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*bella agony aunt

*bella

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*bella's profile:

Hi all,

I love answering your questions on Dear Cupid. My aim is to give you the best answer I can possibly put together.

And if you didn't like my advice please let me know why, so that I can try to improve.

If you ask to add me I'll be happy to do so, and will reply, if your settings allow that.

My life may be good now, but it wasn't always that way. I grew up with alcoholic parents. To the point where I welcomed the Police arriving to quell their fighting. I hated the fighting and resolved that if I did marry that I would never have such behavior happen in my family. And I made a childhood choice to never drink alcohol. No regrets about that resolution either. My childhood life might have been enough to put me off marriage.

Thank goodness I met my first husband when I did.

I put myself through University, working part time. And full time at one point, when I went part time at University. But I don't think study ends when one receives the degree.

And I've done a diverse range of other studies since I left University. It is only in the last few years that other things have curtailed the time to study more.

My first husband died young. We had one child together. My second husband brings great joy into my life. And I now have two more children who bring immense joy to our lives.

I love children and doing lots of fun things with them. Like walking in the country, cycling, making a mess, building forts, swimming, talking, reading, finding them getting interested in dinosaurs and pyramids!

My second husband talks more than me,(never thought that possible!) and every day together is like a new day. He is so smart and really great with people.

I have been very lucky to have had two wonderful mothers in law. Pretty lucky i think. As one hears so much about girls who suffer the opposite.

My first mother in law taught me so many things. I value all the things she taught me. Sadly she has now passed away. When she was alive we were very close. I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. She was a mother to me and I appreciated her very very much.

I perfected my Italian cooking skills under her tutoring.

Today I love watching cooking shows for inspiration. Now I also love Mexican, Asian, all manner of styles. I also cook more curries now. Mexican food, especially Tacos, are the big favorites with the children.

Had some health set backs, after the death of my first husband, and a challenging time, when I started a business, before my second husband came into my life. But in that business a 'friend' (now former) cheated me financially. I almost lost everything and it was a horrible period.

And that financial reversal was one of the issues that made me refine my views on the power of thinking positively, in order to come out of any abyss, and still feel positive.

And in one workplace I (and many others there) experienced some major workplace bullying. So I have some understanding of the pain of it, and how to survive it.

So more questions please, I love them. Thank you for sharing your stories and concerns on DC

Regards

Abella

Latest articles:

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1234567891011Next > [63 pages, 2479 answers]

Want a low cost way to get a flat stomach by Dec 2013. Is my goal achievable and how?

Q.   I am 1.63m/5'4" and I weigh 66kg/146lbs and 20 percent body fat. I want to get a flat stomach and get my body fat down to 10-12 percent by mid December. I don't know how to do this when I have a limited budget for food and can't eat 5 times a day ...

A.   19 May 2013: And I would love to see you use this question to write an update (as a reply to this question), once a month, or more if you want, to tell us how things are going with your quest. Because there is a lot of support on this site and people will love... (read in full...)

Want a low cost way to get a flat stomach by Dec 2013. Is my goal achievable and how?

Q.   I am 1.63m/5'4" and I weigh 66kg/146lbs and 20 percent body fat. I want to get a flat stomach and get my body fat down to 10-12 percent by mid December. I don't know how to do this when I have a limited budget for food and can't eat 5 times a day ...

A.   19 May 2013: I can see that your country is not USA so I will keep that in mind for any advice. And you want a lowcost option so I will not suggest anything that's likely to be expensive. Both exercise and your food intake are important. For exercise I s... (read in full...)

My ex is trying to change, should I get back together with him? How do I tell my mom?

Q.   I broke up with my fiancé in late January this year. I loved and still do love him dearly. I left him because I was unhappy about many things about how he chose to live his life. he chose to hang out with loser drug addicts and got himself ...

A.   19 May 2013: Hi, you are a fully functioning adult who's been through a lot and shown true determination and resolve. Forgive yourself. You made a decision and that's one part of your life. The feeling of what might have been will be there, occassionally in t... (read in full...)

Is having PMS a reason to act like a spoiled brat?

Q.   Hi, I have a question regarding my girlfriend and her PMS. I know that it is a stressful time for a girl as the hormones are running wild, but should it be an excuse to act like a spoiled brat? Me and my girlfriend, who are both 20 years old, we...

A.   18 May 2013: Sometimes the cramps and pains can be horrible. If that happened I would sometimes go to bed earlier. But if it is really bad then a visit to the Doctor is a good idea. At the same time it comes down to personality. Some people are positive... (read in full...)

