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*ELLULAH agony aunt

*ELLULAH

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*ELLULAH's profile:

Hi, I have been through loads in my life. Marriage break up, boyfriend break ups, and been a single parent. I have been treated really bad sometimes, but i think this is all to do with life. I dont hold grudges, and have a good sence of humour. I just love all my friends and family, and have loads of support from them. So i thought i could share that with a few of you. I have asked for advice a few times. You dont always want to hear it, but there are some smart people out there.

I have now found, after a lot of searching, my soul mate. But lifes not all a bed of roses for us. But he keeps me smiling, well most of the time anyway.

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What can I do to deal with his attitude?

Q.   Is my husband a narcissist? At the moment I am not working outside the home. The company I was working for went under. Even when I was working I still did 100 percent of the household chores and never once complained about doing it. If I go ou...

A.   9 December 2017: Hi, I have a similar problem in that my husband works full time but expects me to do everything at home. I work full time too, but he earns more money, so I throw it back “well how much would a house keeper cost”. What I don’t understand is that... (read in full...)

How do I force myself to want to care?

Q.   Hey all, I wanna know more about how to be more sociable. I am tired of being the quiet, minding his own business guy. I was a very quiet kid and am a quiet adult today. The problem is not fear or lack of confidence. Infact, in my head, I'm the smar...

A.   1 November 2016: You can't make a person care if it's not in their personality to do so. ... (read in full...)

She says she commitment problems but I either need her to commit or move on

Q.   This is a difficult one – at least for me. I ask you to please give my question due consideration before giving an answer. My girlfriend and I have been together nearly six years. I am 68 and she is 50. I am younger than my years. We have both suf...

A.   1 November 2016: Hi, you have been together for nearly six years, and you sound as though you really care about this lady. If she is about to lose her father, she is going to need you even more. Give her a little more time, at least to get over losing a loved one. ... (read in full...)

Why can't I get over this offensive incident?

Q.   I took a tennis class and this pretty woman walked up to me during the first one and said, "Hi Bob! I lost your e-mail address!" I replied that it was no big deal and I'd give it to her again. She then said to me, "Err, no, that's okay," etc. I wa...

A.   30 March 2014: She sounds like a complete bitch to be honest, I'm sure you must have more going on in your life than to worry about that idiot? X... (read in full...)

Do you my find it appropriate for a woman to sit on your husband's lap?

Q.   My husband and I were with friends last night. We were playing a party game and my husband drew a card which made him "Santa Claus." Two of our male friends sat on his lap as a joke and I also sat on my husband's lap. But then one of our friends ...

A.   30 March 2014: well I can see your point, and I wouldn't like it either. that said though, it does depend on how friendly you all are. my husband would think nothing of me sitting on one of his mates laps, he trust's me and I would never hurt him. perhaps if you ... (read in full...)

Am I right in wanting more time?

Q.   I have been seeing my gf for 10 months now and it has now become apparent that she wants me to decide pretty shortly if I want it to be a lifelong commitment ie marriage and kids. Or not = end of relationship. We have lived together for around 6 ...

A.   23 January 2012: Blimey! I am a female but if I was you (and what you say is true) I would run for the hills! You can’t put a time limit on when you should make such an important decision. You can know if you want all this, in a week after meeting a person, or it ... (read in full...)

Why won't he put me first?

Q.   I'm a 25 year old gay male (if you hate me already, please move on and don't leave me mean messages!). I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. He is two years younger than I am. We fell in love at first sight and it was amazing and still is ...

A.   23 January 2012: It happens to us all sweetie; don’t beat yourself up over it. In past relationships I have found that if I liked the guy a lot, he would eventually treat me like I was an inconvenience. My husband tried to get me to go out with him for 7 years, ... (read in full...)

I am lonely and need words of kindness.... Advice for making friends and dating??

Q.   Hi Aunts, I'm just feeling a bit low and need some words of kindness. Where do you suggest I go? I don't feel like going to a place of worship and I have no friends who would ever help me. They'd only get me to help them. I'm nearing 30 and h...

