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*enizen

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Am I reasonable to choose money over potential happiness?

Q.   Dear aunts, I am in a fix as I type this. I made a first attempt at online dating about 7 months ago and the only guy I really had an interest in, we hit it off. It was rocky at first but we are amazing now and not a day goes by without us chatting ...

A.   21 November 2017: Umh! I'm not sure you were really hearing the advice and warnings the aunts were handing you. If you find yourself penniless in Europe you could just simply disappear off the map. You need enough money of your own to be self-determining. You need ... (read in full...)

Am I reasonable to choose money over potential happiness?

Q.   Dear aunts, I am in a fix as I type this. I made a first attempt at online dating about 7 months ago and the only guy I really had an interest in, we hit it off. It was rocky at first but we are amazing now and not a day goes by without us chatting ...

A.   19 November 2017: I think you have oversimplified your situation and perhaps wrongly identified your problem. From what you tell me you only have this man as a kind of pen pal. You are friends. You may have exchanged a few confidences but you don't really know what ... (read in full...)

Where do you go to meet momen?

Q.   I still don't get where a guy is supposed to try and meet single women. Why is it so hard at my age? Everyone says that gym is a bad idea.. the bar is a bad idea, workplace is off limits, etc. You can't approach a woman at the park because you will ...

A.   18 November 2017: If you have posted this question to make a point then I think you have a good one. There are a lot of taboos and no-go areas. However if you are seriously asking at your age then I have to wonder. Do you not have friends? Don't you go out with them... (read in full...)

How do I make myself more attractive now that I'm out?

Q.   I’ve just accepted that I’m gay, I’ve told friends but not told family yet. There was this one guy I really fancied and I told him I liked him but his got a boyfriend his 32 his bf 22 (will that even work?) Anyway after exploring the gay world......

A.   18 November 2017: Well, I don't think your acknowledgement of your own sexuality can have changed how you are perceived by others, unless you are behaving or dressing differently. I mean, how could it? Has your self-awareness altered your perception of others? Let's... (read in full...)

How do I tell him his breath smells?

Q.   I am seeing the most amazing person I have ever met, but I have a problem. His breath always smells and I have no idea how to bring this sensitive subject up without hurting his feelings. I did not notice it at first, but recently I have become ...

A.   18 November 2017: Sometimes the best way is not to beat about the bush. I know that I would rather be told than go around offending everyone unknowingly. It could be dental hygiene at the cause (root cause) or perhaps some medical cause. Problems with digestion are ... (read in full...)

How can I learn my value?

Q.   How Can I learn my value? I am insecure and I have let people walk over me - use me- and leave me - friends and lovers . I have worked on the outside (lost the weight - got the degrees - got a better corporate job) but I still fear saying no- I ...

A.   17 November 2017: This is your true place - until you decide to NOT let it be. When you are tired of being trodden on; when you have taken so much you don't care if you get hurt by kicking back. Then you can start to regain your pride in yourself. You have to get ... (read in full...)

Does this guy who works with the man I'm sleeping with like me?

Q.   Hello, I'm going to make this question as quick as possible haha! About 8 months ago, I got involved with my boss. He has just quit the company the day we slept together, so technically he wasn't my boss anymore that night, but you get t...

A.   17 November 2017: If you aren't really bothered about the new guy then don't go out with hi if you are worried about future upset. That seems straightforward enough to me. You say: "It would be a bad idea if this guy likes me and I give him the wrong impression that... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is exhausting me!

Q.   My gf is exhausting me. I'm fully convinced that she could argue for hours with a person who believes the grass is green and tell them no it isn't - it's blue. And then immediately turn right around and tell someone who believes the grass is blue ...

A.   17 November 2017: I think it is called Gaslighting. You can Google it. It is an infuriating control technique. There may not be a way to halt this in this person. It depends where on the spectrum she appears. It is often learned from a parent. You might not be able... (read in full...)

Mum kept hitting me with a shoe

Q.   I can't talk to my mum and I think she's being abusive. So this is the thing right. My mum just loses it all the time. It's like there's a war going on in my house. It always happens when I come home from school. We just yell at each other. She ...

A.   14 November 2017: I think you need to visit the GP with your injuries. This state of affairs cannot continue. It is my understanding that she has committed an assault on you and could be prosecuted were it brought to the attention of the authorities. The doctor shou... (read in full...)

Accepted a job but I feel over qualified

Q.   Hi. I have done my postgraduation in biotech in 2014. Since then till now at end of 2017, I am continuously giving interviews for research post. As some people may know, there are very less jobs in biotech in India and that too ask for NET ...

