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| | bitterblue's profile:Account been restarted and I will be away for a while.
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My name's Anna, a mod on DC since 2007, I feel we have here a small community I grew very fond of as I am always looking forward to read your thoughts, I like the exchange of experiences and I think this is a wonderful site as it provides us with the opportunity to be solidary and learn from one another.
Best wishes to you all. |
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I love my mother, and want to overcome my deep feelings of resentment that she didn't protect me growing up.
Q. Hi, I'm going to try to make this as brief as possible... Ever since my mum and dad split up when I was four (I'm now 20) me, my sister and mother have been living with my abusive alcoholic stepdad. He has verbally, mentally and physically abused us ...
A. 16 November 2009: I don't blame you for resenting your mother and you shouldn't, either. She was an accomplice to your abuse and her own by sitting with crossed hands, while she had the power to stop the abuse and hand him over to the police. You probably wis... (read in full...)
Peter Pan has left the building
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past 10 years. I recently told him that he might want to consider moving out and becoming more of a responsible grown up- that his fear to act like an adult and his fear of committing to a ...
A. 16 November 2009: I agree with Gina, the counselling could have a great effect on you as a couple but not if you push his buttons - you will likely not feel happier by doing so, and neither will he. If he doesn't have self confidence at 40 and he is going about ... (read in full...)
How do I break up with four ladies I have spent so much time and feelings into without feeling guilty for doing so?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend going on 1 year and 5 months. She is a single mother with 3 daughters that I have gotten attached to and love very much. The thing is, I don't really think i'm in love anymore with her. There are many things that led ...
A. 13 November 2009: So, basically, she told you several times that you would never see her AND her daughters again if you left her? I would really be disturbed by such comments. I infer that she knows you have half a mind to leave and she uses this cheap threat to make ... (read in full...)
I really like a boy, he doesn't like me. Yet he tries to make me jealous?
Q. Hey all! I could do with some advice on a situation im in. Ill try keep it short! Well im 17 years old, and im in college. I was with my boyfriend for 19 months, but finished with him in september, because he had started to become abusive and also...
A. 12 November 2009: Many boys of this age won't spend that much time in company of girls they are not attracted to, at 17 sex is quite often on the brain and you haven't noticed but from what I see he keeps hinting that he likes you by telling you that you are good ... (read in full...)
He wants to marry me but chats online to women..help!
Q. Cupid Aunt, I (45) have been in a steady relationship with a wonderful guy, about 9 years older than me, for about two years. We are compatible in every way possible. He has even asked me to marry me and we have made future plans. However,...
A. 8 November 2009: What do they chat about? And how do you know they chat? Does he volunteer this information to you and how detailed? Internet is a way to keep in touch with the world. Do you fear he is having cyber sex or an affair via Internet? Some try this just ... (read in full...)
Is she leaving me hanging?
Q. I have recently decided to reconnect with my old school friends and most importantly, reconnect with a woman who I had a crush on in high school but never had the courage to ask out. I met her on Facebook and I post chat with her on a somewhat re...
A. 8 November 2009: She was comfortable enough to give you some personal details, but I know people who give theirs away quite easily, usually outgoing ones who like to talk about themselves. It doesn't mean she trusts you or that you trust her. You have changed a lot ... (read in full...)
I'm very worried that my first time sex will be painful!
Q. I'm still a virgin, however when I have met the right guy I would like to take things slowly and enjoy myself when the time comes. However I have explored my body and have discovered that the likeliness is that my first time will be very painful, as ...
A. 7 November 2009: Yes, you can break your hymen by surgery but only very rarely is this needed, and in most cases natural intercourse is still the way to go. Even if you encounter difficulties then, there are other methods available before resorting to surgery, like ... (read in full...)
Do you think our relationship will be a short or long one?
Q. I am dating a 26 year old, and i am 40 year old woman. We met 2 years ago when he turned 24. We are basically attracted to each other, love at first sight i may say, and really are like soulmate. During our 2 years life had been very rough. W...
