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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [251 pages, 9993 answers]

Married woman flirts with me on and off. Why?

Q.   So there's this female that I noticed when I started taking the train to work a little over a year ago. At the very beginning I noticed that she kept looking my way, even if I haven't looked at her I noticed through peripherals her glance. Anyway ...

A.   25 July 2017:  What about, for company and for killing time ? I don't think her marital status is very relevant - more her personality . Some people are chatty, social and outgoing and a " shooting the breeze " partner is a godsend to freshen up an othe... (read in full...)

I forgave him after his betrayal, but how can I warm this love up again?

Q.   I am 27, yet still so naive in love. I will try to make this as short as possible. Both times when being betrayed, I never had a doubt because he was still treating me as good as we used to be. 6 months ago, my bf had feelings for a gir...

A.   25 July 2017: I second N91's opinion. I don't think you can bring back the warmness but most of all I don't think you should. Come on, you caught him red handed once, you forgave him, he acted repentant and promised to never do it again, and then... you just... (read in full...)

I was falling for him and had to end it

Q.   One of the hardest things I've done is ending an opposite sex friendship because we were getting closer than platonic admitted to having feelings for each other. There's a reason we can't be together, which I will not go into. We chatted almost d...

A.   24 July 2017:  Are you maybe disappointed because you wanted a more dramatic reaction from him ? You wanted him to fight for you, to protest, to beg you ? Did you by any chance sent that message more, deep down, to stir up things and elicit a reaction, than... (read in full...)

What now? We were hanging out together a lot and I got her free lift tickets and helped her get gear!

Q.   I have been hanging out with a girl for 6 months. I moved to town a year ago and was looking to meet new people.. so I come along and offer to take her skiing. Help her get gear, free tickets and we go. Skied a couple of times hang out and life is ...

A.   24 July 2017:  It may not be unreasonable, or it may be, it depends. It is unreasonable , or at least SHE will feel that it is asking too much, and annoyingly trying to flog the same dead horse, if she has signaled clearly, that she won't do anything " date... (read in full...)

Why do men think its alright to comment on a woman's nether regions?

Q.   This is probably more of a rant than anything, but what is up with some men thinking it's ok to comment on the look of a woman's vagina/vulva?! Whether it's not neat enough, 'beef curtains', too hairy, it 'looks loose'... the list goes on! My m...

A.   24 July 2017:  Do they ?! I see it like Ciar. Must be the company you keep. Imprudent, or simply , unlucky choice of associates. What you mention never happened to me or anybody I know, and while I do prefer , and try to, hang out with civilized people w... (read in full...)

Could he change his mind about wanting to be with me?

Q.   So I started seeing this guy I met online about 3 months ago and we became great friends. I wanted more but he said he wasn't ready for a committed relationship yet and he was willing to be my friend. I was happy enough with this. The guy always...

A.   24 July 2017:  Never say never,, I would not expect him changing his mind. It sounds like the typical polite platitude that you say when you want to let somebody down easy. You know, to fend him/ them off, without being unnecessarily harsh or forc... (read in full...)

We've already decided we are going to break up eventually. Should we just do it now?

Q.   I'm with someone I love dearly and we have almost been together for two years. Both of us are cautious about fully committing because of curiosity about other romantic options. I'm willing to stay and see where things go, but he is for sure ...

A.   22 July 2017: I tend to see it like Honeypie does. Not that what you ( and your dad ) say makes no sense. In fact, I believe too that changing your physical environment is a big, big help in ending a broken heart, and that putting physical distance between ... (read in full...)

/Why did my relationship status upset him so much?

Q.   I am single woman with no children and look younger than my age.There is this guy Daniel at work who I have caught staring at me sometimes. Yesterday another older male coworker jokingly teased me saying that my husband spoilt me by pamperin...

A.   22 July 2017:  I think I remember you have posted about this guy before ( and about the other girl who likes him and acts jealous )and tbh my impression is that you are practicing selective attention. You are cherrypicking certain episodes, this one for ... (read in full...)

