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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [261 pages, 10397 answers]

I cheated, fell pregnant, boyfriend left, I believe its his baby.

Q.   I cheated on my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant in a month time. When I told my boyfriend about it he told me to give birth but after he will have a DNA test. I had to tell him the truth that I cheated on him.he then said he is not ...

A.   10 November 2018:  I think you could go and have the DNA test done, you cannot determine paternity based on your " conscience " or hunch. If your ex bf is actually the father- then you can and should resort to the law to make sure he takes care of his child fina... (read in full...)

Should I apologize before the concert or just leave it alone?

Q.   When we were dating, I had given my ex a Louis Vuitton necklace. After we broke up, I knew he would just throw it away, so I asked for it back and he said he would mail it. A week later, it hadn’t come in the mail, so I texted him and asked if he ...

A.   10 November 2018:  You should totally leave him alone. He does sound like a nasty piece of work, but- you started first, in a way. Asking him your gift back was completely out of order, since when you give someone a present, the object becomes theirs for all intents ... (read in full...)

I'm vegetarian, he's not. How can we compromise better?

Q.   I've been vegetarian for 4 years, since before I met my boyfriend. He's a big meat eater, and I honestly don't mind what he eats. I've never tried to convert him. We've found some common ground - we cook a couple of great vegetarian dishes together ...

A.   9 November 2018:  Go Italian . There are many, many pasta sauces which do not contain meet or can be adjusted to exclude meet , like carbonara with pan-fried zucchini cubes in lieu of bacon. All different, all yummy, it does not have to be that usual boring ... (read in full...)

I stood by him even while he lied and said he was single now he doesn't want me

Q.   Hello to all. I do need help I need some advice or at least someone who does not judge me or listen to me. I met an Iraqi man four years ago. He arrived to the USA as a refugee. We met in person one night I was out with some girlfriends and he was ...

A.   8 November 2018:  Not really, anon male reader. What you say may be true in general, as an abstract principle, maybe; in practice there are many exceptions and the possibility for a woman to divorce her husband because of his zina ( adultery ) is quite ... (read in full...)

My ex girlfriend wants to be reimbursed for gifts she gave me.

Q.   I have recently broke up with my girlfriend after nine months together, a couple of weeks before we separated she bought me a present but now we're not together she's asking me to give her back the money she spent on that present, I don't think ...

A.   8 November 2018:  Yeah, give her back the gift ( not the money. Like, she gave you a watch, she gets the watch back ). She is being petty, and legally, or even morally, she has no ground for asking anything back. When you gift something, the object does not ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't want children, my mother is heartbroken.

Q.   I met my boyfriend 1 year ago. He is 40 and I am 30. He told me about 3 months into the relationship that he does not want to have any children. I am confused because I am not sure if I want to have any. I know that my current circumstances will not ...

A.   8 November 2018: I don't think you would make a baby just to please your mom and make her happy, right ? ( At least I hope you wouldn't ). That would be going well above and beyond the call of duty in the department of being a good, caring daughter. Having , or not ... (read in full...)

Is what this 15 year old girl wears okay around a father who drinks?

Q.   Is it ok for a 15 year old girl to walk around the house in her bra around her father...and he drinks heavy so his judgement could be possible inpaired .what should I do? how should I handle this while staying with them....?...

A.   8 November 2018:  That's a curious question, I wonder what made you think of it, something creepy in this man's behaviour, which you have seen, or heard of ?... Personally, I am not fond of heavy drinkers , in fact I think they are a nuisance and a disgrace ( ther... (read in full...)

I'm willing to leave my husband but my married lover isn't saying anything about leaving his wife

Q.   Iv been having an affair for a couple of years now and decided to end my marriage. I'm living with a friend but my married lover is still staying put. I said it was my problem about leaving my husband but he said he was still worried for me. He ...

A.   15 October 2018:  No, that's not why he is keeping quiet. He is keeping quiet because for him it works just fine the way it is, with a wife and a mistress. Did he say, in fact did he promise, to leave his wife, the moment you were going to be free and husb... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is thinking about working with a woman I don't like! What should I do?

