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*llumeuse

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On and off relationship with FWB has me confused

Q.   So I been seeing this guy off and on since 2011, we hooked up, gone out slept over each other houses and all. We got into a huge fight stopped talking and recently start talking again. But this time he's more distant when I text him so doesn't reply ...

A.   12 December 2017: You should stop seeing him. It's kinder to you. He doesn't want what you want so to heal and make space to meet someone who wants the same as you,you should break contact. Block him so you aren't tempted. He isn't going to change. He might say he ... (read in full...)

My roommate and her boyfriend constantly hog my couch, but other than that, they're not much of a bother. Am I right in feeling irritated?

Q.   I'm not sure if this is ok to ask, but I'm having issues with my roommate. I feel like I may possibly be overreacting, so tell me your thoughts. We've lived together without issues since July. However, she has a long distance boyfriend who vi...

A.   11 December 2017: Couldn't you get another comfy chair? It's sociable to have more chairs than the exact number of house residents! You could come to some accord about the cost but booking time in the common area sound much more hassle than just having the right ... (read in full...)

I'm paranoid about getting someone pregnant.

Q.   I'm paranoid about getting someone pregnant. I'm currently 31 and have had 1 or 2 sexual partners every year since my mid twenties. Every time I do have sex I use the condom properly, and most of the women I've been with are also on the p...

A.   10 December 2017: You probably are over anxious about the chances. If the statistics comfort you do you take into account the statistical probability of becoming pregnant even if birth control fails? You could factor this in to show that the incidences of actial ... (read in full...)

She's left me twice does she deserve my respect? Or do I just be her friend like nothing ever happened?

Q.   Hello ladies, got a question for you, I was seeing this woman, she left me for another guy, OK, five years later we started to see each other again, she did it again, with a friend in a band, now he dumped her and she is trying to talk to me, am I ...

A.   10 December 2017: You are plan b my friend. She'll exploit the fact you like her and then drop you when something better comes along. Sounds pretty unpleasant to me. If you can live with it then carry on but don't expect her to change.... (read in full...)

I still don't know if he's prepared to be in the sort of relationship I want to be in.

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 years have spent the last 4/5 months very much on off. We initially broke up 4 months ago because we started back at uni and he was spending none of his time with me, with all his free time dedicated to going out with his friends, ...

A.   10 December 2017: Haven't you asked about this guy before? The only way you are going to know is if he changes his behaviour. If he's willing to stay in with you and seems happy then you know it's possible he wants what you do. If he reverts to type, starts going out ... (read in full...)

Are they together or is she now his ex?

Q.   I went on my first date with a guy. I asked him if he's married and he said no. He is semi-famous and has all his life online basically. I did some research and found out that it's possible he has a girlfriend or wife or some sort. On her IG,...

A.   10 December 2017: You were too specific. You should have asked if he was with anyone, had a I refried or SO? He wasn't 'techincally'lying but yeah he has someone else. Or, he has very very recently broken up from a serious relationship. Either way steer well c... (read in full...)

A practical joke gone horribly wrong

Q.   My friend Bailey and I played a joke on our friend Eve just to embarrass her and teach her a lesson but Bailey took it too far and now Eve got suspended and her parents punished her real bad. She's not aloud to talk to us or anyone or go anywhere ...

A.   10 December 2017: If it was you who had pulled the prank you must have courage and own up. Since you know who did it you must tell Bailey to own up or you will tell the school for her That's integrity. If you caused someone innocent to be punished you must accept the ... (read in full...)

Dealing with low self-esteem and body image from acne scars

Q.   Hi guys, I have been dating a guy for close to 2 months. We have a great connection and i really like him. But he cares too much about physical appearance. I think I am good looking, both body and face, but have hypopigmented acne scars on my...

A.   7 December 2017: If this guy cares too much about physical appearance- why do you like him? Do you like vain shallow people? Are you a bit like that yourself, and you feel that this is your one flaw? If you stay with him are you not consigning yourself to a life of ... (read in full...)

I want her back but she doesn't want a relationship. How can she just walk away?

Q.   So, there was this girl I met two years ago and I am in love with her (we dated and were pretty serious) . I am in the military and I was stationed in Alaska.( Where I met her, I am originally from Florida). But I hurt her and she well I left ...

A.   7 December 2017: You are some pretty entitled guy. You drop her when she's at her lowest ebb and when you decide you want her back you ignore what she is saying and what she wants because it's not what you want? You didn't have time to deal with the crisis in her ... (read in full...)

I am getting weird vibes from my girlfriend in regards to her friend but I don't want to tell her to stop talking to her friend

Q.   So my girlfriend had this mate that they've meet on tinder. She calls my girlfriend everyday and texts her. Practically any social media she can contact my gf. Just a couple of days ago my gf said that they've kissed. I've meet the friend and all I ...

