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*ystiquek agony aunt

*ystiquek

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If you can’t be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have escaped - Unknown---This is my new mantra. The last several years have been very hard for me both physically and mentally. Its so easy to think "Poor me...why me??" I think its natural and most of us do it once in awhile. The truth is though, that if you look around you, there is always someone worse off than you are. Be humble and grateful for what you have but also what you don't have to deal with.

"Experience is the name that everyone gives their mistakes" Oscar Wilde

"And those who were dancing were thought be insane by those who didn't hear the music" Friedrich Nietz

I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine.

Bruce Lee

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. " Albert Einstein

Even a small star shines in the darkness- Finnish proverb

When you walk to the edge of all the light you have

and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown,

you must believe that one of two things will happen:

There will be something solid for you to stand upon,

or, you will be taught how to fly

--Pat Overton

This is my favorite quote..and it really sums up people..from a very brilliant fabulous woman.....

People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Latest articles:

Don't be afraid to walk away when you know things are wrong. Never let someone undermine who you are!

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

4 November 2013: As we all know, being in a relationship isn't easy. It can be one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to be in love, but falling out of love or the break up of a relationship can also be one of the most painful experiences in life. ...

1234567891011Next > [25 pages, 964 answers]

Just had a baby, but now I am scared about returning home, due to his abusive actions while I was pregnant. What can I do?

Q.   Dear aunties and uncles. I am a first time mom to a month old baby and my husband and I have had a fair share of ups and downs but we love each other a lot and wouldn't dream of spending my life with anyone else. Last year, while in my first trim...

A.   24 March 2017: I have walked the path that you are walking down right now and let me tell you it is a frightening treacherous walk. I can't urge you strongly enough to not go back to that man. My first husband was physically abusive, my second husband was an ... (read in full...)

Is this man using my sister, and did she move him into her house too soon?

Q.   This is really a question about my sister. She is the sweetest kindest girl, aged 45, divorced with two teenage sons. She tends to fall in love very easily, and rushes into relationships, and those relationships rarely last, so she ends up hear...

A.   23 March 2017: I truly understand your concern for your sister. My baby sister went through a very similar situation just within the last year. She is just a few years older than your sister, had been divorced for years and had not dated. She met a nice man and ... (read in full...)

Personal cleanliness? There has got to be a nice way to approach this! What would you do??

Q.   I started seeing this guy about two months ago. We pretty much only hang out about two three nights a week when he'll come stay the night or weekend. We've known each other for a while now, we've taken our kids on play dates before etc. He's a...

A.   21 March 2017: OP, you aren't being too picky. Its just common sense and most people actually do like to be clean, wear clean clothes and smell nice. You aren't asking for too much. The bottom line is that although this guy might be nice, he's a pig. He's lazy and ... (read in full...)

He's so unhygienic it's putting me off him, am I being unreasonable?

Q.   I have been dating for over a year. In the early days he was relatively tidy.The guy is increasingly becoming a slob. His whole place is like a teenages bedroom clothes, rushbish, hangers, money etc chucked on the floor, plates piled up in the ...

A.   10 March 2017: You are not being unreasonable. He sounds like such a slob. Yuk...I don't think I would even want to be in his apartment, let alone move in with him. The sad thing is, no matter how much you talk to him or try to coax him into being neat and tidy, ... (read in full...)

My married lover won't commit to me.

Q.   Been having a relationship with a married man for 11 years, I have asked him on numerous ocassions for me and him to be a proper couple.....but even though he says he wants to in the future he can't right now because of the impact it will have on ...

A.   1 March 2017: The kindest thing I can say to you is to leave him and move on with your life. Start a whole new life. Obviously that won't be easy but you are doing yourself a great disservice by staying with a man who isn't going to leave his wife. He doesn't ... (read in full...)

He's a handsome foreigner, twice-divorced, aged 60. But all is not well in the relationship. Is it time to break up with him?

Q.   Hello, I´m a single working mother of two. One is 13yo and the second 5yo. Six months ago I met a handsome foreigner twice-divorced aged 60. After 2 months, he came to live with us. He´s the first man to ever enter my household because I´ve alw...

A.   26 February 2017: I agree with Celtic Tiger. Its very troubling that after only 2 months you moved basically a total stranger into your home and your children's lives. A man old enough to be your father and their grandfather. You don't know someone after dating 2 ... (read in full...)

