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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [258 pages, 10266 answers]

I'm afraid if I have a baby I will have to do all the housework and take care of the baby too

Q.   My husband and I are planning a baby. I’m a bit worried however that I’ve to do all the housework and take care of the baby as well. I have told my husband that we should move to The West Coast to my friend so she can be involved throughout. My ...

A.   17 February 2018:  You must be kidding, right ? Or would you really move to another city or town , where your husband cannot get a job, so that you would live on half income, ( or no income, I guess, if YOU are a homemaker... ) just because of housework ? Just ... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't understand how important my sister is to me.

Q.   My husband recently lost his job. I told my sister immediately. My husband is now angry at me and said I should have asked if he wants me to make it public. I told him he cannot control me and that I share everything with my sister and also that my ...

A.   17 February 2018:  OP , his family or lack of one has got nothing to do with the issue. It IS bad sharing with your sister , or with anybody else in the world as for that, facts and informations concerning a person that does NOT want to share. Sharing personal ... (read in full...)

I treated her good but she ghosted me, I still want her back.

Q.   Asking for advice,over a year ago, my ex girlfriend ghost me, no contact since, she didn't even say goodbye,I didn't do anything wrong, but treat her special,what I am asking is ,would it be stupid, in my part to try to contact her,I know every one ...

A.   16 February 2018:  I second all what Ciar says. Plus, if you are the petal rose dance guy, I want to add that I remember your story very well, and if you were truthful when you told us the story the first time... things did not go exactly like you say now , and ... (read in full...)

Do men catch feelings from having sex?

Q.   Do men catch feelings from having sex? I ask because I was talking to my best friend the other day and she said that she and the guy she is seeing, wants t stop having sex with her because he doesn't want to get too attached. she didn't understan...

A.   16 February 2018:  I think it's also a matter of how you call things, how you define them. "To catch feelings " is so and it encompasses lot of things.... While of course every single human being is different and there is no law of physics or genetics which says... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't understand how important my sister is to me.

Q.   My husband recently lost his job. I told my sister immediately. My husband is now angry at me and said I should have asked if he wants me to make it public. I told him he cannot control me and that I share everything with my sister and also that my ...

A.   16 February 2018: Pardon my bluntness but if your sister is the most important person in your life, and so important that sharing things with her comes before keeping your husbadn's trust, caring about how he feels and respecting hsi right to privacy, then maybe ... (read in full...)

What is considered cheating in an open relationship?

Q.   My wife and I agreed to be in an open relationship. We were both very into the idea for years. During sex, she haexpressed interest in a mutual male friend. Several months later I was suspecting that they were fooling around but she never mentione...

A.   12 February 2018:  I guess it depends from the rules you set in your relationship, if you did set rules. Did you have an explicit, mutually agreed upon rule that each and any encounter outside of marriage must be first , or contextually, communicated to the ... (read in full...)

What support and advice can I give to my friend who has been trying to break up with her married lover? He does not want to let her go.

Q.   so my best friend is involved with this married man. she is very naive and had just spent the last 3 years healing from a very bad emotional abusive relationship. she joined the military as an officer and at her first duty station, she was paired w...

A.   12 February 2018:  I think yoir friend should keep it simple , and " surgical". She should not indulge in overanalyzing and doing the post-mortem of the relationship, and combing through all the hows and whys. Why ask why ?..What is the point ? The bottom line is t... (read in full...)

Should I go to this concert or not?

Q.   Should I go to this concert or not?. I already have a ticket to see my favourite band for a seat for the 7th row in the front centre stalls block. Some security in some venues here let you stand at the front all the way through the concert, and some ...

A.   12 February 2018:  This ( if it's worth travelling or not ) is something which is completely up to you, and we cannot help you to decide; it all depends from how deeply you care about seeing this band, and from your mindset , personality and priorities. If it w... (read in full...)

I drunk texted her while we were on a break!

