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| | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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So girls, would you rather have a chat and a long cuddle etc from a guy you are attracted to, or better that he not approach you at all, if he can't give you more time?
Q. Question for girls, I have quite long periods when I don't have time to date girls, due to time restraints of work and being on call there. My job requires me at times to be in the busy nightlife area. I often get signals from girls trying to get me ...
A. 21 May 2013: Sure, OP, let's agree to disagree , and I accept that your personal experiences and observations, in different places , times and social milieus from mine, suggests you differently. I would be more of a dickhead than I normally am credited for ... (read in full...)
What do you think his deal is? Does he just want to be friends with benefits? Or is he just shy and reserved?
Q. This guy I've been hooking up with, seeing, hanging out with...not sure what to call it, is confusing me so much. I'm so unsure of how he feels towards me. Right now, I would describe our relationship as FWB. We met at work. At work, he remains...
A. 21 May 2013: It sounds like a normal FWB to me.
I don't know where people got the idea that FWBs cannot have conversations, cuddle, spend the night, etc- and that FWB must mean " right after sex you put your panties on and are out of the door ". In fact, it's... (read in full...)
It upsets me that my son won't speak to me. Should my parents be offering him special treats, even though he disrespects me?
Q. I've fallen out with my son, about 6 months ago. I'm perfectly willing to discuss whatever's bothering him, and try and resolve it. He's 20 ,and a very strong character. He simply won't speak to me. He sees my parents about once a week, and I...
A. 21 May 2013: Well, no, frankly I think it is a very bad idea.
You have got to understand that you fell out with your son, your parents did not. You have problems with him, your parents don't.
I am sure they are upset about the situation too, and that the... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 21 May 2013: " It does not have to revolve around furthering education " ??? Good luck, OP- and I mean it sincerely, from the bottom of my heart : good luck. In our current times, society and economy, it has a lot, if not all, to revolve around furthering ... (read in full...)
So girls, would you rather have a chat and a long cuddle etc from a guy you are attracted to, or better that he not approach you at all, if he can't give you more time?
Q. Question for girls, I have quite long periods when I don't have time to date girls, due to time restraints of work and being on call there. My job requires me at times to be in the busy nightlife area. I often get signals from girls trying to get me ...
A. 21 May 2013: Then maybe you got asleep halfway through the Sunday sermon OP, because you have missed the basic points : I was not talking about unwelcome touching, which would be , anyway, not a cuddle , but ..a criminal charge .
I was talking about will... (read in full...)
Her family doesn't approve of us dating and its bleeding into our relationship
Q. I'm really concerned about my girlfriend and the future of our relationship. The background is this: Her family has never approved of her very much. If she didn't get perfect grades, it was reason to ground her - and by that I mean confined to...
A. 21 May 2013: Yours IS an unreasonable expectation ! Sneaking out in the backyard, waiting till everybody's asleep...why should she indulge you in playing Romeo and Juliet ? When you can simply WAIT a couple of days and you'll talk to her on Mondays, what's the ... (read in full...)
Keep getting text messages from a very weird guy. Advice?
Q. I was at a party a couple of weeks ago and bumped into one of my old friends whom I hadn't seen for a while. We used to get on really well and she introduced me to some of the people she'd come with, including this guy. I said hi to him and everyone ...
A. 20 May 2013: OP, I lived many years in your country and I don't think it's a culture clash. Americans too can be very forward, insistent and unable to take a hint. Men of all cultures don't do too well with hints, or choose not to.
The guy was tryng his luck... (read in full...)
Should I move on / how can I do it when I'm so emotionally attached?
Q. Long story short, I had a relationship with a guy for few months and things we're going great (I felt like it was a mutual feeling and he did express he had feelings for me and he always said how everything felt "too good to be true" cos we got ...
A. 20 May 2013: Well, if your therapist said " light contact is OK " then your choice logically should be just that- after all, what's even the point of paying for counseling if you are not going to follow the counsel you are given ?
Said that, I disagree with... (read in full...)
Do you think Steve and I will ever have a normal relationship?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I've been with Steve over 1 year. I'd consider myself a fairly attractive and confident 26 year old, he's 31. We've had an extremely tough year so please bear with the long background info. I used to work with Steve then...
A. 20 May 2013: No.
You say he went " off " but, well, if he had two other gfs 8 months into your one year relationship , then he was not much " on " even before, was he ?
