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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [256 pages, 10216 answers]

I'm like a weekend hobby for my boyfriend while his sister and nephew are his real family

Q.   I have been dating a guy in a long distance relationship for 2 years. He lives 50 miles away and I only see him at weekends. In the week he lives with his widowed sister and works with her son to help him out as he is retired. The other week for the ...

A.   23 November 2017:  He does not have any moral obligation to this people " as YOU see it ". Probably he sees it differently; and I am positive that the SISTER, who's providing free room and board and general assistence to a grown up, able-bodied brother, sees it ... (read in full...)

Am I missing something here? He asked for my number but never called!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I'm a 22 y/o female from Memphis, TN .. ? I recently got close with this guy that I work with .. We talk, laugh, and joke .. He even gave me a little cute nickname. At first I wasn't really into it, but then I started to really enjoy th...

A.   23 November 2017:  Yeah, you are totally missing something : he is not interested. He may have been flirting and joking, at a superficial level, with no intentions to start anything with you, whether a real friendship or more . Maybe he was just being frie... (read in full...)

New in the office but I'm unsure of co-workers

Q.   Should I trust this colleague? I just started at a firm downtown and in my previous role I was very talkative I would open up a lot to co-workers etc (I can’t read people sometimes) in this new job I started I noticed one of my colleagues is trying ...

A.   22 November 2017: Few days ago we had a post about office gossupmongers, was that from you ? Are these guys those who cruticize their colleagues and badmouth their spouses ? In the affirmative... (but, now that I think of it, in any case! in general !)- don't blow... (read in full...)

Any advice on Dear Cupid burn-out?

Q.   I know I'm not the most active poster here and I'm not hoping that anyone would recognize me but I'm just gonna post this here for a message and maybe some advice. I'm thinking of leaving DearCupid for some time, all this posts about cheating...

A.   22 November 2017:  Sam Wilson, yes, maybe you and your gf will end up breaking up or cheating on each other or losing interest. That's quite possible, you are both young ( and yours is a long distance relationship, isn't it ? ) On the other hand, you may very... (read in full...)

Can you help explain my boyfriend's strange behaviour?

Q.   I have a bizarre problem! I've been seeing my boyfriend for ten months and we often go away and stay at hotels but the thing is he picks me up after work about 3pm then when we arrive at our hotel he wants to literally go to bed straightaway and ...

A.   22 November 2017:  If you don't go on these trips and he refuses to see you and spend time with you anywhere else, leading to a split -up... then you would know for sure that he only sees you as a instrument for a nice sexual fill-up and could not care less about ... (read in full...)

I'm like a weekend hobby for my boyfriend while his sister and nephew are his real family

Q.   I have been dating a guy in a long distance relationship for 2 years. He lives 50 miles away and I only see him at weekends. In the week he lives with his widowed sister and works with her son to help him out as he is retired. The other week for the ...

A.   22 November 2017:  Well, I have to try and argue in favour of this guy. That IS his family, his sister and nephew , whom he lives with, free of charge. I think it's normal if he has ,or feels ,the obligation to be around and available weekdays in case his ... (read in full...)

Lost my virginity and I didn't even enjoy it but now I'm wondering if I could be pregnant

Q.   I just lost my virginity, tbh it was painful and i never enjoyed it at all, according to my friend its because he never did foreplay. Even though i was not satisfied, apparently he was because he came on the inside of my thighs. The cum wasn't alot ...

A.   22 November 2017:  There is a possibility. Withdrawal is not a very reliable form of contracception. Particularly if you follow up by rubbing sperm-soaked tissue paper inside yourself. I am sorry, all you can do now is to keep your finger crossed and hope you ... (read in full...)

He's taken my wife. Should I be worried?

Q.   my wife an I have been married for 3 years. however things have been interesting for last 18 months. we have a neighbour Raymond who is divorced for a long time and is 44. he has two girls about 8 and 12. me and my wife are both 28. however 18 ...

A.   22 November 2017:  I believe too this is a fantasy , anyway if I should take it as a real question I'd say : no, you don't have to be overly concerned. Your wife told you that she loves both you and Ray, and apparently she really digs the bigamous lifestyle, so, ... (read in full...)

Can you help explain my boyfriend's strange behaviour?

Q.   I have a bizarre problem! I've been seeing my boyfriend for ten months and we often go away and stay at hotels but the thing is he picks me up after work about 3pm then when we arrive at our hotel he wants to literally go to bed straightaway and ...

A.   21 November 2017:  24 hour or so in a hotel bed ? well, yes, that's strange. I imagine that he could be super tired and super stressed out, and maybe reenacting John Lennon and Yoko Ono 's bed-in will be his way of resting and relaxing, but... why even both... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend has a case of " internalised homophobia". How do I talk to him and help him?

