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*atherly Advice agony aunt

*atherly Advice

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*atherly Advice's profile:

I'm in my early 50's. Married to my first wife. I have three adult daughters. I also have an adult son. I figure I've been around the block a few times. I do tend to be old fashioned in my advice, because I believe that old solutions can fit new problems. I am religious but I try to keep an open mind. I try to give my advice to the younger folks from the point of view of a friendly father. For older couples I use my own experience more.

I've been involved with online communities for over a decade. I seem to be very comfortable with this interface. I think it is important to remember, at all times, that everyone here is a real person.

Latest articles:

An old Uncle muses

No replies yet...

30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...

10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...

Rejection

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...

Wanted: Unattached Male

This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...

Confessions of an Agony Uncle

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...

1234567891011Next > [56 pages, 2193 answers]

Is it ever okay to date a mates ex?

Q.   Okay so there is this guy I work with (X) and I've always found him attractive but he dated one of the girls I work with (Y) that I'm mates with. I'm not best buds with her but we're pretty close. I've always seen him as off limits as he's her ex.. ...

A.   16 February 2018: That's quite a story, And a bit embarrassing for you to share. So asking for my opinion, Here it is: - Too Fast - Too Agressive - Work conflict - friend conflict Pretty good possibility that this guy is either an idiot, or a player. Either wa... (read in full...)

Do men catch feelings from having sex?

Q.   Do men catch feelings from having sex? I ask because I was talking to my best friend the other day and she said that she and the guy she is seeing, wants t stop having sex with her because he doesn't want to get too attached. she didn't understan...

A.   16 February 2018: Thanks for checking back with us! It's always nice to know you are being read. ... (read in full...)

Do men catch feelings from having sex?

Q.   Do men catch feelings from having sex? I ask because I was talking to my best friend the other day and she said that she and the guy she is seeing, wants t stop having sex with her because he doesn't want to get too attached. she didn't understan...

A.   15 February 2018: Men are not immune to the bonding hormones released by touch and sexual activity. The Way that men separate sex from emotion is to move on to new partners frequently. I think you failed this chemistry exam.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is a great guy and good looking but I'm not sure that I fancy him

Q.   Hi, I have a problem with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it. We've been together for 3 months and I absolutely love him - he's kind, attentive, loyal and loving and we get on really well. He's become my best friend. The pr...

A.   8 February 2018: So both of you should lead these men into long term sexless relationships because : A - You haven't grown out of your bad boy phase. Or B - It is some how Nice to him?... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is a great guy and good looking but I'm not sure that I fancy him

Q.   Hi, I have a problem with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it. We've been together for 3 months and I absolutely love him - he's kind, attentive, loyal and loving and we get on really well. He's become my best friend. The pr...

A.   7 February 2018: Change What? What is it that you want him to be before you can be attracted to him? This is a you problem, not a him problem. You are faking it at three months. Essentially lying to him to keep him on the line. You Want more sex, but sex with... (read in full...)

Is it ok if I want to be on my own? The relationship feels like 80/20 I'm just not getting enough out of it

Q.   Hi guys and gals, Just here to seek some advice. i am in a relationship of three years, with a man who i love and care for deeply. we had been friends for a while before we decided to hook up. I'm tired and just not sure where to begin. i hardl...

A.   7 February 2018: Your situation is so typical it is almost a stereotype. He has an emotional need for sex. That is typically high on men's needs. You have an emotional need for intimate conversation. That is typically high on women's needs. The reason you feel ... (read in full...)

How do I manage to become friends with possibly sleazy but otherwise awesome guy?

Q.   So, for more than one year I have this little crush for a guy, he is a good person, I see that he helps people when he can, he is really interesting and I find him very sexy too (but I can totally contain myself) - one thing of this guy, that I felt ...

A.   6 February 2018: You knew what he was when you picked him up. Try not to be surprised when you get bitten.... (read in full...)

Cheater?? Just your first instinct, not full evaluation!

