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*azzerg agony aunt


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Well my name is Darrell and this is the second time I have written this so it may be a little briefer lol. I am a good listerner and I would like to think understanding so I would say that is what qualifies me to help people. I also have alot of experience of life, having lived in New Zealand for six months and travelled extensively. Am now back in the UK. I like travel, movies, good company and am a writer. Finally, my relationship status is in a relationship.

Latest articles:

Staying the distance...

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

16 March 2008: All but one of my relationships have been long distance affairs and 'LDR'S' are increasingly common, with the advent of the Internet age especially. It is important to draw a distinction between two different and distinct types of 'LDR': 1.Thos...

Pornography and relationships

This question has 16 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 February 2008: As some people reading this will already know, I moderate and write regularly on this site. Porn is one those issues that is often cited as a problem and also causes a fair amount or moral controversy. On the one hand are the people whose ...

Rules of the game

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

20 February 2008: “You can’t win anything without playing the game”, isn’t that just the saddest and truest thing you ever did hear?? We all do it, whether we are aware of it or not and although we often rhetorically repudiate, the reality is that we all play them ...

The 'ex' Factor

No replies yet...

17 February 2008: Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have ...

Loving somebody who is afraid

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

24 January 2008: Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it's one of the most pervasive there is because it is rooted in our survival instincts, in other words our subconscious mind. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early ...

Is love selfish??

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 November 2007: This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here.... An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of ...

What is love??

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

15 June 2007: We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short ...

Out of your league?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

4 May 2007: If one topic is bound to generate heat between me and one of my friends then it's the perennial question of 'leagues'. Quite simply she insists they exist and I insist they do not although in practice I still sometimes think in terms of them. We all ...

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I am trying to write her an email but don't know what to say

Q.   I have been friends with this girl for a long time now and untill recently we were close now all we seem to do is fall out over silly things. I know she cares for me as a friend but recently each time I have suggested meeting up she is always to b...

A.   11 March 2009: Well obviously there is an underlying issue here but it is hard to tell from this what that is; I cant help thinking it's possible you asked her out, she said no and now is avoiding you because of that?? Something has to have happened to cause this ... (read in full...)

Is it just a guy thing? Does he need time apart from me?

Q.   Do you think this is normal? Is it just a guy versus girl thing? He needs space when there is a problem I need to talk and get resolution. I called him 3 times, this a.m. and he said I am starting to push him away. Now I understand he needs time ...

A.   28 February 2009: It's not a girl/guy thing it's more a different individual different ways of coping thing. I am a guy and more like you; like talking things out but my last ex was more like your guy. You do have to give him the space he needs because although I ... (read in full...)

My husband has become obsessed with bullying

Q.   I'm a 25 year old businesswoman and my husband's 26, and works in training. and we earn good money, and have a good social life, and are well-liked in our social circle. In the past few weeks, however, my husband's become obsessed with bullying. N...

A.   26 February 2009: I would say the most obvious place to look for the cause of this is your husbands past. However, it is also possible that he is in a situation where presently he feels unfairly harressed by an authority figure (and this could have triggered feelings ... (read in full...)

Is this healthy in a relationship

Q.   my boyfriend and i have been together for some time, however, recently i have noticed that when i get down, even if its just a little, he gets annoyed with me, as if im being purposely moody with him, when, in truth, im just feeling a little down. ...

A.   24 February 2009: He doesnt understand and he doesn't know how to deal fundementally and hey that's life some people just dont. Some people can almost instinctively and some people haven't got a clue with the best will in the world. Your bf is one of the people who ... (read in full...)

What went wrong? Help/Advice

Q.   I was talking with this girl for about 1 month and a half. Around the 2 weeks we were making-out, kissing, and holding hands, but we were not a couple. Then she tells me that I can't see her at all any more cause of her mom. She said her mom was ...

A.   23 February 2009: Three possibilities exist; shes telling the truth and is heavily influnced by her mother (which is possible, it's possible her dissapproval made her question the whole thing). The second is that she met somebody else who she's more attracted too and ... (read in full...)

I'm feeling troubled about my relationship.

Q.   Hi, ok so I'm feeling troubled about my relationship. In short I've been with my boyfriend just over a year, we moved in with each other after a short while as it just seemed right. I have no doubts about this, I'm happy in my living environment. ...

