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| | Starlights's profile:Hi you!
I guess your reading this to find out a little bit more about this agony aunt.
Just a few facts about me: I am 28 years young, born and brought up in the UK. My family origin is indian muslim so i've seen experiences from an eastern and western perspective.
Why am i here? because ive been through terrible times in my own life, ive survived all the tests and im still going strong. I'd like to help people who are facing similar situations or want a friend to talk too. I dont like to judge others and I
also feel helping people is good karma for us humans in general.
My top advice to you is listen to your inner intuition it guides you to only the very best and gives you the best answer to any problem you face.
Life is a test and any problem is designed to test your strength. Keep going, remain focused and optimistic things and watch as life improves.
Peace.
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He's a great guy, but I'm still afraid of being used for sex
Q. me and my bf are together since 8months, though i went away to university and haven't seen him for these last two months. when i was there, we used to kiss and he gave me oral too. i tried to give it to him but couldn't. he is the most amazing ...
A. 20 November 2009: If you dont feel ready to have sex -then dont just wait.
If your boyfriend truly loves you he will support your decision not to have sex and not force you into it because he will want you to be happy.
Of course your upbringing will have an inf... (read in full...)
How do you forget the person you are in love with?
Q. Hi to all. Anybody who can give some effective tips on how to forget a person whom you love so much that you can't live without him. I am waiting for your tips. Thank you....
A. 20 November 2009: I dont think its possible to totally forget someone you love. If you loved someone now and then its natural to think of them.
If you cant live without this person have you told them how you feel?
Its possible to move on from your love by ma... (read in full...)
Mom wants me to be with another race!
Q. Hi aunts, serious problem here... my mom is obsessed with me getting married to someone of a different race of my own, I am african american and she wants me to be with someone caucasian.. She has this thing against african americans because the ...
A. 17 November 2009: Hi there!
Firstly you get good and bad caucasian men same as you do get good and bad african american men.
What you need to do is not be like your mother and tarnish/judge people with the same brush.
You need to give the man in question... (read in full...)
I'm at a kind of crossroads after losing a dear friend and don't know what to do with my life.
Q. A dear friend of mine passed away only 2 months ago and i cant help but feel miserable. His other friends know me and have continuously asked me to hang with them and i accept but when the day comes they dont call and ditch me for no apparent ...
A. 17 November 2009: You will feel miserable because your still grieving for the friend you have lost. It will take some time before you can accept whats happened and allow yourself open to happiness but until then you have to take each day as it comes.
You may have... (read in full...)
I have become ill due to his unfounded accusations and jealousy, help me!
Q. My boyfriend looked through my phone and found a call that was a wrong number. He started to tell me that I had met with someone when he was out of town and I told him to just call the number back if he wanted. He called, threw the phone towards ...
A. 16 November 2009: Your boyfriend has serious self esteem and trust issues this is not something you can change out of him, he needs to want to change himself and get therapy or counselling.
This kind of negative behaviour can spiral out of control with him eventual... (read in full...)
Fear of money, yet I work in retail!
Q. I work in retail and have never worked at a register. I am supposed to be trained for the register soon I have a real problem with handling money I always have. I really want to over come this problem. What should I do? I dont have a problem ...
A. 14 November 2009: If your managers did not think you were capable they would not have made you in charge of the cash, so look at it in a positive way.
They have faith in your ability.
You have to try it to overcome your fear and experiencing this is the best... (read in full...)
My brother scolds me for very small reasons! What can I do?
Q. i am 15. my brother is 20. my problem is, in the last few days, my brother scolds or whacks me for very small reasons. for example, just asking "what are you studying ?" earns me a verbal thrashing. please tell me what to do....
A. 13 November 2009: Your brother has anger issues.
Can you not speak to your parents and tell them to have words with him so that he can control his behaviour?
it could be your brother does not respect you and loses his temper for a small issue. He could have me... (read in full...)
My girl is an angel!!!!