A.   14 November 2017: Take the job. In life you cannot always expect to walk into a top job. You do whatever you have to, in order to bring in a wage and be self-supporting. Remember it isn't for ever, and you may even enjoy it. At the moment the old pre-frontal cort... (read in full...)

Whatwas he trying to prove?

Q.   Had a major fight with my husband and then he went online (on my computer) and looked up ALL of his exes and past flings on social media! Don't think he contacted any of them but why would he do that?...

A.   14 November 2017: You probably already know the answer but you are looking for validation for your point of view. You had a 'Major fight'. How bad? Were blows exchanged or just words? Essentially you got him so mad he is showing you that he always has other opti... (read in full...)

What's the ettiquette regarding texting?

Q.   Hello aunties and uncles, I am a gay male and I have a bit of a general "romantic interest" in the modern social media era type of question. To abridge all the details, there's this gay guy I am very interested in. We know each other for quite ...

A.   13 November 2017: I don't think there is a right or wrong way to go about this. One good rule of thumb that has born me in good stead over the years is that whatever you do will be wrong, so... Do what you feel is right.... (read in full...)

I love someone more than my boyfriend. And I cheated on him with the other person.

Q.   So i recently cheated on my boyfriend. This is actually quite a long story but I’ll try to sum it up as much as possible. Early this summer I started talking to this guy, let’s call him James, we’ll james and I hit it off. He was perfect beyond ...

A.   13 November 2017: People get into this tangle all the time. It is best to keep things simple. Date one guy at a time. Let the other one go - as gently as possible. Don't ask me how to decide. The old Chinese wisdom is to choose the lighter happiness. Don't keep ... (read in full...)

My housemate keeps having sex in our shared spaces and I don't like it.

Q.   My housemate keeps having sex/foreplay with her boyfriend in our shared living spaces, like the living room etc. She tells me and laughs about it, but I actually find it so disrespectful and it makes me quite angry how she disregards my comfort ...

A.   12 November 2017: This is what you get when you live with people not of your choosing. You can leave. You can vote her out, but you probably can't stop her. ... (read in full...)

Will we be able to get back together in the future?

Q.   My ex and I broke up six weeks ago after living together for two years, and being together for three. He's a classical musician and is applying for jobs in other cities - there are a very limited number of jobs in full time orchestras in the ...

A.   11 November 2017: If he puts his job before you then he isn't the one. I'm sorry but it is that simple in the end. It is a difficult call when his work is also his vocation. Art music, or otherwise, is a calling and not easily put aside. However you two need to work... (read in full...)

How do I react on my actress girlfriend intimate scenes on screen or on stage ?

Q.   My girlfriend is an Actor she has not yet done any intimate or kissing scene but i am very uncomfortable with that. i have read many articles on this but i really dont know how to over come this situation, she says she doesnt mind kissing on scree...

A.   11 November 2017: This can be very challenging. The theatrical profession has many breakups, because actors have to work closely and intimately. They have to share emotional experiences and it can be difficult to shut them off when the curtain falls. So for you and ... (read in full...)

I don't know if I have feelings for him. I don't know if he likes me?

Q.   i've known this guy for close to 2 years (he's 2 years older than me), i knew him through my primary school's alumni association and i think i like him... i'm not 100% sure of my feelings for him. recently i told my best friends that i like him but ...

A.   11 November 2017: If you you aren't sure then let it go. You will know when you want to be with somebody. Wild horses wouldn't keep you apart. You and he are just friends, and that's OK. Please don't go trying to make it into something more than it is.... (read in full...)

The guy I'm dating doesn't believe I have social anxiety, does it matter?

Q.   I've been on a few dates with this guy. I feel a bit of a spark but I am worried about something he said to me. Part of me feels that if I liked him enough to date him I won't worry about what he said. I told him that I suffer from social anxi...

A.   9 November 2017: You seem to be protective of your shortcomings as if they are some important feature of your character. Most people with some form of disability tend to play it down, ignore it. You on the other hand want it recognised as an identifying feature of ... (read in full...)

I'm growing uncomfortable with his questions! Should I go meet him for coffee?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I met a 41 year old guy who describes himself as sophisticated, also wants a sophisticated lady, online.He writes he is ready for a new relationship. He writes he has never been married, has no children and lives alone. He has a ...

A.   9 November 2017: Sounds as if he is drifting into the weird part of the spectrum. I personally would listen to my gut reaction and drop this one back into his muddy puddle. You could always test him by asking if he likes something more outré - whatever you like to i... (read in full...)

Can you help me find the words to express how I feel about him?