Teen daughter does not believe me. In your opinion did I do something wrong?

Q.   I'm a single mother of two children. A girl who is 15 and a son who is 11 years old. We had a good life. We would take vacations and go back to our home country to visit every year. They both attend private Christian schools. Five years ago I di...

A.   25 February 2017: You didn't do anything wrong. Teenagers are hard to raise and especially teen age daughters can be a real nightmare. My daughter was 13 going on 30 thought she knew everything and I was a constant source of embarrassment to her. Her friends liked me ... (read in full...)

How much detail should I put in my online dating profile?

Q.   I have cerebral palsy, I am not in a wheelchair but am a bit unsteady on my feet at times. I have got a dating profile on Match, should I include my disability on there?...

A.   24 February 2017: I agree that its best to be honest even though many people on the internet dating sites are not. Do you use a cane? If so, you might state as anonymous said and say something like "I'm sometimes a little unsteady on my feet as occasionally use a ... (read in full...)

I need a kick to end this toxic relationship!

Q.   I am in the worst relationship I have EVER been in. I'm totally miserable and bored to tears when I'm with him. He is rude, selfish, disrespectful to me and woman in general. I'm ashamed to admit I have been with this guy for over six years. He ...

A.   23 February 2017: I am in your age bracket, so I'm going to talk to you like a friend. Friends don't watch friends deteriorate without speaking up and trying to get them help. LEAVE the relationship. FOR YOU. You aren't happy, he mistreats you, doesn't appreciate ... (read in full...)

Should I continue to see this man? He is also my boss. He says he wants to keep his independence, and doesn't want anything serious

Q.   Hi all! I've recently started a new position in my work place and since moving facilities my boss and I have become very close (he is the same age as me 26). It all started with him asking discreet questions about my relationship status,...

A.   22 February 2017: Dating a co-worker is NEVER a good idea. Dating a boss? Pretty much career suicide within that establishment. I can't tell you strong enough...don't do it! Office romances rarely ever work out. Someone finds out, gossip starts, someone breaks up, ... (read in full...)

Am I normal for hoping he could overcome his alcoholism?

Q.   I want to know if I am normal. I have been involved with an alcoholic on/of for ten years. I miss him deeply, like I am vexed. My mind knows the truth but my heart can not get the message. I weigh out the cons but the love I feel and felt outweighs ...

A.   21 February 2017: I was married to an alcoholic. It isn't a pretty life or a happy one and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. When you love someone, you don't want to believe that they don't want to help themself. You want to think that one day they will turn around and ... (read in full...)

My grandmother died and I've lost my job

Q.   I'm not one to ask for advice but I really need some. I've been under a tremendous amount of stress and I'm not sure how to cope, I feel like everything is crashing down around me. On January 10th my grandma who I was really close to died a...

A.   18 February 2017: I'm very sorry about your grandmother. I was very close to my grandmother too, she was more of a mother to me than my mother. We knew she was going to die of cancer (she was 87) and had time to prepare, but it still felt like a knife going through ... (read in full...)

Disappointed he couldn't see me Valentine's day. Am I being selfish? Should I try and make things work?

Q.   I'm 38 and have been dating a guy who is 38 as well. Our first date was Nov 5th last year and we've seen each other every weekend since then and sometimes during the week. He is part of a culture that does not honour pagan holidays...and I am fine ...

A.   15 February 2017: It appears as though he goes with the flow as long as things are going his way. He cares about himself and puts him first, not you. He doesn't do anything to exert himself in any way and you can either continue to go along or cut the tie and move ... (read in full...)

She made me wait until marriage for sex, but we are now married and still no sex!

Q.   I know these questions get asked plenty of times - and I know there is no cut and dry answer, but here is my story. I'm 34 years old and my wife of 5 years is 24. She wanted to wait until marriage to have sex which was more than fine for me seei...

A.   13 February 2017: I really feel sorry for you. The kind of behavior that she is displaying isn't something that most men would be able to tolerate. I'm not sure if I fully comprehend things though. Have you EVER had sex? If not then you could easily have the marriage ... (read in full...)

Our arguments often lead to physical altercations!

Q.   ive been in this relationship for about five months now and things are definitely not the way i thought they would be. I care deeply about this man but the communication is limited. We get into arguments which some end in physical altercations. Both ...

