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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [246 pages, 9814 answers]

Am I being hidden from the ex and his kids?

Q.   Hello. I am hoping you are able to put my mind at rest really. I've been in a relationship with a guy for five months and it's all good. He lives about an hour away, and he has three kids who are another couple of hours away from him with his ex,...

A.   20 March 2017:  I think he is being reasonably prudent. 5 months IMO would be early days anyway to introduce you to the kids, but, never mind that. The point is that if he is going through a messy , not amicable divorce- wisely he does not want to give his ... (read in full...)

Should I admit I messed up and try one last time?

Q.   My ex and I were dating on and off for the good part of a year. There was a period where I was speaking to him as well as another guy and chose to be in a relationship with the other guy for three months – this really hurt him. Months later, we ...

A.   20 March 2017:  If you want to send your sincere apologies- I think it can't hurt, it's never wrong taking responsibility for having messed up and apologizing for the hurt or discomfort you may have caused. BUT- keep your expectations low, very low. Just send it i... (read in full...)

Is this a normal change for me to consider? Don't want to spend my birthday with family

Q.   Hi, in a few days I'll turn 35, but unlike the other years - when I used to get together with family members, this time I don't feel like celebrating or focusing on it at all. Is this normal? Thanks.....

A.   20 March 2017:  P.S. I am one of those persons who are fine with no celebration at all , because , by curious coincidence, I spent some of my birthdays : 1 ) at the undertaker's arranging my father's funeral ; 2 ) at the hospital undergoing surgery 3 ) a... (read in full...)

Is this a normal change for me to consider? Don't want to spend my birthday with family

Q.   Hi, in a few days I'll turn 35, but unlike the other years - when I used to get together with family members, this time I don't feel like celebrating or focusing on it at all. Is this normal? Thanks.....

A.   20 March 2017:  Yes, what would be interesting would be to know WHY you wonder if this is " normal ". I mean, why should it not be normal. People change their minds and their tastes all the time, without it having to mean anything sinister. You spend your... (read in full...)

My friend doesn't know if he likes her or not or if she has a chance with him

Q.   Just wanted to say thank you for taking your time to read this first. This has nothing to do with me, my friend is having problems reading this guy she likes and I thought asking here would help as I understand a lot of people here give out go...

A.   19 March 2017:  No, your friend should let this go. He HAS made very clear about what he feels , she just does not want to hear it. If she persists, she WILL come off as pushy or desperate. So, why did he accept to go out on a date, and a longish one too ? Well... (read in full...)

Can someone explain bisexuality to me? GF and her best friend are but I don't understand it

Q.   My girlfriend's sexuality is what she has stated to be bisexual, but she has no "love-connection" with females, just attraction wise. Now, her best friend is also bisexual in the same way, and they share sexual experiences constantly and w...

A.   18 March 2017:  They STILL share sexual experiences constantly ?! I mean, even now that your gf is supposed to be in a relationship with you ?... That's not good, - unless you have both agreed to have an open relationship and both can have sexuaò experiences with... (read in full...)

Can a true relationship be achieved without the affection and the touchy part?

Q.   our sex life has slowly deteriorated. He blames it on my weight gain but many people including male friends and family have advised me that the weight is not the problem. He won't see a doctor cause he blames it on me, however he is 11 years olde...

A.   18 March 2017:  " True " for whom ? Yes, in general I think it is possible to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship even without plenty of PDA or physical contact . Some people are just not touchy feely, or are naturally shy, or have been raised in an envi... (read in full...)

Is he scamming me?

Q.   Hi and thank you for your advice I met a male online approximately two months ago. He is very charming. We've talked daily. He tells me his wife died in an accident and he doesn't communicate with his family and he has one son who stays wit...

A.   18 March 2017:  You bet he is scamming you !! He says that he is in Nigeria with no shelter ? tell him to enjoy the sight of the star studded African sky at night, I've heard it is an impressive view. Contrariously to Honeypie, I know very little about ho... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school?

