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*poco agony aunt


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I live in Switzerland, but grew up in America. I think sites like these are very important, because people often feel ashamed of having problems, or have a difficult time accepting advice from their peers/family, and an outlet like this allows you to get varied advice from people you don't know, which is sometimes the only advice a person will get on an issue! I love that we all have our own "column" and can give advice and ask for help at the same time.

1234Next > [4 pages, 138 answers]

I unfriended an ex on Facebook, and I just added him again. Now its awkward!

Q.   I dated Mr T for a short time and he ended things. We were friends first through work. I've carried a torch for years btw it hurt a lot when he ended it so I defriended him in FB not to hurt him but for the following reasons, to: Keep me from spy...

A.   14 December 2011: Firstly, he doesn't sound necessarily mad, so don't worry about that. His question doesn't beg a big explanation. If I were you I would just respond like this: "Sure we are friends, but now its official ;-)". Don't stress about offering u... (read in full...)

Vaginal discharge is making me extremely uncomfortable

Q.   WOMEN ONLY PLEASE!! I'm 16 and I discharge a lot. I also sweat around that area quite a bit and it's uncomfortable. I hate sitting on the plastic base chairs at college because it often leaves a sweat mark and I get incredibly anxious and ...

A.   14 December 2011: Hello, I am sorry you are so uncomfortable. Its hard to say if this is a medical problem or not, so firstly I want to advise you to see a doctor. Nothing anyone will say here can substitute a trip to the gynecologist to get everything checked. ... (read in full...)

How can I find out if he is cheating on me?

Q.   my boyfriend and i have known eachother for 10 years. we have been dateing for three.. and i think he is cheating on me. he hides his cell phone -i'm not alowed to touch it. he hides it at night so i cant find it and look at it. and i'm not alowed ...

A.   13 December 2011: I think you shouldn't worry about finding out things you can't know for sure. If you obsess about trying to catch him, you will just make yourself crazy. You already have some good reasons to end the relationship. If he is being too secretive and ... (read in full...)

My fiance's ex makes me uncomfortable... should I invite her to the wedding anyway?

Q.   So I can't decide whether I want one of my fiance's best friends to come to our wedding. We are having a very small wedding - basically just family and very few friends due to cost and the fact that it is going to be a very informal wedding...

A.   12 December 2011: If I were you, I would invite her, but tell your fiance that you don't want to spend a lot of time with her during the reception. Let her come and see how happy he is, and just spend very little time talking to her (you'll have plenty of ... (read in full...)

I like a confusing guy, do you think this sounds like its worth it?

Q.   At my Uni, there's a very politically involved guy who's hated by the majority of people and almost worshipped by the few who don't; my group of friends was among the people who disliked him, so to speak. I added him on Facebook out of curiosity, to ...

A.   12 December 2011: I am sure he is very charming and interesting, and maybe one day he will grow up, but for now I think you should focus on self-preservation and distance yourself from this guy. Make him come to you, and maybe he will actually try (also be aware that ... (read in full...)

I feel like our relationship has reached its end...but I am struggling to let go. Any ideas?

Q.   I’m finding it hard to break up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years (I’m 20 and he is 22). He is my first love and he is also my first sexual experience. When we first started dating it was pretty rocky. I thought about breaking up with him but my ...

A.   12 December 2011: It sounds like its been over for a little while. You need to find yourself, and end this pain. Really, you will be doing him a favor as well, allowing him to move on and find someone who truly wants to be his girlfriend. If you start to lose your ... (read in full...)

My bisexual/lesbian friend dislikes gay men!

Q.   Dear cupid, My best friend is a female bisexual and she's great, but I have one problem and its the fact that she hates gay men. I'm so fed up with her double standards its drives me up the walls. Sometimes she calls them names like F****t and ...

A.   12 December 2011: I think that as her hate is totally irrational there isn't much you can do. You can't reason with her. You either have to tolerate this bizarre and rude hypocrisy or distance yourself from her for our own peace of mind. If I were you, I would wa... (read in full...)

I find it odd how the guy I like doesn't have that giddy kid feeling on me!