A.   23 January 2012: Well done you, sounds like you are about to start a new begining, all the best to you XXX... (read in full...)

Why won't he put me first?

Q.   I'm a 25 year old gay male (if you hate me already, please move on and don't leave me mean messages!). I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. He is two years younger than I am. We fell in love at first sight and it was amazing and still is ...

A.   18 January 2012: I dont think he is using you hun, but he obviously values his friendships...until he gets bored! He hasnt got bored with you though, so you must be important to him. Try to relax about it, and not keep getting yourself worked up! After all you said ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend says she needs time and space, what does it mean?

Q.   Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about a month and a half and everything was going perfect she seemed very happy and said I give her butterflies when ever I kiss her. We rarely argued and she also said she never wants to lose me because we ...

A.   18 January 2012: Sounds like she is a bit mixed up? Maybe she is scared of her feelings towards you? I would personally give her some time to think, but not put your life on hold. Set yourself a limit of time you will wait, and then date other people. Tell her what ... (read in full...)

How close is too close?

Q.   Hi Advice sought on how to handle a prospective 13 year old step daughter. She came to stay with us for the school holidays (nearly 5 weeks). It has been one of the most stressful times for me as she seems to have set up some kind of competit...

A.   18 January 2012: Sorry I agree with you, it does sound creepy. Holding his hand and giving him a hug is one thing, but by the sound of it, she is all over him? Even if you are both in competition for his attention, he should tell her its not the done thing. I'm ... (read in full...)

How does one make new friends at this age?

Q.   I find myself in my thirties and without friends of either gender. I worked abroad and lost contact with everyone and now do a very solitary job which brings me into contact with people only on a professional basis where personal relationships with ...

A.   11 January 2012: There is a man on here with exactly the same problem as you! It must be tough to try to make new friends if your not very confident. I find it hard to believe that you have done a lot socially, and yet nobody has become your friend? Surely you must ... (read in full...)

My guy's great, but oral is BORING!

Q.   I find it incredibly boring when my BF goes down on me. We've been intimate for about 3 months now and have decided not to have intercourse yet, but we've done just about everything else in the book (or outside it). My guy is great, he really turns ...

A.   11 January 2012: Peanut butter? Only joking, just tell him you dont really like it.... (read in full...)

A moral friendship question?

Q.   Ok. I'm cool with a guy who was really close with this girl who just recently passed away of cancer. I didn't personally know her. The girl who died was married. Ok. I'm really interested in getting to know her husband. He is also cool with my guy ...

A.   11 January 2012: Is this a joke? What kind of person hits on a man that just lost his wife??... (read in full...)

I am lonely and need words of kindness.... Advice for making friends and dating??

Q.   Hi Aunts, I'm just feeling a bit low and need some words of kindness. Where do you suggest I go? I don't feel like going to a place of worship and I have no friends who would ever help me. They'd only get me to help them. I'm nearing 30 and h...

A.   11 January 2012: You dont have anything good to say about your life or yourself do you?. I know I sound harsh, but would you want to be friends with you? I think until you learn to love yourself, and have some fun you will not break this circle. Have you tried a new ... (read in full...)

I miss my ex so much it hurts and I can't stop crying!

Q.   My story is a little complicated so I will try to make it short as possible. I was enganged to a guy. We were together for 4 years. I found out that he cheated on me... (several times) so I left him. I left him without a fight... I just packed my ...

A.   11 January 2012: Hun, I split from my ex 23 years ago, I never got over it. I think part of it is the fact they hurt you so bad, that you only remember all the good stuff, because thats what you think life would have been like. My ex then cheated on his next wife ... (read in full...)

I just found out my partner was a prostitute

Q.   Just found out that my partner was a prostitute - apparently a one off that she dreadfully regrets...I love her but am at a loss what to do now...sorry so short but I'm too upset for many details. ...

A.   5 January 2012: I can understand your upset, but as you said she deeply regrets this, and it is in the past! I have to admit it would be tough to forgive that sort of thing, but you have to admire the lady for telling you the truth! Not like she hid it from you. If ... (read in full...)

