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*ubyBirtle

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Let go of your hate

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...

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Have I finally caught his interest.... is he into me

Q.   Okay so I've posted a few times on here about this dude, similar taste in music etc You guys always responded with his not interested but things have progressed. First he took interest in one of my old hobbies then he disappeared for a while....

A.   23 April 2017: of course there's a chance but none of us has a crystal ball or the ability to read minds so nobody can tell you what his intentions are for sure. You'll just have to see how things pan out.... (read in full...)

Should I ask my husband about his scratch? Could he be cheating?

Q.   Could a small scratch on your husband's ear - behind the ear lobe - mean he cheated? I just noticed it today. He was not clean shaven. He had stubble on his cheeks. So it could not be a razor cut. Should I confront him or leave it be?...

A.   23 April 2017: You must be a very paranoid person if a possible affair is the conclusion you draw from a scratch on the earlobe. ANYTHING could have caused it!... (read in full...)

Why do girls do things that make them unapproachable and rude?

Q.   Why do girls always have to be glued to each other or have their noses in their phones or in a book? Don't they realize that makes them unapproachable and that it's just plain rude? Also, they do the same things on dates too and act rudely just to ...

A.   23 April 2017: OP - do you have Aspergers? Or are you on the autism spectrum which will make it difficult for you to read people's social non-verbal signals? It seems that you misread people's non-verbal cues which makes you seem pushy and creepy when you pers... (read in full...)

I'm attractive but never approached by men. Do other women have this problem?

Q.   I am 22 and I am never approached by men. I live in America where men are notorious for approaching women. Yet, strangers tell me that I am beautiful/pretty. I talked to a guy and he assumed I had a bf, when I said no, he was in shock. He said I was ...

A.   20 April 2017: I've had this problem pretty much all my life - for no apparent reason so I've had to learn to be quite proactive and approach men myself. You haven't got to "hit on" them - just start a conversation. As Tisha says - take some initiative.... (read in full...)

Do you think that something else is going on here, what are your thoughts?

Q.   So yesterday I was talking with “A” a good male friend of mine from university,and I was talking about myself and that I had a boyfriend(“S” ) for some time now, this and that…., and “A” happens to know my boyfriend from university because they ...

A.   16 April 2017: So what doubts did you have about S BEFORE you had this conversation with A? Have you met R before?... (read in full...)

Do you think that something else is going on here, what are your thoughts?

Q.   So yesterday I was talking with “A” a good male friend of mine from university,and I was talking about myself and that I had a boyfriend(“S” ) for some time now, this and that…., and “A” happens to know my boyfriend from university because they ...

A.   16 April 2017: More importantly - do YOU think anything is going on? Or are you going to make a judgement on your boyfriend based solely on the opinion of a neighbour from years ago who barely remembers him? Why is A's opinion so important? How will past events ... (read in full...)

Trying to avoid attending a work function. What are some good excuses I could use?

Q.   I've been asked to go to a work meeting that I really want to avoid. The meeting is a 3 hour train ride from where I live so I would have to leave very early and get home late. I don't have any children or pets that I can use as an excuse. Are ther...

A.   11 April 2017: Migraine? Toothache? Explosive diarrhoea? ... (read in full...)

He says his HIV is undetectable and he's on medication. Is it ok to sleep with him?

Q.   So I've met this guy who is HIV undetectable and he says it's safe to have unprotected sex cause the hiv is not transmitable cause of medication. I don't really know much about undetectable HIV can I get some info...

A.   8 April 2017: Best place to go is your local sexual health service clinic to ask these questions. Look on your local NHS website or google "CASH clinics" + your local area. It's a specialist subject and since the "aunts" on here are just well-meaning members ... (read in full...)

How to get along with younger colleague at work who ignores me a lot, HELP!

Q.   Need some advice please please! on a workplace situation.. SORRY FOR LENGTH..NEED TO EXPLAIN.. I am a nurse, a "worker", (not a boss or anything like that) work in a hospital, been in the hospital years but worked in my current area 8 mo...

