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*ouWish

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We broke up and now I regret it

Q.   So I had been dating this boy for three weeks, and we were in a happy relationship together. He's currently in his last year of school so has to prepare for his exams, so he couldn't talk to me all the time but we agreed that he would keep me posted ...

A.   18 April 2019: First of all, we need to see WHY he initiated the break in the first place. It was one of two reasons, and I'll outline them here: If he slept with you during those 3 weeks he dated you, and then went distant, then he's a dog, and you should d... (read in full...)

Can't understand why my lesbian g/f would be taking birth control for the sole purpose of not getting pregnant

Q.   I'm struggling how and if to bring this up with my partner as I want to be sensitive and not offend her, I'm not sure if I'm getting red flags or being paranoid. My girlfriend and me are in a long distance relationship. She is having some birt...

A.   16 April 2019: You didn't mention how long you had been seeing each other exclusively, which in my opinion is the key to why she is still taking birth control. I don't think she is cheating on you with men. I think, rather, she is not sure how long you two will... (read in full...)

Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   15 April 2019: That's your son's type - older women! That's okay! If she's a sweet person and treats him well, then that should be celebrated! People don't usually bat an eyelid when the age difference is for the older man and younger woman, but if it's the ... (read in full...)

I have neve wanted children, husband is being pressured to adopt his orphaned nephew

Q.   My husband and I are both 29 and child free by choice. His sister and her husband, both 40, passed away in a car accident two months ago. They left behind a 9 year old who is currently living with my husband's parents. Long story short, his paren...

A.   13 April 2019: I have some thoughts that you might not have considered: If you were to take in this 9-year old, you wouldn't be any less child-free. You didn't take in a baby to have to change diapers or do any of the stuff with. You are signing on for a TE... (read in full...)

Am I being sent signs that I should stay single?

Q.   I met a man on a drunken, fun night the other night. We clicked and had a lot in common. he was quite sweet. he took me for dinner and gave me sweet cuddles. I had asked God if maybe God would want me to have a boyfriend or a husband a couple of ...

A.   3 April 2019: You can pray to God on your own. Church is SPECIFICALLY to "gather yourself together for the edification of the saints and the equipping of the ministry". Church AT ITS CORE is a SOCIAL construct. It's DESIGN is for you to be with like-min... (read in full...)

Am I being sent signs that I should stay single?

Q.   I met a man on a drunken, fun night the other night. We clicked and had a lot in common. he was quite sweet. he took me for dinner and gave me sweet cuddles. I had asked God if maybe God would want me to have a boyfriend or a husband a couple of ...

A.   29 March 2019: I hope this isn't a joke question, because this is the first time I've seen someone call themselves a "servant of God" while talking about meeting up at a drunken soiree and going to have sex with a random guy. Do you not see the disconnect here? ... (read in full...)

Is my fiance's treatment of me emotional abuse?

Q.   Hi I have been with my fiancée for over two years. Usually he’s charming and sweet. He has a mean streak though. He feels entitled like I should pay for everything cause he makes less money. If we have a disagreement. He says to shut up ...

A.   29 March 2019: He thinks you should pay for everything?? REALLY?? What a leeching little toad! What you make should have ZERO bearing on what you do together or who pays! If someone's in a serious relationship, especially if you two are calling each other ... (read in full...)

I want to sleep with my boyfriend (no sex) but my parents said NO

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, ...

A.   26 March 2019: Do you think he wants you to "sleep over" because he just wants to cuddle? NO WAY can you be that naive! He wants you to sleep because you'll get naked with him, and you will WANT TO because RAGING HORMONES! You do not know the guy. If you a... (read in full...)

My Husband Loves Social Media... I Don't

Q.   Hello! My husband and I are having some issues in our marriage, mostly arising from social media. He loves his social media -- he's always checking his likes and posting pictures, but I, on the other hand, don't use mine all that often. And becau...

