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*91 agony aunt

*91

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*91's profile:

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't"

"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".

'If you're going through hell, keep going'

I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth.

Latest articles:

Afraid to commit

No replies yet...

8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...

Thank you DC!

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...

Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us

This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...

1234567891011Next > [63 pages, 2470 answers]

I’m not sure how to interpret ‘hey chick’ in his text!

Q.   If a male acquitance or a friend sent you a text starting 'hey chick' and you had not one like that before from them, is it something as a female you would find endearing, condescending or the sender being flirty with her. Had one recently and ...

A.   22 January 2019: I don’t think it’s any of the things you listed, it’s a greeting, nothing more. The same as: ‘Hey mate/pal’ ‘Hey love/darling’ Wouldn’t read anything into it ... (read in full...)

Is he completely dense? Should we just give up trying to tell him he’s making the biggest mistake of his life?

Q.   Hi guys so firstly this us a follow on from a post at Christmas- thank you all for your excellent advice The situation was a mutual good friend had got himself involved with a girl we all knew was bad news- disrespected him, took money and gene...

A.   21 January 2019: The more you tell him how wrong he is the more he will insist he isn’t. Let the man make his mistake, he needs to realise on his own. You’ve tried to warn him and he hasn’t listeners so what else can you do? Leave the guy to it. ... (read in full...)

Should I be over his cheating?

Q.   I’ve been with my guy for over 6 yrs now. We got into a discussion yesterday about his twin boys momma. Saying you know we will have to be around her more. And I said “as long as nothing else happens again” due to him going behind my back a couple ...

A.   21 January 2019: I agree with Honeypie. You CHOSE to stay with him. That means you have accepted his cheating and decided to put it behind you to stay together. Therefore you can’t decide to keep bringing it up. If you don’t like it you should of broke up 5 years ... (read in full...)

I’m going to see my ex, is this a good idea?

Q.   My ex and I broke up a year ago due to him moving, and me being in uni still for the next year. Fast forward a year later, and we reconnected and are still in love with each other. I got a great job here in my city after I graduate in a few months ...

A.   21 January 2019: Nope, bad idea written all over it. You broke up because you were apart, you are STILL apart. You are both satisfied where you currently live, neither want to move, how has the distance aspect been solved? Complete waste of time. ... (read in full...)

I lied to my boyfriend about the time frame last time I had sex before him. He STILL doesn't know the actual truth. What should I do?

Q.   Hey all! I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26 years old and in very transitional phases of our lives. We also recently (within the last year) ended long term (3-6year) relationships. Both relationships we...

A.   21 January 2019: Yeah, a good suggestion would be to NEVER discuss this kind of thing. Who the hell wants to know when their partner last fucked someone before them? What a stupid topic for discussion. The amount of times I’ve seen questions like this and just have ... (read in full...)

Should I ask my married lover for baby?

Q.   So I have been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and thier 2 kids.When we met he told me that he was in process of leaving her but now almost 2 years later he still lives at home and he won t see me outside his work hours. Anyways, ...

A.   20 January 2019: Are you actually being serious? Wow is all I can say. You are willing to bring a poor baby into a situation where you’re being used for Sex? I’m sorry but this really rubbed me up the wrong way. This is stupid, I can’t believe you’re even consider... (read in full...)

My boss is not letting me move on from our affair

Q.   I posted about a month/two back about having had an affair with boss and having ended it. He wanted to stay super secret best friends. But I’ve done a great job of only being professional with him and not interacting unless absolutely neces...

A.   19 January 2019: Yep, new job needed ASAP. He’s worried you think he’s a pig? Well why wouldn’t you think that? He is a huge one, an absolute twat in fact. What guy cheats with a married woman? ‘Super secret friends’? Is he 12 years old? That sounds like somethin... (read in full...)

If a girl is interested in a guy, he jumps at the chance to go out with her, why won't this guy?

Q.   There's a boy in my class who's really cute, smart, nice, everything I like in a guy but he ignores me. I try talking to him and he either doesn't talk to me or tells me to leave him alone. I've passed him notes in class and left notes in his locker ...

