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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [261 pages, 10409 answers]

Is he completely dense? Should we just give up trying to tell him he’s making the biggest mistake of his life?

Q.   Hi guys so firstly this us a follow on from a post at Christmas- thank you all for your excellent advice The situation was a mutual good friend had got himself involved with a girl we all knew was bad news- disrespected him, took money and gene...

A.   21 January 2019:  Exactly, alas what can you do ? You have told him already that you feel his is a bad idea and he chose to disregard your advice. As , tbh, he has any right to do, since he is a grown up man, does not depend from any of you financially, and he know... (read in full...)

Why do people at work bully other people?

Q.   Why do people at work bully other people? I have a close relation with someone at work. I am at a managerial position and she is at Junior level. This girl is good at her job but still her manager has an issue with my friendship with her. She ...

A.   19 January 2019:  "I am at a managerial position and she is at Junior level ". There you have it. Most corporate environments frown upon or actively discourage closeness ( not being pleasant or being civil ) such as the one you were developing with this girl, ... (read in full...)

If a girl is interested in a guy, he jumps at the chance to go out with her, why won't this guy?

Q.   There's a boy in my class who's really cute, smart, nice, everything I like in a guy but he ignores me. I try talking to him and he either doesn't talk to me or tells me to leave him alone. I've passed him notes in class and left notes in his locker ...

A.   19 January 2019:  "If a girl is interested in a guy,he jumps at the chance to go out with her " ?... Who told you that ?, and how does this even make sense to you ? I wish it were so easy ! Like when you go to a fish restaurant and you pick your fish or lobs... (read in full...)

Am I reading too much into our friend with benefits relationship?

Q.   Hello, I am trying to figure this person out and hoping to get some advice. I am in a Friends with benefits relationship . I am with man who I am getting the most weirdest signals, we started dating in July and usually back than it was just the ...

A.   17 January 2019: Based on what we read on DC, lots of ladies must have very low expectations when it comes to FWB. " We are FWB but he wished me Merry Xmas ! Does he want more ? " " We are FWB, but he bought me an ice cream cone ! Does he want more ? " and so on. ... (read in full...)

Should I resign from my job because I’m being bullied?

Q.   I’ve worked for a company for five years and enjoy my job. however a female co worker who is at the same company as me, doesn’t like me and is doing everything she can to make feel miserable. she has also back stabbed me a few times and has even ...

A.   17 January 2019:  I hope you are not being serious : would you really leave a job which you enjoy ( and without having an equal or better one already lined up ) just because of one person who is misbehaving ?! You are having problems with this one person who does ... (read in full...)

He keep my number in last ten years ( could he be a player)

Q.   It’s almost ten years ago I talked with a guy online . He was almost 17 years older then me. I was 34 and he was around 51. We chat online and we met . We liked each other. Next day , I texted him many times but he didn’t respond. Then he respon...

A.   17 January 2019:  How do you know he likes you ?.... His seems, in fact, the typical behaviour of someone who is bored / horny /just killing time. If he could not be bothered to followp up and reply your text- then obviously he wasn't so terribly interested in meet... (read in full...)

How can we get married when my LDR man doesn't get a job?

Q.   I have met a wonderful guy, it's been 15 months in our relationship, I have introduced him to my family, they accepted him, I haven't met his family yet because we live in different countries, we met through a friend, he is a good man, problem is, ...

A.   16 January 2019:  This sounds to me like an awful waste of time- and from the get-go. How do people think they can carry on a long distance relationship, if either one or both do not have the financial means to afford it ? Why even starting it, I wonder. For ... (read in full...)

I feel like he loves me but isn't interested in sex

Q.   My man and I use to have sex all the time, couldn't get enough of each other.for the past few months, he never initiates, he says he is having a hard time getting hard.I try all kinds of things, I even please myself in front of him. I feel like he ...

