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... Send Dazzerg a private message | | | Dazzerg's profile:Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: Staying the distance...
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...
Pornography and relationships
This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...
Rules of the game
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...
The 'ex' Factor
No replies yet... 17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...
Loving somebody who is afraid
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...
Is love selfish??
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...
What is love??
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...
Out of your league?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...
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A day in the mind of an attention addict
Q. A Day in the Mind of an Attention Addict It's morning, and time to put on my make up, fix my hair, and wear a new outfit. I'm thinking about the female friend I'll see today who'll comment on how nice it is and I feel an adrenaline rush, Now I'...
A. 18 September 2008: I suspect you rather answer your own question...why is a drug addict addicted to drugs? It's the high, the rush...i'm not a great one for chemistry but we already know that things like sex induce positive chemical responses from the brain so I would ... (read in full...)
I have just started college and am working at the time so I am constantly tired and feel depressed!
Q. hey im really depressed in life at the moment i have just started college and am working so i am constantly tired. my boyfriend has just gone back to uni and i wont be seeing him in a while. also his best mate commented his facebook a coup...
A. 18 September 2008: I think there are loads of different issues here so lets tackle them one at a time.
1) You are burning yourself out with the work. Make time for yourself, for rest breaks and to recharge your batteries. These are just as neccessary as actually... (read in full...)
I have just started college and am working at the time so I am constantly tired and feel depressed!
Q. hey im really depressed in life at the moment i have just started college and am working so i am constantly tired. my boyfriend has just gone back to uni and i wont be seeing him in a while. also his best mate commented his facebook a coup...
A. 18 September 2008: I think there are loads of different issues here so lets tackle them one at a time.
1) You are burning yourself out with the work. Make time for yourself, for rest breaks and to recharge your batteries. These are just as neccessary as actually... (read in full...)
We both still want each other but there are reasons we had to break up. Will I ever get over him?
Q. I split up with the man I am completely in love with at Easter, and am having problems getting over him. I still think about him pretty much every second of every day and can't imagine things getting better. What makes it worse it that I know he ...
A. 17 September 2008: Of course, the obvious question is what are the reasons? You can't get over him because it was an unclean break and the feelings are still there and you are right things probably wont get better because even when the pain of seperation has faded you ... (read in full...)
Does love involve belonging to your partner?
Q. I would like an opinion here... Would you say that love involves belonging to someone else? In soul/heart? In body?...
A. 17 September 2008: Not belonging as such unless you like putting it that way. In general terms I would say yes it does involve a commitment of all the things that you mention. Obviously for most people it includes faithfullness in all those aspects. I think being ... (read in full...)
I don't want to go out with him anymore, but I'm afraid he'll do something bad to himslef.
Q. I dont know what to do about my boyfriend. He is 14 and smokes about 15 cigarettes a day. His dad is an alcholic and beats him reguarly. Every time I see him he has more bruises. He has also tried to commit suicide by taking overdoses. But him an...
A. 17 September 2008: I'm assuming your age isnt accurate here. Errr its tricky, it's going to hit him hard no matter how you do it; how gentle you are etc etc. One tip might be try and drop hints to mutual friends and create a support network that will be there for him ... (read in full...)
I don't know where to start seeking help about my bf's problems. Please read and advise?
Q. I'm writing to ask for some advice, I don't know if this is the right place to go but I don't know where to start. It's to do with my boyfriend, Jack. I'll give a summary of why we're looking for help. Jack grew up in a pretty unstable upb...
A. 16 September 2008: This is a tricky one because the basic question you are asking is where do you draw the line and the answer will be different for everybody. You obviously love this guy deeply and are torn. Can I be bold and say I think ALOT more than counselling is ... (read in full...)
After hearing bad news, my boyfriend put his foot through the TV set. It scared me and I don't know what to do now.
Q. Hi. I have been dating this boy for a while. I live with him in this cute little apartment in suburban Ohio. Recently he found out his little sister has cancer and when he found out he got so upset he put his foot through our TV. I love him ver...