Why do I stay even after he's been guilty so many times?

Q.   I am an attractive, young hearted, full of life woman. I've never had any problems with finding a man, but for the last 3 years, I have been in a very disfunctional relationship. We've both made huge mistakes that have damaged the relationship, ...

A.   5 January 2012: Ooo! Been there, done that, and worn the T-shirt! Yes you are stupid to think he will change (believe me he wont) he doesn’t need to, because you are still there, rewarding his behaviour with your company. It’s so hard to break away from a ... (read in full...)

Please help me deal with my boyfriend having cancer!

Q.   It is quite a complicated problem well it is to me but here goes...basically last month i met this lovely guy who i really like and he likes me too. We have gotten really close and i think i am falling in love with him. The only thing is we were ...

A.   5 January 2012: I had cancer 18 months ago, and my partner also found it very hard to deal with. Whilst I was going through all the treatment, he was a constant support. I did not realise at the time, just how hard it was for him. He sat there day after day ... (read in full...)

I've been offered a year job in Asia but after a horrible experience there, I'm not sure if I should go back!

Q.   Nearly a decade ago when I was still in my late teens, I was travelling in Thailand and I had an incident that has left me reeling ever since. I had been drinking so no excuses there but a Thai girl approached and started talking to me. I can't re...

A.   5 January 2012: Ah right! Well this explains things a bit better. If you are a natural worrier there is not a lot you can do, it’s in your make-up! But you can learn to try and control your feelings, and not let them take over your life. There are a lot of self ... (read in full...)

I've been offered a year job in Asia but after a horrible experience there, I'm not sure if I should go back!

Q.   Nearly a decade ago when I was still in my late teens, I was travelling in Thailand and I had an incident that has left me reeling ever since. I had been drinking so no excuses there but a Thai girl approached and started talking to me. I can't re...

A.   2 January 2012: Hi, Well you learnt a valuable lesson I think, and that is not to trust people you dont know, especially in bars and in a strange country. You could look on your experience as a warning to be more carefull, which I think you will do. Try not to go ... (read in full...)

I'm thinking I'm holding onto this girl in the hopes that when she loses weight, I'll already be the one dating her...is this a bad thought?

Q.   so ive been talking to this girl over msn and we have connected straight away. we like all the same stuff and we have been talking to each other basically all day everyday since we started talking vis texting and msn. we both like each other and w...

A.   2 January 2012: Oh dear! you sound very shallow. Lets hope she does loose the weight and realise her options are far better, and that she could be going out with someone that doesnt care about weight! Size 12 is not big anyway, the average is a size 14 I think?... (read in full...)

He's 15 years older than me and from another country so his English is not great....should I ask him out anyway?

Q.   Ok so im 21 and live in the UK....as most of us know the UK is full of people well not from here and I happen to work in a place where there is more non-UK workers than UK workers. I love my job and my old department was great as I had such a lau...

A.   23 November 2011: By the way, I dated my boss, and now we are happily married! So it does work out sometimes.... (read in full...)

We fight so much! What should I do?

Q.   I have almost been with my boyfriend for a year and we fight so much. I think I love him but then theres days when I just dont know anymore. how do I make things better and save our relationship ?...

A.   21 November 2011: If its that much grief, I would get out of the relationship and find someone, you are more compatable with. I know that seems hard, but you are only 17! Why waste time on argueing? ... (read in full...)

He took part in a golf tournament with another woman because I'm not good enough! Now we cant stop rowing about this, what should I do?

Q.   My husband and I both play golf. He has been a member for years and plays regularly, but I am a beginner and only get chance to play occasionally. At the weekend the club were holding an Open Doubles Competition which he wanted to play in. All ...

A.   21 November 2011: I think you are being slightly unreasonable! Ok he could have spent the day with you, but he is obviously a keen player. Is there any reason you couldnt go along and support him? Thats what I would have done! Keep an eye out and play the supportive ... (read in full...)

He's 15 years older than me and from another country so his English is not great....should I ask him out anyway?

