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*ystiquek agony aunt

*ystiquek

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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Latest articles:

Don't be afraid to walk away when you know things are wrong. Never let someone undermine who you are!

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

4 November 2013: As we all know, being in a relationship isn't easy. It can be one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to be in love, but falling out of love or the break up of a relationship can also be one of the most painful experiences in life. ...

1234567891011Next > [35 pages, 1371 answers]

Should I stay or leave my mentally ill boyfriend?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years. I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 31. We met online and moved in with each other very quickly in a new town to both of us due to me getting a new job. There were some things I didnt know about my boyfriend until a ...

A.   20 September 2019: OP, we can love someone with all of our heart but it doesn't mean that they are good for us. It comes to a point where you need to know when to look out for yourself, be selfish and walk away to save yourself. You are not his ... (read in full...)

I started a lie that my dad was dead before I met my boyfriend. I don't know how to tell him the truth

Q.   I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father who would beat me, my mum and occasionally my younger brothers. I grew up with low self esteem and anxiety relating to this situation. At 14 my mum left him, he threatened to kill himself if we chose to ...

A.   17 September 2019: OP I truly believe that anyone with a heart will understand your actions. Sometimes people are so toxic in our lives that we need to distance ourselves from them so that they can no longer hurt us and disrupt our lives. This is what I always tell ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend seemed to celebrate me having a miscarriage

Q.   My boyfriend secretly punched the air and celebrated after I had a miscarriage. Should I dump him for being so heartless? We’ve been together for 8 months and are both 20. Things were going fine and I genuinely thought he was the kindest, sweetes...

A.   14 September 2019: Dont mean to start a flame war here but I agree with Chigirl and Honeypie. Abortion is NEVER something to be taken lightly. While it may not mean much to the man, it can affect a woman for the rest of her life. I know. I was married and had 2 ... (read in full...)

The Guy I'm Dating Apparently Abused His Ex Girlfriend. Should I Dump Him?

Q.   So I met this guy on Tinder and I've been for a drink with him. It went pretty well and he's really attractive TBH (tall, dark, handsome, muscular, works in IT which I also do.) There are a few things about him that bug me a bit like it takes ag...

A.   13 September 2019: Even if you had never checked out his ex's social media page and seen her comments, you stated that you have seen some actions of his that are worrisome. Never ignore signs/red flags. Listen to what you are feeling. His behavior is troublesome. I ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend seemed to celebrate me having a miscarriage

Q.   My boyfriend secretly punched the air and celebrated after I had a miscarriage. Should I dump him for being so heartless? We’ve been together for 8 months and are both 20. Things were going fine and I genuinely thought he was the kindest, sweetes...

A.   13 September 2019: I'm sorry for your loss OP. A miscarriage is not easy to go through no matter what the circumstances may be. Take time and let your body and your mind heal. Its hard to say why your b/f acted as he did but if I had to guess I'd say he was feeling ... (read in full...)

My ex girlfriend's relationship with her brother in law seemed too cozy to me

Q.   My ex gf 5yrs+ and I just recently broken up few days ago . Long story I went to go visit her for the second time at her place (long distance relationship ) stayed 3 weeks. The first week was hot romance and she couldn't get enough of me and than ...

A.   12 September 2019: OP, you're broken up so at this point wasting your time dwelling on the situation doesn't matter. Look towards the future and close the door on the past. ... (read in full...)

I cheated my husband and don’t know how to stop it and it’s getting over the head now ..

Q.   I am 29 Indian living in US past 2 years after marriage. I had a arrange marriage in India and came to US with my husband. After 2 months of my marriage I was in US with my husband alone and spend time alone when he was in office .(cause I can’t wo...

A.   12 September 2019: I'll be honest I went ahead and posted this but I agree with youcannotbeserious, I don't think this is real. It just sounds waaay too much like something from a cheap porn movie. Let me tell you something, if its real then you are in way over your ... (read in full...)

I’m still trying to understand why she did what she did 26 years ago!

