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*arrellG agony aunt

*arrellG

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*arrellG's profile:

I am a 35 y/o single male. I have extensive life experience and have taken a course in Christian Counselling which I passed. I am a baptised and confirmed Anglican Christian. I live in Grantham in the UK.

I take an active in interest in gaming, tv, films, politics and theology and sport. I enjoy helping people as much as I can.

123Next > [3 pages, 67 answers]

My dad is in an abusive relationship and I don't know what to do.

Q.   I'm pretty sure my dad is in a psychologically abusive relationship (as far as I'm aware of) and I don't know what to do. He has been with her for 15 years. They met when I was already an adult, off at college 1500 miles away so I've had minimal ...

A.   4 October 2016: All I will say is that if the OP was describing the same situation but it was her mother I think the responses would be radically different. ... (read in full...)

My dad is in an abusive relationship and I don't know what to do.

Q.   I'm pretty sure my dad is in a psychologically abusive relationship (as far as I'm aware of) and I don't know what to do. He has been with her for 15 years. They met when I was already an adult, off at college 1500 miles away so I've had minimal ...

A.   3 October 2016: I have to disagree with WiseOwl quite vigerously on this one. He may well be 'happy' and even say he is and mean it but that doesnt mean he actually is and in these situations someone looking from the outside is often a better objective judge than ... (read in full...)

My dad is in an abusive relationship and I don't know what to do.

Q.   I'm pretty sure my dad is in a psychologically abusive relationship (as far as I'm aware of) and I don't know what to do. He has been with her for 15 years. They met when I was already an adult, off at college 1500 miles away so I've had minimal ...

A.   3 October 2016: Well everything you say here does suggest you are right and your Dad is in an, at least, emotionally abusive relationship. As to what you can do, that is very difficult to answer. Your Dad has been in this relationship a long time and althoug... (read in full...)

Why did he have to come into my life and hurt me like this?

Q.   family help me understand where I went wrong? How do I move on? My heart is broken I can't stop crying:( so my bf and I were dating for 11 months, he pressured me to get married. We started our wedding plans but I said we should stop cause he ...

A.   30 August 2016: Agree with PuffinMuffin, you need to use discernment and not get distracted by what is going on on the surface, I understand you seeking the commonality but that doesnt mean it is right. ... (read in full...)

Why did he have to come into my life and hurt me like this?

Q.   family help me understand where I went wrong? How do I move on? My heart is broken I can't stop crying:( so my bf and I were dating for 11 months, he pressured me to get married. We started our wedding plans but I said we should stop cause he ...

A.   29 August 2016: I think we can safely say that his man did not come from God and that in keeping him away, I am more than happy to say yes, God is clearly working to protect you as his child. I make no apologies for speaking to you as a fellow believer now because ... (read in full...)

Is my ex boyfriend taking advantage?

Q.   Am I being taken advantage of?. My ex boyfriend started doing some painting in my apartment. He has done two days work so far. He doesn't decorate for a living. He just said he would help. He got in touch with me on facebook, after not contacting me ...

A.   24 August 2016: Well, the short answer to your question is YES, he is taking advantage. Generally paying for things should be 50/50 with the proviso that yes, sometimes people are ahead and sometimes they are behind so if one partner pays all SOMETIMES that is ok. ... (read in full...)

It's all wonderful except for his new attitude about our religion!

Q.   Can two people be together long-term if they have different religion? I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and I love him very much. He has some flaws but he is a good match for me physically and emotionally. we can talk for hours on end...

A.   5 August 2016: Well my first piece of advice would be to consult Scripture. Essentially your bf is an unbeliever, and if your Christian, then yoking to an unbeliever is Scripturally speaking ok, indeed provision is made for it in that the believing partner ... (read in full...)

We broke up since months ago so why is my ex suddenly checking up on me?

Q.   I split up with my boyfriend 6 months ago after a rocky relationship. Within a couple of weeks he was in a new relationship. We've not stayed in touch and we're not linked via any kind of social media. My ex has started looking at my LinkedIn acco...

