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*anya

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*anya's profile:

I live in the US, and friends always call me for advice! So I thought I could (hopefully)

help out a few people here on DearCupid. The only person I can't seem to advise is

myself. Although, after being a part of DearCupid for a few years, I feel I've gained some valuable insights on life & love.

One thing for sure, I am ALWAYS a believer that Love Conquers All!!!!!!!

123456Next > [6 pages, 198 answers]

Feeling withdrawn, depressed and fearful after a break-up. Is this normal?

Q.   After breaking up for good with a girl I have been seeing and communicatin constantly with for the last 2 years or so I don't want to do anything but sleep or stay at home. i am ignorin calls from friends and really dont want to do anything at all. ...

A.   4 July 2011: I think all the advice given by the Aunts is excellent, and that you will very soon see the light at the end of the tunnel!! Start slowly to just emerge into the world. I know what it feels like to break up, it's like you've been run over by ... (read in full...)

I don't know if it's really over or if there's still a chance

Q.   my boyfriend and i split up about a week and im finding it so hard. all i seem to be doing is crying and if im not crying im thinking there is still a chance. we have split in the past and have got back together but dont see how we can this time...

A.   12 May 2011: HI! There are two sides to this story. One is, as aunt honesty says, the cut the contact side. However, sometimes couples DO get back together and perhaps he is going through something (you are (both?) young) and maybe it will work out down the ... (read in full...)

I feel like the biggest idiot, I used an old account on FB to flirt with my boyfriend. Now what?

Q.   Ok, I did something super dumb. I had this old facebook I made a while ago for kicks and I logged back in because i was bored. I saw my boyfriend online so I decided to start chatting with him. He started flirting and I let things get out of hand. I ...

A.   5 May 2011: You are young and,as Caring Guy says, immature. On the whole, I wouldn't worry too much about the whole thing. Have you have heard of the song about Pina colada, where two people advertise for new lovers in the newspaper under aliases, and then ... (read in full...)

Is my husband's relationship with his co-worker appropriate? Or am I over reacting?

Q.   I am 61 and my husband is 68. For the past year he has had a close relationship friends he says with a co worker. He lies when she calls because he knows I think it is inappropriate. He hides her number in his cell phone and on one occasion ...

A.   2 May 2011: I don't know if it's time for you to leave, but it's clearly time to address the matter with him in person. Approach this gently and firmly, but you have to let him know that it's painful to you. If he loves you, he will find a way to back off from ... (read in full...)

Is a good man worth cutting off for his financial lackings?

Q.   If he has a bad credit and no job should this be an automatic dump my boyfriend prompter? I have been dating my current boyfriend for 10 mths. Everything seem great. When I met him, he had a business he was working on and was also a correctional ...

A.   26 April 2011: Well! It wasn't for nothing that they put into the marriage vow "for richer or for poorer" -- just be glad you have health rather than sickness! I agree with the Cerberus_Raphael & would say that you should just for a moment take money out of the ... (read in full...)

How should I respond to his need for space?

Q.   I'm not sure what to do about my relationship. One of my boyfriend's friends told me that my boyfriend told him that he thinks the world of me, but he feels ashamed because he doesnt have much money. His hours were cut down at work recently. Things ...

A.   26 April 2011: Having read your update, I think you should meet with him. It sounds like he misses you! Just because he needs space doesn't mean that you should never see each other. This would be a good opportunity to communicate in person and figure out what... (read in full...)

Is it ok to ask a married man out for coffee?

Q.   Hi everybody. First time here. Could use your advice. I am friendly with a married man. Our sons go to karate together. We talk a lot when we see each other twice a week. He always finds me to talk and seems to enjoy my company. I enjoy his compan...

A.   25 April 2011: I think some of the aunts have missed the o.p.'s answer half way down the list of questions. (I assume o.p. is the original person/question asker.) she says that she finds him very attractive and that he has been giving her signs that he would like ... (read in full...)

Is it his culture or is he just not for real?