Q.   Ok so im 21 and live in the UK....as most of us know the UK is full of people well not from here and I happen to work in a place where there is more non-UK workers than UK workers. I love my job and my old department was great as I had such a lau...

A.   21 November 2011: Go for it, I think. The others are right about it being messy if you break up, but hey! you will live and if you like him that much, who cares? and 15 years is not that bad. Its only a date after all! Not like your going to marry him straight away ... (read in full...)

He used to mess me around but now he's back in my life wanting a bit of fun...I'm not getting any younger, so should I go for it?

Q.   I'm not getting any younger and will be a 40 next year but during those years, I have not really had a steady committed relationship with anybody as I have been messed about and let down a few times. I have had a few dates along the way but nobody ...

A.   21 November 2011: Good Lord!! Your hardly over the hill are you Hun! If you waste time with a man that clearly just wants sex, then you will never meet a good man, that may want to settle down with you. I had all sorts of problems in my early years, single parent for ... (read in full...)

Am I too heavy to be a stripper?

Q.   Hello. I know this is a bit off topic but I was recently contemplating becoming an exotic dancer/stripper to make some extra cash but wanted some advice as to what a dancer should ideally look like. I workout about 3x a week running 30 minutes to 1 ...

A.   21 November 2011: Hi, I think your Hubby is right, Guys like all sorts of shapes and sizes. It would be a boring world if we all liked the same. What does concern me is that he is ok about you doing it?? Cant get my head round that at all!... (read in full...)

How do we tell our friend that his girlfriend is cheating without everything blowing up in our faces?

Q.   Hi. Any advice given on this would be greatly appreciated or anybodys oppinions or view points. Im in university, have a great group of girls that im close to and i have a wonderful boyfriend that ive been with for a year and a half. However i ...

A.   30 March 2011: This is a very tough question. The fact is even if you do tell him, he wont thank you. But if you don’t and he finds out that you knew! Again you are in trouble. I think I would get him to find out himself, by arranging to go somewhere where th... (read in full...)

How do I handle a man who thinks its funny to wind me up?

Q.   HI I am in a relationship with a man and have been for about 7yrs, we get on fine most of the time but what i am finding annoying about him is him saying I love tormenting you because i love the way you bite back;I'm beginning to feel he has no r...

A.   30 March 2011: Personally I would dump him and say "Has that stirred you enough". I presume you have tried to tell him it upsets you? If he is like my ex, he will stop for a few days, and then get straight back in there. It’s a form of bullying in my view, and ... (read in full...)

Do I wait for him to leave his girlfriend or just walk away?

Q.   Hi everyone got a bit of a issue and would love all opinions on it. I started a new job about 6 months ago and I met this guy there which I got along with great straight away. We were always flirting and he got a new girlfriend who lives on the...

A.   30 March 2011: Oh dear! Doesn’t sound like he is “into you” as much as you are him. He wants the best of both worlds and you are allowing him to have it. If he is saying that he might move to be nearer to her, what does that say about you? I think you need to ditc... (read in full...)

I hate my course and I am homesick, but my family have invested a lot of money into this! What should I do?

Q.   i came to new zealand for my higher studies. My aim was to study while doing a part time job so that i can find next year's tuition fee. Yet things are worse than i thought than it would be. I could not find a job yet. goods are very costly here and ...

A.   30 March 2011: Hi, It sounds like your father has made a great sacrifice to send you there. Is there no way you could talk to your tutor and explain how hard you are finding this? Maybe they can suggest some other options, rather than giving up and letting ... (read in full...)

Am I addicted to masturbating? Will this cause problems for my health? And will it reduce my sexual desire?

Q.   i want to know if a can masturbation habit reduce sexual desire in males? i am 27 virgin but i masturbate almost daily from age of 14 with watching pornography, but watching porns is voyeurism (peeping tom), which is one of the type of sexual ...

A.   30 March 2011: Hi, You really do need to get out more. As for developing a compulsive habit! I would say you are already there. Can you not find something to do, rather than sitting on your own and masturbating? It’s not unusual for a guy to like older women... (read in full...)

Unhappy with my husband's online activity....what should I do?

