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*iar

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Amateurs built the Ark.....professionals built the Titanic

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

'Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade'- George Eliot, whose real name was Mary Anne Evans

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She has bruises and I think she's cheating with the Baby Daddy

Q.   My lady gets mad couse I pointed out two bruises on her back she didn't have before last time we had sex was 5 days ago she takes of one morning to school with baby Dady for conference metting regarding son school I find her on find I phone she ...

A.   18 September 2017: I have to agree with Honeypie. If you said all the crap to me that you did to your girlfriend I'd kick you to the curb like yesterday's trash. I too an anemic and I'm a busy person, so I've had many bumps and bruises over the years I couldn't... (read in full...)

I want to marry my cousin's grand daughter.

Q.   My aunt has a son.That would make him and I first cousins. My first cousin has 3 daughters. Lets say the oldest girl is named Tasha.Lets go a bit further and say Tasha has 2 daughters.One name Mary and the other one named Sue.Is it wrong for me to ...

A.   18 September 2017: Yes, it is. Very wrong. There are enough suitable women out there that you don't need to violate boundaries and create animosity in a family by poaching one of your cousin's grandchildren. And this young woman you claim to love does not ne... (read in full...)

I'm worried my boyfriend is stealing from me.

Q.   Hi, I really need some advice - I've been in a very happy relationship for over six months now. My boyfriend is very loving and caring, and we've never even had an argument - we just seem very in tune with one another. But something odd happ...

A.   18 September 2017: The motive for theft, more often than not, is greed, not poverty. It's luxuries that stolen, not necessities. When money is stolen is could be an attempt to hide poor choices that lead to the need for more money. A good paying job is not proof of ... (read in full...)

If he's not doing anything with his ex then why did he get so mad and ignore me?

Q.   Hello I would like to get your opinions on this: I've noticed how ironic it has been in the past 6 months how every time my BF's ex is online (Her Facebook shows she is online), he is also showing online but is unavailable to take my calls. I've bee...

A.   8 September 2017: A little background here... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-move-on-and-trust-him.html OP, your understandable lack of trust in your boyfriend has turned you into a clingy, needy, and controlling woman. It seems he is not over his ... (read in full...)

I'm tired of my husband and his lack of responsibility. Should I ask him to hit the road?

Q.   I am a 34 year old female and my husband and I are married for 14 years,we have 3kids aged 12,7 and 5. From the beginning of our marriage i have assisted my husband financially and for a good portion of our marriage have been the sole bread wi...

A.   4 September 2017: You'd be selfish NOT telling him to hit the road. You and your children need stability. It's not all about your kids, you matter here too. Your husband is clearly a liability so, yes, it's time for him to go.... (read in full...)

Why won't he be honest?

Q.   Why wont he tell me the truth? Me and my ex split in 2013 both are choice. He moved to the north of the midlands. Anyway last yr he got bk in contact with me and since we have met a few times and he's been on weekends away with me and my little on...

A.   4 September 2017: He's already fed up with you asking. OP, if he won't be honest about something as simple as where he lives and whether or not he has a child then you need to stop asking questions and start making some sound decisions. He's not a keeper so ... (read in full...)

I told him 10pm was too late for dinner and now he won't speak to me

Q.   Dear Cupid; I met a man on-line, he asked me to meet him at a nearby restaurant/bar at 9:00, he then changed the time to 9:15. I texted him when I got there never got a reply. I waited for 15 minutes and as I was getting ready to leave when he ...

A.   2 September 2017: You did the right thing, telling him 10pm was too late. For Pete's sake, who eats dinner at 10?? Good for you. Now just ignore him and don't second guess yourself any more. He's made a poor impression and that's on HIM. Stop assuming it must hav... (read in full...)

Why are people so impersonal? My friends don't care

Q.   Is it ok to only see friends every 2-12 months? Have only 5 "friends" who are well liked in their job, busy,work, (I work too!!) one is married with kids, they all have better friends, family neaby, and a good life so only have time for coffee o...

