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*iar

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Amateurs built the Ark.....professionals built the Titanic

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

'Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade'- George Eliot, whose real name was Mary Anne Evans

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How do I end a FWB relationship and just be friends?

Q.   How do I end a friends with benefits thing? I'm 18 and he's 21 and we were friends for about a year and a half before we started sleeping together basically, and he took my virginity. There was a point before we had sex where I thought I had ...

A.   29 October 2017: Once you began sleeping together your friendship was forever changed. I'm afraid you can't go back to being what you were before sex so my suggestion is to either ghost him or send him an email saying you've met someone new, wish him the best the... (read in full...)

I'm interested in a separated man but don't like some of his actions. Advice?

Q.   Hello, I recently joined a dating site, and I found someone I know, I actually was at his wedding. But his currently separated from his wife of 2 years and has 2 kids with her. At first I contacted him and told him that I know him and that I was at ...

A.   29 October 2017: This guy couldn't make it any more plain that he's not into you for more than casual sex if he posted it on a billboard. The minute he, or any other man, asks for naughty pictures you ghost him. He's still going through a divorce so he's ... (read in full...)

Why did he say he was disappointed?

Q.   I played a little joke on a sort of friend, who I deep down fancy, but haven’t told him.. On a hook up app their profile popped up so I messaged them sent them a few funny pics of people, told them I know them and that to find out who I am they hav...

A.   29 October 2017: I second Honeypie's answer. ... (read in full...)

I suffer from social anxiety and it bothers me that he leaves me alone with his mother!

Q.   I am in the best relationship I have been in, but there is one little issue... My boyfriend is 24 (I am 22). He is German and I often travel to Germany to be with him, usually staying 1-3 months at a time. The rest of the time I travel a lot for...

A.   29 October 2017: Short answer: learn to overcome your social anxiety and perhaps consider shorter trips. 1-3 months is a long time to spend in someone else's house, whether they're there or not. Especially if you're doing it often. Food for thought OP, and this... (read in full...)

Most of the things he does really gets on my nerves!

Q.   I have been going out with a guy for almost a year now, when we first started going out I thought he was really sweet and I really liked him, we see each other every week but now it's been nearly a year I feel like things have changed, he still ...

A.   21 October 2017: Break up with him. You've outgrown the relationship. You're not married to him, and you don't have children with him. You're only dating and that's the whole point of dating. To see if you're compatible before you make any big commitme... (read in full...)

Was I out of line and is my boyfriend right in not trusting me?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. A few months ago I met a guy at work who I messaged after I left the job. He was quite flirty with me in this conversation but I didn't think it meant anything. About a month later he messaged...

A.   20 October 2017: OP, it's not simply a matter of being able to trust that you won't hop into bed with some guy behind his back. And this is not about his ego. It's that he cannot rely on you to exercise maturity and sound judgment, to establish and maintain... (read in full...)

Our 'friends with benefits' situation seems to be going fine, but she showed one strange sign?

Q.   Me and my friend tried having sex twice. We talked about the possibility of it happening for ages and it seems to be working out. A lot of people are skeptical about a FWB type thing but it feels right for us. There has been no awkwardness between ...

A.   15 October 2017: Sounds like post-coital bliss to me. Nothing more. It has nothing to do with wanting to feel feminine. No strings attached doesn't mean it has to be mechanical does it? Are you just supposed to immediately wash up, get dressed and leave? How sexy... (read in full...)

My ex, who has a new girlfriend, has just contaced me out of the blue

Q.   My ex and I split up a year ago and the other day he contacted me out of the blue to say he was sorry about how things ended between us. He wants to meet up next month so I said ok. He has been talking to me very strange though, he has said that...

A.   15 October 2017: Cancel the meeting, via email, then block and delete him. Change your number if you have to and change your social network settings so that only friends can see your profile. This scenario is a CLICHE. We read about this ALL THE TIME and your sit... (read in full...)

We exchanged numbers but now I'm turned off by him

Q.   I haven't been out in the dating world for a long time. Recently I have been chatting here and there with a guy doing construction at my place of work, seemed like a nice guy, cute, I felt comfortable talking with him. So he asked me for my phone...

