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*llumeuse

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On our third date I felt like the third wheel! Am I being unreasonable?

Q.   I went out with this gent twice. First was a coffee date; good times he was civil we got along well. Mutual attraction so on so forth. Second date went out to dinner. We again got along well. HOWEVER he did mention more then once other girls he...

A.   19 February 2018: What does it matter? He has a 66.6% hit rate of pissing you off. Why go further-you aren't compatible. ... (read in full...)

I got accepted to a different college and don’t know how to tell him!

Q.   So.. my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now and our senior year is going to come to an end soon. For the majority of our relationship, he had been living in a different city from me. We spent 3 years apart from each other and for ...

A.   19 February 2018: Well I'm not sure what to tell you. You have already made the decision. He's going to find out when he goes to college and you aren't there! I'm guessing that you got applied to both Colleges and chose the other one. If you didn't and only got acce... (read in full...)

Should I go to this concert or not?

Q.   Should I go to this concert or not?. I already have a ticket to see my favourite band for a seat for the 7th row in the front centre stalls block. Some security in some venues here let you stand at the front all the way through the concert, and some ...

A.   11 February 2018: Just take the seats you have. The front row may be.. 2% better but is that worth the stress? London is easy to get around. Everyone speaks English and so do you. The tube and buses run all night and literally everyone knows where the O2 is. If you ... (read in full...)

We went a month without sex and now I realize I don't want it anymore. How do I tell my boyfriend?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and everything has been going well, until last month. We've been discussing a lot of changes in our relationship, where we want to live, what the plan is for the next few months etc. Anyway, we had a ...

A.   7 February 2018: Something has happened during that month that has caused to to resent him or your subconscious is holding onto something that is making you feel non-sexual towards him. Your conscious mind has rationalised that everything is ok, but it can't be if y... (read in full...)

Three dates in and she does't want to kiss!

Q.   So I met a girl through Tinder and we went out for dinner. I'm 30 and she's 27. We hit it off really well. We talked for nearly 4 hours. She had a pretty bad cough though, and I didn't attempt any sort of physical contact except a brief touch of the ...

A.   31 January 2018: In fairness to the her dinner and a movie is just a low alcohol option. I'm not sure her motives are money related. But your reference points are so far apart it really isn't worth bothering with continuing the relationship. She doesn't have to ... (read in full...)

I love my girlfriend but not sure I love our relationship

Q.   I love my girlfriend but not sure I love our relationship. I think shes an amazing gal, and really enjoy the time we spend together. We've been together nearly 3 years, but live in different cities - enough to see for a quick evening or long ...

A.   31 January 2018: If you feel like you aren't getting the whole story then you probably aren't. You can't be sure about why you aren't, but the fact remains that she's keeping part of herself separate. Why after three years do you think she's doing that? Does she ... (read in full...)

Should I call it quits and move on?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I think my relationship might be over, or it as been for a long time now...or maybe it’s not? Anyway... Myself (24/25 this year) and partner (23/24 this year) have been together for almost three and a half years and I/we are h...

A.   30 January 2018: He isn't a bad guy, he just doesn't want what you want, and he doesn't do it the way you want to do it. Where are the positives in your list? He's been as honest as you can expect anyone to be the future. Do you hope he'll change? Im guessing... (read in full...)

The tickets have been bought, time planned but I don't want to go see my boyfriend

Q.   I have a plane ticket to go see my boyfriend this weekend. It's our anniversary and his uncle has gifted us with concert tickets and dinner. His uncle went through a lot of planning and prepping for this, because he's a really great guy and his aunt ...

A.   30 January 2018: There's nothing to stop you going and using as time to see if there's anything worth salvaging. How long have you been going out? When are you finally going to be in the same zip code permanently? If the answer to those questions is I don't know... (read in full...)

Cheater?? Just your first instinct, not full evaluation!

Q.   Ok... Just be straight... Being paranoid, or boyfriend totally cheating on me?? He has a friend contact, saved on his phone as "Wifey S" when questioned, said nothing to worry about, just a female friend.... what are your first thought... backgrou...

A.   30 January 2018: You could be paranoid. However if you generally have trust issues, and your partner knows it- how stupid is he to name his bit on the side wifey? You should get rid of him for being thick not unfaithful. On the other hand if your trust issues a... (read in full...)

Am I justified in feeling hurt or did I do the wrong thing?

Q.   Dear Cupid, Sorry for the long post, Thankyou to anyone who takes the time to read my story. I am in my late twenties and in a new relationship of 6 months with a man 2 years younger than me. He is the most amazing person I have ever met a...

