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| | bitterblue's profile:My name's Anna, a mod on DC since last summer, I feel we have here a small community I grew very fond of as I am always looking forward to read your thoughts, I like the exchange of experiences and I think this is a wonderful site as it provides us with the opportunity to be solidary and learn from one another.
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I need advice about my boyfriend's family. I find them a bit difficult to cope with.
Q. Hi - could really do with advice regarding my boyfriend and his family. I have been married before and my ex-husbands family made our relationship very difficult. They were very snobby and looked down on me and often picked fault. i felt so ...
A. 24 July 2008: Ignore that you have always wanted to find harmony in your future partner's family, this expectation may incommode you from viewing the situation more objectively. If you are bothered about his parents' lifestyles and the negativity they bring, you ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling bad about my choice in men lately and want revenge!
Q. I'm feeling really bad about my choice in men lately, my first real boyfriend used to hit me and i just found out that my second conned all my friends out of a load of cash and left the country. I now keep being stood up by this one lad who i really ...
A. 10 July 2008: Revenge will not help you. It is said the unfortunate are those who commit injustice rather than those who suffer it. It is ADVISABLE that you tend to this thinking so you find your peace. You do not say who you want to punish. You will only bec... (read in full...)
Why am I addicted to the crushes that I get??
Q. i've currently got an overwhelming crush on a man at work, to the point where i arrange my working day around him, and start giggling whenever hes around. this man is in his late 40s, and is in no way appropriate for me. this i know, and i'd never ...
A. 19 June 2008: The novelty will always wear off and you will jump from a relationship to another, if you go with your passing excitements. It is easily understandable if you are the attention seeker type and enjoy being in the limelight. You do realise that it is ... (read in full...)
He told me he could not see me any longer as he would hurt my feelings due to his depression. This is hurting my feelings...
Q. Been seeing a bloke from work and he has told me he suffers from depression he told me he really liked me but could not see me anymore as he would let me down cause of his depression and wanted to protect..we have stopped seeing each other as i ...
A. 19 June 2008: Firstly, you should detach yourself from him sentimentally as he is very instable and you cannot help him, or anybody else for that matter, if this happening drains you of energy and hope and leaves you unable to succeed in other areas of your ... (read in full...)
What's the recipe for living 'happily ever after'?
Q. Can I ask if any of you had broken up with someone for some reason. Moved on...then met him/her again after a while and decided that he/she was the one for you? Did you guys live 'happily ever' after that? Note - u're the one who did the break up...
A. 5 June 2008: Surely if he was the one having been dumped, this arises the question of whether you broke up gently, in a way that did not left him with a bitter taste, with complexes or such and especially if the reason of the break up can suffer a relapse - as ... (read in full...)
Family problems coming between my relationship.
Q. Ive been seeying my boyfriend for the last 6 months, hes the most amazing guy and we have always had such a close relationship. Just recently ive had family problems which have been really upsetting me, its put me into a bit of a situation where im...
A. 5 June 2008: You begin to tell your story by giving your justification of your behaviour. Everyone has problems, familial or of other nature. These are no excuse to dispatch them onto boyfriends or other people. You will have to learn to relieve of these fee... (read in full...)
Emotionally unfaithful and it's hurting my conscience
Q. Please Help! I'm married with 2 beautiful kids and husband is working abroad. We are quite different in alot of ways. I'm a very affectionate and loving person where he isn't even though I've tried again and again but to no avail. He does look at ...
A. 16 May 2008: This topic is bound to stir up a few moralising comments about your thoughts of infidelity. Beyond your dilemma nevertheless, it is fairly understandable that your not receiving from your spouse the desired amount of fondness and care, favoured an ... (read in full...)
I always find myself fancying other men and sometimes ask myself do I really want to be with my husband?
Q. Hi, well here is my problem. I am married for nearly two years, we had our problems and broke up twice during this 2 years. The thing is, i always find myself fancying other men and sometimes ask myself do i really want to be with my husband. ...
