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*atherly Advice agony aunt

*atherly Advice

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*atherly Advice's profile:

I'm in my early 50's. Married to my first wife. I have three adult daughters. I also have an adult son. I figure I've been around the block a few times. I do tend to be old fashioned in my advice, because I believe that old solutions can fit new problems. I am religious but I try to keep an open mind. I try to give my advice to the younger folks from the point of view of a friendly father. For older couples I use my own experience more.

I've been involved with online communities for over a decade. I seem to be very comfortable with this interface. I think it is important to remember, at all times, that everyone here is a real person.

Latest articles:

An old Uncle muses

No replies yet...

30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...

10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...

Rejection

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...

Wanted: Unattached Male

This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...

Confessions of an Agony Uncle

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...

1234567891011Next > [54 pages, 2106 answers]

How do I make the break for good?

Q.   I just read this article about having to let go of a true soulmate; that certain brands of soulmates come in fast, passionately - like a tornado only to be the impetus behind the ultimate crash and burn. So you love someone who also loves you b...

A.   23 June 2017: Pearl #1 Pop psychology articles are a dime a dozen. If you want something that applies to your unique situation you need a qualified specialist look at your situation. Your situation is not the same as the ones the article addresses. Pearl #2 ... (read in full...)

Should I end my it with my cybersex buddy ?

Q.   Hello Dear cupid , I have a issue..... I have a pen pal in another country he is in the U.K. And I'm in the USA we met on Instagram it started out friendly but gradually got flirty and sexual we are both really attracted to each other and have ...

A.   21 June 2017: Interesting questions. You are in an unsatisfying relationship that you consider as non exclusive. Should you end it? Yes you probably should, but would you rather? You see he is probably trying to give you room. and you have developed feelings ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I watch porn

Q.   Long story short my girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me cause she thinks I'm lying to her about not watching porn. It's rediculous if you saw how beautiful she was you'd understand. We've been exploring our sexuality together and I went o...

A.   20 June 2017: kew37 writes, "so I'm supposed to just lay dead like a fish and let our entire relationship be destroyed because of a simple misunderstanding?" I stand by my original advice. Or to put it in your particularly apt words, Your problem is not due ... (read in full...)

Why did he give up his trip with the boys?

Q.   My boyfriend turned down a golf trip with the guys next weekend. It's out of town and they go every year. He said it's because he knows I worry and he doesn't want to upset me. In the past I have given him grief. Many of the guys go to strip club...

A.   19 June 2017: Why did he do this? Because you gave him enough grief. Because he thought you would owe him one. Now you regret asking, because you find his decision weak and unattractive. And it is! You need to start clearly communicating with him. Of cou... (read in full...)

I'm tempted to punish him by cheating on him

Q.   Hey all!! I'm in need of some good solid advice and know this website would be my best bet for non sugar coated advice. I know I'm not the only person going thru this type of stuff, so please help me thru it. I've been dating the same guy for...

A.   18 June 2017: What on the earth gives you the right or responsibility to punish any adult? You are addicted to abusive relationships. Here is what you need to do. Get into counseling and find out what is making you do this. Get out of this relationship and ... (read in full...)

Is my ex meant to be back in my life?

Q.   How do you know if someone is being brought back into your life for a reason? My ex and I broke up almost 2 years ago and we had stopped talking for 4 months after we broke up, then out of the blue one day he texted me. And we've been talking eve...

A.   18 June 2017: Dear Other Woman, Get used to that title. You are engaging in intimate conversation with an engaged (to be married) man. This path leads to pain for you as well as for others.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants me to buy a cheap car instead of one I can actually afford

Q.   So I'm in a conundrum. My bf and I have been dating on/off for 5 years. We were friends for years first before dating. Currently, we disagree on a car, to understand the struggle, a lil history is needed. In the very beginning of our relationship...

