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*essica04 agony aunt

*essica04

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*essica04's profile:

I am 23 and live in the U.S. in Las Vegas.

As far as education, I am a senior psychology major with an emphasis on child development, and minor credits in counseling.

As far as my personal life, I have been there and back! I was pregnant at 17, which ended in a miscarriage. I married my H.S. boy friend when I was just 18 and still in school. He was in the U.S. Army and I spent almost 3 years as a military wife. Our relationship was always abusive, and we divorced just over a year ago.

I don't know which part of all that people will count as "credentials" for giving advice, but take it as you will. I have an opinion on just about everything, and I promise all of my readers that I will try my best to offer sound, unbiased advise. But I ask you to take everything I say with a grain of salt. I won't always tell you what you want to hear, but this is an advice site, so you asked.

Most of my advice is based on relationships and basic sex-education questions. I will never speak about that which I have no experience.

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Why did sex hurt the first time?

Q.   So i had sex for the very first time last week, but it wasn't my boyfriends first time. It hurt i know thats normal for the first time and it was hard to get in at first cos i must be tight, but what i was wondering is does it feel different for the ...

A.   16 May 2009: Guys will have a different answer to this one, but in my experience tighter is usually a better feeling. However, there is such a thing as being too-tight. It's not your fault, and there's nothing you can do about it (except maybe squeeze out a kid, ... (read in full...)

Can I date my best friends ex?

Q.   I’m in love with my best friends ex boyfriend, they broke up 6 weeks ago after a 22 month long relationship, and can I date him or not????? I have been her friend for 19 months since we started high school together. She was dating him since Gr.9. ...

A.   16 May 2009: Bottom line, would you be happy with it if you were in her shoes and had to watch your BF date your recent ex? Probably not. Maybe things with them will cool down in a year, who knows, but right now it is just way too soon to even think about tr... (read in full...)

How can I get my mum to let b/f stay?

Q.   im 17, my bf lives 3 hours awey and train tikets cost quite alot to keep goin bak and forth to see him, how do i get my mum to let me stay at his a few nights or even just one so iget to spend more time woth him ?...

A.   16 May 2009: Well, no parent is going to trust someone else with their child, it just doesn't happen that way. Is he able to come visit you? She might be more at ease if he can stay the weekend with you, where she can make sure you two are behaving. If he is... (read in full...)

Going to meet his family but I'm not allowed to kiss him!

Q.   Ok, I have been dating this guy for 6 months. He asked me to meet his family who live 5 hours away. I said yes. We are going to spend a week with them at the end of the month. Yesterday he told me that we wouldnt be able to sleep in the same room ...

A.   14 May 2009: Southern Baptists are very old fashioned and traditional when it comes to premarital sex. Same with dating, or any real physical affection before marriage. It's seen as sinful and promiscuous. I assume he is not terribly religious? Or at least no... (read in full...)

What do you think the chances of me being pregnant are?

Q.   What do you think the chances of me being pregnant are? I'm kind of worried and would really appreciate any input. I don't always take my birth control at EXACTLY the same time every day but always before bed and I would rate my forgetfulness at...

A.   14 May 2009: Take an at home pregnancy test. In the meantime, I would suggest going off the pill for a month to see what your cycle does if you turn out to not be pregnant. Also, if you are pregnant you should not be on the pill (assuming you are keeping the ... (read in full...)

If a guy is into you...wouldn't he text you a lot!?

Q.   its been just a week and i have been seein a younger guy (14 years) he is so sweet and attentive when i see him and says he wants to see how things go, but when we r not together he is very quite maybe a couple of texts a day, if a guy is into (like ...

A.   11 May 2009: Women are definitely more into the idea of instant communication than guys are. Think of the classic scenario where a woman is always asking how a guy feels, or what he's thinking, and his responses are usually short and not very in depth. Just ... (read in full...)

I'm apple shaped but he prefares pear shaped, what should I do?

