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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [265 pages, 10550 answers]

Wife is angry that I hugged a co-worker

Q.   My wife is angry I hugged a female former co-worker/friend that I have known for 10 years. When we seen this old co worker I have not seen her in 2 years and she is over 20 years older than me. She has met my kids. When my mother passed she sent ...

A.   19 August 2019:  So : you had already told her that you dislike when she removes her wedding ring to show she is upset- but oops she did it again. Even knowing how this makes you feel. And you know already that your wife dislikes when you hug other females and... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel this way that my son's friend's mother didn't acknowledge me?

Q.   Hello People!!! Okay so my 6 year old son plays Pee wee football. Their is a friendly competition between him and his teammate A as I will call him. Basically A’s mom and my husband have communicated hear and their about the boys and how they can ...

A.   17 August 2019:  Well, if we want to get formal it was your husband who was supposed to introduce you to this woman, - but anyway, yeah , let it go. Why always think the worst ; as if she wanted specifically to disrespect you or make you feel bad. What reason ... (read in full...)

I think my parents are treating me unfairly for shoplifting

Q.   do you think I desrve to be punished this severely for shoplifting ? 3 days ago I got caught shoplifting,as the shopkeeper knows my mum he called her instead of the police he told her he expected me to be punished, my mum promished the shopkeeper I ...

A.   17 August 2019:  I had just the same feeling as YCBS , but I was too lazy to do the search, lol. Nothing like a little masochistic fantasy about chastisement to spice up a boring summer, right ? ...And let's hope that at least you ARE a young teenager. Because ... (read in full...)

Will he come back to me again after taking space?

Q.   I met a wonderful guy a few months ago and we hit it off immediately. He told me that I was everything he ever wanted in a relationship and I felt the same. He has a young son (3) with his ex girlfriend and I was introduced to him a couple weeks ago ...

A.   17 August 2019:  Will he come back to you ?... I had to dust off my crystal ball for this , and it said : oh yes. He will. Many times, if you let him. But that's not good news, you know ? Not at all. He will come back, but not to stay and not to commit. Look, you ... (read in full...)

Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women .

Q.   Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women . I often see descriptions of ‘hot ‘ or attractive women include the word tall and cute or sweet women as shorter . Obviously individuals have individual preferences but in GENERAL is ...

A.   17 August 2019:  No they don't. I am 5'3 (… if I stand very straight :) and my height was never a problem in attracting men. Of course I don't mean that all the men I ever met were always instanctly attracted to me, just that for those who were not attracted to ... (read in full...)

I left, he wants me back. What should I do?

Q.   Hi Friends, I have two kids almost 3 and almost 2. I was engaged with their father for almost 3years.He was very sweet when we first met but after my first pregnancy he started changing more argument about financial.He was upset with one night I...

A.   17 August 2019:  That's another post that elicits , as a first reaction, a big WTF. What do you do ? Look, whatever you do, it's very clear what you should not do and what you should not allow. You should not go back to him, and you should not allow him around you ... (read in full...)

My husband has completely changed after marriage and I feel exploited

Q.   Hello and thanks! Me and my husband have been together almost 3 years. Before our marriage he was mind, sweet, loving. He seemed to be the most charming man I've ever met. He would look after me if I was sick, once I passed out from heat exhaus...

A.   16 August 2019:  Well, OP, the advice is always the same you already got from many of us Aunts and Uncles- because aldo the situation is alweays the same , has not changed and it's not going to change. The advice is : disentangle yourself. Get a divorce, get rid ... (read in full...)

I'm jealous of my girlfriend's room mate. Overthinking or should I be worried?

Q.   Hi DearCupid, Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over a year now, we're both a little damaged from our last relationships but we make sure to talk to each other if we're ever feeling insecure/upset etc. Usually I'd just talk to her...

A.   14 August 2019:  But the room mate does not get to spend way way way more time WITH your Gf than you do. He gets to spend way way way more time in the same place where she's at- which is not the same thing as actually spending time °together°. I mean, they both ... (read in full...)

