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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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She's no longer into sex. What to do?
Q. The problem I have is. My wife is totally uninterested in sex and lovemaking, and has been for about 3 years now. Its to hot, its to cold, I have a headache?backache/earache whatever. We have discussed it and she assures me that it is not me. I h...
A. 20 September 2016: I hear you. Last year my wife told me "it's like sex is some party that everyone in the world got invited to but me." That made everything click into place. When we first got together there was a lot of sex, with her initiating often. Even then, ... (read in full...)
How can I get my son to sleep through the night?
Q. My son is 8 months old. He wakes up EVERYNIGHT between 2-3am. Usually goes to bed between 8-9pm. .. he never sleeps through the night. Any tricks to get him to sleep through the night?...
A. 28 July 2016: There's a book called "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. It was a life saver for us!... (read in full...)
What help is available for a man who feels "lost"? Loving wife and family, and yet I feel so very alone and isolated
Q. I am at the apex of my career. I have a wife who loves me and three great kids. Everyone sees a picture that is so far from what I feel inside. I feel increasing disconnected from everyone and everything. I have no one whom I can ask for help, or...
A. 25 July 2016: I can tell you emphatically that you are not alone. I have had male friends who are willing to talk about this stuff, but it seems like it has to happen spontaneously. Even today lots of guys still equate "man" and "caveman" -- it really seems ... (read in full...)
My mother complains she doesn't see her grandchildren, but she is always hungover!
Q. hi everyone hope someone can give me some good advice it is not relationship problems but a family problem my parents split up 8 years ago my mam now has a new boyfriend since she has got with him she doesn't bother with her grandchildren she has 6 ...
A. 14 June 2016: No you're not in the wrong. It's up to you who you have in your life, and the lives of your children. Most people would choose people who lift them up, who are pleasant to be around, and who will be a positive influence on their children. You ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to overcome what I have done? I've apologized but I'm worried about family repercussions following my action.
Q. i drunk kissed my sister, she is 5 years younger than me, i feel bad and helpless, i wish i could reverse it, it was a small peck on the lips but with wrong intentions. I have said sorry to her, now i am afraid our relationship will never be the same...
A. 11 May 2016: How did your sister react? While wrong, what you did isn't terribly serious. A peck on the lips shouldn't get you evicted if it's a one-time thing. You now know that alcohol impairs you judgement to a scary extent -- you should act accordingly in ... (read in full...)
Please help me win my dream job
Q. Hi everyone! This is not a relationship question but more a question of advice, as everyone here as a variety of experience and comes from all walks of life. I am a qualified nurse in a job that I hate. My dream job would be to work with people...
A. 23 February 2016: I agree, put that comment out of your mind. She was probably just telling you, kindly, that it's very competitive and that your newly-qualified status might not be in your favour. It's the interview that matters.
When I interview someone,... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my boyfriend will compare my privates to his ex girlfriends and won't like what he sees!
Q. Hi all I'm a 16 year old virgin with a major concern, my left inner Laos is stretched and hangs down past the outer lips by quite a way, while my right labia is normal? The stretched on is also like a purple colour and rubs against my underwear and ...
A. 19 January 2016: Just to reinforce what YouWish said -- have you ever heard the joke about men only having enough blood to operate either their brain OR their penis? There's truth to it. Any time I'm close enough to examine a vulva in detail, there's no where near ... (read in full...)
Fiancé keeps nude and masturbation photos of previous ex's
Q. I feel silly and embarrassed for bringing this up, but it's been bothering me all day. My fiancé and I have been together for over 3 years and we are getting married in 6 months. For the most part, we have a good relationship, but an insecurity that ...
A. 19 January 2016: At the outset of marriage his focus should be entirely on you. If he's still got part of his mind on ex's before you're even married, how will it be when you hit the inevitable rough waters than every marriage encounters? His trove of keepsakes is ... (read in full...)
What can I do? Should I meet a man who can only tolerate my much loved resucue dog?
Q. I was really looking forward to meeting a man I have have been talking online to. This morning he dropped the bombshell he would only ever"tolerate" a dog and his argument is he thinks its cruel to keep them as pets anyway. I am quite hurt as my do...
A. 10 December 2015: Love me, love my dog.... (read in full...)
I'm finding her persistent acne a turnoff
Q. I don't want this this to come off the wrong way, but I need some help. I love my fiancée and we have a great relationship. I'm physically attracted to her but I find myself turned off a lot because of her acne issues. She's dealt with rea...
A. 8 December 2015: I'm wondering if she could have roseacha?
http://www.rosacea.org/
My wife had persistent acne which drove her crazy. She tried everything too. Although topicals (creams and such) never worked, she had some success with birth control pill... (read in full...)
