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*tar_07

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*tar_07's profile:

Hi there. I am 26 and currently finishing school and in a relationship. I stumbled upon this site looking for answers to questions I have had in the past. Ever since, I have found it to be a great place for people to ask questions and get feedback. I am an open minded, honest person with a little knowledge that guides me.

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How do you break up with a "nice guy"?

Q.   I have fallen out of love with my boyfriend. he is a wonderful person, kind, considerate I just dont love him any more. My question is how do you break up with someone who has done nothing wrong? Iv only ever been in messy breakups where i have ...

A.   31 May 2010: Something you should consider, why do you feel you dont love him anymore? Is this a transition? A phase? Relationships change all the time so thats something to consider. If you are certain that you simply dont want a relationship anymore,... (read in full...)

Am I a tramp?

Q.   I've been a very bad discusting person well i think so anyway :( ive had sex with two boys in the space of a month, and other sexual acts with them too spreading over 5 months im just realising now that i feel nasty and horrible, im sucha tramp...

A.   31 May 2010: You are NOT a tramp!!!!!!!! The reason you feel horrible is because you probably feel you made some poor decisions. WE all make mistakes. The only thing you can do is learn from them and not do that again if its going to make you feel bad about yo... (read in full...)

Don't you consider this a cruel game?

Q.   My friend was at the mall with her family and her dad started a game where they had to "find chubby people." I said that this was a mean and cruel game. She said that it wasn't and it was just a game- just something to do. But still- isn't this mean ...

A.   31 May 2010: RIght on chica! It isnt nice at all and she should be well aware that she isnt looking at objects, these are PEOPLE with feelings!! Give her some crap but if she gets too upset then just say you would appreciate it if she not do that in your ... (read in full...)

Nitpicking everything and turning it into a fight!

Q.   I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm nit-picking everything in my relationship and turning it into a fight. Sometimes, I feel like I'm so in love and I couldn't imagine being without my boyfriend, but ever once in a while, I don't want him t...

A.   31 May 2010: It sounds like what your real problem with him is the cause with the intimacy problem. If you dont want him near you, what is he doinbg to make you not want him? What do you mean by "everything is good again" Perhaps you need to take a step bac... (read in full...)

Is there ever really a good time to have a baby?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. He has a son from a previous relationship. We have mentioned children in passing on many occasions and both agree we want them, however we have never made any solid plans. We did sort of agree last year ...

A.   31 May 2010: No, there is never a perfect time to have a baby. However, there are things you should consider before deciding to try. How much money will it cost to pay for the child and do you have enough, HEALTH INSURANCE!! is very important. Kids go to the ... (read in full...)

Broken up as he didnt love me, but he still wants to have sex with me

Q.   Hi I am gay my boyfriend has just broken up with me 3 weeks ago. He says he wasnt in love with me as he lost the spark for me but said he still found me amazing in bed so the sex has not stopped. We continue to have sex when we meet. I am trying ...

A.   24 August 2009: The "spark" he is talking about is not love, it is the feeling people have in the beginning of a relationship, that rush of feelings, butterflies in the stomach, cant live without you. Once that wears off, people think they are no longer "in love" ... (read in full...)

Why can I not conceive when I'm perfectly healthy?

Q.   I'm 25, I have been sexually active for years, I have tried to concieve a child for so many years. I'm seeing doctors at my local heath department but they continue to tell me I'm disease free but yet I haven't concieved yet. I was told an ...

A.   17 November 2008: You should talk to an OBGYN or fertility clinic, not your local health department. The local health department can help with you certain things like testing for diseases or pregnancy but they cant really help you with reproductive issues. Pleas... (read in full...)

I still feel uncomfortable accepting myself as gay!

Q.   Hey there guys and guyesses! Well I am openly and surely gay, I have a boyfriend who i think the world of, but the thing is i still feel really uncomfortable with accepting myself as being gay. I mean when you get some friends who you haven't seen ...

