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*higirl

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*higirl's profile:

Im shocked to discover that I've written well over 9000 answers on DearCupid! As the years go by, I never seem to lose interest in the lives and love troubles that goes on around the world.

Latest articles:

How to avoid being used financially

This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...

What I've learned from my family.

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...

How one person changed my life

This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...

1234567891011Next > [226 pages, 9007 answers]

Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   15 April 2019: I have to roll my eyes here. Yes, I understand that this isnt what you wanted. But it is what he wants. And who is living his life? Him. Not you. If you are concerned about health, stop smoking yourself. You are being hypocritical. Enjoy the trai... (read in full...)

Am I being paranoid about HPV?

Q.   Hi What are the chances of me getting hpv from one single encounter without condom or one single act of oral? The guy had no signs or symptoms. I got my std panel but there is no testing for hpv. How do I make sure I’m clear? I don’t have any...

A.   13 April 2019: 99% chance you have HPV. Its like... the most common thing on the planet. Everyone who ever had sex is likely to have HPV. But what you are asking about is probably the one strand of hpv that causes warts. They take a good while to appear. But once ... (read in full...)

I have neve wanted children, husband is being pressured to adopt his orphaned nephew

Q.   My husband and I are both 29 and child free by choice. His sister and her husband, both 40, passed away in a car accident two months ago. They left behind a 9 year old who is currently living with my husband's parents. Long story short, his paren...

A.   13 April 2019: His parents died in a terrible accident two months ago. And you are only concerned about yourself and how his terrible circumstance might affect you. I dont need to hear more. Thats some of the lowest and most selfish things Ive read on this site. ... (read in full...)

I still resent the way my husband proposed to me.

Q.   I wanted to see if I’m being sensitive or not, I can’t get over the fact after 6 years of marriage with two kids of how my husband proposed. We’ve been dating for 5 years before he propose and the way he did it makes me sad till to this day. I see ...

A.   8 April 2019: You obviously accepted the proposal. So your anger is misplaced. You need to look at yourself instead if him. Why did you not think you deserved better? Why did you accept? Why did you want to marry this man in the first place? You nagged to get ... (read in full...)

I cannot flirt, create a spark or connect sexually with women

Q.   I find it impossible to give off sexual vibes. I revert straight into a friendship style of communication. If there’s ever any slight indication of sexual interest from someone I freak out and go into a seemingly calm and causal interaction which ...

A.   6 April 2019: The trick to confidence and flirting is not to be good and succsessful at it. The trick is actually to realize that you will probably be shot down, but to find it worth it anyway. Next time you want to charm a woman, tell yourself that you will... (read in full...)

I cannot flirt, create a spark or connect sexually with women

Q.   I find it impossible to give off sexual vibes. I revert straight into a friendship style of communication. If there’s ever any slight indication of sexual interest from someone I freak out and go into a seemingly calm and causal interaction which ...

A.   6 April 2019: The trick to confidence and flirting is not to be good and succsessful at it. The trick is actually to realize that you will probably be shot down, but to find it worth it anyway. Next time you want to charm a woman, tell yourself that you will... (read in full...)

Should I burn bridges with my new employer to move to another country?

Q.   Hi all, I was hoping for some advice. I have recently accepted a job offer after some fairly vigorous interviews. On accepting the job is was sent through a timetable stating it was actually an apprenticeship and that the first 3 weeks would...

A.   4 April 2019: Take your chance on New Zealand. That is where your heart lies.... (read in full...)

We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retired. How much sex is normal

Q.   We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retried. How much sex is normal? We do it three times a week on average. I could do it every day, she says even three times is too much. She enjoys it more than me, not that I don’t enjoy. She says none of...

A.   4 April 2019: I dont think there is any «normal» here. People have different drives, and they are in large part due to hormones. As hormone levels change over years, sex drive also changes. But this is so individual! Anything is normal.... (read in full...)

I want to sleep with my boyfriend (no sex) but my parents said NO

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, ...

A.   26 March 2019: I suggest you cuddle with your boyfriend during the daytime. Dont pressure your parents for a sleep over. It doesnt matter that you dont want sex. Its a matter of principle. No boyfriends spending the night, regardless of nighttime activity. B... (read in full...)

I am not feeling comfortable with his intentions towards dating me

Q.   Afew weeks ago, a man approached me and we talked a bit, just a small talk. However, recently, i just don't understand what he wants. So basically, i started seeing him around me more often, just glancing at me from a distance. He approached me ...

A.   25 March 2019: Ive seen this move before. He say he is serious, but its not true. If he was actually serious he wouldnt come on so strongly and talk so much, or move so fast. He wants sex, and he thinks that a strong offensive is what will get him there. ... (read in full...)

