New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login240894 questions, 1064581 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap


United Kingdom  (Male   XML/RSS

Like what he writes?
... Add *llumeuse to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *llumeuse a private message

*llumeuse's Ratings
12345Next > [5 pages, 180 answers]

I was insensitive and hurt my g/f. She broke up with me and I don't know how to make it up to her

Q.   My ex broke up with me yesterday. She was my first relationship after 4 years. I was her first boyfriend. Weve been together for 3 months and in that time span ive already made her cry 5 times.She's such a sweet and pure girl. She gave me all her ...

A.   31 July 2018: Firstly, this isn't biblical times and even then women don't have a seal to be popped like a coffee jar, so no blood means the sum total of fuck all. Tampons, riding horses, falling awkwardly, or absolutely nothing could have been the cause of 'no ... (read in full...)

He didnt hurt me enough to leave bruises, but scared me, did I cause this?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and we have even recently been looking at getting our own place together. We had a lovely weekend. He took me out for food and drinks Saturday and paid for everything. We laughed and danced. It was p...

A.   17 April 2018: A man's perspective. He showed his true colours. You antagonised him yes but no man should turn violent. Ever. Ever heard the quote 'men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them' There lies the disparity of effect an ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend left, I want to fix it but she is ignoring me.

Q.   My girlfriend of 12 years has just left me. For the last 4 years we've lived together in our own place after a spell living with her family, we moved in shortly after my father passed away. I really struggled to deal with my father's passing...

A.   16 April 2018: I think if she is not contacting you, and is not responding to your attempts you should leave it. Do not contact her. I think you have had you chance to be a good man to her and if you love her as you say you do you should put her stove yourself and ... (read in full...)

Should I break up with my new girlfriend? I don't feel for her what I felt for others

Q.   How am feeling these days, been with my girlfriend for over a year now, we get along pretty good, sex maybe once a month, I want more but she is too tired all the time so I quit trying, so I do myself, the thing is in the past six years had my heart ...

A.   24 March 2018: If you aren't happy now, after one year with your relationship, when you are still in the honeymoon period then it isn't going to get any better. Finish it now and find someone who you really care about. But, you can never treat someone 'too goo... (read in full...)

I don’t want to hurt this new man, and I also don’t want to wind up in a controlling relationship! Advice please!

Q.   Hello, so I have two questions, both are related. First a bit of background, I was in a relationship with (and married to) a man who ended up being a narcissist and was abusive. (verbally, mentally, sometimes physically) We were together 7 and half...

A.   22 March 2018: Listen to Honeypie, she is speaking the truth. This guy will never trust you and you will find yourself desperately trying to hold yourself to ever more ridiculous standards to avoid his suspicions and disappointment. I bet next time your kid ... (read in full...)

I'm feeling under pressure and trapped.

Q.   Hi all, I have an issue really bugging me at the moment and beginning to stress me out. I'll give a little bit of backstory: I'm 26 years old, recently gotten together with my first ever GF and everything was going swimmingly and I was very ...

A.   22 March 2018: All this pressure is all of your own making as you know. I think it could be two fold. You might feel disempowered- like the relationship train is running away without you driving it. That's never the case. Although you are a team of two, ending the ... (read in full...)

With all the blocking and unblocking on social media, I don't even know what to expect anymore

Q.   So I've been seeing a guy for about three months now. The relationship was wonderful. We were both falling in love and had so much fun together. We met each other's friends and family and seen each other just about every day. A week ago we got into ...

A.   22 March 2018: If ever there was textbook illustration of how not to do it. You guys have done it. A text argument 'for days'? Never never never argue or try to get your point of view across by text. It is the lowest, least nuanced, most shitty sounding form of c... (read in full...)

My husband had an affair and now I can't sleep with him

Q.   MOD NOTE: two questions combined into one Hi everyone. I've been married for nearly 6 years. We have a three year old son. Last year my husband and I had some issues where I focussed too much on one my hobbies and spent less time with him. He t...

