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I have my suspicions...is this woman he claims to be his 'sister' really his wife?

Q.   I have a guy for almost one year who lives with a woman in a single room whom he claims that the lady is his sister. There is a long distance between where he stays. He has been to my place twice and I've been to his place twice. My first time i ...

A.   20 October 2011: Does it really matter if this other woman is sister? No way we can proove it here for you. If the circumstances are uncomfortable with a relationship with another woman around..get out! It sounds like an unhealthy relationship where the man is... (read in full...)

My wife's old journal mentioned sex with her ex and now my imagination is making me jealous

Q.   I was wondering if you could answer a couple of questions: I recently found my wife's journal, and of course I should have put it down but I read part of it and she had a section in there about sex with her Ex... She was quoted as saying "I have ...

A.   20 October 2011: When you wrestle with questions-stick with the facts. 1-It was wrong of you to read that journal unless she handed it to you. 2-You are obsessing on the details of what happened years ago. 3-She married YOU, right? Apparently she is satisf... (read in full...)

My fiance slapped me. Should I dump him?

Q.   im engaged and my weve been together for 3 Years. Yesterday we got in a argument and i told him something that pissed him off and he slapped me in the face twice. He has a bad temper but that was overboard.at the moment i told him that i was done ...

A.   20 October 2011: It is wrong for him to hit you. He lost his self control and took it out on you. That is abuse. Even if you provoked him with your words-it was wrong. It sounds like this is a time to take a HUGE step back from this relationship and... (read in full...)

You shouldn't have to convince someone to love you...

Q.   My boyfriend has told me twice in one year that he loves me. We have talked about possible future plans and he has said it really freaks him out to say how he feels about me. I think he's afraid that he may be on the path to marriage but is not ...

A.   19 October 2011: Is he bad at articulating his feelings at all, or just when it involves you? No, you should never have to convince someone to love or committ to you. Even if someone can not say in words how they feel, they will show you in deeds. How long have... (read in full...)

Should I tell him that I know about his activity on the swingers' site?

Q.   hi, my bf and myself are in our mid forties, and been together for just over a year. I am very attracted to my bf and i can honestly say that this is the first man i've been with that i really don't want anyone else and never look at another ...

A.   19 October 2011: Since you are already understanding he has needs that are met by porn, no I would not mention it. It might just be a fantasty exploration. I agree with the other poster. SHOW him you want more sex. Just take more initiative.... (read in full...)

Is this a fair arrangement?

Q.   Hi, I am a single mom, with one pre-school child. I live with my boyfriend. My question is about expenses. We split the rent 50/50, I buy all the groceries, and he pays all the car expenses(it is his car). He will not share any expenses regardin...

A.   18 October 2011: I think both of you should be contributing to the care of your living arrangments. Rent, utilities, food for entire household, maintenance, etc. The things you each had BEFORE each other (kids, debt, car) you are responsible for each your own. ... (read in full...)

Honest opinions: Are all boys like this over oral sex or is he out of order?

Q.   hi, have been with my bf for 5 years. we are both 26. we keep on having the same arguement ALL the time its regarding oral sex and we he nearly finished our relationship over it a couple of weeks ago. bjs are really important to him but i re...

A.   18 October 2011: Throwing my two cents as well... He's being a self-centered jerk. You are not his sex waitress! (Dear I will order one to go~) It is not uncommon for women to dislike BJ's but do them to make their guys happy. You were giving him a gift of... (read in full...)

I promised not to have sex with her until we get married, but I cant help not trust her and think she will lose it to someone else!

Q.   My girl friend is 17yrs i love her so much, and i promise not to have sex with her until we wed. But am afraid she may lose her virginity to another because you cant trust most girls. What should i do. ...

A.   17 October 2011: If you can not trust her do not consider marrying her. If she is a virgin on your wedding night, but is not trustworthy, that is no guarantee she will remain faithful to you. Marry for the right reasons to someone who is worthy of your trust an... (read in full...)

