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*higirl

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Im shocked to discover that I've written well over 9000 answers on DearCupid! As the years go by, I never seem to lose interest in the lives and love troubles that goes on around the world.

Latest articles:

How to avoid being used financially

This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...

What I've learned from my family.

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...

How one person changed my life

This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...

1234567891011Next > [227 pages, 9037 answers]

Do I give up my baby dream

Q.   I joined a dating site last year and after a few bad dates i found a guy that was perfect we had several dates loads in common enjoy each others company but he decided to tell me hed rather be friends with benefits. I agreed but now im unsure what ...

A.   22 June 2019: Stop the fwb, its holding you back. You know what you want, and you need to find that person who wants the same and says it out loud. Until you find that person, say «next!»... (read in full...)

Do I tell my husband that his adult daughter is putting terrible things about him on social media?

Q.   Do I tell my husband or not that his adult daughter is putting nasty things on social media about him, things like he's not been around for years and other horrible stuff, which is untrue we took her out for dinner last weekend! I am assuming it's ...

A.   22 June 2019: Dont tell him, but do have a chat with her and ask why she posts those things and if she really means them, and in which case encourage her to talk to her father about it instead of posting it for everyone to see online.... (read in full...)

Are straight people welcome in gay clubs or not?

Q.   Recently my gay friend invited me to accompany him to the gay club. I'm straight and I was kind of in two minds about it. I'm not homophobic at all but somehow I felt like I don't belong in there and as a straight person, I shouldn't occupy places ...

A.   19 June 2019: Yes, straight people are welcome at all gay bars and events. But jerks are everywhere, and of every sexuality. ... (read in full...)

I'd like to date my friend but worried about losing his friendship

Q.   I like this guy. I play tennis with him so I am around him pretty much all day every day especially because it's summer. He has shown lots of signs that he's into me but I guess I'm just scared to lose him as a friend if I get rejected. I want to ...

A.   17 June 2019: Dont ask him out directly, just ask to hang out. For example go for a milkshake together or get some lunch together. When you sit down with him, take the opportunity to get to know him better by asking what his plans are for summer/after summer, if ... (read in full...)

How can I help her deal with an abusive ex?

Q.   So I've recently met a girl and we have started seeing each other. It's going well and I like her a lot. She recently confided in me though that her ex boyfriend was abusive towards her. She told me that he was generally a very angry person who ...

A.   10 June 2019: Here is what you need to do: just be a good and decent person. The rest is up to her. And dont raise your voice in arguments.... (read in full...)

Our vacation centers always around my boyfriend

Q.   I've been with my bf for nearly 5 years. He's from a different country so we don't get to go on vacation unless it's to see his friends and family. I don't mind but when we do go we don't get time to relax. I've gotten sick on this trip to the point ...

A.   9 June 2019: Arent you old enough to put your for down and decide your own schedule? Tell him : we will go visit your family, but I also want us to do this and that just the two of us + I wont attend all the meetings. Its a vacation, right? Supposedly? Just say ... (read in full...)

Is it true that if you cant be happy on your own, then you wont be happy in a relationship?

Q.   I am sure you guys have heard the saying " if you cant be happy on your own you wont be happy in a relationship" in your guys opinion do you believe that this is true. If someone isn't happy with there life and who they are and they just keep j...

A.   9 June 2019: Its true. If you are only with someone to not feel lonely, then you arent really that interested in the person, and you also dont bring anything to the relationship. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend treats me like glass since I'm a virgin

Q.   Hi y’all. I’ve taken some of your advice to put myself out there and date and get to know a guy. He’s actually a classmate of mine and my friends set us up. We’ve been dating for for a while but he treats me differently. The conversation of sex c...

A.   9 June 2019: Thanks for the follow-up. Just to let you know I once had a boyfriend who was a virgin at 26, unkissed and everything. We did not make it into a big deal and things were just normal. The «first time» or «virgin» is just a made up concept after all. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend treats me like glass since I'm a virgin

Q.   Hi y’all. I’ve taken some of your advice to put myself out there and date and get to know a guy. He’s actually a classmate of mine and my friends set us up. We’ve been dating for for a while but he treats me differently. The conversation of sex c...

A.   6 June 2019: I get it. But what you need to understand is that you are dating a guy who obviously puts a lot of emphasis on virginity. More than you do. I would wonder if he would think of me as less special after sex, if he over-values my virginity. I mean what ... (read in full...)

