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*iar

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Amateurs built the Ark.....professionals built the Titanic

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

'Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade'- George Eliot, whose real name was Mary Anne Evans

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HE wants to play games with his ex, but I am not sure about it.

Q.   Hi, I started an LDR a week ago, we talk every day, everything is good. But he just got out of a 3months relationship ( his ex gf ended it..) Now, she's texting him, and he wants to go with it. wtich means he just wants to make fun of her and make...

A.   13 January 2018: Cut him loose. One week of 'dating' and he doesn't mind you seeing this ugly side of him? He's stringing both of you along but thinks if he does it in plain sight he can't be accused of anything shady. ... (read in full...)

My best friend seems to want to end our friendship

Q.   I've been friendly with my pal David for over 30 years. He drives a taxi for private hire for a living.I provide computer fixing services. A month ago, for the first time ever, he referred a customer of his to me who had a computer problem. The...

A.   9 January 2018: I want to add something here. This 90 year old woman is a garden variety con artist who uses her 'little old lady' routine to widdle freebies and favours out of others and clearly David has been taken in by her. I'll bet dollars to donut... (read in full...)

My best friend seems to want to end our friendship

Q.   I've been friendly with my pal David for over 30 years. He drives a taxi for private hire for a living.I provide computer fixing services. A month ago, for the first time ever, he referred a customer of his to me who had a computer problem. The...

A.   9 January 2018: I would absolutely NOT call him, for two reasons. One, you should not be chasing this man or anyone to be your friend and calling would be doing just that. Second, sending an email is better because you can't be interrupted with questions o... (read in full...)

I feel I shouldn't move in til he sorts his children's visitation issue.

Q.   I have been dating my bf for 2 years now. we live separately for the moment he has his home and I have mine. He has asked me to move in his home but, I have declined at the moment for this story I will tell. he has 3 children 9,10 and 18. I have ...

A.   9 January 2018: I agree with Honeypie, especially with the last sentence. His lawyer is not going to go in guns blazing because YOU'RE annoyed and anxious to move forward. These things can be VERY nasty as he well knows. He has only just become involved and will... (read in full...)

Will he break up with me because I don't like giving head?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and things seem to be going well. However he keeps asking for a blowjob which I'm not keen to do. I've tried it with him for a tiny length of time but really really dislike it. I've told him this. ...

A.   8 January 2018: Maybe you should get fed up with him asking and leave him. He can be replaced more easily than you can. Act as though you have options and before long you'll realise you do. ... (read in full...)

Is this the time to break up?

Q.   I am in relationship with my bf 3 years, he keep hiding his life of me, hiding his facebook and his phone. I ask him why he's doing that and he never gives an answer. We break up 3 time and we return to each other because I loved him so much. the ...

A.   6 January 2018: I think it's time to leave him for good. He can't be trusted and nothing has changed. He's a secretive as ever, likely doing the same things. ... (read in full...)

My boss seems to hate me and I wonder why!

Q.   Am I wrong to think that my boss has some kind of a problem with me? Here's some background: I've worked under her for over 7 years we never had any arguments, but I noticed that she does not treat me the same way she threats others. First...

A.   6 January 2018: I'm guessing you may already do this but I suggest you document everything, keep a personal file (a secret one you keep at home preferably) then ask her about it via email, remembering of course to CC the uber boss. Be specific and limit yourself... (read in full...)

Can I really believe her?

Q.   I was looking through my GF text messages one night because I felt something was different lately with her. So I found a text from a guy that she worked with. The text started out as I hear you are leaving the company for a new job and continued ...

A.   6 January 2018: Her answers sound non committal to me so I'm guessing she felt on the spot and resorted to 'being polite'. ... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin but I want to have casual sex with him. How do I ask for him without coming across as cheap?

Q.   So, I work with this guy and we get along well together. He not necessarily physically my type but his personality os great. He is funny and makes me laugh and even when we get on eachother nerves we still laugh. I feel comfortable and at ease with ...

A.   4 January 2018: I don't know that you can. For one thing, he's a co-worker and if things go south, or one of you decides they've had enough, it could cause friction on the job and you could end up being the subject of water cooler gossip. These things DO happen o... (read in full...)

Parents can't believe I don't want children

Q.   Hello aunts I was at my family holiday dinner and I said that I don’t want to have kids to my family and they looked at me like a deer in the headlights. My parents are miserable (arranged marriage). I was born in a communist country but I came here ...

A.   27 December 2017: I agree. It's perfectly normal to not want children, but it's best not to base that decision on 2 poor relationships. My advice, for starters is you not make these kinds of declarations to people. It makes the issue a bigger deal than it should b... (read in full...)

