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*vyblue agony aunt


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*vyblue's profile:

What qualifies me to help people…? Well to be honest I don't really know. I consider myself to be a life long learner therefore far from knowing everything. I believe the "outsider looking in" kind of advice can sometimes be the best because it can be the most eye opening and honest response that you will find.

Where do I live…? I sometimes wish I lived in the land of LaLa but for the time being I live in the Land Down Under.

My family makes me tick. They are my motivation for most things that I do choose to do.

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My boyfriend tries to have anal sex without my permission. Does he not respect me?

Q.   I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him ...

A.   10 January 2019: Ok you told him no, gave him a reason why yet he does it again, thats sexual assault... (read in full...)

I want to talk to a boy on the swimming team but don't know how

Q.   so I'm on a swim team with a boy that I really like but I don't know how to talk to him without sounding like an idiot/jerk, please help!...

A.   9 December 2018: Hi there. Why not just keep it simple and start by talking about swimming. Maybe ask him he got into it or if he wants to pursue it professionally etc. See where that takes you because if he is happy to chat about that then he'll more that likely be ... (read in full...)

My ex sent my nastiest most private messages on social media for all of my friends to see

Q.   Hello. I left an emotionally, verbally and ultimately physically abusive relationship. I will not sugar coat and say I did not lash back out. I hit him back and screamed and cursed back stooping to his level instead of leaving. This went on for 10 ...

A.   6 December 2018: Oh to be human. Who in this life time has not made mistakes or done things they regret. No one, therefore no right to judge. Not that this will make you feel any better but- who cares what other think, especially those that dont know you. Block, ... (read in full...)

Did my date make up this fake story just to get a reaction out of me?

Q.   ive got a date lined up for this weekend. The guy i have been speaking to seems nice and not fake. Weve seen each others social media and have spoken on the phone. Today he texted me with a very strange message. He said last night he got a call off ...

A.   21 November 2018: I wouldnt think to much about it. Are you still going on the date? If so, I doubt there is anything too it ... (read in full...)

He has been texting someone he met in a dating site

Q.   I've been with my Other Half (OH) for 2 years and have really felt as though he is the one. I've trusted him completely and yet the other day, when I silenced an alarm on his phone, I see Facebook messages between him and another woman that he ...

A.   18 November 2018: Cheating or not, honey his utter disrespect is out of this world. What I think you need to work on is your self esteem to know that you deserve better than this. Clearly he is no longer into you. It IS cheating, emotional cheating. IMHO worse than ... (read in full...)

Was dirty sexual encounter a deal breaker?

Q.   I met this older more top man online. We had a coffee and we decided to play around in his hotel room. He was nice and friendly but no sooner had he lain on the bed than I saw the bedcover smeared with shit from his rear - even though he had at ...

A.   17 November 2018: yum yeah yuk. Thats just gross, dirty and hardly wanting to give a shit, pardon the pun, about making a good first impression. No standards ... (read in full...)

Am I being unreasonable asking him not to meet up with an old flame?

Q.   Hello Cupids I have been with my partner for six years and living together for three. Yesterday he told me that he has been meeting up with a woman he sort of used to see and I'm not sure how to take it. We all met in university, and the pair ...

A.   17 November 2018: Go on the double date. Shows you are confident and secure in your relationship. You'll get an idea if there is any funny stuff between the two of them , body language don't lie.... (read in full...)

I need to tell my family that I was duped!

Q.   Hi All. Please bear with as this is quite complicated. So I’m 30 years old, had a few relationships before my current one. This time i thought it was never going to end. We have been living together for 4 years. He is of a different race religi...

A.   15 November 2018: I dont think you have to get into the nitty gritty with them. No need to say anything more than things just didnt work out. Hopefully you find some peace to end this heartbreak that has been thrust upon you. ... (read in full...)

My married lover doesn't want me to go on trips by myself. Why doesn't he trust me?