A.   16 January 2019: " What a drag it is getting old ", as the Rolling Stones would put it. You sound surprised but you should not be, if your partner is your age or older. Any way you look at it, he is way past his sexual prime and peak performance ( older studies put ... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   12 January 2019:  I hope too you'll stay strong , but to be totally honest I doubt it, it just does not sound to me like you are making enough of an effort. " I've been texting him, just necessary communication for work …" and he is not replying ?... To a NECE... (read in full...)

Is he actually seeing someone? Am I just entering a situation I shouldn’t? What are his motives?

Q.   I’ve been talking to a guy (via messenger) for around 10 months now, we originally met on a dating site. It’s very casual and flirty but we’ve not met due to us both agreeing the distance was a bit too far, however after months of us both dating o...

A.   7 January 2019:  We should define first who is a player. I don't think that by player you mean someone who is not monogamous, has several casual relationship going on at the same time and keeps his options open. Because you know or imagine that he is like this ... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   7 January 2019:  " His tears were very real ". So they were- big deal. Spoiled children cry up a storm, and very sincerely, if they have to let go of something they want. Ever tried to tell a kid that he can't have both a donut and an ice-cream cone for dessert, ... (read in full...)

I found evidence that my wife has been cheating. She denies it. Is she lying?

Q.   I recently found out my wife of 12 years has been seeing a guy from work for the past 3 months. I found a messenger conversation between her and her friend. In it it says they are like love sick teenagers. She talks about getting caught with him in ...

A.   7 January 2019:  Yes, she is lying. One may happen to crack a tasteless joke once, but we have the cupboard joke and the hotel room joke and the ring joke etc.etc., so at this point even if nothing physical had ever happened ( yeah right ) it would be not a joke ... (read in full...)

Was I in the wrong to tell her to let my boss know? Is ending our friendship justified?

Q.   So My husband works in the oil field industry and we live 12 hours away from home. We are alone in the state we are in, and have no family close by. In 2017, My husband befriended his coworker and wanted me to meet his coworkers wife so I could have ...

A.   7 January 2019:  You were not in the wrong. If this is ( or she thinks this is ) a case of " divided loyalties", I'd say that most people would think your loyalty should lay with your boss , because after all he is the one who contributes to butter your bread, ... (read in full...)

Should I delay IVF-treamtment, in order to get married in my dream dress?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are engaged to be married in 6 months. We have been trying for a baby for close to 2 years now. Last year, we underwent a fertility check as we didn't manage to get pregnant. Turns out he's got low sperm quality and I have ...

A.   7 January 2019: Yes, you should probably take a break, give yourself some rest psichologically. You sound a bit overwhelmed, and reasonably so- you are tackling three big things all at a time ( organizing your wedding, settling in your new job, and tryng to ... (read in full...)

Is ‘bird’ just slang for ‘woman’ or ‘girl’?

Q.   When a guy calls you a bird is it just slang for woman/girl. I text a guy friend to rearrange meeting up as he wasn't feeling well and joked that it was nurses orders for him to get better and that I couldn't find a nurse in uniform emoji t...

A.   30 December 2018:  If you are British , as your flag shows, I can't quite see why you are so surprised. " Bird " for woman / girl, they say it all the time !; it's like " chick " in USA. It's not a particularly romantic or complimentary way to call a person, but ... (read in full...)

This guy has a girlfriend, should I forget about him?

Q.   Hello, I know a guy for almost three months now, who I thought I was getting along with well and gave him my number because we work together. He's the only person I talk to, really. I told him I was finishing school, he mentioned he's finishing s...

A.   15 December 2018:  Yes, you should. For various reasons. First, he is taken. He has a girlfriend. That has not prevented him from flirting with other girls , maybe with the idea of seeing if things evolve somehow and there's some fun in it for him, but should ... (read in full...)

What is my sis in law suggesting here? That I'm a loser??

Q.   Was this fb post directed at me? and my “ettiquette” in talking with my sis in law and 11 yr old neice when I see them over new year? They live 2 hours from me in a small town. Im driving to see them in early Jan, sometime when its ok for ...

