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*isha-1 agony aunt

*isha-1

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Hi there!

Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.

I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman

If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)

Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle

All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama

"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain

I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/

So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.

The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.

If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html

If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.

You have my permission to say “no.”

If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.

There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’

Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.

Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.

Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.

I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.

I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html

More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm

I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171

Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.

Latest articles:

Questions to ask before getting married!

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24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...

Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!

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3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...

A little primer on women and sex...

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Valentine's Day Gift Ideas

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Newest answer was posted

26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...

Retrograde jealousy

This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

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Advice to young men about young women

This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...

More than one way to get up the Duff!!

This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...

< Prev4567891011121314Next > [240 pages, 9550 answers]

How do I tell potential FWBs or hookups that I only want oral or manual sex, not intercourse?

Q.   I want lower std risks and no pregnancy risks. So I decided to try having hookups but only going as far as foreplay. What I'm worried about is what if they think I'm childish since we're all over 18? Or they may even be angry we're not f*cking... ...

A.   28 April 2016: Good to hear you have applied the basic “don’t have sex with a jerk” rule. In re-reading your post, I was struck by this:” I want lower std risks and no pregnancy risks.” I hate to tell you but oral sex carries plenty of STD risks. You may be right... (read in full...)

Please help me! I’m feeling so suffocated by the choices my mother has made!

Q.   Hi all, I posted on here before about moving in with my bf and how my mother and stepfather are dependent on me. Well, I made up my mind that I was going to move in with my boyfriend regardless and start planning on our dreams. Come to find out...

A.   26 April 2016: If you aren’t completely aware of your financial obligations and rights with regards to a mortgage you seem to have agreed to then you need some legal help. Contact the “mortgage” person tonight and ask all these questions. Ask him or her perm... (read in full...)

Please help me! I’m feeling so suffocated by the choices my mother has made!

Q.   Hi all, I posted on here before about moving in with my bf and how my mother and stepfather are dependent on me. Well, I made up my mind that I was going to move in with my boyfriend regardless and start planning on our dreams. Come to find out...

A.   26 April 2016: You “met with the mortgage.” What else happened during the mortgage approval process? ... (read in full...)

Please help me! I’m feeling so suffocated by the choices my mother has made!

Q.   Hi all, I posted on here before about moving in with my bf and how my mother and stepfather are dependent on me. Well, I made up my mind that I was going to move in with my boyfriend regardless and start planning on our dreams. Come to find out...

A.   26 April 2016: Go into your personal bank tomorrow and ask to speak with a financial planner ASAP. ASAP! Something is very OFF in this equation.... (read in full...)

Please help me! I’m feeling so suffocated by the choices my mother has made!

Q.   Hi all, I posted on here before about moving in with my bf and how my mother and stepfather are dependent on me. Well, I made up my mind that I was going to move in with my boyfriend regardless and start planning on our dreams. Come to find out...

A.   26 April 2016: If your mother can’t qualify with a mortgage without you then she’s not qualified to purchase a home at this point in time. Your credit could be WRECKED for years to come if the home is foreclosed on with your name on the mortgage. You have sign... (read in full...)

Please help me! I’m feeling so suffocated by the choices my mother has made!

Q.   Hi all, I posted on here before about moving in with my bf and how my mother and stepfather are dependent on me. Well, I made up my mind that I was going to move in with my boyfriend regardless and start planning on our dreams. Come to find out...

A.   26 April 2016: Wait. So YOU are the wage-earner on the mortgage? WHOA. Brakes on. “It was promised that my name would be taken off once there was a refinance.” No, no no nononononoononono. This is a recipe for financial disaster for you. YOU are buying the h... (read in full...)

Do I stop making our favorite food because it bothers our 80 year old neighbor?

Q.   Hello We live in an apartment building and are a mid aged couple. I cook for my husband on daily basis, we are both Canadian. We really enjoy curry and maybe twice a month I will cook it. My neighbour who is in her 80s and frail health mention...

A.   26 April 2016: Wait, your cooking aromas are not vented to the outside with a fan? Is this an older apartment building? What happens if someone burns something on the stove? Wouldn’t that set off the smoke detectors? I did find a list of asthma triggers and what... (read in full...)

He sleeps around but lies about it. What should I do?

Q.   Me n my man been off n on for a year n have its been not so good in the first it was awesome then he stopped showing he cared he snaps n yells wants to always go out with out me I have to ask to come or even have a drink with him I have too do what ...

A.   26 April 2016: What do you do? You say goodbye to him. This man isn’t honest, respectful, caring or kind. He’s a loser. So lose him as soon as possible! Stop talking to him, stop sleeping with him, stop any contact whatsoever with him. If you are having troub... (read in full...)

