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| | DrPsych's profile:I am a 38 year old psychologist/ epidemiologist working in Oxford, UK. I am married with one child. I currently juggle motherhood with a number of research projects and occasional postgraduate teaching in the field of child development and health psychology. I also work as a freelance health writer from time to time. I started out training as a social worker, then retrained as a psychologist and then acquired a PhD to conduct clinical research.
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Help me from the torture of my Psycho ex...Is there a womens organization or something that can help me?
Q. hi, i am 26yrs old female From INDIA, Andhra pradesh. i have this serious problem with my X-boyfrnd we broke up 5yrs ago but he just dosent seem to accpt it and keeps interfiering in my personal life, keeps threathning me to killing me.he t...
A. 6 November 2009: Also read this:http://www.indianchild.com/cyberstalking.htm... (read in full...)
Help me from the torture of my Psycho ex...Is there a womens organization or something that can help me?
Q. hi, i am 26yrs old female From INDIA, Andhra pradesh. i have this serious problem with my X-boyfrnd we broke up 5yrs ago but he just dosent seem to accpt it and keeps interfiering in my personal life, keeps threathning me to killing me.he t...
A. 6 November 2009: This is stalking and he sounds like a very dangerous person. There are a number of organisations that can provide assistance to you in India. These include the Women's Rights Initiative (see this website: ... (read in full...)
Anger issues with my LDR
Q. hi im 18 and i have been in a 2 month long distance relationship with a man from argentina who is 27. we met on the internet so we havent met in person yet. however we connect very well. im in love with him and he says he loves me to. but a cou...
A. 6 November 2009: First of all, you don't love him...you don't know him. You met someone online and you only know them online - you don't know what they are like in the real world. It sounds like he has emotional and control issues (as do many people seeking love ... (read in full...)
My fiancé won't spend money on the coming baby!
Q. hey, im 30weeks pregnant on sunday, me and my fiance are living in a rented house since august. we have no baby stuff yet, the only things we have got is the things iv paid for. he works and earns £1100 after tax, because of this i cant claim an...
A. 5 November 2009: I think you should see a benefits advisor at your local citizens advice bureau as there is lots of help for families out there. If you have been working anytime in the last year or so, check if you qualify for maternity allowance (it is an ... (read in full...)
I want to see him for an explanation and an apology but his wife forbids him from contacting me!
Q. I was seeing an Iranian man for a couple of months. He told me he was separated for the last year, doesn't live with his wife and has a 5 year old child. We got on really well and a while into our relationship I actually was getting more conscious ...
A. 5 November 2009: His wife probably is rather stupid for taking him back, but ultimately that is her business. You are probably not his first conquest and won't be his last. They have a troubled marriage and you should actually feel sorry for the woman - she must ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when someone is considered the "backbone" of a relationship?
Q. What does it mean when someone is considered the "backbone" of a relationship?...
A. 5 November 2009: To me that means the person is responsible for holding onto and maintaining the relationship. It doesn't always mean in a negative way, just a reference to someone being a strong character.... (read in full...)
My mum made me have an abortion but now I can't stop thinking about the baby I gave up.
Q. Im 14 years old, 15 in march. This February i had an abortion, my mom made me have an a abortion as i was too young to keep the baby, but i was too scared to tell my mom that i wanted to keep the baby. All i do now is think about what if i kept i...
A. 1 November 2009: I would say you need to ignore people who post here wanting to lecture you about your morality. I can totally understand why you might feel under pressure from your mother - I am still scared of mine at 38!!! I think there are several options you ... (read in full...)
Should I go back to the UK for university, and leave my b/f in Australia?
Q. I'm from the uk, and I moved to australia with my boyfriend a couple months ago. I'd quit university in the uk, after a year and a half, because I felt like I'd chosen the wrong course, under pressure from my family, and it was incredibly stressfull ...
