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*vyblue agony aunt


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*vyblue's profile:

What qualifies me to help people…? Well to be honest I don't really know. I consider myself to be a life long learner therefore far from knowing everything. I believe the "outsider looking in" kind of advice can sometimes be the best because it can be the most eye opening and honest response that you will find.

Where do I live…? I sometimes wish I lived in the land of LaLa but for the time being I live in the Land Down Under.

My family makes me tick. They are my motivation for most things that I do choose to do.

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We were on a break for 2 weeks and he got a woman pregnant. I dont't know how I feel about this

Q.   Hi my question is that I have been seeing a guy casually for about 8 months now. We had quite a big argument about 6 weeks ago and there were was no contact for 2 weeks, then he got in touch, so we started talking again. Whilst we were havin...

A.   23 February 2017: Sorry anon my advice would have been exactly the same. Sorry MATE, you are hurting but leave both HER and him to it, keep out of it and my advice away from HER. The way I see it this will now and for a long time, maybe ever, be a weak point in... (read in full...)

We were on a break for 2 weeks and he got a woman pregnant. I dont't know how I feel about this

Q.   Hi my question is that I have been seeing a guy casually for about 8 months now. We had quite a big argument about 6 weeks ago and there were was no contact for 2 weeks, then he got in touch, so we started talking again. Whilst we were havin...

A.   22 February 2017: Oh honey, your hurting but leave both him and her to it. Keep out of it and my advice away from him. The way I see it this will now and for a long time, maybe ever, be a weak point in the relationship. You feel betrayal due to uncertainty of the ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is in hospital and her family are keeping me in the dark

Q.   I have no idea what to do to deal with this situation. I have been with my girlfriend since 2011, she was 18 at the time we started. We have had a great relationship, typical ups and downs, but all in all great. Her family has never warmed up ...

A.   4 February 2017: Sincere condolences. heart breaking news for ... (read in full...)

My partner doesn't do any parenting with our two year old.

Q.   Hi I've got a 2 year old son with my partner of 4 years we live together but we had a disagreement yesterday over something stupid to which he replied he goes to work for 8 hours a day the disagreement was because I asked him to wipe his hands and ...

A.   4 February 2017: Honey you just don't get paid. I think the job title you are looking for is called Domestic Engineer. Why not stop when you have put in 8 hours also? Set the alarm, real loud, to go off when he walks in the door, when it goes off yell " ... (read in full...)

How can I stop letting this one man's opinion of me beat at my confidence?

Q.   I have always thought of myself as girlfriend material and that I have a lot to offer a man. I dated a guy recently and he doesn't have any interest in me as a person whatsoever. I know it sounds vain or conceited, but I believe in mysel...

A.   4 February 2017: You probably are a good catch-just not his which makes him not yours. Be happy your not being dicked around and move on ... (read in full...)

Is there slightly more creative way of surprising her with these books, other than handing her the present and saying Happy Birthday?

Q.   Not really a relationship question but any help is appreciated. Recently A Series of Unfortunate Events has made it's way onto Netflix and I have a female friend who absolutely loved it. She and I both share a particular liking for th...

A.   4 February 2017: Mate. I think she would be chuffed at the fact you actually took note and listened to the reason she bought the paperback in the first place, hence the gift of hardback. Very thoughtful. you could say something like " Unlike the title, I had a ... (read in full...)

Why would my co-worker buy me coffee and a muffin?

Q.   Today one of my coworkers that I'm friendly with surprised me with coffee and muffin from a fast food place. I normally get to work an hour early because parking spaces are scarce--first come first serve. When I arrived, he came to my window and...

A.   30 January 2017: Random act of kindness. IMHO ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is in hospital and her family are keeping me in the dark

Q.   I have no idea what to do to deal with this situation. I have been with my girlfriend since 2011, she was 18 at the time we started. We have had a great relationship, typical ups and downs, but all in all great. Her family has never warmed up ...

