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*iar

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Amateurs built the Ark.....professionals built the Titanic

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

'Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade'- George Eliot, whose real name was Mary Anne Evans

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My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd

Q.   Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...

A.   19 May 2019: Your boyfriend's involvement in bathing his daughter and checking on them while they're using the washroom is weird. I'd be hard pressed to find any culture in which men practiced this with their daughters. In societies all over the world througho... (read in full...)

Just found out he cheated the entire relationship. Should I give him chance?

Q.   I have been dating my current boyfriend for 3 years now. Our families have meshed and we've gone on many trips together, have gone through many experiences and have even told each other I love you half a year into our relationship. He lives on...

A.   12 May 2019: You're 33 now and have already invested 3 years into this relationship. Do you want to be back here at age 43, asking the same question, having invested 13 years? He may love you. He may want to build a life with you, but he also wants the f... (read in full...)

My partner is giving his children extra money and I'm not happy about it

Q.   So I have been with a man for a little over 2 years now. He has two children from a previous marriage. He pays child support for these children. Everyone gets along, there are no hard feelings about anything. On the children's most recent ...

A.   29 April 2019: What kind of father would the man be if he never paid a cent over what he was court ordered to pay? Can you imagine a father who provided food, shelter, clothing, but absolutely NOTHING else? No glasses, no braces, no school lunch money, nothing ... (read in full...)

How would you feel if a friend wasn't responding to what you write in her comments, on social media.

Q.   Dear Cupid How wo uld you feel if a friend wasn't responding to what you write in her comments, on social media. What thoughts would cross your mind if you noticed that she connected to all other people's comments, but then noticed a pat...

A.   28 April 2019: Like Honeypie said, stop commenting or even acknowledging her posts. After a while you could just quietly 'unfriend' her and delete her from your list of email contacts and anywhere else you might have her. If you encounter her in public, ... (read in full...)

Can't understand why my lesbian g/f would be taking birth control for the sole purpose of not getting pregnant

Q.   I'm struggling how and if to bring this up with my partner as I want to be sensitive and not offend her, I'm not sure if I'm getting red flags or being paranoid. My girlfriend and me are in a long distance relationship. She is having some birt...

A.   19 April 2019: If she's the hyper organized, 'prepare-for-everything' type, she might be taking them on the slim chance that she's raped or something. Otherwise I don't see the point, but I doubt she's cheating on you. She was open and honest about it.... (read in full...)

Are these warning signs after a second date? Should I give it a go or run?

Q.   Hi all, I am mentally quite stuck and would really appreciate some advice. A bit of background. I am 35 years old and have had 2 relationships in my life. One for 3 years from the age of 24 and one for 6 years from the age of 28. Both were fl...

A.   13 April 2019: It's your intuition and plain common sense telling you to be wary. She's unstable and has vague boundaries. Passionate, quick to judge, and present herself as a victim. Don't be too quick to believe the rape stories. I'm not saying they're ... (read in full...)

I have no clue what I did wrong and don't want to ask because I'm afraid it will make her even more angry

Q.   Me and this girl we have been together for a while and recently went through a rough patch. We are slowly getting through it but today something happpened that has really confused me. We were talking on Snapchat when she said something that annoyed ...

A.   26 March 2019: Similar to what's been said, I would ignore it, and ignore her. There was nothing wrong with what you said or how. This is just her way of keeping you on your toes and in 'penance mode'. Let her reach out to you when she's in a better mood and... (read in full...)

Why would my friend make a remark that she knew I would overthink and possibly be hurt by it?

Q.   Recently, I was crossing paths with a friend whom I haven't seen for a while. I was walking on footpath and she was driving by. I messaged her today to see how she was doing and mentioned that I'd been busy and had a'lot going on, so felt more...

A.   28 February 2019: I assume the 'even attributed to some struggles with mental health' comment was directed, at least in part, at me. The OP herself brought up the possibility when she referred to her 'deeply ingrained mental health issues'. The suggestion was m... (read in full...)

I broke up with my violent boyfriend, he wants the ring back but I paid for it!

Q.   I have just broken up with my boyfriend of twenty years due to his violent behaviour. the thing is he says he wants the ring he bought me back which is expensive but I feel like in all fairness I have paid for the ring as I gave the cost of the ring ...

A.   24 February 2019: You're determined to keep this chapter of your life open as long as possible over a ring? Give him the damn ring back and be done with it, for Pete's sake. ... (read in full...)

Why would my friend make a remark that she knew I would overthink and possibly be hurt by it?

Q.   Recently, I was crossing paths with a friend whom I haven't seen for a while. I was walking on footpath and she was driving by. I messaged her today to see how she was doing and mentioned that I'd been busy and had a'lot going on, so felt more...

