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First time sex was a disaster!

Q.   I tried sex for the first time I really like the guy and I really did want it, but when it came to it, it didn't feel good. First he wouldn't fit into me, then he started touching me which I barely felt and when he was finally inside me I didn't f...

A.   26 July 2017: Don't worry too much! Try again. Hopefully things will improve once you have got to know each other's desires and needs better. The key is communication.... (read in full...)

Should I let him go? or see what happens?

Q.   I met this guy last year while I was drunk eating pizza after clubbing with my friend (typical party girl scene) now I never took this guy seriously I'd always ignore his texts, or keep conversations small, sometimes he'd ask to hang out but I'd ...

A.   22 July 2017: My gut feeling on this one is that he's interested in sex, not a relationship. I could be wrong, it's difficult to judge on fairly limited information, but it depends what you want really, as his lifestyle doesn't really lend itself to a full on ... (read in full...)

How do I handle my critical dad? He's given me poor self-esteem!

Q.   I've been struggling w/this for years w/my dad. My dad does love me, I do know that. When it comes down to me, he has always been negative w/about 95% of everything. For the last 10 years he has been convinced that I'm overweight and will be ...

A.   21 July 2017: This is tough to live with, and only you can do something about it by telling your dad how he makes you feel. This can be done sensitively but firmly, so that he fully understands. If he accepts he has been too hard on you and changes his approach, ... (read in full...)

Engaged but I've seen someone new

Q.   I am engaged to a man whom I have been in a mostly happy relationship for 9 years. He cheated on me three years in with someone at work but we got over it. We are now engaged and the wedding is next year. My problem is, I'm absolutely obses...

A.   18 July 2017: Leaving the 'new guy' aside, your post suggests to me that you are not 100% sure you are doing the right thing, getting married. I can understand this given that your fiancé cheated on you, and you describe your relationship as 'mostly happy' which ... (read in full...)

Do I stay with my husband because I feel sorry for him?

Q.   Hi, I'm 49 and married second time for 5 years. He is 13 years older and adores me. But Iv never really been settled. Iv hankered after an ex for the first years of the marriage. Now Iv met and fallen madly in love with a guy I met . I'm so ...

A.   17 July 2017: You have to move on for the sake of both of you, otherwise you will just end up resenting him, and he doesn't deserve that. Just be kind to him when you tell him it is over.... (read in full...)

Desperately seeking sex

Q.   Im single and i have been having a few dates here and there. Its all fine but im not getting any connections with anyone. Im quite horny now and miss the regular sex and dirty talk. Sex toys and masturbating are fine for a while but its just not the ...

A.   14 July 2017: Sorry for getting the wrong end of the stick! I did read your post as someone who wanted a relationship, but failing that needed some sex in her life! I do hope you manage to find both. It's not easy to meet that special person but hopefully there ... (read in full...)

How do I go back to being who I was while at Korea? I'm stuck in a weird slump

Q.   Okay, I am a 20 year old guy who just returned to my middle of nowhere hometown after the most amazing year abroad in Seoul, South Korea studying at a University that I've always dreamed of attending and it finished, AN incredible, what i thought to ...

A.   13 July 2017: It's normal to feel a huge sense of anti-climax when you return to mundane normality after a life changing experience like you experienced in Seoul. It can take a few weeks to accept that a life enhancing chapter has closed. The only way to address ... (read in full...)

I seem to be stuck in a fantasy world. Am I going mad?

Q.   I want to give a little background - I have an obsessive personality (my therapist) has stated this on top of bad anxiety. Lately due to the stress because of bills all I do is work and I have found that I get sick in this fantasy land of dreaming ...

A.   12 July 2017: I think a lot of people escape from the everyday world into a world of fantasy and imagination. It costs nothing to dream up an alternative lifestyle, having relationships with co-workers etc. I think we all do it to a certain extent. It's only a ... (read in full...)

My new boyfriend doesn't make me feel beautiful

Q.   My boyfriend doesn't ever make me feel beautiful. He will always say to me 'you look nice' but I can tell he is just saying that without any true feeling. I would say I am an attractive girl and tend to get a lot of male attention and fe...

A.   12 July 2017: This is a tricky one. Some men are just more demonstrative and outgoing than others. Some get embarrassed about handing out compliments to women. It's difficult to guess whether your bf is one of these types, or that he's pining for his ex, and ... (read in full...)

Desperately seeking sex

Q.   Im single and i have been having a few dates here and there. Its all fine but im not getting any connections with anyone. Im quite horny now and miss the regular sex and dirty talk. Sex toys and masturbating are fine for a while but its just not the ...

A.   12 July 2017: I would imagine for a woman making it clear she wants no-strings sex, there would be no shortage of takers! We are often programmed to think that men want sex and women want love. Not true! Men and women want sex AND love. You obviously have a high ... (read in full...)