A.   4 April 2017: I don't get why you're so concerned about this one individual either... Do you WANT to be part of her clique? Do you want to socialise with them out of work? Pretty much very ward has a "queen bee"; someone who suffers from Staffnursitis (a... (read in full...)

Is there really such a thing as being at different stages in life?

Q.   I never see ages gaps as a problem but now I'm doubting that maybe we are at different stages of our life. I took some time to realise university is what I wanted and when I started my first year my partner had completed his and is 4 years ahead on ...

A.   4 April 2017: I'm not sure about "different stages" in this case. I think it's just a case of a jealous and controlling boyfriend. You say that he despises you socialising with ANYONE (but males especially). You are perfectly entitled to have male friends ... (read in full...)

Do I let him make a move or speed things up?

Q.   Hi, I have used this site before about a guy let's call him "Gibbs" who is 9 years older than me, I'm now nearly 19 (him being nearly 28). A couple of weeks ago I managed to corner him alone and I'm sure he was about to kiss me, unfortunately my ...

A.   3 April 2017: Well ask him out on a date if you want some time with him - a drink or the movies or even a walk in the park now that the weather is improving. It's a much more mature approach than trying to corner him for stolen kisses at home. But I'm inclined... (read in full...)

Mr E makes me feel like a woman. Yet my unsatisfactory boyfriend does make time for me. Which one will be the best choice?

Q.   Hello aunts, I am in a bit of a mix here and I know I have complicated everything so much and would appreciate your candid advice. The issue is between my ex boyfriend who I refuse to let go and who loves me, refuses to let me go and an old acqu...

A.   3 April 2017: Well, your current boyfriend doesn't sound like much of catch from the description you post so I reckon you should dump him. But you don''t have to have your next relationship all lined up before you do. TBH, Mr E doesn't sound like the right g... (read in full...)

I don't want to work in the office anymore. But should I tell the agency and end up jobless? what should I do?

Q.   Recently I've been feeling down, upset and fed up with my life. I have many things going on and I just can't see life getting better at the moment. I sometimes think that it would be much easier and better being with my mum, since she passed a...

A.   3 April 2017: If the agency are your employers (rather than the office where you work) there should be no problem with you asking if they have any other assignments that you could take instead. You still might have to put up with the assignment for a few weeks ... (read in full...)

I want to release my creativity but fear keeps taking over. What can I do?

Q.   I want to release my creativity by doing things and possibly making a youtube channel. But every time I attempt any type of art, I overthink it, make it more than what it seems. I let my fears take over and weigh me down. Singing makes me hap...

A.   2 April 2017: If you like singing, look for a community choir in your area. You don't need to audition or be able to read music - just pay your subscription fees and get stuck in. Many of them also offer free taster sessions so you can see what they're like ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's insecurity is chipping away at our relationship

Q.   So I am having some serious issues in my relationship and I don't know how to deal with them. I am coming here for some much needed perspective. To start, I'm a gay female. 33 years old. My girlfriend is 27. We have what I would normally conside...

A.   28 March 2017: No don't give her any more chances. She told you a big fat lie - this IS how she normally is. Insecure, clingy and mistrustful. She either can't change or she doesn't want to. You don't have to be dragged down with her. I went out with someone ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend doesn't make any real effort to lose weight despite wanting to

Q.   I've been in relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. I liked her for her personality and character but her weight had always bothered me right from the start. She was actually slim just under 2 year back(she looked amazing) but gai...

A.   28 March 2017: Yeah - I didn't really look at the numbers when I posted. I'M 52kg (or thereabouts - I haven't weighed myself in years) and I'm 152cms tall and I'm considered SLIM! Even at 5kg heavier I didn't think or feel I was fat at all. And people still ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend doesn't make any real effort to lose weight despite wanting to

Q.   I've been in relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. I liked her for her personality and character but her weight had always bothered me right from the start. She was actually slim just under 2 year back(she looked amazing) but gai...

