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*handygirl agony aunt

*handygirl

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*handygirl's profile:

Hi everyone!

I am 53yrs old and got married for the first time at the age of 42. I am now in a pending divorce.

I have been completely on my own since I was 18 yrs old. I came from a very strict family, which also means that I was sheltered from the world, and was very naive at that age.

When left home, I had tons of adverse & dangerous experiences, and had to learn everything the hard way ... alone.

When I read a question that reminds me of an event that was in my life, or the life of a friend, I reply honestly, empathy, and to THE POINT.

We ALL need advice from time to time, that is how I found this wonderful website, because I also needed help.

So here we are... friends who probably will never meet each other face to face, but who are of great value to each other. I appreciate all of you! Thank you for helping me with my questions, and I'll try my best to answer yours, while looking out for your interests, also.

12345678Next > [8 pages, 288 answers]

Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...

A.   8 November 2008: P.S. You ARE doing the right thing. ... (read in full...)

Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...

A.   8 November 2008: I think that is wonderful! I have a lot of respect for your efforts. And once again, THANK YOU. My situation... I see NO evidence anywhere showing that my BF is having any contact with his ex wife. What a relief for me. As a result, our rela... (read in full...)

People tell me that I'm still single at my age because I'm too picky, should I settle for someone that I don't love with all my heart?

Q.   Well, you can see my age range, and I still haven't fallen in love and gotten married and sometimes I feel sad, wishing I had someone to share my life with. I have my heart set on finding someone (don't know who) that I truly love, who loves me...

A.   19 October 2008: I got married for the first time when I was 42. Ya, other guys wanted to marry me before then, but I didn't want to commit. In my mind, I always had the question " Can I spend the rest of my life with HIM?" The answer was always NO. I was neve... (read in full...)

Is it normal that I'm feeling this upset and angry towards some humans who can do things like this to other living creatures?

Q.   Ok this is nothing to do with love I guess I'm just looking for comfort... I've just read the most horrific case of animal cruelty on the net and I'm in tears. I love animals and support the RSPCA. But sitting here now, I'm so upset by it, tha...

A.   8 October 2008: I understand how you feel. My heart breaks when I see cruelty to both animals and humans. There are a lot of sick, evil, or just plain "ignorant" people out there. All we can do is try to make a difference, no matter how small. There is a Par... (read in full...)

I really didn't mean to upset her.....

Q.   My wife and me have been fighting a lot lately. We had another fight, it got so bad. I yelled out 'I WANT A DIVORCE'! I upset her so much she stayed at a hotel (she didn't tell me which one.) I honestly didn't mean it. She won't answer my call...

A.   8 October 2008: First of all honey, when you argue with your wife, NEVER again say things like: "We are done.... I want a divorce....I'm leaving...or I don't love you anymore". They are huge "No-No's". I know when you are angry and in the heat of the moment, you ... (read in full...)

We're each others 'first love' and things are great, but he sometimes wonders if we should see what dating others is like - is he right?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have been in a relationship for over 3 years. We are both 20 years old, and really do feel comfortable with each other. We moved in with each other just last month, and everything is going great. We are both each others first relation...

A.   8 October 2008: I know a couple who has been together since they were 16. They are now in their mid 40's, have kids and grandkids. Curious about what other people are like? Well, yes there are people out there who have different personalities and interest. And ... (read in full...)

How can I forget my ex, he was my first love and my fiance.

Q.   i broke up with my ex for about 3 months now and he was my first boyfriend. We were engaged and everything! but its over and im seeing someone else but i cant get over him... is it really true you'll never forget your first? i mean when im having ...

A.   8 October 2008: I have bad news for you... You never forget your first love. I am 53, and still I think about mine, whom I met when I was 15. We never had sex, never even kissed. We broke up because his mother said that I was "too good" for him. She wanted him ... (read in full...)

What is the definition of an 'alpha male'? Come on, ladies!

Q.   LADIES, LADIES, LADIES! Pray tell: what is your definition of an 'alpha male' exactly? Also: what do you mean when you say that a guy 'is out of your league'? Is it better to go out with a guy who is at the top of your league, or one who is at the ...