A. 6 November 2009: Maybe he doesn't think age gap relationships can work. In your case the age difference isn't quite insignificant. He told you that you cannot be together forever, so you are forewarned. At least knowing this, you won't be nagging him about whether ... (read in full...)
Why can't she see that her actions and lack of consideration are a huge cause of our problems?
Q. My gf did not come home last night. We live together. I called and left a message when I arrived home form work and then I waited until 10pm before trying to call her again. She would not answer my calls or return my texts. I texted her to ask her ...
A. 6 November 2009: Because she simply doesn't wish to see. She is not built like you are built, to care about her partners. She is not a bit out of her bearings, this isn't temporary insanity, she is a person of low character and that is not temporary. I have seen ... (read in full...)
Follow up: am I wrong for loving the time I spend with my husband's brother?
Q. Hi. I'm sorry to post the same question again but i'm not listed as a follwup so no one saw what I wrote. But now I am logged in. I put the question I asked and the answers I got and my followups: My husband's brother is literally the nicest guy...
A. 21 October 2009: If you have a long distance marriage, you are not supposed to stay in one corner of the house, sobbing and sighing, for all the time your husband is away. It is fine to socialise, to have friends, to be happy, you will even have what to narrate to ... (read in full...)
Follow up: am I wrong for loving the time I spend with my husband's brother?
Q. Hi. I'm sorry to post the same question again but i'm not listed as a follwup so no one saw what I wrote. But now I am logged in. I put the question I asked and the answers I got and my followups: My husband's brother is literally the nicest guy...
A. 20 October 2009: I will make a few points here. Firstly, regarding "no one knows how unhappy I am except him". If you are unhappy (in your marriage, it is evident), instead of telling the brother, why don't you tell the husband - so that he knows there is a problem ... (read in full...)
How do you end a friends with benefits relationship but still remain just friends?
Q. How do you end a friends with benefits type of relationship but still remain friends? I'm thinking of telling him something like this: When I'm with you I have a nice time, but I'm not going to sleep with you anymore. Like I said I have a good time ...
A. 18 October 2009: If he likes to disappear like a magic act, doesn't make time to worry about you, to check if you are still fine with this "agreement", if you fully understand it - e.g. have you changed your mind, how is it affecting you, do you want to go back to ... (read in full...)
Why was my girlfriend angry with me?
Q. Last night my girlffriend was annoyed with me and continued berating me even after we had gone to bed. In short she was angry with me for not contacting her as soon as I arrived home. The background goes like this. I work full time and have ear...
A. 17 October 2009: The way I see it, your girlfriend is probably not happy about the fact you work too much or has other dissatisfactions and this failed night out for dinner only gave her an outlet to release some of the heavy burden she was carrying lately. Maybe ... (read in full...)
What can be done about my incontinence?
Q. hello everyone i want to know to control my urinary bladder. i am unable to control and i urinate in my panties i feel shame even in this age i cannot control. for example i go to parties or anywhere i am unable to stop for long time when i go to ...
A. 11 October 2009: You should see a urologyst for this problem. You could have a hyperactive bladder, the doctor will be able to help you more, the sooner the treatment is begun, the greater the chances to prevent complications. ... (read in full...)
She only visits my boyfriend when I am at work!
Q. I have a girlfriend of my brother who comes over to my house to see my boyfriend while I am at work only, My brother used to live with us but he moved away, He has since moved back and she is still coming around. I asked her months ago not to come ...
A. 9 October 2009: How close our close friends should be when we are in relationships?... It often depends on the relationship. Unfortunately, two people getting together to complain how unhappy they are in their relationships can lead to more than just talking. Are ... (read in full...)
If you have an open relationship, is it possible to cheat?
Q. I wanted to have an open relationship with my boyfriend because he would start getting really clingy and jealous and started alienating me from everything. He said he was okay with the open relatinship because he wanted to do "anything to kee...
