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*uphoric29

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What are the steps to getting back out there and overcoming my fears?

Q.   dear cupid i have been single for a number of years now 4 to exact. i haven't been on a date or kissed a guy in four years either. my last relationship was very controlling and when we spilt my daughter and i moved back home with my parents....

A.   7 April 2015: Dear OP, I know this fear very well. But you know, men don't respect you more or ignore you, just because you don't wear make up etc. I actually found that the more proud and self-confident I look, the less I get chatted up by weird people. ... (read in full...)

How do I become ok and comfortable with my sexuality?

Q.   I'm bisexual and ive known it for years now. I'm out to most of my friends but I'm not completely comfortable with it myself. I spend a lot of my time thinking about how I would be happier if I was straight. And I have a preference for girls so I ...

A.   2 April 2015: Dear OP, Before you can be out and proud, you need to make peace with this yourself. I'm also bi and I only felt really comfy with this in my mid-twenties. Give yourself some time and always go with your spontaneous, intuitive preference. ... (read in full...)

After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!

Q.   Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...

A.   2 April 2015: Dear OP, I agree with all the previous female agony aunts and have nothing to add. To the anonymous males: I care for men's hearts too and encourage women as well as men to be fair in the dating process. If two people "trade" something... (read in full...)

Would a single man of 45 who has never settled down give up his 'freedom' now?

Q.   Hello and Thank you for reading. My question is about men/a man and I'd appreciate hearing from the male perspective as well as females. If a man is single at age 45 and has never felt ready to settle down but is now kind of shifting in that...

A.   2 April 2015: Dear OP, I believe all sorts of people exist, so of course there are men who would be ready to finally settle down at 45. But, I agree with Cindycares, this one doesn't sound as if he's ready to settle down with you. If someone says thing... (read in full...)

Ladies, your possible reaction if you surmised, during sex, that a guy was a virgin then would you stop having sex or what?

Q.   Hi Cupid, I wanna paint a pictute here for woman and hear what they think. Pleeeeeeeease be brutally honest, no euphemism. If you (a woman) were in your twenties and liked some guy, just like, not a romeo and juliette love story, you've know...

A.   28 March 2015: Dear OP, If somebody makes me believe that he's quite experienced, and I'd realize mid-sex he doesn't know what he's doing.. my first assumption wouldn't be "oh, he must be a virgin" but instead "oh, wow.. this man didn't learn ANYTHING from his... (read in full...)

So confused. Can you help clarify what to do? my rebound Gf has been very good to me. My ex wants me back

Q.   I've gotten myself into a horrible bind. The love of my life and I split up in November. While on the rebound, I made a poor, quick decision to jump into another relationship while I was still hurting over my ex. I wound up really enjoying ...

A.   27 March 2015: Dear OP, This sounds very difficult and I can totally understand how this would happen. But to be painfully honest, I think you should be with neither of them. If the first one was really the love of your life and meant to be your wife, why... (read in full...)

Is it safe to go ahead dating him even though he said he is not ready for a relationship right now? He's going through a divorce

Q.   I started seeing this guy who is in the process of getting a divorce about 2 months ago. His divorce will be finalized in about a month. He told me on our fourth date that he had been married for 7 years and for the last 2 years things had gone sour ...

A.   26 March 2015: Dear OP, No, it's not safe at all. It's setting you up for a big heartbreak, if you ask me. Do you know the word "rebound"? You are his rebound relationship. He's going out of a divorce, which is awful and will take months or even years to he... (read in full...)

How to overcome the sudden void left behind through my decision to have my very loved sick cat euthanized?

Q.   Hi, I know this is not a relationship question or even a question but right now my world is just in ruins. I have decided to euthanize my baby cat. He was very sick and I did not have the money to make him better. I feel so guilty. I stayed with...

A.   26 March 2015: Dear OP, I am so sorry for your loss. I used to have cats and I still have guinea pigs, and I will go through a similar situation very soon, because one of my piggies is very sick and there's no treatment to cure it. You did the kitty a favo... (read in full...)