A.   7 October 2008: 'Alpha Male' A Man who is confident in ANY situation... shows no insecurities. A Leader. Extremely intelligent, Not necessarily successful, but stives to get there. Not afraid to take chances. Has a mind of his own. Outgoing. Out of your leag... (read in full...)

I upset my pregnant wife and now she's staying at a hotel, how can I get her back?

Q.   My wife and I have been fighting mainly about money a lot lately. We had another fight, it got so bad. I yelled 'I WANT A DIVORCE'! I upset her so much she stayed at a hotel (she didn't tell me which one.) I honestly didn't mean it. She won'...

A.   6 October 2008: First of all honey, when you argue with your wife, NEVER again say things like: "We are done.... I want a divorce....I'm leaving...or I don't love you anymore". They are huge "No-No's". I know when you are angry and in the heat of the moment, ... (read in full...)

If a college girl spends nights nude in bed with her boyfriend, and gives him handjobs, but no sex, would she be thought of as a slut?

Q.   If a college girl spends nights nude in bed with her boyfriend, and gives him handjobs, but no sex, would she be thought of as a slut?...

A.   5 October 2008: If a guy spends nights nude in bed with his girlfriend, and lets her give him handjobs or more.... is HE a slut? If a guy has dates more than one person... is he a slut? I am not trying to be mean, but come on! Respect other people the way you, you... (read in full...)

He said he'll give me a second chance and will ask me out again if I make him like me more than he does now! I'm confused what to do...

Q.   This guy named Matt has been my boyfriend for nearly 6 months(since april 7th). I always ask him if he loves me or likes other girls. I always heard about him flirting with other girls. We always do stuff, except for sex. But then last day he dumped ...

A.   5 October 2008: Honey, you have Matt up on a pedestal, as though he is a god. Stop for a second, pretend that this is going on with a girlfreind of yours, and think about what type of advise you would give to her. You say that you slit your wrists? WHY? You ... (read in full...)

Attention to all the Dear Cupid Uncles and Aunts

Q.   Dear Uncles and Aunts I have noticed sometimes some of you are replying to questions that are so outdated. I cannot help but ask, don't you look at the dates of the questions? It is annoying to see some of you answering these outdated questions...

A.   5 October 2008: I don't know how everyone else feels about your observation and inquirey, but we are not professional psychiatrists honey. We are all just regular people who are older and wiser... been there, and done most of that... kind of people. I don't answ... (read in full...)

I should have known when we met in the psychiatric hospital!

Q.   i dont know where to begin, i met him in a phych ward, i was withdrawling from alcohol and him cocaine. we confided in eachother alot and stayed in touch, he was 28 i was 23, he was living with his grandma and i was living with friends, about 2 ...

A.   4 October 2008: Remember the type of person that he is, so that the next time that you meet someone who even remotely reminds you of him, you will know better than to get involved. Live and LEARN from your mistakes. That is part of what life is all about. S... (read in full...)

Who's more likely to end up with the girl? - A hypothetical situation

Q.   Hi internet fans! I'd like to cut to the chase once and for all in relation to the subject of attraction. Ladies: which man are you most likely to be attracted to: guy no.1 who is good looking, has a great body, has personality and charm, but you ...

A.   2 October 2008: OF course it is HYPOTHETICAL question, I gave my answer as "a married woman" If I was NOT married, I would not go for the "HunK' because that type is usually narcissistic. And I am not attacted to men who are short either. SO... hypothetically I ... (read in full...)

Who's more likely to end up with the girl? - A hypothetical situation

Q.   Hi internet fans! I'd like to cut to the chase once and for all in relation to the subject of attraction. Ladies: which man are you most likely to be attracted to: guy no.1 who is good looking, has a great body, has personality and charm, but you ...

A.   1 October 2008: I would not be interested in either. I am ... after all... MARRIED ... right? I do not beleive in affairs.... (read in full...)

Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...

A.   30 September 2008: And... On behalf of his girlfriend, THANK YOU for being a decent person. XXXXX... (read in full...)

Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...

A.   30 September 2008: Good Girl!! I don't know you, but I am very proud of you!... (read in full...)

Do I confront him about the suggestive text messages, he's sending her?