Why do these ladies not make eye contact when I am speaking to them?

Q.   Hello, This is not really a relationship question as such, but something that can be a little annoying sometimes. Pretty much every time I am with another male friend or colleague, and I have a conversation with a female, whether she be a friend, ...

A.   22 July 2017:  No, it's not common courtesy. Not really. Unless maybe it's an Australian thing. I have heard that there people tend to be very outspoken and direct so maybe looks follow suit . But normally there are some context in which making e... (read in full...)

I'm disappointed that he suggested such a crummy hotel. Am I overreacting?

Q.   Hi, thanks for your advice in advance. I'm 40 and my my boyfriend is 45. He took his children on a short vacation and asked me to go with them. I didn't accept his invitation because this is a new relationship, we have been together for 6 months, ...

A.   20 July 2017:  Well.. for sure you are not too easy going :) I am Italian so in theory I should " do " hospitality along your lines- and in Italy too , the tradition is, or actually ,perhaps, it USED to be , that if you have people over .. it's a nigh... (read in full...)

Did I ruin our date?

Q.   So I was really wondering , how do you know if the date is going well? I've been on this date with a guy and the whole date we were laughing and talking with a few moments of silence but we were together for 5 hours and it was really fun and at o...

A.   20 July 2017:  Naaahh, you did not. As the other poster said, if your date lasted 5 hours we can reasonably assume that it went well, and that he was enjoying himself. Then , dates do not have to be all " perfect " - all about deep thoughts, or romantic... (read in full...)

Can you stay friends after having a one night stand?

Q.   About a month ago, I met a guy on a dating site. We would talk from night to morning every day. I kind of like him, but he rarely talked about himself. I was curious about him; therefore, I checked on him on Facebook and found out that he has a ...

A.   18 July 2017:  It's not that's impossible or forbidden to stay friends after a one night stand- if both parties want it. But in your case, it's clear he does not want that. First, if he wanted a new platonic friend he would not be looking for her on a °dating° ... (read in full...)

Why has he not met me yet?

Q.   There's this guy I like.... so he keeps making plans to meet me then goes quiet for the before and day of. Why, does he not really like me? Does he really like me and is nervous? We seem to get on well over text and phone and social medi...

A.   17 July 2017:  If he always lets you down, why are you still there just waiting to offer him on a silver plate .. the chance to let you down one more time ?? Maybe it's normal that you are curious about the reason why- but, whatever it is, at the end of the ... (read in full...)

How do I find out if he's in contact with my colleagues?

Q.   I used to work with a bloke and have texted him a few times, he doesn't respond and yet I sense that he is in contact with other people he worked with but not me. Before he left he made out that he wanted to keep in touch but instead ignores me ...

A.   17 July 2017:  I don't see what you would gain from finding out the truth. This man is not answering your messages and is ignoring you- that should be enough to signify that he does not want to stay in touch with you ( regardless of what he said when he left... (read in full...)

If he likes her then why is he trying to get my attention?

Q.   This guy at work acts very nervous and shy around me but flirts with other girls in front of me but this one particular girl is always approaching him and tries to get his attention and they talk and laugh especially around me but he rarely ...

A.   15 July 2017:  You don't know if he likes her,- and you don't know if he likes you. If he flirts with other girls in front of you, and , even without initiating , plays along when this girl flirts with him- it's very probable that he does not really., really ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's ex wife still comes into the house every week

Q.   My boyfriend of a year is divorced three years and his ex wife comes into his house with their High School children to collect any things they have left there when hes at work. She comes in with them and into the lounge and kitchen etc and has a ...

A.   15 July 2017:  Now, call me dumb but I don't quite see what's the big problem amd whay this woman is doing so terrible. She has been granted a key to the house, and access to it when the kids need to go in. She takes them to fetch their things, and if whil... (read in full...)

My friend doesn't have enough to do. How do I tell her to back off?

