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| | Country Woman's profile:Hi again to everyone, I can only apologise to everyone who has been writing to me lately, I haven't intentionally been avoiding you but today is the first day I have had my Broadband working as moved house from January to stay with friends and then February into new place with my daughter but phone lines and TV access etc, has taken a lot longer. I AM BACK NOW though, so watch out. Hope you are glad to see me around again.
A bit about me now I think, hi everyone as it suggests I am a Country Loving woman who has grown up in the countryside and feel very at home in lovely wide open spaces and birds singing in the morning. I am 43 years old and I lived in a semi rural area for over 19 years, my relationship with my long term partner of almost 20 years ended in June 2005.
I still consider my ex as my best friend, we have good and bad days like most people but I try to stay as amicable as possible for my daughter's sake and my own, sometimes things have not always been great during our break up but life goes on.
Even though I am not in a relationship right now, hopefully 2009 may be the year that I can start to dip my toe in the water again on the relationship side of things. Just need the body to wow now, that may take a little longer unfortunately!!! lol
I think that at 43 years of age I have lived a bit and had all sorts of things happen to me so I can only say from my own personal point of view and would never qualify myself as anything other than a helper hopefully.
My motivation in life is seeing my young daughter smile and laugh and just being a mum makes me get out of bed every day. I listen to my friends and have some of these since primary school. I like to think that I am a good friend and if I can help someone I will.
I think if someone needs professional help then they should try and get it and I will advise that if it appears that way.
I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life but after my dad got bowel cancer 8 years ago your life takes on a totally different perspective. My dad passed away in Feb 2007 and so I have had personal close bereavement not so long ago and even though people tell you to get on with your life, the reality of it all is not always so clear cut. Although I had to take some time out from this site for me to help my mum and sister I am back to talk any time or try and help. It helps me too if I hear that some of my advice has helped someone deal with a difficult time in their lives as well.
I hope that my advice which is from my personal life experiences help some people and I welcome any response from anyone I try to help.
I hope in some small way I can at least help take away some confusion or hurt from those who are suffering with break ups or all sorts of other problems.
I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and most days have a smile on my face, I totally understand about money worries and the seriousness of how far that can go, even the possibility of repossession, so even if your worries are not relationship based just send me a note and I will see if I can help in any way OK.
Take care and bfn.
Country Woman
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He slept with me even though he had an STD but I still like him!
Q. ok so here goes... i met this man who says he really likes me. we did oral sex but nothing else he texted me and rang all the time and i met up with him again and had unprotected sex. he continued to tell me he really liked me ect and we arranged ro ...
A. 20 November 2009: So you think it is big of him to tell you after the event that he has an STD than just walking away?
Hmm in my opinion if you have just met a guy then both of you should be having SAFE sex all the time, never mind the pregnancy element of all of t... (read in full...)
I need advice on my cheating girlfriend!
Q. Hey guys im rather upset about this but just wanted some constructive feedback and others opinions on it. last night my girlfriend of 4 years went to her male friends house and just them two were drinking until they were completely wasted and he...
A. 20 November 2009: OK so basically you have no proof that anything other than a kiss and a cuddle has happened? Is that right?
If you don't feel you can trust your gf, especially when she is around drink and especially when she is around this guy, you need to confr... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his child?
Q. Just yesterday, I found out I was pregnant and it was confirmed by a doctor. My boyfriend and I recently split and he refused to give me a reason. Then only thing he told me was that he loved me but couldnt be with me anymore. But the night before, ...
A. 15 November 2009: How far along are you right now?
I think you need to think clearly in your own head about what the future will hold for you and have you told your parents yet? Have they been supportive?
I think you need to have close friend's and fam... (read in full...)
Lost my girlfriend.... but should I keep her as a friend?
Q. 18 months ago I fell in love. I'm 31 now. The sad thing is, this is my first real relationship. She was the first person who ever saw past my weight, etc, and gave me a chance. This is probably because I got to know her, and she got to know me, for ...
A. 15 November 2009: Well it seems as though you have already gone through the financial's and made it clear to Kate what you think is fair, i.e. paying for the phone for her daughter but not hers and also as far as the insurance side of things is concerned, again her ... (read in full...)
Lost my girlfriend.... but should I keep her as a friend?