Q.   Hi everybody, Thanks for those who replied to my last message.lt was about my husband of 31 years sending sex texts to a woman (18 years younger than me) whom he knows through work but doesn't work on the same premises. When I discovered some ver...

A.   29 September 2008: This may be bad advise, but here goes... Find an excuse to go to his work with him, perhaps to meet him for lunch. Or to meet him for dinner after work. Make yourself VISIBLE to this girl. Get introduced to her as his WIFE. Then get her alone an... (read in full...)

He seems a bit intense. Should I end it?

Q.   I've been dating this guy for a few weeks and by his own admission we aren't technically boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm not even sure if I like him. But I think I could. The problem is that he always wants to be around and says things like, you kept ...

A.   29 September 2008: I have had relationships where I felt the way you do, because I wasn't into them. My current BF says nice things like this to me, and I love it, because I love him. If you REALLY liked this guy, then you would welcome the way he is. Appa... (read in full...)

What to do about a cheating friend?

Q.   My husband is good friends with a guy who lives close to us, and I am friends with his wife. We have always thought of him as a decent person who will help out when he can. However, he has recently confided in my husband that he cheated on his wife ...

A.   29 September 2008: Did you ever hear the phrase " Kill the messenger?" A lot of times when you tell someone what is going on behind their back, they turn on YOU, no matter WHAT good intentions you may have towards them. What can you do? Very sensitive question that... (read in full...)

What do I do? do I carry on trying to get over him or do I try and get him back?

Q.   Hi... I'm so low and confused....i feel to old to feel like this, but this is how it is! This is a follow on from a question dated 22/8/08 Sex is starting to slow down. Is this normal so early in a relationship?" if you would please read. ...

A.   28 September 2008: First of a all, you are never too old to feel like this. Emotions go on until the day you meet your maker. He went back to his ex-wife? How Awful for you. What can you do? What I would do is to try to talk to him ONE more time. Afterwards, if t... (read in full...)

This guy I like has a two kids with his girlfriend, but says he wants to get to know me better. Should I?

Q.   i have feelings for a guy and he also has feelings for me.i been talking to him for about a month now and about two weeks ago he told me that he has a two year old little girl and a seven month baby and he also lives he with his babies mother.now he ...

A.   28 September 2008: Another thing... After you have this talk with him... DON'T accept his calls anymore... and distance yourself from him at work. BE STRONG.... (read in full...)

This guy I like has a two kids with his girlfriend, but says he wants to get to know me better. Should I?

Q.   i have feelings for a guy and he also has feelings for me.i been talking to him for about a month now and about two weeks ago he told me that he has a two year old little girl and a seven month baby and he also lives he with his babies mother.now he ...

A.   28 September 2008: If you REALLY feel the need to justify to him about why you are avoiding him... First of all, write down exactly what you want to say. It will help you "get it right". Make it "short and sweet" Send him a text message or accept one of his calls. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is still close to his soon to be ex wife and it really annoys me.

Q.   My boyfriend is still close to his soon to be ex wife and it really annoys me. they talk regularly on the phone, text a lot and meet up whenever they can. she lives over 200 miles away now but she is a threat to my relationship. my boyfriend chris ...

A.   27 September 2008: Do they have kids together? If so, then you are stuck with having her in your life. I understand completely how you feel and why you react the way that you do. But, if they have unfinished business, there is nothing you can do about it. And ... (read in full...)

What is the matter with my girlfriend? Something's not right...

Q.   hi I needed advice one day my gf randomly called me crying and said we need a break. I told her I really really love her and if that's what you need I love you so much I will wait for you for however long it takes, she said that she loves me truly ...

A.   27 September 2008: She sounds scared. When someone is afraid to get into a relationship with someone who they are extremely attracted to, they try to push that person away, perhaps out of the fear of being eventually heartbroken by that person. I knew someone who ... (read in full...)

I'm wondering what walks of life the aunts and uncles come from?

Q.   Dear posters, I think its wonderful to have people from different walks of life, to be able to come here and look at others situations with a different set of eyes. its great! On to my question, I was left wondering what each and every one of you...