Is it normal for eyes to wander in long term relationships?

Q.   I have been with my gf 5 years now and over that time things have never been smooth sailing but lately and this is something I feel guilty about my eyes have begun to wonder i would love to say I would never cheat and I am 99% sure I wouldn't but I ...

A.   11 July 2017: Your eyes are bound to wander if you have no sex life and have little in common. This is not the basis for a long term relationship. It sounds like it is time for you to go your separate ways, you only live once!... (read in full...)

Indian wedding problem- I was happy with the guy that my parents had seen for me but now they say our horoscopes don't match!

Q.   Hi I met a guy arranged by my parents for matrimony.i ended up liking him a lot....everything was going on smoothly n we were about to plan our wedding but now my parents say that we can't go ahead because the horoscopes do not match and the ...

A.   11 July 2017: This sounds like some sort of joke. A wedding would be called off because of astrology? This makes no sense to me at all. I would tell your parents how much you love him and don't think the wedding should be called off due to the views of an ... (read in full...)

Is it that bad I really feel down about it?

Q.   This is so silly but Ive been feeling really down about my friends accomplishments. One being; I've been learning to drive for a good while now and not booked a date for my practical test. My friend has just started (well not long started) and she...

A.   11 July 2017: I took ages to learn to drive and failed my test twice. This was a blessing in disguise because by the time I took to the road I had a lot of experience under my belt and have never had an accident since I passed. I'm sure there are a lot of things ... (read in full...)

Are all men vain?

Q.   Are guys really vain? I'm an insecure female and I have from what most men say and ideal face and body and I get complimented a lot- I don't share a lot of myself with the men I've been because it takes time - they also have been really bad men- my ...

A.   11 July 2017: I think everyone gets judged initially on looks, men and women. It's the first thing people notice about another person. It takes time to get to know them as people. I do feel there is an element of truth in the viewpoint that people who are ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with creepy older men?

Q.   I live in a small rich town where there are a LOT of people in their 50s and 60s, I'm here because it's cheaper and nicer than the nearby city. I'm a female student in my 20s. I get hit on regularly by older guys (I'm talking the ones in the 50s ...

A.   7 July 2017: It sounds to me like you are dealing with this just fine as it is. You are assertive when you need to be, without being rude. You don't dress provocatively and you don't lead these men on. Unfortunately, we can't control the behaviour of others, we ... (read in full...)

Trivial Fights getting out of control

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have had our ups and downs. When it is good it is REALLY good. The passion is high. We share a lot and are similar in many ways. But we have had our share of down-at-the mouth fights. Somehow we ...

A.   4 July 2017: He sounds like a total wanker and you would be better off out of the relationship. Even when you tried to defuse the situation he carried on being completely unreasonable and to leave you to get home on your own was deeply unpleasant. In my opinion, ... (read in full...)

Do men lose out on any pleasure by using condoms?

Q.   Hi Aunts. I've met this amazing guy and we have been chatting for a while, he is going at a slow pace with me :)he is kind, understanding and says he is very much in love with me, I feel the same. I can trust him and I think he's perfect for me ...

A.   3 July 2017: Just explain to him that the pill or coil are not options due to previous problems, therefore he will need to wear a condom. I don't think they spoil sex at all, the only downside for me is putting one on just when you want to get down to action, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wont make an effort for me.

Q.   Hi, I asked my boyfriend several times if he would go with me to the beach and he has always said no. Last time I asked he said that he would think about it, so I rushed to prepare our stuff and then I ask him again he says no! This happens ...

A.   3 July 2017: Don't miss out on doing things you want to do, just because he doesn't want to go to these places. Go on your own, or with another friend. I understand that not everyone loves the beach, and in a relationship there are always going to be areas where ... (read in full...)

Does looking at those websites means cheating

Q.   Hello everyone, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we have been living together for a year. We are both 26 yesterday, I borrowed his phone ( with permission) and saw he was on Craigslist looking at w4m in our city. After that I loo...

A.   1 July 2017: I think he is probably just curious and messing around, but then I don't know him like you do! Difficult to judge from afar.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend always admires other women, its been going on for years. Am I over the top?

Q.   Sorry this is kind of long. When I go out with my bf, he seems to scan the restaurant, grocery store, gym, wherever, for attractive women. He has a couple of signature looks he gives when he sees an attractive woman. Sometimes it's the excited...

A.   30 June 2017: I think he is vain and insecure, and wants recognition from other women that he is still attractive to the opposite sex. Plus there's an element of making you feel uncomfortable, because he wants to demonstrate that other women find him attractive. ... (read in full...)

Do you think my boyfriend is lying about masturbation or what are your thoughts?