A. 4 May 2008: You are unhappy because you have different styles and preferences, your needs are not met in the departments you mentioned (sex and social life), and his otherwise kind nature has not compensated for your unfulfilled desires. The fact you "always" ... (read in full...)
Should she play sex games or find true love?
Q. I have a friend who is the most sensual woman I have met (I'd do her) :) She's hot and passionate and when we go dancing she always gets hit on since she knows how to move. Now, the problem is her husband won't have any of it. He doesn't seem to ...
A. 25 April 2008: How have they tried to solve their problems and how has the counseling helped to outline the issues that need their attention most? Concerning the affair, as a friend you can warn her that living a parallel life can exert much pressure on their exis... (read in full...)
He suggested that my passiveness in intimacy makes him feel as though he forces me, I feel so stupid every time he brings this up!
Q. Hi, i have been seeing my boyfriend for about 6 months but i have always been quite shy about initiating sex and initiating kisses etc. i don't know why it makes me nervous, but it does. Recently my bf says he doesnt like having to initiate ...
A. 20 April 2008: Agreeing with Eddie, you are the "doer-viewer" couple. One acts, the other is merely a spectator, leaving their partner to feel undesirable or question their appeal! If he hadn't expressed his preference directly (please note that hints are not ... (read in full...)
Is it wise to excuse staying in an unhappy relationship by labeling it ‘Complicated’?
Q. So often we fall in love with someone who is not in love with us and chase after them that we fail to notice those who are chasing after us. Relationships are complicated so are we. Have u ever been asked how is it so far with your boyfriend? Are ...
A. 20 April 2008: A very good article. Shows a very good understanding of people's reactions and reasons. "It's complicated" is a reaction to excuse being in an unhappy relationship, primarily to ourselves! I'd like to note that certain have not yet had the oppo... (read in full...)
There are times I feel like doing something behind my husband's back and keeping my OWN secrets, as I am tired of HIS!
Q. This is an update on a previous post on 20th March: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/affair-update---what-do-i-do.html Once again Tuatara thanks for the great advice. I have been keeping an eye on things the past few weeks. My husband and i are no...
A. 19 April 2008: They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I will recommend that instead of watching his steps to discover what he conceals, concentrate on what he SHOWS to you differently, as this may be your answer. Do you feel as though he has a paramour, ... (read in full...)
What would you do if you wanted an abortion, but your partner didn't?
Q. If you are pregnant and dont want to have the baby for a lot of reasons and know in your heart the best thing would be to not have the baby, but your boyfriend really does want to have the baby, how should you decide if you keep the baby or not? ...
A. 5 April 2008: "A lot of reasons" is strong enough a support for your decision, would you exemplify what you mean by it? I strongly believe this should not be regarded as a question of wanting but a question of having the necessary conditions and circ... (read in full...)
How can I avoid being so eager towards him, so ready to "fall in love" and experience all that goes with it?
Q. Hey aunts, I've got guy troubles again. It's nothing too serious, but I find I'm getting a little down about it. I've been sort of seeing this guy for about 2 months now. We go places together, hang out, and sometimes make out. Nothing is o...
A. 31 March 2008: Perhaps you should have present the thought the current relation is not the ideal one that you have woven with the dream knitting machine, only just MAY evolve to be it, and never wholly. Many prefer to quash any attempt of uprising of the truths ... (read in full...)
How can I avoid being so eager towards him, so ready to "fall in love" and experience all that goes with it?
Q. Hey aunts, I've got guy troubles again. It's nothing too serious, but I find I'm getting a little down about it. I've been sort of seeing this guy for about 2 months now. We go places together, hang out, and sometimes make out. Nothing is o...
A. 31 March 2008: May I begin by saying to dream in itself is not good and not bad either. Do you in any event seek average relations or are rather drawn to the greatness of a mind planned relation? Seeking average - which I doubt is the case-, you could well be ... (read in full...)
Am I missing out on love because of pride?
Q. Hey. I just wanted other people's opinions please. There's this guy I used to go out with a while ago. He says he has always loved me ever since. Now he hears I am single again and immediately he phones up to see if I want to go travelling with him. ...