I told him about my past, he went silent and now wont speak to me until he has 'forgiven me'!

Q.   I need some help. When I was 12, i was quite badly raped and beaten to within an inch of my life (I was in ICU for the following 2/3 months afterwards.) I did not open up to anyway and I still remain that way (like, i will jump if anyone touches me, ...

A.   17 October 2011: He has no understanding or compassion for what you have been through. You have NOTHING to be forgiven for! I so sorry that he could not be more mature. You were being honest and straightforward and he ran. Better to know that now than later. ... (read in full...)

I've become a hunting widow! Boyfriend has not time for me now!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months. He is everything I ever hoped to find in a guy...he's smart, good looking, great personality, hard worker, and laid back for the most part. He also served in the Marines. I'm officially...

A.   14 October 2011: I can only relate by being a former sports widow. I knew the season was 3 mos long. When my ex and I were dating, he said he only went to an "occaisional" football game and watched only "special" games on TV. Then I attended a football... (read in full...)

Is my ex jealous about my new man?

Q.   After my ex bf rejected me weeks later I met this wonderful man and we had amazing sex iam falling for him he's a friend also so since my ex didn't want me and cheated on me I've moved on my ex wants to be friends so since he wants to be friends I ...

A.   14 October 2011: Who knows what your ex thinks? People become part of our past, because they have no place in our future. Enjoy your new bf and be happy! Look forward, not back! PS, I think exes who really want to be friends should show that they are good fr... (read in full...)

Do you think I was being manipulative?

Q.   I'm moving to another city for nine months next November. I have talked about this to my boyfriend about a month ago. We are going to stay together while I'm away. I feel like we haven't spent quality time together lately because he has a lot of h...

A.   14 October 2011: This just sounds like a bad match! If the two of make these kind of demands on each other, you might not have much of a future. He is aware of you leaving for 9 mos. You stated that the two of you spend as much time with each other as possible... (read in full...)

Overwhelmed with life and don't want to be independent anymore

Q.   I'm frozen with inaction. I'm in a relationship that I hope will lead to marriage, but at this point (1 year), it's too early to be sure. I have always been fairly independent but I'm tired and lonely taking care of myself. I want certainty that ...

A.   14 October 2011: I completely agree with Denise. It is unrealistic to expect your 1 yr relationship to be ready to go forward into marriage at this point. It is also unrealistic at your age to expect someone to take care of you the rest of your life. Ther... (read in full...)

I don't want a baby, but I really want to be pregnant!

Q.   Hello! I just wanted to know if anyone has had these feelings before, and why you have them and how you've dealt with them/got rid of them. Recently I have been wanting to get pregnant, but before I go any further I am going to assure you...

A.   14 October 2011: I would say it is one of two things. Hormones or you really want the attention. If you get pregnant you would be doing a lot of damage to your child's life. They would be unwanted and neglected. I think you would be cured by spending some ti... (read in full...)

What could be the reason for the pain?

Q.   my boyfriend fingers me very well and i feel no pain but pleasure but everytime he takes his finger out its painful. Yet when its out the pain goes away. At times i think maybe its because he takes out quickly!? What could be the reason...

A.   14 October 2011: Does he maintain his fingernails and skin well? Maybe something is rubbing the wrong way in a more sensitive spot?... (read in full...)

She had sex before we met, now I can't trust her.

Q.   Hi everyone. I need some advise on what I should do. I have been with this girl for the last 5 years. The problem is that I cant resepct her or do anything nice for her. She has a past, she lost her virginity when she was 15 years old and stayed in ...

A.   13 October 2011: The picture you are showing this board does not make her look bad. It makes me wish she had someone that truly loved her and cared for her well-being. Instead, she has a boy who abuses her. Your post makes me very, very sad for HER. You are... (read in full...)

Miscarried, should I tell the dad?

