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*iar

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Amateurs built the Ark.....professionals built the Titanic

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

'Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade'- George Eliot, whose real name was Mary Anne Evans

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Is the size of the take out he brought home a sign he is becoming cheap?

Q.   After dating selfish cheap guys, I'm pretty gun shy. My bf has always been generous w/me and we do pay for each other pretty often. Today he went out to eat and I couldn't make it, so I asked him to bring me some soup. I'm not one to eat a lot, but ...

A.   4 April 2018: I can understand that, but would not base that concern on ONE very minor incident. ... (read in full...)

My husband is disappointed because I didn't tell him about a job interview

Q.   Hi guys I feel really terrible about lying to my husband about a recent job interview I had. Two weeks ago I applied for a job (he knew I had been looking) and got called for the interview and thankfully got it. However I didn't tell my husband ...

A.   4 April 2018: Melodramatic. This is small potatoes so don't make it bigger than it should be by indulging him. He'll get over it and you can encourage him by your example. No more apologies and quit the self flagellation. ... (read in full...)

Is he telling the truth about the state of his marriage?

Q.   I’m seeing a married man for a number of years. I am in no rush to spending my whole life with but I do love him, he says he is in a sexless marriage, that his wife has no sex drive yet iv seen photos of them with her arm around him yet he doesn’t ...

A.   3 April 2018: There is no way any of us can know this answer any more than you can. We've heard this tale before, many, many times and from both sides of the issue. Some couples do continue to have sex and appear to be happy. Others simply live together... (read in full...)

Is the size of the take out he brought home a sign he is becoming cheap?

Q.   After dating selfish cheap guys, I'm pretty gun shy. My bf has always been generous w/me and we do pay for each other pretty often. Today he went out to eat and I couldn't make it, so I asked him to bring me some soup. I'm not one to eat a lot, but ...

A.   3 April 2018: If this is the only incident that had caused you concern, and I'm guessing it is, then I think your concern is premature. You have a history of eating small portions and it's what the restaurant gave him so he probably thought this was good eno... (read in full...)

Does he ask about my sex life out of curiosity or is he into me?

Q.   I have this guy friend who I have been friends with a couple of years. Throughout our friendship, we’ve flirted here and there but nothing more. However, he always, without fail will ask about my dating life. I’ve dating a few guys but nothing ...

A.   2 April 2018: Does he discuss his own dating and sex life as casually as he asks about yours? Maybe the next time he asks such a question ask him why he's asking. It's a perfectly normal and reasonable question. ... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm being used and there is no future

Q.   Hello! I’ve been dating a guy on and off for a few months. We met on tinder and instantly liked each other. We met up about once a week for about six weeks until we slept together. The night we slept together we had a real heart to heart about t...

A.   2 April 2018: Who knows what the future holds, so I say just enjoy your time together and try not to see each man you connect with as `THE ONE`. I understand if a guy seems like a dud then cut him loose early, but you`re having a good time with this one so f... (read in full...)

His neediness bothers me. Should I feel guilty for blocking him?

Q.   Okay so I've only known this guy for 2 months only, he is at my university. He seemed nice at first and we hang out together, but then he started to creep me out with his neediness and him being too clingy. I was nice with him and i gave him hints ...

A.   2 April 2018: Yes, he deserves it and you have nothing to feel guilty about. He`s not clingy because he`s lonely. He`s lonely because he`s clingy. People like him ignore those subtle signs and regularly impose on others. They are very much about themselv... (read in full...)

It feels like shes using me. Is she?

Q.   We're dating for a few months, I'm 31 she's 22 last night she asked me to pick her up at her house and I didn't want to because I just don't want to get out of my house and as she lives far away I'm not into it driving right now, just a lazy day, ...

A.   31 March 2018: I don't know if she's USING you but I do think she expects a lot and she's definitely high maintenance. Yes, I consider this a red flag. ... (read in full...)

I believe my friend is acting strangely after the death of an aquaintance She's acting as though she lost her best friend!