Q.   I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and I love him with all my heart but I have always struggled with trust issues due to my boyfriend's career. He works at a gym a...

A.   15 October 2018:  I don't think the real problem is this specific colleague per se, but the general status of your relationship. Technically he is right, this is his job and you should not even think possible of having a say about whom he is going to work with... (read in full...)

He watches porn but wont have sex with me.

Q.   Hi me and my partner had a argument last week about him watching porn and not having sex with me we’ve been together for 4 years I’m always catching him watching porn but he makes no effort at all to have sex with me he says he doesn’t have a sex ...

A.   8 October 2018:  Dump him, what else ? It may sound too drastic to you, but come on ,OP, let's face it , he does not give you much to work with and build up from, dies her ? No sex, no love, no affection, no communication (when there's a problems he walks ou... (read in full...)

It seems that he wants me to want him, despite the fact he’s not looking for a serious relationship!

Q.   I have been seeing a guy got a few months now. At first I thought it would have potential eventually but now after getting to know him I feel like it's not going to reach bf/gf status. He's just not the kind of guy I would have a relationship with. ...

A.   5 October 2018: It happens at times that Honeypie and I say the same thing with different words, so this time, I'll make it even better: I'll say the same thing - with the very same words : Does it matter what HE wants ? Why don't you focus on what YOU want... (read in full...)

He threw out something important to me for no reason, WHY???

Q.   I had been buying second hand toys and saving them for a friend of my husbands who had asked for help with a co-worker with a 5 yr old who had no money for toys. I collected two shopping bags of quality toys (Dora the Explorer talking doll hou...

A.   24 September 2018:  Now, don't get me wrong. Those bags of toys belonged to you and your husband had no right to dispose of them, particularly because you had expressely told him , and more than once, to NOT touch them. So, yes, he screwed up, and no wonder that you ... (read in full...)

My wife is giving me the cold shoulder after I sent her touristy pics of women in Japan. How do I handle this?

Q.   Hi, first timer here. I am on a business trip to Japan. I am taking some guided tours with colleagues in my spare time. It has been interesting to explore the different culture here. I've never been before. I have always been an avid photogr...

A.   24 September 2018: Urgh. I can see where your wife is coming from. One would not need to be rabidly jealous and insecure to be cheesed off by your choice of photo subjects. I have two young nieces and when they were even younger they were into anime attire too- ... (read in full...)

Do you think she doesn’t want to see me?

Q.   do you think she doesnt wanna see me? so this all happend last year when i was at work and i went out to the lobby and i saw the girl i used to liked back in high school sitting at the table with her boyfriend i guess she was waiting for her food...

A.   24 September 2018:  You guess- but you don't know for a fact. It is quite possible she just told her bf " I used to go to school with that guy over there " ;or also that she did not say anything , and her bf just happened to look your way by chance. Anyway… ... (read in full...)

I'm jealous but am I too cruel or too possessive?

Q.   Hey guys :) It's been awhile since I posted here. I'm here to share about my jealousy when someone flirts with my lesbian partner :) Damn! She's a perfect butch. I love her with all my heart. I treat her like she's the only person in the whole wide ...

A.   21 September 2018:  You threatened a girl of what ?, of bodily harm ? Then it's not only too possessive,- it's foolish and a crime, you can go to jail for stuff like that. Your GF is an adult, if she does not want people to flirt with her or hit on her SHE can ... (read in full...)

Good date but no sparks. Should I ask for a second?

Q.   Hi all, I went on a first date with a girl last night. We met on a dating website. I am unsure what to do next. She was a nice girl and I think the date went well. It was comfortable and conversation flowed. She said at the end that it felt lik...

A.   21 September 2018: If you don't know whether you want a second date or not- then you don't really want a second date. If you really had a wish for a second date, right now you would be already planning this second date and asking the girl out , rather than aski... (read in full...)