He cheated, we both fell pregnant, she got to keep her baby but I didn't!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years...last summer we basically split up because I found that he was cheating on me and on top of that the girl was pregnant with his child...I Also was pregnant with his child he told me he was happy for us and ...

A.   22 March 2015: OMG dear OP, You've already been given great advice. I don't need to add anything except another voice that tells you: Kick him out! You deserve so much better. I agree with the other agony aunts that while this abortion was a tough de... (read in full...)

Will the over-sexualization of women ever stop?

Q.   Why are there so many expectations for women? I've started to notice a trend that women are mostly valued by their attractiveness. We're expected to shave, wear makeup, be skinny, have larger boobs and a nice butt, etc. The list goes on and on. I ...

A.   21 March 2015: Dear OP, If there weren't such unrealistic images to represent female beauty, women wouldn't want to buy so many things to make them look differently. This would mean a huge decrease in sold clothes, cosmetics, fitness and wellness products... (read in full...)

Should I kick my girlfriend out?

Q.   So my gf moved in 6 months ago. I cant walk through my garage cuz she hasnt unpacked, its full of boxes. Ive asked her many times to put the stuff away. She refuses to get a sitter for her kid. We havent gone out in 6 months no lie. I suggest things ...

A.   20 March 2015: Dear OP, You've only told us one side of the story, and I wonder if your gf would tell us the same. It sounds like you haven't been setting enough rules and boundaries. And if you're still always giving in to any wish of hers. For instance, th... (read in full...)

Two months and not over it?

Q.   Its been two months so why am I not over it? I was fine until this month, he cheated and left he didn't even apologize. So why am I still sad? We go to the same school....

A.   18 March 2015: Dear OP, A broken heart usuall needs more time to heal than two months. It's normal. You're still sad because he hurt you and didn't even ask for forgiveness. Find your anger over this, express it. Write a letter to him - don't send it - but expr... (read in full...)

My new gf's daughter flirts with me

Q.   I recently started dating a really great 49 year old woman who has been divorced a long time. Things have been going so well that I spend a lot of nights at her house. She has a 19 year old (almost 20) daughter who goes to college and lives at ...

A.   14 March 2015: Dear OP, Yes, that comment did cross a line and no, you shouldn't just shut up about this anymore. This is the kind of situation that will get weirder and weirder if you don't address it. If I may give you one advice, it would be to first let ... (read in full...)

Would a FWB help me to get over my ex?

Q.   My heart is broken. 4 months ago the man I thought to be the love of my life broke up with me due to several reasons (not important for the topic). I'm still in love somehow, I miss him, but I know 100% it's not possible to get him back. Now I met a ...

A.   12 March 2015: Dear agony aunts, Thanks a lot for your advice! To give you an update, I'm still on the fence about what to do. Because I'm worried the guy may already be in love with me and I honestly don't want to hurt him. And to the male poster.. yes, I... (read in full...)

Why does every girl I like only want to be friends?

Q.   So what should I do about my terrible luck with girls? Why does every girl I like or show interest in chose not to date, too busy, or just want to be friends. For example there was a shop I worked at, girl A would come by everyday, never bought a...

A.   12 March 2015: You've already gotten great advice, so I don't need to add much. But maybe this - it's mathematical, but it helped me: Statistically, for an average man, you need to date 9 or 10 women in order to find 1 compatible woman that you can start a rela... (read in full...)

Relationship with transsexual and lots of regrets. Help ?

Q.   Hi, I´m 29y old, and last semester in 2014 I ended up having 3 sexual relations with pre op transsexuals. Basically I was a guy who always relate with women since 17y, I had 6 gf, always like women, when i was alone (off relationsships)b...

A.   9 March 2015: Dear Fernando, The problem is that whenever you're frustrated, feeling low, sad, lonely, depressed.. you go to a prostitute. This is an unhealthy pattern that's taking away your pride as a man, maybe can even affect your health, finances or futur... (read in full...)

I am not happy with the size of it!