Q.   My married lover travels with his wife up to 3-5 times a year. The longest he is away is a month at a time. It's very difficult for me, even though I've chosen to place myself in this role. I feel resentful and left behind. They are natural ...

A.   1 November 2018: I say go on holiday, sort yourself out by having a good hard look at just how much this dude is a douche bag for even thinking he has any right to so much have an opinion about it. Maybe then you can realise that you can and should find a love ... (read in full...)

Lover wants to stay with his children for now

Q.   My lover cannot live with me just yet because he still wants to live with his children who are 21 and 19.....He said they still need him .... He doesn’t love his wife... they share no interests as a couple, just stayed married for their kids sake... ...

A.   29 October 2018: I think thats an excuse, more like he wants his cake and eat it too. The security of the nest. Of course he is and will always be their dad but they are young adults so he can be there, that does not change because of where he lives. Personally I ... (read in full...)

How do I move forward and stop letting his coworker get to me?

Q.   So my husband has a female coworker and their work relationship has made me uncomfortable. More so because of the actions of my husband. He has lied to me numerous times and all lies have been associated with her. While this was happening, I was ...

A.   21 October 2018: The onus is not and should not be on you to feel as though what you are asking is deemed 'controlling'HE NEEDS TO BE IN CONTROL OF CLEANING THIS MESS UP. What has he learned from all this -nothing! Instead he chooses to immediately behave deceitful ... (read in full...)

Can I just turn off some thoughts?

Q.   I have very strong romantic feelings for my cousin and I know its wrong even if she is my step cousin I know its wrong. The problem is I suspect she feels the same way. She plays with her hair when she speaks to me, tries to get closer to me whe...

A.   20 October 2018: I cant see the problem mate. You guys are not even related. If you dig each other - go for it! If anyone gives you shit about it- point that out... (read in full...)

How do I move forward and stop letting his coworker get to me?

Q.   So my husband has a female coworker and their work relationship has made me uncomfortable. More so because of the actions of my husband. He has lied to me numerous times and all lies have been associated with her. While this was happening, I was ...

A.   20 October 2018: Hey hey hey, hang on there lady- back the bus up! There is nothing pathetic about your concerns. These are some serious red flags. Your question is not how do YOU move forward it should be how to WE move forward. Sorry but you husband has taken ... (read in full...)

Should I fly 4,000 miles to go see my ex? Would it be cheating?

Q.   So... we’ve broken up for 5 years after an incident and subsequently I moved home to my home country. Contact was lost eventually as we were sick of crying over the phone. Recently, I thought I saw him whilst on vacation and sent him a text. He...

A.   20 October 2018: I think this is a bit of a slippery slope. Your intentions may well be good but I guess unless you are willing to discuss this with your now partner it is secretive play. Thats just not going to be a positive move on your behalf. If you could see it ... (read in full...)

I feel like our relationship has been killed by moving in together.

Q.   HI I have been dating a guy for 6 months, he had to find new accommodation quickly and I stepped in and said that he could move in with me, (1 and half months ago) However I am now beginning to feel really frustrated, miserable and angry ...

A.   18 October 2018: Yep time to move out. Tell him you miss what you had and feel its all moved that bit too fast. Wanting to save what you have is not a bad thing so hopefully he can see why its best for him to leave and find his own place.... (read in full...)

How can I keep away from my awful co-worker when I am forced to work with him?

Q.   I just started a new job a few weeks ago. Everyone has been nice to me so far... except one person. You see, when I met him I thought he was cool. He teased me a little and tried to make me laugh (it worked). But then it was like a switch flipped. ...

A.   18 October 2018: Keep a diary and don't give him so much as the time of day. If he speaks to you, don't engage with anything else than a polite response. Be seen as professional at all times. Try to avoid being in situations where it is just you and him. Hopefully ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend in jail. How do I handle that we have to move out?

