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My name's Anna, a mod on DC since 2007, I feel we have here a small community I grew very fond of as I am always looking forward to read your thoughts, I like the exchange of experiences and I think this is a wonderful site as it provides us with the opportunity to be solidary and learn from one another.
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Should I help my friend financially for divorce or counseling?
Q. I have longtime female friend. I'm separated and in the middle of the divorce process. She's married, very unhappily. We talk often and get together every now and then for dinner. She told me she was jealous I'm getting out of my marriage saying she ...
A. 12 October 2014: Some people like to flutter a poor excuse like that than admit they are too weak to make such a life changing decision, however much necessary. Take care, she might misinterpret your offer or think you want more.
People who are in unhappy relation... (read in full...)
I decided to break up with her, but I have this crushing feeling that I need her in my life!
Q. Hey everybody, how's it going? I used to go on this site years ago when I was desperate for advice, and lately I've been finding myself feeling the same way - hopeless. I'm 21 years old and I just recently ended a relationship with my girlfrie...
A. 12 October 2014: I can't help but notice that you don't point out any of her qualities, except that she loves you a lot and she sacrificed the world for you. That may explain why you are feeling so horrible, you feel an immense gratitude for her. That is not love, ... (read in full...)
What does it mean if someone apologizes without turning to look at you?
Q. What does it mean when someone apologizes to you but their back is turned towards you? This happened to me with a n employee at work. I am the boss and I thought this was highly unusual behavior. ...
A. 20 August 2014: Well, at my workplace subordinates play pranks, milder or wilder(!), on bosses and they all get along like one big happy family. They can also easily be dead serious and responsible when required.
I, on the other hand, am the type who is always care... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend with me when he isn't fully over his ex yet?
Q. I've been with my current boyfriend for almost a year now. We became friends towards the end of his relationship with his ex. At the time I met him, he was living with his ex but sorting things out to move out and end their three year relationship. ...
A. 20 August 2014: It's possible he's still attached to her or hasn't truly moved on. Talking openly about that past relationship and any lingering feelings and thoughts is key to making your relationship work; if he refuses to that, or if he's still hurt, then maybe ... (read in full...)
Neither of us is ready for parenting, so why do I keep thinking about having his child?
Q. Before I begin, I would really love it if nobody judged me or made fun of me. Because I know my feelings are wrong but I just want to know what is making me feel this way. I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 21. We've been dating for almost 8 months ...
A. 20 August 2014: It's perfectly normal as long as you don't act on this desire. Some women feel this urge of parenting very early on; as in your case though, the maternal instinct likes to sometimes kick in even when you don't have the necessary means to sustain a ... (read in full...)
Mutual close friend spend lots of money on my friend's birthday and very little on mine. Does it mean something about our friendship or am I just being ungrateful?
Q. I feel childish and horrible even posting this but there's something that's niggling at me. My oldest friend (A, whom I live with) and I have a very good friend in common (B). We met B at the same time, work with her and are (as far as I can tell) ...
A. 25 May 2014: If, as you say, you are not a materialistic person, what probably bugs you is that you feel the 'least favourite' friend. No one likes to be second best, right? Especially if you cherish that person and their friendship. However, try to look at this... (read in full...)
Why don't I want to live with my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years and we have had a rocky relationship to say the least. Our main issues revolved around the fact he always put his friends first and I was expected to fit in around that. It was always the s...
A. 17 August 2013: Sometimes when you date for 5 years, that may seem like a long time when you keep waiting for an improvement. This is why it's said that sometimes when too much time goes by, the relationship won't concretise. Living together won't magically ... (read in full...)
Bible-thumping dad's bully antics are driving my family apart! Help!
Q. Aunts and Uncles, I have a “Bible thumping” father. While I love him and recognize his strengths (type A, making money, engineering things, taking challenges head on, networking), I have been chased down and pestered to believe in God on his terms, ...
