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| | *atherly Advice's profile:I'm in my late 40's. Married to my first wife. I have three adult daughters. I also have a teen son. I figure I've been around the block a few times. I do tend to be old fashioned in my advice, because I believe that old solutions can fit new problems. I am religious but I try to keep an open mind. I try to give my advice to the younger folks from the point of view of a friendly father. For older couples I use my own experience more.
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| Latest articles: Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Did my boyfriend really want the gift to be from both of us or is he just trying to get off cheap?
Q. My boyfriends sibling got married not too long ago. I wasn't able to make it to the wedding due to being away, but my boyfriend was the best man. He asked me if I wanted to go in on a wedding gift for his sibling. My question is, is my boyfrien...
A. 20 May 2013: This sounds like interpreting Guy to me. He was doing a typical guy thing that probably doesn't mean as much as you think it did. Unfortunately you are confused and because of that confusion you start to doubt his motives.
Before I interpre... (read in full...)
The guy I like is complimenting me and stealing glances at me, what does this mean? I thought he liked someone else!
Q. I really like this guy but I know he likes/liked another girl. Not sure whether he still likes her now though. He shows signs like showing up to where I am at school, stealing glances and complimenting me. What does this mean? ...
A. 14 May 2013: At your age (yes even at 15) you should not expect monogamy. In other words it is ok for him to be attracted to more than one girl. It is also very common for these attractions to fade very quickly. Enjoy your ride on the Friend-ship. There will ... (read in full...)
I'm in love, but I'm not allowed to date and he's moving. Help!
Q. im 13 and desperately in love with this boy. He also loves me, but niether of us are allowed to date. He goes to a different school, so we only see each other when our parents get together. worst of all, in a few months hes moving. what do i do ...
A. 13 May 2013: I remember being in love at about that age. It was, like you, a long distance situation. That was so long ago that we had to use snail mail. I don't regret that relationship nor do I feel it was "just a crush" Generally a crush won't survive a ... (read in full...)
I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused
Q. I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...
A. 13 May 2013: Thanks for writing back. I worried that you had stopped reading us. I am glad that you two talked. To me that was the most important thing. With the base of this conversation you two can now build a much more secure relationship.
FA... (read in full...)
Have I messed up any chance of having a friendship with her?
Q. Hi, I'm 16 and I wrote this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-know-my-feelings-for-her-how.html because I thought I had feelings for this girl I know. I mean I still think I do but this could easily get confusing and too complex so I'll ...
A. 8 May 2013: Wow I read this on Monday and wasn't sure how to answer it. I was very surprised to see it on the unanswered page today.
Dear Living,
Here is my take on the whole situation. You got mixed up in some serious teen drama. But, it is still... (read in full...)
I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused
Q. I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...
A. 8 May 2013: This one really has me thinking. I believe that every original poster deserves an honest answer. I don't want to knock anything that anyone has said here. I don't want to throw around labels. I don't want to make accusations.
Here is the d... (read in full...)
If 20% of the relationship is bad, and 80% is good, is it worth it?
Q. Hypothetical situation, curious what everyone's tolerance level is. If in a relationship, 20% of the time, you and your partner were either fighting, not speaking to each other, or "sad" with each other and the rest of the time, 80%, is perfectly ...
A. 6 May 2013: I think what we are struggling with here is trying to apply Math to relationships. While I think that there may be a way to do that it will be much more complex than straight probability.
I like the Rutgers study because at my stage of life it ... (read in full...)
How can I help my b/f pick out a nice suit for a wedding?
Q. hello all!! this isn't a relationship question as such but im looking for advice regarding my boyfriend. He's attending a wedding in a few weeks and wants me to help him choose a suit to wear. He has a suit but, although there isn't anything wr...
A. 6 May 2013: Maisy1,
Get professional help. I mean take him to a good mens clothing store. I have to say mens clothing stores are one of the greatest things about being a guy. It is so different from shopping for womens clothes. And, I understand mens sto... (read in full...)
