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*adyjaye agony aunt

*adyjaye

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I refuse to be a walking doormat!

Q.   I been dating a guy for almost 2 years. We had a lot of problems because of him. Recently, a friend of his asked him to let a girl from another country stay with him for a few days. She came here looking for a career, and it turned out a scam. So, ...

A.   30 June 2010: it sounds like you may be his doormat... you are being to soft stand up for yourself and what you believe in dont think that because your not 21 that you have to settle for someone that isnt good enough if it was innocent then the truth would have ... (read in full...)

Ex will not give me permission to take our child away. Should I just do it anyways?

Q.   I want to take my child away for a few months but Ex will not give permission. Should I just go and face the consciences when I get back? We are seperated but not legally. He is on the birth certificate. If anyone has been in this situation...

A.   30 June 2010: i haven't been in this situation myself but first of all why wont he give you permission is it because he thinks he may not see the child again? most probably in my opinion... you need to do this the right way. how would you feel if he did the same? ... (read in full...)

Am I in love? Or just comfortable?

Q.   I've come to the stage in life where i'm wondering whether i'm in love with my boyfriend or just comfortable in our relationship. The thought of breaking up with him tears me apart at some times, but at others I feel like I want a relationship with ...

A.   30 June 2010: well there is a lot of confusion here! i would suggest that you take a step back or even take a break from the relationship and figure out what your feelings are... maybe you are in love with the idea of the relationship but not in love with him. ... (read in full...)

I just found out my partner cheated and has another kid! How can I get over this? It's tearing me apart.

Q.   My partner of 12yrs had an affair 5yrs ago which resulted in a child. I only found out about this when the child was 3. His family and friends all knew about it but he forced them to keep quiet as he didnt want to hurt me. Well it has hurt me even ...

A.   29 April 2010: have you thought about what you want? did you walk away because thats best for you or because thats what you were expected to do?? Like I suggested to you before councilling will probably improve your thoughts and feelings for this situation... you ... (read in full...)

I get so nervous and queasy around this guy...?

Q.   I honestly don’t know what the matter with me is. Never in my life have I ever been this nervous and uncomfortable around a guy. I’ve been out on a few dates with him and they went fine. No sparks or fireworks or even instant chemistry. But lots and ...

A.   29 April 2010: you are totally falling for this guy!!! just let ur feelings be free!! and accept it dont try and control it just embrace it and most of all enjoy it! gud luk!... (read in full...)

Cool music, great hair, hot style, OH MY!

Q.   Well, so I'm kind of having this problem here. I don't usually write on these kind of things, but I'm soooo confused... Ok, so, my friend set me up with this really hot guy. He's exactly what I look for in a guy... he loves the same kind of music I ...

A.   29 April 2010: what you need to do is listen to your friend she told you he's a serial cheater right? hes what about 21/22 he probably isnt looking for a serious relationship like what you are... maybe he is just wanting a... shall we say "wham bam thank you ... (read in full...)

My teacher kissed me like I've never been kissed before

Q.   HELPHELPHELPHELP!!! That is like the 3 time i write here about the sama teacher,, ! last time wrote that he kissed me and i think i kissed back (i had a black out for a moment, don't remember anyrhing for like 15 seconds!),and yeserday he came to ...

A.   29 April 2010: what your teacher has done is illegal, infact it is very much against the law... it is called abuse of power... this is going to end really badly, this man needs to be arrested... first of all you are underage! second of all he is your teacher and ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend won't let me have it and it hurts!

Q.   Hello. I really need some help with my situation because it is upsetting me so much. I am 20-years-old and my boyfriend just turned 22. We've been together for 2 1/2 years. In the beginning of our relationship we were intimate a lot of the time and ...

A.   29 April 2010: it sounds to me as if your man is losing interest... have you tried to talk about how you feel?? a long discussion may be in need... also consider that your sex drive may be too high for him to maintain... have you thought about other activiti... (read in full...)

My baby only has his top canines! Is this normal?

Q.   my baby has his two bottom incisors and instead of cutting the top incisors he is cutting the top canines...is this normal?...