Q.   I am a gay 29 year old man. I have been seeing a 32 year old guy since early 2015. When we met I did not know his sexuality, but we clicked, and in no time we developed a sexual relationship. This man has never said he is gay, but we spend a lot of ...

A.   21 November 2017:  It seems that you assume that , if he came to identify himself as gay, or to accept fully his bisexuality/ bi-curiosity - then automatically he'd want to live his newfound gay orientation in the context of a loving relationship with you. Why do ... (read in full...)

How will having a baby affect someone with PTSD?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and we have spoke about our future what we both want , i work and he doesnt and that is due to him having ptsd . he has his good days and bad more good and he goes out everyday so he doesnt get low and it ...

A.   21 November 2017:  I think this is a question you should ask to a competent medical professional. Consult a specialist, or two, before deciding anything. There would be a child involved, so that's too much of a delicate matter to just wing it somehow or play it by ... (read in full...)

Why would he not see me in 2 months then turn around and say he loves me loads?

Q.   hi everyone. person i'm seeing for a year now,we not had the exclusive talk but hes told me we friends but seeing where it goes etc we are sleeping together mostly when we see each other sex is involved 9/10 times it happens now recently iv not ...

A.   21 November 2017:  Eh , if after one year you are not exclusive and you still are " friends " -who-have-sex-together... and are going to see where this is going... this is not going anywhere, you can bet on that. Why would he say he loves you ? because that... (read in full...)

Sick of being ignored, what do I have to do?

Q.   I think I give off a “don’t be my friend” vibe, though I say hi and am polite? All my life people have avoided me, socially and socially at work and in group or social events, like I have A flashing sign “avoid her” I was bullied and social...

A.   20 November 2017:  I think you self-diagnosed your problem. You shut down in groups and you are quietER. Quieter than what ? Quieter than all the other people ? quieter than the average person ? Well, then there you have it. You may have excellent reasons ... (read in full...)

Was it inappropriate for my wife to wear the revealing dress just to get back at me?

Q.   A short time ago me and my wife had an argument just before we were going out to meet friends for some dinner and drinks. She wasn't quite ready, so she said she would meet up with us later. So I went and met with our friends. She came in about a ...

A.   20 November 2017:  Anything a person does just to grate on their partner's nerves as a form of revenge for real or perceived slights,is inappropriate, because it's a petty, childish- and ineffective way to handle conflict. Said that, though, .... 1) How do you k... (read in full...)

I sent him a nude, I hope he hasn't lost respect for me.

Q.   I posted a while ago saying i had a met a man with quite an usual job- he's a travel author (fairly successful). He is 35 years old, is in the public eye quite a lot and has a lot of female attention. I went on 2 dates with him back in june but then ...

A.   19 November 2017:  No, it does NOT surely indicate that he wants to get to know you more, on more than a sexual level. That's not excluded, I guess. Who knows , maybe you go and you it hit off so famously and have such a good time together, that it can lead to some... (read in full...)

Why does this person not stop harrassing me?

Q.   Why would someone who you have told them no and they know you don't want to do the unreasonable request they asked you keep pressuring you and pressuring you to try and do what they want. You have even blocked their calls and they still phone yo...

A.   19 November 2017:  Because " they" want the money, duh- And because " they " know that you are quite a softie who is eager to please and appease, as already shown by the fact that you have already done a lot for " them " - without " them " having to appr... (read in full...)

We had plans, should I keep him as a friend?

Q.   I have been friends with this guy for a year now and we have recently gotten pretty close. se seemed like a really easy going person and cool guy to hang out with. He really opens up about his life and we have many deep conversations. Well this past ...

A.   19 November 2017:  If you 'd like him to be more than just a friend ( it sounds like you do ) then definitely no. Don't bother. He is flaky, rude and insincere. Plus, he must be " not that into you ", if he prefers a last minute little house party with various ... (read in full...)

I'm disappointed he saw a new movie with his brother instead of me

Q.   So my bf had a family funeral to attend this weekend. It is out of town far away. After the funeral he was bored so decided to go to see a movie that we planned to go see next week together. All he texted me was 'I think I am going to go see the ...

A.   19 November 2017:  Yeah, I think you did not handle it very well. Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you weren't ok with him seeing that movie with another person, then why you did you tell him " Ok, enjoy the movie " ?! Just to sulk AFTER you had give... (read in full...)

Help me find my way out of these abusive traps

Q.   I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...

A.   18 November 2017:  I think I'll take advantage of this thread for a sec to express my exhaustion and frustration wuth the time honoured " but there were also good times, not just bad ones " or " but he was not ALL bad " argument which pops up so often in DC posts. ... (read in full...)

What is he doing? His last text said he still wants me but that was November third!