A.   21 March 2018: I think your time is up. If you didn't fancy him before you certainly aren't going to now. It seems like your marriage was in trouble before this so its unlikely to heal itself. To make matters worse your husband isn't hearing what you say. How... (read in full...)

My love life is just a big mess.

Q.   My girlfriend and I were dating for just over a year and we were so happy together, but the last few months of us dating were just filled with arguments. Those arguments were mainly about her parents as they are extremely controlling and they were ...

A.   21 March 2018: --sorry wasn't finished! I think that there is too much baggage for a troubled relationship to unpack. You have to tell her the truth about the other girl. Do it now before anything else. Yes she'll be hurt but imagine not telling her until af... (read in full...)

My love life is just a big mess.

Q.   My girlfriend and I were dating for just over a year and we were so happy together, but the last few months of us dating were just filled with arguments. Those arguments were mainly about her parents as they are extremely controlling and they were ...

A.   21 March 2018: Yes you have made a bit of a mess of things. Yes your choice to sleep with this 'boring' woman was really rash and if you really lived this girl you probably wouldn't want to punish her by doing that. The modern fallacy is that you should f... (read in full...)

The only time my girlfriend has orgasmed was with an ex boyfriend.

Q.   We're together for a few months, our sex is great but she can't orgasm with me. I asked her why and she said she can't orgasm and that she had just one orgasm in life once with other guy in the past. I'm very jealous and insecure about that and d...

A.   20 March 2018: Come on buddy. Where is your fighting spirit. You haven't given her an orgasm- Yet. If she is the same age as you and only one man has given her an orgasm then she is dating the wrong guys or she needs to give them more information. I'll be strai... (read in full...)

My ex has said sorry after many years, but I want her to apologise for more!

Q.   My ex apologised in a MSG many years after we broke up but all she said was sorry things were said. A lot more than things were said and I'm not an emotional person. She went out of her way to get to me on numerous occasions because I wasn't b...

A.   20 March 2018: I agree with everything that YCBS has said. I'll only add one thing. The best revenge is living happily and successfully. How can you be happy with all this bitterness and resentment? ... (read in full...)

I want a more reciprocal relationship in the future.

Q.   This is going to sound like an odd question - or as if I am slightly crazy - but I'm increasingly realising that I attract people who I am certain are on the autism spectrum and I want to know how, if at all, I can avoid this happening in future. ...

A.   19 March 2018: You are totally aware of the type of people that you fall for or become a carer for. It seems like you lack the ability to assert boundaries and even apparently well adjusted people feel that they can push their needs on you. There aren't that man... (read in full...)

Is he just a long distance loser who uses his family?

Q.   I write this post with a heavy heart. I don't even know where to begin..... My boyfriend has had a very bad past. He has chosen to do many things to disappoint his parents, siblings, and other family members. He went to College, is educated, ye...

A.   19 March 2018: He has shown that he can function if he wants to, it is his families complicity in this which enables his failure to grow into a fully formed adult. Do not move in with this man. He will be like a millstone around your neck. Do not agree to pay a... (read in full...)

She has cut me completely after our families learnt of our same sex affair

Q.   Hello I fell in love with my same gender best friend of 4 years, we are both married to our husbands with children, had an emotional affair that turned physical for 2 months. We ended the affair but still work in the same building. She has cut me ...

A.   17 March 2018: You have both set your whole lives on fire and your concern is whether you can rekindle a friendship. In a few years? The answer is no. There are too many people with an interest in this problem. If you divorce your husband, but she doesn't ... (read in full...)

I missed an opportunity with him that I will never get again.

Q.   About 2 months ago I felt an instant attraction towards someone at my local gym and I know he felt the same way because we were literally staring at each other longer than necessary. Anyway I screwed up because he said hi to me one time and I ...