At the moment, I am not ready for a threesome to happen in our relationship. My Bf would like it to happen. How long into a relationship before agreeing to it?

Q.   Hi, Ok I would love some fair and informative advice here on my boyfriend wanting to have a FFM threesome. We have been going out with each other for 8 months and moved in together three months ago. At the beginning of the relationship he...

A.   18 May 2013: Concentrate on your own health first. your health must come first. Guys, when the attraction is waning will sometimes suggest a threesome in the hope that it will enliven then relationship. But in reality it only hastens the demise of the relat... (read in full...)

My husband's fishing buddy is another woman!

Q.   My Husband belongs to a fishing club and over the years goes fishing for the day with male friends a woman has joined the club and I have found out that hes been fishing with her at the weekends and it is tearing me apart she never goes fishing ...

A.   18 May 2013: Hi Dogrose You most certainly deserve better than this. I think his dismissive abuse attitude is the sign to you that he no longer respects you and chooses to meet his needs in other ways. Sadly it is time you realized that you are living with a m... (read in full...)

After connecting via a dating site, then what do I say to a potential girl friend, who I've only met online, in a first email to her?

Q.   Hi. I use dating websites, but when it comes to emailing someone I have no idea what to say. I suppose I could just say "Hi I like your profile and would like to get to know you." But that just doesn't seem good enough. Do I ask her things about...

A.   18 May 2013: Hi keep it simple and certainly don't subject her to many questions as that's just "too much" At all times keep it simple. Not too many words. 1. Introduce yourself. 2. Tell her what you liked about her profile or what she had to say to you, w... (read in full...)

When to reveal a disability during online dating?

Q.   I have a disability, cerebral palsy. Unlike some other people with cerebral palsy, I am not in a wheelchair, I run my own business. I have been exchanging messages with a girl on Match.com now for three weeks (only small messages.) So: 1) When s...

A.   13 May 2013: Hi I just read your update. You have a right to be disappointed. She has not been genuine with you. Perhaps she's dis-satisfied in some respects with her life. But mis-representing herself to you was wrong. Block this time waster. There are othe... (read in full...)

When to reveal a disability during online dating?

Q.   I have a disability, cerebral palsy. Unlike some other people with cerebral palsy, I am not in a wheelchair, I run my own business. I have been exchanging messages with a girl on Match.com now for three weeks (only small messages.) So: 1) When s...

A.   13 May 2013: Hi I like that you've been very active in providing follow-ups. That usually helps those who answer the question to provide the question asker with good answers But can you please explain more about what you mean, when you say you dont 'get' an an... (read in full...)

There were five condoms in the drawer and now there are none!

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A.   13 May 2013: Is your guy a man who plays sport? Because some golfers use condoms to cover the top of golf clubs in the rain. Fishermen sometimes use condoms to hold live bait. And even soldiers or guys shooting for recreational reasons use condoms to p... (read in full...)

Do men feel guilt at denying paternity, when they are informed about a pregnancy? Or do the men just move on and feel no guilt? Should I feel damaged by their actions?

Q.   Hello, friends, aunts, uncles etc I have a question again.... I am pregnant thanks to the advice I got I'm keeping my baby God will provide something for us. My question is do these men who abandon they children really move on or they do sit d...

A.   12 May 2013: Thank for your very informative followup. Work on your own self esteem. And on how to be assertive. This will build strength within you, to help you become a strong role model for your child. And an assertive woman respects herself. It will mea... (read in full...)

Why do girls like the bad boys?

Q.   Hi there :) I have a wee question in general; why do girls like bad boys as opposed to the sensible, faithful guys who will treat them right?! Kind of a silly question, but just wondered if there was anyone else who, like me, is more attra...

A.   11 May 2013: Many don't like bad boys. But those who do like Bad boys often have low self-esteem. Bad Boys keep a look out for vulnerable and naive girls who the Bad Boy can manipulate. And I totally agree with Maisy1. Bad boys are, to me, the ones wh... (read in full...)

Do men feel guilt at denying paternity, when they are informed about a pregnancy? Or do the men just move on and feel no guilt? Should I feel damaged by their actions?

Q.   Hello, friends, aunts, uncles etc I have a question again.... I am pregnant thanks to the advice I got I'm keeping my baby God will provide something for us. My question is do these men who abandon they children really move on or they do sit d...

A.   11 May 2013: Hate and lack of trust will create a roadblock for you. It will show in your face and your actions. It will age you and furrow your brow with lines. Better to work on healing and learning to attract healthier relationships in the future. You... (read in full...)

