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*91 agony aunt

*91

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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't"

"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".

'If you're going through hell, keep going'

I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth.

Latest articles:

Thank you DC!

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...

Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...

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Am I being played here, or does he really associate being my boyfriend with one day marrying me?

Q.   My ex-boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me last month, we had a pretty amicable breakup (he told me that we have a good thing and it was hard because he loves me but he just doesn't see himself married to me one day and tbh I don't either since ...

A.   24 October 2017: I wouldn't be so confident on the whole 'I don't think he's sleeping with anyone else' front. In a nutshell he's saying I want to sleep with you and nothing more and it seems like you're okay with that. He is hiding you from his family and your... (read in full...)

Should I try to see if he is available? If so how?

Q.   Ok! Where do I start? I met a boy seven years ago. We were on a summer abroad in Australia and we fell madly in love with each other. When the summer ended we both went back home. But lived in opposite parts of the country and it just wouldn’t have ...

A.   23 October 2017: As usual I agree with honeypie. Let's get realistic here, how has nothing happened in 7 years if it's 'meant to be'? If he has such strong feelings for you then why hasn't he done something about it? Why is he with someone else if he cares ab... (read in full...)

I have the hots for my sister-in-law

Q.   I got married 3 years ago, since then i have had a crush on my sister-in-law. She is a beautiful girl. Whenever i see her i have this uncontrollable urge to have sex with her. I love my wife but i also have feelings for my sister-in-law. Neither my ...

A.   23 October 2017: Are you expecting people to tell you to go for it? You're married for god sake. If you don't love your wife anymore then break up with her, at least try to retain some dignity than pursuing her sister also.... (read in full...)

Does my FWB have feelings for me?

Q.   I've been friends with benefits with a guy for over 3 years. We hook up nearly every week. I telephoned him today to speak to him, he was busy building a draw and I didn't realise I was on loud speaker, during the call we were talking and he was ...

A.   22 October 2017: OP, take it from someone who's been in a FWB thinking 'it will work out one day', you will NEVER be together. You have already settled for having casual sex with this guy and that's is ALL he will ever see you as now. You are missing out on s... (read in full...)

He is not being supportive and I am literally broken because of what is happening!

Q.   Hi, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 months and a few days ago I found out I was pregnant. We both currently live 100 miles apart and only get to see each other once a week. We decided an abortion was the best option for us as it wou...

A.   22 October 2017: What an absolute asshole to put it mildly. You need someone there right now that you can rely on like a friend or family member. That would be a much better option than thinking this waste of space will attend the appointment with you. Block a... (read in full...)

She takes more than she gives and I know part of the problem is her low self-esteem!

Q.   Hi, when I told my girlfriend that I love her she replied, for the first time, that she does as well, although she doesn't know if it's really love. She justified this with saying that she discussed the matter with her mom and when her mother asked ...

A.   20 October 2017: I agree with honeypie's point of your gf repeatedly bringing up that she doesn't deserve to date you. Okay, so ask her why she is? If she's not going to get therapy then you're going to have to deal with this for the duration of your relation... (read in full...)

Is this a ploy to make me jealous?

Q.   This guy and I decided to be friend with benefits before uni' but when we got to uni, it was quite different. The guy is in his late 20s and we go to each other's place to sleep over but we simply end up cuddling and kissing. We got into an argu...

A.   19 October 2017: Way more drama than necessary. FWB is supposed to be no feelings involved, this has gone past that or else he wouldn't of reacted in such a manner. If he wants to try it with this new girl, let him. FWB very, very rarely work the way they... (read in full...)

Was I out of line and is my boyfriend right in not trusting me?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. A few months ago I met a guy at work who I messaged after I left the job. He was quite flirty with me in this conversation but I didn't think it meant anything. About a month later he messaged...

A.   19 October 2017: You see him as a friend, this guy sees you as a potential notch on his bedpost. He was flirty, he was asking you on a DATE. That's very obvious. Your BF is male, he knows how other males think. I don't think you'd like it if it was the other wa... (read in full...)

How do I lay my cards on the table? He wants to go into the Navy but I think he's missing a good thing in us!

Q.   Hi. I'm sorry for the long email - but I feel like I need to get loads of details into this to give afull picture. Here's my story: I'm a 25-year-old woman who struggles to meet guys that I'm attracted to and have a really great connection with....

A.   19 October 2017: You may not be ready to give up on him but he has given up on you. If he wanted things to work, he would do believe me. I have been exactly where this guy is in regards to no commitment, I would make up any excuse in the book to get rid of someo... (read in full...)

He's getting back together with his ex but doesn't want to lose my friendship

Q.   I met a guy on-line. We dated for about 3 months and became intimate. He recently announced that he has been talking to his ex girlfriend and they have decided to try it again but he does not want to lose my friendship. He wants to meet with me....

