| Latest articles: How to spot trolls
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
Let go of your hate
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...
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He asked for my panties
Q. Hi so I'm seeing this guy, we started hanging out 2 weeks back. And then things escalated to a kiss and then cuddles, I am not sure if we're dating or not, I'm scared to ask him but he is now asking me for sexual favors like a handjob, even though I ...
A. 12 April 2022: Yeah, I totally agree with the others... This guy doesn't want a relationship, he just wants sex. Or he's just a guy who has an underwear fetish. He's probably got a whole drawer-full of ladies unders from previous conquests
If it's only been 2 w... (read in full...)
Niece wants to live with us after graduation
Q. Niece (17f) wants to live with me (30f) and my husband (33m) when she graduates My husband and I are planning on getting a "fresh start" at the end of the year after saving money for a down payment. My niece is graduating high school soon over...
A. 11 April 2022: If the plan is that E is going to get a job to support herself why do you need to transfer custody? The family can go down the route of emancipation of a minor instead. That way you won't be legally responsible for her.
Why can't K become E's lega... (read in full...)
She cancelled our first date because of who I follow on Instagram
Q. I'm 34 and she's 24. We matched on Tinder, eventually transitioned into Instagram, then started texting,and she let me know she prefers talking on the phone. I gave her a call, we talked for nearly 2 hours, finally set up our first date and I was ...
A. 9 April 2022: Yes, for many women this viewpoint is normal. I don't share it but many women are unable to cope with the idea that their romantic partner might compare them to other women.
Since you haven't even met this woman yet, I think you should throw he... (read in full...)
My parents refuse to accept me as their son
Q. Hello there! I'm 24 and transgender female-to-male (ftm). I've been questioning my gender since I was 16 (didn't know being trans was an option until then), and came out to them as trans, and therefore their son rather than their daughter, when I...
A. 9 April 2022: Try posting your question on a forum for transgendered people - - there are plenty of them (do a Google search). As you have already experienced it's very hard for people who aren't transgendered to "get" what people who people who are.
This ... (read in full...)
Husband neglects our son and me. I am in a crisis
Q. So I have been married nearly ten years in October . I don’t think we will make it . I’m in my late 40’s , I’m headstrong stuck in my ways. My so called partner the same . But in his early 40’s . Our lives took a terrible turn fir the worst mid ...
A. 6 April 2022: Speak to the staff who are providing the therapies for your son. (Speak to whoever is coordinating those services.) Tell them what you told us. Find out if there's any family support you can access. It sounds like you and your husband could benefit ... (read in full...)
I want out of this marriage
Q. I'm trapped and don't know what to do. I want out of my marriage but don't know how I can do it, my partner is a good bit older than I am 17 years my senior, and goes from being over attentive and loving to cold and completely degrades me usua...
A. 4 April 2022: www.womensaid.org.uk
www.refuge.org.uk
Two websites for you to look at. The first one has a forum which you can post questions in.
The second organisation runs the National Domestic Abuse Helpline.
Both websites are full of resources t... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is regressing back to a teenager
Q. I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years after meeting during our first year at university. We had a daughter four years ago, which wasn’t planned, but we both adore her. My problem is, while I’ve matured and take...
A. 3 April 2022: Tackle the issue of him smoking I the house first because that's so dangerous for your daughter. What is your relationship like with his parents? Perhaps you could get them to speak to him to about the smoking around your daughter? I can't see that ... (read in full...)
How can we get help while in China?
Q. We're an American expat couple who've been in China since 2018 when my husband got a promotion and we moved there for his new job. No kids, just us two. I'm a "trailing spouse" and legally can't work. Well, I could work under the table but we'd b...
A. 3 April 2022: I agree with HoneyPie. Just try to sit it out for the next few months. If you've been living in China for the past couple of years you're going to to need a bit of time to get things organised anyway.
And as HoneyPie also suggested you can cont... (read in full...)
My fiancé wants us to move to New York
Q. Hello. I've been with my fiance for 4 years, but only engaged since February. Last night he told me he had made a decision which would change our life massively; he said he wanted to move to New York City and get a job in Broadway. On-...
A. 30 March 2022: Aww C'mon Trolly... Two nearly identical posts in a row...? Can't you vary it a little?
We've had a 40year old husband wanting to join the Australian army. Another who wanted to flip burgers at Disney Land (his wife also worked with people w... (read in full...)
What's the deal with my husband and his sexual preferences?
Q. I'm 40, married for 7 years, one child who's 5 years old. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband; we're very happy with our daughter and our life. We have a good sex life. My husband in his day-to-day life is the very serious professo...
A. 29 March 2022: Personally I think it's probably down to an escalating porn habit.
I can remember reading something years ago by a sexologist who had observed that many people who were into being humiliated during sexual encounters and people who were into inf... (read in full...)
