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*o nonsense Aidan

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Latest articles:

I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...

I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...

Childless by choice: please stop judging us

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...

On-line dating: my honest look

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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...

Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.

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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...

Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies

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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...

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Boyfriend's excuse didn't cut it with me

Q.   So my boyfriend of 9 months didn't come to my sister's wedding yesterday. I was annoyed to start when he said he couldn't come a month before the wedding but when I heard his excuse I was more annoyed. I don't get on well with my family and ...

A.   5 February 2017: Well, though he did tell you he couldn’t come, I think that if you made it clear that it was going to be an occasion where you’d really value some support, it was selfish of him not to try and move his birthday celebrations, assuming he did not. I ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's behaviour is so upsetting

Q.   My boyfriend is depressed lately, due to his abusive relationship with his father (who is visiting for a few months). My boyfriend is really really depressed lately. He said he wants to get some space. I agreed, but have been going through hell...

A.   5 February 2017: Sorry but he needs to be made to face up to this: I sympathise entirely with his depression. IT is a horrible thing and that needs to be remembered. But if he knows that he has good spells, he should take responsibility for making sure those times ... (read in full...)

Help me sort out this tangle before it gets worse

Q.   I'm in quite a difficult situation. My ex boyfriend was living on the streets recently. The battery on his phone had run out one night. He met this guy who was also living on the streets, and he borrowed the guy's mobile phone to speak to me. Me and ...

A.   5 February 2017: It is none of your ex’s business who you speak to or associate with. Make sure he knows that. As for meeting this guy, it’s up to you and you need to follow all the usual precautions when meeting a stranger: don’t give out your address, meet in a ... (read in full...)

What do I do? How can she still want to be with someone who she is not sexually attracted to, nor IN love with?

Q.   Apologies if I ramble but I have some much to get off my chest ?? My Fiancée of nearly 14 years and the mother of my 2 beautiful daughters (11 and 6) had told me she loved me but is not IN love with me several years ago. We have also not had...

A.   8 January 2017: So, reading your question and your follow-up, things are now so bad that, on top of having no sex, even having a kiss with the person you’re supposed to love is making you feel paranoid. There’s saliva when kissing, that’s just how it is. I do agree ... (read in full...)

Do abusers set out to deliberately hurt the self esteem of another?

Q.   Are there seriously people who will try to bring down a partners self esteem by making them feel bad about them self is making them feel too old for anyone else to want and not as attractive as other women ( or men ) etc . I ask because I've rec...

A.   1 January 2017: Abusers are complex. Yes, they do undermine a person’s self-esteem and sap their confidence. This is part of their apparatus of control. A two-pronged approach of undermining a person to the point where they believe that they don’t deserve and won’t ... (read in full...)

Would you tolerate a man calling you extremely derogatory, filthy name during arguments?

Q.   Would you talk with a man who calls you a c....t during arguments ? He seems to think this is acceptable and rarely apologises . Even if he does , it happens again the very next time we argue . I've had enough and my confidence is completely shot . ...

A.   1 January 2017: No this isn’t normal. This isn’t what most men, or indeed most women, would find acceptable at all. These are particularly unpleasant names and vicious insults. If he genuinely doesn’t understand that they are hurtful and thinks he can just use them ... (read in full...)

Told him to forget it - he's married. Now I've change my mind

Q.   OK, an old acquaintance, we coincidentally met in a new town, and had sex for two nights. We spent the 3days hanging out together. We parted as we went back to our respective towns. He called me for a chat everyday, claiming that he missed me. O...

A.   5 December 2016: There hasn’t been a man in your life for a while, and it made you feel good; that’s why you miss him. However, you were right to tell him to forget about it because he’s married, and he isn’t available. Think of the hurt this could cause his wife. ... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend bored of me sexually, because he has suggested we use sex toys?

Q.   Hello cupids. I am not sure where my boyfriend is coming from. I am afraid he is not as happy with me sexually as he once was. We have been together for close to 4 years. Our sex life has always been pretty amazing. I went ahead and booked a hot...