Q.   Im a single mum of a teenager i have full time as my ex didnt want to know. I also work so aswell as that i have housework on top. my child helps a lot too which im proud to say i dont have to harass him to help. I have a friend who doesnt work due ...

A.   15 July 2017:  She's doing your head in ? Why ?? I mean, I am not much into texting myself, so I can understand that your friend is slightly annoying. Then again, a text is a text, not a royal summons. You don't have to answer it at once, you don't even have... (read in full...)

Why would he lie about who he is?

Q.   I met this guy online and we've been talking for six months now. I'm in the US and he's in Canada. We ve been texting and video chatting almost every day and he says that he's falling for me, I'm his dream girl and he wants me to be his girlfriend. ...

A.   15 July 2017:  Because he does not ? Not necessarily just because a perfect stranger met on line tells you big, romantic words, that means that these words are true. Talk is cheap.... (read in full...)

Is my daughter possibly being used by the guy she moved in with?

Q.   My daughter has moved in with her boyfriend they have only being together 5 months and moved in with him after 2 months. She is paying him £300 a month plus half for food. It is his house and her name is not on the mortgage. She has also bought ...

A.   13 July 2017:  Well, yes, a bit . Could be worse , though :) In the sense that, of course she should be paying for her food, why should he be feeding her if she has an income and they are not even married ? As for the 300 pounds in rent, I suppose that yes it w... (read in full...)

Is it stupid to take back my ex in a month or two?

Q.   I had been in a relationship for almost 6 years (engaged to be married) and my fiancé informed me almost a month ago he likes another woman. After plenty of time I decided one night to leave him and moved everything out and back to my parents ho...

A.   13 July 2017:  Yes, it would be stupid. What's a month or two going you change in the fact that, beside crushing on another woman, he has been treating you crappy since one year and a bit ? You were engaged to be married, would do really want to be married ... (read in full...)

I want him back but I don't think my family and friends will like it

Q.   I had been in a relationship for almost 6 years (engaged to be married) and my fiancé informed me almost a month ago he likes another woman. After plenty of time I decided one night to leave him and moved everything out and back to my parents ho...

A.   12 July 2017:  Tou Wish is right, I think. What would be changed in just 2 months anyway ? It sounds like you have already made up your mind to go back to him, but you want to punish him a bit first, so you'll have a good sulk for a couple of months, and then... ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wont make an effort for me.

Q.   Hi, I asked my boyfriend several times if he would go with me to the beach and he has always said no. Last time I asked he said that he would think about it, so I rushed to prepare our stuff and then I ask him again he says no! This happens ...

A.   3 July 2017:  Well, he could say that you are not making an effort either - the effort to understand once and for all that he is an introvert , he sunburns easily and feels uncomfortable on a beach, - and going to the beach is more like punishment than fun to ... (read in full...)

What is the correct protocol for children that don't live at home and being invited out with us?

Q.   I have a question for other blended families, I have two kids ages 12 and 7 and my fiance has two kids 22 and 18. The 22 and 18 year old live with their boyfriends and my children live with me and my fiance. Here is the question. When planning...

A.   3 July 2017:  Well, the fact that this relationship is better than the previous ones does not mean per se that this is a good, or even sustainable, relationship. Maybe the previous ones were really terrible and this being slightly better still does not make it ... (read in full...)

What is the correct protocol for children that don't live at home and being invited out with us?

Q.   I have a question for other blended families, I have two kids ages 12 and 7 and my fiance has two kids 22 and 18. The 22 and 18 year old live with their boyfriends and my children live with me and my fiance. Here is the question. When planning...

A.   2 July 2017:  I see now Aunty BimBim's post - and I recant my advice. I take it back. Not that it's not sensible advice, in a normal average blended family situation. It is. But yours is not exactly a typical situation, and your problem is not the etiq... (read in full...)

What is the correct protocol for children that don't live at home and being invited out with us?

