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*tarlights agony aunt

*tarlights

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*tarlights's profile:

What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.

In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.

Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.

Be happy AND remember

there is a solution for everything!

Latest articles:

The Art of Being Happy!

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25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...

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My husband is a hopeless cook who thinks he is great

Q.   My husband likes to cook but is bad at it. I am a great cook since I’ve worked in the restaurant industry for ten years. I want to teach him and have him start by helping me chop the vegetables and take care of the kitchen first before doing the ...

A.   16 February 2018: Your obviously passionate about food but you need to go easy on your boyfriend if you want him to see your point of view. He has his own methods which he feels works and you have yours. You guys need to reach a compromise. ... (read in full...)

As much as it hurts badly do I need to cut guy 1 off to give myaelf time to get over him? And focus on guy 2?

Q.   Dear Cupids! I am torn between two men in my life. Guy 1 and I dated for 7 months then he had to go back to Greece as his contract for work ended. Now we still chat long distantly it was hard and I broke it off with him. We still talk via Skype a...

A.   16 February 2018: Guy 1 is not respecting your space if he keeps texting you. Its best to either ignore him or remind him that you need your space and leave it at that. ... (read in full...)

He didn't send me anything for Valentines Day and Tries to blame me

Q.   I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 26.I'm in a long distance relationship and this would of been our second valentines day.Because of work commitments, we were both unable to spend the day together but we agreed to exchange gifts when we meet in March.The ...

A.   16 February 2018: I think if your boyfriend really cared he would have made the effort to send you a card as he's aware how important it is to you BUT it could be as he said a misunderstanding. There's alot of reasons why he may have not send you a card; maybe he ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my very difficult father?

Q.   My father is emotionally distant and is never respectful of me and my mother in public.As a father, He has never attended any of school events, has never allowed me to bring home friends, was emotionally unavailable all through my childhood. I ...

A.   16 February 2018: Its very clear that your father wont change his behaviour. You have choices to either accept him the way he is and learn to detach from what he says and does and not to take his behaviour personally or the other option is to not engage with him at ... (read in full...)

He talks marriage but I think he is just using me for sex.

Q.   So I was with a guy when I was younger we didn’t date but we would make out etc teenager stuff right (No sex) it lasted like 4 years so I consider it a relationship he ghosted me and then 3 years later came to see me and we talked made out etc he ...

A.   16 February 2018: Listen to your intuition. If the guy has a habit of ghosting you and not treating you the way you want to be treated get rid of him.If on the other hand he is treating you nicely now and not ghosting ask him if he see's a future with you. This will ... (read in full...)

I was working towards a goal that doesn't exist now.

Q.   I know this isn't a relationship question but everyone on here gives good honest advice. I feel so lost. I was training for the job position higher than mine, and I moved to another department and increased my hours hoping that will leave a goo...

A.   16 February 2018: I can understand how you feel for years I worked in a similar environment. The job you currently have is filling your mind with worries and draining you of energy. The best thing would be to have a change and find a new job but your not willing to ... (read in full...)

Toxic relationship with my mother and my family have decided to completely ignore me since I don´t live with them anymore!

Q.   I need advice on a problem that is making me miserable, and it´s that my family are completely ignoring me and my mother was all that I had left but she is neglecting our relationship. This is not a new event, this has been going on since I was a ...

A.   15 February 2018: Anyone who causes you pain or suffering is clearly not good for you. My advice would be to cut the trashy people out of your life because they are not going to change. Childhood has an immense effect on our adult life and some people are bad ... (read in full...)

I can't give up the fantasy of a fairy tale ending.

Q.   The fear of being alone had led me to be alone - I have searched everywhere for a mate - online - bars - events - charity - church and nothing - when they have come out of the blue they have only made me miserable and empty- but I kept them just so ...

A.   15 February 2018: The fairytale fantasy comes from society. We see fairytale endings in movies and constantly being told that we are only worthy and loveable if others love us in return. The truth is that its ok to have the fantasy , its ok to be alone and happy ... (read in full...)