My crush says he's not the relationship type. How do I make him like me?
Q. so ive done it again... ive fallin in love and once again the guy dosnt want to love me... i just told him that i was crushing on him... and he knew for a while. he said hes not the relationship type of guy... and he dosnt know why.. and i can ...
A. 6 May 2013: ok, ok lovesick,
Let's just assume that you are right and the majority of the experienced aunts are reading this wrong. Let's assume that even though he said he loved your personality, even that wasn't code.
Making that assumption, lets... (read in full...)
My parents want me to go to the prom but I don't want to go!
Q. My class senior prom is coming up. My parents are trying to pressure me to go but I just do not want to go since none of my friends are going. My friends and I are having a pool party at one of my friends house instead (cheaper and don...
A. 2 May 2013: @ Wise Owl E,
I'm not sure what message I intended either. I've been sitting here trying to type it out and it just isn't coming out right. Prom night for me was not the cache of high school memories that I am seeing described here.
@ OP
... (read in full...)
My parents want me to go to the prom but I don't want to go!
Q. My class senior prom is coming up. My parents are trying to pressure me to go but I just do not want to go since none of my friends are going. My friends and I are having a pool party at one of my friends house instead (cheaper and don...
A. 1 May 2013: I'm thinking about this from a parent's point of view. What you want to know is how to convince your parents. So the argument that would win me over goes something like this.
I've not dated During High school, because I didn't feel emotiona... (read in full...)
I'm committed to my boyfriend so why do I dream about other guys?
Q. I keep having these re-occuring dreams about men. Either they're these cute little dreams.of us together or it sexual. It's always about someone who I've either found attractive at one point, or have liked, and all these men in some way I still have ...
A. 1 May 2013: So you have dream guilt. At least that's what I call it. there are many theories about dreams. Some say that dreams are your subconscious mind trying to communicate with you, or work out a problem in your life. Some say dreams are just random ... (read in full...)
I'm 30 weeks pregnant. How do I get my husband back in bed with me? He's been looking at sexy pictures of girls instead.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years now. I am also 30 weeks pregnant. I have only gained 18 pounds so I feel a little silly moping, but I could really use some words of encouragement. My fears began when our love making sessions...
A. 1 May 2013: In the cold glare of morning I see that I made a mistake. Teddy is not the preferred lingerie type for what you want to accomplish. Baby doll is.
FA... (read in full...)
My crush says he's not the relationship type. How do I make him like me?
Q. so ive done it again... ive fallin in love and once again the guy dosnt want to love me... i just told him that i was crushing on him... and he knew for a while. he said hes not the relationship type of guy... and he dosnt know why.. and i can ...
A. 1 May 2013: Lovesick,
There are a lot of wrong answers I could give you and while they seem funny to me they would be cruel to you. You have received some very good answers so far. The answers are true, but not what you asked for. CMMP suggested that you... (read in full...)
I'm 30 weeks pregnant. How do I get my husband back in bed with me? He's been looking at sexy pictures of girls instead.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years now. I am also 30 weeks pregnant. I have only gained 18 pounds so I feel a little silly moping, but I could really use some words of encouragement. My fears began when our love making sessions...
A. 1 May 2013: Tears 'n Fears,
Thanks for the follow up, as is so often the case the additional information you provided has helped us to give you more helpful advice.
The key was what you said about having the lights off. Your husband, like most men is turn... (read in full...)
Which cheater is worse? I want your opinion of the women in these scenarios.
Q. i was just having a discussion with someone and i was wondering what you guys think of these 2 situations. my question is regarding the females of these situations. Scenario A: a couple (Tom and Lisa) has been together for 1.5 month. the girl,...
A. 28 April 2013: Loony,
You are very good at catching me. Yes you did not bring up the idea of premeditated cheating. Which is certainly worse than cheating due to irresponsibility. Or the doubt-able accidental infidelity.
So we have a very solid idea ... (read in full...)
Which cheater is worse? I want your opinion of the women in these scenarios.