Q.   Hi I was married more than 26 years ago. The problem troubling me is that when I knew my wife then, she was going out with someone whom she will never and can't get married to. She didn't inform me of her status then, and we went out. Only after ...

A.   10 September 2019: The only person who knows 100% way she acted the way that she did was HER. Ask her. Why can't you talk to her about it? If you were so unhappy with her then why did you marry her? Why didn't you sort this out a long time ago? I still stand by... (read in full...)

What can I put in a letter to my ex to make me feel better?

Q.   A while ago, I broke up with my first boyfriend after a 18 month long relationship. We, unfortunately, went to the same school and so I had to be around him for a year. Within 3 months, he found a new girl, who acted very oddly towards me, fairly ...

A.   8 September 2019: The best advice I can give you is to write a letter and express everything that you are feeling. Pour our everything that you are feeling and then BURN it. NEVER under any circumstances mail it or give it to your ex. ... (read in full...)

Does she see me a just a work colleague or a friend as well?

Q.   a female student has started working at a company. I work for and has been with us for a month and a half. she’s funny, a bit of a barbie and not the brightest bulb in the lamp. despite this, she’s well liked by the staff. since she has started ...

A.   7 September 2019: Op, do the girl a favor and stay strictly on a co-worker relationship ONLY. Right from the start you spoke disrespectfully about her " a bit of a barbie and not the brightest bulb in the lamp". I mean really??? If I knew a man thought that about me, ... (read in full...)

I’m still trying to understand why she did what she did 26 years ago!

Q.   Hi I was married more than 26 years ago. The problem troubling me is that when I knew my wife then, she was going out with someone whom she will never and can't get married to. She didn't inform me of her status then, and we went out. Only after ...

A.   6 September 2019: Let me get this straight..instead of talking to your wife and trying to work things out you come on here ask questions and then brag about cheating on your wife all the time?? Wow...sad. I've been on DC a very long time and it isn't too often that ... (read in full...)

Can a relationship work and last if it began with an affair?

Q.   It’s messy it’s complicated but I need advice. I started working in a local bar about 8 months ago. I’m 24 and when I started working there I met a man he’s 40. It started as friendly. He would always advise me on customers and always told me ...

A.   3 September 2019: OP, I hope that you will read carefully what other aunts/uncles are advising you but sadly I doubt that you will follow what we advise. You are young and often when we are young we think we know everything and refuse to see what older more ... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend might be married. What should I do?

Q.   I think my new boyfriend might be married and I have no idea how to bring up the subject. We've been together for almost three months and while things have been good, some of his behaviour has always been a bit off. Nothing I can put my finger on, ...

A.   1 September 2019: We all have that little voice that tells us when something might be wrong. Never ignore it. If you feel something is wrong, then its very possible that something is wrong. I wouldn't wait around to see if your boyfriend is going to confess or come ... (read in full...)

She was texting and working during our date and seems to be ghosting me! Do I go on our next date?

Q.   About a week ago I went out with a girl that I dated and was intimate with for 5 months a year ago. We drifted apart as she moved to another state but remained in contact during that year apart, texting and calling on and off. She's now moved ...

A.   29 August 2019: I think it would be best to start distancing yourself from this woman and not hold out hopes for something romantic. She's acting very wishy washy and her behavior during your "date" was downright rude. You don't act that way towards someone that ... (read in full...)

I need to end my marriage but I don't know if I have the strength to move on

Q.   I need to end my marriage. But I do not know if I have the strength to move on. My husband has cheated on me 3 years before we got married. We were technically on a break but still had sex so I forgave him. He is the only man I have ever been with ...

A.   28 August 2019: OP, I am going to reiterate what the other aunts have already said. Do not belittle yourself and put discouraging thoughts in your head. You loved your husband and you trusted him. That doesn't make you stupid. A good relationship should always be ... (read in full...)

Why doesn't anyone care?

Q.   Is it me or everyone else? I can’t take it anymore, nobody cares at all. I feel let down by my friends. I am 100% sure nobody cares. I am not being negative, I am not in some bad time in life. But every event that happens it causes me stress when I ...

