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*ubyBirtle

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Let go of your hate

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...

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I'm dating a nice lady but all I can think about is my ex who ghosted me

Q.   I am seeing someone new who treats me wonderful, the way I've always wanted to be treated, but all I think about is my ex, who I treated great, she ghost me, what I think about is why couldn't my ex treated me this way, it could of been so ...

A.   23 June 2017: Well, the OP has chosen not to follow up but I believe he is one of our regular posters who suffers from "Nice-Guy Syndrome". He had a short-term but very intense relationship with a woman who then went straight back to her abusive partner once he ... (read in full...)

How to make someone who doesn't like you fall in love with you ?

Q.   I know a man who fancy me sexually but doesn't like me personally. This is odd I know, please open your mind. This is a player, someone who sleeps around and goes from a girl to a girl like a bee in the spring lol. He is good looking, char...

A.   22 June 2017: I just need to ask WHY you want to do this? To teach a player a lesson? Or to get attention/validation from him? Or because you are crushing on him and hope that this will lead to a relationship? It might make a difference to people's answers.... (read in full...)

Should I break up with my husband so I might be able to be with his friend?

Q.   Hello! I'm 25 and I've been married for 3 years, and I have been relatively happy until now, when I suddenly realized (or suddeny admitted to myself) that I am not in love with my husband any more, and I don't think I have been for almost our whole ...

A.   21 June 2017: No I don't think you should get divorced from your husband because you MIGHT be with his friend. This guy hasn't given you an OUNCE of encouragement and it would be a big ask to expect him to lose his friends and his family just so he can have you - ... (read in full...)

Is this guy interested or not?!

Q.   I met this guy about a year ago now-we met online and met up, we got on well and had a laugh, he didn't push for sex or anything like that, he was really respectful, I had a boyfriend at the time but the relationship was on its way out due to him ...

A.   21 June 2017: Well, it seems that he's interested in sex with you but not in a romantic relationship with you. I don't think this has anything to do with your ex. If YOU want a relationship, then I think you should be looking elsewhere as this guy is being ... (read in full...)

I didn't cheat so why do I have crabs and my husband?

Q.   I'm married I found crab louse on me I'm not Committing adultery my husband doesn't have any of those things on his body how can that be?...

A.   13 June 2017: How well did you examine the specimen? They're pretty small so perhaps you confused it with something else... a tick perhaps or a body louse (which is different but closely related to the crab louse and lives pretty happily in public hair but ... (read in full...)

Why would a man decide, at the last moment, to not use a condom in this way?

Q.   my partner and i was about to have sex and he went to get a condom. When he got it he was playing with the packaging for a few seconds and put the condom to the side. why? After having sex he started to play with that condom again before putti...

A.   13 June 2017: Maybe this is going through his head.... "I wonder if it's her fertile time? Perhaps I should put on a condom. I don't want to be a father. But then wouldn't she SAY if getting pregnant was really a risk? So it must be okay then. Besides, it won't... (read in full...)

What's the best thing to do? I have a crush on a hot co-worker

Q.   Well, I have a crush on coworker, but she is dating another co-worker and has a kid with him. She asked me if I think her boyfriend would cheat on her. I told her "no, I didn't think so". She supposed to come over and hang out, but Im not going to ...

A.   10 June 2017: If she's dating someone else and has a kid with him, the best thing to do is leave well alone. If she's a co-worker, the best thing to do is leave well alone. So, there's two reasons why you should not do anything about your crush. You'll ju... (read in full...)

Being threatened by loved ones if I stop taking medication and forced holidays

Q.   last year I was diagnosed with depression and have been taking sertraline which was recommend by the doctor, ive had a difficult life and things haven't gotten any easier. my grandfather passed away from cancer five years ago which really affected...

A.   7 June 2017: So have you spoken to your mother about this since? And have you seen your GP to discuss the side-effects you are experiencing on your current medication? Please remember what I said earlier about not stopping sertraline cold turkey. But to ... (read in full...)

Being threatened by loved ones if I stop taking medication and forced holidays

Q.   last year I was diagnosed with depression and have been taking sertraline which was recommend by the doctor, ive had a difficult life and things haven't gotten any easier. my grandfather passed away from cancer five years ago which really affected...

A.   2 June 2017: Are you really 30 - 35? Because being "taken into care" is for children, not adults. Or did you mean being "sectioned" which is the term used in the UK for adults who need to be detained or forced to accept treatment due to mental health ... (read in full...)

Drunken fumble, was what the guy did normal making out or was it more than that?

Q.   I was at a party recently and we both were pretty drunk and horny, and started making out and it turned into a very intense one. He started moving my hands all around her body including my breasts and my butt, and cupped my breasts and butt ...

A.   31 May 2017: Is it common during make-out sessions for a man to run his hands all over the woman's body? Well, yes, it's "normal" but it depends on the context... It's okay for dating couples who have got to know each other a little, but for a guy to go that ... (read in full...)

Why didn't he tell his friends he had broken up with me?

Q.   The man I had been seeing for 14 months and I had an argument....almost. I asked him how he felt about me because I needed to know in order to decide where to take my life. Eight months ago he was gung ho about "US" and then he turned cold. He told ...

A.   30 May 2017: I agree with N91. From what you post, it doesn't necessarily imply that the friend who emailed you isn't aware that you've broken up with your ex - he just didn't mention it.... (read in full...)

He's unbalanced and often will not take his meds. I'm scared of making another mistake but I know I have to leave him. How can my children and I leave him safely?

Q.   I've decided to leave but I am scared. I've been married twice before. The first 14 years and two children and he cheated. The second was a rebound one child but he was abusive. I had 5 years on my own with my three children and we were happy...

A.   30 May 2017: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ http://www.refuge.org.uk/ Here are two links for you. Both the charities WomansAid and Refuge have lots of resources to help people at all stages of their journey in leaving an abusive partner... (read in full...)

How do I hide a love bite?

Q.   It was my school leavers party on friday night where all of my year and people from different people from other schools came to get drubk basically. I was with my friends which included this boy I know. we were drinking and smoking and we were quite ...

A.   28 May 2017: Try a bandanna type neck-scarf if it's too hot for turtle necks. Or a big chunky costume necklace depending on the location of the hickey. And a Max Factor foundation called Pan Stick covers a multitude of sins. Next time a guy sucks on your ne... (read in full...)

Why is he ghosting me now?

Q.   Why is all of a sudden ghosting me? This guy bought us concert tickets, we spoke for a while he gave me his number. He spent over £200 for these tickets, continued chatting a while then all of a sudden he started ghosting!! His ignored my me...

A.   21 May 2017: For Denizen's benefit - "ghosting" is the practice of suddenly cutting of all communications with some-one without warning and for no apparent reason. Often because the ghoster no longer wishes to carry on a relationship or friendship with the ... (read in full...)

Have you been asked out by someone that you consider a friend?

Q.   Hello Aunts, I've got this female friend in whom I have been romantically interested in. It's been almost a year since we first met and didn't make a move because I'm a nervous idiot. I feel confident enough to ask her now but I'm afraid I'll lose...

A.   21 May 2017: Yes, I've been asked out by guys I considered "friends" but never a guy I considered a "best friend". I still consider all of them friends but the word "acquaintance" might be a better term for most of them now. And I DID take a slight step bac... (read in full...)

I'm worried how rude the nurses will be

Q.   Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...

A.   20 May 2017: How did the operation go? How are you feeling? Were the nurses as bad as you feared?... (read in full...)

Is this kind of kiss usual?

Q.   What does it mean if a guy kisses his hand and then touched your lips with the hand he has just kissed? No guy has done that 2 me before have always gone with a proper lip on lip kiss Yes I properly sound young and not very experienced but ...

A.   17 May 2017: Yeah, we need more information... Who is this guy in relation to you - a boyfriend, a crush, a pal, a colleague? How old is he? How did you meet him? How much relationship experience do you both have? What were the circumstances leading up to this ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is planning to propose! Should I tell my difficult parents now or after the engagement?

Q.   My boyfriend is not a secret keeper at all. For a while now we have been talking about marriage. For us, it is just the next natural step to take in our relationship. I cannot imagine it going any other way, love him dearly, and see the same from ...

A.   17 May 2017: I don't think it really matters.... it's your life and your decision. Either way, you're expecting a less than enthusiastic response - so when would this response suit YOU best? If you want to have things like engagement parties etc, maybe te... (read in full...)

So hard to control my feelings

Q.   I've been in a problematic "relationship" with a married acquaintance from my work for the past few months. We aren't full-time co-workers but we work together alone enough when he's around. I'm 23 and he's around 39-40ish. I had developed a bit ...

A.   17 May 2017: Well, if you totally lack willpower and don't think you can resist him, then it's time to look for a new job or ask for a transfer within your company if possible.... (read in full...)

I'm worried how rude the nurses will be

Q.   Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...

A.   17 May 2017: If you are having a type of surgery that would normally be done as a day patient, you could discharge YOURSELF from the hospital against medical advice. The hospital will have some form of procedure for patients who wish to do this. They can't stop ... (read in full...)

What is considered the standard in talking to a girl in this modern day? Daily or...?