A.   15 December 2018:  I agree with Tisha-1. If in six years, and living not that far from each other, you could not manage to spare a few hours to see your brother's family- and, of course, conversely, if your brother's family could not spare a few hours to see you- ... (read in full...)

I am thinking of taking our 2 month old son and leaving my husband. How can I get him to man up?

Q.   I regret married to my husband. I regret ignoring all the red flag about him. I regret i dont take the advice from my friends and aunties here. Now im living miserably everyday worrying about what will he did. He is manipulative, selfish and path...

A.   8 December 2018:  You can't ever change people and make them into what you want them to be. Even if you could somehow force them to change, it won't stick, they'll revert to their previous behaviour as soon as the threat or pressure is removed. Change can only start ... (read in full...)

I work with a younger doctor and am very confused about his behavior around me

Q.   Am a hospital nurse, a worker, not a boss or manager, am quieter, do my thing, am not full of ego, work quietly and am polite. Am gay. Yeaterday at work this cocky, arrogant young Dr (maybe 27-28) makes a comment to a male nurse (steve) my ag...

A.   30 November 2018:  Relax. Everything does not have necessarily to be about you- or against you. Based only on the two episodes you mention, it sounds like he was just joking. Goofing around. Trying to generate a convivial atmosphere at work. You may feel that his ... (read in full...)

How can I learn to cook? Should I go to a male friend's house to learn?

Q.   unfortunately I have no idea how to cook and im not sure of how to even start or what to begin with . Im 22 and I think its rather embarrassing that I don't know how to cook , im not over reliant on my parents but I am in terms of meals and I just ...

A.   15 November 2018:  Simple, OP ! Get yourself a cookbook. In any bookshop there are hundreds to choose from, just make sure you do not start from anything too fancy; luckily there are so many titles like " Cooking for dummies " or " Everyday cooking " or " 100 easy ... (read in full...)

I cheated, fell pregnant, boyfriend left, I believe its his baby.

Q.   I cheated on my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant in a month time. When I told my boyfriend about it he told me to give birth but after he will have a DNA test. I had to tell him the truth that I cheated on him.he then said he is not ...

A.   10 November 2018:  I think you could go and have the DNA test done, you cannot determine paternity based on your " conscience " or hunch. If your ex bf is actually the father- then you can and should resort to the law to make sure he takes care of his child fina... (read in full...)

Should I apologize before the concert or just leave it alone?

Q.   When we were dating, I had given my ex a Louis Vuitton necklace. After we broke up, I knew he would just throw it away, so I asked for it back and he said he would mail it. A week later, it hadn’t come in the mail, so I texted him and asked if he ...

A.   10 November 2018:  You should totally leave him alone. He does sound like a nasty piece of work, but- you started first, in a way. Asking him your gift back was completely out of order, since when you give someone a present, the object becomes theirs for all intents ... (read in full...)

I'm vegetarian, he's not. How can we compromise better?

Q.   I've been vegetarian for 4 years, since before I met my boyfriend. He's a big meat eater, and I honestly don't mind what he eats. I've never tried to convert him. We've found some common ground - we cook a couple of great vegetarian dishes together ...

A.   9 November 2018:  Go Italian . There are many, many pasta sauces which do not contain meet or can be adjusted to exclude meet , like carbonara with pan-fried zucchini cubes in lieu of bacon. All different, all yummy, it does not have to be that usual boring ... (read in full...)

I stood by him even while he lied and said he was single now he doesn't want me

Q.   Hello to all. I do need help I need some advice or at least someone who does not judge me or listen to me. I met an Iraqi man four years ago. He arrived to the USA as a refugee. We met in person one night I was out with some girlfriends and he was ...

A.   8 November 2018:  Not really, anon male reader. What you say may be true in general, as an abstract principle, maybe; in practice there are many exceptions and the possibility for a woman to divorce her husband because of his zina ( adultery ) is quite ... (read in full...)

My ex girlfriend wants to be reimbursed for gifts she gave me.

