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*uirkLady agony aunt

*uirkLady

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*uirkLady's profile:

Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.

I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck!

Latest articles:

Same-sex rape: a real and important issue

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...

Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...

1234567891011Next > [27 pages, 1055 answers]

She even flirts better than me!

Q.   I have a very serious problem – I’m insanely jealous of a girl I know who is hotter than me, smarter than me… She is successful in everything she does, but absolutely EVERYTHING! She is the national champion at Math, she competes in Physics, she’s ...

A.   10 March 2012: Every time you want to compare yourself to her, stop yourself and deliberately say something you like about yourself. It's time to break the habit of comparing yourself to other people, because you never really know what's going on with them. She ... (read in full...)

How can I effectively communicate my insecurities to my boyfriend and should I bring up my traumatic past?

Q.   So as a back story before I begin this, I suffered a lot of emotional abuse as a child. I noticed as I grew up that I was essentially looking for my step dad in my boyfriends, so two years ago I decided to take a break from relationships to work on ...

A.   10 March 2012: I think that you should be honest and tell him you'd like to hear from him more. it's not unreasonable to ask that your boyfriend calls you more than twice a week. I would be so sad if I didn't hear from my partner at least every other day. Twice ... (read in full...)

He's A Gamer! ..Which means I come second

Q.   My boyfriend is a gamer. we live together. I love him, but he spends so much time on his ps3, i find myself becoming resentful. I don't mean 1-3 hours per day, i'm fine with that! I'm talking 6-10.. whenever he's not sleeping or working, he's ga...

A.   10 March 2012: If you've tried talking about it, and he hasn't changed, the writing is already on the wall. Dump him and find someone who will pay attention to you and value your time like it deserves to be valued. If you stay, you'll just be miserable.... (read in full...)

I had sex with a transexual, does that make me gay?

Q.   i had sex with a transexual, it it really bugging the hell out of me.. does that make me gay?...

A.   22 May 2011: an mtf trans person is a woman, so there's no reason for you to feel weird about it. she's a woman. end of story.... (read in full...)

Heatbroken! I broke up with him. He came back and broke up with me! Why??

Q.   Hi Guys, can i pls ask for your crucial advice.. I met a local guy who was chasing me on facebook over xmas. After around a month of talking we met up. We knew we liked each other. We continue to date. On our second date we became intimate....

A.   22 May 2011: he's stupid, that's why. he's all about the chase and the chase only. you are better off without him.... (read in full...)

I've been told I'm fussy, is that why I can't seem to get into dating?

Q.   I need help understanding men. Recently I met a guy went on one date and realised it wasn't going to work and we weren't that compatible. So when he texts asking if I want to meet up again I say no because I'm busy and moving in a few months (which ...

A.   22 May 2011: let me correct a few assumptions on your end first - dressing up for a date does not automatically mean you're a "girly girl" (and what would be wrong with that, hmm?) nor that you are looking for a quick hookup. dressing up means you are ... (read in full...)

Is it possible to just stop the sex with this married guy but keep the friendship?

Q.   Hi guys, I need some advice here...I met this married guy at work about a year ago. We both liked each other and became friends. We finally crossed the line about 3 months ago and we both knew it would happen. He has a baby with his wife but he ...

A.   22 May 2011: It's possible but you will have to be the one to do it and keep up the boundaries. Won't be easy either.... (read in full...)

Ever since he seen me with a guy friend he won't talk to me, he's even changed his phone number!

Q.   Okay, Im a bit confused, Theres this guy " Joshua" that Ive been talking too and things seem really great. The first time I've met him, he was really quiet around people but i always noticed that he ALWAYS stared at me. For a whole year, he ...

A.   22 May 2011: if he's not mature enough to tell you what's wrong, he's not mature enough to be in a relationship with you. furthermore, anybody who gets that butthurt over you walking with a friend has too many insecurity issues. you dodged a bullet.... (read in full...)

Her told her to go hide in the basement! Does he have a girlfriend?

Q.   I am asking this question for a friend of mind and she was at this guy house whom she sorta likes and he was about to take her home when a car pulled up. He then quickly told her to go wait in his room and then he was like no, go in the basement. ...

A.   22 May 2011: she ended the night by walking out on him, right? "go in the basement!" jeez yeah, he has a girlfriend. she should drop this guy asap... (read in full...)

We run out of things to talk about!

Q.   ok so my boyfriend is in New Mexico at the moment and i hate being away from him and we talk every night but he always wants me to come up with the topics. I HAVE RAN OUT OF THINGS. but he gets mad at me when i dont have anything and we just ended ...