Q.   I find it odd how the guy I like doesn't have that giddy kid feeling on me. I don't find that I can't stop smiling when I talk to him, I don't get that feeling in my stomach or any of that sort that you do when you like someone. I don't even find ...

A.   12 December 2011: I have always found that "that" feeling comes and goes, and it doesn't mean a lot about the state of my relationship. Also, when you are really searching for it, it tends to elude you. I say be calm, enjoy your relationship, and give it some time. ... (read in full...)

Should I wait for my immature boyfriend to grow up?

Q.   My boyfriend is REALLY immature. He's my age (19), and although it was a lot worse a year ago, I don't think I can deal with it anymore. He farts, he burps, he makes stupid comments/jokes. He doesn't take anything I say seriously (when I want to ...

A.   7 December 2011: Not all 19 year olds behave this way. I think its more an indication of his personality and not necessarily something you can expect to change any time soon. There is a chance it will get better in some ways, but... don't count on it. I know 30 year ... (read in full...)

Told his wife he's cheating.....was I wrong for telling?

Q.   I Recently slept with a married man after talking to him daily for two months and him promising that he would leave his wife within the next 5 months and there is no love between them or sex..just friendship....I believed him and after a dinner date ...

A.   4 December 2011: I think you absolutely did the right thing by telling her. If my husband was cheating, I would definitely want to know, and if I could hear it from the source, it would make a big difference to me. Don't feel bad about him hating you, he sounds like ... (read in full...)

What can I do to help my sister, who's a ballerina and has serious body image issues? Is she seeking constant affirmation that she's thin? Is she seeking attention?

Q.   My sister has serious body image issues. Let me explain : She's a ballerina and , at 14 years old, in the pre-professional division. She's a very brilliant dancer with a beautiful physique. But her instructor constantly calls her "heavy" or tells...

A.   3 December 2011: 14 year olds are quite egotistical usually, I doubt she intends to make you feel bad when she complains about her weight. When she directly insults you though, you should tell her to stop, and get angry. Otherwise, when she complains I would ... (read in full...)

I never want to cheat on my Bf. So how can I stop lusting after this boy I see at night school?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for four years and I do love him loads, but have recently starting feeling lust for a boy who is goes to my night school. I would never cheat on my bf but I can't stop thinking about this boy in a sexual way. I don'...

A.   3 December 2011: Sometimes, if you work really hard to avoid certain thoughts and feelings it makes them stronger. Maybe you should allow the lust to come and go. Definitely distance yourself from him during class and don't form a relationship with him, but its ... (read in full...)

I simply don't know how to move on from what I did and no-one is giving me any opportunity to do so because they blank me or look at me with loathing

Q.   I was in an eighteen year relationship with someone who was a binge drinker and I finally plucked up the courage to leave him some months ago. I need help with some of the leftover crap from that please. My background: I got married at 18, p...

A.   3 December 2011: I come from a difficult family as well, and the only advice I can give you on a forum like this is that you should really, definitely seek counseling. Find someone you trust and work these things out with them. Offhand, I will say, I doubt pe... (read in full...)

What's with all the mean texts?

Q.   So I really like this guy (too much!) and I'm pretty sure he likes me too. But sometimes he'll say things (in a text) that maybe I take too seriously an overreact because I'm just a girl? Or is it because he doesn't know what to say and it comes ...

A.   3 December 2011: I wouldn't necessarily interpret those texts as mean, but definitely odd. Don't automatically take it the wrong way, but ask him to explain himself. I think maybe he was just being random, but then again... I don't know. You'd better talk it out. ... (read in full...)

Should I cool it off? He says he likes spending time with me but is not sure if he sees a future with me.

Q.   ive been seeing this guy for about 3/ 4 months now and I wanted to know what we were, just to make things clear for us both, and his reply was that he doesnt really know. He likes spending time with me but not sure if he sees a future with me. i a...

A.   3 December 2011: Find someone else who actually likes you and can see a future. Guys are not as complicated as we wish they were. Not to be clichè but "He's just not that into you", ( ---great movie by the way, you should watch it). That is a shame he said that ... (read in full...)