A.   12 February 2017: Allow me to give some advice that I wish someone had given to me when I was your age. NEVER stay with a person who physically abuses you. If you are touched in any manner that is not loving and kind, GET OUT! I married a man like the one you are ... (read in full...)

Should I keep contact with my aggressive, hardline parents?

Q.   For the past 33 years, I have had a very rocky relationship with my parents, especially with my Mum. I do believe my Mum is narcissist who is unforgiving and selfish and I've only realised this in the past 3 years, since I've been with my boyfriend. ...

A.   10 February 2017: I wouldn't suggest that you cut the ties completely but I would certainly keep contact at a minimum. Maybe send cards on the holidays, a quick phone call do what is best for you and you can deal with. I have always had a strained relation... (read in full...)

I need help to deal with new found info about wife's past. What should I do?

Q.   My wife and I have been married for five years and have two kids. I have never asked anything about her past all I knew is she wasn't a virgin when we met. This past summer we were at a pool party and one of my best friend's from school was ther...

A.   9 February 2017: Almost all of us has a past. Most of us have done things that we wish we hadn't. Its life and we grow and learn from it if we are lucky. Some people are very promiscuous when they are young, some aren't. Its all about what you want to do and don't ... (read in full...)

I am 61 and living with a man who's sought my approval to go out with other women. Is this acceptable?

Q.   I am 61 years and /i nnnnnnnnnhave this man I met on a dating site last year it is coming up on a year we became friends on Facebook and chat and text almost daily. We have not met in person yet but he had asked about the possibility of moving i...

A.   7 February 2017: First of all, I understand that you want and need companionship. Most of us do want someone to care about and that cares about us in return. You just need to be SELECTIVE in whom you chose. The man is actually being rather insulting to you expecting ... (read in full...)

What's happening to me? Despite his disrespectful approach, why would I start to enjoy being disrespected?

Q.   I know reading my post, my age is going to be the first thing you would all look at. Can't she be wise? At her age?? I have reached a point in my life where I am so tired of being disrespected that I have started seeing it as a normal occurrenc...

A.   6 February 2017: You will be disrespected if you allow it to happen. When a man sends you that kind of a pic, I wouldn't even bother to reply, I'd delete and block him. End of story. Its rude and presumptuous. My ex husband did that to me one time, thought he was ... (read in full...)

I found out that my boyfriend cheated and he doesn't know it yet. What should I do?

Q.   Hello everyone. I've never posted a question online before but I really don't know what to do in this situation so I'd very much appreciate your honest opinion and input! Quick background story. I've been with my partner for 5 years this comin...

A.   6 February 2017: I'm sorry that you are hurting and confused. When you find out your partner is cheating, its like being hit in the stomach. You get the wind knocked out of you and then you feel the pain. It appears from your post that you are handling everything ... (read in full...)

Isn't this cheating? I'm distraught and stunned that he visited at least three mens' homes to masturbate

Q.   I just found out my husband of 23 years, who has not had relations with me by his own accord for 12 years, more than half of my marriage, has been registered on gay and swinger websites. I found out all this on my own and have filed for divorce....

A.   5 February 2017: Aw sweetie...I am sorry. This has to be absolutely miserable for you! My last marriage my husband didn't touch me for 2 years (alcoholic) and it was more than I could take when he wouldn't get help so I ended things. 12 years??? I can't even imagine ... (read in full...)

I like masturbating in places where I might get caught

Q.   I have a problem and I know it's wrong but I can't stop doing it...please help. I masturbate a lot, which I guess is not that bad, but I like doing it in situations when I might get caught. Or I intentionally don't clean up probably as it g...

A.   30 January 2017: There are people like you that get a real rush out of this type of behavior. Please consider though that your impulsiveness is dangerous, not only to yourself but also to others. If you are ever caught, you will most certainly pay a steep fine, ... (read in full...)

When will he tell me he loves me, I don't want to say it first this time?

Q.   When can I expect my boyfriend to tell me he loves me? What are some signs that will indicate that he feels that way? (even if not saying it) I'm well on my way to falling in love with him, but don't want to say it first this time. I have sai...

A.   28 January 2017: Actions speak louder than words, remember that. How does he treat you? How does he talk to you? Does he act happy to see you/talk to you? Watch how he acts around you. They say talk is cheap and people often throw around the "L" word like it is ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? My first serious girlfriend has since come out as a lesbian.

