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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

1234567891011Next > [249 pages, 9908 answers]

She agrees to a threesome when drunk but not when she's sober)

Q.   Ok... So my wife and I have discussed threesomes with another woman and she has accepted as long as I dont participate, in other words not really a threesome just voyeurism on my part, which i'm totally cool with, but I would also like for her to ...

A.   24 May 2017:  Don't approach it, then .This is YOUR fantasy only. She said " no ". ... (read in full...)

How can I cope with my sexual frustration? Masturbating seems my only option. How can I feel better about myself?

Q.   I'm 26yrs old and have accomplished nothing. I failed college, don't have a job, and I am a virgin. I feel that I am a hopeless disgrace with no future or anything of value. My problem is that I am sexually frustrated but feel like I have noth...

A.   23 May 2017: Wait wait wait. First of all, you are not trash. Don't ever say that. Nobody is trash. Convicted felons are not trash. Homeless persons and panhandlers are not trash. Illitterate immigrants from Thirld world countries are not trash. Most ... (read in full...)

I think I made a mistake in getting married to him as I don't think I can accept his culture and all the family involvement. What should I do?

Q.   I am a vey independent woman who likes a lot of space and I do not like being told what to do. I rarely see my own family as I am busy with my life and they with theirs. My husband comes from Egypt and would like me to go and live there but I don'...

A.   23 May 2017:  First ,maybe you should think long and hard if you really want to be married with him- or if you really want to be married, full stop- regardless of the logistics , and of the culture clash. I mean, I don't find anything strange in the fact... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and I know my partner will want me to get an abortion

Q.   Hi I'm very worried. Iv just found out I'm pregnant, I know my partner does not want any, we have two children already. I'm not sure what to do, he will want me to have an abortion but I don't believe in them. iv not yet told him, I don't know how...

A.   22 May 2017:  Why would he tell you " normally " to do pregnanacy tests ?! Don't you use birth control ? Knowing that he does not want chidren and all ? ( Yes, I know that birth control may fail you ...once in a blue moon... but not " normally " ! ). Anyw... (read in full...)

Help me sort this mees out

Q.   I deserve to be blamed. I got divorce 4 years ago. My life was good just always I felt something is missing. Every time I was seeing couples holding hands it was catching my attention . I got divorce which I regret it today. It didn't worth the ...

A.   22 May 2017:  As flattering as it must be to have 3 different men competing to win you over, unless you thrive on the ego bust and related drama, and you want to keep it going- then there's actually not much to be puzzled about and not many alternatives to ... (read in full...)

What are the rules for family visiting when we are separated but still living under the same roof?

Q.   My husband has recently said he wants a divorce after I started sleeping in another bedroom for comfort reasons after my breast cancer and mastectomy last year. He says he is sick of being the provider and is angry that I haven't yet gone back to ...

A.   22 May 2017:  I'd keep it simple. I'd be flexible and just do what is more practical and effective, i.e. just removing myself from the premises and go spend a few hours at the library or at the mall or at a friend's place , etc. while these people are ... (read in full...)

He says he wants a child and gets upset when I give my reasons for why it doesn't work for me now!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and he just brought up wanting a baby with me. I've had an abortion in a past relationship. We are both still in college and as much as I want a kid I just don't see it as a good time to have one ...

A.   22 May 2017:  What ? You both are in college, you have been dating all of 3 months, and he brings up having a baby ?! And he gets upset when you nix the plan ?! I bet you find this cute. Endearing. It's not. If he is kidding, he's an idiot. And if he is se... (read in full...)

She agrees to a threesome when drunk but not when she's sober)

Q.   Ok... So my wife and I have discussed threesomes with another woman and she has accepted as long as I dont participate, in other words not really a threesome just voyeurism on my part, which i'm totally cool with, but I would also like for her to ...

A.   22 May 2017:  Since your wife (hopefully ! ) spends much more time being sober than being drunk, I would assume that no, she does not want to do it. I don't care if when she is drunk she is more open to your suggestions. You take this as a sign that " deep... (read in full...)