A. 1 November 2009: There is an easy compromise - you could do a degree in the UK by distance learning and stay in Australia if you wanted to. You maybe able to trade in the University education you have already done (credits for modules passed) to speed up the time to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my best friend I cheated with her boyfriend?
Q. I am 20 years old the other night my bestfriends boyfiend Matt called me wanted to know if i wanted to come over to his and my bestfriend Dawns apartment. He told me she would be home in about 15 to 20 mins. so i agreed. well to make a long story ...
A. 1 November 2009: You have damaged your friendship with this girl by betraying her. I think the decent thing would be to tell her before he sleeps with someone else and puts her at risk of infections etc. He is a rat but you have to seriously question your friendship ... (read in full...)
Is it true he just needs time and no pressure to sort himself out?
Q. Basically its a very complicated story. Back in April I almost lost my job twice over and me and my partner were not getting on 2 well. on august the 9th he cheated on me for a week just kissing with one of my friends. I forgave him, but he went to ...
A. 1 November 2009: It seems to me that you are focusing on the wrong person here. You shouldn't blame the other woman as that misdirects you from the real person at fault - your partner. It seems to me that he is using a diagnosis of depression to account for his bad ... (read in full...)
I just want ONE night with him, I think that's all it would take to bring us closer then it could be the start of something new!
Q. There's a guy i've known for quite some time now and when we're alone i feel this 'connection' between us. We both become quite shy and although the eye contact is only brief, it is filled with such tension. Most of the time i avoid looking at him ...
A. 26 October 2009: I think you are a huge crush on him and that is ok - I felt the same way about someone in school at your age. While you can microanalyse your mutual behaviour for hours on end, if it was going to happen it just would...there is no point staging an ... (read in full...)
He has already proposed to me, do you think he could be using me just to get citizenship in America?
Q. i started talking to this guy over the summer and he is arabic. and i cant tell if hes using me for my greencard. im 18 and hes 22. he respects me and he treats me good. over the summer he asked me to get engaged but its just between me and him ...
A. 26 October 2009: I was in a very similar situation to you some 6 years ago. Friends and family told me my husband was a visa-hunter looking for a UK passport by marrying me. Having said that, all these years later after all his immigration settlement visa was sorted ... (read in full...)
Is raising my voice to him a legitimate reason for his physical attacks on me?
Q. After being verbally beaten down - and occasionally physically attacked - I have nothing left except for a hollow-feeling body. After one year of being accused of being a wh*re, a liar, and a cheater I am, I finally started to fight back and t...
A. 26 October 2009: YOu think you have no place to go because abusive relationships bring you down to a point where you feel life is pretty hopeless. You are not 'addicted' to him, just lacking the self esteem to get out. However, if you have written this post, you ... (read in full...)
My sisters say I am going mad!
Q. HI!! I am a Pakistani muslim girl of 26 years. My problem is that i recently got devorced from my husband who was a complete jerk. We didn't have any kind of relationship and i only spend 8 days with him. I am now doing my ph.d in genetics and some...
A. 24 October 2009: There is an old saying - you can pick your friends, not your family. Sound familiar? You have to put this in perspective. You are doing a phd and it may well be the most stressful couple of years (albeit rewarding). I personally think mine nearly ... (read in full...)
Is my boss looking for action or just playing?
Q. I work in a place that as long as customers aren't around we don't act very professional. One of my managers seems to have taken a fancy for me. He talks alot to me, bumps into me alot or touches me (hair... side... back, nothing crude). But he al...
A. 24 October 2009: He wants to screw around. I wouldn't be flattered - he is a boss guilty of sexual harassment and disrespecting colleagues. Imagine if you didn't fancy him and you had to put up with this in the workplace. It is inappropriate behaviour and he is ... (read in full...)
Are astrology personality profiles such as your "sign compatability" really true?
Q. Are astrology personality profiles such as your "sign compatability" really true? What I mean is, are they accurate and right on about what to typically expect in the relationship? I`m really curious because I`m a Libra and he`s an Aquarius and we ...