A.   29 April 2010: theres no gurantee on which teeth will come first when it comes to teeth!! if it is causing discomfort then consider taking him to the dentist just to put your mind at ease... hope this helps!! gud luk!!... (read in full...)

My family hasn't even met my g/f and already they don't like her!

Q.   Ok. Basic story I had a great relationship of 7 1/2 years but there was always something missing, I always wondered if there was someone else out there. Well that someone came along, I really started to like this person because I work with her. It ...

A.   29 April 2010: your family are totally out of line. try to discuss your feelings about your new lady with some of your closer family members, such as parents and siblings etc and listen to their view... it is important for them to respect you as an adult. they ... (read in full...)

This guy has got me baaaaaddd....

Q.   I met a guy like jus over a month ago. He's best friends with my friends ex. I slept with him on the first day that we met (we were a bit drunk), I liked him from the get go but I thought that it was just a bit of fun but he said to me that he ...

A.   29 April 2010: maybe i have been a little bit clingy thats why i havent contacted him since saturday nite after i had spent a week with him... but i definately wouldnt want to move in with him in a couple of months!! i lived with my ex of 3 and a half years for ... (read in full...)

Having the Define The Relationship Talk

Q.   Having the Define The Relationship Talk. Hugh and I have been seeing each other since last April then he went away for 6 months to fight in Afgan. We were casually seeing each other with all intention of calling it off when he went away, but then w...

A.   28 April 2010: talk to him properly, tell him what you want and ask him what he wants. if he wants to be committed to you which i doubt since he's obviously sleeping around, then im sure thats what you want, even though im not sure it will work... if it was me in ... (read in full...)

We are madly in love, but due to his Mother hating me, he has not contacted me for days

Q.   I have asked this question a few times on here, but as the situation keeps updating, I feel the need to re-issue it. To cut a long story short, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. His mother hates me, but refuses to explain ...

A.   28 April 2010: have you tried to speak to his mother??? maybe if she knew how much affect her behaviour is having on the relationship then she would change... maybe he should consider moving out of home and get some independance... i dont know how old he is but im ... (read in full...)

I get so attached to guys!

Q.   I get so attached to guys. If I have a drunken kiss, or even just a nice conversation or flirt with a guy, I immediatyly start liking them. I really hate it. For example, I met a really nice on Friday night, he was obviously interested in me, ...

A.   28 April 2010: you need to calm down!! acting like this is only going to scare guys away!! you know your problem so actively force yourself not to... its hard i know but appearing as if you are not particularly bothered will make guys want you... maybe its based ... (read in full...)

I sweat buckets, I can't make eye contact when I talk to older people!

Q.   I find it really hard to talk to people that I know are older than me. It's not like just not knowing what to say, its more than that. I get red, hot and sweat buckets. I can never make eye contact. It only ever really happnes with people I kn...

A.   28 April 2010: its all about confidence... a lot of people feel intimidated by people that are older than themselves... just be yourself! try to join in the conversation by responding to what your friends say and smile be approachable they will probably speak to ... (read in full...)

I want to keep in touch with him, but I don't know if I should! Things were fine until his ex spoke up!

Q.   hi i really need some brutal advice here!!! i met this guy in a pub, he works there, he gave me his number but he said that he is texting his ex but he would like to go for a drink with me at some point (and no he is not a player, a few of my frie...

A.   28 April 2010: this guy is messing you about... how dare he involve you in his and his exes mess, no you should not keep texting him you should save his number as "dont respond!!" or even better block his number altogether... if you must go to his workplace and ... (read in full...)

Bad experiences with guys, I'm starting to think there's something seriously wrong with me!

Q.   ok so i know to a lot of people this would sound like a ridiculous question and i would deny it was true if it was happening to someone else but it's not and i'm having a really hard time convincing myself that there's nothing wrong with me. So to ...

A.   28 April 2010: its not your fault that these things have happened to you... every woman me included has been in situations with guys that makes them think as if there is something wrong with them... for example i was in a physically and mentally abusive ... (read in full...)

This guy has got me baaaaaddd....