A.   15 October 2017: It's a bit forward, I think and off putting especially at this early stage. You haven't even gone on your first date. He may have thought of it as a harmless joke, but he shouldn't behave in a way that raises questions. Just ghost him and mo... (read in full...)

We broke up because he was obsessed with women

Q.   Looking for some feedback, especially the guys out there, interested in your take on this. My relationship has very recently ended and was a long time coming,This man made me feel uncomfortable, disrespected, less than and so much more. The worst ...

A.   10 October 2017: It's very immature and frankly, creepy. At any age. For your own peace of mind, I would not view this as a reflection of your value but of his. In your shoes this behaviour would not have hurt me but turned me off him. He sounds like a ma... (read in full...)

Was my colleague right to feel left out?

Q.   After opinions here.. A colleague A, has recently been off work sick for 3 1/2 weeks with tthe flu, most of us knew she was off, managers and some of us knew why. Shes a good worker, like us all! No different. She returned this week. As soon as...

A.   10 October 2017: I'm with Cindy. The cold, the flu...chicken pox...generally don't merit flowers. A more serious illness, such as cancer, or surgery, even for something not life threatening often does. ... (read in full...)

How do I politely ask that they donate my fee to charity?

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles, I have a somewhat boring question, but never the less I need some advice. How do I politely ask that the money I earned (which is not a lot) be given to a charity? I don't want to sound weird or arrogant... A friend o...

A.   3 October 2017: I'd go with Option 2 and just donate it yourself. They might have to get something in writing from you etc etc.. The second options seems the most straight forward.... (read in full...)

He's bragged about cheating on me behind my back but denies it when I confront him!

Q.   Have been told by strangers, friends and family that my boyfriend of twenty years has bragged about cheating on me every chance he gets when he's working out of town. He actually butt dialed me during one of his bragging sessions to a friend and I ...

A.   2 October 2017: For Pete's sake, WAKE UP! Others have told you he brags about cheating and you've even heard him yourself. So what the hell do you need him to say?? Act as though he's indeed cheating and toss him to curb. ... (read in full...)

I deserve better than to be ghosted by someone that I thought cared about me

Q.   We were close friends (according to him) but our feelings for each other complicated things. He shied away from having a relationship. He told me he was scared to be a rebound, because his last relationship was a rebound and ended miserably. I was ...

A.   30 September 2017: I agree with Honeypie as well. One lesson to be learned here is when someone is as wishy washy as he was/is, then that alone should be a sign that they're not the one for you. Another is you really need to give yourself time on your own afte... (read in full...)

How do I get out of this planned weekend getaway? I've decided I don't trust him!

Q.   Hi i was seeing soneone 2 yrs ago and he started seeing someone else. He denied it and lied left right and centre then he got her pregnant. During all this time he hasnt let go of me. I told him i was not prepared to be a bit on rhe side. Now they ...

A.   29 September 2017: What exactly do you mean by 'just be friends'? Do you mean just be civil if you happen to cross paths in the future or regularly keep in touch and get together like you would with women friends? My strong advice to you is to send him an email te... (read in full...)

How do I get this woman out of my life without hurting feelings or jeopardising the other relationship with the mutual friend?

Q.   I was on here a year or two back about a friend I have had for a while who was always putting me down, trying to be smart and reminding me in her jokey way of any 'blunders' I may have made in years gone by. She is friends with another mutual f...

A.   21 September 2017: I think you need to get rid of both. 'Friend B' sits on the fence. She joins in just enough not to alienate 'Friend A' but only when she thinks it's done jokingly, which is just enough to appease you. That also tells me she recognizes when ... (read in full...)

She has bruises and I think she's cheating with the Baby Daddy

Q.   My lady gets mad couse I pointed out two bruises on her back she didn't have before last time we had sex was 5 days ago she takes of one morning to school with baby Dady for conference metting regarding son school I find her on find I phone she ...

A.   18 September 2017: I have to agree with Honeypie. If you said all the crap to me that you did to your girlfriend I'd kick you to the curb like yesterday's trash. I too an anemic and I'm a busy person, so I've had many bumps and bruises over the years I couldn't... (read in full...)