A.   23 February 2009: Because you have not talked about him or any potential faults with him I think we have to flip this almost on it's head. Normally id wonder if you were just stuck in a rut but I cant help but feel that for some reason insecurities you have about ... (read in full...)

Am I totally wrong for not being forgiven?

Q.   If you expect your friend to be a perfectionist and a true friend, would you not have to be the same? My friend was going through some issues in her life. from this point on, she would cancel plans on me, or if I wanted to invite her to spend ti...

A.   22 February 2009: Good advice from other people. People do deal with things differently and I suspect you are a kind of person who feels that a problem shared is a problem halved where as she obviously isn't; seems to me like she pulls up the barriers around herself ... (read in full...)

When on a break, is sex outside of a relationship ok?

Q.   Dear Uncles and Aunts, etc. My relationship is starting to gear back to normal; however, I have to be patient until my lover returns to me in August. Knowing that we are getting back together has been a great relief. However, I am struggling to ho...

A.   22 February 2009: I think the other posters pretty much have it spot-on. To be honest I think from what you are writing here you really dont want them to have sex with anybody else but are trying to convince yourself you can make that seperation because you think ... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting by thinking my b/f flirted with this girl?

Q.   The other night when I was out with my bf, we just met this new group of guys and girls, and my bf said one of the girls that she looked just like Britney Spears. And she asked if that was a compliment and he said 'hell yeah, britney spears is ...

A.   22 February 2009: No I dont think you are to be honest; I think this is quite blatent. Even if it had been a singular remark then it would have been bad but to persist makes it worse. To turn round and involve you was awful and was kind of rubbing it in your face. ... (read in full...)

My husband helped the neighbour who disrespected me!

Q.   before me and my husband got married we bought a flat which has very thin walls so i can even hear my neighbour snorring. when we moved in we argued a lot and obviously our neighbour could hear us. it was disturbing her so she started banging on the ...

A.   21 February 2009: Is this a question or a rant?? From the top; I have some sympathy with your neighbour, obviously it is nobodies fault that the walls are thin, something that you should perhaps discuss with her trying to jointly rectify but I can sympathise with her ... (read in full...)

Why can't I make up my mind whether I want to be with him or not?

Q.   I'm thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend but i don't know. Help, tell me wether you think i should or not ? Well... I don't really enjoy his kisses, are relationship is suppose to be a secret for a bit while i sort other things out but he keeps...

A.   21 February 2009: Firstly, the fact that you don't enjoy his kisses suggests there is no physcial attraction too him. Secondly, I think the 'other things' are actually your feelings for another person? Thirdly, having said I don't think there is a physical attraction ... (read in full...)

Unhappy with my girlfriend and in love with another girl

Q.   Hello, I'm in quite a miserable situation and ask for any advice, as it's hard for me to discuss the situation with a friend. I would be very happy about any comment or advice. I'm together with my girlfriend now for 3 years, and we have been ve...

A.   21 February 2009: There is an awful lot going on here and you seem to be in a right tangle. At first glance it looks like the problem is that you are suffering from 'grass is always greener syndrome' and that your feelings actually stem from the relationship becoming ... (read in full...)

I want to come out of the closet, but I'm extremely scared!

Q.   i am a very confused individual.. im a lesbian, i think about girls in a sexual way 24/7 and find sex with a guy unappealing. guys just dont really do it for me i guess. but i am extremely scared of coming out, and to add to it i have just...

A.   18 February 2009: Hmmm this is a toughie. The bottom line is you can love being with someone, love them and care for them as a friend but if as you say you find sex with guys unappealing that tends to suggest to me that even with this guy you dont want the whole ... (read in full...)

When I text him, half of the time he ignores me, help me understand why!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He text me during the day sometimes. I always respond and always answer his calls. When I text him though over half the time he ignores me. Also he still has womens' numbers from before we got ...

A.   17 February 2009: Right from the top; the txting, fact of life is people get busy and cant txt back all the time. So, I am inclined to feel that you should cut him slack on that one....does he work?? Maybe he is busy at his job? Study? You can start to catch my ... (read in full...)

She's "talking" to other guys while we are together.

