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male
age
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anonymous
writes: I've been married for 10 years. I love my wife dearly and our sex life is still very much alive and well. The problem is I used to go into chat rooms before I met her. It involved video exchanges with random women. I used to pay for it but once that got too expensive, I opted for real women who were looking to spice things up. I ended that hobby after starting to see my wife. Since February I started up again. I meet up with random women on my web cam. And we have mutual sex together virtually. I never see the same one twice. I'm starting to feel bad about doing this while my wife is asleep. It's become a nighttime habit. My wife and I used to play out this fantasy when she was away overseas on business trips but it no longer interested me once she was back home and into everyday life again. Do you think what I'm doing is cheating on my wife? Do you think I should tell her? How could I play this fantasy out with my wife when there is no anticipation left after 10 years married? I find there is excitement with random girls. But I know my wife too well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2020): Does it really matter what the FU?$&@$ anyone’s opinion or response is? I doubt it so why ask? Maybe you want your wife to know maybe she knows already.
Whatever the case I’m sure you know damn well it is!
Anything you do that you would not do in front of her involving another female is a betrayal. That mean cheating as well.
So ,I guess if your wife got off to some man with a nice hard one ( on cam) it would be fine too right? Or would she be cheating on you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2020): Does it really matter what the FU?$&@$ anyone’s opinion or response is? I doubt it so why ask? Maybe you want your wife to know maybe she knows already.
Whatever the case I’m sure you know damn well it is!
Anything you do that you would not do in front of her involving another female is a betrayal. That mean cheating as well.
So ,I guess if your wife got off to some man with a nice hard one ( on cam) it would be fine too right? Or would she be cheating on you?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2019): Yes this is cheating, and it's the worst kind. To have this kind of sex with random women is just wrong, even if you were single. And I'm no saint.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2019): To the anom male who says even though he is married he is entitled to his own ‘private life’ a question. Is the wife also entitled to a private life of secretly masterbating online with other men?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2019): Aside from the cheating issue - are you not aware of the hackers and scams you are leaving yourself open to? Ie hackers intercept your webcam and record your actions before sending blackmail demands. They threaten to expose your actions caught on camera if you don't stump up large amounts of cash!It's incredibly naive of you to leave yourself open to this considering all you have to lose. For al you know you could have already been recorded? Doesn't necessarily have to be a hacker, could well be one of the women you have masturbated with. Hey - they're complete strangers, you've no idea what they're capable of!Of course what you are doing is cheating, that's a no brainer. You're engaging in sexual activity outside of your marriage - how you could question it shows a certain level of stupidity and inconsideration for your wife.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2019): Private space ? Oh ok so only if she is entitled to the same private space and able to do the exact same with other men .
What’s good for the goose....
This is not masturbation or a solo activity . It involves other real living women. Whether they are actually in the room or not is irrelevant . At the end of the day , the 99 percent of propel who say it’s cheating and the one person who says it’s not don’t count anyway . The only person who’s opinion. That counts is your wife’s . So I’ll ask you , why are you not telling her exactly what you are doing and asking her ???
I think we both know the answer to that . Because she will kick your butt to the kerb and take half of everything.
Why don’t you show her what you wrote and ask her the answer . Ultimately she is the one who holds the answer to this and YOU KNOW exactly what she will say otherwise you would be asking her and not us !!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2019): I think even when you are married you should have a private space of your own. I don't think a wife must know everything you are doing. What you are doing IMO is wrong but definitly not cheating. There is no physical contact, no exchange of personal information, no love or imotions involved. It is just self gratification with a twist. That is my ta pence.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 August 2019):
 Yes, I think that what you are doing is cheating and, whether you tell your wife or not, I think you should stop. It is not strange that by know you know your wife very well, sexually too, and it figures that she is not erotically as new and exciting as in the beginning. But, as Chigirl notes, that's also what marriage is about ; in exchange for the undeniable and numerous advantages of being in a solid, stable ( and monogamous ) partnership, some times you have to sacrifice a little something, like the freedom to get your kicks from random exciting strangers, and the ability to indulge all the whims which pass through your " lower head ".
