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Amateurs built the Ark.....professionals built the Titanic

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

'Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade'- George Eliot, whose real name was Mary Anne Evans

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In a financial crisis, who do you give your last dollar to?

Q.   At the age of 16 years old I knew I never wanted a man with a child. When I met my husband, he had no children which was a plus. Of course we started off as friends but before we actually got into a serious relationship, he slept with one of his ...

A.   14 July 2018: Congratulations on the new job! And thanks for the updates. I give your husband credit for trying to do right by who MIGHT be his daughter, but don't like how he went about it and grumbling about your tiff to the other woman. That was cowardly... (read in full...)

In a financial crisis, who do you give your last dollar to?

Q.   At the age of 16 years old I knew I never wanted a man with a child. When I met my husband, he had no children which was a plus. Of course we started off as friends but before we actually got into a serious relationship, he slept with one of his ...

A.   13 July 2018: Your husband seems to have recovered from the medical condition that prevented him from having kids. So, it's possible he is the father, but just as likely one of the other men is. I'd say a paternity test was in order. My opinion is you did the ... (read in full...)

What do I do when I'm not ready for this to be over and fear that's what will happen if I told him I read that?

Q.   Even my boyfriend and I got together, he told me "You can read my diaries, but do not tell me about it." When I asked about it he said it's because he wants to be understood, but he doesn't want anyone to read his deepest thoughts. So, after his ex ...

A.   30 June 2018: I'm guessing his entries are not about how women find him creepy, or how he screwed up at work and cost his employer a big contract, or the embarrasing pimples on his arse. He's just 'honest' enough to upset you but not enough to humiliate himself. ... (read in full...)

What do I do when I'm not ready for this to be over and fear that's what will happen if I told him I read that?

Q.   Even my boyfriend and I got together, he told me "You can read my diaries, but do not tell me about it." When I asked about it he said it's because he wants to be understood, but he doesn't want anyone to read his deepest thoughts. So, after his ex ...

A.   30 June 2018: This is pure manipulation. He's not trying to nurture honesty, but uncertainty in you. This kind of honesty is supposed to be part of a dialogue and even then there is such a thing as judicious omission. He wants you to want him more than he... (read in full...)

How do I ask for a sex toy?

Q.   I want a sex toy because, I'm a 17 year old girl now. I know after I ask I'm going to say, think of it this way, I'm still a virgin. Most people my age aren't anymore. But the problem is, I have to ask my dad. Not a mom. How do I do this? I'm ...

A.   26 June 2018: A sex toy is a very intimate NON essential. It's totally inappropriate to ask someone else to buy for you, especially a parent or guardian. It's not their job to finance your orgasms. Totally offside. ... (read in full...)

My ex wants to say goodbye!

Q.   My ex of 1 year got a job opportunity in France a few months back and we decided to end it due to the distance. She wants to see me before she leaves but I don’t know if that is a good idea as I’m trying to move on and it may spark old feelings ...

A.   25 June 2018: If you want to meet up to say good-bye then I agree with Honeypie about meeting in a public place for tea or lunch or something. It's easier to keep your feelings in check when you're in public. If you've gotten over a lot of that pain once, yo... (read in full...)

My bf drunk texted his ex FWB and now I feel like I have a right to go through his phone

Q.   My boyfriend of a year and 8 months drunkenly text a girl whom he used to see sexually before we started dating. I feel like I have a right to go through his phone now but at the same time I don’t. He feels terribly about the situation and has since ...

A.   23 June 2018: To anon female: The common courtesy that applied before cell phone and other technology is the same today. The only thing most people could do back then was listen in as the call was happening. It would have been just as rude and intrusive to... (read in full...)

Was I wrong not to thank the ex who agreed we would go “no contact” for the flowers?

Q.   So, my ex fiancé sent me flowers Monday, about a year ago he left me for his ex that he was stuck on. I knew something was wrong but he never admitted it. When she rejected him when he went back home he tired to get back with me. I flat out ignor...

A.   22 June 2018: Another vote for the 'no' camp. Any time you feel guilty, just remember, if things had worked out wonderfully with his ex, you wouldn't even exist to him. Stay the course. ... (read in full...)

My bf drunk texted his ex FWB and now I feel like I have a right to go through his phone

Q.   My boyfriend of a year and 8 months drunkenly text a girl whom he used to see sexually before we started dating. I feel like I have a right to go through his phone now but at the same time I don’t. He feels terribly about the situation and has since ...

A.   22 June 2018: You don't and it wouldn't work. For one thing, no one wants to be on probation forever. Even violent offenders get fed up of being under suspicion when they've 'paid their debt to society'. What happens when he decides he wants his person... (read in full...)

I ask women I sleep with about their opinion on abortion because I don't want kids. How do I know the girl I'm seeing is on the same page?