A.   24 February 2019: I don't think your friend meant anything negative. It would be a good mental health exercise to remember that people don't have YOU and YOUR issues in the forefront of their minds. Trying to juggle one's own hopes and fears with the thought ... (read in full...)

Somebody keeps hacking my boyfriend or is he cheating?

Q.   I keep finding my boyfriend on multiple dating/cheating sites and find his search history is filled with things like: Women near me to have with tonight? I have asked him about it and he says he didn't do it. Tat someone is hacking him. Is that ...

A.   24 February 2019: He's lying. Why would a hacker try to set him up with hot women instead of emptying his bank account? ... (read in full...)

What is more important for a long term relationship: sexual attraction or comapnionship?

Q.   The last two relationships I was in were with two very different types of people. One was with a guy who flirted with me from the day we met, and who I was strongly attracted to. Once we broke the ice we couldn't keep our hands off each other. The ...

A.   3 February 2019: Considering we spend more time out of bed than in it, I'd say companionship. ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend wants his Playstation

Q.   Hellooo Everyone, I'm going to try and keep this simple. My boyfriend and I were meant to be going to visit his family for the weekend. On Saturday, I will be home alone for about 7 hours while everyone goes and watches a football game ...

A.   2 February 2019: You're right. It's HIS PlayStation, which he has donated, in a sense, for use among his flatmates. He doesn't have to loan it to you and it was selfish and childish of you to demand it. Yours isn't the only relationship in his life that matters.... (read in full...)

Were my in-laws out of line or did my brother overreact to an innocent question?

Q.   My in-laws have a problem with boundaries and they are kind of are drama queens. My younger brother on the other hand is more of a private person. So my wife and I had a six month old baby. On Christmas Day, we all had our families over (m...

A.   2 February 2019: I'm going to go against the grain here and side with your brother. He could have been more delicate in his response but then your in laws could have shown better manners. We've had a number of people on the receiving end of these types of questio... (read in full...)

Why is he so reluctant to move in together?

Q.   My boyfriend of 18 months is reluctant to move in together. We have discussed it and he has said that he wants to, in the next year. But when I try to talk about it he gets grumpy and seems uninterested and irritated. For example, I had to go home ...

A.   23 January 2019: I agree with the others and I would take it a step further and suggest you spend less time in his home. If he wanted a roommate, he'd have one. If he wanted you to move in, he'd have invited you to by now. He lives alone because he likes his own ... (read in full...)

Do I have to tell him to delete my number from his little black book?

Q.   Hi , I met a guy online just one time . He didn’t mention to meet me again but some times he text me . I am not native English speaker. A guy always texted me out of the blue. I think he wanted to contacted me as backup plan. Whenever I...

A.   23 January 2019: Any kind of response, even a rejection, is still paying attention to him. Ghost him. Block and delete him. The fact that you didn't consider him worthy of an answer will say more than some desperate sounding message. ... (read in full...)

Before her pregnancy she would flirt all the time... now Nothing.

Q.   Recently i changed job and got close to a girl here. She used to behave with me like she is my girlfriend. She is married but she even asked me to be her "Boyfriend" forever. We did heavy flirting and she also told me she'd kiss me when we go for ...

A.   1 January 2019: It means her life is going to change dramatically and her priorities have changed. Your flirting is now just dirty and irritating to her so stop it. Cut ties with her. She's not your friend and you were never hers. ... (read in full...)

I feel like the laughing stock because I want boundaries

Q.   I'm wondering if this situation is worth breaking up over. Right now we're on the brinks because I'm mad about it. The guy I've been seeing for almost a year now is a hippie, I'm not, though i like to party with hippies sometimes. We had a brief ...

A.   1 January 2019: 'he said he's not cutting off his backup supply of pu**y if I'm not sure about us.' That's as far as I got. I just couldn't read any further. He's a loser. Toss him. It should go without saying...block and delete. Treat him as though he d... (read in full...)

My girlfriend went behind my back and told my parents about our future plans. Am I right to be hurt?

Q.   Hi everyone I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years, the majority of this has been long distance (10 hour flight). We've been trying to find ways to close the distance and one way is to get married so i can sponsor her. I felt ...

A.   1 January 2019: I wouldn't be hurt by this, I'd be furious and I'd call off the wedding. At least for the foreseeable future. First off, her rush to get married so you can sponsor her for entry into Britain is highly suspicious. If she can't obtain a VISA on ... (read in full...)

Accused of being antisocial for turning down a guy?

Q.   My dad loves to accuse me of being anti social and saying "that's why you have no friends". We were at a friends place and there is a single guy there who I see a couple times a year. We aren't friends (acquaintances) and we do not share interests. ...

A.   30 December 2018: My advice is to stop telling them things, even conversationally. Too many people assume that when they're told things they're advice is wanted or expected. You can't control what others do, only what you do, so don't give them opportun... (read in full...)