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2019): You love her ‘dearly’ yet you are getting off with other women ? That doesn’t make sense at all . The marriage vows I’m familiar with say forsaking all others , perhaps hours were different ?
I’d be interested to know how old these women are your masterbating with. I can’t even imagine the damage you are going to cause your wife’s self esteem and self image if she finds out they are considerably younger . I hope you know sir that you will be responsible for irreparably destroying a woman you claim to love should she ever find out . You do realise there are plenty of men who would happily take your wife from you had feel no need for other women don’t you?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 August 2019):
 Hm.
“I've been married for 10 years. I love my wife dearly and our sex life is still very much alive and well.”
If you love her “dearly” then why aren’t you in therapy figuring out why you are doing your very best to destroying the marriage?
Sound s like a question for the counselors... and then the divorce attorneys who will drain the bank accounts.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2019): Let me give it to you straight OP! You are spending sperm, looking at, and thinking about another woman, who is not your wife, and you do this behind your trusting wifes back! Sir, you know very well that you are cheating! Thank GOD that you still have a conscience giving you guilt pangs! Quit this right now! I mean cold turky! Do not tell your wife and upset her! If you must confess your sins, talk with HOLY GOD, WHO FORGIVES! You and your wife can fantisize and role play any scenario, in order to spice things up! You can keep the bedroom hotter than the kitchen my friend! It just take two Lovers who are IN LOVE and who are dedicated to fulfilling their Other Half! Bless You and Your Wife Friend!
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 August 2019):
 Of course it’s cheating. How could you be debating this? You’re carrying out sexual acts with strangers whilst keeping it secret from your wife.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2019): Well this question is simple to answer really . You’d be fine for your wife to be doing the same with guys whilst your out ?
She has every right to and you wouldn’t call that cheating would you ?
After all if it’s not cheating in your eyes then how could you possibly be upset if she masterbayea with random men behind your back
Come on . Get serious . You owe this woman the truth . You’ve ripped her off and now she’s married to a guy who’s been cheating on her when she could be with a guy who’s faithful and sexual only to her . She wants that and you know it . Your stealing her life from her . Stop being a jerk . Tell her the truth and let her find a man who deserves her
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 August 2019):
 Yes, this is cheating. If you want it to be okay and not cheating, you have to get your wife’s permission. Sex with others is still sex with others, wether you are in the same room or not. Not living out all your fantasies and just sticking to one woman is sort of the deal you accept when getting married.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2019): Anything you do of a sexual-nature that doesn't include your wife is cheating. You are engaging in an act, including other women; for the purpose of sexual-gratification, culminating in an orgasm. Your wife is not involved, and you're lusting after other women. Having a willing-partner should minimize the need for masturbation.
Masturbation is a substitute for sex; mainly for when you're young and alone. Maybe if your partner has medical-reasons that incapacitate them; preventing them from being able to perform sexually, or rendering them totally impotent. Including another partner as their substitute totally betrays their trust, and voids your commitment. I know, it's an "anything-goes" world. That's why people are heartless and out of control! That's why divorce occurs at a faster-rate than marriage!
Come on, you're a mature-guy; not an adolescent-kid overcome with raging-hormones!
If you suffer a sex-addiction, or can't control yourself; seek help from a therapist, and/or counseling from the leader of your faith. That is, if you worship. Your mind, spirit, and soul crave fulfillment. You're craving something to fulfill your emptiness. Sex isn't always the answer. Sometimes other people can't do it. Cheating on your wife, and telling her about it, won't make it right either. Nor will you find any true justification for it. Selfishness, entitlement, ego, and greediness will tell you how much you need it! But then, how much is enough or too much???
How would you feel if you found this post written by your wife? Regarding another man, or men?
Sir, you know in your heart you'd be cheating on your wife. You won't stop at masturbating with other women; you'll start setting-up secret-encounters. You'll stoop to sneaking around like a common-criminal. Ever-feeding, or creating, a sex-addiction.
