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*earkelja agony aunt

*earkelja

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*earkelja's profile:

This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.

I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.

Be good all of you!

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I don't want to play games, but should I back off? Am I being too intense?

Q.   Would like to ask the women a question. Met a woman a couple months ago, were in our late fifty's, been going out once a week, for a month or so. I really like her, like in falling for her, but should I stay the way I am? I treat her really good,...

A.   15 November 2015: I agree with the others, you are coming on too strong. She will enjoy the dinners out but the poems are too personal at this time in your relationship. I would be thinking of backing off if someone was this strong. Let her grow her feeling for you ... (read in full...)

What is your partner like when angry?

Q.   I've been in a relationship for over a year and a half now and I'm curious about everyones experience with how your partner or ex partners reacted when angry. for whatever reason. deserved or not. Here are a few situations I often find myself in. ...

A.   28 November 2013: My Male partner when he is angry: Sulks Does the silent treatment-for DAYS, weeks! Makes me feel like I did something wrong-expects an apology-IE puts me down, makes me feel sorry for him And that's the good stuff....he also... Throws things Ye... (read in full...)

Without my glasses I didn't realise she was much older. How do I extricate myself tactfully?

Q.   Dear all, I do not know how I have found myself in this situation... I met this woman at salsa and discovered we work for the same organization. She was kinda pretty and interesting, so I kept in touch with her. We had lunch at the park 5 days ...

A.   26 August 2013: Don't ask her out anymore. If you see her at work or she contacts you, be friendly but make no advances. If she asks you directly, you can pretty much use the same excuses you would on any woman. You're just not interested, not ready, too busy, ... (read in full...)

Worth trying? Or pointless? Do you think I can contact her and have coffee and try for the truth?

Q.   Thank you Aunts for your time reading my agony...My boyfriend of 2.5 years had a ' friend' that he met up with at her house unbeknownst to me over a year ago, i caught him there, he said they were just friends and were talking about a guy she was ...

A.   26 August 2013: If you can't get the information from your boyfriend that you need to know and understand about a relationship he had with someone, then you need to be ok with not having the information. I think it would be distrustful to get it from any other ... (read in full...)

I fear I am being used and lied to!

Q.   I need to know if my boyfriend is lying and using me. The thing is my boyfriend used my computer to go on to Facebook and forgot to log out. I noticed this and automatically went to do so when I saw my name in a concerning way so I read it. I felt ...

A.   26 August 2013: I agree with the others. You need to let this one go. There is no joy in being someone's 2nd choice, backup plan or whatever else in the place of the "one and only". This is a guy who isn't fully committed to your relationship. He may not be u... (read in full...)

Was my devastation regret and sadness about how he ended the relationship? Or is my friend's theory about it being "true love" possibly true?

Q.   This is a strange question that i know can not be answered easily and i know it's long, but my friend keeps telling me it and I really need to know if she's right, because a part of me is starting to realise it may just be that! Over 3 ago mon...

A.   20 April 2013: I disagree with your friend. I believe you would not have been in love after only two months, not real love. If you had been together longer, the feeling might be loneliness. When you are together and that person is your everything and sudd... (read in full...)

Any ideas why he's so changeable when we are apart? It's great when we are together!

Q.   Hi, Me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship t the moment and hope to move in together soon. But its been very difficult. He hates emailing, calling and texting in general as it is but does make the effort to stay in contact of...

A.   18 April 2013: Some people just aren't phone people. Could be that when you ask questions he feels like you are quizzing or checking up on him. Maybe try to keep the phone conversation to "how was your day, mine was great, love you, have a good night," When ... (read in full...)

Is her attitude about marriage something I should worry about now?

Q.   This is a simple question, but it might have a complex answer... My girlfriend and I have been dating 2 years. Recently, we were talking casually about marriage. Not about us getting married, just the topic in general. She said "You know, ...

