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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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She wants to know why I am sexually attracted to her?
Q. My girlfriend asked me why I am sexually and physicall attracted to her. I was at a lost for words. What do I say?...
A. 13 January 2011: I think everyone is taking the OP's question too literally. It's not that he doesn't know why he's attracted to her, it's the fact that she asked the question in the first place. When a girl asks this question to her partner, it really puts him in ... (read in full...)
After months of no contact the ex sent a note. Should I respond?
Q. my ex and i had disagreements and broke up 6 months ago, i wrote him emails and called but he ignored me and didn't respond for the 3 months i tried to contact him. i finally quit trying to contact him, and then 3 months later he contacts me, but ...
A. 13 January 2011: He's manipulating you. He saying all of the things he needs to in order to create doubt in your mind. He's counting on you putting some blame on yourself and using your guilt in his favor.
It's sounds to me like you know you shouldn't be toget... (read in full...)
Sex: I tend to do things I don’t want to, to avoid making a scene
Q. I'm basically just curious I’ve only slept with a few people and tend to do things I don’t want to, to avoid making a scene... I guess. It's just a few general questions about sex and what other people think. You don’t have to answer them all, ...
A. 6 January 2011: 1. You don't HAVE to let your partner climax inside your mouth. Yes, guys enjoy it, but you shouldn't ever feel like you are being forced to. If you are okay with it, there are a couple ways to do it. One is to quickly run to the sink and spit it ... (read in full...)
Men: How do you feel about HPV?
Q. I tested positive for HPV over a year ago. It was type that increases the risk for cervical cancer, (not the strain that gives warts) I went ahead and got the vaccine for the other strains and I am now "inactive" and test negative though ...
A. 30 December 2010: This is something that you have a responsibility to tell your sexual partner about. There's no question about that. However, to the right person this shouldn't be a deal breaker. If you are talking to a casual, one night stand partner then I'd ... (read in full...)
Does sex always get in the way of just being friends?
Q. So can a man and woman be friends or does sex always get in the way. I have this guy I chat with a couple times a week when we see each other. Small talk has turned intimate and he asks a lot of questions wanting to know me. He also recently told me ...
A. 30 December 2010: Stay away from him. He's trouble. Guy and girl friendships can be very complicated and there's no easy answer except to say each scenario is different. However, in your case this all seems very forced by him. If he was really looking for only ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend and we're in an amazing relationship even though we're so far away....then why did I cheat?????
Q. Ok so here's my situation I'm with the love of my life and she's the bestest person ever and we share and talk about everything Everything is great and i truly care for her and miss her and always think about her and she has the same feelings fo...
A. 30 December 2010: You cheated because you wanted to. You cheated because you could. There's no need to psycho-analyze it, this is actually quite simple. You're trying to over analyze it because you feel guilty and wish you can come up with another reason other ... (read in full...)
Why do I pee during sex???
Q. My boyfriend and I have a great relationship and a great sex life. We talk about everything and are very comfortable with each other. During sex, I usually come a lot, and again and again but lately I've been having trouble coming during sex. It's ...
A. 30 December 2010: As the others have said, this is not peeing. You are "squirting" which, in many mens eyes, is not only not a bad thing... but many times a turn on. It's a sign that you are enjoying yourself. I know it's hard to believe, but try not to worry abo... (read in full...)
Husband lied about HIV
Q. i have been with mt husband for 7 yrs got married when i was 21 we have two young kids. my issue is he did'nt tell me he was h.i.v positive when we got together and only found out after a year of going out by that time i had it as well he has lied ...
A. 29 December 2010: If he knew he had HIV and intentionally hid it from you then he essentially assaulted you. And while people can live long and full lives without ever developing AIDS, especially with the medications out today.... he still could have given you a ... (read in full...)
We love each other,so why aren't we together?
Q. Hi cupids , I don't even know where to start , it's so complicated ... I met a guy about a year ago , I fell for him pretty quickly and we were hooking up quite alot in the beginning , he was a bit of a player in the beginning and i slowly backed ...
A. 29 December 2010: Well, clearly he's into you. But since you backed away he still may not be sure about your feelings. I'd say the ball is in your court. He's being flat out honest about how he feels so if your relationship is going to take the next step it's ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get pregnant without penetrative sex?
Q. Ok I have heard a lot of what I think are myths but I want to be sure about the subject of unplanned pregnancy. My question is if is really possible to get pregnant without even having intercourse. I have heard about the guy cummin on you and gett...
A. 29 December 2010: Quite simply, sperm needs to be inside a woman's vagina to impregnate her. Generally, cumming "on" her poses no risk unless you do something like collecting it and putting it inside your vagina. Even then, the odds are very low. I'd say if you ... (read in full...)
This has gone on too long. How can I get him to ask me out?
