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| | shandygirl's profile:Hi everyone!
I am 52yrs old and got married for the first time at the age of 42. I am now in a pending divorce.
I have been completely on my own since I was 18 yrs old. I came from a very strict family, which also means that I was sheltered from the world, and was very naive at that age.
When left home, I had tons of adverse & dangerous experiences, and had to learn everything the hard way ... alone.
When I read a question that reminds me of an event that was in my life, or the life of a friend, I reply honestly and with empathy.
We ALL need advice from time to time, that is how I found this wonderful website, because I also needed help.
So here we are... friends who probably will never meet each other face to face, but who are of great value to each other. I appreciate all of you! Thank you for helping me with my questions, and I'll try my best to answer yours, while looking out for your interests, also. |
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My dad is cheating on my mum. Who can I speak to about it?
Q. I'm 15, Me and my older brother saw texts on my dad's fone to another woman saying 'Honey, I love you'. My parents are still together, but my mum doesn not know. My brother and I confronted him RIGHT now and he lied, we showed him the texts and...
A. 25 July 2008: Did you get the phone number? GET IT! Keep 2 copies, one that you confront your dad with, and one that you keep hidden in a safe spot. Demand an explanation! If it were me, I would call the lady, and ask her to explain. This may be bad advise, ... (read in full...)
Tempted by a married man, what should I do?
Q. Hi Everyone! Any help with this situation would be muchly appreciated! For years I have liked this guy who is 16yrs older than me and married =(, i tried my best to forget about him, but everytime i saw him it was back to square one. One day ...
A. 25 July 2008: P.S. I forgot to add that the married man that I had an affair with, I found out that He was messing around with 2 other girls the same time that he and I were seeing each other. That is how my girlfriend found out about him, because one of the ... (read in full...)
Tempted by a married man, what should I do?
Q. Hi Everyone! Any help with this situation would be muchly appreciated! For years I have liked this guy who is 16yrs older than me and married =(, i tried my best to forget about him, but everytime i saw him it was back to square one. One day ...
A. 25 July 2008: Wow! I agree strongly with both "Tisha-1" and "Keria." Both have very valid points and are very well written.
I on the other hand, can't add too much to what they already said to you. TAKE THEIR ADVISE! Think logically and about what is best... (read in full...)
I have sexual feelings for my cousin, I'm going to tell her how I feel at a movie... How do I ask her to sleep with me?
Q. Alright, so here's my problem........I've always had sexual feelings for my second cousin.......I'm 18 and shes 27..........when we were younger, I remember her asking me to kiss her on her mouth, I never thought anything of it then but now I ...
A. 25 July 2008: I had a crush on my cousin once. I don't beleive in it being right to take it any further. It is YOUR life. Live it the way you want.
Tell her how you feel... see what happens.
... (read in full...)
What am I to her now? Not even a friend? Is it best to walk away without a word?
Q. I have been together with my girlfriend for a year. Until few months ago, I moved for working and no longer meet each other that often. We still talk to each other on phone everyday. Last month, she told me she is going to vacation on the ...
A. 25 July 2008: If anything...you need closure. In other words, don't just walk away without a word. Ask her how she feels about this guy. Ask her how she feels about you. Ask her if it is over between you and her. If she says that it is... then tell her that ... (read in full...)
My husband told me he is attracted to her but they are only friends, do I have reasons to worry?
Q. my husband of 19 years met a 23 year old waitress in our local cafe. She has sinced moved to another state but they talk to each other 3-4 times a day. He seems to get upset when i ask if he has talked to her and what they talked about. he has ...
A. 24 July 2008: I agree strongly with "Ask older sister", and everyone else who answered you.
He is having an Emotional Affair. If a "Physical Affair" hasn't happened yet, expect it, unless he puts a halt to this thing.
See if you can get him to go to a Marriage... (read in full...)
My husband is acting suspiciously again. Any sound advice?
Q. I have been married for 18 years, and dated this same man for almost 10 years. He has always been a player and I have always been played somehow. He can control me, manipulate me, and belittle me. At the same time, he can sweet talk me, great in...