Q.   Girlfriend who has been living with me at my apartment for 5 months was arrested last month(drugs). Lease is up and all her stuff is here. I have been packing it up and cleaning the place to get the deposit back. So I have been there during odd ...

A.   16 October 2018: Ask her probation officer what to do with her stuff. Walk away and never look back.... (read in full...)

Should I be upset that my FWB partner is having sex with others and lied about it

Q.   I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell....

A.   16 October 2018: Are you upset about the sex or the lie? Clearly, lying when he has no reason to I find rather weird. I'd be pissed about that. Just so un necessary. No matter what the situation. no body likes being lied to. If it's about the sex then perhaps FWB ... (read in full...)

25, single, a virgin, and in the closet... not living my best life. How do I motivate myself to do better both personally and professionally?

Q.   SO... I have this master plan to come out, but I haven't made it very far through it yet... And by that, I mean that I haven't done anything at all. Lately, though, this has been weighing on me. I need to tell you a little bit more about mysel...

A.   14 October 2018: The whole virgin thing, from a gals POV it think is pretty cool. Nothing wrong with it, it is what it is. Breath of fresh air actually. You actually come off as rather grounded in who you are. Just you cant see that. By golly my friend 25 is not ... (read in full...)

How can we help this young man whose mother threw him out and bad mouths him to his own family?

Q.   How can we make this better for this child? A few years ago, my family brought in a 13 year old troubled child and raised him as his Mum wanted nothing to do with him. She threw him out of the house with nothing but the clothes he was wearing. ...

A.   12 October 2018: What a sad situation for this young man. You and everyone involved with being part of his life know and understand just how far he has come and established himself into the independent young man he is today without his mother. 5 years and no contact ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend found the engagement ring box and thinks I'm cheating

Q.   More than a year ago I bought an expensive emerald engagement ring to give to my live-in girlfriend intending to propose. I never quite found the right time because of some personal problems in her family and then later on we had big fight and I re...

A.   10 October 2018: Be honest and upfront. Tell her when you bought it you thought it was the right time for you to propose to her but chose to but things on hold because events dictated hanging on to it. I keep jewellery boxes too because they do come in handy. ... (read in full...)

Is it just office banter?

Q.   I am in my late 40s and work in an office with a group of men who liven the day up with their banter and occasional innuendo. Would you still count these as general banter and fun from one person 'a male work colleague shutting the door on you ...

A.   10 October 2018: Ah the ol' office banter. personally I love it-makes my day for those who know and respect the boundaries. If and when anything inappropriate happens nip it in the bud asap. Simply say look ( insert name) I enjoy a bit of banter just as much as the ... (read in full...)

My partner wont make amends with my mother.

Q.   Hi there, My partner and I had an argument the other evening and it blew off on a tangent to him calling my mother poisonous, and he told me to tell my mother to "be less poisonous around him" I did as he asked, but tried to break it gen...

A.   8 October 2018: It must be equally hurtful as it is frustrating to be piggy in the middle of two people you love. Neither of them are being considerate of that. Is it at all possible for you to find the strength to have an open discussion with both of them at the ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my potential mistress that my marriage is falling apart (not true) in order to increase my chances that she'll do it without guilt?

Q.   My question is simple. I'm married and going on a trip this weekend to meet a friend that I'd like to get intimate with. She knows I'm married, but has hinted she doesn't care that much. However, I'm not sure I trust that. Should I tell her that my ...

A.   8 October 2018: I highly doubt you are going to get anyone one here to encourage you to cheat. Why on earth if your marriage is NOT in crisis would you want to do exactly that by cheating? Re think your objective thats the only piece of advice your getting from ... (read in full...)

Dad needs some help in his relationship.

Q.   Hello, Please could someone help give me some good advice, I don't know what else to do.... I am currently in a 10 year relationship and we have 3 young children and the kids are our worlds and we do love each other, but I am deeply disappoin...