A.   19 January 2019: Isn’t it obvious to you? He doesn’t like you. How would YOU feel if a guy you didn’t like was constantly trying to get your attention and passing you notes that you didn’t want to read? People were calling you a lesbian because you weren’t ... (read in full...)

My partner's behaviour towards me has been very questionable ever since he lost his job. What's going on here?

Q.   This is a little uncomfortable to write, I'm not sure if I'm the problem or not. I've been in a relationship for 2 years and up until about 8 months ago it was really care free, relaxed, and just a joy really. Now, however, it's... I don't ...

A.   19 January 2019: Oh yeah he’s changed for sure and it’s not in a good way. It does sound like he may have slipped into some kind of depression since losing his job and he’s scared that you’ll walk away. Constantly having to reassure someone is tiring. Not a job that ... (read in full...)

Should I resign from my job because I’m being bullied?

Q.   I’ve worked for a company for five years and enjoy my job. however a female co worker who is at the same company as me, doesn’t like me and is doing everything she can to make feel miserable. she has also back stabbed me a few times and has even ...

A.   18 January 2019: Why? The company knows about it now. I don’t think she would of freely admitted she had been harassing you would she? That would be ridiculously stupid on her part. Just continue your job, remain professional and try to gather evidence of her b... (read in full...)

I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years because he wouldn't commit but now I'm feeling very down

Q.   I’m feeling really lonely and fed up since splitting from my boyfriend 6 weeks ago. We were together for 8 years. Basically I split from him because I know he will never commit to me and I got tired of waiting. In the end I felt like i’d fallen ...

A.   18 January 2019: Stop checking your phone! Block him. You weren’t meant to be and that’s that. You know you weren’t a match but it still hurts to break up, you’re human, don’t beat yourself up over it. You spent a large period of your life with someone so it would... (read in full...)

I see his ex as a threat. Am I being silly or do I have reason to worry?

Q.   I am probably being silly but my partner was married a few years ago and been divorced over ten years. He has told me that how he feels about me is far deeper than his ex wife, he said he was very unhappy with her and he looks back and knows it was ...

A.   17 January 2019: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-did-he-still-help-his-supposedly-awful.html Back again? If you REALLY want to stay with this guy then you need councilling as you clearly can’t get over this on your own. You will get the SAME advice ever... (read in full...)

Should I resign from my job because I’m being bullied?

Q.   I’ve worked for a company for five years and enjoy my job. however a female co worker who is at the same company as me, doesn’t like me and is doing everything she can to make feel miserable. she has also back stabbed me a few times and has even ...

A.   17 January 2019: I wouldn’t leave a job that I enjoy because some lowlife tries to make it hard for me, no chance. It’s hard to find a job that you don’t mind going into every day so I wouldn’t be letting someone ruin it for me. I’d be making a note of every ti... (read in full...)

I think my step daughter is selling nude photos of herself. How do I bring this up to her father?

Q.   My husbands adult daughter can't seem to hold down a job she also has anxiety issues. I have been told she is selling nude pictures of herself online and I don't know what to do? I think she will deny it if I ask her and tell her father I am making ...

A.   15 January 2019: I have to agree with the other posters, this is none of your business. Unless she’s underage, she can earn money however she likes, some people make a comfortable living from this. ... (read in full...)

I feel like the definition of a failure, any words of wisdom?

Q.   Hi all. I am 15 years old and have recently been challenged with some difficult feelings. I'll sum up the story: A decent while ago (about 4 months ago), after two years of having feelings for my close friend, who I've known for a long time, I fin...

A.   15 January 2019: Life goes on, I can assure you. Everyone gets rejected at some point in life, there’s really no way around it, it will happen at some point and we need to deal with it. The world won’t stop turning because we feel sad. You need to pick you... (read in full...)

Is she The One?

Q.   Okies, I really need your help with this one. I want to make this the year I sort this out. So, I have known my female friend for 10+ years and I liked her from early on. We have lived together even shared the same bed (platonically) a...

