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| | Fatherly Advice's profile:I'm in my early 40's. Still married to my first wife. I have one adult daughter and 2 teen daughters. I also have a preteen son. I figure I've been around the block a few times. I do tend to be old fashioned in my advice, because I still believe that old solutions can fit new problems. I am religious but I try to keep an open mind. I hope that someone will find my advice helpful. |
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| Latest articles: Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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What does a belly-button piercing symbolize? Advice from those under 20.
Q. I’m looking for input from the under-20 crowd here about just how piercings are perceived. My 14 year-old daughter is anxious to get one. The first negotiations were for her nose, but lately it’s been for her navel. I’m old and stodgy, and have...
A. 3 November 2009: Yet another rep;y from an older person. I'm in the same age range as old guy. My Neighbor is close to my age, married to a younger man, but has kids the same age as mine. A few years ago She decided to get he navel pierced. (I know completely ... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable to ask to see his email.
Q. My spouse has in the recent past had an affair. He hides his income He tells me that it is none of my business. i have no access to, or knowledge of his income. He tells me that it is not my business who he knows or what he does, and that i just ...
A. 2 November 2009: Not the first time an excess of pride finished off a marriage. There is no I in we.
I've been married 22 years, my Wife sees every pay stub, and she has my e mail passwords. I don't feel repressed. To me this is normal.
FA... (read in full...)
He won't have a child with me, so I'm refusing to deal with the mother of his children. Am I being terrible?
Q. My question could possibly be viewed as spoilt and childish but it matters to me so here goes. For a long time I have wanted a baby with my new husband. He already has three children and doesn't want anymore children. He made this clear prior to...
A. 2 November 2009: Thanks for the update,
I think it is incredibly sad that an adult will use their child as leverage to get an opportunity to abuse someone, as some sort of twisted revenge. Of course we suspected this because we see it all to often. I think a ... (read in full...)
If you can afford me 2
Q. This is for women to answer, since men can't know the answer, unless they got it from a woman already. A woman who used to be a prostitute (so I figure she was low self esteem), told me all men who pay for dates are paying for sex/relations...
A. 31 October 2009: From the other side of the couch. Traditionally a man pays for the date as a proof of his ability as a provider. How much a woman takes advantage of his money is a sign of her responsibility. Of course "Traditionally" sex was for later on in the ... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable to ask to see his email.
Q. My spouse has in the recent past had an affair. He hides his income He tells me that it is none of my business. i have no access to, or knowledge of his income. He tells me that it is not my business who he knows or what he does, and that i just ...
A. 31 October 2009: I was curious when I saw those two posts together. So advice for the both of you. . . .
during a period of rebuilding after a betrayal of trust he (the betrayer) will naturally lose some of his privileges of privacy. In order for you (the bet... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have a leather glove fetish?
Q. Recently whilst watching videos on the internet, i have found myself looking at leather glove fetish videos. Is it wrong to have a glove fetish? Is there something wrong with?...
A. 30 October 2009: You find that the leather gloves excite you, and then you feel bad about being excited by leather gloves? The problem is that you are doing something that you believe is bad. Whether other people think it is bad makes no difference. As long as ... (read in full...)
I found out she cheated 2 years ago, now all she does is cry. How do I deal with this?
Q. Hi Guys, If your partner of 20 years cheated on you just once and you found out by chance would you forgive and forget. She is the love of my life and a great mother. Apparently it happened with a mutual so called friend. I confronted her with thi...
A. 30 October 2009: I have been married for over 20 years. It really doesn't feel the same from this point of view. My first question upon reading this is, Why do you want to get out of this relationship? At 40 years old I hope you are over worrying what other ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of all the collections at the office!
Q. Hi all. i have an issue thats been building up and really frustating me lately in the office. We have always done collections for people for their birthday which is fine-there are 22 people in the office. Now someone recently got engaged ...
A. 24 October 2009: I believe in being charitable. I also believe that how a person goes about being charitable is private. so to say, not letting the right hand know what the left hand is doing. I agree that collections should be anonymous and not required. It ... (read in full...)
Suspicious acts!
Q. If my boyfriend shaves before he sees his female co-worker, is he pursueing her? [Moderator note: The following was posted as a seperate question on the same topic from the same user] My live in boyfriend shaves everytime he is going to work with...
A. 23 October 2009: Shaving is an indication from him that what he is doing is serious to him he wants to make a good impression. If there is a deal to close or a performance review I would definitely shave. People tend to distrust men who are not clean shaven. ... (read in full...)
I lost my erection, now she thinks I'm not attracted her!
Q. Hi, I have a bit of a problem. Last night while in bed with my girlfriend, she started trying to arouse me. It worked, I got an erection and everything, but then we had some trouble with penetration. She was on top, and after a minute of her ...