Q.   Hello people, this maybe a daft issue but it really gets to me. I have been depressed for ages now and well I feel the most of it is I'm not happy with my penis size. My first relationship ended with the girl dumping me and then spreading th...

A.   8 March 2015: Dear OP, At the age of 22-25, you already had a serious relationship with a woman for 4 years, you've had sex many times already and from this any rational human being would conclude that you can't be THAT unattractive to women. The women you we... (read in full...)

I broke it off with him and wonder if my feelings of anger are normal

Q.   Hi, I would really appreciate some reassurance about the stage I'm at in ending a relationship. Please don't judge me, it's honestly been very hard. I became physically ill due to the stress of living with a binge drinker. I was with him for nea...

A.   26 February 2015: Dear OP, I am very sure that anger is an important stage of grief, after a relationship of this constellation. I feel you haven't fully accepted the painful reality. And by being angry and stressed and restless, you keep yourself mentally and emot... (read in full...)

Is This Too Much For The Context Of A First Date?

Q.   I watched a video on couples (some strangers, some long term etc) who had to look into each others eyes for 4mins. The experiment proved them to feel closer and much more connected than they did moments ago, after having experienced all of the ...

A.   26 February 2015: Dear OP, Yes, it would be too straightforward and awkward. Definitely. It's a sweet thing to do when people are together for a longer time, when the trust is there. But as you said, this man is new in your life and you can't force the feelin... (read in full...)

What sexual skills do men look for in a woman?

Q.   Hello, all! You know how they say curiosity kills the cat? Well,I'm afraid I'm the cat in this situation. One of the recent topics on this forum really got me thinking:http://www.dearcupid.or...

A.   25 February 2015: Dear OP, Read Lou Pagets "How to be a great lover". Very graphic, specific, anatomical, technical details about what to do where and how on a man's body. Just what you are looking for. The same kind of book is also available for men who want... (read in full...)

My 18 year old daughter is sleeping with a 31 year old man. What do I do?

Q.   My daughter is 18 and living and sleeping with a 31 year old man. In my heart I feel this is totally inappropriate. Her father is so upset. They got into a huge fight. Now I am in a deep state of depression. I don't see how my daughter believes that ...

A.   24 February 2015: Dear OP, The best thing you can do is to make it easy for your daughter to talk to you and trust you, in case trouble should arrive. Which means: NO teaching, NO threatening, NO begging, NO crying. Your daughter won't talk to you, won't trust... (read in full...)

They say my appearance is "exotic" I'd rather be ordinary

Q.   So I'm 6'ft ,with very dark skin and slender Lately I've been given the title "exotic" by my friends and even by strangers I meet. I get told I'm beautiful and pretty and so on but every girl gets that. I never take these terms seriously becaus...

A.   24 February 2015: Dear OP, I DO think that your insecurity is the real problem here. Because you ask this question because, deep down, you're worried about the effect you have on men. And I can tell you that EVERY woman I know has some body and beauty issue and so... (read in full...)

My mom is an attention whore on the beach and it botherd me!

Q.   My mom likes to wear skimpy bikinis to the beach! Ok so this has been going on my whole life but now that I'm beginning to mature it's starting to matter to me. My mom wear's the smallest bikinis in the world it seems even when we are going as a f...

A.   20 February 2015: Dear OP, You are just going through puberty, so it might last years until you feel really comfortable with your body. One of the advantages of being older is that you have more self-confidence. I think your mother has that and she knows how to... (read in full...)

How small is small for a man's penis if the man is 5 foot and 11 inches and 195 pounds?

Q.   Hello everyone sorry to be the umpteenth guy asking this question but how small is small when it comes to penis size? Im 23 and have had sex with over 20 girls but its always been in the back of my head that I'm unproprtional and small. My size is ...

A.   19 February 2015: OP, stop obsessing! You can't change your penis size and your body height, and you don't have to, either, because they are perfectly normal. If anything is slightly out of proportion, it would be your weight, but I've read that most people f... (read in full...)

