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*o_Very_Confused agony aunt


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*o_Very_Confused's profile:

I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....

Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.

My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery

and Long distance relationships...

I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...

NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.


IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice

NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.

IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.

We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.

IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.

IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....

Old cliches:

Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place

Do as I say not as I do

Latest articles:

How to get many answers to your question.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...

Am I Co-Dependent?

No replies yet...

24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...

Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...

How you can tell someone loves you

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...

Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?

This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...

1234567891011Next > [372 pages, 14832 answers]

Moving in together and disagree on houseguests. Help!

Q.   My boyfriend and I are both 26 and moving in together for the first time. We’re doing it for the right reasons and discussed everything we could think of before making the decision together. Currently we spend most of our time together at his place, ...

A.   20 January 2017: Personally I think you are being totally unreasonable and unfair. Human beings are not solitary creatures. IF you don't want people in your home then continue to live alone and set your own rules. WE do not live in a bubble. Interaction ... (read in full...)

Was he wrong for hitting me or am I being dramatic?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together 8months, I was pulling a silly face he didn't like and to stop me doing it he slapped my face, not hard by enough to shock me a little. He knows how I feel about face slapping (from previous bedroom antics) ...

A.   20 January 2017: Hitting is never allowed. If you are upset that he hit you and he is blowing it off that's even worse. HE needs to RESPECT your rules. HE hit you. YOU got upset (RIGHTLY) and now he's trying to make YOU feel bad about setting boundari... (read in full...)

I’m worried about going bald, how do family genetics cause it?

Q.   Hi I sometimes struggle with low self esteem and confidence and I've always been critical on how I look, but recently I had my hair cut, 3 back and sides short on top, standard, and I cannot seem to tell if I receading or not , or if it just me been ...

A.   18 January 2017: My 30 year old son is balding. He had the dna thing done and it said he had almost no dna indication that he would go bald. His father has a full thick head of hair at nearly 60. He started balding in college and yet for some reason NEVER lacked ... (read in full...)

I'm in a long-distance marriage and at a loss! What should I do?

Q.   I am in my second marriage and my husband and I live in separate states. There is, of course, a backstory...but my main issue is simple. He does not make our marriage a priority. In this day and age, I don't even hear from him every day. If I do, I ...

A.   18 January 2017: I keep coming back to this question trying to figure out what to say without being negative but I need more information. I don't know how long you are married but that also has bearing on it. Also how long did you date before you married ... (read in full...)

Any opinions as to whether she is into me?

Q.   There is a young girl who I come across frequently as she works near me and I am of the understanding she is straight. I think she has a boyfriend but I am gay with a girlfriend. I am just curious as to whether she is into me or not. She remembe...

A.   18 January 2017: When I think of a "young girl" even at my advanced age I think of someone 16/17 maybe even only 19 and that means for an adult closer to 30 than 20 she is OFF LIMITS. In addition YOU have a GF...why do you care if she is into you or not? wou... (read in full...)

Should I continue dating someone who's 15 years older than me?

Q.   Hey guys, My question is should I continue to pursue a relationship with someone who's 15 years older than me? Okay so I am 21 next month , my boyfriend is 35. I did not know he was 35 when we first met because he told me he was 26. He said he k...

A.   18 January 2017: As the older partner (by 13+ years) in my relationship I'm going to speak up. At 20 a 15 year gap is HUGE at 30 it's much more managable. Had I met my husband when he was 20 and I was 33 we never would have ended up together. But now a... (read in full...)

Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?

Q.   I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...

A.   17 January 2017: OP, I read your follow up and I think that perhaps after 3.5 years that he's never going to be the guy you need/want him to be. You stated that while traveling he's out of the country and texting calls cost more. Perhaps that's part of the issu... (read in full...)

Boyfriend doesn't post us on social media

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been official for about 90 days. I have very few complaints about him- I'm extremely happy. We go out regularly and spend lots of quality time together and go on fun dates. But he has nothing about us posted on social media. ...

A.   17 January 2017: My husband does not have any social media presence. It does not make him love me less or make him less committed to me all it makes him is less able to be contacted or bothered via Social Media. Our mutual friends will send me messages for him. ... (read in full...)

He says my body is his.

Q.   My partner of 3 yrs and i have a beautiful little girl who is 1. Lately my partner has been trying touching me and trying to penetrate me whilst we are playing with our daughter which i have put a stop to. He has started sayimg he can touch me ...

A.   17 January 2017: NO you are not his. that is called slavery. trying to penetrate you without your consent is RAPE. Touching you without your permission is sexual assault. the fact that he is trying to be sexual in front of your child is disconcerting in itsel... (read in full...)

I fear he doesn’t like what I consider to be my best trait.