A. 23 October 2009: You ask, "Is it normal to lose an erection in those circumstances?" At your age it isn't common, at my age loss of erection happens over anything. First I want to reassure you that it is nothing to be worried about. It can and does happen to ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't go wild in bed, is he not attracted to me?
Q. I`ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and sex has it ups and downs but he tells me that he will not go wild me cause he respect me too much. He doesn't do oral sex cause he doesn`t see me as an object. Is he not attracted to me or does he see ...
A. 23 October 2009: Now I'm really over thinking. I just looked up Aliyah's flag. Lack of passion in a Mediterranean man seems impossible to me. Perhaps I'm prejudiced, but I can only think of one example in my experience. In his case it was misplaced passion ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't go wild in bed, is he not attracted to me?
Q. I`ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and sex has it ups and downs but he tells me that he will not go wild me cause he respect me too much. He doesn't do oral sex cause he doesn`t see me as an object. Is he not attracted to me or does he see ...
A. 23 October 2009: Sorry to have offended you Older Sister. For some reason I thought the oral problem was with him receiving not giving. You are right if he is using respect as a reason for not giving that simply does not make sense. We may need clarification from ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't go wild in bed, is he not attracted to me?
Q. I`ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and sex has it ups and downs but he tells me that he will not go wild me cause he respect me too much. He doesn't do oral sex cause he doesn`t see me as an object. Is he not attracted to me or does he see ...
A. 22 October 2009: This is one of the troubles with "nice guys". He is trying to treat you like a lady. Just like he was taught. And, you are getting bored. You need fantasy and passion, and adventure. Not every day but frequently. This reminds me of an old song ... (read in full...)
She left her ex for me, so what is the chance she will do the same thing again to me?
Q. Hi I just want to know if im being stupid, paranoid or whether im justified in my thoughts. My current girlfriend left her ex to be with me. We knew eachother for years, the whole time she was with her ex, which was 6 years. Anyway i always t...
A. 22 October 2009: Dear anonymous male,
What you want is for someone to tell you that everything will be okay. We can't tell you that. Things happen, people do bad things, accidents happen. I'd like to tell you that true love always lasts, but it doesn't always. ... (read in full...)
How can I spend time with her in my own home before I leave for active duty?
Q. I am 18 years old and enlisted in the United States Airforce. I have a girlfriend well ex now girlfriend who is 16 years old. I have been dating her since i was 14 years old and I lost my virginity to this girl. My first true love and basically only ...
A. 21 October 2009: I'm confused, if she is your "ex now girlfriend" why does any of this matter? But, this does bring up the old topic of the two year age difference with teens. You are absolutely right your Mom should have been talking to you when you were 14. If... (read in full...)
She left her ex for me, so what is the chance she will do the same thing again to me?
Q. Hi I just want to know if im being stupid, paranoid or whether im justified in my thoughts. My current girlfriend left her ex to be with me. We knew eachother for years, the whole time she was with her ex, which was 6 years. Anyway i always t...
A. 21 October 2009: The obvious answer to this question is just too cruel. I must admit I'm tempted.
Good relationships are built on trust. Your relationship started with the two of you collaborating to break her ex's heart. You probably have some residual... (read in full...)
Is two years at this age a big deal?
Q. ok so there is this girl i like but she is 2 years younger than me so im not sure if that is ok or not as in im too old or shes too young. Is two years at this age a big deal?...
A. 4 October 2009: Nightingale,
It is true that I have never been a 14 year old young lady. It does tend to taint my perspective. I too am worried about the general level of acceptance for sexual activity among the younger people these days.
FA... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 4 October 2009: This is a hot topic and We have jumped on it as a way to talk about what we want to talk about to the exclusion of what the original poster asked, and needed to know.
You asked, "How can I explain that to my bf without him thinking I am being se... (read in full...)
Why would he want to spend time with an older woman when he could have me?
Q. I recently turned 21 I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile. I consider myself mature and I met a guy a few months ago that is 12 years older than me. He was in a long term relationship so he doesn't want to commit right now. He talks so sweet to me ...
A. 3 October 2009: You Keep asking great questions. I'll keep answering. Why are guys selfish. We as humans tend to be egocentric. We see the world as if were centered on us. As we grow up one of the great challenges is to see things from another person's point ... (read in full...)
Is two years at this age a big deal?
Q. ok so there is this girl i like but she is 2 years younger than me so im not sure if that is ok or not as in im too old or shes too young. Is two years at this age a big deal?...
A. 2 October 2009: Age is not only a number. Nothing is only a number. Where does this idea come from. Numbers represent things, they are symbols to help us understand and predict the world. Two years represents 670 days. It represents the difference between ... (read in full...)
Why would he want to spend time with an older woman when he could have me?