Q.   hi there im 35, ive been speaking to a man for a while now, i find it very hard expressing myself, i want to tell him the strong feelings i have for him, but i get embarrassed, would someone word it for me please xx...

A.   9 November 2017: Actions speak louder than words so they say.... (read in full...)

Why did my daughter chose the abusive guy over my grandson?

Q.   Dear Cupid my grandson son was taken by CPS and adopted by a family I don't know.The child was being physically abused by the dad and was removed from the home.My daughter requested that my grandson has no contact with me or my family because from ...

A.   8 November 2017: I can see it is a tough one for you. Your daughter is locked into an abusive relationship and she is complicit in it. Only if she can break away from it is there any chance of her seeing the child more often. But is there any reason why you may not ... (read in full...)

My husband really wants a dog and I couldn’t think of anything worse!

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 1 year and dating for 2 years before that. He really wants a dog and I really don't want one. (Both of us don't want kids). 3 years ago, when we met and began dating, he had just moved from another state an...

A.   8 November 2017: Of course dogs can live outside - in a kennel, or a shed. Dogs shouldn't be pampered as if they were children. They like to run and walk, they like to work. If the self-styled dog trainer who posted ever gets near a farming community then he will... (read in full...)

My older boyfriend makes more money than I do. I'm worried that I'm not contributing enough

Q.   I'm dating a man much older than me. He earns a lot more than I do and is very generous so is always the one spending when we are together. Apart from the spending he tends to plan our dates (which I like because he has so many great ideas and he ...

A.   7 November 2017: It's the little things that count. Be thoughtful and caring and it will be appreciated.... (read in full...)

Why did my daughter chose the abusive guy over my grandson?

Q.   Dear Cupid my grandson son was taken by CPS and adopted by a family I don't know.The child was being physically abused by the dad and was removed from the home.My daughter requested that my grandson has no contact with me or my family because from ...

A.   7 November 2017: To help bring the child back to your daughter would put him in harm's way. This isn't acceptable no matter how much you want it personally. You should not put your desires over the health and well-being of your grandson. If he is happy, being love... (read in full...)

My husband really wants a dog and I couldn’t think of anything worse!

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 1 year and dating for 2 years before that. He really wants a dog and I really don't want one. (Both of us don't want kids). 3 years ago, when we met and began dating, he had just moved from another state an...

A.   7 November 2017: This situation demands a compromise. What is it going to be? How about if the dog lives outside and you don't have to walk it? You are digging your heals in over this, but there will come a time when you want something from your husband. Need I say ... (read in full...)

Does he like me? He has a girlfriend but what's with his behaviour towards me?

Q.   There's a guy who I work with, we work at a recreational centre for youths. I've noticed he's been acting different around me when we work together. I'll list a few examples: whenever we talk, he'll make eye contact and then he looks at my lips, he...

A.   7 November 2017: Hello 'Just Curious'. Keep your mind on your job and off the office guy. He is just being friendly. He has a girlfriend. You, on the other hand, do not have a boyfriend. Don't look for connections at work. I cannot recount how many times the Aunt... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend’s brother hitting on me?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we are very much in love. My boyfriend is very close to his brother, and we spend time with him a lot. His brother also has a girlfriend. The problem is, my boyfriend’s brother keeps liking photos on...

A.   7 November 2017: Ask your boyfriend to tell his brother that his actions are inappropriate, unwanted, and should cease forthwith. Tell him you don't like it, and it should stop right away. he doesn't have to be heavy. His brother just needs to back off. And stop... (read in full...)

I am male and I have no sensational feeling during sex

Q.   Hi, I have a very big problem - I do not feel anything during intercourse! Please help me! I am 35 years old and i have had this problem since my sexual debut. And the problem is really simple, yet very complex - I do not feel anything! When I...

A.   6 November 2017: I find it difficult to understand that doctors and sex therapists have no idea what the problem is. What have they tried? Did you follow their instructions? When you say you don't feel anything, is that emotionally or you have no sensation in your... (read in full...)

Is my husband's panty fetish out of control?

Q.   Is my husband’s panty fetish out of control? I just discovered that my husband has been sneaking my underwear as well as my 18yo daughters underwear. I don’t know exactly what he does with them I can only imagine. He swears it’s not about who wear...

A.   6 November 2017: If he says it's not about who was wearing them. then what did he say it was about? Are they for his personal enjoyment or is he selling them? It is just guessing on our part unless you can fill in a few more details - without being too graphic of c... (read in full...)

He gets angry and accuses me of being controlling if I ask for a bit of attention!

