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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [259 pages, 10339 answers]

In a financial crisis, who do you give your last dollar to?

Q.   At the age of 16 years old I knew I never wanted a man with a child. When I met my husband, he had no children which was a plus. Of course we started off as friends but before we actually got into a serious relationship, he slept with one of his ...

A.   14 July 2018:  I wrote my answer before seeing your post with details about your financial arrangements - which are much clearer now , thanks. It's good to know that you are not being totally taken advantage of (.. maybe just a bit, but of your own accord and ... (read in full...)

In a financial crisis, who do you give your last dollar to?

Q.   At the age of 16 years old I knew I never wanted a man with a child. When I met my husband, he had no children which was a plus. Of course we started off as friends but before we actually got into a serious relationship, he slept with one of his ...

A.   14 July 2018:  I am going to make you mad, but maybe not too much, if you follow my reasoning with an open mind. I can see where your husband is coming from, and why he got upset. Because he is the father of FOUR kids, not just the 3 he had from you ( At this... (read in full...)

This confusing guy is sending mixed signals!

Q.   So I met this guy off a gay dating app. We had tremendously good sex. As he left my house he told me he "really wanted" to see me again. He lives in a different city and for a hook up from an app, it was brave of him to say that. I asked him when he ...

A.   14 July 2018: Mixed signals ? What mixed signals ? He could not have been clearer if he had attended a class of speech and elocution. You met on a hook up app; you had your random hook up, luckily it was good, you both enjoyed it- why should he not want to h... (read in full...)

Are we all THAT replaceable?

Q.   Dear friends, I hope you are all well! I would like to have your advice today on a sensitive situation I am facing. I broke up with my ex of 6 months. She was a beautiful girl and it is clear she has and had lots of success. For some rea...

A.   13 July 2018: Are we all that replaceable ? Well, in a sense , yes- and that's not necessarily a negative thing, au contraire. In the sense that we all have the capacity, to a lesser or bigger degree according to different individual, to follow the forward motion ... (read in full...)

What would you do in my situation? Travel first or settle down now, travel in retirement?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with a man for a year. I'm pretty happy with this guy. We've had ups and downs, but overall things are good between us. We love each other. We have a holiday booked together and are planning to move in together. Howeve...

A.   10 July 2018:  If you have your heart set on travelling, I think you should travel now. I don't want to be a Negative Nellie, but travelling / living abroad requires time, money, health and energy- all of which, it seems you have now, but in 20 or 30 year... (read in full...)

Not sure I feel the same as my ex he wants to try again

Q.   An ex recently got back in touch with me after 7 months. He wanted to see me so i agreed and went to his . We talked about stuff and they way he was saying things and what he was saying is he wants to start again . When we were in a relationship ...

A.   9 July 2018:  Strange; this would seem a no brainer to me, i.e. heck no, move on ! Going back to an ex is seldom a good idea regardless, because exes are exes for a reason and if things ended ( and, in this case, also ended in a ugly way ) that means that... (read in full...)

Not sure I feel the same as my ex he wants to try again

Q.   An ex recently got back in touch with me after 7 months. He wanted to see me so i agreed and went to his . We talked about stuff and they way he was saying things and what he was saying is he wants to start again . When we were in a relationship ...

A.   9 July 2018:  Strange; this would seem a no brainer to me, i.e. heck no, move on ! Going back to an ex is seldom a good idea regardless, because exes are exes for a reason and if things ended ( and, in this case, also ended in a ugly way ) that means that... (read in full...)

What if they award the golf match to him?

Q.   It never ceases to amaze me how rude and arrogant some people can be... I have to play a match in a golf tournament.The match has to be played by July 29th (4 weeks time). I had agreed to play it on July 1st, but 2 days prior I had a personal s...

A.   1 July 2018: You are the one defaulting !, and you want to be awarded the match ?! You may have had your reasons to cancel, you may have given him as much notice as you could , etc. nonetheless if you do not show up you default and authomatically lose the ... (read in full...)

