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*ot Issues

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Is a tumor an STD?

Q.   Hi, my girlfriend of four years found out from a doctor over three weeks ago that she has a tumor in her ear. We were devastated by the news but we're doing the best we can to cope with it. She's already scheduled for a surgery. While sitting ...

A.   2 June 2014: How on earth did that dawn on you? A tumour is a mutation of cells that don't die when they are supposed to. If a tumour were sexually transmitted, which it is not, it would not end up in her ear. You are over-thinking the whole thing and tryi... (read in full...)

Whose move next?

Q.   A man I like, whom I met several months ago and have bumped into a couple of times asked for my number when we randomly saw each other one evening a few weeks ago. I had a missed call 2 weeks ago and I sent a text back to say I saw the missed call ...

A.   26 May 2014: Make the next move, it's your turn. Sounds like he's interested so he will probably be happy to hear from you.... (read in full...)

I am planning on having sex outside my marriage

Q.   Hello. I have been trying to ask this question for a few times because i am facing a situation in which i am undecided. I will talk honestly. Well i am married since 10 years. I have always loved to appreciate beautiful women. I particularly ...

A.   25 May 2014: I'm sure you feel you have your reasons for looking for sex outside your marriage, but have you thought about what is so wrong with your marriage that you feel you need to cheat? I don't know you or your situation, but I see so many people who give ... (read in full...)

Online friend won't talk to me

Q.   I have been good friends with a man online for over a year now, we chat nearly everyday and take the piss out of each other. We sometimes have disagreements but always resolve them by talking. A day ago I posted something funny on Facebook and...

A.   25 May 2014: Now that he's shown you what he's like, and over something ridiculously small, why do you still want to be friends with him? Do you even know him at all in real life? If not, why bother?... (read in full...)

My clock is ticking and I want a baby!

Q.   I want a baby and I am dating a guy who is 7 years younger than me, i'm nearly 39 and he is just approaching 32 and we have been on and off for over a year but it was just sex that turned into something more but only the last 2 months we have been ...

A.   25 May 2014: Don't wait around for 3 months. You've been in a relationship with this guy for over a year, at this point you shouldn't be holding back because you're worried about scaring him off. Tell him what you want, and if he still "isn't ready", leave and ... (read in full...)

He was so eager to see me. Then we had sex. Is he now fobbing me off? If yes, then why?

Q.   I want an honest opinion, please don't judge me. I met a guy on a night out a month ago in a different city. We talked every single day via messaging/phone calls ect. a significant amount. We agreed on a date for him to come and see me at my pla...

A.   25 May 2014: A lot of people will tell you that as a woman you shouldn't have sex with a guy early on because you'll be seen as easy or promiscuous. It's total bullshit, sexist and unfair, but we live in a sexist world and unfortunately a lot of men do operate ... (read in full...)

After a year I still don't have my online boyfriend's phone number

Q.   Met a guy online over a year ago, we fell in love, never spoke on phone. It is a LDR and I gave him my number but he never gives me his. Lately, he is busier at work and he says he loves me but I don't know what's going on. Is it normal t...

A.   25 May 2014: It's not normal. How do you communicate if not by phone? Do you see each other in real life? ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend keeps registering on dating sites and tells me it's just "for a laugh"

Q.   Could some one advise me what to do please? I have found my boyfriend to be registering on different date sites. This is the fourth time I found out about it now. He says its just for a laugh and unregisters from them, but then secretly registers on ...

A.   25 May 2014: Why? Because he can. Obviously if it's happened at least 4 times and you're still together, he's no longer worried about the relationship breaking down as he can get away with it. The only one who's laughing here is him, at you. He doesn't respect ... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend a sociopath?

Q.   Please help me, I am losing my mind!! I suspect my boyfriend may be some kind of pathological liar or socio path. I am emotionally drained. My boyfriend of 8 months appears to be the most perfect man I have ever met. Ever the charming, caring...

A.   25 April 2014: This guy will leave your life in tatters (sounds like things are already falling apart) before moving on to the next person. You will be devastated and he won't care. There are so many things wrong here. To name just a few: - Things are movin... (read in full...)

Why does my husband call me names and threaten me and then apologize?

Q.   My husband is in jail for domestic violence and going to get deported. When I visit him he calls me names and threatens me and makes comments about other women in the room to try and make me feel jealous. After the visit he will call me and ...

A.   21 March 2014: The short answer is, because he is abusive and you allow him to treat you like that by continuing to visit him. He's in jail and he's facing deportation. Two perfect excuses to get a divorce and never contact him again. Let everything you say to him ... (read in full...)

My boy keeps lying to me, but insists that he loves me and only me?

Q.   Alright so before you tell me to just "dump his ass", actually think about this. Basically, the guy I'm with right now is the best guy ever. I love him to death. And he loves me. He does so much for me, as do his parents. Through his life, he has a...