A.   26 March 2019: This one is really easy once you deconstruct his core motivation for his treatment of you, but since you're not really one FOR social media, it simply wouldn't occur to you why he is acting so unreasonable here: You say he's REALLY into it? LOT... (read in full...)

I'm very attracted to a man who has kids and is separated. I'm torn about whether to move forward with him

Q.   Hi all - any advice or thoughts on the following would be much appreciated as I'm at a total loss, something very uncommon for me. A series of events happened in my life that caused me to relocate to a brand new city without knowing anyone. ...

A.   24 March 2019: Yeah, I also say SLOW DOWN here! This guy, with 2 kids and not divorced from his wife, is not in any position physically, emotionally, or financially to have a rich, full relationship with someone else. He has unfinished business, tons of bagga... (read in full...)

I am not sure that I can be the support system I think my b/f needs

Q.   Hi all! I have been dating my BF for about 4 months now. The relationship was very fast moving and we basically were pretty "offical" after a few weeks of dating. He was pretty intense, But I felt like I had finally found someone who really cared...

A.   19 March 2019: There's a huge difference between being someone's support system and being their emotional and mental crutch. Like the others have said, you MUST NOT be their therapist. A healthy relationship cannot withstand such an imbalance, and you will start ... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting to his sex secrecy?

Q.   So, crazy title question, I know, but I'm not sure if im overreacting. A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I were talking about women "squirting" during sex (insert embarrassed face lol). We were just talking about it casually because we are v...

A.   13 March 2019: Unfortunately, I think that not only are you overreacting, but you're turning something really amazing into a battleground, which ruins it for the future! He would have to talk about former exes if he were to answer your question, and that's n... (read in full...)

I’m nervous about losing my virginity? Any tips?

Q.   hi everyone I was hoping to get advice on losing virginity as an older overweight woman. I am 27 years old and I am still a virgin. I have a fwb situation going on and I plan to lose my virginity to him. The Problem is that I’m extremely nervous ...

A.   12 March 2019: I'm with the others on the advice (i.e. birth control, condoms, it would be better with someone you're in an actual relationship with, and YES Candles are a girl with image insecurity's best friend) but I wanted to share something to help you feel ... (read in full...)

He ended it when I thought things were going well. How do I let it go?

Q.   I was talking with a guy for a little over a month and last week he invited me out on a first date. We had coffee, chatted, it was really nice. We went back to his flat share and watched 3 hours of Dave Chappelle. At one point I asked him if I could ...

A.   7 March 2019: He is full of crap. He DID use you. He knew he wasn't staying, that he wasn't over his ex, so you were ego salve and he took you to the bedroom really fast, that's for sure. What freaked him out was your discussion with your mom. He saw that... (read in full...)

He ended things suddenly but I still like him. How do I deal with this?

Q.   A guy I was seeing was giving me all the signals that he wanted more and I went with the flow. Suddenly he's ended everything and said he just wants to be friends.. I asked him whats going on because I'm so confused. And he said that at this poi...

A.   7 March 2019: He's a flake and a time waster. DO NOT BE FRIENDS with him! He will keep you on standby, hoping that whatever girl he dropped you for doesn't drop HIM. You were dumped for another girl, I hope you realize that. 99% of sudden breakups are usually ... (read in full...)

I suspect he’s trying to cheat on her with me. Should I confront him?

Q.   I matched with his guy on a dating site a couple months ago and give him my number. He clearly only wants to hook up and that's ok with me because I'm not trying to date him, just wanna have some fun with him. We have yet to meet in person but I did ...

A.   7 March 2019: ASk him in an email -- "Who is the girl and the kid I saw you with at **insert store name**?" If he hems and haws or asks you if you're stalking him, tell him that you were shopping at the store and were startled to see him, noticed that his tatt... (read in full...)

Colleague thinks my new man is settling for me! Should I do anything about it?

Q.   So basically my question is around a new romance I have just started. Myself and the man I’m seeing both work in the same industry but we don’t work together in the same company. But our paths sometimes cross at networking events etc which is how we ...

