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Amateurs built the Ark.....professionals built the Titanic

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

'Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade'- George Eliot, whose real name was Mary Anne Evans

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Why is he so reluctant to move in together?

Q.   My boyfriend of 18 months is reluctant to move in together. We have discussed it and he has said that he wants to, in the next year. But when I try to talk about it he gets grumpy and seems uninterested and irritated. For example, I had to go home ...

A.   23 January 2019: I agree with the others and I would take it a step further and suggest you spend less time in his home. If he wanted a roommate, he'd have one. If he wanted you to move in, he'd have invited you to by now. He lives alone because he likes his own ... (read in full...)

Do I have to tell him to delete my number from his little black book?

Q.   Hi , I met a guy online just one time . He didn’t mention to meet me again but some times he text me . I am not native English speaker. A guy always texted me out of the blue. I think he wanted to contacted me as backup plan. Whenever I...

A.   23 January 2019: Any kind of response, even a rejection, is still paying attention to him. Ghost him. Block and delete him. The fact that you didn't consider him worthy of an answer will say more than some desperate sounding message. ... (read in full...)

Before her pregnancy she would flirt all the time... now Nothing.

Q.   Recently i changed job and got close to a girl here. She used to behave with me like she is my girlfriend. She is married but she even asked me to be her "Boyfriend" forever. We did heavy flirting and she also told me she'd kiss me when we go for ...

A.   1 January 2019: It means her life is going to change dramatically and her priorities have changed. Your flirting is now just dirty and irritating to her so stop it. Cut ties with her. She's not your friend and you were never hers. ... (read in full...)

I feel like the laughing stock because I want boundaries

Q.   I'm wondering if this situation is worth breaking up over. Right now we're on the brinks because I'm mad about it. The guy I've been seeing for almost a year now is a hippie, I'm not, though i like to party with hippies sometimes. We had a brief ...

A.   1 January 2019: 'he said he's not cutting off his backup supply of pu**y if I'm not sure about us.' That's as far as I got. I just couldn't read any further. He's a loser. Toss him. It should go without saying...block and delete. Treat him as though he d... (read in full...)

My girlfriend went behind my back and told my parents about our future plans. Am I right to be hurt?

Q.   Hi everyone I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years, the majority of this has been long distance (10 hour flight). We've been trying to find ways to close the distance and one way is to get married so i can sponsor her. I felt ...

A.   1 January 2019: I wouldn't be hurt by this, I'd be furious and I'd call off the wedding. At least for the foreseeable future. First off, her rush to get married so you can sponsor her for entry into Britain is highly suspicious. If she can't obtain a VISA on ... (read in full...)

Accused of being antisocial for turning down a guy?

Q.   My dad loves to accuse me of being anti social and saying "that's why you have no friends". We were at a friends place and there is a single guy there who I see a couple times a year. We aren't friends (acquaintances) and we do not share interests. ...

A.   30 December 2018: My advice is to stop telling them things, even conversationally. Too many people assume that when they're told things they're advice is wanted or expected. You can't control what others do, only what you do, so don't give them opportun... (read in full...)

Male friend wants to discuss sexual fantasies ....he has a girlfriend!

Q.   No, I am not looking to make him my boyfriend Just want to know if its normal for men with girlfriends to want to talk to their female friends about their sexual fantasies? he even asked if i had a boyfriend and when i asked why he said because...

A.   29 December 2018: If this guy was really a friend he would already know if you had a boyfriend. My friends did. What you're describing is a just man you talk to and I can tell you he is not looking for platonic female friends. Block and delete. No good can come... (read in full...)

Is ‘bird’ just slang for ‘woman’ or ‘girl’?

Q.   When a guy calls you a bird is it just slang for woman/girl. I text a guy friend to rearrange meeting up as he wasn't feeling well and joked that it was nurses orders for him to get better and that I couldn't find a nurse in uniform emoji t...

A.   29 December 2018: I don't know why you didn't just Google it. ... (read in full...)

My abusive father has turned the family against us. Does anyone have any words of support/similar stories?

Q.   Hi, Im just seeking stories of others if anyone has gone through something similar. It would be comforting to hear, as I know there is little to be done about my current family situation. Last year I decided to cut contact with my father due to hi...

A.   29 December 2018: This may have all happened last year but it's still very recent. First of all, remember that you're free. You no longer have to humour anyone or swallow your anger for the sake of peace. Those relatives who choose to keep their distance f... (read in full...)

My friend has been asking why she can't get a partner. Should I tell her what I think?

Q.   Hello Aunts and Uncles! My friend recently started asking me seriously (up until now it was purely rhetorical) why she can't find a partner. Should I tell her what I think? It's just an opinion, I'm not a shrink. I'm afraid that she migh...