A.   17 March 2018: Seriously, you are winding yourself up for nothing. Just go up to him and ask him for a drink or a coffee. Is the possibility that he'll say no worse than all this posturing and uncertainty. The sting of rejection is acute but short lived. Anyway ... (read in full...)

I think he’s using my pregnancy as an excuse to avoid sex! I feel unwanted and unloved!

Q.   Right now im 3 months pregnant for the first time and it supposed to be a very joyful moment in my life but i feel so lonely and unloved. My husband is happy and excited knowing im pregnant but since then we never had sex. He will reject sex and ...

A.   17 March 2018: If I'm reading this correctly; you wanted sex but he didn't because he was afraid it would hurt the baby. You showed him that it wasn't dangerous and then he agreed to have sex but by that time you didn't want to because you were hurt. It soun... (read in full...)

My boyfriend had a threesome dream about me & one of my closest friends

Q.   This question goes out to those of you with some expertise in dream analysis... My boyfriend had a dream of him having a threesome with me and one of my closest friends. It was very porny and intense and he was having sex primarily with her in it. ...

A.   16 March 2018: It's meaningless. Guys would dream about having sex with every woman they saw in their day if there was time. What does it say about your relationship? It says your boyfriend is an idiot and should stop worrying you with all of his brain farts. It r... (read in full...)

We didn't trust each other so I ended it.

Q.   I recently entered into a casual relationship with someone that I met through a swingers site, we used to meet for nsa fun but we clicked and we decided to make it more permanent but I told her that I had a bad experience a few years ago and it ...

A.   16 March 2018: Well I think it's probably best you don't see each other any more, but you should both have a look at how your behaviour is feeding these misunderstandings. She is a woman looking for something more on a swinger site and you are a man who pref... (read in full...)

Why do I always lose sexual interest with partners?

Q.   Hey all, bit of a weird one but I didn't know if anyone could give me advice. When I'm in a new relationship, or hooking up with someone, I feel very sexual and enjoy having sex. This tends to carry on for a few weeks, sometimes months - but one...

A.   15 March 2018: Google the 'Madonna Whore complex'. Does that sound like you? ... (read in full...)

I had to test his loyalty but now he won’t talk to me!

Q.   okay, so today i had the idea of making a fake snapchat account and adding and texting my boyfriend as another girl while simultaneously texting as the real me on my real snapchat...(i had two devices). he added the fake one and and asked who is it ...

A.   15 March 2018: You didn't have to test his loyalty. You just wanted to. You were found out because you aren't as bright as you think or he isn't as stupid as you think he is, and now you are paying the price. You have given enough information about yourself to let ... (read in full...)

Favouritism in the workplace

Q.   I work in a hospital. Shiftwork, rotating roster, no “set” shifts. I’ve done it for years and have not much issue with it. We are allowed 4 shift requests per fortnight. We are NOT meant to request our whole roster! Still some do.. and get a...

A.   14 March 2018: You are a grown up. Write an email. stating that the allocation of shifts doesn't seem to be allocated fairly but on habit. You cannot state that there are 'favourites' because you don't know that. Those who ask for certain shifts are likely to get ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend didn't think I could do a hard major in college and now I've lost confidence

Q.   Hello everyone, My boyfriend and I have been kind of rocky since the start of this year. I am currently a computer science student and he has already graduated with his masters and is currently working in the field. I am currently a receptio...

A.   12 March 2018: This is a two tier issue. The first issue is that you feel like you've lost confidence because your boyfriend doubted your academic ability. Let's deal with that first. There are lots of reasons why he might not want you to do the thing he is doing. ... (read in full...)

How can I stop feeling ashamed about my living situation?

Q.   How can I stop feeling so ashamed of my life ? I followed the safe path and got a masters and undergraduate degree and now I am in debt - I work two jobs seven days a week (I get a day off in three weeks) just to get rid of the loans .i had to move ...