We're thinking of retiring in London
Q. Hello there. Me and my husband have been discussing retirement plans, as he's retiring in July. Looking forward to that. What he wants to do is retire to London, and spend time enjoying the city; he also wants to spend time with American expa...
A. 29 March 2022: This sounds somewhat like our inventive troll again but I'll bite...
London's a great place and I'm sure that you'd find it as welcoming as any big capital city. It's very cosmopolitan and trans-racial so you being American should make no diff... (read in full...)
How can I handle this so that she learns what she needs to learn without making it too awful for both of us
Q. Hi everyone I found my girlfriend of 6 months has been cheating on me for the last month. So i'm going to break up with her, I just don't know what is the best way to do it. I'm a bit older (29), than her (22), so her being a bit immature and ...
A. 28 March 2022: What isn't clear from your post is how you found out about this other boyfriend? You and your GF aren't in the same country so you can't have "stumbled on something accidentally" whilst using her computer. Did you hack her computer remotely?
Or, i... (read in full...)
Best friend cheating with new boyfriend
Q. It not my question i was asked to post the question. a lady met a guy online after accepting the bet of her bestfriend telling her she doesn't have online friends. She dated the guy for two years before a particular day he said he want to see her ...
A. 15 March 2022: So what's the actual question your friend wants answered?
Does she want to know what to do about the situation? (Which would be to ditch both the friend and the boyfriend.)
Or does she want to know why her friend and boyfriend did what they di... (read in full...)
How do I act in front of my crush?
Q. Okay so I have a crush on this boy. He is very extremely cute and I can't stop thinking about him!!! And it's like love at first sight!!! I think having a boyfriend or a relationship at age 10-11 is not the right age (it might be). But he has a ...
A. 14 March 2022: Can you clarify a couple of things first?
How old are you? (Because your post reads like someone younger than your stated age.)
And how old is the boy you have a crush on? (You make a reference to "age 10 - 11" in your post so I'm hoping it is... (read in full...)
Wife had a secret hysterectomy
Q. Wife and I have been married for years. For years we (or I) tried to impregnate my wife. After many Dr. Visits to see if it was me, wife claimed it was her. We went on with life. Few months ago I was going through papers I found on a closet. ...
A. 4 March 2022: This is a troll post.
Your out-of-town trip must have been a few months long. You never noticed your wife in discomfort or any surgical scars? A hysterectomy is a major operation and your wife would have taken several months before she was back... (read in full...)
Should I worry about my 70 year old mother?
Q. I’m starting to worry about my 70-year-old mom. Last April, my husband and I took our first shot of the Covid vaccine, then drove to see our families for Easter. I remember telling my parents I’d just received my first shot. They had just had the...
A. 3 March 2022: If your mother is only forgetting what your vaccination status is then I would put it down to excessive anxiety.
If she's forgetting other things too then she should see the family doctor and she what he/she says.
Talk to your dad and see what... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents?
Q. When I was 21 years old, I got my girlfriend, Beth, pregnant. We decided to put the baby girl up for adoption since neither one of us was ready to be parents. We did an open adoption. Stephanie (my biological daughter's name) is 16 years old. Sh...
A. 22 February 2022: I agree with HoneyPie & everyone else.... Just tell them. But here's my additional advice...
Set a date for a family meeting (parents, siblings etc or whoever you want to invite).
When you call them to set up this meeting say in a grave and s... (read in full...)
Am I too old to get a date
Q. Am I too old at 86 to get a date on site...
A. 22 February 2022: I work with older people so I know there's no upper age limit and many people forge new relationships later in life.
You could try a dating site for seniors but in my experience most senior ladies in your age groups aren't much into using computer... (read in full...)
I am 14 and want a dildo
Q. I have an ongoing issue. I am longing for a dildo, and I am only 14! I really want to ask my mom for one but don't know how to confront her about it. Am I too young? If not, how should I ask her?...
A. 22 February 2022: A Dildo is simply an inanimate object that is a similar shape to an erect penis. So you can improvise your own. Roll-on deodorant bottles are often the right shape. So are candles, carrots, zucchini and cucumbers.... Just make sure the object is ... (read in full...)
I'm not attracted to my partner since having my son
Q. I have been in my current relationship for 8.5 years, and we have a 2.5 year old son together. Recently, I have been having doubts as to whether I want to be with him or not. Since having my little boy, I have changed. I am not the person I was be...
A. 21 February 2022: Go to the Citizens advice bureau and ask what benefits and tax breaks you might be eligible for.
A friend of mine is bringing up a child as a single parent without any contribution from the father. (He's nearly 14 now) It was a struggle but she ... (read in full...)