A.   7 March 2019: To hell with "breaking confidences"! It actually sounds like your friend is trying to sabotage your relationship with him. Does she see HERSELF as "petite and gorgeous"? Does she have a thing for this guy, or is she trying to torpedo you because ... (read in full...)

It is his 30th birthday at the end of March - What do I get the guy I have only been seeing for a few weeks?

Q.   So I have only known this guy for a few weeks but I have found out that it is his 30th birthday at the end of the month. It is quite a significant birthday and whilst we haven't known each other long, he is incredibly thoughtful and we have been...

A.   2 March 2019: First of all, kudos to you for learning his interests and tailoring a date to those interests! THat's 80% of the work right there! I agree with the others -- something not too serious. No jewelry or anything signifying undying love or anything... (read in full...)

He's doing weed yet again despite all my ultimatums

Q.   Hi So me and boyfriend will have been together for 3 years (March 11th) and are in the process of looking to buy our first home. However, throughout the relationship he has struggled with an addiction to weed. He has repeatedly told me he's q...

A.   2 March 2019: I agree with Honeypie. There is one unchangeable rule in any relationship: You can NEVER ever give an ultimatum. The reason why that is such an ironclad truth is the simple fact that you can never EVER change someone else. The only person ... (read in full...)

He is all that I have ever wanted but I feel trapped. Is an open relationship the answer?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we met when we started university. All through these years I've been looking forward to graduating, getting a flat together and settling down. Now I'm coming to the end of my degree and I'm panicking because ...

A.   2 March 2019: Addressing both your post, OP, and the answer from Youcannotbeserious, though she *is* right about there being the rare post about polyamory, there are far more posts that show the AFTERMATH of this type of arrangement, and to be honest, I have ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and work part time. My husband wants me to get another job to pay his parents debts.

Q.   My husband's parents owe a large amount of money to a family member which they can't pay. They have asked my husband to pay the money on their behalf, we are talking £500 per month for the next 10ish years. My husband works 9 to 5 and I work part ...

A.   1 March 2019: Listen, not only do I not recommend you do this like the others have said, but you need to protect yourself! Your husband wants to harm YOUR family to subsidize his parents, and that is unacceptable. If he will not see reason and tell his pare... (read in full...)

Is she shy or just not into me?

Q.   Hi There is a girl I really like, I see her every day. I know I should just ask her out but i am very shy and as much as people tell me to do it i find it hard, but i think I will have the confidence if i see some signs that she is interested. ...

A.   1 March 2019: How do you encourage conversation?? All too often, people make the mistake of stimulating conversation either by talking about a subject and waiting for someone to "jump in" OR they ask closed-ended questions that give a yes or a no answer. ... (read in full...)

My ex still has our couples pictures on his facebook. I want them deleted.

Q.   why is my ex keeping my pictures (our pictures together) on his facebook account and says in relationship with me? He broke up with me 6 months ago. I do not want him to keep my pictures on his profile, I blocked him but can still see his ac...

A.   27 February 2019: You could un-tag all of his pictures so that your name and profile don't come up with the pictures he's saved. But the others are correct -- if you had truly blocked him, he wouldn't be coming up in your searches! Unfortunately, there really i... (read in full...)

Somebody keeps hacking my boyfriend or is he cheating?

Q.   I keep finding my boyfriend on multiple dating/cheating sites and find his search history is filled with things like: Women near me to have with tonight? I have asked him about it and he says he didn't do it. Tat someone is hacking him. Is that ...

A.   27 February 2019: He's a liar. No hacker would care about dating sites. They'd be stealing his info and opening credit cards or breaking into his bank account or some such. But entering him onto dating and random sex sites? COME ON. You can NOT be so gullible... (read in full...)

My husband of one month is sleeping in the living room because he likes playing video games! It’s stressing me out!