A.   18 June 2017: My very strong advice to you is to sign over the title to the POS Mazda, to your ex boyfriend, and find a replacement who can keep a job. ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I watch porn

Q.   Long story short my girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me cause she thinks I'm lying to her about not watching porn. It's rediculous if you saw how beautiful she was you'd understand. We've been exploring our sexuality together and I went o...

A.   18 June 2017: Let me re-write the title for you. "my Keeper punished me for a misdeed that she imagined" Now read that a few times and think about how lucky you are to be free of this lopsided non- relationship. To reiterate what I've been saying for some tim... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has been mock hitting me

Q.   Hi, we've been in a relationship my boyfriend and I for 8 mth, we live together, he is a musician, gets hard for him to be talkative so I beleive he is not that skillful linguistically, and I understand the musician he is and how introvert he could ...

A.   9 June 2017: I also see the red flags, but I'm seeing something else as well. He is starting to relax around you and treating you like one of the guys. There may be a language problem here but you telling false ideas sounds on the edge of emotional abuse. This... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't seem to care that it's our 5th anniversary

Q.   It's our 5th wedding anniversary today. My husband is on a business trip. He is due back this weekend, which is when we will be celebrating by going to dinner and the theatre and then staying at a hotel in the city. However, last night I sent him...

A.   9 June 2017: it's a matter of text etiquette not how he feels about the anniversary. You are blowing this all out of proportion. ... (read in full...)

My FWB wants me to stay the night while his GF is away. Does my FWB expect something different? Or the same?

Q.   So I've been seeing a FWB guy since we were both 17ish. Its been nearly 10 years and its a continuing thing, never stopped for either of us. But we have both in and out of relationships and we still do it on the DL. Just wondering i guess if...

A.   7 June 2017: Which is the FWB, and which is the Long Term Relationship? If you have never spent the night in 10 years, Spending the night is certainly "something different". Waking up together, Breakfast, Morning breath, socks on the floor. Could be quite a re... (read in full...)

I think this 55 year old man may be harassing me. Can someone help me with this problem?

Q.   Hey can someone help me out? Gonna explain the story here sorry if its long. Im 20 years old. I live in a small town where they're aren't many bars and there are like 2 or three bars people go to. My boyfriend is a regular at one he's been going ...

A.   5 June 2017: Wow you really hate older people. Well that tends to be a self healing problem (in about 36 years I bet you will be 55) But seriously you have gathered enough evidence to get a protection order. What he is doing is abusive and illegal. My advi... (read in full...)

What do I do? I feel I can't trust him anymore after what's happened.

Q.   Hi I've been in what I thought was a happy relationship for the past 3 and a half years. A couple of weeks ago I went on my Facebook and seen he had became friends with 2 women. I asked who they were and he denied he had added anyone. I had my s...

A.   5 June 2017: I vote with Nora and N91 Dump him he has wandering eyes. But even though I am addicted to social media I would not let the facebook feed rule my life. I have seen so much facebook drama involved in wrecking good relationships. I just don't trus... (read in full...)

What should I do? A shower get with sparkly elements for men? What could be the explanation?

Q.   Hi there guys/gals My boyfriend who I have a long distance relationship came around although asked me to run him a bath whilst on the way. When he arrived I made him a cup of tea so he sat on the bed to drink it before he had his bath. I coul...

A.   5 June 2017: Hold on, there is one thing we need to check first. You didn't, at any point, tell him how much you enjoyed the Twilight Series? OK so you think he traveled a long distance to see you , but managed to stop somewhere in route for a Liaison with... (read in full...)

He is so busy renovating properties that I feel we're missing out on quality time. How do I get through these challenges?

Q.   Dear Cupid, My boyfriend has three houses that he is renovating. And one house he is trying to sell. So four houses. Two are for renting out and the other is the house which he (and much of the time I) stay in. He says he wants to start talki...

A.   4 June 2017: Most women are interested in security, good income, and a roof over their heads. You just want fun and nice meals at expensive places. I'm afraid you two aren't compatible financially. Let him go he will have no trouble finding someone who wants ... (read in full...)