A. 29 July 2013: They say you can't choose your family but I think you can certainly CHOOSE to 'get away'/estranged from them. Not many men would be pleased to have a partner who maintains a close relationship with a family who forces their views into your personal ... (read in full...)
Are there any natural ways I can make my period any lighter for tonight?
Q. So my boyfriend and I recently had to move back into our parents' house for a few months until September. We've planned a night away tonight seeing as we haven't been able to get any private time the past few weeks, but I woke up this morning and I ...
A. 29 July 2013: If the reservation was made for later you could have perhaps sold your vouchers/holiday but now it would be too short notice. If you're on birth control pills you can skip the placebo pills and move on to the next pack, though from what I know it's ... (read in full...)
I feel like a dating mess. Insight welcome. How can I meet someone new?
Q. I was in 11 year marriage that was dying a slow death. I wasn't happy neither was wife but for some reason neither of us knew what to do. I was approached by coworker and had affair. At the same time wife was too. She chose affair over marriage...
A. 20 April 2013: You have a coherent speech right there.
"Could care less about hanging around with other guys" - I have a male friend who is the same. He says it's because they use swear words and boast a lot and he doesn't like that. If you think about it, it's... (read in full...)
I feel like a dating mess. Insight welcome. How can I meet someone new?
Q. I was in 11 year marriage that was dying a slow death. I wasn't happy neither was wife but for some reason neither of us knew what to do. I was approached by coworker and had affair. At the same time wife was too. She chose affair over marriage...
A. 20 April 2013: "before you crucify me for doing what I did I know it was wrong and I know the 'other person' gets blamed in affairs" - you say. No, in fact, I believe the cheating partner is mostly to blame. Temptations are there all the time for us: either d... (read in full...)
Child Support issues. Am I asking for too much? He thinks so.
Q. After separating from my husband if many years, I started to claim for child support When he got to know this from the agency he sent me a text saying, "can't believe you're doing this to me, taking my kids and family away and now also causing ...
A. 24 December 2012: Well, after doing a bit of research, it seems, as I suspected, there are fixed percentages applied to the net income per number of kids. This is, for example, how it's done in Texas: http://www.lanwt.org/txaccess/change_childsupport.asp Even i... (read in full...)
Should I date a friend?
Q. I have developed a major crush on my friend of 2 years and I know he feels the same. What I don't know is whether he sees long term potential in us or he's just looking for a "right now" relationship. I know I could ask him but we are in that w...
A. 24 December 2012: Well, if he invited you along even before the kiss, now he should probably be all the more excited about it - bring it up (the trip) in your convo and see for yourself. You can tell him what you told us, that you're not interested in a temporary ... (read in full...)
Should I date a friend?
Q. I have developed a major crush on my friend of 2 years and I know he feels the same. What I don't know is whether he sees long term potential in us or he's just looking for a "right now" relationship. I know I could ask him but we are in that w...
A. 23 December 2012: At first I thought: what's the point in pursuing a relationship if you're going to a foreign country? But then reading again, the country where you are going is where he resides, right? Can you confirm this? It all depends on how long you plan to ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to date the daughter of family friends?
Q. is it ok to date a family friends daughter? my parents, her parents and my step mom where all friends growing up. My dad "got" them in the devorce. We lived togeather for a short time while my dad looked for some where to live. Then I hadn't seen ...
A. 23 December 2012: My opinion is to not go there. Unless you really don't have other choices or the attraction is very insane/intense and mutual. As you say, if something goes wrong, this can jeopardise the friendship between two families - that is maybe a 40-year-... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be with someone 24/7?
Q. My sister is dating this guy and he moved in with her about 6 months ago. they have been together 13 months. they are getting married in 1 week. my problem is this: He goes everywhere with her. he doesnt work nor does she. she goes to school. but he ...
A. 1 May 2012: What's funny is - how they are getting married if neither of the two has a job. Who pays the bills?
Well, I suspect they have "reliable" families. (wink)
About your question - no, it's not really OK to be together 24/7. This should tone down in... (read in full...)
I feel miserable each time he uses the "open relationship" option I agreed to!