I feel my husband is using me financially

Q.   I don’t have anyone I can ask for advice that won’t be bias in either my favor or my husband’s favor. This might be long, but I’ll try to condense this. My husband and I are both in our late 20s. We have a daughter together. We’ve been together a ...

A.   4 June 2019: My answer will depend on this: does he have the opportunity and health to work full time/get a job with higher salary? If he is not working full time because he is lazy, then sure. Then it is his choice to be poor. If he on the other hand does not ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is illegally in my country, wants to marry me so he can stay on and is planning our wedding which is going to happen in a week!

Q.   Hi everyone, I have a situation. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and he does everything for me and my kids. We first met online, he had come from a far country to visit me and he decided not to go back to his country. So now he has ...

A.   2 June 2019: Tell him to go back to his country and that you need a relationship to last longer than one year before you will marry + you want to marry for the right reasons and not for him to stay. By staying illegalt he is turning himself into a criminal and ... (read in full...)

A troubling situation is arising my dad is becoming a creep

Q.   Firstly,my dad has never abused or molested me growing up and he was actually very protective of me and my sister. Now even as an adult my father will do anything for me and he has expressed that I'm his favorite child. I never felt weird around my ...

A.   31 May 2019: Look at this list of signs of Alzheimers. Especially part 22/27. https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/alzheimers-25-signs-never-to-ignore/22/... (read in full...)

She thanked me, said she had a good time but also said she is not looking for anything serious

Q.   I matched and got talking to a girl on a online dating app.. Few messages later went out for dinner. Holy smokes she is stunning. I don’t have a clue how it went. She kept thanking me and saying she had a good time. But also said she is not looking ...

A.   31 May 2019: Hmm, I take her message a bit differently. To me it sounds like she is fine with casual dates and hook-ups, but doesnt want to committ or be exclusive. So she is probably dating several people at once. You should have just sent her a text right ... (read in full...)

A troubling situation is arising my dad is becoming a creep

Q.   Firstly,my dad has never abused or molested me growing up and he was actually very protective of me and my sister. Now even as an adult my father will do anything for me and he has expressed that I'm his favorite child. I never felt weird around my ...

A.   30 May 2019: ... yuck! Your dad cleary has forgotten that you are his daughter. So weird for this to start out of the blue? And also weird that he plays «favourite». Either he is a pervert, and in which case I highly doubt this has come overnight. I would check ... (read in full...)

What is the average age for first time sex for a girl?

Q.   how old is the average age when a girl has sex for the first time?? ...

A.   30 May 2019: That depends on the country, but in Norway its typically been 17 for girls and 19 for boys.... (read in full...)

My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum

Q.   I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...

A.   24 May 2019: She is being possessive and jealous, two red flags. You thought you knew this girl, well you dont. She just revealed her true self to you, and its not pretty. Accept the ultimatum and break it off with her. There will be healthier women and stronger ... (read in full...)

Should I feel (too) embarrassed about my teaching mistake?

Q.   Hi..This is a question unrelated to dating/relationship.. I come from a non-English speaking country, and I have a degree in this language, which I have been teaching for 14 years now. Two months or so ago, I started teaching beginners — sha...

A.   24 May 2019: I read it the same as Code Warrior. You wrote you were in a bad mood and blurted it out, meaning that you were angry/irritated etc. Maybe you should have written: I was a bit tired and didnt think my response through. Dont make a mistanke in ... (read in full...)

I think I was used by this person and now they got what they wanted they dropped me

Q.   Hi, over the last 7 months I have become very friendly with a former work colleague. During this time I have given up a large portion of my time helping them getting a new job. I would spend my time going through job specifications with them and ...

A.   23 May 2019: Just disconnect. Some people are giving of nature, and some dont see anything wrong with accepting help. You are yourself at fault for setting «conditions» on your help. In the future, only offer help sincerely, and not because you expect things in ... (read in full...)

Should I feel (too) embarrassed about my teaching mistake?

Q.   Hi..This is a question unrelated to dating/relationship.. I come from a non-English speaking country, and I have a degree in this language, which I have been teaching for 14 years now. Two months or so ago, I started teaching beginners — sha...

A.   23 May 2019: We are all humans and no one is perfect. You are allowed to make mistakes too. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd

Q.   Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...

A.   18 May 2019: If you ask about cultural differences, please inform us what cultures you are both from. Otherwise I can not comment on that. As for «formale soaps», there is no such thing. What body parts smell funny? Maybe he means their armpits and they ... (read in full...)

Do we change our views in regards to relationships as we get older?