Q.   I want some advice as its a very sensitive issue. I recently had a affair with a married man which I posted about on here and after getting advice I ended the affair however I have since miscarried our baby and I just don't know if I should tell him ...

A.   13 October 2011: Condolences for your loss. I think it is instinctual to want to draw close to the Father at this time, but unless the baby's Father knew about your pregnancy in the first place, then I suggest you do not tell him. Only because the circumst... (read in full...)

I'm starting to see a red flag -- is it really there?

Q.   I wanted your guys or girls opinion on something? I met this realy nice lady, we are about the same age we hit it off great and actually still are, though we have been going out exclusively with eachother for only 6 weeks. Now this woman has neve...

A.   13 October 2011: Spend the weekend with her and see how she behaves. We all have mood swings and you have only been a couple 6 weeks. You are still getting to know each other. If you approached her about her withdrawl and she chose to not discuss it with you-resp... (read in full...)

Relationship of 12 years not going anywhere, so I'm cheating and want to be with that girl

Q.   I,ve been in a relationship 4 12 years now but the relationship doesnt seem to be going anywere. recently i,ve been seeing someone else behind her back, shes allot younger than me, when ever i see her i feel complete, ive even risked a kiss and ...

A.   13 October 2011: Then end your current relationship. Starting a new relationship on secrets and lies is a poor foundation. Do the right thing. Cheating with the new person will eventually bite you on the bum. If the new gf ever becomes suspicious of you later, s... (read in full...)

Sex has fallen off of the map for way too long. How do we bring it back into our lives?

Q.   My wife and I have not made love in quite some time. Between the two kids, job stress, general tiredness, various health issues etc., it has just fallen off of the map for way too long. Now the question of how to bring it back - I think things ...

A.   13 October 2011: It will takes some time to build the intimacy back up. You first have to connect with her on a non-physical level. Communication is going to be key on your part. Show interest in her as her own unique person, not just a Mom and Wife. Does she have... (read in full...)

Was I wrong for getting a lawyer? His custody demands and visitation nonsense are a problem!

Q.   Going through an divorce, and its killing me. the problem is we cant agree on visitation. He calls at the last minute or he dont show or call. If I agree, he doesn't wasnt to tell me where my daughter will be. Im eight months ptegnant. He is not ...

A.   13 October 2011: No, you need to secure an agreement for the sake of your child. You also need to secure financial obligations. If you can not come to an agreement with your ex for a fair settlement and arrangement, let your lawyer fight it out for you. ... (read in full...)

Is he putting his son's needs or her needs before mine?

Q.   Would love opinions on this. When dating a man with a child and exwife, is it wrong for my feelings to be taken into consideration too? I would never keep someone away from their child, in this case a teenager (they share custody). My proble...

A.   13 October 2011: Is he really doing favors for HER, or his he doing FATHERLY duties because she asks him to? Maybe he is the kind of guy that needs to be told directly some Dad Duties? If he is doing her a kindness, chances are she does him a kindness too? The ... (read in full...)

I think his wife told him to stay away from me

Q.   He and I are both married and were friends. I have a strong suspicion that his wife has told him not to see me anymore and has essentially cut him out of my life. She thinks I am a big threat and does not like the fact that he is attracted to me. I ...

A.   13 October 2011: He does not owe you anything. He owes his loyalties to his spouse, not you. He is committed to someone else. What you described is not a mere friendship, but a temptation and his wife had every right to demand it stop. She has those privlidg... (read in full...)

Don't want mum to know I'm on the pill - how can I fake a period?

Q.   This sounds like a stupid question, but there is a reason behind it. I'm 16, so please don't lecture me on legality. Myself and my boyfriend are planning on taking our relationship 'to the next level' soon, and decided to take some precautions- nei...