I want to marry my cousin's grand daughter.

Q.   My aunt has a son.That would make him and I first cousins. My first cousin has 3 daughters. Lets say the oldest girl is named Tasha.Lets go a bit further and say Tasha has 2 daughters.One name Mary and the other one named Sue.Is it wrong for me to ...

A.   18 September 2017: Yes, it is. Very wrong. There are enough suitable women out there that you don't need to violate boundaries and create animosity in a family by poaching one of your cousin's grandchildren. And this young woman you claim to love does not ne... (read in full...)

I'm worried my boyfriend is stealing from me.

Q.   Hi, I really need some advice - I've been in a very happy relationship for over six months now. My boyfriend is very loving and caring, and we've never even had an argument - we just seem very in tune with one another. But something odd happ...

A.   18 September 2017: The motive for theft, more often than not, is greed, not poverty. It's luxuries that stolen, not necessities. When money is stolen is could be an attempt to hide poor choices that lead to the need for more money. A good paying job is not proof of ... (read in full...)

If he's not doing anything with his ex then why did he get so mad and ignore me?

Q.   Hello I would like to get your opinions on this: I've noticed how ironic it has been in the past 6 months how every time my BF's ex is online (Her Facebook shows she is online), he is also showing online but is unavailable to take my calls. I've bee...

A.   8 September 2017: A little background here... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-move-on-and-trust-him.html OP, your understandable lack of trust in your boyfriend has turned you into a clingy, needy, and controlling woman. It seems he is not over his ... (read in full...)

I'm tired of my husband and his lack of responsibility. Should I ask him to hit the road?

Q.   I am a 34 year old female and my husband and I are married for 14 years,we have 3kids aged 12,7 and 5. From the beginning of our marriage i have assisted my husband financially and for a good portion of our marriage have been the sole bread wi...

A.   4 September 2017: You'd be selfish NOT telling him to hit the road. You and your children need stability. It's not all about your kids, you matter here too. Your husband is clearly a liability so, yes, it's time for him to go.... (read in full...)

Why won't he be honest?

Q.   Why wont he tell me the truth? Me and my ex split in 2013 both are choice. He moved to the north of the midlands. Anyway last yr he got bk in contact with me and since we have met a few times and he's been on weekends away with me and my little on...

A.   4 September 2017: He's already fed up with you asking. OP, if he won't be honest about something as simple as where he lives and whether or not he has a child then you need to stop asking questions and start making some sound decisions. He's not a keeper so ... (read in full...)

I told him 10pm was too late for dinner and now he won't speak to me

Q.   Dear Cupid; I met a man on-line, he asked me to meet him at a nearby restaurant/bar at 9:00, he then changed the time to 9:15. I texted him when I got there never got a reply. I waited for 15 minutes and as I was getting ready to leave when he ...

A.   2 September 2017: You did the right thing, telling him 10pm was too late. For Pete's sake, who eats dinner at 10?? Good for you. Now just ignore him and don't second guess yourself any more. He's made a poor impression and that's on HIM. Stop assuming it must hav... (read in full...)

Why are people so impersonal? My friends don't care

Q.   Is it ok to only see friends every 2-12 months? Have only 5 "friends" who are well liked in their job, busy,work, (I work too!!) one is married with kids, they all have better friends, family neaby, and a good life so only have time for coffee o...

A.   31 August 2017: Social media is not to blame for the lack of friends in your life. The ones you mention already have a wider social circle and as you've pointed out probably don't have the same need you do for companionship. What they need more is quiet time for ... (read in full...)

Why 2 days later does my husband go off on me about something I said while drunk?

Q.   I got too drunk on Saturday night - it happens only occasionally. I said something embarassing about my husband to his friend (who was also too drunk to remember). My husband brought it up - but told me it is ok - his friend probably didn't hear and ...

A.   31 August 2017: The short answer is yes, it is fair. It's very common for people to need some time to process something important or serious. He needed to sort his thoughts on his own before he could communicate them to you. Telling you everything was o... (read in full...)