A.   20 November 2017: I think the best rule to follow here is that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck,then it's a duck. If she met her on Tinder and they message each other all the time and they kiss then they aren't friends even if that's what your GF says ... (read in full...)

Mr Nice Guy is perfect for me but why do I feel something is missing?

Q.   I have a history of dating unavailable, cheating, lying, game playing men. In fact when I look back I've only ever had one healthy relationship that I ended up pushing away with my own actions. This guy is amazing! I am insanely attracted to him...

A.   17 November 2017: It may well be that you feel the need for drama. It's great that you can see this in the pattern of your relationships. I'm not knocking this man but it is possible to be great on paper but not ignite the fires you need to make things stick. It's ... (read in full...)

Could this relationship be wrong?

Q.   I am falling in love with my soon to be step uncle and I don't know what to do. Do I end things now before it gets out of hand or do we carry on being like we are and tell people about us ? Is it forbidden to date him ??...

A.   17 November 2017: Well OP, that's far more benign than I thought. I personally wouldn't give it a second thought. Crack on1... (read in full...)

Help me find my way out of these abusive traps

Q.   I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...

A.   16 November 2017: How about neither of them? If you've just cone out of a bad 16 year old relationship then you need to breathe and spend some time on your own, perhaps thinking about why you would choose two poor men over being single? Do you believe that being in a... (read in full...)

Could this relationship be wrong?

Q.   I am falling in love with my soon to be step uncle and I don't know what to do. Do I end things now before it gets out of hand or do we carry on being like we are and tell people about us ? Is it forbidden to date him ??...

A.   16 November 2017: Well it's not illegal. But that isn't even the half of it. I'm guessing you're 18 by 1999 in your username so you are an adult, however there are complex repercussions from relationships like this- is he much older than you? Did he know you from ... (read in full...)

Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?

Q.   I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...

A.   15 November 2017: Honestly, if the fight is stupid and she doesn't want to make up, is the relationship worth saving? It seems a lot of relationships struggle with assigning the correct amount of gravity to fights, it may be because of pride or just that you have bot... (read in full...)

Mixed up by his communication

Q.   I was dating this guy a while back. It's kind of a long story and I guess I just want some opinions on his actions or reasons why. I had moved to the city for some short term work. We had met at a bar but nothing really went further than tha...

A.   12 November 2017: I don't think it was a last word thing but you have to put things into perspective. You had a big work thing and you prioritized it over your meetings with him. This is totally fine. But it commodifies where he stands with you. This us also fine. If ... (read in full...)

Walked into an awkward love triangle

Q.   Hi, for the last 6 months or so I have liked one of the men (call him Tim) from my workplace. He is one of quite a few men and women that are in our lunch group and we all go out for drinks and things like that fairly often. He has been in a co...

A.   12 November 2017: It's never a good idea to get together with a person when they are fresh out of a relationship. He is likely to be in no place to work out where his feelings are to wards anyone. You did the right thing to put off any romantic entanglements but Mary ... (read in full...)

The guy I'm dating doesn't believe I have social anxiety, does it matter?

Q.   I've been on a few dates with this guy. I feel a bit of a spark but I am worried about something he said to me. Part of me feels that if I liked him enough to date him I won't worry about what he said. I told him that I suffer from social anxi...

A.   9 November 2017: I think rather than denying it, he was playing it down, perhaps it was a clumsy way of saying you have the courage to do things in spite of it. I'm with Denizen- its not a defining feature of you, so why are you so protective of it? Is it diagnosed? ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend thinks he should be consulted about my mother's estate

Q.   Is it wrong to not consider my boyfriends opinion regarding my house? My mom passed away last year and my cousin is helping me get the house in my name. He and I agreed that refinancing the remaining amount of the mortgage was the best option for ...

A.   6 November 2017: Sorry, your house, your rules. However it might have been wise to ask his opinion if you two plan to stay together, but you have no obligation to listen to him. When you have a house together you'll have to make decisions together, but not yet.... (read in full...)

My Boyfriend excluded me to his brother's funeral because his ex was going

Q.   Hello, I am after some opinions please as to whether I am over analysing things and being silly or if I am right to feel upset and rejected. I am new to this site and so am expecting there may be some readers who will judge me pretty harshly...

A.   6 November 2017: I'm sorry this must be deeply hurtful and upsetting for you. BUT you have to remember this is not about you or him, he may not even be responsible for this request, his family may have asked that this be the way that it is, you may have felt tha... (read in full...)

What is so "personal" that he can't tell his long term girlfriend?

