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*vyblue agony aunt

*vyblue

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*vyblue's profile:

What qualifies me to help people…? Well to be honest I don't really know. I consider myself to be a life long learner therefore far from knowing everything. I believe the "outsider looking in" kind of advice can sometimes be the best because it can be the most eye opening and honest response that you will find.

Where do I live…? I sometimes wish I lived in the land of LaLa but for the time being I live in the Land Down Under.

My family makes me tick. They are my motivation for most things that I do choose to do.

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Do I give up my baby dream

Q.   I joined a dating site last year and after a few bad dates i found a guy that was perfect we had several dates loads in common enjoy each others company but he decided to tell me hed rather be friends with benefits. I agreed but now im unsure what ...

A.   21 June 2019: While your wasting time on this dude your missing out on finding someone who wants the same as you. Put your time and energy into finding that someone. People start families later in life and so be it if thats what suits them. I have a few friends ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my boyfriend's best friend!

Q.   I just need some advice on a situation I am overwhelmed by. im not sure how common this situation is , I don't want to be judged I just need some help. so the situation is this. I have been with my boyfriend for four years, our relationship has...

A.   20 June 2019: Think back to four years ago, how did you first see you now bf? Did you and him just click, converse for hours, did he just get you and did you get off while thinking of him? My point for asking is most relationships start out that way, that same ... (read in full...)

My boyfriends contact with other girls makes me very insecure

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year now. I’m 19 he’s 22. Up until about three months ago he had been in communication with his obsessive ex, texted her and talked on the phone with her once because she had some drama about ...

A.   19 June 2019: He is making you insecure when it should be the total opposite, so why stay with someone like that? What I learnt the hard way is respect starts with respecting yourself by not tolerating being treated like this. That you can control unlike his ... (read in full...)

Should I cave in and help out a friend or not?

Q.   I have a longtime friend… maybe some of you have one just like her… someone who’s funny, interesting and… always needs something. Here’s some background: Over the years I helped her a lot. The last time she needed help big time, I ended up doi...

A.   19 June 2019: Totally agree with the other posters. No problem with not allowing someone to take advantage of you or your time. Perhaps her having to pay someone will have her come to realise how much your generosity saved her the first time. ... (read in full...)

Are straight people welcome in gay clubs or not?

Q.   Recently my gay friend invited me to accompany him to the gay club. I'm straight and I was kind of in two minds about it. I'm not homophobic at all but somehow I felt like I don't belong in there and as a straight person, I shouldn't occupy places ...

A.   18 June 2019: They are in my town. I spent a lot of my youth hanging out with my gay pals. I actually felt far more safer there because I was straight and didnt have to worry about slime bag dudes trying to crack on to me all night. Your going there to hang out ... (read in full...)

My husband had a sexual fling while I was mourning the loss of my father. How do I get past this?

Q.   My father died last year. It was a tough time for me and still is. We were very close. I found out recently that my husband of 6 years was having a "fling" with an old friend while I was mourning my dad's loss. It wasn't a full blown affair. It was ...

A.   13 June 2019: "he used it to escape from not knowing how to deal with my grief." Then fucking ask you, not bloody well betray you! A remorseful husband would man up and take ownership of being the scum that he is Sounds to me like he's not at all if using your... (read in full...)

How do I overcome my shyness and my fears?

Q.   There is a guy, we have been going to the same tutoring class for over a year now, and we meet every weekend during classes. He's really cute,smart and does math like a pro, and I've liked him since last year. The problem is that, I'm super shy and ...

A.   12 June 2019: Be brave, a little scary perhaps but if you dont give it a go then you'll never know. That, I think, a bigger disappointment. You have nothing to loose by saying hello. You must have a bit in common, even if it is only tutoring you you bring up in ... (read in full...)

Abusive actions, abusive words, messaging other women—I feel I just don’t know him anymore!