A.   17 November 2008: I dont think gay men and women want to face all this stigma, discrimination, and hatred. Why would they want that for themselves as a matter of being cool or because they are trying to find their identity? I think the lesbians you are referrin... (read in full...)

I'm having problems with THE PILL. I'm bleeding erratically.

Q.   I really need some help please. ive been taking the pill for about 6 months maybe. on and off. first two months to get used to it and going on holiday etc. but i often forget sometimes. i have an alarm and things that goes off but my routine ...

A.   15 November 2008: I think your problems are because you miss so many pills. When you go days without it, it is normal to start a period. Just like how it is when you have the placebo pills if you are taking the 28 day pack. Are you bleeding a lot or just a little... (read in full...)

I still feel uncomfortable accepting myself as gay!

Q.   Hey there guys and guyesses! Well I am openly and surely gay, I have a boyfriend who i think the world of, but the thing is i still feel really uncomfortable with accepting myself as being gay. I mean when you get some friends who you haven't seen ...

A.   15 November 2008: You can NOT make yourself like girls. I think that you either gay or not, it isnt a choice. Think about this way. Did I choose to be straight? NO. I am naturally attracted to men. And you are naturally attracted to men. There is nothing wrong with ... (read in full...)

How can I consider marrying him with this set up he has in place?

Q.   I've been with my divorced boyfriend nearly two years. He has two kids fom a marriage who live with their mother. I had nothing to do with his divorce. I accepted he had kids and that he seen them and paid for them. However two years later it's ...

A.   15 November 2008: How he spends his money on his kids is up to him. If you two were to get married, I dont think you would be expected to share all your money or spend it on his kids. Finances could be seperated. Of course his kids are going to come first. T... (read in full...)

How can I consider marrying him with this set up he has in place?

Q.   I've been with my divorced boyfriend nearly two years. He has two kids fom a marriage who live with their mother. I had nothing to do with his divorce. I accepted he had kids and that he seen them and paid for them. However two years later it's ...

A.   13 November 2008: If you are really serious about this man, then I would say that this could be a problem. You are willing to accept his kids and that he will have contact (in some way) with his ex. My question to you or you should think about: Are you ready to... (read in full...)

Is having an internet lover stupid?

Q.   Is having an internet lover stupid?...

A.   13 November 2008: Well I wouldnt say stupid, I would call it a waste of time. ... (read in full...)

I'm 14 and feel I am ready for sex. Advice ?

Q.   Hello, I am a 14 year old girl. You need to know that because my question is about being ready for sex. Its a long question even though it answers will probably be short. Well, I have been with my boyfriend for just over nine months. We are real...

A.   10 November 2008: If you are really close to your mom, I urge you to talk to her about it. It is MUCH easier if she knows that you are having sex. That way you can go to her for anything like birth control or advice, whatever you may need. You are going to need ... (read in full...)

Why would I wear a ring from a boy who promised me forever then left for college and lost feelings?

Q.   my boyfriend and i started dating our sophomore year in high school. everything was going great. our senior year, we experienced more problems as we both were leaving to attend different colleges come this fall. we were aware it was going to be a ...

A.   7 November 2008: I think you should move on. You are right, long distance relationships are hard but is it worth it? So you had a really great relationship in high school. Would you rather remember that or the pain you are feeling now after he kissed someone ... (read in full...)

Does withdrawal, along with the pill, improve my odds of not getting pregnant compared to the pill on it's own?

Q.   Odd birth control question here. Does withdrawal, along with the pill, improve my odds of not getting pregnant compared to the pill on it's own? I went on the pill so we wouldn't have to use condoms anymore, which I absolutely hate. The problem is, ...

A.   7 November 2008: Improve your odds of not becoming pregant? Maybe. Are you paranoid? Probably. The pill is 99% effective when taken correctly and if there were a chance of you getting pregnant on the pill (as it happens but is RARE), there is a possibility of b... (read in full...)