Q.   I have recently broke up with my girlfriend after nine months together, a couple of weeks before we separated she bought me a present but now we're not together she's asking me to give her back the money she spent on that present, I don't think ...

A.   8 November 2018:  Yeah, give her back the gift ( not the money. Like, she gave you a watch, she gets the watch back ). She is being petty, and legally, or even morally, she has no ground for asking anything back. When you gift something, the object does not ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't want children, my mother is heartbroken.

Q.   I met my boyfriend 1 year ago. He is 40 and I am 30. He told me about 3 months into the relationship that he does not want to have any children. I am confused because I am not sure if I want to have any. I know that my current circumstances will not ...

A.   8 November 2018: I don't think you would make a baby just to please your mom and make her happy, right ? ( At least I hope you wouldn't ). That would be going well above and beyond the call of duty in the department of being a good, caring daughter. Having , or not ... (read in full...)

Is what this 15 year old girl wears okay around a father who drinks?

Q.   Is it ok for a 15 year old girl to walk around the house in her bra around her father...and he drinks heavy so his judgement could be possible inpaired .what should I do? how should I handle this while staying with them....?...

A.   8 November 2018:  That's a curious question, I wonder what made you think of it, something creepy in this man's behaviour, which you have seen, or heard of ?... Personally, I am not fond of heavy drinkers , in fact I think they are a nuisance and a disgrace ( ther... (read in full...)

I'm willing to leave my husband but my married lover isn't saying anything about leaving his wife

Q.   Iv been having an affair for a couple of years now and decided to end my marriage. I'm living with a friend but my married lover is still staying put. I said it was my problem about leaving my husband but he said he was still worried for me. He ...

A.   15 October 2018:  No, that's not why he is keeping quiet. He is keeping quiet because for him it works just fine the way it is, with a wife and a mistress. Did he say, in fact did he promise, to leave his wife, the moment you were going to be free and husb... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is thinking about working with a woman I don't like! What should I do?

Q.   I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and I love him with all my heart but I have always struggled with trust issues due to my boyfriend's career. He works at a gym a...

A.   15 October 2018:  I don't think the real problem is this specific colleague per se, but the general status of your relationship. Technically he is right, this is his job and you should not even think possible of having a say about whom he is going to work with... (read in full...)

He watches porn but wont have sex with me.

Q.   Hi me and my partner had a argument last week about him watching porn and not having sex with me we’ve been together for 4 years I’m always catching him watching porn but he makes no effort at all to have sex with me he says he doesn’t have a sex ...

A.   8 October 2018:  Dump him, what else ? It may sound too drastic to you, but come on ,OP, let's face it , he does not give you much to work with and build up from, dies her ? No sex, no love, no affection, no communication (when there's a problems he walks ou... (read in full...)

It seems that he wants me to want him, despite the fact he’s not looking for a serious relationship!

Q.   I have been seeing a guy got a few months now. At first I thought it would have potential eventually but now after getting to know him I feel like it's not going to reach bf/gf status. He's just not the kind of guy I would have a relationship with. ...

A.   5 October 2018: It happens at times that Honeypie and I say the same thing with different words, so this time, I'll make it even better: I'll say the same thing - with the very same words : Does it matter what HE wants ? Why don't you focus on what YOU want... (read in full...)

He threw out something important to me for no reason, WHY???

Q.   I had been buying second hand toys and saving them for a friend of my husbands who had asked for help with a co-worker with a 5 yr old who had no money for toys. I collected two shopping bags of quality toys (Dora the Explorer talking doll hou...

A.   24 September 2018:  Now, don't get me wrong. Those bags of toys belonged to you and your husband had no right to dispose of them, particularly because you had expressely told him , and more than once, to NOT touch them. So, yes, he screwed up, and no wonder that you ... (read in full...)

My wife is giving me the cold shoulder after I sent her touristy pics of women in Japan. How do I handle this?