Q.   I’m looking for some advice on a delicate matter. Recently, an acquaintance of mine passed away. She was a good friend of my sister but I only saw her a few times a year at occasions such as weddings or leaving parties, so we weren’t close al...

A.   24 March 2018: I agree. There could be a number of factors triggering this, such as the knowledge it could have been her, that life can offer tragic surprises, of an opportunity misses, but also a chance to belong. I too see that going on here as well. Sugge... (read in full...)

Aren't children supposed to stay near to their family so they can comfort them? Not move far away?

Q.   Ever since I can remember, my daughter, 30, has complained bitterly about the state we raised her in: North Carolina. When the kids were young, we moved our family from North Carolina from Florida for a better life in North Carolina, but she's so ...

A.   24 March 2018: Huh? So, your daughter is supposed to spend the rest of her life as an indentured servant to thank you for moving to North Carolina because it suited YOU? Where are your parents? Didn't you leave someone behind when you moved from Florida? If... (read in full...)

How would a cheater act if he were cheating on you?

Q.   Hi please can people give me some idea of how someone would act around you if they were cheating on you I have been with my fiancé now for 6 years we have a 3 year old daughter we’ve been having sleep issues with our 3 year old daughter so my ...

A.   24 March 2018: Woah hang on a minute.. he pops across the road to HER house?? I didn't see that in your original post. I thought he was just stepping outside on the front porch or into the garage for a quick cigg. If he's sneaking over to another woman's ... (read in full...)

My FWB wants a break and I don't know why.

Q.   Hi, my friends with benefits recently told me he needs a break. Apparently he's mad at me because I called when his soon to be wife showed up at his house to discuss the divorce. I did't know she was there. We talk every day. We lived together...

A.   23 March 2018: FWB means no strings attached sex, which includes the right to end or suspend it without having to come up with explanations. Hard to believe all this nonsense is going on between two people in their fifties. ... (read in full...)

How would a cheater act if he were cheating on you?

Q.   Hi please can people give me some idea of how someone would act around you if they were cheating on you I have been with my fiancé now for 6 years we have a 3 year old daughter we’ve been having sleep issues with our 3 year old daughter so my ...

A.   19 March 2018: Another vote for 'sneaking out for a cigarette'. That or he's smoking a joint. ... (read in full...)

I've borrowed money to celebrate but am not excited about it.

Q.   About to celebrate our 5year together but why do I feel like I’m not celebrating anything. We don’t live together as she still works in the same part time job she did when I got with her so we have not progressed. I lost my job 3 months ago, and I ...

A.   18 March 2018: Second paragraph should read: Shouldn't be out of pocket if you cancel.... (read in full...)

Do you consider girl on girl action cheating?

Q.   I am in a relationship for almost 3 years now. My boyfriend is out of the country most of the time. We are apart for months. I love him and I have never had sex wit another man nor have I ever kissed someone else. I haven't even flirted with another ...

A.   18 March 2018: Yes, you're wrong. If he's stated he considers it cheating and you've agreed to those terms, if not officially, but by staying then you did cheat. Bisexual means your ATTRACTED to both, not that you're entitled to both at the same time. ... (read in full...)

I've borrowed money to celebrate but am not excited about it.

Q.   About to celebrate our 5year together but why do I feel like I’m not celebrating anything. We don’t live together as she still works in the same part time job she did when I got with her so we have not progressed. I lost my job 3 months ago, and I ...

A.   18 March 2018: How much money are we talking about? And what is it you've booked? When is booked for? If it's a hotel out of town and you've given the required notice, then you shouldn't be out of pocket. Is she pushing for this trip? Or is she asking becau... (read in full...)

How do approach him about what I heard?

Q.   Hi everyone my boyfriend of 4 years pocket dialled me yesterday while he was at work I overheard him and his mate on about some woman who was fit and my fiancé says I didn’t notice surprisingly we have had trust issues in the past due to his roving ...

A.   16 March 2018: You overheard your fiancé telling a workmate that he didn't notice how fit another woman was? Did I understand that correctly? Why would you need to approach him about this? I would think this would improve your insecurities about him so wha... (read in full...)