Q.   Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school? This started happening a few months back and while it is not the end of the world it just seems out of the norm. He will change if we have visitors other then fami...

A.   14 March 2017: I guess it depends whom you ask to. My personal opinion is that yes, it's wrong, I would not have tolerated it in my house, thankfully the most I had to contend with was my son's unhealthy attachment to his ratty floor length bathrobe, and I ... (read in full...)

Wedding plans. What can I say to my sister and yet not upset her?

Q.   I am getting married in September and have chosen my bridal party. My sister is supposed to be a bridesmaid in my bridal party. We had a falling out after I had asked her and she had said she no longer wanted to be a part of the wedding. The re...

A.   14 March 2017:  Actually I think that your sister came up with a reasonable and acceptable compromise. You won't invite her bf- you can't invite him because the groom does not want him at the wedding , and as you say yourself , this is HIS wedding too and he has ... (read in full...)

What is wrong with my boyfriend? our conversations on the phone lapse into silence

Q.   I'm so frustrated! What is wrong with my boyfriend? He likes to be on the phone with me but has nothing to say. It will literally be silent for half an hour and it annoys me so much to hold the phone and listen to dead air like that. When I t...

A.   14 March 2017: Maybe after 3 years of constant talking and constant texting he is a bit talked out... When you see each other in person, you can interval long conversations with " companionable silence ", but, as you have noticed, for some reasons comp... (read in full...)

What do you think about guys who body shame women?

Q.   I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He was the type to cancel on a date on me and get angry for small things or worse, make the topics that don't concern him, his own problems. He never wanted to take me out. After breaking up with him...

A.   14 March 2017:  It's difficult, but ,... don't take it personally . It's not even your body shape - that does not even factor in. Indeed, he can't be SO terribly adverse to Rubenesque girls, if he pursued, dated , and had sex with, Rubenesque you. If you h... (read in full...)

His behaviour has broken my trust in people

Q.   Hello everyone. I hope you're doing well this Sunday. I was recently in a 3 year relationship. This whole time I thought I had a sweet, brutally honest, loyal, friend, lover, team mate. Everything came crashing down. Turned out he was not loyal or...

A.   13 March 2017:  .. Jumping to conclusions ?... Fair enough : please YOU tell us which are the conclusions to be drawn by the gist of your story, which is : Your bf dumped you, and you battered him. ( He could have pressed charges, btw. Just saying ). Wait ... (read in full...)

His behaviour has broken my trust in people

Q.   Hello everyone. I hope you're doing well this Sunday. I was recently in a 3 year relationship. This whole time I thought I had a sweet, brutally honest, loyal, friend, lover, team mate. Everything came crashing down. Turned out he was not loyal or...

A.   13 March 2017:  I hate to have to agree with Char - but tbh I sort of do. Why do I hate it ? Because, your shock and grief sounds very genuine and are very moving, and in front of that, one would want to be able to offer only solidariety. But.. let's face... (read in full...)

Was he right to say I need "more education?"

Q.   Hi.. I've been with my bf for about 7 months. He has a degree in classics, privately educated, where as I have A levels and I quit a dead end job because of depression and couldn't handle it. I still am intelligent and we have deep conversatio...

A.   13 March 2017:  I agree with anon. I think it either just came out wrong, or perhaps you are projecting your own insecurities about you lower level of educarion on him. In other words, he does not feel bad about you not having a degree or about him being more ... (read in full...)

Based on his words and actions since November, is it reasonable to ask if we are exclusive now?

Q.   I had a conversation with the guy i'm seeing and we were talking about which friends are single and which are with someone. So I said when you coming off the market and he said well I am kinda off the market. I said not really then he said ok, ...

A.   13 March 2017:  I'd say, not yet. Not really. " Kinda off the market " is obviously not the just the same as "off the market ". I think what he means he is not being proactive, not actively seeking someone who could suit his needs better than you do. He is n... (read in full...)