How can I bear this relationship when my boyfriend cheated on me 7 months ago?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. During our 5 years, he has kissed another girl while drinking. This happened a few months ago in May. The girl he kissed was his cousin's girlfriend. His cousin was very mean to her, and she alw...

A.   3 December 2011: If its been 7 months (7 good months) and you still obsess over it, maybe you can't get over it. I think you should consider breaking up with him. It sounds like he has done everything he can to say he is sorry and reassure you, and its not working. ... (read in full...)

How do I remedy this situation? My family treat my 35 year old divorced friend (and his children) with a sort of tolerant disdain

Q.   I'm 35, and I am dating a divorced father of two. My family make me feel really bad because, as they have put it, this is the "best I can do" at my age because I waited too long to get into a serious relationship, and it would difficult for me to fi...

A.   3 December 2011: Speak up and let them know that its not fine, tell them you expect them to treat your friend warmly, and with real acceptance. After that, don't expect anything to necessarily change. You can't control other people, and you can't live your life ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend was my best friends "booty call". How do I get over this?

Q.   My girlfriend of about 5 months now slept with my best friend two years ago - multiple times. I know this shouldn't bother me, but the fact that I know her past, and how she was (sleeping around/being a 'booty call'), has me skeptical. I have been ...

A.   3 December 2011: People make mistakes, and while it might not be admirable to be casually sleeping with someone, I would hardly call it immoral. I gather that they were both single and young and well, sex will happen. I am sure you have made mistakes, in one area of ... (read in full...)

Is it okay to have two wives?

Q.   I have 7-year old wife to whom I have loved somuch and trust but later I realized she had had hidden lot of past history, for which I have gone through the hell and got fed up with thinking about but not able to leave her and go away and I had many ...

A.   2 December 2011: @eyeswideopen - I am fairly certain its a language error. He's been with his wife for 7 years. I really hope he wasn't disturbed by his 7 year old wife's sexual past.... And hopefully he is not admitting online that he is married to a 7 year old.... (read in full...)

My girlfriend was my best friends "booty call". How do I get over this?

Q.   My girlfriend of about 5 months now slept with my best friend two years ago - multiple times. I know this shouldn't bother me, but the fact that I know her past, and how she was (sleeping around/being a 'booty call'), has me skeptical. I have been ...

A.   2 December 2011: Life is messy. I think you need to figure out what exactly is bothering you about this situation. If its because it happened at all, just the fact that she slept with him makes you crazy, then break up with her because she can't change the past. If ... (read in full...)

Did he put his ex before me, and should he have told me he went out?

Q.   My boyfriend and I just broke up for what seems like such a stupid reason, so I need some advice on whether he is right (if so I need to remodel my thoughts) or I am right. I'm trying to keep it short and to the point. I was having a bad day, he ...

A.   2 December 2011: He was not right, he is being kind of ridiculous. Based on what you said, it sounds like he does not normally behave this way. But, sometimes guys are a bit ridiculous, especially when it come to their sense of "freedom". Every once in a while, I ... (read in full...)

Is it okay to have two wives?

Q.   I have 7-year old wife to whom I have loved somuch and trust but later I realized she had had hidden lot of past history, for which I have gone through the hell and got fed up with thinking about but not able to leave her and go away and I had many ...

A.   2 December 2011: Regardless of the legality, I would divorce your first wife and if you still care for her, just help her with alimony. Provide for her for some time and help her to become financially independent. Then, start fresh with someone else. Marriage works ... (read in full...)

I've pretended everything is ok, but want to break up with him. How do I do that when he thinks everything is great?

Q.   I have been dating this guy for about 6 months, we are not official but it was definitely heading that way. I have always been iffy about the idea of being with him coz he was a player but I thought Id give him a chance. He hasn't done anything ...

A.   2 December 2011: I was in this situation once. The best thing to do is be prepared, and "just do it". I will tell you what I did: I picked a day (a deadline), and I prepared a speech. I tried to prepare him before it happened by not seeing him or talking to him v... (read in full...)

Lonely and sad here...please help!

