New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login240625 questions, 1065732 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap
*iar agony aunt

*iar

Canada  (Female   XML/RSS

Like what she writes?
... Add *iar to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *iar a private message

*iar's Ratings

Rating: 7.8

Excellent71%
Average7%
Poor22%
*iar's profile:

Amateurs built the Ark.....professionals built the Titanic

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

'Be courteous, be obliging, but don’t give yourself over to be melted down for the benefit of the tallow trade'- George Eliot, whose real name was Mary Anne Evans

1234567891011Next > [75 pages, 2964 answers]

What do I say to her to prove I’m genuinely sorry?

Q.   I’m here for advice and I’m looking for advice and don’t know what to do. I came across a female on a dating app who I really liked and we share things in common. there’s were going great until I said to her you’re ignoring me and now she is giving ...

A.   4 November 2018: I don't know that you can 'fix this'. You got very comfortable with this woman very quickly. Comfortable enough to make demands and accusations. She's not making into anything. Those three words spoke volumes and what she's likely thinking... (read in full...)

Am I being used by someone who doesn’t care about my feelings?

Q.   I’ll try not to make this long and keep it brief as I can, I’m on a dating site app and joined it because I’m single. met some nice people and made friends a long the way. I messaged this female who I liked and we started talking to each other. we ...

A.   3 November 2018: Lack of interest in someone is not being taken for a ride. That's only when she's trying to get, or happy to receive favours from you while offering little to nothing in return. So I agree, take the hint and move on without confronting her.... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my step brother and afraid to tell our parents

Q.   i'm in love with my step-brother, and i am honestly scared of what would happen if my parents were to find out. i told my friends about it and the are okay with it they say that we are not related at all so it okay because our parents aren't even, ...

A.   3 November 2018: Your mother already knows of your attraction to your step-brother which is why she's going to some lengths to keep you apart. What you SHOULD do is not what you want to do. You may not be related by blood, but you are family and this secret r... (read in full...)

I saw a strange number on my husband's phone, called it and a woman answered. Should I confront him about it?

Q.   Hi, I'm needing help on what to do next in my situation . OK, so I checked his phone. But I had to. He's been acting strange lately. I saw a phone number that called him this morning. And the call lasted 23 minutes so he had a conversation...

A.   3 November 2018: You suspect your husband is carrying on with this Michelle, and strongly enough to end the marriage, but you're sending HER friend requests??... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Q.   My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...

A.   2 November 2018: Well, we think you were overly dramatic, and suspect your boyfriend did too. And women who have been 'abused by the ex' are a dime a dozen so I wouldn't play that card if I were you. I think everyone here understands you cried not at poi... (read in full...)

How can I deal with racism/ignorance in the workplace and in personal life ?

Q.   I am a white southwestern european woman that has been in this country for almost all my life - I wasn’t born here but I am very Americanized and do not relate to my cultural upbringings (Balkan peninsula area) - I did all my education in the states ...

A.   2 November 2018: I do think you're overly sensitive. The day people stop asking where you're from is the day they're no longer interested in you. Every society wants to preserve who they are and they have the right to decide who is allowed to join them. Why d... (read in full...)

Do I warn others hes a serious fantasist

Q.   So just over a year ago i met a man on a dating site and we decided to make a go of it. Everything was great for the first couple of month then he sectioned himself. He had told me prior to meeting his mental health issues. So we kind of had a break ...

A.   2 November 2018: Nope. It would just look like sour grapes and you'll probably end up looking like a nut job yourself, spending all this time and energy on him. Any woman who doesn't size him up within seconds on her own isn't going to listen to any warnings... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Q.   My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...

A.   31 October 2018: I second that answer. It might have been a bit painful at first, and you were caught off guard, but you milked it and the crying was over the top. 30-35, huh? ... (read in full...)

I'm a finance director at a mid-size company but I’m singled out at the very bottom of the website. Should I bring it up?

Q.   Here is my silly question! I’m a finance director at a mid size company and my bio just got added to the companies website. The team are ranked by the title but I’m singled out at the very bottom of the page. I don’t know if it sounds stupid and ...

A.   27 October 2018: You could ask, as a follow up, if you've been added to the website yet. Ask this conversationally in front of someone of importance, or influence. Having to say out loud 'yes, you're at the bottom' might make them more aware of the gaffe. ... (read in full...)

