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*ubyBirtle

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Let go of your hate

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...

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Does he sound like a shy guy?

Q.   I am in my 40s and have just recently become friendly with a school dad. I sort of knew about him at school (he is a single dad), chatted briefly to him at a party last year and hadn't spoken since. He didn't really acknowledge me and then I ga...

A.   8 February 2017: I've gotta agree with Denizen. I don't think that this guy sounds particularly shy. It could be that he has lots of good friends already and isn't particularly interested in pursuing any more. But that doesn't stop him from being friendLY when ... (read in full...)

How can I keep calm in this intense situation?

Q.   I want to ask on relaxation tips and trying not to be paranoid in a very stressful time in my life- here is a quick summary I got laid off from my last job(I work in HR(5years of experience with a masters) and I landed a reputable job in...

A.   8 February 2017: I think I might have said this to you before.... Vinni-yoga and Mindfulness are some of the best ways of learning relaxation techniques but you do need to go to classes regularly to get the most benefit. Once you get the hang of Mindfuln... (read in full...)

He's verbally abusive. Consequences of leaving him concern me. Why do I seem to have the worst luck with men ? ??

Q.   what am I meant to do? how am I meant to feel? what do I do? I ask these questions and I'm not even sure If they are the right questions to ask!! I have no one in my life that I can talk to about any of this. I'm feel alone and need to feel lik...

A.   8 February 2017: Since you are at Uni now it's the ideal time to leave your partner as there are plenty of places you can get support from as a student. All universities should have a student support service. You can access free counselling services and get advi... (read in full...)

He decided to take up on my offer on not using condoms. Why was he so willing to do this?

Q.   I have been seeing this guy for a while and whenever we have sex, we always use protection. But there was this one time that we didn't because we both didn't want to. After that time we used a condom every time. We were talking about our sex li...

A.   5 February 2017: Well, N91 is right so perhaps it just feels better for him. Perhaps he also thinks that you have started using another method of contraception since you suggested not using condoms. But I think it's because it's not really him that's going to ... (read in full...)

She has helped me a lot through some difficult times. Would it be acceptable to send her flowers as a thank you?

Q.   I have a female friend who I have known since I was 4, she is the same age as me and although we lost contact for a number of years. We are back in contact. Whenever I had problems she always knew what to say and since being back in touch she has...

A.   23 January 2017: I totally agree with HoneyPie - decide whether this is a romantic gesture or a genuine thank-you before you send anything. The two don't really combine well.... (read in full...)

Is it degrading to let a guy ejaculate on you?

Q.   When I was 15, my mother sat me down and had "the talk". She is very open and liberal, so we ended up talking about everything from sex and birth control to relationships and life in general. One of the things she was adamant about was that por...

A.   23 January 2017: If you like it and you don't feel degraded by it, I can't see that it's a problem either. What two consenting adults enjoy together behind closed doors is their own business. ... (read in full...)

I live at home and my Mum won't let me clean it up, its a biohazard mess!

Q.   It's a long story, but I got laid off from my job last year and I live at home with my mom. I feel like I've failed at life and this wasn't how I thought I would turn out, but this is just background information. What's going on is that I'm ...

A.   17 January 2017: I think you need to consider moving out as you and you mother are simply incompatible living together. Is there another relative or a friend that you could move in with until you are able to get work again? And you'll probably be able get so much ... (read in full...)

Where's a good place to meet people my age? Any groups or sites you think might suit, and why?

Q.   I moved city recently and I'm struggling to know people outside work so I joined loads of groups on meeting people sites. But loads of them (no I didnt join dating ones) are full of thirsty older guys, and it's really uncomfortable being at thes...

A.   17 January 2017: Well, in some respects "thirsty older guys" (as well as thirsty younger guys) are part and parcel of socialising as a single female, wherever you go. You just need a thick skin and a sense of humour and to ignore a lot of it. But I DO get it - it's ... (read in full...)

How do I ask my parents for a day off study?

Q.   Hi everyone i need some advice on parents.. So recently my parents told me not to go for hangouts with my friends as my exams are in April. They were also worried at first that i was not going to get an offer from any of my universities, bu...

A.   17 January 2017: Something that might work is to choose something that could also be considered educational and you convince your parents that is would also be useful to your studies or that a teacher has recommended it. It depends what you're studying. If you'r... (read in full...)

How can I find out if I am fertile ... or not?

Q.   dear cupid im worried about my fertility im 35 years old mals i dated a lady 28 year for 3 years relationzhip.staying together.she got preg and i went for dna with her and found that im not the farther.it happened to me on past i get a girlfriend ...

A.   17 January 2017: There's only one way to find out if you are fertile and that's to have sperm count done by a doctor... (read in full...)