A.   28 March 2017: I get the feeling that I've read this post before..... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-care-my-girl-is-letting-herself-go.html http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-this-work-with-her.html Perhaps some of the advice in these p... (read in full...)

Social life an issue with my mum

Q.   I struggle to keep friends and I don't know why... I've lost touch with most of my friends from school and I never venture out the house. It's getting me down a lot because I try to make friends but I just don't seem to click :( I've joined so...

A.   25 March 2017: I agree with the first person who answered. I'm over 40 and if I'm staying with my mother (or if she's staying with me) I get all the same questions.... Where are you going? Who are you going with? How are you getting there? What time will you be ... (read in full...)

She doesn't want to ruin our friendship but I don't want to lose her to another guy!

Q.   So I have been friends with this girl for 7 months and the friendship has been amazing but the one thing is I want her, but she "doesn't want to ruin the friendship", but we have been in a relationship 3 months ago but we just took some time apart, ...

A.   16 March 2017: The friendship is already ruined. It ended once you began developing feelings for her. I agree with FA, who answered first - she regards you as a friend only and that's not going to change. I'm not sure that I agree she is "using" you - she migh... (read in full...)

How does her doctor know if she has herpes I if he's never done a test?

Q.   My question is about herpes, I met a woman she told me she has genital herpes, she is now on valtraxs, the doctor didn't even checked her out down there , she says she has had it for over a dozen years, my question is if he doesn't do a blood test, ...

A.   16 March 2017: You should really ask a medical professional these questions. The treatments for type one and two are exactly the same so there is frequently no need to differentiate. The virus doesn't show up in the blood (the antibodies to the virus do) so... (read in full...)

Without heat, hot water or a carer - please advise

Q.   I have a difficult situation. I have been without heat or hot water in my flat for a week. There have been workmen doing some work on the pipes outside on my street. They are supposed to be doing some work in the garden next door. Until that is ...

A.   15 March 2017: Can you get yourself down to the citizens advice beaureau and speak to them? Is there a community gym near you? You can use their showers although you might have to pay a couple of quid to do that. And get to poundshop if you can and buy some... (read in full...)

How can I stop coming on so strong?

Q.   Hey everyone. So I've been posting here for quite a while about all of my struggles with attracting women. I think I may finally realize what's been going on. I come on too strong and over analyze things on pretty much every attempt. It's just who I ...

A.   15 March 2017: I'm sorry you haven't found the advice you've been given helpful. I think the guys who answered you gave you quite good advice - now that you've identified where you go wrong, it's a case of having the will-power NOT to repeat it. So if you find... (read in full...)

I don't appreciate so much mystery,I feel he is hiding things and something fishy is going on,what is your honest advice?

Q.   Ok, so I happen to be in a relationship for almost 2 years, with my bf who is in his mid to late thirtys, and honestly I have come to the conclusion that he is somehow mysterious, I mean I get that he is discrete, but it just comes off as mysteriou...

A.   15 March 2017: I still think you're making mountains out of mole-hills for the facebook thing I have a facebook account which I stopped using in about 2012. If new people I meet ask me "are you on facebook?" I say a plain and simple "No". Once I get to... (read in full...)

I don't appreciate so much mystery,I feel he is hiding things and something fishy is going on,what is your honest advice?

Q.   Ok, so I happen to be in a relationship for almost 2 years, with my bf who is in his mid to late thirtys, and honestly I have come to the conclusion that he is somehow mysterious, I mean I get that he is discrete, but it just comes off as mysteriou...

A.   14 March 2017: Well, from what you post about him I don't see anything too "mysterious" but I'm not dating him so my advice is - trust your gut. If you think something is rotten in the state of Denmark, then it probably is. Personally, I would find the "lack of... (read in full...)

