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| | QuirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
The word of the day is "terse". |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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Why won't he answer me on Facebook?
Q. I'm pretty sure this guy likes me, it seems like he's just waiting for me to make a move on him. But he doesn't reply to messages that I send to him on facebook? (well i just send him little messages saying hi) Why would a guy do that? Does he think ...
A. 15 November 2009: If he's not responding to you, quit messaging him. He's got a mouth and if he wants to be with you he'll use it.... (read in full...)
Her childish behaviour is making our new marriage difficult
Q. Hi, I recently got married (3 months ago) to a girl i was with for 2 years. She is 20 and I am 26. I understood before getting married that she is younger and I decided to go through with it and develope more patience to accommodate the ...
A. 15 November 2009: It sounds like your wife is fuzzy on the concept of basic courtesy. It's pretty rude to text during dinner because it shows you're not interested in the person sitting across from you, and apologizing for rude behavior is far from stupid.
Only ... (read in full...)
My fiance will have a dabble with crack here and there... and now I'm not so sure I can handle it!
Q. I had been bought up around a drug infested enviroment.. I've never really found it a problem being around friends who do such drugs as ecstasy, amphetamine and weed. I've dabbled myself but left it at that. I've always been against heroin, ketamine ...
A. 14 November 2009: Lady, please get away from this mess. Crack is no joke and will suck you under soon. No justification is strong enough to stay with a crackhead. Think about your own health and sanity and make a stand for both by not staying with someone with ... (read in full...)
If all he wanted was sex, why is he still talking to me? But if he really likes me why wouldn't he take me out?
Q. There is this guy that lives in the same dorms as me at university. we got talking and he has invited me in a few times. But then he made a move on me. and he also asked me if i would be up for having sex with him. He was clearly just up for some...
A. 14 November 2009: He still thinks he can get some sex from you.
A guy that wants to date you takes you out on dates. If he doesn't, he's not proper boyfriend material.... (read in full...)
I've fallen for somebody who doesn't want a relationship with me.
Q. Im in a huge fix.I've fallen for somebody who doesnt want a relationship with me.He's scared of commitment and also according to him our schedules dont allow us to see each other enough anyways.We met almost a year ago,and I kind of assumed he didnt ...
A. 14 November 2009: You need to set some boundaries with him. Tell him that now you've transitioned to a friendship, he can't call you as often nor can he leave sweet nothings on your voicemail. Tell him how much this is hurting you and that you need space from him. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's ex is overstepping the line!
Q. I met my girlfriend a little over seven years ago. She was still married and living with her husband. We did fall in love, however, I told her I did not want to be in a relationship with a married woman. She told her husband about us and then she ...
A. 11 November 2009: I don't see this as too excessive myself, as long as it's only birthday and Christmas gifts we're talking about. They were married and have two children together after all, and there's most likely some residual affection there. He wants her to ... (read in full...)
My ex-boyfriend doesn't respect or appreciate me!
Q. My ex boyfriend is extremely arrogant about his intelligence (and he has a right to be but he goes overboard) and he keeps on putting down my new boyfriend, calling him vapid and stupid and saying that I will "never find a guy like [my ex-boyfriend] ...
A. 11 November 2009: Friendship is a two way street. If he can't cope with the fact that you have someone else and can't be a friend to you, there isn't any point in knocking yourself out. You don't need anyone in your life who can't be good to you.... (read in full...)
How do I let him go?
Q. Hi. I'm 19 and my "boyfriend" is 21. I've been with him since August 2008. Last week I found out that he's been “playing around” with another girl since December 2008. I had my suspicions that something might be going on but I had no conclusive ...
A. 8 November 2009: Playing around with another girl just four months after he started dating you? What a loser he is! Forget him, he's a slimy cheater. He had plenty of time to come clean and he didn't. He's only sorry he was caught.
Find another man who's ho... (read in full...)
Was he just being honest???
Q. There is a guy that i'm dating. he always says that he is not a liar, that he hates liars, that he's a straight forward person, he tells it how it is and he doesn't hold back for anyone. it's quiete obvious that he appears to be very honest. but the ...
A. 8 November 2009: They call it brutal honesty for a reason...because raw honesty has no regard for your feelings and frankly hurts.
Anyone with a brain and a heart knows this. Your guy is missing one of those.... (read in full...)
I want a family he wants his career and a harem.
Q. I broke off with the guy i was seeing last December because i couldn't continue living without emotional security and without being able to express honestly my feelings and emotions with him. I want a family he wants his career and a harem. I said ...