Q.   Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years and 7 months now. She's left me about 7 times to date other guys, but for some reason I always took her back. Now I'm in another situation. I looked through her phone I know it's wrong but I wanted ...

A.   17 February 2009: I'm sure you do really love her but painful though it is going to be there is only one answer to this and you know it; I think you want people on here to suggest an alternative but sadly there isn't one. She's got to go. She has already left you ... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend may be cheating on me...

Q.   Hi there, I'm Kirsty, I have been seeing my boyfriend for 5 months on and off. We have our silly wee arguments and all that and recently I have been feeling left out. I am convinced that he is cheating on me, when I'm with him there are other ...

A.   15 February 2009: Hiya Kirsty :), Well I think it's suspiscious that he leaves the room to take these calls and since he has previous I would most definatly have my hackles raised. I know you love him and I know you are carrying his kid but are you really going... (read in full...)

What do you think? Do you think cops should be charged and tried as normal people?

Q.   Hi, being a popular site I thought some great answers would come for this so I thought why not? With Britt Lapthornes murder being police that did it, I'm just thinking who can we trust? Nobody! It seems. It makes me wonder did Maddie Mcain get ...

A.   15 February 2009: Ignoring your rather flight's of fancyish conspiracy theories I think nobody should be above being subject to the law, especially not those who enforce it. If anything it must apply especially stringently in that case to ensure there can be a bond ... (read in full...)

Is it any wonder I've changed after what I've been through?

Q.   heyyy, A couple of months ago I got in to some serious trouble with social services and the police for underage sex with my bf (i felt ready to do it, he's 15 nearly 16 now) I told my friends some VERY personal infomation about it because I ne...

A.   15 February 2009: People do change especially at your age so I agree that it is no surprise that you've changed especially, as you say given all the experiences you have had. It seems to me that you really feel that your friends have not been there for you as you ... (read in full...)

My head is swirling with doubts---HELP!

Q.   Ok,i need some help please.I realy love this one guy and he loves me 2.We'v been friends for 2yrs almost 3, and were about to start dating.But im starting to think that this wont be what I thought itd be....for either of us.He's starting to be ...

A.   14 February 2009: Sounds to me like you were in love with the idea of being with him as much as him for the person he actually is. You almost confirm this when you say that you are more 'mentally' than physically attracted to him. People are different when the... (read in full...)

Why did he do this to me?

Q.   Hi There is this boy that I like and my friends say he likes me too, and today I said hello to him on msn and he was replying to the message then stopped and never replyed at all, does this mean he doesnt like me and should I try to talk to him a...

A.   14 February 2009: I think you are taking this a bit out of proportion mainly because of the way MSN is; you know how it is, people come online and you get distracted and dont finish typing. Did he go soon after?? Maybe he got called away from the PC or thrown off. ... (read in full...)

I found a text on his phone telling his ex he loved her...

Q.   I've been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months now and we're really happy together, there's just one thing that upsets me. He's always texting his ex, and I know I shouldn't mind as everyone tells me she's his ex for a reason but it just really ...

A.   14 February 2009: No your position is not unreasonable at all and it kind of pains me to say this on a day like today but the answers to all your questions lie right there in front of you. It is as plain as day that yes she was trying to cause trouble; that if he ... (read in full...)

Am I being unreasonable or is she letting me down?

Q.   Last week my best friend died tragically and today was her funeral. The past week has been horrendous for me. My fiance is away visiting family at the moment and has not really what I would consider supportive of my loss and grief. Today ...

A.   11 February 2009: I dont think you are being unreasonable. As she is away with her family then some allowences have to be made for her to have her own space to do that; so I would feel if you were expecting her to be in constant contact that would be unreasonable. ... (read in full...)

She seems too interested for someone who doesn't care! is she jealous?

Q.   I was close to a girl a while ago, one night something happened and all that changed and she started dating another guy, we werent dating but things between us had been complicated. I have recently started talking to her again an I have gotten close ...

A.   11 February 2009: Hmmm i'd be a bit cautious of this one, yes she maybe jealous but not for the reasons that you hope. One reason be that her current relationship is on the rocks and shes wondering 'what if' but I think there is a far more likely explanation which ... (read in full...)

Is he just saying he loves me just to get into my pants?