How do I tell potential FWBs or hookups that I only want oral or manual sex, not intercourse?

Q.   I want lower std risks and no pregnancy risks. So I decided to try having hookups but only going as far as foreplay. What I'm worried about is what if they think I'm childish since we're all over 18? Or they may even be angry we're not f*cking... ...

A.   26 April 2016: “I’m also worried about if I meet a really experienced guy and he just blows me off when I tell him I don’t want sex” Wait, does mean you think will be raped? Oh my dear. And you’re worried about being pressured into doing something you don’t want ... (read in full...)

Please help me! I’m feeling so suffocated by the choices my mother has made!

Q.   Hi all, I posted on here before about moving in with my bf and how my mother and stepfather are dependent on me. Well, I made up my mind that I was going to move in with my boyfriend regardless and start planning on our dreams. Come to find out...

A.   26 April 2016: How did they even qualify for a home loan? That’s crazy! I know a mortgage broker and they are very picky about qualifying applicants anymore. Unless they put you on the mortgage and you are the one legally liable for paying for the house? None of ... (read in full...)

I’m unsure how to deal with this friend group!

Q.   Hi all, I've got an odd situation going on. I have a friend that is hard to get in touch with and is a poor communicator. She will constantly invite me to things, then not tell me the exact time or respond. I have recently learned that her...

A.   26 April 2016: Do you actually WANT this type of relationship you’ve settled for with the least offensive member of the group? Sorry, maybe he isn’t THAT offensive. He’s just, um, less offensive, as in he’ll text you when he can but isn’t going to do squat to i... (read in full...)

What am I doing wrong? Women seem scared of me. Haven't been able to set up a date in three years.

Q.   I have problems with women and I'm taking time away from dating (or trying to date) until I've found myself, developed confidence, and have a proper view of women in general. I've struggled pretty badly for the past 7 years or so. My previous...

A.   25 April 2016: Is it possible you have a form of social anxiety that prevents you from interacting with people in a “normal” or “typical” way? I found a useful online tool to determine if you might be experiencing social anxiety: ... (read in full...)

I’m expecting my first child with my boyfriend but he isn’t happy and is calling me a liar!

Q.   I have recently discovered I'm expecting my first child with my boyfriend of 3 years. It seems like it would be great news but he isn't happy at all and keeps calling me a liar as I had always believed that I couldn't have children naturall...

A.   25 April 2016: Thank you, jls022, for pointing out what we missed! And you are right, the OP reported stopping birth control with his knowledge. So, that alters my answer. Both of you failed to take proper birth control precautions. He assumed you were infe... (read in full...)

Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control

Q.   (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...

A.   25 April 2016: I turn to Yos’s posts on RJ. Here’s one that might serve as an appropriate followup to your post: "What you have just said about beliefs, morality and love are very typical comments from someone in your situation. I have heard them over and over... (read in full...)

He likes to tease me in front of others. What can I try to get him to stop doing this?

Q.   I'm a 27 year old female, and my s/o, *P* is 28. I've been troubled by this for a while, and just tonight we got into an argument about this. Here is my problem...he likes to tease me in front of others.I feel uncomfortable about it, and almost f...

A.   25 April 2016: Record his "teasing" along with the reaction (or lack there of), say nothing. When he initiates sex, play the recording to him, say simply "I'm not in the mood" and leave. Teach him that excessive teasing will have consequences. Repeat his hurt... (read in full...)

Are we just really good friends, or does she like me?

Q.   I have known this girl-I'll refer to her as "H."-for almost two years now, though we have been actual friends since about August. I am a sophomore in High School, and she is a Junior in High School. My freshman year, I met her in my Theatre I cla...

A.   25 April 2016: P.S. The answers are for the 50 year old “why didn’t I go for it when I was young, vital and handsome?” And for the 80 year old “What was her name? I hope she had a long and wonderful and happy life, just like I did.” Unless, of course, you choo... (read in full...)

Does he want to go back to casually sleeping together? Or just friends?

Q.   A guy ive been exclusively seeing for two months recently ended things with me. We were previous drunken fuck buddies for three months beforehand who ended up getting feelings for each other and decided to give it a go. We never really went out on ...

A.   25 April 2016: I’m going to roll with your comment that when he ended it you were pretty upset. If you can’t ask him if you can still sleep together then I don’t think you have the basis of any kind of healthy relationship. He’s already said it felt better w... (read in full...)

Are we just really good friends, or does she like me?

Q.   I have known this girl-I'll refer to her as "H."-for almost two years now, though we have been actual friends since about August. I am a sophomore in High School, and she is a Junior in High School. My freshman year, I met her in my Theatre I cla...