My wife wants to use a sperm donor to ensure that our third child isn't autistic but I’m not sure how I feel about this.

Q.   My wife (34f) and I (36m) have been married for just over six years and in many ways have an ideal marriage and are very much still in love. Despite two kids, we still have sex 2 - 3 times per week. We still find time for getaways nearby beaches, ...

A.   20 September 2018:  I think it's bad idea for all the reason mentioned by the other posters, plus : if you use a sperm bank, how would it work in practice ? how would you you make sure that the donor does not carry autistic genes ? In USA sperm donors are test... (read in full...)

Is he fobbing me off, I thought we had a good thing going.

Q.   I started seeing a guy a month ago. He’s 12 months separated from his wife with two young children. Our relationship seemed really promising but then he went a bit cold. He says his ex wife is being really challenging. She calls him up out of the ...

A.   20 September 2018:  If you are going to be treated poorly, that will be with your approval and consent, because he told you loud and clear how it's gonna be : he is not in position to date . He won't give you what you 'd want from him. Maybe he is not lying per se ;... (read in full...)

I'm happy with the way things are, but she is talking marriage and babies

Q.   I have been dating a girl for 7 months now, due to my working hours and her studying at college, we only see each other 2-3 times a week. I am happy with the relationship the way it is because I like my space and time to myself, however she is ...

A.   20 September 2018:  Be honest.Don't string her along. I agree that's she is coming on way too strong after 7 months of dating, and she should chill a bit, then again if this is the way she feels, it would be cruel and dishonest of you just going with the flow out ... (read in full...)

I’m ready to have a baby but my husband wants to go traveling first!

Q.   Me and my husband have been together for 9 years and married 1 year, we both discussed from day 1 about getting married and if we wanted children. I'm 25 nearly 26 and my husband is 27 nearly 28. I am ready to have a baby and have been ready for the ...

A.   18 September 2018:  In 4 or 6 years you will still only be 29 to 31 ! And having a baby " because all my friends have one " is the worst possible reason to have a child- it's not an " adult " reason, and I think when you'll be 30 and over you'll see that , even ... (read in full...)

I’m pregnant by a boyfriend using me for a green card! Advice needed!

Q.   Hi there I am pregnant 9 weeks I’ve been dating this honderan man for almost two years. My boyfriend has been distant because he wants to get married but it’s to get his green card. He loves me but i am catholic and I want a church ceremony I’m not ...

A.   17 September 2018: Obviously I have no idea whether your bf is only after his green card or if he also loves you regardless of what you can do for him. But I have to say that, if he fears or knows that he may be deported soon, he has a good point. It takes time to ... (read in full...)

Would it be ok to ask my mum to buy me a vibrator?

Q.   I'm 17 and have the money to buy a vibrator, but I have no way of actually getting one by myself. I don't have any friends old enough to take me some where that will sell them to people under 18, and I don't have a credit/debit card so I can't buy ...

A.   15 September 2018:  Just go to a CVS or Rite-Aid or Walmart and get one those traditional wand- shaped " massagers ": they are not marketed as sex toys, but as " personal massage appliances " or " health aids " ( well, you can actually also use them on, say, ... (read in full...)

I am recuperating from surgery and my boyfriend is having some girl I've never met pick him up and go out drinking

Q.   I need to know if I'm being Ridicolous and this is just petty. Or if what he is doing is wrong. I ended up having emergency surgery Wednesday which was completely unexpected. My boyfriend has been amazing. Coming to see me straight after work and...

A.   14 September 2018:  If the real problem is as female anon of Sept. 13th suggests- that's a blatant case of " mean what you say and say what you mean ". Maybe fem anon is right, you are mad because you wanted your bf to be more nurturing and to stay home assi... (read in full...)

My progressive hair loss is making me insecure about dating

Q.   Hi all, I'm having a real tough time with my confidence on dates. This has been due to my now significant hair loss. I'm in my late 20's and recently went out with a girl who i'd not seen for almost a year (i'd had to move away for work, but we kept ...