My boyfriend no longer has time for me because of his new job. How do I cope?

Q.   I feel that my boyfriend and I may have hit a rough patch. We're about 6 months into our relationship and up until this point, things have been so easy and carefree. Then, he got a new job that has a lot of potential for him to advance and be v...

A.   11 March 2017:  How can you handle the transition ?.. Pardon the harshness, OP, but.. maybe deciding to grow up a bit and join the adult world ? Because that's where your bf lives now. He may be just very busy at this time and hopefully his workload will ... (read in full...)

Does a man call a woman a bad word because of how he sees her physically?

Q.   Do men call women wh..res because they think they are ugly ? Is it because it's thought a woman is not attractive enough to be appealing enough for a man to want to date and marry that she would have to sell herself sexually in order to survive ...

A.   11 March 2017:  No, I don't think that the word whore has been used with any connection whatsoever to physical beauty , or lack of the same. Insults are expressions of rage, frustration , pent up aggressivity, and the wish to cut you down to size. You don't have... (read in full...)

My husband is a serial cheater. Am I fooling myself to think he will change?

Q.   I have been married to my husband for 23 years. We were young when we got married - 20 and 21. Early on in our marriage he cheated on me twice. I was not very confident back then and terrified of being alone, so I forgave and stayed. And I guess ...

A.   8 March 2017:  Yes, you are sooo fooling yourself- but, IMO, that's not even the point, The point is that if even by some sort of miracle he changes - so what. Let's say that tomorrow he has a religious epiphany , meets Jesus and sins no more. Or, that he ... (read in full...)

My 22 year old daughter has sent nude photos to her boyfriend. How do I address this?

Q.   I recently discovered that my 22 year old daughter who is doing her post graduation has clicked and sent her nude pictures to her boyfriend. am concerned that its morally incorrect and also usually such pictures land up circulating. Its very...

A.   7 March 2017:  I am with YouWish . Your daughter is 22 - she may be conducting her sexual life in a way that you do not like or do not approve of, but it's HER life , and whatever she does it's a private , personal area where nobody should have the cheek to ... (read in full...)

She dropped me as a friend after realizing we would not work romantically! Why??

Q.   OK, perhaps people will think I'm daft but in brief I began corresponding with this woman in another country on an international dating site. At first we thought we would just be friends, and we seemed to share a lot: philosophy, books, movies, art, ...

A.   7 March 2017:  Oops ! Damn typos. DATING site, not DARING.... (read in full...)

Heroin addict stares at me?

Q.   This man has been on heroin crack methadone you name it and I know he still at least has methadone and crack. I'm lead to believe opiates kill sex drive so why does he keep on staring at me? I don't think he just stares because he's off his nut, ...

A.   7 March 2017:  Opiates do not kill sex drive. They lower testosterone levels, ar times somewhat , other times dramatically- and induce a symptomatic state of androgen deficiency. In simpler words : you feel the impulse, but you have trouble in having and ... (read in full...)

She dropped me as a friend after realizing we would not work romantically! Why??

Q.   OK, perhaps people will think I'm daft but in brief I began corresponding with this woman in another country on an international dating site. At first we thought we would just be friends, and we seemed to share a lot: philosophy, books, movies, art, ...

A.   7 March 2017:  Well, you started corresponding on an international DARING site. Not a pen pale site, a make-new- friends site. This woman's priority was to find herself someone to date, to have a relationship, to be involved romantically, to visit each other as ... (read in full...)

Should I go on a trip with my family or to a wedding with my boyfriend?

Q.   I'm struggling to make a decision. I don't want this to sound like first world problems or like a brat. I've been dating someone for nearly 6 months now. We're starting to get more serious and have had a really great relationship so far. The ...

A.   7 March 2017:  For me, I vote France. Absolutely. No doubt about it. First, sorry, but loving, caring ( and generous ! ) parents who are your parents since 22-25 years trump ( and so they should ) 6 months boyfriend anytime. Don't get me wrong, I wish y... (read in full...)