Q.   Husband has very much a situational based depression due to work issues where there is no way out for two years as he is in a work situation where a personal guaranteee is in place that would cost us about €60,000 to get out of. So theres two more ...

A.   5 November 2017: Try putting it in a letter. It will give him time to digest what you are telling him and perhaps come back with a more measured response.... (read in full...)

I can't understand women!

Q.   Guys, I totally need your advice............ You see, I am still 19, And Ive encountered lot of women, went on lot of dates, and im experienced in this shit..... but lately things have been wrong, U see, what will you assume if a girl comes next to ...

A.   5 November 2017: I think you may have overplayed your hand in the past and now they are rattling your chain - and you are falling for it. Maybe you fancied yourself as a bit of a player? You say:" Ive encountered lot of women, went on lot of dates, and im experien... (read in full...)

How do I tell them I'm moving out without making it worse for myself?

Q.   So I have a friendship question here. I am currently in uni and live in a uni house with three girls, however it is a bit icy between some of us at the moment. Now, a bit of background, for the past few days/weeks I have felt like I am almost...

A.   5 November 2017: The best way is not to beat about the bush. Tell them you found something else. Any of them might have found something else too. You don't know. You also don't know that they will make things worse for you. That is in your imagination. The n... (read in full...)

I'm 30 years old and my mother tries to rule my life!

Q.   I’m thirty years old and I don’t know how to deal with my mother anymore. She has been a fantastic mom to me, offering emotional support, taking care of me, making sure I’m okay, but lately I can’t stop fighting with her. And it’s always over...

A.   5 November 2017: She sounds like she has modelled herself on some parody of a Jewish momma. Parents' sacrifices for their children are not some debt to be later reclaimed. It doesn't work like that. You give what you give out of love, not because you think you will ... (read in full...)

Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...

A.   5 November 2017: If you lend a friend £20, and then they never contact you again, it's probably worth it. I think, if you look at the replies you have had, you will realise that you are being told to write it off. By all means be generous in life, but don't be play... (read in full...)

Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...

A.   5 November 2017: If you lend a friend £20, and then they never contact you again, it's probably worth it.... (read in full...)

Scared to admit I've reached maturity befor my older sister

Q.   Hi I'm 14 and I started my period at 13 a few days after my birthday. I don't know how to tell my mum and I'm quite scared as for telling her so late. I'm scared for the questions she might ask me like how did o l keep this (secret). It was hard...

A.   3 November 2017: In my experience mothers are keen to help their daughters through this challenging time. I think she will be proud that you have come of age. It isn't your fault that your sister hasn't, but she will be close behind you. Tell your mum ever... (read in full...)

I need ideas for a 60th birthday toast!

Q.   Hi, I'm going to be giving a a short splech on the occasion of my relatives 60th birthday I just want to make it very short and sweet!Could y'all give me ideas?or a beautiful phrase with which I can start the speech?...

A.   2 November 2017: Let me Google that for you!... (read in full...)

A coworker eats smelly food right next to me!

Q.   Hi everyone, this might sound like a trivial problem but it’s really bothering me. I recently started a new job and the man that sits next to me is a bodybuilder and as such eats an entire tub of cottage cheese at his desk every day at 9am. I think ...

A.   2 November 2017: Assuming your office does not have a 'No food at desk' policy, and that staff are allowed to take food breaks at any time, you might try making your point by putting an air freshener on your desk. You could also run an ioniser which will make air ... (read in full...)

I think he has erectile dysfunction. Do I wait it out? Approach the subject?

Q.   I have started dating a new guy. We have not had intercourse yet. Dating for a few months but have done plenty of other stuff. I’m late 20s and he is in late 30s. When we first started fooling around I noticed he wasn’t really getting a full ...

A.   1 November 2017: It might just be nerves as you are still quite new together. If it persists then you might tactfully approach the subject with him and decide on a course of action. This might include his visiting a doctor. ... (read in full...)

How can I stop thinking about this teacher?

Q.   How do I get over thinking about a former teacher. I’m 21 years old and ten years ago, I had a huge crush on my teacher. Whenever I felt I needed to talk to someone he was always there. He was also the reason I became so close with my best friend ...

A.   31 October 2017: If you were giving advice to the person who wrote this post then what would you tell them? Read back what you have written and ask yourself what you would say. Hundreds of people, mostly women, have written to DC with 'crush on teacher' ques... (read in full...)

Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...

A.   23 October 2017: No, do not try to contact him any more. You have gone the extra mile and that is enough. Because you help someone, it doesn't mean that you get to buy into their life. For whatever reason he isn't available. You have tried to help him out, but now ... (read in full...)

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