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Want to help people and enjoy it. Stay safe and make sure, true love is self love first.

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His porno preference is ruining our marriage

Q.   I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...

A.   18 March 2017: I'm a female who loves porn. My advice is stop playing the victim. I am compassionate but honey, it's all just entertainment ! You're the woman he comes home too, had a life with, the woman who he gives pleasure to and kisses !!! These are women he ... (read in full...)

Where Can I Find A Guy To Date Casually?

Q.   I moved to a new city recently so don't know too many people outside work (I do have lovely good friends, but they're mostly older women who can't introduce me to many guys) and not many single guys my age. I'm inexperienced with guys too, never ...

A.   15 February 2017: Sure, try Okcupid, POF, or Tinder. There are wonderful dating sites out there, I cant even promote dating sites enough. How else can you meet a variety of cool people from all walks of life, all types of careers, throughout the entire city??? ... (read in full...)

I am a transgender man, dating a woman but I prefer sex with men.

Q.   I am a transgender man and I have been dating a very respectful, understanding woman for a few months now. We have reached the stage where she wants to define our relationship and move forward together, though I feel conflicted on how to progress or ...

A.   15 February 2017: As I say, follow your groin. Its telling you something, I think you should continue to date men and be open to all possibility of men. Seek a more emotional connection, I know you stated its only been physical and lust with men but why not channel ... (read in full...)

Is my wife secretly interested in a threesome?

Q.   So we've been married now for 3 years. And we have 2 beautiful boys. Our romantic relationship is starting to get better than it ever has been in the past and my wife(Bev) and I are really enjoying ourselves and each other. Bev only has a couple ...

A.   15 February 2017: No, if shes interested in a threesome she would not hint at it. She would straight up say she wants one... (read in full...)

I'm tired of the way our life is going and wonder if its time to throw in the towel

Q.   Hi I need some advice and somewhere to express exactly how I feel, I have been with my current partner for a little over 7 years now, she fell pregnant very early in the relationship (within the first 4 - 6 weeks). After which she was diagnosed wi...

A.   14 February 2017: I'm so so sorry hear about your going through. Hugs, but I am going to give you some tough love. Why did you keep having kids? Please stop right now. A woman or even a person who is having depression, is not in their right mind to give life ... (read in full...)

How can manage to be less idealistic in this situation? I accidentally idealize my LDR partner and get disappointed when my expectations don't mesh with reality

Q.   I'm in a long distance relationship which is hard because in his absence, I fill in the gaps of who I think he is or what he's like from memory and my memory is always more rosy than reality. Like right now I just think he's the greatest I want to ...

A.   9 February 2017: It's clear he is not the person you envision him to be because you just stated he acts different from the idealized bf you imagined. I think you need to talk to him more and meet him more. Some people who pursue long distance partners do so b... (read in full...)

I need help to deal with new found info about wife's past. What should I do?

Q.   My wife and I have been married for five years and have two kids. I have never asked anything about her past all I knew is she wasn't a virgin when we met. This past summer we were at a pool party and one of my best friend's from school was ther...

A.   9 February 2017: Talk to her! Only she can clarify if its true or not and if that person was indeed her and only she can explain her actions. She is your wife, she deserves love and compassion and also I'm sure she wants to hear your side of things and youre ... (read in full...)

Its awkward at work and I am considering quitting!

Q.   Months ago I made mistake of expressing interest in a work colleague by giving him my number but he never called/texted then exaggerated/lied as to why he didn't call.I felt little embarrassed but no big deal.I tried to be still friendly and ...

A.   3 February 2017: My advice is stop being friendly and cordial and leave that job asap. He's clearly not comfortable even being around you so far as to change his shift and lied that he quit! He is avoiding you at all cost and to him. Hes treating you so awful and ... (read in full...)

Should I dump uni' for a small screen role?

Q.   Hi everybody, I have a difficult decision to make. I am a student at uni studying accountancy. About half a year ago I suffered a nervous breakdown and was allowed to take break from my studies. I was experiencing a deep depression and took this ...