A.   3 December 2016: You are really overthinking this. It was only a suggestion. Like he said, he wants to please you and perhaps thought this might be a way to spice things up. IT wasn’t a criticism or a confession that he’s not content with your sex life as it is now. ... (read in full...)

Facing dental work and afraid I'll have a nervous breakdown!

Q.   This is going to be a very hard night for me. I have always been obsessed, literally obsessed with my teeth. Yet, cursed with bad genetics, so despite my taking care of my teeth I have had fillings and veneers since I was a teen... even earlier. I ...

A.   3 December 2016: I agree with Aunt Honesty. I understand why you are upset, but I’m afraid you have to put a brave face on it, at least until the implant is in place. You don’t have to go out of your way to smile if you feel really conscious about it. I really doubt ... (read in full...)

Is it possible to have borderline personality yet lack the urge to be a slut and cheater???

Q.   I found out recently that I might have borderline personality disorder and dependent personality disorder. Ever since I been researching and trying to fix all the annoying parts these disorders have...And I keep coming to this question here, ho...

A.   3 December 2016: CindyCares has given you a very good answer. BPD is characterised, as far as I understand it, by extremes of emotions. Everything is all good or all bad; a person is either the best friend in the world or the worst person imaginable. Such extremes ... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel a bit disappointed with him??

Q.   Hi..Over the last 3 months I got to know a guy online with whom - after meeting twice in person - I have been on an LDR ever since. We come from the same country. It seems that we're into each other - at least considering the intensity of our ...

A.   26 November 2016: Well, he made a commitment and didn’t fulfil it, and you could have done with the help. It’s understandable that you are disappointed, but I think you should just chalk it up to experience and forget about it. He is on anti-depression medication, so ... (read in full...)

How can I stop this destructive behavior?

Q.   How can I get over the fear of being as ding up alone(not married with children) - this fear has lurked such insecurity that it had led me into the arms of men that are verbally abusive and self centered - I've had one bf since I was 19-25(self ...

A.   26 November 2016: There is no magic quick fix for loneliness, and no guarantees about how quickly you can cease to become single: it depends when you meet the right person. I would simply encourage you to give yourself as many distractions as you can: you ponder and ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend wants me to give another man oral sex.I am not happy with this!

Q.   My boyfriend has been pressuring me into blowing another guy and I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea, I have told him this everytime he's asked and now he brings it up in the middle of sex or while he's dirty talking, I told him I'd ...

A.   26 November 2016: This isn’t good. Dougbcoll has explained very clearly why any man that valued you wouldn’t want this to happen or expect this of his girlfriend. But what is worse than the fact that he wants to share you around like this, is that he isn’t respecting ... (read in full...)

Should I take the medication my doctor prescribed? I lost my parents and am depressed.

Q.   It's a long time since I came on here, but in the past I have always been given good advice so here goes. 6 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. A couple of operations and some treatment, and I got the all clear late last year. Dad had skin...

A.   2 November 2016:  It does dismay me that the attitude of the medical profession so often seems to be to try and fix things with pills. If you have any reservations about taking them, I suggest you book another discussion with the doctor. You need to work through ... (read in full...)

I don't feel comfortable with my boyfriend's parenting

Q.   I have been dating a man with a 13 year old daughter for 5 months and feel ready to meet her. I thought I was anyway. He is still drying her after a shower on her back and her legs. She is going through puberty and has all the maturing parts of a ...

A.   28 October 2016: No, not right. I agree that you should be telling him to set the boundaries. He can’t just wait for her to stop asking him, he’s got to make it clear what is and is not appropriate. I am assuming in all this that she doesn’t have any kind of ... (read in full...)

Will my financial dependance on my boyfriend become a problem?

Q.   I am in a successful, long-term relationship with someone who I hope to marry. He has not proposed, but we have talked seriously about it. I currently live with my single mother. My biggest concern is that I have little formal education (I ...