Is it for sure that I will get a green card?

Q.   I got a divorce 3 years ago because my husband was emotionally and physically abusive. I have a 4 year old daughter, and i always do my best to sacrifice the best for her. I live in the middle east, and i always have to go to Texas, USA for months ...

A.   28 June 2018:  Why don't you just book a consultation with an immugration lawyer ,next time you are in Texas ? Since luckily money is no objection, I think it would be best if you payed a professional fee so that you can have expert advise by someone who knows ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend left for a night of hard drugs and drinking and I haven't heard from him in 24 hours. Should I dump him?

Q.   Hi. My boyfriend went on a night out that resulted in me not hearing from him for over 24 hours. He said he had ended up drinking all night with some guy he met and tried to get cocaine too. While doing this he also decided to ignore my messages ...

A.   28 June 2018:  I agree strongly with Honeypie. It depends fromm your opinion about drugs and binge drinking. If you are not into them yourself, and / or if you'd prefer a boyfriend who does not drink to excess and does not do drugs, then yes, dump him, you are ... (read in full...)

My partner doesn't help with the new baby, is overpowering and dominant, and abusive when drunk. I've had enough of him!

Q.   Hi all, I am at a crossroad in my relationship/life. I had a beautiful baby month in January this year. He is my pride and joy. However I am now seeing a side of my fiancee that i hate (i know thats a strong word) I'm not sure I love him or want to ...

A.   28 June 2018:  It is a no brainer. Try to regain what you once had ? What you once had only looked / felt good because you knew half of the story about him, not all of it; you had seen the trailer , not the full movie. Obviously before the baby's birth, he had ... (read in full...)

Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone?

Q.   I plan to break up with my boyfriend but I don't want to let him know until I delete all our photos together from his phone. Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone? I never wanted to take pictures with him in the first place because I ...

A.   26 June 2018: Are you kidding ? Not only it would be petty , foolish and arrogant , but I doubt that it would even be legal. If you are not a minor, and the pictures were taken with your knowledge and consent, they are HIS photos now , his property to keep... (read in full...)

Was I wrong not to thank the ex who agreed we would go “no contact” for the flowers?

Q.   So, my ex fiancé sent me flowers Monday, about a year ago he left me for his ex that he was stuck on. I knew something was wrong but he never admitted it. When she rejected him when he went back home he tired to get back with me. I flat out ignor...

A.   23 June 2018: No, you were right. No contact means no contact, and sending flowers or gifts is clearly an attempt to force you to reestablish contact. Thanking him for the flowers would mean rewarding him for breaking your agreement.... (read in full...)

None of my friends like him .... what can I do?

Q.   I (33F) am looking for advice regarding my boyfriend(31M) of two years. None of my friends like him. In fact, they all basically refuse to spend time with him. The typical reasons for this would have to do with the guy being a cheater, abusive...

A.   18 June 2018:  I am gonna get to be the meanie here once again, but, honestly : I would be weirded out too if I were one of your friends. Maybe not weirded out, but I would find his demeanour off putting, so I'd try to give him as wide a berth as possible without ... (read in full...)

The death of my pet caused me to perform terribly at work!

Q.   Hi everyone. This is a coworker relationship question. Nothing romantic. Just wasn't sure where to go to ask this as I like going here. I started this job about two months ago. It is a unique job. Without getting into too many details, I...

A.   16 June 2018:  Maybe I am going to look stone-hearted, yet, like Code Warrior, I am not going to sugar coat things, since I know how it works in the corporate world, and, whether we like it or not, there's a logic in it. Work is work and personal matters are ... (read in full...)

Should I bother with this communal garden? I think I’ve attracted a bully!

Q.   I live in a block of eight flats. It's a period (Victorian) building, converted into separate dwellings. Surrounding this (kind of in a circle) are five houses. In the middle, is a communal garden. The two flats on the ground floor all have th...

A.   12 June 2018:  While of course in general I second the other posters' advice to stand up to bullies, ignore attemps of intimidation, and do in the communal garden what you want when you want as long as you are within your rights , I, for having lived in a ... (read in full...)