A.   1 August 2016: I agree with Honeypie, with the proviso that what he does is irrelevant to your life...*unless*....you have unresolved issues here which is why you are wondering this in the first place........ (read in full...)

Should I go back to my high maintenance friends? or should I learn to appreciate non materialistic things?

Q.   I have this need to go out all the time for the last three years I have gone out from Thursday - Sunday (yes as ashamed looking back at it partying) while have a corporate job. It was non stop glitz and glamour waisting a 100 dollars a night on...

A.   1 August 2016: As an ardent Protestant, on one level, it ill behoves me to recommend Catholicism ;) On the other hand I would say this. Your therepist is saying a wise thing about learning to be alone (and incidentally, with God, you are never truly alone) and all ... (read in full...)

Is she just an attention seeker? A flirt? Where so I draw the line with her?

Q.   Where do you draw the line when you're a very flirty person and like the attention? What I mean is my work colleague is a very flirty person, the touchy feeling type. But where do you draw the line without making the person your flirting with g...

A.   31 July 2016: Stop. Rewind. She has a boyfriend? Well if she has a boyfriend and is behaving like this with you, and btw I am by no means convinced she wants things to go further, then that should set alarm bells ringing straight away. I am inclined to be reall... (read in full...)

Should I tell my ex what happened?

Q.   We had been together for two years and they have been great but then recently we had started to argue over petty little stuff and his parents were basically forcing it on me to forgive him and that ended up in me just building anger up. We were ...

A.   31 July 2016: Okies. Tell him because you will just end up feeling bad about it and it will eat you up and you havent really done anything horribly out of line. This guy is a creep btw, get rid of him out of your life and get as far away from him as you can. Ok, ... (read in full...)

Does he want a relationship or does he just want to fool around?

Q.   Been on 2 dates with this guy. Date one: we went to the cinema. He didn't wait long into the movie before he made a move and kissed me. After the film, we took a small walk to a roof garden. He kissed me a lot there. Then he messaged me after th...

A.   31 July 2016: Op, Id trust your judgement here, you say: "I feel it's always very physical and that I'm not getting to know him." I think you either express those feelings and see what he says (and be prepared to give up if the response isnt that great... (read in full...)

Should I tell my ex what happened?

Q.   We had been together for two years and they have been great but then recently we had started to argue over petty little stuff and his parents were basically forcing it on me to forgive him and that ended up in me just building anger up. We were ...

A.   31 July 2016: Before you tell your ex anything I think you should tell an adult you trust because I, for one, find this post disturbing. Why? Well you say: "we did we got separated I tried to call her but he basically said if I did that he'd take my phone." ... (read in full...)

Does he want a relationship or does he just want to fool around?

Q.   Been on 2 dates with this guy. Date one: we went to the cinema. He didn't wait long into the movie before he made a move and kissed me. After the film, we took a small walk to a roof garden. He kissed me a lot there. Then he messaged me after th...

A.   31 July 2016: Op, Lets take this in order: Date 1: Bit narcisstic there I think, did he ask about you, did you enjoy the film etc? Everybody is a bit nervous after dates and wants to know what the other thinks of them but that was his first comment, seri... (read in full...)

My girlfriend won't let me touch her. What do I do?

Q.   Hi there. I'm looking for some guidance. I've been seeing a girl for a couple of months now and she barely touches me. I think I should maybe point out I am a very affectionate guy. I know I have a very high sex drive. My previous relation...

A.   31 July 2016: Id ask her as Andie says but be prepared for an answer you wont like. Andie is right that 2-3 times may be too much for many but I dont think thats the issue here because there is disjuncture between her past practice and her current practice if she ... (read in full...)

Will moving to another state bring me to a happier place than all the drama I've endure here?

Q.   Hey I need some advice Lately I've been going through alot of bad things. I know it's life and everyone goes through things some point. But I feel like it's only me at the moment. I'm extremely frustrated!!!! I've never been this frustrated bef...

A.   31 July 2016: OP, You tend to feel its only you when you are in the place that you are but as has already been pointed out to you that is most definately not the case. I can understand why you took the decision that you did though I wouldnt agree with it, ... (read in full...)

Is it fair that I don't want my boyfriend to go drinking with his female colleagues?