A. 8 November 2009: I don't think you realize how much control you already have over this situation. You're giving up your control hoping for him to change and make the final decision for you...but he's never going to do that. As long as you're waiting around keeping ... (read in full...)
He doesn't trust me financially and wants a divorce..
Q. My husband of 12 years recently told me he wants a divorce. After arguing and fighting about this we said we would go to counseling. Only through the 3 meeting did I find out that he doesn't trust me anymore and is not in love with me because he ...
A. 7 November 2009: $3500 after you already lost the house?!?
You lied to him again after you lied and lost the trust once. He gave you another chance to be honest with him and you went behind his back to an amazing extent ($3500, I'm just stunned). The trust is... (read in full...)
I'm ready to introduce sex back into our marriage...How do I approach my wife?
Q. Ridiculously, we have let our marriage slip into a nearly sexless funk for 2+ years. Our second child was born in January and we've only been intimate a couple of times since she conceived. We've always been pretty low on the libido front, our ...
A. 7 November 2009: It can all work out fine.
If you want some at 10pm (and it's been a while and stressful, like what's going on with you) you have to start work at 9 am. Help with the children, bring your wife flowers and compliment her, make everyone feel spe... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has rejected me sexually for over 18 months...
Q. For well over a year my gf has been cold towards me. Some of this I explained in my earlier question - not allowing me to say I love you or express my feelings to her etc. Also she as rejected me sexually for nearly 18 months. At the start she used ...
A. 2 November 2009: I remember your previous question and I'm surprised you haven't left yet. I suppose that you will finally leave when you'd had enough of being disrespected. This woman emotionally manipulates you every day and every day you forgive her anew.
... (read in full...)
He's become very friendly with this female co-worker and I don't feel right about it
Q. My husband and I have been married under a year. I love him very much, we have a strong relationship and he treats me well , but there has been a situation recently that has put stress on our marriage. There was a girl, a few years back, that...
A. 31 October 2009: It's way past time for you to speak up and say something about this. He may think of her as one of the guys, but I can guarantee she isn't thinking of herself the same way. Trust your intuition and talk to him about how much this bothers you. He ... (read in full...)
I still don't know for sure whether he can make it or not... Help!
Q. I am dating a guy. I invited him for dinner. He accepted but told me he will only have time next week after an examination. The examination will be on Thursday. Shall I ask him again at which time and day he will able to after the examinat...
A. 31 October 2009: Geez woman, ease back a bit. You don't need to press the man so much. He knows you invited him over, he got your text, now leave it alone for a while. All this constant contact smacks of desperation and is a big turnoff.... (read in full...)
Regaining trust in yourself...
Q. hmm ok like over a year ago i had a relapse with my ex bf, he came over to my house nobody was home... we didnt have sex he just fingered me a little.. and we made out... my uncle came home he didnt catch us in the act but i knew he was disappointed ...
A. 31 October 2009: Get dressed up, looking nice and sharp and pretty, and go out on the town. Meet some new people - nothing serious, just go out and have a good time. Once you get back in the swing of dating and start meeting some men who are about something, ... (read in full...)
He likes me a lot more than I like him... how can I let him down gently?
Q. A guy i've never met added me on facebook about six months or so ago. For some reason i accepted him, we had no related friends or anything and his profile said he lived nowhere near me but i just left it and didn't say anything. I soon recieved...
A. 31 October 2009: You've never met this guy and he's already saying he loves you? Whoa, definite alert there. You need to be honest and firm with him right now before things get any deeper. Let him know that while you think he's a great guy, you only want to be ... (read in full...)
I seem to have no ambition to do anything...
Q. hey, lately i have been feeling unloved by my boyfriend of 5 years, i know he loves me but sometimes im just not sure. and i have gotten laid off work so im home a lot i never feel like doing anything, its a huge chore to leave the house, i have ...
A. 31 October 2009: It sounds like you are going through a little depression. It helps if you try to keep yourself busy even though you don't feel like it...try gardening, volunteering or maybe doing some crafts and selling them on the side. Reach out to your ... (read in full...)
She's giving me the cold shoulder for no apparent reason... any ideas why?
Q. I started a new job about 3 months ago and met an attractive woman there. I found out through the other coworkers that she is single. For the first month or so I was working under her supervision to learn the ropes and we came to find out that we ...
A. 29 October 2009: One possibility is that someone mentioned how close you two were to someone in human resources and someone was dispatched to intervene. How is the office dating policy at your job?... (read in full...)
How did I let my friend know I just want to be friends?!