A. 29 March 2008: Thank you for reposting, your update is elucidating in more than one regard. Firstly, that he instantly expects you to have sex after a break without proceeding to REbuild the emotional bonds can indeed pass as controlling. Please analyse how you ... (read in full...)
Am I missing out on love because of pride?
Q. Hey. I just wanted other people's opinions please. There's this guy I used to go out with a while ago. He says he has always loved me ever since. Now he hears I am single again and immediately he phones up to see if I want to go travelling with him. ...
A. 29 March 2008: What you recount of the past (though very briefly) suggests that he may expect you to be at his beckon call and this fairly awakens your vigilancy regarding his intentions or a fortunate continuance. I wouldn't say it is insensate a decision not to ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with someone who seems intent on killing every pleasure I have in life?
Q. My husband has a real problem with my having an interest in anything other than doing for him. No matter what my latest interest, he goes after it complaining until I finally give it up. This includes things such as being a Girl Scout leader, being ...
A. 26 March 2008: One of the aunts here said you should also reflect on yourself and see what you might have been doing to trigger this inexorable behavior in your husband. I in my message chose to concentrate merely on that aspect. What drew my attention is that... (read in full...)
My BF constantly preaches at me to point out the wrongness of my religious beliefs!
Q. my boyfriend is deeply religious and raised in the christian church. i however was raised by an deist (that god does not play a part in the outcome of your lifes events) parent and a catholic parent. i chose to take the deist route. my boyf...
A. 24 March 2008: His overboard preaching is based on lack of toleration for other beliefs than his own. This raises the doubt whether he is able to manage other disagreements (nonreligious) elegantly, since this situation he treats by insulting you. What have you to ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with someone who seems intent on killing every pleasure I have in life?
Q. My husband has a real problem with my having an interest in anything other than doing for him. No matter what my latest interest, he goes after it complaining until I finally give it up. This includes things such as being a Girl Scout leader, being ...
A. 23 March 2008: You should always ask him to justify why he prefers that you don't engage in certain activities, then discuss the pros and cons reasonably, together. This is because if you give up your plans without proper understandment of his reasons you will ... (read in full...)
He is 9 years older than me with teenage kids, and... just returned to the troubled relationship with the ex! What can I do?
Q. Hi, my story is long and confusing but I will try to keep it brief! I met a guy through work 6 months ago and started seeing him for a couple of months. We hit it off pretty quickly which surprised me, as I am very shy and it usually takes me...
A. 23 March 2008: What can you do is move on, definitely. The situation is very clear. This man spells trouble. He's manifestly very unstable and undecided. This woman called on him on three occasions to cry out pregnancy, she dresses unappropriately and they broke ... (read in full...)
I don't want to leave him because I cant bear for him to be happy with another girl but he is getting me so depressed. What can I do??
Q. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 31. I don't love him but i don't want to leave him as i cant see him happy with another girl. How sad does that sound? He treats me so bad and puts me down all the time. We have a 2year old together and i don't think i ...
A. 20 March 2008: "I don't love him but i don't want to leave him as i can't see him happy with another girl."
I think you are intending to punish him... only by doing so you also punish yourself! Not to mention that the environment is also unbeneficial to your son ... (read in full...)
I'm scared that if I marry her and have a baby it will be like I have two babies to take care of, what do I do??
Q. Hi I'm ready to settle down in my life and get married. I have been seeing this girl she's a little younger than me six years. She's beautiful and sweet but very shy. I'm more of the outgoing type. She loves kids and would do anything I ask of her. ...
A. 16 March 2008: One of your concerns is she is not completely cured from her painful experience, is it? I will agree that a healthy and peaceful state of mind make good premises for parenting. As you say, she is attending counseling, how therapy assists is very ... (read in full...)
Does young love last?
Q. hiya =] I'm 14 and i was just wondering, if i fell in love at this age, do you think i may be able to spend the rest of my life with someone? I know its unlikely. But it's a complicated story..... If you need more info just ask...but ...