A.   30 January 2017: Hi me again. If they are hell bent on blocking your every move, still I would at least send them a heartfelt txt message with regards to putting past differences to rest, at least for the moment etc and to let you be by her side. Regardless if they ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is in hospital and her family are keeping me in the dark

Q.   I have no idea what to do to deal with this situation. I have been with my girlfriend since 2011, she was 18 at the time we started. We have had a great relationship, typical ups and downs, but all in all great. Her family has never warmed up ...

A.   29 January 2017: Do you guys live together by any chance because that would make you here de facto husband. Not sure about the laws in your country but here you have as much right to be treated under the same laws as a married couple. if you can manage to find out ... (read in full...)

When will he tell me he loves me, I don't want to say it first this time?

Q.   When can I expect my boyfriend to tell me he loves me? What are some signs that will indicate that he feels that way? (even if not saying it) I'm well on my way to falling in love with him, but don't want to say it first this time. I have sai...

A.   28 January 2017: Relax and enjoy the wave first is my suggestion. Actions speak so much louder than words therefore, for some People, show love in many different ways without first needing to verbalise it. You dont mention how long you have been together but I'd ... (read in full...)

He gave me deadline to talk to my ex and when things didn't work out he ended things with me

Q.   I need help to figure out who is the wrong one here. I'm 39 divorced and have a 10 years old daughter. My relationship with my ex is peaceful and it's just because we have a child together. I started dating for the first time, 3 years after divorce, ...

A.   27 January 2017: Controlling arsehole ( sorry I know you liked this dude but hey...come on) Civil parenting relationships between ex's are something of a rarity. Sometimes a long hard to establish let alone maintain. This guy, has never been married, has no children ... (read in full...)

26 years old and never been on a date

Q.   I'm a 26 year old guy and have never dated. When I was in high school, I was pretty much an outcast and girls just laughed at me. One time a girl made me think she wanted to go to a dance with her and asked me to meet her there. She showed up with ...

A.   25 January 2017: I cant answer for all women but you know what, personally I don't think it is that big of a deal. But if you do is there any reason why you have to advertise the fact when you do meet someone? General chit chat during a date past relationships ... (read in full...)

How do I take the pressure off of my fiance about trying to get pregnant?

Q.   There's an 18 year age difference between my fiancé and myself. Our relationship wasn't something that I ever thought would end with getting marrried. I was flattered that a cute college girl found me attractive and decided to go out on a date with ...

A.   25 January 2017: Without trying to come across as rude, how do you know 100% it is her body at fault? Have you had a fertility test check? Perhaps maybe you both should just to eliminate that all together. Your post speaks volumes of just how much you love and ... (read in full...)

Am I a coward with a cold heart, for the way I choose to end relationships? How should I do it?

Q.   i,am a 50 year old female, been in a relationship for five months,he is really nice, romantic, but he isn't my type. I like big bald football type of guys, he is the cowboys type, good looking, he does all the things a woman wants in a man,so h...

A.   22 January 2017: With kindness ,respect, maturity and in person. ... (read in full...)

My husband's brother is behaving towards me in ways that make me feel uncomfortable. Is my brother in law trying to tell me something ? What should I do?

Q.   I need some advice regarding my husband's brother. We haven't always got on so well because I found him a bit intimidating. He's 12 years older than me and he used to behave a bit strange with me for example: He always accused me of flirting w...

A.   22 January 2017: He either likes you enough to try steal you away from his brother or dislikes you enough to go out of his way to make you feel intimidated and uncomfortable. Either way you need to protect yourself and marriage from this sleaze of a man. Like male ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and his ex are now talking every day and I am not comfortable with it

Q.   Hi there. Well something is bothering me and I don't know if it's ok for me to be upset or not. About a week ago, my boyfriends ex girlfriends grandmother died. Her and him haven't really spoken for the last year or so. But she called him to let him ...

A.   22 January 2017: Yes you are correct to be feeling as though boundaries are being crossed and he is being insensitive. Of course I don't know of the relationship between him and the grandmother however given it has been over a year since he and his ex have been in ... (read in full...)