A.   22 October 2016: You begin by saying that you’re in a “successful” relationship. To be successful, there needs to be mutual trust. If it’s going to work between you, you have to be willing to trust in what he says: if he says that he considers the household income ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend hooked up with my cousin years ago

Q.   My girlfriend and I've been dating for a few months, I'm bothered that I have sex with the same girl my cousin had. I know everyone has a past but he's my family member, it's weird! She told me she had sex with him years ago in college. My cous...

A.   21 October 2016: If you really feel that you can’t be with her anymore, you’ve answered your own question. IT’s a pity: it was before you met and she’s done nothing wrong. Your cousin didn’t lie but chose not to tell you something that, it seems, was dead and buried ... (read in full...)

Amazing connection vs. mind blowing sex

Q.   So, does one choose an amazing emotional connection with good sex and potential for a long term relationship? Or does one choose the best sex he's ever had in his entire life with no emotional connection? But absolutely mind blowing sex! I've foun...

A.   21 October 2016: Either give up the sex buddy or call it quits with this girl. If that connection meant enough to you, you would give up your sex buddy. Temptation is a part of life. You sacrifice the chance with anyone else for some-one you’re in love with and ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong of me to be upset with the way my boyfriend treated me?

Q.   Hello, I would like to seek your opinion on the following situation and please let me know if I over reacted. My plane had just landed home from a trip to visit my boyfriend. We had a wonderful visit and he couldn't bear to see me leave. We had plan...

A.   15 October 2016: I think you were being a bit ridiculous actually. Why should you have been his priority? You’d been his priority throughout your wonderful visit, I assume. What do you want him to do: sit around moping? He’d said goodbye to you and he’d gone out for ... (read in full...)

What do younger guys see in older women?

Q.   Older woman, younger man... I am in my mid 40s. I met this guy 3 years ago when i was travelling in South East Asia. We flirted during one tour, and ended up having sex in his hotel later that day. He was really sweet and caring in bed, and then was...

A.   15 October 2016: It’s simple: everyone is attracted to different things. You take care of yourself, keep in shape and watch your figure: why wouldn’t a man find that attractive? Also some men, much like the younger women, prefer the maturity and sophistication of an ... (read in full...)

Is he living out a porn fantasy?

Q.   I'm recently divorced. My ex-husband was my first and only partner until now. Our sex life was always kind of vanilla to tell the truth and his sexual drive was never equal to mine. Anyway, I'm dating a younger man (he's 27). We just started having ...

A.   15 October 2016: Is contraception used? Might he think this a way to avoid pregnancy? What you describe is not uncommon: over the years on this site I’ve heard quite a few stories of men doing this. Some actually go one better and ejaculate in their partner’s face... (read in full...)

Am I forcing things? Is my Dad right?

Q.   Hello everyone and I'm sorry for this post. This is a bit more personal than I'm comfortable with so here it goes... A few of you may know(or not), I've been together with my girlfriend since January we met at University and she even spent the summ...

A.   15 October 2016: You’re thinking in an all or nothing way: you assume everything has to feel right and make sense or it doesn’t. True love, and life in general, are just not that simple. So what you need to do is to have some independence: try just going out with ... (read in full...)

I am worried about my the narcissist my sister is dating!

Q.   He had an affair with my sister and he left his wife of nearly 30 years. His wife says he is very narcissistic and will destroy and cheat on her eventually!? Is she right. I can't see it he is very loving and careing towards my sister and teats her ...

A.   15 October 2016: It sounds like there are just too many people hurt and let down by him for this all to be the mere vengeful rantings of a betrayed and bitter ex. Unfortunately, though, whatever the truth is, your sister is in love with him and will have to figure ... (read in full...)

I told my chick friend who has kids that I won’t date women who have kids and she seems to have taken offense?

Q.   A couple of months ago I moved to a bigger city along with my chick friend who has kids. We don't live together but since we don't know anybody in this town we occasionally hang out. We are both really close since we went through a big ordeal in our ...

A.   26 September 2016: There are many reasons why some people choose not to date parents: some dislike kids, others are fine with them but don't want the responsibility, some don't want ex drama and still others want to share the incredible experience of becoming a ... (read in full...)

