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*enizen

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My ex has said sorry after many years, but I want her to apologise for more!

Q.   My ex apologised in a MSG many years after we broke up but all she said was sorry things were said. A lot more than things were said and I'm not an emotional person. She went out of her way to get to me on numerous occasions because I wasn't b...

A.   20 March 2018: Well done for not being drawn into a fight even if you did finally respond. You might want or even expect an apology but you won't get one until the othrt party feel some remorse. That won't be until they realise what hurt was done. They have to ... (read in full...)

I love my girlfriend but not sure I love our relationship

Q.   I love my girlfriend but not sure I love our relationship. I think shes an amazing gal, and really enjoy the time we spend together. We've been together nearly 3 years, but live in different cities - enough to see for a quick evening or long ...

A.   31 January 2018: You decide at what point it isn't worth the hassle. If there is no plan to be together - I mean properly together - then nothing is going to get any better. My advice is to form a plan or call it a day and part friends.... (read in full...)

The tickets have been bought, time planned but I don't want to go see my boyfriend

Q.   I have a plane ticket to go see my boyfriend this weekend. It's our anniversary and his uncle has gifted us with concert tickets and dinner. His uncle went through a lot of planning and prepping for this, because he's a really great guy and his aunt ...

A.   30 January 2018: You ought to make the effort to go, particularly as his family have made great efforts and laid out some cash on your behalves. There might be an opportunity to talk to one of his family and find out if anything is troubling him, work, health, ... (read in full...)

Formerly stingy uncaring husband has suddenly changed. Is it because he will be losing his job?

Q.   I have been married for seven years and my husband has been very stingy with me and my kids (his step kids). We hve one child together. I have complained to him of his lack of involvement in his step kids life but he just ignore. Somehow i have ...

A.   29 January 2018: Just carry on as you are. A lot depends on whether you have a joint back account or separate ones. Also what arrangements are in place for your mortgage or any loans or credit card debt? If he loses his job the first thing he must do is cut up any ... (read in full...)

How to ask him if he likes me as a friend or something more?

Q.   I have been in touch with a guy every so often. We have known each other for 13 years. When we first met, he said that he liked me. We went on one date, but we didn't see each other after that. I can't actually remember why. He sent me some ...

A.   29 January 2018: After 13 years I think he should have made a move by now. Could it be that he has a gap in his relationship itinerary and he thought, 'Who can I call?' That needn't stop you exploring possibilities but be aware that you may just be a stop-gap. He m... (read in full...)

I’m not sure I even want to meet her, she’s way more experienced and she’s suspicious of me and me of her, but we’ve been chatting 6 weeks!

Q.   Did I do the right thing? Am a gay female, quieter loving and quiet person, been out of the gay scene a while, been years since my last girlfriend or date. Have tried dating apps this past 2years and met 3 people. One now a friend, one wa...

A.   28 January 2018: Well, what if? No bones broken. It is always going to be fraught when you try to find someone online. If you live in the outback then I can understand that it is perhaps your best chance. Otherwise keep it real why don't you. Find real people in ... (read in full...)

I want to know if I am crazy for wanting him back!

Q.   I had been with my ex boyfriend for 10 years, we were both leaving in the same city. We met in University . He is 32 and I am 27. After finishing his degree he had been looking for a stable job for a while, he was lucky enough to get two job offers ...

A.   27 January 2018: Why do you love him? He doesn't love you. He may be fond of you. He may care that you are OK - possibly through guilt - but he doesn't love you. He is already gone. Close the chapter. Take time to heal, and when you do you will see what an escape ... (read in full...)

My job interviewed didn't offer me a job but asked me out on a date. Is this appropriate?

Q.   I am job hunting. I recently got call from one of the jobs I was interested. In the middle of the interview, the interviewer did not offer me the job due to my school schedule clashing with the days he had available. Instead he asked me out on a ...

A.   25 January 2018: Just ignore it. It wasn't appropriate but it was only a stupid error of judgement.... (read in full...)

Is it realistic for my husband to want me to go back to work fulltime?

Q.   Okay, so...I became a stay at home mom 3 yrs ago when I was laid off from my O and G project accounting position due to the market. We have 8 and 5 yr old girls, both in school full-time. During this time, my husband also received a layoff and was ...

A.   25 January 2018: The crux of your problem is income. It doesn't matter whether you work part time, work full time, or work from home full or part time, You just need to maximise your earning potential. Many people start afresh at your age. There is a whole indu... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's mother is a little too involved in our relationship

Q.   Hey everyone wondering if anyone can offer some friendly advice on my situation. I've been with my boyfriend about a year and a half although we split in the summer for a couple months due to not getting on and silly little arguments. My boyfriend ...