Break-up, Make-Up Cycle and After a Loving Weekend, He Hasn't Called. Why?

Q.   I recently left my boyfriend two weeks ago, and now we aren't talking. My purpose in leaving wasn't necessarily to break up,but because I wasn't going to tolerate the verbal and emotional abuse. He can be extremely controlling and gonon tirades. ...

A.   29 August 2017: Is 30-35 the correct age? You left him. People usually take that to mean breaking up. I think you were right to leave. His behaviour sounds like a dealbreaker.... (read in full...)

My friend drunkenly ranted into my voicemail. Do I call him or wait for him to contact me?

Q.   So last night I was sat alone minding my own business when I received two phone calls , both left voicemails from a good friend of mine. He has helped me through a lot of relationship problems, he has made it clear he fancies me but he knows th...

A.   28 August 2017: Yep, I agree. Do NOT contact him. He's made his feelings for you clear and you stated yours, but in his mind, as long as you accept help or favours from him, despite how honest you've been, he has hope. And it's this hope that has motiv... (read in full...)

I don't think I can give my girlfriend the best sex

Q.   So my girlfriend are I started dating two months ago but before that we were pretty close friends. We told eachother a decent amount about our sex lives. Now that we are together I feel like I won't be able to give her everything she wants. I want ...

A.   25 August 2017: She says that's what she enjoys and that's what she's done, but has she been clear that that is what she expects of you or was she just making conversation and you've made the leap yourself? Not getting everything you want is not a deal breaker ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's friend comes over when I'm not there, now they slept in the same bed. What is going on?

Q.   when I first met my bf he had this girl that was his friend but they also hooked up a lot. And she wanted to have a relationship with him. But he didn't want to be in a relationship. She found a bf. And after a few months me and my bf started ...

A.   25 August 2017: I don't know what is more offensive. That he's kept a bed buddy around while dating you, might have cheated or that he just cannot be bothered to even TRY to come up with a more plausible story. There is nothing to work on here. Please, just gho... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to snitch to his girlfriend?

Q.   On Friday night I met up with my ex BF from last year. He has a new GF but we met up and hooked up. I know it was wrong but he persued me. Now he has asked me to keep quiet about it and gone back to his life as though nothing has happened. He sped ...

A.   24 August 2017: You'd be causing the girlfriend misery just to get back at him, so yes, it would be VERY wrong for you to snitch to her. He didn't spin any yarn you couldn't have seen through. You knew exactly what was going on and you crawled into bed with him... (read in full...)

Have I done the right thing in leaving this relationship?

Q.   I've been in a relationship for 7 years. The relationship transpired from my girlfriend having an affair. She promised when separated that we would spend more time together. 7 yeas on and she hasn't told her children about me and her ex is around ...

A.   18 August 2017: You have been taken for a ride, I agree, though I doubt she set out to do that. But I have to disagree that you've done the right thing. You're like the getaway driver in a bank robbery. You helped carry out the crime, and enjoyed in some of the s... (read in full...)

Is it petty that I am annoyed that the man I am dating is cheap?

Q.   I am dating a guy who is about a decade older than me. On our first date we went to a restaurant (one he'd chosen and he asked me out). When the bill came he wanted to split it. He has a very well paying job. I am setting up my own business and earn ...

A.   18 August 2017: I'd let this one go. As Honeypie points out, it is (or was) generally understood that when you invite someone out for coffee, lunch or dinner or what have you, that you are treating them, unless specifically indicated otherwise. There are some exc... (read in full...)

How do I talk to him aboug where we stand?

Q.   I've been dating a lovely man for 23 months and no sex. He says he has libido problems but does nothing about it. We have good times when we are together and he phones me every night to discuss his work. I know that I'm more attracted to him, ...

A.   18 August 2017: This post sounds like it's coming from a teenager and not a woman in her seventies. 'Hurts my heart' and libido. I agree that the man seems emotionally invested in you if not sexually. And he's not obliged to do anything about his libido. There is... (read in full...)

Is it right to ask for help?

Q.   Should a person who is sick or not feeling well ask for help? Like: A lift home from a doctor's appointment or from hospital? Or for a friend to drop and check they are OK? This is if they have no family nearby or live alone. If you were havin...

