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*unty BimBim

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My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum

Q.   I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...

A.   24 May 2019: Short answer: run for the hills! Tell your girlfriend your holiday plans remain in place and if she doesn't like it she knows where the door is. It would appear you and your girlfriend have very different views on what is, and isn't, acceptabl... (read in full...)

I broke it off ... so how come he hasn't unfriended me on facebook?

Q.   Hi, i need some advise. I broke up with my LDR bf of 3 months ,this weekend sent him message on facebook that i want to break up with him and he just said he respect ny decision. But he never unfriend or even blocked me on facebook. Why you think ...

A.   20 May 2019: We cant read his mind about why he hasn't unfriended you or blocked you on facebook. You broke it off and he said okay. Surely that's better than breaking it off and then have the guy say rotten things to you or about you, or threaten you in s... (read in full...)

One date later, should I pursue this girl?

Q.   I have been internet dating for a little while now and have had 4 dates. The last was a woman from Canada who is visiting over here for a month. She contacted me and explained she was travelling but we chatted a little online and we went for a dr...

A.   20 May 2019: If she wanted to pursue a potential relationship she would have indicated this in some way, either by word or by returning to say goodbye. My gut instinct is that the date went so well because on her part there was no pressure to "perform... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's live in grandfather is undermining me with my children. I don't know what to do

Q.   We aren't married but we have two children together. A year ago, his grandfather came to stay with us after he became widowed an needs caring for. We didn't think it was right to put him in a home and he can't really live alone. My grandfather lived ...

A.   15 May 2019: At first I was with the others saying your boyfriend needs to say something … I am disagreeing. Talk to your boyfriend, discuss what needs to be done, and then when the kids are in bed both of you sit Grandpa down and have the chat. You do the ... (read in full...)

I know I should just walk away .... but I love him.

Q.   Hi I wonder if anyone can help me.. So I have been with my boyfriend for just over 3years and also he's an overthinker and recently he was feeling a little depressed. I supported him and was going out of my way to be there all the time .. he was m...

A.   9 May 2019: This man is treating you badly hoping you will end it so that he wont feel guilty about dumping you. Stop playing his stupid childish games, block his number and block him on social media, have a good cry for a few weeks, you are permitte... (read in full...)

I'm afraid of dogs and now I'm in love with a person who has a dog

Q.   I'm 33 years old male and as silly as it might sound, I've been terrified of dogs my whole life. When I was 8 years old I was attacked by pack of dogs and I was bitten so severely I had to spend weeks in hospital. I still have scars and ever since ...

A.   8 May 2019: Her dog giving you its toy means he was showing you he wanted to be friends. Tell your girlfriend about your fears, and then talk to your GP for a referral to somebody who will be able to help you overcome your fear. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend just stood and watched while I was struggling rather than help me. Was this mean? Selfish?

Q.   I went shopping with my boyfriend and I was struggling to carry the bags so one of the bags fell on the floor and I was struggling to pick it up meanwhile my boyfriend just stood there and watched me struggle. I said thanks for helping me and he ...

A.   8 May 2019: Here is my view as a woman: you should have asked for his help instead of making a sarcastic comment, he should have apologised and helped instead of making a scene all the way home. You two need to learn how to communicate, and learn how to ask e... (read in full...)

LDR wont introduce me to his teenager son which means we cant spend some weekends together

Q.   I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 months He is 68yrs old has 15 yr old alternate wknds I am 62 one son 28 lives away he wont introduce me to his son so we can spend wknds together Am I being unreasonable? I work f/t m-f ...

A.   14 April 2019: I think you might just have to accept it, 4 months into a relationship is not long enough for most parent to introduce their kids to a new partner or to advertise the fact they are having sex with that new partner. His weekends may be busy wit... (read in full...)

I have neve wanted children, husband is being pressured to adopt his orphaned nephew

Q.   My husband and I are both 29 and child free by choice. His sister and her husband, both 40, passed away in a car accident two months ago. They left behind a 9 year old who is currently living with my husband's parents. Long story short, his paren...

A.   13 April 2019: You are caught between a rock and a hard place, I should imagine the emotional pressure on your husband will be almost too great to bear. Not only is he needing to think about his aging parents who probably shouldn't be taking on the ... (read in full...)

I'm anxious about wanting a baby soon because of how my life has been but my boyfriend is in no hurry. What do I do?

Q.   I am about to turn 26 and I'm freaking out about my age. Technically I know I'm still very young, but I'm scared about having kids too late. This is getting concerning for my boyfriend, and I'm trying not to bring the topic up too often now. My m...

A.   11 April 2019: Given your family history I can understand your concerns. I also understand that is some cultures (Australia for example), marriage prior to children is not seen as essential, and motherhood without a wedding certificate is quite common. To me... (read in full...)