Q. I recently turned 21 I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile. I consider myself mature and I met a guy a few months ago that is 12 years older than me. He was in a long term relationship so he doesn't want to commit right now. He talks so sweet to me ...
A. 2 October 2009: You asked: "Why do I always meet the wrong one at the wrong time??"
Way back When I was a minor I fished for trout. One thing I learned is that if you fish in shallow warm water you will catch bass, not trout. And if you use tiny hooks you catc... (read in full...)
Is two years at this age a big deal?
Q. ok so there is this girl i like but she is 2 years younger than me so im not sure if that is ok or not as in im too old or shes too young. Is two years at this age a big deal?...
A. 2 October 2009: If you are 16 and she is 14 she isn't mature enough. If you are 17 and she is 15 she thinks she is mature enough, and you will likely dump her when you graduate, which will break her heart. Alternative ly you may continue to date her when you are ... (read in full...)
Why would he want to spend time with an older woman when he could have me?
Q. I recently turned 21 I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile. I consider myself mature and I met a guy a few months ago that is 12 years older than me. He was in a long term relationship so he doesn't want to commit right now. He talks so sweet to me ...
A. 2 October 2009: Lets see you're 21 he's 33. Just numbers? I don't think so. He graduated high school when you were in first grade. You don't even know the names of the bands he listened to in high school. Do you realize that he had to replace his cassette ... (read in full...)
Is there such thing as love at first sight?
Q. Is there such thing as love at first sight? Iv met this girl and only been out with her a few times and something just feels right about it and like we have a connection, i didnt want to sat anything but she said thats how she felt the same wa...
A. 1 October 2009: Heartbroken your cynicism is showing. It shows that you still have some healing to do.
To the Original Poster; Yes it happens. It did to me.
FA... (read in full...)
I dreamt I was getting married, what does this mean?
Q. Hey...its me again.lol.Well I have a quick question its probabaly a dumb one put yesterday I had a dream that I was getting married I don't know what this might mean do you guys have any idea what this dream might mean?? Thanks to whoever takes the ...
A. 1 October 2009: That is really hard to go on. You need to search your dream for symbols. A wedding can mean so many things. My suggestion is that you go to Dreammoods.com and read everything about marriage and wedding, and see which fits you best. Just put ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 1 October 2009: Here is how to put your point across to your boyfriend.
I don't want to have a baby. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't believe you will be a good father. You have an addictive personality and I don't trust you. I need you to support ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 1 October 2009: Many people get into a relationship thinking that I like her but she has some ideas I don't agree with. Perhaps with age she will come around. Perhaps if I love her enough she will be willing to change for me. But for now we are not committed and ... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me what my dream means?
Q. Hello :D I appreciate it if it is hard to answer this question, but I am extremely curious. Last night I dreamt I was inlove with my crush, and he was my boyfriend (along with other random stuff happening, e.g us going on a giant bouncy castle.)...
A. 30 September 2009: You are happy with your relationship with your crush. You feel that to go forward with the relationship would be an honor and an achievement for you. But, you are worried that pushing the issue with him will end your current relationship.
... (read in full...)
Am I too fat to attract a boyfriend?
Q. Am I Fat To Have a borfreind? 15 years...60 kg....152 cm .....
A. 30 September 2009: I hate the Body Mass Index. I feel that it really isn't a good indicator of health. But, here where we respond "sight unseen" I use it as a rough estimating tool. The original Posters BMI is 26 making her overweight, but at 57 kg she would be in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has threatened to break up with me if I have an abortion! How do I get him to understand it is my choice?
Q. Yesterday morning I did a pregnancy test and it came up positive but I don't know how many weeks yet. I have no desire to be a mum or ever have a baby I just don't like them so I knew straight away that abortion is the only option. Howev...
A. 30 September 2009: I am personally against abortions because there are thousands of couples out there who would give everything they own to have a child to raise.
Your question was not really whether or not to have an abortion but how to deal with the boyfrien... (read in full...)
I do judge her past when considering marriage. What can you say about my line of thinking?
Q. I’m finally old enough and financially secure enough to be married. What I found, which surprised me, is that I have a completely different attitude towards what I look for in a girlfriend than what I do in a potential wife. I did a quick goog...
A. 27 September 2009: Blatant,
It is as I feared. you are unable to forgive. Without that ability you are not ready to get married. A marriage cannot survive without that ability. I am glad that you are not out looking for a much younger girl just to find one with... (read in full...)
I do judge her past when considering marriage. What can you say about my line of thinking?
Q. I’m finally old enough and financially secure enough to be married. What I found, which surprised me, is that I have a completely different attitude towards what I look for in a girlfriend than what I do in a potential wife. I did a quick goog...
A. 27 September 2009: Me too. I agree that you want to marry someone who has a set of values that match yours. It is going to make things easier all around. One thing you should be more flexible on is forgiveness. You should realize that people can change.