A.   18 April 2013: I agree that she is young. How are the other aspects of your relationship? Are you good friends? Is the relationship stable, providing growth for both of you? At some point, not sure of the timing, you will both have to be in the same place. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend constantly accuses me of cheating and I don't know why!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am twenty years old and have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. Shortly after we got together, I became pregnant. Through out out relationship we have had problems as all couples do, but it has been worse here lately. He ...

A.   18 April 2013: I agree that there are two reasons he is accusing you of cheating. He has cheated in the past and his mind just runs that way OR he has been hurt by someone cheating. If you have ever told him that YOU cheated in a past relationship, that wil... (read in full...)

I'm playing guitar at a folk club and told my on/off ex not to come. Am I overreacting?

Q.   I'm playing guitar and singing in a folk night tonight, and my on-off-ex said he's down in town, and invited me out for a meal, and said he'd see me in the pub. The thing is, I feel really uncomfortable about him being there when I play. It's so ...

A.   18 April 2013: I think you have every right to the message you sent. I know how you would feel. If he can't respect that and give you space, it's more of his issue. I can understand how you would feel, totally. Maybe you do need to overcome your fears, b... (read in full...)

How can I ask him for another hookup without sounding slutty or needy?

Q.   After coming out of a very serious relationship and getting my heart broken i've decided to swear off realtionships for a while and just have fun. So basically at a party I hooked up with one of my male friends and we had pretty awesome sex. The ...

A.   4 January 2013: Probably you can just ask him. It might not seem so slutty if you build a friendship with him. Tell him you don't want a relationship-be honest. You can still hang out with him and have fun without sex or a relationship too. ... (read in full...)

Does the no contact rule really work if you want someone to miss you?

Q.   Hello, Does the NO CONTACT rule really work if you want somebody to miss you and want to be with you? My boyfriend is afraid of commitment. We have been seeing each other for almost a year but he refuses to have the exclusive talk with me. I wo...

A.   23 November 2012: Me again, I agree with Cerberus. The adult thing to do would be to sit him down and see where he's at with the relationship. Ask him if he sees you as the one, can he be exclusive and can the relationship move forward now. If you sense hesita... (read in full...)

Does the no contact rule really work if you want someone to miss you?

Q.   Hello, Does the NO CONTACT rule really work if you want somebody to miss you and want to be with you? My boyfriend is afraid of commitment. We have been seeing each other for almost a year but he refuses to have the exclusive talk with me. I wo...

A.   23 November 2012: I agree with the others. 50/50 chance he will run. Maybe greater if he's that committment phobic. However, if I were you, I would leave with the feeling that you're moving on to find someone who is going to give you what you need. You are ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend always reproaches me if I ask things he doesn't like. I don't think I want this kind of a relationship

Q.   Hello, I am having a few issues with the man I am in love. He constantly reproaches me that I ask questions that he does not like. For example today, his moral was low and in an attempt to help him feel better, I tried to kiss him on his neck but...

A.   23 November 2012: Perhaps you do try to analyze things too much. Try just enjoying to be with him without always trying to find meaning in things he does (or doesn't do). Your probably annoying him. I also think he is moody and perhaps this isn't what you want... (read in full...)

Do biological fathers step out of their children's lives when a stepfather is on the scene?

Q.   My boyfriend is always talking about us having beautiful children together. Is it OK when he has no emotional connection to his 14 year old son? He used to take him presents and take him out but the boy's mother apparently used him as a pawn to get ...

A.   18 November 2012: I agree with Cerberus. I think his past is going to predict his future. He punished his son to avoid being manipulated by the boy's mother. Any man worthy of being a good parent would have been able to maintain the relationship in spite of what ... (read in full...)

Is he taking me for a fool or am I being needy and pathetic?

Q.   Hi I'm very confused by my boyfriends behavior recently. We've only been officially together for just over a month but I met him 3 months ago which I know is still no time at all but I've fallen hard and I thought it was mutual. Firstly I have...

A.   16 November 2012: Enjoy the wine. Been there. Sorry you had to go there too. Sometimes we just don't know until we know, no matter who tells us what. Learning first hand hurts but is memorable and should prevent you from making the same mistake, again. For w... (read in full...)