Male friend wants to discuss sexual fantasies ....he has a girlfriend!

Q.   No, I am not looking to make him my boyfriend Just want to know if its normal for men with girlfriends to want to talk to their female friends about their sexual fantasies? he even asked if i had a boyfriend and when i asked why he said because...

A.   29 December 2018: If this guy was really a friend he would already know if you had a boyfriend. My friends did. What you're describing is a just man you talk to and I can tell you he is not looking for platonic female friends. Block and delete. No good can come... (read in full...)

Is ‘bird’ just slang for ‘woman’ or ‘girl’?

Q.   When a guy calls you a bird is it just slang for woman/girl. I text a guy friend to rearrange meeting up as he wasn't feeling well and joked that it was nurses orders for him to get better and that I couldn't find a nurse in uniform emoji t...

A.   29 December 2018: I don't know why you didn't just Google it. ... (read in full...)

My abusive father has turned the family against us. Does anyone have any words of support/similar stories?

Q.   Hi, Im just seeking stories of others if anyone has gone through something similar. It would be comforting to hear, as I know there is little to be done about my current family situation. Last year I decided to cut contact with my father due to hi...

A.   29 December 2018: This may have all happened last year but it's still very recent. First of all, remember that you're free. You no longer have to humour anyone or swallow your anger for the sake of peace. Those relatives who choose to keep their distance f... (read in full...)

My friend has been asking why she can't get a partner. Should I tell her what I think?

Q.   Hello Aunts and Uncles! My friend recently started asking me seriously (up until now it was purely rhetorical) why she can't find a partner. Should I tell her what I think? It's just an opinion, I'm not a shrink. I'm afraid that she migh...

A.   29 December 2018: Yes, if she asks for your opinion and you think it's a sincere request then answer truthfully. She might be very upset by what you have to say, so keep it brief. Don't volunteer examples. Instead let her ask for clarification. At the very least sh... (read in full...)

Should I even try to remain friends with her after the way she acted?

Q.   The other day I went to dinner with my friend who I actually considered one of my best friend so we were having dinner and it w and We ordered our food and both of ours took a long time to come but hers came before mine and she ate hers and she ...

A.   27 December 2018: Cut her loose. No final goodbyes, no explanations, no drama. Just ghost her. Block and delete. If you cross paths in public, be formal and courteous the way you would with any acquaintance. ... (read in full...)

Is my roommate pleasuring himself with my clothes?

Q.   I have three roommates. Two of them, a man and a woman, are married. He doesn't give me the creeps or weird rape-y looks, and my gut feelings have always been spot-on in the past. However, this time, I think I have physical proof of sexual ...

A.   27 December 2018: Obviously we can't know for sure, but it's definitely suspicious. I would handle it this way: tell others about it, innocently, and ask if they have noticed anything similar with their clothes. Don't speculate about what the substance is (ejacula... (read in full...)

Boyfriend buys another woman a puppy

Q.   My boyfriend of five years ordered an unborn pedigree puppy for a female friend. She walks his dog when he is at work. During the time he sought out, and checked out breeders, I told him that I found this to be a highly inappropriate gift. During ...

A.   27 December 2018: Yeah, I agree about the dog breeders. There are already a lot of lost and abandoned animals. Anyway... As Honeypie says, gifting a dog (or any animal) is not, in itself, a romantic gesture. Friends and relatives do the same. It's a bad idea in ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend refuses to use his sex toys with me

Q.   Hi I'm having a sexual problem with my boyfriend any advice you could give would be helpful thanks.. My boyfriend never tells me what he likes in bed he always says he likes what we are doing.. The thing is I know he likes porn actually I think it...

A.   19 December 2018: You've been bullying and brow beating him to perform for you and trying to recruit your therapist and now strangers on the internet to join you, but HE'S the sex addict?? I agree, leave the man alone. What you're doing is called sexual harrassm... (read in full...)

I want to show him I care but I also don’t want to be a burden or an annoyance

Q.   I was dating a guy for only 6 weeks. Things were going really well other than he wasn’t feeling good. Long story short, his symptoms have gotten worse and he’s not been working much and under going testing and imaging to see what’s wrong. So far, ...

A.   19 December 2018: 6 weeks of dating isn't really long enough for that kind of intimacy. He's not ready for you to see him like this and your not quite relationship is not strong enough to carry that load. If it's been 2 or more months, as Honeypie says, then it'... (read in full...)

He asked me out as a joke but I said yes ... how do I face my friends?

Q.   My crush asked me out as a joke and I said yes. I was sick the day after and I wasn’t at school. My friends texted me about it. Apparently he had told most of my friends. Now I have to go back to school. I don’t really like him a lot. I just ...

A.   2 December 2018: Just say you assumed he was joking and acted accordingly. Be very matter of fact. Do not keep defending yourself or explaining, it will look suspicious.... (read in full...)