Do I go back to my ex or see if theres potential with the new guy

Q.   Almost 2 years ago i started a relationship with a guy (call him A), he didnt work and suffered with ptsd and would tell elaborate lies. After 4 months we ended things so to speak, we drifted apart very fast. Fast forward to 2 month ago and i joined ...

A.   13 August 2019:  With the first guy, A, things did not work, and they would not work this time either because nothing has changed : he is still out of work, he has still tons of issues, etc. etec. He was an inadequate partner then and he still is now,- and you know ... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend just going through a phase? Trying to impress a friend?

Q.   Im in this relationship for like about 2 years now and things have changed somuch recently. At first my BF was super nice to me and all was working out. We used to go out sometimes to places and have fun and he was like always very kind and sweet. ...

A.   13 August 2019:  Steam ? Stress ? Passionate ?....whaaat ? I do declare, some times you guys are incredible ( smh ). He FORCES himself on you- a.k.a. he rapes you- but somehow that's ok because he had had a bad week at work ? Seriously ?!... (read in full...)

Taking care of stray dogs is taking a toll on me emotionally..

Q.   Hi. This isn’t a dating question but I was hoping to get some advice here . I have rescued a lot of animals in my life and it’s not easy to get help/vets in this part of the world, especially for poor stray animals. I won’t even talk about the anim...

A.   13 August 2019:  Ok, I want to say something that won't make me very popular with the OP nor with the readers at large, but I feel it needs to be said.It's not very surprising that in India they have stray dogs lying on the road to die and people does not seem to ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and sick, and by husband shuts the door on me!

Q.   Im pregnant and when I brush my treeth it triggers me to throw up. Most of the time I manage not to throw up, but I will still caugh a lot. I have tried to not put the toothbrush too far into my mouth, and then I am fine, but wont be able to clean ...

A.   13 August 2019:  I think too that you are ( over )reacting this way just because right now your hormones are all over the place to make you more emotionally vulnerable .And this is no way as condescending as it may sound, because I know exactly what you are ... (read in full...)

We're supposed to move in together next month but I don't like the way he treats me. Is it supposed to be like this?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend of 4 years are meant to be moving to rent a place together next month yet we've had this huge bust up and I'm worried it's a sign that we shouldnt be doing it. All last week he was quiet with me and then friday he went out with...

A.   8 August 2019:  What can you do ? Do you need to ask ? You can dump his sorry ass as of now, refuse to move in with him, cancel your vacation ( it may cost you something but it will be worth it, I promise ) and go on , on your merry way to get that MUCH " more " ... (read in full...)

I can't get over my ex but I know he's an ex for a reason

Q.   I can't get over my ex.. It's been 8 months but I think about him 10times a day.. Dream about him often.. It makes it worse when he calls to tell me he misses me.... But his an ex for reasons..his not aware I miss him... But I don't know why the ...

A.   8 August 2019:  Because you indulge those feelings, and cultivate them. Why are you still in contact with your ex ? Obviously, you are not at a stage as of now where you can be just friends and from what you say, if he is such a liar and a dishones... (read in full...)

My girlfriend betrayed me in front of my family. Was I justified in dumping her?

Q.   My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. We have an age gap relationship. She’s 22 im 33. Out of all three years this one has had to be the most stressful. For the last 6 months I’ve been unable to make ends meet. If it’s not one thing it...

A.   6 August 2019: Were you justified ? no, you weren't ; in fact, I have to cut you a lot of slack because you have been struggling so long with health and finances that it's normal if these issues have been gnawing at you and sort of eroding your mental lucidity- ... (read in full...)

Do I give my ex extra time to pay me back or go to court?

Q.   I was dating a guy for almost a year, he had had a very bad time with his health and wasnt working. He slowly got better and the doctor signed him off sick so he could work. In the time he wasnt working i offered to lend him a bit of money which he ...

A.   6 August 2019:  Sue him, if you let these 4 days expire he will just give you the runaround and kepp you dangling for who knows how long.... (read in full...)