A.   21 March 2014: "If someone is trying to lose weight and cheats on their diet three times, do you say that they are never going to be able to lose weight?" NOT the same thing at all. Absolutely not. If you cheat on your diet, you only have yourself to answer t... (read in full...)

I quit drinking and now my friend is acting weird and I feel uncomfortable.

Q.   Dear all, This is not a relationship problem, rather a freindship related problem. Your views would be much appreciated. Not too long ago I gave up alcohol for good for various reasons, such as I used to binge drink, drink to drown my sorrows...

A.   24 January 2014: People who drink too much and then stop often lose a lot of their so-called friends. It's happened to me and it's happened to many people I know. People have bought me alcohol when I've asked for a soft drink, "for a laugh". Even people I used to ... (read in full...)

I'm not sure if this woman I work with is interested in me or if she's even gay. She seemed to be wearing my hairband on her wrist, could there be some hidden meaning?

Q.   I work with someone who I'm not sure if she knows I'm interested and if she's gay or not. I've come across a photo a colleague showed me of this woman at work what looked to be wearing my hair band on her wrist..bearing in mind the person I'm ...

A.   8 September 2013: If all you have to go on is that she might have been wearing your hairband on her wrist in a photo then you are reading waaaaay too much into things and clutching at straws. Hairbands are pretty impersonal, I lose them all the time, so do others, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend loves me but is constantly on Facebook and has messages from other women on his phone.

Q.   So my Boyfriend of 6 months that loves me to death and worships the ground I walk on is constantly on FacebooK. I actually Deactivated my account because of him. I just got tired of constantly seeing him on there... So tonight when he was checking...

A.   8 September 2013: It's not the women disrespecting you, it's the boyfriend who worships the ground you walk on who is disrespecting you. There's a lot going on here. You've been together for 6 months so things are still new and exciting, and yet you've already ... (read in full...)

Is the guy I like gay?

Q.   I think the guy I like is gay. But I don't think he even knows it yet. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing wrong with gay people, but I have this habit it finding/falling for gay guys and I would rather that not be the case with this guy. I have ...

A.   8 September 2013: Tap dancing classes and what drink he likes are not really reliable indicators of his sexuality. If he likes kissing boys, then yeah he's probably gay, but liking the taste of vanilla? What, a straight guy can't possibly like vanilla? If you like... (read in full...)

How do I tell my mother why I don't come to see her?

Q.   My boyfriend, Mason and I have been together for 8 months now. He's 26. I'm 22. I'm constantly at his place because I feel that it's so convenient since my college is two blocks away and so is my workplace. And I like being with him. He makes me ...

A.   7 September 2013: Did something happen to you at your mother's house? Is there something about your relationship with her or your history that you haven't mentioned? Because if it's just a case of not wanting to leave your boyfriend to go and visit your mother in the ... (read in full...)

He's not that close to this girl who he used to have a crush on, so why did he get up at 5.30am to meet her at the airport?

Q.   Hi everyone! I love my boyfriend we get on but sometimes he drives me crazy! We have been together 4 yrs and live together, he has a few friends but hes really close to this family who have 2 daughters! He was in the same year at school with one ...

A.   7 September 2013: Just happened to reread my own post and can only apologise for the major autocorrect fail. Sometimes things just slip through.... (read in full...)

He's not that close to this girl who he used to have a crush on, so why did he get up at 5.30am to meet her at the airport?

Q.   Hi everyone! I love my boyfriend we get on but sometimes he drives me crazy! We have been together 4 yrs and live together, he has a few friends but hes really close to this family who have 2 daughters! He was in the same year at school with one ...

A.   6 September 2013: If I'm perfectly honest (and a little judgemental), it's a little bit weird that he spends SO MUCH time with this family. I have friends who I practically consider to be part of my family and with whom I spend a lot of time, but I wouldn't get up at ... (read in full...)

We really like each other, but he dated my friend in high school? What should I do?

Q.   I've known this man since high school. We had casually talked and flirted while in school, and even after we graduated, but nothing ever happened. Then a few weeks ago, I happened to see him on a dating site I was on, so I sent him a message. We ...

A.   6 September 2013: I would go for it if I were you. Had she been single and possibly still holding a torch for him, then obviously no, but she is married, which basically means she has no say in whom he dates and whom you date. If he is so great, and she is so jealo... (read in full...)

Online dating: How long do you wait to ask someone out on a real date?

Q.   I have been messaging this girl on a dating website for 3 weeks. How long do you think I should leave it until I ask her out for a drink?...

A.   6 September 2013: No time like the present. Otherwise it may not happen. All the time you're hanging around waiting for the "right time", she could be meeting someone else who does ask her out quickly. Just go for it. Good luck.... (read in full...)