Have I the right to feel narked?

Q.   I have met someone and seen him a few times. I knew it was his birthday coming up weeks ago. I have asked him if he wants to come over the day before his birthday which he has said he would love to do. I mentioned my daughter working at a race ...

A.   1 June 2017: Your feelings are your own and you are entitled, and responsible for them. Your complaint is common enough. You have a lazy dater on your hands. He doesn't spend so much time with his friends that you are neglected. But you get chosen second and ... (read in full...)

I pretty much hate my husband and need to find a way to get out of my marriage

Q.   I apologize upfront because this will be a long one. Im just going to get things out there as i think about them so hopefully it will make some sense. Im Looking for a little advice and I'm not sure where to turn. I've been married for 12 years and ...

A.   28 May 2017: Go to a lawyer and find out what it's going to cost. You are already half way out the door. better to have a plan first.... (read in full...)

He has ED, should I stay with him?

Q.   I am planning to settle down with this guy as I really want kids (I've wanted them for years) and I'd like someone to help bring them up. I've been dating for a few months and found out that he has erectile dysfunction. I am not in love with him...

A.   28 May 2017: Never Ever even think about marrying a person you are not in love with and who is sexually incompatible with you. That is dishonesty to the highest degree. Every minute you spend with him is a lie. Sooner or later you will break his heart. It is ... (read in full...)

Should we get back together?

Q.   my ex broke up with me a month ago, and my feelings for him are still very strong. i could tell that he didn't want to break up with me he cried as he said that he had to leave me, and even heard his friends saying,"why is he crying today? did you ...

A.   28 May 2017: To echo Andie's thoughts, There is an old saying, "if you want Closure, start with your legs". Much better than yet another discussion with him would be a few weeks of NO CONTACT. Hugging kissing carrying, presents are all serving one purpose ... (read in full...)

How do I hide a love bite?

Q.   It was my school leavers party on friday night where all of my year and people from different people from other schools came to get drubk basically. I was with my friends which included this boy I know. we were drinking and smoking and we were quite ...

A.   28 May 2017: Well, To tell the truth. I'm a bit Jealous. it's been some time since my Wife has given me one of those. Of course being non imbibers she always has the presence of mind to put them where they can be hidden. Ah so you have a few days of ... (read in full...)

Haven't heard from my friend after I rebuffed his advances. What should I do?

Q.   A friend came over we went to my room sat on the bed we talked them he touched me I moved his hands. Shortly after he left. Haven't heard him after that. He only sent me moving greetings via whatsapp. Should I try to contact him or walk away?...

A.   24 May 2017: So you invited him to your home, you invited him to your room, You invited him to your bed. Then you slammed on the brakes. He's still just trying to figure out what is going on in your head. ... (read in full...)

My married lover seems to have lost interest in me. Why is this?

Q.   Dear aunts, I met a wonderful man through work and the chemistry between us was unbelievable. We had few business meetings with other people and he finally told me that he's very much attracted to me but never contacted me. I found out he was ...

A.   24 May 2017: The most likely thing to have Happened is him getting caught. I mean 3 meetings in a week, how did he think he would get away with that? There is another better possibility. it could be that he really is a good Faithful guy and he came out of t... (read in full...)

He's engaged and 13 years older than me. Could things work out?

Q.   How many years apart is too many? The man I love is 13 years older than me, I believe it's one sided, but I'm just curious on what people believe. He's also engaged, could this possibly work out for me at all?...

A.   19 May 2017: On the other hand I love your screen name Floralskateboards.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is grounded and I feel its my fault.

Q.   My boyfriend has college review classes and is not allowed to go out after classes. But the other day, he broke the rules and went out to have lunch with me. When we were almost done with our lunch, his dad called him and got mad at him because his ...

A.   18 May 2017: bodyguard? just how wealthy is this catch? ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is planning to propose! Should I tell my difficult parents now or after the engagement?