A.   29 January 2018: I agree with Honeypie. You should read a book called 'Why does he do that?'by Lundy Bancroft. It details controlling behaviour. What just happened to you was controlling behaviour. He withdrew affection from you when he didn't like what he saw ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want my advice

Q.   What should I think of this? I'm feeling negative and weird about it. I've been together with my boyfriend for over only half a year. I think it's natural to make suggestions for someone you care about when they are going through a problem. He is ...

A.   26 January 2018: There is nothing less likely to be taken on board as unsolicited advice. If he wants your advice he'll ask for it. Don't take it personally- put yourself in his shoes, if there's something he does well and you do badly, something you are sens... (read in full...)

Do I mean anything to him? Why is he with me if he doesn't see a future with us?

Q.   Some background: I (27 years old) have been seeing this man (33 years old) for four months now. We get along incredibly well and always have fun together. It is very comfortable when we are around each other and we naturally give off an impressi...

A.   23 January 2018: There's a difference between Ms Right and Ms Right Now. Not everybody goes into a relationship wanting to be together forever, you can enjoy someone in a particular place and time but not want to marry them. They are valuable relationships like any ... (read in full...)

Its to the point where anything with my family causes problems between my husband and I

Q.   So my sister and I have never got on, even when we were kids. Now days we have little to do with one another, we have to get together occasionally because, you know, family, but we never talk, or have a conversation unless i'm being made fun of (I'm ...

A.   22 January 2018: I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this. You are playing your sisters game and losing,and at the same time pushing your husband into the line of fire. You are entitled to sacrifice yourself but not your husband. You could change the narra... (read in full...)

I can’t figure out what happened with him?!?

Q.   So I was talking to this guy for like some months now. We found each other online though we already knew each other beforehand, we started talking in a dating manner only from like 4 months before... so i had never really met him after we started ...

A.   22 January 2018: Online relationships can feel real to some but just like a game to others. They can play characters, talk to lots of different people with very little chance of being caught. Perhaps he was talking to lots of women and when the time came to make... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel humiliated?

Q.   Why was this cAfe server laughing at me? Ordered a coffee from a mall cafe 3 weeks earlier.. I ordered a Coffee and a small cookie,( the same order I ordered 3 weeks ago) Same server. Whilst ordering she began laughing at me saying “...

A.   22 January 2018: Who knows man? Were your flies down? Did you have a goofy T shirt on? Had her co-worker just said something funny to her? There is no way to tell if a) she was laughing at you or something else had set her off or b) whether it was her intention for ... (read in full...)

I don’t know what’s happening to my relationship!

Q.   I don't know what's happening to my relationship. We were together for a year and and we split. We got back together 4 months later and the past year has been amazing but something has changed. I feel like whatever I do is wrong. He never ever lis...

A.   21 January 2018: He cannot threaten you with violence. He is trying to use the fear of violence to bring you down and control you. For this reason alone you should leave him. He shows you contempt. The phrases you quoted are all examples of that. If he is showing ... (read in full...)

What hope for this relationship?

Q.   I’m heartbroken and confused by all of this and appreciate any insight. Please bear with me and my story. I’m 30 and he’s 32. He’s Single. Never married. About 6 months ago, our friendship progressed to us having mutual feelings towards each other. ...

A.   21 January 2018: I not even sure he knows. What you do know is that he consistently does the opposite if what he says, draws you in then pushes you away and is generally inconsistent. Why in God's name would you want to put yourself into a relationship with some... (read in full...)

Is "I don't have a boyfriend" an invitation to ask her out?

Q.   Is "I don't have a boyfriend" an invitation to ask her out? Basically there's this girl I really like since a couple of years but I but never asked her out because I was unemployed and didn't have a car or a place of my own. Now that I'm better off, ...

A.   19 January 2018: Just ask her man, you may risk the friendship but you want to be her boyfriend. There is no way to divine how she meant 'I don't have a boyfriend' other than the exact meaning of those words in that order. You can discern that there is one more ... (read in full...)

I'm in the relationship because of obligation and chivalry. Should I give her another chance or end it for good?

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend on and off for over 3 years. In the beginning she was a work colleague I was hesitant to get with her as although we flirted, played about together and eventually slept together, I wasn't looking for commitment. ...

A.   19 January 2018: You don't paint yourself in a very sympathetic light- you appear to be in this relationship reluctantly. Partners aren't things to be suffered or tolerated, and if you feel you need to change them to live with them you are likely to be ... (read in full...)

Why did he block me? Was it because I didn’t have sex with him?

Q.   Hey guys.. I randomly met this guy last week and as soon as I saw him, I liked him. He seemed shy and I could tell he was into me but I knew he wouldn't ask me out, so I did. He took my number and he asked me to dinner on Saturday. Well he knew how ...

A.   17 January 2018: You didn't do anything wrong. He sounds like a clown. Being so incapable of communicating what he wants so much that he twists you out of shape is his problem not yours. None of this is your fault at all but young men are fantasists. They are very... (read in full...)