A. 16 September 2008: No you shouldnt unless he has shown other signs he might be violently inclined. Hearing that news is bound to put anybody under stress and though it was an extreme reaction that is easy for us all to say; if it was our kith and kin we might be ... (read in full...)
I'm sure she's playing games with me. Does this mean she is interested? How do you play mind games with a woman?
Q. How do you play along to mind games with a woman? I've browsed this site and have seen that women like playing games and now I want to do the same on this girl who I'm pretty sure is playing games on me. I really like her, and sometimes s...
A. 16 September 2008: Either shes confused or she just likes the attention and thus just gives you just enough to keep you hanging on. I wouldnt like to go down on either side conclusively on what you have written here. More detail needed. Does she go cold when others ... (read in full...)
I used to really love him and feel attracted to him, but now I feel that all I want to concentrate on is to study and get good grades -Why
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now. I’ve always had minor doubts about the relationship, thinking in general that it could only last till I go off to university, and I’ve heard much advice that long distance doesn’t work. Plus my ...
A. 16 September 2008: I dont think there is anything really wrong with you; you are driven to succeed and that is not a character flaw as long as you dont ride over others to get there. Obviously you are frustrated by him and you are growing up; maybe even apart but it ... (read in full...)
We can sleep with other people although we are married... to each other! What does this mean? Are we over?
Q. why would my husband be okay with me sleeping with other men? We have talked about an open marriage, but i can not wrap my head around this one? i am not emotionally stable to say the least. Why would i be okay with him having sex with others ...
A. 16 September 2008: I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the most likely explanation for this attitude is that he wants to legitimise his own behaviour whether he has already or would merely like too. This holds true if this is a sudden change especially. It doesn't ... (read in full...)
Is my ex jealous that I'm interested in someone else or does he genuinly want us back?
Q. ok im not too sure how to put this question but i will have a go. about 5 months ago me and my ex split up but we`re still really close. ive recently been showing intrest in another guy and me any my ex hasnt been as close, all of a sudden my ex to...
A. 16 September 2008: I may agree with Sister about your ex. He could be trying to mark territory. Maybe he was possessive while you were together? I am afraid possessive personalities tend not to relinquish control even when the relationship ends. I am not so sure i ... (read in full...)
We're in a long distance relationship, she kissed another guy, can I still trust her?
Q. hi, ive never done anything like this before, but i need some advice and cant turn to my friends for it. im 22 years old and ive lived in the north east of england all my life, and i started dating a girl over 10 months ago, who was originally f...
A. 16 September 2008: I would go with the consensus on this one just to be boring. She's human, she made mistakes but at this time and from what you have said you do have a strong relationship and they were just that; mistakes. They also appear to be honest ones as well. ... (read in full...)
He's depressed and won't seek help, I feel all I do is take care of what he needs while he neglects me. I think I want to end it but how?
Q. I'm a divorced 48 yr old in a four year relationship. My boyfriend is 50 and he is depressed constantly and won't tell the Dr or get on medication for it. He seems so up and down, you never know how he'll be. He never remembers my birthday (not in 4 ...
A. 16 September 2008: I agree with Emily in a way but shes being a little harsh. Brow-beating him probably wont work,it will make him retreat further, it never does on me when i'm a bit blue; what I am looking for is positive encouragement so a bit of carrot and stick is ... (read in full...)
He's depressed and won't seek help, I feel all I do is take care of what he needs while he neglects me. I think I want to end it but how?
Q. I'm a divorced 48 yr old in a four year relationship. My boyfriend is 50 and he is depressed constantly and won't tell the Dr or get on medication for it. He seems so up and down, you never know how he'll be. He never remembers my birthday (not in 4 ...
A. 16 September 2008: Anon makes some very good points. One of the side effects of especially severe depression is a seeming self-absorbtion. It's not a not caring its more a withdrawal and cocoon like defensive mechanism the mind employs to protect itself. He is seeming ... (read in full...)