A.   30 January 2017: Life is so short--- School will always be there! This opportunity is once in a lifetime. Even if acting career doesnt pan out, you can always say you did something cool in your 20s. You have the rest of your life to go back to school. But only... (read in full...)

After 9 years together and 3 children our sex life remains bland. I love her. How can I find ways to interest her in oral sex?

Q.   Hi, I'm 26 years old. I have a fiancé I've been with for 9 years who is also 26 years old. We have 3 beautiful kids together. My question today is, why won't my fiancé suck me off? I have literally tried everything but I cannot convince her to d...

A.   30 January 2017: There are a lot of great answers from aunts and uncles on this site for similar questions such as yours. Here is one: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/this-bothers-me-a-lot-what-can-i.html That said, in your case--it sounds like shes always... (read in full...)

I'm mostly gay and attracted to men. But why do I have a different perspective when watching male with a female porn? What should I do about this?

Q.   Hi there. I'm in mid-30s. Physically/sexually speaking I'm mostly gay-I lust after male body,and seek them for sex. I rarely find girls sexually attractive. However, when I watch straight porn, the girl there turns me on a lot, and I desire to be...

A.   30 January 2017: My advice is focus on your strongest feelings. It sounds like you are exclusively gay and have strong sexual desire/attraction to men only. Thing with porn is that its not who but whats going that arouses us and the variety. We may only be aroused ... (read in full...)

I want a prettier girlfriend who cares about being fit and healthy. What do I need to do?

Q.   I want a prettier girlfriend. I've been with mine for a few years now and it seems wrong to leave. I love her but the lack of effort (exercise counts) is making me less attracted to her. Bringing it up makes me the bad guy. What should I do?...

A.   30 January 2017: I actually understand where you are coming from. Ive met very athletic men who also want fit, athletic women. Actually they exclusively date women like this. Its not that they are fit or even that other women are overweight, what it comes down to ... (read in full...)

Is lack of length a problem?

Q.   Friends, Need a suggestion from you friends, I am from India aged 28 and getting married to a girl in next 6 months I am worried about my length of my penis, When erect its 5.5 inch. When flaccid its about 3 to 3.5 inch varying. When I do some...

A.   30 January 2017: Size do not matter. If she loves you, she will love your body regardless. Its NOT the size of penis that matters but how amazing a man is in bed. A guy can have a large penis but be lazy, selfish, and unaware, in-attuned lover and that is the worst ... (read in full...)

Really nervous about trying a strap-on for the first time. Do I bring up the topic before or during sex?

Q.   Hey dear community! I've a girlfriend (she's 25) for a while now (about 1.5 years) and all in all its pretty awsome. The sex is really amazing, far better than anything I ever had and she is feeling the same. We really care for each other, even...

A.   25 January 2017: Im a straight female here but female is female, pleasure is pleasure. DO NOT BUY a big dildo. Please start off comfortable, the new sensations should be enough. To each their own, but I think with dildo, bigger is NOT better. Invest in a dece... (read in full...)

I'm having trouble coping with my boyfriend's past. He was involved with several of my friends!

Q.   Hello! I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now and before this we were good friends for 6 years. I am having trouble over some things he did in his past and I have struggled with these throughout all of our relationship. These prob...

A.   24 January 2017: I honestly can never understand why people date or sleep with people in their 'friend circle'. My advice is to think this through and see if his actions are proving worthy to be a boyfriend. The past is the past. If you chose to date someone wit... (read in full...)

What's the purpose of relationships when all it does is give someone power to hurt you?

Q.   Three years ago I was dating someone and it ended very horribly. She left me for another guy and it left me distressed beyond anything I had ever felt. I treated her with respect, listened to her when she spoke, and did what I thought was love her...

A.   24 January 2017: You are the sum of your choices. I dont want to put blame anywhere but take a deep breath and think this through. You chose these women--lesson learned here is to chose different women. Or the choice to be alone is yours to make as well. Why do ... (read in full...)

