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*91 agony aunt

*91

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*91's profile:

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't"

"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".

'If you're going through hell, keep going'

I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth.

Latest articles:

Afraid to commit

No replies yet...

8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...

Thank you DC!

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...

Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us

This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...

1234567891011Next > [61 pages, 2389 answers]

Worst mistake of my life!! Don’t know what to do

Q.   I’m in the worst situation I could ever be in in my life I’ve made the biggest mistake ever and now I don’t know what to do I am suffering badly! I am 14 weeks pregnant but ended up cheating the night before I found out I was pregnant I know how bad ...

A.   12 November 2018: I’ve seen it a few times on this site now people being advised to sweep cheating under the carpet and I find it astounding. You are being eaten up by guilt now before the baby is born, will it go after the birth? When you get married? Absolutely ... (read in full...)

He wants to be friends only!

Q.   I have been seeing a guy on and off for around 10 months, we’ve never gotten past the casual first stage due to him not being ready and so there have been gaps where we haven’t seen each other and dated other people, however always seem to come ...

A.   12 November 2018: Why are you wasting your time on someone who can’t make his mind up? What are you getting out of this? How can you not be ready to date someone after ten months? What you’re doing is pointless. Block him and move on. ... (read in full...)

Are LDR's real relationships, even if you haven't met them yet?

Q.   Hello, I am currently in a long distance relationship with a man. He is from the US, and is 21 years old, and I am from the UK, and am 18 years old. We met online, and have been together for a couple of months now. We are still going strong...

A.   12 November 2018: Not really. It’s easy to speak online to someone, you can give off whatever persona you like, until you’ve met someone in person and spent time getting to know them physically then you have no idea what they’re about. Keep working at the p... (read in full...)

The girls I want to date end up dating other guys!

Q.   Hi everyone! This isn't such a serious situation, just looking for some advice and guidance. I met a girl a few weeks ago, we exchanged numbers and she went back to her city 2 hours away. We chatted every day, she flirted a lot and we had a g...

A.   12 November 2018: It happens, we can’t be a good match for everyone we meet. She wasn’t feeling it so phased out contact. Definitely DO NOT message her asking why. That will come off as creepy, just accept she wasn’t interested and move past it. I’d say if yo... (read in full...)

Should I be strong and not burden people with my problems?

Q.   I'm really upset but wondering if I have every right to be or if my boyfriend was spot on and I need to get a grip. I have two children with my ex, we were together 8 years but then he cheated with his now wife. They got married within months of...

A.   11 November 2018: Sounds like your ex has 3 children to deal with. I really wouldn’t want my children anywhere near a violent woman like that. I hope she’s bought them a new laptop also? Criminal damage in front of children, she sounds classy. As previously... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is perfect, but I want an open relationship.

Q.   Hi people. I met my current girlfriend a little over two years ago and I was not the social type back then. I never really went out a lot and hanging out with friends was pretty much 'indoor'. After I met her I became very outgoing. We went t...

A.   11 November 2018: She isn’t ‘the one’, if she was you wouldn’t have the urge to go out fucking other people. Please enlighten us how going around having meaningless sex will fill this ‘emptiness’. I’ve been there, done that. Slept with enough girls and then never ... (read in full...)

I had sex with my best friend now I want to be his girlfriend!

Q.   So I have been best friends with an American man for about 12.5 years now, we met online and started as penpals , we have emailed nearly every day for 12 years and always ring each other and there for each other if we were going through a tough ...

A.   11 November 2018: What other way could there be than just saying it to him? You don’t want to play games? Well that’s exactly what you are doing. He told you how he felt then you lied to his face. Why would you tell him you only see him as a friend if you don’t? ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend spends all day on a dating app.

Q.   I don't know what to do as my b I yfriend is on a dating app day and night there's no photo of him and details just it shows his location home and work. I don't know what to do I just don't get if he's looking for me on there OE someone else. I see ...

A.   11 November 2018: Why would you want to fix things with someone who’s trying to find your replacement? What planet are you living on? HE doesn’t trust you?? How certain are you that these profiles are his without a picture? If you know it’s him yet you’re sticking... (read in full...)

I feel pathetic, its seven years and I am still not over him!

Q.   Hi all, I’m going to keep this short and sweet and any help and advice is greatly appreciated. I was in a long distance relationship that ended in 2011 because my partner got depressed due to me always leaving to go back home. I’m Scottish and he’...

A.   10 November 2018: Everyone goes though a pain at this point in their life where they feel like they’ve missed out on ‘the one’. If that was the case and you were meant to be, you would be. Nothing would have stopped the situation, there would have been an ending in ... (read in full...)

Should I apologize before the concert or just leave it alone?