Why? Every time my Gf ask me for help I usually agree. But then she changes her mind at the last minute. How can I deal with my confused feelings about her rescinding the request?

Q.   so i'm pretty sure i'm doing something wrong but i need some advice... so the thing is, both my girlfriend and i have a disability, and neither of us is able to drive a car. suppose my gf needs something. like, she's busy and doesn't have time...

A.   11 May 2013: This sounds a little manipulative to me. As if she is trying to pick a fight. Does she change her mind about a lot of things? Or is she hoping you will get sick of her doing this and thus so sick of it that you will stop offering to help her? Then ... (read in full...)

I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused

Q.   I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...

A.   11 May 2013: Sounds like your loyalty indicates that you like him a lot more than you realized. That's not such a bad thing if you can address the slapping. My good wishes to you.... (read in full...)

My 12 year old sister is being bullied at school because our mother died of an overdose. What can I do?

Q.   This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol. I don't know the exact d...

A.   10 May 2013: Your sister in indeed blessed with a caring sister who looks out for her. You did well... (read in full...)

A friends comment has got me obsessed about my masculinity and potential with women

Q.   Do leagues really exist when it comes to looks? I go to a very diverse college, was talking to my friend thats a girl. She wanted to ontroduce me to a girl but the said shes out of my league. That comment hurt and since then(about a month) I have ...

A.   9 May 2013: When you value and love you for who you are, warts then life will stop being a one way street. This girl and other shallow girls like her has triggered a chord that has resonated within you. You are just as good as anyone else. You are not infe... (read in full...)

Is it really just that I have terrible luck and that every time we make major plans she has some other important thing come up in her life?

Q.   am I overreacting and being unnecessarily suspicious or do I have actual reason to worry here? my gf and I have gone out for 3 years. we're in college together. over the time we've been together, things have been great. we have minor arguments ...

A.   8 May 2013: Once, twice maybe ? Three times starting to look like it's excuses. And friends have (usually) mothers, fathers, siblings, other friends who can be there, (sometimes). So while it seems that she is the self appointed 'most significant support ... (read in full...)

A friends comment has got me obsessed about my masculinity and potential with women

Q.   Do leagues really exist when it comes to looks? I go to a very diverse college, was talking to my friend thats a girl. She wanted to ontroduce me to a girl but the said shes out of my league. That comment hurt and since then(about a month) I have ...

A.   8 May 2013: here is a great rule to live by: "What other people think of you is none of your business. That's their business. Let them worry about it, it's what they are concerned about. You have more important things to consider" (attributed to Oprah Winf... (read in full...)

Why now? Why did he tell me he likes me, now when he's going away? Does he really like me?

Q.   I have been friends with this guy since high school and we used to live in the same neighborhood. Four months ago he moved away and since then we had stopped talking, about a week ago he texted me and he told me that's he's going to the army for...

A.   8 May 2013: He wants to have a friend who he trusts and who he can write to while he is away. Yes he's been thinking he likes you and he is interested to get to know you slowly the old-fashioned way. He feels comfortable with you. If you are happy to be his p... (read in full...)

I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused

Q.   I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...

A.   8 May 2013: If you really think that you don't love him then it is time to reconsider this relationship. Breaking up can be difficult but I honestly don't think the two of your are really good for each other. He is not treating you right and he is not cher... (read in full...)

Husband calls me names and is sarcastic. Then calls it a joke. Is this OK? Will it hurt our relationship?

Q.   My husband of 27 years admits he is sarcastic and is a name caller. He says the opposite of what is meant and then say "I was joking" This happens is front of your children and he thinks is ok and I am overly sensitive. Is this ok in a marriage ...

A.   7 May 2013: Sarcasm is usually described as the LOWEST form of wit because in many many cases it is NOT funny and is a thinly veiled attempt to denigrate another party. That's not humor. That's abuse if the joke is not a shared one. Sarcasm is making fun (oft... (read in full...)

Why is it that he can afford this rent and living expenses now, when he said he couldn't when we moved in together?

Q.   my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He has been living with me for over 2 but he has always called it my place. He claimed he couldn't afford to split the rent ($1200/month) so instead contributed $300 a month plus we take turns ...

A.   29 April 2013: Sadly he is just plain selfish. Now he's distancing himself from you. He's been able to squirrel away extra savings and yes, that was at your expense. What a cad he's been. I don't think he's been entirely honest. And I think he sought a way... (read in full...)

Important interview tomorrow. Help! How do I create a good impression? What are the points to take into account when being interviewed?

Q.   Tomorrow I have a very important career interview for Aviation, Hospitality, Travel and Tourism training college. Tomorrow is going to be my first interview and I have no idea how things go and how to make an impression. Please tell me all the dos ...

