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*awncare agony aunt


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I'm 32. Through a hilarious turn of events leading to my searching high and low for advice I ended up here. I don't have any special qualifications to bring to bear and I try only to weigh in on questions I have gained some small experience of.

Good connection but he stopped initiating. Did he suddenly lose interest?

Q.   I posted last week but would appreciate some further advice. I don't have much dating experience especially post-school and I think I'm having a hard time. I've been on 6-7 days with a wonderful guy and we have an amazing connection. I thought we ...

A.   16 March 2016: Things sound pretty normal here, poster. You've been on a handful of dates, he's still communicating regularly and openly and he is still on-track for weekend plans. Sounds good! Maybe there's a resettling into his routine after the heady days o... (read in full...)

Hurts me that ex bf found love and moved on so quickly meanwhile I'm still hurt

Q.   I hope this doesn't come off rude or pathetic but I really need some advice. It's been only 2 months since the guy I was with for 3 years (and who I was really in love with) broke up with me and started dating someone else immediately afte...

A.   8 March 2016: That's really saddening to read as it does seem like his exit strategy was planned and you're the injured party. Never gets easier. This paragraph will be difficult to accept now but: he has ended it and for all you know he has done the honoura... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is always looking at asian women?

Q.   I feel like sometimes when my bf and I go out, he looks at girls. But not just at any girl, but asian girls. I am the first hispanic women he has ever gone out with you. He has always dated white and asian women. And his last girlfriend was asian. ...

A.   8 March 2016: Hey Midsummer. People will look at people, regardless of race. I'm entirely ignoring the racial construct of your post because we're all the same, race is fake. Your insecurity is threatening your relationship and that is entirely preventa... (read in full...)

Do people still fall in love these days or is that an outdated concept?

Q.   What is everyone's opinion on this? Since I'm back in the dating world, I have to say that it's a real cesspool out there. Everyone seems a bit jaded, and women put up these walls and hurdles that you have to jump through in order crack thei...

A.   8 March 2016: Alright fella. Sorry to hear you're having it tough. But I'm going to start by putting you on the back foot and saying that think you're probably being a bit grouchy here and possibly a little slow to catch up to the world. Are we reverting to a p... (read in full...)

I met this man and the chemistry was intense, so what happened next was ............

Q.   Dear Cupid.. Long story short, have been texting 24/7 with a Guy i met 2 weeks ago. We been out together with friends 3times partying And made out once(french kissing). He is crazy in the head And i completely get his sick sense of humour. We t...

A.   13 May 2015: What you need to do is forget this man. He's already forgetting you. He gave you a fair choice and you took it (arguably the one correct decision you made, alongside deleting his number). It's not his fault and he has moved on as he is entitled to ... (read in full...)

She knows I'm upset with her as I've acted off but I haven't told her why. Any suggestions please?

Q.   I'm at university at the moment. My girlfriend and I have been going out since late October, before that we were seeing eachother and she went home for the weekend and slept with her friend. They never used to go out they just had sex (f-buddi...

A.   11 May 2015: You seem remarkably chilled out for someone whose girlfriend is maintaining two relationships at once, lying to you and being fairly cavalier about her sexual health. This is parasite behaviour and you shouldn't feel guilty for acting up/off. I'm ... (read in full...)

What should I do? I can't stop being paranoid he is cheating on me!

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend now for almost two months, we were seeing eachother for 4, so all in all we have been doing the whole dating thing for about 6 months now. We have had a hard time due to a lot of different factors. He is mildly a...

A.   11 May 2015: Your mistrust will strangle this relationship sooner or later and it needs to stop immediately or you will suffer the consequences. That might sound harsh as an opening sentence but put all your labels and all of your personal problems and all... (read in full...)

What needs to change? Guys never ask me out!

Q.   I feel embarassed just typing this, but well... I am 22 year old, college student, I am outgoing, I have a lot of friends and I am quite popular with them. I am tomboyish as in "loving sports, fights and cars" but you wouldn't tell from the way ...

A.   11 May 2015: Though you say you have flaws you write as a person who appears to have a solid perspective on who they are and their place in the world. Your letter made me laugh. I can see that you're probably as you say you are. But there's a slightly ... (read in full...)

How do I just "get over" stuff? I need to get my life right

Q.   Heres the scenario I need advice on. I'm to the point that I don't know what to do anymore. Ive been with my guy for a couple years now. And in the past he has messed up and cheated on me by having sex with another woman. As well as lying to me a...

A.   11 May 2015: It is difficult but my advice is curt and straight: you have let him back into your life and closed the door on the chapter of your relationship where he was cheating. It is therefore unfair to keep opening that door in order to beat him down and ... (read in full...)

I feel very guilty after I watch porn. How can I resolve these problems?

Q.   Hello, I feel very guilty after I watch porn. I typically only watch it once every few months, so it is by no means a habit or addiction. I have been single for a while, and don't feel comfortable with random hookups, but I do get rather sex...

A.   11 May 2015: Guilt isn't something that a simple banding together of paragraphs in the disguise of advice can remedy. Guilt becomes ingrained over time and culturally and environmentally-embedded. It measures the distance between what we think we should be doing ... (read in full...)