What on earth is he playing at???

Q.   Hi, I have never been very good about reading signals from men... recently at work a guy has started to make it obvious he is interested. It has been a little strange, as not the usual chatting trying to get to know me better, more he seems to ...

A.   10 November 2012: I agree with both Jannie and Em, forget him. This was the chase for him, his joy was stirring you up and then when you caught him at his game, he bowed out. He will never be good relationship material as he is yes, in love with himself.... (read in full...)

Out of all my past gf's she's the one who loved me the least yet I find her the hardest to get over.

Q.   Has anyone seen that movie '500 days of summer'? Well I think it best sums up my "relationship" with this girl. Its been over a year now since I've known her and I've been pursuing. But after I saw this movie for a 2nd time I just learned a lot. ...

A.   3 November 2012: Love hurts. One sided love hurts worse. It may not be intentional with her but she is "using" you as a fail safe person to be with. For her, if she tells you she doesn't want a relationship it allows her to treat you like she does. I agree with ... (read in full...)

My sister is having an affair right under my nose. What shall I do about it?

Q.   Hi, I came across this site today and was pleased to see the kind of service you are rendering. You are guiding people with their questions which they cannot ask anywhere else. Also, its great to see that you don’t want to make it erotic fantas...

A.   3 November 2012: It really doesn't involve you and I would advise you to stay out of it. However, if it were my sister or brother, I would express my concern for the well being of the marriage(s) and her self esteem in living with what she has done. Make sure she ... (read in full...)

I told him I loved him and he said "thank you" What does that mean?

Q.   I've been seeing this man for some time now and have strong feelings for him. We talk about moving in together even he has brought up marriage a few times, but the other day when I told him I loved him his expression was like a deer caught in head ...

A.   23 October 2012: I know how you feel. I was getting into my car and sort of like telling my daughter I just happened to say "take care, I love you" and then I freaked out and he said "you do?" At first I thought his response was funny, especially since what I said ... (read in full...)

Is she all that she seems?

Q.   Hi cupid, I really need your help I met a young lady on Hi5, she is my heart but something is wrong with this picture, we text most of the time but we agree to meet. But when I ask her about me driving there she tells me she wants to come here first ...

A.   21 October 2012: Catholic means most likely no hanky-panky. She may be fearful you will try something if you come to her so she might be trying to control the situation on her terms. However, you could insist on staying at a local hotel. I would actually be more ... (read in full...)

Is he wasting my time and stalling me? His actions so far are unreliable and inconsistent.

Q.   Why is he acting funny towards me? I don't know what to think. This guy offered me his phone number when I asked for help with a class. When we spoke he didn't remember me, but a few days later I get a text from him about a place. Some friends ...

A.   14 October 2012: This guy isn't interested in 1) helping you; 2) being your friend; 3) any kind of healthy relationship. He might be interested in one thing but you probably aren't looking for that. Player is a good description of him. Move on.... (read in full...)

When her ex needs someone to talk to she is the one he calls!

Q.   Me and my girlfriend are doing great at the moment,except for one thing that has been really bothering me. She went out with this guy for a year and a half and broke up with him more than a year ago. However, this guy would contact her when...

A.   14 October 2012: I think it can be healthy when ex's remain friends but not this close. She has a priority now to her current boyfriend. I understand that she wants to help, etc but it seems like there is still an attachment or emotional bond between the two of ... (read in full...)

Is he taking me for a fool or am I being needy and pathetic?

Q.   Hi I'm very confused by my boyfriends behavior recently. We've only been officially together for just over a month but I met him 3 months ago which I know is still no time at all but I've fallen hard and I thought it was mutual. Firstly I have...

A.   27 September 2012: I agree that he doesn't appear interested in you. I too know this is not what you want to hear. Look at it this way though, you've only invested a brief amount of time with this guy. He could easily give up his dog (not sure how long he had the ... (read in full...)

Why is he ignoring my requests to return my things?