Q.   I'm a model signed to an agency in NY. My boyfriend and I have been together for quite a while now. Unfortunately when we first met, I had some insecurities which I regret mainly from the industry that is so heavily focused on appearance. When my ...

A.   29 June 2017: I agree with YouWish (as I usually do!). It sounds like he has realised he had a problem and has changed his lifestyle to overcome it. I'm not sure he would be able to go a whole month without masturbating if I'm being honest, but all the evidence... (read in full...)

Should I ask her now?

Q.   Hi I'm not sure where to start as this is a huge story, I will try to keep this as short and informative as possible. I'm here because I struggle to vocalise my emotions with those closest to me. I'm 27 years old I was with my ex for 9 years (16-...

A.   28 June 2017: Thanks for sharing your story. She sounds like a wonderful girl, and if your friends can be believed, she still loves you. I can understand why you made the decision to split two years ago. You had been together since you were very young and I... (read in full...)

He wants to record us having oral sex and then send it to a friend?

Q.   Been seeing a guy right, everything was great.. Until he asked me a few days ago to let him record himself giving me "oral" in the not so usual send to his guy friend! Is this relationship between them normal? Do guys do this with their ...

A.   28 June 2017: No way should you do this! He just wants to show off to his friend (not very mature) and the recording could end up anywhere.... (read in full...)

My girlfriend doesn't seem that interested in sex

Q.   I have had a GF for almost 3yrs, she is 34 and I'm 50 but the sex has almost complete stopped. If I pursue it she will participate and I make sure she is always taken care of first and normally 2X. And although this is not a proff, she sounds like ...

A.   25 June 2017: With regard to your third question, I'm a male of similar age to you and have found over the past two years that I quite often don't reach orgasm through sex. It feels great but I don't always get there. If that happens and I'm exhausted, we stop, I ... (read in full...)

How to make someone who doesn't like you fall in love with you ?

Q.   I know a man who fancy me sexually but doesn't like me personally. This is odd I know, please open your mind. This is a player, someone who sleeps around and goes from a girl to a girl like a bee in the spring lol. He is good looking, char...

A.   23 June 2017: He's not going to fall in love with you. He likes his life as it is, chasing women for no strings sex! If you want to have sex with him then accept it for what it is, but don't get your hopes up for a meaningful relationship as that's not his game. ... (read in full...)

I don't get his on-off attitude

Q.   I have been dating a guy for 1 and a half years. He asked for space. He asked for space and then said sorry the next day, and again stopped contact with me for a week. Suddenly he texted me again when he needed me and now again has cut off contact ...

A.   22 June 2017: Next time he comes calling, play him at his own game, and say you have already made arrangements. See how he likes a taste of his own medicine. Sometimes people just need showing that a relationship is a two way thing!... (read in full...)

Should I break up with my husband so I might be able to be with his friend?

Q.   Hello! I'm 25 and I've been married for 3 years, and I have been relatively happy until now, when I suddenly realized (or suddeny admitted to myself) that I am not in love with my husband any more, and I don't think I have been for almost our whole ...

A.   21 June 2017: The only important issue here is your marriage, and. It appears to meet is a marriage that is never going to work. If you're not madly in love in the first few years and having lots of sex together, it's not going to work in the long term. You need ... (read in full...)

Is it right to ask her out now she is divorced?

Q.   I'm a single guy in my 40's. Two of my female friends have a friend that they used to work with who is in her late 30's - I'll call her Shirley. I met her a few times in casual social settings like going to the farmer's market and I always found he...

A.   19 June 2017: I would tread carefully given her recent divorce, but the camping trip sounds an ideal opportunity to get to know her better, and to see if you have enough in common to form the basis for a relationship. Good luck!... (read in full...)

My partner is making me feel bad for not letting him live with me permanently. What should I do?

Q.   When I first met my partner, I explained in the first 3 months my views about living together before engagement. I explained that I have lived with an ex in the past and it didn't work, so therefore I want to wait until engagement before living ...

A.   15 June 2017: Stick to your guns! You have a rational reason for your decision, and he is trying to manipulate you for his own ends, even resorting to emotional blackmail. I would be re-evaluating this relationship.... (read in full...)

We meet just once a month for sex. This isn't a healthy relationship, right? Should I let him go?

Q.   I've been dating this guy for about 9 months and he works full time. I only see him once a month and when I do see him it's only for sex. I understand that he has a crazy work schedule but once a month? We've had problems before because he was ...

A.   14 June 2017: This isn't a relationship, it's a FWB arrangement thinly disguised as a relationship. You deserve better than this, he is clearly not committed to the relationship, but enjoys some sexual relief once a month. How nice of him to give you an hour of ... (read in full...)

Rich boyfriend, and I'm broke. How do I deal with the economic difference?