Q. This guy and I obviously like each other, because both our group of friends can see it. I've told him many times before that i've liked him and at some point i asked if he liked me. Every time i asked, he said yes, but this whole thing between us i...
A. 29 December 2010: Some guys are just shy or need a little pushing. Why don't you ask him out?
And as far as kissing goes, what exactly do you mean? Do you mean kissing technique? Or timing? (when to kiss someone)... (read in full...)
Will she always be a cheater? How spot and avoid a cheater in future?
Q. I just have a question about an ex. I met this girl through work, we flirted and it was as clear as day she was interested. But things were kind of weird, she was also flirting with two other guys at my work. I ended up leaving for a few weeks and ...
A. 29 December 2010: She's broken. Whether it is due to her childhood or something that has happened in her past, she's just incapable of having a traditional relationship. The thing is, she most likely has honest intentions. That is what's so screwed up about it. ... (read in full...)
Do guys date their former friends flames?
Q. Do guys date their friend's former flames? I dated this guy for a month or so and regrettably we slept together. Things went way too fast, he was very aggressive and self absorbed, traits I didn't notice until my feet touched the ground again (no...
A. 29 December 2010: Well, there's an old saying I'm sure you've heard before: All is fair in love an war. Don't care about your ex. Things didn't work out between you two and what's done is done. Yes, this going wouldn't be going out of his way to get to know you if ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my sister that her boyfriend is coming on to me?
Q. my sister is 2 years younger than me and she has a bf the same age as me. They've gone out 4r a year! She's lost her virginity with him and has told me that he is the one and that she loves him. And she isn't messing, she takes love very seriously! ...
A. 29 December 2010: Yeah, you should tell her. But understand, she may not believe you at first. In fact, she may be mad at you for "trying to ruin her relationship" or something like that. It won't be easy for her to hear but in the end she should be with a guy ... (read in full...)
Husband, Brother-in-law and me
Q. I love my husband deeply. We have been together for 14years. We recently moved to where his brother lives. We have only had limited contact with his family do to living 1200 miles apart. Within days of arriving I felt an irrisistible pull towards ...
A. 28 December 2010: "Irresistible pull" is not an accurate description of what you feel. A more accurate way to put it is "I don't care if I made a commitment to my husband, I want what I want and I'm going to do what I want. The difference between right and wrong is ... (read in full...)
A short girl with a tall guy?
Q. i'm asian.. therefore, generally short. i'm somewhat concious of my height, even though i'm 5'3". i'm not exactly super short like some other girls, and not all that tall. I used to weigh 110 but after track and such, i'm around 115..making me more ...
A. 28 December 2010: The height difference is not that big of a deal. My wife and I have an even bigger difference than you and your boyfriend do and we manage just fine. And I don't have to lift her up just to kiss. It's just a matter of your boyfriend bending over ... (read in full...)
He cheated, I mentioned divorce and now he wants another chance
Q. Hi I am married for 11 yrs and my husband cheated.I gave him 2nd chance but he decided to leave again. After 6 months he came back and wants another chance. I told him about divorce and suddenly he wants another chance. What is yr advice???...
A. 28 December 2010: Divorce.... (read in full...)
She's amazing, why is she with me?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl, she lives about 2 states over, and we've been together for about two months now. We're both still in high school school, and both have social lives (Or at least she does), which brings me to my ...
A. 27 December 2010: Yeah, online relationships are very tricky. As dirtball said, they are not real. I know you're first reaction to us is "NO! It's real! She loves me and I love her!" but it's not that simple. Believe me, I have experience in this area. With ... (read in full...)
What do people think about blocking your ex after you broke up and the no contact rule?
Q. Hi , I recently broke up with my BF and loved him very much, but he was controlling, and I was very unhappy, and had no choice but to cut all contact.( this was nearly two weeks ago) Anyway, I have blocked him from Yahoo MSN, and blocked his emails ...
A. 23 December 2010: By nature, break ups are not a good thing... for at least one partner. Very rarely do relationships end "on a good note". But what many people don't realize is that lots of relationships still continue even after the "breakup". The relationship ... (read in full...)
I was in love with a terminal cancer patient and she passed away...
Q. I need help with laying old ghosts to rest. I'm 17 years old, a senior in high school and for 4 months, I was engaged to 15 year old girl who had terminal Leukemia and CIPA (she couldn't feel any pain or sensation in her entire body 8 months ago, my ...
A. 22 December 2010: What you did was a good thing. You gave a girl who had absolutely no hope - hope. Having a terminal disease is terrible for anybody, but for someone as young as her who is able to understand that she won't get to do the things other people do can ... (read in full...)
I'm clueless with girls and in over my head... Help!