A.   28 August 2019: I totally get where you are coming from. Trust me OP you are not alone in your feelings. If you are a kind sensitive thoughtful person the world can often seem like a very dark cold place. Its hard to stay strong and optimistic when all around you ... (read in full...)

Should I pursue a formal, legal route over what happened to me when I was younger?

Q.   I need help please, about something that has confused me for 36 years and which I am only now able to speak about. When I was 15 I agreed to have sex with an 18 year old male. This has, one way or another, plagued me all my life. I am now...

A.   26 August 2019: OP, I am not sure that going the legal route is really going to help you at this point. Its been so long and without any proof it would turn into a "he said, she said" situation. Would you really want to put yourself through that plus court costs ... (read in full...)

Nervous about returning to abusive husband

Q.   When my husband gets jealous he sometimes assaults me and becomes very intimidating and threatening to me and I get very scared. It’s even worse when he’s been drinking alcohol. I have been with him for nearly 8 years and he had jealous rages wi...

A.   20 August 2019: My heart aches for you. I was married to a physically abusive man once. He broke my arm after countless times of hitting me. I left the day he broke my arm because I was afraid of what might happen the next time he hit me. OP PLEASE..DO NOT RETU... (read in full...)

Feel like I'm wasting my life but my reasons for wanting to leave seem petty

Q.   I have being in my current relationship for the past 8 years and at the moment I am questioning whether it is what I want for the long-term. I feel that after 8 years together, we should be living together or at least have a clear plan for the fut...

A.   18 August 2019: OP, you aren't being petty at all. 8 years is a very long time to go with no commitment. I don't know too many people that would be happy with a relationship as you have stated yours is. She doesn't want to commit and that's about all there is to ... (read in full...)

Wife is angry that I hugged a co-worker

Q.   My wife is angry I hugged a female former co-worker/friend that I have known for 10 years. When we seen this old co worker I have not seen her in 2 years and she is over 20 years older than me. She has met my kids. When my mother passed she sent ...

A.   18 August 2019: Wow...your wife has some issues. I agree that there are probably more things going on then you realize and she's really unhappy about something. She's acting childish, manipulative, jealous and she's trying to be controlling. She sounds very ... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel this way that my son's friend's mother didn't acknowledge me?

Q.   Hello People!!! Okay so my 6 year old son plays Pee wee football. Their is a friendly competition between him and his teammate A as I will call him. Basically A’s mom and my husband have communicated hear and their about the boys and how they can ...

A.   17 August 2019: I am a very petite woman but darling I am NEVER ignored. I have no problem letting my presence be known. What was wrong with walking up, sticking your hand out and saying "Hi I am (so and so's mom/wife)??? Just because someone shows poor ... (read in full...)

Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women .

Q.   Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women . I often see descriptions of ‘hot ‘ or attractive women include the word tall and cute or sweet women as shorter . Obviously individuals have individual preferences but in GENERAL is ...

A.   17 August 2019: I'm only 5 feet tall. I've never had any trouble with finding men but I'd give almost ANYTHING to be tall and leggy. It depends on the man I think. Some men like petite women, some like tall women. Most men just like women..period. Unless a woman is ... (read in full...)

My husband has completely changed after marriage and I feel exploited

Q.   Hello and thanks! Me and my husband have been together almost 3 years. Before our marriage he was mind, sweet, loving. He seemed to be the most charming man I've ever met. He would look after me if I was sick, once I passed out from heat exhaus...

A.   16 August 2019: Honestly OP you sound like one of the women on the reality show 90 day fiance. The guy lives overseas, manages to reel the woman in and all he wants is a green card but because he sweet talk the woman she thinks he means it when he says he loves ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and sick, and by husband shuts the door on me!

Q.   Im pregnant and when I brush my treeth it triggers me to throw up. Most of the time I manage not to throw up, but I will still caugh a lot. I have tried to not put the toothbrush too far into my mouth, and then I am fine, but wont be able to clean ...