Q.   So I met a wonderful girl online and we hit it off really well. We kissed on the first date, had lunch on the second, and ended up sleeping with each other on the third when she invited me over to her apartment for pizza and a movie. We used ...

A.   22 June 2018: Leave while it's still early stages. If you're that certain you don't want kids at all, you might consider a vasectomy. No form of contraception is effective 100% of the time and it shouldn't be up to women to protect your reproductive choices ... (read in full...)

I’m conflicted on what to do or feel about my parents!

Q.   Hi all, I posted some time ago. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-this-over-committing-to-him-.html http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-19-years-old-an-age-where-it.html In my previous questions, I basically had an argument with my parents ...

A.   20 June 2018: You've made some progress with your parents and your boyfriend but I suspect the next phase is deciding what not 'over committing' actually LOOKS like. It's easier to agree to generalities. Maybe your parents just need time to SEE that while y... (read in full...)

I know I was stupid for having sex with my ex! What do I do now?

Q.   I split up from my fiancé 7 weeks ago due to not making any time for me I’ve tried talking to him loads of times he just walked out on me whenever I tried talking to him so I ended the relationship I did feel better about it up until Sunday gone he ...

A.   20 June 2018: Then there is nowhere to go from here. Not with him anyway. Block, delete, change locks and phone number if necessary and don't answer your door if he shows up. ... (read in full...)

Should I say I was annoyed about the way he set up meeting his children?

Q.   Should i tell him I felt annoyed? My boyfriend of 5 mths recently invited me over to meet his children of 21 and 16. They were having a takeaway night so thought it would casual. We arranged a time and I went over. I knocked the door but got...

A.   20 June 2018: Oh and that's good advice, by the way, about future meetings on neutral ground. ... (read in full...)

Should I say I was annoyed about the way he set up meeting his children?

Q.   Should i tell him I felt annoyed? My boyfriend of 5 mths recently invited me over to meet his children of 21 and 16. They were having a takeaway night so thought it would casual. We arranged a time and I went over. I knocked the door but got...

A.   20 June 2018: I can understand them not being thrilled to meet dad's new girlfriend, but this isn't a case of faking excitement, but of common sense and basic courtesy. Years ago, a close friend of mine was coming over. She ended up arriving a bit earlier ... (read in full...)

I'm talking all the time to my ex girlfriend who is crying about her life. What can I do?

Q.   Well guys m confused how to think about something , i had a relationship with a girl for almost 5 years everything was great but we had to break up because she left the countery to study far away but we keept contact as good freind few months later ...

A.   17 June 2018: Nothing you can do, as I see it. The circumstances that prevented you from having a relationship haven't changed. In fact there are even more reasons not to resume with her. I think she needs to figure out what she wants and she's not going to... (read in full...)

Who is the weird one, me or him?

Q.   I have this guy friend that I’ve been knowing for almost a year now, we’ve been involved intimately at one point, pretty much on and off. We both have feelings for each other. We recently started conversing again and hung out. We’re both still ...

A.   17 June 2018: 'I made it clear that I am involved with someone else but I still don’t want a relationship with anyone right now' I'm guessing what you meant to say is you are NOT involved with someone else? What would you reach out and text him for? To say ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is on his phone but does not reply to my texts!

Q.   My boyfriend used to take the initiative to text me in the beginning of the relationship, but lately it has become such that he takes hours to reply to a simple text. I'm not a heavy texter myself. But I noticed that he checks Instagram freque...

A.   15 June 2018: I second Honeypie. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend often tells me small lies, how do I get him to stop?

Q.   Been tigether 2 years and the past 6 months my boyfriend has the tendancy to change his stories often and its getting to a point where Im always get upset and angry and then we end up in a big argument. Theyre usually small pointless ones, but if he ...

A.   7 June 2018: 'So if I even act slightly surprised, or cross he'll always change his answer?' Um...probably yes, if you make this big a deal of the smallest thing. I agree with the first 2 answers and I'll add that sometimes people make minor adjustme... (read in full...)

My sister’s husband is my ex from high school and he is rude to my boyfriend! And my boyfriend is frustrated by this and that he has to deal with an ex of mine!

Q.   Hello my sister is now married to my ex boyfriend. We broke up in our early 20s. I'm not trying to make myself out to be God's gift to men but he was fixated on me since high school. Flash forward to 2008 and they get married. My sister has isolated ...

A.   30 May 2018: I have to agree with Code Warrior. you can't make others do the right thing (or the wrong thing for that matter). You've done the best you can so maybe it's time to quietly and gradually distance yourself from the both of them. Remember that... (read in full...)

Should I lie and say the baby is his?

Q.   Ive made a mess but now ive got to grow up and sort it out. Me and my 'ex'boyfriend had a break , we didnt say what each other can or cant do and if we were going to get back together. I had a feeling he was seeing someone else but just left him to ...