Q.   I am married to a man who is attracted to pear-shaped women. I am an apple-shape, and this has caused me to want to end the marriage. He always watches porn or looks at women that have a pear-shape. I can't change what i don't have. It has ...

A.   11 May 2009: Ok, all I hear is that he watches porn.... where every woman is going to be busty and tiny at the waist, and have crazy butts.... I don't think this means he cares for that shape as much as it means he cares for porn. Look, without mass amounts ... (read in full...)

How tall is too tall?

Q.   So, uh, ladies... what height do you prefer on guys? What's gotta be the bare minimum height you like on a guy? And if there's such a thing as too tall, beyond what height would that be?...

A.   11 May 2009: This question is going to have a different answer for everyone, its entirely subjective. I mean, my ex husband was 5'8 (five feet, 8 inches. I'm not on metric like our UK Agony Aunts). My current boyfriend is 6'2. I'm only 5'5... so there is a hug... (read in full...)

He broke up with me saying I was always mean to him

Q.   we've been dating for like 7 months and he's saying that the reason why he broke up wit me is because we always argue and im always mean to him... it hurts becuss he said that even though we broke up he will always love meeh but that is so hard to ...

A.   11 May 2009: How old is he if he's going to a bar with his uncle? Look, he sounds like he is stringing you along if he's asking you to wait around a month. Honestly, you are young, and have so many other options in front of you. I would leave him in you... (read in full...)

I'm considering becoming sterile just soI don't screw up here life

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been dating just short of a year now. We're both 16 and just starting having sex about a month ago. We've only done it a few times. Both with and without condoms. For some reason she hates condoms and doesn't want to take ...

A.   9 May 2009: She thinks the pill is a hassle? What about having a baby?! Look, you asked about becoming sterile and what we thought. I don't believe any of us once mentioned the whole unprotected sex part, except in that the consequence would be pregnanc... (read in full...)

She wants to do sexual things, I think we are too young, what do I do?

Q.   I am 14 in a couple of months. I am not sure if it is weird to love someone. I know I am only 14 and have been in this relationship for 5 months so... is that too early to love someone? I do love her and will do a lot of things just to be with her. ...

A.   9 May 2009: You're young. It's not uncommon for all of your hormones to make you feel rushed into feeling love. Your feelings are valid, just understand that at your age they are intense and fleeting. It's not your fault, your brain just isn't fully developed ... (read in full...)

I was raped, had a miscarriage, now married, very happy but still dealing with the rape, how do I get over it?

Q.   I need some advice.I was raped on 5/6/99; ten years and two days ago.It took me a very long time to get past all of it and I really thought I was over it.This guy not only raped me, but he got me pregnant;I lost the baby at 5 months due to cessation ...

A.   9 May 2009: You need to seek counseling which can help you through the trauma you still experience as a result of the rape and your subsequent pregnancy/miscarriage. there is no other way. I promise, counseling will help far better than any advice any of u... (read in full...)

Is it love or is he after me just to get a mortgage?

Q.   i want to know if my current boyfriend really loves me, or is just using me to get a mortgage ...

A.   9 May 2009: How would he do that? If you have a house already in your name, keep it that way. And if you and he get married, have a prenup ready so he cannot take property that you entered the marriage with. Buying property before marriage or a ci... (read in full...)

I'm considering becoming sterile just soI don't screw up here life

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been dating just short of a year now. We're both 16 and just starting having sex about a month ago. We've only done it a few times. Both with and without condoms. For some reason she hates condoms and doesn't want to take ...

A.   9 May 2009: No doctor would in their right mind operate to make you sterile. Look, I'm sure you care for her, but it doesn't sound like she cares much for making a compromise with you. She is the one who will put both of you in the position of having a baby w... (read in full...)

Best position to conceive?

Q.   Hi i was just wonering what is the best position to concieve? Now ive heard that missionry is the best but what I really want to know are your chances alot less if the girl is on top?...

A.   8 May 2009: There is theory that missionary is a good position for conceiving because a "cup" is formed at the cervix where it meets the vaginal wall, which hold the semen better, allowing for a higher rate of conception. Also, part of that theory is also tha... (read in full...)