I'm starting to think I am unlovable :-(

Q.   I don’t know why it never works out for me. Every time I think it’s going to work out with a guy it ends up just being another dead end... My last actual relationship was a year ago with a guy I’m still in love with (and who apparently still ha...

A.   15 February 2018: Your giving your love to the wrong guys AND You are loveable! but not every guy you show your love too will appreciate that love and thats their loss for being blind. Dont ever pin your happiness or self worth on a guy. When the right guy shows up ... (read in full...)

Any advise on what I can do to feel more relaxed while trying to learn and do my new job?

Q.   Pls help! I have issues with anxiety and panic attacks. I have recently joined this new firm where most of my colleagues are from the best schools and are really smart. It's great that this opportunity had come through and the job is something tha...

A.   15 February 2018: Starting a new job and fitting in sometimes takes time. To feel more relaxed try breathing exercises or meditation (because they really do work!) see: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/meditations-calming-effects-pinpointed-in-brain/ Tru... (read in full...)

As much as it hurts badly do I need to cut guy 1 off to give myaelf time to get over him? And focus on guy 2?

Q.   Dear Cupids! I am torn between two men in my life. Guy 1 and I dated for 7 months then he had to go back to Greece as his contract for work ended. Now we still chat long distantly it was hard and I broke it off with him. We still talk via Skype a...

A.   15 February 2018: This all boils down to where do you see yourself in the future? Guy 1 is not giving you any hope for the future together even when feelings are involved, whereas guy 2 is in your life understanding your situation. In my opinion its always best to ... (read in full...)

If he was keen on me wouldn’t he want to start a relationship? Even if long distance?

Q.   I met a guy back in December in London. We matched online initially and then ended up meeting in person and became pretty much inseparable from the day we met. We spoke to each other every day and spend quite a lot of time together back end of ...

A.   15 February 2018: I think its ok to tell him how you feel. You like him alot so you should get your feelings off your chest if you can. He has been clear that he's not keen on long distance relationships so you have to accept that too. It is possible that you two ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is insecure. What do I need to do from here?

Q.   I told my gf that we should catch up with an old friend of mine and she got jealous and upset. Ive known this friend for 15 years or so but havent seen them for 6-8 years, havent spoke to her for 3 years! Shes getting married and I tried to t...

A.   15 February 2018: Yes it certainly is not fair that you cut people from your life that you genuinely like such as friends. Prehaps your girlfriend is suffering from low self esteem or trust issues and feeling frustrated she let it all out by crying. It would be a ... (read in full...)

My wife is changing and starting to look elsewhere. Do I go along with it?

Q.   I enjoyed a wonderful loving relationship with my common law wife for 15 years. We always gave each other the impression that we were the only ones for each other. We never married, both figuring if it ain't broken, don't fix it. I gave her a ring ...

A.   2 September 2014: I think you deserve much better than to be treated like this. Her actions are not that of a happy woman. She clearly thinks the relationship with you is lacking somewhere, she has self esteem issues and she is not satisfied with her current life... (read in full...)

12 years together..will he ever marry me?

Q.   Will he ever Marry me? We have been together about 12 years, we have 2 kids (6 and 8). I think I have finally come to except that he will never marry me. I don't want that to be true, but I keep bring it up and he keeps giving me excuses. The ...

A.   2 September 2014: It does not sound like your partner is in a rush to marry you. He probably wont marry you and he has his own reasons. Only communicating clearly your's and his feelings can you reach a compromise. Goodluck!... (read in full...)

Looking for home remedies before my wedding next month

Q.   Hello friends I need your help am an Indian am getting married in june end The thing is I want to look best on my wedding day If you people could recommend me some home remedies it would be of great help I will tell u all my problems 1.Am 7...

A.   4 May 2014: I love using natural remedies so I will suggest to you a few things I have tried out and works. You still have a few months before your wedding so I suggest you get started straight away to have maximum effect! 1. If gym is impossible; cut ... (read in full...)