A. 24 October 2009: Astrology is probably a bit of fun but not to be taken seriously. A few years ago there was some proper scientific research undertaken which proved that it was nothing more than random-chance. Basically read your horoscope if you like but make your ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and online friends with a 40 year old
Q. i recently became online ''friends'' with a man and i think everything heads in the wrong direction.i met him through an online game.he told me he needs someone to explain him the game,so i agreed to help him and added him in the buddy list,as he ...
A. 24 October 2009: Hello, I have professional experience of working in child protection here in the UK and I have recently completed a project on the law in relation to grooming. I can tell you in no uncertain terms that from what you describe the man is a predator, a ... (read in full...)
I would like some advice on how to stand up to racist comments!
Q. Hey I know this isn't really a relationship question at all but it can sorta relate... cause racism happens in EVERY SITATUATION including ones with BFS and GFs around... Haa Ok so like I'm a 17 year old asian chick right and I've always had to de...
A. 24 October 2009: Racism is about how you subjectively interpret the comments of other people and you have a right to be offended. I cannot say if the people abusing you are aware of the impact they have but if this is happening at specific places like a place of ... (read in full...)
Do I need to take the morning after pill?
Q. ive had unprotected sex 5 days after i finished my period can i get pregnant and do i need the morning after pill or will i be ok?...
A. 14 October 2009: You don't say how long it is since you had intercourse, but it is possible to get pregnant at any time of your cycle (more common when you are ovulating though mid-cycle). The advice of the first aunt is very good and you can get the morning after ... (read in full...)
Almost 15, pregnant, can't tell my parents
Q. Im almost 15, theres a really good chance im pregnant, and i cant tell my mom. Me and the "father" aren't talking right now bc hes mad at me for thinking im pregnant. Me and him are illegal. He's over 18, and i love him and i dont want him to get in ...
A. 14 October 2009: Clinics will not call your parents without your consent. There will be free community services for family planning (that is the old-fashioned word for contraception, sexual infections and pregnancy matters). However, you can pick up a pregnancy test ... (read in full...)
The father of my 4 kids could be going to prison for a rape he didnt commit, and it is all my fault!
Q. Hi i was with my partner for almost 8 years we have 3 children when he just comes in from work one day and leaves, I thought he'd be back cause he always did. But a week went by and he wasnt coming back, I asked him why and he said he was fed up ...
A. 12 October 2009: I don't understand what being on dating sites has to do with an allegation of rape - people react to victimisation in many ways. If there is not substantial evidence to support the allegation then he will not be found guilty - the threshold of ... (read in full...)
I'm 14, have had one abortion with complications, and I think I may be preganant again!
Q. Well im 14 yrs old and will be 15 February 3rd. I am in a relationship going on a year january 3rd and had an abortion september 1st. For my follow up ii was told that there was a blood clot left in my stomach ! ii believe they got it out but the ...
A. 11 October 2009: An abortion at your age is a big deal psychologically as well as physically. To have put yourself at risk of another unwanted pregnancy quickly means that you are really not coping with doing adult things in a non-adult body. That is not intended to ... (read in full...)
Shattered and Lost!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm about to graduate high school and, unlike my classmates, I am dreading it! When I was 13 I was kidnapped and abused, I also suffered from amnesia for 5 years. I didn't remember anything about my family or even my last name. I end...
A. 11 October 2009: You have a lot going on in your life. If you have met the right man then wait before getting married as there should be no rush. Parental approval is not always necessary - I married my husband without their approval. They also hoped I would marry ... (read in full...)
Why do I attract pieces of shit?
Q. WHY DO I ATTRACT PIECES OF SHIT? I'm having a total break-down! I've been reflection on stuff and I want to scream...........is it me? what am i doing wrong? here's the story: I was with my ex for 13 years!!!(hs bf). He did NOTHING! I went ...
A. 11 October 2009: There is a clear reason why this has happened to you - because you have allowed it to happen. I am sorry if that sounds harsh but it is sadly the truth of the matter. I think Jerry Springer (the authority on all things sleazy) once said 'people ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend insults me and punched me in the back!