He won't let me swallow his semen

Q.   My partner wont let me swallow his semen? How do I persuade him. I have had it only once and loved it as I accept it as part of him. Any suggestions....

A.   8 May 2009: Some guys just aren't into kissing after oral, especially after cumming. That could be it, or some part of it. Have you asked him what his hang up is? Personally, I think if he is ok with kissing you after you going down on him, then it shouldn'... (read in full...)

Could I really be pregnant?

Q.   I believe im pregnant yes I had unprotected sex and about 2 or 3 weeks later I got my period it stayd 4 3 days n stoppd then I bn feeln nausious havn headacha very agrivated vomiting affter eatn fettish 4 pickles n icys peeing a lot now I have a ...

A.   8 May 2009: When I was pregnant the first thing I noticed was I was just tired all the time. I mean wiped out. How long ago did you have your period? Usually things like cravings don't start until later. Early on you just crave things that have the nutrien... (read in full...)

My friend is in my dreams...is this a sign of reconcilliation?

Q.   Hey! me and my friend fell out 10 days into this year and we havnt spoke since, well nice words anyways. But i keep dreaming of her. its kinda weird. but im leaving school on the 15th of may and ive built a few bridge's with people and because ...

A.   7 May 2009: You usually dream about things that are stressing you out and weighing on your mind a lot. Perhaps yes, if you reconcile with her, the dreams will stop, as there will be nothing to stress about. Or at least if you two find closure and go your sep... (read in full...)

I've just found out I'm pregnant. Is it safe to fly?

Q.   I just found out I'm pregnant and am due to fly out on my hols on Sat week but need to kno if its safe to fly?? I haven't been to the doc yet but have an appointment made for Friday!! ...

A.   7 May 2009: Its safe to fly until about the third trimester. Even then, it is probably safe, but because you are a higher risk flier, most airlines just won't allow you to fly.... (read in full...)

I tried to cheat on him. Should I tell him about it?

Q.   I love my boyfriend so much, and he's everything to me. But last weekend i got drunk and tried to kiss one of my close male friends. I can't even remember doing it, but people who were there saw me. I don't know weather to tell my boyfriend or not, ...

A.   5 May 2009: He should hear it from you. How would you feel if you heard a nasty rumor about him cheating on you? Look, you got drunk, and nothing happened, but he has a right to know that. You know how rumors go. He will probably be told that you actually... (read in full...)

How early is too early to annouce a pregnancy

Q.   How early is too early to annouce a pregnancy. I just found out I'm pregnant, I have PCOS and it took 3 yrs for my husband and I to get pregnant with our first child, who was premature and died. This time amzingly We weren't even trying and I'm ...

A.   5 May 2009: Tell your husband, but I would hold off on telling your family until you are 3 months along. Just to make sure that things are going well. The first 3 months, from what I hear, is the "trial time". Once your past that, spread the good news!... (read in full...)

I had a dream...where he got really mad at me! What does this mean?

Q.   okay so my situation is well i have a little crush on this guy who is named Pedro and well I sit by him in a class and we talk and stuff and he is very cool to talk to.Well today I had a dream that we were walking side by side and that I told him ...

A.   5 May 2009: It is probably the stress and fear you have of being rejected by him manifesting itself through dream form. Pretty much, you're so worried he might not like you back, that now you are even dreaming of it. It seems this truly is your worst nightmar... (read in full...)

Doggy style hurts bad!

Q.   When me and my boyfriend have sex in every other position, but doggy style, it feels great. But as soon as we try it doggy style, it kills me and we end up having to switch positions. Is there somthing wrong with me?...

A.   5 May 2009: If it is only hurting you in this one position, then I would say there is nothing wrong. Some positions just feel different, and might even hurt some. If you are worried, or if the pain is ever too much, or does not go away after switchin... (read in full...)

Married and need good tips for giving head.