Lots of issues... Younger girlfriend, torrid past, immature, we're not gelling sexually... What do I do?

Q.   So I'm 30 dating a 24 year old and I'm finding it very difficult in a few ways. One that bothers me is how many guys and the caliber of guys she's been with before me. Since we've been dating she has told me some stories and it raised some red ...

A.   25 September 2016: I can’t help feeling that the poor girl is condemned whatever she does. If she leaves you, you’ll say that you knew it all along. If she tells you that she wants to be with you and get serious, you don’t really believe her. Is it little wonder that ... (read in full...)

I'm putting up a wall. Should I show some trust and let him know how I feel?

Q.   I'm having a really difficult time telling my best friend how I feel. Whenever I get unusually upset about something (and I try and hold it in), but he always seems to know that something's up and asks me about it. At first, I play it cool with a s...

A.   25 September 2016: Is it smart to put up a wall? Well it’s only you that loses out. So you will go your separate ways, but there’s phone calls, video calling, texting and good old-fashioned travelling to visit. You don’t need to be around some-one these days to be ... (read in full...)

Is it possible that there actually isn't anyone out there for you?

Q.   Is it possible that there actually isn't anyone out there for you? I can't imagine finding anyone who suits my needs, I rarely see anyone who I would like to date. There must come a time when you finally meet someone who is trustworthy and ...

A.   25 September 2016: “There’s some-one out there for everyone.” IT’s a silly saying, because it encourages people to date with their absolute ideal in mind. I wonder if you’re doing just that. Where are you looking? In certain spaces, such as online dating apps, the ... (read in full...)

He's so ready to give up on our affair. What should I do? He's married, and he's unjustly accused me of being unfaithful

Q.   Hello everyone I need advice on something I've Been messing around with this married man for about 2 years. I haven't spoken to this man in 3 weeks over the labor day weekend I believe he seen me talking to another man an now he is acussing me o...

A.   10 September 2016: He doesn't love you. Why do you think he's still married? It's an affair and he's using you. Maybe he's accusing you of being unfaithful because he knows you've already entered in to one affair with him. Alternatively it might just be a convenient ... (read in full...)

I dream of becoming a writer but need a push to take the next step

Q.   I wrote an article for an international blog and i was commended on my work. I remained anonymous though; and its still grossingba lot of views. I have always wanted to write but even with this i still dont believe i am a good writer even thou...

A.   8 September 2016: In an Internet and social media age, it's as easy as the click of a few buttons to set up your own free blog: I have got one. Get writing and learn how to take advantage of platforms like Twitter to promote your work. This will serve as a body of ... (read in full...)

Was I in the wrong at all here? Should I complain? Should I leave a bad review?

Q.   Hi all! Some advice needed please. I've been going to this beauty salon for almost 3 years and they have a very strict policy whereby if you give less than 24 hours notice to cancel your appointment, you are fully charged. I have no problem...

A.   4 September 2016: Go ahead, make your complaint and leave a bad review. If you are able to prove that you made contact with them and that this had been seen, they have no grounds whatsoever to demand the money from you. They have screwed up and should have the ... (read in full...)

I'm stuck in a lie to 2 women. Now confused and missing my daughter. What should I do?

Q.   Hi agony aunts, I have a problem and I'm sorry if this is long. I was married to a girl who is from a different country - we met when she was studying. Fast Forward two years and I married to her. We had a child who is now 18 months but my wi...

A.   4 September 2016: Assuming you want to be with your girlfriend, why not just tell her the truth? You have a wife with whom you have separated, but she is trying to blackmail you with your daughter as the weapon. I am sure your girlfriend will sympathise. She may ... (read in full...)

My partner has become evasive. I gave him his marching orders but he wanted to stay. It was too late?

Q.   Recently my partner has been going to a new church but he is evasive about where this church is or what it is called. Previously we used to go to church together. Yesterday he went to a church party which was apparently for one hour in the afte...