A.   24 January 2018: It seems fairly obvious to me that you and your boyfriend shouldn't be livung in his mother's home. In your own home you make your own rules. If his mother is prone to expressing herself in this dramatic way then you can't stop her. You are an adul... (read in full...)

21 and I've never dated or had a boyfriend

Q.   I'm not going to say that it's a *sad* truth as some people might think. Im 21 years old and have never ever had a boyfriend or went on a date. My parents are even shocked of this fact, and they think that im might be dating or being in a relation...

A.   22 January 2018: Two questions in there: 'Is this normal?' and, 'Is she right?'about being selfish or unrealistic. There is no rule that you have to be in a relationship with someone. If you are happy as you are then why change? In some ways life is simpler. You ... (read in full...)

How can I find out her feelings for me?

Q.   I have a female friend and have a crush on her from last three months. She is having a boyfriend and their marriage talks are going on. But its not confirmed as of now. While talking to her, it seems she is having interest in me.Maybe I am wrong, ...

A.   18 January 2018: Just back off. If she is interested she will make it plain. At the moment you are just confusing her life. We can only guess how her relationship with her current boyfriend will turn out but you are just confusing the situation.... (read in full...)

Why am I still tempted by my ex that didn't treat me well when I have a great guy in my life?

Q.   Hi, I have been broken up with my ex for 1.5 years now. While we are mostly "off" there have been a few instances where we talk, get caught up on our lives and sometimes hook up. We both know it's not going to work out but he'll say things like ...

A.   17 January 2018: Aunt honesty is right. You must cut the ties with this man. If you don't you are just a convenience - sex without meaning; sex without commitment; sex without context. Get a friend to write MUG on your forehead with a magic marker. Then look at y... (read in full...)

Is my diet likely to work?

Q.   Hey there folks. I am an unfit teen who is grossly over weight. I have heard about the apple a day thing. Does that work? I do excise Monday-Friday for about 40 mins. My mother has bad very bad eating habits, which I have grown up with and she'll ...

A.   16 January 2018: How long have you been exercising? You say you exercise daily and yet you also tell us you are unfit. How heavy are you? Essentially you need to burn more calories than you eat. It is a mixture of exercise and diet that works. I know nothing ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me

Q.   my boyfriend of year and a half just doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me. I am a very romantic woman and I like to cuddle, hold hands and kiss in public but he never does any and when I approach him he backs off. I cant ...

A.   16 January 2018: Are you asking us for a way to change your boyfriend's behaviour. Perhaps you should be thinking of changing your expectations. You can change the things you have control over. His upbringing has taught him not to be demonstrative in public. It ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend wants to do a boudoir photo shoot, help?

Q.   First of all, this is the first time I'm posting stuff like this on the internet, so excuse whatever mistakes I make, but I have literally nobody else to give me a single different perspective on this matter. Here goes: I've been with this girl o...

A.   15 January 2018: She is prepared to go her own way no matter what you think. So, you can do the same. If you don't like the idea of the photo shoot tell her and draw a line. You don't have to like it. If it is something on her bucket list then that is up to her. H... (read in full...)

I thought my luck had changed! Now what?

Q.   Hi, I have just come out of relationship with a wonderful guy, i was never treated as good in my life before by any guy, he brought me everywhere, family functions and so on, he was always very affectionate towards me, forehead kisses which are ...

A.   15 January 2018: OK, This is where you have to give yourself a talking to. You are hurt but you aren't dead. If he didn't think you were right for him. It is better to know now than later. You need to be grateful to him for letting you off now. He didn't cheat on ... (read in full...)

Help me find a way to choose

Q.   I don’t know whom I love, both men have an effect on me and both are way too complicated. I really would love your insight so don’t read and run ?? I’m 30 years old woman, I am at this very moment torn between the love of my life and a man I bare...

A.   11 January 2018: Can you have both? I don't know. Are you prepared to risk everything by being honest with them? To my mind it wouldn't work. I am not saying it can't. In France situations like this are more tolerated I am told. The alternative is that you sett... (read in full...)

I can't understand why he isn't more eager

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He is 21 and I am 23. The past month or so, he never, ever initiates sex or even kisses me passionately. He says he is under a lot of stress working long hours. We have fought about this, as he ...

A.   11 January 2018: In the present climate some men are reluctant to initiate sexual intimacy in case they are accused of forcing their attentions on the woman. The other thing that can happen is that they start sexual contact and are then rebuffed because the female ... (read in full...)

Events of 30 years ago still hurt!

Q.   my husband had an emotional affair with my mom, and this went on for four years, as she died in an auto accident. He claims sure was fun to be with and that all they did was kiss, no sex. #1 how could it last for this long with non sex, # how can ...