A.   11 March 2018: The advice you are being given is good advice, as it was the time you asked for it and the time before. Your choices are that you pay this debt off as soon as possible. And honestly in the long run they are the best choices. You are sacrificing your... (read in full...)

What should I do with a badly behaved dog?

Q.   I have a bit of a problem and just wanting advice. I have a dog but I have had for 10 years since I was 20 years old I probably been through more with the dog than anyone in my life. he's always been a bit of a problem and recently I am living in a ...

A.   10 March 2018: How long do you leave him at home? Realistically he sounds like he's not badly behaved just starved of attention and stimulation. Try taking him for a walk before and after work but if he's being left for more than 6 or 7 hours it's just not fair... (read in full...)

Issues at home stopping me moving forward

Q.   Hi everyone, I grew up in a difficult living situation with a lot of mixed messages, repression and boundary issues. This was not helped by my parents strange and messy separation which was dragged out more than five years. There was a lot of ina...

A.   8 March 2018: *hole not whole darn it! ... (read in full...)

Issues at home stopping me moving forward

Q.   Hi everyone, I grew up in a difficult living situation with a lot of mixed messages, repression and boundary issues. This was not helped by my parents strange and messy separation which was dragged out more than five years. There was a lot of ina...

A.   8 March 2018: You're in a catch 22. You can't get a job where you are and you can't move until you get a job. Try these guys. They are for the things you can't get. It might be a grant or access to training. It's a very very... (read in full...)

Am I wrong for expecting to change my loner boyfriend?

Q.   Hi all. I am having this problem with my boyfriend of four years. We have a good relationship overall but he is a loner-independent type of a guy. He meets my needs most of the time and although we have differences, we have been able to compromise. ...

A.   6 March 2018: Yeah you are wrong. You know how he is. He is never going to want to move in with you or hang out uninterrupted. You might want more, but he can't give it to you. You might feel you deserve more, but this man isn't the one to give it to you. P... (read in full...)

Please help me!! No one is helping me.

Q.   Posting Questipn again as no one answered before. Please help me. Don’t ignore me please! When people ignore you and your posts on social media, But respond to others what can do you do? Why do people do this? It’s like “Fomo” aka “ ...

A.   5 March 2018: Seriously without knowing what you post how can we tell you why people don't notice them? Perhaps they are not interesting or not relevant. No-one online owes you their attention- it's up to you to get it, if that's what you crave. Try making w... (read in full...)

My fiance lied to me about his health

Q.   Dear cupid , Ive been engaged for a year now , my fiance and i we're supposed to get married at the end of this year , but last minute he drops a bomb on me saying that he has financle issues he needs to take care of and cannot get married this yea...

A.   3 March 2018: Do you guys live together? Do you live in the same area? Do you see each other most days even. This kind of secret can only be kept in a long distance relationship. If you can't be close to each other its too easy to keep secrets, to be someone you ... (read in full...)

I let her know I was interested and since then its cooled off.

Q.   Hello, I guess my question is more towards women. Ladies, if you don't really know a guy but he has a crush on you and he's your biggest fan and he tries to create conversations with you, what's the fine line between coming off as too much? Re...

A.   2 March 2018: I think she isn't into you that way. So now she can't see past the fact that you're into her and she doesn't feel that way so she's cooled off because she doesn't want to give you the wrong idea. It sucks but you can't make her like you no matte... (read in full...)

Should I be ticked hubby didn't say I love you after I said it to him?

Q.   Hubby of 5 years and I spent a lovely weekend together. Left the kids with his mom and took a romantic weekend for ourselves. It was fun and passionate until..... I told him "I love you." He didn't say it back because he doesn't want it to be...

A.   28 February 2018: I think you should let it go. I am with your husband- it shouldn't just be a meaningless response, repeated back when someone says it to you- it should be said when you mean it, when you feel it. When someone says it to you, you should be thankful ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want children but I want one of my own

Q.   I feel like ive wasted my time , my boyfriend ( of 4 month) just blurted out he doesnt want kids .We havent talked about having any or any anytime soon. i dont know why he just said it , he already has 2 ( pre teen )but i always wanted one and he ...

