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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [244 pages, 9714 answers]

Shall I tell him? Do I let it out or just walk away without saying anything ?

Q.   Do you tell the person you love that you have feelings for him ? Despite the fact he is not that friendly to you and never indulges you in their personal thoughts and life ? I have been thinking about telling the guy I love that I loved him but ...

A.   20 January 2017:  Oh but you can hold it in, if you want - it's a feeling, not dyarrhea. Look, I am not tryng to be mean- just practical. What would the point be of some dramatical love declaration ? Particularly when you said that you want to walk away ???... (read in full...)

He lacks a stable job and a career so I'm breaking up with him. Am I not openminded?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've put a lot of consideration into this and I've decided to break up with my boyfriend. It's not that we don't get along - we get along rather well and have a great time together. He is positive I will be his future wife and has info...

A.   20 January 2017:  I always liked that saying " Keep an open mind, but no so open that your brains fall out ". I do not think that one should act in a way that 's dangerous ( physically, emotionally or financially ) to oneself, or that's damaging to own's gene... (read in full...)

Moving in together and disagree on houseguests. Help!

Q.   My boyfriend and I are both 26 and moving in together for the first time. We’re doing it for the right reasons and discussed everything we could think of before making the decision together. Currently we spend most of our time together at his place, ...

A.   20 January 2017: What I think is that your bf must be crazily in love with you to subject himself to your vexarory, oppressive rules !but that perhaps he won't stay crazily in love for long, once he realizes that , living with you by your rules, he gets less ... (read in full...)

Family issues. What should I do? Apologise and stick to my plans? Or cancel my holiday?

Q.   I have, it seems, caused an enormous family rift. I booked a holiday for 2 weeks at the start of February - it had been booked a while but I told family over Christmas what my plans were. This is the first holiday I have had in 7 years so it means...

A.   20 January 2017: Oh I do believe that you did not have any *conscious* and * rational * intention to annoy your parents, to needle them. Subconsciously,... who knows, OP. Obviously , we DearCupiders have to go by guesses and assumptions, which can be quite of... (read in full...)

Was he wrong for hitting me or am I being dramatic?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together 8months, I was pulling a silly face he didn't like and to stop me doing it he slapped my face, not hard by enough to shock me a little. He knows how I feel about face slapping (from previous bedroom antics) ...

A.   20 January 2017:  No, you were not over reacting. At all. Where I live , we go by the saying " Giochi di mano, giochi di villano " which more or less means :" Who jokes using his hands is a big fat yokel ". And if your bf ever made it to kindergarten ! , fo... (read in full...)

I’m angry with his mom and his sister and have reached a breaking point. I need input!

Q.   Hello everyone, This is a long so please bear with me. I live with my boyfriend and his sister. Some background info: his sister is the youngest. She is a bit spoiled by her parents and doesn't have friends for various reasons. She's a princes...

A.   19 January 2017:  Now, shoot me, everybody, but I totally get where your SIL is coming from. Ok, I get it, she is a brat, she is a drama queen, etc.But, I am surely older than this girl, probably wiser, and ( you'll have to take my word for it ) not at all a dram... (read in full...)

Family issues. What should I do? Apologise and stick to my plans? Or cancel my holiday?

Q.   I have, it seems, caused an enormous family rift. I booked a holiday for 2 weeks at the start of February - it had been booked a while but I told family over Christmas what my plans were. This is the first holiday I have had in 7 years so it means...

A.   19 January 2017:  I tend to agree with YouWish, I feel that there's more than meets the eye in your post :). You had booked your trip since a while, and you had shared your plans on Xmas, Ok, - but you knew since forever that your Dad's birthday is in Febr... (read in full...)

Why won't my friend admit that he is married?

Q.   Hi, Aunts! Of late, I've been speaking with one of my friends who is married for 2 months now. The issue is that he has fallen for me and won't even accept or acknowledge his marriage, when I already have seen their pictures (why would he lie to ...