Is it degrading to let a guy ejaculate on you?

Q.   When I was 15, my mother sat me down and had "the talk". She is very open and liberal, so we ended up talking about everything from sex and birth control to relationships and life in general. One of the things she was adamant about was that por...

A.   23 January 2017: Its really not that complicated. You like what you like, so who cares what other people think? Your mom prob feels differently but shes not you. Just keep your sex life to you and your lover and youre fine. What happens in the bedroom stays in the ... (read in full...)

She has helped me a lot through some difficult times. Would it be acceptable to send her flowers as a thank you?

Q.   I have a female friend who I have known since I was 4, she is the same age as me and although we lost contact for a number of years. We are back in contact. Whenever I had problems she always knew what to say and since being back in touch she has...

A.   23 January 2017: It sounds like youre interested in her. Just ask her out! Sending flowers is already very romantic and she will assume you like her already. So instead of being so subtle, just ask her out. Her response will let you know how she feels for you. If ... (read in full...)

I like this guy I'm dating, but the sex is nice but not amazing. How do I discuss this with him?

Q.   I have just started dating a truly lovely guy, he is adorable and I really enjoy spending time with him. The problem is, things aren't totally electric in the bedroom. I'm quite a sexual person and chemistry and sexual connection is really important ...

A.   23 January 2017: If you enjoy him out of the bedroom too, he is worth giving a few second chances. Sometimes men are clueless in bed, so speak up and def flirt and tell him how you like things. If he is going soft, maybe he is a bit nervous. Just continue to let him ... (read in full...)

How can an older woman feel sexy when their partner obesesses over girls 20 years younger?

Q.   How does an older woman ever feel good enough or sexy enough especially when her partner is obsessed with watching women twenty years younger than her. I know the usual answer is to ' realise he is with you and if he wanted that he would have that ' ...

A.   23 January 2017: He's an absolute sleazebag. Many older men are married to women around the same age and they are extremely happy and still VERY attracted to these women. You can see it in the way they look at her, open door for her, or treat her. So your partner is ... (read in full...)

This bothers me a lot. What can I do? Married nearly 15 years and now my wife is no longer interested in Bjs.

Q.   Been married for nearly 15 years. My wife has basically decided that she will no longer perform oral sex on me. It's not like I was getting once a week, in fact once every two years is more like the current rate. When we first married, it was some...

A.   19 January 2017: I agree with the ANON female 3. I'm absolutely mind blown people are saying shes sticking up for herself. It's her choice of course and she shouldnt be forced into it but for her to say NO MORE to BJs-----theres something else going on and its ... (read in full...)

Retroactive jealousy on my part. Plus why would she go and look for another dom given everything that has happened?

Q.   Hi Folks, First off, let me say hi as I am new here! Please excuse this long message but I need to try to explain my feelings and also explain some of what has been said. My problem is with retroactive jealousy over my girlfriends past. ...

A.   19 January 2017: Clearly you do not understand what being a 'sub' means. Let me explain. Subs will not tell you what they want, part of being a sub is that they identify with masochism. Very sexual sub females (or males) derive almost ALL of their pleasure f... (read in full...)

Logically I know it doesn't matter, but I am struggling with my Girlfriend's past!

Q.   I know a lot of you are going to say this is just another guy with hang-ups and insecurities suffering from hypocritical retrospective jealousy – and to a certain extent you may be right – but I really am desperate to fix this (fix myself?), so ...

A.   17 January 2017: I'm going to say something different I think your fears are very real and valid. I think if she had been completely honest with you in the beginning instead of hiding it for 2 years and then revealing it later--your fears wouldnt have developed s... (read in full...)

How can I get rid of our anxieties and start to date?

Q.   I really like this guy I met online. We have spoken a lot and he's asked to meet me. I am extremely shy and it (has) taken me a while to get comfortable with meeting new people. Sometimes it stops me meeting people because I get so worried about ...