Q.   Hi. So me and my girlfriend are on a break due to our age difference I’m 10 years younger than her and this scares her as she feels she’ll hold me back. Anyway. Went out on Saturday and got very drunk woke up Sunday morning to see if text her. Now ...

A.   11 February 2018:  It was a moderately bad move. Meaning, that yes, if you are on a break, and you are supposed to stay no contact, and she let you know rgar she needs some space to sort her feelings out etc.etc., then you make think that you have been sweet and cute... (read in full...)

Should I go to this concert or not?

Q.   Should I go to this concert or not?. I already have a ticket to see my favourite band for a seat for the 7th row in the front centre stalls block. Some security in some venues here let you stand at the front all the way through the concert, and some ...

A.   11 February 2018:  Maybe , although I totally love music and some specific groups/ performers , I am not as rabid a fan as you are... but I can't see why in the world you would go through all this unbelievable hassle just to skip ahead a few rows . What is it, ... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel humiliated?

Q.   Why was this cAfe server laughing at me? Ordered a coffee from a mall cafe 3 weeks earlier.. I ordered a Coffee and a small cookie,( the same order I ordered 3 weeks ago) Same server. Whilst ordering she began laughing at me saying “...

A.   22 January 2018:  I think you are overreacting and that you probably misunderstood the intent of the server's comment. There's a big difference between smiling at someone and laughing at them; your server was probably trying to give you some "service with a smil... (read in full...)

Is he using me as a means to come to Canada?

Q.   Hello I married a man from Africa and I am Canadian. We have been together for 11 months and I am trying to get him to Canada. He has been good to me but very dominant and expects I be submissive and do whatever he says to me. If I don’t he ge...

A.   21 January 2018: You bet there's a possibility ! It's almost a certainty. Yeah right. " Birthdays are a big deal in Nigeria and it is customary to celebrate them by spending $ 1000 " . Uh very believable. If you think that in Nigeria minimim wage is 90 $ mont... (read in full...)

The conversation will revolve around babies, should I suck it up and go?

Q.   I am a happily married 37 yo childfree woman. Next sunday two friends of my hubby - invited us to lunch. His pals are both married, so we’re talking about lunch with two couples. One couple has a three year old very lively boy and another has just...

A.   15 January 2018:  If he'd rather stay home with you than go to see these friends alone, then obviously he is not terribly bothered about seeing them or not, he can take them or leave them.. He HAS the option of going by himself, if he chooses to discard it that... (read in full...)

I’ve been the primary breadwinner for most of our relationship!

Q.   I have been dating my partner for 2 years now. Before getting together I expressed to him that as a single parent with big goals I need someone motivated who will pull their weight and he said that was easy. At the time he was a manager at a loca...

A.   14 January 2018:  You don't know what to do ?? No, I think you know what to do- since you also say " I have a child to raise and I need some stability out of my partner ". Exactly . That's the point. Your first duty and obligation is to your child, not to your ... (read in full...)

I want marriage and children, is he wasting my time?

Q.   So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about five years we both have crazy work schedules so I suggested that we get a place together somewhere located centrally Between both of our apartments.In my mind it’s the perfect solution so we can spend more ...

A.   14 January 2018:  Maube this is a dumb question, but... have you asked him ? Have you two talked about, if you can see yourselves having a future together ?... 5 years seems rather a long time to have to be "wondering" IF there's any common future; generally in 5 ... (read in full...)

Is this ok? It’s meant to be a nice gesture!

Q.   Is this etiquette ok? Or. It acceptable? In 6 weeks I am going interstate to see a live theater show I enjoy It has a favorite stage actress of mine in it, in a smaller but important role. She’s not the star. I’m female and I admire he...

A.   14 January 2018:  Yes, it's Ok- in fact , it's normal- most of the time performers , of both genders, get flowers from their admirers, it IS a nice gesture and an old, time- honoured tradition, why should it be sexual or creepy ?? Most probably , thou... (read in full...)

Am I an evil step mother?

Q.   I am a stepmother who will be inheriting my husband Home instead of his adult child. I want responses on whether * am the evil stepmom everyone fears. Here is my story. My husband was a widower when we married,that was 14 years ago. His daughter ...