How can I forget I kissed another woman at my wedding
Q. My husband and I had an amazing ceremony and reception, but at the after party we both got extremely drunk. A song started playing about kissing a girl, and I shouted "I can't believe I'm married now I've never kissed a girl!" or something like ...
A. 8 December 2015: On the scale of dumb stuff people do when they're drunk, that one doesn't rate all that high. After all, no one got hurt. I understand your regret. However, if you and your new hubby were both drunk, it's a fair guess that lots of your guests ... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting to his harsh and hurtful comments?
Q. Hello Everyone! Boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. Last weekend, he said things to me that really broke my spirit and was very hurtful. We were getting intimate and he said that I was the only woman who's never made him come,...
A. 25 November 2015: My attitude in relationships is that you should be more polite to your partner than to anyone else. And that if you don't having something nice to say, don't say anything at all. If sex was important to me, rather than saying "you suck" I'd either ... (read in full...)
To have or not have children? Can people give their stories?
Q. We are deciding whether or not we want to have children and we're leaning towards not. We've been together for years, value our spare time, our independence, ability to take trips at a whim and the quietness of our lives. I've done plenty of reading ...
A. 20 November 2015: Sounds like you're where I was in my late 20s. I could pretty much identify all the downsides -- loss of freedom and flexibility, smelly diapers, and the general obnoxiousness of children. You can't genuinely imagine the upside.
We were like you... (read in full...)
Been divorced for ten years and happy now. But now my emotionally abusive ex wants to come back and live with me since the death of her partner. How do I refuse my ex-wife's request?
Q. I have an ex wife who was continuously unfaithful to me and was abusive, she divorced me about 10 years ago. I have been much happier since our divorce. We have a daughter together who is now 17. She moved in with me about a year ago after confid...
A. 25 September 2015: Just to chime in, not just no, but *hell* no. You got your life back 10 years ago. Don't let it slip away now because you feel guilty. You know in your heart what will happen -- go with your heart.... (read in full...)
My father is dying and his partner of 20 years is unsupportive! How do I help my dad?
Q. This is not a LOVE relationship issue but it is a relationship issue. I normally am the one to give advice but this is something I am willing to hear all sides on. Background: My dad is nearly 81 and he is dying. He has non-treatable meta...
A. 22 September 2015: SVC I'm so sorry you're in this situation. My Dad only lasted four months from the time he was diagnosed, which was quite wrenching enough even with a supportive partner.
Reading the other replies, well, I'm not worthy -- I'm in awe.
What I ... (read in full...)
I got back from a trip to find another man's pair of underwear in my bed. Do I believe my wife's story?
Q. came home from a week long trip found a pair of men's underwear in my bed that weren't mine. Was told they got mixed in laundry and got there when she made the bed. What's the answer? ...
A. 3 September 2015: If they were mixed in with the laundry then they'd be freshly clean. Were they?... (read in full...)
Kind of in a LDR with a difficult guy, please help!
Q. So, I really need some advice on a new relationship in my life (sorry if it's kind of a long story.) I went to my hometown for the summer while I waited to start a new temporary job opportunity in another state more than 1000 miles away. While I was ...
A. 1 September 2015: What you've written includes a number of red flags. I'll focus on two of them.
- getting angry when you don't instantly reply to his texts, and then stalking you on other media. This is controlling behaviour, the kind that only gets worse ov... (read in full...)
When do we feel like we're completely grown up?
Q. I am getting married soon. I have been excited up to this point, as I am with a really, really great guy. Now that it's becoming reality, I am having some strange feeling. I don't want to sound like a schmuck with low self esteem but I question ...
A. 23 August 2015: I agree with the others -- there's no magic event or moment when you're deemed "grown up". I'm 52 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have moments when I recognize that I'm thinking the same way I did when I was a teenager ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my girlfriend that my sexual needs do matter?
Q. In college I had a friend named "Jon." He was a stage actor and while he was not conventionally handsome he was a leading man in the style of Gérard Depardieu. He was a decent guy and he had a lot a women interested in him at various points. ...
A. 5 August 2015: It's not pathetic to know yourself and your wants and needs. People with little interest in sex often seem dismissive of high sex drives, calling it immature and unworthy. But your sex drive is part of who you are; having a compatable partner is ... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 16 July 2015: Congratulations. I wish you every happiness.... (read in full...)
Our 12 year old son shows no interest in family life and ignores Father's day and Mother's day. How should I approach these issues with him?
Q. I have a 12 year old son. He dosn't show much interest in spending time with the family. His life revolves around computers, video games, and similar devices. We have tried installing firm and strict usage rules, and even downright a "ban" on compu...
A. 22 June 2015: We were terribly worried about our son when he was 12. His life seemed focussed on video games, and generally anything involving a screen. Then, magically, he gave his head a shake and got involved in the world. You can't MAKE them change -- it ... (read in full...)