Q. 18 months ago I fell in love. I'm 31 now. The sad thing is, this is my first real relationship. She was the first person who ever saw past my weight, etc, and gave me a chance. This is probably because I got to know her, and she got to know me, for ...
A. 14 November 2009: OK first things first, I think you need to put your own feelings in first place, you are the important one here and you have been kind and very generous with your love, affection and also financially.
However, that cannot continue as then it ... (read in full...)
I love my current boyfriend...but why do I think of all my prior boyfriends?
Q. i've been with my boyfriend for three years now and for financial reasons we're doing a semi-long distance thing. i see him every couple of weeks. the problem is although i love him very much i have found myself lately thinking of boys i used to ...
A. 14 November 2009: It seems as though he is out there having fun, but you on the other hand are living like a hermit and that is when a little resentment comes in and jealousy to a degree.
No one is making you stay in at home all the time and if you say you are look... (read in full...)
I love my current boyfriend...but why do I think of all my prior boyfriends?
Q. i've been with my boyfriend for three years now and for financial reasons we're doing a semi-long distance thing. i see him every couple of weeks. the problem is although i love him very much i have found myself lately thinking of boys i used to ...
A. 11 November 2009: The problem you have is the fact that you are only seeing your boyfriend once a fortnight and that is hard for anyone.
There are obviously lots of lonely times in between and that must be the same for him. Have you talked about the long gaps in ... (read in full...)
How can I learn to trust again...?
Q. I find it really hard getting back into relationships with men and i find that i cannot trust anyone. You see i was going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he cheated on me, i was completely devastated however that was 4 years ago. ...
A. 11 November 2009: I'm no expert on dating as I am still to get back into that side of things but you don't say how old you are?
I think the actual allure of the chase is great for anyone as if they are finding attention from the opposite sex they know they are... (read in full...)
Should I be a friend while he goes through a divorce or cease contact until it's sorted?
Q. I'm a divorced single mother of 2 little boys, 6 and 8. I recently started seeing a man who is separated with 3 children but his divorce won't go through until he and his ex have agreed on custody and support issues. I was cautious about dating h...
A. 8 November 2009: I personally think when there is a messy divorce going on he needs to concentrate on just being a good dad to his children and getting through this the best way he knows how.
Also the fact that his ex is obviously one of these women, who although... (read in full...)
I think I might've been raped... or did I consent?
Q. ok sooo im 16. my boyfriend, well ex, was 18 and we jus broke up. we got together 5 months ago. before i got with him, i never rly had the urge to drink alcohol or smoke anything. but in these last 5 months i have jus been wanting it more and more. ...
A. 8 November 2009: Hi sweetheart, I kept on checking on the site yesterday and because I was watching silly stuff on the TV last night didn't end up going to bed till 2am this morning but I was worried, I can't help it.
I think it is any parents nightmare to find ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex playing games with me?
Q. So, my ex and I broke up in dec. 2007. We talked on and off from that point until the end of feb. hooking up once. I had a lot of issues going on then and I went away for a year to sort through them. During that time we had no contact ...
A. 7 November 2009: I think he feels like he wants the contact with you and when he gets the response, he has achieved what he set out to achieve and then withdraws.
It is like a horse and carrot situation, by dangling it in front of your nose, you aim for it and j... (read in full...)
I think I might've been raped... or did I consent?
Q. ok sooo im 16. my boyfriend, well ex, was 18 and we jus broke up. we got together 5 months ago. before i got with him, i never rly had the urge to drink alcohol or smoke anything. but in these last 5 months i have jus been wanting it more and more. ...
A. 7 November 2009: First things first, you need to go to a clinic or doctor and get the morning after pill.
If you are already taking the pill then maybe you are safe on the pregnancy side of things but I do think you need to go and get some tests as it is not just... (read in full...)
Should I meet an Online Friend?
Q. Advice on Meeting this guy... I met a guy pretty randomly online about 3 months ago. He IMed me, and we just sort of introduced ourselves and we started talking. We kept talking acouple times a week, we would get on webcam and talk, but the so...
A. 7 November 2009: I think it is right to be cautious and his cheek is saying you can pay for him to see you is not right.
I am pleased you put him straight on that one.
OK so if you are both in college I am guessing funds for both of you are difficult.
H... (read in full...)