Is it always wise to come clean about an affair?

Q.   Is it always wise to come clean about an affair? I've been married for 10 years. The affair happened 3 years ago and lasted for several months. At the time, my husband wasn't giving me much love or attention. The sex was amazing and I found it very ...

A.   7 November 2008: I will say it outright, if I was cheated on, I WOULD want to know as that is defintely a DEAL BREAKER in my relationship. BUT...... This is the dilemma, freeing your guilt and causing him pain OR keeping the guilt to spare him of the pain. ... (read in full...)

I'm 14 and feel I am ready for sex. Advice ?

Q.   Hello, I am a 14 year old girl. You need to know that because my question is about being ready for sex. Its a long question even though it answers will probably be short. Well, I have been with my boyfriend for just over nine months. We are real...

A.   7 November 2008: Of course I am NOT going to think a 14 year old is ready for this kind of relationship. BUT, putting that aside and trying to see it from your eyes...... It sounds like you are in a really good relationship with your boyfriend. It appears that you... (read in full...)

He's scared of having sex with me because he loves me but is used to treat women like objects!

Q.   Hi there my name is Jane and I have a boyfriend called Tom. I've been with him 7 months, just moved in with him but before was always in his house and him mine. He's my best friend and he makes me laugh my head off most of the time. But.. Tom's fir...

A.   7 November 2008: I definately think he needs to speak with a counselor and try to deal with his issues in healthier way. Seeing women as sluts and thinking about the porn is not normal, Id say. Here is the thing, its probably good that you two dont have a sex life ... (read in full...)

He has told me that I am boring twice, I'm confused!

Q.   how should one react if a guy tells you that you are boring? should one stop seeing the guy? this guy acts like he is into me but has said this to me twice. Confused...

A.   7 November 2008: It depends on the context in which he said you are "boring." Did he say this playfully or during an argument? How did he say it, nice/jokingly or mean? It all depends on how he said it and when he said it. Or you could just ask him "what do you ... (read in full...)

I like a girl 4 years younger than myself. How to gain trust.

Q.   I am an 18 Year old dude, I like this girl who is 14. ***Before I go any further I know that it is LEGAL for me to date a girl of any age and if I engage in Sexual Activities with a minor I can go to Jail for statutory rape.*** Are age gap is ...

A.   7 November 2008: Yes, it is ILLEAGAL. I cant say that I agree with you dating a 14 year old girl so here is my piece. The 3.5 year age gap is huge at that age. There is a lot of developent going on during the teen years and you dating a girl that has just begun ... (read in full...)

I recently went through my husbands facebook messages and found out he has been flirting with this gal...

Q.   Hi I recently went through my husbands facebook messages and found out he has been flirting with this gal for a long time. It really upset me because the things he was saying to her were too deep for me. I confronted him and he says everyone...

A.   28 October 2008: Yes, I agree. CHEATING. The internet can lead people down this evil road. What starts out as an innocent chat becomes cyber sex then becomes talking on the phone then becomes meeting each other. And then becomes REAL LIFE. Put this to an end NOW. ... (read in full...)

In a polyamourus relationship and my female lover is pregnant!

Q.   I have been part of a Polyamourus relationship for 5 months now, my girlfriend is married to my best friend and I love her very much. Her husband is completely understanding as he has a girlfriend of his own, and we do nothing that he doesn't know ...

A.   22 October 2008: I guess my first question is, why do you assume it is his child? If you were having a sexual relationship with this woman, is it possible it is yours? If you are 100% certain (which means you two NEVER had sex or you have had a vesectom... (read in full...)

Could I be prosecuted for this?

Q.   I got in a relationship at the beginning of this year after we had been dating we started to do sexual things to each other a month later I myself turned 16 but we didn't stop our sex life. A couple of days ago we fell out and my partner's parent...

A.   21 October 2008: Im not sure what the laws are in your country but I would think that just because you are over the age of consent does not make you an adult. Therefore, you are still a minor and as long as the sex is consensual, Im not sure how this could be ... (read in full...)