Q.   I am feeling very lonely and sad. I have no friends. I cannot keep conversations going. please help!...

A.   20 February 2011: I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Do you have any hobbies? I think that if you have a hobby or an interest, you can usually find other people who share that interest and often its an easy way to begin relationships. Perhaps you can even join a ... (read in full...)

How do I tell him that I won't be around to grow old with him?

Q.   I don't really know how to phrase this but I've come here for advice before and I'm really hoping someone can help me. I'm dying and have no idea how to tell my boyfriend. We're 18 and have been together for two years. I have been diagnosed with ...

A.   20 February 2011: I don't think anyone can give you excellent advice about this, because no matter how or when you say it, it will be hard. You just have to let him know when you are ready. ... (read in full...)

How can I fight the urge of sleeping with prostitutes?

Q.   I am getting well into my 20's and I have no girlfriend and have fallen into a bad habit of sleeping with prostitues again. I am genuinely quite a sensible person I do not like doing this at the risk of cathing an STD, I always wear protection but ...

A.   20 February 2011: I really think you should see a therapist and discuss this. Its a potentially serious fetish, that seems to have deep roots in your self-image and your expectations in a relationship. I would strongly advise you to seek out a professional ... (read in full...)

My husband is too close to a girl at work. So why am I being painted as the 'bad guy' in all this?

Q.   So I have a problem. My husband has this girl at work who likes him. He admits now that she has a crush on him, and that they flirt. I found out about her a few months ago, and the fact that he had been having lunch with her (and sometimes s...

A.   20 February 2011: Lark36 - Yes he tells me I am jealous and crazy. He actually calls me "stupid and ridiculous". He makes all these condescending noises and faces and he is a total ass. I feel like he is really pushing me out the door. He's done the exact same thing ... (read in full...)

What to think about my boyfriend's female-friend?

Q.   My bf and I had just gotten to our 5 months when he had an emotional affair with a new female friend. Now all I ask is if he could tell me when he goes out with friends and I would do the same. Well during that whole period I found out he went wit...

A.   19 February 2011: That is weird, I would push him to explain himself. Why does she take him to her grandparents house? Does he also have a special tie to the grandparents? Its odd, but if you can get past it, its not the worst thing in the world to have happen. ... (read in full...)

Not sure what to think about wife's spanking-fantasy...

Q.   My wife wants me to spank her before/during sex. This probably sounds like every guy's dream but there is a bit of a sinister twist that is making me feel a bit uncomfortable. When I asked her where the spanking fantasy had come from, she said t...

A.   19 February 2011: I don't think its "normal", but neither is being spanked into your teenaged years. Your poor wife had to endure some unusual punishments. I don't think its abnormal that she got some kind of rush from it, in the end. I think if she can take away a ... (read in full...)

Speak up or stay quiet about this man's cheating ways

Q.   I don't want criticism because I feel bad enough for what I've done. Just a simple question. If you were almost at the point of having an affair with a married man because he seemed just wonderful and made you feel wonderful too but then mutually ...

A.   19 February 2011: He sounds like an absolute mess. Count yourself lucky that things never went further. Make some sarcastic remarks about their dalliances if it makes you feel better, but largely ignore their behavior. She won't be happy for long...... (read in full...)

Getting over my ex and the fact that she has a new boyfriend

Q.   My ex-girlfriend is dating someone new, and the new guy just happens to be her ex boyfriend from college. I wouldn't think this would bother me since our relationship ended 6 months ago, but it is. I knew we were having problems for the 3 years or ...

A.   19 February 2011: Sounds like you two had a messy relationship if she was able to get with another guy when you were "together" and just claim you weren't seeing each other, and you were more or less ok with it. I am guessing there is more to this story, because if ... (read in full...)

What do I say on a date?

Q.   I'm going on a date. I don't know what I'm going to say. My dad says I should just say, "Tell me something about you," but I still don't know what I'm going to say. I actually never went on a date. Help! ...

A.   19 February 2011: "Date" is just a formal word for spending time with someone. So, just take this time you have to get to know the person you are on a date with better. It might make you feel better to mentally have a list of questions prepared. Normal first date ... (read in full...)