A.   12 October 2011: Eventually the truth comes out. I hope you will avoid the charade and just let her know what decision you made. I would be far more relieved to know my girl was on the pill than preggers or worse, ill from an absense of her period. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has a need to always comment on attractive women he sees!

Q.   I have an otherwise great relationship with my boyfriend of two years. We have a lot of fun and have lots of things in common. My family and friends think he is a great guy too. However there is one thing that really bugs me. Whenever we are ...

A.   12 October 2011: My philosophy is men are visual creatures and tend to notice womens..um "gifts". I have told past bfs "I do not care if you look at the menu, as long as you dine at home.". I do not worry about comments or glances of other women in person, ... (read in full...)

Horrible long-distance story, cold feet, not enough love, no balls, or a combination of all three?

Q.   My apologies in advance, for this is going to be a very long story. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year. He is a 29 year old German scientist and we met when I was there for a summer research program...

A.   12 October 2011: I think he showed you who he was LONG before the changes in your career plans. He told you from the start (only about a year ago) that he would TRY a long distance relationship, but he was adamant about not relocating permenantly outside of Germa... (read in full...)

Should I just stop talking to the guy I met online? I think he is talking to other women as well as me.

Q.   Hello everyone, I used an online dating site for the first time. I met a man that I was interested in meeting. We have been emailing each other once a day for 1 week. He keeps pointing out how much we have in common and how great I seem. H...

A.   12 October 2011: That is quite common with online dating. There are going to be far more false starts than actual meet ups. I find it really odd he would close his account just after emailing/Iming you. That would be red flag #1 for me. Online dating tends to ... (read in full...)

No condom for anal sex? Is it safe?

Q.   My boyfriend is my second boyfriend.. I am still virgin... and he is too. At this time, He wish something for his birthday. He wants anal sex :| at first I really do not agree about it but I love him I want to make him happy. I am a little bit ...

A.   12 October 2011: If you do not agree with it then DONT. Save sex until you are ready. Consider that once you start with that experimentation, it is going to be VERY tempting to try vaginal sex right then and there. He may try to talk you into doing more that you... (read in full...)

Husband said he'll give me a month to find a job!

Q.   Hey everyone. I have a worry. My husband and I have only been married 3 months. He is upset with me and will not communicate with me hardly at all. The past 3 days he has been getting in his truck and leaving without saying a word. A couple of weeks ...

A.   12 October 2011: His silent treatment is a form of abuse. The lack of communication will only shut your marriage down. Even unemployment gives you longer to search for a new job. Also, his expectation is unrealistic. Statistics show it can take up to 6 MONTHS ... (read in full...)

How can I learn to accept he wants someone else but still loves me?

Q.   My partner has decided to start looking for other female company on chat sites. We got into a situation of our doing but I found I could not cope with the situation. He cannot understand that I have feelings that get hurt. It is destroying our ...

A.   12 October 2011: Why do you have to accept it? What is he expecting you to do? Give permission to see relationships/sex outside your relationship? Did you agree to an open relationship? If not, speak up and tell him you are not ok with it. It is fine to say-I... (read in full...)

She has my number but hasn't contacted me... Girls, how long before she might contact me?

Q.   Im a 20 something guy and want to get female opinions on something. I know usually 'guy gets girl tel number and it goes from there' - but 3 days ago a situation happened - where I helped a girl in a tricky situation, and followed it up by writin d...

A.   12 October 2011: I suggest let this one go. Next time you see a girl you fancy-ask her up front "I would like to get to know you better? Any chance I can have your number to ask you out?" Girls/Women like men who take the lead right from the start! Good Luck... (read in full...)

How can a person just up and walk away and not care?

Q.   my husband of 7 1/2 yrs told me he was confussed and nobody in the house is happy, he deserves to be happy and left. the week he left he took off his wedding ring. after a month he filed for divorce. he says there is noone else. he is my true love, ...