Q.   hi i am seeing a man, don't what sort of relationship it is but hes not text me in 2 weeks and not seen me in 2 months now, i did text him 2 weeks ago asking whats going on my text to him was " how are you ive not heard off you in weeks how can yo...

A.   18 November 2017:  Well, at least he is a generous type. Nevertheless, he is still stringing you along big time. Move on.... (read in full...)

What is he doing? His last text said he still wants me but that was November third!

Q.   hi i am seeing a man, don't what sort of relationship it is but hes not text me in 2 weeks and not seen me in 2 months now, i did text him 2 weeks ago asking whats going on my text to him was " how are you ive not heard off you in weeks how can yo...

A.   17 November 2017:  In hospital ? -- Busy at work ?... And the dog ate his homework, too ?... He can say whatever he wants, OP, but actions speak louder than words and his actions say very clearly that he is not interested and couldn't care less. If a person kno... (read in full...)

How can I explain to parents?

Q.   Hi all :) I’ll share a little details about myself and family before diving into my question. I’m 18 turning 19 soon and just started university and my parents are quite what our generation would say a little “old-fashioned”? I come from a Chinese ...

A.   17 November 2017:  It does not sound to me that the situation is so desperate and after all you have a plan that can work :). Your parents , apparentlu, aren't so hopelessly old fashioned and overbearing. After all. all it took to convince your dad that you coul... (read in full...)

Help me find my way out of these abusive traps

Q.   I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...

A.   17 November 2017:  It may be easier than you think, if you just reflect that 16 years have been a huge part of your life... the part which SUCKED. Being physically or verbally abused sucks, being exposed to violence and neglect sucks, always living in the edge and ... (read in full...)

Should I leave a little heart in his desk?

Q.   Is it ok to leave a little heart in his desk? Just want to know some opinions. There's this guy at work that I like and I'm sure he likes me too. But I think it was my mistake by not showing interest in him and I think he has distanced a littl...

A.   17 November 2017:  No. No heart . You are not a teenager anymore, and coming from an adult this sort of " secret admirer " stuff would look inappropriate and , well, just weird. You can un-distance yourself quite easily. Smile ! Engage him in conversation, ask ... (read in full...)

Gossip mongers got me going

Q.   How do u act around people that gossip? I recently started a job and I noticed that two of my coworkers are partaking in chit chat - one of them first asked for my social media accounts right away (I only knew him for a month) and he wanted to add ...

A.   16 November 2017:  I don't know, OP, aren't you by any chance being a bit too strict, too rigid ? There's malicious gossip, spread out on the intent to damage, disparage and vilify. And then there is... banter. Shooting the breeze. Making small talk. Sure it woul... (read in full...)

Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?

Q.   I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...

A.   16 November 2017:  Seriously,OP? You can't see anything wrong in this picture : she can't have lunch with you because you are broken up ( ok, it makes sense ) yet she can run to you for help the very first moment she needs something, even if you are broken up ? ... (read in full...)

How can I get over my parents' neglect?

Q.   how Can I deal with moving back home to parents that only care about money and are constantly berating me - I come from a Eastern European culture where my parents marriage was arranged (very toxic relationship) my parents hate each other but stay ...

A.   15 November 2017:  So if you should see someone in pain and you have something to offer you would . Are you sure ? Always ? Unconditionally ? Regardless of past and present circumstances ? To any extent the borrower should require, rather than to the extent ... (read in full...)

Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?

Q.   I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...

A.   15 November 2017: I am pretty sure that this is not what you want to hear, but tbh if you are caught up in a 7 years (! ) cycle of on and off, break up and make up - and if you find yourselves frequently having " stupid " fights about menial stuff... please cease ... (read in full...)

Is $3000 too cheap for an engagement ring for a high maintenance girlfriend given my income and background?

Q.   Hi, I would appreciate if you can help me with my question. If a guy is a university professor, in his mid 40s with some debt from divorce, planning to propose to his high maintenance girlfriend who is beautiful and highly educated do you think ...

A.   13 November 2017:  No, it's not too cheap. I think it's adequate. Now, in theory you can't put a price tag on feelings and your girlfriend should be overjoyed to receive the symbol of your committment even if this symbol were the tin ring from a Coke can. In pract... (read in full...)

My sister's boyfriend kissed me and now we've been making out behind her back!

Q.   My sisters boyfriend kissed me what should I do?? I’m 15 years old and my sisters boyfriend is 19 they’ve been dating for about a year I’ve known him as long as she has known him. This all started about 3 months ago when he started grabbing...

A.   13 November 2017:  No no no, OP. You can't be confused over stuff like that; it's pretty clear cut. That's your SISTER's bf were are talking about. By making out with her bf behind her back- as dramatic as it sounds, you are betraying your own flesh and bloo... (read in full...)