Then, you cheated too, and this makes you " even " , so to speak. In theory , as you have... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 20 May 2013: Ah priorities... OP, have you thought that maybe it is precisely your choice of priorities , which in your own eyes makes you trustworthy, dependable and reliable adviser , makes you the just opposite of that in the eyes of your parents and/or ... (read in full...)
So girls, would you rather have a chat and a long cuddle etc from a guy you are attracted to, or better that he not approach you at all, if he can't give you more time?
Q. Question for girls, I have quite long periods when I don't have time to date girls, due to time restraints of work and being on call there. My job requires me at times to be in the busy nightlife area. I often get signals from girls trying to get me ...
A. 20 May 2013: OP, no offence but your question sounded a little bit bizarre to me. It's like you are surprised that some girls ( MOST girls, I'd say ) could very possibly be cheesed off. Why are you surprised ?
Communication is based on codes, social codes that... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 20 May 2013: OP, this debate is very wide , and touches many points on which it would be interesting to confront opinions, but atm I'd try to keep it simple, minimalist in fact.
What I was tryng to convey also in my previous post , and probably failed to, ... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 19 May 2013: Ok, but, I guess my question would be...how come you are the only one who "has time " ? How come you are a young full time carer ( when you are still a minor, btw ?) ... " "Having time " does not just mean not being tied up to a 9 to 5 job. The ... (read in full...)
So why am I feeling conflicted about progressing this to sex with her? Seemed the logical next option.
Q. I've recently began a self-improvement kick, beginning to exercise, be more social, exude confidence. I'm getting female attention for the first time in ages. I really hit it off with a girl at a party last week, we spoke a lot and ended up holding ...
A. 19 May 2013: It's difficult to answer you, specially to me who am always preaching on DC the theory of " buyer beware ", i.e. if a person wants more than just sex, then she/ he must never assume what she is offered is more than sex, until he / she is PROVEN ... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 19 May 2013: I'd like to remind the anon female how the voice of the heart , when is not accompanied by and integrated with, the voice of the mind , is responsible for countless accidents, tragedies, troubles and messes that then the " sheeple " has to clean ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my parents permission to stay over at my Bf's house so I can meet his parents?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly three months. We met through my friend going out with his friend (kinda complicated but that's the basics). I'm 17 and he's 19. He's met my parents and he wants me to meet his, and they're really ...
A. 18 May 2013: OP, if I were your mom and read your update with its fuzzy approximative incorrect notions about safe sex, and its totally naive assumptions ( less than 3 months...in a LDR.. and he has PROVEN to you "he is different " )... I would not let you go ... (read in full...)
I feel unwanted and unworthy of being in my family. What can I do to distance myself as much as possible and not just revert back to "forgiving" them and letting them continue it?
Q. My parents are ALWAYS on my case and never follow through when telling my 14yo brother to do something. It sounds petty, but it's constant and my brother takes advantage of it and shoves it in my face. If I could afford to move out, I would, but I'm ...
A. 18 May 2013: Have you thought of going back to school ? I imagine that the thought of it may make you shudder but , but you know how it works - effort and challenge NOW in view of a future higher gain ( and not just in terms of money ).
The sooner you can ... (read in full...)
If someone is in love with you, does that mean they won't fight with you?
Q. If someone is in love with you, does that mean they won't fight with you? This us probably a very stupid question but I've been with this wonderful guy for a few months. he told me he loved me. I'm smitten with him too. The thing is we do get into...
A. 18 May 2013: Yes, one can be in love and fight, it's a matter of different temperament, habits and communication styles.
How long two people who often , or always, fight can STAY in love, .. that's another story. Because if there's a high level of conf... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 18 May 2013: So what if the other people will have years , in fact even decades, to live and do what they want ?
Your granddad HAD already years and decades to do what he wanted, and just for that he is one step ahead of the game , and a lucky guy ( while nobo... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 18 May 2013: OP, you make a wonderful grandaughter, but as a daughter, let me tell you... there's room for improvement.
Don't you TRUST your mom even a bit ?
I am sure that you have amply submitted your idea, explained all its possible advantages, conteste... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 17 May 2013: No. Doable does not mean convenient or trouble free, and , atm, not having dementia, I understand that it's not all about me. Unless it was REALLY a matter of life or death ( which ,alas, it's not the case - seeing the school won't postpone his ... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 17 May 2013: OP, nobody should be confined for a year or more. No woman should be raped, no child should be starved or abused. Nobody should lose their hearing , sight or limbs, nobody should die in their 20s before having achieved and enjoyed all the things ... (read in full...)