A.   27 September 2018: Wow ! what a roller coster of emotional abuse. I think your issue starts with you wanting to appease her behaviour for some odd reason. You have given this woman far to much rope over the 10 years. Who is this person really? A chameleon of lies and ... (read in full...)

Would women actually want a relationship with someone who already has a kid?

Q.   Call myself c and my daughters mother m. I'll try to keep things short. Our relationship was great before the child came and we even got engaged. I'm not great with women or people in general and I struggle just to hold a conversation to get a tip ...

A.   26 September 2018: Stop beating yourself up mate. Thats the first piece of advice i'd like to give you. Parenting is equally tough sometimes as it is rewarding. The terrible twos is a REAL thing and most of us who have gone through it think we have shit parenting ... (read in full...)

I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge?

Q.   I have a brother in law and for 17 years he has disliked me from the very moment he laid eyes on me. I am a very likeable and confident, and id like to say hot girl lol i am hilarious and fun love to tell stories and make people laugh i dont have ...

A.   22 September 2018: Personally I wouldn't be seeking any sort of revenge tactics because it says more about you than anything else. No satisfaction in people thinking your a vengeful bitch. I would confront him again but not with the goal of seeking some sort of ... (read in full...)

My husband has blocked me on his phone and adds, texts other women

Q.   Hi aunts I got my second marriage and I got trust issues now because my first marriage ended with betrayal and I am afraid this might turn up in same manner. I don't understand if all men do this. My husband is always checking his Facebook account...

A.   12 September 2018: "and if he ever does he will let me know what stupid stuff has he done" Bullshit he will and it just goes to show he cant self regulate or has no intention to stop his behaviours. Decent husbands don't text other women and blocking you so you can't ... (read in full...)

Why would my cheating wife try to contact me after 6 months of NC?

Q.   Well it's been almost 7 months since my cheating wife left me for her boss. Although she never admitted to an affair I have mountains of evidence proving otherwise. Long story short... I thought I had her blocked on everything. I have been ...

A.   31 August 2018:  Have to agree with the others, Milks turned sour I'd say. Unless you are considering reconciling does it matter why she has made contact? Personally I think you have done exceptionally well with staying strong with the no contact for 7 months. Its ... (read in full...)

I have caught my husband in so many lies regarding his female coworker. Is it wrong for me to ask him to stay away from her?

Q.   Hello, My husband has been lying to me for the past few months, all lies have involved his coworker. He has lied to me about calling her, dropping her off at home, going to hang out with her at her house, buying her gifts, including an exp...

A.   27 August 2018: Sound like he's having an affair, sexual who knows, but emotional for sure. Your husband is a liar full stop. Using your depression as the reason to cover his sorry arse is just deplorable. His and her behaviour is just making a fool out of you. How ... (read in full...)

I'm interested in a girl who has a boyfriend. Do I drop a hint that I'm single?

Q.   I split up with my long term partner because I wasn't sure how I felt and it didn't feel right anymore. I'm in no rush to get into a relationship again but there is a girl who I have an interest in. I think there is a connection between us as I'...

A.   26 August 2018: come on mate...really? Why try ruins some poor bastards relationship and try cut another mans lunch? Move on and find someone else who IS single. Your nothing but a predator with that kind of attitude AND if it were you...... (read in full...)

Do people change? He wants me to accept he has and wants to have another baby!

Q.   After years of my husband being very neglectful , toxic, drunkard and bullheaded.. i decided to stop caring and do my own other things.. Now that he has realized that i might leave the relationship...he says he agrees with me about everythi...

A.   21 August 2018: People can change but they can change back and usually do when they feel the fear of losing you is gone. "he wants me to accept that in a week and that we move on" -bull headed, no change in that line of thinking. Has he given you his reassura... (read in full...)

I’m sick to my stomach that he had a lap dance on a stag weekend!