If my husband takes up the job then our relationship would suffer. What should we do now?

Q.   my husband is applying for a job in a town about an hour away from the one that we live in. if this was where the story ended, there would be no problem...but it's not, and there is. the job is 12 hours a day, seven days a week, graveyard shifts (7 ...

A.   7 March 2017:  Oh boy. 12 hours a day 7 days a week ? Is that even legal ?! Well,... I suppose it must be ,and I also suppose that this is some short term contract or project to be completed within X period of time- I can't imagine this kind of hours and job ... (read in full...)

Could this girl be interested in me?

Q.   I stop at this petrol station sometimes. The past two, three times there's been a nice young girl there, and as at the times I go there it's not that busy, we have a chat. Somehow we got on to the topic of massages. I said that my massages may be ...

A.   3 March 2017:  It sounds to me as if she was just surprised, taken aback. She could not believe her ears, - she gave you a polite version of " WTF ??" . Normally a guy would not offer , out of the blue, to put his hands on and manipulate physically a girl he d... (read in full...)

I am sure my fiance's mother will be a fantastic grandma, but could she also be a "monster in law" in disguise?

Q.   hi.. great day.. i need to share my thoughts and get some honest opinion from some experienced people from here.. im going to marry in the next couple months and move into my fiance house. theres his parent and sister family on the extended par...

A.   3 March 2017: As the male anon says : what disguise, lol, she is and always was ! a " monster - in - law " in plain sight. Even by the standards of your non-Western culture. Sorry but- you made your bed, now go lie in it.. You have posted several times, alwa... (read in full...)

I am worried my boyfriend's new job means the end of our relationship.

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 months. I'm very happy with him. He is consistently supportive and thoughtful and treats me so kindly and respectfully. He recently got a new job and it started today. His previous job didn't have ...

A.   28 February 2017:  I meant " mowed down by a truck " of course :) ... (read in full...)

I am worried my boyfriend's new job means the end of our relationship.

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 months. I'm very happy with him. He is consistently supportive and thoughtful and treats me so kindly and respectfully. He recently got a new job and it started today. His previous job didn't have ...

A.   28 February 2017:  I think that maybe you wrote us for reassurance and deep down you want us to re-state the obvious : your bf loves you, he is not a player, he is dependable and stable, etc. etc. But you know that already. I'll play the devil's advocate , inst... (read in full...)

He's been flirting with me, but after seeing him out with another woman I'm not sure how he really feels!

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles I met a guy nearly two years ago. Did not like him to begin. Then started to get to know him and he started flirting he gave me his number. Cutting a long story short, we have been talking for many weeks and my feelings h...

A.   28 February 2017:  Then give it time,if this is your preference, but not too much time. Considering that nothing has happened in two YEARS, which is quite a while . Decide in advance how much time is reasonable to invest in this hope , without any guarantee of ... (read in full...)

Is it too soon to sleep with him?

Q.   I need your opinions and thank you in advance. I am 40 dating a guy who is 48 for 3 weeks. We have been on 16 dates already. I know it is too much with some standards but he is just head over heels for me and has told all his family and friends and ...

A.   28 February 2017:  I don't think that age has got anything to do with this, it's always the same if you are 20, 40 or 60. It's not about age, it's about your expectations. You have no particular demands or plans for your romantic life ? Are you willing to just be i... (read in full...)

My FWB grabbed me by the throat when I said I would find sex elsewhere!

Q.   I've been seeing this guy for a couple months now. We made it very clear we do not want a relationship with each other. It is just friend with benefits kind of thing. We are really good friends and we're not sleeping with anyone else. Last night we ...

A.   28 February 2017: Banal answer,...but probably not too off the mark : because he was DRUNK and he is a "mean " drunk. Alcohol releases inhibitions and in some people brings out in the open dark,violent impulses that they can keep on check when sober. He was anno... (read in full...)