Not crazy about my husband but feel I should stay for the child
Q. I really need some advice. i am in a marriage that fell apart. a part of me wants to stay because i have a young child with my husband. my husband and i met when we were 22. we have been together for 20 years. he was my first true love. it has been ...
A. 17 May 2013: In your last sentence you gave yourself the answer to yoiur question. You DON'T really want to try and make it work ( not that I can blame you ! ). You don't really want to put anymore time, effort and money into this marriage than it alreday ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's mom had a health scare and now she drops everything for mom!
Q. My GF needs some help and I'm not sure what I can do. I've been with her 4 years and everything has been good. We're compatible, we resolve disagreements quick, etc. I'm not going to bore you with a list of how great things usually are... ...
A. 17 May 2013: What about being a bit more patient and a little less self centered ? That's her mom, for Pete's sake ! Your Gf got scared, mightily scared, she explained you her human, natural thought process very clearly and precisely. Will it go on like this ... (read in full...)
My coworker gives my butterflies is it morally right to invite I'm to dinner knowing he is spoken for?
Q. Dear Cupid ,I am in Lust with one of my co- workers at my job but he is spoken for we flirt with each other every time we get a chance over the week end I spoke to him on the phone my heart was melting with pleasure I could n't believe I was talking ...
A. 17 May 2013: Yes ,it's wrong, it's the intention that counts. If you really only wanted to have dinner with him, you could suggest dining out in a restaurant- and maybe his gf could tag along too :).
The reason why you want him at your home is that you hope... (read in full...)
I'm sick of his ex! Will she ever be out of the picture?
Q. hi all thank you for taking the time to read this. i have fallen in love with a man who is 25 yrs older than me and im having his baby. the problem is, is that his stupid ex wife will not get it through her head that i am with him now. i had to w...
A. 17 May 2013: He will never cheat on you ?... Do you know that for a fact ? How ?
After all, that's exactly what he had promised his ex when he married her, and probably what she kept believing for many many years until... surprise surprise.
Congr... (read in full...)
How can I help my grandad fulfill his dreams when my family is standing in the way?
Q. My grandad is 86. He has prostate cancer, dementia, severe arthritis, can barely walk or sit up on his own and has been in and out of hospital recently for traces of pneumonia in his lungs which are now (fingers crossed) gone. I would like to cr...
A. 17 May 2013: It has become more about what others want for him than about what he wants for himself sadly but normally, logically and reasonably because illness, old age and dementia make him incapacitated to be self relying, independent and able to make the ... (read in full...)
Do you think I have any right to be angry? Or was I to blame for being naive?
Q. Well I was dating a guy for a month. It was a LDR and on the third date, I had to spend the night at his, due to distance. The date did not go too well, we had a bit of a falliing out but made up. In the night, he said he would prepare the spare ro...
A. 16 May 2013: Still unjustified.
You are 30 - 35, not 17. By now ,I am sure you know about " buyer beware ". The guy is a perfect stranger, you have seen him 3 times, the very fact that he started talking about marryng you and having your kids without, basi... (read in full...)
Hidden past, hypocrisy and lies. Problem is I'm deeply in love with her and I don't know what to do anymore
Q. I was in a miserable 15 year LTR for the sake of a child. I have been faithful my whole life however, until a certain girl arrived. I fell deeply in love with her, explained it to my LTR and left. My new girl left her boyfriend and we became ...
A. 16 May 2013: But WHY is it not fair to compare track records ?
Why her past IS her now and future, and your past IS NOT your now and future ?
She is a girl who went around a lot. You are a cheater ; and although I believe in your good faith when you say ... (read in full...)
Urgent, Help required About Divorce and remarriage.....?
Q. hi, my friend is planned to marry a guy which is second marriage to him. That guys wife applied for divorce 5 years back.....But still the case is in process. So my doubt is whether my friend can marry him or she has to wait until his guy gets div...
A. 16 May 2013: No she can't . Under Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, section 17 they would be committing bigamy ,which is punished by the Indian Penal Code ( sec. 494 and 495 ).
Ditto if they marry only civilly under Special Marriage Act, 1954 ( sec. 44 )
Bigam... (read in full...)
Will it be weird if I'm the only one wearing a long dress?
Q. Im going to graduation soon and i bought this white long dress to wear during graduation. It looks really nice to me but all of my friend says they are going to wear knee length dresses. I want to know what are your opinions and advices and should i ...