A.   19 January 2017:  I think you have to gave up to the " civil friendship ": You can't be real friends with people who want something different or something more than friendship from you. This guy clearly is sexually attracted to you and he hopes that if he is ... (read in full...)

He stood me up numerous times but the one time I tell him I can't meet he ends things??

Q.   In december last year a guy popped up to me. we had both known of each other for a very long time, he had even been following me on all my social media platforms since 2014, but only december he decided to make his move. he was really intense ...

A.   19 January 2017:  And, you are surprised because.... ? Sorry, I don't mean to sound condescending, and I realize that at 16 you can't have that much experience, both dating experience and general experience- but basic logic is basic logic at any age, and if you ... (read in full...)

People changing their minds about crushing on you years later...

Q.   When someone turns you down romantically or makes no time for your friendship, then years later they see you again. Suddenly, like nothing has happened they are all over you, and suddenly attracted you. Do you give them a chance or leave them? ...

A.   16 January 2017: No, I would not " call them out ". It would sound pretty entitled to me. A bit naive, and a bit arrogant too, though. People do not OWE you to like you back, or to return your feelings. In general they do not turn you down because they are mean... (read in full...)

I'm panicking my boyfriend will cheat on a guy's trip to Cuba. How should I respond or act in this situation?

Q.   My boyfriend is in Cuba for one week on a guy's trip. I am beside myself with worry that he is going to cheat. I have read that prostitutes are around every corner there and they are dirt cheap. The anxiety is hard to take. I contact him a...

A.   16 January 2017:  It depends what kind of man is your bf and what kind of all guy's trip to Cuba this is. Sadly, Cuba is very well known world-wide as a destination for a thriving sexual tourism industry ( - catering to both males and females. It's sexual t... (read in full...)

Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?

Q.   I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...

A.   16 January 2017:  I think this is our old friend ,and frequent poster, who's got a married " boyfriend ". Reason for which, I'd say it is pretty intuitive why he is being a bit casual in keeping in touch, regardless of any other consideration. Because the family ... (read in full...)

How do I make my boyfriend more comfortable with talking intimately on the phone?

Q.   My boyfriend can't talk intimately over the phone, and when I do it makes him uncomfortable. Everything's great when we're face to face together but we're in a long distance relationship and spend a couple of days each month together. We've been ...

A.   9 January 2017:  I think that you just need to accept that phone sex is not his thing, and respect that without trying to cajole him into something that he does not feel. Same as if he were, say, crazy about anal sex , and you not at all. The right choice woul... (read in full...)

He wants to move in, I said not without marriage.

Q.   Dear Cupid ,I'm at a time in my life now my kids are grown and now I just want to do me.I have this one guy friend who wants a relationship with me and then hopes of marriage. Our kids are all grown and some have children of their own.He wants to ...

A.   9 January 2017: Maybe I misunderstood the question or the point of it. I don't get the " he has not packed yet "- why, where should he be going ? Since he is not living with you YET, so it's not a case of " either you marry me or I kick you out ". And as for ... (read in full...)

Do women dream about male virgins too?

Q.   Dear female cupids Many men dream of making love to a virgin Girl and teach her all about sex. Do women dream about male virgins too? Personally I haven't had this Kind of desire, although i lost my own virginity to another virgin. My ...

A.   9 January 2017:  I partially disagree with N91, in the sense that the experienced man is a myth that seduces more the male imagination than the female one. For the simple reason that each woman is different, with a body that responds to certain things and not to ... (read in full...)

A brief text on Christmas but nothing since then! What does this mean?

Q.   Really need advice Haven't spoken to a guy who I got close to but it didn't work for various reasons We had a huge falling out but last year (January )he asked to meet me and we had a coffee After that we didn't talk again So this year...

A.   7 January 2017:  It means that, YOU took the initiative to send him Xmas wishes, and he responded- how it is normal and civil to do. Then he took this chance to , basically, apologize and express his regrets for the lousy way he treated you. Stop. The end.... (read in full...)

My friend said something during our casual encounter - criticism or a compliment?

Q.   So me and my friend have had sex a couple of times. There are no feelings there at all. We are just good friends, are single, and have ended up sleeping together after drinking. All was well, but she made one comment that made me a little bit ...