A. 13 March 2008: I'm afraid it rarely does last especially due to the fact young age does not commonly have preferences well established, even in adulthood challenges and dilemmas are to be encountered, only the approach is different, and the complexity level as ... (read in full...)
Since last year, she refuses to have sex with me because "it does not feel right and she cannot force it." How can this happen??
Q. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years, on and off, and for the last year, she has refused to have sex with me. We will "fool around" and everything, but when the time for the act of sex arrives, she just backs off and tells ...
A. 10 March 2008: In addition to the STD possibility of transmission that Phil mentions it is also probable that you have not been "adequate" for each other from the very beggining, I.e. sexual incompatibility. It is nobody's fault when this happens (can have nothing ... (read in full...)
Is it gay to join your female friends on a girls' night out and feel excellent?
Q. Hi my name is paul and i went out with some woman that i know and it first it was just going to be just them to a girls night out.. One of my best friends asked me to come with them and i said i would and i had a good time. It was me and 5 of them. ...
A. 9 March 2008: One having many female friends, other men might observe the closeness and imagine it actually goes beyond friendship, thus envy the respective person. In reality, you probably have women's sympathy being the prototype of the "good friend," perhaps ... (read in full...)
I disclose so much about myself to random people, that they become my enemies.
Q. I disclose so much about myself to friends that it turns out they become my enemy and I stop talking to them. Whenever I have any issue, firstly it shows on my face and I discuss about it with every single person so much that everyone feels pity for ...
A. 2 March 2008: I once knew a person who seemed very... invulnerable, in every way. One day he explained "I have many weaknesses. You would not imagine how many! But I do not disclose them, for the sake of protection, not randomly at least!" This of course does not ... (read in full...)
How do I stop being so jealous and nosy?
Q. i have a bit of a "jealousy" problem. and it's not with boys, it's with my sister. when ever my older sister has her friend over i get in such a bad mood and i figure it's because i'm jealous but how do i get over my jealousy..???? Plus she says ...
A. 23 February 2008: Admitting your problem, you are already taking a step to overcome it. Firstly I must say, if this jealousy originated from the feeling you are not treated equally at home or otherwise (e.g. a disproportion in the amount of attention you receive), ... (read in full...)
Would he come back, is he just trying to hurt me, or have I really gone too far this time and lost him forever??
Q. hi I split up with my boyfriend about 3 weeks ago now, we were together 2 and a half years and we have a 1 year old boy, who's gourgeous by the way lol !!! Since xmas I'll admit I did distance myself from him, I went out with my mates a lot, started ...
A. 23 February 2008: Certain problems asphyxiate old feelings, especially when causing major distressing. You did not show him dependability and he fears the story will repeat itself once he returns home. Words are no warranty. Many times these people who have had a ... (read in full...)
My bf always criticises my female friends' physical (or other personal) details, after a reunion. Why?
Q. Hi, Every time I have taken my long term boyfriend to a wedding/christening/function that I've been invited to, he makes some sort of rude comment to me afterwards about one of my friends. It is always females that he comments about and it's u...
A. 17 February 2008: You are annoyed because you find it disrespectful. You obviously don't want to cause an argument, but it shouldn't degenerate into one if you proceed with diplomacy. However, at his 51 his beliefs and opinions are probably well rooted and it may be ... (read in full...)
Is his watching horror films just a "bloke thing" or should I be a bit worried about my husband's state of mind?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles, I have a question about horror films. My husband loves to watch them, including some pretty gory, ultra violent ones. I don't like them but I will watch them sometimes although I don't like the really bad ones....
A. 17 February 2008: Is he otherwise violent or predisposed to violence judging by the choices he makes? If this is not the case, it can be simply a matter of preference, unrelated to any typical behaviour in the real life. For how long have you known him? Did you ask ... (read in full...)
Do you really get what you deserve in life?
Q. Do you really get what you deserve in life? Or there is no such a thing? Also do things really happens for a reason,or its just random?...
A. 8 February 2008: The happy are inclined to say they have what they deserve. The misfortunate say otherwise. To be worthy of something, be it admiration, attention, facilities, etc? Do the poor deserve to be born in the peripheries, so exposed to misery and ... (read in full...)
