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*upermum agony aunt

*upermum

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*upermum's profile:

Time to revamp a little bit! I am amazing at giving advice, terrible at taking it, as with most of us I suppose.

I speak straight from my heart. Sometimes it is difficult to swallow, but it is always the truth. I am not the type of person who will sugar coat anything or play nice, because I do not believe that will help people, and I know that is how I would wish to be treated.

I feel I can benefit people here because I am able to see both sides of an argument, have an objective head and can see the bigger picture most of the time. I am very good at working out why people behave in certain ways, and therefore can often bring a helpful insight into a situation. I am available if you have a private question, or to answer those on the site.

A bit about me: I am 23, live on my own in the UK, have a fantastic life and am an incredibly strong person. I have been through a lot, which makes me empathetic and can sympathise with almost everyone.

Happy problem solving!

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We had a close encounter and now he acts like I don't exist

Q.   A few months ago, me and a guy that I like were extremely close. I told him how I felt and he confessed that he felt the same. We got together. We didn't go to far, but we did go close. Now, for some reason, he almost pretends that I don't exist. He ...

A.   2 November 2015: I can understand why you are upset hun. Is he like this even when you talk in private? Regardless, he is a complete loser and not worth a minute more of your time. Personally, I would make a comment about how 'little' men aren't worth my time lol... (read in full...)

Can I tighten my vagina?

Q.   I have doing sex 2 month ago with my ex boyfriend. And now I have new boyfriend and we want to do sex. But I want to tight my vagina.is it possible? ...

A.   2 November 2015: Your vagina will still be tight, don't worry about it. If you want to make it seem like you are a virgin then I am sorry that is impossible since your hymen is gone. However using the vagina a few times does not suddenly make it loose. I have been ... (read in full...)

A co-worker is aware that I am her secret admired. How should I approach her?

Q.   Hello - I have a girl in my office and i think i like her. But, i was hesitant to approach her directly, as she is from other process and team. So, i started keeping sticky notes on her workstation like congratulating her on her promotion etc.. ...

A.   2 November 2015: I am sorry hun but we can't tell you what she is feeling... how would we know? Why not write on a sticky note "Want to go out for coffee some time?" And see where that gets you?... (read in full...)

Anxiety is wreaking havoc on a long distance relationship. I want him to do what I want him to do!

Q.   I have been medicated for anxiety for 9 years now and worked with counselors for longer than that. I have anxiety and panic disorder with some OCD (just the obsessive thoughts.) I haven't dated much and have not had a relationship that last...

A.   2 November 2015: You have to understand your anxiety is your problem. It is your job to reassure yourself, not his! I know how hard it is because I have GAD. It seems your anxiety medication isn't doing enough any more so maybe you should chat with your doctor about ... (read in full...)

How do I say I'm interested him and don't want just sex?

Q.   A couple of weeks ago, while I was on a little holiday with friends, I met a guy who was on a family holiday from New Zealand. We hit it off really well. We kissed and basically enjoyed each others company without having sex. My friends approved of ...

A.   2 November 2015: I would just keep talking to him. Allow the conversation to go naturally and you can try and steer it towards what he is looking for when you come over. Maybe ask what would happen if you got serious? Keep talking... you'll get your answer x... (read in full...)

I would like to get involved with my best friend but even though she encourages me I am afraid!

Q.   Dear agony aunts, I've known this bisexual girl for a year now and she became my best friend after we flirted together. We talk about everything: her girlfriends, her boyfriend, mine too etc Today i mentioned wanting to date a beautiful girl l...

A.   1 November 2015: You need to move very carefully here, sometimes feelings like this can destroy friendships. You need to find out if she is genuinely interested in dating or if she is flirting because she is your best friend. I flirt with my best friend all the time ... (read in full...)

Did she enjoy the sex? Or is she just trying to be nice?

Q.   Hello dear cupid . I have a nice girl am dating right now, she even was the one who confessed her love to me on text. i have developed these intense feeling for her and we have grown so much fund of each other. sometimes she text me that she wish to ...

A.   1 November 2015: Putting pressure on yourself like that will give you performance anxiety. That will make it harder to get and maintain an erection. You really need to relax. It was your first time so you were nervous and that is understandable. You need to st... (read in full...)

