: Just break up with him. You have absolutely no right to go through his phone or decide what pictures or memories he keeps of you. Whether you’re on good terms or not, that’s not your decision to make. Break up and move on. ... (read in full...)

Was I wrong not to thank the ex who agreed we would go “no contact” for the flowers?

Q.   So, my ex fiancé sent me flowers Monday, about a year ago he left me for his ex that he was stuck on. I knew something was wrong but he never admitted it. When she rejected him when he went back home he tired to get back with me. I flat out ignor...

A.   22 June 2018: Nope. You agreed no contact. He’s a manipulating slimeball. Don’t forget that he left you for another woman and tried to come back to you when she didn’t want him. He’s not worth a single breath. ... (read in full...)

My ex best friend is confusing me and I don’t know what to do!

Q.   Me and my best friend have been on a roller coaster ride this past year. It’s a long story so I’m going to try to keep my sentences to the point. We had a falling out almost 8 months ago. He didn’t say why he was mad and didn’t want to talk to me. ...

A.   20 June 2018: This isn’t a friendship, plain and simple. You told us you are in love with the guy. No one is in love with their friends. I’d echo the advice WiseOwlE gave. In that this dude is intrigued with bisexual thoughts but doesn’t want a gay relation... (read in full...)

I'm waiting for a girl to come and sweep me off my feet.

Q.   Please bare with me and sorry for the long post. Im in a bit of a slump the past year. Essentially I once again broke up with a girl I'm madly in love with because circumstances prevents us from being together, that being a long distance relatio...

A.   19 June 2018: Of course the end goal is to get married, have kids and live happily ever after, but it’s not a race. Why the rush? You’re 25 tops going off your listed age. I’m 26 years old, I’m currently with my first GF, we’ve been together roughly 8 months. I ... (read in full...)

I'm struggling to trust my boyfriend

Q.   I'm struggling with trusting my boyfriend of 2 years and I don't know what to do. I guess my reasons sound petty but things add up. When I met him he had been seeing this girl casually and they'd been sleeping together. Anyway things ended and we ...

A.   19 June 2018: Why even waste your time? Just break up, you won’t magically gain trust for him out of nowhere so it’s pointless letting it get you down. Find someone who doesn’t give you these insecurities. It will not get better.... (read in full...)

I don't want a boyfriend, I'm not interested in sex and I just want to be left alone!

Q.   I have absolutely no interest in sex and while I've had it before, I'm honestly disgusted by it. The whole thing: having people in my bubble, having a face too close to mine, random unnecessary touches, kissing is just gross to me. I don't like the ...

A.   19 June 2018: What are you expecting to happen here? Most people want sexual relationships. If they’re getting to know someone, more often that not it’s going to lead to dating, sex, relationships, marriage. If you don’t want any of that, then you need to find ... (read in full...)

I'm waiting for a girl to come and sweep me off my feet.

Q.   Please bare with me and sorry for the long post. Im in a bit of a slump the past year. Essentially I once again broke up with a girl I'm madly in love with because circumstances prevents us from being together, that being a long distance relatio...

A.   19 June 2018: You’re definitely right that you’ve put this girl on a pedestal. That is one of the worst things you can do when it comes to a relationship where you think the sun shines out of someone’s ass to the extent that no other person on the planet will ... (read in full...)

Me and my dad's friend want to take it to the next level

Q.   Me and my dad's friend have been texting for a while and we've talked about taking things to another level... Im not sure what to do about it, i mean i'm 21 an he's about 30, I have always like older guys and we are into each other but you know he's ...

A.   19 June 2018: To the anon. The age difference has no relevance here for me. It’s two perfectly legal age consenting adults. It’s the fact that a man is having one of his friends trying to charm his daughter. If there’s no issue with it then why is the OP keepi... (read in full...)

He said we were moving too fast, and that he had bigger plans.

Q.   I met this guy about a month ago and everything was going great. We were so genuinely happy with each other, always laughing and having fun. I met his friends and family. It felt like we were moving towards a relationship. We would see each other ...

A.   18 June 2018: Forget about it. He’s right, everything was moving WAY too quickly. Whether he initiated it or not, it doesn’t matter. This sounds like a whirlwind romance that’s fizzled out as quickly as it began. Talking about marriage after one month ... (read in full...)

I worry so much about my baby, I just need a balanced view.

Q.   Hi All, I've posted a number of times before and you've always provided me with great advice. My child's dad and I split before he was born ( 16weeks pregnant). Our son was planned - tried for a year to conceive him..split after ten yea...

A.   18 June 2018: I think you should stop trying so hard. It’s not YOUR job to make his dad see him. If he wants to, he will do. Stop messaging him. If he doesn’t want to make the effort then that is on HIM. Let him go live his life, you live yours and give you... (read in full...)

He is blowing hot and cold, I don't know what to think.

Q.   So a guy I work with initially showed some interest in me, which if you know me is quite rare. At first I was a little uncertain, he wasn't my usual type but we did make eachother laugh and it's been a while so I thought why not. We gradually g...

A.   18 June 2018: You’re wasting your time. If he wanted to spend time with you he would do, it’s quite simple. Don’t forget that you’re in a workplace, you’re not there to find a relationship. Keep Work and your love life separate, be professional at ... (read in full...)

I'm talking all the time to my ex girlfriend who is crying about her life. What can I do?

Q.   Well guys m confused how to think about something , i had a relationship with a girl for almost 5 years everything was great but we had to break up because she left the countery to study far away but we keept contact as good freind few months later ...