How do I chose the one to spend my life with?

Q.   i got into so much mess its driving me insane. I cant find my way anymore im in two long term relationships one of 21 years and one of 2 years I don't know what to do. I cant seem to make a choice through uncertainty, feeling scared of the pain and ...

A.   8 April 2019: IF you were meant to be spending your life with either of these men then you would not be here asking, your heart and your head would not let you go one more day prevaricating over city or country. 21 years in a relationship and you still can't de... (read in full...)

Does he care or not care ... he keeps contacting me.

Q.   I have an ex who reached out to me six months after ghosting me, and tries to pretend nothing came between us. I don’t respond, and he later replies in a passive aggressive manner as if to say “don’t worry I don’t care anyway”. A bit of history, ...

A.   3 April 2019: It doesn't sound like he cares for you, is that what you are hoping for by hanging on? If you are unhappy with the frequency and tone of his texts the best way to deal with it is to block him. By responding you are keeping the door open. S... (read in full...)

Is my fiance's treatment of me emotional abuse?

Q.   Hi I have been with my fiancée for over two years. Usually he’s charming and sweet. He has a mean streak though. He feels entitled like I should pay for everything cause he makes less money. If we have a disagreement. He says to shut up ...

A.   29 March 2019: This man has no respect for you, why are you even going to marry him, it will only get worse, not better. ... (read in full...)

What kind of body language is this?

Q.   Can anyone tell me what type of body language the following comes across in a male (apart from just being a comfortable position). I was sat next to a male friend on a sofa, he had chosen to sit next to me when there were other chairs in the ro...

A.   28 March 2019: Some people claim it is more comfortable … but if that is the case how come men down through the ages haven't been painted, or photographed, doing the man spread? Spreading their legs like that was found to be so offensive in Spain that the ... (read in full...)

I want to sleep with my boyfriend (no sex) but my parents said NO

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, ...

A.   26 March 2019: Hormones, a boy professing love, some gentle touching in the night, promises of everlasting feelings, if you really loved him you would let him just put his hand up your shirt … in his room it will be all romantic and next thing you know his hand ... (read in full...)

If I move in as he suggests I fear I will be stuck into one of his little compartments and kept separate from his life

Q.   Hi, was looking for advice. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 2 years. He has basically been staying at mine every night for over a year but still maintains his own place which has made money really tight as he cant afford ...

A.   26 March 2019: From reading your letter I cannot see how this move would be a good move for you, or help the relationship grow. You have been seeing him for 2 years and yet he has not welcomed you into his life, no introduction to his friends or family, ... (read in full...)

How do you handle being a single mom even though married because your husband is working away from home?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for almost four years, and he has worked out of town (his cousin owns a construction company) off and on throughout that time; whenever he did, he was gone during the week and home every weekend. It sucked, but it ...

A.   17 January 2019: There are growing numbers of families where one parent works away regularly. Though usually working in the resource sector, other sectors that often require onsite workers include: the defence forces, transport, maritime, small business, corporate, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend tries to have anal sex without my permission. Does he not respect me?

Q.   I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him ...

A.   9 January 2019: If you have told him you don't do anal and he keeps trying then NO, he doesn't respect you. If you have told him this and he does it anyway it is rape. Have the discussion, sit him down to talk and make sure he is listening, he needs to be ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend says he doesn't have time to be with me when I am sad or upset

Q.   My boyfriend of 10 months has been staying away from me for a few weeks now after we had this fight. It was over the matter regarding my promotion and i was talking to him about it and got carried away talking about the promotion related other stuff ...

A.   8 January 2019: This guy doesn't respect you, if he did he wouldn't be putting conditions down, like not wanting to make a commitment unless you prove you can live "nicely" with him first … has he told you EXACTLY what nicely means? Ask him to write down in dot ... (read in full...)

How can I ask my family to back off from my pregnant girlfriend?

Q.   I’ve been dating my gf for 6 months. My family met her for the first time over the holidays and they weren’t very welcoming. When we met she had just found out she was pregnant. She also has a two year daughter. She left her ex because he was chea...

A.   29 December 2018: Thanks for the follow up Brett … don't give up on the family yet, they have a lot to readjust to, it IS possible for it to all turn out well, and for your girlfriend's children to be accepted as part of the extended family. I've seen a very similar ... (read in full...)

How can I ask my family to back off from my pregnant girlfriend?

Q.   I’ve been dating my gf for 6 months. My family met her for the first time over the holidays and they weren’t very welcoming. When we met she had just found out she was pregnant. She also has a two year daughter. She left her ex because he was chea...