Q.   My boyfriend is not a secret keeper at all. For a while now we have been talking about marriage. For us, it is just the next natural step to take in our relationship. I cannot imagine it going any other way, love him dearly, and see the same from ...

A.   17 May 2017: Traditionally your BF would talk to your parents before talking to you. I don't know anyone in your country who still believes he needs their permission, but it is considered the courteous thing to do. My Daughters ex husband never asked me. It ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is no longer interested in sex and I am starting to think of her as someone untouchable

Q.   Could you give me you overview please. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation. My girlfriend is entering the menopausal age. She tells me she no longer feels sexy. Although I’m a bit older than her I still do. I have backed off initiati...

A.   16 May 2017: Dear OP, Apparently I posted before seeing your second followup. I was harsh and I apologize. You have chosen to invest in healing injured birds. A very noble but difficult avocation. You are most likely to have your heart broken by someone who ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is no longer interested in sex and I am starting to think of her as someone untouchable

Q.   Could you give me you overview please. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation. My girlfriend is entering the menopausal age. She tells me she no longer feels sexy. Although I’m a bit older than her I still do. I have backed off initiati...

A.   16 May 2017: Dear Anonymous female responder, This is not the place to discuss the advice I would give to women who have the difficulty you mention. We are to keep this topic to the Original posters question. On the other hand, if you wish to discuss your own... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is no longer interested in sex and I am starting to think of her as someone untouchable

Q.   Could you give me you overview please. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation. My girlfriend is entering the menopausal age. She tells me she no longer feels sexy. Although I’m a bit older than her I still do. I have backed off initiati...

A.   15 May 2017: Well OP, you are not the first high drive person in a sexless relationship to refuse to DO anything about it. I suspect that your "talk" will result in some promises that will last less than 2 weeks. Like her you are addicted to your comfort and ... (read in full...)

I think I scared my online guy off. How do I get him to flirt with me again?

Q.   I have been messaging this guy everyday since February through an app. I asked him for his snapchat so I could message him on there and we have been flirting, teasing each other and joking around a lot. I decided to directly compliment him a...

A.   14 May 2017: It really could be something else. Like it's time for finals soon. Or i could be that he is tired of the relationship, it isn't filling his emotional needs. Who knows? My advice to you is to decide what it is you really want, if you just want... (read in full...)

My girlfriend left me to go back to her husband. She said she didn't love me enough

Q.   My girlfriend recently broke up with me of 4.5 yrs to go back to her husband she left 8 yrs ago. She never stopped working for him and has been doing the same dead end job for 28 yrs. He is a grandiose type person, a bit of a show-off and loud. He ...

A.   14 May 2017: You are the Other Man, The Fling, The Distraction. Whatever she said to you meant exactly this: "I choose my husband over you". Sadly for the homewrecker this is very often the result. Now after over 4 years you need to put out the torch, stop ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is no longer interested in sex and I am starting to think of her as someone untouchable

Q.   Could you give me you overview please. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation. My girlfriend is entering the menopausal age. She tells me she no longer feels sexy. Although I’m a bit older than her I still do. I have backed off initiati...

A.   14 May 2017: She has made a choice between her comfort and you. She has chosen not to face the embarrassment of talking to a doctor. She has chosen to give up sex rather than do that. You have been a real trooper to stick with her for a couple of years. But ... (read in full...)

I'm torn between boyfriend and a new guy. Do I stay with my Bf or go with the new guy?

Q.   I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We have a huge age gap 11years??. We met at work and fell hard for each other. We've obviously had our ups and downs but grew stronger throughout the year. My boyfri...

A.   10 May 2017: While I agree that the relationship with the older BF is on the rocks. I'm a bit less optimistic about the new guy. He is just some stranger you met on face book. You also seem to have some trouble with fidelity. (checking out new guys, while in ... (read in full...)

Do you think he'll ever be open to friendship with me? Two weeks after dumping me he was back on dating sites.