Q.   Hi! I've been seeing my bf for about 15 months and things have been mostly good. We have a very loving, affectionate relationship where we share most things and get on well. Except he has this female best friend that he's close to and the thing is I ...

A.   6 November 2017: He is keeping her confidence- he is being a good friend. If she wanted you to know she'd have told you. It's really none of your business and no couples don't tell each other everything, especially things told to them in confidence. ... (read in full...)

Should I stay with my boyfriend in the hope that he matures at some point, or do I let him go and move on?

Q.   Should I stay with my boyfriend in the hope that he matures at some point, or do I let him go and move on? We're both at university (we're both 21) and have been going out for 2 years. We've been having problems lately because he wasn't spending ...

A.   6 November 2017: I don't think its about maturity, its more about how he sees his priorities. Right now you are lower on his list than going out with his friends. Will that change? Perhaps, perhaps not. Does he invite you out when he goes out or does he ... (read in full...)

My husband is flat out lying to me!

Q.   Is it ok to snoop if i am being lied to? My husband keeps telling me that his 'penis is broken'. We havent had sex in two months or so. Hes massively stressed out. The thing is that in the last two weeks i have given him two blowjobs and we have act...

A.   5 November 2017: It's not wrong to look for evidence if your hubby is being evasive, but it isn't helpful at all. Just because he can master bate and become erect doesn't mean he's lying about his penis being broken. He might have performance issues where the ... (read in full...)

How do I tell them I'm moving out without making it worse for myself?

Q.   So I have a friendship question here. I am currently in uni and live in a uni house with three girls, however it is a bit icy between some of us at the moment. Now, a bit of background, for the past few days/weeks I have felt like I am almost...

A.   5 November 2017: You don't have to convince us that the people you live with are bad people, in fact I'm pretty sure they probably aren't. And while we're at it-unless you're five noone can 'leave you in the house on your own'- You either go with them, or you do ... (read in full...)

He had affairs while buying my IVF

Q.   My ex and I planned a pregnancy. I was having fertility issues and so we decided to proceed with an IVF. It was his idea and he has even funded the entire procedure. I am about to get pregnant and I found out that he has had numerous affairs ...

A.   4 November 2017: I'm sorry to say but it looks like you have chosen to do a deal with the devil to get pregnant- he repeatedly showed you what he was like and you chose to ignore the obvious signs and deal with him because you wanted to be pregnant. If you are now ... (read in full...)

Friend sponges off everyone. How do I deal with her?

Q.   Hi, I have a friend who's used to living off other people. She's funny, smart and she still takes money from her parents (she's 39 years old!), "borrows" money and promises to pay back at some point. Goes out for drinks, meals and almost never...

A.   3 November 2017: You will never see that money if you buy it for her and want her to pay it back. You know that. Is she magic? How has she got this far without having to take responsibility? You must ask for the cash upfront. Or she will have found a way arou... (read in full...)

Do you ever get trust back in a relationship and if it’s possible how on earth do you get it back?

Q.   I have been with my partner for just over four years now. We have had a rocky relationship, many hurdles along the way but overcome each and every one of them. I have trust issues, I don’t partially trust people and find it difficult to ope...

A.   2 November 2017: At Dear Cupid we tend to have a very binary view of relationships, mainly because that is what suits most well balanced people the best- ie you are either with someone, or you aren't. When you're with them. You are sexually monogamous, and you can ... (read in full...)

A coworker eats smelly food right next to me!

Q.   Hi everyone, this might sound like a trivial problem but it’s really bothering me. I recently started a new job and the man that sits next to me is a bodybuilder and as such eats an entire tub of cottage cheese at his desk every day at 9am. I think ...

A.   2 November 2017: OP just seen your addendum, I apologise for giving you so much heat for not going to him first. Think about how you approached his cottage cheese eating- were you dispassionate enough that he merely thought you were curious, or did you let on that ... (read in full...)

A coworker eats smelly food right next to me!

Q.   Hi everyone, this might sound like a trivial problem but it’s really bothering me. I recently started a new job and the man that sits next to me is a bodybuilder and as such eats an entire tub of cottage cheese at his desk every day at 9am. I think ...

A.   2 November 2017: I'd agree, it isn't super wise to start asking established members of staff to change their habits for you, and shame on you for not having the chops to ask the guy before going to your boss. It seems you boss isn't going to help you so you have ... (read in full...)

He wants to propose and I'm just not ready!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. Recently, he has been hinting A LOT that he wants to proposed. He also keeps asking me to find time for him to see my mom.. I know he wants to ask her. Any girl would be super happy... and I am happy... ...

A.   2 November 2017: If your bf would dismiss what you say about marrying him, literally going against your wishes and asking your mom, why on earth would you want to be with him? It infantilises you that he's asking your mom, it infantilises you further to ignore the ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I are unsure of our future!