Q. hi guys.... i am in love with a girl for 5 good years, and its a miracle because i have not met this girl in person. we used to talk on the phone and exchange pics. first let me point out ma girls qualities 1. she is an angel from her quali...
A. 13 November 2009: The best way to gain respect with your parents is by being honest with them.
Tell your mum / dad / uncle (a family member who you feel understands you the most) and explain you have met a girl from a similar background and who you know is a goo... (read in full...)
I'm young and bored!
Q. Ok well i am pretty young although i will not reveal my actual age. I know that i will not have sex or serious relationships for a few years but i feel like i really want to... any tips on how to get this nagging feeling out of my head????...
A. 13 November 2009: Its pretty normal to think about sex all the time.
The only way you can get the nagging feeling out of your head is by taking up hobbies or a sport to occupy your mind and time until your ready to pursue a serious relationship and sex.
Goodluc... (read in full...)
Am I making a mistake by having an abortion?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now. He is an alcoholic. I just found out I'm pregnant. I would love to have the baby but I don't feel its fair to bring a child into the world with an alcoholic father. I already have a 17 year old ...
A. 13 November 2009: This is not an easy decision but You need to do right by the life within you.
Some people will say its wrong to have an abortion others will say its ok to do it.
Only you can truly decide as the mother whats in the best interests of tha... (read in full...)
Afraid my bi g/f might cheat for real
Q. Hello everybody I am 19 and i have a girlfriend who is 24. Our relationship started when i made a pass at her and we ended up having sex. I loved the sex as any 17 year old would .My girlfriend is a fun loving girl and a bisexual. I don'...
A. 13 November 2009: There is a potential your galfriend will cheat on you as she seems quiet free and taking the relationship lightly.
You might want to have words with her to find out how seriously she takes your relationship then consider from her answer whether ... (read in full...)
How can I persuade her to have sex with me?
Q. hi. i am 15 year old male from india. we have a maid servant in our house, about 25 years of age. she is very plump and has well developed breasts and hips.she lives in our house itself in a separate room. i have had sexual feelings for near...
A. 13 November 2009: This post is ridiculous!
alot of people do have sex with their maids but I doubt this lad's parents would leave HIM ALL BY HIMSELF in a house with the maid...
thats stupid, indians would never think of abandoning their kids home alone, dont... (read in full...)
My girl is an angel!!!!
Q. hi guys.... i am in love with a girl for 5 good years, and its a miracle because i have not met this girl in person. we used to talk on the phone and exchange pics. first let me point out ma girls qualities 1. she is an angel from her quali...
A. 13 November 2009: Its nots fair to reject a girl just because she is not your ideal of a beauty.
I am sure god will think her as being very beautiful because she has a good heart.
You need to remember looks will fade with age, but the real beauty is in the... (read in full...)
A brother in need of help... Please help!
Q. Background info. I am 23 years and my girl is 23 also. I am from Nigeria and she is from Tanzania and we are both muslims. I have been with her for a year now. Everything is great about this girl, she is respectful, takes care of herself and is c...
A. 13 November 2009: Your galfriend might be getting angry for a number of reasons.
She may feel guilty for hiding the relationship from her parents and the stress caused her to lash out at you.
It could be hormone related too.
The best thing you can do is ... (read in full...)
When I leave school should I tell my teacher I'm in love with her?
Q. Now, im going to aplogise for poor spelling firstly (its late at night for me!!) and secondly I am sorry this is another teacher/student crappy topic!! Ok so lets set you the picture. I am over 18, and still stuck in sixth form (3rd year) I am ...
A. 13 November 2009: Legally your 18 and she's around my age (late 20's) so its legal to date her.
However as she is your teacher, school rules dictate you cannot date the teacher.
Have you opened up to your teacher about how you feel? honestly the only way you... (read in full...)
My friend slept with a guy, then slept with his brother!
