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*vyblue agony aunt


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*vyblue's profile:

What qualifies me to help people…? Well to be honest I don't really know. I consider myself to be a life long learner therefore far from knowing everything. I believe the "outsider looking in" kind of advice can sometimes be the best because it can be the most eye opening and honest response that you will find.

Where do I live…? I sometimes wish I lived in the land of LaLa but for the time being I live in the Land Down Under.

My family makes me tick. They are my motivation for most things that I do choose to do.

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Fed up with him. Don't think I can trust him any more. How should I handle this situation?

Q.   hi everyone ive been with my fiancé for 3 years now just lately I don't feel happy anymore and now ill explain why. We met through facebook and after that he told me he doesn't use facebook anymore. I had him on my friends list he just never bother...

A.   20 January 2017: You know better so it's up to you to do better. Don't waste anymore of your time worrying about whether you can trust him or not instead trust in yourself that there is a way out of this misery. all it takes is for you to take the first step out the ... (read in full...)

Is he not telling the truth in an effort to not hurt me? I'd rather he tell me the truth.

Q.   In 2013 my partner and me split up, he met someone else become engaged and ended up having a little girl with his new gf, which is completely understandable. I only found out due to my friend seeing them both out and about, with her other chil...

A.   20 January 2017: If he didn't having nothing to hide why lie? Hardly would his lying be to protect you. If you want to know an answer to a question ask, don't drop hints. Come straight out with it. As far as you are aware they have split- spouses looking for a bit ... (read in full...)

I want to celebrate my birthday and Chinese New Year. How should I ask my parents to allow this?

Q.   Hi everyone So basically, my parents told me not to have any hangouts with my friends until my exam is over which is at the end of April. So my 18th birthday is in a week's time and happens to be on a school day, so my friends want to celebrat...

A.   20 January 2017: Honey, your legally an adult so in essence you don't need their permission. if I understand your post correctly, your parents are in China and you and your friends USA? If that is the case are they not too far away to know what you do on a daily ... (read in full...)

She has decorated my bedroom space with love letters and trinkets and it's suffocating. What can I say and how should I approach this subject?

Q.   I am in quite a new relationship with my girlfriend (just over 6 months) and things have been going well. Although recently she has started to decorate my bedroom with photographs, love letters and little trinkets. It is sweet, do not get me wr...

A.   20 January 2017: Oh dear. What about buying a huge big memory box. Not just a boring old shopping box, instead a decorative box that shows that you have an appreciative romantic side then collect all the 'stuff' and put it in there. You could tell her, or wait till ... (read in full...)

Should I end things? Boyfriend's friends are vulgar and rude

Q.   Should I end my relationship?. My boyfriends friends make disrespectful comments , such as saying "get them off" to me ( meaning my underwear ), and asking my boyfriend if his finger has been inside me ( you know where ), and making gay rumours up ...

A.   20 January 2017: Ew..what a bunch of pigs and where is your bf balls, his handbag? Standing up and defend your honour is what he should be doing. I would be mortified if my partner sat idly by without so much as a " Mate, thats my girlfriend your talking about, a ... (read in full...)

We had a social scheduling conflict so my boyfriend cancelled his plans with me

Q.   My boyfriend and I used to set up social events for our large group of friends as a pastime. However we became busy and stopped, and finally set one up for this weekend which we had been planning to for awhile. 10 said yes and 10 more said maybe ...

A.   20 January 2017: Sorry but I think your bf did what was right. That was keeping dinner date with Anne and Dave. Thats why its called a reservation. Time made and set aside. People forget, things happen..but to cancel on plans already made in lieu of new ones is ... (read in full...)

He lacks a stable job and a career so I'm breaking up with him. Am I not openminded?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've put a lot of consideration into this and I've decided to break up with my boyfriend. It's not that we don't get along - we get along rather well and have a great time together. He is positive I will be his future wife and has info...

A.   20 January 2017: A wise decision.His Lifestyle priorities are not that of one who is open-minded, rather one who is lazy and irresponsible. He has all to gain from you while you have the most too lose. In your case love simply cant be enough.... (read in full...)