I'm so protective of her and it causes problems
Q. I'm incredibly in love with a wonderful woman and she's crazy about me too. But I tend to get jealous. Now this isn't really a tremendous problem. I think I deal with it well enough. Usually I'll just make a passing joke about it and ask about it...
A. 7 November 2009: Well I am relieved about what you said and yes jealousy is a hard thing to do with as it used to eat away at me.
I lived this way for many years and I really don't want you to end up going down the same road that I did as it can be so self des... (read in full...)
I'm so protective of her and it causes problems
Q. I'm incredibly in love with a wonderful woman and she's crazy about me too. But I tend to get jealous. Now this isn't really a tremendous problem. I think I deal with it well enough. Usually I'll just make a passing joke about it and ask about it...
A. 6 November 2009: OK I think your reply was directed mainly at the anonymous male response you received and hopefully not the comments I made, if I had offended you in any way, then please accept my apologies as that was not my intention.
You are similar in age s... (read in full...)
I'm so protective of her and it causes problems
Q. I'm incredibly in love with a wonderful woman and she's crazy about me too. But I tend to get jealous. Now this isn't really a tremendous problem. I think I deal with it well enough. Usually I'll just make a passing joke about it and ask about it...
A. 3 November 2009: I get the feeling that when you talk about this woman that she is slightly older than you? Is that right?
Whether you trust the other guys who show interest in her or not, this is not the issue. You need to know whether you actually have trust in... (read in full...)
Just wondering...for those of you who were cheated on...how did you find out.
Q. To those of you in long standing relationships who have been cheated on by your better half, HOW did you find out?...
A. 2 November 2009: I personally stumbled across emails on my NOW ex's computer. I had never gone on his computer in the past as we both used to work from home and we had a child together at the time.
I always believed what he said about him going onto sites th... (read in full...)
I'm pretty much in uncharted waters with no paddle...what should I do?
Q. dear cupid, I work for a hardware store. while I was with my ex and a girl my age was hired. at first we where just friends. I found out she has a boyfriend. I treated her like a friend, basic bullshiting. we became close friends. her boyfriend also ...
A. 2 November 2009: Don't s**t on your own doorstep though.
If you like her as a friend then keep it just as that and nothing more, especially as you are so close to her boyfriend.
If he is too sensitive for her and she is not getting out of the relationship wha... (read in full...)
Do I date him? I don't want to be hurt like he's hurt others.
Q. i posted a question a couple of days ago because i was unsure of whether the guy i liked liked me back. i now know that he does like me back but he has made out with two girls recently and is not dating either of them. he has told them this and they ...
A. 2 November 2009: Sweetheart at your age I think he is trying to rack up as many females as he can. How old is he btw? Have you already lost your virginity or are you still a virgin? He may be out to be the one boy around who can keep a track of how many fem... (read in full...)
Is this relationship one-sided?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend since June and even from the begining she told me she still had feelings for her ex. But she and I pushed foward and wanted to give our relationship a try so we did. What happened was she accidently got pregenant and ...
A. 2 November 2009: You need to tell her what you have just said and that is that you feel her love for you is not as strong as the love you feel for her.
Of course her and her ex shared something which was the fact that they conceived a child together, but at the s... (read in full...)
How can I learn to trust again...?
Q. I find it really hard getting back into relationships with men and i find that i cannot trust anyone. You see i was going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he cheated on me, i was completely devastated however that was 4 years ago. ...
A. 2 November 2009: Trying to replicate the feelings that your ex made you feel is not the right thing to do as it was all a farce, he didn't love you he used you sweetheart.
It felt good at the time but he let you down big time.
It is your self confidence that ... (read in full...)
Should I be able to discuss difficult issues with my gf without the fear of massive arguments?
Q. I would be greatful of your advice. My gf and I have been together for nearly 4 years and have known each other well as close friends for 8 years. I am a communicator and value talking about problems and then negotiating a resolution or agreeing ...
A. 2 November 2009: Oh my word she really has got you by the short and curlies hasn't she.
She doesn't work unless it is on her terms, she works adhoc and doesn't pay for the space she rents, (well she doesn't rent because she doesn't pay for it). Anyway, YOU are ... (read in full...)
What can I do about his bad hygiene?
Q. Kind of a strange question lol. Recently I got back with my ex for a week trial, like if he's changed then I'll take him back etc. The problem is, I can't kiss him. Whenever he asks for a kiss I just feel uncomfortable and a little sick (I k...