A.   18 October 2017: My advice would be to delete this man from your life, block him and move forwards. Why would you waste a second of time on someone that's going back to their ex? Who cares if he's confused? He isn't fully focused on you so why on earth would yo... (read in full...)

I think he likes another girl but I don't know how to broach the topic

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months but it's not exactly official, his family don't know and only a couple of our close friends know, it's like a need to know basis. Recently he went on holiday back to his home town with a mutu...

A.   18 October 2017: I don't think there's a way to pussyfoot around this one. I'd call him straight out, tell him what you know and then wish him well. This guy is keeping you a secret whilst showing someone else off. It wouldn't surprise me if he's calling this oth... (read in full...)

Can't seem to say no to sex anymore and actually mean it. What should I do?

Q.   Can't seem to say no to sex anymore and actually mean it. What should I do? Hi I'm 18 and I've had sex with two guys, including the one I lost my virginity to. He was a friend and still is, but he occasionally flirts and I respond to it. We hung o...

A.   16 October 2017: Very simple fix. Make people work for it, get to know the guy first, go on dates, if he isn't interested in that then you know he only wants sex so you're weeding out the bad guys. Someone who's genuinely interested will have no issue with wai... (read in full...)

His online world has me worried

Q.   Hi All My husband is addicted to Facebook, constantly checking his Facebook even when we are out shopping/socialising etc. I have had to accept this and we have had many arguments over it. He does not listen. Recently he has set up an Inst...

A.   16 October 2017: Even if you tell him to delete it I either: 1. Doubt he will do it 2. Do it to please you then set up another account I really don't think anything you say to him will get through to him. So you either put up with it or walk away. Leaving c... (read in full...)

Why can I not see things how they are?

Q.   Why can’t I get over this crush? This guy I’ve fancied for 3 years now, his done my head in. I’ve never had such deep feelings for someone before, this guy matches me banter wise, future hope, likes and he just feels right! We’ve spoke on ...

A.   16 October 2017: I don't understand how you have feelings for someone you've never met. How can he be the one if he doesn't want to meet you? That in itself shows that he's not interested. Your behaviour sounds a little creepy if I'm being honest. Seeing a medium... (read in full...)

Have I blown my dream job with a wrong answer?

Q.   Hi I just applied for my dream job in an IT company and got invited for interview. Interview had 4 rounds and I cleared all of them. But after the rounds we had a small question answer round about the job. They asked me whether I'm okay with ni...

A.   15 October 2017: Maybe, maybe not. Impossible for anyone to know besides the interviewer. I very much doubt that would be the reason for you not getting the job, but like I said, only the interviewer knows.... (read in full...)

He has kept in touch, but I thought he only wanted sex.

Q.   Hi there! So i went on a date a few months ago with a lovely giy who i knew from primary school who just happens to now have his own tv series. We went out for a drink, had a lovely time. Then the next week he drove 3 hours to see his father (...

A.   14 October 2017: You make it sound like it's a lot of effort to send s few messages to someone to keep yourself in their thoughts. Who knows? Maybe he does genuinely like you? But on the other hand it's just as easy he wants an easy lay and to a womaniser it's suc... (read in full...)

How do I handle this meeting with him after the news that he's trying to reconcile with his ex in Italy!

Q.   I met an Italian guy recently. We talked on-line for a few weeks. Then he was in Italy for a month. We met when he came back. I was a little suspicious as to why such a long holiday in Italy as he has no children or parents. We met for the...

A.   14 October 2017: I agree with cindy. Why do you need to meet him? You can see that his allegiances are torn and may be coming back to you as second choice because things didn't work with his ex. Is that all you value yourself? As a back up plan? If he truly c... (read in full...)

How to tell him I don't want children?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, he is 32 and I am 24. We are moving in together in a few months (into his house), but I am worried about out future- I don't want to have children. I have several reasons for the fact...

A.   14 October 2017: You really need to do it before you move in. It would be a bit of a dick move to drop that bombshell after you're living together.... (read in full...)

I'm struggling with wanting more attention from him through texts!

Q.   So I have posted about this previously, but I’m starting to get that feeling of neglect again.  I feel terrible as I know my bf is working very hard and I hate asking him for more attention.  The situation hit a breaking point a couple weeks ago, he ...

A.   14 October 2017: It doesn't sound like this is going to change. You've told him before that you want more contact, it hasn't happened. So what next? Is it important enough to you to break up over? That's what you need to decide because I really don't see there ... (read in full...)

It was going great and now she has stopped responding ... I guess its over!

Q.   Hello everyone! A few months ago I started exchanging Facebook messages with a girl I knew in high school about ten years ago. I'm 30 and she's 29. Things went really well and she agreed to meet up as soon as we could (she was moving back to h...