Q. I am a gay 24-year-old man who is in love with a wonderful man. We've been dating for three years now and have been living together for two. Last fall he approached me and told me that if I wasn't willing to open the relationship, it would be over ...
A. 30 April 2012: You have two options.
Either a clean break up. Either you carry on the relationship but at the same time be sure that you too make use of the open status and try to find a great match, a more compatible partner. Open relationships are seldom inte... (read in full...)
Can I change her bad ways by loving her?
Q. Right so i have known this girl and i've dated her on and off. i feel an intense attraction towards her. She's a gorgeous lass but Problem is, she has a terrible family background and as a result has led quite a wayward life. She hasn't been abl...
A. 29 April 2012: Hello there. No, you can't change her or anyone else. Don't enter a relationship thinking you will change someone dramatically. You're just setting yourself up for a big failure.
Why do you think you can't find someone else? Perhaps that's t... (read in full...)
Boy swapping gone wrong?
Q. Ok, last night my best friend and our boyfriends were hanging out at my moms place. She and her boyfriend are out of town for the week. Anyway, we were partying pretty hard, having a lot of fun. We started playing truth or dare, long story short we ...
A. 28 April 2012: I agree with the last poster, since you've cheated several times, why not do the reasonable thing and break up? Would you like to be in his shoes if the tables were turned. Just make sure you do it prudently and gently - more so after the latest ... (read in full...)
Boy swapping gone wrong?
Q. Ok, last night my best friend and our boyfriends were hanging out at my moms place. She and her boyfriend are out of town for the week. Anyway, we were partying pretty hard, having a lot of fun. We started playing truth or dare, long story short we ...
A. 28 April 2012: "But, I don't understand why she is acting weird and why my boyfriend is so mad?" In your case, as teenagers, you'll often have a "spark" as it occurs to you that "hey, why not do this or that - I saw it in a movie" but once the deed is done you... (read in full...)
Every conversation with husband turns into an argument!
Q. My husband of four years is a generally nice and kind man but has very firm views about things. I have tried over the years to put my views forward on things that I am not happy with in the relationship but my views are always walked over or ignored ...
A. 26 February 2012: Can you give us an example of a conversation as such? He must go by the "Mr Right" name where you live. If he says "the honey is purple", don't argue"". Unfortunately I agree the situation has gotten very bad if you feel like working extra hours ... (read in full...)
Why can't she even look at me anymore?
Q. I'll apologize ahead of time for the length, but I can't stop dwelling on this and I'd like some input on what it could be. Basically she'd rather look at the ceiling than me, and I'm not over exaggerating (we work together). We dated for a few ...
A. 26 February 2012: Find someone else. She's very unstable for a 26-year-old and you're like a love struck puppy. There's too much drama involved here too. Yelling, playing the field (dating other coworkers), the ex factor etc. I don't see anything wrong that you did ... (read in full...)
Co-worker is jealous and has low self-esteem and is harassing me
Q. Dear Cupid, this is not a love question but I believe I will get good answers from the great people in this site. I lecture at a university for the past 4 years, my position currently is such that I am most junior; Teaching Assistant. My job is on ...
A. 25 February 2012: The main issue I would see here is whether he has the power to make you look bad in front of the other staff or even have you fired if he gained the superiors' favours.
Keep doing your job well, you say you rank better than him and maybe if thing... (read in full...)
If he wants sex he has no chance!
Q. *We made out a couple of weeks ago (drunk). Told me he had feelings. *I stayed at his place (didn't have sex) *It was awkward the next week in college oddly *He jetted off to France for a week (student exchange) where apparently he DID THINGS...
A. 25 February 2012: So as a conclusion to make this clearer: you simply have a lot of barriers when it comes to this one, I don't like his getting drunk TBH, and I don't like his casually seeking others if you're not available, but that is the guy there playing his ... (read in full...)
If he wants sex he has no chance!