Q. Hello everyone i have a question for you all. I am 29 and i have a late 40s guys after me and i have done told him all i can be with him is friends! We Have Slept Together a time are two! and i just can not see myself with him in a relationship i ...
A. 25 October 2009: Stop sleeping with him and doing things together that friends don't do. ... (read in full...)
Dealing with certain personality types
Q. So, I have a good friend, and he introduced me to his other friend (let's call him dick). Before I met dick, i'd heard some negative things about his personality. finally, i met him. sometimes he's nice, he pays for drinks and stuff, and is sort of ...
A. 25 October 2009: If the bad outweighs the good, then don't deal with him. Life is too short to deal with people you can't stand.... (read in full...)
He says he needs space and now I'm confused should I let him go?
Q. On july 10..i met the man of my dreams. We fill in love very quickly and they kicked off pretty good. We both said we loved each other and we did alot 2gether. I even found out i was 6 weeks pregnant on sept 7th. We were both happy about that ( i ...
A. 25 October 2009: I am very sorry about your miscarriage and the emotional stress that you are under.
His need for space isn't about you. It's about him. He is going through tough emotional times too and he needs a little time to sort through his emotions... (read in full...)
"I can't have a relationship with you right now". What does that mean?
Q. What does it mean when a guy says I cant have a relationship with you right now, because I have trust issues and everything Ive been through? He says that doesn't mean a year down the road that he wouldn't want a relationship with me, because he ...
A. 25 October 2009: It means he is not interested in committing to you, but he'll have sex with you if you're offering. If you're willing to hang around accepting these crumbs, that's all you're going to get. Honestly you will probably not get more down the road, as ... (read in full...)
Why is my fiance acting like this?
Q. i am having a bit of a time with my fiancee he says he loves me and wants me to still live in the house with him than he sits there and says i need to get a different job and get the f out of his house and that i don't do what he says and that the ...
A. 25 October 2009: He's an idiot and he's yanking your chain to see what crap you will put up with. It sounds like he gets a thrill out of playing games with your head and making you run in three different directions; that is control, not love.
I doubt he is going... (read in full...)
Why does he still accuse me of looking at other men?
Q. After one year of being together, why would a man still accuse his significant other of looking at other men and trying to show off her body? I can reassure everyone, I do not look at other men. In fact, I see people. I do not look at people t...
A. 25 October 2009: Your boyfriend is seriously insecure. Unfortunately you can't help him; he has to help himself before he runs you off with his constant questioning and need for reassurance. The best you can do is reassure him - not constantly - and try to explain ... (read in full...)
He's turned cold in the marriage and I'm considering divorce...
Q. I have been married to my husband for 4 years. When we met he was seperated from his wife and living with his parents and I was recently divorced from a marriage of 17 years. After getting involved with him I discover that he has some serious debt ...
A. 18 October 2009: Talk to a lawyer ASAP. No need to let this worthless hunk of junk lay up on you for one extra second. Get ready to enjoy that sweet freedom!
Good luck!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks it's okay to do things to me I don't like. What should I do?
Q. I have a bit of a problem with my boyfriend. He constantly doesn't do things i ask of him. For e.g He will call me chubby (like a pet name as such) and i tell him i dont like it, its offensive and it's putting me down (i'm not chubby at all, ...
A. 18 October 2009: Your boyfriend doesn't respect you in the slightest.
You have to stop sinking to his level. No physical or verbal abuse, because that is wrong. What you need to do is start respecting yourself. If he hits you or calls you names again, you walk... (read in full...)
Emotionally unavailable man driving me crazy!
Q. Awhile back I made the mistake of starting a relationship with a totally emotionally unavailable man. I say this because 1)He hardly had any free time because of his work and late shifts(this I checked is true) 2)He is a relationship phobic. He ...
A. 18 October 2009: He does it because you let him.
Leave him alone and focus on your relationship. No point wasting time on a guy who has proven that he's all talk and no action.... (read in full...)
Is my jealousy pushing him away?
Q. Dear cupid: I went on my first date with my boyfriend three months ago. During the four first weeks we had great time while getting to know each other. I was always happy and smiling and he told me that he will always like me as long as I remain...
A. 18 October 2009: This dude is playing head games with you. Life is too short to put up with his mess! Keep on walking and you'll find a better man soon.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Do lack of actions show lack of care?
Q. I have a question, if someone that claims he loves you but then never calls, writes, or does anything to initiate contact, do you back off???? Very confused and told that it is your not believing in the love or trusting that is the fault. But ...