Q.   Hello..read on, Im starting from the beginning.. I have met an Arab guy. He was in awe when we met.1 week after meeting we slept together. It was going to happen from the start.There was serious attraction. Before we even slept together everyth...

A.   19 March 2011: It sounds like a fairy tale, and there are true sparks of love there, but love has many forms, and this seems kind of in the unreal, wishful realm on your part. For him,it seems like an American affair, and his life is elsewhere. I think he may even ... (read in full...)

Do I keep the box of momentos from my son's bio father's funeral, or get rid of it because it will hurt my fiance?

Q.   I was going through my son's closet today and I found a box that has mementos from my son's biological father's funeral in it, we will call him "Cord" I don't know if I should show it to my fiance, we will call him "Michael" or if I should just hi...

A.   17 March 2011: I would say, keep it, because your son hopefully will lead a very long life and at some point --he may need that box, and it is really all he has left of his father. He will wonder about his biological father, and it may help him in a way you cannot ... (read in full...)

My parents told me the girl I'm dating isn't socioeconomically acceptable!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I'm 24 and i really love my girlfriend so2 much...however, my parents don't approve of this girl.. they consider her as not being of the same level socioeconomically....i don't care what her parents work as, or what type of house she ...

A.   4 February 2011: I know a girl whose parents disapproved of her boyfriend, lower socioeconomic level, etc. and they were RICH. She married him and they cut her off, and that was that in the beginning. But then the young couple had children and eventually her ... (read in full...)

Ladies, would you ever change your personality for your boyfriend?

Q.   Ladies, would you ever change your personality for your boyfriend? Personality as in being more assertive, more sexy or just overall more "loving" to them even though you have been doing just fine since your relationship kicked off. Just a si...

A.   4 February 2011: Don't do it! Don't change your personality for a man. He will walk all over you and you will wind up submerging yourself into him until one day you get very angry, and then, if you still have the strength, you will leave unless you are too beaten ... (read in full...)

Help! My work schedule is killing me!

Q.   I am working 8 hours shift from 3 am to 11 30 am. I have one day on one and day off. This schedule is killing me! When I got off from work, I come home and I am soo tired, and I am going to sleep 3 or 4 hours, then I do what I have to do in my home....

A.   1 February 2011: I wish you could outright quit this job if they don't give you a day shift! It sounds like a true nightmare. I once had a nightshift job at a factory, 12 p.m. to 8 a.m. and it really ruined my life in terms of having any life outside of work - I ... (read in full...)

My brand new husband is ogling often and breaking me in pieces

Q.   My boyfriend of 3 years and I just got married 3 weeks ago. This is our second marriage for both of us. He has been single 10 years and I 5. In the last year, he has started ogling other women often when we are out. What I define as ogling: He...

A.   26 January 2011: His behavior is really weird, looking at all these other women when he's in love with you, and you with him, and you've just gotten married! Perhaps he should see some kind of psychologist or something - really! Perhaps someone besides you could ... (read in full...)

Text messages lead me to believe she wants her ex boyfriend/casual partner more then me!

Q.   My fiance and I have been together for over a year. At first, like all relationships, things started off great, we'd text all the time, the sex was regular, we were both affectionate to each other. However, over the last few months, things have cha...

A.   24 January 2011: Well, this sounds absolutely awful. It wasn't too bad until she said she wants him, too. Are you sure she meant sexually? I think Basschick is right, and you'd best not say anything (for now). Perhaps it was just a passing insecurity or "cold feet" ... (read in full...)

My younger boyfriend is ruining my self esteem. Was I right to break up with him?

Q.   Hi there. I was recently in a relationship with a guy briefly. This is someone I've known for a couple of years. I'm 5 years older than him and he knew this from the onset. The problem that i have is - during our first 'get together' when w...

A.   22 January 2011: I agree with FloridaCatGirl's excellent analysis of this guy's OWN self esteem. He may have trouble in ANY relationship if that is his way of relating, i.e., knocking down the other person! Also, besides your being a little older (5 years is not ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants me to lose weight!