Q. my friend slept with a guy, and then a few months later she slept with his brother. of course, neither brother knows that she slept with the other one. neither of them were her boyfriends (the recent brother she slept with is crushing on her ...
A. 13 November 2009: I do not agree with what your friend did,
However you need to remember all the people involved were consenting adults.
The two brothers chose to have sex knowing the same girl and they now have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
... (read in full...)
Fear of money, yet I work in retail!
Q. I work in retail and have never worked at a register. I am supposed to be trained for the register soon I have a real problem with handling money I always have. I really want to over come this problem. What should I do? I dont have a problem ...
A. 13 November 2009: When you say you have real problem handling money, what do you mean? what fear is it you have?
Just think of the money as plain paper to overcome your fear, however without knowing more I cant complete this answer.... (read in full...)
Have any other teens gone through this depression?
Q. I've been getting very depressed recently about stupid things and i want it to stop. i can go from feeling content to extremely depressed and just blank within a matter of minutes if i am left alone. its silly as there is nothing drastic in my li...
A. 13 November 2009: Hi
Yes i too remember feeling the same way as you when I was your age.
Its a period of change for your mind, your coming out of childhood into adulthood and its frustrating because you think you know it all but there is so much more to lea... (read in full...)
Why did this girl cancel her hair appt. with me to go with a stranger?
Q. Evening all! This isnt a love question but im hoping you might have some advice. I am a qualified hairdresser and worked in a salon for a few years before settling down in to an office job-more pay and less hours. When some of my colleagues fou...
A. 9 November 2009: Yes this girl was using you. She is acting disrespectful by cancelling on you on such short notice.
It could be the other girl is charging less or doing it free which is most likely.
You should learn from this experience so it does not happen ... (read in full...)
How do I help her cope with past sexual abuse?
Q. hey i would really appreciate some help on this because its not getting easier. my girlfriend told me she was sexually abused by her uncle for as long as she can remember, but we werent going out then, but ever since we have been going out, 3 mon...
A. 9 November 2009: It sounds to me like your doing the best you can for her at this time so carry on as you are.
You are a very supportive and kind boyfriend. She is lucky to have you.
Continue to let her know that you care about her and available to lis... (read in full...)
How do I help her cope with past sexual abuse?
Q. hey i would really appreciate some help on this because its not getting easier. my girlfriend told me she was sexually abused by her uncle for as long as she can remember, but we werent going out then, but ever since we have been going out, 3 mon...
A. 6 November 2009: When I said its something your galfriend wont forget, this doesnt mean the therapist cant help her deal with her pain. If she gets the appropriate help the therapist can help her deal with the pain and move on from it. Maybe you touching y... (read in full...)
I'm depressed after my abortion.
Q. im 14 and i had an abortion in February, and know im depressed and want a baby. what do i do? please help me. i have never been this depressed in my life before please please help me ...
A. 6 November 2009: I am sad to hear this, sadly this abortion is something you will never forget.
Of course you will want your baby back -but remember why you did the abortion in the first place? im assuming its because you are so young and its not the right ti... (read in full...)
Violent ex tricked me. Will this hurt me in court?
Q. My ex was arrested the following night of him attacking me. It was my friend who rang the police luckily she was there when he got in my flat, and pulled a knife on me. He wrecked my flat too, his bail conditions meant that he wasnt to come near me ...
A. 6 November 2009: It depends.
Only your solicitor can legally tell you if you've shot yourself in the foot here, but in my opinion:
you have a witness, he pulled a knife out on you, trashed your flat, all this makes him look worse character infront of the j... (read in full...)
How do I help her cope with past sexual abuse?
Q. hey i would really appreciate some help on this because its not getting easier. my girlfriend told me she was sexually abused by her uncle for as long as she can remember, but we werent going out then, but ever since we have been going out, 3 mon...
A. 6 November 2009: Im sorry to hear of your loss and sorry to hear you are going through this.
Firstly its good your girlfriend is seeing a therapist she needs to speak to someone professionally about this to help her overcome the ordeal she has been through.... (read in full...)