How easy is it for some men to cheat?

Q.   How easy it is for some men to cheat? Do you think my man cheated on me based on this: *He's had sex with approx. 30 girls that I know about... *They are all types of faces and bodies and most of them he says he considers them ugly. (Ma...

A.   14 March 2017: Firstly, YOU are in a much better position to answer your question than any stranger on the internet because you know him personally. We can only guess and we may be totally wrong. How easy is it for a guy to cheat? Very easy if he wants to but I... (read in full...)

Do I quit my job? I feel my coworker doesn't like me, and some of the behaviour at work feels like bullying to me.

Q.   I work for a warehouse factory that distrubutes sporting things such as football tops and trophies etc. I'm being bullied at work from my boss and the assistant of the boss and they can't seem to leave me alone for five minutes. everytime I go into ...

A.   14 March 2017: I certainly don't blame you for wanting to leave - I wouldn't want to work in a toxic environment like that - but do secure another job before you hand your notice in. Get job-hunting now! Good luck!... (read in full...)

Is there any way we could have forced him into rehab with no money to pay for it?

Q.   The problem I have is not a romance problem, it is a family problem. My brother is an alcoholic and he is spiraling out of control. He has had two DUIs and he can't keep a job. This week we found out that he had lost his job after being there for ...

A.   14 March 2017: I don't know much about US laws so I'm probably not the best person to help but I doubt very much that you could have FORCED him to go to rehab, even if money was no object. Some people are "forced" to go to rehab via the legal system - if they ... (read in full...)

He never comments on facebook but refers to facebook in real life

Q.   My apologies for a really silly question to do with facebook (I know life is too short but it intrigues me) and I am old school (in my 40s). If a guy you are friendly with on facebook never comments on your statuses but comments on others that y...

A.   14 March 2017: Apologies for a silly question? You haven't actually ASKED a question! But I guess you're asking "is this normal?" or "why doesn't he comment on my status?" Well, you're right. Everybody uses facebook differently. Perhaps he doesn't comment ... (read in full...)

How should we respond? My husband's ex has threatened to abandon the children on our doorstep, if we don't agree to take them at a time convenient for her.

Q.   We could do with some help solving a problem please. My husband has recently been made redundant(with one week pay) and was offered an opportunity to go on a course to improve his skills and at the end, secure a new job which he was so excited a...

A.   12 March 2017: The other thing you can do is raise the issue with the children's school and they might be able to suggest transport alternatives which will let your husband take that training course and not keep you out of pocket. I'm sorry that this doesn't ... (read in full...)

Why cry? Was she feeling guilty? My LDR is currently studying overseas. She has started a new friendship there but promised me that they would not have full sex

Q.   Hello guys, My gf is studying abroad currently in a relationship with someone else, we were arguing cause i was asking how far their relationship is. The sex) She promised she wont have sex with her current BF but then when i asked if she did to h...

A.   12 March 2017: Okay, so your girlfriend of 5 years is currently studying abroad and has recently admitted to you that she is having an affair - an affair that she wants to keep on having until she finishes her studies so she doesn't have to be alone. Do you real... (read in full...)

She saved pictures of one of my friends. What should I do? Why would she do this?

Q.   Hello, My girlfriend and I been together for 8years. But I recently found pictures of my female friend on her iPad. So my girlfriend went on my female friend's Facebook page and saved like 10 pictures of her. What should I do?...

A.   12 March 2017: I don't get what the problem is either - are they not allowed to be friends with each other or own photographs of each other? Were the pictures indecent? Did she get the pictures by downloading them from your computer/iPad/phone without your per... (read in full...)

Is this normal? I have never been so happy about ending a relationship.

Q.   Hello. I have a very short question for those who have enough knowledge about star signs(if you don't you may google info). Short story: I am a capricorn female (21) my boyfriend (now ex) is a Pisces (23). Our relationship was full of drama bu...