I want to be a family but I am scarred from what my boyfriend did

Q.   A few weeks after I had given birth to my baby I found a load of sexting texts on my boyfriend's phone. I knew the person to be a girl he works with and when I asked him about it he said it was just flirting and that I did it all the time. Before my ...

A.   1 November 2015: Ultimately the choice here is yours. Yes, he did you wrong, but he has been trying to make up for it. I think maybe couples counselling is the way to go here. Trust is like a sheet of paper. If you mess it up, you screw it up in a ball. You can fl... (read in full...)

Does my girlfriend still want her ex boyfriend? She chats to him on whatsapp every day

Q.   Hi everyone, I have been dating someone for 6 months now and it's generally going well. My main concern is she has an ex-boyfriend (ex) and they message each other on whatsapp literally everyday. They were friends for a few years before t...

A.   1 November 2015: Have you spoken to her about this. Let her know you are a little jealous and worried she still has feeling for him. Let her know that you feel what she is doing is a little excessive. However...no matter what you feel you don't have the right to... (read in full...)

My Girlfriends seems to be jealous of my children. How to handle the strain this puts on our relationship?

Q.   Hi everyone, I have a problem that hopefully you can help me with..... My current partner of 2 years and myself have a child who is 7 months old (the relationship moved fast). I have two more children from a previous relationship, all my chi...

A.   1 November 2015: I think you need to have a serious chat with her and let her know how her actions are upsetting you. Let her know that she is very important to you and that you love her and your child with her very much. But also explain that you have two other ... (read in full...)

No matter what I do, the face of this other guy keeps on intruding into my thoughts. How can I stop this?

Q.   I choose to figure out what went wrong with my marriage that had led me to have an emotional affair with this guy, other than the fact that my husband and I are incompatible. I'd like to believe that I had actually loved him and that I still ca...

A.   1 November 2015: Honey I do understand your position. Affairs of the heart are always messy. Keep going with the counselling, hopefully that will be able to help you understand why the love disappeared. Sometimes, it happens and there is nothing you can do about it. ... (read in full...)

What can I do? I just can't handle watching her love someone else.

Q.   my ex-best friend / ex-lover and i had a very complicated 7 year bisexual relationship. I was her shameful secret and i always felt rejected, used and humiliated. she treated me bad and always flaunted different relationships she had with others ...

A.   31 October 2015: I agree with Garbo.. why are you allowing this girl to hurt you again??? Honey you need to move on. If you are still in love with her even after all these years then remaining friends with her will only torture you. There is no need to watch her be ... (read in full...)

The man I am dating refuses to introduce me to his family

Q.   Thanks for ur replies so far concerning my previous question.i am a 25yrs and the guy is 36yrs we've been dating over a year now becos when he ask my hand in marriage as at last year i refused becos i dont know much about him before i excepted him ...

A.   31 October 2015: This is certainly very strange. Have you met his friends yet if not his family? If not, I would seriously reconsider this relationship as he may not be as single as you thought. How can you get married without knowing his family and friends? And t... (read in full...)

No matter what I do, the face of this other guy keeps on intruding into my thoughts. How can I stop this?

Q.   I choose to figure out what went wrong with my marriage that had led me to have an emotional affair with this guy, other than the fact that my husband and I are incompatible. I'd like to believe that I had actually loved him and that I still ca...

A.   31 October 2015: Have you considered couple counselling? I wonder if that might be the logical next step. And since you can't stop memories popping into your head, make a deal with yourself. Every time you think about this other guy, remember something you and your ... (read in full...)

Had one amazing night with a man from another continent...should we stay in touch?

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles, I went on vacation by myself last week, and the first night I was there I met a French man and we immediately hit it off. We have the same occupation, love to travel, and I even speak some French. We spent all evening together...

A.   31 October 2015: You go for it girl. Making mistakes is much easier on the heart than having regrets! If it doesn't work out, or you don't feel the connection after a year has passed when you next might meet him, then so be it. But if that spark stays until you can ... (read in full...)

I'm dating my married step uncle...help? I need advice on what to do, please?