How long should I say I waited before embarking on a new relationship?
Q. Ok, so I was with my present ex for almost 3.5 years and i lost my feelings for him. So I broke up with him. We are still kinda good friends, we don't really talk but we have to keep it nice because we see each other almost once a month volunteering ...
A. 7 February 2008: Concentrate on the present relation. You obviously care about the person's well being, but he need not find out details of your new relationship, because you will FILTRATE the information you offer. When emabarking in a new relation, the time tha... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to argue?
Q. Hey, I've noticed that at some point, with girls, I have to argue with them, and even seem to get a sort of 'kick' out of it. Sounds weird I know, but this is even with friends that are girls.. I don't know a girl that is a good friend, or w...
A. 6 February 2008: First step is acknowledging your problem, which you are, bravo! You must start an inquiry in the land of your intimity, only you and your memories. What could have led to this habit? Maybe a feeling of inferiority that you want to supress by ... (read in full...)
Her passion for me has waned...could it be our previous friendship getting in the way??
Q. I moved across the country to move in with my best friend of 4 years after we had lost touch for about 2 years, then met up again and fell in love. I had always been physically attracted to her as long as I've known her. I don't think she had been...
A. 28 January 2008: You are not dedicating much time to the relationship, it seems. It would be a bearable situation if you were willing to understand each other's different priorities and reach small compromises, which in brief is reached through communication. You do ... (read in full...)
Her passion for me has waned...could it be our previous friendship getting in the way??
Q. I moved across the country to move in with my best friend of 4 years after we had lost touch for about 2 years, then met up again and fell in love. I had always been physically attracted to her as long as I've known her. I don't think she had been...
A. 25 January 2008: If she "definitely wanted" you, then can you analyse how you have been treating your relation hitherto and how it was helped to flourish from YOUR behalf? If there is no gratifying answer you can find in your own actions, then talking upfront may be ... (read in full...)
Is it a myth that men move on quicker than women??
Q. Is it true ,that men only leaving the marriage, when he has someone else already in place? AND woman will leave ,even if there is no lover on side ,because they are more independent than man? I heard ,when the woman dies , no man stays alone ma...
A. 25 January 2008: Do not persist in thoughts that cause you disquiet. As the owner of your thoughts, you should maybe try and abandon those which obstruct your way. As long as it does you harm, the feeling is bad and undesirable. Broidering in your imagination ... (read in full...)
Part of me thinks my boyfriend is right but on the other hand he has never went the extra mile to get my parents to like him. I'm in the middle of their differences!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time, but my parents do not like him. I come from a very conservative Argentinian family and they always see him as not being good enough for me. He has made wrong choices before regarding drugs. I ...
A. 10 January 2008: Dear, you are a MEDIATOR in this situation, between your boyfriend and your family. A mediator must be diplomatic, have tactfulness. If you transport your father's precise words to your boyfriend - that are not flattering to him, and vice versa, ... (read in full...)
We've moved in together and seem to be stuck in a rut
Q. Hi, I am with this guy for over 2 years and we are living together for the last 4 months. Since we moved in together we have been fighting alot and when were not fighting were just plodding along. We never seem to go out anymore, the romance seems ...
A. 9 January 2008: Did the situation worsen only after moving in? It is possible that having not lived together until this moment, you could only have inferred certain reactions or habits that not necessarily are hidden intentionally, but become clear(er) by daily ... (read in full...)
If my best friend leaves school will I ever make new friends again? I have been bullied in the past and feel insecure.
Q. My best friend might leave school soon, I've known her for two years and she's the only real friend I have at my new shcool. I try to be happier becaue she's really looking forward to it if she gets a place (It's a fee paying shcool) and I kn...
A. 3 January 2008: Undoubtedly, you will. It's important to learn from the times you've been bullied how to avoid recurrences of this situation, as well as gain self-confidence from what you learn by REanalysing the incidents. You also have the possibility to read ... (read in full...)
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