Q.   Help! My boyfriend has a problem with my weight. I think I'm pretty hot though, and not overweight at all. I am 5'6 and weigh 132 lbs. His problem is, I've gained weight since we've been together. When we first met, I was a professional dancer and ...

A.   6 January 2011: My feeling is, if you feel comfortable with your current weight, which in my opinion seems slender for 5' 6" and is clearly a healthy weight, then why should your boyfriend think he has the right to demand that you lose weight? Your boyfriend seems ... (read in full...)

Lunatic ex wife!

Q.   How are you supposed to react when the ex-wife is insane, constantly texting, calling, leaving nasty voicemails saying the kid needs something and how terrible of a person I am to their kid, when she agonised my son for ten years calling him names, ...

A.   1 December 2010: I agree with Eyes - please give us more information about what you mean "now we are back together" -and "the tables are turned." ?? It does sound like a terrible situation. ... (read in full...)

Why did he stop calling me?

Q.   I dated this man about four times, we didn't sleep together but we did really connect - or so I thought. He went to lots of effort wining and dining me and he always text the next day to say thanks for a nice night and how much he had enjoyed ...

A.   9 November 2010: It's possible that Odds has the right idea, and your date was hoping for a cue that you just didn't give him, at least not in a way that he noticed (somestimes you have to "hit" men over the head!) The fact that you wrote in to Cupid makes me think ... (read in full...)

He makes fun of me, hurts me and then says he loves me?

Q.   I stopped at my boyfriends this weekend and he got drunk one night, I was lying on the sofa and he turned to me and said "wheres this come from?" and pointed at my stomach he then said "you've got a right little stomach on you" meaning he thinks ive ...

A.   8 November 2010: I think that drunkenness is no excuse for his being so mean to you - physically bending your wrist when he knows it will especially hurt you, and teasing you about your stomach when you have battled anorexia in the past, and still are slim. I thin... (read in full...)

How can I get my bachelor's degree?

Q.   I was wondering if for example I went to a community college for 2 years, and then a university for 2, would I be able to get a bachelor's degree? I'm a junior in high school now, and I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't go to a 4 year school because I'm ...

A.   19 October 2010: In most cases you would be able to get your bachelor's degree doing 2 years in a community college followed by 2 in a university. However, this might depend on what you major in, and on the particular schools you choose -- like whether or not the ... (read in full...)

What will happen to my hair if I dye it again?

Q.   I got my hair dyed and highlighted a few days ago and my highlights turned orange-ish red instead of blonde, probably because the rest of it was dyed medium brown and so dark. Well I hate it, every time I look at it I hate it even more. I ...

A.   14 September 2010: Most definitely, go back to the salon, and they SHOULD be able to do something for free because they should've realized that you had paid for a different shade!? Perhaps try a different hairdress there who is very experienced in color. Also, you may ... (read in full...)

Is there such thing as the "one" or is it just a stupid thing people want to believe?

Q.   how do you know is someone is the one? i have just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 an a half years.. we have broke up once before but i know now i dnt want to get back with him beacuse he is an ex for a reason now! but all my friend keep sayi...

A.   2 September 2010: People on the outside of a relationship who are your friends and love you must've seen some good things in your relationship with this guy, and are mourning with you its loss! But only you (and he) can know if you were right for each other. You can ... (read in full...)

He loves me like a sister now. Can he fall back in love with me?

Q.   is it possible for a guy who used to be in love with you, but now loves you like a sister, to ever fall in love with you again?...

A.   2 September 2010: Keep him as a friend - for now! He may be the best friend you ever had, a friend for life! I knew a boy who dated a girl, broke up with her, remained friends with her, dated someone else, decided that they didn't want to be a boyfriend to the new ... (read in full...)

Guys: Would you rather a girl was honest about her sexual past?

Q.   Would guys prefer a girl who is honest about her past sexual life or is that a bad idea?...

A.   13 August 2010: It's my impression that guys want to live in the moment and even if they don't admit it, be romantic! It is not romantic to go into great detail about your sexual history. Of course if you have STD's or something medical, you will have to say so. ... (read in full...)