A.   11 August 2019: Men do not understand AT ALL what it is like to be pregnant or all the changes that we go through and yes at times they can seem to be rather uncaring. I was very ill both of my pregnancies and it just seemed like any smell could trigger me and I'd ... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my boyfriend's interactions with our mutual friend/coworker

Q.   Part of me just wants to vent my feelings to people who don't know my situation, but also, I just don't know what to do. (Sorry, this will be long) The situation between my boyfriend and I has been up and down. Not like big arguments or any...

A.   10 August 2019: Honeypie and Wiseowl have given sage advice as always, so all I can really do is reiterate. I don't wish to hurt you OP but the meat and potatoes of the situation is that you are "Miss Right NOW" not Miss Right. Apparently he couldn't have who he ... (read in full...)

Why does my stepfather treat me better than my own mother?

Q.   I don't know my biological dad and I have never been really close to my mother, she doesn't seem to care about me a lot. She does the basic parental obligations - feeding me, etc.- but she doesn't care much what's going on in my life and how I feel. ...

A.   8 August 2019: Its really hard to say why your mom is the way that she is. It could be so many things to be honest. Some people don't know how to show affection, feel uncomfortable showing it. It could be that or a million and one other reasons. My mom could never ... (read in full...)

Do I confide in my husband's sister that he's having an affair?

Q.   My husband is having an affair. Do I confide in his sister? His sister is 10 years older and raised him. She knows him the best and I think it would bring me a lot of comfort. I don’t expect her to take my side as this is his family. I also normally ...

A.   7 August 2019: There is an old expression "Blood is thicker than water". This often rings true. Remember this woman helped raise him so its very likely she isn't going to want to hear what you say or even believe you. I'd leave her out of it because what can she ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend betrayed me in front of my family. Was I justified in dumping her?

Q.   My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. We have an age gap relationship. She’s 22 im 33. Out of all three years this one has had to be the most stressful. For the last 6 months I’ve been unable to make ends meet. If it’s not one thing it...

A.   6 August 2019: OP, you screwed up BIG time and I mean big time. You just let a wonderful woman slip right through your hands and I have a feeling that you are too immature and ignorant to realize what you have done. I feel sorry for you. All she did was love you, ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with 2 men and unable to choose

Q.   I'm in love with two men and unable to choose. my long term boyfriend who I have been with for over a decade but I find im not physically attracted to him anymore and don't want sex with him but I do love him and his personality is like my soul ...

A.   6 August 2019: You love some qualities that each man shows and yet you won't drop either man for the other. Why is that? I'd wager a guess because neither man has all the qualities that you are looking for. I'd also guess that you don't want to be alone so you ... (read in full...)

We are uneasy with our son's choice of a wife that we know very little about

Q.   My son works abroad and is engaged to his Brazilian girlfriend for a year. They were planning to get married next year. Now he has told us that they tend to marry next month in Brazil without us being there! Both myself and my husband feel ver...

A.   5 August 2019: Mom, you and dad need to talk to your son. You need to stand united and tell your son that you love him and want him to be happy but if he and his wife are going to move in with you that there HAS to be some ground rules. They are adults and must ... (read in full...)

We are uneasy with our son's choice of a wife that we know very little about

Q.   My son works abroad and is engaged to his Brazilian girlfriend for a year. They were planning to get married next year. Now he has told us that they tend to marry next month in Brazil without us being there! Both myself and my husband feel ver...

A.   4 August 2019: I caution you to be very careful as to how you approach your son and what you say. I know that you want the best for your son and as parents we can often see things that our children do not see or have not experienced yet and although it can come ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend deleted his ex girlfriend's texts

Q.   I've been living with my bf now for almost 2 years. Recently, his ex texted him again. I know because he told me that she did. I asked to read the texts a few days later, but was told that they had been deleted. I asked why he had deleted the...

A.   2 August 2019: OP you are going to make a problem where there isn't one. Your boyfriend was honest with you. He didn't have to be. If there was something suspicious going on he would not have told you about it. He deleted her texts ok..couldn't it just be because ... (read in full...)