A.   29 December 2018: Yes, if she asks for your opinion and you think it's a sincere request then answer truthfully. She might be very upset by what you have to say, so keep it brief. Don't volunteer examples. Instead let her ask for clarification. At the very least sh... (read in full...)

Should I even try to remain friends with her after the way she acted?

Q.   The other day I went to dinner with my friend who I actually considered one of my best friend so we were having dinner and it w and We ordered our food and both of ours took a long time to come but hers came before mine and she ate hers and she ...

A.   27 December 2018: Cut her loose. No final goodbyes, no explanations, no drama. Just ghost her. Block and delete. If you cross paths in public, be formal and courteous the way you would with any acquaintance. ... (read in full...)

Is my roommate pleasuring himself with my clothes?

Q.   I have three roommates. Two of them, a man and a woman, are married. He doesn't give me the creeps or weird rape-y looks, and my gut feelings have always been spot-on in the past. However, this time, I think I have physical proof of sexual ...

A.   27 December 2018: Obviously we can't know for sure, but it's definitely suspicious. I would handle it this way: tell others about it, innocently, and ask if they have noticed anything similar with their clothes. Don't speculate about what the substance is (ejacula... (read in full...)

Boyfriend buys another woman a puppy

Q.   My boyfriend of five years ordered an unborn pedigree puppy for a female friend. She walks his dog when he is at work. During the time he sought out, and checked out breeders, I told him that I found this to be a highly inappropriate gift. During ...

A.   27 December 2018: Yeah, I agree about the dog breeders. There are already a lot of lost and abandoned animals. Anyway... As Honeypie says, gifting a dog (or any animal) is not, in itself, a romantic gesture. Friends and relatives do the same. It's a bad idea in ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend refuses to use his sex toys with me

Q.   Hi I'm having a sexual problem with my boyfriend any advice you could give would be helpful thanks.. My boyfriend never tells me what he likes in bed he always says he likes what we are doing.. The thing is I know he likes porn actually I think it...

A.   19 December 2018: You've been bullying and brow beating him to perform for you and trying to recruit your therapist and now strangers on the internet to join you, but HE'S the sex addict?? I agree, leave the man alone. What you're doing is called sexual harrassm... (read in full...)

I want to show him I care but I also don’t want to be a burden or an annoyance

Q.   I was dating a guy for only 6 weeks. Things were going really well other than he wasn’t feeling good. Long story short, his symptoms have gotten worse and he’s not been working much and under going testing and imaging to see what’s wrong. So far, ...

A.   19 December 2018: 6 weeks of dating isn't really long enough for that kind of intimacy. He's not ready for you to see him like this and your not quite relationship is not strong enough to carry that load. If it's been 2 or more months, as Honeypie says, then it'... (read in full...)

He asked me out as a joke but I said yes ... how do I face my friends?

Q.   My crush asked me out as a joke and I said yes. I was sick the day after and I wasn’t at school. My friends texted me about it. Apparently he had told most of my friends. Now I have to go back to school. I don’t really like him a lot. I just ...

A.   2 December 2018: Just say you assumed he was joking and acted accordingly. Be very matter of fact. Do not keep defending yourself or explaining, it will look suspicious.... (read in full...)

Is this a sex addiction?

Q.   Hello. I think I am sex crazed. I want to have sex all the time. When I get home from work. In the morning. When we are showering. And when we are out, all i think about is how I can't wait to go home and have sex. We are both extremely sex...

A.   2 December 2018: It doesn't sound like an addiction to me, just someone who has recently discovered something and can't get enough of it. The novelty will wear off eventually and you'll just enjoy it without being obsessed about it. ... (read in full...)

I work as a cam girl but don't want my boyfriend watching other cam girls

Q.   I work as a cam girl on a website. This is actually my second job to make extra cash. My boyfriend was aware of this before we started dating. Few days back he thought that since I was working as a cam girl it made it ok for him to join one of t...

A.   2 December 2018: Yep. You are. It doesn't matter if your boyfriend knew of your second job before you began dating and it doesn't matter WHY you do it. What matters is you do it. There are plenty of other ways to make money besides the sex trade. Keep ... (read in full...)

Our sex is becoming just sexual gratification for his sordid fantasies!

Q.   I need help. I'm concerned about my boyfriends sexual orientation/preference. We have been dating for 4 years now, as the 4 years have progressed his sexual habits have changed. He isn't tame , it's always got to be depraved , he's always got to ha...

A.   2 December 2018: My opinion is that you should stop having sex with him immediately. No weaning, no compromises. Just stop cold turkey. Tell him you find it all revolting. Keep it brief and very blunt. Then silence. Do not try to soften the blow or spare hi... (read in full...)

How could he treat me so badly and now act like nothing bad ever happened between us?