Don't want to settle down yet. Should I be making more of an effort to find a partner and settle down?

Q.   I'm 21 years old and don't feel ready to settle down for ages. I've been single my whole life (had a lot of things to deal with like an abusive family) and would rather be single right now too. Superficially society might consider me most physical...

A.   19 February 2015: Dear OP, I completely agree with your opinion and I'm asking myself who told you to get married before 30 and that you're most attractive below the age of 25? Is that really what others tell you.. or is it a fear that you have yourself? Well, o... (read in full...)

JJealous of partner having friends

Q.   i am a gay woman and i feel a bit jealous my partner is starting to make new friends at work and sometimes meets up for a coffee with a couple of the straight women but doesnt take me and they text her often. i dont think they fancy my partner and i ...

A.   13 February 2015: Dear OP, For the sake of your relationship, please let your gf have a life of her own, and get some friends and hobbies as well! I was together with a woman for many years, and it's unfortunate sometimes, when your partner becomes also you... (read in full...)

I'm 31, alone, I spent almost two years trying to move on but my ex is happy in a new relationship.

Q.   It's been 2 years after my ex broke up with me.I was desperate and decided to move overseas and started a new life. My ex who has been in a relationship with someone else for at least 1 and 1/2 years contacted me a couple of times after I left home, ...

A.   13 February 2015: Dear OP, I'm also 31 and still single etc. so I can understand your situation. It sucks, especially around valentines day. My advice is simple and hard, though at the same time: STOP blaming your ex for being single and unhappy - and take respo... (read in full...)

Should I start dressing like a frumpy mom?

Q.   So, I am almost 35 and "look 18", according to my husband (and all the men at the office, ew). I apparently have an "innocent look", despite the fact that I wear makeup and don't go with the trends, I have my own distinct style. Thanks to my genes, ...

A.   10 February 2015: Dear OP, Have you tried the "business look"? A blazer, hair tied together, some small earrings etc. make you look "adult" while still looking beautiful and elegant. At least that's the style I'm aiming for at the moment since people also tell me... (read in full...)

Pregnant from a one night stand and he has gone back to his ex!

Q.   Hi all I need some none judgemental advice!I am 22 and recently had a one night stand with a guy I barely know and stupidly we didn't use protection I am on the pill but recently just switched. Anyway I am now pregnant and petrified and not even ...

A.   9 February 2015: Dear OP, I'd recommend that you first decide whether or not you want to keep this fetus/baby (maybe make a pro/con list about that). Picture yourself as a single mother and don't count on the father. Also maybe take into consideration that you... (read in full...)

My wife gave her ex boyfriend better sex than she gives me!

Q.   I have asked my wife for 10 years to do the same sex acts that she did with her ex boyfriend but she refuses. She had sex with him daily and with me 3 times a month. I feel hurt and inferior to him. Is it ok that she denies me but wanted to ...

A.   9 February 2015: Dear OP, When a woman starts a relationship with a man, there's no contract to be signed by either of the two about which sex act needs to be performed on them how often. Sex should always be consensual and pleasant for both partners. And if... (read in full...)

Does his habit of disrespectful language mean the relationship is doomed?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for 3 months. He tells me he loves me, is caring and helps me out. He has been very romantic organising trips away and I genuinely believe he loves me. However he uses very inappropriate language and has a frankly vulgar...

A.   8 February 2015: Dear OP, Science suggests that there is one thing to predict whether a couple is going to be happy together: Values. If two people have the same values on many topics, they can make a happy couple. If their values are too different, they ... (read in full...)

I'm a girl that fantasizes about being a guy!

Q.   I'm bisexual, but I fantasise a lot about being a guy. And this confuses me so much, I don't know what to do....

A.   5 February 2015: Dear OP, I'm bi too and fantasize about this occasionally. I don't do anything specific about it.. I just enjoy the fantasy. Maybe it's because we love both sexes, that sometimes we would like to be able to switch sexes, too.. don't know if this ... (read in full...)

What to do when there are mutual feelings of trust and attraction......but he's married?