A.   10 January 2018: I suggest you put it all back in the box as it was all so long ago and you have been coping with this for so many years. Do you really want to split up now? if you want to talk through things with marriage guidance cousellor then that is one opti... (read in full...)

His email to his brother hurts more than his affair

Q.   My partner and I have been together for 3 years in January, he cheated on me with someone I knew in October. In our bed When I was away for 2 days. When I came back he acted like nothing had happened but I knew in my heart and then my friends told ...

A.   10 January 2018: I think he has to accept the consequences of his act and that is that he has lost you. It will never be all right now. Make plans for your departure and put them into action. Sorry but it's over, as you probably realise.... (read in full...)

My husband raised a boy as his own, but now he is 19 I don't want him included in our family!

Q.   Hi Just need a bit of advice...my husband met a woman who already had a child 17 years ago. My husband then helped bring him up, however when this child become 13/14 he came into a lot of trouble and trouble has followed him since. Oliver no...

A.   8 January 2018: I agree with Honeypie, there definitely are limits. If your husband wants to maintain his connection with his son, and that would be natural no matter how bad he seems, then perhaps it should be outside your family. Nineteen is very young and ther... (read in full...)

My husband raised a boy as his own, but now he is 19 I don't want him included in our family!

Q.   Hi Just need a bit of advice...my husband met a woman who already had a child 17 years ago. My husband then helped bring him up, however when this child become 13/14 he came into a lot of trouble and trouble has followed him since. Oliver no...

A.   7 January 2018: This is a problem you inherited when you married. You can't pretend it isn't there. The son is still young and if treated well should eventually respond to the family's kindness to him. You have given little idea of what trouble he brings. Remember ... (read in full...)

Are my husband's conditions unfair?

Q.   My husband's conditions for our marriage were that I would never talk to men online ever (including my male cousins, childhood friends who were like my brothers and gay male friends), that I would cut off contact with all my male friends in real ...

A.   5 January 2018: You made a deal and, for whatever reason, you should honour it. However I think that in the circumstances it would be fair to ask to renegotiate the terms. His demands seem a bit harsh but I don't know how extreme your behaviour was before you marr... (read in full...)

Can I really believe her?

Q.   I was looking through my GF text messages one night because I felt something was different lately with her. So I found a text from a guy that she worked with. The text started out as I hear you are leaving the company for a new job and continued ...

A.   5 January 2018: It seems fishy to me. Perhaps nothing happened but it looks like it was nearly on the cards. You don't say, 'I miss u', to a colleague. And the invitation to a overnight meeting... It isn't his job to invite staff to meetings is it? She would have... (read in full...)

Help me stand up for myself!

Q.   This is more of an etiquette question but it involves my two biggest pet peeves: ppl who CONSTANTLY talk to me when I'm reading and ppl who come over uninvited and help themselves to my food/chew up my time. It doesn't matter where I am, I co...

A.   4 January 2018:  The answer is, don't read in public places. You are hiding in a book. Go for a lunchtime walk if you want to be alone or sit in the library if you must read. it must appear as if you don't want to know your colleagues. Well, put your book down and ... (read in full...)

Where are we going in this relationship?

Q.   I keep asking for advice relating to a relationship that started out as an affair at my workplace. It went on as an affair for around 6 months and once i left my abusive ex, we have been seeing each other for another 6 months odd. Its been strange ...

A.   3 January 2018: Regarding the sex, he may believe that this is opportunity to do all the wild things he has heard about. He may even have read articles which tell him that women want to be surprised, dominated, and all the rest. That kind of thing wears off and he ... (read in full...)

My husband just can't stop grilling me about my ex and it's getting out of control now

Q.   Hi. I am 26 and just got married. I have known him from my school time. And we dated for 1 year untill we got married. He was always curious to know details about my past relationships. I had a boyfriend before him and it lasted for 3 years. My ...

A.   2 January 2018: Might as well call it off. Unless he changes his mindset completely it will only become worse - torment on torment. It might be the lesson he needs to take him into life. He is driving himself crazy with jealousy and it won't end well for you. ... (read in full...)

How do I get back on my feet? Can I turn my life around?

Q.   how do I get back on my feet - can this be done? Three years ago I hung out with the in crowd and got myself in financial debt - I was making money and also spending money - long story short I got unexpectedly laid off and I had to move back home . ...

A.   2 January 2018: It sounds as if you have already got your life back in order. You paid off most of your debt and you have a plan for the future. Why are you doubting yourself now? Do you just need to give yourself a small holiday to break the monotony of your life... (read in full...)

I have feelings for my cousin and so does my best friend

Q.   I have known my second cousin for years and never knew I will have a crush on him. He used to be my teacher and took tuition to him. My feeling grow stronger whenever I see him. He is a respectful person and also handsome (similar with Justin ...