Could I pregnant or is something seriously wrong?

Q.   please help! today is september 1, 2010... my last period was on july 5, 2010 and my next expect period was suppose to come on august 2 but didnt.. me and my fiance are ttc. i spotted a small amount of brownish/pinkish discharge on august 8 through ...

A.   1 September 2010: Take another hpt and if its neg, ask the doctor for a blood test. Above all else, be calm. I had a three month stretch with no period... and I was not pregnant. Sometimes, it just happens. It sounds like you are being very attentive to your body, so ... (read in full...)

Can this relationship with my married boss work?

Q.   Right so apparently this is a "common" thing. Being in love with a married man. I %100 believe he loves me too. To further complicate the situation he is my boss. I've worked day and night with this man 6days a week for 4years. Also his wife. They ...

A.   10 August 2010: Most likely, you will leave the country, the two of you may exchange a few phone calls and letters, and not too long after you will find someone else and he will either finally start treating his wife better or find another lover. That is my "p... (read in full...)

I need fun, free, cheap date ideas that don't involve alcohol. Any ideas?

Q.   I'm tryin to get a list of ideas for fun free/cheap dates. playing video games, maybe cook together, goin to the beach, having dinner + movie night are pretty much the only things I can come up w/. I'm tryin to find something that doesnt involve ...

A.   25 June 2010: When my husband and I were first dating, we went through a phase where we would play kids games together. Games like "hotter/colder" (he would hide something of mine or vice versa), red-light/green-light, that game where you pull your hands away ... (read in full...)

Could this be bad for our marriage?

Q.   I am a 59 year old woman married for 28 years. When my husband developed health issues that affected his ability to get an erection I thought my sex life was over. He tried Viagra and and some other stuff and when nothing worked he started telling ...

A.   16 June 2010: Reserving all judgments, I would say the fact that you have feelings about this new younger guy is not good. Don't let things get messy. If I were you, I would stop seeing him. Perhaps your husband is being more loving because he is afraid of losing ... (read in full...)

If I was open about liking girls and boys with my classmates, will I be a target?

Q.   If i tell everyone at school i like girls aswell as boys would i be brave or stupid? i cant decide all these questions are in my head and its confusing me i just want to be myself for once i have too pretend to be someone am not and i hate it i have ...

A.   15 June 2010: There is no reason to put up signs or announce it to people who don't care, but with your friends/people you trust, why not tell the truth? With other people whom you aren't close to, why do they even need to know? It sounds like you think too much ... (read in full...)

So she was with another I am starting to WANT her to cheat

Q.   *OP's Original Title* I told the story in my last post...I am 42, she is 27, recently married...together about 2 years. We had separated for about 2 weeks last fall and i recently found out she had sex with a 22 year old guy during that period. ...

A.   12 June 2010: Maybe being so turned on by the idea of her cheating is a kind of defense mechanism, so you won't have to totally feel the betrayal. When you asked "am I dooming the relationship", I think that is a telling statement. Perhaps it indicates you are ... (read in full...)

B/f wants me to terminate my pregnancy but continue to help him. I'm very confused!

Q.   Im 42 in a comitted relationship and just discovered im pregnant, shocking to say the least after having spent 15 out of 20 years trying for a second child i had long since given up hope and resigned myself to being infertile. Problem i have...

A.   8 June 2010: Have the baby, its yours and you want it. Terminating would be a mistake. Tell the guy he either gets on board with the pregnancy or you plan to terminate your relationship with him. Since you have money and he doesn't, he doesn't have to worry ... (read in full...)

He's gay, but his dad doesn't know and has banned me from staying because he thinks there is something going on!

Q.   hi, my friend is gay(lets call him alex) and he is going out with a guy that lives quite far away and every few weeks he's boyfriend (lets call him danny)comes to stay with him, anyway when danny comes to stay i usually go to stay round alex'...

A.   7 June 2010: Considering you can't tell him the truth, there is probably little you can do to convince him of anything! He most likely senses something is going on, and perhaps can't face the reality of the situation (even though he might suspect it). You might ... (read in full...)

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