How do I stop putting people on pedestals and have more realistic expectations?
Q. I often put people up on pedestals and have expectations about how they should behave. Then when they don't live up to my expectations, I'm disappointed. I know it's their life and we're all human, make mistakes, etc. But how can I stop doing this? ...
A. 6 November 2009: I dont think you act this way because you are jealous.
I think you act like this because you care way too much of others around you.
Its good to have expectations of yourself but dont expect too much from others.
You will end up dissa... (read in full...)
Embarrassed to see a doctor about possible damage from anal sex! Advice?
Q. I had anal sex for the first time, and we did it with out lube i said I would try it but it hurt so much i couldnt take it, but my bf wouldnt stop , now im bleeding and in pain but i'd be to embaressed to go see a doctor about it, could i really be ...
A. 2 November 2009: Dont be embarrassed to go to your doctor they deal with these complaints most of the time.
I would advise you to go to the doctor to get a proper diagnosis but until then you can try the following to ease the pain there:
* Warm baths are s... (read in full...)
I want to change my life! Should I feel guilty for wanting that?
Q. I am a 45 yr old woman,(age posted wrong?) I have been going through the need for change for a couple years now. I am depressed, lonely, bored and burnt out. I want to relocate somewhere else I would enjoy more. I want a new job. A new start. I have ...
A. 2 November 2009: No of course you shouldnt feel guilty for wanting a better life for yourself.
If your unhappy you need to make the necessary changes as lifes is too short!
You've given up your time, effort and most of your life raising your 2 children so it i... (read in full...)
Tired of these guys picking on me, should I stand up for myself?
Q. In school I have 2 boys that like to pick and hit with me. They think its ok because their are playing and they think im playing but im not. See im a goofy person that laughs and smile a lot and they think it ok because i don't get mad but im, tired ...
A. 2 November 2009: You need to stand up for yourself.
In life your going to find many people like this who come your way to bully you.
If someones attacks you stand your ground. Dont shy away.
Im not advocating fighting but you need to defend yourself not run ... (read in full...)
Am I shallow because I like men, based on their looks?
Q. I need some advice/opinions/anything on this issue I have. As long as I can remember I’ve been really attracted to blond/blue eyed/boyish looking men (Brad Pitt when he was young, Jensen Ackles, Patrick Wilson type guys). I’ve ‘chased’ a few guys in ...
A. 2 November 2009: If you love your boyfriend then dont worry about the types of guys you check out.
Its normal for women to look at other guys and say "he's hot!" or "he's cute!"
Its only when you act on this impulse physically then you are doing wrong by y... (read in full...)
How do I avoid these friends, that I think are bad for me?
Q. what do u do when u dont wanna hang out with the group of people you hang out with because your 100 percent sure that they are talking about you..they smoke but i dont. all i do is drink with them never once tried smokin and because they smoke and i ...
A. 2 November 2009: Part of growing up is changing as a person.
You may find that friends you have grown up with change and you have nothing in common.
Trust your instincts.
If you feel your friends are talking about you then they most probably are.
The bes... (read in full...)
I love my family, but I don't like them..why am I this way?
Q. Is something wrong with me that I love my family but I dont like them? ...
A. 2 November 2009: What your feeling is totally normal!
I absolutely love my family and would fight until the ends of earth for them but I dont like any of them.
I dont like my mum -she's uncaring, i dont like my brother -he's selfish and ungrateful
I d... (read in full...)
Mistreated sexually in a shop! What should I have done?
Q. I went to a shop the other week somewhere in Northwest England (not saying where), was looking at buying some new electronics for my husband, and asked a saleswoman for advice. She then asked me to come over to her desk, to discuss it, which I did, ...
A. 2 November 2009: Hi, If you felt disgusted by what happened you need to complain. This type of behavior is not acceptable and it could happen to another poor customer. Here are the details of who you need to contact and make a complaint to: [Moderator n... (read in full...)