A.   4 September 2016: Do you really need suggestions? The guy shouts abuse at you and calls you the devil: he sounds mad, and I can’t help wondering if his church is mad too. You did the right thing by finishing with him. Now you need to completely ignore him. I wis... (read in full...)

How do I seduce my female college professor?

Q.   I honestly think this is fate. I'm a college freshman, I was dreading my 4hr class with a professor I heard was tough and moody. I get to class and it's this young beautiful short girl with big curly hair. I immediately raise my hand and tell her ...

A.   4 September 2016: Sorry but really you need to grow up a bit. She is there to teach and your relationship is a professional one. You should know by your age what a silly crush is and to ignore it. To claim that this is fate is complete nonsense. Focus on the ... (read in full...)

I just found out that the LDR guy I'd been dating is married and has a kid. I've blocked him but should I give him a chance to explain?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I found out yesterday that the guy I’m with is married and has a child. I blocked him in wechat and whatsapp. It was such a disastrous feeling with I saw his Facebook of his wife and the child’s photos and not forgetting his we...

A.   2 September 2016: He's married with a child: what is there to explain? He lied to you and is lying to them presumably. Even if they are separated, he still lied about his child. Really, that's all you need to know. Forget about him and move on. I wish you all ... (read in full...)

How can I tell her I no longer want her friendship?

Q.   My darling friend died a couple of weeks ago aged 68 and I am devastated being his only close friend and no relatives I did the funeral and paid A friend ive known all my life didnt come because she was visiting hers on on holiday although...

A.   27 August 2016: I completely agree with Honeypie. Maybe she wasn’t as close to him as you, and maybe she didn’t realise how much you could have done with her support. Friends aren’t perfect: sometimes they drive us mad, make mistakes and hurt us. The thing is, ... (read in full...)

Never had a date. Should I pay someone to go on a date with me?

Q.   I've never been on a date before, and I've never had a girlfriend. Of course that means I've never been intimate (never had first kiss or sex). I'm very awkward and I'm not very attractive aesthetically. So far no woman has been interested in go...

A.   27 August 2016: My love life is exactly like yours, but I wouldn’t even consider the idea of paying some-one for a first date. How is that going to help? Quite simply, it’s not a date: it’s a contractual transaction. It won’t make you feel any better and it won’t ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend is insisting I sell my house

Q.   I'm a women in her late 40's and my boyfriend of 5 years is in his mid 50's. Both of us have been married 2x's and we both have children in teen's and early 20's. I own my home and he lives in a family member's extra home in a different city. He ...

A.   27 August 2016: Tell him to grow up and stop being so silly. It’s a house. It’s the house you want to live in. It’s a house in which you started to make better memories after a horrible time and where you want to continue making happier memories for the future with ... (read in full...)

Co-workers don't like me, should I be bothered?

Q.   I'm 25, working in a big company here in US. I just moved here from the Philippines a year ago, been struggling to naturally blend with people. I started with my new job 5 months ago, I totally enjoy my job and I feel like this is the right career ...

A.   27 August 2016: I doubt that your co-workers dislike you, it’s just that a lot of people have purely professional relationships with the people at their work. Office politics can often create tension and resentment. It’s important not to take it personally, but do ... (read in full...)

Devastation in Italy

Q.   This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

A.   27 August 2016: This site is about life, and all its ups and downs, so I think this article is well-placed here and thank you for posting it. I came back on Monday from a short holiday in Italy. Italians are some of the kindest, most generous, warm and welcoming ... (read in full...)

I have lied to my parents for two years and it's really getting to me. At the crossroads. So what should I?

Q.   I really need some help right now, so hopefully someone can turn me in the right direction. First I should start out by saying that I just turned 20 but since I live with my parents I have to follow their rules. Okay, so I have always been a go...

A.   14 August 2016: I think eventually you will need to tell the truth: everyone is a stranger in the beginning, whether met online or in another way. But until you’ve actually met this guy and found out whether you connect in person, you’re fretting about problems ... (read in full...)

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