Q.   I was a little bit of a late bloomer but in college I finally met a really amazing girl who became my first serious girlfriend and by that I mean that she was all my firsts: first kiss, first love, first sexual encounter. She had been with one...

A.   26 January 2017: This happened with my first serious boyfriend. We started dating when we were both 17. I was very innocent and naive. He would sometimes tell me that men would come up to him and try to proposition him. We both just laughed about it and I never ... (read in full...)

Wife friended EX on Facebook and it has caused issues in our marriage

Q.   One evening my wife was typing on her smartphone because she got a message on Facebook. It turned out, an ex-boyfriend wanted to friend her and she asked if it was OK. I asked her if he knew she was married and she said it was on her profile, so I ...

A.   25 January 2017: Your wife was honest and let you see and know what was going on the whole time. Stop digging around looking for trouble when there isn't any. You keep it up and you could very easily lose her, sir. She's been very open about it..consider yourself ... (read in full...)

26 years old and never been on a date

Q.   I'm a 26 year old guy and have never dated. When I was in high school, I was pretty much an outcast and girls just laughed at me. One time a girl made me think she wanted to go to a dance with her and asked me to meet her there. She showed up with ...

A.   25 January 2017: My husband didn't go on a date or have serious relationship until he was 26. He was shy and very career oriented (he's a doctor). He's now 50 and the only 2 women he was ever involved with are his ex wife and me. I never thought anything about his ... (read in full...)

How can an older woman feel sexy when their partner obesesses over girls 20 years younger?

Q.   How does an older woman ever feel good enough or sexy enough especially when her partner is obsessed with watching women twenty years younger than her. I know the usual answer is to ' realise he is with you and if he wanted that he would have that ' ...

A.   23 January 2017: A partner/mate is a person that should make you happy, make you feel good about yourself and be someone that you can trust and share good times and bad times together. If this man isn't making you happy, then why stay with him? Life is too short. We ... (read in full...)

Am I a coward with a cold heart, for the way I choose to end relationships? How should I do it?

Q.   i,am a 50 year old female, been in a relationship for five months,he is really nice, romantic, but he isn't my type. I like big bald football type of guys, he is the cowboys type, good looking, he does all the things a woman wants in a man,so h...

A.   22 January 2017: Have you considered that you have abandonment issues/trust issues and might benefit from seeking out counselling? Most of us have been hurt, its the chance you take when being in a relationship but it isn't right to blame every man you date for what ... (read in full...)

My wife left me for her ex, who found her on Facebook and now wants to come back. Should I give her a second chance ?

Q.   My wife was contacted by an ex on Facebook who first said he only wanted to be friends, then indicated he wanted more. She showed me his messages and told me they dated in high school and college and she broke up with him twice. The first time...

A.   22 January 2017: We can advise you but you need to search your heart and do what you feel is best for you. Use your heart but also use your brains, do not let emotions rule. Love makes people do crazy stupid things. My first response to your post was "Why"???... (read in full...)

How should I handle this situation? I think something is going on between my mom and my husband

Q.   I think there’s something going on between my mom and my husband !! I know this sounds impossible but it seems true !! And I want to get to the bottom of it but don't know how !! My mom's visiting us and it has been here for the past 2 months !...

A.   21 January 2017: Wow...your mom sounds like a real man eater. I agree with WiseOwl..sit them down and talk to both of them. Do it calmly, try not to get emotional. If they laugh at you say "I really don't find this funny or amusing and with your past record mom, I ... (read in full...)

She has decorated my bedroom space with love letters and trinkets and it's suffocating. What can I say and how should I approach this subject?

Q.   I am in quite a new relationship with my girlfriend (just over 6 months) and things have been going well. Although recently she has started to decorate my bedroom with photographs, love letters and little trinkets. It is sweet, do not get me wr...

A.   21 January 2017: I think this really is a "girly" kind of thing like subconsciously marking her territory. I don't know of any guys that would do this sort of thing. Tell her politely but firmly that you appreciate her sentiments but it is your space and you would ... (read in full...)

He ignores me. Feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Is there any hope for this troubled relationship? What should I do?

Q.   What should I do about this relationship?. I will just tell you what happened recently. I have been with my boyfriend just over a year. There have been a lot of times where we have argued. He has a very short fuse. I feel like I am walking on eg...