Is my long-distance husband using me?

Q.   Hi and thanks I have wrote on here before but I wasnt able to find my question. I have married a man from Africa, I'm Canadian. We met on Facebook and we have been married for 16 months. Doing a long distance relationship isnt easy ...

A.   12 June 2018:  Prompted by your post, I did some reading about romance scams and I found out something curious : Canadians seem to be particularly prone to become victims of one. This year Canadians have been bilked out of 17 - 18 millions dollars, but the ... (read in full...)

Is my long-distance husband using me?

Q.   Hi and thanks I have wrote on here before but I wasnt able to find my question. I have married a man from Africa, I'm Canadian. We met on Facebook and we have been married for 16 months. Doing a long distance relationship isnt easy ...

A.   10 June 2018:  So, he is " bad and boujee ", uh ? ( sorry about the hip hop reference which I guess will go lost on the Canadian OP, but I couldn't resist : this story is straight out some gangsta video, with a group of young males , all bedecked in Gucci finery ... (read in full...)

Why did he throw the gifts in the trash?

Q.   ok my ex boyfriend of 6 years when we met we were both 45 it’s weird cause I just had a broke up wasn’t looking and he was on Facebook I didn’t wanta like him I had just lost a lot of weight cause I had my first child only child so I was very ...

A.   10 June 2018: No no, don't ask any more questions. You may not be iver him yet, but you need, need real bad to get over him , and the first step is to cross him off your life for good , filed under " it seemed a good idea at the time but it was not ". Why did ... (read in full...)

Should I just resign myself to the fact that my looks are going bye bye?

Q.   This isn't a relationship question, but it's been weighing heavily on my mind and heart lately. I know that I'm setting myself up to be judged because I'll be perceived as "vain," or "shallow," but I have a huge dilemma because this is causing my ...

A.   10 June 2018:  No, it is the weight. Definitely. At 26 to 29 you are objectively young, even VERY young in a world where women in their 40s and 50s are routinely called " girls " or " young ladies ". But you carry around a lot of extra weight, and people who ... (read in full...)

My partner doesn't know how to parent our child

Q.   Hi I’m in a relationship for 5 years we have a 3 year old daughter I have started a new job 8 months ago so now my partner has to bath our daughter and put her to bed something which he had never done till I started this new job due to changing my ...

A.   7 June 2018:  Precisely. " How do I end this pathetic relationship without him turning it all around on me ? ". Which on my screen shows as posted on June 6th, i.e. : yesterday. But let's not quibble about the date, it's totally irrelevant. What does not chan... (read in full...)

My partner doesn't know how to parent our child

Q.   Hi I’m in a relationship for 5 years we have a 3 year old daughter I have started a new job 8 months ago so now my partner has to bath our daughter and put her to bed something which he had never done till I started this new job due to changing my ...

A.   7 June 2018:  Is this the same man you posted about yesterday , I suppose ? The one who sleeps on the sofa, does nothing but messing up the house for you to clean after him, and never wants to spend any time with you and / or your daughter ? Yesterday you ... (read in full...)

Have you ever felt perplexed by a person's disinterest towards you?

Q.   To keep it short, I've been having sex with this guy for almost 2 years. I'm fine that it's not a relationship. Things have been good, but there is one thing that's been on my mind. Firstly, yes, we always talk before sex, he'll sometimes tak...

A.   7 June 2018: I don't find it confusing. I'd find very confusing the opposite ! : if he were curious, intrigued , fascinated by you as a person, eager to find out more and to be let into your mental / social / emotional world- and after two years he had not ... (read in full...)

How do I end this pathetic relationship without him turning it all around on me?

Q.   Hi I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years we have a 3 year old daughter together the relationship is pathetic between us there’s no affection he sleeps on the sofa does everything to avoid spending time with us it’s always me doing everything for ...