Afraid of sex -- is this normal?

Q.   Dear all, My problem is that I find sex to be a dirty thing Its difficult for me to imagine some one enter his private parts in mine or me licking some ones private parts I do watch porn But enjoy only till kissing or basically seeing coupl...

A.   4 May 2014: It is normal for some people to be fearful of sex especially if they never had intimate relations with anyone before. Sex is usually seen as a dirty thing in some cultures which does not help a person get over fear. It's important to relax d... (read in full...)

I want him to make me his girlfriend but he still talks to other women on the dating site!

Q.   I met this guy on a dating site a few weeks ago. We've had a few amazing dates and ended up fooling around just a little (no actual sex though). I really like him and we have so much in common, we're so compatible and look great together. The pr...

A.   8 December 2013: You cant really STOP him from communicating with others on this dating site and he's looking for his Mrs Right. You two are not officially an item yet and shy or not if he really liked you he would have taken this relationship with you a bit more... (read in full...)

We flirted for a while but I haven't heard from him in a week. Time to move on?

Q.   So I like this guy at work, and I'm positive he likes me too. He's a little younger than me so I made the first move after a few months of working together. We kissed at work and he brought up hanging out outside of work. Well we texted a couple ...

A.   8 December 2013: He has his own reasons for not contacting you. You dont want to come across desperate. If I was you I wouldn't message him. Just leave it. If you see him around you can smile and be your usual self. At the end of the day you don't need to chas... (read in full...)

Would it be awkward, creepy, or inappropriate to message my nurse out of the blue?

Q.   Recently I have been to a clinic to be seen by a doctor. The nurse that waited on me prior to the doctor was very cute and friendly. I really wanted to try and make some kind of connection with her but it did not seem appropriate at the time while ...

A.   21 October 2013: I would find it creepy if a guy found me the way you've been keeping tabs on her. I would just leave it because you will probably come across creepy... and her starting any type of relationship with you ( a patient ) would be highly unprofes... (read in full...)

Should I wait for her or should I make the move?

Q.   Hi there.. I got out of a long relationship 5months ago.. I haven't seen anyone since then. I met a great girl once and since then we.ve been cahtting everyday and flirting a lot.. The problem was that she had a boyfriend at that time and I didn'...

A.   21 October 2013: If she's quiet and acting out of character I wouldn't bother to make a move and contact her.... (read in full...)

What topic should I use to approach girls? I'm shy!

Q.   hey... i am 17... i live in india.... and as you will see in my previous question how shy i am. I dont know what to talk to girls and all..... now i will explain you. Previous year i joined a class for studying and there were many hot girls ...

A.   21 October 2013: If you want to strike up conversation ask them something specific either about college, studies, movies, anything which opens up a conversation. After that take it slow and hopefully you will make new friendships.... (read in full...)

Why should I do if my mum doesn't approve?

Q.   I'm a 39 ear old guy in Dublin, and fancy 2 women. First woman is 46 years old and lives in London and we have known each other for just over a month now. I have sent her flowers and 2 gifts. The second woman is 39 and lives in Cork, and Ive known ...

A.   19 October 2013: If you are going to let your mum and family dictate your life and who you can date; you might as well never meet this lady.... (read in full...)

Do I chase my dream or give it up for my boyfriend?

Q.   Hi there...i had posted a question about my boyfriend getting depressed since he didn't get placed and all..my dream company will be hiring freshers from my campus next week and I was dying for them to come..now my bf is asking me not to attend the ...

A.   17 October 2013: Go for your dream. Dont let anyone hold you back. You will regret it if you dont go.... (read in full...)

My mind is on overload and I am going crazy!

Q.   Hello aunts and uncle's I really need some advice here and fast before I go nuts. I have been with my BF for 7 months now and I am so in love with him, and he tells me he feels the same. we moved in together and everything is going great excep...