Family issues. What should I do? Apologise and stick to my plans? Or cancel my holiday?

Q.   I have, it seems, caused an enormous family rift. I booked a holiday for 2 weeks at the start of February - it had been booked a while but I told family over Christmas what my plans were. This is the first holiday I have had in 7 years so it means...

A.   19 January 2017: Apologise and stick to your plans. Again reminding them that they knew of your plans prior. Im sure you have spent many a significant birthdays with your parents. It's lunch for pete sake and it's not like its a milestone birthday. Perhaps they ... (read in full...)

Help me! We aren't quite ready for a baby and I'm struggling with my feelings about hearing baby news from others! Help?

Q.   Hi all! First of all I'd like to say that myself and my boyfriend of 5 years are not quite ready (space and financially wise) for a baby. I would absolutely love one and completely broody which is maybe the reason for my feelings I'm not sure. ...

A.   18 January 2017: Without good planning for parenthood it can sometimes be a struggle. Not that you love your children any less, but the stress over new responsibilities, whether is be financial,emotional or mental, can take away your focus on what could be better ... (read in full...)

Where's a good place to meet people my age? Any groups or sites you think might suit, and why?

Q.   I moved city recently and I'm struggling to know people outside work so I joined loads of groups on meeting people sites. But loads of them (no I didnt join dating ones) are full of thirsty older guys, and it's really uncomfortable being at thes...

A.   17 January 2017: What about a Uni bar? They have good bands, cheap drinks and a wide variety of people your age. I dont think you need to be a student, well not here anyway. Do you have any interest or causes you are passionate about? At least you can be with like ... (read in full...)

He says my body is his.

Q.   My partner of 3 yrs and i have a beautiful little girl who is 1. Lately my partner has been trying touching me and trying to penetrate me whilst we are playing with our daughter which i have put a stop to. He has started sayimg he can touch me ...

A.   17 January 2017: NO way honey, NOT ACCEPTABLE. Your body IS and will ALWAYS be yours. As for trying to have sex while playing with your daughter is just all that bit too perverted. Unwanted sex is rape. Relationship status does not make this any less a criminal act. ... (read in full...)

I still feel embarrassed 8 months later.

Q.   I expressed interest in guy that I was interested in 8 months ago but he turned me down. I felt disappointed but brushed it off and acted like it was no big deal. However, the long term effect was embarrassment. I thought he was interested in me...

A.   17 January 2017: Is it normal, yes of course for some but 8 months on I think it is well over due that you stop torturing yourself. Lucky for you the fact that you brushed it off, I would imagine, showed him it was just a casual stab in the dark situation with him ... (read in full...)

Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?

Q.   I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...

A.   16 January 2017: Sorry but I think your reacting a bit over the top. I'd feel pretty suffocated and annoyed if I were him. He is on holiday so I think it is fair to say that you should back off and give him time to not be scheduled to check in to suit you. The fact ... (read in full...)

I text my bf on an alias phone pretending to be an admirer. And he fell for it.

Q.   After forgiving my cheating bf who got me and another woman pregnant 5 yrs ago, i forgave him and we are now back together for the past year. i put up with him going to spend time with his son at the other woman's house of which sometime he sleeps ...

A.   15 January 2017: Right, wrong who cares , thats moot honey. He is and will always be a cheat. Knowing what you know makes you his doormat if you choose to stay. Cut yourself loose from this sad little man. he deserves no less than to just leave without explaination... (read in full...)

Boyfriend has been secretive about his female friend in the past and now she's invited herself to stay with him for a week. How do I handle this?

Q.   I [21F] am in a relationship with my boyfriend [24M] (Mike, for future reference) for a year and a half, but our problem started about 6 months in. We met on the university both studying physics so it was easy for me to become a part of his college ...

A.   13 January 2017: He understands BUT doesn't want to loose a friend. So what does he not understand about loosing his girlfriend? It may well be that they are just good friends but the concern as to why he has always kept her at arms length from you seems you are ... (read in full...)

I'm concerned that my wife is texting a younger male co-worker outside of work!