Q.   I have a question for other blended families, I have two kids ages 12 and 7 and my fiance has two kids 22 and 18. The 22 and 18 year old live with their boyfriends and my children live with me and my fiance. Here is the question. When planning...

A.   2 July 2017:  I agree with Chigirl in almost everything . Of course you should have invited your bf's daughters to his special celebration - age is irrelevant in this case, same as the fact rhar they live by themselves. You should have invited them even if ... (read in full...)

I am still breast feeding my school aged child

Q.   I do not see a problem with this however I wondered what the general consensus would be .... I am breastfeeding an almost 7 year old? I am quite out spoken about breastfeeding but a side from close family and friends, no one knows that we are still ...

A.   2 July 2017: Oh society has got used to the fact that there are people who live life along to the beat of their own drum; it's the solitary drummers who won't get used to the fact that other people do not have to applaude or approve their different drumbeat, ... (read in full...)

My LDR girlfriend gets obsessive when I am with my family or friends

Q.   So long story short ive been in this relationship and it started off perfectly fine until she got obsessively clingy. Everytime i go out with my parents/friends/family and I'm too busy to respond (I should include this is a long distance ...

A.   2 July 2017:  No, obviously this is not normal- nor acceptable. Why do you put up with this ? She is not a woman... she is an electronic anklet !. I am sure that you like, or love , this person and you'd rather stay in the relationship . But without mutual trust ... (read in full...)

I'm confused about her behavior. She seemed into me but then would not get off the phone??

Q.   Hi, I met this girl whilst I was going to work. She works in an airport. I travel a lot on short flights. I noticed this girl was very friendly to me a few weeks ago. Also when I entered the airport the other week I noticed she had spotted me and ...

A.   30 June 2017:  If she has not answered anything, not even one of those vague " very busy right now "... it sounds like she 'd rather be left alone. Who knows, maybe she has one of those botring jobs where the occasional chat with a friendly customer is a ... (read in full...)

Do you think my ex-roommate will want to date me again if I put zero pressure on him?

Q.   So I dated my roommate for a year. It never progressed very far because every time I put pressure on him (which I have a habit of doing) he freaked out and pulled away. We really liked each other though so I always assumed the problem was living ...

A.   30 June 2017:  I agree with Honeypie, I think too you won't fix it. Or, maybe you'll " fix it " in the sense that , if in a while he should miss you and contact you again ( whether because just horny or genuinely nostalgic, it does not matter ) he stil... (read in full...)

Are my occasional and brief moments of pretty harsh criticism against my messy mother "normal"?

Q.   My parents are 73 and 70 now and live alone. I live a 5-hour drive far from them, and visit them every month or so - spending also most of August with them. I help them a lot when I stay with them, but there’s this hitch with my mother (aged 70). ...

A.   30 June 2017:  The messy house is not the problem itself, but just a symptom of the problem, which is your mother has got dementia, and short term memory loss . She is a sick person, and nobody should expect from her the same performances and the same behaviour ... (read in full...)

Is a man without a big wallet a deal breaker for you?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have recently met a great man. We've been dating for a few months but we have met each other's parents because we are serious about each other. Recently though, my worries have been our financial status. He is a hard working chef a...

A.   30 June 2017: This may seem harsh too, but yours is a strange question, coming from someone who is unemployed , or at best a part time worker : where is YOUR big wallet ? What do you bring to the table, moneywise ? Maybe you should concern yourself about how ... (read in full...)

2000 messages after and my interest has not waned in one particular man

Q.   I am a little sad as I write this and would appreciate this question is posted. I am new to online dating. A guy from the dating site started talking to me. I wasn't interested in him but after a few days of talking. We exchanged numbers, did skype ...

A.   27 June 2017:  He said he is interested , but he is not showing it through his actions, and actions speak louder than words. Sounds like a waste of time, if you ask me. First of all, he does not want to get married , and you do. Ok, marriage is not some... (read in full...)

Graduation dilemma - what should I do ?