A.   2 January 2018: Justin Bieber isn't a good choice for you. Find someone else. That way you keep your bestie. I'm not sure how you could lose your family over this but you will keep them too. It's just a crush. You will laugh at yourself in a few years over this.... (read in full...)

LDR boyfriend is pushing me away. Do I stay or end it?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with him for 2 years now, but he left about a month ago to live overseas. He says he wants me there but makes no effort to get a job and when he is offered one and the pay is good, he doesn't want it because the status ...

A.   2 January 2018: It sounds like you could give yourself a better chance of happiness without him. It's his loss.... (read in full...)

He wants to get married and start a family, I want to break up for good but he's like an addiction that I can't shake off

Q.   I had been dating a man off and on for 3 years now. He wants to get married and start a family and I am the one who has major reservations. Our relationship has not been the most stable so until it is, marriage makes me nervous. I do love him. And ...

A.   1 January 2018: Have you considered trying to get to the root of what your disagreements stem from? Perhaps some relationship counselling would be something to try. It sounds as if you both care for each other, but you keep running into the same old problems. Then ... (read in full...)

I hate that my gay friends have been with girls before

Q.   i feel weird cuz all my gay friends have been with girls before or some sorta connection. I feel dumb and alone. At dinner last week we were talking and all 4 of them had sex or girlfriends at some time except me. in lgbt movies its the same thing ...

A.   1 January 2018: Your gay friends may have that in common but I would not imagine it is a universal trend. What does it matter anyway? You know what your preference is. You were lucky enough to find out at an early age and didn't have to make any false starts. If on ... (read in full...)

My partner's sex drive is lower than mine and I've started developing feelings elsewhere

Q.   Gay male in a long term relationship for 3.5 years with another gay male, similar age. For the first six months of our relationship, we had sex multiple times per week. After that it petered out and since then, we only have sex about once a month, ...

A.   31 December 2017: You aren't ready to settle down, so leave your current partner as gently and as soon as you can. You are still looking around and sex is still the most important thing - or at least a major thing in your life. You should go and explore your sexu... (read in full...)

Can this violent, abusive relationship be saved?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over two years now. We have a house together and before we moved in, we had a great time. However when we moved in, he kept throwing parties and his friends would strip naked and jump into our bed, be ...

A.   30 December 2017: Just a couple of follow-up questions for you OP. Did you really have no idea how he and his friends behaved before you moved in together? Did all this craziness come out of the blue? How long did he have to keep this hidden before you decided you ... (read in full...)

Can this violent, abusive relationship be saved?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over two years now. We have a house together and before we moved in, we had a great time. However when we moved in, he kept throwing parties and his friends would strip naked and jump into our bed, be ...

A.   30 December 2017: Whoa! Run for the hills. This guy needs serious anger management. If he can't recognise he has a problem then it may never be fixed. Go home to mum and stay there until he seeks professional help. If he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong how ... (read in full...)

I really love this guy so much. How to make him realize all will be fine?

Q.   I am 22 {Indian}and financially stable. I met this guy through Facebook . We were young and it was first love for both of us. It was intense and serious relationship . We had own ups and down in these 6 years .His parents were helpful during this ...

A.   29 December 2017: Sorry, but I don't think it will be fine. He is telling you as plainly as he can that he doesn't want to marry you and he doesn't think it will work. You want him back because he was your first important love. That doen't mean he is the one you ... (read in full...)

Why am I upset that none of my dad's family congratulated me on my wedding?

Q.   Hey, This is more a question on advise on how to control my feelings. I'm not particularly close to my dads family, always been excluded from family events (I.e wasn't even invited to my Dads wedding or were my two sisters from his second ...

A.   29 December 2017: You ask, 'Why am I so upset'? Well, why are you? You know they don't care that much about you, or what happens in your life. You want it to be one way, but the reality is the opposite. If you can accept things as they are and get on with your life ... (read in full...)

I'm low on cash but why are dates so weird with me but good to other girls?

Q.   I am underemployed, I am very up front with guys that I am not earning much. I even offer to alternate paying/split early on. However men I date are very funny about my financial situation. An example is a guy who I dated recently who boasted to me ...

A.   26 December 2017: To be honest it can be a bit of a bore if you are harping on about money. It isn't a concern when you really like someone. If your date has half an ounce of sense he will understand what you can and cannot afford. I am aware of situations too in w... (read in full...)

Are my best friends feelings starting to match mine?

Q.   Ok, here we go... I'm needing thoughts to help me get my head around this. My best friend, is straight, forever "girl this and girls that" - but recently something has changed between us and it's led to him hugging me more (not that I'm complai...

A.   25 December 2017: I would let him make the first move otherwise it could be awkward. I hope you get everything you want for Christmas. ... (read in full...)

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