A.   25 September 2008: I am 53 yrs old, an ex retail business owner of 17 yrs, separated from my husband for 2 years now. Going through a divorce. I Am now a Graphics Designer about to go onto another Business Venture, working in the "Trade Show" industry.... (read in full...)

Are his emails to his ex empty flirtation or leading to a fling?

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend for over a year, and I am besotted by him. However, he is a very passionate and attractive man and had a number of romantic flings while with his long-term ex gf of 15 yrs (girl A - who he says he was with for the ...

A.   25 September 2008: Yep...Snooping does make things worse. It makes the snooper have irrational thoughts and as a result, have irrational reactions. I am guilty of that myself. LoL. One of the things I love about this website, is you get views from all sorts of peop... (read in full...)

Are his emails to his ex empty flirtation or leading to a fling?

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend for over a year, and I am besotted by him. However, he is a very passionate and attractive man and had a number of romantic flings while with his long-term ex gf of 15 yrs (girl A - who he says he was with for the ...

A.   24 September 2008: I have been in the same situation as you. So I KNOW the pain you are going through. But, I am a fighter. When cornered into a situation like this, I confront. If it were me, I would print out copies of all his romantic emails between the two of ... (read in full...)

He just keeps on breaking my heart!

Q.   hi there, Me and my ex have been broken up for around six months. I felt that I was finally getting over him until I went on holiday. He was on the same holiday as me with his friends. We met and exclaimed that we still loved each other and decide...

A.   24 September 2008: When I was your age, and my heart was breaking over a guy, an older woman told me "This probrably isn't your first BF, and it is not going to be your last." She was right, and my heart has been broken again several times since then. And each ... (read in full...)

I am truly in love with my teacher. How can I become friends with him?

Q.   I am truly in love with my teacher, and it's more than a crush. He is about 20 years old than me, happily married with two kids. Obviously it's never going to work out, and I know that, but I am always day dreaming about him and have actual dreams ...

A.   24 September 2008: You are right, it is never going to work. He is happily married with kids. I had a crush on a teacher once. It is a common thing. Leave it at that. ... (read in full...)

This guy I like has a two kids with his girlfriend, but says he wants to get to know me better. Should I?

Q.   i have feelings for a guy and he also has feelings for me.i been talking to him for about a month now and about two weeks ago he told me that he has a two year old little girl and a seven month baby and he also lives he with his babies mother.now he ...

A.   24 September 2008: My answer is a big NO. He has kids and living with his girlfriend? NOT a good situation to become involved with. Stay away from him. A lot of times, guys just want to have a "fling" on the side, and they never leave their significant other. The... (read in full...)

Please can you tell me why I have this fear of kissing?

Q.   hi umm.. my problems is that i have a fear of kissing. i dont really know why. ive had boyfriends before but of course it doesnt last long because i cant kiss them. i really dont know what to do.it seems like when when my lips become close to their...

A.   21 September 2008: Huh?... (read in full...)

Please can you tell me why I have this fear of kissing?

Q.   hi umm.. my problems is that i have a fear of kissing. i dont really know why. ive had boyfriends before but of course it doesnt last long because i cant kiss them. i really dont know what to do.it seems like when when my lips become close to their...

A.   20 September 2008: I was the same way when I was your age. Except when I was 16, the first guy who tried to kiss me, I smacked him with my purse. The second time a guy tried to kiss me, I pushed him out the door and closed it in his face. (My brother teased me for ... (read in full...)

He's eight years my senior. Advice on bringing this up to our families?

Q.   After half a year of being single and actively NOT looking for a relationship, I find myself involved with a guy again. Unlike most guys my own age, he's smart and has his sh*t together--own car, (stable) real job, etc. Here's the problem: I'm 20 ...

A.   20 September 2008: An Eight Year difference is no big deal. In fact I think that it is perfect, because men are supposedly 7 years less mature than women. (Sorry guys, I read that somewhere a long time ago.) I always went for guys who were older than me. A... (read in full...)

On top of struggling financially, I discovered that my husband has been sleeping with our neighbour. I don't know what to do.