A.   28 February 2018: I think it's a bit harsh to say he's wasted your time- how quickly can people realistically start talking about their future together? If he's had his kids I too doubt you'll change his mind. If you want children you'll need to let him go and look... (read in full...)

I’m terrified that I’ll encounter my Facebook stalker in my new neighborhood!

Q.   I’m a single quiet gay woman Im moving rental apartments soon and found out my Facebook stalker from 3 years ago is on same suburb! What if I see him? He hasn’t bothered me in nearly 3 years but I heard from work rumours when there wa...

A.   24 February 2018: He has made advances on fb, and after you told them they were unwanted he stopped. He commented on your photos but that is not harassing. Perhaps he thought it was a way of saying no hard feelings. He may not have known you found it thre... (read in full...)

I keep getting erections around this school friend!

Q.   I attend an all boy high school. I am a junior and always consider myself straight. The problem is that I keep on getting an erection around one of my friends at school. I don't know why I get an erection around him when I am straight and I f...

A.   24 February 2018: Seriously man, it just happens, you have enough hormones coursing through you veins right now to turn a mermaid male. You will just get random erection and now you've randomly done it a couple of times when this friend is around you have started ... (read in full...)

I can’t shake the things he told me! Am I being unreasonable and paranoid or is he lying?

Q.   So from a very young age of around 13 I was always strongly attracted to my teacher he was a lot older than me but there was just something. Fast forward 7 years and we start speaking every day problem is he’s married. At first we talked very ...

A.   24 February 2018: I know you feel you owe this man something, but he is very very bad for you. You do not need to know whether what he is saying is the truth, you just need to get very very far away from him. The fact that he entered into a sexual relationship having ... (read in full...)

On our third date I felt like the third wheel! Am I being unreasonable?

Q.   I went out with this gent twice. First was a coffee date; good times he was civil we got along well. Mutual attraction so on so forth. Second date went out to dinner. We again got along well. HOWEVER he did mention more then once other girls he...

A.   19 February 2018: What does it matter? He has a 66.6% hit rate of pissing you off. Why go further-you aren't compatible. ... (read in full...)

I got accepted to a different college and don’t know how to tell him!

Q.   So.. my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now and our senior year is going to come to an end soon. For the majority of our relationship, he had been living in a different city from me. We spent 3 years apart from each other and for ...

A.   19 February 2018: Well I'm not sure what to tell you. You have already made the decision. He's going to find out when he goes to college and you aren't there! I'm guessing that you got applied to both Colleges and chose the other one. If you didn't and only got acce... (read in full...)

Should I go to this concert or not?

Q.   Should I go to this concert or not?. I already have a ticket to see my favourite band for a seat for the 7th row in the front centre stalls block. Some security in some venues here let you stand at the front all the way through the concert, and some ...

A.   11 February 2018: Just take the seats you have. The front row may be.. 2% better but is that worth the stress? London is easy to get around. Everyone speaks English and so do you. The tube and buses run all night and literally everyone knows where the O2 is. If you ... (read in full...)

We went a month without sex and now I realize I don't want it anymore. How do I tell my boyfriend?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and everything has been going well, until last month. We've been discussing a lot of changes in our relationship, where we want to live, what the plan is for the next few months etc. Anyway, we had a ...

A.   7 February 2018: Something has happened during that month that has caused to to resent him or your subconscious is holding onto something that is making you feel non-sexual towards him. Your conscious mind has rationalised that everything is ok, but it can't be if y... (read in full...)

*llumeuse's friends

These are mutual friends, so *llumeuse has added them and they have added *llumeuse!

Allumeuse agony auntAllumeuse
asking agony auntasking
aunt honesty agony auntaunt honesty
Tisha-1 agony auntTisha-1
Youcannotbeserious agony auntYoucannotbeserious

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft