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*ubyBirtle

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Let go of your hate

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...

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Social life an issue with my mum

Q.   I struggle to keep friends and I don't know why... I've lost touch with most of my friends from school and I never venture out the house. It's getting me down a lot because I try to make friends but I just don't seem to click :( I've joined so...

A.   25 March 2017: I agree with the first person who answered. I'm over 40 and if I'm staying with my mother (or if she's staying with me) I get all the same questions.... Where are you going? Who are you going with? How are you getting there? What time will you be ... (read in full...)

She doesn't want to ruin our friendship but I don't want to lose her to another guy!

Q.   So I have been friends with this girl for 7 months and the friendship has been amazing but the one thing is I want her, but she "doesn't want to ruin the friendship", but we have been in a relationship 3 months ago but we just took some time apart, ...

A.   16 March 2017: The friendship is already ruined. It ended once you began developing feelings for her. I agree with FA, who answered first - she regards you as a friend only and that's not going to change. I'm not sure that I agree she is "using" you - she migh... (read in full...)

How does her doctor know if she has herpes I if he's never done a test?

Q.   My question is about herpes, I met a woman she told me she has genital herpes, she is now on valtraxs, the doctor didn't even checked her out down there , she says she has had it for over a dozen years, my question is if he doesn't do a blood test, ...

A.   16 March 2017: You should really ask a medical professional these questions. The treatments for type one and two are exactly the same so there is frequently no need to differentiate. The virus doesn't show up in the blood (the antibodies to the virus do) so... (read in full...)

Without heat, hot water or a carer - please advise

Q.   I have a difficult situation. I have been without heat or hot water in my flat for a week. There have been workmen doing some work on the pipes outside on my street. They are supposed to be doing some work in the garden next door. Until that is ...

A.   15 March 2017: Can you get yourself down to the citizens advice beaureau and speak to them? Is there a community gym near you? You can use their showers although you might have to pay a couple of quid to do that. And get to poundshop if you can and buy some... (read in full...)

How can I stop coming on so strong?

Q.   Hey everyone. So I've been posting here for quite a while about all of my struggles with attracting women. I think I may finally realize what's been going on. I come on too strong and over analyze things on pretty much every attempt. It's just who I ...

A.   15 March 2017: I'm sorry you haven't found the advice you've been given helpful. I think the guys who answered you gave you quite good advice - now that you've identified where you go wrong, it's a case of having the will-power NOT to repeat it. So if you find... (read in full...)

I don't appreciate so much mystery,I feel he is hiding things and something fishy is going on,what is your honest advice?

Q.   Ok, so I happen to be in a relationship for almost 2 years, with my bf who is in his mid to late thirtys, and honestly I have come to the conclusion that he is somehow mysterious, I mean I get that he is discrete, but it just comes off as mysteriou...

A.   15 March 2017: I still think you're making mountains out of mole-hills for the facebook thing I have a facebook account which I stopped using in about 2012. If new people I meet ask me "are you on facebook?" I say a plain and simple "No". Once I get to... (read in full...)

I don't appreciate so much mystery,I feel he is hiding things and something fishy is going on,what is your honest advice?

Q.   Ok, so I happen to be in a relationship for almost 2 years, with my bf who is in his mid to late thirtys, and honestly I have come to the conclusion that he is somehow mysterious, I mean I get that he is discrete, but it just comes off as mysteriou...

A.   14 March 2017: Well, from what you post about him I don't see anything too "mysterious" but I'm not dating him so my advice is - trust your gut. If you think something is rotten in the state of Denmark, then it probably is. Personally, I would find the "lack of... (read in full...)

How easy is it for some men to cheat?

Q.   How easy it is for some men to cheat? Do you think my man cheated on me based on this: *He's had sex with approx. 30 girls that I know about... *They are all types of faces and bodies and most of them he says he considers them ugly. (Ma...