Q.   hi to all I'd like a few tips please, im a happily married 28 year old with a great sex life but im rubbish at giving head and really want him to like it and ask for more. Any tips or hints please? thanks...

A.   4 May 2009: Honestly, we are not the right people to ask. Guys like different things, and he surely has his own preference for what you do. Ask him to guide you and control the movement of your head, and gently tell you what he wants you to do. Then follow his ... (read in full...)

What sexuality am I? Confused - lesbian or straight???

Q.   Basically ive just started to question my sexuality... ive always been straight and when i was younger had boyfriends but for the last 4 years ive just been having the odd snog on the weekend and foreplay with men as im 16 and just want to have fun. ...

A.   4 May 2009: Ok, my take on sexual orientation is that you are too young right now to really know what you want, especially if you are confused. It is perfectly natural to be aroused by members of the same sex. Right now your body is crazy with hormones... (read in full...)

Should I buy his mom something for mothers day?

Q.   Just curious.. Going on a 4 month relationship with this guy. His mom and I do small talk but that's it. The relationship is not a bad one. Anyways, I was thinking... Mother's Day is just around the corner. But she's not my Mother. So, am I ob...

A.   4 May 2009: You aren't obligated to send a lot of money on her, but a little something would be nice. Cards can be a little intimate, especially if you two aren't super close. I would instead go to one of the online floral services and have a small, inexpens... (read in full...)

My friend, dating my personal girlfriend!

Q.   Hi guys, I have a little problem, one of my friends wants to date my personal girlfriend! Please, I need advice on what to do. Please reply as soon as you can. Do I let him?...

A.   4 May 2009: What is a personal girlfriend? Is she your girlfriend who you are with and he wants to steal her from you? Or is she just a close friend, but you don't thin he's right for her? If she is your girlfriend, then you need to tell him to back off beca... (read in full...)

Ways to win my ex back!

Q.   I want my ex back. He broke up with me I dunno why. I have tried asking but he's shy and shit. I want the most effective way to win him over and be in love again....

A.   4 May 2009: If someone doesn't like you then you can't win them back unless you completely change your personality, and in that case the whole relationship would be a lie. You're young, there are plenty of other guys out there for you who aren't shy and will... (read in full...)

I get severely depressed at random times and guys run away when they realise they can't help me! Please advise.

Q.   Dear Cupid, Guys always run away from me. It hurts. I'm 21 and I suffer from Uni-Polar (Major Depressive Disorder) and I have been on meds for years but they don't "cure" anything, they just help a little and I can't keep a relationship. I'm not ...

A.   4 May 2009: I hate to say it, but you might just have to keep kissing frogs until you find your prince. Though I have studies the bi-polar/ uni-polar disorders, I cannot at all imagine what it must feel like for you. If you aren't already or still, I would su... (read in full...)

My g/f is 26 and still sleeps with her grandmother! Weird?

Q.   Would love some advice as am confused about the below situation with my girlfriend: She has a large family and when younger use to share her bed with her grandmother. As she grew older and family member left the house (therefore more space) she ...

A.   4 May 2009: It could be a security thing. When she was younger she got to sleep with her grandma and it might have made her feel safe and comforted. Don't be so quick to rip that feeling away from her unless you are sure you could properly replace it. Also,... (read in full...)

Why don't I fall pregnant?

Q.   hey all. every time after i have sex wit my bf i always feel the sperm sliding 0ut after 20 minutes or so. could this be why i dont fall prego? is somethng the matter with me...

A.   4 May 2009: The penis should deposit the sperm close enough to the cervix that enough will stay in. But yes, the ejaculation does leak out after a while. There is theory that missionary position is great for conceiving because the vagina forms a natural ... (read in full...)

Husband getting "I love you" Messages from a guy

Q.   I am married. 9 years ago I've found out that a gay has been messaging my husband with i love u's.. I thought it had stopped. and recently I found a message with a greeting of "more boys for you".. Is my husband a gay? What should I do?...