Weed consumes his whole life

Q.   Hi I’ve got a problem hopefully you can help me with my partner is a heavy weed smoker this drives me mad when we first met he had the odd joint now and again fast forward to 6 years later and he spends hundreds on it each month never has any money ...

A.   30 July 2019:  Yes, if you love yourself even just a tiny little bit, you should end it. Show yourself that consideration and respect that your tosser of a bf is not showing you. I think too that anon male did not mean to encourage you to put up with a drug... (read in full...)

A guy keeps coming back when he doesn't want a relationship.

Q.   My ex and met online game site 3 years and we hit it off. However, after 5 months he broke it off because he felt like we don’t live within reasonable distance to support a relationship. We live 5 hours away from each other of driving distance. We ...

A.   30 July 2019:  There's something I did not quite understand. First you say that you have had no contact with this man for the past 5 year because, fed up of his antics, you deactivated your FB accont and changed phone no, so he had no way to reach you. Then... (read in full...)

Do I have to invite this person to my party?

Q.   I'm having a birthday party soon.I have to restrict numbers because of budget. Some of the people coming are frinds of my gf- I've been with her for 10 years. There's one particular guy I can't stand. He often makes digs at me, and although never d...

A.   30 July 2019:  You dislike this guy, but ,apparently , not enough to avoid joining his parties, eating his food ,and drinking his booze , uh ? So , when it's his turn to pay, you can , somehow, at least marginally tolerate his personality and his opin... (read in full...)

He said he had been celibate but after we had sex he told me he had herpes.

Q.   I'm so afraid right now.Here's a summary of what happened. I recently connected with my ex and we attempted to be intimate but he could not become aroused,he said it was because he was nervous and that he hadn't had sex in 4 years. I found it really ...

A.   26 July 2019:  Oh yes, he knew. You thought that he could not get an erection for lack of attraction to you, and he said, no, it's just nerves. Which is true. Being nervous can prevent erection. Only, in this case most probabaly he was not nervous because of ... (read in full...)

How can I tell if he's taking Viagra?

Q.   Hello everyone I reconnected with my ex recently and everything has been going great. We haven't been together in about 8 years so its like getting to know him all over again. He is 28. The problem is when we decided to have intercourse the ...

A.   26 July 2019:  Why should have he been taking Viagra ?! What you describe is perfectly normal and usual in both cases : - he could not have an erection because he was nervous. Just like he said. Nerves got the best of him. Stage fright. Performance anxiety.... (read in full...)

A girl I like has told me she might get back with her ex, should I tell her again, how I feel?

Q.   I met a girl who at that time told me that she is still not over her ex boyfriend and wanted to take it as friends for the time being if that is acceptable with me. She seemed cool and I was okay with that at that point. We started as friends and ...

A.   26 July 2019:  But she knows that you like her ! she knows it perfectly. Otherwise, why ever would she have told you then that she was still hung up on her ex, and that she just wanted to be friends with you- if this was acceptable to you ? In your opinion, would ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's hoarder wont move out

Q.   My girlfriends sister (41) will not move out! My girlfriend (28) and I (27) have been together for about three years...for most of that we have lived together. The first year my girlfriend rented and I moved in with her and not long after her s...

A.   26 July 2019:  Keep it simple. I just would tell both your gf and her sister " I have noticed that ( sister's name ) seems a little behind schedule in moving out, - I think we can allow an extra 30 days ( or whatever you deem appropriate ) to make things easier ... (read in full...)

Our 6 year relationship is boring I'm fed up and don't know what to do about it!

Q.   What do you do when your bored in a relationship I’ve been with my partner for 6 and a half years but the relationship is so boring I’ve ended it twice with him but he begs me to stay and things will change and so on but it never does he works 7 ...

A.   18 July 2019:  This is neither here nor there, but personally I would leave him just for using words like " baccy " :), I have no idea why but there are certain British colloquialisms, like baccy, choccy or pressie, that just make me cringe ! Never mind. ... (read in full...)