Q.   My boyfriend and I are still in college but we graduate soon, like in the next year. He has a more laid back approach with things/life and is more up in the air/live in the now, whereas I'm more of a planner and I like to see more into the future. ...

A.   2 November 2017: 'How do you make God laugh?- Tell him your plans!' That's how the joke goes, and it's true. From what I can distil from your longer post you are thinking of breaking up with your boyfriend because his vision of the next chapter does not match yours, ... (read in full...)

Am I asking too little of him?

Q.   I have posted before and thankfully we solved a little issue in our relationship. This may be hella stupid for me to be resentful of how he treated his ex, but I kind of am. Idk how true this is, I'm only hearing his side of the story, but ...

A.   31 October 2017: So you want to be treated like his ex? Do you want to BE his ex? You seem to be going the right way about it. He treats you respectfully and fairly but he doesn't give you treats. Can't you equate that she is now his ex for a reason? Maybe it was ... (read in full...)

He wants to propose and I'm just not ready!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. Recently, he has been hinting A LOT that he wants to proposed. He also keeps asking me to find time for him to see my mom.. I know he wants to ask her. Any girl would be super happy... and I am happy... ...

A.   31 October 2017: I agree with Fatherly Advice- 4 years is a long time to be dating without co-habiting. You might be someone who compartmentalises their life too much to be married, you might be in love with your life as it is now, there is nothing wrong with ... (read in full...)

My past has led me to hate sex, relationships and even the human touch

Q.   I hate sex, masturbation, porn and sex toys. I even despise human touch and being social, including relationships. I'm very happy being single being alone by myself, but my family and therapist pressures me to date and socialize, which angers ...

A.   30 October 2017: Well noone can make you have a relationship, so you don't have to worry about that, it's ok to be happy on your own. However when you list your past traumas as supplementary evidence as to why you hate sex and touching it implies you have been ... (read in full...)

Has my husband gone off me

Q.   Hello I have a problem with my husband never wanting sex anymore we have been together 6 years and married just over a year ago and now have two children together.in the beginning we were sex maniacs and he couldn't get enough of me now he never ...

A.   28 October 2017: You might be right. It might be the fact that you have put on weight. It might be many other things. It could be the burdens of parenthood that make him worried and tired. It could also might be a buildup of small resentments between you. It doesn't ... (read in full...)

I have unresolved feelings about my wife cheating

Q.   Like most guys I know, its not the easiest thing to talk about feelings. I have been struggling with this for a while and has grown more and more to bother me. Hate to divulge that my wife cheated about a year ago but its part of the thorn. S...

A.   28 October 2017: This is entirely due to the fact that your wife has not told you the whole truth. She has told you a half truth and has not owned her infidelity- how can you forgive her when she has not really admitted what she did. Your conscious mind knows this, ... (read in full...)

How do I end a FWB relationship and just be friends?

Q.   How do I end a friends with benefits thing? I'm 18 and he's 21 and we were friends for about a year and a half before we started sleeping together basically, and he took my virginity. There was a point before we had sex where I thought I had ...

A.   27 October 2017: Why not use the reason that you would like to see where things go with this new man, without the complication of a FWB to explain. Tell him simply that you want more and your new beau might be that- no need to go into detail. If he protests... (read in full...)

Finding my move to a small town difficult

Q.   I moved from the city to a very small town on the other side of the country. I know no one from this town and I find adjusting to "small" town harder then I thought. I've been here for three months and I have heard more stories about "me" then I ...

A.   27 October 2017: Well you have recognised the failure of planning, now how to make good! Firstly, you deserve praise for taking control of your life and making a bold move. You made a tough choice to escape a difficult situation as you should be proud of your ... (read in full...)

I want to help my friend but how?

Q.   I’m in a bit of a pickle, dear Aunts and Uncles! I wish I could tell a friend of mine something that very much concerns her, but I’m afraid it may really hurt her and maybe force her to do something she otherwise wouldn’t. I know that she has pro...

A.   27 October 2017: Wow yes that's tough. I suppose you can approach it in two ways. The first and probably recommended is that your aim is to try and help her break a pattern of behaviour which is to find unavalible, disinterested men who meet her standards of ... (read in full...)

Why do people always tend to ignore me?

Q.   People have always tended to ignore me socially, at work, in groups, meetung new people as I’m quieter, it’s made me want to give up? On meeting new friends and chatting to people Im always ignored or excluded, Im quieter but not snobby o...

A.   26 October 2017: There doesn't have to be anything wrong with you. You just have to be a little more difficult to talk to than everyone else and they will take the path of least resistance and talk to people that are easier to get to know. You must by now realise ... (read in full...)

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