Fed up with him. Don't think I can trust him any more. How should I handle this situation?

Q.   hi everyone ive been with my fiancé for 3 years now just lately I don't feel happy anymore and now ill explain why. We met through facebook and after that he told me he doesn't use facebook anymore. I had him on my friends list he just never bother...

A.   20 January 2017: You know better so it's up to you to do better. Don't waste anymore of your time worrying about whether you can trust him or not instead trust in yourself that there is a way out of this misery. all it takes is for you to take the first step out the ... (read in full...)

Is he not telling the truth in an effort to not hurt me? I'd rather he tell me the truth.

Q.   In 2013 my partner and me split up, he met someone else become engaged and ended up having a little girl with his new gf, which is completely understandable. I only found out due to my friend seeing them both out and about, with her other chil...

A.   20 January 2017: If he didn't having nothing to hide why lie? Hardly would his lying be to protect you. If you want to know an answer to a question ask, don't drop hints. Come straight out with it. As far as you are aware they have split- spouses looking for a bit ... (read in full...)

I want to celebrate my birthday and Chinese New Year. How should I ask my parents to allow this?

Q.   Hi everyone So basically, my parents told me not to have any hangouts with my friends until my exam is over which is at the end of April. So my 18th birthday is in a week's time and happens to be on a school day, so my friends want to celebrat...

A.   20 January 2017: Honey, your legally an adult so in essence you don't need their permission. if I understand your post correctly, your parents are in China and you and your friends USA? If that is the case are they not too far away to know what you do on a daily ... (read in full...)

She has decorated my bedroom space with love letters and trinkets and it's suffocating. What can I say and how should I approach this subject?

Q.   I am in quite a new relationship with my girlfriend (just over 6 months) and things have been going well. Although recently she has started to decorate my bedroom with photographs, love letters and little trinkets. It is sweet, do not get me wr...

A.   20 January 2017: Oh dear. What about buying a huge big memory box. Not just a boring old shopping box, instead a decorative box that shows that you have an appreciative romantic side then collect all the 'stuff' and put it in there. You could tell her, or wait till ... (read in full...)

Should I end things? Boyfriend's friends are vulgar and rude

Q.   Should I end my relationship?. My boyfriends friends make disrespectful comments , such as saying "get them off" to me ( meaning my underwear ), and asking my boyfriend if his finger has been inside me ( you know where ), and making gay rumours up ...

A.   20 January 2017: Ew..what a bunch of pigs and where is your bf balls, his handbag? Standing up and defend your honour is what he should be doing. I would be mortified if my partner sat idly by without so much as a " Mate, thats my girlfriend your talking about, a ... (read in full...)

We had a social scheduling conflict so my boyfriend cancelled his plans with me

Q.   My boyfriend and I used to set up social events for our large group of friends as a pastime. However we became busy and stopped, and finally set one up for this weekend which we had been planning to for awhile. 10 said yes and 10 more said maybe ...

A.   20 January 2017: Sorry but I think your bf did what was right. That was keeping dinner date with Anne and Dave. Thats why its called a reservation. Time made and set aside. People forget, things happen..but to cancel on plans already made in lieu of new ones is ... (read in full...)

He lacks a stable job and a career so I'm breaking up with him. Am I not openminded?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've put a lot of consideration into this and I've decided to break up with my boyfriend. It's not that we don't get along - we get along rather well and have a great time together. He is positive I will be his future wife and has info...

A.   20 January 2017: A wise decision.His Lifestyle priorities are not that of one who is open-minded, rather one who is lazy and irresponsible. He has all to gain from you while you have the most too lose. In your case love simply cant be enough.... (read in full...)

Family issues. What should I do? Apologise and stick to my plans? Or cancel my holiday?

Q.   I have, it seems, caused an enormous family rift. I booked a holiday for 2 weeks at the start of February - it had been booked a while but I told family over Christmas what my plans were. This is the first holiday I have had in 7 years so it means...