A.   28 May 2018: Tell him now. You didn't cheat and for all you know he could have knocked up someone else during your break. Imagine years from now your child needs a blood transfusion or he decides to trace his child's roots with a DNA search...you wan... (read in full...)

I accused my boyfriend of lying and now he won't talk to me

Q.   Ok, so I'm not in a really good place right now and I'm hoping for some help. My bf is a super sweet guy but he can also be emotionally distant and introverted. I don't like this part of him and I feel insecure because of it. I'm trying to f...

A.   25 May 2018: Wow. He's married. I did not see that coming. That changes everything. ... (read in full...)

Sister didn't invite me to her birthday but instead asked me to watch her kids. Advise please.

Q.   Sister didn't invite me to her birthday but instead asked me to watch her kids. Advise please. So recently, i got a text from my sister asking me if i could mind her kids on a Saturday night for her birthday (which at the time was about 6 weeks aw...

A.   24 May 2018: Much depends on the relationship you have with your sister. For example, I am the oldest by several years. While I did socialize with my sisters in adulthood some of the time, most things they did together (they were closer in age) and with the... (read in full...)

I accused my boyfriend of lying and now he won't talk to me

Q.   Ok, so I'm not in a really good place right now and I'm hoping for some help. My bf is a super sweet guy but he can also be emotionally distant and introverted. I don't like this part of him and I feel insecure because of it. I'm trying to f...

A.   24 May 2018: Short answer: Your boyfriend's explanation sounds plausible, and is very likely true, and you sound like a psycho. The reason he might be mixing up small details is because they are SMALL, UNIMPORTANT details he has no reason to commit to memory... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is extremely shy, but can put on fake confidence which is starting to worry me

Q.   I don't get my boyfriend lately. After being together for nearly 2 years, i feel that I don't really know who he is sometimes. When we first met until about a year, he was VERY insecure, very shy. The type that would hunch over while walking. And ...

A.   24 May 2018: It seems your boyfriend's progress in overcoming his fears have exposed some latent fears of your own. You may want your boyfriend to be more confident but as long as he's 'extremely shy' you have the security of knowing you won't be abandoned any... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is extremely shy, but can put on fake confidence which is starting to worry me

Q.   I don't get my boyfriend lately. After being together for nearly 2 years, i feel that I don't really know who he is sometimes. When we first met until about a year, he was VERY insecure, very shy. The type that would hunch over while walking. And ...

A.   24 May 2018: Your boyfriend's behaviour is normal for someone who is finding his way, albeit later in life than most do. He's going to over-correct now and again. It's not 'fake'. It's just part of the process. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is extremely shy, but can put on fake confidence which is starting to worry me

Q.   I don't get my boyfriend lately. After being together for nearly 2 years, i feel that I don't really know who he is sometimes. When we first met until about a year, he was VERY insecure, very shy. The type that would hunch over while walking. And ...

A.   23 May 2018: I too agree with Honeypie. We gain confidence through experience, trial and error and we do it at an earlier age. Then there are those of us who start to learn this later in life. Maybe he had a difficult upbringing or he's just naturally shy/intr... (read in full...)

Why does being a mistress feel worse than being alone?

Q.   I 've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and their toddler twin boys. I believed he will leave his live in Significant other as he promised and it would turn into something more . Well it seems like he was in strictly for sex.He n...

A.   11 May 2018: Because the illusion only serves to remind us of what we don't have. When you were alone, you were free. Free to spend your time as you pleased, free to talk to and date other men, to spend more time with friends, or doing whatever you wanted t... (read in full...)

Why did he invite me, then say nothing about me going with him?

Q.   I’ve been seeing a guy for almost 4 mths. I’ve met his friends but not yet his family. From what he has said they know about me and he’s tried to introduce us before, however that was about 2 mths ago, which I felt to soon. He has met some of my f...

A.   11 May 2018: I agree with Honeypie. A first meet on her 21st birthday or other notable special day might be a bit awkward and make what is supposed to be HER day, more about you. his daughter might have said the same thing if he informed her that you`d b... (read in full...)

I'm tired of my ex's manipulative behavior

Q.   What should I do? I was in a long term relationship and got dumped the other month, I got lots of abusive texts saying disgusting things about me and then the next I was getting texts saying miss you and love you, I replied and got ignored for days ...

A.   7 May 2018: He'll never give you the satisfaction, and your ego-driven desire to be proven right at all costs is playing right into his hands EXACTLY He's been caught in lies, his words mean nothing so you don't need even more of them. He can't cont... (read in full...)

Should I report a teacher for teaching 7 year olds about sex?

Q.   3 days ago my 7 year old daughter came to my house asking me about why guys can only wear condoms, she was too curious to know more about sex and the male genital. I was shocked how she knew the word condom, from who and why she is asking me this ...