Q.   Hi there ! I have a " graduation " Dilemma . I had a messy divorce and lost my home and most of my possessions to my ex husband . My daughter has a University graduation in two weeks and gave her two allocated tickers for her graduation to her ...

A.   27 June 2017:  I agree with Denizen, - get over it. It's worth having to go through some inconvenience to be there for your daughter in such a special occasion, and if all the hardship you'll have to go through is to wait outside with your ex husband- it 's not ... (read in full...)

My ex boyfriend had me arrested for harassment charges! Has anyone else experienced this?

Q.   I need some advice please. I was with my boyfriend nearly 2 years and the relationship was great, we had so much in common and were lovers but also best friends. I have abandonment issues and eventually started to self destruct until, after weeks of...

A.   27 June 2017:  Well, regardless of the fact that you could, and should, have blocked him and deleted him even if he pleaded to stay in touch.- let's define " stay in touch ". It's very possible that your ideas about what constitutes staying in touch betw... (read in full...)

I'm confused about her behavior. She seemed into me but then would not get off the phone??

Q.   Hi, I met this girl whilst I was going to work. She works in an airport. I travel a lot on short flights. I noticed this girl was very friendly to me a few weeks ago. Also when I entered the airport the other week I noticed she had spotted me and ...

A.   27 June 2017:  Hey, even if she does not answer, or answers no- at least you have tried. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I agree that, from what you say, she sounded interested ; asking you about your relationship status, and letting you know hers.. gene... (read in full...)

He's a slob but I'm afaid to let go

Q.   I don't know what to do any more. My relationship seems like it's going nowhere quickly. I use to be really happy with my boyfriend, but now he constantly blames me for everything. He's never happy with anything. The other night I called him o...

A.   27 June 2017:  He thinks drinking a bottle of wine a day , or a bottle of vodka in one sitting ( congratulations for his strong fiber, there's plenty people who ended up in an ethilic coma for trying to do this ! ) in front of a 5 years old is acceptable. You, ... (read in full...)

I have a gf but still think about my ex

Q.   I feel so bad for thinking about my ex and I know people are going to bag me out for it. If it was someone coming to me, in which I am often the person, it is what I would be telling them. I tried to give myself time to heal after we broke up, 2 y...

A.   27 June 2017: ...Erm...and ? It's over. O-V-E-R. All this was 3 years ago. It made you suffer, it affected you, no doubt- but : you csn't change the past. You can never go back to what it was. You can never bathe twice in the very same river- water flows, and ... (read in full...)

He cheated, we broke up. He's never apologized and its weird being in the same group of friends

Q.   The guy I was seeing exclusively for the past few months recently cheated on me when he was drunk and I found out about it from my friend. At the time I was obviously very angry and upset when I spoke to him and so even though he apologised it ...

A.   26 June 2017:  For the sake of the group ?... He does not need to do anything for the sake of the group. This is personal, between you and him, and technically he has already done what he was supposed to do, i.e apologize to you. You decided to not accept his ... (read in full...)

My ex boyfriend had me arrested for harassment charges! Has anyone else experienced this?

Q.   I need some advice please. I was with my boyfriend nearly 2 years and the relationship was great, we had so much in common and were lovers but also best friends. I have abandonment issues and eventually started to self destruct until, after weeks of...

A.   26 June 2017:  Yes, it would be interesting to know the other side of the story. What he did sounds rather extreme and unless he really brings you ill will, in a very bad, unhealthy way, I don't think he would have resorted to that, unless you had acted in a ... (read in full...)

Why is he still looking for me? He's married now.

Q.   9 years ago (15-16yrs old)I dated a guy in H.S. But we only dated for about a month before he broke up with me over the phone. In that month we were together we had sex and seems like all the guys were talking about it..Well next school year he ...

A.   24 June 2017:  Now, you block him, do not respond to any attempts to contact if he tries again, ignore him, and move on with your life , as it is about time. What else ? What else would you want to do ? You know he is using you for sex !, and also with... (read in full...)

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