Why can he never "finish" when we have sex? Is it me?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months, and have had sex 3 times. The first time was the day after he tried blow. The second time I asked him if there was anything I can do, if there was something wrong, etc. He said he didn't k...

A.   20 October 2008: I believe the first time that he had tried blow, Im assuming you are referring to cocaine, was probably the problem. Many different drugs have these kinds of effects. I would say that this has probably more to do with him than it has somethin... (read in full...)

I was wondering..is it far too soon to move in with my bf?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and our planning to move in together. We are still in college, and marriage is no where coming soon ( i dont want it too). I love him very much, and I know we have had our ups and our ...

A.   14 October 2008: In my opinion, I do not think its too soon to move in together. I think it depends more on the couple and what they want out of the relationship but at least a year together is probably best. If you two are spending about every night together, thats ... (read in full...)

Found birth control pills in my wife's drawers....is there a way to confirm if she is taking them?

Q.   I found various birth control pills in my wife’s drawer. I had no idea she was taking them. I have wanted to have a baby for some time now. Is there a way to medically confirm she is indeed on the pill? Any other way? She won’t admit she took them. ...

A.   14 October 2008: Im not sure there is a way to confirm whether or not someone is on the pill and its probably not a good idea to prove it without her knowledge. One way you could tell if she was taking them is obviously if there was one missing out of the same pack ... (read in full...)

When you're at fault and apologise is it then best to try and make it up, or is temporary space sometimes the best solution?

Q.   I've been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years. We're both 21. We've had the most blissful, easy, uncomplicated and fun relationship for virtually the entire time. We are often labelled as the perfect couple and his friends think I'm the ...

A.   14 October 2008: It seems that you need to figure out whats going on with you, why do you keep making comments ans saying things you dont mean? That can become abusive and when you say the wrong things, the damage is already done. You cant go back an erase it or ... (read in full...)

Is it okay to ask a girl's number if you just want to be friends?

Q.   I met this girl at a party and she was really fun. I asked for her number cause I really wanted to hang out with her again. But now I'm wondering if I did the right thing cause I'm not interested in her sexually, I just want to be her friend. Is it ...

A.   14 October 2008: Of course its okay to ask for a girl's number, or anyones number for that matter when you just want to be friends! My only advice is that you make it clear early on that you just want to be friends. Take Care! ... (read in full...)

I cheated on my husband 6 years ago with his best friend.

Q.   I cheated on my husband 6 years ago with his best friend. I told him after the fact and we have been together ever since. We are still friends with his friend. We have 3 children together and I love him with all of my heart. He is my world. There ...

A.   7 October 2008: If you want to save this marriage, I suggest couples counseling. Obviously I am no one to judge how you conduct your marriage, but I am a firm believer that threesomes and sexual devience in a marriage lead to more problems. It is very rare that two ... (read in full...)

Found out recently my son isn't biologically mine.

Q.   Found out recently my son isn't biologically mine. I always sort of knew that all my kids weren't mine. Still a bit of a shock to know it for sure though. My ex still knows the other guy she was with at the time and it's been proven he's my lads ...

A.   26 September 2008: I think its best to tell the child now. Try to explain to him in words that he can understand. Has he asked where babies come from? If he has, this is definately the time when you can bring this subject up. I would tell him that he has 2 daddies. It ... (read in full...)

What are your opinions on this dilema???

Q.   whats everyones views or opinions on this dilema can a marriage that was already on the rocks with one partner(the husband)not loving the other partner then having an affair,resulting in a baby with added financial implications SURVIVE?...

A.   26 September 2008: It all depends! Do both partners want it to work? Then I say Yes! If both people work on the relationship, themselves, and support each other through the good and bad times, it could definately work. If one person is too hurt to forgive or th... (read in full...)

Should I Marry Someone That I Am Not 100% attracted to and may become fat in the future?