A.   7 January 2017:  I think it was neither a compliment nor a criticism. As you mention , she did not say it in a negative or excited way, she just...said it. She said ot because she noticed it, she noticed it because she found it unusual, and, she found it unus... (read in full...)

Is it just the sex he wants?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for 3 months now, but we don't meet often, only once per 1 or 2 weeks, depending on our work schedules. We do go on dates when we meet, not just sex. He remembered my bday even though I have only mentioned it once and he ...

A.   7 January 2017:  I guess I would. Seen the premises and circumstances of this relationship. You are not his priority- and he is not yours either. You want to keep it casual- and he does too. I understand that the late night call maybe be a btand of casual which is ... (read in full...)

Uncertain what the silence could mean

Q.   I met this woman on OKCupid and we started writing to each other. I noticed that she logged in only once a week but she did respond whenever she logged in. The messages were also good. If I wrote 2 paragraphs her reply was also 2 paragraphs, if I ...

A.   7 January 2017:  I'd leave her be. Chances are that she has actually ghosted you, even if she did not seem the type to do that - then again, you know her so little , as of now you really can't say what she us the " type " for. Otherwise, she really is so invo... (read in full...)

Is there still a chance for us ? Maybe it has been way long over and I just didn't want to accept it? What can I say?

Q.   I've only known my boyfriend for eight months and we've been dating for sixth months but it has been an on and off relationship. The first few weeks or month was everything I ever wanted to be in a relationship where my boyfriend would take me ...

A.   1 January 2017:  By all means you should make the decision for him ! If being with a lunatic with unresolved anger issues, who freaks out and scares you to the point of tears if you just happen to look at casually, or say " Hi " to, other males, makes you happ... (read in full...)

My jobless, lazy boyfriend is using me for money. He thinks what's mine is also his

Q.   Okay so my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, he has been living with me and my family for about 8 months, for the past 6 months he has been unemployed and living off of me completely. Recently I was fortunate enough to come into a ...

A.   1 January 2017:  OP, this is a no brainer- you feel used because you are being used, and frankly, while I underdstand how love can blind you at times and push you to make wrong decisison, I am a bit surprised that it blinded your parents too who are cooperating in ... (read in full...)

Would you tolerate a man calling you extremely derogatory, filthy name during arguments?

Q.   Would you talk with a man who calls you a c....t during arguments ? He seems to think this is acceptable and rarely apologises . Even if he does , it happens again the very next time we argue . I've had enough and my confidence is completely shot . ...

A.   1 January 2017:  I suppose it is normal for some men- for a certain type of men. Maybe in their mind and in their social environment this language is no big deal, " just words " that you say when you are upset. That does not mean you have to make it normal for ... (read in full...)

Can you be pregnant with negative test results?

Q.   I had sex with a guy one night in September. I dont really remember what happened but i know we had sex. We used a condom but i am unsure if he secretly slipped it off or of the condom may have failed. It isvDecember now and my stomach looks ...

A.   30 December 2016: ... But also an ectopic ( i.e. outside the uterus ) pregnancy would still test positive by this stage ( at least end of first term ) : If the count of Beta hCG is lower than 10 Mu / Ml - the test will come out negative - if more, positive... (read in full...)

Can you be pregnant with negative test results?

Q.   I had sex with a guy one night in September. I dont really remember what happened but i know we had sex. We used a condom but i am unsure if he secretly slipped it off or of the condom may have failed. It isvDecember now and my stomach looks ...

A.   30 December 2016:  When did you take your last home pregnancy test ? Recently ? In this case it's very improbable that you are pregnant. Home pregnancy tests are deemed to be very reliable nowadays ; they detect the presence of hCG ( human chorionic gona... (read in full...)

Mom told me I can't see my boyfriend. Should I take a taxi and go there?

Q.   I want to go to my boyfriends house, but my mom told me I can't tomorrow! I looked at taxi services in my area and was wondering should I call a taxi and go to his house without my mom knowing and then come back home before she gets home?? ...