My ex is too involved in my life. What should I do?

Q.   I broke up with my ex legally and she too agreed but I have left my phone with her so that we could contact as normal friends but before some last month's it seems that this is going wrong as she still acts as my girlfriend. ..We broke up due to our ...

A.   10 May 2015: You've done a noble thing in trying to remain friends, and you have done the right thing in realising that she is not ready for the reality of friendship and attempting to put distance between you. Balancing the seriousness of threat when a fo... (read in full...)

Despite my initial good feelings about him: should I just cut my losses and move on, or actually try to make him reconsider?

Q.   Three weeks ago, I met a man on an online dating site. We have a very strong connection and started dating, even though we live an hour and a half from each other. For the first time I actually felt really comfortable around a man, and let down my ...

A.   5 May 2015: A guy you met three weeks ago is already rifling through your texts (for me a no-no at any point in the relationship) and you're wondering whether you should be going back? Heck no. Even if you're being less than completely honest about your rel... (read in full...)

I'd like to hint to her that I think she's hot. How do I bring up the idea of maybe going for a drink?

Q.   So I am a closeted bi sexual girl, and am really attracted to this girl at work. I was speaking about this girl to a work colleague who told me she was gay, however I really don't know if she fancies me, or what to say to her to make it seem tha...

A.   5 May 2015: Ask her out. There's no point unpacking this. If it's driving you nuts, ask her out. Australia's an open-minded place, no one will be offended if it turns out they're not a compatible sexuality. And it sounds like your workplace is large enough t... (read in full...)

Have a crush but I don't know if he's gay, what do I do?

Q.   ok so i am 13 and i have a major crush on a guy im bi-sexual. i have a girlfriend but i really like him he is so hot but theres a problem, we dont know each other too well and i have 1 period with him in which we are across the room from each other! ...

A.   3 May 2015: Regardless of the whole sexuality issue, you have a girlfriend. Unless she has said that she is cool with your pursuit of others, I suggest that you deal with that person, - that human being - first. You owe her that much, even at your age. Were ... (read in full...)

Did he blame me unjustly when I was just trying to comfort him and do what seemed right, at the time?

Q.   Dear aunts and uncles, My boyfriends grandfather whom he was really close to passed away a couple of weeks ago, his grandfather really loved me, and i loved him a lot too. I was really sad hearing about him. He was in the hospital for a couple of ...

A.   3 May 2015: Grief does funny things to people, especially when juxtaposed with one's sexual urges. It feels like it should be a taboo. But one can't shut one's feelings off forever and it's only natural that your physical relationship would eventually resume. ... (read in full...)

Is it the kisses, where his breath is not so good? Or have I lost my libido? Or is it time to break-up?

Q.   I've been with my bf for 5years now and i find kissing him totally disgusting. We used to make out all the time and i thoroughly enjoyed it but not anymore. I only find it cute on tv or reading about it but for us to do it i think about his not ...

A.   2 May 2015: What I'm about to say isn't really advice and could be considered a radical or cynical analysis of your problem. However, I'll try and give a full account of my opinion and hopefully you will take it on board, even if you ultimately reject it. Here ... (read in full...)

He's fine in person but is awful at texting!

Q.   I was just hoping for some general advice. My boyfriend is incredible, and I'm head over heels for my relationship. We're both in college, so I know we're young, but I've never been happier with a significant other. He treats me like a princess. The ...

A.   1 May 2015: Here's a really simple piece of advice that changed my life regarding texting. I'm not a huge fan of texting either. I am quite good at it, but I find it time-consuming. This piece of advice will seem really facile at first, like I am mocking the ... (read in full...)

What do I need to say to my boyfriend? Because I really had never had sexual relations before I had sex for the first time, recently, with him.

Q.   I had sex for the first time, but my boyfriend thinks now thar I was not virgin since I was loose and didn't have pain and he saw no blood .? but I really didn't have sex before please help ...

A.   1 May 2015: A hymen can break a thousand different ways in a woman's life: riding a horse, playing sports, walking, cleansing. It often wears through post-adolescence so by your age one wouldn't expect to have one. Just google 'hymen myths' with your partner ... (read in full...)

We had a casual thing between us about 4 years ago. Why would she ignore me now?

Q.   Ok, so me and this girl used to have a casual thing going about 4 years ago. We were both single then. Since then i've married someone else. We've stayed in touch and met up a few times. On a couple of occasions we have slept together which s...

A.   1 May 2015: Buddy, you have to let this one go. She's ignoring you and I applaud her. It's not that she might not have feelings for you, and she may very well have good memories of your casual fling, but some people like to honour the present at the expense of ... (read in full...)

Met him in a water polo. Based on his action, do you think he like me?

Q.   i met a guy in my waterpolo class in the fall that I unintentionally fell for. Over the winter break, I added him on fb and messaged him about the class once, to which he replied immediately. We didn't have class together in the winter, so I didn't...

A.   1 May 2015: Not a lot to go on here I'm afraid. I mean, he cheers you when you have the ball and calls your name a lot, but I'm reliably advised by my water polo secretary that that is entirely commensurate with good teamwork. By way of contrast, one tends not ... (read in full...)