Q.   When we were dating, I had given my ex a Louis Vuitton necklace. After we broke up, I knew he would just throw it away, so I asked for it back and he said he would mail it. A week later, it hadn’t come in the mail, so I texted him and asked if he ...

A.   10 November 2018: Leave him alone. You gave him the necklace as a gift, you technically have no right whatsoever to take that back no matter how annoying it is. Right now you are harassing this guy, if the roles were flipped all hell would break loose. Just ac... (read in full...)

We are on a break but working on our relationship ... he doesn't understand how his actions affected me.

Q.   7 months ago, my ex and I broke up, mutually. Our relationship was long-term. A few days after our breakup I accidentally read a conversation in his facebook account between him and a female friend. The conversation was very intimate, and almost ...

A.   9 November 2018: The whole point of a break is to be apart from each other, to have time to collect your thoughts, work on things and ultimately decide whether you want to get back together. Being on a break doesn’t involve having sex with each other and being in ... (read in full...)

I'm sick of this man being a ghost in our relationship.

Q.   Early this year my girlfriend did an internship in another city. I was too busy to visit and she didn't have much time either, so she only travelled back here a couple of times. I missed her and was looking forward to her getting back. Then she ...

A.   9 November 2018: You don’t trust her and for good reason, so why stay? She has betrayed the relationship in the most serious way, it doesn’t matter WHY she cheated, whether you didn’t have enough time for her or whatever is not important, the key point is here is ... (read in full...)

My ex girlfriend wants to be reimbursed for gifts she gave me.

Q.   I have recently broke up with my girlfriend after nine months together, a couple of weeks before we separated she bought me a present but now we're not together she's asking me to give her back the money she spent on that present, I don't think ...

A.   8 November 2018: You’re under no obligations to give it back although it may be in bad taste to keep the gift if it was very close time wise to the break up. I’m not too sure why you’d want to keep the gift from someone you’re not with anymore especially if she’s ... (read in full...)

He can't say I love you to me but we keep breaking up and getting back together. I don't know what to do

Q.   Okay, this is going to be long and I apologize in advance - I’ll try to summarize as much as possible. Two years ago (August 2016) I started my masters program in a big city. I was on dating apps for fun, mostly, not looking for anything serious...

A.   5 November 2018: What are you expecting to change? Seriously? How many times now have you let him back in and the same outcome has occurred? When do you ever need to force yourself to say you love someone else? If you can’t do it naturally then it’s not love. ... (read in full...)

What do I say to her to prove I’m genuinely sorry?

Q.   I’m here for advice and I’m looking for advice and don’t know what to do. I came across a female on a dating app who I really liked and we share things in common. there’s were going great until I said to her you’re ignoring me and now she is giving ...

A.   5 November 2018: You’ve blown it, you came across as too needy and pushy when you barely know each other. If a girl told me I was ignoring her when I hadn’t replied for a while I’d have the exact same reaction. Learn from this and don’t do this again in future. ... (read in full...)

My husband seems to think I am a bank, smokes weed all day and chats with other women!

Q.   Hello My husband isnt working and I am providing for our family. He is unable to work do to his new arrival to my country. During hid time here, he tells me his friends back home need an apartment to rent and they need to open up their ow...

A.   3 November 2018: I’m struggling to see how you’re not his bank here. He doesn’t work and you pay for everything. He’s a jobless bum that chats to other females in front of you and you’re accepting it, does it sound like he’s going to change anytime soon? Sounds l... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Q.   My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...

A.   31 October 2018: I don’t think it was intentional and you sound like you really made a meal of it. Crying and telling him not to come back over it? Childish.... (read in full...)

Is he just a liar toying with me?

Q.   Here's the deal. I met a guy down here in texas because he we was here for work. Long story short we hung out all the time and he added me and my best friend on fb. After he left he told her that he really likes me, not to let me lose interest and ...

A.   31 October 2018: Waste of time, block him and move on.... (read in full...)

My married lover doesn't want me to go on trips by myself. Why doesn't he trust me?

Q.   My married lover travels with his wife up to 3-5 times a year. The longest he is away is a month at a time. It's very difficult for me, even though I've chosen to place myself in this role. I feel resentful and left behind. They are natural ...

A.   31 October 2018: What valid points could he have? He is an absolute scumbag. How can you love a lying cheat? Honestly, I’m intrigued. What could he be giving you that an honest single man couldn’t? This guy is basically calling you a slut that can’t control ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   31 October 2018: I have to agree with the other posters saying that the new guy sounds like a complete dick. Using manipulative tactics to try and get into your underwear. I really doubt he has strong feelings for you, just enough to want to get you into bed, I’d be ... (read in full...)

He’s a selfish date, do I get rid or give him one last chance?

Q.   Why am i such an idiot. i arranged a date with a friend of mine we decided to give it a go. He messaged me to say he was home and that i can go round so i got a taxi to his and knocked on his door a few times and he didnt answer. It was late dark ...

