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*vyblue agony aunt


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*vyblue's profile:

What qualifies me to help people…? Well to be honest I don't really know. I consider myself to be a life long learner therefore far from knowing everything. I believe the "outsider looking in" kind of advice can sometimes be the best because it can be the most eye opening and honest response that you will find.

Where do I live…? I sometimes wish I lived in the land of LaLa but for the time being I live in the Land Down Under.

My family makes me tick. They are my motivation for most things that I do choose to do.

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Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   15 April 2019: Cant say I'd be too pleased however turning your back on him is not the answer. He is a grown man capable of making decisions that suit his needs and desires. Interfering will only put further strain on the relationship between you. If he is happy ... (read in full...)

I suspect my ex set up my (now also an ex), boyfriend to cheat on me.

Q.   I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. I go to his house every weekend for Friday and Saturday night, and he comes to my house usually to stay the night on Wednesdays. He's been a complete sweetheart to me and we had good plans for the ...

A.   14 April 2019: Babe, if I had my time over again I'd shut the door on being cheated on. No matter what degree the cheating was, nail it shut, glue it shut, oxy weld it shut, chain and lock it shut. You have proof that he exchanged nudes with some chick, what more ... (read in full...)

I think I am being manipulated into being Plan B

Q.   My ex who dated me for almost 5 years suddenly blocked me on whatsapp and 3 weeks later sent me a break up letter. I did not react but I cried and still cry. I went online 2 days ago and saw that his ex wife has new pictures in his new house wh...

A.   14 April 2019: Any letters mark as return to sender and post them back unopened. As for the FB pics let her take him to town on that when she is the wife. Sounds like you very lucky to have dogged a bullet with this douche bag. I feel as sorry for her as I do you. ... (read in full...)

2 babies with another woman and he's married to me. I want a divorce!

Q.   I have been married for 4years and just before I got married my husband and I were on a short break. During that break, my husband (then fiance) slept with one of his friends. I did not find out until one month after we got married. And 4 months ...

A.   2 April 2019: Divorce his sorry arse. He is not marriage material.You deserve better, you know that. He is a cheat and liar, thats his personality and not something counselling will help change. Dont waste time, instead Get yourself some legal advice before ... (read in full...)

He cheated on me, was violent but it now feels things are back on track. So why am I not happy?

Q.   I really don't know how I feel anymore, my head is all over the place and I'm so mixed up. I've been with my boyfriend for 8years. When we first met things moved very fast and I knew i loved him very early on. We had what I thought was the perfect ...

A.   1 April 2019: Apologies without action means Jack shit! In other words the apologies are nothing more than to pacify the situation of him being a cheating, unable to self regulate his anger arsehole. You don't feel happy because your subconscious head is talking ... (read in full...)

I trust him, of course I do, I just don't understand his actions.

Q.   I’ve been with my partner for almost six years and we’re currently expecting our first baby, due in July. For a while now he’s been taking his phone everywhere with him, even if he is just going to the toilet/puts the bins out/make a cup of tea, he ...

A.   27 March 2019: I'll admit it, as much as I'd like to say I could trust my partners 100%, IMHO you cant ever fully do that and it's foolish to think otherwise. Not saying that your man is up to no good, but in my past experiences I've trusted 100% and was wrong! I ... (read in full...)

I am not feeling comfortable with his intentions towards dating me

Q.   Afew weeks ago, a man approached me and we talked a bit, just a small talk. However, recently, i just don't understand what he wants. So basically, i started seeing him around me more often, just glancing at me from a distance. He approached me ...

A.   26 March 2019: "I was so clear with him that I'm not interested."- your not interested point said and made. Move on without guilt... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting to his sex secrecy?

Q.   So, crazy title question, I know, but I'm not sure if im overreacting. A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I were talking about women "squirting" during sex (insert embarrassed face lol). We were just talking about it casually because we are v...

A.   14 March 2019: Google it and save yourself having make something out of nothing- PS lucky you ... (read in full...)

When do I tell someone about my Herpes?

Q.   Hello, I have a pretty difficult question to ask. My current relationship of 8 years just terminated and I'm pretty devastated. Although we were not married we have lived together for the last 6 and a half years. I've been trying to find different ...

A.   7 March 2019: @female anon. Its not ignorant or ridiculous to suggest a dating site for people dealing with the same problem. It was suggested as an option to eliminated his fear of having to tell people and face rejection. Pull ya head out your arse lady... (read in full...)

When do I tell someone about my Herpes?

Q.   Hello, I have a pretty difficult question to ask. My current relationship of 8 years just terminated and I'm pretty devastated. Although we were not married we have lived together for the last 6 and a half years. I've been trying to find different ...