What is the difference between loving someone and being in love?
Q. What is the difference between just loving someone and being in love?...
A. 16 September 2008: I actually think Emily puts it rather well in many ways. Think about it this way; you love your family and friends and they definatly constitute more than one person. Having said that this is a different kind of love. When people come on here and ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend left me today and I am sad. How long do I wait before I move on?
Q. Hi, I met a girl little under 4 weeks ago, and since that time, we spent almost every evening with eachother. Today she had to move away to a new job, effectively putting an end to our "relationship". We plan to stay in touch, which I think is...
A. 14 September 2008: How long is a piece of string? Seriously. The reason you feel sad this time around is because it is not a clean break. You have lost her due to circumstances beyond your immediate control and there seems from what you are saying no other reason than ... (read in full...)
My best friend thinks I am depressed and should go to the doctors...should I??
Q. Am I depressed? My best friend says I am, and have been for the last three years out of the five he has known me. He says he knows, because he's had severe depression before. He's been to councelling and got better for it about a year ago. Suppos...
A. 14 September 2008: The short answer to your question is that yes you should go to the doctors and place your trust in this friend who is obviously deeply concerned about you and cares about you deeply. Nobody on here can offer a precise clinical diagnosis which is ... (read in full...)
My parents think it's wrong for me to date a black guy, is this racist?
Q. My mom and dad are soo protective. i like this black guy...alot and he likes me. but my parents think it is wrong for a white girl to date a black boy. i think thats racsism. but me and this boy have been talking for a year and we tell each other ...
A. 14 September 2008: You state in what you say that your parents think it is 'wrong for a white girl to date a black boy' so it would seem apparent to me that their problem with this relationship is not that you are dating but you are dating somebody who is black. In ... (read in full...)
Any ideas on initiating intimacy by phone??
Q. I want to initiate phone sex very gently to see if my male friend responds. I have never done it before and would like advice on what can be said. He told me he was reduced to tears at the extent of the intimacy he reached with his ex and I wondered ...
A. 14 September 2008: Fair enough. Then I would say that your best bet is to do as one of the other responders said and tease him and see how it goes. Good luck :)... (read in full...)
Any ideas on initiating intimacy by phone??
Q. I want to initiate phone sex very gently to see if my male friend responds. I have never done it before and would like advice on what can be said. He told me he was reduced to tears at the extent of the intimacy he reached with his ex and I wondered ...
A. 13 September 2008: I'm a bit confused as to what you want to initiate. If it's phone sex then I would suggest gentle probing and starting talking about what you are wearing and seeing how responsive he is and go from there.
Intimacy can be something slightly... (read in full...)
Guys- If a woman who looked like a porn star propositioned you for sex, could you say no?
Q. If a girl who looked like a porn star propositioned you for sex, would you agree? Like if she looked like Briana Banks, a young Pamela Anderson, Jenna Jameson, or Jesse Jane? I was just wondering because I heard that my boyfriend was at a party a...
A. 13 September 2008: Errrr yes I could. I love my gf. Porn stars are usually empty and vapid people in any case. ... (read in full...)
Why does he bring stuff from my past we agreed to forget whenever we fight?
Q. My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We went through a lot over a year ago. Everything has really been good and everything, but every time we get into an argument, my mistakes are brought up. Some happened a year ago, some happened 4 ...
A. 9 September 2008: You are fighting. He wants to hurt you and win the argument and the promises that you made before arent remembered. It really is as simple as that. It's also possible that he has some unresolved emotions about what took place and that could be ... (read in full...)
I have romantic feelings for too many guys! Am I a horrible person or just bad at commitment?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 3 months. I really love him. We really click, we've got lots in common, we find the same things funny, we find each other hot, we treat each other lovingly... our relationship is brilliant. Howeve...