A.   14 January 2019: Nope, definitely not. All you’ve had in 10 years in a single kiss. I’m not sure where you’re getting the idea that she likes you as more than a friend. It sounds like you give her all the benefits of a relationship without actually being in one. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend won’t stop lying to me

Q.   Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months. He just turned 19 and he goes to college 5 hours away. This isn’t a problem we started dating Way before he started college and he didn’t plan on picking a school that far away but we make it ...

A.   10 January 2019: If he lies about mundane, pointless things then what kind of important stuff is he lying about? Stop wasting your time on this guy. I’ll be very surprised if he’s not getting involved with other girls at college. You’d have no way of knowing ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend tries to have anal sex without my permission. Does he not respect me?

Q.   I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him ...

A.   10 January 2019: Nope, not at all. A 60 year old man that doesn’t understand the meaning of the word no. You can do better. ... (read in full...)

My partner makes it out like I am thick and always wrong

Q.   Hi I’m in a relationship now for 6 years but he is so annoying at times he makes out as though I am thick and I know nothing about anything im always wrong in everything I do from tidying the house up after his mess to looking after our son I work 2 ...

A.   10 January 2019: Tell him how you feel. If you want to stay with him then give him a chance to change his behaviour and if he doesn’t then find someone who respects you. ... (read in full...)

My FWB hookup told me he had decided to date me until he found out I had sex with someone else

Q.   Since December 21 I've been intimate with someone. He knew I liked someone else but me being conflicted didn't know if I'd act on it or not. After our second sexual encounter I asked him if he wanted to date me he declined saying he just wanted to ...

A.   10 January 2019: He’s lying. What a huge coincidence that he was going to ask you that very day! Sounds like he is trying to reel you back in under his control as he knew you wanted something more serious whereas he enjoyed the no strings sex. He probably thought ... (read in full...)

Will I ever get the chance to massage her all over?

Q.   Hi, on the question of massages, I have a friend who will let me massage her back, neck, etc and feet, but not butt. She has also allowed me to see her topless, but she doesn’t fancy me and we also cuddle in bed a bit when she sleeps over. She ...

A.   8 January 2019: No. YOU clearly told us that she will NOT let you massage her behind. You’re in the 51-59 age bracket, so it’s quite alarming that you don’t understand that no MEANS no.... (read in full...)

I found evidence that my wife has been cheating. She denies it. Is she lying?

Q.   I recently found out my wife of 12 years has been seeing a guy from work for the past 3 months. I found a messenger conversation between her and her friend. In it it says they are like love sick teenagers. She talks about getting caught with him in ...

A.   8 January 2019: Yes, absolutely. Nobody on the planet has jokes about that kind of thing, she knows she’s been rumbled and that was the best excuse she could come up with on the spot. I hope you took pictures of what you saw, that would come in very handy if... (read in full...)

How can I deal with my coworker's crazy girlfriend?

Q.   First off, I know I probably can't do much if anything about this, but I thought I would ask for advice anyway. Background: Recently I organized a secret gift swap for the holidays at my new job. I got my assistant manager, who is around the sa...

A.   8 January 2019: Block her and forget about it. You took part in a workplace Christmas activity, if she wants to cry about it then let her. Remain nothing but professional and put this behind you.... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   7 January 2019: This is nothing but drama. I read the whole thing thinking that it sounded like teenagers. 47 years old and he’s still stringing women along. How is it NOT SIMPLE to break up with someone he: Doesn’t love, isn’t attracted to and constant... (read in full...)

Is he actually seeing someone? Am I just entering a situation I shouldn’t? What are his motives?

Q.   I’ve been talking to a guy (via messenger) for around 10 months now, we originally met on a dating site. It’s very casual and flirty but we’ve not met due to us both agreeing the distance was a bit too far, however after months of us both dating o...

A.   6 January 2019: If you don’t want anything serious then why do you care? This post is very contradictory. If you live too far away why are you entertaining it in the first place? Sounds to me like you do in fact want a serious relationship you’re just not will... (read in full...)