Q.   Silly question maybe but in terms of how you are as a person do we change all that much from the ages of twenty to forty when it comes to how we view relationships? My partner says he didn't know what love was, had nothing to compare it to, looks ...

A.   17 May 2019: Yes, at least I have changed my views. I value different things in a relationship now, I know myself better through experience and have grown to have more patience. I now know what is good and what is bad, at 19 I really was naive and put up with a ... (read in full...)

How do I calm down during foreplay?

Q.   I'm very new to the world of sex, having never been in a relationship before. I now have a girlfriend who is equally as inexperienced. We've never actually had intercourse but I was wondering what people actually do during sex/foreplay when it comes ...

A.   15 May 2019: Toilet paper. Or just hold the foreskin over. If you dont have your foreskin, I suggest a condom for less mess. Easy to slip off. You can also use a towel, but they are harder to clean.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's live in grandfather is undermining me with my children. I don't know what to do

Q.   We aren't married but we have two children together. A year ago, his grandfather came to stay with us after he became widowed an needs caring for. We didn't think it was right to put him in a home and he can't really live alone. My grandfather lived ...

A.   13 May 2019: Sit him down one evening after the kids are in ned and tell him that you are in charge of raising the children. Just come straight out with it. ... (read in full...)

Does my girlfriend deserve a second chance because she didn't 'go all the way'?

Q.   I can’t forgive my girlfriend for cheating on me even though she didn’t ‘go all the way’ with the other guy. I’ve told her what she did was unforgivable but my friends and family all think she deserves a second chance and that I’m being too harsh on ...

A.   13 May 2019: I say get tid of her. When someone cheats, they have ended the relationship. She made that choice, not you. She basically had an affair with this guy for years in messages. Then finally it got physical, and she only told you because of pressure, not ... (read in full...)

He says he loves me but has a girlfriend. How do I get her out of the picture?

Q.   I’ve been dating a friend that I have known for over 30 years. Only thing is that he has a girlfriend. He has been with her since August 2016. My husband passed away in 2017 early and he has been there for me. We started seeing each other in Late ...

A.   11 May 2019: Grown up AS you are, you are really naive. What makes you think he will committ to you, when he doesnt even want to committ to the girlfriend he already has? Its just the same with you, he is the same man, and you would and are facing the same ... (read in full...)

Why would a married man who I barely know tell me that he's in love with me?

Q.   Around 5 years ago, I was selected to attend an academic programme in another country. Upon reaching there, I met a guy from my country who was also a participant and we hit it off. There was nothing even remotely romantic... He was married and I ...

A.   8 May 2019: Because he built up some fantasy idea of you, isnt really mentally grounded, and is tired of his marriage and wants a piece of ass on the side. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend just stood and watched while I was struggling rather than help me. Was this mean? Selfish?

Q.   I went shopping with my boyfriend and I was struggling to carry the bags so one of the bags fell on the floor and I was struggling to pick it up meanwhile my boyfriend just stood there and watched me struggle. I said thanks for helping me and he ...

A.   8 May 2019: If you are so weak, then you should not have bought so much. Im with your boyfriend on this one. Learn to ask for what you need! Yes it would have been nice of him to offer, but your bags are your responsibility. Your weak arms are your arms, and he ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's perfectionism over grades is making me feel critisized. How can we talk about it?

Q.   My girlfriend is a perfectionist and a very anxious person. She's in her 4th year of college and just submitted her dissertation this week. After submitting it, she must have cried for at least an hour, because she "knew it wasn't good enough". ...

A.   7 May 2019: Im not sure how you can talk about it, but I want to let you know that this isn't fair on you, and she should stop discussing this in front of you. Maybe just tell her that you can't listen to it any longer, because like it or not, it is sending ... (read in full...)

My guy friends always wind up having feelings for me!

Q.   I've always enjoyed having guy friends more than girl friends, and i always have to deal with the exact same problem, which is, him ending up having feelings for me. I always try to avoid those situations by acting more casual and not giving them ...

A.   7 May 2019: You need to stop thinking you can be friends with men. For some, very few, it works. And if its someone whos already had a romantic past with you, and gotten over you, it might happen. But other than that, no. And you need to cut contact, because as ... (read in full...)

I have trouble when living with someone on how to go about getting them to pay part of the bills

Q.   Hello. I am a thirty year old parent of 2 who has had a few short term relationships over the last ten years, but for the most part have lived by myself. It seems that once things start to progress into living together, that i really struggle ...