Help me with this family situation, my father thinks I'm avoiding an event!

Q.   I have a difficult situation with my over 65 yr old parents Need advice please My parents live in another state that is a 1hour plane flight away I visit once a year and they come to my state, once a year to visit and and we talk on phone sometim...

A.   21 May 2017:  Anon female reader of May 21st- I don't think that anybody here suggested that the OP should just took up and leave without her bosses' permission and against their wishes . We just got the feeling that she did not even ASK, since she was only ... (read in full...)

Is my ex a manipulator?

Q.   Hi All, I would like some advice on a person I stopped seeing recently and whether she sounds like a manipulator or I am thinking too much into things. We split up after about 18 months and we went no contact, I was doing fine and then she deci...

A.   19 May 2017:  I don't know, OP. I don't know her. Maybe she is- or maybe not. Maybe just egocentric. Narcissism is the pursuit of gratication out of vanity ot egotistic admiration of one's own abilities. Egocentrism is an inability to understand or to assum... (read in full...)

My LDR boyfriend wants to try to have a baby but we would still be long distance after the baby was born.

Q.   hi guys and girls, i need some advice, i cant wrap my head around a situation what could happen. Me and my long distance relationship have been talking about the future, ( before I go into too much detail, we have been together over a year and a ha...

A.   19 May 2017:  I'd have an issue with being long distance as it is - apparently , for an undisclosed length of time ? - even before than with becoming a single mother ! If this is what you want to be , cool. Being a single parent is not everybody's cup ... (read in full...)

Does this look like a deeper relationship?

Q.   I've had a FWB about 6 months now. We casually meet every other week, do our thing, split ways and just chat via messages the rest of the time. Lately, when I go to his house, he wants me to spend all night, go out to the movies, go eat, he kisse...

A.   19 May 2017:  Yes and not. There are bad news and there are good news :) ( this, assuming, which maybe is not the case, that you WANT this relationship to become deeper) The bad news is that a person's sexual behaviour in a casual relationship is never a ... (read in full...)

Why's my teacher acting so cold?

Q.   My favourite teacher in the whole world is my art teacher. He's 30 so he's younger and is able to connect with certain students really well. He's the type of person who can make stupid or rude remarks that make you laugh, but he'll only do this ...

A.   19 May 2017:  This teacher is young.. but he is still a teacher and , I imagine, he is not stupid. He knows all about schoolgirls crushing on their teachers, and, I agree with Honeypie, I think that he realized you are reading way too much into what he says ... (read in full...)

Do many females masturbate ? I feel ashamed when I do so.

Q.   Do lots of girls/ladies masterbate? I get so paranoid that I'm abnormal for doing it because my friends never talk about it and sometimes someone will make a comment that it's more of a boy thing and I'll feel ashamed. ...

A.   18 May 2017:  Of course lots of women masturbate . It's another gender , not another species. The sexual urges, wants and needs are the same. What might be different, slightly a bit more of a " boy thing " is maybe frequency. Stats say that 88% percent of m... (read in full...)

My crush is suddenly avoiding me!

Q.   I met my personal trainer end of March 2017 and immediately we clicked. We had so much fun together we would laugh all the time. He inspired me to push harder and even to go to the gym. Sometimes he would touch me in an unusual flirtatious way (but ...

A.   18 May 2017:  Probably because he got upbraided by the gym's owner / management for letting you train with him for free. If he is an employee- he is incredibly lucky that they did not fire him ( but you may be sure he has been really chewed out ). But even if ... (read in full...)

Help me with this family situation, my father thinks I'm avoiding an event!

Q.   I have a difficult situation with my over 65 yr old parents Need advice please My parents live in another state that is a 1hour plane flight away I visit once a year and they come to my state, once a year to visit and and we talk on phone sometim...