He told me to set a date to marry and now he's ignoring it

Q.   My boyfriend told me in October to " set a date" and he'd "show up". I'm afraid to do this. 20 years ago we were engaged and broke up and have reunited years later. I just don't trust. We are 45 and live in different states. He does have M.S., ...

A.   3 January 2019: ‘Set a date and I’ll show up’? And they say romance is dead. Is this honestly how you want to get married? This doesn’t sound like much of a relationship. Why would you marry someone you don’t trust?... (read in full...)

Should I take note of our horoscopes? The Chinese one says we are incompatible!

Q.   This probably seems silly but I have been reading Chinese horoscopes and compatability with my boyfriend and they say we are not suited. It says his soul mate Chinese animal was a horse and his ex wife was one, yet my animal is the least compatible ...

A.   31 December 2018: Absolute garbage. The same people who believe in horoscopes are the people who reply to emails from Nigerian princes with their bank details in hopes of being sent billions of dollars. ... (read in full...)

How do I stop crushing on jerks?

Q.   I always crush on a guy who is kind of a jerk, but the type of guy parents love because he totally sucks up to them and looks really good on paper — smart, ambitious, handsome — but deep down, he is not the nicest person. He usually has a ...

A.   30 December 2018: You don’t know what someone is like before you start talking to them so it’s not always easy to see who is a bad match early doors. As soon as you notice these behaviours then you break things off, it’s that simple. The whole point of dating i... (read in full...)

Is his reaction to these comments a red flag?

Q.   Hey guys! Hope everyone is well :) I recently entered into a new relationship. We've been "dating" for the last 2 months, and official for the last month. We have also already entered the "I Love You" phase. Everything moved very quickly, bu...

A.   30 December 2018: I’ll start by saying you’re not in love with each other. If im reading it correctly you’ve been a couple for a month and you think you’re in love? You barely know each other. You’re right in saying that it’s a huge red flag when people say they’re ... (read in full...)

Accused of being antisocial for turning down a guy?

Q.   My dad loves to accuse me of being anti social and saying "that's why you have no friends". We were at a friends place and there is a single guy there who I see a couple times a year. We aren't friends (acquaintances) and we do not share interests. ...

A.   30 December 2018: Tell them exactly how you feel. You’re an adult, you are perfectly capable of making your own choices and they need to respect that. Why would they expect you to go to an event you don’t want to attend with someone you have no interest in befriend... (read in full...)

My new job demands much more of my time! Any advice?

Q.   Three weeks ago I started a job in my career path that I’ve been praying for for a long time now. Great location for me, benefits, union, pay is good, the whole nine yards. I feel so overwhelming blessed for me and my family. The only downside to ...

A.   30 December 2018: I spent a few years in the army, now that’s a job that your life revolves around. You can say goodbye to your social life when there’s the chance that you can be called into work at any time, expected to deploy at any point for months/years. For 3 ... (read in full...)

Is ‘bird’ just slang for ‘woman’ or ‘girl’?

Q.   When a guy calls you a bird is it just slang for woman/girl. I text a guy friend to rearrange meeting up as he wasn't feeling well and joked that it was nurses orders for him to get better and that I couldn't find a nurse in uniform emoji t...

A.   30 December 2018: Bird means female/girl or girlfriend. He’s calling you a quick girl. Not sure what’s surprising here. ... (read in full...)

He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it!

Q.   Hi so I started seeing a guy about a month ago, he is lovely but lives like 400 miles away! I really fell for him, and him me, but he seems borderline obsessed with me, he got me presents for Xmas very sweet I thought, but he is very insecure and ...

A.   28 December 2018: End it. He’s insecure and this behaviour won’t stop. Getting in deeper won’t help. ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend lied about moving overseas to keep sleeping with me

Q.   My Boyfriend and I broke up I'm very depressed this Christmas we had been together for a year with a 2 month breakup in between because he refused to tell anyone about me... He claims to be private I took him back because I don't believe he was ...