How do I tell my crush that I like him without actually saying it?

Q.   How do I tell my crush that I like him without actually saying I? Like maybe if I write a letter or give hints what should I do?...

A.   14 March 2018: Definitely NO to the letter. As has been said, it will likely be shared, you'll end up hurt and embarrassed and it's also coming on a bit strong. Is there a chance this guy might feel the same about you? Is he part of a close social circle? ... (read in full...)

Did my wife believe me about the dinner receipt?

Q.   Hi. I am a married man having an affair. My wife went out of town to her mother's for two weeks and I spent that time with my mistress. Last night my wife found a receipt of dinner for 2 when my mistress and I went to a restaurant the day her flig...

A.   14 March 2018: I think her comment about the mistress was a joke. I've heard people make them before, be it their own imaginary 'boyfriend/girlfriend' or their partner's. If the receipt were hand written from a diner type place then yes, it's possible she tota... (read in full...)

I'm feeling used and manipulated!

Q.   I want to ask how important is the to share social media with your bf or current partner? I ask this because my bf doesn't share social media with me (he blocked me from fbk etc) Before I didnt see this as an issue.. But now it really bothers me ...

A.   13 March 2018: Like Honeypie said... I'd add that another possibility is you've made a pest of yourself in the past with clingy, insecure, behaviour and he's had enough. I'm sure there is more going on than what you described, such as his side of the story, b... (read in full...)

My friend keeps cancelling on me. I find it hurtful.

Q.   I’m really upset with my friend. We had tickets to see the movies and he’s cancelled. It’s bern in the diary for a few weeks now.We’ve been really great friends for years, recently he’s just become distant, I always contact to see how he’s doing or ...

A.   13 March 2018: I'm a bit tired so to sum it up I'd say that sometimes we just need some time away from everyone, most people, some people or maybe just one or two people. Maybe we're going through a difficult time or it could be that we're at a crossroads and ... (read in full...)

I made a joke. I'm now wondering about my boyfriend's response.

Q.   I told my boyfriend to look for a girl to marry as a joke and he told me he would after tomorrow, since tomorrow is his birthday. He said he prefers a blonde chick, and i am a brunette. I feel upset that he said that. Would anyone else be?...

A.   13 March 2018: Maybe he was joking. You know, like you were. Or maybe he took you seriously and was upset that you're already planning a future without him. I'm leaning toward the former though. Lessons to be learned here: Don't fish for compliments or reass... (read in full...)

My friend keeps cancelling on me. I find it hurtful.

Q.   I’m really upset with my friend. We had tickets to see the movies and he’s cancelled. It’s bern in the diary for a few weeks now.We’ve been really great friends for years, recently he’s just become distant, I always contact to see how he’s doing or ...

A.   13 March 2018: yeah, I'd have to agree with that. A woman in another post with similar social issues speculated that people's 'verbal communication skills were diminishing'. I think it's the NON verbal communication skills of the people with these problems t... (read in full...)

Please help me!! No one is helping me.

Q.   Posting Questipn again as no one answered before. Please help me. Don’t ignore me please! When people ignore you and your posts on social media, But respond to others what can do you do? Why do people do this? It’s like “Fomo” aka “ ...

A.   13 March 2018: Interesting to note that you've had 9 replies to your two posts and you appear to have ignored all of them. One aunt, aunt honesty, was ignored TWICE. Not a 'thank you' or even so much as an acknowledgement from you that their well thought out ... (read in full...)

Does anyone else experience these types of panic attacks?

Q.   hi I've been having a really big problem recently with anxiety for about a year now. I have struggled with jobs and been through about 5. some I have quit because I just couldn't handle the pressure where the jobs were just too physical and were ...

A.   9 March 2018: What you're describing is CLASSIC anxiety and I've suffered through it as well, that and obsessive compulsive tendencies. As have a number of friends and relatives. I'm guessing the NHS requires you to get a psychiatric referral from your GP,... (read in full...)

She wants my opinion, but if shr knew what my opinion was, she wouldn't want it!