A.   19 January 2017: Apologise and stick to your plans. Again reminding them that they knew of your plans prior. Im sure you have spent many a significant birthdays with your parents. It's lunch for pete sake and it's not like its a milestone birthday. Perhaps they ... (read in full...)

Help me! We aren't quite ready for a baby and I'm struggling with my feelings about hearing baby news from others! Help?

Q.   Hi all! First of all I'd like to say that myself and my boyfriend of 5 years are not quite ready (space and financially wise) for a baby. I would absolutely love one and completely broody which is maybe the reason for my feelings I'm not sure. ...

A.   18 January 2017: Without good planning for parenthood it can sometimes be a struggle. Not that you love your children any less, but the stress over new responsibilities, whether is be financial,emotional or mental, can take away your focus on what could be better ... (read in full...)

Where's a good place to meet people my age? Any groups or sites you think might suit, and why?

Q.   I moved city recently and I'm struggling to know people outside work so I joined loads of groups on meeting people sites. But loads of them (no I didnt join dating ones) are full of thirsty older guys, and it's really uncomfortable being at thes...

A.   17 January 2017: What about a Uni bar? They have good bands, cheap drinks and a wide variety of people your age. I dont think you need to be a student, well not here anyway. Do you have any interest or causes you are passionate about? At least you can be with like ... (read in full...)

He says my body is his.

Q.   My partner of 3 yrs and i have a beautiful little girl who is 1. Lately my partner has been trying touching me and trying to penetrate me whilst we are playing with our daughter which i have put a stop to. He has started sayimg he can touch me ...

A.   17 January 2017: NO way honey, NOT ACCEPTABLE. Your body IS and will ALWAYS be yours. As for trying to have sex while playing with your daughter is just all that bit too perverted. Unwanted sex is rape. Relationship status does not make this any less a criminal act. ... (read in full...)

I still feel embarrassed 8 months later.

Q.   I expressed interest in guy that I was interested in 8 months ago but he turned me down. I felt disappointed but brushed it off and acted like it was no big deal. However, the long term effect was embarrassment. I thought he was interested in me...

A.   17 January 2017: Is it normal, yes of course for some but 8 months on I think it is well over due that you stop torturing yourself. Lucky for you the fact that you brushed it off, I would imagine, showed him it was just a casual stab in the dark situation with him ... (read in full...)

Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?

Q.   I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...

A.   16 January 2017: Sorry but I think your reacting a bit over the top. I'd feel pretty suffocated and annoyed if I were him. He is on holiday so I think it is fair to say that you should back off and give him time to not be scheduled to check in to suit you. The fact ... (read in full...)

I text my bf on an alias phone pretending to be an admirer. And he fell for it.

Q.   After forgiving my cheating bf who got me and another woman pregnant 5 yrs ago, i forgave him and we are now back together for the past year. i put up with him going to spend time with his son at the other woman's house of which sometime he sleeps ...

A.   15 January 2017: Right, wrong who cares , thats moot honey. He is and will always be a cheat. Knowing what you know makes you his doormat if you choose to stay. Cut yourself loose from this sad little man. he deserves no less than to just leave without explaination... (read in full...)

Boyfriend has been secretive about his female friend in the past and now she's invited herself to stay with him for a week. How do I handle this?

Q.   I [21F] am in a relationship with my boyfriend [24M] (Mike, for future reference) for a year and a half, but our problem started about 6 months in. We met on the university both studying physics so it was easy for me to become a part of his college ...

A.   13 January 2017: He understands BUT doesn't want to loose a friend. So what does he not understand about loosing his girlfriend? It may well be that they are just good friends but the concern as to why he has always kept her at arms length from you seems you are ... (read in full...)

I'm concerned that my wife is texting a younger male co-worker outside of work!

Q.   My wife is a manager in a small store of 20 employees. She texts and Facebook messages a male employee half her age. The texts/messages are both work related and non work related. Non work related include videos of songs and home decor along basic ...