A. 18 October 2009: Yes. Someone who loves you shows it as much as they can. Words without actions are nothing but hot air.... (read in full...)
Why did he suddenly stop talking to me after our date?
Q. I don't have a lot of dating experience because I had been in a long term relationship for about for years, so please bear with me. A few weeks ago, I met a guy at a friend's birthday party (he's her friend). We danced pretty much exclusively...
A. 18 October 2009: My thought is he came over late at night looking for some sex, didn't get any, and now he's pulling away because he's disappointed. 1 AM is pretty much booty call time.
If he doesn't contact you in the next few days, write him off. Don't co... (read in full...)
Am I the only one for him? I'm paranoid and he's a good liar.
Q. My boyfriend and I started dating over a year ago now, however when we got together I was aware that he would be moving far away soon after. He kept changing the date he was going and I found myself trying to distance myself from him despite the ...
A. 18 October 2009: I went to this great self-discovery seminar and learned something very important:
There's your past, and there's the story you tell yourself about it.
I can see that you had a bad time with your last boyfriend, and I'm really sorry to hear th... (read in full...)
Why am I still obsessed after 12 years?
Q. Please help, I feel like I am turning into an obsesive stalker. Background is I met this guy 12 years ago on holiday abroad when i were 18. He was my type initially but we just clicked straight away. I had never or since felt anything so stro...
A. 17 October 2009: You're not obsessing over him but over what he represents. You had this moment 12 years ago when you had a moment, and over time you have frozen it in your mind and reframed it as this great love. Freezing it allows you to ignore the reality that ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep calling me?
Q. why does my ex keep calling me, no matter what i tell him or how much i ignore him he still calls,i told him that i do not love him anymore, i just do not have that connection anymore, that i need excitement and he can not provide it for me and ...
A. 17 October 2009: He's stupid. Just ignore him. He'll get the hint one day.... (read in full...)
Will he ever do anything?
Q. Men are so difficult to understand! Iv been trying to hint to this guy i like for a while now- i even tried talking to other people on a night out to make it look like i could be more than a shy girl around him. This worked well and had him coming ...
A. 17 October 2009: The next time you talk to him, touch him a few times on the arm and hand. Laugh a lot and look happy. If he doesn't get it after that the dude is a virtual brick, LOL!... (read in full...)
How do I let him know I still care but what he did was wrong?
Q. ok well here goes AGAIN... the same guy i was asking you guys to help me out with his whole commit issue well.. about a month ago i ended it with him thinking it was the best for the both of us.. about a week and a half later we got back we ...
A. 17 October 2009: Forget him. He had his chance with you and he messed it up. Then he got a second chance and messed that up too. There are guys out there who will treat you better and who you will have that same connection with, so go out there and watch them ... (read in full...)
Am I the only one for him? I'm paranoid and he's a good liar.
Q. My boyfriend and I started dating over a year ago now, however when we got together I was aware that he would be moving far away soon after. He kept changing the date he was going and I found myself trying to distance myself from him despite the ...
A. 17 October 2009: You need to take back the "mature for your years" part, because it's not true. You have written an essay on self-delusion and you want to know how to keep deluding yourself.
We don't give advice like that.
Your boyfriend has give you good re... (read in full...)
Are these actions normal for a man almost 30 yrs old?
Q. My boyfriend (29) and I (25) were really enjoying having sex the other night and when he wanted to have anal sex I said no because I knew that my stomach was not up for it. He knows that I really do not like it yet I have promised to continue doing ...
A. 17 October 2009: Heck no these aren't normal actions, and he should find himself minus one girlfriend shortly. What a selfish immature POS!... (read in full...)
Always the "friend with benefits", never the girlfriend
Q. Hey all, So here's my problem. I keep getting involved with these really great guys. Problem is I always end up as the "friend with benefits". Now it's not that I don't respect myself or anything, but I always tend to get involved with them at the...
A. 17 October 2009: Here are some suggestions for you:
1. If a man doesn't tell you he's single, move on. That includes men in a relationship, men seeing someone, and men who have an understanding with someone. Don't be afraid to ask.
2. Open relationships ar... (read in full...)
What's up with this behavior?
Q. My friend who I used to be with quite a while back, has done this annoying thing for a very long time. Whenever we go anywhere that is not something that he wanted initiated first--he starts to complain and worry about how much time we have, always ...
A. 17 October 2009: If he only does it when you or someone else initiates, I'd say it's passive aggressive behavior. He doesn't really want to be out, but he is too afraid of honestly expressing his anger, so he sabotages the outing indirectly so he doesn't look too ... (read in full...)
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