What are your opinions and reasonings on when sex should occur?

Q.   After a while of not having sex, I recently did, with a guy who I met a couple of hours earlier. It's not something I do often, it actually takes me a while to start liking a guy enough to want to hook up, but on my opinion if I find someone I like ...

A.   30 April 2015: I think that your thinking is reasonable and sound. What I would perhaps rhetorically fire back with is this: have you made your thinking fit your actions? It's not that I have a moral trouble with anything that you have said. I have had sex one... (read in full...)

Is my Bf telling me about a crush he once had on a pretty girl, only to make me jealous?

Q.   my bf recently told me about a childhood crush of his and how pretty she is and how beautiful her smile is.I m feeling insecure becausezp if she loves him too he might leave me. At times i feel my bf really loves me and is doing this just to make ...

A.   30 April 2015: It sounds like a slight mis-step on your boyfriend's account. But without knowing the full context (is this person around? Are they in touch? Is she single?) I would perhaps say that you're overreacting. Perhaps he was trying to share a part of ... (read in full...)

Should a shy geeky guy visit a prostitute to gain some experience before I Try to find GF

Q.   I'm a 24 year old male virgin who has never kissed a girl nor have I ever been on a date. I'm not particularly good looking and I don't have six pack abs. Not to mention I'm a giant film/video game/comic book geek as well. I research this to...

A.   30 April 2015: Hey man. You are completely normal. It might seem bizarre in a world where you're bombarded with sexual imagery and people who loudly shout about their prowess in bed. Try to remember that people who shout loudest in any field are usually operating ... (read in full...)

Is this verbal abuse? Are we just not right for each other?

Q.   I am on the fence about the man I have been in a relationship with for 2 years.  I don’t know whether I am wanting to get out of the relationship too soon or if am avoiding the warning signs of what could be verbal abuse. Background Sto...

A.   28 April 2015: Please let me get this straight. This person abuses and belittles you in public, expects you to do much of the work around the house, blames and emotionally abuses you to the extent that you can feel it knocking your confidence and you're struggling ... (read in full...)

How can I politely deal with people who offer their advice on whether we are having a boy or a girl?

Q.   Ok, so my fiance I have been thrilled to be expecting our first child. We dont want to find out what we are having because I cant wait for that moment when the doc says "its a..." when it is born, but I have had a lot of people who dont seem to get ...

A.   28 April 2015: Asking people not to say daft things to a pregnant lady is like asking two British strangers not to comment on the weather or asking a border guard to lighten up: it just isn't going to happen. You can adopt a slightly haughty tone and you can ... (read in full...)

I want to distance myself, but he does make a good friend...

Q.   Last month, I ended a two year relationship with a guy who wasn't bad, but it just wasn't going to work out. It was a long distance relationship, and we were having issues seeing each other regularly. Both in our mid 20's, but I'm in school since I ...

A.   28 April 2015: You sound like a reasonably thoughtful person who is still exercising a degree of respect and honour toward a previous partner and I think that this is decent and laudable. With that caveat, and the additional caveat that I have been in the posi... (read in full...)

Is it normal to distance yourself from somebody who is causing you pain?

Q.   I am wondering. Is it normal to distance yourself from a person who is hurting you too much? Causing you pain or stress? Almost like you need the pain and stress to stop so you emotionally withdraw from them? Does this happen all of a sudden or o...

A.   28 April 2015: Yes, OP, it is often a perfectly valid and normal way of dealing with a person who causes you stress and repeated confusion and pain. Some would argue that once you've exhausted all the options at dealing with the problems that create the stress and ... (read in full...)

I'm having sexual feelings for him but I'm not yet ready to have sex. What can I do?

Q.   I'm 24plus and my guy is 29plus. He has been my childhood friend but as of last year he asked me out. We both love each other and as of this having been having sexual dreams which both of are involved. Now have been having sexual feeling towards ...

A.   27 April 2015: If you're not ready to have sex, then don't have sex. Be honest and friendly and forthright about your readiness and hopefully the friendship will sustain you until you are ready. If not, then he isn't the dream ticket you hope for.... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend over his ex wife?

Q.   I have starting dating this amazing divorced 24 year old guy. He is everything I ask for. But everytime we hangout it seems like he has to mention stuff that occured with his ex. He doesnt trash talk her but he'll be like "bec my ex was very diff ...

A.   27 April 2015: I realise you're a bit sensitive about his history, particularly the way it affects your present. It's natural and a theme that runs through a lot of problems. However, he has a history and it is obviously a part of who he is and for whatever rea... (read in full...)

I am crushing on my best friend's boyfriend!

Q.   So I'm a terrible person. Today, I couldn't stop thinking about my best friends boyfriend. Today, was the worst day ever because I haven't ever felt so much good and bad. We were all hanging out and ever so slightly we'd periodically look o...

A.   27 April 2015: You answered the question in the opening line: you're a terrible person. Of course you're probably not. But you know that if you go through with this, according to your morals, that you will be. I often find with advice that people are look... (read in full...)

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