I feel I shouldn't move in til he sorts his children's visitation issue.

Q.   I have been dating my bf for 2 years now. we live separately for the moment he has his home and I have mine. He has asked me to move in his home but, I have declined at the moment for this story I will tell. he has 3 children 9,10 and 18. I have ...

A.   22 December 2017: I wouldn't give it any more time. For one thing, you don't know anything about their marriage or it's demise other than what he tells you. You've never met the woman yourself, never sized her up and don't know what she's had to put up with. I ... (read in full...)

I feel my boyfried obsesses over petty tips!

Q.   Hello I'd like every one's opinion on this : My boyfriend is very big on tips. He worked as a waiter at a small restaurant for a few years and currently an Uber driver. Every day he would tell me how this rider or that rider promised to tip ...

A.   22 December 2017: You may get on well most of the time and have many things in common, but this issue is a biggie. Your boyfriend obsesses about money and what he thinks is HIS and clearly has no problem stealing from you. The reason it seems like small potatoes... (read in full...)

How do I stay out of friends argument?

Q.   Hello Aunts and Uncles, two if my dear friends had a fight, I stayed out of it. The one who's in the wrong keeps insisting I take her side, the one who's right is glad I'm out of it. I keep telling the one who's insistent that I like them both an...

A.   21 December 2017: Agreed. I can understand your reluctance to be drawn in but you've been asked for your opinion. So be honest. She'll either give your opinion some consideration or she'll storm off in a huff. If this is how she handles set backs then she's... (read in full...)

He wants sex 2 times a day or more!

Q.   I started seeing a mew guy. I really really like him. Hes very very affectionate which i love. However, he wants sex/relief twice a day, sometimes even more! The other day he woke me at 3am to have sex, but in the morning he wanted it again. Every ...

A.   19 December 2017: There is a lot of information missing here. How long have you been dating? Is he visiting you or does he now live with you? It's not uncommon for people not feel like they can't get enough of one another in the very early stages of a relati... (read in full...)

Helping spouse pay their child support

Q.   I currently work 2 full time jobs, in order to pay off debt. I pay all the bills. My husband works a construction job and pays his car note, child support, and takes care of personal expenses. Now he has fallen behind on child support payments and ...

A.   19 December 2017: You are absolutely CORRECT for telling him 'no'. Don't second guess yourself. Stand your ground. ... (read in full...)

Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?

Q.   A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...

A.   19 December 2017: I'm a bit confused. There seems to be some acrimony toward 'Girl A' but from what I can tell her only crime is not returning the affections of the guy. She made it clear she didn't fancy him and she's been indifferent to his and Girl B's antics. ... (read in full...)

Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?

Q.   A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...

A.   18 December 2017: Yeah, I got a bit of a surprise myself when I saw the age. Though I think it's Woman B and the idiot guy who need to grow up. That's the problem with these convoluted guy/girl A/B scenarios. Why can't folks just say 'Me, he, her'? Anyhoo, I'm assu... (read in full...)

My father and I have different views on life and it's holding me back from being myself

Q.   I live with my mom and dad while working and going to school part time to finish my degree. My mom and I have always been close but my dad and I not so much. I was always his little 'princess' growing up and loved to go camping/fishing ...

A.   18 December 2017: Being an adult does not mean you're old enough to do whatever you want. It means that you are now of an age that you can and should be supporting yourself entirely. If you're still living in your parents' house and going to school then you're d... (read in full...)

Should I go and see my ex and offer my condolences because his father died?

Q.   I received a text message from my ex boyfriend this morning saying that his dad passed away last Thursday. I hadn't heard from him for two months before that and haven't seen him for three months. We broke up ten months ago . Strangely enough, I ...

A.   18 December 2017: I think, as has been suggested, that an email or a condolence card is sufficient. I wouldn't volunteer to go and see him or plan any 'random/accidental' encounters. He may still harbour feelings for you, but it's just as likely that you were in ... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin but want to know how long I'll last when I have sex

Q.   Greetings. I'm a virgin and and am thinking of me being able to last very long. Is it possible to know how long I can do it without doing sex as yet? As masturbation is not the same as cohabitation. Thanks a lot. May we all be guided in both l...

A.   18 December 2017: Even if you'd had sex a thousand times we still would not be able to predict how long you'd last in the future. This is determined by a number of factors, which can change over the course of ones life, such as how nervous/excited or tired you are... (read in full...)

My wife wants an open relationship, I don't

Q.   My wife insists on a open relationship for her but not for me. I am very resentful about this but she says its this or nothing. I love her but I am going nuts....