Q.   Ok... Just be straight... Being paranoid, or boyfriend totally cheating on me?? He has a friend contact, saved on his phone as "Wifey S" when questioned, said nothing to worry about, just a female friend.... what are your first thought... backgrou...

A.   30 January 2018: First instinct is an interesting thing to ask for. My first instinct is he has a severe lack of boundaries. What I'm really interested in is why you are asking the question this way. For example are you trying to slew the data to your favo... (read in full...)

Is this what to expect after 10 years? Or has my relationship run its course?

Q.   Hi, I've been with my partner for over 10 years now. I'm not sure what to expect out of the relationship. If I'm looking for too much and it's unrealistic. I feel like we don't have anything in common anymore. He just plays computer games a...

A.   24 January 2018: He isn't fulfilling your emotional needs. Relationships often change when couples move in together. There is some work he needs to do if the relationship is going to survive. Starting out with reading his needs her needs together. I do have... (read in full...)

A guy I was dating said how hot my sister was, and I dumped him the same night! Am I overreacting?

Q.   Hey, everyone. So I met a guy a few weeks ago and we have been on 3 dates total. I enjoyed my time with him and he's quirky in the way that he thinks and he can come off like an ass, not in a malicious way, but it intrigues me and he has treated me ...

A.   22 January 2018: Are you over reacting? 3rd date? you can dump anyone for any reason on the third date in my opinion. After all dating is all about finding out how compatible you are. My opinion of this situation is that it is pretty silly to dump the boyf... (read in full...)

I don't feel confident to talk dirty

Q.   How can I feel confident talking sexy with my ldr . He like porn that features lots of mistresses and assertive women and I just dont feel I have the confidence to pull that off. When he asks me to talk sexy I just freeze and can't help feeling very ...

A.   17 January 2018: I't's generally a bad idea to try to live up to some pron image. But having said that, I also think you should be more confident. Some people are naturally submissive. Some people like to relax in the submissive role. I suspect that your LDR ... (read in full...)

Should I be open to casual sex to gain experience?

Q.   I am a 25 yr old male with a problem in dating/sex I cant figure out. I am finishing medical school this year. I put in a lot of work/long hours to get where I am. I go to the gym try new hobbies etc. I was shy in high school,got better in...

A.   17 January 2018: You don't need sex experience, you need relationship experience, and I do suggest casual relationships (non sexual) to build up confidence in this area.... (read in full...)

Should we split so that I can folllow my dream?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we've been living with each other for 2.5 years. I feel as time is going by that I'm changing and he isn't (this is probably because he's 25 and I'm 22). I do absolutely love him and he's my best ...

A.   17 January 2018: There will come a time in your life when you will plead for a guy who wants to save up for a house. Until then you are not ready for the relationship you have been blessed with. FA... (read in full...)

I just want some to love ... who will love me back!

Q.   Hello aunts What does someone do when they can’t find love? I want to give a background ( been in two relationships) long term( both same type of guys) negligent - over powering - verbally absuive - and non emphatic . Learned my lesson that I ne...

A.   14 January 2018: It seems to me that at least part of your trouble is that you have put so much (working 2 jobs) into realizing your dream #1 (living near a beach), that you don't have time for dream #2 (love). In fact all the time you have is for a couple of bar ... (read in full...)

I told my wife the truth and she is furious!

Q.   I have been married to my wife for about 11 years now and have 2 kids, a girl aged 8 and a boy aged 4. Recently I was on a night out with friends and were at this bar where we met a few girls and ended up going to their apartment which was nearby. ...

A.   4 January 2018: Your decision to move out will not help you should there be a divorce. one of the promises you can make and start keeping is regular visits with the kids. Remember that it is not her job to figure out what you have to do, or what punishment you ... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin but I want to have casual sex with him. How do I ask for him without coming across as cheap?