Q.   Dear cupid I married my husband a month back and we were dating for past 4 years. My husband started sleeping in living room starting a week ago, when I ask he says it's easier since he plays video games till past midnight and he want to keep com...

A.   15 February 2019: I think he will outgrow it. I have been a gamer all of my life, and when I was younger, I could easily play Final Fantasy or some other RPG/strategy game until 3am. However, I had to grow up, work long hours, and balance my time with my ... (read in full...)

My ex was hiding something, am I right?

Q.   My ex broke with me and block me from fb, after 10 days he told me he missed me, but cant be with me, but he also did not wanted to tell me where he was living etc . He kept texting trying to be friends, which I tried. He told me when we met that ...

A.   15 February 2019: Oh, absolutely. You were either a mistress and the "other woman" in his cheating on his CURRENT marriage, *OR* he found someone new and is ghosting you. I mean, come on. SIX months you were dating someone without even KNOWING where he lives?? ... (read in full...)

I waited 2 years for him and now he has a girlfriend and is snubbing and ignoring me!

Q.   hi cupid i saw a guy i felled in love with him i revealed to him that i loved him he asked me to give him time to feel the same way for me that we can still be friends i patiently waited for him for two years but only to find out now that he has a ...

A.   15 February 2019: Unfortunately, he doesn't feel for you what you do for him, but rather than outright tell you, he wussed out and didn't want to hurt your feelings, so he gave you an answer that unfortunately led you on, hoping that you'd "take a hint" rather than ... (read in full...)

Were my comments racist?

Q.   Hi everyone, I had an interesting and slightly upsetting conversation with a friend tonight. We got on to many inane topics that a few drinks brought to the surface and he asked me about my ‘type’. I explained that I am not someone to gener...

A.   15 February 2019: Code Warrior absolutely NAILED it when he said this: "IMO, your friend was trying to exercise control through faux moral authority and virtue signalling. If he can get you into a defensive posture then he can control you by essentially demandin... (read in full...)

My Nigerian husband keeps asking for money and gets upset when I question him!

Q.   Hello and thanks My husband and I have been married for two years. I love in Canada and he is from Nigeria. For the most part he treats me well he is very charismatic. Tells me he loves me many times predates. I’m working on his permanent vi...

A.   14 February 2019: You *are* being scammed. These guys have many "wives", the good ones having stables of 10, 20, and even 30+ women whom they always never seem to get to move to live with, always seem to need "additional paperwork" or bribes to pay officials to get ... (read in full...)

Any advice on premarital counseling?

Q.   My fiance and I are recently engaged and want to try premarital counseling. We have a good relationship but I think counseling will give us a chance to discover/discuss topics we may not have thought about. We also both agree that we need to work on ...

A.   6 February 2019: I did 12 weeks of it, and I'd say that it was the best thing we could have done! It saved so much friction and miscommunication in our marriage to learn and talk about things before we married. I wholeheartedly recommend that you do it. The best... (read in full...)

I love dogs but my boyfriend doesn't. How can I make him change his mind?

Q.   My bf and me got into an argument tonight because we were talking about dogs and I said they are better than people. He asked why I think that. I said because dogs are so selfless and pure. They are always happy and love unconditionally. Unlike ...

A.   6 February 2019: I can fully empathize with Code Warrior. I grew up with way too many pets - they nicknamed our house "Noah's Ark" because we had 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 canaries, 2 gerbils, 2 fish, 2 horses, 2 foxes, a guinea pig, 2 MORE cats (outdoor barn cats), and ... (read in full...)

My mother-in-law is suddenly causing friction and problems in our marital life!

Q.   My husband and I have been getting into a lot of disagreements/fights lately - mainly about petty things (money, household chores etc) but most have just built up over time. His mother has started to insert herself into this - and even when everyt...