We both want to have sex but I'm not sure I am ready

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months and he has fingered me and I have given him a hand job. We've both considered having sex but I'm not sure if I'm ready. Sometimes I want to have sex and I feel confident but sometimes I get too scared I ...

A.   27 February 2017:  If you are not sure if you are ready or not- then you are not ready. When you are ready - you know it, no doubt. As simple as that. Do yourself a favour , though- when you feel ready, get also reliable contracception ,though. The pill or the s... (read in full...)

His family want us to marry, mine don't!

Q.   Dear Aunts and Uncles, I 'was' dating this guy for a little over two years. We have both met each other's families and all was well until last December when his family started asking him to get married. Now the problem is I am in my early 20s ...

A.   27 February 2017:  " I have always been there to support him emotionally and FINANCIALLY in his times of need ". Ouch,ouch. Pardon cynical me, but I believe this is an obvious explanation, maybe not of why HE wants to marry you ( hopeful he also has feelings for ... (read in full...)

Workplace problems... Did I deal with Jimmy in the right way? How do I handle the situation now?

Q.   I've worked at 4 different job locations during my 8 years of working for this company. I've never really had "true friendship" with any of my co-workers because I was always the "new person" to join the facility. I came to this location about a ...

A.   27 February 2017:  That's a strange story- I don't even understand how you could do what you did without a) the unions descending upon you like a Ride of the Valkyries b ) Jimmy suing for illegal disciplinary action c ) maybe even pressing charges . Now, I know... (read in full...)

He's been flirting with me, but after seeing him out with another woman I'm not sure how he really feels!

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles I met a guy nearly two years ago. Did not like him to begin. Then started to get to know him and he started flirting he gave me his number. Cutting a long story short, we have been talking for many weeks and my feelings h...

A.   26 February 2017:  I don't see much room for confusion here. Particularly if " I have been told to lay off him " means that you have been told this by the guy in person !, I think the message is crystal-clear : he does not wish to be in closer relationships with ... (read in full...)

Do I ask her out online or in person? She is shy.

Q.   I don't know if I should ask her out in person or online? We talk often, and get along well. In fact I often see her staring, and all of the signs that tell me she likes me are clear now. She's shy, and probably won't ask me out herself, so I thin...

A.   25 February 2017:  In person. Absolutely.... (read in full...)

Would I be betraying my Mom's memory if I get close to Dad's new girlfriend?

Q.   Hello, My name is Bree. 2 years ago my mother died and it has been sad and rough for my Dad and I. When my mom died it really broke my Dad's heart, he loved her so much and misses her, and I miss her too. But last month my Dad told me he met another ...

A.   24 February 2017:  I don't think you would be betraying your Mom's memory. Your Mom is your Mom forever and nobody will ever be able to take away her role in your life and her place in your heart. Ever. But, as cruel as it may sound to a mourning child, life goe... (read in full...)

Should I stop having sex with my boyfriend???

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months. During month 6 he proposed to me the issue I am having is with sex I want enjoy having sex with him but I crave it so much I feel overwhelmed. We don't have sex often because I really want to s...

A.   24 February 2017:  I was puzzled too reading your post. What does it even mean, " I want to save *most* of sex for marriage ? Sex is not a pie, that you can have a slice today but save most for Sunday dinner.. Either your spiritual values allow prem... (read in full...)

So many questions with him paying for porn

Q.   Hi there, I know the topic of my question has been discussed a lot but I still feel the need to ask. I have been with my boyfriend for 1year and a half and everything has been great, I had my own place and he has his. Then, this summer, my lease...

A.   24 February 2017: ...If it ìs allowed as long as you don't get caught,... then it is NOT allowed ! That's a bit like saying, " bank tellers can take a tenner here and there from the safe and pocket it,... as long as they don't get caught ". I think he DOES ... (read in full...)

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