A.   29 April 2013: Be prepared by working out some key answers now. You should not try to parrot those answers verbatim at an interview, but some key points should be part of your answer. Stand in front of the mirror and practice introducing yourself confide... (read in full...)

Does a broken hymen grow back if you don't have sex for a long time?

Q.   Is it true that a broken hymen heals back into place after a long abstinence?...

A.   29 April 2013: As Cerberus says, it is definitely Not true. What you can do is the kegel exercises to tighten your vagina. Here is more on Kegel exercises:http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/kegel-exercises/WO00119 You can also try doing Yoga exerciises ... (read in full...)

Not attracted to my own race... am I shallow for this?

Q.   So... I'm not interested physically or romantically to guys of my own race (black). I've never dated a black guy, and just don't find them appealing for a relationship. I have many black guy friends but that is all they are. And I feel horrible fo...

A.   27 April 2013: Don't be so tough on yourself. If you have not yet settled down with your life partner then you are still settling on your wish list. A list of qualities and beliefs, values and attitudes that you think are essential in a man to guarantee your h... (read in full...)

Why would he call me a Princess and then tell me that I like to get my own way and I sulk? Is that a compliment or is he flirting with me?

Q.   Why would he say that to me? Is it a compliment? I was talking to this cute guy I like. I'm very quiet and shy around him and he's quiet Around me too. He said I'm very mysterious and a princess I said why does he calls me a princess he said I...

A.   27 April 2013: It's not even Feint Praise. He thinks you are high maintenance as, in his opinion, you sulk and act petulant when you cannot get your own way. No one likes to see a person who acts as if they are entitled to special consideration and special ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong that I want to feel as if my efforts are appreciated ?

Q.   I'm looking for some feedback\insight to my issues! I've always been 'the one' lending a helping hand,be it a friend,be it someone less fortunate.. I work for a charity and make donations..but I think 'when you do good you should never accept ...

A.   27 April 2013: Helping others is a great way to build your empathy and gain the satisfaction of helping others. But if it draws more from you emotionally than it gives back to you then it can be counter-productive. Normally we give to others because we feel we h... (read in full...)

Could anyone help? I'd like to hold a conference for anti bullying!

Q.   I want to hold an antibulling conference but don't know where to have it or when!!! I need help with getting every thing set up. So if anyone has a suggestion please tell me....

A.   25 April 2013: There is a huge amount of work being done to try to combat bullying. But perhaps it is not yet filtering down to the school level. Bullying is terrible. But there are many people in many countries who do want to combat bullying. Perhaps som... (read in full...)

Life Balance. May I have some tips on how to prioritize between my school life and find time to enjoy my passion of helping others?

Q.   Okay. Well I have been off this site for a while, and I am coming back for a little while as I have been overloaded with work! Basically, I am 16, and I have a little bit of a problem. My GCSE's are comin...

A.   23 April 2013: Hi you do need to Prioritize and it really is OK to say no. Your first priority is you and your health. If your health suffers then you can't support anyone. So please make sure that you get enough rest and eat healthy and live healthily. ... (read in full...)

Should I give up everything, and move interstate to be with my boyfriend? It would mean giving up my own home, which I purchased before I met him.

Q.   I have been with my BF for 4 years. We are each in our late 20's/early 30s. I have my own house. He still lives at home. He was studying which is why he stayed there, but he could have moved out by now! (has it too good!). A big concern for me ...

A.   21 April 2013: Never give up your home and the equity you have built up in your home. His attitude bothers me. I have seen similar situations where the girl has sold her home. Then they have bought a joint property. Things have not gone well. And the girl has ... (read in full...)

I want this to be more than just "One Night Stand". What should I do guys to make this work?

Q.   Dear All So here it goes, I have a colleague at my work place that I truly am attracted to him and wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him. He lately been flirting with me sexually, his been touching my waist when he has the ...

A.   21 April 2013: Please consider an entirely different solution. If he is someone who you feel a strong attraction and he feels the same then back off. If it is meant to be then that will put the ball in his court. Men are like books. you can read them if you are... (read in full...)

A 22 year old marriage over due to my disabilies?

Q.   Please help, Iam a 45 year old man , I have had type1 diabetes since age 3 this plays a huge part in what I need advice with , I have been married to the same super beautiful wife for 22+years . I met my wife when I was 22 and she was 17 at the time...

A.   21 April 2013: It sounds to me as if you need some serious support right now. Kidney issues are very difficult though manageable if you can access good support. So I am giving you a link to the kidney foundation as they have articles and access points where you ... (read in full...)