Q.   Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 8years. We have talked about marriage and having children and settling down. We currently live together. For the past few months however I just haven’t been happy. We’ve been arguing a lot and we just feel...

A.   7 June 2019: Leave. Easy to say yes however its a whole lot easier than having to deal with the carnage of his cheating-which he is, maybe not physically but like likelihood is only the next step. Throwing away 8 years past is better than 8 years more later. ... (read in full...)

I feel guilty about unfriending a friend of my husband, on his account!

Q.   Before we met, my husband used to work for this couple who owned their own business. He worked for them for about seven years. He was good friends with them both, but especially the wife. When we started dating, whenever they threw their annual ...

A.   7 June 2019: Personally I think your hubby should have done it himself anyway given the circumstance however, whats done is done. Totally agree with Honeypie, tell him you did and why. It doesn't matter what her reasons were for treating you so poorly, she did ... (read in full...)

Is it ok to lie about a vasectomy?

Q.   I just ended a 10 month relationship. I ended it because he admitted he lied to me about having a vasectomy at the beginning of our relationship. Is this a common occurrence? I have never heard of a man lying about birth control before and I am ...

A.   7 June 2019: No different to a woman lying to a man that she is on contraception. Bloody disgusting act on his behalf. Yes, you did the right thing. I cant fathom why he would do something like this then have the audacity to think nothing of it.... (read in full...)

How often do exes get back together for their child?

Q.   I recently started seeing a guy with a young son. I really like him and I think he feels the same. I've never been with a single father before but it doesn't bother me, I'm sure I'll love his kid. We are taking it slow (for obvious reasons) but ...

A.   7 June 2019: Thats got to hurt, sorry to hear. Now you have it, stick to moving forward and make darn sure you resist his advances should he have a change of heart. There is no good coming your way if you allow yourself to become his emotional marionette. Try ... (read in full...)

How often do exes get back together for their child?

Q.   I recently started seeing a guy with a young son. I really like him and I think he feels the same. I've never been with a single father before but it doesn't bother me, I'm sure I'll love his kid. We are taking it slow (for obvious reasons) but ...

A.   6 June 2019: its a possibility for sure so I dont think your being paranoid. It would be an epic mistake for anyone to resume a toxic relationship just for the sake of a child. Its a mistake for all involved -especially for a child. However, that is not really ... (read in full...)

She thanked me, said she had a good time but also said she is not looking for anything serious

Q.   I matched and got talking to a girl on a online dating app.. Few messages later went out for dinner. Holy smokes she is stunning. I don’t have a clue how it went. She kept thanking me and saying she had a good time. But also said she is not looking ...

A.   31 May 2019: What are you looking for? If its something serious then you know you aint going to get it from her. You have to appreciate her honesty so you know where she's at. Personally I wouldnt bother txt'ing her at all. If she wants to hang out again, let ... (read in full...)

Thought she was my friend, is it me or has she changed?

Q.   I’m not sure where to start as I’m in complete shock at the moment. a while ago I joined a dating site to find myself a girlfriend as I’ve been single for nearly a year. came across a female who I liked and seem to get on well with each other. it ...

A.   31 May 2019: Block, delete, move on ... (read in full...)

What's it like dating someone with a young child?

Q.   I'm currently seeing (nothing official yet) a guy who has a young kid, 3 years old. I never really wanted any kids of my own but I am really starting to fall for this guy and I think he feels the same way. I'm not good with kids, not because I don't ...

A.   31 May 2019: It takes patience and you need to be willing to share your time. Depending on what type of parent he is, kids come first and so does his parenting responsibilities. Hopefully his ex and he have a good co parenting relationship because that, IMHO, is ... (read in full...)

Seeing my ex at works makes it hard for me to make a decision about my job future. Do I follow my heart or my head?

Q.   I've posted on here a few times about a relationship I had with my colleague that went south to say the least! We currently only speak with each other about work (barely even that). I basically see him and see red! I didn't behave well after the ...