The barmaid has accused me of harassment
Q. I normally like to go down to a working mens club and play snooker with some of the members, sometimes they want to play other times they do not or can’t be bothered. anyway I’ll try not to make this long and try to make it sound as though it makes...
A. 20 February 2022: Are you the same poster who posted about a week ago who's also having similar trouble at his work-place?
If you are, why not make an account instead of posting anonymously? It means if you need to post more than once, the regular aunties and uncl... (read in full...)
Why is my ex saying we did not have sex when I know we did
Q. I split up with my partner last year for a few months and despite messaging him he never responded. Fast forward I had a few drinks and actually don't remember leaving the pub I was in but I walked to his pub and all I can remember was standing in ...
A. 12 February 2022: Why did you ask him whether you had sex or not when you knew the answer?
A girl can accuse a guy of rape if she was too drunk to give informed consent at the time (which it sounds like you were.)
So I guess that's why he lied. To avoid a rape ... (read in full...)
I have a good guy but I think I want out of the relationship
Q. I don't know what's wrong with me, my partner is good in a lot of ways. However I'm starting to feel like I want out of the relationship. I was a single mother before I met him and had reached a good level of independence. I feel in the relation...
A. 12 February 2022: You don't know how to explain it. Neither did I when I found myself in a similar situation. I STILL can't. But deep down I just knew I wasn't happy with this guy no matter how lovely he was.
That was over 20 years ago now and I've never had a de... (read in full...)
Should I sue the work colleague for libel and the company for siding with his lies?
Q. due to lies and malicious gossip, I’m being investigated by work, all because I supposedly sent messages to follow female work colleagues which is simply not true. I have put this down to prejudice, as I have been single out by a single somebody in ...
A. 12 February 2022: Are you a member of a workers union such as Unite or Unison? A union rep is the best person to help you out with workplace problems especially if you feel victimised. If you aren't already in a workers union, join one NOW!!!
You've posted about th... (read in full...)
My ex suddenly unblocked me. Why?
Q. Been one month n half no contact from ex he had me blocked from whatsapp now suddenly unblocked me and im still a contact in his phone cause I can see. I was infertile so he left me cause i respected something he wanted of course hurt was involved ...
A. 11 February 2022: Maybe unblocking you was a mistake or a computer glitch rather than a deliberate act.
I once blocked a boyfriend on a social media site only to find that he was unblocked again a few months later - and not by me. Easily sorted -I simply blocked ... (read in full...)
Which contraception is best and will least affect my body
Q. Hi just wondering which contraception is best and will least affect my body? I’m turning 16 next month and going to start having sex with my boyfriend when I am legal. He said he will use condoms every time but I just want to be extra safe and go on ...
A. 5 February 2022: Hi, we can't really advise you properly as we're not medically trained. We might suggest one thing but your doctor might tell you later that it's not a suitable option for you. You'll need to see your GP or go to your local Contraceptive and Sexual ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I are having difficulty with intercourse
Q. So this might be a little graphic, so I apologise in advance. This is kind of awkward for me, so please be patient… So, my boyfriend and I tried to have intercourse the other day, but it was very unsuccessful. We can’t seem to fit him into me, and ...
A. 1 February 2022: Does he get a full erection (in comparison to the other guys you've slept with)? If a guy keeps "slipping out" during sex it's usually because he's not erect enough - which is fairly common for first timers. Or it could be because you get super ... (read in full...)
How do find out if this attraction is mutual?
Q. Basically How do you tell someone you like them? There is a guy at work who i have a crush on. We work for the same company. But not the same department. So we don't see each other all that often. But when we do it's always friendly chat. Br...
A. 30 December 2021: Just to add a rider to my previous advice because you said that you don't know him that well.
Make sure he's not married or in a serious relationship before you ask him to join you anywhere out of work, if you haven't already ascertained this.
... (read in full...)
How do find out if this attraction is mutual?
Q. Basically How do you tell someone you like them? There is a guy at work who i have a crush on. We work for the same company. But not the same department. So we don't see each other all that often. But when we do it's always friendly chat. Br...
A. 29 December 2021: Ask him out. And choose an event that's not fixed for one particular day so that the likelihood of it clashing with something is minimised.
"Hey, Bill. There's a stage version of Night of the Living Dead on at the Guildhall Theatre next month. S... (read in full...)
Why did she contact me sfter telling me not to contact her
Q. This is an odd situation. I got dumped by this girl, and saying that we’re not on speaking terms goes without saying. She tells me to "No longer contact her for ANY reasons." So, I honour that fully. Now, strange thing is, she, for some oddball ...
A. 29 December 2021: Maybe she didn't have to type in your full email address. Maybe your email was ben.brown@wherever and she meant to email belinda.brown@somewhere-else and when she typed in "be" a list of options popped up and she selected the wrong one. I've done ... (read in full...)