Q.   My boyfriend recently went on a stag do to Prague and whilst he was there he went to a strip club and the whole group paid for a lap dance off of 2 dancers. Before he left for Prague, I told him that it would really upset me if he got a lap dance ...

A.   14 August 2018: I don't agree with discounting disrespecting a simple request as 'boys will be boys' but I don't think this is a deal breaker either. Not giving a shit knowing how you feel, giving in to peer pressure is a bit weak of him I think. ... (read in full...)

My fiance was looking at porn on his phone with my 9 year old sitting right next to him

Q.   Hi I was at work on Sunday my fiancé was at home looking after our 9 year old son I got up yesterday morning my son says to me while you were at work on Sunday my dad was looking at girls dresses all in leather on his phone while I was sat next to ...

A.   8 August 2018: Seriously, where is your mans head at? That is totally wrong. I'd go off my nut. Exposing children to porn and porn like material is an offence. ... (read in full...)

My partner is making me feel bad for not letting him live with me permanently. What should I do?

Q.   When I first met my partner, I explained in the first 3 months my views about living together before engagement. I explained that I have lived with an ex in the past and it didn't work, so therefore I want to wait until engagement before living ...

A.   16 June 2017: He is pressuring you in the same way he feels you are pressuring him. He to let him live there and you to be engaged in order to do so. If he is going to make a big hoo har for me it would have moved passed the moving in bit and more about resp... (read in full...)

Should his life choices be a dealbreaker?

Q.   I met a man at my job and we worked together a few months. I since have left the job because I got something better :) I never date co-workers but we did flirt a lot at the job. Only after I left did i agree to date him. He revealed to me a DUI he h...

A.   14 June 2017: If your head cant make a decision let your gut. I don't mean that to come across as rude. It kind of sets the scene if it's off to this kind of start. Not saying he is a bad guy by any means but finding someone more on the same page will be so much ... (read in full...)

I'm married and have fallen for a married friend. Do I pursue this?

Q.   I am 29 years old. Im maried in 2010 with 2 kids (3 and 5). I met my wife when i was 15 and have been with her ever since. I have never cheated on her or even talked to another woman inappropriately. But the other day we were hanging out with some ...

A.   13 June 2017: Her husband doesnt treat her very well. She says she loves him, but that they dont have any passion. They just go through the motions. LET HER SORT THAT OUT WITH HIM. She needs to fix that and not you her. Likewise sort out your own marriage before ... (read in full...)

My partner is falling for his ex and although I know I should end things I love him!

Q.   I've been in my relationship now for almost 6 years and engaged for 2 of those years. (No date for marriage due to both of us being at risk of redundancy) and over 5 years ago we had a problem with my partners work colleague. To give a little ba...

A.   13 June 2017: Agree. Time to rip the bandaid off and end it. This is going to be painful for you either way. Stay and you know you are in for a long haul of emotional and mental heartache. It's a given. You can sure as shit count on that given the type of person ... (read in full...)

I'm 20, she's 16. I'd like to hear people's thoughts

Q.   I am 20 years old and a girl that I like a lot is 16. We met each other and started talking after het parents gave my number to her. The really like me and we get along quite well. The only thing that is scary to me is the age difference, and I ...

A.   13 June 2017: I dont think the age gap is that big of a deal. how you choose to handle her being at the tender age of 16 is. My advice would be proceed carefully and thoughtfully. You have a fair amount of responsibility as far as being patient and not expecting ... (read in full...)

My husband has me earn lovers by performing painful or degrading acts with him

Q.   Hi I'm a bit lost and in need of help. I have been married for 20 years to a man I have always loved. He has always had strange sexual practices and I have always played along, I have always looked up to him and always felt that he was better t...

A.   9 June 2017: This is Fifty Shades of fucked up. Your lover putting things into your head sounds just like the wake up call you need. Just because you did these 'things' in the past does not mean you 'liked it' and now it's more like some form of emotional ... (read in full...)

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