A.   27 December 2018: Why have you wasted so much time on this guy? He is using you for sex, it’s so obvious. If a guy won’t tell anyone about you then there’s a reason for it. I am a private person. I don’t want my relationship plastered all over social media but all ... (read in full...)

Male friend wants to discuss sexual fantasies ....he has a girlfriend!

Q.   No, I am not looking to make him my boyfriend Just want to know if its normal for men with girlfriends to want to talk to their female friends about their sexual fantasies? he even asked if i had a boyfriend and when i asked why he said because...

A.   27 December 2018: Of course it’s not normal. He’s in a relationship. He shouldn’t be discussing anything of a sexual nature with another person as it’s highly inappropriate and disrespectful to his partner. Nip this in the bud immediately and remind him of hi... (read in full...)

I can't forget the guy I cheated with.

Q.   About 6 months ago, I cheated on my boyfriend with a male friend. I won't go into details, but my boyfriend and I worked through it and I cut contact with the other guy. Today he sent me an email to wish me happy Christmas and said he misses me. I ...

A.   27 December 2018: It sounds like you’re settling here to be honest. You know you have a steady lifestyle with your BF but it’s clearly not everything you need if you’re having these thoughts. It’s okay to be with no one, don’t feel like you HAVE to be in a ... (read in full...)

I'm flying 1/2 way across the world to see me girlfriend who is probably going to break up with me?

Q.   For the past few months, I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. The long distance is supposed to last another 5 months. I'm planning to visit her next week for a few days on my way to a conference, and then again ...

A.   27 December 2018: Pack her stuff up and send it to her or ask one of her friends to collect it. If she doesn’t ask for anything that you purchased together back then I’d keep it. Either return the Xmas gift and get your money back or give it to someone else. If... (read in full...)

Should I even try to remain friends with her after the way she acted?

Q.   The other day I went to dinner with my friend who I actually considered one of my best friend so we were having dinner and it w and We ordered our food and both of ours took a long time to come but hers came before mine and she ate hers and she ...

A.   26 December 2018: She’s complaining because the manager offered you a free meal because the restaurant messed up? I don’t get her logic here. If she wants to act like a baby then let her, I don’t understand her side of this at all.... (read in full...)

I'm really sad and discouraged with my life

Q.   Anyone have any advice for someone in late 20’s. I have studied to high level, but don’t have job anymore. It’s been half a year, and I simply cannot afford anything. Friends kindly ask why I don’t have work yet,l. I guess that’s their way of ...

A.   26 December 2018: You never answered my question about why you haven’t been applying for jobs. The main point you took away from my answer was that I misread how long you had been without work? Who cares what jealous people thought about you?... (read in full...)

Is it possible to love 2 women the same way at the same time?

Q.   When i was 13 i dated this girl, who we will call girl "A". After half a year she broke up with me. 3 years later i started dating one of her close cousin, which we will call girl "B". we ended up talking online and eventually getting together. Yes ...

A.   24 December 2018: How can you love someone that you barely interact with? That makes no sense at all. You have 1.5 years of memories as a child, you don’t love someone romantically at that age, you’re not mentally developed in that area at such a young age. You a... (read in full...)

I'm really sad and discouraged with my life

Q.   Anyone have any advice for someone in late 20’s. I have studied to high level, but don’t have job anymore. It’s been half a year, and I simply cannot afford anything. Friends kindly ask why I don’t have work yet,l. I guess that’s their way of ...

A.   24 December 2018: The question is though, WHY do you not have a job yet? Surely in a year and a half you could of found suitable employment? I really don’t believe there isn’t a job that you could be working in right now, you say you want one but do you really? I’ve ... (read in full...)

I'm flying 1/2 way across the world to see me girlfriend who is probably going to break up with me?

Q.   For the past few months, I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. The long distance is supposed to last another 5 months. I'm planning to visit her next week for a few days on my way to a conference, and then again ...

A.   26 November 2018: Yeah I wouldn’t be taking that bus journey if I was about to get dumped. I’d rather just do it over the phone and save my time and money. Not only are you feeling down about the situation already but adding an unneeded journey and it’s expenses to ... (read in full...)

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