How to spot bots and other oddities on this site
Q. People state "Do not feed the troll", and some questions on this site have been doubted over their authenticity. However, they're not always trolls. What they could be is bot-generated content, using something called Sybil attack, where a bot...
A. 27 December 2021: I'm not sure I completely agree that it's a bot posting all the Troll questions. SOME of them may be a bot but not all of them. Why a bot would target a site like this? We don't get much traffic here.
Having looked at Wikipedia I can't see that... (read in full...)
Why would someone make a deep fake of my husband?
Q. My cousin sent me a link to a Facebook group she visits a lot, about things in the local area in her town, which is about 40 minutes drive from us. The link she sent me was a video of my husband cuddling another woman, who was wearing a bright...
A. 20 December 2021: 'Tis the season to be Trolly fa-la-la-la-la-la-lah... ... (read in full...)
Is this the end of Dear Cupid?
Q. Is this site reaching the end of its life? Not to say that I want it to be but are we actually providing a genuine service to anybody any more? Back in the "good old days" we'd have a couple of hundred questions posted every month. Now we do...
A. 20 December 2021: Hi guys, and thanks for answering. I thought this might not get posted but I'm glad that it did. @FA which forums are you using now - I might pop along for a nosey as well. I've just submitted an article too for those of you who are interested. I ... (read in full...)
Husband won't let me forget that I cheated
Q. I need advice. I have been in a relationship for 17 years, married for 8. I got pregnant a year after dating and moved in with him at 5 months pregnant. He was always the one to go out with friends, get drunk and stay out late. I stayed home while ...
A. 13 December 2021: Why do you stay in the relationship? ... (read in full...)
I am worried about my sister having an affair
Q. I have a sister who's 28, she lives alone in a flat, legally she's classified as a vulnerable adult due to having autism spectrum disorder, and has a support worker (not sure if she still does due to the pandemic). She's lived alone for 4 years now, ...
A. 13 December 2021: Why don't you ask your sister if she's still seeing the support worker? In the UK a support worker would be considered an essential service although during lockdown it might be reduced to telephone contact.
If you're concerned you should contact ... (read in full...)
I'm married and want to have sex with a man I work with
Q. I am married to wonderful man. We are white with two sons. Recently I have become infatuated with a black man at work. He is a polite and gentlemanly. I find myself thinking and fantasizeing about having sex with him. Is it wrong to have a ...
A. 7 December 2021: "Is it wrong to have a interracial relationship with this man?" Yes, it would be very wrong and quite disgusting. Not because of his race but because YOU are married.
The other two aunties have said the rest. So you've got a crush on him - you do... (read in full...)
Is it normal to talk about sex with a platonic friend?
Q. Work is work, but for me it's more of a day job, because I am a writer. Specifically, I write erotica. I'm not particularly ashamed of it either, all my non-work friends know, and are always asking me for sex advice. Every time a guy friend finds ...
A. 1 December 2021: I have a male best friend and we talk about occasionally sex in general terms but we don't really discuss our personal sex lives but I guess we could if we wanted to.
I don't think it's surprising that friends of yours (male or female) want to ... (read in full...)
Does God notify all women that I am gay
Q. I asked a friend from school who I’ve know for many years about a lad who was really strange and asked what his name was, as I remember certain things. he didn’t seem to know if he was gay or not and he can’t think why he came to mine or what the ...
A. 21 November 2021: Thanks for the follow-up OP. Ruminating on the painful memories from the past is a nasty experience and also a futile one but it can be hard to shake. It's actually a form of OCD and can be helped somewhat with therapy. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural ... (read in full...)
Cowgirl with wide hipped man
Q. I want my wife to be on top more often. We have a problem, I have wide hips, my wife’s are smaller. It is uncomfortable for her to ride me. Are there any suggestions?...
A. 21 November 2021: Reverse cowgirl where she's facing your feet rather than your head? ... (read in full...)
My wife won't go topless at a nude brach
Q. my wife and I have been to nude beaches and she likes looking at nude men and I would like her to take herr top off but she refuses...I don't understand why...
A. 19 November 2021: Have you actually asked her why yourself? She's the only person who can tell you the reason? All we can do is speculate? ... (read in full...)
Does God notify all women that I am gay
Q. I asked a friend from school who I’ve know for many years about a lad who was really strange and asked what his name was, as I remember certain things. he didn’t seem to know if he was gay or not and he can’t think why he came to mine or what the ...
A. 19 November 2021: Try dating atheists then - God doesn't communicate much with athiest.
But seriously, why is this bothering you so much now? The experience you had with another guy happened when you were a teenager and you're now in your 30s. What has happened... (read in full...)
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