A.   12 March 2017: Is it normal to feel happy/relieved at the end of a relationship? Well, I've certainly flt relieved in the past and I'm sure lots of other people have felt the same. Perhaps some of what you're feeling is a sense of empowerment. You... (read in full...)

How should we respond? My husband's ex has threatened to abandon the children on our doorstep, if we don't agree to take them at a time convenient for her.

Q.   We could do with some help solving a problem please. My husband has recently been made redundant(with one week pay) and was offered an opportunity to go on a course to improve his skills and at the end, secure a new job which he was so excited a...

A.   12 March 2017: So this wouldn't be so much of an issue if you had two cars? I suggest you ask the kids Mum for money to cover the school run by taxi. If she refuses I suggest that you call social services now to ask if they can provide help with getting the chil... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school?

Q.   Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school? This started happening a few months back and while it is not the end of the world it just seems out of the norm. He will change if we have visitors other then fami...

A.   11 March 2017: My brother did this all the time when he was a teenager. What I took offence at most at the time is that he would wear tatty, salmon pink Y-fronts which my mother had bought him when he was 13! So I guess it is quite normal. We did live in a very ... (read in full...)

Has anyone dated a family member of a friend?

Q.   Have you ever been out with your friend's brother/sister and if so did it last and for how long. Did it upset the friendship you had with your friend. I went out with my friend's brother briefly when I was younger (I am in my late 40s now) and I ...

A.   9 March 2017: Well, I dated my brother's best friend - does that count? He is the only ex-boyfriend that I still consider to be a "friend" but I use that term loosely because he's more of an acquaintance now. We live in different countries and have done for... (read in full...)

He said we should just let things go. What did I do wrong?

Q.   I have been seeing this guy for 4 months now and everything has been going on just fine , we never really labelled what we were but he made sure that we hang out a lot and talk a lot. We met on tinder and at first I used to cancel until we actually...

A.   9 March 2017: I gotta agree with HoneyPie. If someone flaked out on me several times in four months I would question how serious they were about having a relationship with me.... no matter how many times they told me they were crazy about me - their actions ... (read in full...)

What can I do or say, that might encourage him to ask me out?

Q.   Hello. I know one of my guy friends likes me. But he wont say anything. His best friend used to go out with my sister and it ended badly. His best friend said that he might not say anything because of this Is there a way to help change his min...

A.   8 March 2017: Why not ask HIM out?... (read in full...)

Is she being very friendly or flirting with some motive?

Q.   I shall try to make this short. I met a girl on a taxi when i was going to work. We chat and walk till i reach my work place. She ask my contact no. And we exchange our number. We didn't meet for the next 2 weeks. One day we happen to meet again on ...

A.   8 March 2017: I agree with Janniepeg- she's waiting to see if you can steal her away from her boyfriend. She doesn't want to dump him first because she's still not sure whether YOU want a relationship with HER. Something very similar happened to a friend o... (read in full...)

She asked me to slap her hand for no reason. Is that her way of flirting?

Q.   Hey everyone, So there's this girl I've had my eye on since almost a year now. Im not sure if she has feelings for me but there have been signs.I'm holding back on asking her out cos my financial situation is not stable and I won't be able to...

A.   8 March 2017: Yeah, I'm a bit stumped too! If she was flirting it seems a pretty silly way of doing it! To me it sounds like attention-seeking behaviour, especially if this was in a group setting. Perhaps it was more of a performance for other onlooker... (read in full...)

My 22 year old daughter has sent nude photos to her boyfriend. How do I address this?

Q.   I recently discovered that my 22 year old daughter who is doing her post graduation has clicked and sent her nude pictures to her boyfriend. am concerned that its morally incorrect and also usually such pictures land up circulating. Its very...

A.   7 March 2017: Firstly, how did you find out that she had done this? Were you snooping on your adult daughter's personal computer or phone? Or did you stumble across it accidentally?... (read in full...)

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