How do I ‘combat’ a control-freak husband?

Q.   My husband is a wonderful man but he is a control freak sometimes. When he is, it's harmless, but super annoying. FYI we don't have kids. For example: He's the chef in the family. He's very particular and likes following recipes. He'll go out to ...

A.   23 March 2019: My advice: buy noice cancelling headphones and ignore him. Once he learns you will not fred his irrational ideas, he will quit. But you have to be consistent. Also, you have to accept that he will never stop completely. You might calm it down in ... (read in full...)

Why did he unmatch me after hooking up?

Q.   I hooked up with this guy from Tinder the other night but we didn't have sex because I was on my period. That didn't seem to bother him but I was uncomfortable with it and gave him oral instead. I told him next time we will go all the way and he ...

A.   21 March 2019: Not all people are that mature and comfortable with their own sexuality. My guess is he was embarrassed because youve seen him naked and now he doesnt know how to act or what to do. So he freaks out and runs and hides. Never mind him. He wasnt ... (read in full...)

Is there anything wrong with fantasizing what your friends would be like in bed?

Q.   Hey, I want to ask a quick question (I'll try to keep it quick anyway) Is there anything wrong with wondering what your friends are like in bed, or even fantasizing about such things when you're alone? I love my partner and he satisfies m...

A.   18 March 2019: Nothing wrong with it, but be aware that you are very much in control of your attraction. By this I mean: you don't go blind when in a relationship, and it's healthy to accept this and being able to apprechiate ones sexuality and the looks and ... (read in full...)

What’s wrong with people? Do we not listen now??

Q.   Why are people so self absorbed and disinterested? Is this rude? If you saw a friend you hadn’tseen in ages and she didnt once ask how you or your life was what would you do? You havent seen her in 5-6 months. and of course ask how ...

A.   18 March 2019: Tricky question. On on hand, it is polite to ask. On the other hand, the only people I know who have complained about friends not asking, are in fact not really friends, but are imposing themselves on others. So either you have a rude friend (dont ... (read in full...)

How much time do you think she'd take to be ready to date again after her previous long relationship?

Q.   Hello folks. I'm being driven nuts by a dilemma and since I can't talk to any of my friends about it, I thought I'd ask about it anonymously instead of turning it over in my mind to no end. So this is the situation. I'm a 25 year old, attracted t...

A.   14 March 2019: She is just not that into you. Its been two years since they broke up. She was over him 18 months ago already. She just doesnt see you as boyfriend material.... (read in full...)

He has a crush on me but then why isn't he acting on it?

Q.   I am recently single...I was in a relationship with someone for 2 years and it ended 2 months back. During the course of the relationship we frequented this bar and we were always together,drinking, kissing ..so basically everyone in that bar who ...

A.   14 March 2019: Because he is a professional and he is at work when you meet him at the bar. That is my guess. You should be the one to make the first move, or you will have to find a way to meet him outside of work. Also, you might have just imagined it.... (read in full...)

I can't let go of what my boyfriend did

Q.   Hello, I recently posted about my boyfriend crossing the line. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-this-is-not-acceptable-and-he.html Him and I talked about it and he says he understands how I see that he crossed the line and that he will...

A.   12 March 2019: I read your follow-up now. He sounds really childish. Good riddance.... (read in full...)

I can't let go of what my boyfriend did

Q.   Hello, I recently posted about my boyfriend crossing the line. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-this-is-not-acceptable-and-he.html Him and I talked about it and he says he understands how I see that he crossed the line and that he will...

A.   12 March 2019: Give it more time. You made your decision to let this go now, and he apologized. Then just give yourself time to get over it.... (read in full...)

It is his 30th birthday at the end of March - What do I get the guy I have only been seeing for a few weeks?

Q.   So I have only known this guy for a few weeks but I have found out that it is his 30th birthday at the end of the month. It is quite a significant birthday and whilst we haven't known each other long, he is incredibly thoughtful and we have been...

A.   2 March 2019: A nice dinner at a restaurant + a small gift would be just fine. ... (read in full...)

I asked my mother not to say negative things about my father and now she isn't speaking to me

Q.   My parents are divorced and I live with my mother and younger brother. The break-up between my parents was extremely sour. My father was never really the "#1 dad" type of figure because he had his issues with a drug addiction. My brother and I never ...

A.   2 March 2019: Give it time. She feels you chose your dad over her. But she needs to know, you can not chose your parents. She is actually the one who chose your father on your behalf. You are stuck with them both. She can choose to end the relationship with him, ... (read in full...)

