New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login241518 questions, 1068633 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap
*atherly Advice agony aunt

*atherly Advice

United States  (Male   XML/RSS

Like what he writes?
... Add *atherly Advice to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *atherly Advice a private message

*atherly Advice's Ratings

Rating: 8.03

Excellent74%
Average8%
Poor18%
*atherly Advice's profile:

I'm in my early 50's. Married to my first wife. I have three adult daughters. I also have an adult son. I figure I've been around the block a few times. I do tend to be old fashioned in my advice, because I believe that old solutions can fit new problems. I am religious but I try to keep an open mind. I try to give my advice to the younger folks from the point of view of a friendly father. For older couples I use my own experience more.

I've been involved with online communities for over a decade. I seem to be very comfortable with this interface. I think it is important to remember, at all times, that everyone here is a real person.

Latest articles:

Gifts

No replies yet...

4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...

An old Uncle muses

No replies yet...

30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...

10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...

Rejection

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...

Wanted: Unattached Male

This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...

Confessions of an Agony Uncle

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...

1234567891011Next > [61 pages, 2389 answers]

My boyfriend expects me to cut his family's hair for free since I will soon be a hairdresser

Q.   I'm about to qualify as a hairdresser and my bf if expects me to cut his families hair for free otherwise he says it will be awkward? He has a large family and I've spent nearly a year and half working for apprenticeship wage. Am I right to be ...

A.   24 June 2019: It all depends on how well they tip. you know it is fun to have friends and family. And when you hang out your shingle it is great for a relative to pop in to be your first customer, and to support you in your new endeavor. I've never rece... (read in full...)

I just want my husband to pay attention to me and not stare at other women

Q.   I am a middle age woman of 48, my husband is 52. I have a very low opinion of myself and have cheated on my husband because he as looked at porn and been on dating sites in the past and I think he as cheated on me too. I need lots of attention ...

A.   21 June 2019: I'm trying very hard to strike a balance in my advice here. We generally don't go to a person who is hurting and tell them that it is all their fault. I do believe that you have some valid complaints about your relationship. At 27 years it is ... (read in full...)

Ten years together and yet I still don't feel like part of my boyfriend's family.

Q.   My boyfriend and I are close to being in our 10 years of being together. I love him deeply and I am happy to marry him. There is just one thing that bothers me. His mother and brothers do not care about me at all. I understand that family means ...

A.   19 June 2019: My advice will be somewhat different if you started this long term relationship at age 12. Age 15 is Different. But the relative early onset of this relationship leads me to strongly suspect that your entire romantic history is wrapped around one ... (read in full...)

How can I shake off the pressure to be married ?

Q.   How can I shake this pressure to get married and settle down off? I am a single 33 year old female and everyone around me is married and already at kid number 2. I will only use example of friends and family that I know and say that these marriages ...

A.   19 June 2019: Your perception of the world is based on the people you have chosen to observe, seen through the lens of your attitude. You don't need to be married to settle. Settle down. Settle for. You can choose a life that doesn't include partner and chil... (read in full...)

I just want my husband to pay attention to me and not stare at other women

Q.   I am a middle age woman of 48, my husband is 52. I have a very low opinion of myself and have cheated on my husband because he as looked at porn and been on dating sites in the past and I think he as cheated on me too. I need lots of attention ...

A.   19 June 2019: The answer to your problem leis in this statement of yours. "I have a very low opinion of myself" Go to work on that. Do not expect others to treat you better than you treat yourself.... (read in full...)

Ten years together and yet I still don't feel like part of my boyfriend's family.

Q.   My boyfriend and I are close to being in our 10 years of being together. I love him deeply and I am happy to marry him. There is just one thing that bothers me. His mother and brothers do not care about me at all. I understand that family means ...

A.   17 June 2019: Age Check.... (read in full...)

Do you think it was his phone call? Was he too shy to speak?

Q.   Ok - one for the guys:- I left my number with a guy I'm quite keen on. I told him he must keep in touch with me and text me to let me know how he's getting on (as we are both on separate vacations for the next month or two), I think he's fairly s...