A.   28 December 2016:  I think we need a little background to answer that effectively. While of course it is never a good idea to encourage a person your age in disobeying her parents and acting devious , and it would be very arrogant of us DearCopiders to do that... (read in full...)

If you are a parent or a carer of special needs child can you help advise me on any of my questions ? I am not asking for experts, just parents in a similar situation

Q.   My severly disabled son has to go into residential care soon . We don't want this but he is very aggressive and they need to take him in to stabilise him because he is on too many medications and they think he will be better going to school and ...

A.   27 December 2016:  I wonder too why you are not asking your questions, 25 or 50 or.. all the questions you want answered , directly to the managers/administrators of the facility in which your son would be accepted. Nobody better than them can be knowledgeable and ... (read in full...)

No present - what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend of four years did not give me a Christmas present this year. Should I be upset? Because I am. Should I say something to him?...

A.   27 December 2016:  Yeah, he is a cheapskate :). He did not know what to buy you ? Bullshit ! That's what they have invented gift certificates for. A nice gift certificate from a department store, redeemable within a year, would have solved his quandary. Or , he ... (read in full...)

It's now 2/3 days, is he uninterested? Should I just leave it, or pursue him?

Q.   Hi, I work with a guy I really fancy but was unsure if he was interested in me so I backed off. Co-workers have been trying to set us up for the past 6 months but I know he's incredibly shy. He's always asking where I'm going out at at the week...

A.   27 December 2016:  Leave it. I am not saying that it's always the male who should do the pursuing, or that every guy must be a super confident go getter. Some times it's wise or necessary to help them along,to give them a little nudge into the right direction, to ... (read in full...)

Go out on New Year's Eve alone? Is it safe?

Q.   The last 5 years I've been single and primarily friendless so I've stayed in watching tv trying to convince myself I wasn't bored. This year I'm still single, but my friends are coupled or will be out of town and I just can't stand the thought of ...

A.   26 December 2016:  Let's start with saying that ideally you should not worry or care at all about what perfect strangers may think about your singletude . One can be out and about on his own for dozens of different and excellent reasons , without for this having to ... (read in full...)

My partner is very into camping and shoes no interest in getting to know my best friend at all! Advice?

Q.   Hi. My partner and I have been together for just over two years (2 and a half years in March 2017).. My partner and I are both only children. I'm 23, partner is 22. My partner is fully into camping, 4wding. He goes with just me, or we go w...

A.   26 December 2016:  Alas, it is a matter of compatibility.Sure, your bf is not exactly tripping over himself in the attempt to socialize with your friends- he follows the very normal human instinct to make things as easy , pleasant and convenient for himself as long ... (read in full...)

I feel fed up not knowing where I stand!

Q.   I met a guy 4 years ago through a walking group. We were both interested in each other but for some reason we never got together. I told him I liked him and he had some sort of anxiety attack and panicked in front of me saying he wasn't interested ...

A.   25 December 2016: But you KNOW where you stand : in the position of someone he is not interested in. You threw him quite a few " baits " already, he never bit. He had 4 years to take some sort of initiative, he never did. This looks sort of self explanat... (read in full...)

Was I right to call this woman a silly old trout over her cashmere jumper?

Q.   Today me my husband and my severly disabled son when into a fish a chip shop restaurant. My son got hold of one of those small squeeezy packets of sauce, (he can grab at people and throw things so we always try to sit well away from people. )We were ...

A.   25 December 2016:  Poor cashmere lady :)- Maybe it is not PC, but I can't help seeing ALSO where she is coming from. Here we say " cornuto e mazziato ". I.E: " ( The husband was ) cuckolded AND then beaten up ". This lady gets a substantial monetary damage (... (read in full...)

Am I behaving like a stalker?

Q.   Stalkerish or Nah? Ok so..... I'm curious as to what people think. Grateful to anyone who reads this longness.... I just want to give perspective. I dated someone for about the last 7 months..... He was great, we were great, things were coo...