A.   31 August 2017: Social media is not to blame for the lack of friends in your life. The ones you mention already have a wider social circle and as you've pointed out probably don't have the same need you do for companionship. What they need more is quiet time for ... (read in full...)

Why 2 days later does my husband go off on me about something I said while drunk?

Q.   I got too drunk on Saturday night - it happens only occasionally. I said something embarassing about my husband to his friend (who was also too drunk to remember). My husband brought it up - but told me it is ok - his friend probably didn't hear and ...

A.   31 August 2017: The short answer is yes, it is fair. It's very common for people to need some time to process something important or serious. He needed to sort his thoughts on his own before he could communicate them to you. Telling you everything was o... (read in full...)

Break-up, Make-Up Cycle and After a Loving Weekend, He Hasn't Called. Why?

Q.   I recently left my boyfriend two weeks ago, and now we aren't talking. My purpose in leaving wasn't necessarily to break up,but because I wasn't going to tolerate the verbal and emotional abuse. He can be extremely controlling and gonon tirades. ...

A.   29 August 2017: Is 30-35 the correct age? You left him. People usually take that to mean breaking up. I think you were right to leave. His behaviour sounds like a dealbreaker.... (read in full...)

My friend drunkenly ranted into my voicemail. Do I call him or wait for him to contact me?

Q.   So last night I was sat alone minding my own business when I received two phone calls , both left voicemails from a good friend of mine. He has helped me through a lot of relationship problems, he has made it clear he fancies me but he knows th...

A.   28 August 2017: Yep, I agree. Do NOT contact him. He's made his feelings for you clear and you stated yours, but in his mind, as long as you accept help or favours from him, despite how honest you've been, he has hope. And it's this hope that has motiv... (read in full...)

I don't think I can give my girlfriend the best sex

Q.   So my girlfriend are I started dating two months ago but before that we were pretty close friends. We told eachother a decent amount about our sex lives. Now that we are together I feel like I won't be able to give her everything she wants. I want ...

A.   25 August 2017: She says that's what she enjoys and that's what she's done, but has she been clear that that is what she expects of you or was she just making conversation and you've made the leap yourself? Not getting everything you want is not a deal breaker ... (read in full...)

Why did he ask for a date, cancel and then contact me later apologizing

Q.   So a year ago I was on Pof and this guy asked me out on a date. I agreed to go out with him. He cancelled though at the last minute. I was in college at the time. When I came home I found a message in my inbox on Pof saying something along the line...

A.   25 August 2017: I smell guilt or fear. My guess if he was about to cheat on a wife or girlfriend. He perhaps felt a little bad about dropping you like that. OR...he'd finally worked up the nerve to ask a girl out and got cold feet at the last minute. Bott... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's friend comes over when I'm not there, now they slept in the same bed. What is going on?

Q.   when I first met my bf he had this girl that was his friend but they also hooked up a lot. And she wanted to have a relationship with him. But he didn't want to be in a relationship. She found a bf. And after a few months me and my bf started ...

A.   25 August 2017: I don't know what is more offensive. That he's kept a bed buddy around while dating you, might have cheated or that he just cannot be bothered to even TRY to come up with a more plausible story. There is nothing to work on here. Please, just gho... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to snitch to his girlfriend?

Q.   On Friday night I met up with my ex BF from last year. He has a new GF but we met up and hooked up. I know it was wrong but he persued me. Now he has asked me to keep quiet about it and gone back to his life as though nothing has happened. He sped ...

A.   24 August 2017: You'd be causing the girlfriend misery just to get back at him, so yes, it would be VERY wrong for you to snitch to her. He didn't spin any yarn you couldn't have seen through. You knew exactly what was going on and you crawled into bed with him... (read in full...)

Have I done the right thing in leaving this relationship?

Q.   I've been in a relationship for 7 years. The relationship transpired from my girlfriend having an affair. She promised when separated that we would spend more time together. 7 yeas on and she hasn't told her children about me and her ex is around ...