A.   11 June 2019: 95% chance of telemarketing. 3% chance of accidental dial. 1% chance ghost in the machine. less than one percent chance of wishful thinking coming true. Advice: Don't dial back to unknown numbers. Unless you get your entertainment ha... (read in full...)

Why did I panic in the middle of our BDSM thing?

Q.   My husband and I are new to BDSM and have been experimenting a lot the last couple months. Last night after he did his thing he was pushing to try and get me to finish (which hasn't happened yet). I was liking what he was doing but started getting a ...

A.   10 June 2019: Was something done wrong? Yes. You gave him the yellow word and he increased the intensity. Perhaps you agreed to that, perhaps you really wanted to finish. But you were close to the limit, and your partner pushed you over. I see it as an enth... (read in full...)

Should I delete my email account altogether so that he can't get in touch with me?

Q.   Hello my ex- fiancé and I broke up 7 months ago. We’re together for about two years! He moved to another country because he is in the military. Anyway to make things easier I blocked him off of all social media, phone etc. Today he emailed me! All ...

A.   9 June 2019: If you are that upset by that email then you should go ahead and delete the account. He can make a new email account 7 times a tay if he wants too. If it was me, I'd wait a month. with no replies to any communication from him. See if he gets... (read in full...)

My girlfriend has no interest in sex. How can I ignite a sexual spark in her? ...

Q.   So me and my girlfriend have been going out for about four months. We're both virgins but she isn't interested in sex at all. She says she feels no sexual desires at all which is frustrating because she's always leaving me with blue balls. She says ...

A.   5 June 2019: Honestly, When a person has no interest in sex OR no interest in sex with a particular person, OR is not ready to have sex, And when that person invites the undesired person to bed, and kissing in bed, then there is some kind of deceit going on. Is ... (read in full...)

I'm moving to a new city and would like some dating advice

Q.   I am moving to a new city soon and would like some tips about possibly finding a partner. I am 51. I have been a single Mum to one daughter since 19 years old. I was married originally but abandoned by my husband / her father. He never supported ...

A.   4 June 2019: Well with divorce rampant there is a pretty good availability of all kinds of people out there. I suspect that the greatest difficulty you will find is finding the combination of a man looking for romance and fun AND also interested in a sexless ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend has no interest in sex. How can I ignite a sexual spark in her? ...

Q.   So me and my girlfriend have been going out for about four months. We're both virgins but she isn't interested in sex at all. She says she feels no sexual desires at all which is frustrating because she's always leaving me with blue balls. She says ...

A.   4 June 2019: She feels (according to her words) "no sexual desires at all". But she exhibits quite a bit of sexual jealousy. see: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girlfriend-cant-see-my-point-of-view.html Pauly is exhibiting some impatience and head... (read in full...)

I'd like to talk to this older man but I'm unsure of how to go about it

Q.   There is someone I went to speak to, but I'm no sure what to say and whether he find the fact I want to talk to him strange as there is as 17 year ago different, he's older, I always wouldn't know how to phrase my message to him so that he doesn't ...

A.   3 June 2019: So he is around 40. So you met. He messaged you. You just didn't reply. Now you are afraid to message him because he might just not reply? Here is the deal. He is in that age range commonly known as Creepy old guy. Because of that he coul... (read in full...)

My girlfriend has no interest in sex. How can I ignite a sexual spark in her? ...

Q.   So me and my girlfriend have been going out for about four months. We're both virgins but she isn't interested in sex at all. She says she feels no sexual desires at all which is frustrating because she's always leaving me with blue balls. She says ...

A.   3 June 2019: Pauly 2000, I'm going to make a couple of very serious suggestions. First Please reply to every on of your subject threads so we can look up your posts. When reviewing your prior post about this particular girlfriend - http://w... (read in full...)

My girlfriend has no interest in sex. How can I ignite a sexual spark in her? ...

Q.   So me and my girlfriend have been going out for about four months. We're both virgins but she isn't interested in sex at all. She says she feels no sexual desires at all which is frustrating because she's always leaving me with blue balls. She says ...

A.   3 June 2019: This is very normal for an asexual person. Asexual persons are not very common. Probably around 1% of the population. If she really is asexual, which is exactly how she is describing her sexual interest, then there is likely nothing you can do t... (read in full...)