Should we split so that I can folllow my dream?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we've been living with each other for 2.5 years. I feel as time is going by that I'm changing and he isn't (this is probably because he's 25 and I'm 22). I do absolutely love him and he's my best ...

A.   17 January 2018: I think you will regret both courses of action. But I suspect you'll regret not going more. There is a lot to be said for all of your boyfriends aspirations. But they aren't yours. They might be in time. But not now. You might miss out on a relati... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me

Q.   my boyfriend of year and a half just doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me. I am a very romantic woman and I like to cuddle, hold hands and kiss in public but he never does any and when I approach him he backs off. I cant ...

A.   17 January 2018: I'm guessing the sex you had wasn't 'in public' but 'in a public place'. If it was the former you'd both be arrested for indecency. As Andie's Thoughts rightfully points out that is about risk and taboo, not love and romance. I echo her thoughts ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me

Q.   my boyfriend of year and a half just doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me. I am a very romantic woman and I like to cuddle, hold hands and kiss in public but he never does any and when I approach him he backs off. I cant ...

A.   16 January 2018: I'm sorry to say that if this is really important to you, you're with the wrong guy. He has tried to do better by you but he can't make it stick, so any amount of encouragement, complaining,shouting and threatening is unlikely to make anything ... (read in full...)

HE wants to play games with his ex, but I am not sure about it.

Q.   Hi, I started an LDR a week ago, we talk every day, everything is good. But he just got out of a 3months relationship ( his ex gf ended it..) Now, she's texting him, and he wants to go with it. wtich means he just wants to make fun of her and make...

A.   12 January 2018: Don't date a guy who is needlessly cruel. It's pretty self explanatory why. ... (read in full...)

Girl I don't want to go out with is messing with the girl I like!

Q.   Hi, I think that I need some advice on a confusing matter. I have a friend, who I've known for a few years now. I've fallen for her as, so far, she is the only person who I ever thought liked me, and I liked her back. Everything seemed to go smo...

A.   12 January 2018: The best way to work out whether girls like you is to listen to the words that come out of their mouths. It's a relatively simple system. You are trying to get information from unreliable witnesses. Don't believe information from second hand ... (read in full...)

Some advice on circumsision please

Q.   I'm nearly 26 years old and uncircumcised. In my country, only a certain religious group practice this. But now I hear it can be done as a medical procedure and it is beneficial for hygeine and is actually recommended by WHO. Am I too old to do it ...

A.   12 January 2018: It is really not necessary. You should only do it if you medically require it, for instance if it hurts when you become erect. There is no medical reason to have it done and only might be more hygienic if you have no access to running water. T... (read in full...)

Some advice on circumsision please

Q.   I'm nearly 26 years old and uncircumcised. In my country, only a certain religious group practice this. But now I hear it can be done as a medical procedure and it is beneficial for hygeine and is actually recommended by WHO. Am I too old to do it ...

A.   12 January 2018: It is really not necessary. You should only do it if you medically require it, for instance if it hurts when you become erect. There is no medical reason to have it done and only might be more hygienic if you have no access to running water. The ... (read in full...)

Is there a way to make up for our different dimensions?

Q.   I had my eye on a guy at work for quite some time. He’s my age, works out a lot - has a great smile and easy way about him that I liked. But most of all, we have great chemistry. In fact there’s always been some sexual tension between us. A ...

A.   11 January 2018: It's a bit of a blow when the sex with someone you really like is below par. Having a little one isn't always a disaster because most guys who do tend to compensate by being awesome in other ways. Which is why when you said he concentrated on you ... (read in full...)

I can't understand why he isn't more eager

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He is 21 and I am 23. The past month or so, he never, ever initiates sex or even kisses me passionately. He says he is under a lot of stress working long hours. We have fought about this, as he ...

A.   11 January 2018: You've not had sex in a month and your self esteem has hit rock bottom? If you really need a man's attention to keep it up you have bigger problems thsn a sex drought. He tells you he loves you and treats you well but unless he's sticking it into ... (read in full...)

How do we reconcile our differences over children?

Q.   Dear Cupid. So I’m sitting here in tears (currently hormonal) because my partner of 3 years has just told me during a conversation about cars and the future, and me wanting children in 2/3 years time as i’ll be 27-28...(I’m currently 24, 25...

A.   11 January 2018: There are almost perfect partners out there- loads of them for everyone who are perfect, except for one non-negotiable thing. He's pretty young- barely a grown up really. He may decide he wants kids eventually but right now hes telling you what he ... (read in full...)

I need help breaking the happy news to my partner!