A.   18 August 2017: I agree that you likely come across to others as very private and independent and those who are socially astute enough and respectful of boundaries don't want to step on yours. And sometimes people's well intentioned concern can actually be more... (read in full...)

How can I make my husband feel better about our sex life?

Q.   I am a woman of 50 years, I married 10 years ago. I was single for 40 years and naturally I had several sexual partners (26 men more precisely). The problem is that I have never had orgasms with my current husband. He is very dedicated in bed, not ...

A.   16 August 2017: I believe the point about the picture was not so much about YOU but about your husband, who can more easily be identified because of it. Anyone who knows who you, by it, will also know about your husband's most personal anguish. But then, if you'd... (read in full...)

His ex girlfriends stuff is still a his place!

Q.   I have been dating my bf for almost a couple months. He was w/his ex for a long time and still has her stuff tho its been awhile since they broke up. Her stuff is still there and I want it gone, I don't want her to have any hold on him. He has ...

A.   13 August 2017: I can appreciate where you're coming from and I think the best course of action is to pace yourself emotionally. See him as someone you're currently dating and until you're more confident about the situation. ... (read in full...)

How do I make my wrong turn right?

Q.   Hello i have another question connected to the one i asked earlier , about Reason(s) from Decent man. Shall i message her and say I Really like you a lot . And i am not after ( you know what ) As i am a Decent man ( which is what she ...

A.   13 August 2017: You start out putting them on a pedestal but when they don't show you the appreciation you think you're entitled to you throw a tantrum, like you did after the rose petal dance. Not only do you seem clingy to women, but I'd venture to say a bit ph... (read in full...)

How do I make my wrong turn right?

Q.   Hello i have another question connected to the one i asked earlier , about Reason(s) from Decent man. Shall i message her and say I Really like you a lot . And i am not after ( you know what ) As i am a Decent man ( which is what she ...

A.   13 August 2017: Actually a few seconds is all it takes to get the measure of a person. That doesn't mean you'll know everything about them. And if after a few seconds soneone decides they're not interested, then a whole day is just a torturous waste of time. ... (read in full...)

Married co-worker I'm having an affair with is now ignoring me

Q.   Im a married woman who has been having a fling if you call it that with a married co-worker. Now that weve slept together hes been ignoring my texts yet still speaks to me in work like nothing has happened.( a week ago) Im so confused by this. Im ...

A.   10 August 2017: Think about this: He's professional at work but ignores personal texts. That means he wants to keep your relationship purely professional. Maybe he gave in to temptation and now regrets cheating on his wife. Maybe he regrets becoming involved... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has his exes as friends on facebook.

Q.   Is it okay for your partner to have exes on Facebook? I have an issue with my boyfriend having a woman he and his wife had a threesome with a few years ago (they are no longer together) being on his friend list. He also has an ex who had an abortion ...

A.   9 August 2017: A decent guy who was all sorted out and didn't need loose ends wouldn't have any kind of contact with any ex, save for those he had children with. That said, it is not your place to make demands. You can accept that he is who he is and then d... (read in full...)

His ex girlfriends stuff is still a his place!

Q.   I have been dating my bf for almost a couple months. He was w/his ex for a long time and still has her stuff tho its been awhile since they broke up. Her stuff is still there and I want it gone, I don't want her to have any hold on him. He has ...

A.   9 August 2017: Yeah, I don't see a question here either, but I'll add my 2 cents anyway. I'm all for boundaries and deadlines where appropriate but those are things you apply to yourself. Not things you impose on others, and like the others have said 'almost ... (read in full...)

How can I make my husband feel better about our sex life?

Q.   I am a woman of 50 years, I married 10 years ago. I was single for 40 years and naturally I had several sexual partners (26 men more precisely). The problem is that I have never had orgasms with my current husband. He is very dedicated in bed, not ...

A.   4 August 2017: Nancy, the fact that former lovers (plural, even not just one!) are sending you these emails is not a sign of their enduring fondness for you but proof of their blatant lack of respect. If these men were content with their own lives and had the ... (read in full...)

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