Q.   Well, this is a minor problem compared to most of the problems on here. I would never leave my boyfriend over this, but it is rather an annoying thing is that I think he really doesn’t like my eyes…let me explain. Maybe I am bothered because...

A.   17 January 2017: I don't eat a lot of things I love. Just because I don't eat them does not mean I don't want to or love them. Same with BF just because he does not do what you want him to do (compliment your eyes) does not mean he does not like them. Perso... (read in full...)

I still feel embarrassed 8 months later.

Q.   I expressed interest in guy that I was interested in 8 months ago but he turned me down. I felt disappointed but brushed it off and acted like it was no big deal. However, the long term effect was embarrassment. I thought he was interested in me...

A.   17 January 2017: When I was about 7 I did something that I should not have done and I got caught doing it and to this day it bothers me. I'm going to be 57 in March so I doubt that you will ever feel good about what happened. The truth however is that you are ... (read in full...)

We are five hours apart. Could it be worth it?

Q.   How do i know if it's worth the pain? Me and this guy met online, we live about 4 or 5 hours away from each other, he's just coming up to very big exams... We both really, really, like each other... infact, i think im falling for him, hard and fast...

A.   11 January 2017: At your age I'm going to advise against it. LDRS need a bunch of things. time to visit money to visit an end to the LDR (within 18 months-3 years MAX) with school you won't have time to visit with a 5 hour distance you won't have money s... (read in full...)

His way of proposing really shocked me. Am I right to feel it was disappointing?

Q.   How do I get past being disappointed by my finance's wedding proposal? So I recently turned 30 and my boyfriend couldn't get the day off from work so we celebrated the day before he took me out for dinner and drinks and we stayed out till gone mid...

A.   10 January 2017: Your first line says it all "he proposed a wedding" no he proposed marriage which is very different. A wedding is a party and a celebration. A marriage is day to day down in the dirt stuff. Marriage has become more and more about w... (read in full...)

I feel deserted through my period of illness

Q.   Hi all, I went through a difficult time recently with thyroid cancer that was surgically removed and followed up with radioactive iodine. During this time, I felt my family wasn't really supportive and there for me. If it wasn't for my boyfriend...

A.   6 January 2017: It's so upsetting when folks we are blood related to (and technically call family) do not live up to our needs or our expectations. I learned years ago that FAMILY is different from RELATIVES. your boyfriend who was helpful supportive and s... (read in full...)

He promised to change if we got married ....

Q.   I am currently married 5 moths this January, we where engaged for a year and dated a year and 1/2 prior to that. Well now I want a divorce! My husband is the man I married and he swore that after we got ,arrived things would change, but still 5 ...

A.   5 January 2017: Never count on a person's potential. What you see is what you get. IF you can't love a person where they are then you should not be with them. In other words, you can't expect them to change. IF they do and it's better than that's a bonus. ... (read in full...)

Is my jealousy justified?

Q.   Hello aunts. I am writing this because I really need help with a recent situation that I am just not handling well. Thanks in advance. First, some background. I'm 30 and I met my current wife two years ago in a business dinner. We flirted a bit an...

A.   4 January 2017: Wouldn't it be incumbent on Joe to ask the neighbor about the cow's history before he bought the cow?... (read in full...)

Do his comments about other women signify insecurity or a potential cheat?

Q.   Hey, My boyfriend is very loving, sweet, complimentary etc but he does this thing that is really starting to grate on me... Basically when we watch films/ tv when a fit women comes on he's VERY vocal about it I.e. "id put it in her" "she's so s...

A.   4 January 2017: My husband used to do the same thing. He seems to have stopped now that he's secure with our relationship. Either that or my doing it back to him made him realize how it bothered me because it bothered him. I never for a second took it to mean ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend lied but if I bring it up he will make me to be the jerk!

Q.   Long story short, my boyfriend was suppose to call me this morning, I was going to hang out at his house while he was at work, he never called, I called him at 2:00 no answer, he texted me at 4 said he had a long day at work, rain check, call you ...

A.   4 January 2017: could he have gone to work and watched netflix at work on his phone or computer? (yeah I've done that) just say to him.. "hey I saw you watched blah blah blah on netflix while at work, how'd you manage that?" yeah he will blow up and be ... (read in full...)

I'm anxious because he doesn't contact or text every day.

Q.   Hi all Wanted to know if this is normal behaviour from my bf of four months... Ok he's so caring and affectionate, telling me how happy i make him above all else, he loves me compliments etc. But he isn't a big texter/ caller... Ok he plays a ...

A.   4 January 2017: It does NOT mean he does not love you. IT means he needs less contact than you did. By bringing it up with him before you did the right thing. I did this with my now husband. We were LDR and in the beginning he could go days and weeks w... (read in full...)

Do all middle aged men want younger women?