Should I move to the capital with him?

Q.   Hey guys, I'm currently in a relationship with a guy I met through a house share (which i'm still at) and I really couldn't be happier. We bring the best out of each other in so many way and he's made me realise why it never worked out ...

A.   28 February 2019: You can both move to London without living together. I suggest you do that as the move in itself will be a big enough change in your relationship. Then if you want to, you can move together in another year or so. ... (read in full...)

I'm 64 but still frightened of my dying mother.

Q.   My elderly narcissistic mother is dying in hospital and after a violent abusive childhood, I hate having to see her. She's an embittered, difficult, hard to please woman and I feel very nervous in her company. I'm 64 now, yet still frightened of ...

A.   28 February 2019: I suggest you stop seeing her. She had medical staff to help her. So just walk away.... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and work part time. My husband wants me to get another job to pay his parents debts.

Q.   My husband's parents owe a large amount of money to a family member which they can't pay. They have asked my husband to pay the money on their behalf, we are talking £500 per month for the next 10ish years. My husband works 9 to 5 and I work part ...

A.   28 February 2019: Tell him you are also working full time, or more. You just dont get paid for it all. But honestly, I am firmly against you and him ruining you own finances and marriage in order to give away money to his parents. They need to go to the bank and... (read in full...)

Could these have been semen stains ... is he cheating on me?

Q.   Hi guys. I just need some advise. I’m driving myself mad and keep toying between am I just being super paranoid or is my gut instinct trying to tell me something... basically I want to know show I be weary of my partner! We have been together ab...

A.   28 February 2019: This isnt an attack, but you are being paranoid. For real. If he cheated, the stains would be on a bedsheet, not his boxers. And he should not have to convince you of wether or not he was bored for two hours. People dont cheat out of boredom. Its ... (read in full...)

Why would my friend make a remark that she knew I would overthink and possibly be hurt by it?

Q.   Recently, I was crossing paths with a friend whom I haven't seen for a while. I was walking on footpath and she was driving by. I messaged her today to see how she was doing and mentioned that I'd been busy and had a'lot going on, so felt more...

A.   25 February 2019: People just say such things because they cant mind their own business. Surprisingly few can mind their own business, and the ones who do often get told they are rude for not caring more... Look, just ignore the message or write back: Thank yo... (read in full...)

Somebody keeps hacking my boyfriend or is he cheating?

Q.   I keep finding my boyfriend on multiple dating/cheating sites and find his search history is filled with things like: Women near me to have with tonight? I have asked him about it and he says he didn't do it. Tat someone is hacking him. Is that ...

A.   24 February 2019: He is lying... (read in full...)

I broke up with my violent boyfriend, he wants the ring back but I paid for it!

Q.   I have just broken up with my boyfriend of twenty years due to his violent behaviour. the thing is he says he wants the ring he bought me back which is expensive but I feel like in all fairness I have paid for the ring as I gave the cost of the ring ...

A.   22 February 2019: Say no. The ring was a gift. If he wants it, he will have to pay for it.... (read in full...)

I need help with work and love advice! Please help!

Q.   So I’m having a frustrated year so far.... Work I closed my business last year after over 3 years of trading and got into a retail job, I then got let go from that retail job and the got called to go to a different branch. I hate it! I try to see...

A.   21 February 2019: Amen to that. I'm not getting career fullfillment either. People always ask me why I dont have a more suitable job. I have a masters degree and work a job that doesnt require ANY education what so ever. Any 16 year old could do my job. My old boss ... (read in full...)

I’m in an exclusive long distance relationship, despite my desire for it to be open, and I started cheating. What do I do?

Q.   I’m a freshman In college and am doing long distance with a boy I started dating about a year ago (during my senior year of high school). I truly believe that I’m in love with him, as I dated a boy before him and learned the difference between ...

A.   21 February 2019: You have really low impulse control, dont you? When you know that you just cant keep your legs together, then you shouldnt be in a relationship at all, long distance or close. What would it matter if your boyfriend lived in the same town as you? It ... (read in full...)

I really like her and want to continue communication with her, but she’s on holiday! I don’t want to put a foot wrong, so I need advice!

Q.   Hey everyone, This feels really pathetic but any advice will help. Basically I’m messaging a girl who I met a few weeks back. She lives just over an hour away and i met her on a night out. Since then I went back the following weekend to see...

A.   20 February 2019: You sound really clingy. You just had a few dates with her, dont really know her well, and she's busy. Stop trying to make this into something it's not. If she wants to, she'll message you. Don't message her again unless she's reached out to you. ... (read in full...)