A.   13 January 2017: No I don't think you are. It's not what I would consider being professional. Having a good rapport with your employees is one thing but in a position of professional authority it should remain at work, during work hours. Innocent it maybe but your ... (read in full...)

I don't fantasize about other men so is it wrong that I feel upset that my husband uses porn?

Q.   I've read a lot of information on porn use following some tension between my husband and I over his use of it . When we first married I did tell him that I was not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who used porn and he assured me he ...

A.   12 January 2017: I have yet to ever read a scenario where the spouse has ever stopped watching porn at the request of the other. What happens is they say whatever is needed to appease them all the while taking it underground. I truly believe the porn struggle can be ... (read in full...)

My father told me to stop eating

Q.   Ever since I was young, I had problems with my weight. But, my height always masked it. When I was 14 I got "sick" and I overall stopped eating and from 14-16 I was healthy/ a little underweight. From ages 17-19 I was a healthy weight. Now at 20 I ...

A.   12 January 2017: Not the nicest way to convey a message was it. However could it be that you have taken it in the wrong context? Not stop eating , as in all together, instead stop eating crap. You say your going to the gym, his knee jerk unfiltered response was ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my ex that feelings have resurfaced for him even though we are both married to others?

Q.   Hi guys! My ex-partner and I separated amicably over a decade ago, and keep in contact and remain friendly towards one another for the sake of our fifteen year old daughter, whom we co-parent. Our relationship, which lasted for about eight years, f...

A.   11 January 2017: Personally I think some things are better left unsaid. This kind of seems a little unfair to burden him with having him deal with it and very unfair to both other spouses. By telling him you are perhaps setting him up to keep secrets from his wife ... (read in full...)

How should I act towards him for the best outcome?

Q.   A while ago I kissed someone from work who I had liked for a while. He told me he had feelings for me and we began texting. -But then later said because his ex works at the same place nothing could happen. And then kissed a different co wor...

A.   9 January 2017: Clearly this guy doesn't know what he wants. Unless the ex is some kind of bunny boiling psycho he really should man up and get on with things. But I think that is not the case. It sound like he still hold hope that they will get back together. In ... (read in full...)

I need advice on making my marriage better. Should I feel guilty about the flirtation I had on a weekend away?

Q.   I need some advice on making my relationship better. I'm married and have been for 13 years, the first thing I want to say is I love my wife. I am in my mid 40's whilst my wife is 7 years older than me, up until last year I was fairly overweight ...

A.   9 January 2017: Bravo for the weight loss and hats off to you for acknowledging a red flag raise by yourself and wanting to do something about it. A lot of post come after the fact. You did right by sharing this with your wife and from what you have said did ... (read in full...)

The sex is frustrating for me, any advice?

Q.   Hello aunties. I've been seeing thisguy for a while and sex is very frustrating for me. Almost nothing he does turns me on and I feel embarrassed because he does take his time with foreplay: kissing, sucking on my nipples ( which are almost numb ...

A.   9 January 2017: Vaginal dryness is common. When you say you are not on any medication does that include contraceptive pills? They can sometimes cause dryness because they are interfering with hormones etc. Perhaps you have low estrogen levels. Have a look at this ... (read in full...)

Present employer could jeopardise new employment

Q.   Not a dating/relationship question, but would really appreciate any input from anyone who has any ideas/thoughts on this problem, as it could turn out to be a big problem for me. I have worked for a number of years for a small, family-owned com...

A.   8 January 2017: what about asking a trusted colleague to write you a personal reference? ... (read in full...)

Am I over reacting to husband's online interaction with another woman?

Q.   me and my husband are having some problems, maybe its all me i dont know but anyway.. few yeas back i caught him deleting messages from a co worker he said it was nothing but just didnt want me to get the wrong end of he stick so thought he would...

A.   8 January 2017: Nope they are justified. Not cool. It bothers you, so it should bother him. This is how it starts...all innocent. Just talking, Just sharing, Just caring, Just meeting up, Just hugging, Just fucking but we're JUST FRIENDS. The potential for these so ... (read in full...)

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