Q.   Hey guys :) so I've boyfriend for 6 years now, we are usually very happy, and we've been living together for 1 year. Neither of us go out drinking a lot (we are both very homely). Well recently boyfriend started a new office job, and his team has...

A.   30 July 2016: I think the problem the OP has - in her slight defence - is that she is noticing sudden changes in her bf and this is at the root of her insecurities - I think she has been used to spending alot of time with him - him being homely and that has ... (read in full...)

Social media signs are worrying me

Q.   I'm friends with a female at work and was on Facebook, but she deleted me from her list of friends due to a misunderstanding, which has since been sorted out. She said she would put me back on her list of friends on Facebook but nothing has ...

A.   30 July 2016: I am really tempted to say stop worrying about social media. The problem is there is actually very little you can do really. If she doesnt want to add you she doesnt want to add you and you cant make her. Its annoying she has told you she would do ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's personality has changed, should I address this? And how?

Q.   I'm with this guy for a year and a half now. And he had just broken up with his abusive ex of 5 years, by the time we met. He was very frail, little things could upset him greatly, and it took a few months for him to be himself again. But he was ...

A.   29 July 2016: If I am reading this right though he was affectionate at the beginning - something he now allegedly doesn't believe in which is puzzling because you're looking at something a bit different there - your talking about a change in beief system as ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend struggles with lusting after other women

Q.   My boyfriend struggles a lot with lusting after other women. He sees beautiful women and wants to be with them and gets jealous of their partners if these women are with someone else. He then ends up feeling really terrible about lusting after other ...

A.   28 July 2016: No guys are not like that. People dont stop noticing beauty in a relationship on a shallow and aestetic level (though I would argue they only truly see it in their partner if they are faitful) but your BF is way, way over any reasonable line. Your ... (read in full...)

How can I believe there is good in the world?

Q.   I can't stop wishing badly on people that have done me wrong - I fee like I'm stuck into waiting for karma to get people back that I'm watching my life waste away. I have been wronged very wrong end by a lover and friends and I've been a pushover or ...

A.   28 July 2016: I understand how you feel. It is a normal, a-typical, human response to suffering and pain. However, these emotions are literally eating into your soul and killing you. I dont believe in Karma, but I do believe in judgement and I do believe that ... (read in full...)

My married BF says I worry too much that he is going to be unfaithful to me. Is it all my fault?

Q.   Hi. I've been dating a married man for 3 years now. We have incredible sex together and lots of fun. We get along very well and are sexually perfect for each other. I care a lot for him. He cares for me. However, my insecurity issues ...

A.   27 July 2016: Actually, I want to change my answer to this completely having actually read it properly. Its not insecurity - its your guilt and your conscience slowly eating away at you. The solution is simple. End it. ... (read in full...)

My married BF says I worry too much that he is going to be unfaithful to me. Is it all my fault?

Q.   Hi. I've been dating a married man for 3 years now. We have incredible sex together and lots of fun. We get along very well and are sexually perfect for each other. I care a lot for him. He cares for me. However, my insecurity issues ...

A.   27 July 2016: Objectively, there is nothing your saying here that gives you any grounds not to trust him - I am talking anything concrete so I would lean heavily to backing him up on this one. Obviously, I would say these issues are deep-seated for ... (read in full...)

How long to wait for a declaration of love?

Q.   I've been dating this guy for 8 months and as I'm no spring chicken I've got to be economical with time. I've wasted too much in the past with an emotionally unavailable man. This one looked promising as we get on well and enjoy each other's ...

A.   21 July 2016: Yet.... "He's affectionate with me"..... As So Very writes: "I learned to listen to his actions" I think this is something you may have to do because from what you saying here his actions dont indicate there is anything wrong with how... (read in full...)

How long to wait for a declaration of love?

Q.   I've been dating this guy for 8 months and as I'm no spring chicken I've got to be economical with time. I've wasted too much in the past with an emotionally unavailable man. This one looked promising as we get on well and enjoy each other's ...

A.   21 July 2016: Hi YouWish Thank you. I know you werent was just giving a different perspective :)... (read in full...)