Do you think it's possible to build a relationship over feelings for a different person?

Q.   I've recently started flatting with five other people. One in particular, I'll call him S, I didn't know very well, so I assumed everything would be fine and we all signed on for a years tenancy contract. That was maybe 8 months ago, and during t...

A.   20 February 2019: Unlike the others here, I dont think it's a bad idea. As long as you don't get too seriously involved with this other person unless you've grown the appropriate feelings for them, I dont see any difference between what you're thinking of doing, and ... (read in full...)

I get angry over little things, and he thinks that’s dumb!

Q.   Hi I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months. Our relationship is good and I'm happy with him.. but I dont seem to stop getting mad over tiny things, or sometimes i get mad at something and he thinks its dumb or that i shouldn't be getti...

A.   20 February 2019: I dont understand what you are trying to say. Different coloured hearts showed up and then you got mad because he never sent you different coloured hearts? Or that he never sends you hearts? Have you previously requested that he sends you ... (read in full...)

He couldn't get it up! Any ideas why?

Q.   Hie Cupid, I fell in love with a very amazing guy, about two months ago. He's in love with me too. So, after hanging out for six times only (writing this because it might be the answer to my doubt), on Valentine's day, we both decided to lose ...

A.   19 February 2019: Its a common problem for men. They get nervous and if nervous they dont get erect. Yes, he just needs more time with you to get comfortable.... (read in full...)

Why don't I have any drive or passion for my business ideas?

Q.   This isn't about love but I could really use some advice. I hope that's ok. I poured lots of money into a tv show pilot, the problem is I'm not motivated to continue with the idea. I think the idea is good and needed but I find myself dragging ...

A.   18 February 2019: I dont think you actually lack spark or motivation. You put a lot of money in it. No one puts a lot of money into something they just feel "meh" about. I think you're shit scared of failure. And it's a lot easier to just say "oh, I didnt really care ... (read in full...)

How can I deal with my anger?

Q.   Hello I am preparing myself emotionally and physically for life in my mid 30”s. My twenties were a series of parties - insecurities and putty fears with occasional breakdowns Throughout my self reflection I have noticed that I get angry very qu...

A.   18 February 2019: I recognize myself in some key aspects of what you write. I also grew up with an abusive parent. It taught me all the wrong management skills, you know. It taught me that when you're unhappy, the correct respnse is to blame it on someone else and ... (read in full...)

I don't like children at all but why am I thinking about the possibilty?

Q.   I’m 26 and have never ever ever wanted children in my whole life and the thought of giving birth and being pregnant makes me feel sick and squeamish. I don’t even find babies or children cute and I get very uncomfortable around them~ at Christmas I ...

A.   18 February 2019: Just tell him. How can you even be so sure about what he wants, you thought you were 100% sure too, and then you werent. Things change. We change. It happens. ... (read in full...)

My ex and his girlfriend have teamed up and are cyberbullying me on Facebook and Instagram

Q.   My ex and his gf are bullying me online and I don't know why. I do not talk to my ex at all and I have moved on. I got a message on IG of her telling me to stay away from him which is weird because I don't have any contact with him and I am living ...

A.   17 February 2019: This has nothing to do with you, like in all cases of bullying. They have serious issues. Maybe they are, in fact, insane. Maybe they are on drugs. Who knows, but normal and healthy people do not do these things. So believe me, its not about you and ... (read in full...)

I broke things off and he put my name and number on a chat website!

Q.   I gave someone my number within recent time, we connected briefly and then realized that I was experiencing too much anxiety, by trying to move forward when I wasn't ready too. In staying attuned to my body's intelligence, I knew that the most di...

A.   16 February 2019: Yes, this man is a piece of shit. Contact that website to have your name and number removes.... (read in full...)

My mom is being really overbearing regarding my wedding and it's taking a toll on me

Q.   This isn't about my relationship with a partner. This is about my relationship with my mother who has been extra attached and possessive with me because my older sibling never became close to my mother and avoids her. Due to which I have always ...

A.   16 February 2019: My advice? Follow in your siblings footsteps and put some distance between yourself and this woman.... (read in full...)

He decided to stop seeing me and I don’t know what to believe!

Q.   I have been dating a guy for three months. Tonight he split up with me. He's 37, I'm 35. He is separated but married and wife is in a different town and they are getting divorced. I'm recently out a relationship too so I saw this as a bit of fun ...

A.   15 February 2019: Ugh, don't speak to him again. You can be friendly etc., but don't try ot be friends. You're not friends. When he tells you he is a train wreck, I believe him. You don't want to date a recently divorced man anyway, he has no idea what he wants in ... (read in full...)

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