A.   25 April 2016: “of course saying nothing and remaining friends is preferable to making a situation awkward and never speaking again.” Quick. Without thinking about it too much. Imagine yourself as a 50 year old man. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Th... (read in full...)

I’m expecting my first child with my boyfriend but he isn’t happy and is calling me a liar!

Q.   I have recently discovered I'm expecting my first child with my boyfriend of 3 years. It seems like it would be great news but he isn't happy at all and keeps calling me a liar as I had always believed that I couldn't have children naturall...

A.   25 April 2016: What have you done so wrong, you ask. First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy. I hope you are taking care of yourself and preparing for the baby. Let’s just take a moment to examine the dynamics of revealing your pregnancy to that special ... (read in full...)

I’m falling out of love with my boyfriend because he keeps rejecting me due to my weight gain of 15 lbs!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3.5 years, during which time I have been enrolled in a rigorous PhD program. I am 5’8 and when he met me, I weighed 155 lbs. A year ago he told me he hadn’t been attracted to me for about 6 months. He had b...

A.   25 April 2016: Oh for heaven’s sake, if he’s been trying to get you to lose weight for 3.5 years which is the entire time you’ve been dating, and he’s only just admitted that? *eyeroll* Why did he start dating you in the first place? He’s being what you ... (read in full...)

Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control

Q.   (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...

A.   25 April 2016: Ah, I see, chigirl, it’s part of the pathology of the OCD disorder. So the comment about his imaginary future son and imaginary future daughter’s sex lives is more about the disorder than the morality? The OP uses the “morality” of premarital sex as ... (read in full...)

Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control

Q.   (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...

A.   24 April 2016: I just read your followup: "I want my son to have as much as sex possible while my daughter to stay virgin until marriage. The reason? I wish I had known. It's most likely about sexual conduct of society. Throughout history, woman who were virgin ... (read in full...)

Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control

Q.   (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...

A.   24 April 2016: Another post from Yos: A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (5 August 2010): Yos agony auntI'm writing this as someone who has experienced crippling retroactive jealousy at one stage of my life, and over time overcome it. Noting that having d... (read in full...)

Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control

Q.   (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...

A.   24 April 2016: The magic words that will heal you. Oh dear. I think that like many who suffer these intrusive, unwanted and uncontrollable images and thoughts, this won’t be solved by a few words from a stranger on the internet. First of all, I’ld suggest you read... (read in full...)

I don't want to be best friends with him!

Q.   Hi! I'm having a bit of trouble atm. This boy in my class that has a crush on me won't stop FaceTiming and texting me. Should I not reply or tell him I don't feel like talking right now? He always wants to hangout and I always say yes whe...

A.   24 April 2016: But you ARE annoyed by him because he’s being a pest and clingy. “Derek, dude, you’ve facetimed me x times today and texted y times. Dude. Too much. This feels uncomfortable to ask you and uncomfortable to say to you but please just drop the cont... (read in full...)

Is the suggestion we watch a movie at his place for our fifth date normal, or a bad sign?

Q.   Is this a bad sign? I'm interested in a guy I met through an online dating site. I've met with him four times already now, we've had coffee, a dinner/movie date, picnic at a park with drinks then at a lounge. For the next date he suggested I come...

A.   23 April 2016: And just to mentally arm yourself, sad though that sounds, there’s a popular movement here which suggests that you wait 90 days before giving up the cookie. (Ahem) That time frame will weed out the people who are not in it for building a rela... (read in full...)

How can I show him his bad times are over?

Q.   Hi , Ive just got myself a new boyfriend weve been together a month . hes really nice but he hasnt had the best of times over the last year or so before we got together . He had cancer 5 years ago and beat it ( had to leave the army which he lived ...

A.   23 April 2016: My family has many cancer survivor stories and about an equal number of cancer winning out in the end, after a really nasty battle. So I’m not a big fan of cancer. Ha. He beat the cancer you said, five years ago, but now it’s back which has sent... (read in full...)

Is the suggestion we watch a movie at his place for our fifth date normal, or a bad sign?

Q.   Is this a bad sign? I'm interested in a guy I met through an online dating site. I've met with him four times already now, we've had coffee, a dinner/movie date, picnic at a park with drinks then at a lounge. For the next date he suggested I come...

A.   23 April 2016: Your intuition is saying to you “this isn’t quite right, I can’t put my finger on it but it doesn’t feel right.” So, rather than go to his place to watch a film, pay for the two of you to go to a first run film. If he says he wants quiet time to ... (read in full...)

How can you love someone and still feel mind-blowing chemistry with someone else?