I guess he's cheating? Pantyliner found in boyfriend's bathroom trash

Q.   I found a panty liner in the trash can in boyfriend's bathroom in his room. Mind you, it was on the top of the trash and there are 2 other bathrooms in his house before you get to his bedroom bathroom. He said he didn't know how it got there and ...

A.   18 July 2019:  Yeah, then if there are not any female relatives or close friends living there or visiting , obviously your bf is bullshitting you big time and he knows very well whose panties that pantyliner was lining. As a matter of fact, it would still have... (read in full...)

I'm jealous of the time my wife is spending with an ill member of her clergy

Q.   one day I observed my wife walking down the road with a neighborhood guy. they were conversing and smiling, basically enjoying each other company. needless to say I felt jealous, and I told her so. flash forward, I been coming home lately and ...

A.   18 July 2019:  I still suspect that this gentleman must be a prankster , and is having a good laugh at us Dear Cupiders. I really have a hard time to believe that someone can decide to marry a pastor with no understanding of what her ministry may involve at some ... (read in full...)

A second chance in the gay dating world??

Q.   Hi..I am really surprised how so many guys stand others up - me included - on the very first date. I contacted a visiting guy by 5 pm (local time)today; we swapped pics and agreed to meet up by 9 pm. He didn't show up. One hour later he texted me ...

A.   4 July 2019:  Eh, OP, it's a jungle out there. Competition is fierce and compassion is scarce. Some people feel that, since the diffusion of social media and dating apps, things have gotten worse. But my impression is that things weren't so greatly different ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend ordered me not to speak to another woman I used to work with. Was she being unreasonable?

Q.   My girlfriend is very possessive of me. She actually ordered me not to talk to another woman because she thinks that woman has designs on me. I used to work with this person and needed to go see her for work related reasons. I have a new job and ...

A.   4 July 2019: That's fine;I had not read your details and in answering I had assumed you were a male ( politically incorrect, I know :) Sprry, I promise not to do that again ….) ... (read in full...)

Is this a friendly sign or a flirty one?

Q.   I text a male acquaintance and signed off 'ciao for now'. He questioned me on ciao and told me I had spelt it wrong (ciou is what I said). He then replied with 'so I will say Ciao Bella'. Men who would you say this to and women would you see it as ...

A.   4 July 2019:  Don't read too much into this- probably your friend was just showing off his Italian :) In Italian , " Ciao bella " literally would mean " Hallo , beautiful " or " Hallo , handsome " but is never used literally. It does have a hint of care... (read in full...)

A second chance in the gay dating world??

Q.   Hi..I am really surprised how so many guys stand others up - me included - on the very first date. I contacted a visiting guy by 5 pm (local time)today; we swapped pics and agreed to meet up by 9 pm. He didn't show up. One hour later he texted me ...

A.   4 July 2019:  No, there aren't. Or, actually : there are exceptions to everything in life, if you want to make an exception and call back a dude who so blatanly and rudely stood you up, you can, the sky is not going to fall down, the seas are not gonna part... (read in full...)

Was I wrong to delete her number?

Q.   Been talking ,texts, that's all,never met ,once by accident at a store but I was with another, we met on pof,so for six months or more we been texting, she only has one liners, until I stop writing her, now she writes a lot more, but now she says ...

A.   4 July 2019:  No, you weren't wrong. It is true that often " let 's be only friends " is just a polite way of saying " not interested " and what they really want is to see you drop off the face of rte earth; but , even supposing that this lady REALLY, real... (read in full...)

Even after 6 years, I still don't trust my boyfriend. And it is getting worse. I don't know how to stop the downward spiral!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Our relationship has been strained lately because it seems that no matter what I do, and no matter what he does, I cannot trust him. I never fully trusted him the entire time either. But it just seems to ...

A.   4 July 2019:  Welcome back OP. I'll take with a pinch of salt your affirmation that your relationship is "now" legitimate, because the details in your story may vary, and other times you had made that same claim of legitimacy, only to deny it then in the ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend ordered me not to speak to another woman I used to work with. Was she being unreasonable?