Should I fly 4,000 miles to go see my ex? Would it be cheating?

Q.   So... we’ve broken up for 5 years after an incident and subsequently I moved home to my home country. Contact was lost eventually as we were sick of crying over the phone. Recently, I thought I saw him whilst on vacation and sent him a text. He...

A.   20 October 2018: In my opinion it would be cheating. You wouldn't be flying out to attend a sick relative or even a dear PLATONIC friend, but an ex lover. And whatever your intentions now, I think you're lying to yourself if you think you can guarantee nothin... (read in full...)

Should I be upset that my FWB partner is having sex with others and lied about it

Q.   I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell....

A.   18 October 2018: You're entitled to feel any way you choose, but you don't have a valid case against him. Friends with benefits is a no strings attached hook up arrangement. When it comes to having sex with others he doesn't have to tell you anything, not if, when... (read in full...)

I have an anal sex question and can't find answers

Q.   Hi, Okay this probably sounds stupid. But please give me some serious answers... I would appreciate it. Yesterday my husband and I had anal sex and he came inside. Today, more than 24 hours later, we had anal and vaginal sex both. Can th...

A.   18 October 2018: You will NOT become pregnant as a result of anal sex. Think about it, you don't menstruate and defecate out of either interchangeably. Two separate passages and the anus does not contain a uterus with eggs. As Honeypie says, though, you are ... (read in full...)

I believe my husband has sick fantasies about my daughter. She trusts him. What should I do?

Q.   I found a spare phone in my husband's truck and saved to his favorites was "Stepdaughter fucks step dad".. I have a beautiful 18 year old daughter that lives with us . I'm leaving him because to me, that is unacceptable and I will never look at him ...

A.   18 October 2018: I agree. Show her what you found, BUT, just let her see it and absorb it before adding your own editorial. Don't try to convince her or she's likely to dig in her heels. I say this because people can be fickle, and hostile to warnings, especial... (read in full...)

Should I give my ex money back for a trip that he won't be taking with my family?

Q.   Hey guys. Since my last post I've taken your advice and no longer visit my exs social media accounts. I am actually in the process of moving on and have even met someone else :) I'm just writing because it's coming to the time where I sign ...

A.   18 October 2018: Give him back his money. Your mum had no business demanding he pay for a trip he wasn't going to be taking, through no fault of his own. He didn't cancel and, as you say, he didn't break up with you. That's not to say you didn't have vali... (read in full...)

How do you tell if your mother is a narcissist?

Q.   I know my mom is a narcissist. Or maybe I am. I don't know. I hope not....My question is ... how do you tell? Little bit of back story... I started watching Bates Motel and I'm noticing some overlap when the show is juxtaposed with my real lif...

A.   14 October 2018: My mother is a narcissist and it sounds like yours is too. And what you fear may be the same in yourself, is actually, in my opinion, your attempts to balance the relationship by moving the spotlight that is always on her on to you for a change, ... (read in full...)

My friends remarks upset me, am I too sensitive?

Q.   My best friend has always been there for me during extremely horrible times. She has defended me behind my back and so on... However, as of several months ago I have grown increasingly mad and resentful... I feel that when I need to vent and I te...

A.   5 October 2018: Thanks for the follow up. Keeping more things to yourself is not being secretive or building walls in the negative sense. It's being more conscientious about what you put into the friendship and what you hope to get out of it. What you put ... (read in full...)

My wife's adult children are bums whose lifestyles I pay for.

Q.   Hi all, I have a problem. First off, I've been married for over 21 years. We largely get along -- mostly because I don't complain about much. During that time, I have raised my wife's 2 children from her previous marriage. They are cur...

A.   5 October 2018: As long as you're relying on people with a long history of doing the wrong thing to suddenly start doing the right thing, nothing will change. They benefit from the status quo. My advice is you quietly start getting your ducks in a row. Open a... (read in full...)

My friends remarks upset me, am I too sensitive?

Q.   My best friend has always been there for me during extremely horrible times. She has defended me behind my back and so on... However, as of several months ago I have grown increasingly mad and resentful... I feel that when I need to vent and I te...

A.   5 October 2018: I agree with Honeypie and I would add that it might be that without realising it you've come to rely on her to be your emotional junk drawer. In my opinion it's toxic to just phone someone up to vent. We all have those days, and we're not always i... (read in full...)