A.   7 March 2019: @female anon. Its not ignorant or ridiculous to suggest a dating site for people dealing with the same problem. It was suggested as an option to eliminated his fear of having to tell people and face rejection. Pull ya head out your arse lady... (read in full...)

I want to teach my cheating ex a lesson

Q.   Hi! I'm 29 and got married last year. I'm happy with my husband, but my ex bf still calls me despite he being married. He says that he can't forget me, and still wants me. I cleared the air that I'm happy with my husband and won't ever leave him for ...

A.   5 March 2019: Revenge may well lead to revenge. Speak to your husband. Id even call him on speaker phone while your husband is there and tell him straight. if need be let your husband do the same.... (read in full...)

When do I tell someone about my Herpes?

Q.   Hello, I have a pretty difficult question to ask. My current relationship of 8 years just terminated and I'm pretty devastated. Although we were not married we have lived together for the last 6 and a half years. I've been trying to find different ...

A.   5 March 2019: I think there are dating sites for people who also have herpes. Maybe research that for a starting point. As for when you tell them, straight away IMHO. Either way you run the risk of loosing someone. ... (read in full...)

My new friend critizes my hair and clothes! How do I get her to back off?

Q.   I am 53 years. and 6 months ago I was in a shop and met a lady who is 43 years old, she asked for my number after chatting to go out for coffee. She then asked for us to go out in the evenings, I have serious medical conditions and not in posit...

A.   28 February 2019: Honey, you do YOU. Nothing wrong in asserting yourself by saying that you are very happy with how you look and telling you any different is not going to change that.... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and work part time. My husband wants me to get another job to pay his parents debts.

Q.   My husband's parents owe a large amount of money to a family member which they can't pay. They have asked my husband to pay the money on their behalf, we are talking £500 per month for the next 10ish years. My husband works 9 to 5 and I work part ...

A.   28 February 2019: He is kidding ,right? This is his parents problem and he has no business making you feel obliged to take it on as yours. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend tries to have anal sex without my permission. Does he not respect me?

Q.   I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him ...

A.   10 January 2019: Ok you told him no, gave him a reason why yet he does it again, thats sexual assault... (read in full...)

I want to talk to a boy on the swimming team but don't know how

Q.   so I'm on a swim team with a boy that I really like but I don't know how to talk to him without sounding like an idiot/jerk, please help!...

A.   9 December 2018: Hi there. Why not just keep it simple and start by talking about swimming. Maybe ask him he got into it or if he wants to pursue it professionally etc. See where that takes you because if he is happy to chat about that then he'll more that likely be ... (read in full...)

My ex sent my nastiest most private messages on social media for all of my friends to see

Q.   Hello. I left an emotionally, verbally and ultimately physically abusive relationship. I will not sugar coat and say I did not lash back out. I hit him back and screamed and cursed back stooping to his level instead of leaving. This went on for 10 ...

A.   6 December 2018: Oh to be human. Who in this life time has not made mistakes or done things they regret. No one, therefore no right to judge. Not that this will make you feel any better but- who cares what other think, especially those that dont know you. Block, ... (read in full...)

Did my date make up this fake story just to get a reaction out of me?

Q.   ive got a date lined up for this weekend. The guy i have been speaking to seems nice and not fake. Weve seen each others social media and have spoken on the phone. Today he texted me with a very strange message. He said last night he got a call off ...

A.   21 November 2018: I wouldnt think to much about it. Are you still going on the date? If so, I doubt there is anything too it ... (read in full...)

He has been texting someone he met in a dating site

Q.   I've been with my Other Half (OH) for 2 years and have really felt as though he is the one. I've trusted him completely and yet the other day, when I silenced an alarm on his phone, I see Facebook messages between him and another woman that he ...

A.   18 November 2018: Cheating or not, honey his utter disrespect is out of this world. What I think you need to work on is your self esteem to know that you deserve better than this. Clearly he is no longer into you. It IS cheating, emotional cheating. IMHO worse than ... (read in full...)

Was dirty sexual encounter a deal breaker?

Q.   I met this older more top man online. We had a coffee and we decided to play around in his hotel room. He was nice and friendly but no sooner had he lain on the bed than I saw the bedcover smeared with shit from his rear - even though he had at ...

A.   17 November 2018: yum yeah yuk. Thats just gross, dirty and hardly wanting to give a shit, pardon the pun, about making a good first impression. No standards ... (read in full...)

Am I being unreasonable asking him not to meet up with an old flame?

Q.   Hello Cupids I have been with my partner for six years and living together for three. Yesterday he told me that he has been meeting up with a woman he sort of used to see and I'm not sure how to take it. We all met in university, and the pair ...