A.   7 June 2018:  So what, if he turns it all around onto you ? Supposing that he might even have a point there ( after all, it takes two to tango and very seldom inlu one partner has 100% fault / responsibility for the failure if a relationship ) … well, then... (read in full...)

I smelled like latex when only using lube and no condom after sex with my girlfriend

Q.   After having sex a couple of times with my gf at the time, we didn't use condoms, and this was our first time together in a few months, since we live apart (I also noticed it once more that week, but not as strong, and one other time prior), I ...

A.   5 June 2018: GP = General Practitioner; i.e. , family doctor.... (read in full...)

Would I be a complete cow if I don't help my ex boyfriend with his drug problems?

Q.   My close friend has recently let me know that my ex boyfriend is going wild with drugs and alcohol and that he is worried about him. When I was with this boyfriend, I managed to convince him to only do drugs every so often and just weed, nothing ...

A.   2 June 2018:  No, you would not be a cow. At all. You would not even be a little calf :)- just a normal, sensible person. You are not his mom, his wife, his social worker or his therapist. You have no obligations or duties toward him. As a matter of fact, he i... (read in full...)

Would I be a complete cow if I don't help my ex boyfriend with his drug problems?

Q.   My close friend has recently let me know that my ex boyfriend is going wild with drugs and alcohol and that he is worried about him. When I was with this boyfriend, I managed to convince him to only do drugs every so often and just weed, nothing ...

A.   2 June 2018:  No, you would not be a cow. At all. You would not even be a little calf :)- just a normal, sensible person. You are not his mom, his wife, his social worker or his therapist. You have no obligations or duties toward him. As a matter of fact, he i... (read in full...)

Do I keep believing him after his string of lies?

Q.   Long story short, over the past month, my husband has been caught in a string of lies. First lie is when he told me he called his buddy but later found out he called a female coworker to congratulate her for this cover she got for a magazine. Odd ...

A.   2 June 2018:  EDIT: Three times is enemy action... (read in full...)

Do I keep believing him after his string of lies?

Q.   Long story short, over the past month, my husband has been caught in a string of lies. First lie is when he told me he called his buddy but later found out he called a female coworker to congratulate her for this cover she got for a magazine. Odd ...

A.   2 June 2018: Overthinking ? If any, you are under-thinking ! In one of the James Bond books it says : " Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy acyion ". You have caught him in lies 4 or 5 times (...that you know of )- so draw your con... (read in full...)

Should I tell him I know he's been texting his ex?

Q.   I have been kind of talking to this guy and hooking up with him for a few weeks now, and one night we were sitting at this bar and his ex girlfriend walks by and I noticed he was staring at her for a bit. Now I only know it’s his ex girlfrie...

A.   29 May 2018:  No, why would you bring this up with him ?? You are just casual hook up buddies ,plus he is leaving soon and he does not do long distance… He 'd just laugh in your face , at best - more probably he'd get really annoyed for your invasion of his ... (read in full...)

I've had it up to here with asshole men and I just want to be a lesbian

Q.   Hi DC need a little help here. I really hate men so much. They mistreat me and use me cheat on me and make me feel im not enough for them. I don't think i want to date men again i dont feel any emotion when I am with them. I don't feel much again. ...

A.   26 May 2018: So , you want to become a lesbian, not because you love women, but because you hate them less than you hate men ?... Uhm. Basically the reasoning is : men treated me wrong- women are not men - so women will treat me right. If it weren't for ... (read in full...)

Sister didn't invite me to her birthday but instead asked me to watch her kids. Advise please.

Q.   Sister didn't invite me to her birthday but instead asked me to watch her kids. Advise please. So recently, i got a text from my sister asking me if i could mind her kids on a Saturday night for her birthday (which at the time was about 6 weeks aw...

A.   26 May 2018:  As one of the anons remarks, the answer to this question would be very different according to many, many different variables ,personal experiences and personal,and family, values . As for me, personally , I would not see what the big deal is, at a... (read in full...)

He doesn't seem interested. Should I just move on?