A.   14 March 2017: Firstly, YOU are in a much better position to answer your question than any stranger on the internet because you know him personally. We can only guess and we may be totally wrong. How easy is it for a guy to cheat? Very easy if he wants to but I... (read in full...)

Do I quit my job? I feel my coworker doesn't like me, and some of the behaviour at work feels like bullying to me.

Q.   I work for a warehouse factory that distrubutes sporting things such as football tops and trophies etc. I'm being bullied at work from my boss and the assistant of the boss and they can't seem to leave me alone for five minutes. everytime I go into ...

A.   14 March 2017: I certainly don't blame you for wanting to leave - I wouldn't want to work in a toxic environment like that - but do secure another job before you hand your notice in. Get job-hunting now! Good luck!... (read in full...)

Is there any way we could have forced him into rehab with no money to pay for it?

Q.   The problem I have is not a romance problem, it is a family problem. My brother is an alcoholic and he is spiraling out of control. He has had two DUIs and he can't keep a job. This week we found out that he had lost his job after being there for ...

A.   14 March 2017: I don't know much about US laws so I'm probably not the best person to help but I doubt very much that you could have FORCED him to go to rehab, even if money was no object. Some people are "forced" to go to rehab via the legal system - if they ... (read in full...)

He never comments on facebook but refers to facebook in real life

Q.   My apologies for a really silly question to do with facebook (I know life is too short but it intrigues me) and I am old school (in my 40s). If a guy you are friendly with on facebook never comments on your statuses but comments on others that y...

A.   14 March 2017: Apologies for a silly question? You haven't actually ASKED a question! But I guess you're asking "is this normal?" or "why doesn't he comment on my status?" Well, you're right. Everybody uses facebook differently. Perhaps he doesn't comment ... (read in full...)

How should we respond? My husband's ex has threatened to abandon the children on our doorstep, if we don't agree to take them at a time convenient for her.

Q.   We could do with some help solving a problem please. My husband has recently been made redundant(with one week pay) and was offered an opportunity to go on a course to improve his skills and at the end, secure a new job which he was so excited a...

A.   12 March 2017: The other thing you can do is raise the issue with the children's school and they might be able to suggest transport alternatives which will let your husband take that training course and not keep you out of pocket. I'm sorry that this doesn't ... (read in full...)

Why cry? Was she feeling guilty? My LDR is currently studying overseas. She has started a new friendship there but promised me that they would not have full sex

Q.   Hello guys, My gf is studying abroad currently in a relationship with someone else, we were arguing cause i was asking how far their relationship is. The sex) She promised she wont have sex with her current BF but then when i asked if she did to h...

A.   12 March 2017: Okay, so your girlfriend of 5 years is currently studying abroad and has recently admitted to you that she is having an affair - an affair that she wants to keep on having until she finishes her studies so she doesn't have to be alone. Do you real... (read in full...)

She saved pictures of one of my friends. What should I do? Why would she do this?

Q.   Hello, My girlfriend and I been together for 8years. But I recently found pictures of my female friend on her iPad. So my girlfriend went on my female friend's Facebook page and saved like 10 pictures of her. What should I do?...

A.   12 March 2017: I don't get what the problem is either - are they not allowed to be friends with each other or own photographs of each other? Were the pictures indecent? Did she get the pictures by downloading them from your computer/iPad/phone without your per... (read in full...)

Is this normal? I have never been so happy about ending a relationship.

Q.   Hello. I have a very short question for those who have enough knowledge about star signs(if you don't you may google info). Short story: I am a capricorn female (21) my boyfriend (now ex) is a Pisces (23). Our relationship was full of drama bu...

A.   12 March 2017: Is it normal to feel happy/relieved at the end of a relationship? Well, I've certainly flt relieved in the past and I'm sure lots of other people have felt the same. Perhaps some of what you're feeling is a sense of empowerment. You... (read in full...)

How should we respond? My husband's ex has threatened to abandon the children on our doorstep, if we don't agree to take them at a time convenient for her.