My daughter is in her terrible teens and is unhappy with the lifestyle that she has, even though I'm doing everything I can for her

Q.   Hello. My daughter has recently started transitioning from the fun loving kid she was into a teenager who's seemingly starting to rebel, or at least doing the whole i need independence from mom gig. Shes glued to her phone, enjoys time with ...

A.   4 October 2018: My guess is your daughter is angry with you because she feels dismissed and patronized, and that you make all her troubles about you. And I think, to be fair, there is some truth in that. We’ve all known someone whose idea of helping was to provide ... (read in full...)

New boyfriend wants to dress in a dress during sex

Q.   I have just got a new boyfriend and he told me something a couple of days ago, he said he wants to dress in female pvc in the bedroom. He doesnt want to wear wigs or do make up just wear a dress and certainly doesnt want to go outside in public. At ...

A.   4 October 2018: No, I can't say I've had that in my life and nor do I plan to. Frankly, for a man, the one I'm dating anyway, to even express an interest in doing so would be like a proverbial; cold shower to me. It would forever spoil my view of and feelings... (read in full...)

How do I get over this anger toward my ex?

Q.   It's been over 3 months since me and my ex broke up. Tonight a mutual friend said he has been really low for a few weeks and that could I talk to him. I had blocked him on everything and although I felt okay, I wasn't sure it was a good idea.......

A.   15 September 2018: 'So it's kind of obvious I didn't want a conversation.'....actually that's exactly how it looked, but maybe this time you got something out of it. He sex texts another woman 2 days after you miscarry and some bimbo 'mutual friend' has the ... (read in full...)

My new boyfriend has become obsessed about my past

Q.   Hi there I ended my marriage a year ago due to domestic violence. I was married for 10 years and have 2 children out of this marriage. I'm in a long term relationship with this wonderful man - very caring, sympathetic, logical and strong minded p...

A.   15 September 2018: I had to rush out for a bit and wasn't finished.. While I have little sympathy for the man, my advice was not meant to be entirely heartless. His actions are a manifestation of narcissism. By reassuring him of your love, you are actually enc... (read in full...)

My new boyfriend has become obsessed about my past

Q.   Hi there I ended my marriage a year ago due to domestic violence. I was married for 10 years and have 2 children out of this marriage. I'm in a long term relationship with this wonderful man - very caring, sympathetic, logical and strong minded p...

A.   14 September 2018: You've been dating this man for less than a year so this is NOT a long term relationship. And like the others, I'm doubtful it will become one. Not a happy one anyway. You seemed to be off to a good start until you re-packaged yourself as damaged ... (read in full...)

I dumped my boyfriend for sponging off of me but now I feel guilty

Q.   I’ve been dating this guy for 9 months now. Things started off great and though we have had a few issues I feel like they can be worked through. The latest issue though is surrounding money. He lost his job a few months ago and has been having a...

A.   11 September 2018: You did the right thing. He's a con man. He has no overhead and apparently has no problem sponging off of women, at least one of them is a single mother (maybe both?). He's a bottom feeder and well done, you, for cutting him loose. I hope... (read in full...)

He's messing around with that other girl, he's the one that moved out leaving me paying all the bills when I'm unemployed and yet somehow I'm at fault?

Q.   Hi guys, this will be a long one so please bear with me... I moved abroad around 3 years ago for work. Two years in, I met Jay who I thought was, as tacky as it sounds, the one for me. I had never had this connection with anybody before and there...

A.   29 August 2018: You both made the mistake of relying on your emotions instead of your intellect. He carried on an inappropriate friendship with a female colleague. This would have raised questions in anyone's mind, just as it did for his ex. HOW you choose t... (read in full...)

What should I do about this married, flirting floozy?

Q.   I have a friend and shes always says she love me. Shes married to She once said I love you more then you know what is she trying to say to me. She flurts with me to. I dont know what to do....

A.   24 August 2018: Not much information to go on here. I'm guessing you don't appreciate this attention? Is she part of a group of friends and you can't cut her out of your life without cutting others out as well? How long have you known this woman and how we... (read in full...)

How do I fix my girlfriend's attitude about her appearance?

Q.   My girlfriend has a folder on her phone that consists of a lot of pictures of beautiful girls. I asked her about it and she said that these girls are pretty and she likes the inspiration because she wants to look like that one day. We're both onl...