Q.   Are there any men in there late 40s or 50s who physically desire women the same age or do they all prefer younger women? I find I am approached a fair bit by younger guys but ones my age seem to be interested in 20-30 yr olds. The most recent ...

A.   4 January 2017: I can't speak for all men but at 56 (nearly 57) my 43 yr old husband would disagree with the assumption that all men want younger women. That being said, most of the older men with trophy wives or girlfriends have the funds to support the choi... (read in full...)

Is my jealousy justified?

Q.   Hello aunts. I am writing this because I really need help with a recent situation that I am just not handling well. Thanks in advance. First, some background. I'm 30 and I met my current wife two years ago in a business dinner. We flirted a bit an...

A.   4 January 2017: Actually Male Anon, Jealousy is an emotion rooted totally in INSECURITY. THE OP is insecure and feels that his wife may cheat on him. OP it's totally possible that the reason she did not sleep with you earlier is that she valued you and wish... (read in full...)

What do I do ? Head says no. Heart says yes. He dumped me, lied to me, then asked me for sex.

Q.   I was with my partner for a year and at first it was perfect. He was the first man to understand a lot of things. He constantly called me beautiful and always surprised me. He did things I'd never had before and I never felt so loved. But then ...

A.   29 December 2016: You have so many good memories... match them against the bad ones... he threatened you with bodily harm, he tries to hurt you (and succeeds) emotionally. He is abusive to you on many levels what does your gut say... I'm betting you know you shou... (read in full...)

Can our relationship work? we have a baby on the way but the father of the baby has an addiction. Should I break up with him and move back with family?

Q.   We have a baby on the way and he is addicted to marijuana. I had my own personal addiction to it myself but after realizing I was with child, I don't need it anymore. I want my child to have the extra money instead and to use it to benefit as a fam...

A.   28 December 2016: I am all for smoking, ingesting and using pot. IF he is spending 20-40 per WEEK on pot then he's not smoking as much as we are. I know folks who spend over 200 per week on it but they can afford it. That's the key...using it is one thing...using ... (read in full...)

I like men but sometimes I want to see what it would be like to have a relationship with a woman also.

Q.   I like men alot but I want to see what it would be like to date a woman since I once had a fantasy of my fourth grade teacher years ago in my mind. She had ginger hai I also would look for red haired women in the Internet and would kiss their ...

A.   28 December 2016: What are you "coming out" about.... that you have a desire to try lesbian sex? Why is your sex life any of their business? Once you meet a woman you want to date and it' gets serious enough you can bring her home to meet the family. Just lik... (read in full...)

How can I help my autistic brother have a normal life?

Q.   I would like some advice on what to do when you're autistic, aware of the way you differ from other 'normal' people, but still want to have a normal life that involves getting a job and a partner? I am asking on behalf of my brother because ...

A.   28 December 2016: My 32 year old son is in a similar situation. The best thing we did was put him in a program for adults with limitations such as his. He lives alone in a group facility with minimal supervision and works at his program's office. He has had rela... (read in full...)

My ex fiance treats me like a best friend

Q.   My ex fiancé broke up with me 4 months ago. We were together for almost four years. At first she needed space and was confused because she couldn't get over issues in our past. She wanted time and for me to back off and give her space. We have ...

A.   28 December 2016: Well she has the best of both worlds now. You to play house with and the ability to fool around with other men without consequences. The key is how clingy she gets when you try to get interested in other women. I agree with FA that the only... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for a man to look at and flirt with women other than his significant other?

Q.   Is it wrong for a man to look at and flirt with women other than his significant other? Why or why not?...

A.   28 December 2016: I agree it depends on the looking and the flirting. Is it wrong for a woman? It also depends on the place, the time, the relationship, etc. There is no one right answer. My husband will look. He's not subtle about it. He can't flirt to save ... (read in full...)

My Bf has been talking to a younger woman. Where to now? After all I've done for him, why did he do this?

Q.   Hi I have a BF for 3 years, monogamous relationship. That is what I thought. My Bf has an habit to lie. Lie about small and big things. We are on and off due this because I caught him then he apologized then I forgive then again he lies and so o...

A.   21 December 2016: In this case I don't think age has a lot to do with it. I had a husband like this. He did these things because his ego needed the stroking. It was NOT about ME. It was not what I could or could not give him. NOTHING I could have done or said ... (read in full...)

I feel her weight gain is getting out of control!

Q.   I am 27 my girlfriend is 24 we live together and we have a great relationship. The problem I have got is that I feel her weight gain is getting out of hand. She was by no means thin when we got together and I am not saying she should have a model ...

A.   13 December 2016: It's hard. And I feel your pain. My husband was 138 pounds when we met. he needed to gain 15-20 pounds. He's gained nearly 70. He eats like crap and he gets no exercise. NO matter what I say he does nothing. I don't care about the weight... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him, he wants things I don’t!