Q. My boyfriend of almost two years has a huge insecurity about how he compares to other men. I have reassured him (for these two years) that he is the man I want and who I want to be with - oh, and I am 26, he is 30. Last night we were out to...
A. 10 October 2009: What you have described in the classic domestic violence victim profile to be honest. I used to work on a housing project for DV victims and they all had stories like yours. He wants sex because it is another mechanism for control. While I am sorry ... (read in full...)
He suddenly started ignoring me and messing my head up!
Q. Hi, im hoping you could help me out here. Let me begin by giving you a little background info...but before i do theres something you must know. The guy im talking about is in NO WAY a player or anything, be is one of the nicest guys you'll ever ...
A. 10 October 2009: There are probably at least two explanations for his behaviour. Firstly, he still likes you but he is too scared of asking for a date in case he is rejected. He is ignoring you because he doesn't think he is getting anywhere fast and is trying to ... (read in full...)
I'm concerned about visiting the doctor - any advice?
Q. Hey everyone. :) im sixteen and my mom is taking me to get birthcontrol. What shud i expect ? Like how does it work? What will the doctor visit be like? anything you think i shud know before hand please tell me. Thanks to all that answer. Im a bit...
A. 4 October 2009: hello, a visit to the doctor for contraception is nothing to be worried about. There are lots of different methods but I suspect you mean your mother wishes you to take the pill.They will probably check your weight/ height, blood pressure and make ... (read in full...)
Just "bad parenting skills"???
Q. If there is anybody out there in the legal profession, I would truly like to understand this. No, on second thought, I have no desire to understand this at all. Please tell me what I can do to fix this because it is sooooooo wrong! While I don't ...
A. 4 October 2009: I am not a legal professional, but I do have considerable experience of child protection work and the way the system works. If the police have not helped, contact Child Protection Services (social services) in your area and report what you have ... (read in full...)
She's not particularly pretty, so should I end it?
Q. I met a girl over the weekend that I've been talking to online since then. I think her personality is absolutely AMAZING. I LITERALLY can't remember the last time I've had THIS much fun talking to a girl. Ever. And we've both made it clear to each ...
A. 4 October 2009: Time to move on...for her sake, not yours. At 13 she may be no supermodel but by the age of 20 she might turn into a stunner! The fact that you already think her looks are a problem means you won't be going into the dating relationship with the ... (read in full...)
I still love him, should I tell him?
Q. Hi everyone, i have a problem, ok.... Me and my ex broke up almost 3 months ago after a year and a half relationship because he ended...to be honest i dont even really know why, something about me being clingy and moody and jelous of his best gir...
A. 29 September 2009: I think you shouldn't tell him how you feel, as those feelings will change in time. If he wanted to get back together then he would just ask you out and not hesitate. I think the relationship didn't work out and when you are older and more ... (read in full...)
My ex is claiming that I raped her and was violent towards her, what is my best course of action?
Q. Ok,I had been dating this woman for around 9 months and things seemed fine. I then found she had cheated and lied throughout our time together. I took it really badly and shouted at her. We took a small break and I decided to forgive her. We rec...
A. 29 September 2009: The police won't be interested in slander (in the UK it is called 'defamation of character'). If you hired a solicitor in relation to this matter it would be up to you to prove her allegations were false - this would involve getting a police report ... (read in full...)
My online girl claims to be falling for me but she doesn't act that way!
Q. Hi guys, I recently joined an adult erotica website where I met a girl who is 3 years younger than i, and after a while I added her to MSN. Im 23, shes 20 btw. She has told me that she is falling for me, and that she loves me. But yet, I am...
A. 29 September 2009: Lock up your account as nothing good will come from this. You have got carried away partly in the hope of a sexual relationship, partly because you have become involved in her problems as her online counsellor. I doubt she is a medical student as ... (read in full...)
8 years chatting with a man almost 30 years older than me!