Q.   We could do with some help solving a problem please. My husband has recently been made redundant(with one week pay) and was offered an opportunity to go on a course to improve his skills and at the end, secure a new job which he was so excited a...

A.   12 March 2017: So this wouldn't be so much of an issue if you had two cars? I suggest you ask the kids Mum for money to cover the school run by taxi. If she refuses I suggest that you call social services now to ask if they can provide help with getting the chil... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school?

Q.   Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school? This started happening a few months back and while it is not the end of the world it just seems out of the norm. He will change if we have visitors other then fami...

A.   11 March 2017: My brother did this all the time when he was a teenager. What I took offence at most at the time is that he would wear tatty, salmon pink Y-fronts which my mother had bought him when he was 13! So I guess it is quite normal. We did live in a very ... (read in full...)

Has anyone dated a family member of a friend?

Q.   Have you ever been out with your friend's brother/sister and if so did it last and for how long. Did it upset the friendship you had with your friend. I went out with my friend's brother briefly when I was younger (I am in my late 40s now) and I ...

A.   9 March 2017: Well, I dated my brother's best friend - does that count? He is the only ex-boyfriend that I still consider to be a "friend" but I use that term loosely because he's more of an acquaintance now. We live in different countries and have done for... (read in full...)

He said we should just let things go. What did I do wrong?

Q.   I have been seeing this guy for 4 months now and everything has been going on just fine , we never really labelled what we were but he made sure that we hang out a lot and talk a lot. We met on tinder and at first I used to cancel until we actually...

A.   9 March 2017: I gotta agree with HoneyPie. If someone flaked out on me several times in four months I would question how serious they were about having a relationship with me.... no matter how many times they told me they were crazy about me - their actions ... (read in full...)

What can I do or say, that might encourage him to ask me out?

Q.   Hello. I know one of my guy friends likes me. But he wont say anything. His best friend used to go out with my sister and it ended badly. His best friend said that he might not say anything because of this Is there a way to help change his min...

A.   8 March 2017: Why not ask HIM out?... (read in full...)

Is she being very friendly or flirting with some motive?

Q.   I shall try to make this short. I met a girl on a taxi when i was going to work. We chat and walk till i reach my work place. She ask my contact no. And we exchange our number. We didn't meet for the next 2 weeks. One day we happen to meet again on ...

A.   8 March 2017: I agree with Janniepeg- she's waiting to see if you can steal her away from her boyfriend. She doesn't want to dump him first because she's still not sure whether YOU want a relationship with HER. Something very similar happened to a friend o... (read in full...)

She asked me to slap her hand for no reason. Is that her way of flirting?

Q.   Hey everyone, So there's this girl I've had my eye on since almost a year now. Im not sure if she has feelings for me but there have been signs.I'm holding back on asking her out cos my financial situation is not stable and I won't be able to...

A.   8 March 2017: Yeah, I'm a bit stumped too! If she was flirting it seems a pretty silly way of doing it! To me it sounds like attention-seeking behaviour, especially if this was in a group setting. Perhaps it was more of a performance for other onlooker... (read in full...)

My 22 year old daughter has sent nude photos to her boyfriend. How do I address this?

Q.   I recently discovered that my 22 year old daughter who is doing her post graduation has clicked and sent her nude pictures to her boyfriend. am concerned that its morally incorrect and also usually such pictures land up circulating. Its very...

A.   7 March 2017: Firstly, how did you find out that she had done this? Were you snooping on your adult daughter's personal computer or phone? Or did you stumble across it accidentally?... (read in full...)

He was my friend a long time ago. But he now has a girlfriend. Could I ever mean more to him? Or is he destined to be only a friend?

Q.   I fell in love with a old friend i met 39yrs ago. i were dating another one also. I chose my husband over him who is now deceased in whom were also a friend at that time. My friend came back in my life after 26yrs. To support me thru the ha...