Q.   I can not believe, me of all people, would have this sort of dilemma, but here goes... I work with this guy, and he's like the male version of me. I could sit here and talk him up, but I'll spare my readers. I like him wayyy more than I should, ...

A.   5 February 2015: Dear OP, Last year, I met the man that I loved at first sight, we felt like soul mates. BUT he was and still is married with kids. After 6 months of having an affair, of his marriage almost breaking apart, of him and me and his wife getting ... (read in full...)

Being raped at university is ruining my life. Please help.

Q.   Hi guys, not sure if this is the right place to ask for advice but I'm stuck for anywhere else to turn. Basically, whilst I was at university I was raped and ended up developing PTSD, which combined with the long court battle impacted on my degree ...

A.   2 February 2015: Dear OP, Do your parents and your boyfriend know what happened to you? Because if they do, I can't imagine they'd be so disappointed, unless they're totally heartless and insensitive. To be raped is a horrible trauma and if you can, you should ... (read in full...)

Do I need to give up wanting to be physically attractive to him? He notices other women but seems to not notice me in the same way anymore.

Q.   I really would appreciate some advice from the aunts and uncles here. They say that much of women's libido comes from feeling desired and I would definitely agree. I am a woman into mid 40s and have always taken care of myself and enjoyed doin...

A.   31 January 2015: Dear OP, I think that you are still a beautiful and attractive woman. You take care of yourself and you and your husband still have an active sex life. Maybe it's like the second, anonymous agony aunt said. Even if you have the most beautiful th... (read in full...)

Why are single men generally more bitter than single women?

Q.   I find it bizarre. All my male acquaintances seem to be so bleak about their dating lives. I don't really understand why they are like this. I don't find that most long term single women display man-hating attributes. Yet, long term single men ...

A.   31 January 2015: Dear OP, Maybe you just picked the wrong sample of men and women? Because where I'm from, single women are at least equally bitter. I've been single for a long time myself and I also had to struggle with becoming bitter. When you feel like yo... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and the father wants a termination.

Q.   Im pregnant. When I found out my instinct was to become a mother not to have an abortion. The father wants nothing to do with a baby right now because he wants to move and continue to find himself as he will be 25 in May. He’s called me selfish, ...

A.   24 January 2015: Dear OP, In a matter like this, don't listen to anybody but your heart. As your instinct told you to be a mother, maybe this is what your heart has told you. You seem to be a responsible person, financially stable, considerate and with a suppo... (read in full...)

Is depression forcing me to break up an already rocky relationship?

Q.   I can barely be civil to my so-called bf. as the days pass, it just gets worst and worst since he stays nonchalant and tries to joke with me. Not once has he asked if I'm okay or what's on my mind. I tried to tell him what was wrong and he cut me ...

A.   23 January 2015: Dear OP, Don't wait. I think your bad state of mind is the result of this relationship, which has gone too far already. My guess is that you'll feel sad, but also relieved, after you've broken up with him. Get as much support from friends and... (read in full...)

Any advice on how to stop moping around and feeling hopeless?

Q.   I'm going through a really difficult emotional time in my life. When I'm outside, I'm fine, I'm productive. But when I'm home, I lose the drive, energy and just contemplate on my problems. It's not helping because it makes me sad, torn, confused ...

A.   21 January 2015: Dear OP, I know those phases too well. Maybe there's not a good "mantra" that can solve your problems. Because your problem might come from various sources: A) You might be depressed and saving all your energy for work. So you need to get o... (read in full...)

My violent sexual fantasies bother me

Q.   [MOD NOTE: OP's title] I have a sort of embarassing problem. Ever since I started discovering sex I tend to have extremely violent fantasies of me dominating men. It's always random, anonymous people, I can't imagine anyone I know there. It's mag...

A.   19 January 2015: Dear OP, There's a huge difference between your imagination and what you like to do in real life, so I'm not really concerned about you doing something immoral or unethical one day. Sadly, what we find sexually exciting is often times rand... (read in full...)

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