Q. i was just having a discussion with someone and i was wondering what you guys think of these 2 situations. my question is regarding the females of these situations. Scenario A: a couple (Tom and Lisa) has been together for 1.5 month. the girl,...
A. 27 April 2013: Ah, Looney,
You caught me redirecting the conversation. I know that you said that Kathy was a successful (non caught) cheater. I thought that was overly optimistic and twisted the scenario to show the more likely outcome or mechanism of exposure... (read in full...)
I'm 30 weeks pregnant. How do I get my husband back in bed with me? He's been looking at sexy pictures of girls instead.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years now. I am also 30 weeks pregnant. I have only gained 18 pounds so I feel a little silly moping, but I could really use some words of encouragement. My fears began when our love making sessions...
A. 26 April 2013: Tears and fears,
I have a little more advice from someone who has been there.
Every guy is going to handle pregnancy differently. Some are going to be turned off by the changes, some are going to be turned on. Some are going to wonder if it ... (read in full...)
Which cheater is worse? I want your opinion of the women in these scenarios.
Q. i was just having a discussion with someone and i was wondering what you guys think of these 2 situations. my question is regarding the females of these situations. Scenario A: a couple (Tom and Lisa) has been together for 1.5 month. the girl,...
A. 26 April 2013: Loony 10,
Thanks for the clarification. I agree with you that a person who changes their behavior is more trustworthy than one who continues from one treachery to the next. It could be argued that in both of your scenarios the women went on ... (read in full...)
Which cheater is worse? I want your opinion of the women in these scenarios.
Q. i was just having a discussion with someone and i was wondering what you guys think of these 2 situations. my question is regarding the females of these situations. Scenario A: a couple (Tom and Lisa) has been together for 1.5 month. the girl,...
A. 25 April 2013: Hi loony 10,
Interesting question even if it is hypothetical. So often we get real questions posing as hypothetical. In this case the answers have caused me more serious reflection than the question. Back to that in a minute.
Some have int... (read in full...)
So do I still have to wait? In spite of the fact that he has now reached his marrying age?
Q. we broke up recently because when we were together, we couldn't control ourselves of being so intimate. As much as possible, we don't want to have sex without getting married.. He was asking me for marriage but i refused because he's still takin...
A. 22 April 2013: Happystill,
I have to say that this is unusual to have to anonymous answers to a signed question. I looked at this earlier this morning, but decided to wait as I was confused.
Let me sum it up
You two are in a committed non sexual rel... (read in full...)
My controlling Aunt wants us to change the date of our wedding. How can I deal with her reaction?
Q. Recent events have upset me and dare say ruined my wedding ...Please read... My aunt (my dad’s sister) has always been a bit controlling. I remember when I was a child she'd always have tantrums and cause arguments if things didn't go her wa...
A. 21 April 2013: I'm shocked and appalled at your aunts behavior. I suspect that she is still somewhat stung by your late arrival to her wedding. If she had a lick of sense she would have appreciated your coming late as an extra teen underfoot during her wedding ... (read in full...)
Disturbed Husband sleep with the alarm to drop of my Brother at work and I got sworn at!
Q. My brother totaled his car recently, occasionally i would give him a ride to work as he have be at work for 6:00am. This morning my husband was obviously annoyed when my clock alarm at 5:am, when i returned home he starting yelling at me and ...
A. 18 April 2013: Just one question for clarification before I intrude on this conversation.
Is this kind of language and behavior his normal way of "fixing" things?
FA... (read in full...)
GF brother is becoming a problem in our relationship
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about six months now. Everything is great we have plans on having kids and getting married in the near future except I dont like her brother. He's 2 years younger than her. He doesn't have a job but goes to ...
A. 16 April 2013: Trust your feelings on this. In general it is always best for a young couple to start their lives together living alone as a couple. In austere financial times like now there is always the temptation to save money by living together. What you are ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get back with your ex if you are still on talking terms
Q. My boyfriend has broken up with me after living together for one year. In this time some was good some bad plenty of verbal abuse near the end. He is 32 I am 44 I understand it is a big age difference but it just happened. He is a party hard person ...