Her parents don't know we are married and I can't handle things the way that they are any more!

Q.   Dear All, For a brief insight into my circumstance please see http://www.dearcupid.org/question/her-parents-dont-know-we-are-married.html Since my first post, I have just crashed to be honest. One night she was on sleeping pills and was acting...

A.   6 September 2013: Sorry, the last line us supposed to say in whatever form it may come.... (read in full...)

Her parents don't know we are married and I can't handle things the way that they are any more!

Q.   Dear All, For a brief insight into my circumstance please see http://www.dearcupid.org/question/her-parents-dont-know-we-are-married.html Since my first post, I have just crashed to be honest. One night she was on sleeping pills and was acting...

A.   6 September 2013: I haven't reread your other post but I remember it. If I remember correctly, your wife is in a different country, living her life there, while you're working and trying to make a life for you both. I'm sorry to be negative but I think you're c... (read in full...)

I'm feeling excluded from meeting his child and wondering if there's more to his relationship with the child's mother

Q.   My boyfriend of 9 months has a 2-year-old child with another woman. This woman won't allow him to take the child out of her sight. She also won't allow him to bring me around, so he has to drive up there (1.5 hours away) every Saturday to see her ...

A.   4 September 2013: He doesn't sound like a keeper. What is actually good about him? Nothing, from what I've understood. You're young and probably a great person and I think you've put up with enough from this, quite frankly, loser. Don't waste your 20s on him. He ... (read in full...)

Rhetorical question: is this true love?

Q.   Imagine a situation: An average-looking guy meets a girl that suffers from some light physical handicap (that also includes some dis-figuration like a scar on her face). Supposedly, the girl does not get any attention from other guys becaus...

A.   3 September 2013: I think you mean hypothetical rather than rhetorical but anyway, it wouldn't be true love if they were together out of (his) pity or (her) desperation. They might fall in love later and that would he a different story, but otherwise, no.... (read in full...)

I think I have a physical sexual problem but don't want to tell my mom! What should I do?

Q.   I don't know if I should be asking for this kind of advice on here or not but I don't know where to go with it. I'm shy and don't want to speak to/show my mum, but I have a problem with my vagina, i don't know how to explain the problem and i am not ...

A.   1 September 2013: You are probably normal. Unless I missed something during science class, I don't think it's physically possible for your ovaries to hang outside of your body. Some people just have very big labia. Go to the doctor and get checked out. Even if it's a ... (read in full...)

How much will it cost per month to have a girlfriend? Outings,gas, gifts, clothes? I need to factor the cost into my budget

Q.   How much does a girlfriend cost per month? Do not bother replying if you say "priceless" or "too much" as those sayings are far too old and a scapegoat. Women, don't bother replying with bs that you are free, and don't tell me that you always pay ...

A.   1 September 2013: Sorry, I know you're probably serious but this question sounds really funny. I get where you're coming from, but you're making having a girlfriend sound like buying a car. You don't actually have to pay for everything. There are lots of high ... (read in full...)

What physical act counts as cheating in a relationship?

Q.   Hey Just wondering what you guys would consider cheating in a relationship? E.g. A kiss? Oral? ...

A.   1 September 2013: I had to laugh at anonymous male's suggestion that nearly all massage parlours offer a handjob to male clients as part of the relaxation package. NO self-respecting professional in their right mind would do that. Some people do, but that means they ... (read in full...)

No matter what I do, girls still don"t like me!

Q.   What am i doing wrong , girls still dont like me ? Im a junior in hs and alot of girls dont like me . Idk y though , i tried be confident, an asshole, ect. pretty much everything Nothing works !!!! And all my female friends say im real attr...

A.   1 September 2013: Acting like an asshole even though you're not one might, if you are a good enough actor, get you girls, but ask yourself if they would be the right kind of girls. It's a myth that all girls like jerks and don't even give nice guys a chance. I've ... (read in full...)

Funky odor "downstairs" has me worried!

Q.   my vagina really has been having this really funky embarrasing odor latley and I'm not sure why. I've never had sex before. is it infected?? how can I get the smelly odor away. also. I don't wanna tell my parents cuz I'm embarrassed ...

A.   1 September 2013: Could be BV, it's a pretty common infection and you don't have to have had sex to get it. It's easily cleared up with antibiotics that you take just once. You can go to a Dr/nurse or to a sexual health clinic. They've seen it all - and worse - ... (read in full...)

I found out my girlfriend is cheating and want to give her a taste of her own medicine!

Q.   I have been dating my girlfriend for about seven months now, we separated for a month and then got together. Things haven't been the best but we have managed to be together. Last month her friend, G, came to live in our town. I talk to her a lo...

A.   1 September 2013: I understand why you want to do what you want to do but really, I think you would destroy yourself in the process. I think the greatest revenge is indifference. It's incredibly hard because you're burning with rage right now, but I think it would ... (read in full...)