A. 24 July 2008: I agree with the previous answerer about investigating and evidence. You can go to the "whitepages.com" and do a reverse phone number lookup. If you can afford a PI, do it. Phone the number and see if a female answers.
I also take back some of my a... (read in full...)
My husband is acting suspiciously again. Any sound advice?
Q. I have been married for 18 years, and dated this same man for almost 10 years. He has always been a player and I have always been played somehow. He can control me, manipulate me, and belittle me. At the same time, he can sweet talk me, great in...
A. 23 July 2008: I am a little sneaky-agressive when it comes to things like this.
If it were me, I would get the phone number, then find a payphone somewhere and call the number to see who it is. I then would say " hi Sandy, how are you?" Then she would say " yo... (read in full...)
I've just found out his passwords - do I sneak a peak at his emails?
Q. I'm having another moral crisis in my relationship, and dont know what to do... I've known my boyfriend for aboutfour years, we've been in a relationship for nearly two. Basically at Christmas last year I saw he had messaged one of his ex girlfrie...
A. 22 July 2008: I AM A PEEKER! If it were me, I wouldn't be able to resist, because in my mind, THAT is the only way to find out what is REALLY going on. The truth is there to find out. A lot of people will think I am wrong, But... Oh well! ha ha! ... (read in full...)
If a man keeps talking to your mom does that signal that he is interested?
Q. If a man keeps talking to your mom dose that signal that he is interested? Hi my mom and I go to this resturant all the time and I can't tell if this guy is interested in me. He seemed to have be a little flirty but now every time we go in he talks...
A. 22 July 2008: If he is around YOUR age, Then he is just being nice to your mom as a customer. That is what waiters do to get their tips. ... (read in full...)
If a man keeps talking to your mom does that signal that he is interested?
Q. If a man keeps talking to your mom dose that signal that he is interested? Hi my mom and I go to this resturant all the time and I can't tell if this guy is interested in me. He seemed to have be a little flirty but now every time we go in he talks...
A. 21 July 2008: How old is this guy? If he is around your mom's age, then perhaps he is interested in her. OR maybe she is a decent tipper, and he wants to make sure that she keeps coming back when he is working.... (read in full...)
Have I got trust issues? I don't want him back, and don't want to be friends, I just want back my money. Is it me with the problem here?
Q. How do you get someone to see that you're not trying to twist things and make it look like 'its them' with the problem? Brief history, split with someone after nearly 2 yrs who lied in the early days. We had split after a yr, i found out he lied, ...
A. 21 July 2008: Make up a story to get your money back. Tell him you need to pay overdue bills or your electricity, phone, gas, and what ever else will get shut off. It is an emergency, and you need your money back! Make it sound as horrible as possible.
T... (read in full...)
Are We Bullys?
Q. There is a girl in my school year lets call her Asher, she doesnt have many friends because of the things she has done in the past, she stole £40 out of my friends pencil case, £40 out of my friends purse while she went to the toilet, £20 out of my ...
A. 21 July 2008: This girl sounds mentally unstable and you should stay away from her. There is NO excuse for stealing, no matter how someone tries to justify it. AND being a compulsive liar is not a good character trait either. Someone who is like that can not be ... (read in full...)
Please, could you give me advice on how to lose weight? Particularly the areas of the stomach and face worry me!
Q. Hi can you give me some advice on how to lose weight, i dont want to loose alot, im 17 and nearly 10 stone and before i was only 9 n half at the max! I have started cutting out some foods, just trying to eat 3 meals a day because i did used to eat ...
A. 18 July 2008: To make a physical difference, you have to work out consistantly at least 3-4 times a week. I have been working out for years, and I have read a lot of books and articles on the subject.
Weight-Training is great. You don't have to use HEAVY weig... (read in full...)
Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?
Q. Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...
A. 18 July 2008: I agree with the anonymous answerer below....... (read in full...)
Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?
Q. Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...
A. 18 July 2008: I Love You! Thanks for being a GOOD person!... (read in full...)
Can going to the gym ONCE on a serious work out make ANY visible difference?