A. 16 May 2013: Be your own person - make fashion, rather than following it.
The dress is nice, it suits you, you love it and feel good in it - just wear it with panache and confidence. If you stand out from the crowd ,it will be in a positive way :)... (read in full...)
How long till I start dating again?
Q. the love of my life of 4 years broke up with me over a text and left with a guy she just met, and just got out of jail,i dont even know where she is. how long till i start dating again or seeing other girls?...
A. 16 May 2013: Whenever you feel ready , -when you can put at least some of your heart on it.
Don't feel like you have to start rebounding like crazy, just to keep up with your ex ; you would waste your time, and the girls' time, and probbaly create nedd... (read in full...)
Should I keep the shirt or return it to my ex?
Q. I was with my ex for 4 years and was in LDR for two years. I'm not a person that would ask for promises or commitment while my ex gave me his life commitment and talked about our future all the time. I ended my relationship last week because he's ...
A. 16 May 2013: Keep it. If he wanted it back,he would have asked for it. ... (read in full...)
If he thought I was pretty and he liked me, why wouldn't he just ask me out already?
Q. Alright so this isn't really a question but more of a combination of a question and a rant. It might be really long but I really need help with this. Its kind of a long story so last year was my first year in highschool. my first semester instea...
A. 16 May 2013: Honey, you should wake up and smell the coffee. You want back what you had... you had nothing. You had a horny smug little rascal that ,while dating more " popular " girls , was perving on you because he sensed that you were fascinated with him, ... (read in full...)
I want a relationship just not sure if I want it with him
Q. Dear agony aunts, I'm in a situation where I really don't understand my own feelings, and I don't think that's ever happened to me before. There's this guy I'm crazy about, when we're together I feel in love, we have great conversations, the...
A. 16 May 2013: We are of course in the realm of wild guesses, ..but I'd say intuition. You feel something is off, something sounds fake , or is too good to be true, or ,as you say, deep down you know you do not belong to each other, you are not really compatible. ... (read in full...)
How do I avoid the usual "what do you want to do? Whatever you want..." situation?
Q. I've been dating my gf for the last 2.5 years. We've had our ups and downs but so far we're happy. Point of contention: she always ends up picking what we're doing on our dates, at least 4/5 times. The conversation is the usual cliché: Me: I...
A. 15 May 2013: It does not seem TOO difficult to solve in a non-conflictual way.
Tell her that from now on, you'd really like to share equitable responsibility for the organization of your free time, and take turns in picking what to do. When it's her turn... (read in full...)
Is this how brother in laws are? I don't like mine!
Q. Hello this isn't a relationship question but I need advice because I really dislike my brother in law who is married to my sister, I just want to slowly cut all contact with them. I know this doesn't make much sense but he treats her very badly, she ...
A. 15 May 2013: I can only talk for MY brother in law who is absolutely an angel and a joy to be around ( except for being a vegan, with the annoying habit to STILL ,after so many years, to try and convert ME to veganism ; with his wife, he gave up). But it ... (read in full...)
I think my Sis FWB guy likes me!
Q. Help aunts! Ok so my sis is in a FWB with this guy. Hes telling her he loves her and that they should become a couple. She sayin she likes him and that she cares. Now the problem is, about 1 month and a half ago my sis FWB guy text me. Hes say...
A. 15 May 2013: No, don't leave it alone. Tell your sister, show her the texts, tell her frankly that you are not 100 % sure that this person is her FWB, and explain her the reasons and circumstances that made you think it was him. It's a reasonable, legitimate ... (read in full...)
HELP!!!! My weight is ruining my relationship
Q. I have had two children and I am now 70 pounds overweight. I'm very unhappy, angery and out of sorts with myself. I know that I need to lose weight, but after working, taking care of my dads kids and then taking care of my own kids, I find I h...
A. 15 May 2013: To start, make it 60 pounds overweight:). At 5'5 you can be around 145 pounds and still be at an healthy weight, you won't have fashion model proportions but you still can be attractive and HEALTHY.
There are Aunts and Uncles on this site who are ... (read in full...)
I'd like to take a break to give my boyfriend time to miss me but will have no one around to bolster me
Q. I'd like to take a break from my boyfriend for about three weeks in order for him to miss me and appreciate me more. However, as much as I'd like to do it, for the next few months my company with be low so there'll be not many people around to get ...
A. 15 May 2013: I don't know, OP, personally I am very skeptical about " breaks ", I do not get their purpose. If there are problems in a relationship, a couple tackles them TOGETHER, talks them out, finds a strategy or a compromise, ... basically that's what ... (read in full...)
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