A.   4 March 2017: I really can't understand your post at all. Can I try and summarise it a bit to see if it makes more sense? It sounds like you have had several husbands but I'm not sure how many or which order they come in. One who is the father of your s... (read in full...)

Does this signify interest?

Q.   A girl at work responding to my asking her something responded "for you anything". I have had this also said to me in another setting by different girl (she serving me or telling me where a product is). Of course we've had a friendly chat or chats ...

A.   3 March 2017: It's a joke! It's a humorous way of saying "No problem, I'll pass you that folder" or "Sure, your coffee's coming right up" It's not supposed to be taken seriously. It's what we call "witty banter". The girl probably likes you enough in a friendly... (read in full...)

Why do I always ''arrive'' faster with girls than with guys? I think I'm bisexual

Q.   Hi, i'm looking for some advice here. Right so, im pretty sure im bisexual, or hetrofelxible, or whatever doesn't really matter im well experienced with both sexes. So, there was this guy, i came over to his, he was waiting naked, proceeded...

A.   2 March 2017: I'm afraid I don't know the answer to this one but why does it actually matter?... (read in full...)

Does his behavior indicate that he's an emotional abuser? Should I breakup with him?

Q.   1-) In life, we should have certain words filtered, my boyfriend does not seem to have one. I am upset because, he has this tendency of referring to woman as bi***es, ”oh tha b*tch does this or that, in a very despotic way, he does not say this all ...

A.   2 March 2017: Yes, it is abusive. Yes, you should break up with him (surprised you haven't already).... (read in full...)

Am I being paranoid or is this married guy trying to make a move on me?

Q.   Theres this married guy I know, I always catch him looking at me then looking down when I catch him. I always got the impression he would actively try and avoid sitting next to me but he always sat straight across from me so he could see me. But ...

A.   28 February 2017: I think you've posted about this guy before. He's your brother in law isn't he? (Your husband's brother) http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-husbands-brother-is-behaving-towards-me-in.html http://www.dearcupid.... (read in full...)

I'm worried my reaction means I am not over him.

Q.   I had a one year relationship. The guy was a jerk, and anyway we boke up. After not even seeing eaach other for like 3 months i suddenly see him on the road and i vomit. why does this happen? please tell me it's normal and that i don't still have ...

A.   28 February 2017: I've had this before. Vomiting is a fairly common response to fear and anxiety in some people. It doesn't mean that you still have feelings for him exactly - just that you haven't moved on completely yet and most people wouldn't have after 3 ... (read in full...)

My FWB grabbed me by the throat when I said I would find sex elsewhere!

Q.   I've been seeing this guy for a couple months now. We made it very clear we do not want a relationship with each other. It is just friend with benefits kind of thing. We are really good friends and we're not sleeping with anyone else. Last night we ...

A.   28 February 2017: Cindy's hit it right on the nose... This guy behaved like this because a) you criticised his sexual performance by saying that you were unsatisfied by him b) he was drunk c) he is a mean drunk End your FWB with him - one episode of physica... (read in full...)

The lady I was dating has herpes, did she break up with me due to my paranoia?

Q.   hello, i met some one she was honest with me, she told me she has had herpes for thirteen years, not on medication, but now she is, an we only been seeing each other for three weeks, used condoms, yes I've told her i am very worried about it, it's ...

A.   28 February 2017: I do wish you'd capitalise and punctuate properly. Your posts can be really hard to understand. Are you saying that you discussed her herpes status with her DAUGHTER. I think that breach of confidence alone would be enough for some people to dump ... (read in full...)

Dental hygene is holding me back

Q.   Due to childhood problems, I have a major phobia of the dentist... and therefore never been... also due to those reason as problems, my dental hygiene is horrible :( I know it is! I am on track to sort them out. The problem is; I put off ev...

A.   26 February 2017: Obviously, I can't see the state of your teeth and gums myself but rest assured that most problems of this sort (chin hairs, zits, cold sores, stained teeth, etc) are often much more noticeable by the owner of the problem than to everybody else. ... (read in full...)