40 something year old girlfriend embarrassed by 24 year old boyfriend- How do I fix this?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have a bit of an age gap. I'm 24. She just turned 40. I went to hang out with some of her grad student friends (we're both in grad school) and she introduced me as her roommate. We do live with each other; but, we're ...

A.   20 April 2013: Oh Dear Pclaw, this is a mean situation. You are infatuated with her. And she's controlling the situation and pulling all the strings. This emasculates you. Worse, she plays up for the audience with the other man because basically she is unco... (read in full...)

Am I normal? Still a virgin and I do get frustrated. My studies have taken precedence over a relationship. Should I make some changes in my life?.

Q.   I’m male 25, single and virgin, never involved in ANY kind of sexual activity with anyone ever. At the moment I’m really focused on building my budding career and personally think that involvement in any relation/flirt might divide my attentio...

A.   15 April 2013: I liked your follow up too. Thank you. I can see that you already have many skills and some experience and motivation to reach out to others. The ability is within you to go on to find opportunities to start dating. You just needed the catalyst ... (read in full...)

It's my wedding. I've been polite to her and it didn't work. How should I deal with this very demanding clingy wedding guest?

Q.   I'm getting married later on this year; abroad in Switzerland (my partner is from there). Now I have a couple of my friends coming over for the wedding from the UK- which I'm happy about with the exception of 1 person... Basically this friend of mi...

A.   14 April 2013: She is completely unreasonable and it is time you put your foot down. This is YOUR special day. She cannot stay at your home. She will need to book a hairdresser herself. In the two weeks before the wedding you will be utterly busy. You do not and ... (read in full...)

I am his first girlfriend and he isn't sure that I am the one. Should I let him go?

Q.   I'm really confused right now. My boyfriend and I have been going out together for 6 months. He's 31 and i am his first gf. So he has nothing to compare to when something doesn't feel right in the relationship. He told me he had this feeling that he ...

A.   13 April 2013: He's 31 and finally he's landed a nice Gf who loves him. Yet already after just six months he's indecisive and vacillating and thinking the grass is greener on the other side. He certainly does need to learn a whole lot more about women. Maybe... (read in full...)

Am I normal? Still a virgin and I do get frustrated. My studies have taken precedence over a relationship. Should I make some changes in my life?.

Q.   I’m male 25, single and virgin, never involved in ANY kind of sexual activity with anyone ever. At the moment I’m really focused on building my budding career and personally think that involvement in any relation/flirt might divide my attentio...

A.   12 April 2013: Of course you are a normal man. It is just that you have been so busy with you studies, that some areas of your development as a man have been delayed. There may even be some girls who will regard you as highly impressive that you are still a vi... (read in full...)

Are the people around me just forgetful? Or am I too brash and lacking empathy with people? I have a habit of putting people down when I reply to them if I think they've told me something before..

Q.   I was in trouble yesterday with my husband. He told me my behaviour was too much. We have gatherings of my club, that basically is for Italians. I’m not Italian but speak the language. One guy there asked at least 5 times if I'm Italian. I ...

A.   11 April 2013: My father in law had early onset Alzheimer’s. It was very sad as he would ask me the same question sometimes eight times during the same evening. He seemed perfectly normal until he started talking. At first when talking he seemed to just be a ... (read in full...)

He calls me whore bitch slut. Blames me for his poor grades at college. Says he'll marry me if I change college to his. What should I do?

Q.   hey My Bf is 18 and we are in serious about our relationship....... We have ups and downs. We love each other..... Still virgins Now the problem is 1) He asked me to join in his college. Then I joined in another college of my parents’ choice...

A.   11 April 2013: Please break up with this slime. he is abusive and inadequate and he blames you for his inability to do well. He seeks to bring you to his University so that you are available 24/7 to abuse. he is not worthy of you. and you are recognizing that some... (read in full...)

My 12 year old sister is being bullied at school because our mother died of an overdose. What can I do?

Q.   This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol. I don't know the exact d...

A.   7 April 2013: And for your sister: I have lost a loved one through suicide. So I am going to share the following article with you. Because you also lost a relative to suicide. Perhaps there is something in the article that might resonate with you? regar... (read in full...)

My 12 year old sister is being bullied at school because our mother died of an overdose. What can I do?

Q.   This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol. I don't know the exact d...

A.   7 April 2013: Bullying is always unacceptable. This site will give you some support links: http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/index.html That your mother died of an overdose suggests that your sister may still be suffering some delayed grief as ... (read in full...)

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