A.   14 September 2018:  Very unlikely. Honestly. I am not telling it to make you feel better , I am one of the " mean " Aunts:). Hair is one of those things that worry men more than women, they think that women care about men's hair way more than they actually do. ... (read in full...)

Why block someone and not delete them?

Q.   My ex and i split up 8 months ago i never thought id see or speak to him again. A couple of month back we slept together ( both wanted it ) but before we did we were talking about how we could try again. We started to talk a little more over the...

A.   14 September 2018:  Blocking is to make sure that they do not contact you. Deleting is to make sure you do not contact them. Apparently your ex does nor feel that he is at muck risk of being tempted to reconnect. ... (read in full...)

I want my mother to move in with us so I can take care of her

Q.   Hi everyone. My fiance and I are in the process of moving back to my home state and purchasing a house there. It is a relatively large house and we have more than enough space to start a family. My mom is not in the best of health. She recen...

A.   12 September 2018:  I agree with all the other posters, who think it's not a good idea at all to bring your mother to live under your roof , and that you and your husband need to explore other possible solutions to help her out without having to sacrifice your ... (read in full...)

I dumped my boyfriend for sponging off of me but now I feel guilty

Q.   I’ve been dating this guy for 9 months now. Things started off great and though we have had a few issues I feel like they can be worked through. The latest issue though is surrounding money. He lost his job a few months ago and has been having a...

A.   12 September 2018:  You've gotta be kidding !! Of course you are not wrong . If any you were wrong before !, because supporting an able-bodied adult male is something a single mother should not even consider to begin with, unless in absolutely exceptional ... (read in full...)

I am paying my girlfriend's rent but we are not on good terms. What should I do?

Q.   Found girlfriends journal. Made the mistake of reading some of it. She has been in contact with her ex in prison. Sentenced 25 to life. Wants to visit him as soon as she can. Hasn't seen him in like 2 yrs. I have been supporting her almost 100% for ...

A.   10 September 2018:  Can't win if you don't buy a ticket ? Yeah , but make sure that the lottery is not rigged , and that there is actually a prize to be won. What a prize , indeed ! High school drop out, no marketable skills, previous drug charges. Intellig... (read in full...)

His family hired lazy useless employees and I need to know how to cope!

Q.   My partner and I have always had a wonderful relationship. We've been together a very long time. This year, he and his family opened a business. His parents made the decisions about the staff they're hiring and what they're paying, without ...

A.   8 September 2018:  You have already got good advice ; luckily, advice that you deem useful. I just want to add some food for thought. I understand that you are frustrated, as everybody is always frustrated when things do not go the way they want, and part... (read in full...)

Scared of having a miscarriage

Q.   Hi all, This one is mainly for the ladies, also men who have had a pregnant partner. This might sound silly to some people but I guess I just need some reassurance and guidance. Maybe even just to have someone to talk to I guess. So I am just s...

A.   8 September 2018:  Yes, about 20% of pregnant women had bleeding occurring durung the first 12 weeks if pregnancy and it turned out it was nothing to worry about. Bleeding, or spotting, is far from uncommon in early pregnancies, and if we are talking about ligh... (read in full...)

Dating apps and cheating in a long distance relationship

Q.   I have been in a relationship for the past 8 years. It has been long distance since 2014 due to work and family issues on his side. I can work remotely, so have been backwards and forwards from Ireland, where my family lives and where I usually ...

A.   8 September 2018:  You want to believe him ? Well, I want to believe that fire does not burn , but , I put my finger through a flame a first time, ouch !, a second time, ouch ouch ! , a third time OOOUCH !... I'd better believe my evidence ,if I want to keep ... (read in full...)

Is she worth pursuing?

Q.   I'm in a really low place right now. I've been dating a girl for the past 4 months ( I'm 30 she's 26) and during the past month she's grown incredibly distant. She only texts me when I text her now, sometimes it takes her days to reply, she never ...

A.   7 September 2018:  No, she is not. She is giving you massive hints that she can't be bothered, but you won't take them. Yes, she is going about it in a rather passive aggressive way,- we do not know whether to keep you on the back burner as a " just in case " or , ... (read in full...)