How can I get rid of our anxieties and start to date?

Q.   I really like this guy I met online. We have spoken a lot and he's asked to meet me. I am extremely shy and it (has) taken me a while to get comfortable with meeting new people. Sometimes it stops me meeting people because I get so worried about ...

A.   12 January 2017: Stick to your guns and don't cave into having your first meeting at his home. After all, you're putting yourself out of your comfort zone so why shouldn't he do the same. Ask him to suggest a public place where he feels relatively comforta... (read in full...)

Present employer could jeopardise new employment

Q.   Not a dating/relationship question, but would really appreciate any input from anyone who has any ideas/thoughts on this problem, as it could turn out to be a big problem for me. I have worked for a number of years for a small, family-owned com...

A.   8 January 2017: I have been through all this over the last few years I have come to realise that an employers reference is NOT a description of your strengths and weaknesses or you fitness to do the job. It is simply a confirmation that you worked for them ... (read in full...)

She wants me to start wearing the pants in our relationship?!?

Q.   Right, so my girlfriend told me yesterday she wants me to start wearing the pants in the relationship. I had no idea what she meant, and when I asked her she didn't really know how to explain it. Can someone here maybe explain it to me? Also, ...

A.   7 January 2017: You've been given some excellent advice. You need to start having a life outside of your relationship. You need to have your own hobbies and friends. You need your own interests and opinions. You also need to start making decisions within... (read in full...)

Uncertain what the silence could mean

Q.   I met this woman on OKCupid and we started writing to each other. I noticed that she logged in only once a week but she did respond whenever she logged in. The messages were also good. If I wrote 2 paragraphs her reply was also 2 paragraphs, if I ...

A.   7 January 2017: Although she didn't look the type, I'm afraid that's what she's done. She's vanished into the ether. She's ghosting you because she is not interested. The date may seem to have gone well from you perspective but she might not have had seen it ... (read in full...)

A brief text on Christmas but nothing since then! What does this mean?

Q.   Really need advice Haven't spoken to a guy who I got close to but it didn't work for various reasons We had a huge falling out but last year (January )he asked to meet me and we had a coffee After that we didn't talk again So this year...

A.   7 January 2017: He can still be genuinely sorry and not want to rekindle a friendship. Perhaps a few texts per year is friendsip enough for him.... (read in full...)

A brief text on Christmas but nothing since then! What does this mean?

Q.   Really need advice Haven't spoken to a guy who I got close to but it didn't work for various reasons We had a huge falling out but last year (January )he asked to meet me and we had a coffee After that we didn't talk again So this year...

A.   6 January 2017: If this guy treated you like shit, why are you wanting to maintain contact with him at any level? Why bother sending him Xmas wishes? Why not block him from your phone? Why waste time wondering what it "means"? I don't think he really wants to... (read in full...)

A brief text on Christmas but nothing since then! What does this mean?

Q.   Really need advice Haven't spoken to a guy who I got close to but it didn't work for various reasons We had a huge falling out but last year (January )he asked to meet me and we had a coffee After that we didn't talk again So this year...

A.   6 January 2017: The fact that he sent you a Christmas message and an apology It means he has moved on from the incident enough to forgive and not treat you like an enemy. Tis the season of goodwill after all. It does not mean, however, that he wishes to be frien... (read in full...)

I don't like feeling so alone!

Q.   I need some advice on being lonely. I posted his question once before and would really appreciate some more help pleasseeeee I've been feeling so lonely that I cry myself to sleep every night. I feel that I have nothing to live for. All I do is...

A.   4 January 2017: Please could you give us some feedback on the advice you've already been given. Otherwise you'll probably just get the same advice again and again. And those that have answered your questions previously have given some pretty good advice which I ... (read in full...)

Are my dreams of him significant?

Q.   i have reoccurring dreams about my ex-boyfriend who left me after 12 years and married someone else but always called and drop by unexpected. he passed away 3 years ago and I still have dreams about seeing him and his wife together. a few days ...

A.   3 January 2017: I don't think dreams MEAN anything except possibly that we have unresolved emotions about the person (or situation) we're dreaming about. I often dream about a boyfriend I broke up with over 15 years ago but I have worked out a pattern to my dream... (read in full...)

I am no longer happy with my BF. what should I do?

Q.   I've been with my partner for 18 months, and after 8 months I moved into his parents house after moving out of my family home. (my step sister was kicked out and needed somewhere to live). We've recently started renting a flat together and since mo...

A.   3 January 2017: Look for a room in a house share which will be a lot more affordable than a flat on your own. But first talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel. It might kick start him into being an adult (but my guess is that he never lifted a... (read in full...)