A.   18 June 2018: How is she the love of your life? You broke up with each other. That means for whatever reason you two did NOT work and are NOT a good match. You need to cut contact. She has a BF So It is not your duty to be there for her, she can’t keep lea... (read in full...)

Who is the weird one, me or him?

Q.   I have this guy friend that I’ve been knowing for almost a year now, we’ve been involved intimately at one point, pretty much on and off. We both have feelings for each other. We recently started conversing again and hung out. We’re both still ...

A.   18 June 2018: What are you even trying to say here? This couldn’t be any more confusing. You have feeling for each other, but you’re both single. Then a few sentences later you say you’re with someone but don’t want a relationship. So what is it? Are you s... (read in full...)

Should I reach out to him again after a long time away?

Q.   Hi everyone! While working a contract gig, I developed a huge crush on someone in our building. We chatted a little bit, kind of had lunch once, but our schedules were never consistent. On my last day, he left early. I planned to ask him out for ...

A.   17 June 2018: You took the plunge, it didn’t work out, you’ve seen it’s not the end of the world. Hopefully this has given you more confidence for the future and has shown you that rejection isn’t all that bad! Best of luck. ... (read in full...)

Should I give both of us another chance? Or not bother?

Q.   Hi everyone. I have this ex who i was with 2 years ago. We met and everything was great so much that we moved together in 3 months so we could be closer, he lived in another city. From that moment on he gradually changed and was becoming cold, ...

A.   16 June 2018: You have just told us he’s not changed. Why would you go back? I don’t understand what you could miss about someone that didn’t value or seemingly care about you. Exes are named that for a reason, to go back would be stupid and you know it. ... (read in full...)

I asked for help and he lied about why he couldn't.

Q.   I am not sure if what I am feeling right now is normal or I am being unjust? I asked for help from my boyfriend of 4 years. what I need is a room/place to stay for 1 year while I am doing the last part of my studies. We do not live together...

A.   15 June 2018: I would call your BF out on it. I’d make him feel very uncomfortable and inform him that his roommate asked when the big moving in date is and that he’s happy that they could both help you out in this tough spot and then watch him squirm trying t... (read in full...)

Me and my dad's friend want to take it to the next level

Q.   Me and my dad's friend have been texting for a while and we've talked about taking things to another level... Im not sure what to do about it, i mean i'm 21 an he's about 30, I have always like older guys and we are into each other but you know he's ...

A.   14 June 2018: Terrible idea. What will your dad say? I’d hazard a guess he would want to let his fists do the talking. Where is this guys respect for your father? Someone he calls a friend. Where is your respect for your dad? This has trainwreck writt... (read in full...)

The guy I'm seeing used to have a huge crush on one of my friends

Q.   Hello. I would like some advice. I have been dating this guy for about three months now. So far he's one of the nicest people I've dated. When we were first getting to know each other he mentioned he knew a group of my friends and that he briefly ...

A.   14 June 2018: Why would your friend bring it up? That was pretty tasteless to be quite honest. It’s in the past so leave it there. I really don’t even think it’s an issue, the only way it will be is if you make it one. You’re right, he might not be with you... (read in full...)

My ex-girlfriend has a way of messing with my head

Q.   Hi all, Long story cut short. I was in a lesbian relationship with my gf for two years. She kissed a guy during our relationship (even lied to my face and was secretly sending messages to him). This pushed me to pursue my dreams in working a...

A.   14 June 2018: Explain her actions? It’s very clear that she thinks of you as nothing more than easy sex. She openly tells you that it’s not going to develop further and isn’t really hiding the fact. You mention you ‘gave her your heart and soul’. Okay, so ... (read in full...)

The relationship started off terribly and it’s still rocky, but we really love each other! Do I leave or stay?

Q.   I’m in this relationship with a guy for a year and a half now. The relationship started off terribly because he started ghosting me after a month. We hardly met and he never replied to me. He used to ignore me for most of the time. I made a fake ...

A.   13 June 2018: What exactly makes you think his reaction is normal? What do YOU do for him to react the way he does? Sounds like a textbook case of him trying to manipulate you and lower your self confidence so you’ll never leave and it sounds like it’s working ... (read in full...)

The relationship started off terribly and it’s still rocky, but we really love each other! Do I leave or stay?

Q.   I’m in this relationship with a guy for a year and a half now. The relationship started off terribly because he started ghosting me after a month. We hardly met and he never replied to me. He used to ignore me for most of the time. I made a fake ...

A.   12 June 2018: Seriously? You need advice for this? Would you recommend one of your friends stay in this situation if they came to you for help? What could possibly be making you want to stay here? Get a grip and leave him. Also, don’t trick people into ... (read in full...)

Where is the panty liner, will he think me disgusting if he finds it?

Q.   Before me and this guy had sex I went to use the bathroom and I removed my pantyliner. The pantyliner was clean as I recently put it on but his trash was overflowing so I decided to just wrap it up and put it in my pocket and throw it away when i ...

A.   12 June 2018: If he finds it that disgusting he will surely tell you. Then you can simply explain what happened. My guess he wouldn’t even think twice about it if he finds it. He will pick it up and throw it in the bin. It’s really not the end of the world is... (read in full...)

Should I reach out to him again after a long time away?

Q.   Hi everyone! While working a contract gig, I developed a huge crush on someone in our building. We chatted a little bit, kind of had lunch once, but our schedules were never consistent. On my last day, he left early. I planned to ask him out for ...

A.   29 May 2018: Why would he need to contact you first? You’re the one who went travelling so I’d say it’s more on you to let him know that you’re back. Why would you be embarrassed? Every time you’ve messaged him he’s replied positively. He’s just as human as... (read in full...)

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