A.   14 January 2018:  Well, of course the daughter will feel bad, what do you expect ? Maybe SHE is the evil stepdaughter, maybe she is just a normal person with reasonable expectations about her position in the family and her role in her father's life and heart (... ... (read in full...)

How can I help him with his terrible snoring?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I need advice on how I can help my partner with his snoring! My partner and I have been together for just over three years. In the first year, year and a half my partner barely snored, we had a great bedtime routine. Fast for...

A.   14 January 2018:  That's easy to fix. Separate rooms. I don't know why so many people seem to be seeing sleeping separately as the end of a relationship . Not true ar all. Just to name ONE example , my dad was the most terrible snorer ever, plus he used to talk and ... (read in full...)

The conversation will revolve around babies, should I suck it up and go?

Q.   I am a happily married 37 yo childfree woman. Next sunday two friends of my hubby - invited us to lunch. His pals are both married, so we’re talking about lunch with two couples. One couple has a three year old very lively boy and another has just...

A.   10 January 2018:  Why do you have to ask him to stay home ? Can't he go hang out with his friends and you stay home, or go somewhere else , occasionally ? You don't need to write these ladies off totally, or look like you are snobbing them, then again you are not ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend wants to go away with his friends, not with me!

Q.   Lads holiday to Berlin when in a long term relationship of 5 years??? My boyfriend of 5 years and his friends want to go on a lads holiday after we finish our A level exams this summer. They are thinking of going to Berlin however, I’m rea...

A.   8 January 2018:  Eh let him go, as graciously as you can. I know that for you is a bitter pill to swallow, but he is so young and the post A level trip is some sort of rite of passage, and if he does not go he would feel he is missing out on the regular stag... (read in full...)

I want marriage and he wants kids!

Q.   I am a 28 years old female who already has a child with my ex boyfriend I have never been married , i am now in a relationship with a 37 years old man who does not have a child we do not live together and we are in a long distance relationship. ...

A.   7 January 2018:  Uhm, I would not gamble on that. What if, after you have given him a child, he changes his mind and refuses to reconsider and to marry you ? As it is probable, too ; if somebody is so adamant against marriage which is just a pointless piece of ... (read in full...)

My partner wants to move back to his home country but I'm not sure if I'll fit in

Q.   My partner and I have been together for 3 years. He's from the Czech Republic and I'm from the UK, where we both live together and rent a flat. I have visited the Czech Republic three times now (accompanying him to see his family), althoug...

A.   7 January 2018:  If it's only about the language, ..you've got years to learn it ! Start studying it and practicing it now, and by the time you get there, you'll be fluent and this is undoubtedly a huge help and a big advantage when you go live in a foreign ... (read in full...)

I feel embarrassed and stupid about the party!

Q.   My boyfriend invited me to his friends party. I don’t know too many of his friends but he really wanted me to go so I went. We got to the party and he sat across the table from me and talked to his friends and took shots with his friends while I sat ...

A.   7 January 2018:  No, sorry, it's not ok. At all. From what you say it does not sound as if your bf made a point of ignoring you - he just acted normal, socializing with his friends and giving them the amount of attention which is normal at a party ! You shou... (read in full...)

My new wife sunbathes topless and I've seen other men looking

Q.   We are in honeymoon. My wife did topless tanning in a beach with a lot of people. I dont feel so comfortable with this so I discussed with her. She didnt like it and she told me that I am jealous and that she did it only for tanning. I accepted it ...

A.   5 January 2018:  Look, OP, try to see it this way : your wife does not need to be topless to attract the avid glances and lustful thougts of other men. This is something that happens every day to any attractive woman- or, actually ,to any not totally repulsiv... (read in full...)

He's in jail, should I tell him how I feel?

Q.   So, back in March 2017 I started meeting with a guy I’ve liked for ages! We met about 4 years ago because he is my cousins best friend and so he attended a lot of family events and things like that. We have flirted with each other for a long time ...