A.   17 November 2018: Go on the double date. Shows you are confident and secure in your relationship. You'll get an idea if there is any funny stuff between the two of them , body language don't lie.... (read in full...)

I need to tell my family that I was duped!

Q.   Hi All. Please bear with as this is quite complicated. So I’m 30 years old, had a few relationships before my current one. This time i thought it was never going to end. We have been living together for 4 years. He is of a different race religi...

A.   15 November 2018: I dont think you have to get into the nitty gritty with them. No need to say anything more than things just didnt work out. Hopefully you find some peace to end this heartbreak that has been thrust upon you. ... (read in full...)

My married lover doesn't want me to go on trips by myself. Why doesn't he trust me?

Q.   My married lover travels with his wife up to 3-5 times a year. The longest he is away is a month at a time. It's very difficult for me, even though I've chosen to place myself in this role. I feel resentful and left behind. They are natural ...

A.   1 November 2018: I say go on holiday, sort yourself out by having a good hard look at just how much this dude is a douche bag for even thinking he has any right to so much have an opinion about it. Maybe then you can realise that you can and should find a love ... (read in full...)

Lover wants to stay with his children for now

Q.   My lover cannot live with me just yet because he still wants to live with his children who are 21 and 19.....He said they still need him .... He doesn’t love his wife... they share no interests as a couple, just stayed married for their kids sake... ...

A.   29 October 2018: I think thats an excuse, more like he wants his cake and eat it too. The security of the nest. Of course he is and will always be their dad but they are young adults so he can be there, that does not change because of where he lives. Personally I ... (read in full...)

How do I move forward and stop letting his coworker get to me?

Q.   So my husband has a female coworker and their work relationship has made me uncomfortable. More so because of the actions of my husband. He has lied to me numerous times and all lies have been associated with her. While this was happening, I was ...

A.   21 October 2018: The onus is not and should not be on you to feel as though what you are asking is deemed 'controlling'HE NEEDS TO BE IN CONTROL OF CLEANING THIS MESS UP. What has he learned from all this -nothing! Instead he chooses to immediately behave deceitful ... (read in full...)

Can I just turn off some thoughts?

Q.   I have very strong romantic feelings for my cousin and I know its wrong even if she is my step cousin I know its wrong. The problem is I suspect she feels the same way. She plays with her hair when she speaks to me, tries to get closer to me whe...

A.   20 October 2018: I cant see the problem mate. You guys are not even related. If you dig each other - go for it! If anyone gives you shit about it- point that out... (read in full...)

How do I move forward and stop letting his coworker get to me?

Q.   So my husband has a female coworker and their work relationship has made me uncomfortable. More so because of the actions of my husband. He has lied to me numerous times and all lies have been associated with her. While this was happening, I was ...

A.   20 October 2018: Hey hey hey, hang on there lady- back the bus up! There is nothing pathetic about your concerns. These are some serious red flags. Your question is not how do YOU move forward it should be how to WE move forward. Sorry but you husband has taken ... (read in full...)

Should I fly 4,000 miles to go see my ex? Would it be cheating?

Q.   So... we’ve broken up for 5 years after an incident and subsequently I moved home to my home country. Contact was lost eventually as we were sick of crying over the phone. Recently, I thought I saw him whilst on vacation and sent him a text. He...

A.   20 October 2018: I think this is a bit of a slippery slope. Your intentions may well be good but I guess unless you are willing to discuss this with your now partner it is secretive play. Thats just not going to be a positive move on your behalf. If you could see it ... (read in full...)

I feel like our relationship has been killed by moving in together.

Q.   HI I have been dating a guy for 6 months, he had to find new accommodation quickly and I stepped in and said that he could move in with me, (1 and half months ago) However I am now beginning to feel really frustrated, miserable and angry ...

A.   18 October 2018: Yep time to move out. Tell him you miss what you had and feel its all moved that bit too fast. Wanting to save what you have is not a bad thing so hopefully he can see why its best for him to leave and find his own place.... (read in full...)

How can I keep away from my awful co-worker when I am forced to work with him?

Q.   I just started a new job a few weeks ago. Everyone has been nice to me so far... except one person. You see, when I met him I thought he was cool. He teased me a little and tried to make me laugh (it worked). But then it was like a switch flipped. ...

A.   18 October 2018: Keep a diary and don't give him so much as the time of day. If he speaks to you, don't engage with anything else than a polite response. Be seen as professional at all times. Try to avoid being in situations where it is just you and him. Hopefully ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend in jail. How do I handle that we have to move out?