A.   28 April 2019: This is something you need to agree upon before moving in together. You have to agree on a fair «price»/division of costs. If you are unsure how much is fair, seek advice from others in your area and in similar situations.... (read in full...)

What's wrong with me? I've always been conditioned to want certain things out of life but none of them fit my idea of my most honest self

Q.   How can I accept who I am? for the last 30 years all I have been conditioned to want is 1. Get married 2. Buy a house 3. Make babies and compete with your neighbor to show who is happier - fancier - richer etc . My family is quite dysfunc...

A.   22 April 2019: I dont see anything wrong with you. It is society that is wrong in trying to conform everyone to fit into the same box. Why should we all want the same things? I think a change of scenery will do you good. Why wait? Search for work in California ... (read in full...)

Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   15 April 2019: I have to roll my eyes here. Yes, I understand that this isnt what you wanted. But it is what he wants. And who is living his life? Him. Not you. If you are concerned about health, stop smoking yourself. You are being hypocritical. Enjoy the trai... (read in full...)

Am I being paranoid about HPV?

Q.   Hi What are the chances of me getting hpv from one single encounter without condom or one single act of oral? The guy had no signs or symptoms. I got my std panel but there is no testing for hpv. How do I make sure I’m clear? I don’t have any...

A.   13 April 2019: 99% chance you have HPV. Its like... the most common thing on the planet. Everyone who ever had sex is likely to have HPV. But what you are asking about is probably the one strand of hpv that causes warts. They take a good while to appear. But once ... (read in full...)

I have neve wanted children, husband is being pressured to adopt his orphaned nephew

Q.   My husband and I are both 29 and child free by choice. His sister and her husband, both 40, passed away in a car accident two months ago. They left behind a 9 year old who is currently living with my husband's parents. Long story short, his paren...

A.   13 April 2019: His parents died in a terrible accident two months ago. And you are only concerned about yourself and how his terrible circumstance might affect you. I dont need to hear more. Thats some of the lowest and most selfish things Ive read on this site. ... (read in full...)

I still resent the way my husband proposed to me.

Q.   I wanted to see if I’m being sensitive or not, I can’t get over the fact after 6 years of marriage with two kids of how my husband proposed. We’ve been dating for 5 years before he propose and the way he did it makes me sad till to this day. I see ...

A.   8 April 2019: You obviously accepted the proposal. So your anger is misplaced. You need to look at yourself instead if him. Why did you not think you deserved better? Why did you accept? Why did you want to marry this man in the first place? You nagged to get ... (read in full...)

I cannot flirt, create a spark or connect sexually with women

Q.   I find it impossible to give off sexual vibes. I revert straight into a friendship style of communication. If there’s ever any slight indication of sexual interest from someone I freak out and go into a seemingly calm and causal interaction which ...

A.   6 April 2019: The trick to confidence and flirting is not to be good and succsessful at it. The trick is actually to realize that you will probably be shot down, but to find it worth it anyway. Next time you want to charm a woman, tell yourself that you will... (read in full...)

I cannot flirt, create a spark or connect sexually with women

Q.   I find it impossible to give off sexual vibes. I revert straight into a friendship style of communication. If there’s ever any slight indication of sexual interest from someone I freak out and go into a seemingly calm and causal interaction which ...

A.   6 April 2019: The trick to confidence and flirting is not to be good and succsessful at it. The trick is actually to realize that you will probably be shot down, but to find it worth it anyway. Next time you want to charm a woman, tell yourself that you will... (read in full...)

Should I burn bridges with my new employer to move to another country?

Q.   Hi all, I was hoping for some advice. I have recently accepted a job offer after some fairly vigorous interviews. On accepting the job is was sent through a timetable stating it was actually an apprenticeship and that the first 3 weeks would...

A.   4 April 2019: Take your chance on New Zealand. That is where your heart lies.... (read in full...)

We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retired. How much sex is normal

Q.   We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retried. How much sex is normal? We do it three times a week on average. I could do it every day, she says even three times is too much. She enjoys it more than me, not that I don’t enjoy. She says none of...

A.   4 April 2019: I dont think there is any «normal» here. People have different drives, and they are in large part due to hormones. As hormone levels change over years, sex drive also changes. But this is so individual! Anything is normal.... (read in full...)

I want to sleep with my boyfriend (no sex) but my parents said NO

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, ...

A.   26 March 2019: I suggest you cuddle with your boyfriend during the daytime. Dont pressure your parents for a sleep over. It doesnt matter that you dont want sex. Its a matter of principle. No boyfriends spending the night, regardless of nighttime activity. B... (read in full...)

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