A.   13 October 2017: She's seen the messages, why would she all of s sudden stop receiving them? There's more to her than meets the eye, sounds like bad news and she's probably got her finger in a few pies.... (read in full...)

My ex cheated on me, it took me 2 years to get over him and now he wants to try again

Q.   At what point can you be sure you have forgiven someone for hurting you, and take them back? 3 years ago my then boyfriend of nearly 2 years left me for someone else. It took me a long time to get over it, but I did. I never really forgot he...

A.   12 October 2017: I don't even need to read the question. Not in a million years should you take him back, this would be the single most worst decision of your life and the fact that you're even contemplating it is insane. Do you honestly think you can't find s... (read in full...)

We broke up because he was obsessed with women

Q.   Looking for some feedback, especially the guys out there, interested in your take on this. My relationship has very recently ended and was a long time coming,This man made me feel uncomfortable, disrespected, less than and so much more. The worst ...

A.   11 October 2017: As a male I wouldn't even think to make such comments to a partner. Extremely odd behaviour, be lucky you're free from him.... (read in full...)

I can't wait to get married - but family issues putting a dampener on it.

Q.   Hi, I'm looking for some advice. My fiancé and I are engaged and are soon to start planning our wedding. I have an extremely difficult mother, and because of that she has pretty much damaged all family ties I have with aunts/uncles/cousins. ...

A.   11 October 2017: This is YOUR day. Do whatever you want to make it the happiest possible, don't invite anyone you don't want to just for the sake of making up numbers. If your family have shunned you then why would they deserve an invite? You don't NEED any of t... (read in full...)

The man I am dating doesn't believe in kissing and affection

Q.   I am seeing a guy who when I asked says he doesn’t do kissing and affection. I was widowed 9 years ago and this is the first since. I really like this guy but not sure about not kissing although the sex is great. I told him I kind of fell ...

A.   11 October 2017: What does help with good answers only mean? People give whatever advice they see fit whether you like it or not, that's the whole point of this website. And what options do you have? Either suck it up and deal with it, ask him why he's not aff... (read in full...)

How soon is too soon to ask her out?

Q.   Ok I use to give this girl a lift to work and we got on really well and have so much in common. 2 weeks ago she split up with her boyfriend and has moved so I longer have to give her a lift. At work we have been speaking a lot more since she has ...

A.   10 October 2017: Way way way too soon. The last thing on her mind right now would be dating someone else. Who knows how long it will take her to get over? A month? 6 months? 2 years? I agree with the other posters that you really shouldn't mix romance with wor... (read in full...)

Why does this guy flirt with me when he asks about dates I've been on?

Q.   There's this guy I've known for a little over a year. I used to have a huge crush on him for a long time. I eventually got over him emotionally, but I am still attracted to him. We have been friends but there has been times where I get mixed ...

A.   10 October 2017: Honestly I think he's doing it to mess you around. I think he knows you liked him in the past but doesn't want anything serious with you but now he knows you're looking elsewhere he's losing his pull over you, hence he's started to become interest... (read in full...)

Is it possible he wants more than sex?

Q.   About a month ago, I downloaded the app Tinder out of pure boredom. I wasn't looking for a relationship because my previous one really messed me up and ever since then I've had a really hard time developing feelings for guys. I was in a place where ...

A.   10 October 2017: Of course it's possible he does, but it's just an probable that he's likes to communicate with whoever he's sleeping with more than your previous hook ups did. Best person to ask is him. You're going to have to eventually anyways, you like him... (read in full...)

How to move on after a bad relationship?

Q.   Hi my name is Danielle and I am 24 years old I am currently single and living with my parents. I am writing this because I do not know how to go on and to move on with life. About a year ago I left my ex boyfriend.. I thought we were soulmates and ...

A.   10 October 2017: Sorry to hear that you went through an abusive relationship, no one deserves that. I'm afraid the only thing that is going to help you is therapy, I highly doubt there's anything at home you could do to get yourself out of a depression and a mi... (read in full...)

I feel I am not good enough and cry everyday

Q.   I am 25, single and VERY lonely. My now ex bf recently broke up with me because he lost feelings for me. I think it is all my fault, but he says it is not. He says his feelings fizzled out over time and insists there is no new girl. I am scared of ...

A.   10 October 2017: You want to find someone? Stop wallowing in self pity for a start. How is someone else going to value you if you think nothing of yourself? What good is crying everyday? Is that solving anything? Didn't think so. It sounds cliche but people d... (read in full...)

I have been helplessley in love with someone for too long, what do I do?

Q.   I am in love with someone. I have known him for years now. When I fell in love with im, it was slow, and so pure. He was my first love. I love him with all of my heart. Around the time I fell for him he had a girlfriend. And that hurt my heart, b...