Q.   Ok hi. Completely new at this. So to get right to the point. I'm dating my step uncle so (my mothers step mums son) so not. Definitely not blood related. He is married (not separated) tho like typical situations (is going to get a device an...

A.   31 October 2015: You know exactly what advice you were going to get. Which is interesting since you are refusing to leave him. I can assure you of one thing though... you don't have an abnormally large conscience. In fact, I would say yours is slowly disappearing!! ... (read in full...)

Both teachers have a crush on me, what do I do?

Q.   First I want to say this is an adult's language school, so everybody is over 18. As part of my university degree I'm studying abroad at a Spanish language school. Somehow both teachers there have a crush on me, strong enough for all the students...

A.   31 October 2015: Wow I am pretty lost for words here. Firstly... and I don't mean this in a negative way... you should really have more respect for yourself. You are trying to pursue one relationship with an age-inappropriate person (despite the fact they could lose ... (read in full...)

I love my husband to be but I know my parents are ashamed of him

Q.   Im getting marry with my fiance next year. We had been together for 6 years. Hes caring and people can tell he loves me deeply from how he treated me. His family loves me and always include me in every event and gatherings they had. They also e...

A.   31 October 2015: What do you mean you don't feel comfortable with his current living situation? What is wrong with it? I will tell you a secret.. as a parent, there is only one thing we want for our children. We want them to be happy. If you show them how happy yo... (read in full...)

The question is, should I tell the lady how I feel after we've had 5 months apart?

Q.   The question is, should I tell the lady how I feel after we've had 5 months apart? All night having a good time with everyone, celebrating my ex's PhD which she achieved today. (ABC) ABC says things that stay with me "I missed my chance" - "This was ...

A.   31 October 2015: You shouldn't tell her. I know it is breaking your heart but if she is moving on then you shouldn't stand in her way. You have to do what is best for her, not what is best for you. But.. since this guy sounds like a bit of a tool, you should still ... (read in full...)

Does he just tolerate my shape due to the emotional connection? Is it wrong of me to want a man who loves all of me including my body shape?

Q.   I've been in a Relationship with a man for a year and a half and very happy . The time we have spent together has been wonderful . However recently he has had an issue with my weight and is treating me differently because of it. He seems extremely ...

A.   31 October 2015: No you aren't wrong honey. You deserve someone who loves every bit of you. Is there a particular reason you feel your weight is such a turn-off to him? At the end of the day a relationship should make you both happy. If neither of you are happy th... (read in full...)

Why is he, all of a sudden, interested in trying? Is sex, the first time, sometimes not successful?

Q.   My bf never used to be very much into having sex. We've been dating for over 3 yrs now. We are both college graduates. I'm working before going to med school. He's getting ready for law school. One of the biggest problems in our relationship was...

A.   31 October 2015: Honey... we can't tell you why he is doing something I am afraid. It is very unusual to have been dating for that long with him showing no interest at all in sex. Was he depressed? On any medication that would affect his libido? The only way you ... (read in full...)

Are there any long term side effect from anal sex?

Q.   Hi Over the past few months my partner and i have tried anal sex. At first she was against it, but now likes it and enjoy the change. she is concerned if there is any long term side affect from doing it that way and if so what...

A.   31 October 2015: I realise this thread is very old now... but just in case people find this page in the future like I did I wanted to post some accurate advice, since there is a whole lot of ignorance, naivety and downright misinformation here. Having anal sex... (read in full...)

How long will I be a virgin?

Q.   Hi, agony aunts. I have never worried for not having a boyfriend, but I started university two months ago and now I can't stop thinking about it. We are seven girls in my residence and all except one have or have had a boyfriend, and have already ...

A.   25 November 2014: You are only 18 my dear. Ask anyone over the age of 25 if they wish they had waited a while for their first time. Almost everyone will say yes. Don't feel pressured. It is your body. And pushing it before you are ready will make the experience h... (read in full...)

My mum is ruining my life!

Q.   First of all, I’d like to say that I am not a native English speaker so please, forgive my spelling mistakes! Sooo, here is the story. I am 24 and I live at my mother’s place with my younger sister (16 years old) – and no father - after spending 6...