A.   24 August 2018: As an aside, and I don't know what your views on this are, but we've all noticed more and more women getting body piercings and tattoos. Apparently it's ok to jam needles into our bodies and inject chemicals into our skin as long as it's teddy be... (read in full...)

How do I fix my girlfriend's attitude about her appearance?

Q.   My girlfriend has a folder on her phone that consists of a lot of pictures of beautiful girls. I asked her about it and she said that these girls are pretty and she likes the inspiration because she wants to look like that one day. We're both onl...

A.   24 August 2018: You don't. For one thing she doesn't sound obsessed to me. She's not constantly talking about her appearance. She knows she's not ugly but simply wants to make some improvements. Like most people. And she's a way off getting any surgery so your ... (read in full...)

How do I kindly but clearly help her understand I am looking for friendship only?

Q.   Hi, With compassion and honesty, I would like to thoughtfully help someone clearly understand I am looking for friendship only. I am a 28 year old male and share the office floor with another team that includes a 22 year old girl. She acts tou...

A.   24 August 2018: I agree with the others and since they've already said it perfectly I don't need to elaborate. Instead I'll respond to your idea about how to confront her. Getting her to admit intimate feelings just so you can reject her is cowardly and cru... (read in full...)

The guy I've been seeing just asked about a threesome with my friend

Q.   A guy I've been seeing for not long was talking to me tonight and he pulled up a pic on my social media and asked if it was my friend in the pic. I said yes and he said she looks familiar. He then a few sentences later was asking if I wanted a...

A.   23 August 2018: Ghost him. He's not even worth a 'good bye' email. This is a clear sign he's not serious about you and he's a creep. Have standards and live by them. ... (read in full...)

Accidental work fling with a subordinate

Q.   I began a new job back in October - which was my first real directing title. At the time I was given a number two as well as any other team members I needed to develop the area. In the beginning it was very hard for me and my no.2 to see eye to e...

A.   23 August 2018: Don't broach the subject again. You're a recent hire, his superior and he's already said 'no'. It would be very easy for him to accuse you of sexual harassment, which it is and would be frowned on if your roles were in reverse. Apart from be... (read in full...)

How can I approach an actress for an autograph when she's unfriendly?

Q.   I’m going to see a favorite theater show at the theater in 2 weeks,. I’d like to say hi and get a photo with 1 of the co actors at stage door after. she’s known for being cold/unfriendly and aloof. She’s very talented and has a sma...

A.   24 July 2018: I think you've posted before about having an obsession with this woman. It's not uncommon for entertainers to be painfully shy, go figure, but there it is. She may also actually be quite humble in that she sees herself as just an actress and does... (read in full...)

In a financial crisis, who do you give your last dollar to?

Q.   At the age of 16 years old I knew I never wanted a man with a child. When I met my husband, he had no children which was a plus. Of course we started off as friends but before we actually got into a serious relationship, he slept with one of his ...

A.   14 July 2018: Congratulations on the new job! And thanks for the updates. I give your husband credit for trying to do right by who MIGHT be his daughter, but don't like how he went about it and grumbling about your tiff to the other woman. That was cowardly... (read in full...)

In a financial crisis, who do you give your last dollar to?

Q.   At the age of 16 years old I knew I never wanted a man with a child. When I met my husband, he had no children which was a plus. Of course we started off as friends but before we actually got into a serious relationship, he slept with one of his ...

A.   13 July 2018: Your husband seems to have recovered from the medical condition that prevented him from having kids. So, it's possible he is the father, but just as likely one of the other men is. I'd say a paternity test was in order. My opinion is you did the ... (read in full...)

What do I do when I'm not ready for this to be over and fear that's what will happen if I told him I read that?

Q.   Even my boyfriend and I got together, he told me "You can read my diaries, but do not tell me about it." When I asked about it he said it's because he wants to be understood, but he doesn't want anyone to read his deepest thoughts. So, after his ex ...

A.   30 June 2018: I'm guessing his entries are not about how women find him creepy, or how he screwed up at work and cost his employer a big contract, or the embarrasing pimples on his arse. He's just 'honest' enough to upset you but not enough to humiliate himself. ... (read in full...)

What do I do when I'm not ready for this to be over and fear that's what will happen if I told him I read that?

Q.   Even my boyfriend and I got together, he told me "You can read my diaries, but do not tell me about it." When I asked about it he said it's because he wants to be understood, but he doesn't want anyone to read his deepest thoughts. So, after his ex ...