Q.   Hi 6 years ago I met the man of my dreams I was madly in love with him and things were going well after a year of been together I fell pregnant and miscarried the baby the next day my boyfriend kicked me out of his flat no explanation as to why he ...

A.   1 December 2018: I'm inclined to agree that he sounds like a narcissist and nothing is real unless it happens to him. It would no more occur to him that you would have grounds to hate him any more than it would occur to you that someone might hate you because ... (read in full...)

Why would my friend of 20 years spill information about me to my subordinate co-worker that he only met after just 10 minutes?

Q.   Me and my best friend have known each other for 20 years. We are neighbours, we have grown up together. Throughout our lives, we have taken different paths but we always meet again, and things have been fine. I had been working at my job for 3 ...

A.   28 November 2018: I would be very suspicious of this subordinate or anyone who can't wait to show their 'loyalty' to you by dishing up the latest on what was said behind your back. You've chosen to believe someone you've known for 6 months over someone you've k... (read in full...)

What do I say to her to prove I’m genuinely sorry?

Q.   I’m here for advice and I’m looking for advice and don’t know what to do. I came across a female on a dating app who I really liked and we share things in common. there’s were going great until I said to her you’re ignoring me and now she is giving ...

A.   4 November 2018: I don't know that you can 'fix this'. You got very comfortable with this woman very quickly. Comfortable enough to make demands and accusations. She's not making into anything. Those three words spoke volumes and what she's likely thinking... (read in full...)

Am I being used by someone who doesn’t care about my feelings?

Q.   I’ll try not to make this long and keep it brief as I can, I’m on a dating site app and joined it because I’m single. met some nice people and made friends a long the way. I messaged this female who I liked and we started talking to each other. we ...

A.   3 November 2018: Lack of interest in someone is not being taken for a ride. That's only when she's trying to get, or happy to receive favours from you while offering little to nothing in return. So I agree, take the hint and move on without confronting her.... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my step brother and afraid to tell our parents

Q.   i'm in love with my step-brother, and i am honestly scared of what would happen if my parents were to find out. i told my friends about it and the are okay with it they say that we are not related at all so it okay because our parents aren't even, ...

A.   3 November 2018: Your mother already knows of your attraction to your step-brother which is why she's going to some lengths to keep you apart. What you SHOULD do is not what you want to do. You may not be related by blood, but you are family and this secret r... (read in full...)

I saw a strange number on my husband's phone, called it and a woman answered. Should I confront him about it?

Q.   Hi, I'm needing help on what to do next in my situation . OK, so I checked his phone. But I had to. He's been acting strange lately. I saw a phone number that called him this morning. And the call lasted 23 minutes so he had a conversation...

A.   3 November 2018: You suspect your husband is carrying on with this Michelle, and strongly enough to end the marriage, but you're sending HER friend requests??... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Q.   My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...

A.   2 November 2018: Well, we think you were overly dramatic, and suspect your boyfriend did too. And women who have been 'abused by the ex' are a dime a dozen so I wouldn't play that card if I were you. I think everyone here understands you cried not at poi... (read in full...)

How can I deal with racism/ignorance in the workplace and in personal life ?

Q.   I am a white southwestern european woman that has been in this country for almost all my life - I wasn’t born here but I am very Americanized and do not relate to my cultural upbringings (Balkan peninsula area) - I did all my education in the states ...

A.   2 November 2018: I do think you're overly sensitive. The day people stop asking where you're from is the day they're no longer interested in you. Every society wants to preserve who they are and they have the right to decide who is allowed to join them. Why d... (read in full...)

Do I warn others hes a serious fantasist

Q.   So just over a year ago i met a man on a dating site and we decided to make a go of it. Everything was great for the first couple of month then he sectioned himself. He had told me prior to meeting his mental health issues. So we kind of had a break ...

A.   2 November 2018: Nope. It would just look like sour grapes and you'll probably end up looking like a nut job yourself, spending all this time and energy on him. Any woman who doesn't size him up within seconds on her own isn't going to listen to any warnings... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Q.   My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...

A.   31 October 2018: I second that answer. It might have been a bit painful at first, and you were caught off guard, but you milked it and the crying was over the top. 30-35, huh? ... (read in full...)

I'm a finance director at a mid-size company but I’m singled out at the very bottom of the website. Should I bring it up?

Q.   Here is my silly question! I’m a finance director at a mid size company and my bio just got added to the companies website. The team are ranked by the title but I’m singled out at the very bottom of the page. I don’t know if it sounds stupid and ...

A.   27 October 2018: You could ask, as a follow up, if you've been added to the website yet. Ask this conversationally in front of someone of importance, or influence. Having to say out loud 'yes, you're at the bottom' might make them more aware of the gaffe. ... (read in full...)

Should I fly 4,000 miles to go see my ex? Would it be cheating?