A.   29 December 2018: Y'know, I am going to be a fence sitter on this one. Whilst I wouldn't say your relationship is DOOOOMED from the start, there are going to be a lot of hurdles to jump before it all settles down into ordinary ever after …. a two year old a ... (read in full...)

I'm flying 1/2 way across the world to see me girlfriend who is probably going to break up with me?

Q.   For the past few months, I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. The long distance is supposed to last another 5 months. I'm planning to visit her next week for a few days on my way to a conference, and then again ...

A.   27 December 2018: pack up her clothes, send a text asking what she wants done with them, donate to charity if she doesn't respond. Ask your mum if she knows anybody who would appreciate the Christmas gift, or sell it on your local buy and sell pages. As for the ... (read in full...)

My friend has gotten himself involved with a bad girl and I want to help him but unsure what to do

Q.   I'm worried about a guy friend as he's got himself involved with a girl who is bad news. Hes started distancing himself from everyone who's warning him and is distancing himself from close friends She's a complete bitch sorry to say - take a mon...

A.   24 December 2018: You cant help him, he has to want to get out of it himself. If you feel so inclined be there to pick up the pieces if / when it all coms crumbling down but there is nothing you can do except get on with living your own life.... (read in full...)

We had a fight my children's present are at my boyfriend's house and he won't let me get them

Q.   My boyfriend ruins every Christmas and I don't know what to do. We went last minute shopping today which was his idea. In a supermarket he said he needed the toilet so I decided to cash in a scratch card while I was waiting. The till is right by...

A.   24 December 2018: No. you call the police, or a big burly male relative or your mum and you go round there and you ask politely and calmly for your children's presents. if he refuses then you go home and tell your kids where their presents are and then you don't have ... (read in full...)

Should your spouse be prioritized over your adult children?

Q.   My question, Should your spouse come 2nd (God is always 1st) or your adult children? My wife's daughter (my stepdaughter) is a full on alcoholic/drug addict. For over 3yrs now I have delt with the constant absence of my wife because her daughter ...

A.   20 December 2018: Seek legal advise. Find out if you can stop your wife accessing your assets to support the junkie daughter. And then tell her (if its legal to do so), that you are not prepared to watch your retirement go down the drain. If you feel strongly ... (read in full...)

How do I accept that he’s moved on with his new girlfriend?

Q.   I am struggling to get past the fact that my ex-husband (of 20 yrs) has met a woman from another country on a dating website whom he has visited 3 times and holidayed in Europe with. We have a child who he is supposed to have for part of Christma...

A.   19 December 2018: I agree with Honeypie with regard to your inlaws … your child's grandparents … A POX ON THEM! There isn't much you can do about your ex's choices, I recommend you keep a diary, a ruled exercise book will suit, and keep copies of emails in here (gl... (read in full...)

I can't get my ex to leave me alone

Q.   So, I was engaged to a guy and we broke up a year ago. So, my ex is military he moved to Germany while I live in the U.S. it was a toxic relationship. When he was in the U.S. him and I we’re together for two years. We broke up and got back together ...

A.   9 December 2018: I remember your first contact with this site, when he left flowers on your car. I am surprised he is still stalking you after all this time. I don't want to be an alarmist but he sounds like he could get dangerous. You are under NO OBLIGATION to ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and his friend go out on "double dates" to go drinking

Q.   I've been with my guy for two years but recently I'm questioning his behaviour. He's always been a bit of a drinker on weekends and I've never minded, each to their own. But recently it's more so. He's going out Saturday night drinking and said he'...

A.   8 December 2018: Sweetheart, you are not a priority. He is immature and obviously prefers drinking with his mate and random girls two minutes from where you live. Honestly, cut him loose, his brain isn't fully developed and the synapses are not connecti... (read in full...)

How do I get my mistress to return to me?

Q.   Hi I am a male of 48 yrs - since 2 yrs I am with a mistress of 42 yrs - Now she is afraid of her home to be broken - leaving me alone - I use to buy a lot of things for her. Now How can I convince her to return with me ?...

A.   6 December 2018: Sounds like her partner is suspicious and she is scared of losing all that she has, has she got children, maybe she is scared of losing them. Next time find a woman who isn't already involved elsewhere. ... (read in full...)

Do you think it’s wrong to talk to my mom about the breast augumentation she had and has hidden from me?

Q.   Do you think it’s wrong to talk to my mom about the breast augmentantion she had and has hiden from me? My mom since I know her she is “strugling financially” she never has money, ever gives me enough money, I mean the most she gave me when gro...

A.   6 December 2018: Okayyyyyy If you mother used to go on holiday and leave you behind to take care of your father and brothers why aren't you asking your father for money to live? You have a lot to say about your mother's spending habits and how there is never any... (read in full...)

How could he treat me so badly and now act like nothing bad ever happened between us?