Getting a tutor from a former teacher I had feelings for?
Q. I had this middle school teacher from 3 years ago (I am now in Highschool, 18 years old). I havent talked to her in three years till yesterday.. I had her for Math(grade 6 to grade 8) and she was also my middle school basket ball coach (for 4 ...
A. 15 June 2015: You're 18, so you're legally an adult. Adult behaviour is doing what your brain tells you is right, not what your hormones tell you you want. She's newly married and you have a girlfriend, so there's no way anything is going to happen even if you ... (read in full...)
My parents are basically planning to cut ties with my son and I once I move out to be with my fiance!
Q. My parents are basically planning to cut ties with my son and I once I move out to be with my fiance. It hurts a lot and I am not sure what to do. Long story in a nutshell-I was previously married. My parents moved overseas for three years and ...
A. 8 June 2015: The only thing under your control here is how you react. You say that your mother is toxic, and your description is pretty consistent with that. Your father doesn't have much backbone if he'd let her dictate what sort of relationship he has (or ... (read in full...)
Are there guys out there who actually don't like strip clubs?
Q. Are there guys out there who actually DON'T like strip clubs? I live in a mining town and strip clubs are starting to pop up everywhere, and since mining is a very male dominated field, guys go there after work to bond, and blah blah. I've been tol...
A. 5 June 2015: Yes there are guys who don't like strip clubs. They're usually dirty, dark and depressing. Lots of the time the girls are just going through the motions. And the current style of all fake and buffed doesn't appeal to me at all.
There are good... (read in full...)
In a long distance relationship at the moment but I want sex
Q. My boyfriend had been away for about 8 months now . He went of to study in Wyoming and I am in Illinois. I have been going through allot without him and I am having a really hard time being faithful. In a relationship I am always a hot head. I ...
A. 31 May 2015: The person you should be asking is your bf. If he's OK with an open relationship then it's not wrong for you to scratch your itch. If he does have a problem with it, then you two have different ideas about what a relationship should be, and it's ... (read in full...)
Is it true that you might not deliver a healthy baby after age 35?
Q. Hi everyone. Ive got this problem thats get on the way of my life when i think of it. Ive lost my boyfriend 2 years ago from suicide so since then i haven't had anyone in my life. Im so in need of love as im scared i might end up alone or without ...
A. 22 May 2015: Have a look at this article:
http://health.howstuffworks.com/pregnancy-and-parenting/pregnancy/complications/a-guide-to-pregnancy-complications-ga1.htm... (read in full...)
I'm 37 weeks pregnant and my Bf wants a threesome, He's already messaging the intended girl. Am I being paranoid? Or is this a red flag?.
Q. So my boyfriend of 7 years has asked for sex with another woman, I kind of understand, we are both our firsts and only. We found a woman about our age for a threesome. I am 37 weeks pregnant with our 3rd and she is fit, slender, and has more ...
A. 3 April 2015: You don't sound in the least paranoid to me. He's telling you that monogamy isn't for him, and you've given him permission to go this far. Put a stop to it. I'm going to guess that you're not at the peak of your self-confidence as far as body ... (read in full...)
What's the lowdown on the down there hair?
Q. I guess my question is more for the men on DC, but of course I am also interested in women's comments. So : it seems the general consensus , at least among the younger generations, is that a woman SHOULD be hairless down there :the hairless...
A. 23 March 2015: Cindy you already know that I'm a dinosaur, so I'm not the target audience for your question. I don't like grooming down there. Basic hygiene, of course. But otherwise I love how mother nature offers it up. And having changed many, many diapers, ... (read in full...)
Could there be "real love" in an emotional affair?
Q. I have realized now that I've been in a co-dependent relationship. I also married my partner of years because I didn't think I'd ever find "the one" for me and I was ok with that. All I wanted was to be able to just go through life and survive. I've ...
A. 23 March 2015: Love is a complicated emotion, easily confused with several others: infatuation, gratitude, relief, among others. We can lose track of ourselves in a long-term relationship. We make compromises, adjustments, accommodations, so after a period of ... (read in full...)
Will men still fancy me if I get a short hair cut?
Q. I feel like doing something brave and unconventional, and one thing I'd like to do is to cut my shoulder-long hair to a dramatic, very-short hair cut. But I'm afraid that if I do so, men won't fancy me any more, as people sometimes assume short-ha...
A. 9 March 2015: It's pretty rare that I find short hair looks good on a woman, but I'm sure if you asked 10 guys you'll get 10 different opinions.... (read in full...)
Would you cancel your wedding if your family wasn't interested? Is my fiance's suggestion better?
Q. I'm getting married next summer to the love of my life. We have been together almost 3 years and I love him so much. I'm 21 he is 30. I got engaged last year and booked my wedding but my family are so disinterested. My mother and father hate soci...