Q.   My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him. We have been together for less than a year and he is my first boyfriend. He says he is bored with what we do. He wants anal, bondage, toys, and other stuff, I don't even know... The thing is I don...

A.   13 December 2016: OP you have told him you don't want those things. He does not want to listen. He wants to bully you into submitting to his wishes. NOTHING you say will change that. I fear this will not turn out well and you need to start planning ... (read in full...)

I found out he's communicating with his ex. What now?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and I couldn't be happier. We are so compatible and i feel like i've known him for years. He treats me very well and is the gentleman of my dreams. However, i would like opinion on a dilemma i have...

A.   13 December 2016: I agree with Honeypie, while he should have been up front with you about a promise made before you were dating that was broken he really hasn't done anything all that wrong. BTW your words are "before we started dating" did you mean "before ... (read in full...)

Am I a lousy lover for my wife?

Q.   I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...

A.   11 December 2016: BUT OP you DO please her. She married you. You CAN and DO bring her to orgasm. Have you asked her "am I a lousy lover" if yes what did she say? IF NOT why not? oh and CHI girl is right Penises mean NOTHING TO women mostly unless we ar... (read in full...)

Am I a lousy lover for my wife?

Q.   I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...

A.   10 December 2016: OP your original post says: "She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough [sic]intercourse." your follow up says: " Other men, whom haven't put anything but their big or averages penuses [sic]inside my wife have... (read in full...)

Is my sexual wish too much to ask?

Q.   Dear aunts, I have a gf who i love. I'm straight but a like girls to play with my arse. I just like the sensation. I'm afraid if i ask my gf to try a dildo or a strap on on me will make me less desirable for her. What do you think?...

A.   9 December 2016: Most of my male partners have enjoyed having their ass stimulated. I even have used a strap on for them. I see no problems with it. You can ask she can say yes in which case have at it if she says NO... then you drop it ... (read in full...)

Am I a lousy lover for my wife?

Q.   I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...

A.   9 December 2016: Deep Sigh... my husband is the worst lover I have ever had and the ONLY man to make me "squirt" THE best orgasms I have are from ORAL and he won't do it. You are equating penetration and female ejaculation with a good orgasm. to be hones... (read in full...)

'I have given that threesome thing a thought.'

Q.   Hello. Long story short. I'm divorced and I started an affair with a colleague. She's young and energetic. She once suggested me to bring a close friend of hers -whom I know personally quite well and is like a friend to me - into our sexual relation ...

A.   7 December 2016: FOR ME... (and I stress that this was for me as it does not apply to most people) I actually found it "stimulating" to watch my then partner be active sexually. BUT I am bisexual so that may have something to do with it. IT also has to do with ... (read in full...)

How soon is too soon to meet

Q.   We are talking online, we have many common interests, even if we are aiming for different jobs etc. We live about 2 hours away from each other and have never met in person. However, we started talking about 2 months ago and speak every day, and flir...

A.   6 December 2016: I would say it's time. IF you live two hours apart you drive an hour towards him and he drives an hour towards you, meet in the middle have brunch or something and see if it clicks. And go from there. My husband and I met first but were L... (read in full...)

'I have given that threesome thing a thought.'

Q.   Hello. Long story short. I'm divorced and I started an affair with a colleague. She's young and energetic. She once suggested me to bring a close friend of hers -whom I know personally quite well and is like a friend to me - into our sexual relation ...

A.   6 December 2016: I am a former swinger. NOTE the word FORMER. As a person previously in the lifestyle my definition of cheating is "ANYTHING you can't, won't or don't tell your partner." So if you do this and don't tell her that you are doing it to not be viewe... (read in full...)

Facing dental work and afraid I'll have a nervous breakdown!

Q.   This is going to be a very hard night for me. I have always been obsessed, literally obsessed with my teeth. Yet, cursed with bad genetics, so despite my taking care of my teeth I have had fillings and veneers since I was a teen... even earlier. I ...

A.   6 December 2016: I am going through this right now. I had a tooth pulled in August I had to let it heal till November and got the implant part. Now it has to heal until February and then I get the cap on it. Thankfully it's in the back so while it affects ... (read in full...)

Suspicious my boyfriend might be talking to other women

Q.   I live with my boyfriend. I noticed his battery lost 10 % battery power overnight. Is this possible when you do not use the phone? I ask because it has happened twice this week. He said it just fell off the charger. It has never happened before....

A.   5 December 2016: I am sure that there are push notifications etc that are causing the battery to drain. I can go to bed with a fully charged battery and wake up with the battery at 65% even with "do not disturb" activated on my phone. What other "clues" do you h... (read in full...)

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