Am I stuck up for wanting basic things?

Q.   I'm been with my bf for a year and half. He lives with his mum still and now built a cabin in his mums garden and says he plans to stay there. I am not happy about staying there with no bathroom, kitchen, space for my things but he says I am stuck ...

A.   6 September 2018: Of course not . You are a normal human being, - not a rake or a shovel or a spade, so you know that your place is NOT in a garden shed. Your wish to live with your man in a place fit for human beings is perfectly normal and legitimate. This does... (read in full...)

I’m worried and insecure about my body!

Q.   i’m a little worried about my nipples and i’m really insecure about my body. my nipples are pointy and i’m not sure if it’s normal or attractive. any advice ? HELP .... lol ...

A.   6 September 2018:  Yes, pointy nipples are totally normal. Nipples come in many different shapes , sizes and colours and "pointy" is one among them, and not uncommon too. As for " attractive ", I would not know, I never had occasion gave any thought to this issu... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants me to help support him as he tries to strengthen his knee!

Q.   Hello I would like your opinion on this. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We live in the USA, he lives in the East Coast, while I live in the West Coast. We've been together for about three years. My boyfriend injured himself ...

A.   5 September 2018:  Let's forget for a second about the insanity, and inanity, of doing DIY unsupervised physical therapy whitout hving the proper knowledge and credentials, which very possibly could mess up his knee even more , rather than doing any good. But… why ... (read in full...)

Can a gay man become straight or could this ruin our friendship

Q.   It was 5 years ago when I decided to move from Ireland to Chicago to work it was there I met my best friend. Me and John met at work and formed an unseperable friendship. We have been through so much together from breakups to happy moments to ...

A.   31 August 2018:  I am not sure that this guy's sexual orientation has actually got anything to do with your concern, which is : I am afraid that if it does not work out , I will lose someone who has been in my life etc.etc. Well, yes. Of course. If it does not ... (read in full...)

Was I too hard on my boyfriend due to my anxiety issues or did he deserve my wrath?

Q.   Hi. I've got anxiety. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He knows all about my issues. And he has supported me through it all. We have had some major challenges due to my anxiety but we have always worked through them. Yesterday...

A.   30 August 2018:  I may be wrong, of course, but you totally sound like a regular poster on DC, a lady that, after 5 years, still insists in calling her married lover " my boyfriend ". If you are this person, or if you are another person involved with some... (read in full...)

My boyfriend contacts my mum instead of me

Q.   After my previous post where me and my boyfriend have been on break for 3 weeks after a big row over one of my flaws..I ended up in A and E yesterday after an accident in mother text him to let him know and he rung her right away. What's ...

A.   29 August 2018:  I think you can take him at face value , and I think you are proving him right -if he contacted you directly, you'd start reading volumes into it and maybe seeing it as a sign that he must be willing to have you back . See how strongly and ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for someone to be so self-centered and selfish that he doesn't even realize he's in the wrong?

Q.   Is it possible for someone to be so self-centered and selfish that he doesn't even realize he's in the wrong? Here are a few examples : 1. I believe in bringing the kids to travel internationally to visit different countries and cultures to 'see...

A.   27 August 2018:  Well, it figures. Self centered people feel that they are the center of the universe and what really counts is only what's right for THEM, they don't have the patience or interest to compare notes and debate with those who live on the outskirts of ... (read in full...)

I have caught my husband in so many lies regarding his female coworker. Is it wrong for me to ask him to stay away from her?

Q.   Hello, My husband has been lying to me for the past few months, all lies have involved his coworker. He has lied to me about calling her, dropping her off at home, going to hang out with her at her house, buying her gifts, including an exp...

A.   27 August 2018:  More than controlling, I am afraid it would be ineffective. Your husband is such an inveterate liar !, you caught him already so many times, and by now you should know that he'll say anything and promise anything, just to keep you quiet and off ... (read in full...)

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