A.   5 January 2018: OP ! What are you talking about ? Don't be so gullible ! In UK you don't get jail time under the LC 10 conviction code for driving without license and insurance. It is a serious motoring offence, yes, still the highest penalty is a £ 5000 fine... (read in full...)

How do I enact new behaviours so my needs are not negated?

Q.   I have a question about what to do regarding a specific behaviour by a friendly couple. I am thinking about this in a general context of re-evaluating my own behaviours within friendships (and relationships with men) because a consistent, recurring ...

A.   3 January 2018:  Often, it all depends from your expectations, and from your definition of a social role or situation. I think you have " miscasted " this people. If you had really been friends, i.e having the kind of interaction based on affection, mutu... (read in full...)

I'm worried about the looks I will get if I buy condoms

Q.   Hi all, Recently, I got together with a guy and well, our relationship has been moving fairly quickly. I absolutely okay with how it's going. So, I was just wondering, he will coming to visit me at my own place (I live near my uni campus), and lik...

A.   3 January 2018:  You can buy condoms on line. There are plenty of sites which will deliver them worlwide, including your country, in discreet , plain brown paper wrapping. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't want to be near me when I am sick.

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm with my bf for past 2 years and it's going on good and we meet on weekends and stay together on weekend. One thing that concerns me, not sure if I should be, he doesn't want to meet and around me whenever I'm sick, he says he doesn...

A.   22 December 2017: Jls022, I can see where you are coming from, and, ultimately, as you say, you know which kind of relationship works for you and which does not, so if your ideal relationship is one where you share everything, including the sniffles :) who am I to ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't want to be near me when I am sick.

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm with my bf for past 2 years and it's going on good and we meet on weekends and stay together on weekend. One thing that concerns me, not sure if I should be, he doesn't want to meet and around me whenever I'm sick, he says he doesn...

A.   22 December 2017: I think it makes sense. As Allumeuse says, you are in USA, I am pretty sure he can't take all the paid sick leave he wants, and so IF he has sick leave he will want to keep for when HE is sick. He does not want that " your " cold may cost him X ... (read in full...)

Playing truth or dare .... I didnt like his answer.

Q.   I’ve been talking to this boy he’s in the same year as me but in a different school and tonight we were playing truth or dare I asked him what the most he had done with a girl is and he said he wants to take it back but he’s fingered someone.Ohhh ...

A.   22 December 2017:  Why, are you supposed to DO something specific about it ? I don't think so. He is 13, and I suppose you are 13 too. Two children still, legally , socially and according to common sense. I understand if you got a little shocked , because ... (read in full...)

Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?

Q.   A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...

A.   21 December 2017:  The jealousy about clothing was just an example to signify that often in your acquaintances ' lives and minds there may be more than you can know or that they care to share with you. Regardless, - Ok, so be it; it's real. I still don't get why ... (read in full...)

I found men's boxers next to my hot tub!

Q.   I have a hot tub in the back of the house. The yard is not fenced and there is open space behind where people often walk. Last night I found a pair of men's boxers that are not mine laying on the ground next to the tub. My wife of 19 years said ...

A.   21 December 2017:  I bet your wife " dug in when you questioned her " ! After 19 years, with no special reasons to make you doubt her ( at least you haven't mentioned any ) plus you have a fenceless yard and an open space where people come and go as they ... (read in full...)

Going cold on wedding plans

Q.   I'm engaged to be married next August, and although I do not have any doubts over whether it's what I want, or my fiancée feelings either, I'm just not excited about any part of it. Recently we have been seeing friends and family due to Christmas...

A.   21 December 2017:  First of all, congratulations for not having immediately gone all out Bridezilla on everybody ! Relax, you are normal. Or, at least, if you are " dysfunctional " :) it's a kind of dysfunctional which is shared by a whole lot of soon-to-be ... (read in full...)

Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?