You're over 50 years-old; and you've seen and experienced a lifetime. After you read our advice against it, you'll come-up with a better argument and excuse for it. All the same, it will still be excluding your wife; and involving the participation of other women. It will devastate her, and kill her self-esteem when she finds-out. If she approves, and allows you to do it. Your marriage will inevitably wither and die. I don't care what perverse-swingers lie and tell you! There's always some twisted self-indulgent argument for everything, no matter who it hurts!
Let's be honest here. You're not making it any better by prefacing your post by claiming how dearly you love your wife, and the contradictory claim that your sex-life is good. If it's good, why do you need other women? Why did you get married? Why did you take vows to be faithful to one woman? Divorce, and go screw your head off!
Frustrated and discouraged women write DC every single-day; with complaints about husbands and boyfriends, who turn to other women for sex. Be-it through fantasy, or in-reality. It's a sign of the times! Porn consumption and cheating supersedes faithfulness to your mate; and no matter how hurtful it is, selfishness and disloyalty will prevail. Rationalize to justify it; but the same guys who cheat, would declare their wives or girlfriends scornful-bitches and whores for doing the same thing!!! Yes, men write about how they feel jilted and betrayed too! Even about dudes their mates had long before they ever met!
If you love her so much...HONOR HER AND YOUR WEDDING VOWS!
Maybe you wanted to be talked out of it. I believe your conscience brought you here. I don't beat around the bush! I laid it out for you! Do with the advice as you please. Perhaps it will help some other poor guy contemplating the same-thing.
Search long enough, you'll always find an argument for it. Here's one against it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2019): Anything that you do with other women sexually, behind your wife's back and without her knowledge is cheating. You haven't told her cos you know she won't like it.
Tell her about it and tell her that you are going to continue with it and then see how long you stay married.
I am not disputing the fact that sex with the same person can get boring, but that's not your question.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 August 2019):
 I'm with Youcannotbeserious
If you think it would be OK for your wife to do the SAME thing, then maybe it's not cheating per se, but the fact that you HIDE it from her means you know it's NOT OK.
It's bad excuse that you "know" your wife too well. And you know it.
You bored with your sex-life TALK to your wife on how to spice it up. CHEATING (and yes, I think what you are doing is akin to cheating) will NOT help your marriage OR your sexlife.
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female
reader, Beets +, writes (19 August 2019):
 If you keep something a secret from your spouse, then it is considered cheating. If you are no longer excited by your wife, maybe it's time you tell her this, and then let her decide if she wants to be married to you or not. You get a high off of doing this with anonymous women. How much fun is it going to be once you've broken your wife's heart and she packs and leaves? I think you have a lot to consider, but telling your wife what you're doing is the first thing on your list.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2019): If this was my OH asking I would kick his behind to the curb!
It is 100% cheating and as another person has pointed out - you'de be devastated if it was your wife doing it.
Not that the answers matter because it's clear by the tone of your question that all you seek is validation, you have no intent to stop. I feel for your poor wife who will undoubtably be heartbroken when she finds out.
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male
reader, Boris Grushenko  +, writes (19 August 2019):
 As already stated: you could wonder how you would feel about it yourself if you found out your wife did this. Then again, knowing you are having cyber-sex, you might bend your answer to fit your need foor justification.
In my book, unless you have mutually agreed otherwise, I'd say this is over the edge.
Your desire to seek out other women could be read as an indication you are displeased with the sex-life you have with your wife. It is not abnormal that you deem sexual interaction predictable within a longer relationship but even then, it often means something else is bothering you. I'd suggest you reflect on this. And maybe you should give your wife the opportunity to get frisky over the internet together. You might be surprised by the hidden phantasiesshe has to live out. Given that you have done this together in an earlier stage of your relationship, "for old time's sake" seems like an easy way to bring it up.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (19 August 2019):
 How would you feel if it was your wife doing exactly the same thing with random men? Would you think it was ok or would you feel she was cheating?
There's your answer.
Use your imagination. Google for inspiration if you need to. I am sure you can think of things to do with your wife which will be exciting which do not involve other parties.
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