Q.   So, I work with this guy and we get along well together. He not necessarily physically my type but his personality os great. He is funny and makes me laugh and even when we get on eachother nerves we still laugh. I feel comfortable and at ease with ...

A.   4 January 2018: getting into a FWB situation with someone you work with is a terrible idea. Getting into an emotional relationship with a person who you think has a great personality, and makes you laugh is a great idea. Getting int any relationship with som... (read in full...)

I told my wife the truth and she is furious!

Q.   I have been married to my wife for about 11 years now and have 2 kids, a girl aged 8 and a boy aged 4. Recently I was on a night out with friends and were at this bar where we met a few girls and ended up going to their apartment which was nearby. ...

A.   29 December 2017: "I have been utterly devoted and faithful to her for the entirety of our marriage and have never ever cheated on her." Except once. You took something that was precious to you, and you broke it carelessly. Blame the friends, blame the drink, b... (read in full...)

I don’t regret the decision I made to split ways but is there anything I can say to make things right between us as friends?

Q.   My boyfriend and I officially parted ways about 6 months ago after 4 years together on and off. I made a judgement call during his visit to see me in Boston from New York this past summer. As much as I loved and cared for him, there were some ...

A.   29 December 2017: Well the problem here is likely something else, but what you can learn from this is: When you break up, it's because something is broken. Staying friends is always a bad idea. Staying friends keeps both of you from finding the relationship you ... (read in full...)

We're both 26, been together 3 years and done nothing sexually beyond kissing! It's just driving me up the wall!

Q.   Have been dating for over 3 years, we clicked in more than one way and we're fond of each other. We're both 26 and haven't had sex yet (both virgins) . It's likely she hasn't ever had an orgasm or done much "exploration" on her own either. I have ...

A.   27 December 2017: This is unusual enough to go looking for other causes. Without communication on her part the future is bleak.... (read in full...)

Did this Married Man forget his former mistress already?

Q.   I dated a Married Man (MM) for a year and a half. We both worked at my dad’s office. He got caught by his wife 3 times but never left me. The 3rd time he got caught things got pretty bad. He started going to counseling and distanced himself from me. ...

A.   21 December 2017: We've tried to gently let you down. We've tried to scold you. There is only one thing left to do to break you out of this self destructive behavior. The Cold Truth about Cheaters. This MM is the worst of the bad. He doesn't care about ANY wome... (read in full...)

Did this Married Man forget his former mistress already?

Q.   I dated a Married Man (MM) for a year and a half. We both worked at my dad’s office. He got caught by his wife 3 times but never left me. The 3rd time he got caught things got pretty bad. He started going to counseling and distanced himself from me. ...

A.   19 December 2017: He chose her over you 3 times. He has finally cut you off completely. The odds are that even if his wife wises up and divorces the cheating slime ball, he won't come back to you. So my answer to your question is two fold. Yes he has ... (read in full...)

What is a normal amount of sex?

Q.   Im 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. We don't have any kids. How much sex would be 'normal'? Id say on average we probably do it twice a month. ...

A.   15 December 2017: Normal is what you are comfortable with as a couple. 10 or less times a year is considered sexless but other than that counselors are careful not to suggest any "normal". Comparing yourself to others is not very helpful. FYI at over 50 with diab... (read in full...)

I'm doing all the work in the relationship!

Q.   I have been dating this guy for 3 months now. I really love him and feel like he could possible be the one to walk into my future with. He carries a lot of baggage in regards to sexual abuse, drug abuse and so on. He is taking anti-depressants ...

A.   13 December 2017: After reading the original post, I thought all of those things that are bugging the original poster are symptoms of depression. Sadly depression can last a very long time. These problem will keep coming up. ... (read in full...)

Our sexual needs are different

Q.   My girl friend and I got in an argument last night about sex. I get tired it’s me who wants sex. She never starts it, and now she is too tired, because of work, one full time job an one part time job. I realize that, but now it’s the holidays. She ...