A.   1 May 2018: Agreed. The other thing is sex education was simply about teaching kids the basics of where babies come from. Now it's about promoting all or certain types or 'expressions' of sexuality. ... (read in full...)

Should I trust her on birth control?

Q.   I'm 32 years old, dating my 22 old girlfriend for 3 months and days ago we had sex without condom and it was amazing, I almost forgot how good it feels lol, last time I had unprotected sex was with my ex wife who I divorced three years ago. Since ...

A.   27 April 2018: At the risk of sounding cliché, there is a name for men who rely on women to protect their reproductive choices: FATHERS No birth control is effective 100% of the time and they can be compromised by other medications such as antibiotics,... (read in full...)

Why does this woman I barely know keep texting me to vent ?

Q.   I’m a single and quieter living gay woman. I’m pale and average looking but feminine and not manly. Not looking for manly women. I’m on an app for Gay and bi women. Like all apps there’s players and catfishers Straight women playing games...

A.   27 April 2018: But there aren't more than one of them who also post from the US and lately from the UK with the same typing style, same issue, same personal particulars, and often times the same IP address. OP, there is nothing wrong with posting several question... (read in full...)

He earns three times more but wants to split the bills 50/50

Q.   my boyfriend has recently asked me to move in with him. we had a conversation about our finances and his expectation of what i should contribute to the household expenses. He wants to split everything 50/50. We got into an argument over this because ...

A.   26 April 2018: It's a fair arrangement for a platonic room mate. ... (read in full...)

He canceled our second date and hasn’t rescheduled! Should I ask him why or just forget him?

Q.   Two weeks ago I met a guy and we had a great date, he asked for a second date while we were still out so we made plans to meet up the following week. The day of our second date he cancelled because he had a cold so I didn't think anything of that, I ...

A.   25 April 2018: you could make an open ended suggestion for an upcoming date and let him get back to you on that. 'If you'd like to get together to see the dinosaur exhibit at the museum next Saturday let me know' That way you're not putting him on the spot,... (read in full...)

Is the size of the take out he brought home a sign he is becoming cheap?

Q.   After dating selfish cheap guys, I'm pretty gun shy. My bf has always been generous w/me and we do pay for each other pretty often. Today he went out to eat and I couldn't make it, so I asked him to bring me some soup. I'm not one to eat a lot, but ...

A.   4 April 2018: I can understand that, but would not base that concern on ONE very minor incident. ... (read in full...)

My husband is disappointed because I didn't tell him about a job interview

Q.   Hi guys I feel really terrible about lying to my husband about a recent job interview I had. Two weeks ago I applied for a job (he knew I had been looking) and got called for the interview and thankfully got it. However I didn't tell my husband ...

A.   4 April 2018: Melodramatic. This is small potatoes so don't make it bigger than it should be by indulging him. He'll get over it and you can encourage him by your example. No more apologies and quit the self flagellation. ... (read in full...)

Is he telling the truth about the state of his marriage?

Q.   I’m seeing a married man for a number of years. I am in no rush to spending my whole life with but I do love him, he says he is in a sexless marriage, that his wife has no sex drive yet iv seen photos of them with her arm around him yet he doesn’t ...

A.   3 April 2018: There is no way any of us can know this answer any more than you can. We've heard this tale before, many, many times and from both sides of the issue. Some couples do continue to have sex and appear to be happy. Others simply live together... (read in full...)

Is the size of the take out he brought home a sign he is becoming cheap?

Q.   After dating selfish cheap guys, I'm pretty gun shy. My bf has always been generous w/me and we do pay for each other pretty often. Today he went out to eat and I couldn't make it, so I asked him to bring me some soup. I'm not one to eat a lot, but ...

A.   3 April 2018: If this is the only incident that had caused you concern, and I'm guessing it is, then I think your concern is premature. You have a history of eating small portions and it's what the restaurant gave him so he probably thought this was good eno... (read in full...)

Does he ask about my sex life out of curiosity or is he into me?

Q.   I have this guy friend who I have been friends with a couple of years. Throughout our friendship, we’ve flirted here and there but nothing more. However, he always, without fail will ask about my dating life. I’ve dating a few guys but nothing ...

A.   2 April 2018: Does he discuss his own dating and sex life as casually as he asks about yours? Maybe the next time he asks such a question ask him why he's asking. It's a perfectly normal and reasonable question. ... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm being used and there is no future

Q.   Hello! I’ve been dating a guy on and off for a few months. We met on tinder and instantly liked each other. We met up about once a week for about six weeks until we slept together. The night we slept together we had a real heart to heart about t...

A.   2 April 2018: Who knows what the future holds, so I say just enjoy your time together and try not to see each man you connect with as `THE ONE`. I understand if a guy seems like a dud then cut him loose early, but you`re having a good time with this one so f... (read in full...)

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