Q.   My wife is a manager in a small store of 20 employees. She texts and Facebook messages a male employee half her age. The texts/messages are both work related and non work related. Non work related include videos of songs and home decor along basic ...

A.   13 January 2017: No I don't think you are. It's not what I would consider being professional. Having a good rapport with your employees is one thing but in a position of professional authority it should remain at work, during work hours. Innocent it maybe but your ... (read in full...)

I don't fantasize about other men so is it wrong that I feel upset that my husband uses porn?

Q.   I've read a lot of information on porn use following some tension between my husband and I over his use of it . When we first married I did tell him that I was not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who used porn and he assured me he ...

A.   12 January 2017: I have yet to ever read a scenario where the spouse has ever stopped watching porn at the request of the other. What happens is they say whatever is needed to appease them all the while taking it underground. I truly believe the porn struggle can be ... (read in full...)

My father told me to stop eating

Q.   Ever since I was young, I had problems with my weight. But, my height always masked it. When I was 14 I got "sick" and I overall stopped eating and from 14-16 I was healthy/ a little underweight. From ages 17-19 I was a healthy weight. Now at 20 I ...

A.   12 January 2017: Not the nicest way to convey a message was it. However could it be that you have taken it in the wrong context? Not stop eating , as in all together, instead stop eating crap. You say your going to the gym, his knee jerk unfiltered response was ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my ex that feelings have resurfaced for him even though we are both married to others?

Q.   Hi guys! My ex-partner and I separated amicably over a decade ago, and keep in contact and remain friendly towards one another for the sake of our fifteen year old daughter, whom we co-parent. Our relationship, which lasted for about eight years, f...

A.   11 January 2017: Personally I think some things are better left unsaid. This kind of seems a little unfair to burden him with having him deal with it and very unfair to both other spouses. By telling him you are perhaps setting him up to keep secrets from his wife ... (read in full...)

How should I act towards him for the best outcome?

Q.   A while ago I kissed someone from work who I had liked for a while. He told me he had feelings for me and we began texting. -But then later said because his ex works at the same place nothing could happen. And then kissed a different co wor...

A.   9 January 2017: Clearly this guy doesn't know what he wants. Unless the ex is some kind of bunny boiling psycho he really should man up and get on with things. But I think that is not the case. It sound like he still hold hope that they will get back together. In ... (read in full...)

I need advice on making my marriage better. Should I feel guilty about the flirtation I had on a weekend away?

Q.   I need some advice on making my relationship better. I'm married and have been for 13 years, the first thing I want to say is I love my wife. I am in my mid 40's whilst my wife is 7 years older than me, up until last year I was fairly overweight ...

A.   9 January 2017: Bravo for the weight loss and hats off to you for acknowledging a red flag raise by yourself and wanting to do something about it. A lot of post come after the fact. You did right by sharing this with your wife and from what you have said did ... (read in full...)

The sex is frustrating for me, any advice?

Q.   Hello aunties. I've been seeing thisguy for a while and sex is very frustrating for me. Almost nothing he does turns me on and I feel embarrassed because he does take his time with foreplay: kissing, sucking on my nipples ( which are almost numb ...

A.   9 January 2017: Vaginal dryness is common. When you say you are not on any medication does that include contraceptive pills? They can sometimes cause dryness because they are interfering with hormones etc. Perhaps you have low estrogen levels. Have a look at this ... (read in full...)

Present employer could jeopardise new employment

Q.   Not a dating/relationship question, but would really appreciate any input from anyone who has any ideas/thoughts on this problem, as it could turn out to be a big problem for me. I have worked for a number of years for a small, family-owned com...

A.   8 January 2017: what about asking a trusted colleague to write you a personal reference? ... (read in full...)

Am I over reacting to husband's online interaction with another woman?

Q.   me and my husband are having some problems, maybe its all me i dont know but anyway.. few yeas back i caught him deleting messages from a co worker he said it was nothing but just didnt want me to get the wrong end of he stick so thought he would...

A.   8 January 2017: Nope they are justified. Not cool. It bothers you, so it should bother him. This is how it starts...all innocent. Just talking, Just sharing, Just caring, Just meeting up, Just hugging, Just fucking but we're JUST FRIENDS. The potential for these so ... (read in full...)