A.   18 August 2017: You have been taken for a ride, I agree, though I doubt she set out to do that. But I have to disagree that you've done the right thing. You're like the getaway driver in a bank robbery. You helped carry out the crime, and enjoyed in some of the s... (read in full...)

Is it petty that I am annoyed that the man I am dating is cheap?

Q.   I am dating a guy who is about a decade older than me. On our first date we went to a restaurant (one he'd chosen and he asked me out). When the bill came he wanted to split it. He has a very well paying job. I am setting up my own business and earn ...

A.   18 August 2017: I'd let this one go. As Honeypie points out, it is (or was) generally understood that when you invite someone out for coffee, lunch or dinner or what have you, that you are treating them, unless specifically indicated otherwise. There are some exc... (read in full...)

How do I talk to him aboug where we stand?

Q.   I've been dating a lovely man for 23 months and no sex. He says he has libido problems but does nothing about it. We have good times when we are together and he phones me every night to discuss his work. I know that I'm more attracted to him, ...

A.   18 August 2017: This post sounds like it's coming from a teenager and not a woman in her seventies. 'Hurts my heart' and libido. I agree that the man seems emotionally invested in you if not sexually. And he's not obliged to do anything about his libido. There is... (read in full...)

Is it right to ask for help?

Q.   Should a person who is sick or not feeling well ask for help? Like: A lift home from a doctor's appointment or from hospital? Or for a friend to drop and check they are OK? This is if they have no family nearby or live alone. If you were havin...

A.   18 August 2017: I agree that you likely come across to others as very private and independent and those who are socially astute enough and respectful of boundaries don't want to step on yours. And sometimes people's well intentioned concern can actually be more... (read in full...)

How can I make my husband feel better about our sex life?

Q.   I am a woman of 50 years, I married 10 years ago. I was single for 40 years and naturally I had several sexual partners (26 men more precisely). The problem is that I have never had orgasms with my current husband. He is very dedicated in bed, not ...

A.   16 August 2017: I believe the point about the picture was not so much about YOU but about your husband, who can more easily be identified because of it. Anyone who knows who you, by it, will also know about your husband's most personal anguish. But then, if you'd... (read in full...)

His ex girlfriends stuff is still a his place!

Q.   I have been dating my bf for almost a couple months. He was w/his ex for a long time and still has her stuff tho its been awhile since they broke up. Her stuff is still there and I want it gone, I don't want her to have any hold on him. He has ...

A.   13 August 2017: I can appreciate where you're coming from and I think the best course of action is to pace yourself emotionally. See him as someone you're currently dating and until you're more confident about the situation. ... (read in full...)

How do I make my wrong turn right?

Q.   Hello i have another question connected to the one i asked earlier , about Reason(s) from Decent man. Shall i message her and say I Really like you a lot . And i am not after ( you know what ) As i am a Decent man ( which is what she ...

A.   13 August 2017: You start out putting them on a pedestal but when they don't show you the appreciation you think you're entitled to you throw a tantrum, like you did after the rose petal dance. Not only do you seem clingy to women, but I'd venture to say a bit ph... (read in full...)

How do I make my wrong turn right?

Q.   Hello i have another question connected to the one i asked earlier , about Reason(s) from Decent man. Shall i message her and say I Really like you a lot . And i am not after ( you know what ) As i am a Decent man ( which is what she ...

A.   13 August 2017: Actually a few seconds is all it takes to get the measure of a person. That doesn't mean you'll know everything about them. And if after a few seconds soneone decides they're not interested, then a whole day is just a torturous waste of time. ... (read in full...)

Married co-worker I'm having an affair with is now ignoring me

Q.   Im a married woman who has been having a fling if you call it that with a married co-worker. Now that weve slept together hes been ignoring my texts yet still speaks to me in work like nothing has happened.( a week ago) Im so confused by this. Im ...

A.   10 August 2017: Think about this: He's professional at work but ignores personal texts. That means he wants to keep your relationship purely professional. Maybe he gave in to temptation and now regrets cheating on his wife. Maybe he regrets becoming involved... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has his exes as friends on facebook.