Q.   I met a guy like jus over a month ago. He's best friends with my friends ex. I slept with him on the first day that we met (we were a bit drunk), I liked him from the get go but I thought that it was just a bit of fun but he said to me that he ...

A.   28 April 2010: I meant to say lovebite not birth mark!!! sorry!!! Neway... thank you for your quick response and knowledge, my sister has given me the same perspective that you have and I think that waiting until he contacts me and speaking to him about how i fe... (read in full...)

Help in leaving an abusive relationship

Q.   We've been living together for almost 13 years. After all the reading on the internet I realize that it is an emotionally abusive relationship. No wonder I've been miserable for 12 of those years. We just bought a house 1 year ago, and have ...

A.   28 April 2010: Look on the internet for support groups in your area... and be sure to delete the history from the computer!! you could also ask the bank what proportion of the debt you would have to pay and the options available in order to help you pay it. ensure ... (read in full...)

I want to get to know this guy, but I'm hesitant.

Q.   Well, I have a crush on this guy. I always see him on the bus stop when I come from school early. He's beautiful! He has long red dreads and a pale face with the cutest freckles. He's older than me. I think by a lot of years and he might be on drugs ...

A.   28 April 2010: you think he's a druggie??? or an alcoholic??? girl put your lust aside and concentrate on guys your own age group.. this has the potential to be dangerous... If you look "bookish" as you describe (i can completely emapthise being black with natural ... (read in full...)

She's always comparing me to her ex-boyfriends!

Q.   Should I end this relationship before we get more attached? My current girlfriend and I have been dating almost 1 year now. Problem is her past. Not that she has a past, but she's always throwing up things in my face. More information, she dated 3 ...

A.   28 April 2010: i would suggest that first speak to her about how her continuous comparisons make you feel. its wrong.... ask her how she would feel if you compared her to your exes... the fact that shes telling you about her exes penis size and annual income just ... (read in full...)

Is my ex-boyfriend trying to hurt me?

Q.   I'm in the process of getting over a break-up. I recently told my ex that being friends with him straight away was not going to happen for me, and that I need time to be just me. He said to contact him when I'm ready but I dunno if I'll ever be....

A.   28 April 2010: it sounds as if he does want to hurt you.. tell your friend to ignore him and the next time he contacts you tell him that you're busy and you cant talk... do this everytime he contacts you until he stops... its obvious that he still wants control ... (read in full...)

Watching porn with older men normal??

Q.   Hi there, I have a question I enjoy watching porn and have several fantasies that I would NEVER act out in real life. Trouble is recently I have been going back over in my head porn scenes that I have watched in the past. I have fantasies a...

A.   28 April 2010: everyone has their own private fantasies and it is normal for women to watch porn especially when with their partners don't feel bad about it, its nothing to be ashamed of... try contacting the sites for information about the ages of the girls they ... (read in full...)

I wanted him to take it slow, will he come back?

Q.   I've been seeing this guy for almost 4 monthes. From the very beginning we were together (we moved pretty fast...but I followed his lead). He asked me to be in gf about a month in and we've been going strong. He kept saying things like "I almost ...

A.   28 April 2010: he probably realised his true feelings.. sorry to say. its easy to think you are in love with someone when really you are in "lust" or natural obsession... i think that its better that you have a clean break because it sounds to me he probably just ... (read in full...)

How do I clear him from my mind?

Q.   hi, i had a relationship with my best friend. we were friends for a few years and then fell in love. but after sometime we broke up.he said that it wasn't love he had for me.we were in contact. a few months later he came back and said he stil...

A.   28 April 2010: stay away from him and give yourself chance to heal... he probably did that inorder to get his leg over, if it was sincere then he would understand when you stopped... you will get over him, just take your time confide in friends. go out and enjoy ... (read in full...)

What do I do? Everything seems to be falling apart, in spite of how much I love her...

Q.   Hitting a very rough patch :( This is more of an account than an actual question but I'll appreciate any feedback that can be given. So I've reached a point where my gf is having serious doubts about our future together which is really saddening...