A.   13 January 2017: AS someone with a lot of first date experience, honey, DO NOT MEET AT A STRANGER'S HOME. Everyone is a stranger til you meet them. Meet at a public place. If you are shy, its okay to say your shy and openly admit you are new to this. Being vu... (read in full...)

Boyfriend of 5 months constantly mentions how good looking he is

Q.   Dear Cupid, I (25 years old) have recently started going out with a 26 year old guy. He is a gentleman, treats me well, but I've noticed one red flag (or at least, I think it is a red flag) about him. He constantly mentions how good looking he ...

A.   13 January 2017: He showers you with compliments and treats you well, but I think hes super insecure inside and boasts about his looks to see if you will compliment him. Hes seeking your approval-- he wants you to agree and stroke his ego. It sounds like hes doing ... (read in full...)

How should I act towards him for the best outcome?

Q.   A while ago I kissed someone from work who I had liked for a while. He told me he had feelings for me and we began texting. -But then later said because his ex works at the same place nothing could happen. And then kissed a different co wor...

A.   9 January 2017: The lesson here is do not date your co-worker. Keep it professional at the workplace. ... (read in full...)

Don't want this to get out of hand. Should I let this messaging everyday friendship develop?

Q.   Hello everyone. I'm a 19 year old female, looking for some wisdom, perhaps telling me what I instinctively know myself but I just need somebody else's perspective. I've recently gone to university and made a great male friend, and currently...

A.   9 January 2017: NO. Do not get involve with someone who does drugs and sleeps around. Stay friend and keep it platonic. If I was 19 and going to school, that is the advice I didnt want to hear but NEEDED to hear. Good luck, stay in school, hang out with the righ... (read in full...)

I still think he cares. How can I convince him that I am fine? Or should I even try?

Q.   I was in a five year relationship with a man I loved. He lived with me in my home and we did everything together. We saw a counselor together because we had broken up in the past. In one session the counselor made some comment about my memory ...

A.   9 January 2017: Sweetheart, I am sorry this happened to you. But if a man has decided to leave instead of chosing to love, give you compassion, and understanding---then he is not the right man for you. If he was with you and loved you and knew you had some mem... (read in full...)

Do women dream about male virgins too?

Q.   Dear female cupids Many men dream of making love to a virgin Girl and teach her all about sex. Do women dream about male virgins too? Personally I haven't had this Kind of desire, although i lost my own virginity to another virgin. My ...

A.   9 January 2017: Yes, and I have made love to two virgins. And it wasnt that great to be honest. I think its a fantasy to make a guy cum or to take him for first time and wow him...but the woman isnt satisfied usually with a virgin. My experience is that the best ... (read in full...)

We enjoy each other's company but nothing seems to be starting! Any advice, aunties?

Q.   In April last year I met a guy at a local sports club I go to and over the course of the last few months we've built up a friendship and now regularly see each other outside our sports club. We're both single and in our 30s and at the start of las...

A.   9 January 2017: I agree with N91. If a guy is interested, you betcha he is asking you out and seeing how things go. He may be shy and eager in person as well. After my dates, I usually know if a guy is interested or not. After not hearing about 4 days after a ... (read in full...)

I'm looking for feedback on my decision to break up with my boyfriend!

Q.   Hello Everyone! I am truly at a crossroads in my life. I am 20, about to turn 21, graduating an entire year early from a pretty rigorous liberal arts college. Back in October I broke up with my 3-year, mainly long distance boyfriend, whom ...

A.   6 January 2017: Your question is up my alley, Ive been down that path. I think honestly only you can know if you did the right decision by breaking up with him but you miss him, you sound like you love him still but its long distance. How far away is he from you? ... (read in full...)

Is my jealousy justified?

Q.   Hello aunts. I am writing this because I really need help with a recent situation that I am just not handling well. Thanks in advance. First, some background. I'm 30 and I met my current wife two years ago in a business dinner. We flirted a bit an...