Q.   Should I marry a woman that I am not entirely attracted to and might get fat in the future? She is one of my best friends and has everything I want in a woman... but I can tell she does not work-out enough to maintain a healthy body and always finds ...

A.   26 September 2008: Im not sure the point is that "she might get fat in the future." If you arent attracted to her now then what makes you think it will change? You have to accept people for who they, flaws inside and out. What do you consider fat? A little overweig... (read in full...)

I told her I needed time to get over her but that just makes her upset! What's the best way to handle this?

Q.   i recently started liking my best friend who is a girl. we found out that we both liked each other and things were going slow but good for a week or so until her ex's dad ended up in the hospital. to make a long story short i told her that she ...

A.   26 September 2008: Did she get back with her ex or was this just your suggestion? Im wondering, why would you tell her to get back with her ex? She might have close ties with his family or even still care about him but is that enough for a relationship? Do you hone... (read in full...)

My ex sex buddy doesn't talk to me since he is hooking up with another coworker. I thought we were friends?

Q.   My coworker and I started messing around with no strings attached. I just broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago and am still in hopes of re-patching things up. However, one day we all went out and I invited one of my other girl co workers to ...

A.   26 September 2008: It is usually a bad idea to get in these types of "fuck buddy" deals. Usually one person ends up getting hurt, no matter how much you two really think that there are no strings. There is a bioogical and social aspect to sex and it is very difficult ... (read in full...)

I have depression and despite this he pushes me into situations that I'm not comfortable with, does he truly love me, should I walk away?

Q.   Can anyone help? im 23 and have been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years and living together for about 1 year.Recently i have been beginning to wonder if i mean as much to him as he says i do.I have depression and despite this he pushes me ...

A.   26 September 2008: I have to agree with supermum. When I read this question, I couldnt really give you an answer. It seems you are being really vague. Someone who doesnt listen to you isnt showing you love and respect but at the same time, I dont know what is setting ... (read in full...)

He said he didn't want a relationship but we act as though we have one, recently I feel he wants more, I don't know what to think and how to interpret and react to his comments!

Q.   Hello I need help here, because I am very confuse, I have been dating this guy for around 7 months, he is wonderfull with me, he does everything to please me. We have been exclusive since the begining. Like 2 months after we started dating he told...

A.   26 September 2008: I think the best solution here is to first figure out what you want. Do you want a serious relationship with him? Would you consider marrying him? And then, you need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel and ask how he feels about the relation... (read in full...)

Should I trust him one more time, and give us two another chance?

Q.   hi, i left my boyfriend 3 months ago his friends told me he was very depressed when we left but he did not show me that. now after 3 months he contacted me on the internet and told me that he has his girlfriend, but still loves me. he was send...

A.   26 September 2008: To answer your first question: Do not give him another chance! It seems that you still care about this guy but you left for a good reason. You left because of his depression and maybe there are other reasons. Dont forget why you made that choice. ... (read in full...)

He will not be with me if I keep this child!

Q.   We broke up with my bf about a month ago after a year and a half. It was a great relationship, but he saiz, that he wasn't all that happy and so he needed time to be alone and focuse on himself. I gave him that time, even tho it was very hard. We ...

A.   16 September 2008: Many people think that the "right" way to do things are to get a good job, engaged, married, and a child comes later. In today's world, this isnt always the case. This decision is up to you. If you want to keep the baby, then do it. If you deci... (read in full...)

I am worried how my being overweight will affect my relationships in the future. What can I do to increase my chances?

Q.   I have posted questions previously about how I worry about how my appearance will affect my relationships in the future. Quick reminder - I am nineteen years old, six foot dark hair blue eyes. My close female friends say I'm sweet and kind and lov...

A.   16 September 2008: I think you have great answers to your questions already. I would like to add that you probably think that your weight has more to do with finding someone than it actually does. The most attractive thing about a man has more to do with confiden... (read in full...)

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