A.   30 May 2019: He wins. Your career is far more important than he is. Dont let him rock your professional world. It is evident from your post you are well regarded by your peers and want you to stay. Thats gold! Whats not professional is him going through female ... (read in full...)

I'm married and am infatuated with a man who is also in a relationship

Q.   I am a married woman and I have developed an infatuation with another man. He is in a relationship too. I don’t know a great deal about him but I know he too fancies me. He has made it clear and has asked me out. I have never been unfaithful ...

A.   30 May 2019: Youre already cheating-emotionally. Talk to your husband. He is probably feeling the same as you perhaps. Not feeling the love and excitement so TALK about it. That is a whole lot wiser as it is easier than cleaning up the mess of what you are ... (read in full...)

Am I wasting my time, should I break up with him?

Q.   Okay, so im 26 yr old female. No kids. Living on my own. I am disabled so i get about 700$ a month to pay all my bills rent and food. It is very hard to live on that amount per month bc the rent and utility bills alone are that each month. Anyways, ...

A.   26 May 2019: Honey, I was only a few lines in reading and thought this guy is a leech. No good can come from a parasite such as him. He is taking advantage big time. You know it, he knows it. Get rid of him, you have nothing to lose but oh so much to gain by ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum

Q.   I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...

A.   25 May 2019: I smell trouble for you. TRUST is a must if this is going to survive. While I dont think she has any right to tell you whom it is you are allowed to have friendships I do think that you need to be considerate to a certain degree. Have a talk, set ... (read in full...)

Why did he suddenly back off?

Q.   Hi I wondered if you could give your thoughts on why this man has suddenly stopped texting me - January he messaged me started texting frequently and then one night after a higher out he rang and told me he liked me and would I go out for a drink ...

A.   23 May 2019: He sounds like was maybe just caught up in his new found freedom however realises he just isn't ready. Could it be he and his ex are considering reconciling? A work colleague can be troublesome anyway. If its a bit uncomfortable now, could you ... (read in full...)

What do you do when you feel like you are not enough?

Q.   Hi what do you when you feel like your not enough for someone I’ve been with my partner for 5 years the last 2 years we’ve had sex maybe 4 times he sleeps on the sofa and is constantly checking girls out in front of me we have a 2 year old son ...

A.   14 May 2019: maybe its more simpler: Is he good enough for you?... (read in full...)

How do I deal with an old, terminally ill dog who's pooping all around the house?

Q.   Sorry if this is not the typical question for this site but I need advice. I have an 11 year old dog. I have had him since 8 weeks old. Recently he's been falling over a lot on walks and not picking his feet up properly so his nails would bleed. ...

A.   14 May 2019: Im sorry sorry your little mate is in such terrible health. Heart breaking! Have you tried nappies? Just a thought. If he is in pain maybe consider having him put to sleep, that would be a compassionate solution. However if he is able to live with ... (read in full...)

Just found out he cheated the entire relationship. Should I give him chance?

Q.   I have been dating my current boyfriend for 3 years now. Our families have meshed and we've gone on many trips together, have gone through many experiences and have even told each other I love you half a year into our relationship. He lives on...

A.   13 May 2019: First of all cheating is a reflection on him not you. Typical response to being cheated on is to look at your yourself as the cause. I am I pretty enough, am I smart enough, am I skinny enough etc when is should be him asking himself am I decent ... (read in full...)

I ended the affair but the man I was involved with is blackmailing me into talking to him threatening me that he'll tell my husband

Q.   I’m a married woman but was going through a really bad patch with my husband and I started to get depression... while I was going through that I started chatting to a man online... we met and started an affair.... he knew I was married.... anyway he ...

A.   11 May 2019: I think its time to come clean with your husband. Living with a constant threat will eat you alive and who do you think it would be better coming from? At least coming from you has a certain element of remorse rather than coming from the guy you ... (read in full...)