A.   16 January 2017: Do yourself a big favor and get out of this relationship now. Red flags are all around you, don't ignore them. The man has to drink to be in a good mood? That's a clear sign of an alcoholic...I was married to one (The mean kind) you don't need that. ... (read in full...)

Can two cheaters make a relationship work?

Q.   I was in a serious relationship with a guy (it was long distance where we had to fly an hour to see each other). Then one day, I find out he had been texting this other girl 10 hours a day, and they were seeing each other for 3 hours a day for ...

A.   16 January 2017: If I understand correctly, its only been 1.5 months since your break up and you are obviously hurting. Its understandable of course but what you are putting yourself through is not going to help you in ANY way. You need to cut the ties and move on ... (read in full...)

I text my bf on an alias phone pretending to be an admirer. And he fell for it.

Q.   After forgiving my cheating bf who got me and another woman pregnant 5 yrs ago, i forgave him and we are now back together for the past year. i put up with him going to spend time with his son at the other woman's house of which sometime he sleeps ...

A.   15 January 2017: I can't see this as anything but a no win situation. If you go along and pretend like you don't know anything, you still have the doubts that he would cheat again. If you say something to him you pretty much have to confess that you didn't trust him ... (read in full...)

Will guys reject me because of my physical flaw? Would this bother a guy?

Q.   hey, I would love people to reply , it would help me so much. thanks. I am trying to work on my self esteem but 4 years ago I was in a bad place struggling with my identity. I rushed into getting a tattoo on my calf. Its quite large, its a vinta...

A.   11 January 2017: I'm not a fan of tattoos but if I had met a nice man with tattoos I wouldn't have automatically decided not to date him just because of his tattoos unless they were really disturbing (like white supremacy or nazi tattoos). People do crazy things ... (read in full...)

What do I do? How can she still want to be with someone who she is not sexually attracted to, nor IN love with?

Q.   Apologies if I ramble but I have some much to get off my chest ?? My Fiancée of nearly 14 years and the mother of my 2 beautiful daughters (11 and 6) had told me she loved me but is not IN love with me several years ago. We have also not had...

A.   8 January 2017: This is going to start out harsh but seriously sir..what are you doing with this woman? Why oh why would you put yourself through this? You are young and I am sure you could find a nice lady that would love you and want to share herself and her life ... (read in full...)

Uncertain what the silence could mean

Q.   I met this woman on OKCupid and we started writing to each other. I noticed that she logged in only once a week but she did respond whenever she logged in. The messages were also good. If I wrote 2 paragraphs her reply was also 2 paragraphs, if I ...

A.   7 January 2017: There are people who aren't kind enough/brave enough to come right out and say that they aren't interested so they pull the disappearing act. This is what she has done. She just didn't feel what you felt and no longer wishes to be in contact. Accept ... (read in full...)

She wants me to start wearing the pants in our relationship?!?

Q.   Right, so my girlfriend told me yesterday she wants me to start wearing the pants in the relationship. I had no idea what she meant, and when I asked her she didn't really know how to explain it. Can someone here maybe explain it to me? Also, ...

A.   7 January 2017: She's telling you in a nice way to be more assertive and to "get a life". She means she doesn't want you to spend your every waking moment thinking of her or being with her but to get out and live and find hobbies/interests/friends. Its a good ... (read in full...)

I don't want to nag, but my boyfriend won't shower. Solutions? How should I respond?

Q.   I'm 26 and I've just got into a relationship with a guy who's just turned 25. We've been seeing each other for months and we've been official for less than 3 weeks. As you can imagine I'm still in the honeymoon phase but he's straight away made him...

A.   5 January 2017: You can't change him. All the crying begging pleading nagging in the world won't make him change if he doesn't want to. UGH...I couldn't be with someone like that. I'd just tell him that his personal hygiene habits are not attractive to you and ... (read in full...)

Should I marry a man I don't love? Is it time to settle?

Q.   Should I marry a man I don't love? I have a friend who really likes me I told him that I really like his company, I think he's a nice person but there is no spark. He told me that despite the fact I don't love him he would wait for me and marry...

A.   28 December 2016: I would not recommend that you settle. Its not fair to either of you. You would in time grow to be resentful and probably him too. It could easily turn into a relationship where you would grow to hate one another. My mother admitted to my sister and ... (read in full...)

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