Q.   Hi there. I had been dating a man for just over a year. We had spoken of getting married ETC. He suffers from depression therefore it was not uncommon for him to be distant sometimes. A few months ago he told me that he would like to leave things ...

A.   26 September 2012: I am not sure why he is ignoring your requests. He may think you secretly want to get things going again but I do think he owes you your things back. If he would be able to get them all together then aske that he box them up and leave them at your ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend warms my heart and she's possibly the coolest girl ever, but there's this lingering "what if" about the other girl who I've had a crush on

Q.   I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She is pretty amazing. We had a bit of a rocky start, but things have smoothed out and we have a lot of fun together now. My problem is that there is a girl I've known for many years, an old friend at...

A.   24 September 2012: I agree with the others, and I will add.... It is not your current girlfriend's responsibility to "push the thoughts of your crush out of your head." That belongs to you. If you are still hanging on to a potential relationship while in a relat... (read in full...)

Husband won't work and we are about to lose our house!

Q.   I am needing some advice and am not sure what to do about my marriage. My husband refuses to look for work or get a job. First off, he is not depressed at all. He has seen the doctor for an evaluation and he is not depressed. He was lai...

A.   3 September 2012: A year is long enough. He does this because he can.... (read in full...)

Husband won't work and we are about to lose our house!

Q.   I am needing some advice and am not sure what to do about my marriage. My husband refuses to look for work or get a job. First off, he is not depressed at all. He has seen the doctor for an evaluation and he is not depressed. He was lai...

A.   2 September 2012: I agree with the posters and want to reiterate, you are the one with the money and you will be the one left holding the bag-the bad debt, any funding that goes along with losing the house will be put in your name as the courts only go after the sure ... (read in full...)

Why am I hanging on to a bad relationship?

Q.   Hi all. Your thoughts please. Why on earth am I hanging on to my waste of space bf? The good bits,- he.s good looking,and good in bed. The bad bits- he.s unreliable,manipulative, decitful, selfish, mean and moody. I.ve hung on in there for almost t...

A.   2 September 2012: Pink has a new song out called "blow me one last kiss". Sometimes getting strength from others who have been in a similar situation helps you to realize that you are not alone. You are NOT alone. Many women and men are leaving bad situatio... (read in full...)

Why am I hanging on to a bad relationship?

Q.   Hi all. Your thoughts please. Why on earth am I hanging on to my waste of space bf? The good bits,- he.s good looking,and good in bed. The bad bits- he.s unreliable,manipulative, decitful, selfish, mean and moody. I.ve hung on in there for almost t...

A.   2 September 2012: Sometimes being comfortable with a bad situation makes for a routine that is hard to break from. No one can tell you why you stay, maybe you don't even know yourself but when you get time to clear your head you realize that you are not happy. ... (read in full...)

He treats me like a girlfriend, but doesn't want anyone to know we're dating

Q.   I am so confused. I have been seeing someone who I am very infatuated with for about 2 weeks. He told me in the beginning not to fall for him and that he didn't want to put a label on our relationship. He wants to keep quiet about it at school ...

A.   26 August 2012: You've been in a relationship for 2 weeks and you are already trying to label it. One of two things are going on. 1) He doesn't want to commit to this relationship because he might still be hurting and deep down caring for someone else that his... (read in full...)

Preferably guys' opinions- Friendship between guys and girls, What do you think?

Q.   I know a lot of experts on dearcupid.org think men normally don't befriend girls unless they want something more from the girls - either sex or romance. So what do you guys think about this?Do you agree that a lot of the time, guys and girls b...

A.   14 August 2012: Interesting reading. I had a very close male friend and we used to compare on-line dating experiences. It was great to have a male friend. Until..... He found the one and he never hung out with me again (though he called occasionally to chat)... (read in full...)

More than a friendship?

Q.   This may seem a bit of an odd request for help here but I need some opinions other than mine on a situation. I have become very close to a girl at work and we have become, I think, good friends but I am concerned that I am being used by her. We w...