Bipolar boyfriend, should I stay or should I go?

Q.   My bipolar bf went manic 6 months ago. Before that, he and I were so happy. We had planned a future together. Now he's a total stranger and he's so mean! He's like the worst parts of himself. When this episode began, he said he wanted help and ...

A.   11 August 2010: HI! It's a little after your posting, but I have been thinking a lot about your problem and wanted to give a little input. I know you really love this man, and he, when he is his good self, makes you incredibly happy! But now you've come to the ... (read in full...)

12 years and 4 kids.. now how did I go from the wife to the mistress?

Q.   12 years and 4 kids.. now how did I go from the wife to the mistress. We broke up 6 months ago due to him cheating with this 20 year female and now as we supposed to be trying to work things out he has moved her in with him. Now we took a step back ...

A.   15 July 2010: You have my sympathy! What a mess!!!!!!! Especially because of the four children. What ages are they? That complicates everything extremely. I imagine one thing that motivates you to try to work things out is because of the children!? Are you with... (read in full...)

Sex life died in the first year of marriage?

Q.   "OP Own Title" This is my third marriage. The first two were when I was quite young so I have definitely gotten over them. Then ten years ago, my daughter and only child died and shortly thereafter, my sig other of 20+ years dumped me for a bar ...

A.   14 July 2010: Don't give up! I envy you your many marriages -- you are definitely doing something right! Perhaps he is in male menopause, which you probably know about, but. Have you tried tantric sex or one of these less phallic centered kinds of sex? how 'bou... (read in full...)

Should I ask him why he stop calling me beautiful or babe?

Q.   Hey well my bf used to always say "morning babe" or "morning beautiful" but lately he hasnt been he just says "morning". I miss him calling me that stuff do you think it would be ok if i asked why he stoped? Its only been like 3 or 4 days but i ...

A.   14 July 2010: HI! I don't think I would say anything yet, if it's only been a few days. I like anonymous' idea of calling him "handsome" or saying "mornin' sexy" (maybe you are doing this already). If you take the ball and interject some humor, then I'll bet ... (read in full...)

She told me she had been seeing someone just for sex, its great that she told me, right?

Q.   Dear cupid, I need some help. I've recently started seeing a girl who I really like. Things are going insanely well, to the point we are starting to consider an official relationship. Tonight she spoke to me and said she had to tell me something ...

A.   30 June 2010: I think her honesty is something to prize! She seems like she doesn't want to go into a deeper relationship with you without acknowledging that she recently had a guy friend for a sexual fling. But whom she's told she can't shack up with any more ... (read in full...)

Slept with him and now don't hear from him

Q.   i slept with this guy for first time and he said he liked it now he wont return my texts at all why...

A.   22 April 2010: Your question is very hard to answer because, as TalkingHelps has noticed, too, we don't have a way to get a perspective on the situation. First of all, please tell us, how long -- hours, days? -- has it been since you slept together? They say that... (read in full...)

Boyfriend won't fly to go on vacation yet he did this with his ex!

Q.   Hello, I hope you can help. I really want to go on holiday but my bf won't come with me as he is too scared to fly. I understand that but the thing is he has flown before twice with his ex and twice with his mates. He keeps saying that he does wan...

A.   3 April 2010: I have to say that quiet-echo has a good point! Flying these days is worse than ever with new security checks, long waits and there were pilots drinking while flying etc.!! I could see how he could really fear it these days. DEFINITELY do not pres... (read in full...)

Emails, texts, phone calls, a date, texts now nothing.

Q.   Happy Easter to all the wonderful people on Dear Cupid! I signed up on Plenty Of Fish a week ago. i was inundated with 100s of emails. One guy stood out and we have been on two dates in a week. We had a blast both times. The conversation was...

A.   3 April 2010: I wouldn't worry about that very much at all! He is probably busy visiting with his son and that is taking up all his energy. I'm sure he is thinking about you, and will text you back as soon as he gets a chance! Also, there could be a cell phon... (read in full...)