A. 30 October 2009: Brutal truth is the best option. My ex was always clean and showered etc. One particular summer we were cuddling in bed and it was hot and I said to him, I think it is time you got a roll on deodorant sweetheart. After that came the roll ... (read in full...)
Should I be able to discuss difficult issues with my gf without the fear of massive arguments?
Q. I would be greatful of your advice. My gf and I have been together for nearly 4 years and have known each other well as close friends for 8 years. I am a communicator and value talking about problems and then negotiating a resolution or agreeing ...
A. 30 October 2009: Personally I wouldn't go into marriage on this basis at all and I certainly wouldn't sign any paperwork on a new house until these issues have been dealt with. It seems to me that she is treating you with a certain level of standoffish beha... (read in full...)
How can I learn to trust again...?
Q. I find it really hard getting back into relationships with men and i find that i cannot trust anyone. You see i was going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he cheated on me, i was completely devastated however that was 4 years ago. ...
A. 30 October 2009: Well I know exactly how you feel as I was in a relationship for almost 20 years and my ex cheated on me. The difference was though that we went to Relate and then individual counsellors and eventually couple counsellors.
During all of that tim... (read in full...)
Talking with the ex after you're over them?
Q. Its been almost a year since we broke up and since then we've remained as awkward friends...as in, we'd talk once in a while about hows things, what we've been up to, and sometimes he'd touch the more sensitive topics and the conversation would get ...
A. 29 October 2009: Ex's are hard to deal with sometimes but it is all a state of mind at the end of the day.
Do you want to go through life feeling bitter or do you want to come out the other side and realise that what you had when it was good was great and yes the ... (read in full...)
How do I overcome the bullying? I feel so ugly compared to her.
Q. I'm sat here in tears thinking over the events of yesterday and I really just need someone to listen and I would welcome any sort of advice on how to move on... By way of a brief introduction I'm 27, single mother, working part-time with m...
A. 28 October 2009: Wow that is brilliant that your ex put the plebs straight and the fact that Clara wants to invite you out for dinner with the girls is a lovely gesture.
If you really don't feel up to it, then send a note with a few flowers and say thanks b... (read in full...)
Not being able to help my husband in his time of need is killing me. What should I do?
Q. I am in love with this wonderful person who i just found out is a very sick man, he has a few mental issues, anger managment has helped him get over his anger but worst of all the doctors think he may have testicular cancer. I love this man very ...
A. 27 October 2009: Sweetheart your parents are obviously overly protective towards you and it really does depend on what has happened in the past for them to react in such a strong and adamant way.
If your husband has harmed you or threatened you or your children... (read in full...)
How do I overcome the bullying? I feel so ugly compared to her.
Q. I'm sat here in tears thinking over the events of yesterday and I really just need someone to listen and I would welcome any sort of advice on how to move on... By way of a brief introduction I'm 27, single mother, working part-time with m...
A. 27 October 2009: Oh sweetheart you have totally had your confidence knocked and believe me I know how that feels.
I am overweight and not feeling my best anymore so I must admit this Clara sounds to me like she is a decent woman under the surface and you have bee... (read in full...)
Desperatly wanting the love of my husband back
Q. My husband wanted to talk to me the other night about us. The other night he told me he loves me but is not in love with me anymore but I am his best friend the thing is i felt the same way but i do love him and want our marriage to work. Since our ...
A. 26 October 2009: I have to say that you have had some very sound advice from Ginalolabridga and Marriedlady.
Every relationship tends to go through the stale mate time and that is no one's fault we get set in our ways and sometimes we do need to reignite the flam... (read in full...)
How to tell my pregnant mother that I might be pregnant too?
Q. My mom is 4 months pregnant, and I think I might be pregnant also.. I'm 18 and live on my own but she still supports me a lot! I dont know how to tell her that I am pregnant, or that I think I might be. Help, please?...
A. 26 October 2009: First of all I think you need to make sure that you are pregnant first of all and then address the issue of telling your mum.
Have you done a test yet or not? If so, have you had confirmation from your doctor or clinic?
Have you told the fat... (read in full...)
I think he should have married me despite his mother's objections!