My prince charming has turned into a frog

Q.   Hello and thank you My husband was very charming, and loving before we got married. After our marriage things changed. It seems he doesn't like compromising and feels he can still act single. He talks to exes( no children involved) he goe...

A.   1 August 2019: I think I would let your "frog" hop hop hop away...and in the future be more careful of what frogs you kiss hoping they will turn into princes. This man is disrespectful and uses you and will continue to belittle you as long as you allow him to do ... (read in full...)

I'm attracted to a married man at work and need to rebuild the boundaries.

Q.   A gentleman in my workplace has been increasingly attentive. He is a little older and happily married. I love having a strong work ally I respect him and his commitment to his family. I have found myself having thoughts about him. At points I wond...

A.   24 July 2019: OP, you are 100% correct. This situation is not one to pursue. Its NEVER wise to get involved with someone that you work with ESPECIALLY if they are married. You know all this and I'm sure you must realize the consequences if you were to pursue your ... (read in full...)

If I could see into the future and see that our marriage would be the same for the next 20 years, then that is not what I want for my life.

Q.   Hi, I need help with something. I am a 23 year old Christian man, I have been married for two years and the last year has been sexless. My wife and I got married two years ago and initially I could tell that she was nervous about sexual intimacy (we ...

A.   18 July 2019: OP, I can certainly understand your concern/frustration/bewilderment. Its very hard to have a relationship when one partner doesn't want to talk or confide in the other. You are left wondering what is wrong, have you done something. The list goes on ... (read in full...)

A Male Coworker/Friend is Confiding in Me About His Marital Problems. How Should I Handle This?

Q.   I've been at my current employer for two years. I enjoy what I do as a paralegal, but most importantly, I've collaborated with a great group of smart, distinguished professionals at my company. Everyone is helpful, friendly, brilliant. We work hard ...

A.   18 July 2019: The best way to handle this situation with the least amount of trouble is to remember that you are co-workers and he is married. Stay professional and do not get so personal. You are treading in dangerous waters here and could wind up getting hurt ... (read in full...)

I've compromised so much of what I want to stay with my husband but I'm not happy

Q.   I've been married a long time,no children, been through a very bad patch that we came through, have always had a strong bond, we share a lot of interests and agree on a lot of things but I've put up with a lot of things that made me unhappy for the ...

A.   15 July 2019: I think it all comes down to what you are willing to accept for your life. OP. If you are unhappy then why do you stay? Does the other parts of your life make up for what you are missing? Are you willing to continue this way for the remainder of ... (read in full...)

How can I make my boyfriend realize how awful he's been to me?

Q.   My boyfriend has been horrible to me lately and I'm really upset that he doesn't feel bad for treating me the way he has. Last week he asked me to book a last minute holiday, I don't know why he couldn't do it himself but just text me his card...

A.   15 July 2019: I'm sorry OP but I doubt if he really cares how awful he's been to you. People change because THEY want to change not because WE want them to. Your partner doesn't care about you or your feelings he has proven that on more than one occasion. Don't ... (read in full...)

Can you make yourself love someone?

Q.   Well. Where do I start? Six years ago I met my husband and he inspired me to stop doing the party girl thing. Overtime i realized I had been shallow and never given men like him a chance before. (He is not physically what I was use to dating) I ...

A.   9 July 2019: No I don't think you can make yourself love someone. You can grow to respect someone, to care for someone, but bottom line is that you either love someone or you don't. You can't force feelings to come. They are either there or they are not. ... (read in full...)

How do I ask our friend to take the photos of us and our home off Instagram and not sound angry?

Q.   I don't want to make a big deal out of this... and... thanx for your help :) I'm a private person and I don't use social networks. My husband doesn't use them either. Unlike me, he really hates them, I just do not like them. Recently a frie...

A.   9 July 2019: OP, you have every right to be upset. I value my privacy and do not use social media because I don't want my life put on display. I would be incredibly upset if I friend took photos without my permission displaying my home/life! As the other aunts ... (read in full...)

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