I think she's going to dump me because her dog loves me more than her!

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for a little while now, but she has trouble with her dog loving her... I see that the dog loves her, but she thinks the dog loves me more and dosent love her at all. Recently I have been accused of stealing her dog...

A.   8 January 2017: Barking mad she is. What happens if you ended up having kids and your son or daughter makes you out to be their hero instead of her- divorce you? This is over the top ridiculous... (read in full...)

When he said he had a daughter, I started thinking of all the firsts I wouldn't have with him and the trips we couldn't take!

Q.   I am single after being in constant relationships since I was 16. I was with a man from 16 to 21 and when we split up I got with a guy from 21 till I was 22. The past few months have been hard, but I have learnt how to become independent, I have ...

A.   8 January 2017: Nope. At your age you should be what I deem to be Healthy Selfish. That is living your life without having the commitment responsibilities of another encroaching on that. Kids and ex's can be difficult to navigate around even when you are a seasoned ... (read in full...)

How long does a relationship 'break' last?

Q.   How long do relationship 'breaks' generally last? My fiancé has suggested two weeks but then said it could be indefinitely, I feel she is messing with my head. ...

A.   8 January 2017: Thats just a sugar coated way of not having the guts to say 'I want out" or "I want in, but I want an out to see what else is out there before I want in again". ... (read in full...)

Has anybody else been in a bad place, and how did you turn your life around?

Q.   I've gotten myself into a mess and I would like some advice with how to deal with it. Has anybody else been in a bad place and how did you turn your life around? I'm depressed at the moment because of an extremely bad relationship. He did s...

A.   8 January 2017: Sounds like a right douche bag he was. I guess the most obvious thing that springs to mind is now this arsehole has been kicked to the curb lays before you a road free form his torment. I hope it was you that ended the relationship and walked away ... (read in full...)

I'm worried that his mother will say something mean in Spanish about me!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. So far he's has met my family but for the most part they like him. But I haven't met his mom yet (I met his younger brother and sister). She doesn't speak english well and I'm really anxious about ...

A.   7 January 2017: Try learning a few key words to show her at least that you are making the effort, heck I'd even go as far as to have something pre prepared written down on paper. Including somewhere along the lines a playfulI " please excuse my Spanish- insert ... (read in full...)

Should I be more angry or just let it go? My wife confessed that she gave oral briefly to a male stripper at a party

Q.   Hi, my wife went to a girls party night recently where we both knew there would be male strippers. I was totally cool with it but she got carried away with the night and ended up giving a few seconds of oral to all but one of the stripper...

A.   6 January 2017: EW...gross. But really, it is up to you. Why make a mountain if in your emotional opinion is a mole hill? If you do think otherwise after some thought- perhaps it is a case of " just letting you know hun thats the first and last time you get away ... (read in full...)

The phone messages he's been receiving from her do bother me. But how do I raise the issue with my husband?

Q.   Hello I am a woman in my late 20's who has been married for 2 years. I have a problem and don't know how to handle it. My husband back when we were first dating over 4 years ago had cheated on me with a woman he was friends with at a drunken par...

A.   6 January 2017: I saw you received two messages from (insert name) on your phone. Three things oh dear husband of MINE: 1. Considering who she is, why have you chosen to keep this from me 2. Show meI want to read the content, like NOW 3. If you have deleted... (read in full...)

My boyfriend lied but if I bring it up he will make me to be the jerk!

Q.   Long story short, my boyfriend was suppose to call me this morning, I was going to hang out at his house while he was at work, he never called, I called him at 2:00 no answer, he texted me at 4 said he had a long day at work, rain check, call you ...

A.   4 January 2017: Not sure how Netflix works so could it be that he went to work but left the tv on all day? If not, just ask for an explanation and say exactly what you posted " don't care he didn't go to work or want to hang out but LYING" so what if he thinks ... (read in full...)

Do his comments about other women signify insecurity or a potential cheat?