A. 4 October 2009: The "open" concept signifies the two partners can have other lovers outside the couple, whereas in your usual type of relationship this would be a limitation. For an open relationship to be successful one very important aspect is to discuss the ... (read in full...)
Is our love fixable after 20 yrs together?
Q. We have been together for 20 years I am 40 and he is 39 . We were college sweethearts and very intensely in love. HE would play guitar and serenade me outside my window. Bring me flowers the whole thing. THen we had a child. I watch enough OPRAH to ...
A. 25 September 2009: It could be fixable, if you try. Yes, the open marriage might sound well in theory, and with some couples even in practice, it seems you resorted to this as a way to rescue your marriage, ironically, but you were lead to an opposite effect. In any ... (read in full...)
Why does she dress to impress when I'm not around?
Q. hey whats up guys and girls i need help i don't know what to do. my girlfriend always dresses nice when I'm not going to be around like when she goes to school or work or something she never wears nice things when i am. does she have something on ...
A. 25 September 2009: I don't think she is cheating on you if you base this guess on her choices of clothing only, it could be just her sense of fashion, and an indicator she likes to be in the centre of attention (the revealing clothes). Maybe she doesn't dress to ... (read in full...)
I'm married but have fallen in love with someone else!
Q. Hi all, I've been with my wife for over 15 years and we have children. We're happily married and get on great, only she's not really into sex. I've never cheated am and proud of the fact. We don't argue and are good parents. In the last 3 months I...
A. 24 September 2009: Of course you are proud and rightfully so that you have never cheated and you will be even more proud if you continue to be loyal in your marriage, as long as it goes on at least. Your coworker must be around 20. I can't imagine a 20 year old that ... (read in full...)
Stay Married or Separate - Stepdaughter issues
Q. I am in my second marriage now for 7 years as of February 2010. I am contemplating separation due to my stepdaughter and I don't feel as if I love my wife. My stepdaughter is 22 now. I came into her life when she was 15 and I sort of knew that this ...
A. 24 September 2009: I bet it's not pleasant at all to have your step daughter treat you like this but I think you ought to consider first and primarily how you get along with the mother to make a final decision. The problem with the daughter comes second here, however ... (read in full...)
My friend is living a different life and I am concerned about her family!
Q. Well, this post is about my friend/co worker. I have been very close to her and share most of the fun she is into. She is younger than me and is very beautiful, most men who see her would always second glance at her. She is almost perfect. And life ...
A. 23 September 2009: If I were you I'd be a little scared. These people that display lack of remorse are dangerous. She doesn't seem to feel remorse for what she is doing: doesn't seem to miss her children, sleeps with an old man for money, cheats and lies, is ... (read in full...)
I crave being wanted but then feel I don't deserve it! How do I fix this?
Q. This isn't exactly a relationship question, although I'm quite sure my relationship (or lack thereof) with my father affects my relationships with men. I've hardly had any contact with my dad for my whole life. He hasn't wanted much to do with ...
A. 23 September 2009: You feel you don't deserve men's attention because you probably blame yourself for the poor relationship with your father. AND/OR you feel you are "too much work", too complicated, not fun enough perhaps - due to your issues as a result of this poor ... (read in full...)
Threesome is not working out for me and now she lives with us!
Q. I am 35 years old and my husband and I have been happily married for 13 1/2 years (until recently that is). About two months ago, my husband and I started having threesomes with an 18 year old female friend of the family. Everything was going great ...
A. 21 September 2009: Not many couples can handle a threesome without this putting a strain on their relationship. You opened Pandora's box. "I really just want to figure out a way to be okay with all of this." The only way is probably to put an end to threesom... (read in full...)
Bisexual with both girlfriend & boyfriend
Q. Ok... I'm a bisexual guy and though I have a girlfriend, I've also had a boyfriend for the past 4 months. They both knew about and were fine about each other, so that wasn't a problem and so for a while it all worked out well. I really liked ...