A.   31 October 2018: What kind of guy asks a woman on a date only to ignore her when she gets to his house and offer no sort of apology or explanation? Would avoid this guy like the plague, at least he’s shown you how unreliable he is before you got attached, be glad ... (read in full...)

I'm unable to move on after being rejected by the girl I love

Q.   In my current state I feel lonely, depressed and unable to get over recent rejection with the *only* person I've had feelings for so far. To give more insight, I'm 15 years old and far from being attractive. In fact, I've not been favoured once by...

A.   31 October 2018: We’ve all been there believe me, I’m almost certain that everyone will feel this heart ache at least once in their life where your ‘love’ for someone else in unreciprocated. I’ve been there twice and it hurts, but it’s honestly not the end of t... (read in full...)

He's successful and talented.. I fear missing out on an exciting life if I'm not with him but I want a completely different future

Q.   I recently met a guy who’s an actor so his life is definitely in London. My life definitely isn’t in London. I don’t want to live there. I established this when my performer ex got a job there and it was the end of our relationship. We met a ...

A.   31 October 2018: I’m guessing you didn’t like the answers that the aunts and uncles gave the other day? You have already been through all of this in the past, why are you contemplating doing it again? You didn’t miss out on anything with your ex so what will you... (read in full...)

He doesn't believe that I am over my ex

Q.   So I met this guy via a dating app 9 months ago, we messaged for about 2 months but he was wary to meet up as he was still not entirely over his last relationship. I wanted to meet him but in the end he freaked out, back tracked and asked me not to ...

A.   30 October 2018: So he’s backed away 3 times now, that should be plenty of indication to show he’s a complete waste of time. I’d of took his advice after the first time though when he told you not to message again. Block and move on. ... (read in full...)

We met online I'm 18 he's 34. Is it wrong that I want to be with him?

Q.   I just want opinions. I have known a man for over 3 months now. We met online, we Skype regularly, he's amazing. We talk everyday. He lives 2 hours away from me.The only thing is he is 34 and I am 18. I want to be with him so bad. Is this wro...

A.   29 October 2018: Any man that is trying to get a girl half his age into bed is a creep in my eyes. I’d say there’s a reason why he’s not pursuing females his own age. Avoid like the plague, you are barely starting adulthood and he’s old enough to be your father.... (read in full...)

How can I make her my girlfriend?

Q.   There is this girl I work with and I really, really like her. Her and I both started working together at the same time and she has been in 2 relationships that hadn't ended well. She knows I like her and care a lot about her, but she keeps saying ...

A.   29 October 2018: If anything you will be making her extremely UNcomfortable. She said no, accept it and leave her alone, she’s not interested.... (read in full...)

I need your thoughts on how to sort this situation.

Q.   Recently with the past 2 months, my boyfriend of nine years and I ended our relationship. Our relationship had it’s good points, but overall was very toxic and tumultuous. He has a pre-teen daughter and myself an 11-year-old son. He’s been my ...

A.   29 October 2018: I understand that your ex and your son bonded a lot over the course of your relationship, but it’s over now. It’s a shame and must of been upsetting for your son to lose that father figure in his life, but I also think it would be very confusing for ... (read in full...)

I'm in a messed up situation with a guy from another country

Q.   Hey dear agony aunts I met this guy one month ago (B) who got my number from a friend of mine. We started talking casually. B doesn’t live in our country and he told me he while we were just talking that he had a girlfriend in a different country ...

A.   29 October 2018: Okay let me get this straight. This guy has a girlfriend, that didn’t put you off, so you’re now cheating with this guy. You got feelings for him, then he saw you messaging other guys, he got mad at you, whilst he’s cheating on his girlfrie... (read in full...)

How do I stop myself repeating the past with a different guy?

Q.   I’ve been using Tinder a lot recently and I recently met up with a guy who was in my city as part of a touring musical. We met up, he brought me flowers and took me for dinner. We had a night of amazing sex and a following perfect day. We ...

A.   29 October 2018: They say in life that we learn from our mistakes. You’ve been through this exact scenario before and you’re thinking about diving in head first again. You know what the outcome will be, you’re living proof of it! It is so easy to have good che... (read in full...)

A friend is interested in a poly-amorous relationship but how do I tell my wife?

Q.   I and my wife have been married for 40 years and our love for each other is as solid now as it ever has been. Our sex life up until 8 years ago was very satisfying. Eight years ago my wife sustained an injury which has left her house bound. She ...

A.   29 October 2018: I don’t really think there is a way you can beat around the bush with this one, I can understand your side of things and we that it must be very hard for you knowing that you have a desire for sex but you’re now unable to have it with your wife, ... (read in full...)

I can't give either of them up but I know I need to in the long term.