A.   2 January 2017: Look, the real answer here is you chased the girl, you GOT her, she said yes and married you. Everything else is irrelevant. If you see everyday that she loves YOU more and more, that is only proof that none of the other guys matter. They are... (read in full...)

Why has my Boyfriend changed his sexual style to a more conservative one, to the style he favoured previously? Could he be cheating?

Q.   Hello friends. I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. We have always had a good time experimenting with each other sexually. We have a good bond and have connected from the get go. And we have also had stellar chemistry and a gr...

A.   29 December 2016: Sounds like an amazing relationship. And he probably is stressed outside of the relationship, whether its work or family issues. It sounds like right there with you, he just wanted to be himself and not role play. He wanted to be made love to and ... (read in full...)

Messy situation with my housemate...we had sex and were almost a couple and now he doesn't want anything to do with me

Q.   I need help! I've gotten myself into a really stupid situation with a guy and I have no idea how to behave with him! I moved into a new place around 7 months ago, sharing with three new housemates. I'd initially thought one of them (a guy) was...

A.   29 December 2016: I think you deserve some compassion but honestly sweetheart, Im going to give you some tough love. What the hell are you thinking will happen when you moved into a place and start sleeping with one of your housemates? You stated there was obviou... (read in full...)

Is AB more important to my Bf than he implies? I believe he loves me. But I only sharing him with AB?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years and some change. When I left for college he became really close with a female friend( I'll call her AB). I do know her but I don't know her that well because we were never friends we just all kno...

A.   29 December 2016: Why are you with him? You are the girlfriend. You are the number one girl. If he doesnt make you feel that way--end it swiftly and gently. Any opposite sex friends immediately become secondary after your partner. I have many many guyfrien... (read in full...)

My marriage is emotionally unfulfilling and dead. Should I stay or leave?

Q.   I'm in a marriage that could be described as comfortable . Both of us treat each other very nicely , the sex is good on a physical level ( although no emotional component really ) and we have built an good life together over twenty year . The ...

A.   29 December 2016: I fear the exact same situation you face as I get old. Thank you honestly, for being so open about what you are facing. But I will say, people are what they show themselves to be the first time. So many men crave emotional closeness and in... (read in full...)

I love her but don't know to what extent I love her

Q.   I am facing a dilemma. Whether to marry, or to leave my girlfriend. I am inexperienced, and I need your opinion on what our relationship looks like to you, and what you think I should do. I also would like to hear what you think is important in a ...

A.   19 December 2016: Agree with N91. If you have to convince yourself to marry someone, please do them a favor and break it off. You should marry someone because no other girl comes close to who she is and what she gives you. You should marry someone for passion and for ... (read in full...)

How can I know if I'll be open to a boyfriend being sexually polygamous?

Q.   I don't have a BF right now, and I have actually never had a boyfriend before. However, I realized that there are many men out there that cheat, not because they don't love their GF enough, (or so I think), but because they just love to have variety ...

A.   15 December 2016: WOW. Clapping after reading WiseOwl's post. He hit right on the nail! Please re-read that advice again and again.... (read in full...)

We've never met but after three months of chatting she says she loves me

Q.   There is a woman whom I met online, who lives in another country. We communicated for quite a bit of time without meeting in person. After about 3 months of emailing, and one Skype call, she told me she loved me. She asked how I felt. I said I liked ...

A.   8 December 2016: Women are emotional. When i was 18 I talked to a guy online for about 8 months and confessed that I love him. We never met, not even skyped, just saw photos. But I thought of him everyday and actually thought he was my soulmate but that we somehow ... (read in full...)

Am I in love with a creep? Should I get out now?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. We have travelled the world together and have always been very happy. We have spoken about getting engaged and where we will settle down to raise our family. He has always treated me with respect ...

A.   7 December 2016: No its not creepy at all. Hes in love with legs, so be it. Many men watch porn still even when they are still in relationships, your man's porn is legs so thats pretty much it. Theres not much to take from this except that he loves legs and it turns ... (read in full...)

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