A. 31 August 2008: I wouldn't say you are a bad person. I would say you actually don't know what you want from a relationship and this is why you have feelings for so many people. Most of your questions you can only answer yourself to be honest because there is no ... (read in full...)
How do I escape from my abusive boyfriend?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years we have been living together for 1 year everynight is the same story i end up in bed crying my eyes out, he constantly accuses of me of infidelity and being places i have never heard of, hes always putting ...
A. 29 August 2008: Well you definatly need to get out of this situation as soon as you can. Family or friends are the best bet. Then you need to discover the strength to resist the waterworks. Are your family and friends aware of what is going on?? Your sister sounds ... (read in full...)
I'm stressing over the smallest things! Please help!
Q. i seem to have a problem latley......I cannot stop worrying over tiny little things or stressing over things that dont even matter! is there something wrong with me, is there any treatments out there that could help this...Im stressig over tommorow ...
A. 23 August 2008: Either there is something deeper on your mind which is causing these niggles or you have some kind of anxiety disorder. Is everything ok in your life in general?? In general I would say the two rules are trying to breath and focus. Take deep breaths ... (read in full...)
Is it unloyal to DRINK at my friend's party despite my boyfriend objecting to it?
Q. I live with my boyfriend and he doesnt want me to drink when i go to my bestfriend's place tomorrow. But to tell ya all the truth i dont care im going to any way as i hardly get a chance for fun and at the end of the day ill be back with him at home ...
A. 23 August 2008: My answer would depend on his reasoning for not wanting you to drink. I have a bit of a tic about it because my Mum was a very heavy drinker and well...lets say it didnt do any good. I think the other repliers have given other examples of why he ... (read in full...)
I don't feel like I can trust any girl!!
Q. I'm constantly worried my girlfriend is cheating on me. She is not the type but I've been cheated on before and now I can't trust any girl. What can I do?...
A. 23 August 2008: Once bitten; twice shy. Cupidguy is right. Your head knows that she isnt but that little nagging voice is hard to shift. You have two prongs of attack;
1) Communicate your feelings and work through this together. Open up to her and I am sure she... (read in full...)
I need tips on how to forgive a boyfriend that's cheated on me multiple times.
Q. I need help by someone who can give me tips on how to forgive my boyfriend. Hes cheated on me and lied to me multiple times. I dont trust him anywhere he goes and i cant get the picture of him and another girl out of my head. Ive tryed talking to ...
A. 22 August 2008: Excellant advice from the other two aunts. My inclination would be that there is little hope for this relationship and that staying with him is becoming a kind of exercise in emotional self-harm. By all means forgive him but you have to seriously ... (read in full...)
A prior sex attack has me dreaming he'll cheat.
Q. Hey, i keep having multiple dreams everynight of my boyfriend cheating on me, with close friends and sometimes total strangers and partys,, Also the thung is, he's going clubbing in broadway like next week;; And ive got a crazy feeling thats wh...
A. 22 August 2008: I'm guessing the person who attacked you was somebody close to you at the time; somebody that you trusted. This is the reason why you have these feelings and they are not a reflection on him, they are a reflection of how your trust was violated at ... (read in full...)
Why smoke?
Q. ok i dont know if dis is a article or not but its a poem i made here goes : why smoke its not a joke you know you could croak its not like sugar and spice its like making sure you have lice it makes you stink whats next you gonna drink...
A. 22 August 2008: I smoke and errr it isn't really appropiate in my view for this forum but hey-ho....yes smokers are aware of the risks...yes there are plenty of other risky and damaging to others things that people still do...i really rather do not approve of the ... (read in full...)
My best friend is blowing me off for a boy!
Q. Hi this is really bothering me well we've been best friends for four years and my relatives are going to live in austrailia in a week and there having a bbq and she's never met them and i really want her to meet them because i dont know when theyll ...
A. 22 August 2008: I dont think its unreasonable; you are feeling a little rejected and that is only natural to feel hurt and a little resentful. As to what concretly to do; is there any way she can make both?? Go to the BBQ then onto the party later?? If you told her ... (read in full...)