Q.   I've got a friend I've known since kindergarten. We've been through a lot and our friendship is strong. I care about her, but I'm not blind. She is pretty self-centered. Over the years we worked on our relationship and I had to set up some boundari...

A.   6 March 2018: Say what you really think, just as you said it to us. She did ask, and more than once, right? this is another good lesson for her and potential growth for your friendship - that she understand that when your honest opinion is sought, that is what ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong for expecting to change my loner boyfriend?

Q.   Hi all. I am having this problem with my boyfriend of four years. We have a good relationship overall but he is a loner-independent type of a guy. He meets my needs most of the time and although we have differences, we have been able to compromise. ...

A.   6 March 2018: I'm like your boyfriend. Here is a link you might find interesting and hopefully even helpful. http://www.9types.com/descr/?type=5&book=palmer3 I'm not sure what your long term plans are for this relationship. If you can acc... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and my boyfriend talks trash to me. Should I tell him that it hurts me?

Q.   I am pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. It was an accident. He wanted me to get pregnant tho. He was a player for a long time. He calls me names like whore, skank and bitch. He tells me to just deal with it. It's usually in bed but sometimes ...

A.   20 February 2018: I second the opinions of the others, but in particular those expressed by the anonymous 'reader' and female anon. Do you think your boyfriend is so dull witted that he really has no idea he's hurting or insulting you? If he's old enough to have ... (read in full...)

Why did he block me?

Q.   There was a person who messaged me on this app I'm using, he was the first person i spoke to on this app anyway i thought were friends (we talk a lot and joke around) anyway today i said hi to him then he goes like I'm not going to speak to you ...

A.   17 February 2018: You didn't recognize that he was never a friend and didn't see you as one either. He was out for a good time and was only nice to you as long as he believed he had a chance in getting it. He's fed up not getting results so the mask is off. ... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't understand how important my sister is to me.

Q.   My husband recently lost his job. I told my sister immediately. My husband is now angry at me and said I should have asked if he wants me to make it public. I told him he cannot control me and that I share everything with my sister and also that my ...

A.   17 February 2018: Sharing with your sister is not bad, but it depends on what you're sharing. Telling her intimate things about yourself is your choice, but violating the privacy of others is not. Your husband does not have the bond with your sister you do so if... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't understand how important my sister is to me.

Q.   My husband recently lost his job. I told my sister immediately. My husband is now angry at me and said I should have asked if he wants me to make it public. I told him he cannot control me and that I share everything with my sister and also that my ...

A.   16 February 2018: He's right and I don't blame him for being angry. Having a close bond with someone does not entitle you to violate the privacy of others. There are lots of things I know about people that I have not confided to anyone. not my husband, not my best ... (read in full...)

I treated her good but she ghosted me, I still want her back.

Q.   Asking for advice,over a year ago, my ex girlfriend ghost me, no contact since, she didn't even say goodbye,I didn't do anything wrong, but treat her special,what I am asking is ,would it be stupid, in my part to try to contact her,I know every one ...

A.   15 February 2018: Are you the rose petal dance guy? The answer is 'NO'. Apparently things weren't as great for her as they were for you, so she moved on, albeit in a cowardly way. Unless she did try to tell you but you were too oblivious to hear and understa... (read in full...)

What is considered cheating in an open relationship?

Q.   My wife and I agreed to be in an open relationship. We were both very into the idea for years. During sex, she haexpressed interest in a mutual male friend. Several months later I was suspecting that they were fooling around but she never mentione...

A.   12 February 2018: She cheated. Cheating is when we do or have something by deception that we don't think we could do or have by being honest. While she might be more open to mentioning any other man she wanted to sleep with, this one is different becaus... (read in full...)

I don't accept his reasons for not wanting to date me.

Q.   Hi I've been having problems with a guy and I want any advice to understand the way he is acting. I met him online many months ago maybe 5 months ago. It was a dating app so obviously that is the reason people are on there. However he will no...

A.   6 February 2018: I think you're unstable, manipulative, extremely self centred, sneaky and deceptive. And that he made the right choice, if a bit late. ... (read in full...)

Should I pursue him or let it go? Help?