I'm married and am infatuated with a man who is also in a relationship

Q.   I am a married woman and I have developed an infatuation with another man. He is in a relationship too. I don’t know a great deal about him but I know he too fancies me. He has made it clear and has asked me out. I have never been unfaithful ...

A.   29 May 2019: "and I also want him to have respect for me." That's going to be a tall order, he doesn't have any respect for his current partner, why would he respect a side piece?... (read in full...)

We've never met I'm in the US she's in France. Is there any point in continuing this?

Q.   So a couple months ago I noticed a beautiful woman followed me on Twitter. I followed her back and we started exchanging DM's on twitter. Turns out she lives in France. I live in Nevada. But we did click. Our interests lined up in many ways (it...

A.   28 May 2019: Being a fan of word play I always get a kick out of people in online relationships saying that they "click". Because, well, that's all they will ever do, click. Sure you share interests and friendship. It's a lovely thing. But it is taking your... (read in full...)

I think I really insulted my bf....how should I fix this?

Q.   A few days ago my bf came home from work and he came into our bedroom where I was reading/studying and to get my attention he took his penis out and wanted me to play with it....I told him to go away bc I was busy. When he came back to bed a few ...

A.   28 May 2019: The first thing you need to do is to stop leading him on. He is finally discovering that you aren't sexually attracted to him. You may as well confess and be honest about the relationship. Then he can decide for himself if he wants to be ... (read in full...)

What is the average age for first time sex for a girl?

Q.   how old is the average age when a girl has sex for the first time?? ...

A.   28 May 2019: This seems like a google kind of question, but the best answer I could find was "it depends". It depends on how you define "has sex". The more useful answer was in the US 17.2. of course the mode may be more important to you than the mean. See ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum

Q.   I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...

A.   24 May 2019: Was that you Pauly 2000? I won't get off on a tangent with an anonymous poster on someone else's thread. I do reply to private messages.... (read in full...)

My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum

Q.   I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...

A.   24 May 2019: I agree with your girlfriend, Hanging out with other women when you are in a relationship is disrespectful. I also agree that your Girlfriend is over controlling, and insanely jealous. Some people make the mistake of thinking jealousy is love... (read in full...)

My boyfriend goes too quickly during sex. How do I talk to him about it?

Q.   I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this without him saying i dont like out s*x life or making him feel bad. I love what wr have but he tends to finish too quickly, 2 days ago it was probably 30 seconds, and it has happened before but it ...

A.   21 May 2019: I meant to type "30 seconds"... (read in full...)

My boyfriend goes too quickly during sex. How do I talk to him about it?

Q.   I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this without him saying i dont like out s*x life or making him feel bad. I love what wr have but he tends to finish too quickly, 2 days ago it was probably 30 seconds, and it has happened before but it ...

A.   21 May 2019: You really need to talk about this because: His technique stinks. You resent him. He needs to get educated. You don't want to talk to him because: He might get embarrassed. He might be insecure. I see that there are some things that you jus... (read in full...)

Do we change our views in regards to relationships as we get older?

Q.   Silly question maybe but in terms of how you are as a person do we change all that much from the ages of twenty to forty when it comes to how we view relationships? My partner says he didn't know what love was, had nothing to compare it to, looks ...

A.   17 May 2019: without retracting any of my previous comment . . . When I was 20 - 30 I only thought I knew What love was. Now that I've passed 50, I wonder if I will ever know again. Life's like that.... (read in full...)

Do we change our views in regards to relationships as we get older?

Q.   Silly question maybe but in terms of how you are as a person do we change all that much from the ages of twenty to forty when it comes to how we view relationships? My partner says he didn't know what love was, had nothing to compare it to, looks ...

A.   16 May 2019: Your question is so short and the answer so big that I would really like to narrow down the topic before answering. You haven't chosen a name and opened an account so you may never bother to read or reply to anything I guess at. But, I'll give you ... (read in full...)

I have feelings for the old flame who's come back into my life but I have a really great boyfriend now. What do I do?

Q.   I’ve been dating a guy for the last 6 months and things have been going reasonably well between us. He is a really great guy and he is really good to me. He is thoughtful, supportive and everyone I know thinks he is really great. I really like him ...