Q. *We made out a couple of weeks ago (drunk). Told me he had feelings. *I stayed at his place (didn't have sex) *It was awkward the next week in college oddly *He jetted off to France for a week (student exchange) where apparently he DID THINGS...
A. 25 February 2012: Oh, teenage years! You listed quite a few items that would indicate you should be VVERY careful about this one. Dealing with those hormones can be quite a pain. Your mind goes in two voices like:
Could he have meant that, if he was drunk?
But I... (read in full...)
I worry that one day he'll wake up and realize that it's her he wants.
Q. I'm in this 3 year relationship with this AMAZING guy. He and I have recently just came back from a 4 month trip in Europe. We have big plans for the future together. We are currently starting a business together, so life has been really stressful ...
A. 6 April 2011: So you're the least amazing person in the story??? You only attributed this quality to your boyfriend and his girl mate. Shouldn't you also be cool... at least by association, some great guy chose you? Oh, this way of thinking is one's worst foe. Y... (read in full...)
Should I still persevere? I want to ask her out again, but do it right this time
Q. Note: Please don't be deterred by my long paragraph :( Greetings there. I'm just seeking a little guidance as I've been wandering around my house aimlessly and would like some advice. Kind of a long story, so excuse me. Back in September/Octo...
A. 19 March 2011: Well, until you get a very bold and determinate NO for an answer, set a rule for yourself to persevere. Women like decided men, of course, you do have to know when to stop or when to maybe percolate a joke and just be likeable and confident. So, ho... (read in full...)
Do couples share their passwords with each other or is it a trust issue to deal with?
Q. I have a question about trust. Im having an issue with my bf keeping his password from me. I know its because of trust and im trying to work thru it but with all thats happend its kinda hard to.my question is how many of you share your passwords ...
A. 19 March 2011: He can give you his password to the 'official' account but have a dozen unofficial accounts which he keeps all to himself...... A bit of privacy is fine in a couple, I'm all for it. Or... you might as well make him buy extra large clothes so you can ... (read in full...)
He told me he didn't want a relationship, which is fine. I just want him to be like he was when we first met! What's his deal?
Q. Hi there! I met a guy at a bar in December and it was one of those "wow! I feel like I already know you" type things. The sexual chemistry was totally there, we were chatting, he was very affectionate toward me, and saying really nice things to me. ...
A. 4 March 2011: You say: "I'd like to think it's possible to have a very loving sexual relationship that is not "serious" or exclusive." If it's loving and it's sexual, it pretty much has the traits of a good old plain relationship, right? A serious one. Wh... (read in full...)
Can a married man and a married woman be just friends?
Q. Can anyone tell me why a guy would start to distance himself from a woman? We were friends for about a year but there has been some chemistry between us. Suddenly he is not talking to me anymore and avoiding me at all the places we would see each ...
A. 26 February 2011: You're both married. Ideally your best friends should be your spouses.
Perhaps his wife sensed some 'chemistry' as you say, or he himself is afraid of making a slip so he is choosing to focus on his family. (Most likely it's one or another, and I do... (read in full...)
I just don't want to end up in a sex-less marriage. Please help.
Q. I have been with my man for a few years now and we are engaged to be married in a few months time. Recently the sexual part of the relationship seems to be non existent. Its been at least two and a half weeks since we last had sex and we are lucky ...
A. 25 February 2011: Do not make the mistake of marrying him before having this perfectly sorted out. He is denying there IS a problem - "you are supposedly pressuring him", so he is obviously not going to do anything about it or even acknowledge there is an issue. You ... (read in full...)
Birds of a feather flock together?
Q. if someone has horrible friends, does this mean that they are horrible too? this guy i am sort of interested in has told me that his mates are really bad trouble makers and womanisers, he says he does not 'identify with them any more' but the fact ...
A. 25 February 2011: Did you thank him he warned you about it! So he has awful friends and was like them once. The being a womaniser, I can understand, many are if they are given a chance, that is, if they're good looking and charming and not fans of stable ... (read in full...)
Am I not a priority for him?