What's the ettiquette regarding texting?

Q.   Hello aunties and uncles, I am a gay male and I have a bit of a general "romantic interest" in the modern social media era type of question. To abridge all the details, there's this gay guy I am very interested in. We know each other for quite ...

A.   13 November 2017:  Probabaly I am the last person who'd be qualified to advise about texting etiquette, since generally I make an old fashioned, functional, stark use of texts -like " running 15 minutes late ". For information, not for conversation. Yet, comm... (read in full...)

Now he seems interested in finally setting a date I don't want to marry him.

Q.   Hello, new to the site. hoping for some help. I 39 years old and my bf is 46, we have been together for almost 3 years and engaged for 2 of those. When we got engaged i was so happy that i would be planning my wedding, but every time i mentioned ...

A.   11 November 2017:  Well, no, it's not normal to find " a lot " of things which aggravate you in your partner, nor accepting to marry him if you do. In general, if you want to marry a person, this is, in fact, also because they aggravate you LESS than other people ... (read in full...)

I am the mother of five young girls and just found my boyfriend looking at teen girl porn

Q.   My boyfriend is looking teen porn almost every day. He promised me a couple months ago to never do it again when I found stuff that looked WAY too young and wrong. I about had a break down because I have 5 girls almost ready to be teenagers. How is ...

A.   10 November 2017:  I would not chance it eother and I think getting rid of him was the right choice. I don't know, maybe I have read too many books, but the first thing that your post reminded me of, was " Lolita " by V.Nabokov . Where the main character rents a ro... (read in full...)

I have feelings for a recently married woman.

Q.   I recently realized i have feelings for a woman who has not long been married, it is at the point that i can't think of anything else, i'm not sure if she has picked up on this by my body language, i am dying to tell her how i feel but..i can't ...

A.   9 November 2017:  They would be unpleasant. If she got married recently, we can reasonably assume that she is still committed to her marriage and no sexual boredom / sentimental wear-and-tear has even had time to set in. Plus you talk about your body Language... (read in full...)

Is online cheating okay?

Q.   OK! I found out that my boyfriend of 8 years has been going on adult dating sites looking for women to hook up he'd say he hopes they can come over see I'd stay at my daughters sometimes and baby sit. is cheating OK if there's no actual contact ...

A.   9 November 2017:  You bet it's not OK ! It sounds like your bf has been trying to get women to come over the very moment you are out of the door.... so I doubt that , if there has never been an actual, physical contact (..which he would deny, anyway...) it's beca... (read in full...)

Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...

A.   9 November 2017: The police can't do anything for you. You don't even have a receipt for the money you lent him, he can deny that he ever got anything from you, or say that it was a gift ! How would you prove that you are owed that money ?... But even if you had ... (read in full...)

What is so "personal" that he can't tell his long term girlfriend?

Q.   Hi! I've been seeing my bf for about 15 months and things have been mostly good. We have a very loving, affectionate relationship where we share most things and get on well. Except he has this female best friend that he's close to and the thing is I ...

A.   7 November 2017: It's quite black and white in my eyes :). That was not your bf's secrete. That was another person's secret, that he had promised not to reveal. Reason for which, he should not tell anything to a third party, no matter who she is, wife, fian... (read in full...)

Why doesn't he offer birthday wishes?

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm with my bf for approx 2 years and he doesn't acknowledge my bday and never even wishes me happy bday. It might sound childish but I wish he could atleast wish me. If I tell him om the day its my bday, and ask whether he is go...

A.   7 November 2017:  Could it be a cultural thing ? Where is he, or his family, from ? From instance, Muslims , even Westernized ones, don't celebrate birthdays. I am not sure if it's a religious prohibition, or if simply it's not in their culture and it's a West... (read in full...)

Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...

A.   7 November 2017: He's been ignoring you because you have stopped giving him money. When you can give money and help, he likes you- when you can't...not so much. It's simple and evident, and I am glad it begins appearing evident to you too. You fell for him at a... (read in full...)

How do I tell them I'm moving out without making it worse for myself?

Q.   So I have a friendship question here. I am currently in uni and live in a uni house with three girls, however it is a bit icy between some of us at the moment. Now, a bit of background, for the past few days/weeks I have felt like I am almost...

A.   5 November 2017: " I know I don't want to live with them next year... " Alt. Stop right there. You know that you don't want to live with them next year, and you don't HAVE to live with them next year. If you don't want to, don't do it, and tell them sooner r... (read in full...)

Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...

A.   23 October 2017:  Stop contacting him. Why, do you think that if you keep pushing , you'll see your money back ? unlikely. You have been trying to contact him for the past 2 weeks, and he has been ignoring you, and not even bothering to let you know when, or IF, ... (read in full...)

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