Q.   Hello, I am hoping for some advice and help to make sense of a situation I am in. Was together with a man for 9 months. He lived about 90 minutes away, and for various work and child matters we saw each other from Friday through till Sunday ever ...

A.   10 May 2017: Well we do the best we can with the information we get. Of course you know more about the whole story that any of us could. I's sorry that my advice was on the stingish side, but I am very glad that you came back to correct me. I'd like to stay... (read in full...)

What should I do? Four years after we broke up my ex still hangs around, tries to get my attention and stares at me whenever he sees me.

Q.   Hi I split from my ex boyfriend 4 years ago, after I had a miscarriage. Neither of us wanted to split up but after the miscarriage he ended it with me i moved on met another man and had a baby girl. Yet my ex still hangs around and stares at me an...

A.   9 May 2017: He sounds dangerous. Document. Write it down, record it whatever is legal File a report. Again I'm not sure on your laws but a law officer could direct you to the right help. Ask for a restraining order. This is a bit too scary not to giv... (read in full...)

Do you think he'll ever be open to friendship with me? Two weeks after dumping me he was back on dating sites.

Q.   Hello, I am hoping for some advice and help to make sense of a situation I am in. Was together with a man for 9 months. He lived about 90 minutes away, and for various work and child matters we saw each other from Friday through till Sunday ever ...

A.   9 May 2017: My take on this is a bit different. What I see here is clingy neediness and Acute fear of loneliness. I may be as cruel and "horrid" as The ex boyfriend. But in order to see success in future relationships OP needs to see this clearly. The r... (read in full...)

Wife had an affair with a man bigger than me. Will she always be sexually frustrated with me?

Q.   My wife has had a affair with a man with a large penis. Mine is small. Will i continue to sexually frustrate her?...

A.   7 May 2017: The correct answer to this question is No, you will not continue to frustrate her, you will not continue to have sex with her, you will not continue to live with her, you will not continue to be married to her. This is not your fault nor the ... (read in full...)

Why does my ex keep tabs on who I date? What can I do?

Q.   It’s ok if he moves on and is in a relationship but its not ok for me to do it?. I’m not saying I let him get involved in my life but my question is what can i do for him to stop/protect myself. (I actually don't let him get involved. He finds out ...

A.   30 April 2017: My advice is that when your ex hits someone. that you and they go to the police and report it, and ask for a protection order. Then go to a doctor, document the damage and sue. Abusers keep abusing because there are no consequences. make sure the ... (read in full...)

Did I do something so offensive that my b/f needs to rethink our relationship?

Q.   Soooooo my bf and I have been together for a few years now. We have a mutual friend who we've been cool with for a decade. This friend chills with us every other day. My bf feels like our friend doesn't respect him and has attempted to talk with him ...

A.   27 April 2017: You don't agree on boundaries. You violated his reasonable boundary, by going on a date with someone else. Alcohol has well known effects of lowering inhibition. It doesn't matter what we out in the internet think, Your boyfriend thinks you have... (read in full...)

Is it normal for men to have sex when women are having their periods?

Q.   I'm meeting up with my bf next month who stays in another city. The problem is that the date when I will be going, I might be on my periods. I've told him that already to which he has said that he's fine with it. What can this possibly mean? Is he ...

A.   27 April 2017: well there is that normal word again. What may be normal here may not be normal there, and what may be normal for one person may be out of bounds for another. But, to answer your question in a most helpful, way, it certainly is possible, and it i... (read in full...)

Am I expecting too much from a relationship?

Q.   I have been happily dating a divorced man with two children of ten and 12 for a year. Mine has grown up. We get on well and the six elements I look for ie trust, loyalty, good job, own home, sense of humour and intellect are all there. We all get on ...

A.   24 April 2017: Dear Early Summer Chicken, Red flags: He won't talk about it. Intimacy and affection are only for the bedroom. What I think it means: He has trust issues and is withholding non-sexual intimacy. He is also guarding his children. Some advice:... (read in full...)

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