Q.   Hi 6 years ago I met the man of my dreams I was madly in love with him and things were going well after a year of been together I fell pregnant and miscarried the baby the next day my boyfriend kicked me out of his flat no explanation as to why he ...

A.   2 December 2018: What a horrible person he is. You have made the right decision to not have anything further to do with him, your "friends" on the other hand, tell them you don't care what he says about anything and you would appreciate it if they didn't repeat his ... (read in full...)

I feel like I need her permission to leave the relationship. Is she crazy?

Q.   Hi everyone, I need advice about a girl who I think is totally crazy. I am 26 and she is 33. Bit of an age gap but she seemed very nice so i thought i'd give her a chance. I decided now I don't want to be with her but I want to know if I did an...

A.   2 December 2018: She sure sounds psycho. I agree that ghosting her wont work, you need to tell her "don't contact me, I don't want a relationship with you." Each time she contacts after that block the number. Keep track of when and how she contacts you in case ... (read in full...)

I'm flying 1/2 way across the world to see me girlfriend who is probably going to break up with me?

Q.   For the past few months, I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. The long distance is supposed to last another 5 months. I'm planning to visit her next week for a few days on my way to a conference, and then again ...

A.   26 November 2018: Get a hotel room, you are already doing a lot of travelling, tell her your decision now so she has time to organise to travel to you …. if you are correct and she is going to end things it will be much better for you emotionally and mentally if she ... (read in full...)

We had a threesome things went wrong and now my husband blames me

Q.   After 20 yrs of marriage my husband asks for threesome, after two yrs we finally tell my friend that she is our threesome girl, my husband was madly in love with me, then I hear that she is coming over to visit during the day to smoke, then I notice ...

A.   24 November 2018: Start getting your ducks in a row, and by this I mean get your finances in order, close any joint accounts, make sure any household expenses are not in your name only and seek legal advise. I does not sound good for your marriage.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend who is broke pretends to take control of my economy and my bank.

Q.   Me (22) and my boyfriend (26) went on a trip that we didn´t plan. At first it seemed like a good idea because he was about to get some money for having quit his job, and someone was about to send him money that the person owed to me. I spent al...

A.   23 November 2018: Are there places that support women in Ecuador? Like a refuge or women's health centre, it sounds like your boyfriend is a thief and a liar, you need to find someplace else to live … before he realises you cannot give him anymore money and he goes ... (read in full...)

I think he's going through a midlife crisis he went to Thailand and met a girl and he doesn't know that I know

Q.   I have been dating a man for over a year who has just recently gone through a divorce. (Nothing to do with me). I felt he used me as a punching bag as he was very angry about the divorce although I knew he loved me. He stopped speaking to me f...

A.   19 November 2018: I'm thinking if there was no sex with the girl in Thailand she might very well be what is known as a "ladyboy". In the meantime take the opportunity that's been given to you and put as much distance as you can between yourself and him. Honeypie... (read in full...)

He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back?

Q.   I recently posted a question a few weeks ago about my situtation of after a long break apart, my ex boyfriend is claiming and insisting he is a changed man. We have met up occasionally as "dates" which often led to dicussing our relationship and set ...

A.   16 November 2018: Probably not, its very difficult to make changes to yourself in a short period of time, it can take months, or years of conscious effort and often also requires the input of sessions with a counsellor or therapist. The fact he is lashing out is a... (read in full...)

He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back?

Q.   I recently posted a question a few weeks ago about my situtation of after a long break apart, my ex boyfriend is claiming and insisting he is a changed man. We have met up occasionally as "dates" which often led to dicussing our relationship and set ...

A.   16 November 2018: Probably not, its very difficult to make changes to yourself in a short period of time, it can take months, or years of conscious effort and often also requires the input of sessions with a counsellor or therapist. The fact he is lashing out is a... (read in full...)

I’m pregnant and confused and worried about what I should have happen next!

Q.   Just wanted to ask others opinions on this subject. Basically i have quite a bit of bad look with relationships, i have my own house and and have been living on my own now with just my dog and rabbit which is how i like it for 3 years now. I did ...

A.   12 November 2018: No! Don't be pressured into anything. It is not necessary for the baby's well being for him to live in the same house, if it was he would still be living in the same house as his other two children. If you prefer to take this slow then he has t... (read in full...)

I like a guy but another girl might steal him.

Q.   I like this uy named Jonah but im not sure how to go about it because we only talk in school and this one girl Aliyah may steal him but I feel like me and him have a connection...

A.   11 November 2018: Being a teenager is tough, at times it’s as if every day has traps and detours designed to throw you off track and upset the equilibrium. Toss guys and dating and maybe a love triangle into the mix and it gets even more complicated. The first th... (read in full...)

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