A.   17 October 2013: Yes this has alarm bells going off. I know a story of One guy who literally ran in the toilet away from his girlfriend, with his phone "pretending" he was playing games with the phone.She believed him but later saw the truth. He was busy in ... (read in full...)

He choses making music over making out with me!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have had this talk previously; basically it comes down to his obsession with music. He has an obsessive hobby with making beats and music and it used to be much worse. He actually dropped out of school because he was so mentally ...

A.   17 October 2013: I understand you must be feeling pretty unwanted. But realize this: Some talented musicians like time and space ALONE to create music. Its not about you, its about his passion for his music. He enjoys music above everything else. ... (read in full...)

My Bf has not told his parents that we live together. His mother wants to visit him. How do I get through this?

Q.   Hi!! I'm kind of stuck at the moment. I'm chinese born and raised here. My boyfriend and I are the same religion Hindus. He's from the states as well but born in London. His parents are also in the USA. So my question is. My boyfriend and Iive ...

A.   16 October 2013: It's most likely your boyfriends mum wont like the idea of you living together.It may create a bad impression about you. So Why doesn't your boyfriend agree to introduce you to his mum properly in a comfortable manner for you? Your boyfr... (read in full...)

Should I date a guy who is 9 years younger than me? I'm 28 and he's 19

Q.   Im 28 years old and newly single, i'd rather stay single for a while to be honest but someones interested in me. The problem.is hes only 19 that is way too young for me but my friend doean't think so. I dont feel comfortable about that age gap but ...

A.   15 October 2013: Not young at all! I think if he's mature at 19 and makes you laugh and your open to his "thinking" then go for it. When i was 29 I had a relationship with a 19 year old and he was the most romantic man I ever met. He was adorable, we only brok... (read in full...)

Why do people let facebook ruin their relationship?

Q.   I have a question about Facebook, and that is why do so many people let it run their relationships? I'm not just talking about significant others, either. They let it affect their relationships with family as well. I know my family has, at least. A ...

A.   15 October 2013: If it matters to you why dont you phone the people who have blocked you and ask them why they blocked you off their facebook? as you didnt think you had problems with them? People are fickle sometimes and unfortunately facebook is a good example ... (read in full...)

Should I go to the doctor to prove I am NOT mentally ill?

Q.   I have posted on here before about my situation. Abusive ex, left our son in wet clothes, we had a row about it, then he said he never wanted anymore contact, now he has changed his mind, and I have said no, as I want supervised visits, so now he w...

A.   13 October 2013: Yes it is true that the abuser often tries to make the victim look bad in court. He can try to manipulate but you need to have a strong case (just in case.) You can prove you are a fit mother because you are attending college, making ... (read in full...)

Should I go to the doctor to prove I am NOT mentally ill?

Q.   I have posted on here before about my situation. Abusive ex, left our son in wet clothes, we had a row about it, then he said he never wanted anymore contact, now he has changed his mind, and I have said no, as I want supervised visits, so now he w...

A.   13 October 2013: If your doctor is a good doctor and you have NO previous medical history of mental illness (its a good idea too have your doctor's backup). However if you already have a volatile relationship with your ex and its recorded down its not a good idea... (read in full...)

Can you sue someone for giving you an STD?

Q.   Can you sue someone for giving you an STD? My ex boyfriend has contacted me, to say that he recently ejaculated blood and that if he has an STD he will be suing me. I haven't had a check-up for a few months, but last time I went to the doctors ...

A.   13 October 2013: Your ex is being emotionally abusive as he makes his threats against you. Usually its about controlling the situation and showing you whose in charge. I dont think he can sue you for STD's unless he can really prove you put his life in serious ... (read in full...)

I cant stop missing him. What should I do?

Q.   Hey :) I was in an ldr with a wonderful guy for nearly a year, and things were pretty great. But we were definitely switching off. Well, he more so than me. He went MIA for about a week and i was really worried to find out he was in hospital...

A.   13 October 2013: I think you should move on because its been 8 months since you heard anything. As you say you don't want to go through the hassle. He may have been a nice guy but you couldn't trust him. It's ok to miss people but sometimes you have to let them... (read in full...)