A.   5 February 2019: The answer is as plain as day. All marriages have their share of petty disagreements, and sometimes arguments. However, the worst thing any couple can do is for one or both spouses to go and vent those petty grievances and arguments with THEIR ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend wants his Playstation

Q.   Hellooo Everyone, I'm going to try and keep this simple. My boyfriend and I were meant to be going to visit his family for the weekend. On Saturday, I will be home alone for about 7 hours while everyone goes and watches a football game ...

A.   3 February 2019: You wrote this: "I think he's being immature. It's his playstation and I happen to want it this weekend, it should have just been packed. " You say that he's being immature, but it's YOU who is throwing the tantrum, arguing loudly and causi... (read in full...)

I feel forced to have sex to maintain the relationship

Q.   I'm a bit confused I'm in a relationship and I like the relationship the romance kissing and cuddles but I don't really like having sex I've never really liked it. I feel forced to do it as part of the relationship everyday several times a day and I ...

A.   2 February 2019: Thank you for the follow-up! I can tell by your posts and especially by your follow-ups that he's extracting sex from you by being emotionally abusive. He is holding your relationship hostage to getting what he wants. A real man would never do... (read in full...)

I feel forced to have sex to maintain the relationship

Q.   I'm a bit confused I'm in a relationship and I like the relationship the romance kissing and cuddles but I don't really like having sex I've never really liked it. I feel forced to do it as part of the relationship everyday several times a day and I ...

A.   24 January 2019: SEVERAL TIMES a day?? He's got an addiction if he's demanding sex from you that often. He's using you for a get-off machine, and that's not fair to you. You don't like sex because he isn't doing anything for you, and he's not respecting YOUR sex ... (read in full...)

He's coming on too strong, talks about sex a lot, has a child with an ex. Should I ignore these red flags?

Q.   So about 6 months ago I met this attractive guy.. we met in a cute way as I got him lost accidentally by trying to help with directions, and he later gave me his number and name, which I hadn't asked for. I added him on Facebook and he messaged me, ...

A.   24 January 2019: Man, I hate being contrary, and while I completely agree with the thoughts of the other aunts who mentioned his having a one-year old kid being a point of concern when it comes to choosing a partner, I have to ask this question of the other aunts as ... (read in full...)

I’m not sure how to interpret ‘hey chick’ in his text!

Q.   If a male acquitance or a friend sent you a text starting 'hey chick' and you had not one like that before from them, is it something as a female you would find endearing, condescending or the sender being flirty with her. Had one recently and ...

A.   22 January 2019: Oh! And PS..I would probably respond "Umm, I have a name!"... (read in full...)

I’m not sure how to interpret ‘hey chick’ in his text!

Q.   If a male acquitance or a friend sent you a text starting 'hey chick' and you had not one like that before from them, is it something as a female you would find endearing, condescending or the sender being flirty with her. Had one recently and ...

A.   22 January 2019: What is the context? What was the text about?? "Hey Chick", and then what did he say?? What has he said before? Has he been flirty with you in the past? Does he get flirty with a lot of people? Is he outgoing or gregarious? All of those ... (read in full...)

Should a man break up with a woman over not getting enough sex?

Q.   Been in a relationship for two years, am 63, she is 58, I work one job she has one full time job an a part time job. I pretty much live with her, own my own house to.what's up is maybe sex once every two months, she always got an excuse.she just ...

A.   21 January 2019: I'm sorry, but I've never heard of a guy making the distinction that since a woman can swallow food "a lot fuller", that she should take an entire penis and not just the tip of it. You *do* realize you really REALLY don't want to make that kin... (read in full...)

I lied to my boyfriend about the time frame last time I had sex before him. He STILL doesn't know the actual truth. What should I do?

Q.   Hey all! I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26 years old and in very transitional phases of our lives. We also recently (within the last year) ended long term (3-6year) relationships. Both relationships we...

A.   21 January 2019: Yeah. I have a suggestion. How about "Shut the hell up about previous relationships and sexual history?" It has nothing to do with him, and he deals with retroactive jealousy anyways. Stop bringing past sexual activity or past men into this pre... (read in full...)

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