A.   9 October 2017: Denizen is right. Ask him where you stand and then when you finally know you have closure. I'm gonna say though if you've known each other for 4 years and nothing has ever happened despite being 'in love' with each other, then I can't see it ever ... (read in full...)

He found the girl he dumped me for was too costly and wants me to take him back.

Q.   So, this guy and I were dating for almost two years and he proposed to me in May. A few weeks later he tells me hes going on vacation with his old crush/ friend since high school there both 28. But they have been friends forever. So, he breaks off ...

A.   9 October 2017: In a nutshell, this new girl didn't want him, so now he's back to settle for you as second best. Are you going to accept that? Tell him to back off and leave you alone.... (read in full...)

I don't know where I stand and I'm not sure if I should ask?

Q.   Why would he vacation a week with me separate rooms Send flirting texts apologize when he is busy due to work military and then contact again repeated pattern... I don’t know where I stand and I’m unsure if I should ask?!! We haven had face to ...

A.   8 October 2017: If you haven't seen each other in 3 months you don't sound very high up on his priorities. I think it's pretty clear where you stand. ... (read in full...)

Is he into me, I like him a lot!

Q.   Is he into me or not ? I really like a guy but I’m not sure about his actions. We have never had a conversation and I don’t even know his name. I wanted to initiate but he rarely shows up at the class so I stopped thinking about it but one of my...

A.   8 October 2017: Being in your age bracket I'd of thought you would be past juvenile signs of thinking looking at each other means attraction. SPEAK TO HIM, find out that way. Leave the schoolyard stuff behind.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is afraid of my beauty and that I will leave him!

Q.   My boyfriend said he's scared of my beauty and is afraid I will leave him.what do I do to prove I won't and he doesn't take me out, prefers me staying indoor with him is dat y?. And I love this guy so much and it hurts me anytime he saids dat..pls...

A.   8 October 2017: This guy is showing signs of controlling behaviour already. There's nothing you can do to convince him, he's either secure with your relationship or he isn't which clearly here he's not. You don't have to convince him of anything. Just because ... (read in full...)

I think a year is a long time to wait for him ...

Q.   So, ive been seeing this guy for a few months now he's a couple years older than me (being 25), when we first started speaking in july and from that point i thought it was going to be more of a friendly kind of relationship as he didn't seem my type ...

A.   6 October 2017: You're wasting your time. If he wanted a relationship you guys would be in one. He only wants something casual to fill the time until he goes away. I really couldn't imagine him not sleeping with someone for a year whilst he's away so it's hon... (read in full...)

Is my married boss hoping I will ask her out. ?

Q.   Hi this only happens at work lm a guy and really like 2 women 1 is married and find it hard to ask her out for a coffee and chat l feel she's still interested but she wants me to approach her and ask her out l don't think it will happen also cause ...

A.   6 October 2017: Seriously? You're over 50 years of age for crying out loud. She is MARRIED. Not only is she married, she is your BOSS. You are asking for a world of trouble by even entertaining the thought. Why on earth would you think trying to date your mar... (read in full...)

Should I attend my Son's wedding?

Q.   I am a dad who doesn't get along well with his only son. He is getting married in a couple days and have chosen a non cleric, non blood related family member to officiate the ceremony, a man I totally despise and have never gotten along with. I like ...

A.   6 October 2017: Stop being selfish, this day isn't about you so stop trying to make it so. This is your flesh and blood getting married, you will regret not attending.... (read in full...)

Is this just a slump in the relationship or should we part ways?

Q.   So I desperately need some relationship advice please! Me and my boyfriend have been together about 2 and a half years now, we're both 22 and we live together. We both have very good jobs and we stay at his family house (all his family live away...

A.   6 October 2017: If you've both noticed it then I'd say he feels the same. The second you start doubting your love for each other then I'd say the relationship is on the way to ruin. If you don't think to yourself 'yeah this guy is the one' then why waste your tim... (read in full...)

Uncertain if he lied for the right reason

Q.   Hi, I have been married for 4 years to a guy who seems devoted to me. I've had a lot of problems in the past. Before I got with my husband I had been through a rough time, I had had cancer and was just finishing chemotherapy and my youngest daughter ...

A.   5 October 2017: Couldn't agree with cindy more, that's beyond fucked up. How are your friends thinking it's okay? That's truly baffling. If he can lie about something like that without batting an eyelid what else is he lying about? Absolutely insane behaviour... (read in full...)

Is life passing me by?

Q.   Hello everyone, Next month I am turning 30. Every birthday usually leads to some analysis and evaluation but this one at the end decade is feeling like an assessment of whole life. Right now I have MBA degree from one of the best schools around,...

A.   4 October 2017: If you feel like you don't do anything, then why don't you? What reason do you not have for doing things? I'm 26 years old and I'll admit I am scraping by financially at the moment, I have quite a low paying job right now because I'm still tr... (read in full...)

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