A.   4 May 2009: I am venturing a guess that he might very well be gay, and just very closeted about it. It could also be that he just was out testing the waters, got in over his head, and panicked when things went further than he wanted. Please go to marriage... (read in full...)

2 months and no period..pregnant? OR just messed up cycle?

Q.   i am really worried that i may be pregnant. my cycle is quite long, 42 days. i have taken the morning after pill three times before on three different occasions. the last time i took the pill my period came two weeks earlier, 28 days. it has now ...

A.   4 May 2009: The morning after pill can sometimes affect you cycle, but not long term like this. Yes, it could be just stress from your cold and school exams. thank you for using a condom. While not 100%, it is still very effective. Good for you :) Ta... (read in full...)

Husband getting "I love you" Messages from a guy

Q.   I am married. 9 years ago I've found out that a gay has been messaging my husband with i love u's.. I thought it had stopped. and recently I found a message with a greeting of "more boys for you".. Is my husband a gay? What should I do?...

A.   4 May 2009: You should talk to your husband. These men got his number somehow. Not to scare you, but it is not uncommon for gays or lesbians to enter a heterosexual relationship. Sometimes this is because they don't realize they are gay (if they marry yo... (read in full...)

Two and 1/2 years and I want more than kissing

Q.   hey i have been with my boy friend for 2 and a half yrs now. and i keep giving clues for over a month that i want more then just kissing. i want to go futher as i want to have sex with him. but he isnt getting the message and i dnt want t...

A.   4 May 2009: Have you two not done the deed because of views on marriage? At your age, even 2 months seems like a while to be in a relationship with someone without having sex. Honestly, you need to talk to him. There is obviously some reason why he hasn't m... (read in full...)

I am a virgin, my girlfriend is not, any tips on performance?

Q.   hey. My gf is not a virgin, but i am. I want to be a good sexual partner, but I'm not really sure how to be one. First of all, is there any way to make sex more pleasurable the first time? How can I go for longer? Anything else would help. Thanks....

A.   4 May 2009: Let her guide you through. You may want her to be on top if you aren't too sure about what to do right away. Also, and I'm not sure so double check with the boys on the site, but perhaps masturbating about a half hour before hand will help you... (read in full...)

My 13 year old friend is dating a 19 year old guy is this going to end well?

Q.   My friend(Girl 13) is dating a 19 year old boy and they have already like planned getting married and she wants to move in with him because she hates life at home. I don't think it seems like a good idea but they said it was love at first sight.Th...

A.   4 May 2009: This is by far the worst idea I have ever heard. No offense to your friend, but don't you think the guy is a little off if he can only find things in common with a 13 yr old girl? There is a reason why he can't find a girl his own age and needs to ... (read in full...)

Girl likes boy, boy likes girl!

Q.   ok, so theres this boy i've known about for 9 months now. i told him i liked him in january, and he was cool with it. i really like him. he told me last month that he liked me too! he sent me a text message this one night asking "what would yo...

A.   4 May 2009: Make the first move. Life is too short waiting for some young pup of a boy to get the courage to ask you out. Sometimes you have to make things happen for yourself.... (read in full...)

How do I handle heat induced anxiety?

Q.   Hey I have a tendency to get anxious in certain situations and break out sweating. I used to have a lot of built up anxiety and would freak out during the day but I have gotten that under control by focusing on the now. However, there are certain ...

A.   4 May 2009: To accurately and most effectively treat you anxiety you should be talking to a therapist. You need someone who you can work with on a weekly basis to be most consistent with your progress. None of us can help you. The best you could do is Wikipedia ... (read in full...)

I like my someday stepbrother

Q.   i like someone I really shouldn't like: my dad's fiance's 16 yr. old son: in other words my someday-will-be stepbrother. I know I need to get over it, let me say that again, I don't have to but I suppose it would be better to. I can't really tell ...

A.   4 May 2009: While it's not illegal or weird to date a step sibling, it certainly isn't encouraged while you still live in the same house and are minors. Honestly, I would suggest to not bring this up to anyone in the family. I probably wouldn't even bring th... (read in full...)

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