I like him, his friend likes me and indicates to him that I prefer the friend.

Q.   I met him at his place of work and boom, big time crush. He feels the same way too. We were still in the initial stages of attraction.. Not talking too much.. Just staring at each other. Then his house mate who is always around just out smarted him ...

A.   10 May 2019: "Listen so and so your a nice guy and all but I really like Blah and Im going to ask him out". Your in your 30's, stop fucking about and go get what you want ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend just stood and watched while I was struggling rather than help me. Was this mean? Selfish?

Q.   I went shopping with my boyfriend and I was struggling to carry the bags so one of the bags fell on the floor and I was struggling to pick it up meanwhile my boyfriend just stood there and watched me struggle. I said thanks for helping me and he ...

A.   8 May 2019: Miserable sod! I think it would be a natural response to help you. Not because you are a woman, his GF, just because you were someone in need of assistance. I'd be a bit miffed too, especially with him knowing your physical state. My guess your ... (read in full...)

Is this relationship even worth it?

Q.   Hello and thanks So my fiancé and I have been together over two years. He has cheated in the past and I forgave him. Lately our relationship has been strained he has been irritable with me , less affectionate as well. I began t...

A.   8 May 2019: Adios amigos! I truely believe that people who cheat once can change. Not that I am discounting this type of behaviour in any way, however there are circumstances where people do make poor choices and worth given another chance. BUT a truely ... (read in full...)

He says his affair was my fault. I am emotionally exhausted!

Q.   My husband and I have been married for nearly 7 years. I got married young (21) and he was 25. I knew at the time that he was a bit insecure but I guess I was young and naïve. The insecurity is getting worse and worse. A couple of years ago, I h...

A.   2 May 2019: To have an affair is a conscious choice and he needs to take ownership that. Regardless of the situation it does not equate to being justified on any level and to go as far as to blame you is beyond comprehension. This relationship is doomed with ... (read in full...)

I had sex with another man because its what my husband wanted and now he's mad

Q.   How can I fix my marriage? We are married 5yrs and both age 27. For 2yrs my husbby has had a fantasy for me to fuck a hung man. I have resisted. We have used this as fantasy sex talk. Fri night we went out together to a bar and met friends. Later ...

A.   1 May 2019: WTF? From bedroom fantasy to reality, yes well this is the end result. I would assume he is pissed because this occurred out of the blue and in front of others. Maybe his take on acting out this fantasy was to be of a more private nature between him ... (read in full...)

Should I respond to and forgive a homophobic friend?

Q.   Time ago I had a friend. We knew each other for a long time, almost 10 years. All this time I was in the closet but then I met this guy and everything got serious between us and that was when I decided I wanted to finally come out. My friend was ...

A.   24 April 2019: words I think I could probably get by but the spit in the face is a whole other level of degradation. That for me would forever be seen as some sort of grudge between him. People make mistakes, yes but Im not sure if this is one worth making an ... (read in full...)

Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   15 April 2019: Cant say I'd be too pleased however turning your back on him is not the answer. He is a grown man capable of making decisions that suit his needs and desires. Interfering will only put further strain on the relationship between you. If he is happy ... (read in full...)

I suspect my ex set up my (now also an ex), boyfriend to cheat on me.

Q.   I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. I go to his house every weekend for Friday and Saturday night, and he comes to my house usually to stay the night on Wednesdays. He's been a complete sweetheart to me and we had good plans for the ...

A.   14 April 2019: Babe, if I had my time over again I'd shut the door on being cheated on. No matter what degree the cheating was, nail it shut, glue it shut, oxy weld it shut, chain and lock it shut. You have proof that he exchanged nudes with some chick, what more ... (read in full...)

I think I am being manipulated into being Plan B

Q.   My ex who dated me for almost 5 years suddenly blocked me on whatsapp and 3 weeks later sent me a break up letter. I did not react but I cried and still cry. I went online 2 days ago and saw that his ex wife has new pictures in his new house wh...