Q.   I need help. I am in a very very bad place. I work in an industry that is taking massive hits and lay offs everywhere. I am responsible for 2 children (from my husbands 1st relationship)and my husband, He also works but we rely on my wage ( I earn m...

A.   18 September 2008: It is OK to be angry. You have that right. GOOD FOR YOU for leaving him. It will teach him a valuable lesson. Lots of us have been through this type of thing at least once in our lives. Not EXACTLY the same, but still along a similar story ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend did not call me on my birthday-Am I reading too much into the situation?

Q.   Hi, My boyfriend did not call me on my birthday. I wouldn't want to say that he "forgot" because that just might not be the case. Me and my boyfriend are in this long-distance relationship, me being in NY and he being in London. I had my birthday ...

A.   17 September 2008: Long distance relationships are a B-tch! Does he Live in London or just on a trip? If he lives in London, then perhaps you should feel uncomfortable about him not calling you for 2 weeks. I had a Long distance relationship once, with a guy that... (read in full...)

On top of struggling financially, I discovered that my husband has been sleeping with our neighbour. I don't know what to do.

Q.   I need help. I am in a very very bad place. I work in an industry that is taking massive hits and lay offs everywhere. I am responsible for 2 children (from my husbands 1st relationship)and my husband, He also works but we rely on my wage ( I earn m...

A.   16 September 2008: I missed the part where the kids aren't yours. Can his ex take them for a while?... (read in full...)

On top of struggling financially, I discovered that my husband has been sleeping with our neighbour. I don't know what to do.

Q.   I need help. I am in a very very bad place. I work in an industry that is taking massive hits and lay offs everywhere. I am responsible for 2 children (from my husbands 1st relationship)and my husband, He also works but we rely on my wage ( I earn m...

A.   16 September 2008: Yes, there are other people who sometimes feel lost and alone. Try to take some comfort in knowing that. I admire you for not grabbing your neighbor by her hair and dragging her out of your bed, and kicking her ass. It must of taken a LOT of s... (read in full...)

An old affair contacted me, then blew me off. I'm crushed, how do I get over this?

Q.   5am and the pain is still there. Its 5am and the pain is still there. I did manage to sleep but have woke at 5am and the feelings are still so ripe. The contact ended yesterday with a final text saying "it was for the best it ended". I insti...

A.   16 September 2008: You Are Truely going through hell over this thing. I feel your desperation in needing to have someone to tell you something that will make it magically all better. But only time will help you get over this. You are not stupid, you just made a big ... (read in full...)

I refused to continue my affair with a married man, as I don't want to be hoodwinked again (I am also married) - did I do the right thing?

Q.   Hi, Please tell me I have done the right thing? Some years ago I had an affair with a married man. We were both married at the time. After a few months it ended and it took me time to get over it. Recently after 6 years he contacted me and ...

A.   15 September 2008: You are welcome Hon. Stay strong for your own good. I know your self esteeme is on the floor. Pick yourself up.... dust yourself off... and move on. Time heals all wounds.... (read in full...)

I refused to continue my affair with a married man, as I don't want to be hoodwinked again (I am also married) - did I do the right thing?

Q.   Hi, Please tell me I have done the right thing? Some years ago I had an affair with a married man. We were both married at the time. After a few months it ended and it took me time to get over it. Recently after 6 years he contacted me and ...

A.   15 September 2008: It is sooo easy to miss GOOD SEX. LoL. But you and I are both at an age to where we are a lot wiser than we were in our 20's and 30's. In your heart and from life experiences, you know what you have to do. STOP TORTURING YOURSELF by cont... (read in full...)

Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...

A.   18 July 2008: I agree with the anonymous answerer below....... (read in full...)

Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...

A.   18 July 2008: I Love You! Thanks for being a GOOD person!... (read in full...)

Why would my ex keep in contact with me if he lives with another woman, and did I do right in telling him to stay away?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated. After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact ...

A.   18 July 2008: I am in the same situation, exept I am the girlfriend. My BF can't visit his ex wife because she lives in a different state,and is remarried with a child. I told her to leave us alone, but she won't. I HATE her for not respecting my feelings. ... (read in full...)

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