Q.   Hi everyone, I was really curious about something. I feel like my current boyfriend is a man I can marry and have children with etc. We get along very well and keep each other laughing. We support each other in our dreams and careers. However...

A.   23 April 2016: I think that having an attraction to someone outside your relationship is completely normal and probably very common. Are you still having the chemistry crushing thing going on despite this being a dead relationship? And wondering how to get rid ... (read in full...)

Am I a rebound? I'm concerned about his continued contact with his ex.

Q.   Hi dearcupid, I have been dating a pretty nice guy for the last few months. Everything seems pretty good except I'm concerned about something. I'm not sure if I have a right to be concerned. What I'm concerned about is he is still in frequen...

A.   23 April 2016: I’d be concerned. In fact, I’m wondering why you agreed to date him when he’d told you “up front he was not ready to date again.” Red flag. He’s probably like my sister’s ex, who always had the next girlfriend lined up before he broke up with the ... (read in full...)

How many women get pregnant because they hate their jobs?

Q.   Im curious what people reckon is the proportion of women that have a baby because they don't want to work (or hate their job)?...

A.   22 April 2016: They don’t want to work? Hahahahaha! I think most of the mothers I know would say being a mother is the hardest job they will ever have. I think my brother’s ex had that idea. So that’s one I know. But she is a really stupid and awful woman with... (read in full...)

These old friendships are haunting me, any advice?

Q.   I was excluded quite rudly from a group of uni friends over 6 years ago. The ringleader suddenly decided her friends at home didn't like me, so when her friends came to visit she refused to mention the night to me - a couple days before the night I ...

A.   20 April 2016: You’re in the 30-35 age range, so this must have happened when you were 24 years old at the youngest, or 29 years at the oldest. Yes, my advice is to write a letter conveying how disappointed, hurt and angry you were with the snub. Lay it all out,... (read in full...)

My wife is secretive about her new massage therapist

Q.   Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried?...

A.   19 April 2016: Why haven't you asked her this question? You appear to have enough of a concern that you've investigated her search history as well as the previous massage therapist.... (read in full...)

Should I accept? Ex bf has a gf, but wants to start over with me as friends and see where things go

Q.   I need to start off by saying I am emotionally in a bad place these last few days, and I may be all over the place with this. I severely need help from unbiased views. I feel uncomfortable talking with friends about this. An ex bf of mine (was ...

A.   19 April 2016: You could of course, to be sure he’s on the up and up and he’s talked with her about it, go to her and tell her that you are looking forward to getting to know her as you and your ex will be still friends. *Pause while that soaks in* Now, you ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend and I like different things in the bedroom? Do I stop liking anal? Or what?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 4 years now, since she was 17 and I was 18. We were both virgins (if that matters at all). We have amazing sex and often use toys, ties, etc. There is however one shameful problem with our sex lif...

A.   13 April 2016: Check out http://yourbrainonporn.com for help with letting go of watching the porn stuff. As for the aversion therapy, studies have shown you don’t actually have to do anything physical. You just need to become aware of your thought patterns. The ... (read in full...)

How do I solve the finishing problem?

Q.   J and I have been sleeping together for about 2 and a half months now, and the sex is great and we have a lot of physical and emotional chemistry and we usually just can't keep our hands off of each other. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't ...

A.   13 April 2016: One of the things that kills the orgasm for so many women is worrying about why it’s taking so long for her to reach the big moment. Maybe in this case, he’s now become sensitive to your distress about the situation and the mental gyrations of ... (read in full...)

How can get a girl that I adore to forget about my past?

Q.   How can get a girl that I adore to forget about my past ? From the time I was 18 I was in a band. Even though we were just a small town band we had our own little group of followers and got a good deal of attention. I was young and enjoy life. Ov...

A.   12 April 2016: Hi, you are aged 30-35 so high school was a LONG time ago. She might have had a crush on you nearly 20 years ago and it was fun to chitchat with an old high school crush. Based on the age you gave, she’d be 27-32 and was with her high school boyf... (read in full...)

Mixed signals from my crush

Q.   Hi everyone, sorry if this is a bit long. I am 21 year old gay man. Last year I dated this guy, and even tough we never made our relationship "official", I was very happy during the months we were together, I really tried my best to make it work,...

A.   12 April 2016: Your gut was telling you it was a bad idea, and now you know your gut was right. He’s not sending mixed signals. You are interpreting his stabs at friendship as something more. You want something to happen so badly that you are overlooking all the ... (read in full...)

What is it with men? Do they want what they can't have?