A.   11 October 2011: Im so sorry this is happening to you and your family. I am sure his choice left you feeling unsure and broken. Are you able to seek a counselor for yourself to help you process your thoughts, feelings and grief? ... (read in full...)

How do I tell this guy I want more than sex?

Q.   How can a tell this guy i be having sex with that cant do it anymore because i want something more with him or with someone else i had enogh being use for cause im good looking it dosent give people the right 2 use me im sick of it they all how hot ...

A.   11 October 2011: You just stop. If you have been in a casual, sex based relationship, you just continue with your life with the "something more". When the "casual" guy calls you up looking for his needs to be met you just say you are busy. You owe him no further ... (read in full...)

Do I listen to my friends? Give in to my doubts? Alarm bells, not wedding bells are ringing in my ears?

Q.   i'm with a guy who wants to marry me. Yet alarm bells are ringing? He has his own business in istanbul and two other businesses in another city. But my friends say he is using me for passport and visa. Has anyone any advice for me? ...

A.   11 October 2011: Never seriously consider to marry until you really know a man. Something is not settling with you, so dig a bit deeper before you take any proposal seriously! Chances are you are RIGHT that something is wrong. Best wishes.... (read in full...)

Can a school nurse give a pregnancy test?

Q.   Hi im 15 and i think i might be pregnant the last time i had sex was early september and i had a period since then but it was kind of weird. A little over a week after my period i started spotting and my bras are leaving marks on me i know its ...

A.   10 October 2011: Go to the school nurse and ask. It would depend on your school district and availbility. Look up in the yellow pages for a clinic called PLANNED PARENTHOOD that offers testing on a sliding fee scale. ... (read in full...)

I'm tired of people having a go at me over my relationship!

Q.   Dear agony aunts I really need some advice as my prob is upsetting me so much and I don't know how to handle it. I am with a really amazing guy. He loves me and is loyal, kind and honest. I feel so lucky to have him. However, he has chi...

A.   10 October 2011: Show the threats to your fella and let him know how it makes you feel. Then ask if he will help you, as a team, to confront her to stop. If she threatens physical harm to anyone or anything, take it to the police. Continue to be civil to her,... (read in full...)

Am I too old to find love again? Should I stay or go?

Q.   I've divorced my husband. He is a selfish person and his stinginess has bothered me for years. He never wanted to spend money even if needed. Finally I've decided to end it after 20 years together. While I was going through my divorce I've met ...

A.   10 October 2011: No, it is never too late! You are settling for less with your current companion. Do not stay with him because you are worried about being alone. Go claim your own life and find a way to be happy and full with just yourself for awhile. It is ti... (read in full...)

His ex took so many important 'firsts'

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months, best friends for two years, and have known each other for eight. He had an abusive relationship where they both did bad things before me, and I knew a lot about it buI didn't know everything. He ...

A.   10 October 2011: I think you are assigning way too much value of being first in line with him for certain experiences. What happened between them as a couple is over. He moved on and chose you. Focus on what you have, not on what you did not get first.... (read in full...)

Am I Too Sensitive?

Q.   My husband and I have only been married 3 years. We are both in our 50's. We usually get along very well and he's always been very respectful of me but recently we have had some really severe financial problems that have put a bit of a strain on ...

A.   10 October 2011: There are a few issues you have here. 1-Financial differences 2-Feeling disrespected via his poorly delivered comment. Let's assume your hubby is a real jerk and he intended to poke fun at you at your exspense about being "stuck" with the one... (read in full...)

Why does he care if I have found his replacement?

Q.   I was dating a guy for almost a year when he out of no where decided he wanted to date someone new. I was very hurt, angry, and confused. We talked and of course he said he still wanted to be friends. I told him he needed to give me some time. I ...

A.   10 October 2011: It was probably a misunderstanding. You know you did not send him a text that Friday he mentions. So, either he is A-confused or B-curious if you are dating someone else. If the answer IS B..that does not mean he is interested again. ... (read in full...)

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