Q. Needed to get this off my chest. Enjoy. I am a 21 year old male living in the US as a student and my name is Aiden. Girls confound me and I know virtually nothing about them and I have very limited experience around them. I have a female best frie...
A. 21 December 2010: Why do you feel that you've betrayed Becky? Claire may be Becky's friend, but in the end both you and Claire have developed your own relationship. It is to the point now that what happens between you two can stay between you two.
There is no si... (read in full...)
Who is telling the truth here? I am stuck in the middle and don't know who to believe!
Q. i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. he's rough around the edges, but he is trying, and seems to be growing up, and in my head we're not all perfect. my mother has always been on the fence about him, and my best friend says she likes him, but ...
A. 21 December 2010: Oh, and just the fact that you've chosen to keep his marriage proposal secret shows us what kind of a relationship you two have. Generally when a daughter gets engaged it's a time full of joy. Everybody should be excited and happy. This is just ... (read in full...)
Who is telling the truth here? I am stuck in the middle and don't know who to believe!
Q. i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. he's rough around the edges, but he is trying, and seems to be growing up, and in my head we're not all perfect. my mother has always been on the fence about him, and my best friend says she likes him, but ...
A. 21 December 2010: We're in a difficult position here as well because we are only getting the same info that you have. We can't come to any better conclusion than you can. All we can do is try to draw from our past experiences to help you. So here it is:
Your ... (read in full...)
Is he referring to oral sex?
Q. Hi, This is a question for the guys. If a guy says to a woman he wants to touch and lick you until you scream.Is he referring to oral sex? ...
A. 21 December 2010: Yes. Definitely.... (read in full...)
He wants to stop having sex until we get married! I don't know how to feel about this.....
Q. Ok my fiance went totally religious on me and were on not going to have Sex anymore untill we get married, let me make it clear that we are engaged with no set date at all :-( this past sunday i went to church with him for the first time and we ...
A. 21 December 2010: Pay attention to what CaptainObvious said because it's very accurate. What your fiance has done is not just a "little" thing. He made a major decision about your relationship without discussing it with you. I can see if he sat down with you and ... (read in full...)
He tells me that masturbating to porn everyday before work is normal?
Q. My boyfriend has to watch porn and masturbate everyday before work, even if I'm home he'll do it in the bathroom, he says it has nothing to do with sex, Is this normal, I mean It makes me feel like I'm not enough for him! He don't see a problem...
A. 20 December 2010: I'm usually one of the one's on this site to take the side of "Porn is not necessarily a bad thing". I feel it is possible for a man to watch and even masturbate to porn and still be in a strong relationship with a woman who satisfies him sexually. ... (read in full...)
Could a relationship and sex with a much younger man be a good experience for me?
Q. I am 42 and I have only been attracting younger men lately. The youngest recently was 24. I told him that’s way too young for me (only 6 years older than my oldest son) but he keeps trying to tell me why it could work between us. Not buying it. He ...
A. 20 December 2010: A relationship with a younger man like that is not a bad idea. In fact, it could be quite good for both of you. However, there are things that must be considered before doing so. First, a committed relationship isn't a good idea. Both of you are ... (read in full...)
My ex, who I split up with 3 years ago, wants me to be a dad to her baby! How do I handle this?
Q. I have a friend "Agenol". He moved from our city, to Britain about 2 years ago. Last year, he came back to our city in America for a brief vacation. While here, he "got freaky" with my ex "Daniela". I don't care that they were together; I'm not ...
A. 20 December 2010: Do not get locked into anything "official" or legal with this girl or her child. You don't need a commitment that you are locked into for the rest of your life that is not your doing. Such a commitment could serious disrupt your own personal life ... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with him so he can leave me alone?
Q. Somebody plz help me. I made a stupid decision that can cost me my marriage. I'm ashamed,embarrassed, and feel like crap. I got myself involved with a man at my job who liked to do phone sex. He is older than I and married. It was fun at first ...
A. 17 December 2010: No, you cannot give into him. Right now what you did was wrong, but technically you didn't cheat and your marriage is salvagable. However, if you go the distance and have sex with him, your marriage would truly be over because you will have ... (read in full...)
Could the issue be deeper than it appears?
Q. Of late my wife seems to have lost interest in sex and in me in general - sorta nonchalant, and indifferent. We've had relationship issues these past years, but I'm beginning to suspect if she's approaching menopause. It's been on my mind for some...
A. 17 December 2010: While I'm not saying I don't agree with OliviaAna's advice, I'm going to be a little more open to the fact that it sounds like the OP knows his wife pretty well. He's saying this is a sudden change in behavior and is wondering if this is a common ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my persistent ex?
Q. My ex keeps calling me like 5 times a day and wants me to be his gf, what should I do?...
A. 17 December 2010: Don't answer. The second you answer your phone it opens the door for him and gives him hope. DO. NOT. ANSWER.