He can't respect that I'm sensitive

Q.   I'm posting here because I would appreciate someone's input on this. My boyfriend and I have been dating for several months now. I noticed this before but recently it's been bugging me a lot more. I'm pretty sensitive and emotional at tim...

A.   31 August 2013: However nice a guy he is in other respects, it sounds like you two just aren't very compatible when it comes to important stuff, because this is an important thing. It's got nothing to do with his age. My sister is in her 30s and any kind of ... (read in full...)

She forgot that I'd booked a trip for us and made other plans

Q.   In March I booked a weekend away for me and my girlfriend, as a gift for her birthday. Now, she knew about it when I booked and apparently wrote it in her diary, the weekend away is next weekend...she's just told me she is now going out that weekend ...

A.   30 August 2013: Has she cancelled her other plans now? If not then I would take that as an indication of how much she cares about your feelings. ... (read in full...)

She forgot that I'd booked a trip for us and made other plans

Q.   In March I booked a weekend away for me and my girlfriend, as a gift for her birthday. Now, she knew about it when I booked and apparently wrote it in her diary, the weekend away is next weekend...she's just told me she is now going out that weekend ...

A.   30 August 2013: Did you actually remind her recently? Because if you booked it in March, and haven't talked about it since, and you get angry with her because you expected her to remember without being reminded, that is passive aggressive behaviour on your part. ... (read in full...)

What are the signs that would show if it is just casual with my coworker?

Q.   Hey everyone I've found myself in a difficult situation with a guy I like. We work together and have been good friends since I started there about 3 months ago. We had flirted a lot but never let that come in the way at work. One night we ended up ...

A.   30 August 2013: I've been in a very similar situation and I ended up getting very, very hurt. I think you know you have feelings for him, while he sounds like he's having a great time being single but getting sex from you with no obligations. If he wanted to be ... (read in full...)

Secretive girlfriend! How do I approach this?

Q.   Been reading through articles on here and they are very useful. However I need some advice still. My g/f has become extremely secretive with texts and calls over the past month or so. There's a guy she's been speaking to and she has become quite ...

A.   30 August 2013: I think you should ask her some direct questions to her face. Who is the guy? How does she know him? Why does she hide her phone from you? Why did she feel the need to lie and say it was someone other than him? It will make for an uncomfortable ... (read in full...)

Short men: Have you ever found a tall woman attractive? Would you approach her?

Q.   This may come off as a strange and unusual situation, so bear with me here. I've heard that many men who are under 6 feet tall feel inadequate about being short and overlooked by women for their tall counterparts. Then there's me. I'm a 6'2" w...

A.   29 August 2013: I had a male friend at uni who was 5'5"and a total sweetheart, but he was very unlucky with women. He told me once that he thought his problem was that he always fell for tall women who didn't really give him a chance. So if you do like a shorter ... (read in full...)

I think I've lost my g/f and don't know what to do

Q.   So my gf and I have been dating for just over 2 months. We recently moved in together and things have gotten bad. It seems as if everyday I do atleast 1 thing wrong, most days it's several things. It's almost as if she looks for things to complain ...

A.   27 August 2013: Two months and you're already living together? It's no wonder you're not getting along. You barely know each other, at least not as partners, and so you have no solid base together which will help you get over the annoying things people invariably ... (read in full...)

He gets aroused when I'm upset and crying??

Q.   I have been with my fiance for 4 years. We had an argument the other day at our daughters birthday party. He raised his voice at me and swore at me in front of some of our guests which was humiliating. Not wanting to cause a scene at our daughters ...

A.   26 August 2013: Yeah, I used to date a man who really got off on hurting me and making me cry. He was manipulative and controlling and knew that I loved him and would do anything to be with him, so he could get away with it. He was not a nice person and I was so ... (read in full...)

Why do I attract more attention from guys when I am travelling, but not when I am in my own country?

Q.   My questions is why do attract more attention from guys when I am travelling, but not when I am in my country? I travel a lot:3 months out of the year. Sometimes it's for work but also for pleasure. I am always looking forward to my trips because...

A.   26 August 2013: It could be that the men who approach you are also travelling for work or on holiday. I'm sure a lot of men try to meet women when they are away from home. Some may be married and looking for a casual fling or something. The flag says you are ... (read in full...)

Why is he fighting his feelings?

Q.   My BF of 9 years split up with me about 4 months ago. I was very unaffectionate and had treated him badly. He got tired of it. Can't say I blame him. I mean we are talking about no intimacy for years! Yes, years. I was very unhappy with myself and ...

A.   26 August 2013: I'm quite surprised that your therapist is encouraging you to continue with this destructive behaviour. Are you telling her the same as you're telling us, that you seduce him because you truly believe it will make him love you again even though he ... (read in full...)

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