Q.   Hiya everyone I’ve been with my partner for 4 years we have a 2 year old son together the problem is I have just found out I’m pregnant which I’m over the moon about but the problem is he doesn’t want any more children ever he has said I haven’t ...

A.   11 January 2018: Well you should tell him soon. Tell him privately. Don't say it's happy news, be neutral about it. He isn't expecting this and he may initially react badly. If you have previously expressed a preference for another child and he has insisted no more ... (read in full...)

I feel too shamed to talk to my family

Q.   Sorry this is a lot but I need to get it off my chest as its too shameful to tell my family and friends. I met an ex vet on Instagram. We fell in love through each others art. He lives in the US and I live in the UK. There is a 20 year age gap betw...

A.   10 January 2018: I don't think this is an elaborate hoax. But he's a fantasist all the same. He doesn't have a realistic grasp of his situation or his capibilities. He may have health problems he may not but what you do know is: He is heavily in debt. He disa... (read in full...)

Will he break up with me because I don't like giving head?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and things seem to be going well. However he keeps asking for a blowjob which I'm not keen to do. I've tried it with him for a tiny length of time but really really dislike it. I've told him this. ...

A.   9 January 2018: I do agree with the anonymous poster. It's not so much the act but the fact that it could breed resentment through a lack of reciprocity. Would you still want him to go down on you? It's about five times more likely to get you off than penetration ... (read in full...)

Should I confront my soon to be ex husband about his girlfriend from another country?

Q.   Been married 18 years and my husband asked for a divorce 9 months ago. We are both still living in the marital home awaiting property settlement in a few weeks time. The situation is very stressful and toxic for me. We both have lawyers ...

A.   9 January 2018: Haven't you already done that by asking if he was going to move another woman in? What will you achieve? Will it make you feel better? You know he's had affairs. You know your relationship with him is over. Why are you behaving like you want to ... (read in full...)

I don't want to regret the chance to reconnect with him again.. what do I do?

Q.   About 2 years ago I fell in love with a guy I hae met on an online gaming site and we use to talk literally everyday for hours about a year and a half. I really wanted to keep in touch but I was at a really bad stage in my life. I dealt with severe ...

A.   5 January 2018: He didn't hurt you by the sound of it. He tried to connect but you could as it was forbidden. He has the potential to hurt you, but so does anyone you trust with your feelings. He didn't ask you not to contact him so give it a try. You might be ... (read in full...)

Do I contact him over this rude breakup?

Q.   I got in from work to find a email off my boyfriend saying because I'm not an animal person (he has a cat) it won't work out. I have a cat myself. He has blocked me off everything and I don’t know why so I can’t ask him. I knew he was having a few ...

A.   5 January 2018: He broke up with you. Then he blocked you. You should get the message. His reasons might be bollocks but they are his reasons and they don't have to be good or logical. It's tough when you don't get your say but he sounds like he wouldn't be ... (read in full...)

How do I enact new behaviours so my needs are not negated?

Q.   I have a question about what to do regarding a specific behaviour by a friendly couple. I am thinking about this in a general context of re-evaluating my own behaviours within friendships (and relationships with men) because a consistent, recurring ...

A.   2 January 2018: So basically your ex neighbours have not asked about how you are doing after an operation and you are pissed off about it. I suspect from what you have written, you are a pleasant but highly strung person with high expectations of your relation... (read in full...)

Why would he trust me in a short time?

Q.   I recently started talking to a guy in a dating site. We've been calling and and texting for days now and we talk non stop. He told me that i was the person he was looking for all his life, we talk about everything. He told me that some personal ...

A.   2 January 2018: Where's the risk? It's a little different for guys unfortunately. Trusting a anyone is far less risky for a guy. This is the way the world should be but it isn't. He isn't in any way threatened by you. His guard is down. He doesn't feel like you ... (read in full...)

I get an erection during foreplay but lose it during sex. What do I do about it?

Q.   Every time I try to have sex with my girlfriend i instantly get hard during foreplay but as soon as I am ready to have full sex I lose my erection I don't know what to do I love her very much and want to please her sexually ...

A.   2 January 2018: Do exactly as Honeypie says, you might be putting too much pressure on yourself to pleasure with your erection. The best chance you have of pleasing her is by using your mouth and fingers. Why not try getting her off before you try full sex. I think ... (read in full...)

My ex still loves me but I don't want to hurt my current boyfriend.

Q.   I suddenly met my ex in a wedding a month ago. He still loves me the same and love me though he know I'm in a new relationship. He always treated me a way far better than my present one. I don't want to hurt anyone. But I'm stuckedin between two. ...

A.   1 January 2018: If he treated you better than your current boyfriend, why did you break up with him? Did he break up with you? What has changed between you since the decision was made? Why will it work between you now when it didn't before? All these questions ... (read in full...)

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