A.   22 May 2011: go to the store and buy a news magazine, and then you can talk about what's going on in the world.... (read in full...)

I ended a relationship because my ex said he loved me then he asked some other girl out!!

Q.   This is going to make me sound really selfish and in a way I think I am acting selfish. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago and I was glad it was over for multiple reasons. I moved on rather quickly but my ex interfered. He told me ...

A.   27 March 2011: He was bitter and jealous that you moved on, so he told you he loved you to break your relationship up out of spite. Now you're mad at him for being spiteful, which is understandable. Try to redirect your mental energies back into the rest of your ... (read in full...)

Cheated on my ex with my current G/f and my ex cheated on me with my best friend whom she's dating now....yet we sneak and make out and are perfect for each other!!

Q.   Okay so my life is complicated...this is going to get confusing..just a warning before you get started... Okay well first off about 2 years ago I cheated on my ex for my girlfriend im dating now (for 2 years)...well I still love my ex and my ex ...

A.   27 March 2011: 1. Break up with your girlfriend and get back with your ex. Your girlfriend doesn't deserve to be cheated on. She shouldn't have to be in a relationship with someone who admits his heart isn't in it, which you admit to. Go back with your ex, ... (read in full...)

I don't want to date him but I don't want to lose the friendship

Q.   Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and in 9th grade in High School. I'm kind of new at this love stuff so I really don't know what to do. A guy friend has sent me a private message on Face Book telling me that he likes me and doesn't have the nerve to ask ...

A.   25 January 2011: I'm be honest that you don't like him that way but like having him as a friend. Better to be honest than string him along with hope. He might be mad at first but he will appreciate it in the end.... (read in full...)

My husband told me to go have sex with someone else!

Q.   My husband's libido is not as high as mine and we have had many arguments about it. He has told me several times during the arguments to just go have sex with other people and leave him alone. Should I do this? Does the fact that he only says it ...

A.   21 January 2011: Have you tried talking to him about it when you're not having an argument?... (read in full...)

Boyfriend went away, now he's back but he's no longer interested in me

Q.   Ok so I met my former boyfriend in our senior year of HS last December 2009. We dated for 3 months. That's all it took for us to fall in love. Everything just felt right and I feel so in tuned with him and so connected. Well, before we dated he said ...

A.   20 January 2011: No. You weren't together that long and it's ruined now.... (read in full...)

My ex girlfriend has a new man, how do I win her back?

Q.   I am in a situation was with my girlfriend for 13yrs, we had no kids as i have a low count but she had a son from her first marriage, we never married it wasnt really dicussed, but we got on regardless...life was good but ...... she was always ...

A.   20 January 2011: You had 13 years to propose and you didn't do it. You broke up and you didn't do it then either. But let her date another man and NOW you want to propose. Typical. A new man comes on the scene and suddenly you want to be all ... (read in full...)

He has a long term girlfriend and I know nothing can happen between us, but I am starting to lose my resolve! Help!

Q.   Back in June of last year, I began working at a company doing data entry (I'm a college student, and the hours are flexible, so... glorious!), and my boss and I immediately hit it off. At the time he was my direct superior, but he has since been ...

A.   19 January 2011: Find a new job.... (read in full...)

Skeptical about my boyfriend's faithfulness after finding him talking to another girl behind my back......

Q.   j, 26, and i, 21, have been dating for over a year (off and on). what has caused us issues are the following: working together, his chemical dependencies, the lying and possibly cheating, my jealousy issues and lack of self esteem/trust, the fact ...

A.   19 January 2011: Leave. He's a liar.... (read in full...)

He's turned cold and distant!

Q.   Ive been with my boyfriend 9 months now, and I when we first got together things were more than perfect, i actually thought id found my soul mate! He made me feel like a Queen and our sex life was brilliant!! He even started talking about kids and ...

A.   19 January 2011: It was too soon for you to move in. You two have sped up the relationship, which usually results in the end speeding up too. People who fall in love fast fall out of love fast too. That's a life lesson you have just learned, sadly enough. ... (read in full...)

My ex girlfriend has a new man, how do I win her back?

Q.   I am in a situation was with my girlfriend for 13yrs, we had no kids as i have a low count but she had a son from her first marriage, we never married it wasnt really dicussed, but we got on regardless...life was good but ...... she was always ...

A.   19 January 2011: She's made her choice. You should step back and respect that. Your relationship was effectively over when you cheated on her. If you got back together you would still have to overcome that obstacle, and right now she has decided to be with ... (read in full...)

Am I gay, bi, straight, or what?