Q. I have been in a relationship for 20+ years with my boyfriend. He is my best friend as well. It is positive in many ways, and that has been a strong glue for keeping us together. We laugh, talk, finish each others sentences. Time flies. We just ...
A. 26 October 2009: Well personally sweetheart I was in a very similar situation for almost 20 years as well. The only difference being that it was my now ex who was against marriage and the fact that his parents had divorced that meant he had this very jaded opinion ... (read in full...)
I've never fallen out of love so what now?
Q. i am 43 yrs old married for 18 yrs and have a son 16 and a daughter 9 but here is the situation. it was love at first sight at the age of 16 instantly i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl, still a virgin (both of us) i didn't...
A. 26 October 2009: Well in all honesty have you asked your first love if she is happy in her marriage? I am assuming she is still with this older guy? Does she have children with him?
You made a committment to your wife and you also have children as well so don't... (read in full...)
I'm finally content after our breakup and don't want to be heartbroken again...but I'm pregnant with his baby and don't know what to do
Q. Me and my Fiance of 3 years broke up 7 months ago. However, I am pregnant with his baby. We have remained friends and our friendship has gotten much better since January. Our relationship ended because I cheated on him over a year ago and he never ...
A. 25 October 2009: Personally sweetheart if you are in a good place right now and you are getting good support from friend's and family together with his moral support, why leave all of that to just play house with him and happy families. The biggest strain t... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he is 26. Is this bad?
Q. right well im 15 .. and ive been going out with this lad who is 26 ... but ive been with him for nearly a year .. and where so happy .. he treats me like a princess and buys me what i want and loves me loads ... and evryone says im a very mature 15 ...
A. 25 October 2009: OK I may be slated by others for bringing up the whole conversation about paedophiles but if I don't who will it seems. Everyone else is saying 'oh it's OK, enjoy life and everything is fine and as you are not having sex, everything is OK... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he is 26. Is this bad?
Q. right well im 15 .. and ive been going out with this lad who is 26 ... but ive been with him for nearly a year .. and where so happy .. he treats me like a princess and buys me what i want and loves me loads ... and evryone says im a very mature 15 ...
A. 23 October 2009: OK you have had numerous responses to your question and at the end of the day I can only comment from my own opinion on this. I was extremely mature at the age of 10, but in all honesty yes girls do mature faster than boys and an older man can ac... (read in full...)
He thinks giving me a home and living comfortably should satisfy me enough and that my life isn't that hard.
Q. I don't understand my boyfriend. Im not even sure I can handle his lifestyle anymore. He works away and when he comes home he drinks not heavily but over a long period. Spends alot of money and is out late. In the 4-5 days he is home he could drink ...
A. 22 October 2009: Anyone who is left holding the baby so to speak even when they are in a relationship and the other person is in the house but very distant like the way my old relationship went doesn't see the damage they are doing.
They become blind to the fact... (read in full...)
Am I not leaving my marriage due to fear and stability?
Q. I don't know what to do. I feel everyday, almost obsessively, that I want to leave my husband, after 25 years of marriage. But I have serious doubts to really do that. He is not fulfilling me emotionally at all. But I almost blame myself for...
A. 22 October 2009: In all honesty no one can walk in your shoes so to speak when it comes to your relationship as no one knows your relationship as well as you.
I look at different couples I know and have been close to and every single one of them has a certain ... (read in full...)
I think the age difference is immoral. Is my intution right?
Q. i am a 20 year old college junior and i have no problem with getting men's attention. however, i like a 17 year old high school senior. is this wrong? we met through mutual friends, which are all 19-21 years old except for him. at the time, we had...
A. 20 October 2009: Just out of curiosity, when does he turn 18? I think the fact that your relationship was never sexual seems to me that there is nothing that you have done wrong. OK so he bluffed but he knew that someone who is older and at college wouldn't... (read in full...)
I feel used all the time, how can I fix this?
Q. I am dating a man whom i love. He says he feels the same way for me. We have been dating for 3 months now. He at first acted like i was the only woman on earth for him. He treated me so nice, and all that. Now as i know him, his true colors are ...
A. 4 September 2009: Sweetheart let's face facts here, you have been in a relationship for 3 months and the guy has gone from being Mr Jekyl to Mr Hyde. He basically wooed you and won you and now he doesn't have to try to do that any more. He now feels like he ca... (read in full...)
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