Q.   Is it okay for your partner to have exes on Facebook? I have an issue with my boyfriend having a woman he and his wife had a threesome with a few years ago (they are no longer together) being on his friend list. He also has an ex who had an abortion ...

A.   9 August 2017: A decent guy who was all sorted out and didn't need loose ends wouldn't have any kind of contact with any ex, save for those he had children with. That said, it is not your place to make demands. You can accept that he is who he is and then d... (read in full...)

His ex girlfriends stuff is still a his place!

Q.   I have been dating my bf for almost a couple months. He was w/his ex for a long time and still has her stuff tho its been awhile since they broke up. Her stuff is still there and I want it gone, I don't want her to have any hold on him. He has ...

A.   9 August 2017: Yeah, I don't see a question here either, but I'll add my 2 cents anyway. I'm all for boundaries and deadlines where appropriate but those are things you apply to yourself. Not things you impose on others, and like the others have said 'almost ... (read in full...)

Why would he want so badly to sleep with other women

Q.   My boyfriend of 3years. Experienced "Swinging" with his former spouse. Now he wants me to experience the lifestyle..saying I'll love it... Its really not something I have ever even thought about. Really doesn't interest me... But I suppose my ...

A.   7 August 2017: Imagine having your favourite food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, every day for the rest of your life. Or at least the next several years. No other food, just that one meal. Over and over and over again. That's kind of like what women are f... (read in full...)

Cheating past discovered via old emails! Should I confront him?

Q.   ve been with my bf for almost 10 years now. I've never had any issues, and never even had a slight suspicion that he would do anything he's not supposed to, and never had trust issues with him (maybe I'm too naive?) one thing always peeved me off ...

A.   5 August 2017: But you ARE a snoop, which is why you've been after his email password all this time, and which is why you went poking around his account. You can't in-see what you saw. Raging hormones is a myth. If he needed that badly to hop into bed with oth... (read in full...)

Did I prove a point in this office situation?

Q.   I've heard that women hate it when men don't look at them or pay them any attention, and liking the guy or being in a relationship already is irrelevant. I had an attractive young woman always looking at me in the office a work. I deliberately...

A.   4 August 2017: Do you think we women just can't get through the day without a man looking at us? I think it's safe to say MOST people don't like it when someone appears to be deliberately ignoring them for no obvious reason. I'm not sure what you were trying ... (read in full...)

How can I make my husband feel better about our sex life?

Q.   I am a woman of 50 years, I married 10 years ago. I was single for 40 years and naturally I had several sexual partners (26 men more precisely). The problem is that I have never had orgasms with my current husband. He is very dedicated in bed, not ...

A.   4 August 2017: Nancy, the fact that former lovers (plural, even not just one!) are sending you these emails is not a sign of their enduring fondness for you but proof of their blatant lack of respect. If these men were content with their own lives and had the ... (read in full...)

Was substitute dad trying too hard or did he overstep the mark?

Q.   So my ? is Can substitute dad put down ground rules on date night when i am 19 and will not graduate high school until January. My father is no longer living with us-Due to my dads meanness we have never been close. anyways, my step mom is now ...

A.   3 August 2017: You're right only time will tell, however I don't see him walking out on you. What you can do is try to minimise the stress for others, as we all should, by doing well what we're supposed to be doing without leaning unnecessarily on others. ... (read in full...)

Was substitute dad trying too hard or did he overstep the mark?

Q.   So my ? is Can substitute dad put down ground rules on date night when i am 19 and will not graduate high school until January. My father is no longer living with us-Due to my dads meanness we have never been close. anyways, my step mom is now ...

A.   1 August 2017: I agree with the others. Your uncle sounds like a good guy who is doing his best by you. So let's look at this from a legal perspective. We are legally responsible for anything in our name, be it a house, a truck, a credit card, a loan, a ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend masterbated to porn next to me while I was sleeping

Q.   Hello, so I woke up next to my boyfriend yesterday and noticed porn in his history, I was confused so I asked him why he had porn in his history and he said he fapped last night. I asked him if he did it right next to me and he said yes!!!! Is it ...