Q. My partner of 2 years was transferred to work in another city (far from where I live) by his company 2 months ago. Prior to that we were living together and planning to get married. Lately he has been calling less and less. He said he can't ...
A. 24 February 2011: Yes, so it sounds, I'm afraid. He did not suggest any arrangements for you to spend more time together at weekends for example, did he? Or, say, suggest that you try to find a job in his city - hey, not that it would be fair to have you change your ... (read in full...)
3 months ago I hadn’t looked at another women in 14 years, now all of a sudden we are planning on leaving our respective partners for each other!
Q. Hi, so this is my story…been married 14 years, have two boys aged 12 and a daughter from wife’s previous relationship aged 20. I thought everything was fine and loved my wife until a couple of months ago, and I am now so confused. I met a girl 2 y...
A. 24 February 2011: "I thought everything was fine and loved my wife until a couple of months ago" Until a couple of months ago, you say you had a boring marriage, where you would try to go out together "every 6 months" - and you thought THAT was fine? Let me tell yo... (read in full...)
My wife regularly had anal sex with her ex boyfriend but will never allow me to
Q. My wife regularly (once/week) had anal sex with her ex boyfriend but will never allow me to; what should I do? My wife's ex boyfriend had a fetish for anal sex so she allowed him to engage in this with her once a week...They had what they called...
A. 20 February 2011: You keep turning this into a question of her willing to do more for him, willing to please him more, rather than you who are her husband, etc.
Honey, this was plainly 'being young and stupid'.
Anal sex is pleasant for some but hated by others. S... (read in full...)
Why do I fall for girls so easily and what should I do about this girl?
Q. A little about me, Im a young guy with a fairly decent job, Im an active duty military member. Currently stationed overseas. I think on a scale from 1-10 i am a 7-8, I consider my self fairly attractive. but i have a problem, I fall in love to easy, ...
A. 20 February 2011: Well, next time make sure the girl understands the concept and take your time to explain it thoroughly because this is not for everyone, you pose as the victim here - "I fall so easily" etc - but at your age you should know better, this can create a ... (read in full...)
Please help me, have I lost my mum and dad?
Q. Hi, I am really quite down and need some advice regarding the relationship with my parents. My parents came to spend xmas with me in Germany and it was difficult work having them with me, my dad is one of these people who has to be doing somet...
A. 20 February 2011: By the way, I understand why you would not like them to go in June while your hubby leaves in July, he may want to be able to see them for that month before he leaves, and you may not trust your parents enough to allow them to have the kids which is ... (read in full...)
My supervisor at work is a bully, what to do?
Q. I can't stand her and neither can anyone else at work. She treats everyone like dirt. I don't know why my boss put her in charge. She always puts down people, but never when my boss is there. So he never sees it. She cracks easily under pressure ...
A. 20 February 2011: Suck it up and don't let it get to you. Quite frankly, this happens to a lot of people, and if she's someone's protégée your whining and pleading to the manager will get you nowhere, but more likely make YOU look bad. So what if she said that, at ... (read in full...)
My husband has been leading a double life, he promised he would go to counseling but is it just another lie?
Q. I recently found out my husband has been leading a double life. We have been together for 7 years. Married just 2 1/2 months. He has had a girlfriend for the past 3 1/2 years. He was a co-worker with her. She did know about me, but he said I had ...
A. 20 February 2011: I think you're just postponing the inevitable, which is breaking up and minding your own life. He sounds too damaged to be able to actually put his Humpty Dumpty together again and make himself and anyone around him happy. You'll never know when he ... (read in full...)
Please help me, have I lost my mum and dad?
Q. Hi, I am really quite down and need some advice regarding the relationship with my parents. My parents came to spend xmas with me in Germany and it was difficult work having them with me, my dad is one of these people who has to be doing somet...
A. 20 February 2011: How about calling to tell them, Hello mum and dad, I must thank you so much for your offer to take the kids on holiday, how grateful they are to have such nice, caring grandparents but I've decided I will have the kids stay with me and hubby because ... (read in full...)
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