Q. Exactly what the title says really, my friend has a free pass for the gym and told me to go with her to give it a try, I am allowed to stay as long as I want for the day at the gym, and I know this is a stupid question but I just wanted to double...
A. 18 July 2008: To make a physical difference, you have to work out consistantly at least 3-4 times a week. I have been working out for years, and I have read a lot of books and articles on the subject.
Weight-Training is great. You don't have to use HEAVY weig... (read in full...)
Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?
Q. Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...
A. 18 July 2008: I am in the same situation, exept I am the girlfriend. My BF can't visit his ex wife because she lives in a different state,and is remarried with a child. I told her to leave us alone, but she won't. I HATE her for not respecting my feelings. ... (read in full...)
Does my friend's husband have a real emotional attachment to me? Or was it just a bit of physical attraction?
Q. I have a friend ,whom I know since last 4-5 yrs,me n his wife r really gud friend actually all of us (me n my hubby he and his wife)are really close friends .But 2 months back I was alone with him for beer ,then he lost his control once but some how ...
A. 18 July 2008: What are you DOING? You said that his wife is a good friend, but it doesn't sound to me as though it is a 2 way street.
How would you like it if your friend was doing this to you behind your back?
I am being blunt, not to be hurtful, but to menta... (read in full...)
My Virgin Bride was not a Virgin. How do I cope?
Q. Hi, like many other guys I have a problem with my wifes past. I met her 25 years ago, she was 17 and I was 19. we hit it off right from the start and fell in love. we now have 2 kids aged 10 and 12. Every thing was fine until I asked her...
A. 17 July 2008: I would have lied too if I was 17-18 and was in love with the man that I would spend the rest of my life with ... for fear that he would think I was a tramp.
COME ON...You have been married for 25 years and you are happy and with 2 kids..
Do yo... (read in full...)
Could I go out with a younger guy?
Q. Hiya, Theres this guy i work with and well lately we've been talking a lot and getting quite close. Hes such a nice guy and were getting along so well. The thing is.. hes 17, 18 next april and i'm 18, 19 in two months. People keep saying you c...
A. 17 July 2008: Two years is not THAT much of a difference! But, since he is only 17, legally you could get into trouble if you have sex with him, because he is still a minor. You can not get physical until he is 18.
My boyfriend is 12 years younger than me. I am... (read in full...)
My boyfriend stares at other women... should I be worried?
Q. My fiance and I are preparing to get married next year. We live together and are very much in love. The thing that bothers me is that whenever we are driving places together... he stares so much at other women. He stares into cars, women walking ...
A. 17 July 2008: My boyfriend is the exact same way. And it is a issue with me too! If you click onto my name... and go into my column, you will see that I wrote about the exact same thing.
I told my boyfriend that glancing is one thing, but his gawking deep... (read in full...)
Any advice on how I can deal with this crisis of self-confidence?
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend which hurt me a lot but I was very lucky to find a really nice guy right afterwards. I like him a lot, but he just makes me feel so insecure that I'm having a really hard time being with him. I'm really sma...
A. 15 July 2008: Don't have him on such a huge pedestal!
My mother always told me, " No one has the capability to LAY GOLDEN EGGS, we are all the same."
He is smart? Good! He has a great job? Good! Mature and emotionally stable? Thank God!!!
Relax and enjoy!... (read in full...)
I'm clueless! I asked a girl out and couldn't believe she said yes! Now what do I do?
Q. Hi there, I recently asked a girl out and I couldn't beleive it when she said yes. However, I don't know where to take her or what to do (I'm clueless!) So women, what would you want to do and where would you want a guy to take you on a firs...
A. 15 July 2008: I agree with birdynumnums.
I want to add on... First date should be FUN. Take her out dancing, if you know how to dance. Or take her to a circus, or how about a restaurant with Live Music. Or some type of concert. Or an Amusement Park.... (read in full...)
Would you cheat on a boat with George Clooney?
Q. If you were married and knew it was going to be the end of the world and you were on a boat with George Clooney, would you cheat? What movie star would get you to cheat?...