Q.   Hi, first timer here. I am on a business trip to Japan. I am taking some guided tours with colleagues in my spare time. It has been interesting to explore the different culture here. I've never been before. I have always been an avid photogr...

A.   24 September 2018: Urgh. I can see where your wife is coming from. One would not need to be rabidly jealous and insecure to be cheesed off by your choice of photo subjects. I have two young nieces and when they were even younger they were into anime attire too- ... (read in full...)

Do you think she doesn’t want to see me?

Q.   do you think she doesnt wanna see me? so this all happend last year when i was at work and i went out to the lobby and i saw the girl i used to liked back in high school sitting at the table with her boyfriend i guess she was waiting for her food...

A.   24 September 2018:  You guess- but you don't know for a fact. It is quite possible she just told her bf " I used to go to school with that guy over there " ;or also that she did not say anything , and her bf just happened to look your way by chance. Anyway… ... (read in full...)

I'm jealous but am I too cruel or too possessive?

Q.   Hey guys :) It's been awhile since I posted here. I'm here to share about my jealousy when someone flirts with my lesbian partner :) Damn! She's a perfect butch. I love her with all my heart. I treat her like she's the only person in the whole wide ...

A.   21 September 2018:  You threatened a girl of what ?, of bodily harm ? Then it's not only too possessive,- it's foolish and a crime, you can go to jail for stuff like that. Your GF is an adult, if she does not want people to flirt with her or hit on her SHE can ... (read in full...)

Good date but no sparks. Should I ask for a second?

Q.   Hi all, I went on a first date with a girl last night. We met on a dating website. I am unsure what to do next. She was a nice girl and I think the date went well. It was comfortable and conversation flowed. She said at the end that it felt lik...

A.   21 September 2018: If you don't know whether you want a second date or not- then you don't really want a second date. If you really had a wish for a second date, right now you would be already planning this second date and asking the girl out , rather than aski... (read in full...)

My wife wants to use a sperm donor to ensure that our third child isn't autistic but I’m not sure how I feel about this.

Q.   My wife (34f) and I (36m) have been married for just over six years and in many ways have an ideal marriage and are very much still in love. Despite two kids, we still have sex 2 - 3 times per week. We still find time for getaways nearby beaches, ...

A.   20 September 2018:  I think it's bad idea for all the reason mentioned by the other posters, plus : if you use a sperm bank, how would it work in practice ? how would you you make sure that the donor does not carry autistic genes ? In USA sperm donors are test... (read in full...)

Is he fobbing me off, I thought we had a good thing going.

Q.   I started seeing a guy a month ago. He’s 12 months separated from his wife with two young children. Our relationship seemed really promising but then he went a bit cold. He says his ex wife is being really challenging. She calls him up out of the ...

A.   20 September 2018:  If you are going to be treated poorly, that will be with your approval and consent, because he told you loud and clear how it's gonna be : he is not in position to date . He won't give you what you 'd want from him. Maybe he is not lying per se ;... (read in full...)

I'm happy with the way things are, but she is talking marriage and babies

Q.   I have been dating a girl for 7 months now, due to my working hours and her studying at college, we only see each other 2-3 times a week. I am happy with the relationship the way it is because I like my space and time to myself, however she is ...

A.   20 September 2018:  Be honest.Don't string her along. I agree that's she is coming on way too strong after 7 months of dating, and she should chill a bit, then again if this is the way she feels, it would be cruel and dishonest of you just going with the flow out ... (read in full...)

I’m ready to have a baby but my husband wants to go traveling first!

Q.   Me and my husband have been together for 9 years and married 1 year, we both discussed from day 1 about getting married and if we wanted children. I'm 25 nearly 26 and my husband is 27 nearly 28. I am ready to have a baby and have been ready for the ...

A.   18 September 2018:  In 4 or 6 years you will still only be 29 to 31 ! And having a baby " because all my friends have one " is the worst possible reason to have a child- it's not an " adult " reason, and I think when you'll be 30 and over you'll see that , even ... (read in full...)

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