Q.   Hey everyone. I need your opinions. A year ago i started *asturbating on gay porn, I wasnt really attracted to guys, I just wanted to see it. And me, stupid idiot, kept doing it, cos I thought "Ah So what, I can stop anytime". I also did it on some ...

A.   19 January 2011: I don't think you have to pin yourself to one sexuality right now. This is the time to experiment and see what you're attracted to. You might be straight, gay, bi, or pansexual. The thing is, we can't define what you are. You get to do that. I ... (read in full...)

Please help me out of this mess!

Q.   So ive been going out with a guy i met a few months back, we met for about a month and decided to start our relationship and things were going okay. Hes everything i could want in a guy and i was and still am absolutely smitten! I honestly fell for ...

A.   19 January 2011: I second the advice to see a professional. It's very common for assault victims to have problems with relationships and intimacy afterward. Seeing a therapist will hopefully help you with this.... (read in full...)

Where is the middle ground between being a nerd and a player?

Q.   Back in high school i was a big nerd, constantly overlooked by females that i was interested in, or just completely not seen at all. Its been 6 years since i graduated high school and, still a nerd on the inside but with a lot more confidence, and a ...

A.   19 January 2011: Just keep trying. Rejection is part of life. Each rejection brings you closer to the one who says yes. With that said, I hope you're not the guy who hits on EVERY woman at the bar. Women don't like to think we're cannon fodder, you know? ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend makes me cry every day

Q.   My boyfriend When he gets mad he says mean things to hurt my feelings -your a bitch/whore/loser/pathetic Gets madder, and makes fun of me and acts like a complete jerk when I'm crying over him Wont listen to me when I tell him that I nee...

A.   13 January 2011: Good for you! You made the right decision. Things WILL get better for you in time.... (read in full...)

I feel he loves this 12 year old more than he does me!

Q.   my bf of a little over a year, finally got rid of his gf of 13 years. she was a tweeker and cheated on him, got pregnant, made him think it was his, found out it wasnt, one week b4 baby turned 5 years old and now is adament on raising her kids. well ...

A.   9 January 2011: Your selfish butt should move on and leave him alone. Jealous of a 12 year old with a bad mother, smh. He's known her and raised her as his own for 12 years. Who cares if she's not biologically his? He made the choice to treat her as his ... (read in full...)

Since we got engaged he is getting more and more mean, and refuses to seek help for his anger problems. Help!

Q.   Hello,  I've been dating my guy for two and a half years. We got engaged around our two year anniversary and have set a wedding date. Since the moment we have gotten engaged he has been progressively more mean. We have had fights before, he would...

A.   7 January 2011: Run. Run away, right now. He is being controlling and verbally abusive, and if you marry him it will just get worse.... (read in full...)

I am attracted to her, but to start with, how can I tell her my name?

Q.   Hi I am writing for your advice on a very strange situation I am faced with. There is this woman in my office who has joined recently and her joining was intimated to us by our team lead by email. She works in a different room than mine. But we o...

A.   7 January 2011: I don't know. Maybe she is shy. Maybe the microwave's better over there. Maybe she likes being alone during lunch. Don't worry about it. Focus on saying hi and being friendly, not analyzing what she does during mealtimes.... (read in full...)

Female Readers: Please help me get my mind off the sex in my relationship

Q.   My girlfriend (27) and I (26) have been dating for 5 months. I have never dated anyone as wonderful as her and I am ecstatic. I have also never dated anyone for so long without ANY sexual intimacy. I am horribly inexperienced with such an ...

A.   7 January 2011: In addition to talking with her about it as dirtball suggested, I suggest that you give yourself some relief, wink wink, right before she comes over. Hopefully that will relieve some of the pressure so you can think about other things.... (read in full...)

My wife makes me feel worthless...

Q.   I don't know what to do. My wife makes me feel like a loser and she wants nothing to do with me. I have been unemployed for about a year but am going to school to complete my degree. I am a stay at home dad to keep the cost of daycare down. I want ...

A.   6 January 2011: I suggest that you sit her down and talk to her, just like you're talking to us. Tell her that you miss being with her, and talking to her, and spending time together. Suggest that you get a babysitter for the night so you can go on a real date. ... (read in full...)

I am attracted to her, but to start with, how can I tell her my name?

Q.   Hi I am writing for your advice on a very strange situation I am faced with. There is this woman in my office who has joined recently and her joining was intimated to us by our team lead by email. She works in a different room than mine. But we o...

A.   6 January 2011: How about this: The next time you pass, say "Hi. You know, we've talked a few times but I've never introduced myself. My name is [Insert Your Name Here] and I work over in [Department]." ... (read in full...)

Why has she kept it a secret that she loves me? And how should I ask her out?