A.   13 December 2017: I don't see any justification for the assumption that they live together or for the assumption that she is doing all of the house work and Christmas prep and has been doing so since some time in September. The Original poster has long left. But ... (read in full...)

Our sexual needs are different

Q.   My girl friend and I got in an argument last night about sex. I get tired it’s me who wants sex. She never starts it, and now she is too tired, because of work, one full time job an one part time job. I realize that, but now it’s the holidays. She ...

A.   11 December 2017: You need to reduce the stress in her life give her more time to relax and rest. Start by not asking her out on dates. Not calling her up. Not sending texts or gifts. You get the idea. Pretty much not contacting her. Once a month is the defi... (read in full...)

Jealous of our unfair treatment

Q.   Before I get into it, I'm well aware of the bad rep age regressors have. I know what many of you think of us, but please just refrain from passing judgment. I've heard it all already anyway. I regress to ease anxiety, depression, the bad thoughts...

A.   6 December 2017: I think that your regressing is clouding my advice on this one. I keep thinking of you as younger than you are. I'm not sure that is the best way reach you. But I'm also worried that addressing you as a 30 something may also not reach you. R... (read in full...)

How can I get over this embarrassment?

Q.   This boy I like knows I was spanked and now I can’t face seeing him ever again. Me and my brother got caught skipping class. Mom was so pissed she had us stay in our rooms all afternoon. When dad came home, my brother got to go down stairs but cus ...

A.   6 December 2017: The legal / ethical conversation about spanking of children or teens is clouded in the US by varied cultures and state laws. Personally, I found it very ineffective quite early on. I'm much more interested in how you justify your decision to cut ... (read in full...)

How do I let go of these obsessive thoughts about his past?

Q.   I have met my boyfriend last year and Im so happy with him. The only thing that bothers me is that I keep digging up the past - one day I woke up and wondered, did he really was with me and only me from day one of us knowing each other? This s...

A.   5 December 2017: That is a basket full of problems. Lets take them apart a bit. Jealousy (retroactive jealousy) What ifs Trust These problems are related but it is easier to tackle them one at a time. Retroactive jealousy is jealousy over things that happened... (read in full...)

Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair?

Q.   Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair? I know many would use harsh and negative remarks on such question. I did no Contact and he reached out and I caved in. I am thinking of telling his wife so that I can move on for good forever...

A.   28 November 2017: I'm going to look at this situation from a different angle. There is a school of thought out there that says that the spouse of a cheater should never be told about the affair because they are innocent, and it will hurt them. I don't follow that ... (read in full...)

Help me deal with this pee fetish?

Q.   Dear Aunts and Uncles, I have a problem I've never confessed to anyone and I certainly can't blurt it out to my pastor at the altar. I can't tell him in private either bc when people of the church sin, he brings it to everyone's attention so we ca...

A.   27 November 2017: Thank you for your followup. I'm not going to jump on the Cult bandwagon because the term is often used inappropriately. The practices of your local church are scary to me as well. Both the preaching against psychology and the suppression of a ... (read in full...)

I thought I could taste latex condom on my husband while giving him oral, he says I'm crazy but I'm ready to file for divorce

Q.   My husband asked me to give him oral sex. He had just taken a shower. We’re about to have sex, I go down on him and I put his penis in my mouth. I tasted the strangest taste of condom. I was in disbelief. I pulled away saying to myself I’m. Crazy. ...

A.   27 November 2017: I feel like you really need some good advice, but I'm just not sure where to go with it. As much as I don't like the way he is handling your accusations, I don't know what else he can do. You essentially came to him with a question about which you ... (read in full...)

Help me deal with this pee fetish?

Q.   Dear Aunts and Uncles, I have a problem I've never confessed to anyone and I certainly can't blurt it out to my pastor at the altar. I can't tell him in private either bc when people of the church sin, he brings it to everyone's attention so we ca...

A.   25 November 2017: I feel that this is more of a religious question for you. While confessing your sin is admirable, you will also need to forsake it. That means putting blocking software on all of your phones and computers. I would highly suggest that you confess ... (read in full...)