A. 2 March 2015: When I got married (back in the 80s) we did it up the traditional way and had 100 people with the meal, the speeches, etc. It was good because the people there (for the most part) cared about us. Would we do it again? No way. It was a huge amount ... (read in full...)
To what extent does scent affect attraction?
Q. A question for the uncles! How much do you enjoy a female's scent? Would you pick a clean but plain smelling girl or rather one who had on an distinct added scent such as perfume, deoderant, shampoo etc.? To what extent does scent affect attractio...
A. 1 March 2015: The right perfume can be amazing. By "right", I mean one that actually works with your body chemistry. For some women there doesn't seem to be any such thing -- there just isn't a perfume that works for them. But when it works (and it's not ... (read in full...)
What sexual skills do men look for in a woman?
Q. Hello, all! You know how they say curiosity kills the cat? Well,I'm afraid I'm the cat in this situation. One of the recent topics on this forum really got me thinking:http://www.dearcupid.or...
A. 24 February 2015: Personally it's not physical, it's mental. It's enthusiasm, it's letting go and getting completely in to the experience. She needs to know what works for her, and be willing to teach the guy. Attitude, attitude, attitude!... (read in full...)
Why do men expect women to be shaved down below? Porn?
Q. I'm out of a twenty year marriage so the last time I dates was some years ago. Since being single again it seems most men now expect or want women to be shaved down below. What's going on? I don't remember this ever being a request or even a prefer...
A. 20 February 2015: I don't know if porn led the trend or if it worked to reinforce it, but I don't doubt it's a factor. I read an article the other day that mentioned that doctors in North America very seldom see a woman under 30 with pubic hair. The trend against ... (read in full...)
Married with kids. She is seeing other men. I love her dearly...but when is enough enough?
Q. Married with kids. I love her dearly...but when is enough enough? I would really appreciate insight from the outside looking in. I am going to be 100% truthful here. I have no reason not to…I just really want thoughts and advice based on my s...
A. 19 February 2015: You have already tolerated far, far more than I ever would. Four years since she became pregnant, two years at most of you working so hard she felt lonely, by which point she had mentally left the marriage. I'm sorry to say that you fell in love ... (read in full...)
I am seriously thinking about putting my 2 year old up for adoption! Advice?
Q. Hi please don't judge me for this : I am seriously thinking about putting my 2 year old up for adoption. I love her but I am not the mother I hoped to be or she deserves. I cry on a daily basis, find myself snapping at her. The burst into tea...
A. 27 January 2015: Raising a child with the help of a partner is plenty difficult. Being on your own, without a support network? No wonder you're stressed and snapping at your child. What you're going through is very human and perfectly understandable, so please ... (read in full...)
Is this puberty or am I gay?
Q. I am 14 years old and attend an all-male Catholic highschool. I have been having sexual feelings for some of the boys in my class which I find attractive. I imagine scenarios with them and I wish to at least ^^^ with them or see their junk. I'm not ...
A. 17 January 2015: My guess is it's more likely just puberty. You have a flood of hormones going through your system and you're not used to them. It usually results in an intense sex drive that feels like it will drive you crazy. If you were in a co-ed environment ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my dad I am pregnant?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but I was hoping someone might be able to give me some advice. I'm 17 yrs. old and a senior in High school. Over the weekend I found out I was pregnant. I live with my father, my parents divorce was I was 9 and ...
A. 8 January 2015: Kiddo, if he didn't love you, didn't care for you deeply, he wouldn't get upset. He will come around, and he will turn out to be your strongest supporter. I know it's hard to give him time when you're so freaked out yourself, but this is the worst ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my dad I am pregnant?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but I was hoping someone might be able to give me some advice. I'm 17 yrs. old and a senior in High school. Over the weekend I found out I was pregnant. I live with my father, my parents divorce was I was 9 and ...
A. 6 January 2015: This is something I thought quite a bit about as the father of two girls. Of course I never wished a teen pregnancy on them (and fortunately it didn't happen), but in my "what if" thinking I considered what I was afraid of for them. There's a long ... (read in full...)
Is my desire to be bitten weird?
Q. hello everyone i wold like to thank anyone in advance if you answer this question, i has been bothering me for sometime now. my question is, is it weird that i like to be bitten? now let me fully explain. when my husband and i are lets s...
A. 30 December 2014: I seem to recall hearing that for some people the wires get a bit crossed during extreme arousal, so that pain is interpreted by the body as pleasure. It's not that unusual, as the existence of S&M shops indicates. So as long as you're being safe, ... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 27 September 2014: OK, kids are another matter. At 41, you are rapidly running out of time to choose, for one thing. For the other, if he's 57 it's unlikely he will still be a strong provider when your kids are in their teens. Think carefully!... (read in full...)
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