A.   14 April 2019: Any letters mark as return to sender and post them back unopened. As for the FB pics let her take him to town on that when she is the wife. Sounds like you very lucky to have dogged a bullet with this douche bag. I feel as sorry for her as I do you. ... (read in full...)

2 babies with another woman and he's married to me. I want a divorce!

Q.   I have been married for 4years and just before I got married my husband and I were on a short break. During that break, my husband (then fiance) slept with one of his friends. I did not find out until one month after we got married. And 4 months ...

A.   2 April 2019: Divorce his sorry arse. He is not marriage material.You deserve better, you know that. He is a cheat and liar, thats his personality and not something counselling will help change. Dont waste time, instead Get yourself some legal advice before ... (read in full...)

He cheated on me, was violent but it now feels things are back on track. So why am I not happy?

Q.   I really don't know how I feel anymore, my head is all over the place and I'm so mixed up. I've been with my boyfriend for 8years. When we first met things moved very fast and I knew i loved him very early on. We had what I thought was the perfect ...

A.   1 April 2019: Apologies without action means Jack shit! In other words the apologies are nothing more than to pacify the situation of him being a cheating, unable to self regulate his anger arsehole. You don't feel happy because your subconscious head is talking ... (read in full...)

I trust him, of course I do, I just don't understand his actions.

Q.   I’ve been with my partner for almost six years and we’re currently expecting our first baby, due in July. For a while now he’s been taking his phone everywhere with him, even if he is just going to the toilet/puts the bins out/make a cup of tea, he ...

A.   27 March 2019: I'll admit it, as much as I'd like to say I could trust my partners 100%, IMHO you cant ever fully do that and it's foolish to think otherwise. Not saying that your man is up to no good, but in my past experiences I've trusted 100% and was wrong! I ... (read in full...)

I am not feeling comfortable with his intentions towards dating me

Q.   Afew weeks ago, a man approached me and we talked a bit, just a small talk. However, recently, i just don't understand what he wants. So basically, i started seeing him around me more often, just glancing at me from a distance. He approached me ...

A.   26 March 2019: "I was so clear with him that I'm not interested."- your not interested point said and made. Move on without guilt... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting to his sex secrecy?

Q.   So, crazy title question, I know, but I'm not sure if im overreacting. A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I were talking about women "squirting" during sex (insert embarrassed face lol). We were just talking about it casually because we are v...

A.   14 March 2019: Google it and save yourself having make something out of nothing- PS lucky you ... (read in full...)

When do I tell someone about my Herpes?

Q.   Hello, I have a pretty difficult question to ask. My current relationship of 8 years just terminated and I'm pretty devastated. Although we were not married we have lived together for the last 6 and a half years. I've been trying to find different ...

A.   7 March 2019: @female anon. Its not ignorant or ridiculous to suggest a dating site for people dealing with the same problem. It was suggested as an option to eliminated his fear of having to tell people and face rejection. Pull ya head out your arse lady... (read in full...)

When do I tell someone about my Herpes?

Q.   Hello, I have a pretty difficult question to ask. My current relationship of 8 years just terminated and I'm pretty devastated. Although we were not married we have lived together for the last 6 and a half years. I've been trying to find different ...

A.   7 March 2019: @female anon. Its not ignorant or ridiculous to suggest a dating site for people dealing with the same problem. It was suggested as an option to eliminated his fear of having to tell people and face rejection. Pull ya head out your arse lady... (read in full...)

When do I tell someone about my Herpes?

Q.   Hello, I have a pretty difficult question to ask. My current relationship of 8 years just terminated and I'm pretty devastated. Although we were not married we have lived together for the last 6 and a half years. I've been trying to find different ...

A.   5 March 2019: I think there are dating sites for people who also have herpes. Maybe research that for a starting point. As for when you tell them, straight away IMHO. Either way you run the risk of loosing someone. ... (read in full...)

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