A. 21 September 2009: Break up more gracefully next time if you wish to stay friends with the "dumpee", certainly don't do it by e-mail, it's simply disrespectful, do it face to face. He's in his rights to not want to see you or be friends, maybe he thinks it will be ... (read in full...)
My passionate feelings are disappearing for her
Q. How would you act? I have a wonderful woman, lovely, sexy, intelligent. She knows how to please me, she has a lot of love in her, she is honest. We are a few years together and have still an intensive sexlife, what we both need. We have a go...
A. 14 September 2009: Maybe one problem is this - express your concerns on a more serious note to her, tell her that since she is at home for a longer time, it is only fair that she should be much more responsible for the maintenance of the household work and you will ... (read in full...)
My passionate feelings are disappearing for her
Q. How would you act? I have a wonderful woman, lovely, sexy, intelligent. She knows how to please me, she has a lot of love in her, she is honest. We are a few years together and have still an intensive sexlife, what we both need. We have a go...
A. 14 September 2009: Yes, "almost" the perfect couple, I was wondering what your problem was after such a positive preamble. Do make her aware to these problems, if you haven't already. I don't see anything that can't be made better, as long as that is what you both ... (read in full...)
Part of me wants to beg for him to come back...but is this actually for the better?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm desperate for some advice other than what my friends have been telling me. I've been with my boyfriend for around 2 years now. Our whole relationship has been pretty rocky in that we are completely different people and so our pers...
A. 12 September 2009: This is easy. You say you are completely different and you know it didn't work although you have tried to make the relationship work more than once. Breaking up is often painful even when the relationship is far from an ideal one, because you were ... (read in full...)
Desperate for answers... please...
Q. I am a gay woman in a 2 year relationship with my partner. I also have a 5 year old beautiful, intelligent little girl. My partner is extremely strict with my child and only shows her affection when we have company around us. This is hurting me ...
A. 10 September 2009: There was once a poster whose problem was that she felt guilty for not loving her step-daughter deep inside, although she acted kindly towards the child. I think that's fine. One difference seems to be that your partner isn't even kind to your ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be seen as a homewrecker if he leaves his girlfriend for me!
Q. I am in a bit of a messy situation. Last year I reconnected with a very old friend of mine. We have history, massive attraction and flirtation, and an emotional connection that I have never felt with any other guy before or since. The only reason ...
A. 10 September 2009: I don't think you should give him any ultimatums, just continue to be more neutral. I wouldn't like it if he is trying to make sure he has "got" you before breaking up with the other woman (can't stand being in between relationships, has to always ... (read in full...)
Desperate for answers... please...
Q. I am a gay woman in a 2 year relationship with my partner. I also have a 5 year old beautiful, intelligent little girl. My partner is extremely strict with my child and only shows her affection when we have company around us. This is hurting me ...
A. 10 September 2009: Great reply from the previous poster. You obviously can't make her love your child, but could she realise how this is taking away from this wonderful relationship you say you have overall, so she needs to review her attitude a little and make an ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't she want anyone to see us being affectionate in public?
Q. I have been dating a woman for over a year, she is a mom of three. Her kids are 17, 20, 25. In the beginning, she would show affection in public, in the car, anywhere with no mind to anyone, thing etc. We even got busy outside her oldest daughters ...
A. 7 September 2009: I am suddenly reminded of this mature and attractive lady who won't date because "how would it look? The mother is dating while the daughter/son has no one?" - so you see, the reasons could be many, maybe she simply disagrees with PDA or she fears ... (read in full...)
Do you think the relationship might not be progressing because he is inexperienced with women?
Q. I had given up on this guy liking me, but now I find out he hasn't dated anyone before, it may throw new light on things. I thought he wasn't that interested because: - he sometimes wouldn't reply to texts or call me for a week or more, then he'd ...
A. 7 September 2009: Well, you almost pity him for a second when you say "it must've been really hard for him to say" he liked you. I don't know how hard this was but I have seen more difficult situations. Maybe he indeed is a busy person, I have seen others with little ... (read in full...)