I care my girl is letting herself go. How can I help?

Q.   Me and my gf been together 4 years. Over the years she has let herself go. I have been encouraging her to keep in shape for over a year. She has been lazy and eats junk all the time. I like to see her happy so if she likes eating, i don't say much. ...

A.   26 February 2017: When she complains about her weight what is your standard response? What some men don't get is that when their partners complain about something they are not always looking for solutions so responses such as suggesting diet and exercise are not ... (read in full...)

I've had bad luck with women in the past, and now I'm wondering if this new girl is testing me or just playing games

Q.   I would like some advice on what to do with a female I'm currently talking to. Ive had no luck in the past when it comes to relationships and have always ended up getting hurt, no fault of my own. I'm not a bad looking guy and can get dates, I deci...

A.   26 February 2017: I think we're missing some key pieces of information here... What is she actually doing or saying that makes you feel that she's "playing games". Sometimes it's all a matter of interpretation and if you "confront" her and accuse her of ga... (read in full...)

How much detail should I put in my online dating profile?

Q.   I have cerebral palsy, I am not in a wheelchair but am a bit unsteady on my feet at times. I have got a dating profile on Match, should I include my disability on there?...

A.   24 February 2017: I, personally, would simply skirt around the issue in you profile and then be honest as soon as you start conversing with someone one-to-one. Does your profile allow you to upload several photographs? If so you could upload a couple of full len... (read in full...)

What happened?

Q.   Met this awesome but shy guy for the first time in person last week. We met online on a dating site. We had planned to meet after a month or so of texting, as he had a day off from work and I had a day off the next day so it worked for us both. It ...

A.   24 February 2017: When we meet people online we start to build up a fantasy about what they'll be like when we meet them. This fantasy is added to whenever we converse with that person but when we meet this person and finally converse with them face-to-face we might ... (read in full...)

I lost respect when I found out my friend was a home wrecker.

Q.   I have a friend, lets call him x, who recently told me he's got a new girlfriend. I was happy for him, and asked the typical questions, appears she's a colleague of his and she's got two kids ages 7 and 4, that he hasn't met yet but is excited about ...

A.   24 February 2017: I agree with Aunty BimBim - you've only got Y's side of the story with her own feelings and prejudices. X might have a completely different story to tell. And maybe his new girlfriend is the "home-wrecker" not him. And remember - everybod... (read in full...)

Does he sound like a shy guy?

Q.   I am in my 40s and have just recently become friendly with a school dad. I sort of knew about him at school (he is a single dad), chatted briefly to him at a party last year and hadn't spoken since. He didn't really acknowledge me and then I ga...

A.   8 February 2017: I've gotta agree with Denizen. I don't think that this guy sounds particularly shy. It could be that he has lots of good friends already and isn't particularly interested in pursuing any more. But that doesn't stop him from being friendLY when ... (read in full...)

How can I keep calm in this intense situation?

Q.   I want to ask on relaxation tips and trying not to be paranoid in a very stressful time in my life- here is a quick summary I got laid off from my last job(I work in HR(5years of experience with a masters) and I landed a reputable job in...

A.   8 February 2017: I think I might have said this to you before.... Vinni-yoga and Mindfulness are some of the best ways of learning relaxation techniques but you do need to go to classes regularly to get the most benefit. Once you get the hang of Mindfuln... (read in full...)

He's verbally abusive. Consequences of leaving him concern me. Why do I seem to have the worst luck with men ? ??

Q.   what am I meant to do? how am I meant to feel? what do I do? I ask these questions and I'm not even sure If they are the right questions to ask!! I have no one in my life that I can talk to about any of this. I'm feel alone and need to feel lik...

A.   8 February 2017: Since you are at Uni now it's the ideal time to leave your partner as there are plenty of places you can get support from as a student. All universities should have a student support service. You can access free counselling services and get advi... (read in full...)

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