Q.   I wrote a question back in November, wondering if this guy was still a player or not. Long story short, I did cut contact with that guy, So for months I hadn't heard anything from the "reformed" player (nor have I laid eyes on him) until today when ...

A.   12 April 2016: Why would it be tricky? Just ignore him. Nothing to it.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's attitude towards my godchild turned me off. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Q.   Hi everyone. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We recently started talking about moving in together. I felt anxious about that cause although we get along very well, I still think we're in the "honeymoon" period or something. Any...

A.   12 April 2016: Ah, so she’s your niece. And you were put in the position of mothering her because your brother and her mother couldn’t. And your father died, leaving your mother with you and your younger brother to cope with.... I read some of the various fait... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's attitude towards my godchild turned me off. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Q.   Hi everyone. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We recently started talking about moving in together. I felt anxious about that cause although we get along very well, I still think we're in the "honeymoon" period or something. Any...

A.   12 April 2016: So your age shows as 22-25 and your godchild is 10 now. So you were 12-15 when she was born and you were chosen as her godmother? Wow, that’s rather young. And you say she thought you were her mom until she was 2? So you were 14-17 when you were ... (read in full...)

Are they turned off by my virginity?

Q.   I loved two different guys once upon a time... The first guy was into me, we had alot in common. We went on a couple dates and we discussed sex, marriage etc. When he found out I was a virgin tho , he said he couldnt be with me anymore.. The...

A.   12 April 2016: Hi OP, I don’t think it’s the virginity thing in this case. You start off by saying that you loved two guys once upon a time, which for most of us would suggest that you had been in a real life passionate relationship. Now as I go on to read you... (read in full...)

How can I best deal with my insistent ex? He's weirding me out

Q.   My ex has reached out 5 years after we broke up. We haven't seen each other since we broke up. He has intermittently throughout the 5 years making efforts to keep talking, but I moved countries, grew up, had new experiences blah blah I feel li...

A.   10 April 2016: Okay, if that’s too short and not emotional enough, I think WiseOwlE had a nice way to put it. Let me rephrase for you. “Hi, Ferdinand, I received your message about meeting up. I appreciate that you would like to get together to ‘catch up.’ You ... (read in full...)

He promised he'd pay, and we really do need the money

Q.   My best friends fiance was organising a surprise party for her 30th and he asked if me and my husband would be happy to have it at our house as theirs was too small to fit approximately 30 people. He assured is he would buy everything-snack...

A.   10 April 2016: Of course you’ve been taken advantage of, the guy never was going to pay, he set you up. I expect he’s told your best friend that you offered to do all of this and he is so grateful. So be prepared to lose her as a friend if he’s already conned her ... (read in full...)

How do I stop distancing myself from my BF? I've convinced myself he's cheating.

Q.   I really need help. I have been distancing myself from my boyfriend of 2 years for the last little while. Maybe 6 months or so. It's been a slow and steady process. Designed to protect my heart from getting hurt very badly. I just could never trus...

A.   10 April 2016: “Can anyone help me?” We’ve tried over the years. We haven’t helped at all. The person who might be able to help, you haven’t asked yet. Your doctor. You’ve been building to this for a couple of years now. The paranoia, the doubts, the lack of ... (read in full...)

Was I wrong for not letting him move in?

Q.   I met a ma online. We chatted and he gave me his number. I didn't call until a week later. He wanted to meet that day I was reluctantly and wanted to wait until the following Saturday. He agreed but tried to send a facechat call. I declined. We ...

A.   10 April 2016: “We met on Saturday and he asked for an account number so that he could pay a bill I told him no thank you. “ That moment right there should have told you that you are dealing either with a con man or a man who is just not right in the head. Which... (read in full...)

How can I best deal with my insistent ex? He's weirding me out

Q.   My ex has reached out 5 years after we broke up. We haven't seen each other since we broke up. He has intermittently throughout the 5 years making efforts to keep talking, but I moved countries, grew up, had new experiences blah blah I feel li...

A.   10 April 2016: “This isn’t a good time for us to ‘catch up.’ Thanks for reaching out but I will have to pass at this time. I realize that you have made an effort to keep in contact but this is no longer a relationship I care to continue, intermittent though ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend and I like different things in the bedroom? Do I stop liking anal? Or what?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 4 years now, since she was 17 and I was 18. We were both virgins (if that matters at all). We have amazing sex and often use toys, ties, etc. There is however one shameful problem with our sex lif...

A.   6 April 2016: You’re liking anal or you are obsessed with it? There’s a bit of a difference there. I like peppers but they don’t like me back, as the saying goes. So I don’t eat them. No big deal. I’m not obsessed with the peppers to the extent that I eat them ... (read in full...)

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