A.   18 May 2017:  I agree with N)!- why do you have to ask for a sick day ? Why do you have to " wrangle " a day off ? Don't you have personal days ? Don't you have regular vacation days ? Why can't you take a day off your yearly vacation ? Did you at least... (read in full...)

We've become really close and he likes me ... but he has a girlfriend!

Q.   So, I've been friends with this guy for about 5 months now. Yet, somehow, I can't remember much of my life before our friendship. We've become really close. He has admitted to liking me but we never actually got together because he had a girlfriend. ...

A.   18 May 2017:  Yes, another vote for " testing the waters ". I believe the " plan " could entail something more than a hug, in time if not on the spot, if you had had a warmer reaction to his hug offer. What should you do , knowing etc.?.... You should reme... (read in full...)

I'm worried how rude the nurses will be

Q.   Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...

A.   18 May 2017:  Hold your horses, OP ! I am not judging or questioning anybody for having to undergo surgery or for not having tons of friends or not having a " perfect life ". Nobody has a perfect life, and, just to assure you that I am not spouting nonsense, ... (read in full...)

I'm worried how rude the nurses will be

Q.   Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...

A.   17 May 2017:  I am perplexed, I don't quite understand what you mean. A hospital is not a hotel, you do not get to pick and choose how long you want to stay. Least of all, in an NHS system ! If your procedure is routinely carried out in day hospital... (read in full...)

Even though I work with kids I can't get close to these ones

Q.   I have 2 "nephews"..they're not really, they're my fiancé's but when we get married they technically will be, but I have absolutely no bond or relationship with them. It's not that I don't want to have either. I care about them as much as I would my ...

A.   17 May 2017:  But even aunts/ uncles through blood aren't necessarily much fussed about by nieces and nephews ! It depends, from so many variables. Some times there's a strong bond, some times not so much. It's not that the title of " Aunt " ( which anyway it's ... (read in full...)

Is my ex a manipulator?

Q.   Hi All, I would like some advice on a person I stopped seeing recently and whether she sounds like a manipulator or I am thinking too much into things. We split up after about 18 months and we went no contact, I was doing fine and then she deci...

A.   16 May 2017: Yes, your explanation is a possibility. " Dog in the manger syndrome " is very frequent. They don't want you- but when they see you don't want THEM, and / or you start wanting someone else... then they want you again. But personally, and cons... (read in full...)

Where do I draw the line? Am I being brainwashed?

Q.   Where do I draw the line between him being too busy/tired/stressed and him just not being that into me? I'm dating a doctor who is training to become a surgeon. At first he was very attentive, calling, texting, wanting to see me all the time, th...

A.   16 May 2017:  He did not have to call, but probably he is the type who likes to have the last word in any situation and never relinquish control. If he lets you dump him , he may even be happy about your decision,- yet he has lost control. If HE dumps you, ... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my son moving in with a girl after only 4 months

Q.   My son is 22 and even though he is an adult I still worry about him. Over the weekend we got to met his new girlfriend, she is a sweet girl and someone I'm actually glad he is dating (his past few girl friends weren't my favorite) BUT I worry that ...

A.   16 May 2017:  I think that your worries are very legitimate. In fact, I think it borders with insane wanting to build up an instant family at such a young age and after only 4 months of dating. The girl may be super nice, no doubt , but if she is willing to toy ... (read in full...)

On/off holiday friendship

Q.   I met this guy on holiday. We got along really well and I thought he was, well, perfect. Then he had to move away and stuff cause his holiday ended. We exchanged phone numbers and we were texting for a while. After a couple of weeks of texting he ...

A.   16 May 2017:  Good for you, OP- you are quick on the uptake , and this will help you a lot, in love and in life . I'd like to add something , to make myself clear : while personally I was never keen on cybersex, or phone sex, or any other " fake " sex; ( a... (read in full...)

Worried that I'm not big enough

Q.   My girlfriend told me that she is feeling my inside but only a little and she is probably sure that she cant cum from this. I can make her cum few time in 2-4 minutes with my fingers but she can't feel my penis right. I'm average guy. Lenght above...