Is there anything I can do to be more attractive physically or am I just too old to be considered attractive?

Q.   I would like to hear a sincere answer. Not a mean one, but a sincere one. I've been feeling very depressed about my age and my appearance lately. I feel like I'm very plain and unattractive and I want SO BADLY to be attractive and desir...

A.   22 March 2010: My goodness! You are still so young. If forty is the new thirty, what is thirty five, the new twenty five? Studies have shown that the most important thing in women thirty-five+ that leads to getting married is WANTING to!! You should be sensitive ... (read in full...)

Whats the difference between these quotes?

Q.   I'd like to ask, are there any differences in meaning when you say " I don't feel I have a right to give you advice" and "I feel I have no right to give you an advice"? ...

A.   22 March 2010: HI! I think they are very similar, however in the first case "I don't feel I have a right to give you advice" it's more about the way the person feels about giving you advice, and in the second, "I feel I have no right to give you advice" it seem... (read in full...)

I recently found out that my boyfriend is married with kids...and dating other women!

Q.   well i have a big prob i don't know what to do. I have been dating this guy for nearly year and a half now, About 8 months in the relationship i found out he is married and had kids. I was so upset. I asked him about it which he denies at first an...

A.   31 December 2009: It's great that you wrote in and bharat mehta's advice was superior -- you must indeed be suffering greatly since you learned the truth. What worries me is his internet dating, which means that he is married but also fishing, and you must be gett... (read in full...)

I have no trust in him, he's been flirting with girls on dating sites again.

Q.   i have been with my boyfriend for 1 yr a couple of months at the beginning i found out the was on dating sites flirting with girls on the net and i asked him about it he said he wouldn't do it again and now i found out hes been doing it again what ...

A.   8 December 2009: He doesn't sound like much fun! If I were you, I would look around and see what other fish there are in the sea... If you don't want to dump him yet, just drift away a little bit and see if he notices... He might really like you and just want to c... (read in full...)

Why would my husband suddenly stop wanting sex?

Q.   What are the reasons ,when a highly sexual husband suddenly stops wanting sex, and when he tries it he is losing his erections? I mean one day to the next... With no signs for any change. Just suddenly ,like bang. And its over. He went limp at the ...

A.   7 December 2009: Reading all the excellent answers, I would say that there are many possible reasons: medical, someone else on his mind, stress, etc. .. Also, perhaps it is some kind of mid-life crisis! (Is there such a thing as male menopause?) But I ALSO agr... (read in full...)

Emotional conversation avoider combined with commitment phobe leaves me confused!

Q.   Hi there I have been dating a man who is 42 years old for 10 months. I am 37. The relationship started as mainly sex. Since then it has developed into more. Each time we see each other we have a great time. He is loving, attentive and fun for that...

A.   16 September 2009: I am familiar with this type. Have you ever heard of the book, "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others?" I wish I could remember the author, will write again when I think of it. It talks a lot about men and women around the ages you are, and what ... (read in full...)

Does how he signed my birthday card have any special meaning to it?

Q.   This is actually a pretty stupid question.But one that I would like some opinions on. Today was my birthday.I spent the day with somebody that I have been seeing for about 7 months.We have not talked about commitment and love and all of that.We ...

A.   8 September 2009: Happy Birthday! I think it's very human to overanalyze the word "love" on a birthday card, especially when it's from a man you've been seeing for seven months who just spent your birthday with you! I know I would!! Also, I would analyze the way it's... (read in full...)

What do you talk about on a first date?

Q.   i recently joined dating website and tlked to lovely man and we exchanged phone numbers and have bee txting last few days. we have prty much covered everything bout each other our likes dislikes family everything and now am afraid if we do meet up ...

A.   28 August 2009: Cheer up and be positive!! I have a few suggestions. First, fill up on the news, weather, etc. Don't be political.... or discuss money... but try to talk about some interesting topic, maybe a movie you've recently seen or a hurricane. or Ted Kenn... (read in full...)

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