What I want to know is, if he is seeing my ex best friend then would he really want to stay friends and in touch with me when there is a good chance I would eventually find out

Q.   My boyfriend of one year an I split up 8 weeks ago. We split because I thought he was seeing my best friend....I still do. He has ALWAYS sworn that he never had and never would have anything to do with her and that one day I will see that. He tells...

A.   3 January 2017: If he was wanting to have a serious relationship with your ex-best-friend, I doubt he would want to keep seeing you. I doubt that ex-BF would tolerate it as there appears to be bad blood between you. But if it was just sex or just a fling then he ... (read in full...)

RIP Beloved George Michael

Q.   We lost George Michael just a day ago. He has sung me to sleep, awaken me in the morning, and told me a story as I looked out into the rain. My heart just sank when I heard the news, and I just didn't want to believe we've lost yet another one. It's ...

A.   30 December 2016: Debbie Reynolds can be added to the list now too :(... (read in full...)

Is there any way I can repair my friendship with her?

Q.   Well,I just have a colleague which is a girl and she likes me. I used to talk to her after getting out from work on the way home.After some weeks I had some thoughts flying through my mind (not about her).I started to stop talking to her. Now we us...

A.   29 December 2016: Well, chat to her friends too and make friends with them too. It will make you seem like a much more attractive and personable guy if you show that you can get on well with all manner of different people... (read in full...)

RIP Beloved George Michael

Q.   We lost George Michael just a day ago. He has sung me to sleep, awaken me in the morning, and told me a story as I looked out into the rain. My heart just sank when I heard the news, and I just didn't want to believe we've lost yet another one. It's ...

A.   27 December 2016: OMG! I know! And Carrie Fisher died today!! How many greats have we lost this year?? Starting with David Bowie.... Alan Rickman Ronnie Corbett (for us Brits) Terry Wogan Rick Parfitt (Status Quo) Glenn Frey (Eagles) Zza Zza Gabor Bur... (read in full...)

If you are a parent or a carer of special needs child can you help advise me on any of my questions ? I am not asking for experts, just parents in a similar situation

Q.   My severly disabled son has to go into residential care soon . We don't want this but he is very aggressive and they need to take him in to stabilise him because he is on too many medications and they think he will be better going to school and ...

A.   27 December 2016: It's not really going to be possible for us to answer all your questions as it will depend very much on the facility your son is admitted to. So take Aunty BimBim's excellent advice and use the list you've started here to put to your son's social ... (read in full...)

Go out on New Year's Eve alone? Is it safe?

Q.   The last 5 years I've been single and primarily friendless so I've stayed in watching tv trying to convince myself I wasn't bored. This year I'm still single, but my friends are coupled or will be out of town and I just can't stand the thought of ...

A.   26 December 2016: Unless you're planning on going to the roughest part of town, I'm [pretty sure you're going to be safe. I'm single and I do a lot of stuff on my own and I don't think I've ever garnered looks of sympathy. To be honest, when people are out i... (read in full...)

How common is rejection for the first ever date attempt in life?

Q.   I've been doing a great deal of inner work lately, and I wonder how much it "wired" me when I was rejected the first time I ever asked someone out, at 17. It would help me to know if this is common or unusual. If you are a guy, were you or any ...

A.   22 December 2016: To be honest, I think you were already "wired" BEFORE you were 17. I think your self-confidence was already low when you asked that girl out and she just "confirmed" your fears about yourself when she rejected you. Using your public-s... (read in full...)

Love-bombing. How long does it last? Will he replicate his love bombing actions in any future relationships ?

Q.   How long does love-bombing by a narcissist last for? My dad is a narcissist (I believe) and he cheated and left my mother for a younger woman. I've heard that there are three stages of a relationship with a narcissist - 1. 'love-bombing', 2....

A.   10 December 2016: It lasts as long as a piece of string. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to human behaviour. Not even two narcissists will behave in the same way so it really is impossible to say. My father's quite the narcissist too (most politici... (read in full...)

Am I in love with a creep? Should I get out now?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. We have travelled the world together and have always been very happy. We have spoken about getting engaged and where we will settle down to raise our family. He has always treated me with respect ...

A.   8 December 2016: Liking legs is fine but I gotta agree with Cindy and the anonymous female poster who've both pointed out that it IS creepy to obtain "wanking fodder" by photographing women who don't know they're being photographed (or don't know why the photo is ... (read in full...)

What does it mean when someone refers to you in the third person?

Q.   What does it mean when someone talks to you about you but makes you the third person ??? What is the psychology behind taking to me but as the third person?? I know alot of people who talk about themselves as the third person. But what I'm asking is ...