Q.   So, I talked to a guy on plenty of fish for 2 weeks and decided to add him on fb. And now we rarely talk. He will like or heart pics of me but never write me or call me. I always initiate our conversations. Should I just unadd him and move on. I ...

A.   26 May 2018:  Yes, he does not sound interested . Looking pics is something nowadays that lots of people do almost automatically, without attaching any special meaning to it -they may be waiting for their coffee to be ready, or even sitting on their toilet.No ... (read in full...)

After I told him I’d give him space if he needed it, I haven’t heard from him! What next?

Q.   Hi, I’m in a LDR online. We do know each other in person but a few months ago reconnected. Things have been going well but recently he has been going through much stress with his business and children. Things (for him) seem to be getting worse ...

A.   17 May 2018: You should perhaps learn to say what you mean and mean what you say. It sounds to me like you sent him that message not to be taken literally, but in the intent or hope that he would protest, explain, apologize , reassure you ... that you got him ... (read in full...)

I don't think this party girl is girlfriend material. Should I break up?

Q.   I'm 32 years old my girlfriend is22. We're dating for four months and I still have doubts about her if she is gf material to me. Bottom line is she's a party girl, to me a girl who likes to party and drink and have sex with a lot of dudes is not ...

A.   17 May 2018:  I don't know about your health , but for the girl's health yes, it's much better if you break up. Poor girl, there's nothing worse than being with someone who spits in the plate where he is eating. It's not the first time you post about this girl- ... (read in full...)

Did my boyfriend snub my son by not saying goodbye to him?

Q.   Something is bugging me. I drove my boyfriend to work today. His car is in the shop and he doesn't live with me. My 13 year-old son was in the car too. After I dropped off my boyfriend, I was going to drop my son off at school. Well, my boyfr...

A.   17 May 2018: Is there something else in your relationship that's nagging at you ? Are you perceiving a general cooling off, of which this episode is just ONE example ? Did your bf show or say or hint that he has a problem with your son, or with you being a ... (read in full...)

He wants to get married and I just feel he isn't the right one. What to do?

Q.   So I've been dating this guy for a little over a year. He is a good guy, makes me coffee in the morning, opens the door for me ect. I believe he wouldn't ever cheat on me. He helps out around the house a little. He even moved to another state with ...

A.   14 May 2018:  Makes coffee, opens the door ,helps around the house ... Are you talking about your supposed S.O., or are you talking about that nice Scandinavian au pair you just hired ??... Yes, you should let him go, not only because then you can look for some... (read in full...)

Why does being a mistress feel worse than being alone?

Q.   I 've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and their toddler twin boys. I believed he will leave his live in Significant other as he promised and it would turn into something more . Well it seems like he was in strictly for sex.He n...

A.   12 May 2018:  I just have to echo N91's answer : Aw come on. Please. Special time ?? He wants to f.k in his car ! He does not want to spend time at your place, -probably thinking that , for what he's got to do with you, that's way too intimate, comp... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my arrogant, moody colleague?

Q.   How do you deal with a moody colleague? I have been with a law firm and my colleague (on my team) has an attitude. He is the possible office hunk - another girl loves to give him attention and so does another colleague - he is attractive I admit I ...

A.   12 May 2018:  The advice is to focus more on your job and your clients'needs than on your romantic leanings and fantasies. You are only noticing your colleague's behaviour because you fancy him and find him attractive. Otherwise you probably would not even... (read in full...)

Are these trivial things we can work out or are we incompatible?

Q.   I've been with my partner for 2 years and I'm at the point of wondering can i see a future with him as sometimes there is stuff I don't like about him. Is this normal? When were good were amazing and he sends butterflies up my stomach and I feel lik...

A.   12 May 2018: Wow ! But, who are you dating ?? Lil Uzi Vert? 50 Cent? Some gangsta rapper "straight outta Compton " ? ( Sorry, I don't know much about British gangsta rap ; I believe it is called " drill " over there, right ? ) Anyway-your guy sounds like... (read in full...)

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