A.   28 April 2010: oh dear... it sounds to me that things moved a bit too quickly and unfortunatly for you, you made all the sacrifices the best thing you can do is have a break from one another... go home to australia and eat!! surely you have family you can stay by ... (read in full...)

I just found out my partner cheated and has another kid! How can I get over this? It's tearing me apart.

Q.   My partner of 12yrs had an affair 5yrs ago which resulted in a child. I only found out about this when the child was 3. His family and friends all knew about it but he forced them to keep quiet as he didnt want to hurt me. Well it has hurt me even ...

A.   28 April 2010: have you considered councelling both for the relationship and for you... to be honest if it was me then i would be gone but you obviously have a lot invested in this relationship... the daughter of his whether you like it or not must have a ... (read in full...)

Friendship, love... I'm getting confused here!

Q.   Hi everyone. I have asked for help previously and got some pretty good advice so I thought I'd try again. I think I made a terrible mistake last night and want to know what I can do to fix it. I have recently broken up with my boyfriend an...

A.   28 April 2010: Tell the other friend who you kissed that you dont see him that way and that you were taking in by the moment and you just want to be friends. just because you kissed doesnt mean it has to turn into anything more. As for the guy you do have feelings ... (read in full...)

I want my boyfriend of year and a half back!

Q.   I want my boyfriend of year and a half back. i lashed out on him for the first time because i was sick of him constantly verbally abusing me. i know i did wrong and i'm truely sorry - i would never do it again. he's adament he's not going to take me ...

A.   28 April 2010: move on with your life... and please stop harressing him its only making you foolish... it sounds as if your relationship was more a disaster... get councelling, get some self esteem and eventually get a new man and dont rush, once you see signs of ... (read in full...)

'I think whoever you sleep with, you should let it happen'... what does she mean?

Q.   Hi when I was in bed with the girl I was dating and we was cuddeling and stuff she said to me 'I think whoever you sleep with, you should let it happen' what does she mean by this?...

A.   28 April 2010: it sounds to me as if theres a little bit of reverse psychology going on... she probably wants you all to herself but she doesnt want to express this incase she scares you off!! discuss with her how you feel about her and how this comment made you ... (read in full...)

How can I fix our relationship?

Q.   Hi, im just trying gather some feedback on something thats bothering with me an my girlfriend. I've spoke to her about it and it's not really helped. We've been going out about 3 months now and just these past 2 weeks have been totally different. I ...

A.   28 April 2010: sometimes you have to let go... she said things have changed did she tell you how?? is she considering your feelings about when you were unable to maintain an erection... I know it must have been uncomfortable and embaressing... You have plenty of ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend wants me to get rid of all my pictures and letters from my former girlfriend who died in my arms, is she in the wrong here?

Q.   I have been dating a young woman for a few months. She is very sweet and I care very much for her. She came over to my apartment when I wasn't home yesterday and my room mate let her in. She went into my room and found an old year book I had ...

A.   28 April 2010: this girl needs to resolve her own issues. its obvious she is jelous and for her to ask you to throw away those personal belongings is wrong... if she cant understand that you went through a traumatic experience then she cant be caring as you ... (read in full...)

I'm not sure if my husband still loves me!

Q.   I'm not sure if my husband of 10 years still loves me. He was my first so I'm having all these feelings that I'm not expeienced enough for him and that he thinks I'm boring. I'm not sure if he's getting sex elsewhere or if our relationship is ...

A.   28 April 2010: If your inexperience bothers you then try looking at websites that will help to give you ideas to please him and you in the bedroom, make sure that you tell him that you did this as it will most probably get his mind ticking. tease him at every ... (read in full...)

Why does sex hurt so much? Is it him?

Q.   Hey all just a quick question. Im 19 and 4 months ago i got with my current boyfriend after talking to him for a half a year, i dont know whether this may help but im only 5ft 1 and of a petite build, where he's 5'11, very muscley, and jus...

A.   28 April 2010: I've been through a similar situation as well, and just so you know you can get condoms for large penis'! I would suggest you invest in some lubricant such as durex play because that can help. Make sure that when you have sex you are as turned on ... (read in full...)

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