Q.   I'm in a relationship with a great man. We have our ups and downs as do any couple but he is undoubtably who I want to be with and we are on the whole very happy. However. I have been having a fling/relationship - call or what you will, with someo...

A.   29 October 2018: I hate cheaters with a passion, it’s honestly the lowest of the low. It makes me think about how much my girlfriend loves me, all the little things she does to show how much she cares about me and the thought of shoving that back in her face by ... (read in full...)

Lover wants to stay with his children for now

Q.   My lover cannot live with me just yet because he still wants to live with his children who are 21 and 19.....He said they still need him .... He doesn’t love his wife... they share no interests as a couple, just stayed married for their kids sake... ...

A.   29 October 2018: That translates to: ‘I’m not going to leave my family for you but I will stick around for the no strings attached sex’. Why would he need years to sort himself outfits he truly wanted to be with you? Surely he wouldn’t be able to wait to leave... (read in full...)

I’m excited at the concept of an open relationship but I’m not really happy with the current situation.

Q.   My girlfriend of 6 years is studying abroad for a year (since mid-September). We’re fairly committed to each other so we are trying to do long distance. We are also fairly sexual people but have only ever really been with each other. We are also ...

A.   29 October 2018: This isn’t exciting you is it? You’re not being truthful here at all, every feeling you’ve described as been negative. You can’t forget what you’ve been told and it’s playimg on your mind, does that sound like someone who’s ‘excited’ by what’s ... (read in full...)

She said no. Should I keep trying?

Q.   So, I've liked somebody for a long time (2-3 years) and recently, a couple of weeks ago I decided to tell them how I felt. I've been friends with her since we first met and everybody I know was certain she was into me as well. Unfortunately I was ...

A.   29 October 2018: No, I’m sure your parents have taught you the meaning of that word so respect it. Everyone has boundaries and lines that you DO NOT cross under any circumstances. This girl doesn’t feel the same way that you feel about her, accept and respect it. ... (read in full...)

I'm hurt, confused, angry and betrayed.

Q.   So Last night I texted my gf and asked her how it started and she said that they met at a mutual friends house and he went up to her and they started talking about regulsr shit at first. Eventually they started chatting over what...

A.   29 October 2018: She cheated on you. How are you even thinking about staying? She slept with you then left to sleep with another guy on the same night. Are you on the same planet as us here?? Breaking up is the only option here, who cares whether it meant so... (read in full...)

He didn't disclose his real age. Am I overreacting?

Q.   I met a guy several months ago, when we were taking an evening class together. I was too shy to talk to anyone for a while, but then one day he and I found we took the same route home after class. We got talking. I mentioned I'd just had my 25th ...

A.   25 October 2018: I have to agree that it would be a big deal for me also, why would he lie in the first place about it? Some people wouldn’t want to date or sleep with a guy in their 30s when they’re mid 20s, it’s definitely not being ageist, it’s your personal ... (read in full...)

Five years on and he is still accusing me of cheating!

Q.   How can I get my partner to trust me? We've been together 5 years, I've NEVER done anything that's remotely disloyal or unfaithful. When we met I had a few male friends, I'm now not allowed to speak to any of them despite the fact that all I've ev...

A.   24 October 2018: Edit: ‘The thought of relationships like this make my skin crawl’... (read in full...)

Five years on and he is still accusing me of cheating!

Q.   How can I get my partner to trust me? We've been together 5 years, I've NEVER done anything that's remotely disloyal or unfaithful. When we met I had a few male friends, I'm now not allowed to speak to any of them despite the fact that all I've ev...

A.   24 October 2018: Come on. Get real here. Tell me one reason why you’re staying? You’re not married, don’t have kids and surely can’t love this man so the only thing tying you do him is the house. You said you moved to his town so I’m assuming the house is his? If ... (read in full...)

Online dating but he's much shorter than me and we've never met. I don't know where this is going

Q.   Okay so basically I met this guy on a dating app. We really hit it off and I don’ usually hit it off with guys. I usually get bored or they annoy me. I honestly don’t know how to explain it any other way. Anyways. I met this guy. He’s 29 and I’m ...

A.   21 October 2018: Well do you want to meet him or not? If yes, do so, if not then stop wasting each other’s time. You like his personality but you’re worried what other people will think of the guys height. You have to decide whether or not it’s a deal breaker ... (read in full...)

When discussing sexual history, do handjobs count as sex?

Q.   When discussing sexual history should people you didn't have sex with but gave handjobs to count? I know to count oral and vaginal ( I never had anal.) but do handjobs you've given typically go into that count?...

A.   21 October 2018: Unless you have a medical condition that you have to legally disclose to future partners, then why are you discussing sexual history? It has nothing to do with anyone besides yourself and to be quite honest is the worst conversation that could be ... (read in full...)

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