A.   15 May 2017:  No, you are not a little thin. Average penis girth as resulting from a study carried on by King's College ( London ) foundation on a sample of 15.200 participants ( .. so, a relevant sample ) is 4,58 inches. You are slightly above aver... (read in full...)

Even though I work with kids I can't get close to these ones

Q.   I have 2 "nephews"..they're not really, they're my fiancé's but when we get married they technically will be, but I have absolutely no bond or relationship with them. It's not that I don't want to have either. I care about them as much as I would my ...

A.   15 May 2017:  I am even colder than Honeypie ;) because I do not want to interact or engage with any kid, period. I had my fill having tons of kids over for zillions of playdates and sleepovers when my son was a child - and even then, I made sure that ... (read in full...)

Hypothetically speaking should I help my brother cheat on an exam?

Q.   Hi everyone.. I have more a family kind of question.. So basically recently I had an exam which my friend accidentally missed and she asked me what was in the paper.. and I know in the resit paper, they give the same thing in one of the section w...

A.   15 May 2017:  Ok, I'll stick my neck out and I will admit that, while not disapproving or criticizing your strict ethic code, I am totally with your parents on this. There are areas in which some flexibility is tolerable or at least understandable, I'd say.... (read in full...)

I don't trust him as he's still active on the dating site, but I really don't want to end the relationship!

Q.   We met online dating site. Agreed to close accounts once established relationship. He agrees exclusively, yet is still active on dating site! He denies any chatting or meetingsd x but refuses to close the account. . I was with him when he recieved a ...

A.   15 May 2017:  No, he hasn't answered. He cannot. Because, at the end of the day, whether he actually met these women or not, or sent them explicit offers or not, etc.etc.- it boils down to the simple fact that he WAS on a dating site, while supposedly being ... (read in full...)

On/off holiday friendship

Q.   I met this guy on holiday. We got along really well and I thought he was, well, perfect. Then he had to move away and stuff cause his holiday ended. We exchanged phone numbers and we were texting for a while. After a couple of weeks of texting he ...

A.   15 May 2017:  OP ! You should not just " also " note, as a footnote or an afterthought, that he asked if you could exchange nude pics. That's the whole point of the matter, and the reason why he got in touch again. Pardon the brutality, but he does not ... (read in full...)

I can't seem to bring myself to meet him! My teeth and anxiety may be part of what's holding me back!

Q.   I matched with this guy on a dating site and we soon got talking. It was a really slow process to start with and I didn't feel much towards him (well as much as you can without meeting them). He never seemed to ask to meet and I figured he was just...

A.   12 May 2017:  You were damn right in saying no to meeting up for the first time a stranger at his house ! He has some nerve in proposing that , it 's very inappropriate and pushy, and it would make uncomfortable even a non-anxious self confident girl . It's ... (read in full...)

Do you think he'll ever be open to friendship with me? Two weeks after dumping me he was back on dating sites.

Q.   Hello, I am hoping for some advice and help to make sense of a situation I am in. Was together with a man for 9 months. He lived about 90 minutes away, and for various work and child matters we saw each other from Friday through till Sunday ever ...

A.   10 May 2017:  I agree with N91 : why horrid ? YOU told him that you needed to go no contact in order to heal, because you are not at the same place he is . He said : agreed. End of story. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If right after your ... (read in full...)

I have a crush on a 16 year old. And I'm 18

Q.   Now before i start 1. Please do not be too hard on me and 2. i am 18 now i got that off my chest let's get to the point: Okay i will admit i have multiple crushes at my school but there is one that makes me feel dirty. That crush is on a girl two...

A.   10 May 2017:  Yes, it is totally normal for an 18 y.o. boy to be attracted to a 16 y.o. girl. Biology dies not care about " politically correct ". As a young man, you are wired to be attracted to young, yet post- puberal, sexually developed, women. No big surp... (read in full...)