Q.   For the longest time I've been liking a girl who hangs out with most of my friends but she's popular and I been wanting to ask her out to a date but I don't want to get rejected. Today my cousin told me the girl said she's been liking me for like 2 ...

A.   6 January 2011: She told your cousin to keep it a secret because she doesn't want to get rejected either. Hmmm. Two people who like each other, Maybe you should, oh I don't know, ask her to see a movie? The odds are good that she will say yes.... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's past troubles me: She got pregnant in an orgy

Q.   What is up with my girlfriend? I sent her a text saying that I was having jealousy issues, and that we should be apart tonight, since she practically lives at my house. Basically, this all comes down to her allowing 2 guys that were her "friends" to ...

A.   6 January 2011: You need to work on yourself and your fragile ego. I know all the neckbeards here will be like, "DUDE IT'S A NATURAL MALE IMPULSE" but it's really your insecurity coming out. The fact that you're focusing on a "score" and getting mad when she ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend makes me cry every day

Q.   My boyfriend When he gets mad he says mean things to hurt my feelings -your a bitch/whore/loser/pathetic Gets madder, and makes fun of me and acts like a complete jerk when I'm crying over him Wont listen to me when I tell him that I nee...

A.   6 January 2011: He doesn't love you the way that you need to be loved. If he was a good guy, he would never do the things he does. Good guys listen. Good guy don't keep doing things to make you cry. Good guys don't run away when you need them emotionally. And ... (read in full...)

We're not in a serious relationship despite having a child, always hanging out and sleeping together

Q.   I am still inlove with my child's father. But we havnt been together in years. And weren't even together that long before I got pregnant. We get along great ( minus the few times we do argue) and we still sleep together off and on. I do so much for ...

A.   6 January 2011: It's nothing you're doing. He's just not that into you. He hangs out and sleeps with you because you're available, but he doesn't love you the way you wish he did. If you want real love, you'll have to look elsewhere. In the meantime, stop ben... (read in full...)

Why can't I get over this unhealthy relationship?

Q.   I was with my ex for 14 years. However, for the last 4 years we had a purely platonic relationship. This ws difficult for me as sex had always been important to me. We eventually split - relatively amicable too. VERY shrtly afterwards I was ...

A.   6 January 2011: You hadn't had sex in four years, and then this woman came along and blew your mind sexually. I bet she had your eyes lighting up like a slot machine. I don't blame you for being excited and spontaneous after that long dry spell - although asking ... (read in full...)

I love you? versus I'm in love with you...hmmm

Q.   Hello, I was wondering, my soon to be hubby says "I love you" and I love him too, but is there a difference between saying "I love you" versus "I'm in love with you"? Don't get me wrong, but we both love each other, however, I was told by a gf tha...

A.   5 January 2011: That's just, like, her opinion man. As long as you two are happy, you can say it any way you like.... (read in full...)

Living with and loving a married man, how do I leave him?

Q.   i'm in a relationship with a married man, and currently living with him. He is seperated from the wife,yet he communicates with her daily. he says we're just friends and he has several other sex partners. i caare for him deeply but I can't deal with ...

A.   5 January 2011: You're not in a relationship. You're just friends. Can't be in a relationship by yourself. He's using you and you are letting him. Move out, or make him move out. He can go be with one of his other lovers, and you can start rebuilding your lif... (read in full...)

I left my wife for another woman but she chose to get married, what do I do next?

Q.   This is a story about doing everything wrong....it is a story about two people and their partners. One of those people had a new marriage which is now at an end. The other was engaged and is now married. The story begins at the place where I wo...

A.   5 January 2011: You played yourself hardcore. You broke up a marriage over chasing a woman who never even broke up with her boyfriend for you. She only wanted sex on the side, but you went full throttle and was like, "I'm yours!" Oh man. Hook, line and ... (read in full...)

Torn between the love of my life and being my mother's full time carer, help!

Q.   I am in love with a *British male beauty pageant winner*. I am in Australia and I have known him for years but I am finding it very difficult because I know he is the one for me and he feels the same. The problem is that I am my Mum's full time ...

A.   29 December 2010: Why can't he move to Australia?... (read in full...)

What can I do to re-gain her trust and change her mind?

Q.   Okay so here is the background: I was with this girl for about a year when we broke up in October 2009, I ended it because I didn't feel the same way about her- I didn't love her anymore. She was absolutely devastated and plummeted into a...

A.   29 December 2010: Oh, NOW you love her. When you were with her you ignored her and treated her like crap, but once she found a guy who was good to her you changed your mind. Why do you think you can yank her around and play with her heart and expect her to forgive ... (read in full...)

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