A.   30 June 2018: This is pure manipulation. He's not trying to nurture honesty, but uncertainty in you. This kind of honesty is supposed to be part of a dialogue and even then there is such a thing as judicious omission. He wants you to want him more than he... (read in full...)

How do I ask for a sex toy?

Q.   I want a sex toy because, I'm a 17 year old girl now. I know after I ask I'm going to say, think of it this way, I'm still a virgin. Most people my age aren't anymore. But the problem is, I have to ask my dad. Not a mom. How do I do this? I'm ...

A.   26 June 2018: A sex toy is a very intimate NON essential. It's totally inappropriate to ask someone else to buy for you, especially a parent or guardian. It's not their job to finance your orgasms. Totally offside. ... (read in full...)

My ex wants to say goodbye!

Q.   My ex of 1 year got a job opportunity in France a few months back and we decided to end it due to the distance. She wants to see me before she leaves but I don’t know if that is a good idea as I’m trying to move on and it may spark old feelings ...

A.   25 June 2018: If you want to meet up to say good-bye then I agree with Honeypie about meeting in a public place for tea or lunch or something. It's easier to keep your feelings in check when you're in public. If you've gotten over a lot of that pain once, yo... (read in full...)

My bf drunk texted his ex FWB and now I feel like I have a right to go through his phone

Q.   My boyfriend of a year and 8 months drunkenly text a girl whom he used to see sexually before we started dating. I feel like I have a right to go through his phone now but at the same time I don’t. He feels terribly about the situation and has since ...

A.   23 June 2018: To anon female: The common courtesy that applied before cell phone and other technology is the same today. The only thing most people could do back then was listen in as the call was happening. It would have been just as rude and intrusive to... (read in full...)

Was I wrong not to thank the ex who agreed we would go “no contact” for the flowers?

Q.   So, my ex fiancé sent me flowers Monday, about a year ago he left me for his ex that he was stuck on. I knew something was wrong but he never admitted it. When she rejected him when he went back home he tired to get back with me. I flat out ignor...

A.   22 June 2018: Another vote for the 'no' camp. Any time you feel guilty, just remember, if things had worked out wonderfully with his ex, you wouldn't even exist to him. Stay the course. ... (read in full...)

My bf drunk texted his ex FWB and now I feel like I have a right to go through his phone

Q.   My boyfriend of a year and 8 months drunkenly text a girl whom he used to see sexually before we started dating. I feel like I have a right to go through his phone now but at the same time I don’t. He feels terribly about the situation and has since ...

A.   22 June 2018: You don't and it wouldn't work. For one thing, no one wants to be on probation forever. Even violent offenders get fed up of being under suspicion when they've 'paid their debt to society'. What happens when he decides he wants his person... (read in full...)

*iar's friends

These are mutual friends, so *iar has added them and they have added *iar!

Abella agony auntAbella
Agneta agony auntAgneta
Amycoffeegirl agony auntAmycoffeegirl
blondie1961 agony auntblondie1961
bubbletea agony auntbubbletea
C. Grant agony auntC. Grant
crushed_by_love agony auntcrushed_by_love
Eagle'sfan1986 agony auntEagle'sfan1986
eek agony aunteek
Fari agony auntFari
ImmortalPrincess agony auntImmortalPrincess
jadedpearl agony auntjadedpearl
janniepeg agony auntjanniepeg
jhasha agony auntjhasha
like I see it agony auntlike I see it
MagicalBubble agony auntMagicalBubble
mystiquek agony auntmystiquek
natmarie agony auntnatmarie
needpeaceofmind agony auntneedpeaceofmind
no nonsense Aidan agony auntno nonsense Aidan
person12345 agony auntperson12345
PrincessRiches agony auntPrincessRiches
Renata45 agony auntRenata45
rfm agony auntrfm
RUKM agony auntRUKM
ShakeWutUrMamaGaveYou agony auntShakeWutUrMamaGaveYou
Songwr1ter agony auntSongwr1ter
Sucker4love90210 agony auntSucker4love90210
TEDDIEBERR agony auntTEDDIEBERR
The Realist agony auntThe Realist
Tisha-1 agony auntTisha-1
Vixxxy agony auntVixxxy
WS agony auntWS

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.249999599996954!