Q.   A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...

A.   21 December 2017: My impression, OP, is that you are making a mountain of a molehill. Ok, so maybe the guy got a shine to girl A, who does not requite the attraction, and he is trying to impress her somehow- he gets ignored so he is displeased . So ? Very normal. ... (read in full...)

Should I go and see my ex and offer my condolences because his father died?

Q.   I received a text message from my ex boyfriend this morning saying that his dad passed away last Thursday. I hadn't heard from him for two months before that and haven't seen him for three months. We broke up ten months ago . Strangely enough, I ...

A.   20 December 2017:  Uhm. I confess I am skeptical. If someone is not available to re-start a relationship, that does not mean he would not be available for a casual hook up just in case... Just saying. And his " strict " dad ? Aw please. The " strictness " woul... (read in full...)

Helping spouse pay their child support

Q.   I currently work 2 full time jobs, in order to pay off debt. I pay all the bills. My husband works a construction job and pays his car note, child support, and takes care of personal expenses. Now he has fallen behind on child support payments and ...

A.   19 December 2017:  No, I think you were right and fully justified in saying no. Not so much because the money he asked you would go to pay support for HIS kids who are HIS own responsibility. Yes, that's true, but , then again, looking at the big picture in gene... (read in full...)

Did this Married Man forget his former mistress already?

Q.   I dated a Married Man (MM) for a year and a half. We both worked at my dad’s office. He got caught by his wife 3 times but never left me. The 3rd time he got caught things got pretty bad. He started going to counseling and distanced himself from me. ...

A.   19 December 2017:  Yeah, but after all he was married with his wife since , probably, way more than a year and half ! And his final choice, to work on his marriage and stay with his wife, says it all about his priorities. Reason for which I think you should n... (read in full...)

Should I go and see my ex and offer my condolences because his father died?

Q.   I received a text message from my ex boyfriend this morning saying that his dad passed away last Thursday. I hadn't heard from him for two months before that and haven't seen him for three months. We broke up ten months ago . Strangely enough, I ...

A.   19 December 2017:  Why do you have to go and see in person ? A condolence card delivered by mail will be more than adequate . Exes are exes for a reason, in general, and this rings very true in your case. It sounds like your relationship with this man was frus... (read in full...)

This is the second abusive relationship I've been in. Am I picking the wrong type of men?

Q.   Last night my boyfriend punched me in the mouth. I've left him. He asked me not to leave. But I said I have to be alone right now. It came about after an argument over a male friend of mine. My boyfriend said that my face lit up when my friend a...

A.   19 December 2017:  I agree with Aunt Honesty, why do you have to meet him again ? Why DID you have to meet him again ? Hadn't you already broken up ? How many times do you need to break up with a person ? I'd think once it's enough ! I think this may give you an i... (read in full...)

Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?

Q.   A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...

A.   19 December 2017:  Of course he would . It happens all the time. A person may wish to dine at a five- stars restaurant, but if they can't, they 'll do nicely with the local diner. Better than skipping meals altogether.. I agree with the poster who says that it ... (read in full...)

What support and advice can I give to my friend who has been trying to break up with her married lover? He does not want to let her go.

Q.   so my best friend is involved with this married man. she is very naive and had just spent the last 3 years healing from a very bad emotional abusive relationship. she joined the military as an officer and at her first duty station, she was paired w...

A.   18 March 2016: But that's because this man's wife is a wuss! She found out.. and there were no consequences. She may have objected , but, at the end of the day, she obviously is not leaving, he is not leaving, they agreed the show must go on, and he knows he ... (read in full...)

What support and advice can I give to my friend who has been trying to break up with her married lover? He does not want to let her go.

Q.   so my best friend is involved with this married man. she is very naive and had just spent the last 3 years healing from a very bad emotional abusive relationship. she joined the military as an officer and at her first duty station, she was paired w...

A.   16 March 2016:  Isn't it rather self evident why does he do it ? He does it because it's convenient for him and it works well for him. He gets to keep his cake and eat it too, with no effort. He gets to keep his steady loving understanding wife with whom he has a ... (read in full...)

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