A.   29 July 2017: You're over reacting.... (read in full...)

My ex military boyfriend got right in my face and yelled at me. Is it normal for military men to act this way toward civilians?

Q.   My exmilitary boyfriend got the idea in his head that I was seeing someone else for sex and he had a meltdown. He shouted in my face like a military seargant and I started pushing him off me and then I asked someone to throw him out! The question...

A.   29 July 2017: What's 'Military' about this? People behave badly all the time, and that includes making outlandish accusations and shouting in people's faces. Why would you even need to ask this? Do you normally see this in the streets? Is he the only boyf... (read in full...)

Did I accidentally lead my controlling ex boyfriend on?

Q.   Currently I have an amazing bf who I've been dating for a short while. Before I started dating him, I dated another guy for a short while who turned out to be a total control freak. When I 1st met him, the feeling of being wanted felt very good. ...

A.   28 July 2017: I'm a bit confused. Have you recently bumped into this ex and now he's bothering you again and you think you've led him on? Or are you hanging on to old guilt about a guy who is no longer in your life? You had every right to lie and the fac... (read in full...)

Friend will not take any ownership for problems in our friendship. What should I do?

Q.   Good morning This is such a neat site and I get answers from around the world which is cool. My issue involves a ten year old friendship. I have had bumps in the road with this friendship in the past but we have worked it out but as of late the c...

A.   23 July 2017: I think you're right about the narcissism. If she can't drive and her health is impeding her ability to do other things then she may be trying to recoup some of the control she doesn't have there in other ways. Unhealthy ways. My suggesti... (read in full...)

Why do men think its alright to comment on a woman's nether regions?

Q.   This is probably more of a rant than anything, but what is up with some men thinking it's ok to comment on the look of a woman's vagina/vulva?! Whether it's not neat enough, 'beef curtains', too hairy, it 'looks loose'... the list goes on! My m...

A.   22 July 2017: I'd say it was the company you keep. This kind of low class behaviour isn't limited to unsolicited comments about your lady parts. And they're not much different from women, and there are plenty out there, who think that because of their gender a... (read in full...)

I can't deal with his passive aggressive behavior when I don't want sex

Q.   I met a guy, who is now my boyfriend, 3 months ago. He has made it clear he is really into me. I wasn't sure if I was atttacted to him enough, but he was lovely to me and we had a lot in common, so I went with it. I was very happy to fiND we worked ...

A.   21 July 2017: I got as far as the '...stormed off' when you didn't say you loved him and had enough. Cut him loose. You only met him three months ago and he's already high maintenance. This is as good as it's going to get.... (read in full...)

My friend is too clingy!

Q.   I have a guy friend (JUST A FRIEND). The problem is, though he is nice, he is rather clingy. He always wants to hang out with me. I find it rather awkward. I want to pursue other friendships too and hanging out with him makes it seem like we're ...

A.   21 July 2017: Be direct, matter of fact and unapologetic. There is nothing rude about setting boundaries for yourself and bringing it to someone's attention when THEY are rude, which your friend is. He has a crush on you and I can tell you from experience ... (read in full...)

My army guy only contacts me when he's down

Q.   Hello, I met this guy online and started to talk for almost 2 months. He is in military active but he is a national guard. We went on several dates. Most of the times he texted me when he is depressed cause of his family issue or he is lost his...

A.   21 July 2017: His behaviour changed because he lost interest and to be honest, I can't entirely blame him. Clearly you have nothing going on in your own life that you're not willing and able to stand in the dust waiting for him. Where is the excitement in that?... (read in full...)

My army guy only contacts me when he's down

Q.   Hello, I met this guy online and started to talk for almost 2 months. He is in military active but he is a national guard. We went on several dates. Most of the times he texted me when he is depressed cause of his family issue or he is lost his...

A.   9 June 2017: Move on. He only contacts you when he's down. You're a counsellor, not a love interest. Just ghost him. ... (read in full...)

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