Q.   So I met on a  weekend trip with friends and met a guy. Our connection was amazing. My friends and I noticed he kept staring at me and then we eventually started talking. Our connection was pretty deep. Then things turned sexual.  Im living here in ...

A.   5 February 2018: I'd say he was attracted to you but if he can go several days without hearing from my guess is he's not serious about you. My advice is you not invest anything in this. Chat when he contacts you but don't seek him out and don't let things get any ... (read in full...)

Did I upset her?

Q.   A girl and me met at a friends place and crashing at thiers, we were getting along and she decided to go to bed after they had been out all night. They had to wake up one of the children for her to sleep in a seperate room. There were 2 couches ...

A.   3 February 2018: Not very much to go on here, but if you're asking this based solely on the fact that she wanted to be alone while she slept I'd say that was premature. She may have been concerned that she'd fart or something or you'd see her with morning hair/mor... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is mad that I've kept my old wedding dress but he keeps Instagram posts from his exes

Q.   Dear agony aunts and uncles I need some opinions please. My bf got upset that I’m saving my old wedding dress but he has tons of posts and lovey dovey comments on his Instagram from 3 ex gfs. Im keeping my dress because it was expensive and pe...

A.   30 January 2018: I don't see a future here, I'm afraid. Keeping an old wedding dress, especially for the reasons you gave, is totally different from keeping romantic, public posts from exes on his social media account. A reasonable and mature person would und... (read in full...)

A girl I chatted with online started telling me all of her fetishes. Should I meet her?

Q.   Ok so a few hours ago I started talking to a girl on tinder. Within minutes she started talking in quite sexually explicit terms, mainly centred around her foot fetish. I admit I was intrigued and played along. The conversation moved onto whatsapp, ...

A.   30 January 2018: I think you should be worried she has your number as well, and knows where you work (I'm guessing you told her). This is extremely risky behaviour, especially for a woman. In fact I've never heard of a woman being this brazen and yet she doesn't ... (read in full...)

Cheater?? Just your first instinct, not full evaluation!

Q.   Ok... Just be straight... Being paranoid, or boyfriend totally cheating on me?? He has a friend contact, saved on his phone as "Wifey S" when questioned, said nothing to worry about, just a female friend.... what are your first thought... backgrou...

A.   30 January 2018: First instinct on that alone I'd say not cheating. At least not with her and that if he were to cheat she would be the least likely candidate. Use of the word 'Wifey' suggests he is more focussed on the domestic/mundane, day to day aspects of a... (read in full...)

I feel I shouldn't move in til he sorts his children's visitation issue.

Q.   I have been dating my bf for 2 years now. we live separately for the moment he has his home and I have mine. He has asked me to move in his home but, I have declined at the moment for this story I will tell. he has 3 children 9,10 and 18. I have ...

A.   30 January 2018: I don't see anything here that would cause anyone to change the advice already given. Your boyfriend has made some mistakes and he's going to make more and he's eventually going to learn from them. The same applies to his ex. Now that they hav... (read in full...)

I feel I shouldn't move in til he sorts his children's visitation issue.

Q.   I have been dating my bf for 2 years now. we live separately for the moment he has his home and I have mine. He has asked me to move in his home but, I have declined at the moment for this story I will tell. he has 3 children 9,10 and 18. I have ...

A.   9 January 2018: I agree with Honeypie, especially with the last sentence. His lawyer is not going to go in guns blazing because YOU'RE annoyed and anxious to move forward. These things can be VERY nasty as he well knows. He has only just become involved and will... (read in full...)

I feel I shouldn't move in til he sorts his children's visitation issue.

Q.   I have been dating my bf for 2 years now. we live separately for the moment he has his home and I have mine. He has asked me to move in his home but, I have declined at the moment for this story I will tell. he has 3 children 9,10 and 18. I have ...

A.   22 December 2017: I wouldn't give it any more time. For one thing, you don't know anything about their marriage or it's demise other than what he tells you. You've never met the woman yourself, never sized her up and don't know what she's had to put up with. I ... (read in full...)

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