Q.   Hey, My boyfriend is very loving, sweet, complimentary etc but he does this thing that is really starting to grate on me... Basically when we watch films/ tv when a fit women comes on he's VERY vocal about it I.e. "id put it in her" "she's so s...

A.   4 January 2017: Hi there. It sounds to me as though his comments are maybe as a result of some sort of physical insecurities he has about himself. A bit like Napoleon complex but of a less than macho state. I say this because of your comment than he says he wishes ... (read in full...)

In just 2 days? How can someone do that - fall out of love and become so cold to someone in such a short period of time?

Q.   Hi guys. Glad to be sharing my first post here with you - hopefully you can offer some perspective on what has been an incredibly difficult week... Apologies for how long this is likely to be - I want to make sure that I get as much detail in ...

A.   4 January 2017: Pretty heartless little lady. Sounds like people may have been getting in her ear OR an old flame has resurfaced perhaps? Could be she is just a game player who enjoyed living the dream until it was becoming a reality. What about your past, do you ... (read in full...)

Can this become my best option? I want to cut my entire family off from my life completely

Q.   I want to cut my entire family off from my life completely. I come from a very large polygamous family but we're so divided that every part of the whole is like on its own niche. I don't talk to my step neither do they talk to me. I only keep co...

A.   2 January 2017: Never have I believed in the saying that blood is thicker than water. For me and my past family relationships, that blood ran though my veins like poison. It was toxic. So, like you, came to the decision- enough! That was coming up to nearly 4 years ... (read in full...)

His reaction made me feel guilty. Should I have gone there when he asked me to come over ?

Q.   My boyfriend called on a Sunday as soon as he woke up, which was the same time I woke up. He asked me "come over, I'll change the oil in your car", and since I just woke up and haven't walked my little dogs for a couple days because of the cold wea...

A.   2 January 2017: Being a bit of a princess your bf. Given half a chance to wake up Im sure you guys could have negotiated a better deal. But at the end of the day you had plans that you felt were a priority, so be it, not need to drop everything at his beck and ... (read in full...)

Will he freak when he finds I'm a virgin?

Q.   Guys... what do you think if you get with someone who's a virgin? Ive met this guy and things are going well but he keeps turning things sexual. And well I've never done anything and still a virgin. I'm afraid when I tell him. He will freak out? ...

A.   1 January 2017: He was a virgin too once so I wouldn't be worried about that. The question is do you want to loose your virginity to this guy? If things are going great and thats what you want to do then it needs to be said. Hopefully When the time comes you can ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend kissed another guy while drunk as a 'joke'. Are my thoughts on this incident justifyable or am I being too uptight about this?

Q.   Hello all, Yesterday my bf of 6 years told me he'd kissed a guy he knew, while drunk, full on the mouth during a concert a few months back. It happened in a joking context, he added. Because of this context, he does not see a problem with it....

A.   1 January 2017: Depends on what kind of kiss and too what degree of context it played in the 'joke' I suppose. A full on lingering french kiss is a bit different to a drunken "maaaaaaaaate....mwhah" Perhaps getting a clear explanation of what lead to the event ... (read in full...)

Waiting for a proposal for 3 years and then the ring was not to my taste. Am I worrying about things that matter in this situation?

Q.   Iv been waiting over 3 and a half years for a proposal for a wedding After much nagging about marriage I got a proposal with a 219 pound argos ring when he earns over 20 000 per annum which shows no saving as he bought even this on a per monthly ...

A.   1 January 2017: If you truly love this man I think being gracious instead of ungrateful the better choice of action. Having your Dad getting involved really is cringe worthily insulting and not something I would be too forgiving. Could it be that you and him have ... (read in full...)

RIP Beloved George Michael

Q.   We lost George Michael just a day ago. He has sung me to sleep, awaken me in the morning, and told me a story as I looked out into the rain. My heart just sank when I heard the news, and I just didn't want to believe we've lost yet another one. It's ...

A.   29 December 2016: I remember being sooooooooooo in love with George in my wee teens. So much so when Last Christmas came out I spent a good part of the day crying my eyes out. Fantasising 'I' was "that' girl lol. Now it was his last Christmas and again I find myself ... (read in full...)

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