A.   17 December 2017: I'm pretty sure you've posted about this before. ... (read in full...)

My wife wants an open relationship, I don't

Q.   My wife insists on a open relationship for her but not for me. I am very resentful about this but she says its this or nothing. I love her but I am going nuts....

A.   16 December 2017: I'd be very careful about calling her bluff as a means of scaring her into backtracking. This isn't something she just came up with. She's been thinking about it for quite some time. This blunt all or nothing ultimatum tells me either answer works ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is being brutally honest and I can't cope with it.

Q.   Been dating for a year and it's the BEST relationship I've ever been in. However, he's starting to be brutally honest and I'm not liking it. I've told him how I felt, even cried and I try to avoid certain topics just because where it can lead to. He ...

A.   13 December 2017: Not enough information to go on here. What is he being 'honest' about? Your appearance/weight/sexual performance? His sexual past or preferences you're not comfortable with? These are the usual points of contention, but maybe your i... (read in full...)

Do I owe her an apology?

Q.   Dear cupid, Guys I've done something stupid and I don't know how to make it up. I feel like I am a dirt bag for this but I feel like I was being taken advantage of and I lashed out. See I've kind of sort of been seeing this girl for the past 7 m...

A.   11 December 2017: I'd say she liked you but was not serious about you. We can all appreciate what it's like to be busy, but if you haven't seen her in a month and you only communicate every week or so then it's safe to say she is not serious about you. If she had ... (read in full...)

A practical joke gone horribly wrong

Q.   My friend Bailey and I played a joke on our friend Eve just to embarrass her and teach her a lesson but Bailey took it too far and now Eve got suspended and her parents punished her real bad. She's not aloud to talk to us or anyone or go anywhere ...

A.   10 December 2017: 'Taught a lesson' in what? That was a nasty joke you both played. Bailey may have made some changes when you weren't around but you were part of the campaign to teach Eve a lesson. You gave it your blessing and kept the momentum going. You'... (read in full...)

Will he always cheat on me?

Q.   Hi, so my boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and a month ago I caught him talking to other girls on snapchat and receiving nudes. I pulled him up on it and was going to leave him however gave him a second chance. A few days ago...

A.   10 December 2017: Yes and yes. This is not a case of succumbing to temptation once in the heat of the moment. This is a pattern of behaviour over a period of time after having already once been caught. He's not ready to settle down. He just wants the securi... (read in full...)

He doesn't turn me on but I don't want to hurt him by dumping him harshly!

Q.   One of my closest male friend asked me out 3 years back. He swept me off my feet with his romantic gestures and when he asked me to be his girlfriend i said yes to him.Some 6 months into the relationship I realised that I am do not have any passion ...

A.   5 December 2017: First, you re-evaluate your notions of love & respect and what you think is 'harsh'. This man does NOT respect you. If he did (and if he had a modicum of respect for himself) he would have accepted your first rejection years ago. Rejectin... (read in full...)

Back in touch after 6 months but still confused where I stand with him

Q.   Hey all - this is a long one so please bear with me. About 6 months ago, a guy I knew started flirting with me and I told him I liked him and he replied that he thought I was fit but just wanted "laughter". There came a point where he wanted to do ...

A.   2 December 2017: He's not a keeper. Block and delete. Personally, I don't think you should even have given him another chance after what he said the first time. ... (read in full...)

When is it time to tell my FWB goodbye

Q.   I've been talking to this boy for around 3 months every day and have always said it will be a causal thing. I guess it's as close a thing you can get to friends with benefits. We get on well and there are genuinely no deep feelings from either side. ...

A.   2 December 2017: Yes, the time is now. In fact if things with the new guy do become something special and he finds out you were still seeing the other guy at this point he's going to be mighty upset. We've read about this scenario many times here on Dear Cupid. ... (read in full...)

Is he really out of town? Was I played? Did he really like me at all? Or was I just a girl in his back pocket during the few months we were together?

Q.   During the summer I was approached by a guy in the city. He complimented me on my outfit and we started up a little chat and we exchange numbers. Fast ward we eventually went out on our first date a few weeks after meeting. We talked everyday pretty ...

A.   1 December 2017: I have to agree with the others. My advice is to NOT initiate any more contact with him. Even during the conversation you just described he seemed polite but non-committal. He was pleasant and answered your questions but didn't ask any himself ... (read in full...)

How do I end a FWB relationship and just be friends?