A.   13 May 2019: And another good guy gets the ole heave ho, when bad boy rolls back into town. ... (read in full...)

Does my girlfriend deserve a second chance because she didn't 'go all the way'?

Q.   I can’t forgive my girlfriend for cheating on me even though she didn’t ‘go all the way’ with the other guy. I’ve told her what she did was unforgivable but my friends and family all think she deserves a second chance and that I’m being too harsh on ...

A.   13 May 2019: Planned in advance. Followed up with lies and trickle truth. Betrayed you and he best friend. And that is just the parts that she has confessed to so far. I think you have more than many people who break up. I think it is enough. Here is some... (read in full...)

When he wants to initiate sex, I'm never in the mood. Is there something wrong with me?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend 3 1/2 years and I feel like we have a normal sex life. We have sex at least once a week, sometimes more if we're not busy and stressed and so on. But the other night we were watching tv together and he started trying to ...

A.   12 May 2019: OK thanks for the follow up. I don't mind being called silly. He has some problems, but I would like to concentrate on things you can do. 1) He doesn't "feel" rejected. He is Rejected. You are under 30, live together, have sex weekly like a 60 y... (read in full...)

When he wants to initiate sex, I'm never in the mood. Is there something wrong with me?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend 3 1/2 years and I feel like we have a normal sex life. We have sex at least once a week, sometimes more if we're not busy and stressed and so on. But the other night we were watching tv together and he started trying to ...

A.   11 May 2019: You are not ready to share power in the relationship equitably. Don't worry you haven't got more than four weeks before he stops calling. When you get to a point in your life that you are willing to to be an equal partner, your relationships will ... (read in full...)

I've been a mistress for a long time and am starting to get bored with it all.

Q.   Hi guys. I've been a mistress for a long time. I can't really talk to people about this. But I'd like to know if it's normal to grow tired of being in a "relationship" which never grows or evolves? I am feeling tired of being a sex toy. Tired of ...

A.   10 May 2019: I think you are putting a bit of a glamor on the wife role. possibly because it is what you desire. But the truth is not so nice as you think. Husbands and wives have to work to maintain a relationship as well. There is no guarantee that a marr... (read in full...)

I've been a mistress for a long time and am starting to get bored with it all.

Q.   Hi guys. I've been a mistress for a long time. I can't really talk to people about this. But I'd like to know if it's normal to grow tired of being in a "relationship" which never grows or evolves? I am feeling tired of being a sex toy. Tired of ...

A.   9 May 2019: Surprisingly a lot of women get tired of being the wife and decide to take up being a mistress part time. Really when you think about it for very long, the real surprise is that there are couples that pass the 20 year mark. There is so much to get ... (read in full...)

My husband loves looking at other women

Q.   My husband loves looking at other women. He used to go online and ask them to send him pictures. I asked him to stop. He stopped now that we got married 8 months ago.he has posters all over his garage and playboy and looks at pictures on facebook. I ...

A.   25 April 2019: To introduce an alternative view point. No relationship exists in a vacuum. There are always other people on the beach. There will always be pin up girls and Bare chested hunks on romance novel covers. A wise and mature person doesn't invite thes... (read in full...)

The way my husband argues with me and handles conflict is very difficult for me to handle

Q.   My husband and I have been together over two years. We have had a lot of good times and not so good times. I am expected to be submissive and I try hard but it’s not always easy. Sometimes he gets mad over small things. It wouldn’t bother me but ...

A.   24 April 2019: I recently red this book: A guide on how to STOP ARGUING: Protect quality time, prevent bickering, preserve love, enjoy life. by CJ Kruse I enjoyed the book even though it was a bit too submissive for me. It has helped me be more peaceful... (read in full...)

He broke up with me and now I'm pregnant

Q.   Hello all! I’m in a tough situation.. So last week my boyfriend broke up with me because of pressure from his family. Here’s the gist of it: We started dating a year and half ago. I’m bi-racial, half black and half Hispanic. He’s Indian. When we ...

A.   23 April 2019: Morally I agree with you on the abortion question. I also think you are doing very well at a difficult time. Best of fortune in this. ... (read in full...)