Am I damaged goods?
Q. i don't necessarily agree with this term, but am i 'damaged goods'? i have a short history of 4 relationships that lasted no more than a year each. i remained friends with some of them. i do not have one night stands, and never have. i wish...
A. 6 September 2009: After your updates, may I say... The problem is not necessarily that you may like "something" about them, that may even be understandable, the problem is you tolerate them anywhere close to you, because you minimise, you condone the bad, insane ... (read in full...)
Am I damaged goods?
Q. i don't necessarily agree with this term, but am i 'damaged goods'? i have a short history of 4 relationships that lasted no more than a year each. i remained friends with some of them. i do not have one night stands, and never have. i wish...
A. 6 September 2009: You have issues. However you call this OR yourself, little does it matter, what is important is that you have BIG issues to address. Saying that "i felt more alive sometimes wondering if my beloved would enjoy murdering me" is frantic. I suppose you ... (read in full...)
We hooked up, because he lied about his status! Why do I feel bad?
Q. I met a guy on the internet and we really got on well.... We eventually met and the sparks were all over place.... It was my first time in my life to bed someone on the first date. Never ever happened through out my life. I was in a relation...
A. 5 September 2009: You feel bad about seeing him when he was dating someone else or you feel bad about having to let go of him? I don't understand this clearly, maybe both are the case. Are you sure we can talk about a bond? It doesn't seem you have been with him for ... (read in full...)
No sex on our anniversary! Is he cheating or tired of me?
Q. it's my anniversary and my husband never thought of having sex with me. i wonder if he's cheating on me. we have sex maybe once a week or often longer. he's a truck driveer, we argued most of the day while he was warking. he came home a hour or so ...
A. 2 September 2009: I won't comment on your relationship in general because you only tell us here about a day, is it a typical day in your marriage? What I can say is that I thought by reading this that you can be very capricious sometimes. Try to be a step forward. ... (read in full...)
Is it a one night stand if you've know the person for awhile?
Q. Do you consider it a one-night-stand with someone if you've known them for a while. I've always thought a real one night stand is when you meet someone at a bar, club or party for the first time and sleep with them that night. If you've known a ...
A. 1 September 2009: What is it that you are afraid of? That you will be judged for having a ONS? You know what that is, whichever way you word it. I think you do score a goal when you say you didn't have sex with someone you have only just met at a bar. If you are so ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might be wasting time on this man, I really want to settle down with him but he seems to be unsure of what he wants!
Q. Dear Aunts, I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now - I am 34, he is 39. Neither of us has children, although he has been married before when he was in his early twenties. Their breakup was amicable, they had grown apart. At the...
A. 1 September 2009: PS: I agree with Klara about you seeming a fast burner, I thought so when I read you told him you loved him quite soon, etc. I must say, to balance the other points I was making, that after all the fact you are not of the ideal age isn't an exc... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might be wasting time on this man, I really want to settle down with him but he seems to be unsure of what he wants!
Q. Dear Aunts, I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now - I am 34, he is 39. Neither of us has children, although he has been married before when he was in his early twenties. Their breakup was amicable, they had grown apart. At the...
A. 1 September 2009: You say "I don't want to wake up in 5 years time still seeing him at the weekends only." Are you seeing him at weekends only? This is what caught my attention most of all because as one poster says, this situation is not unheard of, there are other ... (read in full...)
My father's side of the family are strange about not contacting me directly, and seem to run hot and cold about keeping in touch
Q. i don't understand my dad's side of the family. my mom and dad divorced when i was about 5 years old, and both parents remarried. when i was very young, i tried, but found it impossible to actually get along well with my step-mom...as the years ...
A. 30 August 2009: I know this type. If you ask a favour or contact them they will probably not ignore you - from what you tell it doesn't seem they have anything against you. Some people are like this however, I see some antisocial traits, they are not the type to ... (read in full...)
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