Q.   So I know this is a "silly" problem, but it's something that has been on my mind a lot in the recent weeks and I would just love some advice on how to cope with the situation. My boyfriend is basically very well off, and Im rather poor. He...

A.   7 June 2017: I can appreciate your feeling of inequality, but he sounds like a great guy who loves you unconditionally. I'm sure there is a solution that can keep you both happy. He's got money, he loves you, he's kind and generous, and he's great in bed! Sounds ... (read in full...)

Is my perfectionist boyfriend overly critical of my looks? Or am I oversensitive?

Q.   My bf used to think my looks were perfect. But he seems to put me down lately. Like he doesn't like a birth mark on my nose. I can't control that. He tells me that my body is perfect for a woman my age but that I am not 20 anymore. He sa...

A.   6 June 2017: He sounds like a complete arse to me. Damning you with faint praise due to his own insecurity. I would ignore him to be honest. The important thing is how you feel, not his rather unpleasant remarks.... (read in full...)

I did not choose the dress my boyfriend loved. Did I make a mistake?

Q.   Hi. I took my boyfriend shopping. He is one of the rare guys who enjoys shopping with his girlfriend. He likes to help me find clothes and watches me as I try them on and always gives me his honest opinion. Yesterday we were out shopping...

A.   5 June 2017: It's your choice! It's good he is willing to offer an opinion, but it is you who wears the dress. I do wonder whether he is worried the black dress will attract other men, therefore his opinion had some self preservation element!... (read in full...)

The guy I'm dating doesn't want kids but I do

Q.   I am dating a guy I am 35 he is 46 he says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and would marry me tomorrow if I wanted it. We have loads in common hobby wise, we have similar political and religious stances. However I really...

A.   29 May 2017: I think he doesn't want kids, but doesn't want to lose you, so you may be faced with a difficult decision. However, you need to give him a bit more time, to find out his true feelings. He might be thinking he is too old for parenthood. I wish you ... (read in full...)

Should I be hungrier and work harder?

Q.   So I'm 25 year old guy.I've got a decent job, a home,a car. I am completely content with my life. Although I would refer to my status as 'middle class'.I look at people my age and who have the same things as me... And they're quitting their current ...

A.   29 May 2017: I don't think you have a problem. People are different and you want a good work-life balance. Trying to turn yourself into something you are not will probably make yourself unhappy.... (read in full...)

Am I too old to expect to have a physical relationship? Should I just accept it?

Q.   My boyfriend of 4 years rarely wants sex - maybe every 3 or 4 months. Aside from that he almost never touches me except for a peck on the lips. This is breaking my heart. I've talked to him about it many times and he says he's too tired but he ...

A.   29 May 2017: Absolutely not too old! It seems like he wants a companion, you want a full sexual life. You need to have a talk with him and explain your feelings. If you want different things you may have to end the relationship. Good luck!... (read in full...)

Does he feel the same way or did I make him uncomfortable?

Q.   Hi. I'd love to get a third person's opinion I fell hard for an old friend but we live in different cities. He used to flirt back and forth and met a few times. I'm not sure of he had feelings for me. After 3 years and I finally told him everyth...

A.   28 May 2017: My own feeling is that he likes you, he finds you attractive, but he's holding back from the full relationship idea and using 'different cities' as a convenient excuse. It could be that he doesn't want to lose your friendship, or that he finds the ... (read in full...)

Do I ask out the bus driver? I'm worried he thinks I'm a kid

Q.   I like my city bus driver...and I want to ask him out, but I think he may think im a 30, but people tend to think im 16-17..i HATE it.i get hit on a lot but I am very skeptical of men...I watch the news and read the paper way too ...

A.   28 May 2017: Tickets please! Well, why not? You have nothing to lose and sometimes love strikes in mysterious ways! Good luck!... (read in full...)

How do I deal with this? I'm hurt that a second man is asking about who is the prettiest of my friends?

Q.   Hi all, So I dated this guy for a short while who really messed it up for me. He has a narsissistic personality disorder and well I bore the brunt of of it. One thing in particular which he did and I found very insulting was- he wouldn't stop ta...

A.   25 May 2017: I agree with chigirl (as usual!) it's rude and disrespectful behaviour on his part and not something you should have to put up with. You should either cut ties, or tell him straight that such behaviour is unacceptable and gauge his reaction.... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my son moving in with a girl after only 4 months

Q.   My son is 22 and even though he is an adult I still worry about him. Over the weekend we got to met his new girlfriend, she is a sweet girl and someone I'm actually glad he is dating (his past few girl friends weren't my favorite) BUT I worry that ...

A.   16 May 2017: Yes, he is young, and the situation is not entirely ideal, but if they are happy together then I think you should support them as much as possible, whilst also speaking privately to your son about the long term implications. This sort of ... (read in full...)

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