I love him, I don't want to lose him but I don't know what else to do.
Q. I am a 21 year old Egyptian girl. A year ago I met an American guy online, he is 26. Since the first night we met we both clicked right away. We talked for five hours and neither of us really wanted to go. I wasn't looking for a relationship nor was ...
A. 2 November 2009: Hi
I've read your story and in my honest opinion this situation is very complexed.
I know islamic familes sometimes can be overbearing but truly they only have the best intentions at heart. You have to forgive them for that.
When you cho... (read in full...)
How can I live like this?
Q. hi, i am 40 years old not married, i used to live in us for 3 years, but when i came back i couldnt live well here, life is hard and people are hard to live with, even my mom layer, at work in the street all life is so bad, what can i do ?...
A. 2 November 2009: Hi,
You say lived in the US for 3 years is there not anyway you can go back to living a life there?
Or prehaps try another country you like if your not suited to the place you are in now?
I understand it can be difficult but try and ke... (read in full...)
How do I talk to my younger sister about sex?
Q. hi, I am elder brother and my sister is 2 years younger to me, and she behaves as if she is elder to me and knows more than me in the matter of sexual relationship. I want to help her in carrying out safe and good sexual relationship, bu...
A. 24 October 2009: To be honest your sister may feel uncomfortable telling you about her sex life.
i would never imagine talking to my younger brother about my sex life even now (its a matter of respect) or even tell my grandma about it!
So i cant imagine you... (read in full...)
What would be the best way to deal with this work situation?
Q. Dear Aunts, I was talking to one of my (male) workmates the other the day when I noticed that he kept staring at my chest then flicking his gaze back up to my eyes for a moment. Its not like my breasts are large or I had a low-cut top on. ...
A. 24 October 2009: Unfortunately its a fact of life that some guys do just stare at your boobs when talking to you.
At my work place I can name at least one guy who looks mostly at the girls boobs when she is talking to him and yes its uncomfortable but you coul... (read in full...)
I would like some advice on how to stand up to racist comments!
Q. Hey I know this isn't really a relationship question at all but it can sorta relate... cause racism happens in EVERY SITATUATION including ones with BFS and GFs around... Haa Ok so like I'm a 17 year old asian chick right and I've always had to de...
A. 24 October 2009: I agree with you. Rascist comments are hard to deal with and your very brave for tackling it so wisely. If anyone makes such comments to you again, tell them to simply: GROW UP. You dont have to try and protect yourself in any other... (read in full...)
I'm tired of all the collections at the office!
Q. Hi all. i have an issue thats been building up and really frustating me lately in the office. We have always done collections for people for their birthday which is fine-there are 22 people in the office. Now someone recently got engaged ...
A. 24 October 2009: Hi At my work place it was the same thing, for every single event people had to contribute money and yes your right it does add up to many many lost pounds! However some were not happy about this and spoke up to our team leader who took this on... (read in full...)
My husband is always cheating on me!
Q. i am an indian woman whois very sincere to her husband and family. We got married 30 years ago after 7 years of love with each other inspite of my parents unwiilingness they maaried us. My husband had cheated me earlier also many a times. and i was ...
A. 23 October 2009: Its no so easy for a woman to leave her husband in India or in other traditional cultural parts of the world, its a totally different ballgame then the western world. People need to be understanding of this and give the asker a neutral hekpful ... (read in full...)
My husband is always cheating on me!
Q. i am an indian woman whois very sincere to her husband and family. We got married 30 years ago after 7 years of love with each other inspite of my parents unwiilingness they maaried us. My husband had cheated me earlier also many a times. and i was ...
A. 23 October 2009: Unfortunately because your husband has been doing this for so many years he wont change.
He makes promises to you and breaks them every time he is a very selfish man.
I think the best thing you can do is try and live for your children for now... (read in full...)
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