A
female
age
41-50,
*hiannon3
writes:I told my long term boyfriend that I was getting my IUD taken out. I said to him that he would need to start wearing condoms. He said “no I don’t pull”. We have one child together already that was unplanned. He has not proposed but has no problem if I get pregnant again. I plan on switching birth controls but am getting this removed because of the side effects. He also said “let’s try for a bit this time”. I don’t know what to think. Does he love me and expressing that he wants to be connected more? He has two other kids with differed women. Or is he just trying to get his way? Also he wants to get a place but not get married. So confusing, what do I make of everything?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2019): honestly speaking the guy u are with right now is such an irresponsible human being! He is only thinking of his own self.
Its about time to wake up. and think right.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 September 2019):
 Wait. In this post dated July 2019, you stated you ended the relationship! Why are you back with this idiot? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-baby-daddy-never-follows-through-on-promises.html
And in this post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-says-if-i-dont-lose-weight.html you actually pondered letting him cheat while you were pregnant—with HIS child?!?
Rhiannon3, you need a transfusion of self-esteem in a hurry! Stat! You are being a doormat and frankly, giving your children and his some very bad role models.
Ensure you get child support and kick him out! What state are you in? I could find the child support guidelines and legal help links for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 September 2019):
 Uhm.. is he very connected to the two baby mamas whom he had other kids with ? No, not much ?
Is he very connected to you, the mother of his 3rd child, - so connected that you have no doubts about this connection, and no reason to wish you were MORe connected ? No, right ?- otherwise you would not be asking us the questions you are asking.
It would go to show that having a baby from his partner does not make him feel particularly connected to the woman he had it from, and that one more child or less does not particularly increase his love and committment for the baby's mother.
So yeah, he is just trying to have things his way.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (30 September 2019):
 Is the age in your profile correct? You are really in your 40s? I ask because you sound as naive as your average teenager/early 20s girl.
What is confusing you about your "boyfriend"? He is irresponsible enough to have fathered 2 children with 2 different women already (I hope he has contact with the children and pays support, but I highly doubt it if he is that feckless in other areas of his life). He has a child with you already which is unplanned (like the others?), refuses to use contraception if it requires any effort on his part, refuses to marry you, but is happy to have you there to bonk and look after him (guessing the last bit, based on your post as I can't envisage an individual like this being house trained).
By all means, go ahead and risk adding another unplanned child to your family. I wonder how long it will take him to walk away from you like he did with the others.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 September 2019):
My long term girlfriend told me that she was getting her IUD taken out. She said to me that I would need to start wearing condoms. I said “no I don’t pull”. We have one child together already that was unplanned. I have not proposed and I have no problem if I get her pregnant again. I plan on letting my long term girlfriend switch birth controls but have completely ignored that she is getting this IUD removed because of the side effects. I said “let’s try for a bit this time”. She seems confused
I’m happy to be with her on my terms, as long as she ignores her own concerns about unwanted pregnancies and does all the work of contraception because I like my penis to be unsheathed.
I like her enough as long as she cooperates in her part. Which is dealing with all the contraception and health risks of that contraception. She should have figured this out by now as I have 2 other kids by 2 other women. I’m not with them,because, well, I am not all that interested in being a real father as much as I am interested in getting my rocks off.
I always get my way because I expect my women to give me what I want and I leave them if they don’t.
—-
What is confusing is why you can’t see his intentions clearly... I’m sure you want him to be the man of your dreams. What, exactly, is your wish for your child’s future?. Does he love you? Based on this post alone I would say that he loves his sexual gratification. Is that true love? To me, no. True love would be ensuring your health and wellbeing as well as the health and wellbeing of everyone relying on him.
He sounds dreadful. I’d dump him ASAP, but if you think he has redeeming qualities, please share
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2019): How many kids do you want to have for a guy who doesn't want to marry you???
He can literally packup, and walkout anytime he wants. You'd have to do a paternity-test and go through a legal process just to get child-support. Meanwhile, he could just disappear. A husband can't just do that, not these days! You can track him down, and take him to the cleaners!
I think a real-man wants a wife, and then starts a family. If he gets his girlfriend pregnant once; he should marry her before having another. It's not just a piece of paper. It gives you legal-rights as a spouse, and mother of his kids.
Guys like spreading their seed and taking no responsibility. Maybe he should get a vasectomy! You'd get weighed-down with kids, and he can just up and leave. Maybe marry somebody else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 September 2019):
 Sounds more like he just rather knock you up then use condoms, which I think is just plain odd.
If you are OK with "giving" him MORE kids outside of marriage, then why are you wondering what is up with him?
Do YOU want more kids? If not, then NO sex (without condoms) until you are "safely" on another type of birth-control.
I don't think it speaks to how much or how little he loves you, it just sounds like he is telling you:" no, I won't wear condoms."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2019): This is very simple OP. If he wanted to be more connected to you, he would marry you to cover you and his children with all of the legal rights and protections, afforded to a wife! Further, this man does not love you, or he would honor the basic fact that you get to make the rules concerning sexual intercourse with your body! Wise up and send him packing, because you can do much better that this user!
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