Beating myself up for immature mistakes

Q.   I was never a wrong person but some circumstances made me commit some really silly and immature mistakes. Like forcing myself to go out on a date just cause my trust on my boyfriend was lost. I never intended or had any desire to be with any guy. I ...

A.   12 October 2013: Doing "silly stupid immature mistakes" as you call it DOES NOT make you a wrong/bad / evil person. This is because as humans we make mistakes, sometimes we do it so we can learn something better out of our mistakes. Dont beat yourself up about it... (read in full...)

Would it be wrong to approach him once he's no longer my teacher?

Q.   Hi there, I am a 18 (soon to be 19) years old. This year, i decided to carry on an extra year at my sixth form to improve my grades, instead of going straight to uni. I have been put in a physics class with a new teacher, who i think i am reall...

A.   12 October 2013: I dont see anything wrong if after you finish his class and leave the school you give him his number and keep his friendship. Hope that helps!... (read in full...)

Is is okay to be a little envious of my sister and sister-in-law's friendship?

Q.   Is it ok to be a little envious of my sister and sis in laws f/ship.? My younger sister and my bro and sister in law are close in age and have lots in common kids etc. They live in diff states but communicate via FB a lot, and phone, I imagin...

A.   11 October 2013: Yes it normal to be a jealous of their bond-ship. Sometimes life is weird because we try being nice to people but sometimes they just click better with others instead. Dont allow them to make you feel sad anymore. How they interact togeth... (read in full...)

My LDR is never there for me

Q.   I am in a long distance relationship with a guy. We have been together for 1 year. He loves me, I know that. But whenever I need him, he is never there for me. If am disturbed at night, he prefers to sleep because he doesn't feel like spoiling his ...

A.   11 October 2013: If he is busy with work or on a different time zone then its understandable why he doesn't want to spoil his schedule and talk all night to you. Has your boyfriend said he's ready to commit to you fully? if he commits then it will close down the... (read in full...)

I don't feel like I'm loved by my boyfriend and he always puts his mom first!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have more issues than I can count. We are in our late 20s, been together 3+ yrs, and live together. Issue #1, he is a mamas boy. Whatever mom wants, he does. He goes above and beyond son duties. He gives her just as much, if not ...

A.   11 October 2013: You are definitely NOT crazy. Mama's boys can resort to lying because they want to suck up to their mum's and not upset them. One mama's boy I knew literally lied to his mum and his girlfriend just to avoid getting caught between them. Not onl... (read in full...)

I don't feel like I'm loved by my boyfriend and he always puts his mom first!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have more issues than I can count. We are in our late 20s, been together 3+ yrs, and live together. Issue #1, he is a mamas boy. Whatever mom wants, he does. He goes above and beyond son duties. He gives her just as much, if not ...

A.   10 October 2013: Your partner does not deserve your love. It's hard to start all over but its better that then loving a man who doesnt know how to quit being a mama's boy. He will never grow up; hence why he cant satisfy you and plays computer games.... (read in full...)

I'm an unhappily married man with two small children and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake?

Q.   hi everyone. im an unhappily married man with two small children.im wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake? my wife has a short temper and can stay angry for weeks about things without e...

A.   10 October 2013: Your wife has severe anger issues, she's abusive emotionally and it may stem from her own past. She needs to get help and both of you need to work on your relationship to be happier. It may take professional help! Speaking from my experien... (read in full...)

I don't feel like I'm loved by my boyfriend and he always puts his mom first!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have more issues than I can count. We are in our late 20s, been together 3+ yrs, and live together. Issue #1, he is a mamas boy. Whatever mom wants, he does. He goes above and beyond son duties. He gives her just as much, if not ...

A.   10 October 2013: Your partner does not sound like he's mature to be in a relationship with you, even to the point he takes advantage of the situation. If I was you I would pack my bags and leave as soon as I was able too. Someone who truly loves you would ma... (read in full...)

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