Is this a sex addiction?

Q.   Hello. I think I am sex crazed. I want to have sex all the time. When I get home from work. In the morning. When we are showering. And when we are out, all i think about is how I can't wait to go home and have sex. We are both extremely sex...

A.   2 December 2018: It doesn't sound like an addiction to me, just someone who has recently discovered something and can't get enough of it. The novelty will wear off eventually and you'll just enjoy it without being obsessed about it. ... (read in full...)

I work as a cam girl but don't want my boyfriend watching other cam girls

Q.   I work as a cam girl on a website. This is actually my second job to make extra cash. My boyfriend was aware of this before we started dating. Few days back he thought that since I was working as a cam girl it made it ok for him to join one of t...

A.   2 December 2018: Yep. You are. It doesn't matter if your boyfriend knew of your second job before you began dating and it doesn't matter WHY you do it. What matters is you do it. There are plenty of other ways to make money besides the sex trade. Keep ... (read in full...)

Our sex is becoming just sexual gratification for his sordid fantasies!

Q.   I need help. I'm concerned about my boyfriends sexual orientation/preference. We have been dating for 4 years now, as the 4 years have progressed his sexual habits have changed. He isn't tame , it's always got to be depraved , he's always got to ha...

A.   2 December 2018: My opinion is that you should stop having sex with him immediately. No weaning, no compromises. Just stop cold turkey. Tell him you find it all revolting. Keep it brief and very blunt. Then silence. Do not try to soften the blow or spare hi... (read in full...)

How could he treat me so badly and now act like nothing bad ever happened between us?

Q.   Hi 6 years ago I met the man of my dreams I was madly in love with him and things were going well after a year of been together I fell pregnant and miscarried the baby the next day my boyfriend kicked me out of his flat no explanation as to why he ...

A.   1 December 2018: I'm inclined to agree that he sounds like a narcissist and nothing is real unless it happens to him. It would no more occur to him that you would have grounds to hate him any more than it would occur to you that someone might hate you because ... (read in full...)

Why would my friend of 20 years spill information about me to my subordinate co-worker that he only met after just 10 minutes?

Q.   Me and my best friend have known each other for 20 years. We are neighbours, we have grown up together. Throughout our lives, we have taken different paths but we always meet again, and things have been fine. I had been working at my job for 3 ...

A.   28 November 2018: I would be very suspicious of this subordinate or anyone who can't wait to show their 'loyalty' to you by dishing up the latest on what was said behind your back. You've chosen to believe someone you've known for 6 months over someone you've k... (read in full...)

What do I say to her to prove I’m genuinely sorry?

Q.   I’m here for advice and I’m looking for advice and don’t know what to do. I came across a female on a dating app who I really liked and we share things in common. there’s were going great until I said to her you’re ignoring me and now she is giving ...

A.   4 November 2018: I don't know that you can 'fix this'. You got very comfortable with this woman very quickly. Comfortable enough to make demands and accusations. She's not making into anything. Those three words spoke volumes and what she's likely thinking... (read in full...)

Am I being used by someone who doesn’t care about my feelings?

Q.   I’ll try not to make this long and keep it brief as I can, I’m on a dating site app and joined it because I’m single. met some nice people and made friends a long the way. I messaged this female who I liked and we started talking to each other. we ...

A.   3 November 2018: Lack of interest in someone is not being taken for a ride. That's only when she's trying to get, or happy to receive favours from you while offering little to nothing in return. So I agree, take the hint and move on without confronting her.... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my step brother and afraid to tell our parents

Q.   i'm in love with my step-brother, and i am honestly scared of what would happen if my parents were to find out. i told my friends about it and the are okay with it they say that we are not related at all so it okay because our parents aren't even, ...

A.   3 November 2018: Your mother already knows of your attraction to your step-brother which is why she's going to some lengths to keep you apart. What you SHOULD do is not what you want to do. You may not be related by blood, but you are family and this secret r... (read in full...)

I saw a strange number on my husband's phone, called it and a woman answered. Should I confront him about it?

Q.   Hi, I'm needing help on what to do next in my situation . OK, so I checked his phone. But I had to. He's been acting strange lately. I saw a phone number that called him this morning. And the call lasted 23 minutes so he had a conversation...

A.   3 November 2018: You suspect your husband is carrying on with this Michelle, and strongly enough to end the marriage, but you're sending HER friend requests??... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Q.   My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...

A.   2 November 2018: Well, we think you were overly dramatic, and suspect your boyfriend did too. And women who have been 'abused by the ex' are a dime a dozen so I wouldn't play that card if I were you. I think everyone here understands you cried not at poi... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Q.   My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...

A.   31 October 2018: I second that answer. It might have been a bit painful at first, and you were caught off guard, but you milked it and the crying was over the top. 30-35, huh? ... (read in full...)

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