Q. Hi, Aged 16 (just) I began going on internet chat rooms, it was a phase that lasted only a few months however, I began chatting with a man aged 48. We have continued chatting over the past 8 years(!) though have both long since abandoned going ...
A. 27 September 2009: I think the way you are feeling right now is perfectly normal and justified. Basically at 16 it is understandable that you used a chat room for a while and began an internet relationship with a man. What is not normal is his wish to meet you, ... (read in full...)
I'm having a second affair after I promised I would never leave him again, do I stay with him or follow my heart and be with the man I love?
Q. This could be a long post but I have to lay it all out. I am a married woman and have been with my husband for 13 years. He was my first serious relationship (I met him when I was 20). About 6 years ago I had an affair and told him I was leavin...
A. 25 September 2009: People make promises they cannot keep and in your case you made a promise that you shouldn't keep for the sake of your husband. I don't understand why you would contemplate having kids with a man you obviously don't want to be with in a marital ... (read in full...)
I was born with eczema, how to get over my embarassment?
Q. Hi, Im 14. I have a weird problem. I was born with eczema so ill have it all my life because in most cases it goes by the age of 7, my grandfather has it too. i dont like showing my legs because im embarassed by it because its on my arms and le...
A. 23 September 2009: Your problem is definitely not weird as skin disorders are very common indeed. I have had allergic breakouts since I was a teenager as it runs in my family. A doctor can prescribe steroid creams and shampoo if they are suited to you, or you could ... (read in full...)
I'm still a virgin but could I be pregnant?
Q. Im 14. Still a virgin. Problem is me and my boyfriend of 7 months now well we've been messing around. And, i know of cases where a girl can be pregnant yet still a virgin. I know how that happens. What im worried about is i should of had my period ...
A. 23 September 2009: Irregular periods are not unusual at your age, although if you find that you don't have one for a long time it is wise to see a doctor to identify if there is a medical explanation. Stress can also affect your cycles. It is possible for a virgin to ... (read in full...)
The girl I'm seeing has a very high sex drive! Please help!
Q. The girl I'm currently seeing has a very high sex drive. Yesterday, we had sex four times, and if she had gotten her way, we would have had it even more than that! Obviously I can't complain too much, as there have been times in my life where I have ...
A. 23 September 2009: It could be that she has a sex drive higher than most, but there could be other reasons too. It maybe that she is insecure or inexperienced at relationships and thinks that having sex all the time will keep you interested in her. If you are new into ... (read in full...)
He won't have a child with me, so I'm refusing to deal with the mother of his children. Am I being terrible?
Q. My question could possibly be viewed as spoilt and childish but it matters to me so here goes. For a long time I have wanted a baby with my new husband. He already has three children and doesn't want anymore children. He made this clear prior to...
A. 22 September 2009: I don't think this is childish, but rather behaviour motivated by deep seated resentment towards your husband. I think you should call the mother as I think her request is reasonable and the boy should not be punished for all the problems in the ... (read in full...)
We want to have a baby, I'm almost 17!
Q. Well I'm very confused. im extremely happy with my boyfriend, we've basically been together for a year and ive never in my life felt for anyone the way i feel about him, i understand this sounds typical for a 16 (almost 17) year old girl to say, but ...
A. 19 September 2009: It sounds like you have met Mr Perfect. So, now you can spend some happy times with him without the commitment of a child. You would be very young to have a baby. As lovely as it is to have a baby, they are hard-work and cost a small fortune! I am ... (read in full...)
Husband says anything in his life except food is bland
Q. For the past few weeks my husband has been saying everything in life is bland, except my cooking and anything food-related. He's stopped having sex with me - and I miss his emotional closeness he had with me as well, he's gone quiet. Yet he...
A. 19 September 2009: Lots of people who are depressed don't realise it. There is, unfortunately, a stigma attached to mental illnesses such as depression that make some people feel it is a sign of weakness or emotional instability. As such, they are reluctant to apply ... (read in full...)
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