I was drunk and I don't remember... would I have been aware of having sex with this guy?
Q. I was recently at a party where I met a guy and we kissed - at least I have no recollection of having gone any further with him. One friend told another that she had caught him with his trousers down and that I had a hole in the crotch area of my ...
A. 22 August 2008: Well you would think so but your recollection of events does seem to be a little hazy so I wouldnt say anything with 100% certaintity. At the moment all you have to go on is some pretty ropey testimony from your friend and your own worst imaginings. ... (read in full...)
He divorced me because, he says, I was controlling. Was I???
Q. My husband has recently divorced me very much against my will. He told me it was because I was controlling. I never asked him where he was or what he was doing , what time he would be home or anything. I felt I was only controlling in the fact that ...
A. 16 August 2008: You definatly weren't controlling. Controlling to me would have to have a far wider scope. I guess it would be nice for a holiday to be a joint thing but to say it makes you controlling is absurd.
Being controlling wouldn't even involve asking a... (read in full...)
Should I just forget her because she lies to me with such ease and doesn't care about me...?
Q. i have this really pretty mate but she is already taken but she confides in me and i know that her relationship is on the rocks. I have had a crush on her since day 1 but never told her but now i feel that i should make my move but my mates tell me ...
A. 16 August 2008: Id be inclined to forget about her too at least as a potential partner. She could have lied to save your feelings (stupid way of doing it i know) because she obviously doesnt feel attracted to you in that way. If that is the case and it clearly is ... (read in full...)
Should I just forget her because she lies to me with such ease and doesn't care about me...?
Q. i have this really pretty mate but she is already taken but she confides in me and i know that her relationship is on the rocks. I have had a crush on her since day 1 but never told her but now i feel that i should make my move but my mates tell me ...
A. 16 August 2008: Id be inclined to forget about her too at least as a potential partner. She could have lied to save your feelings (stupid way of doing it i know) because she obviously doesnt feel attracted to you in that way. If that is the case and it clearly is ... (read in full...)
Do my parents have a right to dictate what are healthy/unhealthy boundaries between myself and someone I'm dating?
Q. About 10 weeks ago I met a woman through a mutual friend. We've officially been dating for about 8 weeks now. Averaging around 1.7 dates per week. We talk on the phone quite regularly. I'm 25 years old, responsible, and feel fortunate t...
A. 16 August 2008: Short answer; No. No human being owns another whether they have DNA in commen or not. ... (read in full...)
Why do his parents change their mind so much?
Q. ok well i really need help!!! ive been dating my boyfriend for 1 yr 5 months and his parents didnt like me since day one. they always tell him what to do and they just strangle him around like a rag doll and they never make their mind about liking ...
A. 16 August 2008: I know how you feel believe me and if i knew the answer to this one then it would help me alot too. The bottom line is this; your bf is old enough to make his own mind up and make his own destiny. Obviously and understandably he feels he owes ... (read in full...)
Why do adults always focus on mistakes their children make?
Q. wy do adults always focus on the mistakes theri children do? why do they always get angry when we don't always agree with them? i know their looking out for us but isn't it a bit too suffocating?...
A. 16 August 2008: Well I am more with Mandy than Kinky. On one level this is a complex question to answer because there are various reasons why...essentially it is to do with control and losing it which nobody likes feeling because a lack of control makes people feel ... (read in full...)
Our love is fading. I just want to make things right.
Q. Im so tired of him thinking that he is the only one that has to go through things. Maybe it's time for him to start thinking about others rather than himself. It hurts when he denies my love. He believes that im cheating on him, which is surely not ...
A. 16 August 2008: Mandy is right. You have to grasp the nettle before you drift too far apart. Why does he think you are cheating?? Is there a specific reason or is it just general??
It seems to me that the problem here is poor communication on both sides. Y... (read in full...)
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