A. 15 July 2008: I would rather spend my time with people I LOVE.... (read in full...)
What do you think about the situation with my ex? We are still sleeping together...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been split up for about. A month now. We were living together before the break up and since he moved out we've talked on and off with some booty call. Last night he came over we watched a movie and he started talking more on ...
A. 15 July 2008: I was in a situation simular to this when I was in my 20's. My ex boyfriend came around after we broke up, for booty calls. I thought that we were going to get back together, but when I realized that He was just using me for guarenteed sex, then ... (read in full...)
He is asking me to marry him but his age is an imposing hinderance to me...
Q. Iam 24 years of age. i have recently met a 42 year old man who is very kind, loving and considerate in evry possible way. However, the age difference between us makes me fear to commit to him. he is asking me to marry him but his age is an imposing ...
A. 15 July 2008: And the problem is????
My ex husband was 15 years older than me... It didn't bother me AT ALL. I would have stayed with him forever, except he didn't treat me well.
Where there is LOVE...age doesn't matter.... you are BOTH adults.... (read in full...)
Should I take things further with this guy online, or just get on with my boyfriend?
Q. ive gotta reli weird question. basically ive bin goin out with my bloke 4 11 months, and on this monday just gone, i decided 2 register to a chat room i used to be registered to. i started chatting to a guy on there whose fiance left him sunday e...
A. 11 July 2008: I am the anonymous answerer. I just wanted to make a point. Another point I want to make... is this picture really ME, or a photo that I pulled off of the internet?
Ha Ha... Yes, it is really me.
Take care girl. xoxox... (read in full...)
Is she or has she cheated on me?
Q. Long story!! Me and my gf have been together for 3 years now, and always been happy together till last summer. firstly, a while back, last summer, her pops was v. ill and needed looking after. She concentrated her efforts on him (too right) i...
A. 11 July 2008: WOW! You almost wrote a BOOK! ha ha ... I am teasing.
It sounds to me as though possibly she hasn't or isn't cheating... but maybe interested in this guy. Or they HAVE become friends and she didn't introduce you to him because she didn't want... (read in full...)
What's with the staring and then the angry look?
Q. When i used to go for evening walks there's this older guy who used to stare at me, i too used to stare at him. I did ignore him sometimes, but for somedays he has started to ignore me. One day i did look at him, but he looked angrily at me and went...
A. 11 July 2008: It sounds to me as though his "mature responsible adult side" took over.
A lot of older guys find younger women beautiful, part of mother nature, I guess. But if you are a LOT younger than him, then his morals kicked in... in his mind... for your... (read in full...)
I won't have an opportunity to lose my virginity until I'm 18, what do I do?
Q. Hi, im 15 turning 16 this year and my mom got a job in Bamfield and there is nobody under the age 25. I come back to my home town for 1 week of the month. Ill be 18 when i come back permenantly. Im dont want to be 19 and a virgin. I dont want to ...
A. 11 July 2008: If you don't wait until you meet someone really special, and he has the same feelings for you... then your first time (just for the sake of not being a virgin anymore) will be a disaster. And when your first time isn't good, it will negatively ... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to "get it up". Any advice?
Q. Hi im 22 years old have had a good sex life up to about 3 months ago and I now struggle to get it up. I had a girl I was seeing for a bit very good looking and we both liked each other alot and it just wouldnt happen it did sort of a couple times ...
A. 11 July 2008: This may sound harsh... but If you masturbate often... then stop. It could make it difficult to be able to have sex with a girl because it keeps you from having "the hunger." ... (read in full...)
My husband has an inappropriate relationship with his yoga instructor. What should I do?
Q. I am a married 47 year old woman who has been married for 17 years. My husband is a salesman...he is on the road constantly....he pretty much does and has the freedom to do whatever he likes. Recently my husband has become extremely friend...
A. 10 July 2008: I also am with you girl!
As I grew older, I have gotten to a point where I am a little on the BOLDER side. If I were you, I would go with him to Yoga Class, and introduce yourself to the instructor. Nicely..."Hi, I am his wife, pleased to meet... (read in full...)