Q.   I'm kinda new to dating after being out of it for the last 6-7 years... and I've been communicating to this one girl for the last 4 years as a friend. I'm trying to build our friendship into a relationship at someday soon(ish), and as of lately ...

A.   10 May 2017: There are no rules for how often you should contact someone you are interested in. Everyone will have their own preferences and each relationship will have its own dynamic. Theoretically, if you've met the right person, you'll both be happy wi... (read in full...)

How do I leave this abusive relationship? He always finds me when I do leave.

Q.   How do I even begin to leave an abusive realationship?? My partner has became very abusive in the last 9 months ( I know what your going to think .. why am I still with him after that amount of time) the answer is I'm sacred!!) what can I do?! ...

A.   30 April 2017: http://www.refuge.org.uk/... (read in full...)

Have I finally caught his interest.... is he into me

Q.   Okay so I've posted a few times on here about this dude, similar taste in music etc You guys always responded with his not interested but things have progressed. First he took interest in one of my old hobbies then he disappeared for a while....

A.   23 April 2017: of course there's a chance but none of us has a crystal ball or the ability to read minds so nobody can tell you what his intentions are for sure. You'll just have to see how things pan out.... (read in full...)

Should I ask my husband about his scratch? Could he be cheating?

Q.   Could a small scratch on your husband's ear - behind the ear lobe - mean he cheated? I just noticed it today. He was not clean shaven. He had stubble on his cheeks. So it could not be a razor cut. Should I confront him or leave it be?...

A.   23 April 2017: You must be a very paranoid person if a possible affair is the conclusion you draw from a scratch on the earlobe. ANYTHING could have caused it!... (read in full...)

Why do girls do things that make them unapproachable and rude?

Q.   Why do girls always have to be glued to each other or have their noses in their phones or in a book? Don't they realize that makes them unapproachable and that it's just plain rude? Also, they do the same things on dates too and act rudely just to ...

A.   23 April 2017: OP - do you have Aspergers? Or are you on the autism spectrum which will make it difficult for you to read people's social non-verbal signals? It seems that you misread people's non-verbal cues which makes you seem pushy and creepy when you pers... (read in full...)

I'm attractive but never approached by men. Do other women have this problem?

Q.   I am 22 and I am never approached by men. I live in America where men are notorious for approaching women. Yet, strangers tell me that I am beautiful/pretty. I talked to a guy and he assumed I had a bf, when I said no, he was in shock. He said I was ...

A.   20 April 2017: I've had this problem pretty much all my life - for no apparent reason so I've had to learn to be quite proactive and approach men myself. You haven't got to "hit on" them - just start a conversation. As Tisha says - take some initiative.... (read in full...)

Do you think that something else is going on here, what are your thoughts?

Q.   So yesterday I was talking with “A” a good male friend of mine from university,and I was talking about myself and that I had a boyfriend(“S” ) for some time now, this and that…., and “A” happens to know my boyfriend from university because they ...

A.   16 April 2017: So what doubts did you have about S BEFORE you had this conversation with A? Have you met R before?... (read in full...)

Do you think that something else is going on here, what are your thoughts?

Q.   So yesterday I was talking with “A” a good male friend of mine from university,and I was talking about myself and that I had a boyfriend(“S” ) for some time now, this and that…., and “A” happens to know my boyfriend from university because they ...

A.   16 April 2017: More importantly - do YOU think anything is going on? Or are you going to make a judgement on your boyfriend based solely on the opinion of a neighbour from years ago who barely remembers him? Why is A's opinion so important? How will past events ... (read in full...)

Trying to avoid attending a work function. What are some good excuses I could use?

Q.   I've been asked to go to a work meeting that I really want to avoid. The meeting is a 3 hour train ride from where I live so I would have to leave very early and get home late. I don't have any children or pets that I can use as an excuse. Are ther...

A.   11 April 2017: Migraine? Toothache? Explosive diarrhoea? ... (read in full...)

He says his HIV is undetectable and he's on medication. Is it ok to sleep with him?

Q.   So I've met this guy who is HIV undetectable and he says it's safe to have unprotected sex cause the hiv is not transmitable cause of medication. I don't really know much about undetectable HIV can I get some info...

A.   8 April 2017: Best place to go is your local sexual health service clinic to ask these questions. Look on your local NHS website or google "CASH clinics" + your local area. It's a specialist subject and since the "aunts" on here are just well-meaning members ... (read in full...)

How to get along with younger colleague at work who ignores me a lot, HELP!

Q.   Need some advice please please! on a workplace situation.. SORRY FOR LENGTH..NEED TO EXPLAIN.. I am a nurse, a "worker", (not a boss or anything like that) work in a hospital, been in the hospital years but worked in my current area 8 mo...