Why would my ex male friend partially ghost me instead of going to complete NO Contact? How do I end this madness?

Q.   First he tried to ease me into a FWB, after agreeing to friendship. We spoke, text and video chatted practically everyday. We did have sex twice. He wanted to continue to have sex as an FWB. I informed him recently that I was not FWB material. I ...

A.   10 May 2017:  By blocking him, colour him gone, and moving on. He is simply tryng his luck again, without much intention or determination, though. It's a " just in case " kind of thing. After all, how much effort do you think it costs a person to forward ... (read in full...)

Are we really just friends with benefits?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have been friends with this man since college and when we met he told my friends there was "something different about her" and was very into me. I was into him also but because he dated someone I knew we flirted a lot but it never ...

A.   8 May 2017:  No, it's not because he has got mommy issues or emotional issues. At least, not that we can see that based on what you write. It's because - as banal as it sounds - he's just not that into you. He is into you... to a point. He likes spending occa... (read in full...)

What do you do when your bridal party and family cannot get along while making plans for your wedding shower and bachelorette party?

Q.   What do you do when your bridal party and family cannot get along while making plans for your wedding shower and bachelorette party? I have a Pinterest board setup and shared it with my bridal party and they are having opposing views on what they ...

A.   3 May 2017:  It depends. If you , or your parents , will be shouldering all the costs, - iron fist. Remind everybody, as kindly as possibly yer firmly, that wedding planning is not a democratic endeavour; it's an authocratic act. You rule- it's your wedd... (read in full...)

We would love to have a child but I worry I am too old!

Q.   Hello, My partner and I have been together for two years now and we have both been married before. We would like to have a child together but I am worried about my age. I have just turned 39 and I worry that is too old. My partner is 42 and he is ...

A.   3 May 2017:  I confirm what Honeypie says. In Italy , more babies are born from women between 35 and 44 ( 49% ) than from women 25 to 35 ( 47 % ). Considering that there is also a small, but not infinitesimal, percentage of women having kids OVER 44, this mean... (read in full...)

Confusedabout my feelings

Q.   I apologise this is very long! Around 4 years ago i met this man online. We eventually met up and went for a meal, (i need to mention i was in a bad place back then and very insecure) he was a bit of a d***. He said i had bad table manners, asked if ...

A.   2 May 2017:  No no no, -he does not want to date you, he wants to f..k . That's why he bothered to be apologetic- which did not prevent him from being very forward sexually basically the moment you " reconnected ". You are right to be weary- how he acted in t... (read in full...)

Do you think a relationship can form out of our FWB situation?

Q.   Hi Im in a fwb setup with a friend for the past one year.he ended the setup twice in this year for a couple of months and now it started again. Recently he had brought up the topic of where i saw myself 5 years from now..been cuddling after th...

A.   21 April 2017:  Yeah,...but that's bullshit. True, tried and time-honoured. It's code for " I don't want a relationship - with you ". He keeps telling you that you are a great girl, BUT... And you keep hearing that you are a great girl- and conveniently ignoring ... (read in full...)

Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?

Q.   I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...

A.   20 April 2017: Dead women cannot have children. Ever thought about that ? ... (read in full...)

Is it weird that I don't feel anything for him after losing my virginity to him?

Q.   Hi I'm 17, soon to be 18, and a few weeks ago i lost my virginity. Me and this guy have known each other for some time over a year and have been good friends ever since. Although we've been just friends there's been this kind of sexual tension (for ...

A.   19 April 2017: No it's not weird at all. It's a dick, not a magic wand. It can't make you fall in love at first contact. As you notice yourself, there are plenty of girls who have their first time with some stranger on a drunken night out. Or yielding to peer ... (read in full...)

Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?

Q.   I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...

A.   14 April 2017:  Of course you know what to do ! There's no way that you cannot know it. If you worked in a workplace where there are good chances that when you show up , your boss or coworkers will punch you, crack your ribs, physically hurt you ... would you ... (read in full...)

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