He broke up with me and now I'm pregnant

Q.   Hello all! I’m in a tough situation.. So last week my boyfriend broke up with me because of pressure from his family. Here’s the gist of it: We started dating a year and half ago. I’m bi-racial, half black and half Hispanic. He’s Indian. When we ...

A.   21 April 2019: Thank you for the clarification. Yes there is a lot of family pressure with indian families. Way more than USA. You really are fighting a culture battle here that you are not very likely to win. Indian men (speaking generally) have strong ... (read in full...)

He broke up with me and now I'm pregnant

Q.   Hello all! I’m in a tough situation.. So last week my boyfriend broke up with me because of pressure from his family. Here’s the gist of it: We started dating a year and half ago. I’m bi-racial, half black and half Hispanic. He’s Indian. When we ...

A.   19 April 2019: When you say "indian" do you mean native American or From India? The cultures are radically different and it would affect my advice. A 2 point drop in GPA means academic probation in a lot of schools. He did well to get reinstated.... (read in full...)

Why does my wife go cold on me when we’re on holiday?

Q.   I've just got home from a 2-week cruise around the Caribbean with my parents, my wife and my two kids. It was the holiday of a lifetime and we all had an amazing time. The only downside was that my wife seemed to just ignore me the whole holiday. I ...

A.   16 April 2019: I'm chipping away at this mental puzzle. France last year, caribbean this spring, Turkey in the fall. You really like your holidays. Perhaps they are stressful for her. Does she do the planning, packing, pet arrangements . . .etc.? Trav... (read in full...)

I have neve wanted children, husband is being pressured to adopt his orphaned nephew

Q.   My husband and I are both 29 and child free by choice. His sister and her husband, both 40, passed away in a car accident two months ago. They left behind a 9 year old who is currently living with my husband's parents. Long story short, his paren...

A.   13 April 2019: If you are going to issue ultimatums you need to have those papers ready. Personally I would share my life for 10 years with an orphan. It's not much to ask.... (read in full...)

I'm anxious about wanting a baby soon because of how my life has been but my boyfriend is in no hurry. What do I do?

Q.   I am about to turn 26 and I'm freaking out about my age. Technically I know I'm still very young, but I'm scared about having kids too late. This is getting concerning for my boyfriend, and I'm trying not to bring the topic up too often now. My m...

A.   11 April 2019: The math is interesting. You are 26 he is 23. You got together 3 1/2 tears ago when he was 20 and you were 23. You were born when your mother was 39 and your father was 44. Your parents married when dad was 47 and mom was 42 and you were 3. Mom ... (read in full...)

I still resent the way my husband proposed to me.

Q.   I wanted to see if I’m being sensitive or not, I can’t get over the fact after 6 years of marriage with two kids of how my husband proposed. We’ve been dating for 5 years before he propose and the way he did it makes me sad till to this day. I see ...

A.   8 April 2019: I always felt that my proposal story was the worst ever but yours tops mine easily. (I accidentally proposed) There are some things he could do to resolve this but if you tell him how to do this It won't work. that is what happened last time. If ... (read in full...)

*atherly Advice's friends

These are mutual friends, so *atherly Advice has added them and they have added *atherly Advice!

Abella agony auntAbella
BettyBoup agony auntBettyBoup
Blod agony auntBlod
cute angel agony auntcute angel
DeadEyeDick agony auntDeadEyeDick
EnterOne91 agony auntEnterOne91
Forge agony auntForge
Frank B Kermit agony auntFrank B Kermit
Gauntlet agony auntGauntlet
justmen agony auntjustmen
lilmishap agony auntlilmishap
LivingWithBadDecisions agony auntLivingWithBadDecisions
masquerade711 agony auntmasquerade711
Memerlyn agony auntMemerlyn
Missy123 agony auntMissy123
mystiquek agony auntmystiquek
nervousme agony auntnervousme
no nonsense Aidan agony auntno nonsense Aidan
NORA B agony auntNORA B
princess precious  agony auntprincess precious
RoseLovex agony auntRoseLovex
shaashiie agony auntshaashiie
SomeoneLikeYou agony auntSomeoneLikeYou
StarryEyes101 agony auntStarryEyes101
tearsnfears agony aunttearsnfears
Tisha-1 agony auntTisha-1
YouWish agony auntYouWish

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.187499899999239!