How long to wait for a declaration of love?

Q.   I've been dating this guy for 8 months and as I'm no spring chicken I've got to be economical with time. I've wasted too much in the past with an emotionally unavailable man. This one looked promising as we get on well and enjoy each other's ...

A.   21 July 2016: I think YouWish makes many good points. Having said that, I feel a bit of sympathy for this guy and cant help feeling your being a tad impatient. You cant rush or force feelings to happen on your time and to expect them to happen like that is a ... (read in full...)

Recently found out about a fling my Bf had. Is it wrong to want to know these things?

Q.   I recently found out my boyfriend had a fling with a girl on holiday not long after we started going out. We had been together for a couple of months, and we were still in the early stages of our relationship. We have been together for 3 y...

A.   20 July 2016: I am going to break from the consensus a bit. Yes, to know further details would be torturing yourself objectively and on that level, no you dont need to know nor should you BUT I on the other hand I am not sure there is a 'right' and a 'wrong' ... (read in full...)

FWB but getting emotionally attached

Q.   Hi, i have a male best friend of 12 years who iv recently started sleeping with. We both don't want a relationship but i have found myself getting upset at the thought of him getting a girlfriend. I can't be with him because i know it wouldn't work ...

A.   19 July 2016: You probably dont want to hear this but I think getting into this in the first place was a mistake - I understand wanting to take things to the next level with your friend but you have taken half a step in and now your getting invested. You cant ... (read in full...)

This guy is still texting her. What do I do now? Valuable suggestions would be appreciated.

Q.   I have a gf of 4 years in a long distance committed relationship. i couldnt visit her for a year due to some personal and visa problems which she knows clearly, but we skype daily for hours. Recently i found out she had been cheating on me with her...

A.   14 July 2016: Bin her off. She's using you. I got about 1/4 of the way into your post before I came to that conclusion which might say alot. The clincher was this: Though this guy knows she is commited, he proposed her during a drinking session with friends ... (read in full...)

I can't put up with her issues any longer

Q.   I have know my best friend for 11 years we are family, ever since she was diagnosed with depression she lies to me about everything, who she's with, where's she going. I can't trust her anymore, it makes me really upset because all I want to do is ...

A.   13 July 2016: Well I can tell you this for a fact, your friend is much more than depressed. I hold true to the belief that 99% of the time depression is a symptom of something deeper and so it appears to be in this case, one possibility, for example, is she is ... (read in full...)

We've broken up but keep seeing each other

Q.   My ex broke up with me 3 months ago now as he didn't like being in a relationship. Ever since we have talked a lot and met up (mostly when drunk after nights out) and every time we are both out, there is always an issue when one of us get annoyed or ...

A.   12 July 2016: Honeypie is talking alot of sense here. You are going to end up getting hurt because your clinging onto this because you have feelings for this guy and he is because he is getting sex. Sorry to be cynical and I am not meaning to be hurtful but there ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's assistant is inappropriate! How do I get him to set boundaries?

Q.   My boyfriend has a new assistant of 3 months. She is too comfortable around him and especially in our home. He invited her to hang out with our friends and she made a very bad first impression. She starts smoking weed, talking about how she deals, ...

A.   11 July 2016: I find it baffling that he has allowed this. I find it even more baffling he is promoting her to be a partner and indulges this. Something isnt right here and you know it isn't. You're not going to like what I say next so I'm sorry in advance. I ... (read in full...)

How can this be fixed? Dysfunctional family, I feel depressed when I'm near them but don't know how.

Q.   I live about two hours from my family (mum, grandparents). I try and visit every two weeksfor the weekend but lately it's the biggest struggle. I love them dearly but I cry on the drive back home and feel so depressed and drained. My mum sits ta...

A.   10 July 2016: I think it maybe a generational thing. While your grandparents were growing up and throughout most of their adult life there simply wasnt the awareness of mental health issues that we now have - it was much more likely that what we would consider as ... (read in full...)

Grieving for my twin brother who died. My parents don't mention him. How can I get through this grief?