Q.   Girlfriend who has been living with me at my apartment for 5 months was arrested last month(drugs). Lease is up and all her stuff is here. I have been packing it up and cleaning the place to get the deposit back. So I have been there during odd ...

A.   16 October 2018: Ask her probation officer what to do with her stuff. Walk away and never look back.... (read in full...)

Should I be upset that my FWB partner is having sex with others and lied about it

Q.   I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell....

A.   16 October 2018: Are you upset about the sex or the lie? Clearly, lying when he has no reason to I find rather weird. I'd be pissed about that. Just so un necessary. No matter what the situation. no body likes being lied to. If it's about the sex then perhaps FWB ... (read in full...)

25, single, a virgin, and in the closet... not living my best life. How do I motivate myself to do better both personally and professionally?

Q.   SO... I have this master plan to come out, but I haven't made it very far through it yet... And by that, I mean that I haven't done anything at all. Lately, though, this has been weighing on me. I need to tell you a little bit more about mysel...

A.   14 October 2018: The whole virgin thing, from a gals POV it think is pretty cool. Nothing wrong with it, it is what it is. Breath of fresh air actually. You actually come off as rather grounded in who you are. Just you cant see that. By golly my friend 25 is not ... (read in full...)

How can we help this young man whose mother threw him out and bad mouths him to his own family?

Q.   How can we make this better for this child? A few years ago, my family brought in a 13 year old troubled child and raised him as his Mum wanted nothing to do with him. She threw him out of the house with nothing but the clothes he was wearing. ...

A.   12 October 2018: What a sad situation for this young man. You and everyone involved with being part of his life know and understand just how far he has come and established himself into the independent young man he is today without his mother. 5 years and no contact ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend found the engagement ring box and thinks I'm cheating

Q.   More than a year ago I bought an expensive emerald engagement ring to give to my live-in girlfriend intending to propose. I never quite found the right time because of some personal problems in her family and then later on we had big fight and I re...

A.   10 October 2018: Be honest and upfront. Tell her when you bought it you thought it was the right time for you to propose to her but chose to but things on hold because events dictated hanging on to it. I keep jewellery boxes too because they do come in handy. ... (read in full...)

Is it just office banter?

Q.   I am in my late 40s and work in an office with a group of men who liven the day up with their banter and occasional innuendo. Would you still count these as general banter and fun from one person 'a male work colleague shutting the door on you ...

A.   10 October 2018: Ah the ol' office banter. personally I love it-makes my day for those who know and respect the boundaries. If and when anything inappropriate happens nip it in the bud asap. Simply say look ( insert name) I enjoy a bit of banter just as much as the ... (read in full...)

My partner wont make amends with my mother.

Q.   Hi there, My partner and I had an argument the other evening and it blew off on a tangent to him calling my mother poisonous, and he told me to tell my mother to "be less poisonous around him" I did as he asked, but tried to break it gen...

A.   8 October 2018: It must be equally hurtful as it is frustrating to be piggy in the middle of two people you love. Neither of them are being considerate of that. Is it at all possible for you to find the strength to have an open discussion with both of them at the ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my potential mistress that my marriage is falling apart (not true) in order to increase my chances that she'll do it without guilt?

Q.   My question is simple. I'm married and going on a trip this weekend to meet a friend that I'd like to get intimate with. She knows I'm married, but has hinted she doesn't care that much. However, I'm not sure I trust that. Should I tell her that my ...

A.   8 October 2018: I highly doubt you are going to get anyone one here to encourage you to cheat. Why on earth if your marriage is NOT in crisis would you want to do exactly that by cheating? Re think your objective thats the only piece of advice your getting from ... (read in full...)

Dad needs some help in his relationship.

Q.   Hello, Please could someone help give me some good advice, I don't know what else to do.... I am currently in a 10 year relationship and we have 3 young children and the kids are our worlds and we do love each other, but I am deeply disappoin...

A.   27 September 2018: Wow ! what a roller coster of emotional abuse. I think your issue starts with you wanting to appease her behaviour for some odd reason. You have given this woman far to much rope over the 10 years. Who is this person really? A chameleon of lies and ... (read in full...)

Would women actually want a relationship with someone who already has a kid?

Q.   Call myself c and my daughters mother m. I'll try to keep things short. Our relationship was great before the child came and we even got engaged. I'm not great with women or people in general and I struggle just to hold a conversation to get a tip ...

A.   26 September 2018: Stop beating yourself up mate. Thats the first piece of advice i'd like to give you. Parenting is equally tough sometimes as it is rewarding. The terrible twos is a REAL thing and most of us who have gone through it think we have shit parenting ... (read in full...)

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