Mum kept hitting me with a shoe

Q.   I can't talk to my mum and I think she's being abusive. So this is the thing right. My mum just loses it all the time. It's like there's a war going on in my house. It always happens when I come home from school. We just yell at each other. She ...

A.   14 November 2017: You and your Mum are having a trouble common to adults who live together. Every adult, and almost adult thinks they should be able to make their own decisions about how and when the housework will be done. But in order to live together we have to ... (read in full...)

Pouting Boyfriend when sex takes a back seat

Q.   For 5 years, I've been with a man, 54yrs, who has treated me like a queen. Always very courteous, has all those "good ol' morals" of our generation. I don't think I would ever find another man like him and I'm not looking. Over these years....the ...

A.   11 November 2017: It is unusual here for an original poster to create a name and write such a long post, then never come back to follow up. This post is just to say, I hope our replies were helpful, and we would love to hear back from you.... (read in full...)

Will we be able to get back together in the future?

Q.   My ex and I broke up six weeks ago after living together for two years, and being together for three. He's a classical musician and is applying for jobs in other cities - there are a very limited number of jobs in full time orchestras in the ...

A.   11 November 2017: Oh you are in love with an artist. Generally we tell people that you are broken up because something is broken, but in your case you are broken up because the schedule isn't working. Here is some wild advice from a guy that grew up with arti... (read in full...)

Are boxers not for everyone?

Q.   I've read that wearing boxers is better than briefs but how do other guys out there hide their erections in these things? I get easily aroused and sometimes get boners even when I'm not not excited... And it clearly juts out of my pants. Are boxers ...

A.   11 November 2017: What you have read is correct in every way. From a strictly health point of view the male sex organs take care of themselves best when they are loose and free to move. But that isn't really the question is it? Boner control is the question. Whi... (read in full...)

I'm afraid to have sex with my boyfriend

Q.   I'm afraid to have sex with my boyfriend... I've been seen this guy for 3 months now and things are moving forward. However, every time we start getting intimate, I freak out and stop all interactions. I'm a virgin and this is the first pro...

A.   11 November 2017: Is there any way you can, without being to graphic, explain what you mean by "he's done stuff to me and me to him."? That would help us understand your level of intimacy. Aside from that I'm willing to give you some general advice. I just want... (read in full...)

There is no intimacy in our marriage .... is my wife having an affair?

Q.   I have been married for 15 years. Beginning of marriage the sex life was great. Then all of sudden I had to wear a condom didn't want me to orgasm inside her. The kissing stopped was only just a peck on the cheek or lips. Once a month she has dinner ...

A.   9 November 2017: I don't think that the possibility of an affair is as low as you are being told. She has means and opportunity. Motive is the question. She is telling you (through her actions) that one of three things is true. 1 She doesn't love you. 2 She is n... (read in full...)

Am I wrong to want my boyfriend to stop looking at porn online?

Q.   Dear aunts and uncles, I'm only 21 and have been in one relationship which I'm currently in so I don't have much knowledge. My boyfriend's penis looks nothing like the ones I saw in porn.It isn't straight...it kinda twists a bit. Plainly put, it ...

A.   6 November 2017: Well that's new! A woman complaining that her guy doesn't look like a porn star. These complains are usually the woman complaining that her boyfriend must be comparing her to a porn star. So your whole body of evidence for your claim that he is m... (read in full...)

Pouting Boyfriend when sex takes a back seat

Q.   For 5 years, I've been with a man, 54yrs, who has treated me like a queen. Always very courteous, has all those "good ol' morals" of our generation. I don't think I would ever find another man like him and I'm not looking. Over these years....the ...

A.   6 November 2017: Well I tried to write some advice to you based on this situation. But it came out as advice that your boyfriend needs. All I can offer you is an interpretation of what is going on with him. His emotional needs are not being met in the relation... (read in full...)

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