A.   5 August 2012: you are having an emotional affair with this woman. you say you are happily married but then why are you spending so much time on this "affair"? and why do you care so much about analyzing this "affair"? she stops texting you probably because... (read in full...)

Does he really love me truly? Or is he just stringing me along?

Q.   Dear friends , Iam serching for advice, My relationship over a year long and in the beginning very well with lot of love and no arguing with each other now after 2 month we are just fighting with each other mostly It was supposed to be ecause h...

A.   5 August 2012: I think he does care but you are trying too hard to keep him that you are actually pushing him away. He has a job now and he is feeling good about himself. And you are feeling insecure because now you can't "control him financially". Relax a... (read in full...)

Do you think that I hurt him and he doesn't want to have anything to do with me, or would be willing to give me another chance?

Q.   About four months ago I met a really nice guy at a bar in San Fran (not a sleazy one)- we had a few mutual friends. We talked for a bit and ended up making out for quite a while. He waited two days to call me, and I didn't answer as I was taken ...

A.   5 August 2012: Maybe text him and let him know that "life has calmed down now that you've "gotten settled into school". Could he meet you for a walk or coffee?... (read in full...)

Boyfriend makes it out like I'm the bitch from hell but he's the difficult one!

Q.   I can't stop arguing with my boyfriend. Last week we started having sex doggy style but it hurt me as he's quite big. Because I was moving away from him he got really angry forced me off him and pushed me down onto the bed. I felt really humiliated ...

A.   5 August 2012: God's blessings come sometimes in disguise. This abusive, spoiled child of a man who is unable to care about anyone else except himself (narcissist is a good description) is not a good catch. What a blessing that he has moved on. The sex scen... (read in full...)

How do I get over the weight of his hurtful words and move on?

Q.   I just feel in pieces.I am 23 years old. I did it again, after my last relationship,that went crap, and my ex turned out to be cheating on me, and at the end just dumped me .I walked away and met someone else.This time I thought it would be ...

A.   7 July 2012: Well, it seems to me that you dodged a bullet. Don't pick up that phone to call him and if he calls you, don't answer the phone. The Gods it seems have given you a blessing!!! This man was bound to hurt you. He has severe anger manageme... (read in full...)

Would a trial separation simply extend the toxic situation?

Q.   I am in a place where I am afraid to take what is likely the next step. Not sure what to do. Have been married for 10 years, no children (we can't have children and Husband is against adoption). My husband was raised in a verbally abusive ...

A.   7 July 2012: The situation you described is toxic for you. Your husband has been mean and demeaning towards you. It's sort of a downward spiral at this point. As it continues, you will become less of a person who lacks self esteem and confidence and the ... (read in full...)

He told me in front of his friends he could do better than me and that our relationship is over.

Q.   I need some advice. I am aware I need to leave this relationship but I need input on how and whether it's really something I should do. I hae a 2 1/2 year old son who considers my boyfriend his "dad" bc he's been there since he was 2 weeks old. Last ...

A.   4 July 2012: I mean BondGirl72 (sorry!)... (read in full...)

He told me in front of his friends he could do better than me and that our relationship is over.

Q.   I need some advice. I am aware I need to leave this relationship but I need input on how and whether it's really something I should do. I hae a 2 1/2 year old son who considers my boyfriend his "dad" bc he's been there since he was 2 weeks old. Last ...

A.   4 July 2012: I agree with Bondchick72, he is being emotionally abusive to you. Now you are second guessing your reasoning for leaving because you are getting scared perhaps of moving on or changing the situation. You will be the sole parent for your young ... (read in full...)

He told me in front of his friends he could do better than me and that our relationship is over.

Q.   I need some advice. I am aware I need to leave this relationship but I need input on how and whether it's really something I should do. I hae a 2 1/2 year old son who considers my boyfriend his "dad" bc he's been there since he was 2 weeks old. Last ...

A.   1 July 2012: I agree with all the other posters who said to leave. Leave as fast as you can. I want to add that he WILL say he is sorry and he will beg you to stay. I guarantee he will NOT change and very shortly after he has softened you up he will be right... (read in full...)

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