My ex has started to drink occasionally, I just do not want this to become a habit or the only way she can feel happy!
Q. Lets see where do I begin....My X and I have had a good relationship. She is 21 and I am 26. Communication was always somewhat of an issue because I always felt like she was timid about expressing concerns to me. We had our fights and disputes but ...
A. 10 July 2008: An occasional drink isn't a bad thing. Some people have addictive personalities to where they get hooked on substances, and some don't.
I used to drink a lot when I was in my 20's, but I got tired of having hangovers, so I quit. My boyfriend that... (read in full...)
I believed women are devils to deceive men - but I want to change
Q. ex me 4 my en in the past i had a terrible love feeling with one of my classmate and after that i believed some : - women are devils to deceit men - love is a ordinary matter that every one may face with - girls and women try to .... me (can't ...
A. 10 July 2008: You sound very bitter. Quit it.
Men deceive women also. There is good and bad in everyone. You will find a nice girl some day. And when you do... treat her the way You would want to be treated.
I am 53yrs old. I have been hurt by men, and... (read in full...)
I feel terrible about my looks, even though people tell me I'm pretty,
Q. Is it true that you don't see yourself the way others see you? Everyone tells me that I am so pretty and so beautiful. Not a day goes by that I do not get a compliment like that. Even from complete strangers, they come up to me and tell me that I am ...
A. 10 July 2008: If you get so many compliments, then apparently you are good looking.
But... stop obsessing about your looks, and concentrate on your education and personality. Because that is what is most important. Read the newspaper every day to learn abou... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this bullying and nastiness?
Q. hi everyone I am not sure if this is the right place to come but I seem to have run out of places for help. Ok my problem is this. I am an Australian girl who is living in England. The problem is I hate it, my dad is here for work for another 2 ye...
A. 10 July 2008: When I was your age, I had the same problem, and I had to physically fight all the time. But things are different now a days. Now the law gets involved in such incidents in this country.
Have you tried talking to a teacher or the head of the scho... (read in full...)
My girlfriend accused me of domestic abuse. Does she have a point?
Q. My girlfriend and i have not been getting along so well recently. She has recently accused me of domestic abuse which i have denied..... however i looked up the term and am now unsure as to whether my behaviour could be termed as such...... i have ...
A. 10 July 2008: You are emotionally and mentally abusing her.
Stop!
There are ways of saying things without putting an attitude into it. If you have something to say... say it calmly and resist the urge to say anything to her that is hurtful.
If you plan on ... (read in full...)
How can you tell if an older guy likes you online?
Q. how to know if an older guy likes you even though we haven't met before, we're only have a conversation on the net?...
A. 10 July 2008: Agreed with Tigger3165. I was the anonymous answerer. I wanted to make a point.
If you DO meet him, do so in a public place and with a friend. Don't go anywhere alone with him for a long time, and don't let him know where you live for a whil... (read in full...)
It's tempting to leave home right now. I can (just about) wait. Have I got it all wrong?
Q. Hello, I'm a 17 year old girl. I live with my parents in a nice house in a small town in England. We have a cat and a goldfish pond. And to be totally honest, I'm gonna go insane if I stay here too much longer. Don't get me wrong - I apprecia...
A. 9 July 2008: With your parents it is clean, warm, safe, you don't have to struggle making money to eat, have a place to live, or pay bills...and they are there to guide you away from making harmful mistakes. WOW! I wish I could go home again.
I left home... (read in full...)
It's tempting to leave home right now. I can (just about) wait. Have I got it all wrong?
Q. Hello, I'm a 17 year old girl. I live with my parents in a nice house in a small town in England. We have a cat and a goldfish pond. And to be totally honest, I'm gonna go insane if I stay here too much longer. Don't get me wrong - I apprecia...
A. 9 July 2008: With your parents it is clean, warm, safe, you don't have to struggle making money to eat, have a place to live, or pay bills...and they are there to guide you away from making harmful mistakes. WOW! I wish I could go home again.
I left home... (read in full...)
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