Q.   hi... i really need advice. i have been in an off and on relationship for 8 months already with a marine. he recently came back from iraq when me and him met.he suffers from depression and ptsd. its been really hard to keep our relationship going. ...

A.   10 February 2009: The answer to your first question is really quite easy; you say he has depression and ptsd so obviously he is going to have low self-esteem so that is where those comments come from; in terms of loving you then there isnt enough detail here to ... (read in full...)

He says he's over me but I'm not convinced

Q.   hey my ex broke up with me 5 months ago .. we basiaclly never see each other or have contact at all the two times ive seen him something has happenened despite him saying hes over me and hes moved on. on chrissy eve i saw him at the bar and ...

A.   10 February 2009: He doesnt sound like he is struggling with any conflicting emotions at all. He knows what he wants and in his own way he has laid it on the line for you...bunny has also laid in on the line in a much less subtle fashion. There is nothing in this ... (read in full...)

He says he's over me but I'm not convinced

Q.   hey my ex broke up with me 5 months ago .. we basiaclly never see each other or have contact at all the two times ive seen him something has happenened despite him saying hes over me and hes moved on. on chrissy eve i saw him at the bar and ...

A.   10 February 2009: My first immediate question is why the break-up which it seems he initiated?? I think to be honest with this one there is a danger of reading the signs the way you want too. Too take the last thing first, wanting NSA sex is not always a sign of ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't trust me after I kissed a boy for a play and then kept in touch with him unappropriately!

Q.   Hi, about a year ago i was involved in a play that required me to kiss this boy during many rehearsals for about a month. at the time i had a boyfriend of six months and i'm still with the same guy. after the play ended me and the boy kept in touch...

A.   9 February 2009: Well assuming that there was nothing lurid in these emails what was inappropiate was not that they happened but that you kept them secret. I have to say the fact that you did kind of suggests to me that there was an attraction between you and this ... (read in full...)

I'm torn and cheating

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend on and off for just under a year. All throughout the relationship he has dragged his feet. At first saying he didn’t want a girlfriend - until I told him then he should just not have one and that if he wants to be ...

A.   9 February 2009: Well quite simply your friend is giving everything that you want from your bf but obviously arent getting. I have to say I feel it's things you probably should be getting from this length of involvement too so there is no easy answer. Cheating is ... (read in full...)

I guess he only wants sex but it's hard to say no, help me out please!

Q.   So i really need advice because i dont kno if i should lose my virginity right now to this guy..he just got his license! and he plans on having sex. we are not together, but we have been friends for over a year and our relationship has...

A.   7 February 2009: Well you are expecting right and the rub here is because you know what we are going to say you already know the answer for yourself. Having your first time with this guy is unlikely to lead good places for you emotionally and will probably/most ... (read in full...)

The tiniest things make me cry!

Q.   Im 16, and I don't know if its a problem. But i'm really really emotional. I cry over anything and everything. The TINIEST things make me cry, I just dont get why. I was looking on the intenet to see why this happens, some sites said it could ha...

A.   7 February 2009: Also, suppelementary question is this crying attended by a sense of being down?? If it is it could be linked to depression but you dont seem depressed to me...xx... (read in full...)

The tiniest things make me cry!

Q.   Im 16, and I don't know if its a problem. But i'm really really emotional. I cry over anything and everything. The TINIEST things make me cry, I just dont get why. I was looking on the intenet to see why this happens, some sites said it could ha...

A.   7 February 2009: Well yes you obviously are sensitive but I wonder if there is not a wider issue of projection here which is the lines that the sites you have looked on seem to take. I would be curious to know how you reacted at the time to the events you describe ... (read in full...)

He likes me but I don't reciprocate, how can I avoid hurting him?

Q.   This may sound a little trivial but i'd really appreciate some advice. okay here goes.... there is this guy on my bus who i've know forever.. recently he's been getting really clingy, i'm not interested in him in a romantic way but i'm pretty sure ...

A.   7 February 2009: Well your feelings on this matter are not entirely clear from this question. You say 'i'm 'scared' he'll make a move that i wouldn't be ready for' but you say 'i'm not interested in him in a romantic way'. Is that because you feel you are not ready ... (read in full...)

I just don't know what is going on with me?