A.   25 November 2014: I have lived away from my parents since I was 16. It must be very hard having to come back and live by her rules when you are used to independence. Firstly you have to understand that all the rules she gives you are out of love. Whether or not y... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's parents are forcing her into an arranged marriage

Q.   My gf parents read our adult conversation and are very angry with both of us even when we didnt had ny physical relation we only hold each other hands sometimes and they r also forceing her to marry a guy what to do we both love each other alot but ...

A.   25 November 2014: I would have issues if my daughters partner wrote and spoke the way you do. You have to understand it is their job to do what they feel is best for their daughter. If she is truly being forced to marry someone against her will, the police and a... (read in full...)

Would like to hear from people in age gap relationships.

Q.   Would like some input, especially from those who are in large age gap relationships, whether as the older or the younger partner. I care very much for a widower who is 19 years older than I am (he's 56, I'm 37). In terms of interests, livin...

A.   6 November 2012: I am 21 dating a 40 year old. What has age got to do with the price of fish? When I was 17 I dated a 45 year old. I like older men because I have an older spirit than most my age, so men my age seem immature and not compatible. Address your con... (read in full...)

Intense performance anxiety is taking over and affecting my relationships.

Q.   I am struggling with some sort of sexual performance anxiety. I am 17 years old, and lost my virginity on my 17th birthday to my current girlfriend. Since age 13 I've had anxiety about sexual things, feeling that I needed to be sexually active in o...

A.   6 November 2012: Go and see your doctor. They can prescribe medication to help with anxiety, and offer advice and reassurance. This happens more often than you would believe. Watching porn wont help you. Real sex is nothing like what you see on the screen, ... (read in full...)

I like my boyfriend but he's never spontaneous with affection. Why is this!? I'm his first girlfriend.

Q.   I'm a 15 year old girl and I've been in a relationship with this guy for nearly about 6 weeks. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time because every time I get passed the 'honeymoon stages' (about 6 weeks for me) I start to notice all the ...

A.   6 November 2012: Stop moaning and take control. Tell him what you want, otherwise how is he supposed to know? It takes a long long time to perfect dating techniques. Don't worry about it being awkward, just make it sexy. If you are out, you take his hand to show ... (read in full...)

Depressed g/f lied and told therapist that I abuse her! I can't trust her now at all!

Q.   I have a very complicated issue and need advice and an outsiders point of view. When my gf and I got together (2 years ago) she was open about the fact she was on anti depressants. I was ok with this as it seemed she was dealing with it. A few ...

A.   20 July 2012: Ok, you need to give her an ultimatum. Sort herself out, or you will leave. And stick to it. No second chances anymore. I suffer with severe depression, PTSD, and BPD. It sucks. But I have to help myself. Otherwise why should anyone else? ... (read in full...)

Could this proposal be too soon?

Q.   So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and have known each other as acquaintances for a year longer than that (so essentially 18 months). We're serious and have worked through some major life issues in a goid healthy way together ...

A.   20 July 2012: I would say it is a little soon. If you are planning on staying together forever, why not just date for a while. Then maybe after a year or two you can think about it again. There is no need to rush things, just enjoy eachothers company! You w... (read in full...)

Boyfriend of 3 years popped the question unexpectedly in front of family/friends. I told him I wasn't ready and now he won't talk to me!

Q.   Hey everyone So my boyfriend proposed to me last week and I know I just be happy about this but I'm not.. We have been dating for 3 years and things are goin really well until the day of propasal.. He has never spoken about marriage to me so ...

A.   20 July 2012: While you did the right thing for you, he is crushed and feels embarrassed and humiliated. He will be questioning whether you are the right person now, as after 3 years you should know one way or the other. His confidence would have been severely ... (read in full...)

I want a baby even though I'm in no position to have one!

Q.   Hiya! I am mum to a gorgeous little girl, who is due to turn 5 on Tuesday. The problem is, ever since she was two, I have been broody. And it has been getting worse and worse, to the point where it actually hurts sometimes. I am not in the righ...