Q.   So... we’ve broken up for 5 years after an incident and subsequently I moved home to my home country. Contact was lost eventually as we were sick of crying over the phone. Recently, I thought I saw him whilst on vacation and sent him a text. He...

A.   20 October 2018: In my opinion it would be cheating. You wouldn't be flying out to attend a sick relative or even a dear PLATONIC friend, but an ex lover. And whatever your intentions now, I think you're lying to yourself if you think you can guarantee nothin... (read in full...)

Should I be upset that my FWB partner is having sex with others and lied about it

Q.   I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell....

A.   18 October 2018: You're entitled to feel any way you choose, but you don't have a valid case against him. Friends with benefits is a no strings attached hook up arrangement. When it comes to having sex with others he doesn't have to tell you anything, not if, when... (read in full...)

I have an anal sex question and can't find answers

Q.   Hi, Okay this probably sounds stupid. But please give me some serious answers... I would appreciate it. Yesterday my husband and I had anal sex and he came inside. Today, more than 24 hours later, we had anal and vaginal sex both. Can th...

A.   18 October 2018: You will NOT become pregnant as a result of anal sex. Think about it, you don't menstruate and defecate out of either interchangeably. Two separate passages and the anus does not contain a uterus with eggs. As Honeypie says, though, you are ... (read in full...)

I believe my husband has sick fantasies about my daughter. She trusts him. What should I do?

Q.   I found a spare phone in my husband's truck and saved to his favorites was "Stepdaughter fucks step dad".. I have a beautiful 18 year old daughter that lives with us . I'm leaving him because to me, that is unacceptable and I will never look at him ...

A.   18 October 2018: I agree. Show her what you found, BUT, just let her see it and absorb it before adding your own editorial. Don't try to convince her or she's likely to dig in her heels. I say this because people can be fickle, and hostile to warnings, especial... (read in full...)

Should I give my ex money back for a trip that he won't be taking with my family?

Q.   Hey guys. Since my last post I've taken your advice and no longer visit my exs social media accounts. I am actually in the process of moving on and have even met someone else :) I'm just writing because it's coming to the time where I sign ...

A.   18 October 2018: Give him back his money. Your mum had no business demanding he pay for a trip he wasn't going to be taking, through no fault of his own. He didn't cancel and, as you say, he didn't break up with you. That's not to say you didn't have vali... (read in full...)

How do you tell if your mother is a narcissist?

Q.   I know my mom is a narcissist. Or maybe I am. I don't know. I hope not....My question is ... how do you tell? Little bit of back story... I started watching Bates Motel and I'm noticing some overlap when the show is juxtaposed with my real lif...

A.   14 October 2018: My mother is a narcissist and it sounds like yours is too. And what you fear may be the same in yourself, is actually, in my opinion, your attempts to balance the relationship by moving the spotlight that is always on her on to you for a change, ... (read in full...)

My friends remarks upset me, am I too sensitive?

Q.   My best friend has always been there for me during extremely horrible times. She has defended me behind my back and so on... However, as of several months ago I have grown increasingly mad and resentful... I feel that when I need to vent and I te...

A.   5 October 2018: Thanks for the follow up. Keeping more things to yourself is not being secretive or building walls in the negative sense. It's being more conscientious about what you put into the friendship and what you hope to get out of it. What you put ... (read in full...)

My wife's adult children are bums whose lifestyles I pay for.

Q.   Hi all, I have a problem. First off, I've been married for over 21 years. We largely get along -- mostly because I don't complain about much. During that time, I have raised my wife's 2 children from her previous marriage. They are cur...

A.   5 October 2018: As long as you're relying on people with a long history of doing the wrong thing to suddenly start doing the right thing, nothing will change. They benefit from the status quo. My advice is you quietly start getting your ducks in a row. Open a... (read in full...)

My friends remarks upset me, am I too sensitive?

Q.   My best friend has always been there for me during extremely horrible times. She has defended me behind my back and so on... However, as of several months ago I have grown increasingly mad and resentful... I feel that when I need to vent and I te...

A.   5 October 2018: I agree with Honeypie and I would add that it might be that without realising it you've come to rely on her to be your emotional junk drawer. In my opinion it's toxic to just phone someone up to vent. We all have those days, and we're not always i... (read in full...)

My daughter is in her terrible teens and is unhappy with the lifestyle that she has, even though I'm doing everything I can for her

Q.   Hello. My daughter has recently started transitioning from the fun loving kid she was into a teenager who's seemingly starting to rebel, or at least doing the whole i need independence from mom gig. Shes glued to her phone, enjoys time with ...

A.   4 October 2018: My guess is your daughter is angry with you because she feels dismissed and patronized, and that you make all her troubles about you. And I think, to be fair, there is some truth in that. We’ve all known someone whose idea of helping was to provide ... (read in full...)

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