Q.   since me and my boyfriend broke up everything has been going downhill. i was depressed for a couple weeks after but i've talked to a lot of people and they've made me realize it's time to move on. so i guess i got over that. but now i just feel like ...

A.   7 February 2009: From what you are saying here you are depressed which probably does stem from the break-up. Not being able to get up; changes in attitude, not taking enjoyment in things you normally do is depression. It seems to be quite mild here and doesnt seem ... (read in full...)

My girl has left me after her father has passed away, should I give her time or move on?

Q.   I have been dating a girl (28) for over a year now. We were both in serious relationships before meeting, and fell in love in just a few months. We would contantly talk about how great we were for each other, and how much happier we were together ...

A.   4 February 2009: This is a tricky one because as you say there is no real way you can get closure. Obviously this very traumatic event has happened and shes now in limbo. One of the things about grief is that it can cast everything which has seemed permanent into ... (read in full...)

Why are people so hostile when they hear the truth?

Q.   why are there so many people in society and especially on here that get so hostile? everyone asks for advice, but when some of them are given answers they turn nasty and don't want to know. or you just get plain rudeness. if you don't want to h...

A.   4 February 2009: I think other people have pretty much hit the nail on the head. People have preconceptions and often when they ask for advice what they in fact want is reinforcement of their own belifes. I'm a bit weary of saying 'the truth' because a situation ... (read in full...)

My world is falling apart

Q.   I'm having a really tough time in my life right now. My dog died and I thought that I was grieving but now I think that i'm depressed. I don't even smile anymore and if I do its for a short while. I also have problems at school with this guy named ...

A.   4 February 2009: Right what we have is a fair few issues going on at once so when this happens it's best to deal with one thing at a time. It's going to hard to lose your dog who obviously was a close companion. Grief is something that takes time to resolve and to ... (read in full...)

Have I been given the silent break up?

Q.   i was seeing this guy for 3months and we got into an argument and he accused me of cheating when i haven't.. i guess he wanted to break up.. and since then ive not heard from him so i guess this is his way of breaking up with me..any advice please.. ...

A.   4 February 2009: In short dont blame yourself. There is something else afoot here and he used the totally spurious allegation of cheating as a get-out clause. If he really cannot be bothered to give you a proper explanation then I hasten to add he is not worth the ... (read in full...)

I have got accepted for a job nearer him but he's going to join the army....will I always be wondering 'what if'?

Q.   Theres a man Ive liked for over 4 years now (I got talking to him more after I'd split up with my ex)and we became really flirty and really good friends wieh eachother (over the internet). Last year, we finally met up with eachother (3 times, he ...

A.   3 February 2009: I'm going to be contary and disagree with Emily. It's almost as if people have never have had relationships with people in the Forces before isnt it?? Yes it's hard and yes it's painful at times and scary and I know you don't want to hear this but ... (read in full...)

Should I tell his new girl that I had sex with him?

Q.   Me and my ex bf broke up about a year ago, we were on and off for 5 years. He chased me for years and i knocked him back, until finaly i thought i'd just give him a go, and lived together for 7 months, i thought i wasnt happy so i walked out. He ...

A.   3 February 2009: No, you should not. You and him sound like an unholy mess; of course he shouldnt have cheated with you but you are hardly in a position to judge him for that. I suggest you draw a line under the whole affair; don't contact him, don't respond to him, ... (read in full...)

Should I do a threesome with him???

Q.   I've been dating someone 4 months now and I have developed deep feelings for him. We aren't in a relationship right now because we both agreed to start off as friends and just go with the flow. He treats me right and we spend a lot of time together. ...

A.   26 January 2009: Then it becomes a slightly more finely balanced descision but the main thing is i think you are scared because your feelings for this guy are deeper, deeper than his by the sounds still be cautious xx... (read in full...)

Should I do a threesome with him???

Q.   I've been dating someone 4 months now and I have developed deep feelings for him. We aren't in a relationship right now because we both agreed to start off as friends and just go with the flow. He treats me right and we spend a lot of time together. ...

A.   26 January 2009: Hmmm it's a tricky one but I see it most likely backfiring. My view of threesomes etc is that they probably should only be entertained when the relationship is well-established enough to cope with the emotions such a thing is going to provoke; ie, ... (read in full...)

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