Q.   My girlfriend is very possessive of me. She actually ordered me not to talk to another woman because she thinks that woman has designs on me. I used to work with this person and needed to go see her for work related reasons. I have a new job and ...

A.   4 July 2019:  What you say is true. But it also true that your insistence on seeing in person this woman when you only need to get from her work relayed infos ,which do not require a personal visit, may have given your gf ( and, who knows, the ex colleague ... (read in full...)

Why did I put up with my ex for so long when he did terrible things to me?

Q.   I been off and on with my first love for 19 yrs. In the past he dated other girls and would come running back to me when the relationships failed, I went back each time I think I just wanted closure because I kept asking him lots of questions about ...

A.   1 July 2019: ...Because you let him. I mean, after the second or third time, it must not have come as a major surprise, right ?, that he only came back to you when the " good ones " were taken or unavailable, and that you were his official plan B. You must... (read in full...)

I'm an unhappy married man attracted to a woman at work

Q.   i am a unhappily married man who is very attracted to a beautiful young lady at work. at first it seemed that she was and maybe i hope she still is attracted to me. but lately i am very attracted to her and pay attention to her as much as i can with ...

A.   1 July 2019:  Yeah- leave her be. Even without sex, it would still be cheating, emotional cheating - insofar you do not just want to be friends. Yeah right. If you just were interested in friendship- you could introduce this colleague to your wife, and / or ... (read in full...)

I'm jealous of the time my wife is spending with an ill member of her clergy

Q.   one day I observed my wife walking down the road with a neighborhood guy. they were conversing and smiling, basically enjoying each other company. needless to say I felt jealous, and I told her so. flash forward, I been coming home lately and ...

A.   1 July 2019:  I have a hard time believing this a true story, yet I'll pretend I do and I'll tell you my opinion which is : of one is a jealous type, he / she shoild never ever marry a pastor. Or a counselor . Or a psychiatrst. Or a lawyer, as for that. Or, ... (read in full...)

My sister demanded 1/2 the take when I worked alone all day. Is this right?

Q.   Hi people. My sister found a place after my dad asking us where we can sell stuff for the summer to make extra cash to pay for school. Last week on a certain day she helped me set up and left. I was there all day from 9am to 7pm without a toilet o...

A.   30 June 2019:  Is this right ? It would depend. From what explicitely agreed before yoi two started selling - , but also from the type and scope of your partnership. IMO, being that you are family, and that generally ( generally being the key word ) y... (read in full...)

If I'm thinking our relationship might be over does that mean that it already is?

Q.   How do you know when your relationship is over? Or is even just asking this question a sign that it is? I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Hes 26 and I'm 24. We both live ar home with our parents and work full time whilst saving to get a pl...

A.   30 June 2019:  No, it's not your depression talking, it's your basic common sense and self -preservation instinct. You may not know who you are , but I think , deep down, you know who HE is. An alcoholist. A ( somewhat ) functioning one, still…. I mean... (read in full...)

Am I cheating? Am I doing the wrong thing?

Q.   i never think that i will experience this in my life. im married to my long time boyfriend that actually we arent compatible to be together. we dont really know each other as we seldom meet back then we dated. we now have 8 months son. prior to ...

A.   29 June 2019:  Yes, you are chearing. Emotionally cheating. Yes, it's a wrong thing. Your husband is no saint and he cheated first - but, two wrongs do not make a right. What do you want to prove him, that you can be as bad as he is ?... What for ? What's the ... (read in full...)

My husband has a massive problem with texting women endlessly, no amount of counseling has helped yet I can't leave because of certain situations

Q.   After 16 years of marriage I’ve hit a cross roads and I have no idea what to do next, so over the years my husband has been texting and emailing other women, it’s always in secret but strangely it’s never sexual, he meets woman at work or online and ...

A.   27 June 2019:  OP, nobody called you a feckless sap- but yourself. I wonder what kind of advice were you expecting, specifically ? I mean, regardless of any adviser's personal competence / life experience , all in all, just plain average common sense sh... (read in full...)

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