A. 16 April 2013: As long as there is abuse, as long as he is not sure whether he wants to be in a relationship or not, as long as he is not totally in love with you, as long as you can't go through a weekend without a fight, as long as he needs to make an excuse to ... (read in full...)
We agreed at the inception of the relationship, no contact with EX, I find out my GF is lying, but I still want her?
Q. Well i will start with the basics. I am in a long distance with my current girlfriend. We met online(was never intending to date online, but we met and just clicked..and here we are) We are both 23 years old. We have been together for around 6...
A. 11 April 2013: What do I do,
I'm usually the first to promote staying together and forgiving and building up the relationship, but I to see a lack of trust. Or, rather a lack of trustworthiness. Putting that aside for the moment, she has looked outside ... (read in full...)
My BF will not pop the question and I want the whole nine yards!
Q. Is there a reason why a man doesn't marry his long term girlfriend/mother of his children? My boyfriend is 23 and I'm 23 in a few months. I've been with my boyfriend over 4 years and we have a toddler together. I got pregnant 9 months into the...
A. 11 April 2013: The title is at odds with the post. Fortunately, Our OP has included a disclaimer, "I don't actually even know what I'm asking." For the sake of clarity I'll answer the post and ignore the title.
I've had 4 wedding rings since I got married.... (read in full...)
Our sex life ended 18 months ago and there are no signs of improvement, should I leave him?
Q. hi, ive been seeing my bf for nearly 3 years. firstly, we are both very healthy and have no problems sexually with being able to perform or participate in sex so we don't need to see doctors. sorry but I needed to say that so that nobody sugg...
A. 3 April 2013: My take on this as a guy in your age range. It has nothing to do with your weight or appearance. He is using your stereotypical insecurity to cover his hang up. I understand the teenaged son thing, That can put a damper on the works but with a ... (read in full...)
Is neck kissing a turn on for guys? Or just girls?
Q. Is neck kissing a turn on for guys? Or just girls?...
A. 1 April 2013: me too
FA... (read in full...)
Why do women treat nice guys badly?
Q. hi, to all you women who say you want to meet a nice guy, but when you do, you treat him like sh.t, but a bad guy comes around you fall madly in love, you all say thats not true, but think about it,a nice guy you know what hes going to say, what hes ...
A. 28 March 2013: I'm here to help you has answered the question perfectly. It's not that women want dangerous men. What they want is exciting men. A sense of mystery is important to many women. The trick is to be interesting without being risky.
FA ... (read in full...)
She says she knows what she wants and won't settle for less, is this why she's still single at 42?
Q. So I have been dating someone that is 42,never married and no kids.She is a very smart person,has a great job,has alot to offer.She says that she wants a relationship and hasnt been in too many.Then tells me she has dated alot but they only seem to ...
A. 27 March 2013: If you haven't found an adequate partner in over 20 years, it's not too likely that you will find one now. In fact, the chances go down with age. The available pool of potential dates decreases with the best being removed first. Then as you live ... (read in full...)
I know it's weird to have your tongue in someone's ear, but is it weird when you're making out with your gf?
Q. So this girl and I have been dating for about 4 months now. One day after spending the whole day together, we went back to her dorm. We were alone, so we talked for a bit and then started making out on her bed. I guess I just wanted to try ...
A. 17 March 2013: Personally, I love it. My wife on the other hand prefers that I play with her neck and earlobes. It's really not that unusual.
FA... (read in full...)
I feel like I am already married but I want to be free. Do I end this relationship?
Q. Hi everyone. Please bear with me and try to read this, or at least most of this, because I need some objective advice. I am a nineteen year old girl and I have been dating my bf for a year. We see eachother once a month although he lives 15 minutes ...
A. 17 March 2013: Sylph,
Yes I have some advice for you. You are not happy with your Boyfriend (committed relationship). You feel that the crush is not a serious long term prospect. You need to get your priorities straightened out.