A.   8 December 2016: I really can't understand your post? Are you saying that you know someone who says directly to you "Can I come and visit Susan?" rather than "Can I come and visit you?" or "Would Susan like a drink?" instead of "Would you like a drink?" It ... (read in full...)

Was 'going to the dentist' just a cover story? Was he ever 'seeing the dentist' ? Does the evidence suggest my husband is cheating?

Q.   Here is an interesting question and it involves speculation and coming up with possible explanations. I am hoping to see how people think and what conclusions they can draw from this situation. It is something different from the usual. Might be ...

A.   7 December 2016: Alien abduction perhaps? If this was a "stake-out" type scenario (rather than looking at CCTV footage) I would say that the "investigator" had not been watching closely enough. It would be impossible to watch two exits simultaneously anyway. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend hasn't told his parents about our child

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 yrs I hadn't met his parents till recently and I found he hasn't told them about our child whose almost 3yrs old...how am I suppose to deal or take that??...

A.   2 December 2016: If it were me I would thing long and hard whether I would want to remain in the relationship. Your boyfriend has been lying to you (as well as his parents) persistently and consistently for years..... and that's not okay.... (read in full...)

How much should I be involved with friends' love life?

Q.   As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...

A.   24 November 2016: OP - if you weren't entirely honest about your feelings for this room mate in your post at the time, perhaps your friend doesn't KNOW the depths of your feelings and thinks that it's so long in the past that you will no longer be affected by it.... (read in full...)

How much should I be involved with friends' love life?

Q.   As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...

A.   24 November 2016: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/gay-with-an-unstable-roommate.html I believe this is the previous question by the OP at the time of the drama with his room mate. (Although in this post he says that he was not attracted to his room mate in the s... (read in full...)

If you haven't kissed in a long time is it sort of weird to kiss?

Q.   HELP! Please. I 'm going on a second date with a guy, and I'm 22 and although I've kissed people in the past it's been a while since I've kissed someone - more than a year- ( let alone sex haha I think I'm a virgin again, no seriously, anything ...

A.   22 November 2016: I had a break of nearly six years from all sexual activity including kissing and I was worried that I might have "lost something" during that time but it was like riding a bicycle and it all came back to me when I needed it. As N91 says, don't ov... (read in full...)

Which should choose to attend? Tribute band or the comedy? Both on the same night.

Q.   Can anyone advise me on which show to go to tomorrow?. There are two great shows on tomorrow night in the same city. One is a comedy show. The other is a tribute band to a band that I like. I have seen both of them before. I will be going wit...

A.   21 November 2016: Just out of interest - what did you decide in the end? (And I hope you had a good time?)... (read in full...)

Is there anything that can be suggested, on ways to best support my partner of five years, over her work and health issues?

Q.   My partner of 5 years who is 52 has worked in a bakery for 30 years and her boss has sold up to a family. The wife of the said family does not want her in the bakery or using the delivery truck as my partner suffers from IBS (irritable bowel synd...

A.   20 November 2016: The only thing that I can suggest is that you look at taking her current employers to an employment tribunal for discrimination on health grounds. I have IBS myself (although I think I have a fairly mild case) but it rarely affects my ability ... (read in full...)

My co worker hung up even though she was expecting a call from me.

Q.   One of my co-workers, lets call her lady A, wanted another co-work's number, lets call her lady B, who works the same shift as me,.She wants me to ask lady B about a set light that she has.I have Lady's B number so Lady A gave me her number to ...

A.   20 November 2016: You never considered that her phone might have run out of battery or she was in an area with patchy reception? And that she subsequently forgot to call you back once she had full power/reception again? Or maybe she's a very sensitive and emotiona... (read in full...)

Which should choose to attend? Tribute band or the comedy? Both on the same night.

Q.   Can anyone advise me on which show to go to tomorrow?. There are two great shows on tomorrow night in the same city. One is a comedy show. The other is a tribute band to a band that I like. I have seen both of them before. I will be going wit...

A.   18 November 2016: If you mean a stand-up comedian by "comedy show" go and see them. You say that both shows will be repeated next year but I doubt that the comedy show will use exactly the same material another time around, they will have new gags each time. A tri... (read in full...)

I just want to be his friend, but he is taking it slow ...

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles I met a guy a couple of months ago. We hit it off quite quickly and there is obvious chemistry between us. However, he is very hesitate to allow me to get close to him. I know there is not any one else. I know he has only...

A.   15 November 2016: Well you did tell him to delete your number so he's probably gone and done it. Maybe you should have made it clear to him that you were expecting a response before he went ahead and did it. My guess is that he doesn't feel the same "chemist... (read in full...)

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