Q.   How do I end a friends with benefits thing? I'm 18 and he's 21 and we were friends for about a year and a half before we started sleeping together basically, and he took my virginity. There was a point before we had sex where I thought I had ...

A.   29 October 2017: Once you began sleeping together your friendship was forever changed. I'm afraid you can't go back to being what you were before sex so my suggestion is to either ghost him or send him an email saying you've met someone new, wish him the best the... (read in full...)

I'm interested in a separated man but don't like some of his actions. Advice?

Q.   Hello, I recently joined a dating site, and I found someone I know, I actually was at his wedding. But his currently separated from his wife of 2 years and has 2 kids with her. At first I contacted him and told him that I know him and that I was at ...

A.   29 October 2017: This guy couldn't make it any more plain that he's not into you for more than casual sex if he posted it on a billboard. The minute he, or any other man, asks for naughty pictures you ghost him. He's still going through a divorce so he's ... (read in full...)

Why did he say he was disappointed?

Q.   I played a little joke on a sort of friend, who I deep down fancy, but haven’t told him.. On a hook up app their profile popped up so I messaged them sent them a few funny pics of people, told them I know them and that to find out who I am they hav...

A.   29 October 2017: I second Honeypie's answer. ... (read in full...)

I suffer from social anxiety and it bothers me that he leaves me alone with his mother!

Q.   I am in the best relationship I have been in, but there is one little issue... My boyfriend is 24 (I am 22). He is German and I often travel to Germany to be with him, usually staying 1-3 months at a time. The rest of the time I travel a lot for...

A.   29 October 2017: Short answer: learn to overcome your social anxiety and perhaps consider shorter trips. 1-3 months is a long time to spend in someone else's house, whether they're there or not. Especially if you're doing it often. Food for thought OP, and this... (read in full...)

Most of the things he does really gets on my nerves!

Q.   I have been going out with a guy for almost a year now, when we first started going out I thought he was really sweet and I really liked him, we see each other every week but now it's been nearly a year I feel like things have changed, he still ...

A.   21 October 2017: Break up with him. You've outgrown the relationship. You're not married to him, and you don't have children with him. You're only dating and that's the whole point of dating. To see if you're compatible before you make any big commitme... (read in full...)

Was I out of line and is my boyfriend right in not trusting me?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. A few months ago I met a guy at work who I messaged after I left the job. He was quite flirty with me in this conversation but I didn't think it meant anything. About a month later he messaged...

A.   20 October 2017: OP, it's not simply a matter of being able to trust that you won't hop into bed with some guy behind his back. And this is not about his ego. It's that he cannot rely on you to exercise maturity and sound judgment, to establish and maintain... (read in full...)

Our 'friends with benefits' situation seems to be going fine, but she showed one strange sign?

Q.   Me and my friend tried having sex twice. We talked about the possibility of it happening for ages and it seems to be working out. A lot of people are skeptical about a FWB type thing but it feels right for us. There has been no awkwardness between ...

A.   15 October 2017: Sounds like post-coital bliss to me. Nothing more. It has nothing to do with wanting to feel feminine. No strings attached doesn't mean it has to be mechanical does it? Are you just supposed to immediately wash up, get dressed and leave? How sexy... (read in full...)

My ex, who has a new girlfriend, has just contaced me out of the blue

Q.   My ex and I split up a year ago and the other day he contacted me out of the blue to say he was sorry about how things ended between us. He wants to meet up next month so I said ok. He has been talking to me very strange though, he has said that...

A.   15 October 2017: Cancel the meeting, via email, then block and delete him. Change your number if you have to and change your social network settings so that only friends can see your profile. This scenario is a CLICHE. We read about this ALL THE TIME and your sit... (read in full...)

We exchanged numbers but now I'm turned off by him

Q.   I haven't been out in the dating world for a long time. Recently I have been chatting here and there with a guy doing construction at my place of work, seemed like a nice guy, cute, I felt comfortable talking with him. So he asked me for my phone...

A.   15 October 2017: It's a bit forward, I think and off putting especially at this early stage. You haven't even gone on your first date. He may have thought of it as a harmless joke, but he shouldn't behave in a way that raises questions. Just ghost him and mo... (read in full...)

We broke up because he was obsessed with women

Q.   Looking for some feedback, especially the guys out there, interested in your take on this. My relationship has very recently ended and was a long time coming,This man made me feel uncomfortable, disrespected, less than and so much more. The worst ...

A.   10 October 2017: It's very immature and frankly, creepy. At any age. For your own peace of mind, I would not view this as a reflection of your value but of his. In your shoes this behaviour would not have hurt me but turned me off him. He sounds like a ma... (read in full...)

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