A.   4 April 2017: I don't get why you're so concerned about this one individual either... Do you WANT to be part of her clique? Do you want to socialise with them out of work? Pretty much very ward has a "queen bee"; someone who suffers from Staffnursitis (a... (read in full...)

Is there really such a thing as being at different stages in life?

Q.   I never see ages gaps as a problem but now I'm doubting that maybe we are at different stages of our life. I took some time to realise university is what I wanted and when I started my first year my partner had completed his and is 4 years ahead on ...

A.   4 April 2017: I'm not sure about "different stages" in this case. I think it's just a case of a jealous and controlling boyfriend. You say that he despises you socialising with ANYONE (but males especially). You are perfectly entitled to have male friends ... (read in full...)

Do I let him make a move or speed things up?

Q.   Hi, I have used this site before about a guy let's call him "Gibbs" who is 9 years older than me, I'm now nearly 19 (him being nearly 28). A couple of weeks ago I managed to corner him alone and I'm sure he was about to kiss me, unfortunately my ...

A.   3 April 2017: Well ask him out on a date if you want some time with him - a drink or the movies or even a walk in the park now that the weather is improving. It's a much more mature approach than trying to corner him for stolen kisses at home. But I'm inclined... (read in full...)

Mr E makes me feel like a woman. Yet my unsatisfactory boyfriend does make time for me. Which one will be the best choice?

Q.   Hello aunts, I am in a bit of a mix here and I know I have complicated everything so much and would appreciate your candid advice. The issue is between my ex boyfriend who I refuse to let go and who loves me, refuses to let me go and an old acqu...

A.   3 April 2017: Well, your current boyfriend doesn't sound like much of catch from the description you post so I reckon you should dump him. But you don''t have to have your next relationship all lined up before you do. TBH, Mr E doesn't sound like the right g... (read in full...)

I don't want to work in the office anymore. But should I tell the agency and end up jobless? what should I do?

Q.   Recently I've been feeling down, upset and fed up with my life. I have many things going on and I just can't see life getting better at the moment. I sometimes think that it would be much easier and better being with my mum, since she passed a...

A.   3 April 2017: If the agency are your employers (rather than the office where you work) there should be no problem with you asking if they have any other assignments that you could take instead. You still might have to put up with the assignment for a few weeks ... (read in full...)

I want to release my creativity but fear keeps taking over. What can I do?

Q.   I want to release my creativity by doing things and possibly making a youtube channel. But every time I attempt any type of art, I overthink it, make it more than what it seems. I let my fears take over and weigh me down. Singing makes me hap...

A.   2 April 2017: If you like singing, look for a community choir in your area. You don't need to audition or be able to read music - just pay your subscription fees and get stuck in. Many of them also offer free taster sessions so you can see what they're like ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's insecurity is chipping away at our relationship

Q.   So I am having some serious issues in my relationship and I don't know how to deal with them. I am coming here for some much needed perspective. To start, I'm a gay female. 33 years old. My girlfriend is 27. We have what I would normally conside...

A.   28 March 2017: No don't give her any more chances. She told you a big fat lie - this IS how she normally is. Insecure, clingy and mistrustful. She either can't change or she doesn't want to. You don't have to be dragged down with her. I went out with someone ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend doesn't make any real effort to lose weight despite wanting to

Q.   I've been in relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. I liked her for her personality and character but her weight had always bothered me right from the start. She was actually slim just under 2 year back(she looked amazing) but gai...

A.   28 March 2017: Yeah - I didn't really look at the numbers when I posted. I'M 52kg (or thereabouts - I haven't weighed myself in years) and I'm 152cms tall and I'm considered SLIM! Even at 5kg heavier I didn't think or feel I was fat at all. And people still ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend doesn't make any real effort to lose weight despite wanting to

Q.   I've been in relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. I liked her for her personality and character but her weight had always bothered me right from the start. She was actually slim just under 2 year back(she looked amazing) but gai...

A.   28 March 2017: I get the feeling that I've read this post before..... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-care-my-girl-is-letting-herself-go.html http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-this-work-with-her.html Perhaps some of the advice in these p... (read in full...)

Social life an issue with my mum

Q.   I struggle to keep friends and I don't know why... I've lost touch with most of my friends from school and I never venture out the house. It's getting me down a lot because I try to make friends but I just don't seem to click :( I've joined so...

A.   25 March 2017: I agree with the first person who answered. I'm over 40 and if I'm staying with my mother (or if she's staying with me) I get all the same questions.... Where are you going? Who are you going with? How are you getting there? What time will you be ... (read in full...)

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