A.   25 April 2012: Ummm @TheOldMan, I am on birth control. And more than that, I am on the implant, which means I am on birth control that I cannot accidently on purpose forget to take, and lasts for three years. Thanks for the ASSumptions though... Perhaps next ... (read in full...)

I need to get past this shock!

Q.   I've been in a serious relationship for 16 months now and everything has been perfect. We never argue, enjoy each others company. Have lived together since August and continually talk about our future together. This morning however, he popped out to ...

A.   1 April 2012: Do you remember all the pics you have on your phone? I don't, and rarely go through them. It is very possible he just forgot.... (read in full...)

The guy I met online..is he a girl trying to be a guy? If so, why?

Q.   Hey, i met this guy online and he was different from other guys i mean he was cute and i really thought he loves me but when i started to talk to him on the phone his voice sounded like a girl's voice. Is that normal for a 17 year old guy? And he ...

A.   29 March 2012: You are relieved because it is a He... please tell me you did not meetg up with him. Please.... (read in full...)

Do any of you have this fantasy? Have you acted on it? Was it fun, or do you deeply regret it?

Q.   My wife and I have this recurring fantasy of me watching her get picked up by a guy at a bar or club and hooking up with him while I watch from across the room. The fantasy always stops short of sex, and never involves them leaving the bar, except ...

A.   28 March 2012: Have you ever heard the saying 'Be careful what you wish for, it my just come true'. This is one of those fantasies that you can share together without actually doing it. It may just be a breaking point in your relationship. You woule be forever ... (read in full...)

I can't trust my partner when we are out!

Q.   i dont feel i can trust my partner....when we are out an about i see him looking around i have said this too him but he says im imagining it...........

A.   26 March 2012: You have a choice. Either leave him, or get over it. You can't carry on like this, it will eat you up.... (read in full...)

I'm both a success and a failure with the opposite sex, so what can I do with myself?

Q.   Somethings wrong with me but I can't figure out what fluke that I am currently carrying with me. Before while growing up I had to deal with my overly restrictive parents who would call me every hour, on the hour whenever I was out with other kids ...

A.   26 March 2012: You are in your early 20's and have only had 4 hard rejections? Really? You know how lucky you are? And do you realise what you sound like? Really? I have had all these people crush on me and I went out with all these people and they had the ... (read in full...)

What should I do? I feel he's going to get away!

Q.   I've kind of had this thing with a guy for a few months now, we've kissed several different times at parties and stuff and texted in between. But when we're in school he's just not able to talk to me, and I'm not able to talk to him. He's quite ...

A.   25 March 2012: If he was really the one for you, he would not care about what his friends thought and would make sure he got you. I know that sounds harsh... but if he puts his image and rep before you, then he really is not that special. I would concentrat... (read in full...)

I'm meeting her tommorow but not sure how to act?

Q.   Yesterday, I've hooked up with a girl . I liked her for several months and even thought, she had rejected me once before now she finally said Yes. I couldn't believe and after she said Yes I kept staring at her with my mouth open. After that I ...

A.   25 March 2012: Just be yourself and relax. Honestly! Make sure you are polite and respectful. Don't push for anything, don't try tooo hard and don't tell awful jokes. Apart from that, have fun with it. Use the time to get to know her. Find out more about her, her ... (read in full...)

How do I get his number?

Q.   Heyya :) There is this boy in the year above me in school. We have recently started texting. He texts me everyday and he always starts the conversation with me. We also talk whenever we get the chance at school and when we hang out. He's a really n...

A.   25 March 2012: In answer to question 1) Ask him. Duh. Lol In answer to question 2) Because he is a jerk. I would stay away.... (read in full...)

The guy I met online..is he a girl trying to be a guy? If so, why?

Q.   Hey, i met this guy online and he was different from other guys i mean he was cute and i really thought he loves me but when i started to talk to him on the phone his voice sounded like a girl's voice. Is that normal for a 17 year old guy? And he ...

A.   25 March 2012: At your age you should DEFINATELY NOT BE MEETING UP WITH PEOPLE YOU HAVE MET ONLINE. For all you know he is a 45 year old man trying to make his voice sound younger and in doing so sounding feminine. Please run miles away. And please let your ... (read in full...)

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