It's ... (read in full...)
I'm married want to know if its ok to indulge in sex with someone else?
Q. i am a married for last 3 years, last year i met a guy who is single. intially it was a good friendship. he is 3 years younger to me. we used to talk a lot. gradually he started expressing his feeling and talking all about himself. one day i saw his ...
A. 26 September 2009: No
Not only are you having an sexual affair you are having an emotional affair. If you don't want to cheat your husband, stop doing it. In what way haven't you already cheated him?
Your actions are not OK.
The only thing you haven't given ... (read in full...)
Am a lover? Or his mother?
Q. I am sittin here angry....why becoz I have a Man (boy) in my house that thinks he is my boyfriend. However, we have as often a nun and a monk....and he does not work, I cook, I clean, I do it all...as he sits and watches, doing his thing....we use ...
A. 26 September 2009: Please see my previous answer on this subject.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-keeps-mooching-off-my-bank-account.html
Then send your story to her she needs to hear it.
I have seen this all too often. The only solutio... (read in full...)
Is it weird for a girl to enjoy porn?
Q. i'm a girl, with a pretty damn good sex life, but i secretly love to watch porn. is that weird? my ex thought it was hot, but he was very open and adventerous, to "normal" guys is it weird for me to like to watch porn?...
A. 26 September 2009: Actually, the statistics bear out what Mandy (pepper) has said. Female use of porn is nearly as high as male. Even when you don't count Jackie Collins users. I'm not saying it's healthy, but then you didn't ask. . . . .
FA... (read in full...)
He promised me he'd always be at my side but that was a lie. Help!
Q. Hello everyone. I just need a little help, if not that, support, to get through this. My boyfriend, whom I have been with for two years straight, broke up with me last night. I didn't want to let him go because we really had something there. And for ...
A. 26 September 2009: Wow, That is a remarkably cruel thing to do. Sounds like emotions are high and getting out of control. Remember this police no contact order goes both ways. For your safety you need to avoid contact with this group as well. Also this is the ... (read in full...)
Who's right? Him? Or me?
Q. Please help me out...Recently I asked about my relationship. And now my boyfriend wants his question answered.He wants to know is it right for me to text or call him like every 3 hours when he is not home..But here is why I do In the first part of ...
A. 25 September 2009: It is unusual for Q and I to take such opposite sides on a question. Without retracting any thing I said about your problem, I agree with Q that this guy is certainly not much of a catch, by your description.
FA... (read in full...)
He's 6 years older than me but I really have feelings for him, its an online romance
Q. Ok so basiclly i'm quite young and i live in another country to this other guy who is 20 and 6 years older than me and he isn't a perv or nothing due to the plain and simple fact i lied about my age i look older anyways and i'm more mature so when i ...
A. 25 September 2009: You want an honest opinion? My opinion is that you should not go to his country, you should not date him you should not have sex with him and you should stop using him. What follows is the reason for my opinion. You are not going to like it.
... (read in full...)
Overly critical spouse
Q. I think my husband is overly critical and he thinks that i m overly sensitive. I feel he lives in a dreamworld where he feels the need to have a perfect wife with a perfect figure who is also a great cook etc etc. I feel he is always criticising me ...
A. 25 September 2009: Interestingly I find your letter to be very critical of him. You are of course perfect and all of the problems in your marriage stem from his behavior. And should you do something wrong it is because he made you do it. When you say he lives in a ... (read in full...)
Who's right? Him? Or me?
Q. Please help me out...Recently I asked about my relationship. And now my boyfriend wants his question answered.He wants to know is it right for me to text or call him like every 3 hours when he is not home..But here is why I do In the first part of ...
A. 25 September 2009: I really hate when post start out; "Who is right?" I want to say "do you want to be right? or do you want to be together?" Some outsider saying that you are right or he is right is not going to change the way either of you feel. So the question ... (read in full...)
He promised me he'd always be at my side but that was a lie. Help!
Q. Hello everyone. I just need a little help, if not that, support, to get through this. My boyfriend, whom I have been with for two years straight, broke up with me last night. I didn't want to let him go because we really had something there. And for ...
A. 24 September 2009: Here's some thing to think about, Just a quote from a movie you might be too young to remember.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fift... (read in full...)
He won't have a child with me, so I'm refusing to deal with the mother of his children. Am I being terrible?
Q. My question could possibly be viewed as spoilt and childish but it matters to me so here goes. For a long time I have wanted a baby with my new husband. He already has three children and doesn't want anymore children. He made this clear prior to...
A. 22 September 2009: So, love and patience didn't work. Now you are trying blackmail? How is this going to improve your relationship.
Strangely, after saying that, I do have some sympathy for you. I often have to "deal" with difficult customers. People who want... (read in full...)
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