If he comes by your house, do not open the door. If he sees you at school, ignore him.
If you truly ignore him he will have no cho... (read in full...)
My fiance is still friends with her past partners.
Q. I have finally found someone that I want to spend my life with after one brief, failed marriage already. While I am positive about this relationship, there is one thing that continues to nag at me... After her divorce, she went on a bit of a st...
A. 17 December 2010: I can understand what you are saying and why you feel the way you do. It's quite natural to feel that way and I don't blame you. However, this is who she is. This is the type of person she is and this is the life she lives. To ask her to change ... (read in full...)
How judgmental are guys on the first date?
Q. Hello Guys, One of my friend gave my number to his cousin and sent to each other our pic and we liked each other and exchanged the numbers.. since one month we texted to each other and sometimes called.. he asked me to hand out twice but unfort...
A. 17 December 2010: Exactly, dirtball. "I will let you know" means: He will let you know. Texting him again before he texts you will only make things worse so you are just going to have to be patient. But here's the deal - if he never texts you it means he is not ... (read in full...)
I KNOW my husband's cheating... what do I do now?
Q. I have just found out about the affair of my husband which has been going on for ove 3 years now. I have caught him many times but he always managed to convince me that it was not him but it is for his friend until i read all the messages on his ...
A. 17 December 2010: I suggest leaving him. He's obviously been lying the last 3 years, so leaving is your best option from the information you have given us.... (read in full...)
Am I able to pull it off as my boyfriend's baby?
Q. Hi I'm in a tough situation,I think I might be pregnant with my ex boyfriends baby. My current boyfriend and I have been trying for a year for a baby and haven't had any luck. He cheated on me 3 times a while back and out of anger I went and cheated ...
A. 17 December 2010: No, you should not lie to him. He deserves to know the truth.... (read in full...)
I didn't get to sleep with her when she was a virgin!
Q. Dear reader, my question concerns a deep psychological anxiety which I suffer from. In my more rational moments I know that it is immature, petty and even silly. But we are human and often the chaos of the psyche escapes into the lived reality of ...
A. 17 December 2010: There's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to say it. You need to see a professional about this. A counselor, a therapist... something. I say this because you at least acknowledge that what you are saying isn't fair... yet you still feel ... (read in full...)
Mystery girl..should I send her a message on facebook?
Q. Alright this will prob sound very teenage girlish of me, but what the hell im a 20 yr guy that needs advice. so i broke up with my first girlfriend(of about a yr) about a month ago. The is a this girl that was in a couple of my classes in college ...
A. 17 December 2010: Well are you interested in her or not?
You either send a message to her or you don't. If you do and she rejects you, fine... at least you tried. However, if you don't message her, then what? You'll never know. She may actually WANT to hang out... (read in full...)
Non-blood-related cousin asked me out, I think I like her but am very confused about the consequences?
Q. Hello there, i will tell you my story and hopefully you will help me with it. A cousin of mine (due to some circumstances Not blood related) asked me out on a date with a straight forward way few days ago, I never though her like this way I know...
A. 17 December 2010: Yeah, here in the US as long as their not related by blood in anyway there are no problems. What do you think the possible consequences there in Greece?... (read in full...)
How judgmental are guys on the first date?
Q. Hello Guys, One of my friend gave my number to his cousin and sent to each other our pic and we liked each other and exchanged the numbers.. since one month we texted to each other and sometimes called.. he asked me to hand out twice but unfort...
A. 17 December 2010: At this point you can't text him anymore. You have left it in his hands and if he wants to see you again he will let you know. Otherwise, if you keep texting him you are going to seem desperate and stalker-like which won't help you.
The simple f... (read in full...)
How judgmental are guys on the first date?
Q. Hello Guys, One of my friend gave my number to his cousin and sent to each other our pic and we liked each other and exchanged the numbers.. since one month we texted to each other and sometimes called.. he asked me to hand out twice but unfort...
A. 16 December 2010: What you don't say is just as important as what you do say on a date. Especially a first one. Body language is VERY important. It sounds like he sensed that you're mind was elsewhere and, like dirtball said, mixed messages are a big turnoff.
... (read in full...)
After months of no contact the ex sent a note. Should I respond?
Q. my ex and i had disagreements and broke up 6 months ago, i wrote him emails and called but he ignored me and didn't respond for the 3 months i tried to contact him. i finally quit trying to contact him, and then 3 months later he contacts me, but ...
A. 15 December 2010: So let me get this straight.... you miss talking to a man and wonder if you can ever find someone else like him who is a liar and a cheater, a man who ignores your attempts at contact, and who won't apologize for what he did to you? Hmmmm.... I ... (read in full...)
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