Q.   Me an my husband have been rowing a little (well up and down) he is always in Twitter I don't know his name or nothing. I went on history on pc an seen he's been on dirty dating sites but whats hurt the most is that it asked him to write what he ...

A.   30 March 2011: Hi There, Had the same problem a couple of years ago, although it wasn’t twitter it was porn. At first I was really upset, and couldn’t make out why he needed to look at it. The fact is, if they are going to cheat they will. And although I don’t li... (read in full...)

I am 18 and I don't feel anything when I am with women.

Q.   Hello everyone. I'm 18yrs and it's like i've got issues with gals. I don't seem to fall in love with anyone, like i dont have feelings or something but still i feel incomplete. My question is what are the feelings i should get when approaching a ...

A.   23 March 2011: I think if you were attracted to girls you would know this already. You won’t fancy every girl you meet, but there is a chance you would find someone attractive. Is there any chance you could be gay? I only ask this because sometimes it’s hard to a... (read in full...)

I lost my virginity and now he says he doesn't want a relationship

Q.   Two nights ago, I had lost my virginity. The first time, I really do love this boy, even though we had have a rough past. Very rough. He's the type of boy I had kissed when we were in about grade 7 and I had felt a "spark". He hurts me to the point ...

A.   23 March 2011: Hi Hun, This is such a hard lesson to learn! But the others are right I'm afraid. He doesn’t sound like a very nice person, and is not worth your tears honey. You would do better to move on and not let him effect you in this way, We have all been... (read in full...)

Can having frequent anal sex cause incontinence later in life?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have done anal five times now. The last time was a couple weeks ago but I'm wondering how much you have to do before you risk becoming incontinent? I don't want to be in my 60s and not be able to hold my crap inside me til I can ...

A.   23 March 2011: You would need to ask a doctor, but I would think it must have some effect long term if you do it to often. Not sure why you would want to do this? but each to thier own I guess?... (read in full...)

I can't hav sex with my gf...because she reminds me of a horse.

Q.   Hey aunties I feel really terrible about something about a dashing lady that I've been seeing for almost 7 months. That's why I'm here looking for advice. We get on well, have lots in common and here lately we've been getting frisky. We haven't had ...

A.   23 March 2011: Oh dear! This must be very hard. Could you not suggest she gets her teeth whitened? Maybe that would help. Other than that maybe a nose bag? Sorry! it is really funny though.... (read in full...)

I trust him but I don't trust his ex, and from his text messages it seems he met up with her at 3am last night! I cant talk to him about this so what should I do?

Q.   Hi, i need some serious advice.i'm not the kind of person who would normally do this as whenever i have a conflict, i believe i am mature enough to handle it myself. but this is something that is really messing me up.me and my boyfriend have almost ...

A.   22 March 2011: Sweetie, I dont think you really want to hear our opinions. Or maybe you did, but we didnt say what you wanted to hear. Its up to you what you do with your life, but I would put a bet on that this guy is up to no good, otherwise he wouldnt keep ... (read in full...)

I'm still a virgin at 20!

Q.   im going to be twenty in 2 days and im still a virgin. is this normal? at times i lie awake at night and despise myself for it. other times i think its fine and i shouldnt worry. ive considered losing it to an escort-going so far as to make the ...

A.   21 March 2011: Of course you wont silly! Not everyone loses it at the same time. It will happen, just be patient. When you find a girl that is special to you, it will happen naturally. Just dont try to rush things! X... (read in full...)

I trust him but I don't trust his ex, and from his text messages it seems he met up with her at 3am last night! I cant talk to him about this so what should I do?

Q.   Hi, i need some serious advice.i'm not the kind of person who would normally do this as whenever i have a conflict, i believe i am mature enough to handle it myself. but this is something that is really messing me up.me and my boyfriend have almost ...

A.   21 March 2011: Hi Hun, You say you trust him but not her? I dont understand why? He is the one that lied to you not her, and he is very secretive by the sound of it. Its up to you, but from where I see it there is something going on. My partner is mates with h... (read in full...)

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