Q.   I lost my twin brother, actually i feel like i lost half my soul. I am never going to be the same person again because half of me has died. Family give reasons and excuses and say everything will work out. We had always been together, never ...

A.   9 July 2016: I am sorry for your loss. Alot of good replies to this one but I do have to add, because I am not sure this has quite been teased out, that your parents are grieving as well so you have to be mindful that everything you are going through so are ... (read in full...)

Should I insist on marriage before sex?

Q.   Hello am 37 and dating a man of 60, I have never had a boyfriend or even kissed a man due to my fathers control of me for a long time. I am still a virgin. Recently I wanted to wait until marriage, but I wonder if I can find a man who can wait until ...

A.   8 July 2016: Yes you should tell him, so he knows where he stands. He seems to be dropping hints here about what he wants so don't let it continue any longer without letting him know what is what. If he won't respect your beliefs then I would leave him becaus... (read in full...)

Lies are taking me to the edge

Q.   I've been a single mother to my 6 year old since she was 3 months old. Her dad walked out on us, and even though I tried to get him to see her, he pretended like she didn't exist. We were both 18 when she was born, and we had been together for ...

A.   8 July 2016: Well since he is her current partner she's most likely to believe him unless she has good reason not too. She’s going to default to his side over yours but what she does or doesn’t believe is really academic. He, conversely, is going to tell his new ... (read in full...)

How do I stop my cell phone addiction?

Q.   this isn't a relationship question, but maybe someone can help me. as silly as it sounds...i am addicted to my cell phone. it's been an on-again, off-again (mostly on-again) issue for the past six years; since i was in college. i've hesitated t...

A.   6 July 2016: I dont think it is silly. People can be addicted to pretty much anything and with smartphones etc I would be surprised that if we were being totally honest we couldnt and shouldnt say that more people are addicted to their phones. As with any... (read in full...)

Everything I do seems to annoy him!

Q.   Hi I've been together with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years now everything was great up until recently everything I do lately seems to annoy him it's like I can't do anything right like for instance this morning he wanted to borrow some money I told ...

A.   5 July 2016: I would need much more than this because there is obviously some deep seated issue here. Do you spend alot of time together? Are you spending too much time together? May you both not be getting the space you need? Has he just got fed up with the ... (read in full...)

How to create a life of my own after hiding behind ex for 6 years?

Q.   I regretfully revolved my life around his for 6 years. It was emotionally abusive, am trying to work on my self esteem after it was battered for years. I am starting to realize in many ways this is a good thing that I was dumped. It did blindsid...

A.   5 July 2016: @lovehel, Your very welcome :). You think like that because that is how you feel about you. You feel there is something wrong with you and cant accept yourself for who you are and you project this onto other people - you assume they will think ... (read in full...)

False rumor. Then cheating.I forgave him. Am I a mug? Have I done the right thing?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months now. Then this weekend a rumour spread about me and another guy which wasn't true, I told my boyfriend about said rumour before it got to him by other means and he told me he believed me. He de...

A.   5 July 2016: Op, Well the principle reason id support you in doing this is because what your doing is graceful and virtous and in even wanting to forgive him your showing that and I think your admirable for doing so. You may get back to something good, ... (read in full...)

False rumor. Then cheating.I forgave him. Am I a mug? Have I done the right thing?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months now. Then this weekend a rumour spread about me and another guy which wasn't true, I told my boyfriend about said rumour before it got to him by other means and he told me he believed me. He de...

A.   4 July 2016: Being a forgiveing person doesnt necessarily make you a mug. Its a tremendous quality to have to be hurt like that and to be able to forgive. Having said that I think the road will be hard. There is a difference between saying someone is forgiven ... (read in full...)

How to create a life of my own after hiding behind ex for 6 years?

Q.   I regretfully revolved my life around his for 6 years. It was emotionally abusive, am trying to work on my self esteem after it was battered for years. I am starting to realize in many ways this is a good thing that I was dumped. It did blindsid...

A.   4 July 2016: Im glad your realising that this relationship wasnt right for you and are at the start of the process of moving on and that you a) recognise the need to heal yourself and b) are taking steps in that direction. All good, positive stuff. :) Its ... (read in full...)

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