Let me explain. The Bo... (read in full...)
Need self-confidence to lose weight
Q. Hello friends my question isn't really a relationship question but how can I lose weight? I feel very depressed about my weight but I can't seem to lose any weight I have tried many methods but nothing seems to work. I feel like in stuck in a rut. ...
A. 14 March 2013: I know how you feel at the gym, I about left mine when they installed 2 treadmills with a 175 pound limit. Pick your classes carefully. The hydro aerobics class I like has an instructor who is not a dancer and most of the women in the class are ... (read in full...)
I feel like I am already married but I want to be free. Do I end this relationship?
Q. Hi everyone. Please bear with me and try to read this, or at least most of this, because I need some objective advice. I am a nineteen year old girl and I have been dating my bf for a year. We see eachother once a month although he lives 15 minutes ...
A. 14 March 2013: Sylph,
Relationships end every day, for any number of reasons. The best reason to end a relationship is abuse. You may not think you are in an abusive relationship, because there is no physical violence. His behaviors are pretty typical ... (read in full...)
Sent him an email ending things hoping for a bit of resistance but he accepted it. I am so sad, what do I do now?
Q. Hello I have been involved in a 3 1/2 year relationship. My bf likes to flirt a lot, he is in his mid 40s and in my opinion weak willed. We also work together in the same building and recently on the same floor for a period of time. In this time i...
A. 9 March 2013: I, for one, am not surprised at his reaction to your letter. Three and a half years and he hasn't finalized the divorce. He flirts with any opportunity. In short, he has shown no commitment to you. He has shown no commitment to anyone. It's not ... (read in full...)
What are the sexual needs of men and women???
Q. hi all, ok so i was going to write a long post about the issues between me and my partner but instead first i would like to hear some view points on sex and i would like if possible equal input from men and women, women... how important is it to ...
A. 9 March 2013: It sounds like you are making a check list. I get 3 romantic gestures a week in exchange for which, you will get 3 blows. This is the reason that accounting is not considered a sexy profession. You are approaching this question all wrong.
... (read in full...)
What can I do to prevent my boyfriends from gaining weight while they are with me?
Q. I have a problem, and it is becoming more noticeable with each relationship I have. The last 3 boyfriends of mine have put on significant amounts of weight. I am talking about 30-40 pounds. Not muscle, pure fat. I want to know what I can do to ...
A. 25 February 2013: I really like this Question. I'm not sure I have great advice but the question is indicative of a trouble in American society. Guys fail to commit, don't understand how to attract women, Don't understand how to be manly. I'm worried about the ... (read in full...)
How can I find a cute nickname for my boyfriend?
Q. I've got a problem. My friend has an adorable nickname for her boyfriend and it isn't girly or anything (It's darebear) and he loves it. I'm having trouble thinking of one for my bf because he has the most god awful name (Rudolfo...but he goes by ...
A. 22 February 2013: I know a guy with a middle name Rowdy. Most people know him by that name. Apparently in high school he earned it pretty well. He is much quieter now.
FA... (read in full...)
Why do ladies not have any respect for men who treat them right?
Q. Ladies, you always complain about all the guys who mistreat you, so why then, do you always mistreat the guys that dont? Why dont you have any respect for guys unless they are bad to you?...
A. 21 February 2013: Euphoric,
" well, and other mysterious reasons that I can't explain."
Quote of the day 5 stars to you.
Very good definition of the gentleman, Hope you read it all OP.
FA... (read in full...)
Why do ladies not have any respect for men who treat them right?
Q. Ladies, you always complain about all the guys who mistreat you, so why then, do you always mistreat the guys that dont? Why dont you have any respect for guys unless they are bad to you?...
A. 19 February 2013: On top of the excellent answer by CMMP you also need a sense of mystery. Some guys use abusive behavior, sulkiness, danger, or outright lying to substitute for true mystery. It's much more simple than that. Don't smother her. If you text her ... (read in full...)
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