A.   25 December 2016:  Look, at the end of the day, you really wanted to do something for this guy ( gift and Xmas wishes ), you did it, and you feel good after you have done it- so , from this point of view, it is a good decision ;it did not hurt him, and it pleased ... (read in full...)

I'm in a FWB. Does his actions seem like he may like me more than sex?

Q.   This is a question about FWB (friends with benefits) or a FB (f**k buddy) situation. There is a man that I have this type of relationship with. He confuses me because he is very affectionate with me around his friends, invites me to gatherings at ...

A.   22 December 2016:  I think you are reading way too much in this. In fact , maybe is a generational thing, but I am always puzzled when people your age draw the line so visibly between sexual and sensual. If you are FWB it just means you have no committm... (read in full...)

What does it mean to say a guy is "sharp"? is such a guy shy or just cunning?

Q.   Dear Aunts, So I heard that he is "Sharp" and is good with the ladies. But he has been staring at me for weeks now and not making a move. So is he shy or just cunning? what you think?...

A.   22 December 2016:  If he is good with the ladies I doubt he will be shy- and calling someone " sharp " means he is quick witted, astute, perceptive. One who knows how to move to get what he wants. Haven't you thought, as sobering as the thought is, thart maybe he i... (read in full...)

How common is rejection for the first ever date attempt in life?

Q.   I've been doing a great deal of inner work lately, and I wonder how much it "wired" me when I was rejected the first time I ever asked someone out, at 17. It would help me to know if this is common or unusual. If you are a guy, were you or any ...

A.   22 December 2016:  Yes, of course. If we happened not to like the guy, I don't see what else we could / should have done. Whether it was his first attempt or is twentieth. You won't be implying, by any chance, that if a guy is known to be trying to ask a girl out ... (read in full...)

I really hate my name

Q.   My birth name is Sarah, and it makes me sick. This is a trivial problem compared to some of the things people are dealing with, but I REALLY hate the name. I'm not a kid going through a phase. Ever since I can remember, I have always resented ...

A.   18 December 2016:  What's your middle name ? ( And if you also dislike your middle name, ... you can always make one up yourself). There may be a lot of Sarah around, but I am sure there are less Sarah Jane, Sarah Marie, ... Sarah Jessica ... Sarah Michelle etc.... (read in full...)

Future with my in-laws looks looks set to wreck my forthcoming marriage

Q.   hi.. is there anybody here living in their in-laws house after marry? who got controlling and self-minded mother in law? im going to marry next year. we are Asian and it's a tradition for us to live with in laws after marry especially if th...

A.   17 December 2016:  Forget for a moment about the problem of having to live, against your wish, with your in laws... ( not that it's a small problem , it's a big one )... but : 1) you and your bf are fighting all the time 2 ) you broke up several times, so it's is an ... (read in full...)

I need help to find an outfit for my date!

Q.   Help! I have a date on Saturday and I have no idea what to wear. He's taking me to a Christmas concert at a church, it's our second date. And I am totally at a loss. The concert has some really good artists performing, known nation wide. And...

A.   16 December 2016:  Thumbs up : very nice !... (read in full...)

My husband says I am controlling and that everything has to be my way

Q.   My husbands company decided not to have a Xmas party this year. Which we were both very happy about. Then today they decided 6 days from now it would be a good idea to have a small party with just the office people. I simply asked my husband if we ...

A.   16 December 2016:  Well, I suppose there could be more diplomatic ways to convey the concept that you do not care for this party. Indirectly, you called him an idiot, like his idiot drinking friends whom he is eager to join, and an irresponsible, since you made ... (read in full...)

I need help to find an outfit for my date!

Q.   Help! I have a date on Saturday and I have no idea what to wear. He's taking me to a Christmas concert at a church, it's our second date. And I am totally at a loss. The concert has some really good artists performing, known nation wide. And...

A.   15 December 2016:  I think that if he shows up in jeans and sweater... it will be fine anyway ; women are always implicitely allowed to be a bit more dressed up than their date:) , particularly in a holiday season. And after all, it's still a church, even if not ... (read in full...)

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